Girls (2012–2017): Season 2, Episode 6 - Boys - full transcript

You know, what I think I didn't realize

before I met you is that I was like lonely.

I don't know what the next year
of my life is gonna be like at all.

I don't know what the next week
of my life is gonna be like.

I don't even know what I want.

- You can't pay for anything...
- Just say it. Just fucking say it.

***

What makes me worth fucking anything?

***

I don't ever want to see you again.

- That ok?
- No, not okay.



Well, it's not your choice,
it's my choice.

- Hello, I'm gonna...
- You work here, huh?

- Impressing.
- It's a job.

- When was the last time you had sex?
- What?

I-- honestly, I promised myself I
wasn't gonna fan out too hard,

but I am just such a
crazy, nutty fan of yours.

I grew up
on "Pumped Mag."

To me, it was the first sense I had

that there was something beyond
the little town that I came from.

I would have my cousin
send me copies from Philly

'cause I couldn't
even get it in Michigan.

Oh, my God.
That makes me feel so old.

And I can't believe you read my essay.

Well, I read your essays.



I read all of them and I loved them.

They're very complex, very sweet.

They're very naive,
they're very infuriating.

You know?
You did something

that writers find really hard to do,

which is, you know, find a voice.

And I hardly even
had to look for it, so--

Don't do that, okay?

- 'Cause you did have to look.
- Yeah.

- I worked hard.
- Own it.

- Whew!
- Okay, this division is about high-low.

You know what that means, right?

- It means--
- Yeah, like Target.

- Yes, but it's Toni Morrison doing Target.
- Yeah.

It's Tom Wolfe writing
about his colostomy bag.

- Totally, totally.
- Right?

But there's
also low-high.

Someone who no one's ever heard of

writing about her lost generation.

My lost generation?

Like, I could be that someone, you mean?

- Bruce, what the hell are you doing here?
- Nice to see you.

- How are you?
- Great.

This is so--
this is Hannah Horvath.

Take a picture. In a month,
she's gonna blow up.

I'll be looking for you, Miss Horvath.

I'll see you at the
Crown dinner next week.

Great to see you.

What the fuck is a money man doing...

in Brooklyn?

I don't know what's going on anymore.

I mean, did the East River freeze over?

I don't even know what's happening.

Who chose this restaurant?

I don't think it was here last week.

- Your assistant chose it.
- What are these?

You don't-- you don't know
what a pistachio is?

Looks like a little penis.

I don't know if you're joking or not.

Look, I don't know what's going on.

You know what's going on.

And you're writing
an e-book.

- I'm writing an e-book?
- You're writing an e-book.

I'm writing an e-book?

For you?

- How 'bout it?
- ( sighs )

More drinks.
She's writing an e-book.

Mm, this is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

I need it in a month.

( laughs )

I'm not joking.

- You are my new protégé.
- I will not let you down.

Call me when you need to,
don't call me when you don't.

- Bye.
- All right?

Mm-hmm.

( phone ringing )

Oh, who the fuck
is calling at this hour?

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Oh, it's Hannah.

I don't know. She keeps
saying she has news,

but I bet, like, she wrote a blog post

or found a really good
hot dog or something.

( groans )

Are you even friends?

Why do you hang out with her still?

It's just really ingrained.

Like, she's Hannah.
I don't know.

I spent so many years
with her--

I don't really care, actually.

( door opens )

- Girl: Hello?
- Oh, hey, Soo Jin.

- I'm in the bedroom.
- Hey.

So your painting's
back at the warehouse,

I moved the Lance thing to tomorrow,

and you're all set for Seki Tuesday.

Oh, and your fridge is stocked
with goat milk probiotic.

Cool.

I'm gonna grab a bite
and gas up the car.

- Mm-kay. Thanks, Sooj.
- Yeah.

- Oh, hey, and Soo Jin?
- Yeah?

Hey, yesterday, the ice
cream that you picked up?

It had a tiny bite taken out of it.

Yeah, sorry.
I took a tiny scoop.

I'd never had rosewater
ice cream before.

It was so good.

