Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 6, Episode 20 - Super Cool Party People - full transcript

Is there something long and
sharp sticking out of my head?

Nope. Well, I want there to be.

There's an effect.
I need a cause.

The cause was 10 giant
shots of tequila, sweetie.

It makes me woozy
just hearing that.

Well, that's the price you pay for
being the hit of Lane's wedding.

Hit? I was a raving
lunatic. And that toast?

Oh, my God, loudest sound ever.
- Sorry.

Don't worry about the toast.

And you weren't a lunatic,
you were a character.

And what is Stars Hollow if not
a haven for colorful characters?

I mean, you're not up there with
Stevie, the pants-less Santa Claus,

or Jo-Jo, the Cow Whisperer,
but you made some strides.

Is this supposed
to be a consolation?

That's twice in 20
seconds, Fred. Sorry.

I've seen you wasted
before, but never like this.

I mean, we had
you guzzling coffee,

but coffee was making
you energetically wasted.

I should borrow
the reception video

to see what a fool I
made out of myself.

And check out your
audition. My what?

You want a piece
of me, omelet boy?

Fred, why don't you let the
vegetables simmer for a while?

I'll look after them.

Sure, Sookie.

Sorry, Fred. I'm not
myself this morning.

So, now, what did I do
in front of the camera?

Well, when you spotted the
videographer, you got suddenly very excited

to film your audition tape
for America's Next Top Model.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

I thought that was
a dream. It wasn't.

The posing, the strutting,
the inappropriate gyrating?

All caught on video and several
of Zach's buddies' camera phones.

Why didn't you stop me?

I tried. We all tried. But
you were on a mission.

You kept saying, "I'm not here
to make friends. I wanna win."

And then after that...
There's an "after that"?

You tried to start a limbo
contest, a poker game,

and a secret club for
super-cool party people only.

None of those things
really, you know, took off.

Especially the limbo, considering
your choice of limbo stick

was Zach's great-uncle's
cane. Great-uncle's cane.

Oh, yeah. Is he okay?

He stumbled, but we
caught him. He's fine.

So, is that all? Anything
else I need to know about?

Nope. After you crowned yourself
Arm Wrestling Champion of the World,

Christopher and Rory scooped
you up and got you home.

He got you in bed okay?

Christopher? Yeah.
Well, he and Rory.

He's very knight-in-shining-armor.
Very chivalrous.

That's him.

So, is there anything else I
did that I need to know about?

I wanna be fully informed.

I told you everything. Good.
Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go and be
nauseous out front for a while.

Excellent.

Super-cool party people
bid you super-cool adieu!

That's how you were saying
goodbye to people at the wedding.

Super.

♪

♪ If you're out on the road ♪

♪ Feeling lonely, and so cold ♪

♪ All you have to
do is call my name ♪

♪ And I'll be there
on the next train ♪

♪ Where you
lead, I will follow ♪

♪ Anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ If you need, you
need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow, oh ♪

♪ Where you
lead, I will follow ♪

♪ Anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ If you need, you
need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow where you lead ♪

Excuse me, I'm looking for
Logan Huntzberger. He's...

Excuse me, can you help me find
Logan... Sorry, this isn't my floor.

Excuse me, can someone here
help me find Logan Huntzberger?

He was just transferred
out of the ICU.

Room 713. How is he?

Are you family?
I'm his girlfriend.

All I can tell you is that
he's not conscious right now

and that he's in serious
but stable condition.

What does that mean,
"serious but stable"?

Just what it says.

But is it more
serious or stable?

I mean, which way is it leaning?

I'm sorry, I can only release more
information to family members.

But I'm his girlfriend. I mean,
we've been together a long time.

It's not a casual
thing. We live together.

Sorry.

How is he? Is he okay?

Scuttlebutt is he's not dead.

The man is indestructible.

Dives headfirst off
the cliffs of Caldera,

instantly spins out of control.

Gets totally disoriented,
barely gets his chute open.

Bounces off every rock
and crag in the park.

Yet still manages
to stick the landing.

We gave him a 9.7.

Had to deduct three-tenths for
all the screaming and bleeding.

What about his family?
Did you talk to them?

Honor is on her honeymoon in
Mykonos trying to get a flight back,

and Logan's mom checked herself
into some sort of spa in Arizona

the moment she heard.

When the going gets tough,
the tough get hot rock massages.

What about Mitchum?
The Dark Lord?

We left word, but haven't
heard anything back.

But we've come up with a plan

to get around the whole
family-only-gets-information thing.

We're adopting him.

What? Logan'll make a fine son.

Of course, first we
must be married.

Naturally, darling.
I'm very old-fashioned.

And even then, adopting as
a gay couple is never easy.

We just wanna
give love. Oh, Finn.

Oh, buttercup.

What the hell is
wrong with you two?

I mean, your best friend is
lying unconscious in a hospital

and you don't even care. Rory...

Why the hell aren't you two
lying unconscious in there, huh?

Come on. You don't care!

Because if you did, you
wouldn't be like this. You couldn't.

You're supposed
to have his back.

You're supposed to
watch out for each other

on these stupid trips of yours.

