Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 7, Episode 12 - To Whom It May Concern - full transcript

So, the hunter comes out of the tent,
looks around, and says,

"Very well then.
Now, where's that gorilla?"

Well, now you've heard Dad's
big-game-hunter-and-the-gorilla joke,

you're officially part of the family.

It's not too late to back out.

Yes, Richard, I beg you,
get some new material.

I actually like the joke,

and the family's not bad, either.
Thanks for a great meal, Emily.

- Yes, thank you, Grandma.
- You're quite welcome.

- Did you really like the meal?
- It was incredible, Mom.

On our recent trip to Mexico, your father
and I were served quail Mazatlán,

and I insisted that
Bridget find the recipe.

- Well, she found it.
- Yeah. Tell that Bridget

that that quail Mazatlán was a triumph.

It's the tequila-cactus sauce
that makes it special.

- So special.
- Really just great.

Well, young lady,
I'll see you around the campus.

Yes, you will.

And, Lorelai, it turns out

that I have an emergency DAR
board meeting on Tuesday,

so I won't be able to get together to
finalize the seating chart for the party.

No seating-chart get-together?
How will I live?

I'll help you get through it.

Christopher, are you sure you can't
stay for a cigar? Cuban. Montecristo.

Perfect complement
to a tequila-cactus sauce.

Dad, we really have to get going.

She's right, but maybe I could get
a Montecristo to go.

- Nice try. Nice try.
- I thought I'd give it a shot.

Another time for cigars.
I'll see you, Rory.

- Bye, Grandma.
- Bye, Mom.

Bye-bye.

- See you in class, Rory.
- See you!

Oh, my God!

I thought for sure your mom saw me
put mine in here.

How could so tiny a quail have
such a big awful taste?

I think the sauce burned through
my napkin.

And now we just throw it in the bushes?

- No, no, no! We tried that before.
- No!

The chicken Kiev debacle of '02.

Yeah, the neighbor's cat found it
and dragged it to the back patio.

- So busted.
- All right, so, how do we get rid of it?

We take it with us in the car.

Then we give it the old heave-ho
over Tyler's bridge.

Got to make sure we get
every piece in the water, though.

Oh, yeah.
One stray piece of quail Mazatlán

and Grandma will have the river dragged.

We need something
to weigh them down with.

Hey, how attached are you to that watch?

Morning!

- What was that for?
- Thought maybe I was dreaming.

Then you're supposed to ask me
to pinch you.

- You're not supposed to pinch me.
- Well, I'm confused.

I haven't even had my coffee yet.

I have your coffee
and muffins hot from the oven.

Okay.

Well, actually, they're not really muffins.

They're muffin tops because the muffin
tops are the only parts you like.

You baked me a whole basket
of muffin tops?

Yep.

I have got apple-cinnamon-walnut,

lemon poppy-seed, apple spice,
and double chocolate chip,

which is really more cake than muffin,

but if calling them a muffin means
you can eat them in the morning,

then I am all for it.
So, which would you like?

The cake one, please.

Good choice.

Sookie?

What are you doing here?
It's not even 7:00.

What?

Why can't a girl get up super early
on her day off, make some muffin tops

and bring a hot cup of coffee
over to the best friend

and business partner
a girl could ever have?

I guess.

I mean, I had to get up early anyway.
Jackson and I are going skiing.

We're so excited.

We haven't done that
since before the kids.

That's cool.

Yeah, Jackson loves to ski, and I love
to dress up in those cozy clothes,

the furry boots,
and curl up with a Sue Grafton mystery.

I got R is for Ricochet
and S is for Silence.

If the ski conditions are good, I can get
a good eight hours of Kinsey Millhone in.

Yeah, we were so excited.

"Were"?

Our babysitter called last night
and she's got mono.

Yeah.

How is that muffin top?

It has the faintest aftertaste of bribe.

I know it's a lot of work
to take care of the kids,

and I know that it's your day off, too,
but I would really, really appreciate it,

and I would really, really,
really owe you big.

I'd love to take care of Davey and Martha.

Did I happen to mention

that you're the best friend and
business partner a girl could ever have?

- I believe you led with that.
- Oh, good, because you are.

Thank you.

- No problem. God, this coffee is good.
- Well, yeah, it should be.

I got it from Luke's. Sorry. Is that weird?

- Oh, no, that's not weird.
- Good.

I mean, it shouldn't be weird.

No, it shouldn't be weird.

It would be weird
if I intentionally didn't drink the coffee.

You know that would be weird.

- Yeah, that would be weird.
- I mean, it's good coffee.

Yeah, and there's no reason
you shouldn't enjoy good coffee.

- Exactly.
- Good.

Yeah, so, it's not weird.