Yeah, it is so good.

I-- I'm sorry,
I kind of find that weird

that you opened my ice cream
and took a scoop.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

My ice cream is like my groceries.

Would you just help yourself
to my groceries?

- Marnie, chime in here.
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, ice cream
is technically groceries.

Fuck you, bitch.

- Uh...
- Whoa.

Is this for real?

How can I trust you now, Soo Jin?

Um, this is total bullshit.

I'm sorry I had a tiny scoop
of your ice cream.

I don't need this job. I don't know
why I've been doing it this long.

My boyfriend is doing lights
for Carly Rae Jepsen

and I should be on the bus with him.

And I'm gonna go do that now.

- Okay, bye.
- ( laughs )

- Take your CrackBerry.
- Ah!

Thank you.
Oh, you're fired.

- I'm sorry, am I insane?
- ( door slams )

- What she did was wrong, right?
- Yes, absolutely.

Taking a bite of someone's
ice cream is psychotic.

Okay, I don't know if it's that crazy.

Um, I gotta run, I think.

Hey, so tonight I'm having
a bunch of people over

for Stryder's opening.

So bring whoever.

Oh, and since Soo Jin is dead,

you mind being my hostess
for the evening?

- Really?
- Yeah.

Shoshanna: So yesterday
I found this flyer.

The Learning Annex is doing a three-day
seminar on entrepreneurships

and on the third day
Donald Trump is talking

and I totally think you should do it.

I mean, it's $139,
which seems like a lot,

but actually it's totally a bargain

considering they teach you
how to be a millionaire.

You want me to go see
Donald Trump speak?

Yeah.

I mean, obvy there's a lot of
bad stuff we can say about him,

like how he totally should not
have hired his daughter Ivanka

as a judge on
"The Apprentice," but--

So, you want me to be some
kind of, what, entrepreneur?

Well, it-- it says here that it
gives people the tools they need

to be as happy as possible every
single day of their lives.

And why would I want that?

Don't you want to run your
own coffee shop one day?

No.

Hey, what are you doing here
only 12 minutes late?

Sorry, I woke up early to write

and then I really just got into my flow.

- Just got into your flow?
- Mm-hmm.

You know you didn't mop
the floors last night?

Cool, I'll do it right now.

No big deal.

- Hey, Shosh!
- Um, okay, seriously,

I cannot believe that I have a
friend who signed a book deal.

It's so adult and intriguing.

It is pretty impressive.

Usually when people say
they want to be a writer,

they really don't want to do anything

except, you know, eat and masturbate.

Well, that's not me.
I want to do everything.

And everything is write, write, write.

How fast do you think
you can write a book?

Like, a year.

Oh, by the way, where's my
copy of "Little Women"?

Oh, I left it
at Adam's. Sorry.

Well, I need it back.

Well, I can't get it for you right now

'cause I can't see him.
So I'll buy you a new one.

Hannah, my godmother
gave me that book, okay?

She writes notes in the back of books

explaining how they relate to my shit.
I need it back.

How exactly does your godmother think

that "Little Women"
relates to your shit?

Like, does she think
you're a Marmee or an Amy?

I don't know.
Probably a Marmee,

but I don't know 'cause
I haven't read it, okay?

That's why I need it back.

I don't like the idea of it
cohabitating with that sociopath.

It's unsettling.

Firstly, you're not a Marmee.

You're probably the dad who
dies of influenza at the war.

Okay?
And secondly,

I really can't go get it right now

because Adam is still crazy about me

and if we were in a room alone
together, he might murder me.

I mean, it's really
your duty as a man to go.

- ( music blaring )
- ( loud banging )

Adam: Yeah?

It-- it's Ray.

Ray who?

I'm a friend of Hannah's.

( banging continues )

- ( music stops )
- Adam: Fuckin' fucker.

- Hello?
- ( footsteps approaching )

Hannah didn't send you here, did she?

Because I'm fucking
done with her shit, okay?

She got me thrown in jail.
Did you know that?

I had to spend a night in a cell
with a fucking yoga teacher.

Look, I'm here to get my book, okay?