But no. Everything's a big
joke. Everything's hilarious.

You're useless. Just go
home. Both of you, go home.

I can't stand to look at you.

Hi. Hello.

I'm Rory Gilmore.
I'm his girlfriend.

I'm Dr. Schultz.

How is he? Is he gonna be okay?

I'm sorry, but I really
can't get into the specifics.

But... Well, he's out of the
ICU, so that's good, right?

They wouldn't have moved him
up here unless he was recovering.

Sorry, really.

But he's had surgery, right?
Does he need more surgery?

Does he have broken bones?
Because I can donate blood if you want.

Miss.

You really...

You can't tell me anything about
what he has or what you've done

or what's wrong? Anything?

I'm sorry. It's hospital policy.

We're doing everything we can.

Okay.

♪ A million hearts,
a million minds ♪

♪ That lived and
died in forty years ♪

♪ Pray for yourself
and for your memories ♪

♪ Be thankful we've
had forty years ♪

♪ We have forty years ♪

♪ We had forty years ♪

♪ We had forty years ♪

I will get that for you in
two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Caesar, why am I still
finding bananas in the fridge?

Oh, you wanted me to take all
the bananas out of the fridge?

Yes, when I said
"remove the bananas,"

I was referring
to all the bananas.

Otherwise I would have said "a
banana" or "some of the bananas."

Hmm. What?

It's just that while I
was running the place,

that was one of my innovations.

Cold bananas.
People really love them.

I highly doubt that. And
get rid of those scones.

You know, that's something else I
wanted to talk to you about, Luke.

What? Your attitude.

See, while I was
running the place,

people really responded
to my sunny demeanor.

Customers find
you cold and distant.

Service with a smile.

It's a cliche for
a reason. Yeah?

Look, Caesar, I don't
want to improve things,

and I don't wanna stop
being cold to the customers.

I just want you to keep my damn
bananas out of the damn fridge

and I wanna keep my damn
donuts in the damn donut case.

Can you do that for me?

Of course, Luke. Thank you.

Customers don't care for
gratuitous profanity, either.

Thank God, someone sane.

Hello, weary traveler.

It's good to be back.

You look older, wiser.

Well, I did spend a lot of time

squinting at
historical documents.

That's what it is,
Constitution face. Hi, Patty.

Well, I brought you something.

Did you steal me
the Constitution?

'Cause that could be the
start of a really dumb movie.

It's from Amish country. These
little Amish girls hand-make them.

It's adorable. Look, Patty,
an Amish voodoo doll.

I love it.

Hey, Luke, I'm still
waiting on my cold banana.

We don't serve cold bananas.

It's not a voodoo
doll. It's just a doll.

The Amish don't put faces
on their dolls or pins in them.

Oh, well, it's my doll now.

What the Amish don't
know won't hurt them.

Unless, of course,
I want to hurt them.

It's yours to do
with what you will.

So, you seem surprisingly rested,
after all you've been through.

Yeah. The kids were okay.

They seemed to like me,
unless they were all lying.

Kids never lie.

And April and I finally
got into a good rhythm.

She was tolerating me
pretty good at the end.

Good. And guess what?

It's her birthday tomorrow,
and I'm throwing her a party.

You're kidding. How
did that happen?

Well, I was dropping
her off this morning,

and her mom mentioned to me

that she was taking her to
her grandmother's to celebrate,

and she couldn't swing a party
here with her friends, so I figured,

I know her friends now, I got
a great place to hold a party.

Yeah? Where? Here.

Oh. So, anyhow, there you go.

Look at you. You're
diving into fatherhood.

I'm doing my best.

So, tomorrow, huh?
You prepared for all that?

Sure. Why? Well, if
you need a consultant,

I have thrown some rocking
preteen parties in my time.

Of course, I didn't
have a deep fryer, but...

I think I can handle it. I'll
put up some decorations.

I've ordered some balloons.
I got a great cake place.

There'll be presents. All good.

I'm just saying that Rory's
birthday scavenger hunt of 1998

is still talked about in
hushed, reverent tones.

Is that the one where all the kids
ended up at Taylor's at 11:00 at night,

stealing stuff
out of his fridge?

Shh! Hushed, reverent tones.

Yeah, I've got it
all under control.

Excuse me.

What can I get you, Kirk?

How about a steaming
cup of chicory coffee?

It's not on the menu, Kirk.
I know. It's on the sign.

That's a mistake.

Well, now all I can think
about is chicory coffee.

I'm very susceptible to signage.

Well, come back when you're
susceptible to ordering off the menu.

You want anything?

"How about a nice
plate of chicken fingers?"

Why don't I start you
off with some coffee?

No, thanks. I'm
kind of coffee-ed out.

Oh, right. Battling
the hangover.

Oh. Did I mention my hangover?

No. Patty filled
me in, you know.

The tequila shots,
you taking the mike.

Taking the mike.

Yeah, I really didn't
know what I was saying.

Just empty, meaningless words,
you know, tumbling out of my mouth.

I hear you really belted it out.

Belted it out?

Endless Love.

The song, honey.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes, I really belted it out.

Is there any other way
to sing Endless Love?

