Ginny & Georgia (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Ginny & Georgia - full transcript

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Oh my gosh.

My mom had me
when she was my age, 15.

So, I got the sex talk
when I was only seven.

But it wasn't your typical
birds and bees crap.

Then again,
there's not much typical about my mom.

Uh… you have a pen I could borrow?

Sex. Men want it.

- And they think you should give it to 'em.
- Thank you.

But you should never give anything
unless you're gettin' somethin' in return.

- Hi.
- Hey.



You can get two things
from sex with a man.

Passion or power.

You're such a loser!

You better make sure
you're gettin' somethin'.

Otherwise, you're just gettin' screwed.

Oh, and use a condom.

Mom never lets her guard down.

She's always in control.

It was a really effective sex talk.

- I'm still a virgin.
- Virginia Miller.

Can I talk to you in the hall?

Virginia…

It's Ginny.

Your stepfather's
been in an accident.



Your mom's on her way here
with your brother.

I'm so sorry, honey.

He didn't make it.

Poor Amber Lynn. I know
they had their problems with the divorce,

but still, she must be devastated.

Have you seen the new wife?

Who shows that much cleavage at a funeral?

Tacky.

- Oh!
- Oops. Pardon me. I tripped.

Kenny was the best.

The best.

After being a single mother
for so long,

he was like a godsend.

And he was wonderful
with Virginia and Austin.

He treated 'em like his very own.

Well, they weren't his own,
yet they're gettin' all his money.

Giving poor Davey's inheritance
to that… trash.

He was a bastard.

He was a generous angel,

and I can't believe he's gone.

Passion, power, men, sex.

I'll take her word for it.

She's the expert.

I'm nothing like my mom.

♪ Never admit to a word when she say ♪

♪ And if she claims
And you tell her baby no way ♪

- ♪ But she caught me on the counter ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

- ♪ Saw me bangin' on the sofa ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

- ♪ I even had her in the shower ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

- ♪ She even caught me on camera ♪
- ♪ It was... ♪

Hey!

Sorry. Do you think this song's
appropriate for a nine-year-old?

Please. He doesn't understand any of it.
Austin, what's this song about?

Doing it on the bathroom floor,
getting caught

and lying so you don't get in trouble.

Go back to your Harry Potter game.

What are you wearing? You look like
Vanessa Hudgens at Rydell High.

The fact that your Rizzo is Vanessa
and not Stockard

is literally everything that's wrong
with your generation.

Stockard is great, OK,
but Vanessa surprised everyone.

Who knew?

You like?

You look like you have gangrene.

You're gonna like Massachusetts.
It's very patriotic.

Perfect for a fresh start.

- You can't get pregnant.
- You know something I don't?

A baby named Massachusetts or Wellsbury?

It's child abuse.

Bury is kinda cute.

You said we'd be here for a while,
right, Mom? Just the three of us?

Remember that trip Kenny took us on
to the Great Basin Desert?

Yeah. It went on and on and on and on.

Well, Momma's datin' life
is like that desert.

Nothin' in sight
as far as the eye can see.

There was nothin' in that desert.

- Oh! There was nothin' in that desert.
- I'll believe it when I see it.

You're crabby today!

What's wrong?

I'm sad.

I'm a human having an emotion.
Am I allowed to be sad?

Sad? You hated Texas.

Maybe I miss Kenny.

You hated Kenny.

♪ Down, down ♪

♪ Deeper and down ♪

♪ The rumor burnt ♪

♪ Straight through the town ♪

♪ And when it landed ♪

♪ Everybody thought ♪

♪ That the truth had been caught ♪

♪ Down, down ♪

♪ Deeper and down ♪

♪ Her reputation began to drown… ♪

Hi, Mr. Officer!

Was that racist?

That was racist, right?

Guess we're not leaving that bullshit
in the South.

What was with you? "Hi, Mr. Officer."
You sound like a bad porn.

I could use a good pat-down. Been a while.

Gross.

Seriously, just gross.

Scarring. I'm scarred.

♪ Have you ever been fed up
With the bullshit? ♪

♪ The whole town is too small
And you don't fit… ♪

You like it. Ha!

You like it.

It looks like Paul Revere
boned a pumpkin spice latte.

♪ With morality
The intent is pure trash ♪

♪ No recyclables
Who are you to judge… ♪

Mark my words, we are gonna run this town.

Run it, burn it to the ground,
flee into the night. Same difference.

Even the politicians are good-looking.

He looks like a young JFK.

Like the desert, right?

It's a far cry
from the walk-up in Houston

and the apartment in New Orleans.
Look at it.

- It's just ours? Just the three of us?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm picking the biggest bedroom!

Comin'?

No!

- Help me! Please help me!
- Come on!

