Girls (2012–2017): Season 2, Episode 1 - It's About Time - full transcript

I'm getting my mattress today.

- No, don't get a mattress.
- I have to get a mattress.

You stay in my bed and then
we'll use your room as a home gym.

- That's a good idea.
- Mm-hmm.

- You're the best roommate.
- You're the best roommate.

I'm sorry I have a boner.

- It's not for you.
- Mmm.

I thank the higher powers

for all of the gifts
that I have already received

like a keen mathematical mind

and fairly fast-growing hair.



And I ask the universe

to present me with my path

and to ruin Ray's life.

Thank you so much for lunch.

It was such an unexpected
and nice surprise.

I know. I wanted to have
kind of a consolation lunch.

Like a last hurrah.

A last hurrah?

- Oh, shit.
- What?

Oh, shit, Marnie.

The whole point of lunch was to
downsize you and then smooth it over.

And then we got to all that
loose talk about Tom Sachs

and I completely spaced.

Fuck!
I am truly sorry.



Um, wait a minute.
Are you firing me?

No.
Absolutely not.

Downsizing is different.

I run a fucking
art gallery, Marnie.

I can't afford two employees.

Anyway, you're gorgeous
and totally bright.

- You'll land on your feet.
- Wait, wait, wait.

Do you mean that you are
keeping Julian and firing me?

Julian spilled Yoo-Hoo on a print.

Why would you keep Julian?

Well, I've fucked Julian,
so he could sue me.

Anyway, it was a lesser print.

Let's go in here. They have
pants made of scuba material

and I want you to tell me
if they make me look crazy.

You wanted this.

I wanted this so bad.

- And now you're getting it.
- Now I'm finally getting it.

- It's about fucking time.
- It's about fucking time.

♪ I kissed your lips
and I tasted blood ♪

♪ You've got me
and I'm just a common ho... ♪

This was fun at the beginning,
but you know what?

It's really hard
to run with a boner.

So you have to come to me.

I'm so glad I ran
into you in Grumpy's.

I'm so glad you accepted that thing
that I claimed was a macchiato,

but was really three kinds
of syrup and soda water.

I love how weird you are.

Please don't say love to me.

It was--
it was a joke love.

Don't even say
a joke love to me.

I don't want to hear any love.

Why do you have so many rules?

Well, I told you that I'm doing
this a different way, okay?

I'm not just gonna show up and knock
on your door in the middle of the night.

I'm not going to make up
weird excuses to see you.

I'm not gonna invite you
to my housewarming party

and introduce you
to my whole social circle.

I'm gonna make logical, responsible
decisions when it comes to you.

So it's irresponsible
for you to date me?

It's not irresponsible
for me to date you.

It's just that, like, you do not know
how many, like, dementos

and slugs and weirdos
I've dated.

I used to like any guy
who liked me.

And so now I'm really being
thoughtful about this

and taking the time to figure out

what I'm looking for
in a romance relationship.

Oh, so this is about him.

- No.
- Yeah.

- I'm not saying that.
- Yeah.

Although he was hit by a truck

and it was my fault,
so I have a little bit of guilt.

Well, then, let's tell him.

I want to do that.
I'd love to do that.

But I just should probably wait
until he's capable of wiping himself.

There's so many guys in fezzes.

Do you love this movie or what?

What.

Well, I know it's goofy.

I just really like
a world in which people

spontaneously break into
song and dance.

- So sue me.
- Can I have some water, please?

Sure.

How do you feel?

Like I got hit
by a fucking truck.

Which I did.

Here you go.

Adam, I feel like
we might need to talk again.

What do we
need to talk about?

Well, we're not
together anymore.

I don't really care
about labels.

You're here all the time.
You're my main hang.

Yeah, and--

So if you need to not have
the title for a while,

I'm not gonna freak out.

Okay, but for me, it's about a
little bit more than the title.

Have you ever gotten along
with someone like this?

Have you ever known
someone this well?

Because I haven't.
And I bet you haven't.

Did you like fucking me?
I think you did.

I came, you came hard.

We all laughed.
What's the issue?

You're not being that nice to me,
so I don't really understand

why you'd even want
to have me around.

Well, when you love someone,

you don't have to be nice
all the time.

Okay.

- Do you want to watch
something different? - Yes.

I have to piss.

- Okay, you need my help?
- The pot.

Okay.

Hey, Adam, I need to talk
to you about something.