What did you do with the muffin bottoms?

I made muffin-bottom pie.
It's actually pretty good.

I'm thinking about patenting it.

Muffin-bottom pie. Sounds dirty.

There are baked goods in here.
At first I thought I was dreaming...

Please don't pinch me.

And then,
when I realized I wasn't, I thought,

"Somebody must have broke in here
and started baking."

Baking and entering.
It's a crime wave sweeping the nation.

- Just not used to that smell.
- Well, enjoy.

Sookie brought us coffee
and freshly baked muffin tops.

- Muffin tops?
- They are the best part.

- Okay.
- You got to be careful, though,

because they induce a sugar coma where
it makes you say, "Yes, anything, yes."

I needed her to baby-sit today.

- You need anything from me?
- Nope.

Then we're good to go.
Actually, this is gonna work out well.

Ship the daughter unit off to her
grandmother, get rid of the wife unit,

leaving the husband unit free to do
some good, old-fashioned manual labor.

He's putting up a flat-screen.

Flat-screen what?

Come on. Are you serious?

TV.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

You'll see. You're gonna love it.

Well, I should get going.
I have to get ready for skiing.

Oh, hey, do you have any magazines
in case I get through both R and S?

- Yeah, on the hall table.
- Okay, great.

I'll get them on the way out.

Thank you, Lorelai.
I really, really appreciate it.

- It's okay.
- Yeah.

I mean, it takes a special person to...
You know, on her day off, just...

- No problem.
- Okay.

Look what you're making me do.

- Okay. Bye.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye, Sookie.

- What was that?
- I don't know.

She's really excited
about her skiing/reading trip.

- This is good coffee.
- It is good.

It's from Luke's.

Is that okay?

- Yeah.
- Sookie brought it.

- Are you sure?
- Of course.

Why wouldn't it be?

Because...

It's fine.

Okay.

So, what do you do
with the muffin bottoms?

She turned them into a pie. You know?

She's like an Indian.
They use all the parts of the buffalo.

I don't fully understand that woman.

- She bakes good stuff.
- That I get.

Oh, my God, the eagle has landed.

Yep, they delivered it
while you were in the shower.

Did they deliver it or throw it?

Comes with a lot of equipment.
Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah, and big.

All the better to watch Reggie Bush
score touchdowns on.

I forget. Which one
of the Bush daughters is Reggie?

You're gonna love it.

Hey, have you seen the level?

The thing with the green bubble
that goes back and forth?

Yeah.

Yeah, Paul Anka and I were playing with it.

You were playing with it with the dog?

Yes. I was trying to hypnotize him
with the bubble.

See if I could talk him out of the habit

of chewing on the corner
of the welcome mat,

or I was gonna give him
a wacky posthypnotic suggestion,

like the doorbell rings
and he spins around in circles.

Were you able to hypnotize him?

No, Chris, he's a dog. All right.

I think you've got this under control.
I'm gonna go sit on some babies.

All right. You do that. When you get back,
we'll sprawl out on the couch

and watch flat-screen plasma TV,

and the world as you know it
will never be the same.

- You smell good.
- Yeah?

Familiar. Is that my conditioner?

Maybe. I don't know.

Are you using my conditioner?

Sometimes. What?
You don't like to share?

No, I'm married now. I love to share.

So, why is it so funny?

Because you don't have that much
to condition.

- I know that, but...
- It's just been really unruly lately?

All right. I got work to do here.

All right, listen,
I love that you're using my conditioner,

and I love that you're putting up
this Jumbotron thingy all by yourself,

and I can't wait to come home
and watch flat sports with you,

- and I love you. Goodbye.
- I will be here.

Hey, if you feel like shaving,

I've got a brand-new Lady Schick
in the drawer. Feel free to use it.

I might just do that.

Danes vs. Nardini?

- Custody case.
- Oh, yeah, right.

Uh, no, Nardini is not here.

Nobody's here.
I mean, well, nobody from... Okay.

- Luke.
- Oh, hey, Jim.

- Hey.
- Been waiting long?

No, no, no, I got here early. I wasn't sure
where I was supposed to park,

- so I got here early.
- Always a good idea.

Yeah, listen, I meant to ask you,

- will I start with a statement or...
- No, no,

- you won't start with any statement.
- Okay.

Actually, the less you say the better,
which is good,

because the more you say
the more they can, well, you know.

Right, right... Will they make a decision
right away? Do they tell us?

Listen, I got to make a quick call.

- Give me a sec?
- Yeah, no. Go. Go right ahead.

- Oh, hey.
- Hello, Luke.

- They're not... We're not...
- Are we early?

Yeah, I guess, or they're behind.

Did you park in the garage?

Yeah, do I get this thing stamped or what?