Shut up!

You little bitch. Come here!

I'm gonna kill you, Mary!

I wanna know what you were thinking
smoking weed on the side of the road

in clear view of everyone.
Neighbors, the cops…

Seriously, I wanna know
what was going through your brain!

Well, it's legal now.

Not for you, it isn't.

You get inside that house.

You are grounded.

Acknowledge me, dammit!

All right, I'm grounded.

When's dinner though?
'Cause I'm really hungry.

Oh shit.

Hello! The door's open.

Come on in!

Hi there. I'm Ellen Baker.
Welcome to the neighborhood.

Georgia Miller. And you brought cookies.

Aren't you a peach?

You live across the way, right?
I think I saw you drive in earlier.

- Saw that, did you?
- Mm-hmm.

Right. Well…

OK, get this.

I'm driving home, and I see him
on the corner, smoking a joint.

In the middle of the sidewalk!
No shame. Not a care in the world.

Just gettin' stoned on a Sunday.

When I was a kid, we had the decency
to use eye drops and be paranoid.

- I get it. I have a teenager.
- What?

No way.
What, did you give birth when you were 12?

Fifteen.

Shit.

- Fifteen.
- Yep.

I dunno, Dad.

It's a house.

It's big.

I'm unpacking now, and it just seems
like an exercise in futility.

♪ So don't look so surprised ♪

♪ When I know where you've been… ♪

What?

No. Yeah, I'm listening.

Yeah, Mom's fine.

♪ Until they're vaporized ♪

♪ Oh, and all the loss ♪

♪ Some men, they call the show… ♪

Um. Hey, Dad? I'll call you back later.

Peach! I got you a present.

Gross.

Totally, but I thought
you could wear it to school tomorrow.

I won't be white and bougie
even in a cable-knit sweater.

What if I put you
in a charcoal infinity scarf?

This is the new thing you're doing?
Hate on Mom?

Come on. This isn't us.

We're like the Gilmore Girls,
but with bigger boobs.

I'm just tired.

Big day tomorrow. New school number five.

I read that stability is crucial
for children in their formative years.

Maybe that's why
Austin still wets the bed.

This place is different. I can feel it.
We're gonna put down roots.

- You said that about Houston.
- I was wrong about Houston.

- Whatever. It's always the same.
- Try to be more creative!

This super stereotypical, angsty
teen girl routine you got going on…

Frankly, it's boring!

I hate it when you're mad at me.
Come here.

It's me and you against the world, kid.
Remember that.

That's dramatic. What about Austin?

Don't be nervous about tomorrow.

- I'm not.
- Liar.

I'm not nervous,
but I do need to get a good night's sleep.

Oh, you're so responsible.

Sometimes I can't believe
you came out of me.

Fun visual. Thanks for that.

Mom, what?

Nothin'.

'Night, peach.

♪ I hear the voices in my head… ♪

♪ My middle finger's 'bout to pledge… ♪

♪ Oh, can't you see that blue and red? ♪

♪ Some things are better left unsaid… ♪

♪ I put two gunshots in the air ♪

♪ The people scattered everywhere ♪

♪ But I don't really give a care ♪

♪ Nope, some things in life ♪

♪ Are just unfair… ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I walk upright like a soldier
Yeah, I'm hot like Arizona ♪

♪ Mix the bacon and the soda
I ain't mixin' bakin' soda ♪

♪ Mm, yay, yay, yay… ♪

♪ Ain't scared of no rain ♪

♪ I walk upright like a soldier
Yeah, I'm cold as North Dakota ♪

♪ Mix the bacon and the soda
I ain't mixin' bakin' soda ♪

♪ Mm, yay, mm, yay ♪

♪ Ain't scared of no pain ♪

♪ I hear the voices in my… ♪

Come get a taste.

Hey, kid! Come here!

What's your name?

Georgia.

Who happened to your face?

I'm gonna give you some advice.
It looks like you need it.

You win more flies with honey,

but if you get yourself a bee…

sting first.

Hey, kid.

- Who are you?
- My kids and I moved in across the street.

I hear you have bud.

I can't sleep.
That would really help me out right now.

You got bud or not?

Thanks, kid.

It's Marcus.

Don't do drugs, Marcus.

Is this it?

This is nothing.

- Hogwarts makes this look like a joke.
- Yeah.

- Would Harry Potter be scared?
- No, but Ron would.

Yeah. Well, Ron's a pussy.

OK, now, soldier. Ten-hut!

Remember, you win more flies with honey,
but if you get yourself a bee...

Sting first. Crucio!

Oh!

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey. It's OK.

You're magic, remember?

Look at that kid!

Get on in there, then.

First day's always the hardest.
I'm Cynthia.

- Georgia Miller.
- This is Bev and Bhanu.