What?

What's wrong?

- I hurt all over.
- Are you okay?

No.

What do you want to talk about?

Nothing.

I don't want to talk
about anything.

I fucking missed.

I can tell.

You look--
can I be honest?

- Yeah.
- 30 years old.

Mom, please.

I miss the softness
in your face.

I am growing older and
I'm under a lot of stress.

I got fired.
There's stuff.

Don't say fired.
You're transitioning.

They downsized.

Jesus, your father
would tell you that

if he ever gets out
from under his pillow.

Okay, I'm transitioning.

But it's not like I'm
starving myself on purpose.

I'm just-- you know,
I had a bad breakup.

And it's okay. I think we're
gonna be able to stay friends.

But I'm not gonna do,
like, what Hannah does

and order six pizzas
to make me feel better.

All you girls think
that you look really good,

but you just look like
floats in the Macy's parade--

these big heads
on these tiny bodies.

You know what? You're just being
judgmental of other people's bodies

because you lost,
what, 34 pounds

and you think
that gives you license

to control the way
the rest of us eat.

You haven't had a bite
of your salad.

Well, I had a late breakfast.

Are you still seeing that man?

I'm sleeping with him.
And don't be prudish.

I'm not prudish.
I'm happy for you.

What does he do?

He's a cater waiter
and he's hot.

I wouldn't even sleep with a cater waiter,
and they're my age.

Really, sometimes all you need is just
a pair of rough hands on your body.

Mom, that's disgusting.

I don't know. Maybe you're not ready
for me to talk to you about this stuff.

- Ew.
- And frankly,

I'm a little hurt that
we can't just be friends.

- I can be your friend.
- Well, then you need to act like a friend.

I'm treating you like my friend.

You wouldn't talk
to your friends like this.

I talk to my friends
way worse than this.

Really?

Yeah.

God, this is fun.
It's so important to entertain.

It's what keeps you young. It's why
my parents look so old and decrepit.

It's because they never
have anybody over.

- I think we should start by having
theme nights. - I love that.

Obviously one will be
a fondue night.

Obviously fondue night.
I think we should also do a craft night.

Yeah, as long as we keep
our supplies to one corner.

- But definitely a craft night.
- Absolutely a craft night.

I definitely want to do
a Japanese snack night.

All your nights can't be
food nights, though.

Like, I was thinking maybe we could do
something more like a French salon.

Okay, I love that idea

because I've always felt like I was
secretly really good at cutting hair.

I was thinking of it more
in terms of just,

like, a Gertrude Steiny idea.

- Oh, so like a lesbian night.
- Well, no.

It's just, like, I watched
"Midnight in Paris"

and I thought, "I can do that."

Okay, so it's like
when the Manson family,

before they committed any murders,
and Squeaky Fromme

was just like the Mary
of Peter, Paul and Mary.

Yeah, when they were
just like a band.

- Like a dirty band.
- Yeah.

I love living with you.

And I'm so excited that
George is coming tonight

because, you know, I feel like things
are getting more serious with him.

And I want my friends to see that I
have this handsome, rich boyfriend.

And maybe I want
to be Wendi Murdoch.

Maybe that's my new thing.

I'm just really glad
Sandy's not coming

because I just want to be
an independent lady tonight.

I just want to be like,
"What? It's my party."

And I'm just gonna sidle up
to whoever I like.

Yeah, until Adam shows up and
asks you to wash his nutsack.

- Come in.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

OM-effing-G!

- This place looks amaze.
- Thank you.

No, seriously.
It used to be a total dump.

No offense.
It just looks kind of incredible.

- I know. - Thank you so much.
- I'm not even joking, it's amazing.

Also, I just wanted
to let you guys know,

like BJ Dobbs,
do not be worried about me

because I thought you maybe
looked a little bit worried.

But, like, I am so fine with the
fact that Ray is coming tonight.

I mean, even if he is coming.
I don't know if he's coming.

Like, I am ready to take
this party by storm.

Like, I am woman, hear me roar.

You know what I mean? Like, I may be
deflowered, but I am not devalued.

Do you miss your hymen?

Miss would definitely
be the wrong word.

Like, I wouldn't say
that I miss it.

I would just say that it kind of
feels like something's missing.

You know what I mean?

♪ If you like S&M,
go choke a bitch ♪

♪ If you want to just space,
go smoke a splif ♪

♪ If you got an envelope,
go open it... ♪

They're really good.
The cheese got all hard in a good way.

