Ginny & Georgia (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Lydia Bennet's Hundo A Feminist - full transcript
♪ I love myself, I wanna see it ♪
♪ When I turn around, look in the mirror ♪
♪ And if you don't like it
You can leave it… ♪
My mom has never
had trouble with men.
It's effortless to her, like breathing.
She always knows what to say, how to be.
It's like, I don't know,
got magical powers or something.
♪ …and I keep owning it ♪
♪ I love my ass, I wanna shake it ♪
♪ You can thank my momma
'Cause she made it ♪
♪ Don't you waste your breath
Trying to change it ♪
♪ Just mind your own… ♪
She's unapologetically fearless.
She just puts herself out there.
Men, sex, all of it.
♪ …not my fault if you're scared of a ♪
♪ Sweet little unforgettable thing ♪
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ Sweet little unforgettable thing
Shame, shame, shame on me ♪
♪ Shame, shame, shame ♪
♪ Shame, shame, shame ♪
- ♪ Shame, shame, shame ♪
- ♪ No, no, no… ♪
I swear to God, I'm adopted.
♪ …unforgettable thing ♪
♪ I went to see the doc ♪
♪ When the school bell rang ♪
♪ My mind's all ablur ♪
♪ Can't focus on anything ♪
♪ She said not to stress ♪
♪ All the kids go through this ♪
♪ She opened my hand
And gave me an Adderall… ♪
Men are visual creatures.
♪ …all the time ♪
♪ But not the half ♪
♪ That eases my mind ♪
♪ When I walk the halls ♪
♪ And somebody calls… ♪
So give 'em
something to look at.
♪ …but it all sounds like noise ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ When it keeps me high ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ I wanna fly ♪
♪ But my brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪
I don't elicit the same reaction
my mom does.
- Padma, that was tight!
- Thanks.
- What did you think?
- Yeah, it was fine.
OK, well, I gotta go.
I told Marcus I'd pick him up.
- Later.
- Bye.
Yeah, see ya.
- Padma's great. Her voice adds to 3SB.
- Hell yeah!
I didn't realize how much
you guys sucked when you had Jordan.
That blows his mom made him quit 3SB.
Whatever. It's an upgrade.
Padma's crazy hot.
- She is?
- Super hot.
With Padma, we might actually win
Battle of the Bands this year.
- Dude, we gotta pick our song.
- I know.
It has to be "Child's Play."
Padma's range
on "Adderall Brains" is killer.
"Adderall Brains" is the worst song name
in the history of song names.
It sounds like Billie Eilish.
I like Billie Eilish.
Of course you do.
That makes complete sense to me.
You're a little bitch.
Die, sucker, die.
Press, I think
you're the last person in the world
who should encourage
their own violent tendencies.
Hunter said you used to throw rocks
at squirrels at recess?
All right.
New girl's got teeth.
Watch out for them later, Hunt.
Press. Not cool, bro.
I need snacks.
Hey, do you think, uh,
Marnie still has those Hebrew Natties?
Uh…
We got apples…
Why are you friends with Press?
He's such a douche.
Press stuck it out with me
when I was on Adderall,
and I was, like,
a total zombie for three years…
…which is why we should start
with "Adderall Brains."
It has… It has a message.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
We've been talking about this all night.
It's OK. I know Battle of the Bands
is important to you.
Yeah, it is, but…
so are you.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
I got this for you.
Pride and Prejudice.
You picked it for a free read
in Gitten's class.
- Yeah, but I already own it.
- That's my sister's copy.
She took an Austen course
last semester at Tufts.
It's all noted up. I thought you could
take a look at it for inspiration.
Thanks.
I really liked it. I dig Austen's writing.
It's very tongue-in-cheek
with the way she takes a wink
at the audience with her characters.
Yeah. Jane's a crafty bitch.
♪ Cut to the chase, it's getting late
I'm so… ♪
Yo!
- We got mad mini carrots and hummus, bro!
- Nice.
- Round two, bitch!
- Let's do it.
Hello, everyone, and welcome
to our fundraiser committee meeting.
Now, the school year is upon us…
…which can only mean one thing,
the annual back-to-school fundraiser
for Bankler Elementary.
We will be holding
our fifth annual bake sale.
Cynthia?
I'm so excited.
The annual back-to-school bake sale
is one of my very favorite events,
and as a member of the Neighborhood Club,
I am thrilled to offer it
to the school board as a venue.
Wow. Thank you.
My pleasure, really.
So I was thinking…
What's the whoop-de-whatever
about the Neighborhood Club?
Well, you know the Soho House in LA,
New York, London?
- No.
- Right. I forget you're Elly May Clampett.
It's one of the most exclusive clubs
in Massachusetts.
- …using all-natural ingredients…
- Why?
Well, it was founded
in 1890 as a tennis club
and a place for members
to gather for social events.
There's an interview process,
a yearly fee, a vote… It's a whole thing.
- But why?
- For tennis and social events.
- Oh, OK.
- And I will be making my vegan cheesecake.
Ooh!
I don't want fighting over it this year.
Last year we raised 5K.
5K with cakes and pies!
Let's do even better this year.
Yes. Let's.
Georgia, did you have a question?
Sit down, Elly May.
What if we do a casino night?
You can raise serious money with poker.
Well, it's, um, an interesting suggestion,
but, um, the bake sale
really is a town favorite.
Oh! Um…
Yes, I am going to have to agree
with Cynthia on this one.
The bake sale has become a true highlight
of the year for Wellsbury,
and I didn't forget
about your vegan cheesecake.
OK, so, that's settled.
Let's take five and then come back
and talk strategy and logistics, OK?
Oh, hey. Don't take it personally
about Casino Night.
It wasn't a bad idea, per se...
I didn't take it personally.
♪ Step off to the side
'Cause I'm coming like a bullet ♪
♪ Start running for the door
'Cause it's gonna get hectic ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Whoa, didn't your momma tell you
Not to play with a ticking bomb… ♪
Georgia! A minute, please?
Yeah.
I'll handle it.
Georgia, you know Erica from HR.
Hello.
This is an informational conversation.
Paul, can you tell Georgia your concerns?
When I was babysitting Austin,
I saw several credit cards
in his name.
This isn't an accusation.
We wanted to have a conversation.
Austin's father, Gil,
is currently in jail.
I'm sorry.
This is emotional for me.
He embezzled from his company.
We moved to Wellsbury for a fresh start,
but more heartbreak followed
when I found out that Gil used
Austin's social security number
to open multiple credit cards.
He stole from his nine-year-old son.
What kind of a monster does that?
I'm mortified, but if you wanna
look at my bank statements...
- No.
- That's not necessary.
Um…
But this is clearly a personal matter
and will be confidential.
If you need any help, I'm here.
Thank you, Erica.
Georgia, I am so, so sorry that you had
to go through that. I had no idea.
I trusted you in my house with my kid.
You shoulda asked me
before you brought in HR.
I know. I know.
You're right. I should have.
I'm just under a lot of pressure
right now. I need you to understand that.
Look, I wanna be governor
by the time I'm 40.
And in order for that to happen,
I have to get reelected. But…
…that's an excuse, and I hate excuses.
So I am so sorry.
- I should've told you first.
- Yeah, you should've.
I love this job, but if you don't think
I'm an asset, just say, and I'm gone.
No. Of course I think you're an asset.
Your contributions have been invaluable.
Do you mean that?
Yes! You have great ideas.
Great ideas like Casino Night?
Wow.
OK. That was good.
I see what you did there.
I get that the bake sale is tradition,
but it comes down to the money.
We stand to raise
much more money for the school
with a big, flashy event
like Casino Night.