We thought you were
one of the new teachers.

You look too young to be a mom.

- Oh!
- I'm sure you get it all the time.

Love your bag.

You moved into that house
on Bradley Street

with the fireplace and crown molding.

- How did you know?
- I'm in real estate.

Cynthia is the land mogul of Wellsbury.

Georgia, what is your feeling
on organic produce?

Organic produce?

What would you say
if you found out the elementary school

only offered fast food options
to our children for lunch?

Pizza, chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers.

Sounds like a problem.

I'm so happy to hear you say that.

You have to come
to the school board meeting tomorrow.

I'm hosting it at the neighborhood club.

Paul Randolph will have to pay attention
to us if we show up in force.

- Tell me you'll be there.
- Paul Randolph?

The mayor. He runs the town,
but he's not a parent. So…

Say you'll be there.

I'll be there.

Amazing.

We need as many outreach moms
making a stink as possible.

- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway…

OK.

Virginia, I should warn you. We keep a,
uh, rigorous pace in AP English.

The AP students take this very seriously.

So, if my class proves to be
too much for you,

I suggest you do yourself a favor
and move down to regular English, OK?

I'd hate to see you bite off
more than you could chew.

Uh, we cover all the greats.

Steinbeck, Salinger,

Miller, Homer, Fitzgerald,

Shakespeare, of course.

Um… 16 books total.

- OK?
- It's Ginny.

I'm living in a Crest commercial.

Welcome back, AP English.

Hiding in the back there, you will find
our new student, Virginia Miller.

I trust you will make her feel welcome.

It's Ginny.

I know it's our first day back
from summer vacation,

but I thought it was
an excellent opportunity for a pop quiz.

Those of you who didn't do
the summer reading of The Crucible

are in for a world of pain.

Uh, don't worry, Virginia,
I don't expect you to have read it.

Oh. Yes, you have a question?

There are 16 books on this syllabus.

Yes. Like I said,
you can always drop down...

Fourteen of them are written by men,
15 were written by white people,

and I'll guess the one Black author
will crop up for Black History Month.

Am I right?

Excuse me?

I'm very serious
about my education, Mr. Gitten.

I'm worried I might internalize
an ideology that the main viewpoint,

the viewpoint worth studying in class,
the viewpoint of the greats,

is only that of the white male,
thus eradicating my voice as immaterial.

And finally, I'm worried
I won't be stimulated intellectually.

Also, I have read The Crucible,

and I'm confident
I can take the quiz today.

Are you through, Virginia?

No.

Please call me Ginny.

Well, I don't know how things were done
at your last school,

Ginny,

but here, we don't tolerate
political outbursts and grandstanding

at the expense of your peers' class time.

Yes, Maxine?

Hi. I'm, like, also super concerned
about my subconscious digestion

of the superiority
of the white male perspective.

Also, I have period cramps,
so can I go to the nurse?

OK, that's it.

For the rest of the class,
we will be silent and take the pop quiz.

It's worth 10%
of your first semester grade.

You're new, right?

Just moved in across the street?

It's Monday.

What cultural wasteland are you from?

Never heard of the band Wednesday?

Yeah, I have.

- They have that one song.
- No, they don't.

They don't exist.

I made 'em up. Grabbed the first shirt
I saw this morning.

Whatever.

I met your mom last night.

She can be very friendly.

Hmm. She asked me for weed.
She wasn't that friendly.

Yeah, well,
she can also be kind of a bitch.

♪ I'm giving up with the make-belief… ♪

Marcus, be gone.

- ♪ No one here's being fooled… ♪
- See you around, neighbor.

Sorry about Marcus. He's an asshole.

- Yeah, total asshole.
- Yeah. He's my twin brother.

Oh, I'm sorry. I...

I'm sorry. I should've strangled him
with my umbilical cord in the womb

and done humanity a solid.

Are you coming?

- Uh…
- So, where are you from?

- Texas.
- Texas. That's so exotic.

- Are you straight?
- What?

Gay, straight, them, they?
Do they even let you be gay in Texas?

Um, I'm straight.

Ugh! That's such a bummer.
There are no good gays here.

You are going to love my friends, OK?

So that's Norah,
that's Jordan, that's Brodie,

that's Hunter, and this is Abby.

Guys, this is Ginny.

She is my new neighbor. She's from Texas.

I'm in love with her,
so you need to worship her and be nice.

Um, howdy.

Howdy.

God!

I love southern accents.

I feel like
you could say the nastiest shit,

and it would still sound
all sweet and charming

like you were offering me lemonade,
you know?

Like…

I'll cut your face!

See? It's still charming.

And your skin is flawless.
Do you jade roll?

Oh, sorry. Is that like when white girls
touch Black girls' hair?

