Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 6, Episode 11 - The Perfect Dress - full transcript

What in the hell do you think you're doing?

I was just getting some coffee.

You came behind my counter.

I saw Lorelai do it the other day.

Lorelai is my fiancé.

So only people you're sleeping with
are allowed behind the counter?

Yes.

Well, I don't really know
you that well, Luke.

I mean, I know what you do for a living,
and I know you're a scorpio,

and you smell okay, but we've never
really connected on a deeper level.

Get out from behind my counter, Kirk.

Well, now it's a definite no.

Oh, my god. Look who's back.

Well, I believe it's those
adorable Gilmore girls.

My, how we have missed them.

I hear they're different now- a little sad.

A little broke.

Don't you two believe in jet lag?

No way.
We're still flying on the Atlantic City buzz.

Hey, handsome. Were you bad while I was gone?

I was. I went to bed every night at 10:15.

Grandpa, what am I gonna do with you?

- Hey, Luke.
- Hey, Rory.

We, on the other hand,
have not been to bed at all since we left.

We did fall over once, though.

Did you have a good trip?

I believe it was the best belated
21st-birthday party on record.

What's different?

No kalua.

Oh, right.

Which reminds me- sorry about all the
drunken late-night phone calls.

What drunken late-night phone calls?

Uh, so, um, do you want to hear about all the
things we can tell you about our trip?

I'm not sure.

First of all, video poker is my calling. I
think I'm totally gonna dedicate my life to it,

especially the third machine in
the second row of machines

as you hit the entrance of trump Taj Mahal.

I'm more of a roulette girl myself.

And we did the whole thing up right.
We did the martinis at the blackjack table.

And we pretended I was turning
21 while we were playing 21.

And we actually won and bought our 21 items.

Shot glasses, glow-in-the-dark coasters,
salt and pepper shakers, pasties.

Oh, and look.

What's that?

21 guys' phone numbers.

I must say I'm pretty proud of how quickly
we got them and also of the fact

that no one questioned us when we said
our names were Wendy and Lisa.

So, tell me, how was Paul Anka- the person,
not the dog?

We didn't get to see him.

Why not? It's all you talked about.

His show had actually closed
a week before we got there.

So, who'd you end up seeing?

Well, it came down to journey without
their original lead singer,

INXS without their original lead singer,

Queen without their original lead singer,

the Suprem without Diana, and, weirdly,

the James Brown band without James Brown.

But we wound up seeing Tony Danza,
who was sublime.

Oh, the tap dancing.

Why "Taxi" never utilized his musical-comedy
skills is astonishing.

Sounds great.

Oh, and we snagged you a Paul Anka t-shirt.

Had some left over.

Wear it tonight.

Okay.

I'm making you burgers.

Wait, wait.
You haven't seen the best part yet.

What?

We were walking...

Well, sort of walking,
sort of drunk girls in high heels stumbling.

...down the street, and we see this guy.

And, Luke, my hand to god, it's you.

It's totally you. Luke 2.0.

We came face-to-face with your doppelganger,
my friend.

So we followed him.

Yeah, 'cause we had to. He went into
this nightclub, so we followed him.

'Cause we're stalkers obsessed
with getting his picture.

We follow him through this grungy place.
He goes backstage.

'Cause he's in the biz.

We sneak behind the curtain,
and we track him down.

We told him all about you, and then I showed
him your picture, and he totally freaked out.

Wait, I got it.

Luke, I want you to meet Derek McKinney,
your twin separated at birth.

This is a man dressed like Dolly Parton.

You should hear him do "Jolene"- amazing.

You think I look like a guy
dressed as Dolly Parton?

A little less with the makeup,
but check out the chins.

I'm gonna get your burgers.

He missed us.

Definitely.

Mom, I got to go!

Hold on. Wait. I'm coming.

Here's sustenance for the road.

For the very long 30-minute
drive back to school?

Thank god.
I don't think I would have made it.

Do you have everything?

I think so.

Oh, no!

What? What are you doing?
Why do you hate the boxes?

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

I accidentally forgot to turn
in my community-service vest.

So?

So this vest belongs to the state.

I have now stolen state property.

They're gonna give me community service
for stealing my community-service vest.

Okay, freaky, then hand me the vest.
I will deliver it to the state, okay?

What's next on your agenda?