I don't know. I didn't park in the garage.

Okay.

Man, this place, huh?

- Yeah, what a waste of time.
- Yeah.

Especially since there's no reason for it.

Well, I mean...

But you have to finish
what you started, right?

What I started?

Yes, when you hired a lawyer.

Well, I had to hire a lawyer.
It was the only way I could see my kid.

I mean, come on.
You really think you have a chance?

Yeah, well, that's for a judge to decide.

Well, step back. Take a look at it.

I mean, look at yourself. You're you,

a hermit living above a diner
in some old converted hardware store.

It doesn't exactly paint a picture
of "capable father."

It doesn't matter where I live, and I have
been nothing but a good father to April.

And you know what? You're not gonna get
any points for your history

with women, either.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Bailed on Lorelai,
got divorced in a heartbeat.

I did not bail on Lorelai.

You have had no long-term relationships,
Luke.

Why would a judge trust you
to have one with April?

April...

- knows that...
- Hi. Anna, all set?

Hello, Barbara.

Jim.

Can we go in?

The judge is ready for you.

Perfect timing.

- Hey, Paris.
- Hey, Rory, just a second.

- I'm in the middle of something.
- Did you have a good...

No. I have to set up
that Goldman Sachs interview

before spring break.

My Christmas was fine, thank you.
I assume yours was, too?

It was nice.

Good. We've got the pleasantries
out of the way. Can we move on?

I hope so. I am emotionally spent.

What's all this?

This is the game plan
for what I call Operation Finish Line.

- Need more.
- Okay.

We only have five months left before
we leave the warm and comforting bosom

of this university and face the bitterly
cold shoulder of the real world.

- "We"?
- You and I.

You're the green marker.

Green was a random choice,
not a subtle comment

about how inexperienced you are
with real-life matters.

Then again, maybe it was.

So, I'm applying
for an oceanography fellowship?

And I might point out that
the application is due by February 28.

Yes, but I know nothing
about oceanography.

I can't even tell you
which direction the ocean is.

You apply, you get the fellowship,
then you decide if you want it.

- I already know I don't want it.
- It's a defensive move.

It's like Monopoly.

Your little wheelbarrow
lands on St. James Place.

You think,
"I don't really want St. James place,

"but I don't want
some other schmo to get it,

"so I'll stick a little plastic house
there." Am I getting through to you?

You're making me want to play Monopoly.

Look, come the semester's end,

you're gonna thank me for this chart.
We cannot graduate unprepared.

Paris, there is no way
we're gonna have time to do all this stuff.

I'm not saying it's not gonna be
time-consuming, but there's two of us,

so we'll divide it all up
and report back to each other.

I think we should have weekly
report-back sessions.

How about Friday afternoons at 5:00?

There's something to look forward to
at the end of the week.

- Jackson!
- One minute.

- Jackson, get the door!
- One minute!

- That's okay. I'm fine.
- Get the door!

Getting it. Getting it.

- Sorry, Lorelai.
- That's okay.

I just put Martha down for a nap,

- and Sookie's getting dressed.
- Okay.

- She's picking out an outfit now.
- Got you.

- Thanks again for doing this.
- Sure. So, where's Davey?

I don't know.
I haven't seen him all day long.

Well, that's too bad.
I brought over something special for him,

but if he's not here,
I guess I'll just take it back home.

- No!
- There you are.

Here you go. Check out what's in my bag.

So, how's Christopher?

He's good. He's putting up a ginormous
flat-screen as we speak.

Cool. What's the pixel aspect ratio?

- It's got two remotes.
- I'll ask him.

- Good idea. Hey.
- Hey.

Do you like this sweater on me?

Yeah, honey, it's great.

I don't like it. I'm gonna change.

So, the four of us
should go out sometime soon.

- Sounds good.
- I mean,

I was gonna ask you two to join us
next week in Woodbury

for couples' bowling night, but you don't
really seem like the couples' bowling type.

Why? What's the couples' bowling type?

I don't know,
sort of boring married people.

But I am a boring married person now.

Do you even like bowling?

Not when I was single, but maybe now
that I'm boring and married,

- it would be right up my alley.
- You have to wear the shoes.

- Forget it.
- How about this?

That I really like.

That's nice... The style and the color.

I know, it's all wrong. I'm gonna change.

- Is she okay?
- Sookie? Yeah, she's fine.

So, buddy, what did Lorelai bring?

- Her magic socks.
- Wow.

I could tell you what they do,
but it's kind of private

between me and Davey.

Oh, yeah.

That's perfect!
Perfect, perfect, perfect. Let's go.

- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.

Kinsey Millhone is waiting for you.

You don't think it's a
little too, you know...

- Looks pretty.
- No, I love that sweater.