If I'm being a dick, it's 'cause
we have more Starbucks than Black people.

Why'd you move to Wellsbury?

Um, my stepdad died.

Oh, it's fine.

Well, how did he die?

Um… car accident.

Well, heart attack, then car accident.

That's horrible. Was anyone else hurt?

Was he on the highway?
Was he on a motorcycle?

I saw the most gruesome
motorcycle accident one time.

This guy's arm was literally
four lanes away from the rest of him.

Know what? My stupid idiot twin,

he's probably gonna end up
the exact same way.

He bought a motorcycle,
which is more pathetic than it sounds

because our birthday isn't until December,
which is when he could ride it.

By that point, the roads'll be all icy.
He'll probably just die immediately.

Chill, Max.

Oh! I didn't mean to, like,
bring up painful memories for you.

I love all that gruesome shit, you know?
I'm so morbid.

I've seen every episode of SVU,
and I only listen to podcasts

about girls like me getting
brutally murdered. Want some yogurt?

- Uh...
- You know what?

You're right. The food here is crap.

Let's sneak off campus and get some tacos.

Come. Seriously.

Mm. Hello again, JFK.

Thanks, Joe.

- Do I know you?
- I don't know. Do you?

Right. Name tag. Duh!

With City Hall there,
I imagine you do a killing at lunch.

- I bet they all just filter right in.
- Yeah. And you are?

Hey, Joe. Just picking up my usual.

To go. Again.

Already got it ready. Marie!

- Thank you, Marie.
- You got it.

OK.

- Oh!
- Oh!

No! Oh, I'm so clumsy.

- Are you OK?
- Georgia.

Paul Randolph. Mayor.

That was instinct. I'm so sorry.

I've forgotten how to introduce myself
like a human. Let me start over.

Hi, I'm Paul.

I can't believe this is
the first impression I'm making.

I just moved to town.

You have to let me buy you another
of whatever...

No. I'm sure it's...

I insist. You must have lunch with me.
Let me make it up to you.

And I'll have someone to talk to!
His usual, Joe. Thank you!

Uh…

Um…

You know what?
I usually just eat at my desk,

so…

But why not?

You know what?

All right.

Georgia.

- Mayor Paul.
- Uh…

- No. Just Paul.
- Hmm.

Just Paul. Listen…

…I know you're new here, but you already
stumbled upon the town's best-kept secret.

You see, Joe, the owner,
he owns a farm just outside of town.

- Singing my praises, Paul?
- No, I'm exposing you.

See, he hires a bunch of college kids
to run the farm for college credit

to the school of agriculture,
then he gets kids to run the restaurant

for credit to the culinary school.

It is a tremendous scam,

but the hummus…

is outrageous.

I appreciate a good scam.

Back at ya.

Everyone here is just so happy.

It's a front. They're all miserable.

Everyone's just slowly marching inevitably
and irrevocably closer to death.

Also, I totally saw
Hunter checking you out earlier.

It was very cute.

Ginny?

That's my mom.

- No! Are her boobs real?
- Who's that guy she's talking to?

That's Mayor Paul "waiting for
my Bachelor casting call" Randolph.

All the thirsty moms
throw their twats at him.

Let's get out of here.

This is really nice. I don't get
to just sit and enjoy lunch anymore.

It is a complete madhouse over there.

It's usually Chinese takeout and lunch
with my campaign manager, Nick,

who is just relentless.

You know, this might be fate.

- What?
- I'd love to get a job in town.

Help me meet more people. Keep busy.

We could try it out, just a few weeks.

Um…

OK. Uh… Well, Georgia,
do you have any experience in politics?

Not exactly, but I can help.
I've supported myself since I was 15.

I'm smart, I'm capable,
I'm a fast learner, and resourceful.

You give me lemons, you'll have lemonade,
lemon pie, and lemon meringue.

I'm sorry. This card was declined.

- What?
- Do you have another I can try?

- Just use this one.
- Um…

Um…

Georgia, I'm sure you can do all
of the things, you know, with the lemons,

but I'm not really hiring right now,

and I've already got Nick, so…

Oh, Nick's relentless.

I'm sorry.

Of course. Was only a thought.

Hey.

What's wrong? Where are your glasses?

Can we go?

Who did this?

Show me.

Looks like the apple doesn't fall far
from the rotten tree.

Look at me. You're magic.

Screw that asshole. He's a bee.

And what do we do to bees?

For the bees.

Come on.

Hey there, little lady.

Hey there, big fat guy.

- Feisty, ain't you?
- Oh, you're sittin' down.

That's fun. We are havin' fun.

She told you, Marty!

Wanna buy me one of those?

Zion. How old are you?

How old are you?

Seventeen, but it doesn't matter.