No, it comes down to manpower.
Have you ever thrown an event
of this magnitude?
It is a massive undertaking.
- I just did Sophomore Sleepover.
- Uh-huh.
Come on. It's a power move.
What would the governor do?
Paul, don't make me give you
the lemon speech again.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
I just wanted to go through
the bake sale prep with you.
Yes. No, Cynthia, I'm glad you're here.
We were just having a discussion
about that,
and I have made an executive decision
on the matter.
This year we will be doing Casino Night
instead of a bake sale.
- I don't understand.
- It comes down to money, Cynthia.
And we stand to make much more
with a casino night.
Hmm.
I hope your offer to host the event
at the Neighborhood Club still is good,
though, because I know all you want
is what's best for the kids.
Great.
Thank you so much, ladies.
Don't take it personally, Cynthia.
It's the cottontails.
We're at the end of breeding season.
You should probably put up a fence.
Hey, you're not selling your house,
are you?
Selling?
I just bought it.
There was this guy
in the neighborhood the other day.
Was he tall, black, muscular?
No. But who's that?
No, this was just a guy interested
in the house.
- Said he was a potential buyer.
- What'd he look like?
Oh, he was incredibly handsome.
That's really weird. He said
he was gonna come over and talk to you.
Huh.
Uh, is Ginny still at yours?
Yeah. Max invited the girls over.
MANG.
MANG.
Sounds like a ripe vagina.
Mm. It's disgusting.
It's the grossest word ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell them.
They're so cute and innocent.
I could hear their giggles
down to the kitchen.
Aww!
Oh, yeah!
OK, OK, OK!
Please turn it down. Turn it down.
- Turn it down!
- OK.
Oh my God.
Nothing's happening. I mean,
a lot's happening, but there's no plot.
It's so slimy! Like, why are they so wet?
That's not an attractive pose.
She's just splayed.
She has a really nice body though.
This was definitely written
and directed by men.
Oh yeah!
And there's, like, no foreplay whatsoever.
It's just like…
Oh God. Is sex really that fast?
- If you hate orgasms, yeah.
- Oh, Norah! Slut!
OK, you know what? Jordan and I
waited two years before we had sex.
I'm kidding.
You know how sex-positive I am.
- I'm positive I wanna have sex.
- Wait. Norah, you have orgasms?
- Yeah, but not from penis penetration.
- Penis penetra…
- Uh, excuse me, I'm the gay one.
- Penis penetration.
- This conversation's giving me hives.
- Really? It's kinda turning me on.
- How does it happen, then?
- He makes her call him Daddy!
No. He usually goes down on me.
- Man, Jordan's such a good guy.
- Yeah.
Wow.
Kinda sounds
like Hunter isn't doing any of this.
We've kissed, like, three times.
No tongue. That's it.
Seriously?
You guys have been dating for a few weeks.
- It's weird, right?
- He hasn't even grabbed a boob?
He hasn't even grabbed a boob.
- Thanks.
- Here for you.
- Maybe he's not attracted to me.
- Probably.
What? No! You're totally gorgeous.
So, are you masturbating furiously
waiting for him to make a move?
Masturbating is so gross.
- Yeah, I don't get it.
- Me neither.
Yeah!
Oh!
Oh!
That's a fun new orifice.
See?
This is the problem with porn.
It gives guys a messed-up view of sex
and never prioritizes female pleasure.
That's why guys never have any idea
what they're doing.
Oh.
- It's Brodie.
- Brodie. Why is Brodie texting you?
He wants to know
if we're going to Battle of the Bands.
- It's all they talked about last night.
- Oh, I'm so excited about that.
Sophie's definitely gonna be there.
Her rock god friend Scott's performing.
- He won last year.
- Sorry. I'm confused.
Why were you with Brodie last night?
They wanted to keep it small.
- They were rehearsing.
- Oh!
Hey, Norah, now that Jordan's out of 3SB,
it looks like Ginny took your spot.
Who's Padma, anyway? She a good singer?
Yeah. She's good.
Hunter thinks she's killer.
Hmm. Interesting.
♪ Fruity lipstick on your cheek ♪
♪ I haven't been home in a week ♪
♪ I'm cool with that ♪
♪ I've got the sun to worry about ♪
♪ Let's get started, truth or dare… ♪
♪ A million flowers in my hair ♪
- ♪ I'm cool with that ♪
- ♪ I'm cool with that ♪
♪ I've got the beach to worry about ♪
♪ I've got the beach to worry about ♪
♪ I can feel the sand on my skin ♪
♪ And my drink is kicking in… ♪
- Did you borrow my green top?
- Mom! Hi.
No, I don't have it.
Oh my God.
I can see that you saw it.
♪ You can run free
I won't hold it against ya ♪
♪ You do your thing
Never wanted a future ♪
♪ What if I knew… ♪
♪ How to put it romantic? ♪
♪ Speaking my truth
There's no need to panic ♪
♪ No, let's not put a label on it ♪
♪ Let's keep it fun… ♪
♪ We don't put a label on it ♪
♪ So we can run free ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I wanna be free like you ♪
♪ I'm a, I'm a ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold… ♪
♪ I roll my eyes at you, boy… ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold… ♪
♪ I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ Rules you don't like
But you still wanna keep 'em ♪
♪ Said you were fine
So for whatever reason ♪
♪ Sure, we can chill
Try and keep it platonic ♪
♪ Now you can't tell
If I'm really ironic ♪
♪ No, let's not put a label on it ♪
♪ Let's keep it fun… ♪
♪ We don't put a label on it ♪
♪ So we can run free ♪
♪ Yeah, I wanna be free like you ♪
♪ I'm a, I'm a ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ I'm a, I'm a cool girl… ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I got fever highs… ♪
♪ I got boiling blood ♪
♪ I'm that fire kind ♪
My hands are in the air, Mike.
You wanna know why?
Six grand for appetizers
is highway robbery.
- Stick 'em up. You're robbing me.
- Tell 'em, Nick!
When I asked him to come down on price,
he said he doesn't have kids.
Why would he care if the Casino Night
money goes to the schools?
- How did you...
- I heard the same thing.
I don't have kids. I'm a team player.
Mayor's office.
Hi. Yeah.
We need seven poker tables.
It's a little out of our budget,
so I was wondering if you could donate...
You don't have kids. Mm-hmm.
How's it goin', team?
- Good.
- Yeah.
Maybe the...
Look at her. Flouncing around,
trying to turn Wellsbury into Reno.
- Cynthia!
- Georgia!
- How you doin'? You look a little bit…
- Stressed?
- Tired?
- I'm great!
Just in full planning mode.
Actually, I'm glad I ran into you.
I was wondering
if you'd make your famous vegan cheesecake
for tonight.
I've heard so much.
- Sure.
- Wonderful!
Happy to.
- Great.
- OK.
OK. I'm just gonna take this bag for ya.
Why don't you go grab a seat right here?
- Water.
- Nope.
OK.
Here are the cookies that you ordered.
This Casino Night is snowballin',
and I'm drownin'.
I need it to be a success
so I can wipe that smug smile
off that human Chihuahua there.
Easy there, girl. Calm down.
- You talkin' to me like I'm a horse?
- Well, you're bein' skittish.
- You have horses?
- Yeah. Three. At my farm.
You finally got your horses, huh?
Yeah.
Uh, Betsy, Bessy, and Milkshake.
Milkshake?
- You have a horse named Milkshake?
- Yeah, what about her?
Nothin'.
I gotta go!
- OK.
- I'll see you at Casino Night.
That's not likely.
What? Why?
I don't really do suits.