Hannah borrowed it. It's important to me.
I need it back.

It's called
"Little Women."

Okay, well, I'm very busy.

I don't have time for a scavenger hunt.

You're more than welcome to look.

I'm coming in, then.

What do you got,
a one-bedroom here?

Yep.

It's very masculine, primal.

Fuckin'--

is that the book with all the
stupid shit written in the back?

Yeah.

It's in the bathroom.

- Why is it in the bathroom?
- I don't know.

Hannah was probably reading
it when she took a dump.

Fantastic.

Careful, my dog's in there.

- ( barking )
- Jesus!

- What the hell is that?
- Fuck, he's still going.

( dog growling )

Well, clearly I'm not welcome
in there, so would you mind--

I'm not going in there.
He bit me.

He bit you?

Jesus Christ.

Looks infected.

Well, I put baking soda on it.

( barking continues )

Okay, so what's the game plan here?

Well, just hang out a minute
and he'll wear himself out.

Then I can try to harness his energy.

And I gotta piss.

So, uh, what's the little rascal's name?

You know, it's a dog.

His name is Dog.

I just got him,
so I haven't had time--

Oh, so, it's like a--
like a breakup dog.

Dog's not a breakup dog.

I just wanted a dog, so I got a dog.

Okay.

I stole him.

You stole him?
Why'd you steal him?

'Cause he-- well,
there's this fucking bulldick

who was calling him a shitdick and such,

so obviously it made me very angry.

And then he tied him up
outside a fucking coffee shop

so he can, what, get coffee?

- Fucking croissant?
- ( barking continues )

And he wrapped himself up
in his own leash.

I was untangling him
and he licked my face...

and, I don't know, I felt like he
wanted me to rescue him, so I did.

He wanted you to rescue him, so you did?

That is a really messed-up
thing to do, you know that?

I grew up with a dog. They're like family.
You don't do that.

I've--
I had a dog, too.

Okay, so you understand
that what you did

is basically like
kidnapping a baby, okay?

It doesn't matter if owner
was yelling at dog.

Owner probably loved dog.

Someone did that to me, someone
stole the dog that I grew up with,

someone took Constantine away from me,

I'd shoot that fucker right in the face.

Right between the nostrils,
no hesitation.

Shut the fuck up!

- You understand?
- Yeah.

- ( barking stops )
- Okay.

So find a way to return
that dog to his owner

or Lucifer or whoever
the hell you got him from.

There's an address on his collar.

When he calms down, we can wrap
him up with this muzzle I made

and we can take him back to the guy.

- Just lately I've just been--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's no "we" here.
There's no "we."

That's between you
and fucking Cujo, okay?

I'm not your partner
in crime here, okay?

I came here to get my book. This
is obviously not a good time.

Leave it in your fucking mailbox.

No, his owner must've had him
on Quaaludes or something.

This guy's intense.
Big face, big head.

Big, bald head.

I might need some backup.

Backup?

Please, man.
Help me out.

Like, uh...

like, uh, extra muscle

in case shit gets real?
That type of backup?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

So, is that a yeah?

Yeah, I'm in.

All right.
Uh, thank you.

Huh.
No problem.

Oh, my G, that is too cute.

Yeah, it's too cute.

( groans ) Everything I
own is, like, so basic.

You can borrow something of mine.

Yeah, I think I have to go shopping.

Fun.

Are you, like, going to some fab
event tonight or something?

Um, actually, Booth and I are
having a couple of friends over

before one of his, I don't know,

- associates' art opening or whatever.
- Oh, my God.

That's so fabulous.

You're like Bella Swan from "Twilight"

and I'm, like, her weird
friend who doesn't understand

how fabulous her life is
because my boyfriend

won't spend $4 on tacos.

Yeah, it's a thing. It's, like,
happening on a nice level,

on, like, a fancy, nice level.

Who goes to get tacos on a date?

I was under the impression--

when Aunt Eileen told me
about the first time

a boy's gonna take you
on a date, it's, like,

why would there not--
there should be mood lighting.

It has to be perfect. I mean,
this is the first thing

that we're hosting together as a couple.