The real question is,

how old is Devon Fisher?

Devon Fisher's 21
and does not secure his belongings

when he and his girlfriend
skinny-dip at Yosemite.

Yosemite?

I'm on a road trip.

Finding myself.

It's all very Jack Kerouac.

Kerouac, On the Road.

Hey, come on. How old are you?

Fair enough.

You know the problem
with an eye for an eye?

Makes the whole world blind?

They go for the eye,

you go for the hand.

Austin!

Found the superglue to fix your glasses.

Honey?

♪ Down, down ♪

♪ Deeper and down… ♪

♪ The rumor burnt ♪

♪ Straight through the town ♪

♪ And when it landed ♪

♪ Everybody thought ♪

♪ That the truth had been caught… ♪

- Your bedroom is amazing.
- I know.

Oh hey. This is really cute.

Try it on.

Oh, I love that on you.

Keep it.

- Seriously?
- Yeah, one hundo percent.

Looks way better on you
than it ever did on me.

I cannot believe how much English homework
we have. It is only our first day.

Oh! Mr. Gitten is such an asshole.

Oh, he's a power-hungry monster.
Total troll beneath the bridge.

It's like, I'm sorry you suck.

Yeah, like, I'm sorry your dick is small,
and nobody wants to touch it.

I'm sorry you're balding.
That must be hard for you.

So, how are you liking Wellsbury?
Is it paradise?

It's weird.

I'm supposed to subtly and casually
ask you if you have a boyfriend?

Hunter wants to know.

Oh, uh… No, I don't.
I've never had a boyfriend.

I've never even kissed a guy.

We move a lot, so I'm always the new girl.

That sounds awful…

or potentially thrilling.

Like,
you can utterly change your personality.

You'd get along with my mother.

I'd love to get along with your mother.
God, she's so banging.

Ah! Well, welcome to the opinion
of everyone who's ever met Georgia.

Georgia.

And you're Virginia?

My brother's Austin. My mom named us
after the places we were born.

Poetic.

I just can't believe
she was with that guy today.

She always does this.
She moves us around, and she meets a guy,

they break up, so we have to move again.

Or she meets a guy,
and we have to move to go be with him.

It's always about a fricking guy!

I can't blame her for Kenny dying,
but she promised this would be different.

And what, noon on our first day in town?

Well, you can't move.

I've decided I really like you.

- Really?
- Uh, yeah.

"I'm confident
I can take the pop quiz today."

Pfft! You're my idol. Do you want a soda?

'Cause my blood needs sugar
and chemicals to focus.

- Sure.
- Cool.

Are you stalking me?

What?

No. Max invited me.

♪ I'm giving up with the make-belief ♪

♪ No one here's being fooled ♪

♪ Back to the days when I was your thief ♪

♪ And ♪

♪ And I could play it cool ♪

♪ Exhausting myself ♪

♪ Tryin' to excite you ♪

♪ With the same things as before ♪

♪ But the wells ran dry
And all the tricks up my sleeve, well ♪

♪ Baby, I've got no more… ♪

Marcus, what are you doing?

- Why is that in my room?
- No one checks your room.

Gross. Get help.
Also, can you please leave?

We're trying to study.

Sorry about him.

It's fine. Uh…

So, what's your favorite song
by Wednesday?

You don't have to be a jerk.

No, I don't have to be.

- Nice bike.
- Thanks.

Maybe I'll give you a ride sometime.

When? December?

Girls always want an Insta on the bike.

All right, where's your phone?

Hey! Stop! No!

Virginia Miller, you little idiot.

That was seriously not cool.

Oh…

Marcus, let's go.

Who's she?

No one. Just one of Maxine's dumb friends.

- How was your first day, dear?
- I have a ton of homework to do.

Hey! You get back here
when I am talking to you!

I don't want you with that guy
or on that bike!

You don't understand.

Oh, you think I don't understand.

I understand.
Believe me, Mommy understands.

You are me,

and I was an idiot.

I've broken my back giving you
every opportunity that I never had,

so you're gonna throw it all away
on the first jerkoff Shawn Hunter wannabe.

You know who's sexy?
Skinny, nerdy guy in your biology class.

Have sex with that guy.
Bang future Mark Zuckerberg.

Have you learned nothin'
from Romy and Michele?

Nervous I might tap
into your weed supply, Mommy?

I'm not banging anyone 'cause I'm not you.

I don't show up into a new town
and immediately have a boyfriend.

- I saw you today with that guy.
- What guy?

Hey, honey. Look, I fixed your glasses.

Why don't you tell Austin, Mom?
Tell him how all your promises are shit

because you're already
getting your hooks into some guy.

Don't give me the sob story
on the crap you went through

so we could have a better life.
Frankly, it's boring.