Don't you, Lorelai?

- Yes, I love, love, love it.
- Great. See? Everything's great.

See you later, buddy.
Thanks again for doing this. Come on.

- Let's go.
- I can't leave them.

- You can.
- No, I can't. They need me.

They're going to be fine.
Come on. Let's go.

Don't you want Mommy to stay here
and play with you? Wouldn't that be fun?

- Wouldn't it, Davey? Wouldn't it?
- Come on, let's go hit those slopes

and crack those books.

- Thanks again, Lorelai.
- Okay. Bye.

All right. Come here.
Let's see your magic socks.

Let's see them. Come here.
Where do you want to go?

- The jungle.
- The jungle? You better start kicking.

Start kicking to get to the jungle.

Kick! Kick! You got to kick to get there.

Where's your tiger? Here...

Don't apologize, Connor.

That's precisely why I have office hours.

And I'm supposed to tell you
that you can also query me via e-mail,

although, to be honest,

I check it about as often
as I do the Daily Racing Form.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Miss Gilmore, I believe you're next.

- The visiting lecturer will see you now.
- Thank you.

I like your office. It's cozy.

That's one way of describing it.

So, have you come
as a loving granddaughter

visiting your grandfather,
or as an obsequious student

trying to butter up her professor?

Well, I'm not buttering up.

Oh, good.

- Well, actually...
- I thought I smelled butter.

- You know my roommate, Paris?
- I've met Paris.

Well, and you don't have to do this,
but she wanted me to ask you

if you might be able to help her
to set up an informal get-together

with Dean Kerrigan.

To what end?

I think she wants some kind of
recommendation for after graduation.

I see.

And I guess it wouldn't hurt
for me to meet him, as well.

But you don't have to.

I suppose I could speak to Dean Kerrigan.

He's an affable gentleman. He's probably
not averse to getting together

for wine and cheese and meeting
a pair of bright, soon-to-be graduates.

I'll look into it.

Really? Okay. Thanks, Grandpa.

So, I'm looking forward
to having you in class again.

- Me, too.
- I think you'll find this class

more stimulating than last semester's.

I'm expanding
on some economic principles here,

like pricing strategies
under varying economic conditions

that can be actually useful to... Sorry.

I shouldn't bore you until you're sitting
in my class, getting credit for it.

No, I'm not bored. I'm sorry, Grandpa.

I just have a lot on my mind.

Is everything all right?

I just... It's senior year,
you know, last semester.

There's charts all over my apartment,

and I'm going through something
with a friend, so...

- Paris?
- No, someone else.

I hurt her feelings, and even after
writing her a very long letter of apology,

she hasn't gotten back to me,
and I just feel terrible.

I see.

Well, I doubt it's as
bad as you think it is.

I'm sure the girl will get back to you.
Maybe she's just a very slow reader.

Oh, honey...

Anybody who knows you
knows you would never do anything

to purposely hurt someone's feelings.

Well, that's just it.
We don't know each other that well.

She's a new friend.
We don't have a history.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

Rory, you're a person of great heart
and great character,

and that combination
will always win the day.

I hope so.

So, can I interest you in a syllabus?

- Did you blow on the dice again?
- Yeah.

- That's what I thought.
- This is my good friend

Al Capone from Brooklyn...

I'm just trying to be helpful.

- Well, cut it out. You're bugging me.
- Hi.

Wow, you're home early.

I'm sorry it's such a mess.

The magic socks took us back in time.
We were cavemen.

It was really bleak, so we lived like this.

And I would've cleaned up,
but when they woke up,

the magic socks were gonna
take us to an orphanage in England

where they had to tidy up
in exchange for one teaspoon of gruel.

Sounds fun. Don't worry about the mess.

So, how was the skiing/reading?

Oh, terrible.

Oh, come on. You had fun all morning.

I could've had fun all day.

We meet up for lunch.
He spills my hot toddy all over the table,

and he won't let me order another one.

- "Let you"?
- Yeah, let me.

He said if I ordered another,
he'd just do it again.

I just don't think drinking
is appropriate at lunch.

- It was one drink.
- Sometimes that's all it takes.

- And he wouldn't let me ski.
- You mean read?

No. Ski.

S is for Silence sucked, so I thought,

"Why don't I strap on some skis
and try a little downhill?"

This one wouldn't let me.

Conditions were terrible.
It was really icy.

Well, apparently you make all the rules,
Your Highness.

Could I go check on my children?
Could I do that, huh?

No, that's fine. Sounds good.

So, thanks a lot for sitting.
We really appreciate it.

Jackson, seriously,
what's going on with you two?

Nothing much. You?

Jackson, why wouldn't you let her drink?

- It's a bad precedent.
- Or ski?