I'm just gonna head straight
over to Paris' apartment.

I can't believe you're gonna live
with Paris again- again.

Hey, she's got an empty room,
and the price is right.

The housing on campus is taken,
so it's that or a cardboard box.

Okay, but how big a cardboard box?

After I dump my stuff at Paris',
I have to hit campus.

I still have some class begging to do.
I have to add two courses to my schedule

if I'm gonna make up all the
work I've missed this year.

You don't have to make up
everything right away.

I do if I want to graduate the same time
I would have before the detour.

Anyway, I have tons of books to buy.
I have a meeting with the dean.

And, of course, I have a meeting
with the school psychologist.

Back up. I'm sorry. You- a meeting with who?

I told you about this.

No, you did not.

Every student who unexpectedly takes
time off and wants to come back

has to have a one-time meeting
with the school psychologist.

- You did not tell me this.
- I did.

You did not, because I would have
remembered if you told me

you had to have your head shrunk.

It's just a formality. They just want to make
sure I'm stable and everything's cool.

I can't believe you're going to a therapist.

You know,
they're totally gonna ask you about me.

What?

They always want to ask about your mother.

It's okay. Say whatever you want.

But make sure you start with,
"my mother's very hot. "

Yes, that won't seem at all
disturbing to the doctor.

- I have to get going.
- I don't want you to go.

- Mom...
- You just got here.

But you're gonna come see me in three days.

I know, but with our stupid fight,
I got cheated this year.

I know. Me too.

Okay.

All right. That's enough affection for you.

Paul Anka, come say goodbye.

I haven't seen him all morning.

Paul Anka!

Oh, well,
I guess he doesn't like you better than me.

A fickle pooch, that one.

Well, he knows who pours the kibble.

Say goodbye to him for me,
and I'll call you tonight.

Okay. Bye.

- Hey!
- What?

He does like me better!

Oh, you put bacon in your laundry.

Paul Anka likes me better.
Paul Anka likes me better.

First Tony Danza tosses you the corsage,
and now this. Get out here, you.

Yeah. That's right.
Avoid my glance there, buddy.

It's the sugar-on-the-toe thing.

A dog never forgets his first sugar toe.

I thought you had a million
things to do today.

Hmm. Suddenly not so sad to see me go, huh?

What? No. Don't be a stranger. Bye-bye.

Bye, Paul Anka.

If you squint really hard,
she kind of looks like me.

Take off, lady.

Hey, Judas, get back here right now!

So, what are your initial thoughts
about your wedding?

Well, it should be legal.

Good. Okay. And after that?

After that, I'm out.

How about a hometown wedding?

Town square- ceremony in the gazebo.

Gaze-blah.

Okay. Boring. I got it.

How about a church wedding?

Maybe.

Ooh, a beach wedding, huh?

No shoes, Luke can wear shorts.

No. But I want to be with you when
you pitch the shorts idea to Luke.

Okay, no consensus on the locale.
Let's move on to the dress.

Okay.

Any thoughts?

There should be one.

Okay. Doing great here.

Are you gonna eat that cake?

Why, you want it?

It's just sitting there.
It doesn't look like you're gonna eat it.

Oh. Oh, my god. You want our table,
don't you?

Yeah, we're swamped.

Luke, I'm your fiancé.
That doesn't buy me extra table time?

You've been sitting there for two hours.

We're planning our wedding.

Well, plan at the counter.

You want a counter-planned
wedding, seriously?

Coming right up.

Forget I said anything.

Yeah.

Hey, that's a pretty dress.

Maybe. It's very white.

You don't want to wear white?

Maybe. I'm not sure.

Of course you're gonna wear white.

Brides wear white. That's the rule.

Says who?

Y- you have to wear white.
My mother wore white. Her mother wore white.

Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke!

Do you know who I am?

Of course I know who you are.

Who am I, Luke?

You're Sookie.

No, Luke. I'm not "Sookie. "

I'm "Sookie B.F.O.T.B."

What?

Best Friend Of The Bride.

It is my responsibility to
help plan this event,

to talk through all the details,
to taste the cake and pick the invitations,

and to keep you- the fiancé of the bride-

from having to pretend to be interested
in things that he has no interest in.

- I have an interest.
- B.F.O.T.B.

Your turkey melt is up.

- Luke, your turkey melt's up.
- Fine.