People will like that, though.

Hey.

Oh, hello.

Good-bye.

♪ Haven't had a wax
since '92 ♪

♪ When my folks split up
and I came unglued ♪

♪ And I haven't really slept
that well since then... ♪

- Hey, mister.
- Hey, lady.

- How's it going?
- It's good.

- Are you in line?
- Uh, no, I just--

Well, Audrey's in there.

- She's behind this door?
- Yeah.

- What? - I mean, Hannah said
that you'd be okay with it.

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no.
I'm totally--

I'm totally whatever.
Yeah.

Cool.

So you're just, like,
waiting for her to pee?

Yeah.

I mean, she doesn't know
anyone here, so...

You were always
a really nice date.

Yo.

Oh, I told you not to wait.

Yeah, I know. But, you know,
you don't know anyone here, so...

The apartment is, like,
10 feet across.

- I think I'll be okay.
- You remember Marnie, right?

- Yeah. Hi.
- Hey, Audrey.

Do you know if there's
any pot at this party?

No, no. I don't live here
anymore, so I don't know.

Yeah, I don't even know
why I asked you.

- Oh, man. Women, right?
- Yeah.

♪ Damn all these
beautiful girls ♪

♪ They only want
to do you dirt ♪

♪ They'll have you suicidal ♪

♪ Suicidal ♪

♪ When they say
it's over... ♪

I don't want to wear this.

I don't really know
what's wrong with it.

'Cause it makes me feel
like a stupid sailor nun.

Oh, if you feel that strongly.

Do you think
I should wear this?

- Yeah, it's fine.
- Let's see if this works.

Are we okay?

- You and me?
- Yeah.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

Are we, like, less close now?

Of course we're not less close.

I mean, you moved out. So when
two people don't live together anymore,

they're obviously
a little less close,

but we're no less close
than that.

Maybe then we need
to just try harder.

Like, make plans
for just the two of us.

Well, I'm always working.

And it's like if I'm not at Grumpy's,
then I'm writing.

- It's just...
- I tried calling you a lot last week.

And I told you now I have
a third full-time job,

which is taking care of Adam.
I'm sorry.

I'm having a really
shitty time right now.

I have no job,
no boyfriend.

And it's starting to feel like
I have no you, and that's...

- That's not true, okay?
- Yeah.

Marnie, I'm right here.

Okay.

So Hannah says Greenpoint.

I'm like,
"Where the fuck is that?"

I didn't even know
there was a G train.

And then I was thinking
about it and I, you know--

on the one hand,
I do love pierogies.

On the other hand,
I love pierogies.

Elijah.

- Do one song with me.
- Baby, you're drunk.

I'll alert the media.
Just, hey, come and do one song.

- I'm sorry, one second.
- Come on, one song.

- Maybe later, okay?
- Okay. Okay.

But we are doing
"Hot Lunch Jam."

- You promised me that.
- Yeah, absolutely.

- Can I have the microphone?
- You are so pretty.

- Why don't you get some coffee?
- You look like Troy Donahue.

I know. Wait.
Babe, why don't you just sit down?

Okay, give me the microphone.

- Give me that.
- Fuck you.

- Fuck you.
- Okay, shh-shh.

You know what?
You guys are all so fucking boring.

You know,
when I was your age,

I was snorting coke on twinks

and dancing with my tits out.

But you guys are all too
fucking cool to do one song?

- Fuck you!
- Does anybody have a Klonopin?

What are you looking at
, fake lumberjack guy?

This is a first-rate party
full of losers.

I need you.

What? I have to go over to Adam's.
He ran out of painkillers.

There's actual drama
occurring right now, okay?

I need you to help me with George.
Adam's gonna be fine.

You already changed
his bedpan once today.

- Ew.
- Hannah, please help me with this.

I need you to get George out. He's ruining
the party and additionally my life.

Why don't you
just ask him to leave?

I did and he won't.
I need you to help me with this.

I will let you talk about Adam for,
like, unlimited from now on.

I really don't talk
about Adam that much.

- Hannah.
- I don't.

Are you fucking kidding?

I fucking hate grown-ups.

I never talk about
Adam anymore.

♪ Well, there is a house
in New Orleans ♪

♪ They call it the Rising Sun... ♪

- Step, step, step.
- Yup, right through here.