I didn't want her to get hurt.

You know there's all these snowboarders
on the hill these days,

- and they just come tearing down...
- Jackson.

- Lorelai.
- What is going on with you two?

Nothing.

- You're acting strange.
- No, I'm not.

So is Sookie. She's all over the place.

She's all weird and moody. The last time
she was like that, she was pregnant.

- What?
- What?

- What? No.
- No.

- No?
- Maybe.

Jackson, I thought you got a vasectomy.

So, she says, "Go get a vasectomy,"

and I'm just supposed
to go get a vasectomy?

Well, no, you shouldn't do it
if you didn't want to do it,

but if you didn't want to do it,
you should've told her

- you didn't want to do it.
- I didn't see the point.

- Now I see the point.
- Jackson.

She said she was staying on the pill.
She said it gave her skin a healthy glow.

- Yeah, she went off it last month.
- I know that now.

You'd think that's the kind of thing
a wife would tell her husband.

Not when she thinks
the husband had a vasectomy.

I know, I know.

Jackson, you have to tell her
she's pregnant.

I was going to today after we had
a great time and she was in a great mood,

but then she wanted to ski and drink.

Well, you wouldn't let her.

- She's pregnant.
- Well, I know that and you know that,

but don't you think that Sookie should be
let in on the good news?

- All right, all right.
- Good luck.

Yeah. Thanks.

Honey? Honey?

Honey, I have something to tell you,
and I don't know how else to say it,

so I'll just say it straight out. I never
got that vasectomy and you're pregnant.

No!

You can't just order someone
to go get a vasectomy...

No, you know what?
Just be really quiet right now!

- Like it's a haircut.
- Don't speak.

Don't breathe. Don't even look at me.
I'm gonna go for a walk,

and while I'm gone,
you're gonna have that taken care of.

- But...
- No. No talking.

Just do it, or when I get home, I will.
Lorelai, let's go!

As we all know, Your Honor,
custody cases must center

on what's in the best
interest of the child.

And as we all know,
"best interest" is a subjective term.

For Mr. Danes to have
as much access to April as he's seeking

would certainly not be
in her best interest.

To deny the child access to her father
would be psychologically damaging.

Why? The child has only seen Mr. Danes
on sporadic occasions,

whenever he found time in his schedule
to allow her to visit.

He made himself available to her
as often as she liked.

Truth be told, during the past year,

April has spent more cumulative hours
with the man who drives her school bus

than with Luke Danes.

Why don't we ask my client
to allow the bus driver shared custody

- of the child?
- Bit of a stretch there, Miss Campbell.

My point, Your Honor,
is that April's connection

to Mr. Danes is superficial at best.

To her, he's a man who works in a diner,
who only recently revealed himself

- to be her father.
- Owns.

I own the diner. I don't just work there.
And April came to me.

Yeah, without my knowing it.

Exactly. And you had no intention
of even letting me know I had a daughter.

Excuse me.

I suggest you let your attorneys
speak for you.

It is why you pay them
all your hard-earned money.

- I apologize, Your Honor.
- Yeah. Sorry.

I just... He really...

You know? And he didn't...
And then I... I can't believe that he...

You know, 'cause he didn't have...
He didn't...

And I can't believe that he could've...

Sookie, you know you can't walk off
a pregnancy, right?

I had just delivered his baby,
and then what?

I'm supposed to go
and hold my husband's hand

while he gets a vasectomy
to make sure he does?

No. I know, it's too much.
I mean, I'm not his mother.

I'm already a mother.

You know, I don't have the time
to baby a grown man.

I know.

I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Start watching him brush his teeth?

Does he want me
to start cutting his meat?

I don't think he wants his meat cut at all.

Well, how could he do this?

I guess he didn't really want
to have a vasectomy.

- Well, then, tell me.
- I agree.

I know...

I didn't...
And there was less than 4,000 left.

- 4,000?
- Diapers. Diapers.

For the last year and a half,
I've been changing 20 diapers a day,

I mean... And finally...
Finally, I've got Davey...

You know, he's potty-trained. It's good.

And, you know, Martha has always
gone through a little more.

I mean, girls... It's a boy-girl thing.
I don't know.

Boys seem to be perfectly happy
sitting in their own filth.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, and Martha is 12 diapers a day.
And then if you add the...

But that's not the point.

The point is that there was a light
at the end of the tunnel,

and now the light
at the end of the tunnel is no more,

because you can't do that
with 23 diapers a day. 26.

If it's a girl, that's 26 diapers a day.

Well, you could use cloth diapers,
you know? You wash them and...

That's not the point.
I mean, that's not the point.

I get it. That's a lot of diapers.

But, you know,
babies are more than diapers, right?