Oh, bummer. You'd look good in a suit.
Lydia Bennet is described in the book
as "untamed, unabashed,
wild, noisy, and fearless."
My free read project
is Internalized Sexism:
Why We Don't Like Lydia Bennet.
The unsung feminist of the book is Lydia.
She's more an agent of free will
than even Elizabeth
because she bucks society's rules
and acts of her own agency.
So, why do we judge her so harshly?
Because she's a slut.
Yes, Brian. Tell us more about the views
of feminism you've formed
while jerking off to Gal Gadot.
But you can't deny Lydia's actions
were rash and ill-advised.
Stop shaming her.
Stop…
shaming Lydia Bennet?
OK! Ginny convinced me.
Lydia Bennet is hundo a feminist.
She almost took her whole family down.
It was immature.
Women get a million different messages
on how they're supposed to be.
- It's confusing.
- You need to calm down. You're aggressive.
Ginny Miller,
please come to the office.
Really, Mom? Taking me to the gyno?
Putting me on the pill?
Did you need to do that
in the middle of a school day?
Sure did. You have a boyfriend
you're sending topless photos to.
Mom. Oh my God.
Which tells me two things.
One, you make stupid decisions
when it comes to men,
and two, you're gonna have sex soon.
Don't I get to decide
if I go on birth control?
- Sure don't.
- You're such a bad feminist.
Yeah, that's me. Back to the kitchen.
She was askin' for it.
Tramp, whore, nag, bitch.
Get in the house, please.
Hunter and I aren't having sex
because I'm disgusting.
What?
How do you do it?
How do you always know what to say,
and what to wear,
and how to do the cleavage thing?
The cleavage thing?
You mean, have cleavage?
In case you haven't noticed,
I'm 30 and single
with two kids from two different guys.
Does that look like the ideal,
picture-perfect picket fence to you?
You think I know what I'm doin'?
Nobody knows what they're doin'.
You are not disgusting.
You are…
…beautiful.
That's right.
Everything's getting protected today.
I picked up a few things.
I cleaned out the baby section
of Barnes & Noble
and got some stuff from Sweet Pea and Me.
- Thanks, Ma. This is...
- I haven't even begun with you.
This is how you handle your freedom?
When we financially support your gap year,
you knock up a homeless 15-year-old.
We're here for you…
and for her.
There, there now.
You're OK.
We are gonna take care of everything.
A woman ill-prepared
is a woman set up for failure.
OK.
Sophie Sanchez…
Table four needs coffee.
…is so hot.
Like, her ass belongs in the Louvre.
It's art.
She wore leggings yesterday, and I died.
I'm dead! I'm deceased.
Just cremate me and put me on the mantle.
We've been texting.
She actually cares about things,
like the planet and other people.
She's been teaching her sister to bake.
Isn't that so cute?
- Max, you're not meant to be back there.
- How are you and Hunter?
Ugh! He still hasn't said anything
about the picture. It's weird.
I don't think I'm good at the sexy thing.
That's Georgia's expertise, not mine.
Yeah, Georgia is insanely hot.
Sorry. Not sorry.
OK, I wanna talk more about Sophie now.
I wanna talk about Sophie
100% of the time. 100% of the time.
When you think about it that way,
I showed great restraint.
I got two Mexi-Melts,
one regular, one with sweet potato,
and two turkey burgers,
one gluten-free bun.
Oh!
Sorry. This is the gluten-free bun.
Max, you realize
you don't actually work here, right?
Obviously,
but table six needs their check,
and table eight wants wings
before happy hour's over.
Sophie. Two years ago.
She is my Venezuelan
fantasy woodland princess.
- Max, you can't be back here.
- Bali does not look real.
I know, right? But David Bowie
had his ashes spread there, so it is.
You guys know David Bowie?
Duh! From Shrek.
From Shrek.
- Shit.
- What?
Is it the picture of her
and that girl kissing from 2018?
Don't worry about it. I looked into it.
Their Venmo payments
stopped months ago, so it's fine.
I liked it.
- What?
- Shit.
I can… I'll undo it.
No, Ginny. Oh my God.
Too late. Notifications.
I just liked a photo
from two years ago. Oh my God.
I can't go to Battle of the Bands.
She's gonna think I'm a stalker.
- Table three's ready to order!
- Table three's gonna have to wait, Joe!
Look, Max. Maybe…
Maybe it's a good thing, right?
I mean, honesty's good.
- She's gonna know I like her.
- You text all the time.
- Doesn't she already know?
- No!
We don't talk about
how hard she makes my nipples!
We talk about her dumb sister Sasha.
Oh my God.
I know. I'm sorry. I know.
Farm-fresh salad…
please.
Oh, this is gonna be a disaster.
We're screwed.
No. We're not.
True. It was your idea. You're screwed.
I will emerge unscathed
like a phoenix from your ashes.
Shut up and start helping.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪
♪ I got this ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪
♪ I got this ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ Talk about this ♪
♪ Babe, I talk about… ♪
Hey, Mom. The liquor vendor's here.
He said he only brought rosé.
♪ Talk about no ♪
♪ Talk about this… ♪
♪ This, I talk about no… ♪
Write on one of those chalkboards
over there
the night's signature drink
is a Royal Blush.
Can you… OK.
Thank you. Almost had it there, so…
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪
♪ I got this ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo… ♪
Hello?
♪ I got this ♪
♪ It's all about… ♪
- Yeah, this microphone's outta batteries.
- Hm. Got a vibrator in your purse?
There is a flashlight in the toolbox.
♪ Talk about this ♪
♪ This, I talk about no ♪
Georgia…
you look, um…
I mean, the place really looks incredible.
Not bad, Elly May.
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh… ♪
- 300. There you go, Principal Davies.
- One card short of a straight.
One hour. You promised. Then we go.
You think I want to be here?
Georgia!
Everything is amazing.
Who needs Vegas?
♪ Oh, oh, Donna Dee ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh ♪
I have no idea.
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Dealer busts! You win!
This is so fun!
Yes!
I won it back! I told you.
Lizzie just got made
captain of her soccer team,
all thanks to soccer camp this summer.
Jackie spent the summer
at Milton Academy in the gifted program.
How we doing?
We've raised, uh, 3K.
That's less than the bake sale.
Well, we had a lot more overhead.
♪ Glad we met ♪
♪ Oh, Donna Dee ♪
♪ Donna Dee ♪
OK, I don't understand.
I don't get it.
What is the big deal about this guy?
- You will.
- You're being weird.
- She's hiding from Sophie.
- Woo-woo! Go, Scott!
Thank you for coming.
I couldn't face Hunter alone.
You're both being…
You're both being weird!
♪ If you kept me waiting ♪
♪ On your words… ♪
Oh shit.
I mean, he doesn't measure up to Jordan.
Aww…
♪ …in return… ♪
Seriously, is he impregnating me
with his voice now?
Speaking of, I have news.
- I am now on birth control.
- You are what?
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo.
- That's a good kind.
What constitutes as a good kind?
I haven't seen ads recalling it
'cause it kills you.
Oh.
- Does your mom know?
- It was her idea.
God, my crush on Georgia grows every day.
Is that weird?
- Yes.
- Sorry.
♪ And I need to know if… ♪
Yes!
♪ You'll be gone… ♪
♪ But I guess your silence ♪
♪ Keeps me warm ♪
- Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
- What?
She just liked a photo from 2016.
I'll be right back.
♪ Did I bring out the worst of you… ♪
Hey, creep. Good to see you.
Uh, your friend Scott,
he, like…
…he was unreal.
Oh, do you know Scott?
Oh…
No.
Oh, so you're actually a stalker.