You're with a guy?

Austin, it's…

Fine! We wanna slam doors?

Well, we can all slam doors!

- May I help you?
- I was looking for a bag.

What kind of bag?

A really nice one.

I can pay.

I meant, did you have a designer in mind?
We have a lovely bag selection.

Oh! OK!

For a second, I thought we were
gonna have a Pretty Woman moment.

"You work on commission, right?"

- No, I don't.
- OK.

Oh, this is lovely.

Great.

Hmm.

Sorry. This is declined.
Do you have another card?

Try it again.

Mm-mm. I'm sorry.

So, I guess the Pretty Woman moment
is gonna happen after all.

Hello. Hi, excuse me,
but I got these as a gift from my husband.

He is so well-meanin'.

He lost the receipt. I told him
to just come back in here and talk to you

because I knew you'd understand,
but he was too chicken.

So, here I am, returning my own
wedding anniversary present.

Can you believe?

I was thinking store credit.

♪ Pretty woman, walkin' down the street ♪

♪ Pretty woman… ♪

- Why is my card getting declined?
- Georgia…

It's my money. Kenny left it to me.

Listen, we're not dealing
with chump change here.

We're dealing with yoga studios.
We're dealing with a house.

We're dealing with an ex-wife
who thinks you're the Antichrist.

She's contesting the will.

What?

What does that m...

- She talking to the cops?
- Cops? Why would she talk to cops?

This is about the will.

She's just saying
she helped build his yoga franchise.

Yogi Boogie-Woogie or some stupid shit.

Yeah, Yoga Bo Boga. Three locations.

She says you're a cheap skank

who married Kenny for his money,
and she deserves a part of the franchise.

She really hates you.

It's my money, Marty. It's legit.

Listen, it's all fine.
We take care of our own,

and I'm taking care of it.

Marty, I own a house now
with a vegetable garden and everything.

- I need the money from Kenny's account.
- The garden sounds nice.

Marty, you're my lawyer.

Figure out my money, please.

Hi, Zach.

I'm Austin's mom.

Would you come over here for a sec?

Zach,

Austin was telling me
about how you broke his glasses.

No, I didn't.

It wasn't a question.

You broke Austin's glasses,
which makes you a bee.

Austin, what do we do to bees?

I think you were right.
Austin fell and broke his glasses

like you fell
and broke your nose, understand?

That was a question. Do you understand?

- Yes!
- Mm-hmm.

Ow!

Ah! Ow!

We got a nosebleed over here.

Ow!

Zach!

Sweetheart, are you OK?

He had a nasty little spill.

- Thank you so much for being here.
- Of course.

Such a sweet boy.
You should be more careful.

And I'll see you tonight.

I am so excited
for the school board meetin'.

If we don't protect our kids, who will?

Yes, that's exactly right.

Oh, sweetie.

So then, after ordering the shrimp basket,
Jax, like, reaches into his pants…

not his pocket, Ginny, his pants,
like, where his balls are…

and he just pulls out a ring and proposes.
It is the best show.

- Hunter, do you watch Vanderpump Rules?
- No, sorry.

Neither does Ginny.
You guys are so uncultured.

She's coming over tonight
so I can pop her cherry.

Oh, OK. Uh…

I was just gonna ask if you wanna
maybe hang later tonight, but…

Oh!

No. She can hang.

- But you just said...
- It's the worst show, Hunter.

Once the cast turned 30, it was just sad.

OK, so, would you want to then?

Uh-huh. Sure.

- Great. It's a date.
- Oh…

A date? You mean as friends?

Or as a date.

Uh…

Right. Yeah.

Um, OK. Yeah, let's do that.

That sounds… good.

A date. Cool.

Cool.

- Look at you go, Texas.
- I have a date.

You'll need to borrow something to wear
since all your clothes are horrible,

no offense, just from
what I've seen so far. I'm assuming.

But I'm very excited. I'm dying.

I've never had a date.

Oh my God. This is your first date ever?

- This is huge!
- It's no big deal.

OK, I'm ignoring you
because, obviously, this is a big deal.

Hunter Chen is V hot and V cool.

I will be over at 6:00
to help you get ready.

Whoa, I've never been this excited
in my whole life.

Holy shit.

Who's that?

That is Ginny's mom.

I know.

I'll catch you guys later.

See you tonight, Ginny.

Ooh!

What are you doing here? You know I hate
when you show up at my school.

I wanna make up.
I don't like when we fight.

- I brought a surprise.
- Car picnic! Car picnic!

Fine, whatever. Car picnic.
Let's get outta here.

Mm.

Bacony.

- Pass the chocolate milkshake, please.
- Grotesque.

OK.

You have to stop.