- No, no.
- Sookie.

No, all I remember is eat, sleep, poop,
eat, sleep, poop.

Well, there's other stuff.

Yeah, like... Like diaper rash

- and colic and potty-training.
- No, the good stuff.

Well, I'm having trouble
remembering that.

For one thing, they're pretty cute.

Well, but cute's not gonna help me
sleep through the night.

They smell great. That newborn smell,
I mean, you can't beat that, right?

The smell is pretty good.

How about, you know,
when you give them their first bath, and...

I remember when I gave Rory
her first bath, she looked up at me like,

"What the hell is going on?"
And I kept saying,

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

You know, Davey loved his first one.

Martha screamed bloody murder.
Oh, my God, all the screaming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but how about the first
time when they're crying and crying,

and you go in to pick them up,
and then they stop crying

because they recognize you?

That's pretty cool.

- Yeah.
- I'm not gonna sleep, though.

Well, you won't sleep,
but you'll get another first smile.

You know, Davey had his at three weeks.
It's really advanced.

How about when you're lying down,
you're holding the baby,

and the baby falls asleep on your chest?

They're all warm and cuddly.

Oh, God, I know what you're doing.
You're trying to make this sound good.

In the middle of the night,
when you're rocking the baby,

and everyone's asleep, and then
they fall asleep, and you fall asleep.

I'm hormonal, and you are playing dirty.

It's pretty good stuff, huh?

I guess.

Really good.

Are you talking memory,
or are you thinking ahead?

- I don't know. A little of both, I guess.
- Really?

Well, the subject has come up.
It might come up again.

Oh, my God, I'm gonna have another baby.

Yes, and I will be there to help you,
no muffin tops required.

Thank you. I know.

Oh, God, I hope I have a girl. Or a boy.

Well, chances are pretty good
you'll have one or the other.

So, we seem to have a block
of eight days here in late March

that is disturbingly free
of résumé-building activity.

Might be a good time to commit
to some volunteer work, you know?

- Sure.
- I'm not crazy about wheeling

around elderlies
in their revealing bathrobes,

- so I'm leaning towards tree-planting.
- Sounds good.

I'll check out some
local community-service sites online.

Now, I found out the cut-off

for the Lawrence Way journalism
fellowship application is March 1st,

so we have to get on that.
And have you written your sample

- for the Iowa poetry prize?
- Yeah, I think that one's a little farfetched.

I mean, I only took one poetry class,
sophomore year.

Hannah Freeman is applying
for a Fulbright to study space travel

in Lüneburg, Germany.

Do you think she's ever traveled to space?

Besides, the writing sample is a poem.
It takes 20 minutes to write.

- Two if it's haiku.
- I know but...

You could've told me
you were going to be so resistant

to Operation Finish Line
when we agreed to it.

I'm sorry. When did we agree to it?

And this is not about making charts.
It's about our careers.

It's about life. I'm
trying to help you, here.

Did you talk to your grandfather
about hooking me up with Dean Kerrigan?

- Yeah, I did. I did that.
- And?

He said he'd look into it.

"Look into it"? That's not going to cut it.

You have got to put the screws to the guy.

I don't care if he's your grandfather.

He's part of our game plan,
and he's got to play ball.

Why do you keep...

- Is that Lucy?
- Yeah.

- Have you heard from her yet?
- No.

So now she's decided to just ignore you?

- How very Heathers of her.
- I don't think she saw me.

Paris, no.

Okay, look, it's time to put an end

to this little junior-high game
you're playing.

Hey, Paris.

Have you read Rory's letter or not?

Yeah, I just...

Well, would you please tell her
you forgive her, and kiss and make up?

Because it's really messing with her head.

Sorry, Lucy, I didn't...

Don't apologize. I've got her on the ropes.

Look, I just got back, like, an hour ago,
so I just read your letter.

Yeah? And?

Well, it's not really fair,
I mean, you being a writer.

Yeah, yeah. Life's not fair.

Can you let her off the hook,
for God's sakes?

In case you didn't know it,
Rory is a great person,

and she does not deserve
to be treated this way.

- Paris...
- Anyone should feel lucky

to call her a friend. I know I do,
and you're throwing away one of the best.

Paris, please.
I appreciate where this is coming from,

but can we just have a minute?

- It was a really beautiful letter.
- Thanks.

Look, I know that Marty put you
in a really crappy position and...

Yeah, but I... Well, he did.

- Totally crappy.
- But I could've said, "No, Marty,

- "you're being stupid and immature."
- Which he was so being.

But I just... I handled it wrong. I mean,
can I say again how much I screwed up?

No, you didn't screw up.
Marty asked you to do something

really weird and wrong, and you did it
'cause you're a great person. Ask Paris.