Yeah, but in, like, a cute way?
Yeah. In a very cute way.
♪ …used me for your games ♪
♪ Like the others do… ♪
Hey, uh, can we talk?
I feel like you're maybe mad at me.
You didn't say anything after the photo.
I feel like you don't really like me.
What?
- Are you kidding?
- Hey!
Hunter, let's go. We're on next.
♪ …show you where the bodies are ♪
♪ I think they all look pretty ♪
♪ I cut them off real quickly ♪
♪ Can't cover up the open scars ♪
♪ I hope you change your mind and... ♪
Hey.
- Why so glum? The place looks great.
- Yeah, whatever.
So, this is the Neighborhood Club?
Wellsbury parents will pay for anything.
Attention, everyone!
I have a special announcement.
We are also gonna be doing
a surprise auction!
Yeah!
First up, we have a very special
dinner for two at Blue Farm.
You have this bad habit
of taking away my money.
- It's for the school, right?
- But you don't have kids.
- Do you want the dinner or...
- Thank you so much.
And also, riding lessons!
With real horses.
Do you want my car? My ATM pin?
Do I hear 400?
Uh… 400, looking for 400.
Do I see four hun… Thank you, 400.
Do I see 450? Thank you! Do I see 500?
500 at the back.
Thank you very much. Do I see 550?
550, going once, going twice.
Sold for $500!
Next up, we have
a very special surprise auction item,
and the auction item is…
principal for the day!
That's right. For one day only,
your child will temporarily step into
the shoes of principal at their school.
It's a high honor for one kid only.
Bidding starts at…
1,000.
Uh, yes, OK.
- Do I see 1,000?
- Lizzie would love this.
I see one. Thank you. Do I see two?
My Jackie's a future leader.
Two. Thank you. Do I see three?
I see you there, three. Do I see four?
Four in the back. Thank you.
OK, do I see five?
Five? We're up to 5,000.
Do we go for six? 6,000.
Thank you! Do I see seven?
7,000! Do I see eight?
Eight! I see you there. Nine!
Do I see te... Ten! Thank you very much.
Do I see 11?
No?
Sold for $10,000!
This just in!
We have another principal for the day.
We can have two winners.
Sold at ten grand each.
Congratulations, ladies.
OK.
Ladies and gentlemen, we still have
one item left up on the docket,
and that is Cynthia Fuller's
famous cheesecake.
Oh.
You know what?
I know how hard
my friend Cynthia worked on this.
I'm not leavin' here without it.
I bid 100 bucks.
Good night, everyone,
and thank you for a legendary event.
Principal for the day? Inspired.
In ten minutes,
we quadrupled what we did last year.
You continue to surprise me, Georgia.
A woman ill-prepared
is set up for failure.
What?
- What?
- Uh…
- Mr. Mayor, can I borrow you?
- Of course, yes.
- I'm sorry. Duty calls.
- Hmm.
Congratulations!
- Did that guy talk to you?
- What guy?
The guy who was interested in your house.
He was here tonight.
- Ellen Baker?
- Oh, hi!
How are you?
I love your dress!
So, I'm not normally
the one who sings the songs.
I leave that up
to the very talented Padma.
Yeah, Padma.
But tonight
I'm making an exception.
Something happened to me recently,
or rather…
someone happened.
Ginny, something's happening.
Ginny Miller…
this song's for you.
This is the most romantic thing
that's happened to me.
♪ I can barely breathe when you are near ♪
♪ And I'm really, really, really scared
You're gonna disappear ♪
♪ I can't breathe when you are near… ♪
♪ I don't know how to tell you ♪
♪ There's a million things I want to say ♪
♪ From the moment I met you
My heart grew ♪
♪ And I think of you every day ♪
♪ I can barely breathe… ♪
♪ When you are near… ♪
♪ My life was in the darkness ♪
♪ And you suddenly appeared ♪
♪ You say words that I wanna hear… ♪
♪ I can barely breathe when you are near ♪
♪ You're everything and more to me ♪
♪ It's all I wanted you to know ♪
♪ And when I hold you tightly ♪
♪ I'll never let you go ♪
♪ I can't breathe when you are near ♪
♪ And I really, really wanna
Drown your worries and your fears ♪
♪ With you, I cry no tears ♪
♪ And I can barely breathe
When you are near ♪
♪ But here in the dark ♪
♪ I fall apart ♪
♪ Ripped at the seams, my jeans lay… ♪
♪ Give a little and it goes away… ♪
I loved the song.
I read all of Pride and Prejudice
just so we could talk about it.
I'm, like, really behind on my homework.
That, mixed with the song, and...
I feel like an idiot.
About the picture,
I just wanted you to know
that I respected you.
OK, but I put myself out there,
and I just felt judged.
Shit. I didn't think of it like that.
I'm sorry.
I just want you to think that I'm hot.
Believe me,
I think you're hot.
♪ …all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ I've had enough ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
You've gotta be shittin' me.
I used to think
my mom was an expert at men,
but now I think
she might not know how to love.
The only man I've ever seen her truly love
is my dad, and that never ends well.
You can't fall in love
if you always have your guard up.
- Lydia is a trope of frivolity.
- That's where you're wrong.
She didn't know Wickham was a dick clown.
She thought she was marrying for love.
That was totally feminist for the time.
At least we can agree,
Wickham is a dick clown.
♪ I tell you lies… ♪
♪ You think I'm broken on the inside… ♪
Hunter… I presume.
Be nice. Be normal. I beg you.
- How was Battle of the Bands?
- Amazing. Hunter won.
Oh!
How was Casino Night?
You know, it was pretty amazin'.
♪ I'm bleeding now ♪
♪ I tell you secrets, I tell you lies ♪
♪ You think I'm broken on the inside ♪
♪ We've played this game twice ♪
♪ I won't play nice ♪
♪ You can't take me down ♪
♪ Baby, roll the dice ♪
♪ Let fate decide ♪
♪ I'm not losing now ♪
♪ I need to win ♪
♪ I need to win ♪
♪ You spin the wheel… ♪
♪ I'll throw the knives ♪
♪ Head in a fever, bottles on ice ♪
♪ I tell you secrets, I tell you lies ♪
♪ You think I'm broken on the inside… ♪
Do it.
Do what, Georgia?
There was a moment earlier.
♪ Baby, roll the dice… ♪
You work for me.
I like you,
and that doesn't happen for me a lot.
Or ever, really, so…
Do it.
♪ I need to, I need
I need to, I need to, need to win… ♪
Georgia Miller,
would you like to go to dinner with me?
I can't! I work for you!
Erica! Erica! I need HR!
I'd love to.
OK. Great.
I do have to talk to Erica.
There's a code of conduct form.
Did you see Cynthia's face tonight
when I bid on her cake?
I did. Oh, it was glorious.
♪ I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need to, I need to
I need, I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need, I need to
I need to, need to win ♪
♪ I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need, I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need, I need to
I need to, need to win… ♪
Because if you let your guard down…
anyone can get in.
♪ I need, I need to
I need to, need to win ♪
♪ I went to see the doc ♪
♪ When the school bell rang ♪
♪ My mind's all ablur ♪
♪ Can't focus on anything ♪
♪ She said not to stress ♪
♪ All the kids go through this ♪
♪ She opened my hand
And gave me an Adderall ♪
♪ And it keeps me high ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ But not the high that eases my mind ♪
♪ When I walk the halls ♪
♪ And somebody calls ♪
♪ I hear their voice ♪
♪ But it all sounds like noise ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ When it keeps me high ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ I wanna fly ♪
♪ But my brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ When I turn around, look in the mirror ♪
♪ And if you don't like it
You can leave it… ♪
My mom has never
had trouble with men.