- Refills?
- Yes. See, I can make decisions.

What's all this?

We are planning a wedding.

Oh, super. Well, at least there'll be cake.

Well, it's nice that my outlook on life
is sunnier than a 21-year-old's.

Okay, let's start with something
simple- a date for the wedding.

Okay, that does sound simple.

Some people have mentioned some conflicts,

and I think we should take
those into consideration.

Okay.

Miss Patty is going to be in Baja
the first two weeks in April.

And Babette said the last two weeks in April
are bad because her cat's expecting kittens.

That little tramp.

Michel's bad every Saturday
from now until February

because he signed up for his
booty boot camp again.

Kirk has no conflicts,
but Lulu is going to Florida sometime

between may 15th and June 1st.

Who's Lulu?

Kirk's girlfriend.

We're not moving wedding plans around for
people whose last names I don't even know.

- Luke!
- What?

- Who am I?
- Oh, jeez.

Apartment 5 is Mrs. Holiday. She steals mail.

Apartment 6 is the chili cheese boys.
Take the description at face value.

I don't know who's in apartment 7 because meeting
5 and 6 was enough "it takes a village" for me.

Here we are- apartment 8.

8 is great.

Okay, now,
you have to unlock the middle bolt first...

the bottom bolt second...

the top lock third...

the bottom lock fourth.

You got to kick the door twice.

And that's it.

Wow, you really have to earn it, huh?

It's just a precaution.
It isn't really necessary.

This neighborhood is only
as scary as you make it.

Those guys downstairs- they
just look deadly.

Believe me, they don't bother
you if you don't bother them.

When you have guests over,
just tell them they're a doo-wop group.

We keep the door fully locked,
even when we're home.

We actually added the chains after there were
a couple of break-ins on the street,

but we've never had any trouble.

We've got a very sophisticated
crime-prevention system set up here.

When we leave, we always keep the radio on-

rush Limbaugh, of course,
so they know we have guns in the house.

The lights are all on a timer,
so don't touch the switches.

And there's a motion detector in the hallway,
so don't freak out when it goes on at night.

Now, over here is our trusty
dog- bloodhound.

Excellent for magazine pushers and
pamphlet bearers of all types.

- You've got it all covered.
- Pretty much.

That's our room. That's your room.
They're both the same size,

but we have an extra window 'cause Doyle has
dreams about walls collapsing in on him,

so he needs to sleep near glass.

Oh, my god! Were those gunshots?

No, that was just a car backfiring.

The real gunfire actually sounds fake.

You'll pick it up eventually.
They call it "ghetto ear. "

Something to look forward to.

Doyle sleeps very deeply,
so don't worry about the hours.

I, as you know, haven't slept through
the night since the first time

I saw "The Wizard of Oz," thank you mom,

so I tend to do my crafts in
the middle of the night.

But the walls are very thick.
You won't hear a thing.

Oh, now, the hot water in the bathroom-

Aha! You let your guard down, Geller,
and I did it. I got the best of you.

- I was giving a tour!
- Admit your defeat!

- Never. Rematch.
- Challenge accepted.

Helmets on.

What are you doing? What's going on?

When we moved into the neighborhood,
we thought it would be good

to take some self-defense classes.

Krav maga- official self-defense,
hand-to-hand combat style of Israel.

Krav maga is not about being a tough
guy or fighting in a ring.

It's about going home alive, no matter what.

And it's a rush.

Pads on.

Attack on 3.

1... 2...

Okay, I'm gonna go get the rest of my stuff,
so I'm just gonna...

Steinbeck! Steinbeck!

That's not your safety word.

I know. It's "saroyan. "

You've been practicing behind my back.

I love you.

3418. 3418. Did we pass 3418?

This is some weak coffee.

Maybe I wrote it down wrong.
"Across the street from a butcher. "

Or a "Barber. "

Or a "Barbara. "

"Across the street from a Barbara. "

Ooh, I wonder if it's a famous Barbara,
like Streisand or Mandrell.

Okay, I give.

Oh, I think we passed it.

This was supposed to be the best place
to find wedding invitations,

and now we've passed it!

And since we passed it, it's vanished from
the face of the earth, never to be seen again.

Here. Let me see the paper.

Oh, yeah, we passed it.

Of course we have.

And we're on the wrong side of the street.