You know, if you're not
gonna really belt it out,

you might as well
just stay in your seat.

She sang it beautifully.

Well, everybody does
embarrassing stuff at weddings.

Yeah, right, true.

Be right back.

Okay, I've already
gotten to the whole town,

and they're all telling
the Endless Love story.

He'll never know.

Oh, thanks. I owe you, Patty.

Oh, honey, please.

I've given more drunken
toasts than Colin Farrell.

You owe me nothing.
Thanks, Patty.

That Luke.

It may take a mule team,

but you're getting him
to the altar someday.

Yeah. Someday.

What?

Paris? Larry Summers
was right, Rory.

Our university system is
crumbling. Did you know that?

Paris... I just found out
my microbiology final

is an open-book exam.

Can you believe that? I mean,
why have us take the test at all?

Why not just have our
professors take it for us?

Or better yet, they could
just hand us our diplomas

the moment we step on
campus freshman year,

along with some
government cheese, a bong,

and a T-shirt that says,
"Hard work is for suckers."

Paris, I'm at the
hospital with Logan.

Why? What happened?

He and his buddies went on some
stupid Life and Death Brigade trip

and they parachuted
off a cliff in Costa Rica

and he had a really bad fall.

Is he okay? I don't know.

He's out of the ICU, so I
guess that's a good thing.

They said he's in serious
but stable condition.

But they won't tell me anything
else because I'm not family.

Is he breathing on his own?
Yeah. I mean, I think so.

Well, what's his pallor? Is he
peaked? Was there internal bleeding?

I have no idea.

I quickly scribbled down
some things off his chart.

You're pre-med.
Can I read it to you?

Maybe you can
make some sense of it.

Forget it. I don't know
how to read charts yet.

I can tell you everything you
wanna know about the difference

between recessive and dominant
eye color genes in fruit flies,

but God forbid I learn
how to read a chart

before I'm a fourth-year
surgical resident.

Great. What hospital is he in?

Columbia
Presbyterian, Manhattan.

Who's the attending?
Paris, it doesn't matter.

They're not gonna release
information to non-family.

Just give me the
name. Dr. Schultz.

I'll call you right back. Paris.

Miss, please.

That language is
simply not necessary!

It's about Logan Huntzberger.

This is Dr. Schultz.

No, that's not possible.

You wouldn't do
that! Listen, miss...

Fine.

Okay.

Hello? Here's the deal.

He was bleeding internally
when they brought him in

and they were worried about
the oxygen levels in his blood,

but he's stabilized now and
they're back up to normal,

so that's no longer a concern.

He was also
running a high fever,

so they put him on mondo
doses of intravenous antibiotics.

He has a partially
collapsed lung... Oh, my God!

Six broken ribs, a broken
ankle, torn cartilage in both knees

and a severe concussion.

He had surgery for the
lung and that went well.

They did a thoracoscopy,

which is a couple of
small incisions in the chest,

and they put a
tube into the lung

to drain the fluid
from the pleural space

so the lung can re-expand.

That's way less invasive
than a thoracotomy,

which is a similar
operation, but for that one,

they have to butterfly
you like a shrimp.

And that's it. So
what does this mean?

It means he's out
of immediate danger.

He's young and healthy

and they expect him
to make a full recovery.

Really? Like, a full recovery?

Like, he's going
to recover fully?

That's what the doctor told me.

He'll need some rehab.
He won't be running, dancing

or jumping off a cliff anytime
soon, but yeah, he should be fine.

He's a very lucky guy. He could
have died. Those guys are idiots.

Wow. Yeah.

Thank you so much for this.

Really, Paris, thank
you. It was fun.

Anything else? No.
I feel a lot better.

Call me if you
need anything else.

I will.

So, you all shopped out? I
got a couple more stores in me.

You know, you would
make the best sherpa.

And the hottest.

You could move to Nepal, open your
own hot sherpa shop and make a fortune.

This is fun for me.

Besides, I like to think I have
some influence on what you buy.

You do? I don't?

No. Yes, I do.

No, you don't. I do.

You don't. But you're
always asking my opinion.

Yeah, but it's the way I ask.

"Isn't this adorable?"
Or, "This isn't right, right?"

You know? I'll put your answer
right there in the question.

Oh.

I will say, I do
always like to buy

one thing that
you like that I don't

just 'cause I know it makes
you happy. Like that blouse.

You don't like that? I
thought you liked that.

Not really. But I liked how
much you liked it, so I bought it.

Huh.

And I will wear it, because
I know that every time I do,

you'll notice and appreciate it

and that'll make
me feel so good.

And then because I feel so good,

I'll start wearing
it more and more

and I'll eventually
really grow to like it

and I'll forget that I didn't really
like it in the first place and...

Oh, holy crap, you've picked
out all my favorite clothes.

I knew it.

Hey, what do you think of that?

What? The toiletry kit.

What? And throw away
the five-year-old Dixie cup

you use to hold your
toothbrush? It's historical.

I mean as a birthday
present for April.

April who? Come on, it's cute.

Yeah, I don't
think it's quite right.

Well, it's girly.
It's got cats on it.

Oh, well, if it's
got cats on it...