I shouldn't have gone all mom on you
about that jerkoff with the bike,

but I had a flashback of this age.

Your whole life flashed before my eyes,
and you were pregnant and broke

and a high school dropout,
and all that was fine.

But then,
you had a super bratty teenage daughter,

and honestly, that was awful.
I just wouldn't wish that on you.

Forgive me?

- Yes?
- Yes.

Whoo!

You were right. He was a jerkoff.

Besides, um, I have a date tonight
with a different guy.

- Zuckerberg?
- Mom!

Your first date ever! This is big.

That's what Maxine said.

Maxine?

Oh, uh, my new friend.

Your new friend!

Well, well, well!

Told you this place was different.

Yeah, yeah, give me the bacon doughnut.

This is putrid.

I like it.

This will keep the swelling down.

Do I wanna know?

You wouldn't approve.

I am done here!

Wow, these extensions are great.

You look beautiful.

- You both are really ruining this for me.
- This is some straight Judy Blume shit.

I want my ashes scattered in this closet.

Don't rub your eyes.
You'll smear your mascara.

And under no circumstances have sex.

However, if you give him a blow job,
there is this trick with the balls...

Mom!

I'm kidding! No blow jobs.

You're trying too hard to be edgy.
It's annoying, and no one likes you.

- I like you.
- She likes me.

Tell me about this Hunter kid.

Oh, yeah, I've known Hunter my whole life.

Seventh grade is when he got hot,
but he's still super nice,

so everyone loves him.

And he's, like, super smart.

He's in our AP English class,
where he saw Ginny's epic takedown.

Takedown?

- No, it was nothing.
- It was awesome.

Mr. Gitten was like, "You won't
be able to keep up in this class,"

and then Ginny was like, "You're racist!"

- It was awesome.
- He said you couldn't keep up?

It wasn't a big deal.
Please, just don't do anything.

I can handle it.

Fine.

You're wearing that
to a school board meeting?

Yeah.

Thanks, man.
So, where in Texas are you from?

Austin and then Fort Worth
and then Houston.

Wow.

You move around a lot.

Must be hard to,
like, make friends and stuff.

Yeah, it sucks.

Hey, let's just skip over all that typical
first date stuff and get juicy with it.

Juicy?

The dirt. The goods.

I'll start.

Uh… when I was in fifth grade,
I had crazy buck teeth.

Big monster baddies.

- I had buck teeth too.
- Yeah? I had headgear.

I had a wheeling backpack.

Oh God. Oh no, no.

I have to leave.

Ellen, hi! I have your plate.
It's washed and ready...

Wanna smoke the weed
I confiscated from my delinquent son?

I need this to survive tonight.

Those mothers are vicious.

I got that.

The criminal mastermind hid it in a box

in the back of his closet
labeled "math homework."

Right?

Like I'd believe he'd label his homework.

He doesn't even do his homework.

Ginny's on a date tonight.

I know. Max wouldn't shut up about it. Mm.

Max is gay.

She came out when she was nine,
by announcing her love for Barbie's boobs.

Bitch has got great boobs.

We're good with it, Clint and I.
That's my husband, Clint.

- He's very supportive. He's a good dad.
- That's important.

Ginny's dad's a good dad.

Zion. He does this thing
where he sends her books all the time.

He writes in the margins
little notes for her.

It's cute.

Austin's dad's terrible. He's in prison.

Prison? For what?

Fraud, embezzlement.

- Oh, don't worry, he was framed.
- How do you know?

I framed him.

What?

There they are.

And he opened the door for her.

He drives a Porsche!

This was fun.

- Very fun.
- Yeah.

Wholesome fun.
In a good way, not in a bad way. Lame way.

I don't think you're lame.
I think you're nice.

You wouldn't ask me
to play with your balls.

Oh my God.

Uh, no, it's OK.

I had a good time.

See ya.

OK.

Mom, please! Grow up!

That was one steamy hug.

Thank you for respecting my privacy
and normal mother-daughter boundaries!

You're welcome.

We live in one of the wealthiest cities
in the US.

I find it unbelievable.
I mean, we can buy organic food.

Cynthia runs Wellsbury.

Trust me, just steer clear.

Steer clear. Got it.

Microplastics are what
will get our children. It's in our food…

I see you've already met
the town's most eligible bachelor.

- Yummy, no?
- It's a conspiracy.

We hear you,

and we do not disagree with you.

However,
our options are extremely limited.

This is the cheapest meal plan available,
and our budget is stretched too thin.

Unacceptable.

Excuse me. Excuse me, everybody.

For those who don't know me,
I'm Georgia Miller.

I am so grateful to Cynthia
for alerting me to this problem.

I know you're all familiar
with Wellsbury's best-kept secret,

Joe's Blue Farm Cafe.