Of course we are.

Ooh! Look, look.

What? Oh jeez.

- Let's go in.
- Why?

To look at dresses!

Oh Sookie, I don't know what kind of
dress I want. I may make my own dress.

So what? We can just go in and look around.

They're gonna look at us funny.

What are you talking about?

You have the golden ticket...

I do, don't I?

You have the golden ticket on your hand...

You're gonna stop singing
when we go inside, right?

Otherwise, they really will look at us funny.

Wow. It's a lot of white.

Ooh! Try this on. I dare you.

I think this is the one divine turned
down for being too over-the-top.

Are we allowed to touch these?

I don't know. Do you see anyone here?

No.

Maybe they're in back. Maybe they've
been taken hostage by the tulle.

Where are you going?

What are you doing?

Look.

Pretty.

Not pretty. It's perfect.
It's the perfect dress.

Really? You think?

I don't believe it. I just turned around,
and there it is- the perfect dress.

It's your size.

The perfect dress is my size. That is weird.

Does anyone work here?

Hello! Does anyone work here?!

- Oh, my god.
- What?

It's on sale.

It's the perfect dress.

That's it. I'm trying it on.

Don't get the wrong idea.
I'm not looking for anything serious.

Look. Woman come in here.
Tell me this is full set of 1950s milk glass.

Does she think my mother dropped
me on my head when I'm a baby?

I know Nigella Lawson when I see it.

I'm going upstairs.

Wait. Talk.

How was work?

I handed people food for 61/2 hours.
It's every little girl's dream.

I'm making kimchi dumplings tonight.

I smell like burgers and fries,
so I'll have to shower.

Okay.

Which means I won't be ready for
dinner for at least 45 minutes.

Fine. I need to make the dumplings.
Dumplings don't' make themselves.

And you might want to put on
your Korean television show.

Because I'm gonna listen to music- and it's
gonna be music you don't approve of.

But I'm 21 now, so I'll listen to the
music that I like when I like,

and that's just the way it's gonna be.

Professor Jillian. Professor Jillian!

Sorry. I'm in a bit of a hurry.

That's okay. Don't slow down. I'll catch up.

Hi. Rory Gilmore.

Nice to meet you, Rory.

And you, really. I'm actually hoping
to get a spot in your class.

It was full by the time I got my name in,
not that my delay in registering

should be taken as lack of enthusiasm.

Apparently not.

So, anyhow, I'm really hoping to
score a spot in your class.

Well, add/drop begins tomorrow.

I'm aware of that. I thought I would start
putting in a good word for myself now.

So here's the good word,
I'm dying to be in your class.

I even bought your book,
the one you wrote for the class.

I bought it new, not used,
so you get full royalty payment on it.

Well, thank you.

I want to be in your class.

I can't make you any promises,
but I appreciate your enthusiasm.

And by the way, I get full royalties whether
you buy the book new or used.

See how much I've learned already?

Goodbye, Rory.

I will see you tomorrow.

I knew you'd have to hit the
coffee cart eventually.

Well, we're done.

We're done with what?

With the wedding preparations.
We're all done.

What?

I just dropped off a deposit
check to the caterer,

and I brought you some duck-sausage rolls,
by the way.

Duck-sausage rolls.

They sounded weird to me, too,
but they're incredible.

I don't understand. How did this happen?

This morning, you didn't know whether you
were gonna wear a white dress or not.

I know, but then Sookie and I went
to check out these invitations,

and right next door,
there was this little bridal shop.

And we thought, "we'll just go in, look
around, no big deal. " Just girl fun, right?

And I went in, and I turned around,
and there it was- the perfect dress.

The bodice is this blush-colored silk tulle,
and it has all these little crystal beads on it.

The skirt is a blush silk tulle with a blush
silk/satin lining, and the back goes into a train.

And, oh, it has a cream, satin sash,
so you get a little white in there,

which I know is very important to you.

I tried it on, and it fit me perfectly,
and it was on sale, and so I bought it.

And from the minute I bought the dress,
everything else fell into place.

What does that mean?

Well, the dress is strapless, so, hello,
summer wedding.

And summer means daisies,
so flower choice done.

And we went into the stationery store,
and there was the perfect daisy invitations,

which I know sounds a little girly, but,
seriously, there are no macho wedding invitations,

so please just give me this one, okay?