- Well, I don't know about...
- Look, and I even tried to figure out

what I would've done in your shoes,
and, I mean, I even tried to act it out,

with Olivia playing the role of Marty.

- Seriously?
- I know, right?

Any chance to act.

But it didn't really work,

because, as much as I love Olivia,
her Marty was so over-the-top.

Are things okay with you and Marty?

- Not so much. We broke up.
- Oh, no.

- Oh, well, right?
- I'm so, so sorry.

No, I mean, it wasn't your fault.
It wasn't meant to be.

Listen, I got to go to my first class.

- Yeah, okay.
- But I'll call you, okay?

- Okay. Yeah. See you.
- Bye.

- Everything okay now? Good.
- Yep.

Did you ask her about actresses
she knows at Yale drama?

- No.
- Why have I even bothered to do all this?

Perfect.

There we go.

What? That's straight. It's straight.

Fine, you want me to prove it?
I'll find the level and prove it.

Where's the level, Paul Anka?

The level! Find the level, boy!

All right. You've been absolutely no help.

All right, now, Miss Nardini,

what kind of provisions have you made
for your daughter in New Mexico?

- House? Schools?
- Well, I've already rented a house

in a nice area, checked out
the immediate neighborhood,

and there's a lot of kids there
that are April's age.

I have enrolled her in a local school
that is very highly recommended,

put her up for swim team...

Your Honor, we don't contest

that Miss Nardini
will make April's transition

to the new living situation
as seamless as possible.

We contest the part where
she cuts the child off from her father.

A father she barely knows,

who does not have, let's face it,
the most sterling personal history.

Okay. Look,
I know what you're talking about,

and, yeah, I've made a few mistakes.

- Luke, hang on.
- It's true.

I was married before,
and it only lasted a few months,

but it ended amicably, pretty much.

- Mr. Danes, I need you to refrain...
- And I may live above a diner,

and some people may see me
as a hermit...

- Luke...
- and I'm the first person to admit that,

you know, all of my relationships
haven't exactly been long-term.

- Mr. McNally.
- Yeah, you know, but this is different.

We are talking about my daughter,
who I didn't even know I had

for the first 12 years of her life.
And now that I know her,

and I know I'm her dad,
I just want to be with her and be her dad,

- 'cause I know I will be a good dad.
- Mr. Danes, be quiet.

I'm sorry, Your Honor.

This won't happen again.

No.

All right.

Now that I've had the opportunity
to hear from both sides

in this case, I'm going to read some
personal references into the court record.

The first letter is written on behalf
of Mr. Danes by a Miss Lorelai Gilmore.

This is dated January 9, 2007.

"To whom it may concern. In the nearly
10 years that I have known Luke Danes,

"I have come to know him
as an honest and decent man.

"He's also one of the most kind
and caring persons I have ever met."

I'm a single mother,
and I raised my daughter by myself,

but once Luke Danes became my friend
in this town, I never really felt alone.

Luke and I have had our ups and downs
over the years, but through it all,

his relationship with my daughter,
Rory, has never changed.

He's always been there for her
no matter what.

He was there to celebrate her birthdays.

He was there cheering her on
at her high school graduation.

Luke has been a sort of father figure
in my daughter's life.

With his own daughter, Luke wasn't given
the opportunity to be there

for her first 12 years, but he should be
given that opportunity now.

Once Luke Danes is in your life,
he is in your life forever.

"I know from personal experience
what an amazing gift that is,

"and not to allow him access
to his daughter

"would be to seriously deprive her

"of all this man has to offer,
and he offers so much.

"Thank you for your time.
Sincerely, Lorelai Gilmore."

Hiya! I want to see the TV.

Holy cripes, that's big! Oh, my gosh.

Does that come with a Slushee machine
and a gangly teenage usher?

Honey, the deal with Sookie...

- Chris?
- I read your letter.

Honey, it's not a letter.
It's just a character reference

that Luke asked me to write
for his court case.

- Reads like a letter.
- Oh, yeah?

Almost like a love letter.

No, it's a favor that Luke asked
'cause he needed...

You know what? Before you go through
a whole list of excuses, let me just ask,

is our marriage for you
basically just marking time?

- What?
- No, come on, Lor.

Of course not.

I mean, obviously, you still have
very deep feelings for the guy.

No, no, I just have known him
a long time, and he's...

"Always been there, always will be there."

Luke needed a character reference
for court

to prove that he deserves partial custody
of April,

- and I know him really well.
- Yes, you do.

And, so, it just made sense
that he would ask me

to write that character reference.

I can't believe I just had coffee
from his place.

Coffee? Sweetie,
I told you Sookie brought that, okay?

Do you still talk to him?

- I mean, do you see him?
- This is crazy.