It's effortless to her, like breathing.
She always knows what to say, how to be.
It's like, I don't know,
got magical powers or something.
♪ …and I keep owning it ♪
♪ I love my ass, I wanna shake it ♪
♪ You can thank my momma
'Cause she made it ♪
♪ Don't you waste your breath
Trying to change it ♪
♪ Just mind your own… ♪
She's unapologetically fearless.
She just puts herself out there.
Men, sex, all of it.
♪ …not my fault if you're scared of a ♪
♪ Sweet little unforgettable thing ♪
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ Sweet little unforgettable thing
Shame, shame, shame on me ♪
♪ Shame, shame, shame ♪
♪ Shame, shame, shame ♪
- ♪ Shame, shame, shame ♪
- ♪ No, no, no… ♪
I swear to God, I'm adopted.
♪ …unforgettable thing ♪
♪ I went to see the doc ♪
♪ When the school bell rang ♪
♪ My mind's all ablur ♪
♪ Can't focus on anything ♪
♪ She said not to stress ♪
♪ All the kids go through this ♪
♪ She opened my hand
And gave me an Adderall… ♪
Men are visual creatures.
♪ …all the time ♪
♪ But not the half ♪
♪ That eases my mind ♪
♪ When I walk the halls ♪
♪ And somebody calls… ♪
So give 'em
something to look at.
♪ …but it all sounds like noise ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ When it keeps me high ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ I wanna fly ♪
♪ But my brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪
I don't elicit the same reaction
my mom does.
- Padma, that was tight!
- Thanks.
- What did you think?
- Yeah, it was fine.
OK, well, I gotta go.
I told Marcus I'd pick him up.
- Later.
- Bye.
Yeah, see ya.
- Padma's great. Her voice adds to 3SB.
- Hell yeah!
I didn't realize how much
you guys sucked when you had Jordan.
That blows his mom made him quit 3SB.
Whatever. It's an upgrade.
Padma's crazy hot.
- She is?
- Super hot.
With Padma, we might actually win
Battle of the Bands this year.
- Dude, we gotta pick our song.
- I know.
It has to be "Child's Play."
Padma's range
on "Adderall Brains" is killer.
"Adderall Brains" is the worst song name
in the history of song names.
It sounds like Billie Eilish.
I like Billie Eilish.
Of course you do.
That makes complete sense to me.
You're a little bitch.
Die, sucker, die.
Press, I think
you're the last person in the world
who should encourage
their own violent tendencies.
Hunter said you used to throw rocks
at squirrels at recess?
All right.
New girl's got teeth.
Watch out for them later, Hunt.
Press. Not cool, bro.
I need snacks.
Hey, do you think, uh,
Marnie still has those Hebrew Natties?
Uh…
We got apples…
Why are you friends with Press?
He's such a douche.
Press stuck it out with me
when I was on Adderall,
and I was, like,
a total zombie for three years…
…which is why we should start
with "Adderall Brains."
It has… It has a message.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
We've been talking about this all night.
It's OK. I know Battle of the Bands
is important to you.
Yeah, it is, but…
so are you.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
I got this for you.
Pride and Prejudice.
You picked it for a free read
in Gitten's class.
- Yeah, but I already own it.
- That's my sister's copy.
She took an Austen course
last semester at Tufts.
It's all noted up. I thought you could
take a look at it for inspiration.
Thanks.
I really liked it. I dig Austen's writing.
It's very tongue-in-cheek
with the way she takes a wink
at the audience with her characters.
Yeah. Jane's a crafty bitch.
♪ Cut to the chase, it's getting late
I'm so… ♪
Yo!
- We got mad mini carrots and hummus, bro!
- Nice.
- Round two, bitch!
- Let's do it.
Hello, everyone, and welcome
to our fundraiser committee meeting.
Now, the school year is upon us…
…which can only mean one thing,
the annual back-to-school fundraiser
for Bankler Elementary.
We will be holding
our fifth annual bake sale.
Cynthia?
I'm so excited.
The annual back-to-school bake sale
is one of my very favorite events,
and as a member of the Neighborhood Club,
I am thrilled to offer it
to the school board as a venue.
Wow. Thank you.
My pleasure, really.
So I was thinking…
What's the whoop-de-whatever
about the Neighborhood Club?
Well, you know the Soho House in LA,
New York, London?
- No.
- Right. I forget you're Elly May Clampett.
It's one of the most exclusive clubs
in Massachusetts.
- …using all-natural ingredients…
- Why?
Well, it was founded
in 1890 as a tennis club
and a place for members
to gather for social events.
There's an interview process,
a yearly fee, a vote… It's a whole thing.
- But why?
- For tennis and social events.
- Oh, OK.
- And I will be making my vegan cheesecake.
Ooh!
I don't want fighting over it this year.
Last year we raised 5K.
5K with cakes and pies!
Let's do even better this year.
Yes. Let's.
Georgia, did you have a question?
Sit down, Elly May.
What if we do a casino night?
You can raise serious money with poker.
Well, it's, um, an interesting suggestion,
but, um, the bake sale
really is a town favorite.
Oh! Um…
Yes, I am going to have to agree
with Cynthia on this one.
The bake sale has become a true highlight
of the year for Wellsbury,
and I didn't forget
about your vegan cheesecake.
OK, so, that's settled.
Let's take five and then come back
and talk strategy and logistics, OK?
Oh, hey. Don't take it personally
about Casino Night.
It wasn't a bad idea, per se...
I didn't take it personally.
♪ Step off to the side
'Cause I'm coming like a bullet ♪
♪ Start running for the door
'Cause it's gonna get hectic ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Whoa, didn't your momma tell you
Not to play with a ticking bomb… ♪
Georgia! A minute, please?
Yeah.
I'll handle it.
Georgia, you know Erica from HR.
Hello.
This is an informational conversation.
Paul, can you tell Georgia your concerns?
When I was babysitting Austin,
I saw several credit cards
in his name.
This isn't an accusation.
We wanted to have a conversation.
Austin's father, Gil,
is currently in jail.
I'm sorry.
This is emotional for me.
He embezzled from his company.
We moved to Wellsbury for a fresh start,
but more heartbreak followed
when I found out that Gil used
Austin's social security number
to open multiple credit cards.
He stole from his nine-year-old son.
What kind of a monster does that?
I'm mortified, but if you wanna
look at my bank statements...
- No.
- That's not necessary.
Um…
But this is clearly a personal matter
and will be confidential.
If you need any help, I'm here.
Thank you, Erica.
Georgia, I am so, so sorry that you had
to go through that. I had no idea.
I trusted you in my house with my kid.
You shoulda asked me
before you brought in HR.
I know. I know.
You're right. I should have.
I'm just under a lot of pressure
right now. I need you to understand that.
Look, I wanna be governor
by the time I'm 40.
And in order for that to happen,
I have to get reelected. But…
…that's an excuse, and I hate excuses.
So I am so sorry.
- I should've told you first.
- Yeah, you should've.
I love this job, but if you don't think
I'm an asset, just say, and I'm gone.
No. Of course I think you're an asset.
Your contributions have been invaluable.
Do you mean that?
Yes! You have great ideas.
Great ideas like Casino Night?
Wow.
OK. That was good.
I see what you did there.
I get that the bake sale is tradition,
but it comes down to the money.
We stand to raise
much more money for the school
with a big, flashy event
like Casino Night.
No, it comes down to manpower.
Have you ever thrown an event
of this magnitude?
It is a massive undertaking.
- I just did Sophomore Sleepover.
- Uh-huh.