I mean, no presh,
but that's a really big deal.

He, like, totally likes you.

That's, like, a huge deal.

Oh, my God, can I come?

Um...

( dog barks )

( groans )

I can't believe you stole
this fucking dog

from a guy from fucking Staten Island.

They make that place
look like an amusement park.

It's not an amusement park, okay?

It's the gates of hell.

I was offered a three-way
once and I turned it down

'cause the girls were on Staten Island.

These were attractive
girls, too, nice girls.

Look at this stupid fucking boat.

Look at these people.

Hopeless.

They know where they're going.

This is what it felt like
when they approached

- the beaches of Normandy.
- ( laughs )

See, if I made a joke
like that to Shoshanna,

she would just stare at me.

- ( dog barks )
- Give me the old slow blink.

Control your animal!

- ( dog barks )
- Jesus.

How's that going with you and Shoshanna?

Good.
Really good.

Really good.

I mean, I know she thinks I
haven't done enough with my life

considering, you know, my age,

but it's hard to tell someone so young

that things don't always end up
the way you thought they'd be.

Maybe it's weird that
I'm dating someone so young.

I don't think it's weird.
Young girls are great.

Young girls and older ladies.

It's the in-betweens
that are a problem.

Right, exactly.

Yeah, women under 18 and over 40
are the best at relationships,

- 'cause the young ones...
- True.

...they can still maintain enough
insecurity to be vulnerable,

which is attractive.

And the older ones,
they don't have these

bullshit expectations of what
a relationship needs to be

or doesn't need to be, you know?

Yeah, my best relationships

were with a 17-year-old
and a 54-year-old.

You dated a 54-year-old?

- How was the--
- Her body was fantastic.

She exercised compulsively.

Again, it's the in-betweens that are
always worried about how they look.

Linda just loved her body
and it was fucking sexy.

No position she didn't
want to fuck from.

That is sexy.

You know, you and I,

we're actually not so different.

I may intellectualize everything

and you nothing,
but at the end of the day,

we both get to the same meaty ideas.

You know?

Maybe it's 'cause we're both honest men.

Maybe it's 'cause we're both
kinda weird-looking.

( whining )

- ( glass breaks )
- Jessa: Fuck!

Jessa?

Yeah.

Fell asleep in the tub.

( sighs ) I had no idea you were here.

That was absolutely terrifying.

How's your book of shit?

Um, it's okay.
It's pretty good.

I mean, I feel like the hardest
part is always getting started,

but I have a lot of great ideas
that are forming in my brain--

- Where's your dustpan?
- Uh, I don't know.

You know, I think what's
most stressful with this

is that it's my first book.

It's like, with a first book,

you have this duty to express yourself

- in a really clear way that's--
- Hannah...

whether you write this book or not,

it's not gonna change anything.

This book doesn't matter.

That's the first thing you need to know.

It's not gonna matter
to the people who read it

or to you.

You are so mean when you're depressed.

I'm not depressed.

You're depressed.

You're a depressed person.

You can stay as long as you want.

I know.

( sighs )

Staten Island's a big metaphor.

Do you get that?

All these people, they
want to live in Manhattan,

but they end up on this
fucked-up, weird little island

watching the city in the distance

with this quiet, just, rage

just burning in their hearts.

So you're done spilling seed over Hannah?

No longer experiencing
the strong emotions?

No, I did enough of that.

She's like a carnival game, you know?

It all seems so simple,
but you can't get the ring

on the bottle because
it's fucking rigged.

So you try and try and try

till you drive yourself nuts.

Then finally when you
walk away, you realize

you didn't even want the
crappy prize to begin with.

I realized
that's what Hannah is--

a giant Tweety doll
I would've been stuck

carrying around the carnival all night.

I'm happy to be over it.

You're a poet, you know that?

You know what I'm talking about.

To be honest, actually, I don't.

Shoshanna's the longest
relationship I've ever been in.

You guys have only been
together, like, a week.

How is that possible?
Aren't you 40?

I'm 33.
That's hurtful.