April likes cats.

Yeah, but it's a toiletry
kit. It's so hygienic.

I saw her use soap on the trip.

Yeah? Did you see
her tie her shoelaces?

'Cause you could
get her shoelaces.

I think she'll like it.

Luke, it's weird.

It says, "Happy birthday,
now go clean yourself up."

If she doesn't like it, I'll
get her a follow-up gift.

Why not just get her the
perfect gift right upfront?

Well, why couldn't that be
the perfect gift? You don't know.

I know girls. It's
not the right gift.

Hey, you know, there's a store a
few blocks down that has great stuff.

I could take you there and show
you 50 things I know she'd like.

Some of them may
even have cats on them.

I think I'm gonna get that.

Come on, Luke, I can
really help you here.

I'm not saying you can't.
I know you're an expert,

but I need to do this.

Then do it. I'm just
saying, let me be part of it.

No.

Why? Because it's too soon.

Why is it too soon?

Because the minute you
get involved in her life,

it'll be all over for me.

What? That's ridiculous.

No, it's not ridiculous.

You're colorful and funny.

You're practically
a cartoon character.

Kids love you.

I wouldn't wanna hang out with
me, either, after meeting you.

Luke! She'll like you better.

That is just a fact.

No, you're her dad.
Yes, I am her dad.

And this is the
way I want it to be.

Okay. I'll be a
couple of minutes.

I'll be right here.

So you've got my cell
phone if there's any problem.

I've got your cell number,
your store number,

your store fax number,
your home numbers.

You are 100% reachable. Good.

And, hey, thanks again
for letting me do this.

Oh, please. She's
excited about this.

Plus, your chaperoning
got rave reviews.

Really? April said
you were by far

the least embarrassing
parent on the trip.

Good. That's good, right?

It's a rave. Her
friends call you Hagrid.

Really? Hagrid? Wow.

I don't know what that means.

He's a character
from Harry Potter.

Very big, very
hairy, very lovable.

It's a huge compliment.

Oh, I will take
your word for it.

So, I'm gonna go now.

Have fun and I'll talk to
you later tonight. Will do.

I'm going, April. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Bye, Mom.

That was from
the heart. Totally.

Bye again.

And the diner
looks really great.

I was here when you
opened it, remember?

I remember.

Bye. Bye.

Okay, can I get everyone's
attention for a moment here?

Just go ahead and pull your chairs
around so everyone can see me.

Is this a game? No, no
games right now. Just gather.

All right. I'm Luke. Hi. Some
of you know me. I'm April's dad.

So, before we get
the party started,

I just wanted to lay
down some ground rules,

some simple do's and don'ts,

so that everybody has a good
time and goes home in one piece.

Okay, so this is the party area.

You are to remain in
the party area at all times.

The kitchen is
strictly off-limits.

Under no circumstances
are you to enter the kitchen.

It's incredibly
dangerous back there.

One turn of the wrong dial,
you could burn your face off.

And I've got so many
knives back there,

you so much as trip,
you could lose an arm,

you could chop off a bunch of
fingers, you could poke out an eye.

And do not go upstairs. That
is not part of the party area.

Everyone must remain in
the party area at all times.

And finally, do not go outside.

I will not give anybody
permission to go outside, okay?

Are we clear? All right.

Okay, sure. Yes, sir.

Well, good. Then, that's
all I've got. So have fun.

Is he serious?

Is that our Web site? It is.

What happened to it?

I made some modifications.

It's just a big picture of you.

Well, I figured since I'm the
one who put the Web site together

and I'm the one continuously
updating the Web site,

then I should be featured
prominently on the Web site.

Featured, sure. But where's
the inn? All I see is your face.

Aha. But if you want to hear about
the inn, you click on my mouth, see?

Hello. Welcome to
the Dragonfly Inn.

And if you want pictures of
the inn, you click on my eyes.

And if you want to post
something about the inn,

you click on my ears.

Clever, no?

You wanna argue
about this now or later?

Later. I'm having too much fun.

Hello? RORY: It's me.

Hey! How is he?

Well, I'm told he's going to
be fine, but he looks awful

and he's been unconscious
the whole time I've been here.

It's really scary.
What happened?

He basically jumped off a cliff
and his parachute barely opened.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

He has six broken ribs,

a collapsed lung,
a broken ankle,

contusions over a third of
his body and a concussion.

Wow. Who else is
there? What other family?

Well, Colin and Finn
were here for a while,

but none of his family's here.

How'd you get all
that information?

I thought they only
allowed family members to...

Paris. God love her.

I'm sorry I didn't call you
sooner. I got your messages.

I've just been so overwhelmed.

I'm just glad to hear from you.

Is there anything I can
do? Anything you need?

It's been a while since I've
sent out a care package.

You could be up to your
eyeballs in Mad Libs,

Silly String, malted milk balls.

No, I'm good.

Colin and Finn went back to New
Haven to get some stuff for me.

I think I'm just gonna
hang out here for a while.

Logan is awake, if
you wanna see him.

Oh, Mom, Logan's awake.

Okay. Call me if there's
anything you need.

Thanks. Bye. Bye.

Hey. Hey.