Come on. It's a power move.
What would the governor do?
Paul, don't make me give you
the lemon speech again.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
I just wanted to go through
the bake sale prep with you.
Yes. No, Cynthia, I'm glad you're here.
We were just having a discussion
about that,
and I have made an executive decision
on the matter.
This year we will be doing Casino Night
instead of a bake sale.
- I don't understand.
- It comes down to money, Cynthia.
And we stand to make much more
with a casino night.
Hmm.
I hope your offer to host the event
at the Neighborhood Club still is good,
though, because I know all you want
is what's best for the kids.
Great.
Thank you so much, ladies.
Don't take it personally, Cynthia.
It's the cottontails.
We're at the end of breeding season.
You should probably put up a fence.
Hey, you're not selling your house,
are you?
Selling?
I just bought it.
There was this guy
in the neighborhood the other day.
Was he tall, black, muscular?
No. But who's that?
No, this was just a guy interested
in the house.
- Said he was a potential buyer.
- What'd he look like?
Oh, he was incredibly handsome.
That's really weird. He said
he was gonna come over and talk to you.
Huh.
Uh, is Ginny still at yours?
Yeah. Max invited the girls over.
MANG.
MANG.
Sounds like a ripe vagina.
Mm. It's disgusting.
It's the grossest word ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell them.
They're so cute and innocent.
I could hear their giggles
down to the kitchen.
Aww!
Oh, yeah!
OK, OK, OK!
Please turn it down. Turn it down.
- Turn it down!
- OK.
Oh my God.
Nothing's happening. I mean,
a lot's happening, but there's no plot.
It's so slimy! Like, why are they so wet?
That's not an attractive pose.
She's just splayed.
She has a really nice body though.
This was definitely written
and directed by men.
Oh yeah!
And there's, like, no foreplay whatsoever.
It's just like…
Oh God. Is sex really that fast?
- If you hate orgasms, yeah.
- Oh, Norah! Slut!
OK, you know what? Jordan and I
waited two years before we had sex.
I'm kidding.
You know how sex-positive I am.
- I'm positive I wanna have sex.
- Wait. Norah, you have orgasms?
- Yeah, but not from penis penetration.
- Penis penetra…
- Uh, excuse me, I'm the gay one.
- Penis penetration.
- This conversation's giving me hives.
- Really? It's kinda turning me on.
- How does it happen, then?
- He makes her call him Daddy!
No. He usually goes down on me.
- Man, Jordan's such a good guy.
- Yeah.
Wow.
Kinda sounds
like Hunter isn't doing any of this.
We've kissed, like, three times.
No tongue. That's it.
Seriously?
You guys have been dating for a few weeks.
- It's weird, right?
- He hasn't even grabbed a boob?
He hasn't even grabbed a boob.
- Thanks.
- Here for you.
- Maybe he's not attracted to me.
- Probably.
What? No! You're totally gorgeous.
So, are you masturbating furiously
waiting for him to make a move?
Masturbating is so gross.
- Yeah, I don't get it.
- Me neither.
Yeah!
Oh!
Oh!
That's a fun new orifice.
See?
This is the problem with porn.
It gives guys a messed-up view of sex
and never prioritizes female pleasure.
That's why guys never have any idea
what they're doing.
Oh.
- It's Brodie.
- Brodie. Why is Brodie texting you?
He wants to know
if we're going to Battle of the Bands.
- It's all they talked about last night.
- Oh, I'm so excited about that.
Sophie's definitely gonna be there.
Her rock god friend Scott's performing.
- He won last year.
- Sorry. I'm confused.
Why were you with Brodie last night?
They wanted to keep it small.
- They were rehearsing.
- Oh!
Hey, Norah, now that Jordan's out of 3SB,
it looks like Ginny took your spot.
Who's Padma, anyway? She a good singer?
Yeah. She's good.
Hunter thinks she's killer.
Hmm. Interesting.
♪ Fruity lipstick on your cheek ♪
♪ I haven't been home in a week ♪
♪ I'm cool with that ♪
♪ I've got the sun to worry about ♪
♪ Let's get started, truth or dare… ♪
♪ A million flowers in my hair ♪
- ♪ I'm cool with that ♪
- ♪ I'm cool with that ♪
♪ I've got the beach to worry about ♪
♪ I've got the beach to worry about ♪
♪ I can feel the sand on my skin ♪
♪ And my drink is kicking in… ♪
- Did you borrow my green top?
- Mom! Hi.
No, I don't have it.
Oh my God.
I can see that you saw it.
♪ You can run free
I won't hold it against ya ♪
♪ You do your thing
Never wanted a future ♪
♪ What if I knew… ♪
♪ How to put it romantic? ♪
♪ Speaking my truth
There's no need to panic ♪
♪ No, let's not put a label on it ♪
♪ Let's keep it fun… ♪
♪ We don't put a label on it ♪
♪ So we can run free ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I wanna be free like you ♪
♪ I'm a, I'm a ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold… ♪
♪ I roll my eyes at you, boy… ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold… ♪
♪ I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ Rules you don't like
But you still wanna keep 'em ♪
♪ Said you were fine
So for whatever reason ♪
♪ Sure, we can chill
Try and keep it platonic ♪
♪ Now you can't tell
If I'm really ironic ♪
♪ No, let's not put a label on it ♪
♪ Let's keep it fun… ♪
♪ We don't put a label on it ♪
♪ So we can run free ♪
♪ Yeah, I wanna be free like you ♪
♪ I'm a, I'm a ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl
I'm a, I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I'm a cool girl ♪
♪ I'm a, I'm a cool girl… ♪
♪ Ice cold
I roll my eyes at you, boy ♪
♪ I got fever highs… ♪
♪ I got boiling blood ♪
♪ I'm that fire kind ♪
My hands are in the air, Mike.
You wanna know why?
Six grand for appetizers
is highway robbery.
- Stick 'em up. You're robbing me.
- Tell 'em, Nick!
When I asked him to come down on price,
he said he doesn't have kids.
Why would he care if the Casino Night
money goes to the schools?
- How did you...
- I heard the same thing.
I don't have kids. I'm a team player.
Mayor's office.
Hi. Yeah.
We need seven poker tables.
It's a little out of our budget,
so I was wondering if you could donate...
You don't have kids. Mm-hmm.
How's it goin', team?
- Good.
- Yeah.
Maybe the...
Look at her. Flouncing around,
trying to turn Wellsbury into Reno.
- Cynthia!
- Georgia!
- How you doin'? You look a little bit…
- Stressed?
- Tired?
- I'm great!
Just in full planning mode.
Actually, I'm glad I ran into you.
I was wondering
if you'd make your famous vegan cheesecake
for tonight.
I've heard so much.
- Sure.
- Wonderful!
Happy to.
- Great.
- OK.
OK. I'm just gonna take this bag for ya.
Why don't you go grab a seat right here?
- Water.
- Nope.
OK.
Here are the cookies that you ordered.
This Casino Night is snowballin',
and I'm drownin'.
I need it to be a success
so I can wipe that smug smile
off that human Chihuahua there.
Easy there, girl. Calm down.
- You talkin' to me like I'm a horse?
- Well, you're bein' skittish.
- You have horses?
- Yeah. Three. At my farm.
You finally got your horses, huh?
Yeah.
Uh, Betsy, Bessy, and Milkshake.
Milkshake?
- You have a horse named Milkshake?
- Yeah, what about her?
Nothin'.
I gotta go!
- OK.
- I'll see you at Casino Night.
That's not likely.
What? Why?
I don't really do suits.
Oh, bummer. You'd look good in a suit.