Okay.

Okay. So I bought the invitations.
The place is running a special.

They print the invites and mail them for you
and handle the RSVP list, so that's done.

Then we go to get some coffee,
and in the window of the coffee shop,

there is a picture of a beautiful
rose-covered church.

I thought, "gee, that's pretty.
I wonder where that is. "

And do you know where it is?

No.

Right around the corner from the coffee shop.
So we went in and talked to pastor Todd.

Pastor Todd?

And the church is perfect. And out back,
there's a separate function hall

with these floor-to-ceiling windows
and doors that open out.

And behind the hall is this old carousel.

- A carousel?
- From 1850.

And it should be fully restored
and working by June 3rd,

which, by the way,
is the date of our wedding.

- June 3rd?
- Yes.

Which is also miraculously a date that absolutely
no one in stars hollow has a conflict with,

and the pastor was running a special.

- A special?
- Yeah.

I rented the church.
And he gave me the hall for half price,

and he threw in the use of
the carousel for nothing.

And his sister runs a catering company,
and Sookie blessed it,

and so basically that's it- we're done.

It was so weird how this happened.

It's like the dress was a sign or something.

There are no signs.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god! It started snowing.

It started snowing right as I
started talking about signs.

That, my friend, is a sign.

That is not a sign. That is weather.

No, this is more than weather.

This is fate.

June 3rd, huh?

- June 3rd.
- That's soon.

I know.

It's less than five months away.

I know.

Okay, I better get this back home
before the snow gets any worse.

Oh, and I picked out your tuxedo.

You can stop by the place anytime you want.

They were running a special,
so the alterations are free.

City beat- Martha Billings.
Editorials- Peter Brooke.

Sports- Russ Tamblen.
Religion beat- Heather Torrance.

Religion beat- my former beat.

Good luck, Heather.

And features- Arlen Sather, Nick Scott,
and the returning Rory Gilmore.

Also joining our ranks this year,
our former editor Doyle McMaster

and his his new column "the
world according to Doyle. "

It's going to be a great term, people,
an important term,

a term to change the history
of the Yale Daily News.

The work will be hard. It has to be hard.

Nothing less than perfect will be tolerated.

Please remember that I am your editor.

I am not your mother or your hugger.

If you need some love, get a hooker.

If you're having a bad day,
find a ledge or a way to deal.

My door is not open to you ever.

You have five minutes to enjoy your cookies.

Welcome to the Yale Daily News.

Thanks for the features beat, Paris.

You deserve it. You're a good writer.

Thank you.
And I know you're gonna be a great editor.

- I plan on it.
- Yeah.

But, you know,
you might want to ease up just a tad.

What do you mean?

You know, the "five minutes for the cookies,"
the "no talking" signs posted everywhere,

the "no decorating your desk" rule,
the new demerit system,

the locks on theathroom doors. It's just
all a little, um, harsh and restrictive.

This is a newsroom. People should
be able to talk, yell, joke around...

I don't agree.

...Go to the bathroom.

Journalism is an art form, and the best art is
created under repression, like Stalin's gulag.

You think Solzhenitsyn could have written

"one day in the life of Ivan Denisovich"
on a yoga retreat?

- Paris, I don't really think...
- Oh, great.

I got a call saying your boyfriend
was coming back.

He's not my boyfriend anymore, Paris.
We broke up.

Keep your personal stuff at home, okay?
I can't be seen caring about this.

My door is not open!

Huntzberger- my office, now!

Sit down, Logan.
Let's have a little talk about your future.

Sure, Paris.

Now, I know you think your sugar daddy runs
the world, and that includes this paper,

and possibly in the past that was true,
but not anymore.

You don't scare me.

Your daddy doesn't scare me.

Your mommy doesn't scare me.

If you have a brother, a sister, or a really
angry cat, they don't scare me, either.

Hey, either spin a plate on your nose while
you do that or cut it out, 'cause I am speaking.

- Sorry.
- Oh, you will be.

Now let's talk about deadlines,
emphasis on "dead. "

So, the elevator's getting fixed on Monday,

but I'm thinking I may not even use it 'cause
the stairs are excellent exercise.

And I love having a hallway, you know.

I've never had a hallway before.

And I am really lucky that Paris and Doyle
hadn't rented out that other room yet.