You're awake.

Or hallucinating. Pretty
good hallucination.

Oh, you're awake.

I must look like crap.

Well, now I know why you never let
me see you without your makeup on.

I guess maybe base jumping
with very little preparation

wasn't the hottest idea.

But you're going to be fine.
You're gonna make a full recovery.

Hey, RoboCop made a full
recovery. Look where that led him.

This is the best
hospital in the city,

and the best hospital
in New York City

is basically the best
hospital in the country,

and that's basically the
best hospital in the world.

So, all in all, you're in the
best place you could be,

all things considered.

Hey, what do you think
you're doing? Lay down.

I'm really sorry about this.

It's okay. No, it's not
okay. I was showing off.

I knew it wasn't
safe on that cliff.

I was so drunk, I was
lucky I pulled my chute at all.

But you're going to be fine.

And I will be here as
long as you want me to be.

I've already
located the gift shop

and the good cafeteria,
"good" being a relative term,

and the maternity ward in case I
wanna play a little practical joke,

swap the newborns around.

What about the paper? School?

I have my laptop. I can
stay on top of my schoolwork

and Bill can run
the paper for a while.

I don't want you to fall behind
or miss too many classes.

You've already got more than
enough to do without having to sit here.

Logan, just relax.
Get some rest.

I'll be here.

I'm glad.

So how are we
doing? We having fun?

Marcia, you have to discard.

I know, but you only need one
card, and I don't wanna give it to you.

What makes you think
I only need one card?

Oh, please. You pick
up a card and discard,

like, every half-second.
It's so obvious.

Well, it's my birthday.

Why don't you just give
me the stupid card I want?

Hey, how do you think
the temperature is?

It's fine, I guess.

Are you cold? Maybe
it's too cold in here.

How many people are cold? Huh?

Anyone too warm?

Okay, well, good to know.

Luke? Yeah?

Can I go to the bathroom?

Of course. You don't have to ask
permission to go to the bathroom.

But it's in the restricted
area. I could lose a finger.

Oh, well, the bathroom is
not part of the restricted area.

I didn't mean to include that.

Does anyone else have
to go to the bathroom?

Oh, well, all right.
Well, let's line up.

Okay?

You can use the bathroom
one at a time. Laura, you first.

Thank you.

I'll be right out. I just have to
check on something in the back.

So bad.

Dragonfly Inn.

It's a disaster. What?

The party. It's
a total disaster.

A disaster? Why?

Nothing's happening. It's
like a funeral hall in there.

I didn't know 13-year-old
girls could be so unhappy.

Where are you? I don't hear
anything. I'm in the storage room.

I come in here and hide a lot.

And leaving them unsupervised?

Well, there's a peephole
here I can see out of.

You're peeping at the
girls from the storage room?

I do not have time
for any weird jokes.

Okay, what are they doing?

Well, April was playing cards.

Some of the others were
reading and playing video games.

But at the moment, they're
all just standing in line,

waiting to go to the bathroom.

You didn't plan any activities?

It's a birthday party. I
thought that was the activity.

Oh, Luke.

Hey, is it normal for kids to
fall asleep at a birthday party?

Luke, listen. Are
you listening? Yes.

Go upstairs and
get your clock radio.

Why? So we can watch the minutes
of the world's worst birthday party

tick off one by one?

No. Go get it, bring it downstairs,
and put on some music.

KC101. I'll be right over.

You're coming here?
Just stall for time.

I have some things to finish
up and then I'll come over.

If it's okay. What?

Is it okay that I come over?
Yes, Lorelai, come. Hurry.

Okay, I'll hurry.

Hurry faster. They might
start leaving or something.

Okay, bye.

Hey.

So it got worse
after we hung up.

You get the radio? No, I
forgot the radio part was broken.

And then the buzzer
alarm went off at one point.

There was a slight up-tick in
the mood, but that didn't last long.

I think it's too late.
It's not too late.

I swear I heard the word
"mutiny" bandied around in there.

It's not too late.
Let's get in there.

But where's the stuff?

What stuff? The party stuff.

Oh, my God. I left the
circus elephants in my car

and I didn't crack a window.

But seriously,
where's the party stuff?

Come on. Follow my lead.

Hey, everybody!
I'm Lorelai Gilmore.

Thank you so much
for your patience.

I'm really glad you guys waited

to start the party
until I got here.

Oh, that's okay, Lorelai.
We didn't mind, right, girls?

Great. Okay, let's
get this party started.

Where's the birthday girl? Here.

April Nardini, front and center.

You know, I met you briefly. You
were filling salt and pepper shakers.

I remember. You were dressed in
all black and you had really blue eyes.

They're not quite as blue today,

but I think that's
just a light thing.

These irises are
all-natural, baby.

All right, everybody, line
up single file behind us.

Oh, we already
went to the bathroom.

Oh, I know. This is
gonna be so much better.

Now, take the hand of
the person in front of you

and the person in back of you.

Luke, you pull up the
rear. I'll take the lead.

Sure. What is this?

Just follow me, everybody.

No matter what, do
not let go of either hand.

We're not allowed to go outside.

Or in the kitchen.
Or anywhere else.