Lydia Bennet is described in the book
as "untamed, unabashed,
wild, noisy, and fearless."
My free read project
is Internalized Sexism:
Why We Don't Like Lydia Bennet.
The unsung feminist of the book is Lydia.
She's more an agent of free will
than even Elizabeth
because she bucks society's rules
and acts of her own agency.
So, why do we judge her so harshly?
Because she's a slut.
Yes, Brian. Tell us more about the views
of feminism you've formed
while jerking off to Gal Gadot.
But you can't deny Lydia's actions
were rash and ill-advised.
Stop shaming her.
Stop…
shaming Lydia Bennet?
OK! Ginny convinced me.
Lydia Bennet is hundo a feminist.
She almost took her whole family down.
It was immature.
Women get a million different messages
on how they're supposed to be.
- It's confusing.
- You need to calm down. You're aggressive.
Ginny Miller,
please come to the office.
Really, Mom? Taking me to the gyno?
Putting me on the pill?
Did you need to do that
in the middle of a school day?
Sure did. You have a boyfriend
you're sending topless photos to.
Mom. Oh my God.
Which tells me two things.
One, you make stupid decisions
when it comes to men,
and two, you're gonna have sex soon.
Don't I get to decide
if I go on birth control?
- Sure don't.
- You're such a bad feminist.
Yeah, that's me. Back to the kitchen.
She was askin' for it.
Tramp, whore, nag, bitch.
Get in the house, please.
Hunter and I aren't having sex
because I'm disgusting.
What?
How do you do it?
How do you always know what to say,
and what to wear,
and how to do the cleavage thing?
The cleavage thing?
You mean, have cleavage?
In case you haven't noticed,
I'm 30 and single
with two kids from two different guys.
Does that look like the ideal,
picture-perfect picket fence to you?
You think I know what I'm doin'?
Nobody knows what they're doin'.
You are not disgusting.
You are…
…beautiful.
That's right.
Everything's getting protected today.
I picked up a few things.
I cleaned out the baby section
of Barnes & Noble
and got some stuff from Sweet Pea and Me.
- Thanks, Ma. This is...
- I haven't even begun with you.
This is how you handle your freedom?
When we financially support your gap year,
you knock up a homeless 15-year-old.
We're here for you…
and for her.
There, there now.
You're OK.
We are gonna take care of everything.
A woman ill-prepared
is a woman set up for failure.
OK.
Sophie Sanchez…
Table four needs coffee.
…is so hot.
Like, her ass belongs in the Louvre.
It's art.
She wore leggings yesterday, and I died.
I'm dead! I'm deceased.
Just cremate me and put me on the mantle.
We've been texting.
She actually cares about things,
like the planet and other people.
She's been teaching her sister to bake.
Isn't that so cute?
- Max, you're not meant to be back there.
- How are you and Hunter?
Ugh! He still hasn't said anything
about the picture. It's weird.
I don't think I'm good at the sexy thing.
That's Georgia's expertise, not mine.
Yeah, Georgia is insanely hot.
Sorry. Not sorry.
OK, I wanna talk more about Sophie now.
I wanna talk about Sophie
100% of the time. 100% of the time.
When you think about it that way,
I showed great restraint.
I got two Mexi-Melts,
one regular, one with sweet potato,
and two turkey burgers,
one gluten-free bun.
Oh!
Sorry. This is the gluten-free bun.
Max, you realize
you don't actually work here, right?
Obviously,
but table six needs their check,
and table eight wants wings
before happy hour's over.
Sophie. Two years ago.
She is my Venezuelan
fantasy woodland princess.
- Max, you can't be back here.
- Bali does not look real.
I know, right? But David Bowie
had his ashes spread there, so it is.
You guys know David Bowie?
Duh! From Shrek.
From Shrek.
- Shit.
- What?
Is it the picture of her
and that girl kissing from 2018?
Don't worry about it. I looked into it.
Their Venmo payments
stopped months ago, so it's fine.
I liked it.
- What?
- Shit.
I can… I'll undo it.
No, Ginny. Oh my God.
Too late. Notifications.
I just liked a photo
from two years ago. Oh my God.
I can't go to Battle of the Bands.
She's gonna think I'm a stalker.
- Table three's ready to order!
- Table three's gonna have to wait, Joe!
Look, Max. Maybe…
Maybe it's a good thing, right?
I mean, honesty's good.
- She's gonna know I like her.
- You text all the time.
- Doesn't she already know?
- No!
We don't talk about
how hard she makes my nipples!
We talk about her dumb sister Sasha.
Oh my God.
I know. I'm sorry. I know.
Farm-fresh salad…
please.
Oh, this is gonna be a disaster.
We're screwed.
No. We're not.
True. It was your idea. You're screwed.
I will emerge unscathed
like a phoenix from your ashes.
Shut up and start helping.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪
♪ I got this ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪
♪ I got this ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ Talk about this ♪
♪ Babe, I talk about… ♪
Hey, Mom. The liquor vendor's here.
He said he only brought rosé.
♪ Talk about no ♪
♪ Talk about this… ♪
♪ This, I talk about no… ♪
Write on one of those chalkboards
over there
the night's signature drink
is a Royal Blush.
Can you… OK.
Thank you. Almost had it there, so…
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo ♪
♪ I got this ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yo… ♪
Hello?
♪ I got this ♪
♪ It's all about… ♪
- Yeah, this microphone's outta batteries.
- Hm. Got a vibrator in your purse?
There is a flashlight in the toolbox.
♪ Talk about this ♪
♪ This, I talk about no ♪
Georgia…
you look, um…
I mean, the place really looks incredible.
Not bad, Elly May.
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh… ♪
- 300. There you go, Principal Davies.
- One card short of a straight.
One hour. You promised. Then we go.
You think I want to be here?
Georgia!
Everything is amazing.
Who needs Vegas?
♪ Oh, oh, Donna Dee ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh ♪
I have no idea.
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Dealer busts! You win!
This is so fun!
Yes!
I won it back! I told you.
Lizzie just got made
captain of her soccer team,
all thanks to soccer camp this summer.
Jackie spent the summer
at Milton Academy in the gifted program.
How we doing?
We've raised, uh, 3K.
That's less than the bake sale.
Well, we had a lot more overhead.
♪ Glad we met ♪
♪ Oh, Donna Dee ♪
♪ Donna Dee ♪
OK, I don't understand.
I don't get it.
What is the big deal about this guy?
- You will.
- You're being weird.
- She's hiding from Sophie.
- Woo-woo! Go, Scott!
Thank you for coming.
I couldn't face Hunter alone.
You're both being…
You're both being weird!
♪ If you kept me waiting ♪
♪ On your words… ♪
Oh shit.
I mean, he doesn't measure up to Jordan.
Aww…
♪ …in return… ♪
Seriously, is he impregnating me
with his voice now?
Speaking of, I have news.
- I am now on birth control.
- You are what?
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo.
- That's a good kind.
What constitutes as a good kind?
I haven't seen ads recalling it
'cause it kills you.
Oh.
- Does your mom know?
- It was her idea.
God, my crush on Georgia grows every day.
Is that weird?
- Yes.
- Sorry.
♪ And I need to know if… ♪
Yes!
♪ You'll be gone… ♪
♪ But I guess your silence ♪
♪ Keeps me warm ♪
- Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
- What?
She just liked a photo from 2016.
I'll be right back.
♪ Did I bring out the worst of you… ♪
Hey, creep. Good to see you.
Uh, your friend Scott,
he, like…
…he was unreal.
Oh, do you know Scott?
Oh…
No.
Oh, so you're actually a stalker.
Yeah, but in, like, a cute way?