And we've been together for four weeks.

Seven weeks since we made
love for the first time.

I took her virginity.

That's a big deal.

I kinda feel like
her fucking father now.

Can I be honest with you?
I have never understood

your infatuation with Hannah.

Just it never--
it never clicked for me.

I know she's smart, she's
quirky, she's fun to be around

and all that, but, you know,

doesn't mean she's not
a difficult person.

I'm a difficult person.
Everyone's a difficult person.

She was accepting of
my brand of difficult.

She was okay with it.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean
she wasn't terrible to you.

She wasn't terrible to me.

She has her own ideas
about what's right and wrong,

and sometimes she gets confused,

but she's an altruistic
person in the end.

An altruistic person?

If you think Hannah's
an altruistic person,

then you and this fucking
schizoid dog belong together.

Don't compare Hannah
to this piece-of-shit dog.

I'm not.
I never did.

You're the one who compared
her to a carnival game.

Then why are you trying to
convince me she's a bad person?

Okay, she's a great person.

Is that what you want to hear?

Hannah's awesome.
She's wonderful.

She's a classy lady
in cutoff-- graffiti cutoffs.

Do you wanna fuck her?

What?

You wanna fuck her in her
little graffiti cutoffs?

Okay, you are losing it.

You're losing it right now.
Do you know that?

I can't even begin to follow
this thread of logic.

Did you already fuck her? Is
that why you're being so coy?

Coy?

Is that your first time using this word?

No, I don't find
Hannah attractive, okay?

You don't know shit about love.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

What you're doing with
Shoshanna, it's not real.

She's just some kid you feel safe with

because you know it won't work out.

You're just babies holding hands.

She clearly doesn't like you.

You don't know what the fuck
you're talking about!

All right, fuck this.
I'm out.

You're "out"?

Hey!

Adam!

I thought we were in this together.

What the fuck's going on?

( people chattering )

( muffled music playing )

( music blaring )

Sorry.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Thanks for inviting me.
- Of course.

What are you wearing?

Oh, they said it was gonna rain.

What are you wearing?

Oh, it's a--
it's just a dress.

From the far-off future.

No, it's pretty.

Um, did you just put my
coat under that blazer?

- No, I didn't do that.
- Marnie, hey.

- 'Cause it looked like you were trying to hide--
- Hi.

Yeah.

So are these, like,
all your new friends?

Is that bad?

No, no. It's just everyone's so cool.

It's like, why aren't you guys
having this party in Tulum?

- You want a drink?
- Yeah.

So, I go to see Marina
Abramovic at the MOMA,

and I honestly think I'm going
there just to support her.

And then suddenly I'm sobbing,

which I never do.

- I mean--
- I've seen you cry, like, six or seven times.

Are you enjoying this fucking
party I'm throwing you, Stryder?

Hannah: Why didn't you text me back

when I told you I had big news?

Oh, I'm sorry. I've been crazy.
But I wanna hear.

- Um, you know how I've been sending all my stuff out to--
- Sketch!

- Oh, my God! Hi!
- Hey, how ya doing?

( laughs )

My favorite person in the world!

- Sketch: Hey, Sweet Baby Jane.
- Marnie: Oh, my God.

( laughing ) You're an animal.

Someone's in there.

Wait, didn't I meet you
at one of Ryan's shoots?

Uh, I don't think so, no.

Oh, yeah.
You were the girl

who got her period at the Dairy Queen.

Mm-mm, sorry.

Oh, I thought you were her.

She was really fun.

Are you going to Stryder's show later?

No, I'm not going
to Stryder's show later.

I gotta head home.

I'm working on a book,
so that's pretty much

all I'm doing with my time these days.

You should talk to Sketch.
He's writing a book, too.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it's just
an e-book,

but that's a book, right?

I'll just go.

- Yo, where'd the fuck you get that dog?
- Hey.

- Is this your dog?
- It's my dad's dog.

Okay, great.
Thank God.

- Here, I found him.
- I don't want him. I hate that thing.

Fucks up the house, scares my friends.

- Keep him.
- Wait, what--?