What? You are now, girls.

We got new rules.

Should we bring our stuff?

No, leave it. We'll be back.

All right, everybody try
to walk at the same pace.

If you step on somebody's
heels, you could break an ankle.

And watch out for the
traffic. Not just cars, but bikes.

People in this town ride
their bikes like maniacs.

Luke! Sorry.

Check for traffic.

Well, we checked. And go!

Where are we going?

No idea.

Serpentine, girls! Serpentine!

Is this wise, to serpentine?

No!

Come on.

Hi, Lorelai! Hi.

Hi, Lorelai! Hi.

Hi, girls.

All right, I'd like you to
meet the birthday girl.

Hi, April. Happy
birthday. Happy birthday.

Hello. Oh, you are adorable.

All right, girls. I want you each
to take a basket and fill it up.

I want you to pick
anything you want,

because today we're
getting makeovers.

These two ladies are here to
help you in any way you need.

That's Allison and Leslie. Hi.

Nice to meet you.

On your mark, get set, and shop!

You're a genius.

Well, 13-year-old
girls and makeup.

It's like betting
on Secretariat.

Never in a million years would I
have thought of something like this.

That's why I'm the yin to your
yang, the Emack to your Bolio.

Hey, who wants hot
pink highlights? Me!

Me, too! Oh, my God!

I hate that you're cutting
your honeymoon short.

It's okay.

With Mom flaking out, I
don't wanna be here anymore.

We've got seats on a
flight going out tonight,

but it's got a five-hour
layover in Ankara,

so we're still trying to
find something more direct.

Either way, we should be
there sometime tomorrow night.

Okay.

So have you heard
anything more from your dad?

Yeah, I just talked to him.

Is he coming down here? Nope.

He's out of town, too?

No, he's home. He's
just not coming. What?

It's the whole Life and Death
Brigade thing. He's very against it.

But he was in the Life
and Death Brigade.

Yes, but he feels that he knew when
to grow up and accept responsibility

and that Logan doesn't.

He wanted his precious boy done
with that by now, so he's boycotting.

He's boycotting his injured son?

Logan had emergency surgery.

Hypocrisy runs very deep
in the Huntzberger family.

Anyhow, forget it. I'm sure
Logan isn't expecting him.

Okay, so I'll call later when
I've more flight information.

Okay. Bye.

Mitchum Huntzberger?

Yes, it's Rory Gilmore.

I just thought I'd
call and remind you

that Logan is lying
in a hospital bed

with a partially collapsed lung

and a whole host of other
potentially life-threatening injuries.

And I'm figuring a guy like you,

surrounded by nothing but a
bunch of terrified sycophants,

might not have
someone in his life

with the guts to tell him
what an incredibly selfish,

narcissistic ass he's being,

so I thought I'd jump on in.

Swallow your
pride, get in your car,

and come down here
and see your son.

Now!

That looks excellent.

Love this.

Marcia, fabulous. You
look like Sophia Loren.

I was going for Vanessa
Minnillo on MTV.

I love her music.

She's a VJ.

No, well, you
didn't let me finish.

I love her music
video introductions.

You know, she's so
smooth and classy.

Luke, more chips here.

Coming.

Lorelai, check this out.

Ew! Cool. Your eyes have eyes.

Freaky, right? Yes. You
could fall asleep in class

and no one would know.

Lorelai!

Oh, April, you look beautiful.

Leslie says I have
excellent bone structure.

Yes, well, I agree with her.

So it's not weird when
someone compliments your skull?

No. A woman takes any
compliment that comes her way.

Got it. Hey, did you do that
glitter heart on your cheek?

Happens to be my handiwork,
yeah. You want one?

Yes. All right. Sit, sit.

What color would you like?

Pink? Blue? Purple?
Fluorescent green?

Purple. I'm
obsessed with purple.

Probably because I'm obsessed
with Harold and the Purple Crayon.

I know I'm too old, but it's still, like,
one of my all-time favorite books.

That's okay.

I'm too old for US
Weekly. Never stopped me.

So you have a daughter, right?

Yes. Rory.

That's good. You'd
be wasted on a son.

I'm gonna take that
as a compliment.

It is. You know, you
remind me of my mom.

Oh. She handy with the glitter?

She painted a mural on my
wall in nail polish one night.

That's cool.

I think you'd like her.

All right. You're
all done. Thanks.

Oh, my God. That
is so cool. I love it.

Thanks, Marcia. You're welcome.

She's loving her
presents. I know.

Okay, how about this
one? It's from your dad.

Yeah, open it.

You know, you don't have to
open up all your presents right away.

You could maybe save a
few and open them tomorrow,

sort of extend the experience.

Bad idea, Hagrid.

I don't wanna extend
the experience.

Open it.

Wait, is that my gift?

Says it's from Luke.

The New Way Things
Work? I was gonna get this!

And a gift certificate to the
Discovery Store. Thanks, Luke!

Cool. I love it!

Thank you so much!
You're welcome.

Thank you. My pleasure.

You know what would really
push this party over the top?

What? If we made
it into a sleepover.

Yeah? Yeah.

You've got sleeping
bags and blankets.