I don't care what anybody says,

Hannah, you are
a very sweet girl.

You're not judgmental

like the rest of your peers.

I'm sorry, George.

For what?

Did you forget your wallet?

- Please, don't go.
- I'm just not stoned enough to do this.

We're supposed to meet up
tomorrow for brunch.

- What is your problem?
- Dude, I'm out.

- I just can't. I'm out.
- Okay.

Yeah, so we'll just,
uh, meet tomorrow, then.

See you.

Yeah.

- Hey.
- Love, right? Fuck.

Yeah, can't live with it,
can't live without it.

Yeah.

Actually, I realized the other day
that I think I could go,

like, eight months with no sex
and I would be absolutely fine.

Well, lucky you.

Yeah.

- Hmm.
- You okay?

- I mean, that looked--
- I'm fine.

She's just dramatic.

She usually needs, like,
a 24-hour cooling period.

Then that's it.
We're good.

And you are doing well,
I presume?

Oh, man, it's been
so great with her.

We, you know--

it's like every day
is like a new day.

We just-- we meet up

and, you know,
she gets off work

and then I see her
and she has all this--

these things to say
all the time.

And I do, too.
You know?

They're always new things,
never repetitive.

And then we just kind of
go back and forth

and, you know, it's like this
whole tennis match of ideas.

A conversation, yeah, with two people.

Come on!

This is silly.
Just open the door.

George, this is harder for me
than it is for you, okay?

Open the door.

George, if you
would just go away,

I think you'll realize in the
morning how silly this was.

We can all laugh about it
over a bowl of Crisps.

You are not a sweet girl at all.

- I'm a sweet girl.
- You are a cunt just like Elijah says.

Fuck it.
I-- I'll go to Gary's party.

Need any help?

I'm fine, thank you.

It's pretty shiny,
so I'll probably find it soon.

Pretty bitchin' cheese plate
you brought over.

My computer tells me you
unfriended me on Facebook.

Yeah, well, I didn't feel like
seeing you in my feed any longer.

That's not very nice.

Yeah, well,
you weren't very nice.

You hurt me, okay?
You hurt my feelings.

But I can deal with it because
I have my big girl pants on.

You realize
you're actually wearing--

I don't think that's funny.
That's not funny to me.

Look, I don't want you
to be upset with me.

Are you kidding, Ray?

If you don't want
to date me, that's fine,

because I don't want
to date you either

because I only want to date people
who want to date me

because that is called
self-respect.

But I do not
have to like you, okay?

You were never my friend.
You were only my lover.

And that is now over.

You know,
when I'm not around you,

okay, when you just send me
a text full of emojis,

- it is so easy to dismiss you.
- What is wrong with emojis?

A panda next to a gun
next to a wrapped gift?

- It makes no sense.
- You make no sense!

You rejected me and you
are now insulting me.

And you do not get
to have me like you now.

- So you should--
- Hold on. Let me finish, okay?

What I wanted to say is when
I'm around you, I remember.

Okay? I remember.

I remember your charm,
your innocence,

your strength,

this beautiful, fresh,
vibrant sincerity.

You know, I--

I'm really tired
of being insulted,

even when it comes
before a compliment.

So I am now leaving.

Hey.

Hey. Okay.

I have your pain medication,
hand sanitizer,

lotion, magazine, granola bar.

Want that now?

No, I'll eat that later.

There's a bunch of stuff in here.
I will see you tomorrow.

Do you want to watch
"Bagger Vance"?

I can't, okay?
I'm working the door.

Do you want to watch
"Bagger Vance" extras?

No. Elijah's being
a fascist dictator.

I really got to go.
I'll see you later.

Do you want to make
balloon faces?

No, like, Elijah's being crazy.

I have to go back to the party.

Wait, Hannah, stop.

You're the best thing
in my life.

I don't know how
to behave without you.

I'll die if you go away.

I don't want to be with you.

You do. We laid right there
on that bed a month ago

and you told me if you ever broke up
with me that I shouldn't let you.

Because you were
just being crazy.

And how every guy
you ever loved was gay.

And how I was the only one
that made you feel anything.

Don't get up, Adam.
Don't get up.

And you said that I made you feel
like your whole body was a clit.

- I never said that.
- Yes, you did.

Yes, you did!

Okay, and I meant it.

- But--
- But what?

Firstly, I've loved
one gay guy, okay?

So that's the number.

And I just--
I changed my mind.