I mean, this location is really in demand.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

I mean,
it is literally 10 minutes from campus.

You know how hard I'm gonna have
to work to be late for class?

Those guys down there- are
they your neighbors?

Um, no. They're a doo-wop group.

You have some plutonium back
there or something?

Uh, no, just Paris. She's quirky.

Okay, welcome to my place.

No.

- Mom, give it a chance.
- No.

Look, we have a really big living room.

No.

I know it just looks rundown,
but everything works fine.

No!

- Mom.
- No.

Okay, tour's over. Time for lunch.

No.

Let's go.

No. No.

Saroyan! Saroyan!

- No, no, no.
- Okay. Okay.

It's very nice.

It's one of a kind.

- Will you take $250?
- For that chair?

It does have some nicks.

That chair is 200 years old.
It's gonna have some nicks.

It sat in James Madison's bedroom.

This chair is a piece of history. We
shouldn't even be allowed to sell it to you.

Well, I didn't mean to insult you.

You didn't insult me.

You insulted the chair and the
United States of America.

All right. $300's fine.

Forget it.

That's what the price tag says.

The price just went up.
If you want the chair, it's $350.

If you don't, please leave,
because I have a lot of work to do.

- Well...
- Bye.

$350- here.

Do you take cash?

Exact change only.

I don't suppose you have a delivery service.

Oh, that's okay.
I'll- I'll take it with me right now.

You forgot to kick her in the
pants as she walked out.

I made the sale, didn't I?

Yes, but with less bite,
a customer might come back.

You always drive a hard bargain.

- Yes, I do.
- Okay, then.

- We do have a delivery service.
- Yeah, me in a minivan-

not in the mood, no matter how exciting
the prospect of a $2 tip is.

Too bad it's not Christmas-

that smiley face of yours would cheer
up children for miles around.

Zach. Zack!

You have a lot of nerve just to
walk into my place like this.

What are you talking about?
This is like a place of business.

Maybe I want to buy some antiques.

Oh, right!

You're not wearing your glasses anymore.

What do you want, Zach?

I think you have a CD of mine.

What CD?

The one with a crazy-looking chick on it.

I don't have any of your CDs, Zach.

I think you do.
I can go up to your room and check.

No!
Zach, you can't go up to my room and check.

I look and if I find a CD with a
crazy-looking chick on it, I'll mail it to you.

Seriously, let's go upstairs and look now.

I'm working, Zach.

Yeah, I can tell there's a major
rush on ancient crap going on.

Bye, Zach!

Five minutes, Lane.

Out, Zach!

- It's my favorite CD.
- Out!

Fine!

Hey, you break it, you buy it!

Oh, Rory.

Come on. It's not so bad.

It's "Angela's Ashes. "

It's basic.

It's "Sanford and Son. "

Mom, the neighborhood is safe.
A ton of kids from school live there.

And they have a safety van that
goes to and from campus,

so I don't have to walk home at night.

That wasn't a doo-wop group, was it?

No.

Let's call daddy,
make him pay for an apartment with one lock.

No.
Look, this is the way it's supposed to be.

I am in college. Don't you see?

I'm supposed to live in a crappy apartment.

I'm supposed to eat ramen noodles
and mac and cheese for months.

I've been living in a pool house with maids

and fresh-cut flowers and mints
on my pillow every night.

You got to love my mother sometimes.

This is good and right, and I'm happy, and I
have roommates who are learning to kill people.

So where's the bad? Now let's talk about you.
How are the wedding plans going?

- Done.
- What?

- All done.
- What?

The dress, the cake, the place,
the invitations. June 3rd, by the way.

Wow.

Yeah. I also bought your dress and shoes.

How did all this happen?

Well, I found this dress, which, at the time,
seemed like the perfect dress.

And from the dress, all the other details fell
into place. By the end of the day, it was done.

- That's great.
- Is it?

- Isn't it?
- I don't know.

Sure, I thought it was. I thought it was
a sign or something- finding the dress.

Then when it started to snow, I was like,
"somebody's telling me something. "

So it would seem.

Then I started thinking.

Uh-oh.

It was all too easy.

Planning a wedding shouldn't be easy
because marriage isn't easy.

How do you know? You've never been married.

- Exactly.
- Exactly what?

I have never been married
because it's not easy,

and I usually freak out and
screw everything up.