Plus, I still got Jess's bed.

We could stick a
couple of them on that.

Why don't you ask the birthday
girl if she wants to do that?

Hey, April, come here a sec.

What's up?

How would you feel about
making this a slumber party?

Really? Really.

Do you guys wanna sleep over?

Yeah! So really cool.

Great. First off, we
gotta call all your parents

to see if it's okay with them.
Okay, so, with that in mind,

why don't we form a single-file
line behind here to the phone?

Okay.

Or you could use
your own, I guess.

Hey, so, I think
I'm gonna take off.

What? No. Stay. You gotta stay.

You sure?

It's a slumber party. You're
the slumber party expert.

What does Hagrid know
about slumber parties?

It wouldn't be weird? The two
of us sleeping here together?

No, you and the girls can sleep
upstairs. I'll figure something out.

You sure? Yeah, absolutely.

You have to stay.
April would want that.

Okay, I'll stay.

The movie's all ready to go.

Okay, thanks, Kirk.

I just need it back for the
Weinstein retirement party.

Mel Weinstein's a nut
for John Hughes movies.

Okay.

All right, girls,

you're about to meet
someone very special to me.

Her name is Molly Ringwald.

Now, I know you
don't know who that is,

but suffice it to say, she is my
generation's Audrey Hepburn.

And I know you don't
know who that is, either,

but trust me, you're
gonna love her.

And yes, that is the guy from
Two and a Half Men. All right. Enjoy.

♪ PRETTY IN PINK BY THE
PSYCHEDELIC FURS PLAYING

Light as a feather,
stiff as a board.

Light as a feather,
stiff as a board.

Light as a feather,
stiff as a board.

Light as a feather,
stiff as a board.

Light as a feather,
stiff as a board.

I mean, I forgot how
much fun it could be

just to put makeup on, you know?

It's become so
pragmatic, such drudgery.

It's like all we use it
for now is to look better.

And why would the two of
us ever need to look better?

Exactly. I mean, whatever happened
to the questionably attractive glories

of Wet 'n' Wild blue eye
shadow or crimping irons?

Remember Sun-In and Aquanet
and Bonne Belle Lip Smackers?

Oh, I used to love Bonne
Belle Lip Smackers.

Well, who doesn't love a lip
gloss that doubles as a necklace?

And they smelled so great.

Except once I had the
chocolate fudge flavored one,

and in study hall, Trevor
Fink ate the whole thing,

and then he threw it up all over my
copy of The Red Badge of Courage.

Yeah, well, we all had a
Trevor Fink in our lives.

So it sounds like
the party was great.

It was a great party and
a major breakthrough.

April's awesome. I
think she liked me.

I bet she loved you. We bonded.

And hopefully, this means that things
will change and I won't have to hide.

Good. Yeah.

Luke just needed that
time and space, you know?

And in hindsight, I
think it was good for him.

And I'm really glad
I let him have it.

You were incredibly
patient. I was.

Incredibly patient, while at the
same time incredibly impatient.

You're a complicated woman.

I am. Yes, I try to
deny it, but there it is.

I'm kind of sad I
wasn't at the party.

I feel like I missed out.

I thought you
might feel that way,

so I brought you some leftovers.
Bonne Bell Lip Smackers, anyone?

No! Yes.

We've got original,
glitter gloss,

Grape Crush and Dr. Pepper.

I feel like I'm 15 again!

Jackson's so getting
under my bra tonight.

Oh, my God!

Luke, there's some
glitter on my pancakes.

Oh, sorry about that.
Let me fix that up for you.

Wasn't any glitter in the food
when I was running the place.

And cut up one of those
cold bananas, will you?

Excuse me, is Luke around?

Yeah, he's here.
He's always here.

Oh, hey, Anna. How are you?

Can we talk in private?

Uh... Sure, this way. Caesar,
I'm gonna take a couple minutes.

Whatever.

So, what's up?

I can't believe you
did this. Did what?

You said you wanted to
throw her a party, Luke. You.

I know. I did. No.

You had your girlfriend
throw her a party.

A girlfriend I don't even know.

A girlfriend I've
never even met.

This is not our agreement.
Whoa, wait a minute.

I did throw the party.
Lorelai was just helping out.

Helping out? Yes.

April said you spent
the night downstairs.

Yeah, well, I spent the
night in the storage room.

I thought it'd be a
little weird if I was...

So when you were
in the storage room,

your girlfriend was
upstairs with the girls?

Well, yeah.

How am I supposed to explain
that to the other girls' parents?

How am I supposed to tell
them that I left their kids all alone

with a woman I've
never even met?

Who does that? I'm sorry.

I didn't think that it
was gonna cause...

If I can't trust you, Luke, this
arrangement is not gonna work.

April is not a sweater
that you're borrowing.

She's my kid. I have
to know where she is

and who she's with, always.

I know. I'm sorry. You
can trust me. I swear.

You know what?

I am too mad. I can't
even look at you.

Anna!

Hello? Kitchen.

Thank God. I am
so nutrition-deprived.

All I've eaten in the last two
days is cake, candy, cookies

and about 10 pounds
of flavored lip gloss.