His hummus is outrageous.

Joe has graciously offered,

for a very affordable fee,

to provide a healthy, locally grown,
organic lunch option

to the school district fresh from his farm
a few miles outside of town.

- Oh my God.
- Joe, that's great.

OK, well, in that case,
meeting's adjourned.

- Thanks for coming.
- Told you it'd be a hit.

No, you marched into my restaurant
and threatened to report me

to the Department of Labor for exploiting
unpaid interns as employees if I said no.

Like I said, I appreciate a good scam.

Yeah.

We did it.

Lemonade, uh, lemon pie,
and lemon meringue, yeah?

And a delightful lemon Jell-O.

How'd you convince Joe to do that?

I simply pointed out
it would mean so much to the community.

Uh-huh.

All right, Georgia. You win.

Anyone who can make Cynthia that happy
is a force to be reckoned with.

Can you start Thursday?

Well, I thought you'd never ask.

What are you doing here?

So, this is your room, huh?

- Yes, and why are you in it?
- Do you like him?

Hunter?

Why do you care?

Do you like him?

Yeah, I do.

OK then.

That's that.

That's what?
I'm just Maxine's dumb friend, remember?

Who climbs through a window?
This isn't some rapey John Hughes mo...

What the hell was that?

Who kisses someone
after they use the word "rapey"?

Sorry. I know you were on that date.

Maxine won't shut up
about how perfect you and Hunter are,

and I can't stop thinking about you.

The other day when you grabbed me...

♪ I know that it's late
But I still up, love ♪

♪ If you don't come on o-o-o-over ♪

♪ I know we don't do dates ♪

♪ Just late night escapes ♪

♪ But since you're in so cool ♪

♪ I been thinking about you ♪

♪ It's been a few months
Since we started this… ♪

Nice.

♪ …are you into this? ♪

♪ If not ♪

♪ But I am ♪

♪ I don't wanna sleep alone tonight ♪

♪ I don't wanna let you go ♪

♪ I know
That it's not for real quite yet ♪

♪ But we can see where it goes ♪

♪ I don't wanna sleep alone tonight ♪

♪ I don't wanna let you go ♪

♪ I know
That it's not for real quite yet ♪

Um…

Do you think you can handle two fingers?

Uh… Yeah, sure. I think so.

Does that feel good?

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

Hang on.

Um… Here.

- Uh… So, um, that was my first...
- So, I better get going.

What?

Sorry, uh, what… What were you gonna say?

Our moms are gonna get back
from that school thing soon, so, you know…

Oh…

OK. Um…

So I'll see you around?

Definitely.

Hey, um…
can we keep this on the DL?

I don't want
this getting back to Padma and…

I'm sure you don't want this
getting back to Hunter.

I was gonna say that.

I'd hate for such a dumb thing
to ruin my chance with Hunter.

OK then.

I hate this.

Keep working on it.

You should ask Kenny for some pointers.

Think the mung bean burgers are done.

Mung bean? Gross.

I miss pizza.

I hate
this phony Stepford family dinner crap.

- What the hell?
- You will not bitch about family dinner.

We are a family, and we will have dinner.

- Kenny's not my family.
- Oh, hell yes, he is.

- My dad is...
- Your dad is where?

Where is he? Alaska?

Last month it was Nepal.

Hey, babe. When's dinner ready?

- I am starving.
- I'm gonna check on it right now.

You need to work on your form.

How was night one in your new room?

Fine.

- You need to arch your back less.
- OK, I got it.

I got it.

Kenny, stop.

Kenny, I got it.

Dinner's ready.

♪ Spread to fallin' leaves ♪

♪ Now they're right upon me ♪

♪ Wait, if I'm on fire ♪

♪ How am I so deep in love? ♪

♪ When I dream of dyin'… ♪

Passion or power.

♪ I never feel so loved… ♪

Power is cold.

It's about control. It's a game.

There are winners and losers.

- Oh, thanks, babe.
- Of course.

♪ I've been having dreams… ♪

If someone has power,

that means intrinsically
that someone else does not.

♪ Trip and I fall in… ♪

I always thought

that when the time came
for me to have sex, I'd want passion.

Passion is hot.

But now, I think you only want passion
until you've been burned.

Then power starts looking really good.

♪ I never land, just float there… ♪

Padma, right?
There's something you should know.

- What?
- We're late for class. We should go.

You have something on your shirt. Got it.

Oh, thanks.

Never let your guard down.

I get it now.

I guess in the end…

Oh!

…you're still just getting screwed.

♪ I never feel so loved ♪

♪ I've been having dreams ♪

♪ Trip and I fall in… ♪

For the first time in my life,

I think I'm finally starting
to understand my mother.

♪ I've been having dreams ♪

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