Hey, I got a right.

I have a right to know.

Occasionally, I see him
because we live in the same town.

- Yeah, and I know you, Lor.
- And?

And I know that you're not done with him.

Okay, this is ridiculous. This is...

Hey, this is a ridiculous
conversation, okay?

I have a history with him, yes.
I was engaged to him, yes.

But I married you.

Tell me you're not in love with him.

I'm not in love with him.

I should've known.
I mean, I mean, all the signs were there.

What signs?

The fact that you didn't want to leave
Stars Hollow, that you were dead set

against redoing the wedding, that you
didn't want to have a baby with me.

I mean, it's all because of him, right?

No. How can I tell... It's over, okay?
What I had with him, it's over, Chris.

Then why did you hide the letter from me?

I wasn't hiding it. I put it in the drawer
in case they lost the typed copy

or the judge spilled coffee on it,
the dog ate it.

I don't know why I didn't
tell you about it.

I think that it's because
you're still in love with him.

No, I love you. I love you.

You know what? I... I...
I'm sorry, Lor, I just can't handle this.

- Handle what?
- This. You and him. I just...

I can't handle being your second choice.
I thought I could, but I can't, all right?

I can't be your rebound. I'm sorry.

Christopher?

Chris!

Okay, I will check out the Poposaurus
project at the Peabody,

but there is no way
I'm signing up for the LSATs.

Sure you are. Don't get lazy on me now.
The finish line is in sight.

I'm not being lazy, Paris. I just...

I'm not interested in being a lawyer.
I'm interested in journalism.

Just because you go to law school
doesn't mean you have to be a lawyer.

Look at Dan Abrams. He's a journalist,
but because of his law degree,

he became the face
of the Scott Peterson trial.

I don't want to be the face
of the Scott Peterson trial,

and I hate Dan Abrams.

I will also not be taking the MCATs.

Sanjay Gupta,
senior medical correspondent at CNN.

- Right now he's got the market cornered.
- Well, good for Sanjay.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Lucy. Now? Yeah, yeah.

No, that sounds great.
I'll see you there. Okay. Bye.

Grab your coats.

- We're going tray sledding.
- What?

We're gonna meet Lucy
over at the dining hall,

sneak out a couple of trays,
and then go tray sledding

down Science Hill.
We can cross it off the list. Come on.

But tray sledding isn't slated to happen
for a few more weeks.

Well, that's okay, 'cause there might not
be as much snow in a couple weeks,

and Lucy and Olivia happen
to be going today, so let's go.

- You sure you want me to come with you?
- Paris.

Okay, okay.

Hey, listen.

Thanks for saying those things you said
about me in the cafeteria.

Oh, well, I just didn't want
your juvenile hysterics

- to muck up the whole chart.
- I know.

I mean, you two were
behaving like children.

I thought I was gonna have to put you
on the naughty step or something.

Still, it's just nice to hear sometimes.

You're not going to cry, are you?

- No, I don't think so.
- Good.

- You ready?
- I'm ready!

Let's go. Oh, wait.

If you fall and break your face,

as many tray sledders do,
don't even worry about it,

'cause you can
spend a night in the infirmary,

which is another
typical college experience.

- Wait. What?
- Come on.

- Hello?
- Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?

No, hi. No, I'm up.

I just had to tell you. I won.

You won?

It's incredible. I thought I was screwed.

I mean, her lawyer dug up every last
bit of dirt she could find on me, but...

Oh. Oh, yeah. Luke, that's great.

Yeah, the judge waited until this morning

to give us her decision. Oh, man,
was that the longest night of my life.

But I just got off with my lawyer.

- I get shared custody.
- Wow. Congratulations.

Yeah, I get to see April
at least one weekend a month,

every other major holiday,
half the summer.

We're gonna work it all out. It's so great.

So great.

Yeah, I guess the judge
just took everything into consideration

and realized how much I wanted to be
in April's life.

And, of course, your letter was a big help.

Well, I just wanted to help you...
Help April.

Well, you did, and I'm really grateful.

Anyway, sorry to call so early.
Thanks again.

Congratulations.

Now, when it comes to papers,
I'm guessing that some of you, of course,

will be asking me for an extension.
You will be happy to learn

that I have no problem with extensions.
Here's what you do.

You look at the due date of the paper,
and then you mark it on your calendar

two weeks prior to that date.
And there you have it.

I've just granted you
a two-week extension.

By the way, my office hours are every
Tuesday morning, and you're welcome

to come to me with any questions
or problems, economic or non.

My expertise extends beyond Keynesian
theory, and I will be happy to lend an ear.

So, let's get started.

As you know, this course...

will take a specific look at...

processes and determinants
of overall economic...

Someone call 911.