Hi. Well, then, let's eat.

Good.

Now, do you wanna be
civilized and eat off plates

or just right out of the containers?
I know you don't approve,

but I think there's some sort of origami
thing happening with these containers

that makes the food
taste better in them.

It's like feng shui for noodles.

And I'm not just saying
that because I'm lazy

and I don't wanna have any
cleanup. That's only part of it.

Out of the containers is fine.

Righteous.

You okay?

Anna came by the diner.

Why? What's up?

She's mad. She's really mad.

What about? The party.

Well, the party was a smash.

About you being at the party.
She says she feels betrayed

because I let you throw
April a birthday party

even though she's never met you.

But you were there the whole
time. We both threw the party.

I know. I told her that. But I
left you alone with them all night

and didn't clear it with her
first. She's really mad about that.

It's not your fault. I should
have seen this coming.

I was stupid. I
didn't think it through.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Me, too.

I brought some beer, but I
left it in the truck. Be right back.

Cool.

Hey.

So, my dad just left.

I saw.

I still can't believe
that he actually visited.

And he was only
moderately hostile,

slightly condescending, and
no more self-centered than usual.

Well, it's good that
he came. Good for him.

Are you feeling any better?

I am. Of course, that
could have something to do

with the 27
different medications

they have me jacked up on.

I checked with the doctor. It's
mostly cough syrup and baby aspirin.

What's wrong?
I'm feeling better.

What?

I'm sorry. About what?

About letting you go on this
trip. I should have stopped you.

I was just so busy
being mad at you.

I didn't think I was
trying to punish you,

but I was trying to punish you.

No, Rory.

I should have stopped you.

Hey, you couldn't have stopped
me. A team of psychiatrists

with tranquilizer guns
couldn't have stopped me.

I was going, no matter
what. It's my fault.

Do not feel guilty about this.

I just sent you out that
door. I didn't even care.

I was so cold.

I just... I could have lost you.

You didn't lose me.
But I could have, though.

Look, I'm the one screwing
things up with us here, not you.

I'm sorry you're in
the hospital right now.

I'm sorry about all of this.

I don't know what's going on
with me, but I'll get better, okay?

Things will calm down. I just
need you to bear with me, okay?

Okay?

Okay.

You okay there?

Sorry. Spreadsheets.
Bane of my existence.

Combines my hatred of math
with my fear of little, tiny boxes.

Well, little, tiny
boxes can be scary.

Unless, of course, they
contain big diamond earrings.

I hear you.

Feel free to look
around. Thanks.

Have you been in here before?

No, first time. It's
lovely. Great stuff.

Thank you.

All the hanging clothes
over there are 20% off.

Some of my favorite
stuff, but come March 1st,

I can't sell a sweater
to save my life.

Okay, I'll check it out.

You looking for
anything in particular?

Yeah. You, actually.

I'm Lorelai Gilmore.
I'm Luke's fiancee.

Oh.

I wanted to apologize for
the party. It was my fault.

It just wasn't exactly
what I was expecting.

I know, and I'm to
blame for that, not Luke.

It wasn't his idea.

He was having a little
trouble getting the party going,

and I may have thrown
myself into it a little too much.

I just thought that
we should meet

so you could see you really
have nothing to worry about.

She's a 13-year-old girl. I always
have something to worry about.

Well, yeah, of course. But
I meant in regards to me.

Look, I'm sure
you're a great person.

I am. I have references.

But I'm a single mom here.

I can't play fast and loose
with the people in my kid's life.

I completely understand.
I'm a single mom myself.

Okay, then you get it. I mean,

what if April decided
she likes you?

What if she becomes
attached to you?

What if you become her
best friend in the entire world?

And then, one day,
you just disappear.

Well, that's not gonna happen.

You don't know that.

You can't guarantee that,
and I can't take that chance.

When it comes to my daughter, I
have to have rules. Hard and fast rules.

And I would never dream of
violating any of those rules, believe me.

April never meets any man I
date unless I've dated him for years.

I totally get that.

So, basically, until I'm
ready to get married again,

she doesn't meet
any of the men I date.

Right. For all she
knows, I'm a nun.

Yeah. I went through a Sister
Wendy phase myself once.

I want her to have stability.

Right. But Luke and I, we
are engaged. We are stable.

Engaged isn't married.
People get engaged all the time.

Look, this is not something
casual, Luke and me.

This is not something we're
rushing into by any means.

This has been a
long time coming.

A long time. This is real.

That's wonderful. I'm
really happy for you,

but that doesn't
change anything.

Luke just came into April's
life. I'm still nervous about that.

He's not a kid guy,
never has been,

and she's getting very attached.

I need to know he's
sticking around first.

And then when you're
married, we'll deal with that then.

I'm not trying to be a
hard-ass here. April's my world.

I don't know if my way is the right
way. I just have to go with my gut.

This is how I wanna do it.

You said you're a single mom.

I have a daughter,
just like you.

You get where I'm
coming from at all?

I really do.

Anyway, thank you
for hearing me out.

Sure. It's no problem. Okay.

Hey, if it makes
you feel better,

she had a really
great time at that party.

I'm glad.