This is your dog, right?

My dad saw you steal it.
He'll be home soon.

If you're here when he gets
back, he'll fuck you up.

Whoa, whoa, hey, wait.
I didn't steal anything.

I have a pistol in my purse.

- What?
- I got a pistol in my purse.

Back the fuck off.
I'm not taking Mikey.

Look, you can't just throw
this dog away, all right?

That's not the way
it fucking works, okay?

- You don't--
- Fuck you, dick licker!

Fuck me?
Fuck you!

You have no morals 'cause you were
raised on a fucking trash heap!

Yeah?
Who the fuck are you?

Why aren't you at work, old man?

Probably 'cause you don't
have a job, you fuckin' loser.

You don't know that.
Maybe I work nights.

Maybe I'm a creative type who doesn't
abide to a nine-to-five schedule.

- You don't know.
- Yeah?

You probably still live
with your mom, faggot.

Did she buy you those faggot pants?

You're a piece of shit that's
got nothing better to do

than steal my dad's dog and use
it as your own private fuck-toy.

Go back to Yogurt Towne, kike.

I'm Greek Orthodox!

And I live in Brooklyn.

Hey, thanks for doing
this tonight, really.

Of course.

You mind if I just throw you, like, 500?

What, dollars?

Yeah.

You don't have to pay me.

I'm your girlfriend.

( laughs )

I-- I didn't realize
I had a girlfriend.

What?

Wait, did you think I was, like,

working for you tonight or something?

Well, you're a hostess for a living.

I didn't think it was that
weird to ask you to host.

But you have sex with me.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I had sex with Soo Jin

and she worked for me.

It's one thing
you can say about Sooj--

she really got the situation.

( crying )

Oh, um...
no, hey, hey.

Don't--
hey, don't do that.

No, come on.

Hey, no.
Hey, look.

This just isn't
the best time for me--

No, no, no.
Stop, stop.

You're making me feel so much worse.

- I'm sorry.
- I think I just like spending time with you.

I just think--
I don't know.

I feel really stupid now.

Usually when I think
someone's my boyfriend,

they're my boyfriend and I'm
not delusional about it.

And I just feel dumb

all because I just liked
spending time with you

and I hoped you were my boyfriend.

And I'm a longtime fan of your work

and I just like everything in your life

and I'm wearing this dress
and I like your house.

You think you enjoyed hanging
out with me or my work more?

Honestly, I think
I probably just--

I fell in love with the idea of you.

Like it'd be cool
to know you--

Oh, my God.
Fuck this!

See, this is exactly why

I can't hang out with anyone.

Because everyone just uses me

for what I represent to them.

- What?
- See, you don't actually like me.

No, I do.

No, you don't.

( glass shatters )

Hey.

Hey, you're a great guy.

Everyone loves you.

No one even knows me, Marnie.

Not even you.

- And this party fucking sucks.
- ( glass shatters )

I fucking hate everyone here,

including Sketch and Hopper.

Stryder straightened his hair.

Did you notice that?
Fucking asshole.

I hate all of my friends.

I hate everyone here.

Okay.

I'm gonna go home.

( sniffles )

( phone rings )

Hey, where'd you go?

Hey...

um, I just was...

I don't know.

I just wanted to leave, so I left.

Ugh.

- Why'd you wanna leave?
- I don't know.

You were just talking to Hopper

about his corn and it got me kinda...

inspired by his creativity

to go and write, so I did that.

( sighs )

You had a good time?

It was really nice.
It was-- it was perfect.

I'm very happy.

Great.

Where are you now?

Oh, we're just in Booth's garden.

We're watching fireflies.

- Nice.
- Are you getting a lot done?

Oh, yeah.
Tons.

I'm excited.

Um...

Talk soon, or...

Of course.

Okay.

Love you, bye.

Love you, bye.

( distant bell ringing )

What are you looking at, hmm?

Your life is perfect.

You think I'm pathetic, don't you?

Hmm?

You think I'm a kike?

( whines )

Well, I'm not even that.

I'm nothing.

- ( horns honking )
- ( crying )

( music playing )