I freaked out and screwed everything
up with Max, remember?

- Yeah, but...
- But I haven't freaked out about Luke yet.

Why haven't I freaked out about Luke yet?

It's my pattern. It's what I do, and then I started
freaking out about the fact that I hadn't freaked out.

You got caught in the circle of freak out.

What if this dress is really a bad sign,
not a good sign?

What if the dress is telling me
that it's so right, it's wrong?

Mom...

What if I'm about to bail out
and I don't even know it?

You are driving yourself crazy.

What if all the signs are saying that
things shouldn't be this easy,

that I shouldn't get the guy I want?

What if it's like that "twilight zone" where
the woman on a horse is being chased

by another woman on a horse who turns
out is older her chasing younger her,

trying to tell her that she should not run
off with the guy she's going to run off with

because it will be a terrible,
terrible mistake.

Okay King George, take a breath, eat a fry,
and listen to me.

The dress is a good sign. Everything fell
into place because it should. It's all right.

The dress is right, the date is right,
Luke is right.

And the snow- remember the snow?
The snow never lies.

I guess.

Be happy. This is all good.

Thanks.

I'm gonna miss you when you're
murdered and stuffed

into a dumpster by the doo-wop group.

Tell me about my dress.

Two words- "hoopskirt. "

Nice.

In a lovely shade of tangerine.

Excellent.

The minute I saw it, I thought,
"this would totally be Rory

if only it had a few more ruffles. "

A fry with your evilness?

Well, thank you.

Hello, stranger.

Hey.

Uh, can- can I come in?

Why not?

Sorry about barging in on you like that.

Hey, it's fine.

I'm making tea. You want some tea?

Uh, sure. Tea sounds like tea.

April's not here right now.

She's tracking a grub migration.

All inquiries stopped after the word "grub. "

That's okay. I came by to see you, actually.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

You got a lot of stuff here.
You sell clothes?

Clothes, pillows, candles, fabrics.

It's one of those everything kind of
boutiques that used to send you

in a "what do people need with
all this crap?" kind of rant.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's nice.

- Thanks. Here.
- Thanks.

It tastes like tea.

Uh, this is weird.

I know.

It's been a very long time.

I know.

I actually saw you once about five years ago
in the parking lot of some lumberyard.

Yeah?

I waved, but you either didn't see
me or didn't want to see me.

I didn't see you. I would have waved back,
unless I was holding stuff,

and then I would have nodded or something.

Sure. I'm sure.

I thought about you when the Red Sox won.

Really?

I knew it would be a big day for you.

It was.

How come you didn't tell me, Anna?

- Luke...
- It was a phone call.

We should sit down.

I've been in the same place forever- haven't
moved. You certainly knew how to find me.

Luke, come on. We'd already broken
up by the time I found out,

and I knew how you felt about kids.

What do you mean, how I felt about kids?

- You hate kids.
- I don't hate kids.

- What are you talking about?
- I don't.

We couldn't go the movies before 10:00 at
night in case there were kids in the theater.

Well, kids talk during a movie,
and they throw crap around.

They run up and down the aisles.
They're animals.

We would move tables in a restaurant
if they seated us near a family.

Only if there was something
crying or spitting up.

You would flip out if you saw a
woman breast-feeding in public.

You couldn't stand to watch
diaper commercials.

And you had an unnatural hatred
of Macaulay Culkin.

Okay, fine. I hated kids,
but I'm not that guy anymore.

13 years ago, you were that guy.

It doesn't mean I would have
been like that with my kid.

Even if I would have been like that with
my kid, I still had a right to know.

I'm sorry.

Yeah. Well, you know, I could have helped.

I could have helped pay for stuff
and take care of things.

I didn't need you to pay for stuff
and take care of things.

This was my responsibility, too.

And now that I know, I have to do something.

What does that mean?

It means I want to offer you
whatever assistance I can-

monetary, of course,
and compensation for the past 12 years.

But we really don't need anything.

It was not my idea for April to call you.
It was all her thing.

She got obsessed with winning that science
contest, and she's really a smart, driven kid.

She's already written a short novel,
and she's got her own website.

So she went through my old letters
and put the whole thing together

and, frankly, didn't tell me anything
about it till way after the fact.

I did not send her to you.

I know you didn't, but she came to me,
and now I know, and I want to help.