How?

- I changed my mind.
- Yeah, but how does that work?

You know what?

I have tried this whole thing,
okay, of being selfless

and taking care
of everyone around me

and worrying about
everyone before myself.

But you know what?
I'm an individual.

And I feel how I feel
when I feel it.

And right now, I feel like I don't
ever want to see you again.

- Is that okay?
- No, not okay.

Well, it's not your choice.
It's my choice.

Fuck.

♪ 'Cause you're working ♪

♪ On building a mystery ♪

♪ And holding on ♪

♪ And holding it in ♪

♪ Yeah, you're working ♪

- ♪ On building... ♪
- No harmony there.

- Sorry.
- ♪ --Stery ♪

♪ And choosing ♪

♪ So carefully. ♪

We are totally starting a band.

- Oh, my God. Yes.
- Yes.

You have a really beautiful voice.

I mean, you always have,
but it's getting richer with age.

It's losing that Disney
princess feeling.

Thank you.

No, I mean it.
You could sing professionally.

I know.

Okay, as long as you know.

Was it weird seeing
Charlie and Audrey tonight?

Oh, they can have each other.

Whatever.
How about for you?

I mean, you and George--
do you, like, hate him now?

Ugh, I can't even begin
to think about that.

Our lives are so entwined.

What, like you've met
his whole family?

- No, like, he pays for everything.
- Oh.

I didn't mean for it to happen.

It's just that, you know,
one day he pays for dinner

and then he's paying
for all the dinners.

And then he's paying
for my MetroCard and my rent.

I could never be a gay man.

I hate giving blow jobs
and having anal sex.

I assume.

What?
I've never had anal sex.

- Really?
- No.

Shut up.

I don't know. Sometimes
I wonder if it's even worth it.

Maybe this is just--
maybe it's a phase.

Maybe I'm bi.

Hannah would be so angry
if you were bi.

People are so prejudiced
against bisexuals, though.

It's like the only group of people
you can still make fun of.

It's like bisexuals and Germans.

I happen to be both.

Do you ever find that
you're attracted to women?

Sometimes if I'm in an elevator
and a woman walks in

and I get a whiff of her hair,

something will happen.

Or if I'm watching TV
and I see Lisa Rinna

or Allison Janney,
I still get an erection.

Or like tonight
when I saw you in here.

- Oh, fuck you.
- You know how hot you are.

That's why you're
such a little bitch.

Hey.

Bitch.

Don't call me a bitch.

You little bitch.

Ow! Fucking ow!

What's with all
the hitting all the time?

You fucking kissed me.

Oh, my God.
This is hard.

Don't touch me.

- Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
- What?

Uh-- all right, fuck it.

Oh, you smell so good.

Thank you.
It's Benoit.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- You're good at that.
- Yeah.

I think you should
get a condom.

- Yeah, just--
- Yeah?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. ust get one.
- Yeah?

Oh, my God.

Sorry.
Okay.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give me a second.

Give me a second. Give me a second.
Give me a second.

How am I supposed to get hard
if you're rolling your eyes?

I didn't roll-- I did not
roll my eyes at you.

You rolled them in my face.

I 100% did not roll my eyes.
I looked up.

I went like...

You know,

you really don't have to try
to be anything that you're not.

Neither do you.

Pardonnez. Pardonnez.

We need this cab.

- Jump right in, honey.
Just jump right in. - Excuse me.

Sorry, girls.
Sir, go ahead and take it.

My wife is very ill.

We're Mexican.
We're Mexican.

We don't know the rules.

No hablo.
No "habalos."

Okay, let's go, let's go.
Thank you.

We're going to, um...

What?

Fucking what?
What's so fucking funny?

I don't know where we live.
I don't know your address.

I'm not here
to cause any trouble.

I know you have a girlfriend,

but I just need to sleep
next to someone tonight.

Okay.

It's a little late, lady.

Can I borrow
"The Fountainhead"?

Sure.

It's in my library.

♪ We sit in the car ♪

♪ Outside your house ♪

♪ I can feel the heat
coming 'round ♪

♪ I go to put
my arm around you ♪

♪ And you give me a look
like I'm way out of bounds ♪

♪ Well, you let out
one of your bored sighs ♪

♪ And lately when I look
into your eyes ♪

♪ I'm going down, down ♪

♪ Down, down ♪

♪ I'm going down, down ♪

♪ Down, down ♪