Yeah. In a very cute way.
♪ …used me for your games ♪
♪ Like the others do… ♪
Hey, uh, can we talk?
I feel like you're maybe mad at me.
You didn't say anything after the photo.
I feel like you don't really like me.
What?
- Are you kidding?
- Hey!
Hunter, let's go. We're on next.
♪ …show you where the bodies are ♪
♪ I think they all look pretty ♪
♪ I cut them off real quickly ♪
♪ Can't cover up the open scars ♪
♪ I hope you change your mind and... ♪
Hey.
- Why so glum? The place looks great.
- Yeah, whatever.
So, this is the Neighborhood Club?
Wellsbury parents will pay for anything.
Attention, everyone!
I have a special announcement.
We are also gonna be doing
a surprise auction!
Yeah!
First up, we have a very special
dinner for two at Blue Farm.
You have this bad habit
of taking away my money.
- It's for the school, right?
- But you don't have kids.
- Do you want the dinner or...
- Thank you so much.
And also, riding lessons!
With real horses.
Do you want my car? My ATM pin?
Do I hear 400?
Uh… 400, looking for 400.
Do I see four hun… Thank you, 400.
Do I see 450? Thank you! Do I see 500?
500 at the back.
Thank you very much. Do I see 550?
550, going once, going twice.
Sold for $500!
Next up, we have
a very special surprise auction item,
and the auction item is…
principal for the day!
That's right. For one day only,
your child will temporarily step into
the shoes of principal at their school.
It's a high honor for one kid only.
Bidding starts at…
1,000.
Uh, yes, OK.
- Do I see 1,000?
- Lizzie would love this.
I see one. Thank you. Do I see two?
My Jackie's a future leader.
Two. Thank you. Do I see three?
I see you there, three. Do I see four?
Four in the back. Thank you.
OK, do I see five?
Five? We're up to 5,000.
Do we go for six? 6,000.
Thank you! Do I see seven?
7,000! Do I see eight?
Eight! I see you there. Nine!
Do I see te... Ten! Thank you very much.
Do I see 11?
No?
Sold for $10,000!
This just in!
We have another principal for the day.
We can have two winners.
Sold at ten grand each.
Congratulations, ladies.
OK.
Ladies and gentlemen, we still have
one item left up on the docket,
and that is Cynthia Fuller's
famous cheesecake.
Oh.
You know what?
I know how hard
my friend Cynthia worked on this.
I'm not leavin' here without it.
I bid 100 bucks.
Good night, everyone,
and thank you for a legendary event.
Principal for the day? Inspired.
In ten minutes,
we quadrupled what we did last year.
You continue to surprise me, Georgia.
A woman ill-prepared
is set up for failure.
What?
- What?
- Uh…
- Mr. Mayor, can I borrow you?
- Of course, yes.
- I'm sorry. Duty calls.
- Hmm.
Congratulations!
- Did that guy talk to you?
- What guy?
The guy who was interested in your house.
He was here tonight.
- Ellen Baker?
- Oh, hi!
How are you?
I love your dress!
So, I'm not normally
the one who sings the songs.
I leave that up
to the very talented Padma.
Yeah, Padma.
But tonight
I'm making an exception.
Something happened to me recently,
or rather…
someone happened.
Ginny, something's happening.
Ginny Miller…
this song's for you.
This is the most romantic thing
that's happened to me.
♪ I can barely breathe when you are near ♪
♪ And I'm really, really, really scared
You're gonna disappear ♪
♪ I can't breathe when you are near… ♪
♪ I don't know how to tell you ♪
♪ There's a million things I want to say ♪
♪ From the moment I met you
My heart grew ♪
♪ And I think of you every day ♪
♪ I can barely breathe… ♪
♪ When you are near… ♪
♪ My life was in the darkness ♪
♪ And you suddenly appeared ♪
♪ You say words that I wanna hear… ♪
♪ I can barely breathe when you are near ♪
♪ You're everything and more to me ♪
♪ It's all I wanted you to know ♪
♪ And when I hold you tightly ♪
♪ I'll never let you go ♪
♪ I can't breathe when you are near ♪
♪ And I really, really wanna
Drown your worries and your fears ♪
♪ With you, I cry no tears ♪
♪ And I can barely breathe
When you are near ♪
♪ But here in the dark ♪
♪ I fall apart ♪
♪ Ripped at the seams, my jeans lay… ♪
♪ Give a little and it goes away… ♪
I loved the song.
I read all of Pride and Prejudice
just so we could talk about it.
I'm, like, really behind on my homework.
That, mixed with the song, and...
I feel like an idiot.
About the picture,
I just wanted you to know
that I respected you.
OK, but I put myself out there,
and I just felt judged.
Shit. I didn't think of it like that.
I'm sorry.
I just want you to think that I'm hot.
Believe me,
I think you're hot.
♪ …all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ I've had enough ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
You've gotta be shittin' me.
I used to think
my mom was an expert at men,
but now I think
she might not know how to love.
The only man I've ever seen her truly love
is my dad, and that never ends well.
You can't fall in love
if you always have your guard up.
- Lydia is a trope of frivolity.
- That's where you're wrong.
She didn't know Wickham was a dick clown.
She thought she was marrying for love.
That was totally feminist for the time.
At least we can agree,
Wickham is a dick clown.
♪ I tell you lies… ♪
♪ You think I'm broken on the inside… ♪
Hunter… I presume.
Be nice. Be normal. I beg you.
- How was Battle of the Bands?
- Amazing. Hunter won.
Oh!
How was Casino Night?
You know, it was pretty amazin'.
♪ I'm bleeding now ♪
♪ I tell you secrets, I tell you lies ♪
♪ You think I'm broken on the inside ♪
♪ We've played this game twice ♪
♪ I won't play nice ♪
♪ You can't take me down ♪
♪ Baby, roll the dice ♪
♪ Let fate decide ♪
♪ I'm not losing now ♪
♪ I need to win ♪
♪ I need to win ♪
♪ You spin the wheel… ♪
♪ I'll throw the knives ♪
♪ Head in a fever, bottles on ice ♪
♪ I tell you secrets, I tell you lies ♪
♪ You think I'm broken on the inside… ♪
Do it.
Do what, Georgia?
There was a moment earlier.
♪ Baby, roll the dice… ♪
You work for me.
I like you,
and that doesn't happen for me a lot.
Or ever, really, so…
Do it.
♪ I need to, I need
I need to, I need to, need to win… ♪
Georgia Miller,
would you like to go to dinner with me?
I can't! I work for you!
Erica! Erica! I need HR!
I'd love to.
OK. Great.
I do have to talk to Erica.
There's a code of conduct form.
Did you see Cynthia's face tonight
when I bid on her cake?
I did. Oh, it was glorious.
♪ I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need to, I need to
I need, I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need, I need to
I need to, need to win ♪
♪ I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need, I need to, I need to ♪
♪ I need, I need to
I need to, need to win… ♪
Because if you let your guard down…
anyone can get in.
♪ I need, I need to
I need to, need to win ♪
♪ I went to see the doc ♪
♪ When the school bell rang ♪
♪ My mind's all ablur ♪
♪ Can't focus on anything ♪
♪ She said not to stress ♪
♪ All the kids go through this ♪
♪ She opened my hand
And gave me an Adderall ♪
♪ And it keeps me high ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ But not the high that eases my mind ♪
♪ When I walk the halls ♪
♪ And somebody calls ♪
♪ I hear their voice ♪
♪ But it all sounds like noise ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ When it keeps me high ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ I wanna fly ♪
♪ But my brain's on Adderall ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ My brain's on Adderall ♪