I'm not talking about contact here.
I know you've got your life.

I don't want to mess things up. I just want
to live up to my end of the bargain.

You don't owe us anything, Luke.
We want for nothing and always have.

But if you want to chip in, then, sure,
chip in.

Really? Great. That's great.

That's really- thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Okay, well, that's all I came to say, so-

so I guess I'll get going.

Luke, it was really great seeing you.

You too.

Tell April hi for me.

I will do that.

Hey, Luke.

Yeah?

You happy?

Yeah.

Me too.

It's pretty cool, isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

I brought coffee, but it's cold.

It's a nice place you got here.

I've been discussing the "baking soda to
actual crack" ratio you can get away with

with your neighbors downstairs.
2 to 1 during the daylight, 3 to 1 at night.

I have 10 minutes to change.
Then I have someplace to be.

It's gonna take you 20 to unlock your door.

Bye, Logan.

This place is a dump, Rory.
You can't live here.

You don't get to care about where
I live anymore, Logan.

You broke up with me- through your sister.

I didn't mean for that to happen.

You're a coward. Mr. life and death brigade
can't break up with his girlfriend.

Honor was bugging me, and I told her we
broke up to shut her up. I needed some time.

- So you didn't mean it?
- No, I did. I just-

it was too much for me, okay?

It was a fight.

People fight.

I don't fight. I don't want to be screaming at you
at a bar. I can't take that. It's too much drama.

Well, if you can't take the drama,
then you shouldn't even be in a relationship,

which, by the way, you're not,
so everything's good.

It's not that easy.

Sure, it is.

You want some help?

Nope.

I bet one of those guys downstairs could help
you out getting into a locked apartment.

Just go be somewhere else, Logan.

I thought that I wanted to break up.
I thought that it was a stupid experiment-

me trying to be a boyfriend,
that it didn't work, and I'd just move on.

And I didn't- couldn't, actually.

Rory...

I love you.

I have an appointment. I have to go.

Sorry I'm late.

Well, considering how many times you
rescheduled, I'm just happy you're here at all.

I was just spending some time with my mother.

We were apart for a while.

You were?

Yeah.

A falling-out?

Nothing major- just mother/daughter stuff.

I don't have to lie down, do I?

No. That's not a "lying down" couch.

Good.

So, did this falling-out have anything to
do with your dropping out of school?

Boy, we just jumped into this, didn't we?

You want to talk about something else first?

No.

I mean, we're here to talk about you leaving
school, so I figured, "let's just start there. "

What happened?

Nothing.

We fought.

I'm fine. We're fine.

I hear you had some legal problems.

My, those are some big ears
you have there, grandma.

Stealing a boat is a pretty big deal.

- I was upset.
- About what?

About life and things and stuff.

You spent a night in jail?

Yes, I did.

How did that feel?

Great.

You don't want to talk about this, either?

I'm just- I'm sick of talking
about it- that's all.

You seem very agitated.

I'm not agitated.

So, I spent a night in jail- big deal.

So did Martin Luther King.

Are you comparing yourself
with Martin Luther King?

No, I'm not. I just- I'm saying that
he spent a night in jail, too.

You were arrested with your boyfriend?

Yes, I was.

Tell me about that.

About what? He was my boyfriend then,
and now he's not.

He's not?

No, he's not.

We broke up.

Oh, no. I'm sorry. He broke up.

I thought that we were just taking some time,
but apparently I'm a moron.

Uh, this is Logan?

What, you have his name, too?

Super. Do you also have the picture of him
hijacking me in my hallway earlier today?

I'm sorry. What?

I mean, how fair is that?

He's gone,
and then he shows up out of the blue.

"You can't live here. This place is a dump.

And, by the way, I love you. "

"I love you"?!

Is he serious?!

I don't know.

Nothing for weeks,
and then he just decides that he loves me.

So, what happens now?
I get another Birkin bag?

And how long until he doesn't
love me again, huh?

I stole a boat with him!

I never stole a boat with Dean!

Who's Dean?

My married ex-boyfriend who
I lost my virginity to!

Wow.

Yeah. I'm a treat.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I- I don't think I can take running
into him every day in the halls

and the paper and the coffee cart.

Oh, my god.

I'm gonna have to quit drinking coffee,

and I love coffee!

I really love coffee.

I feel like an idiot.

Just relax, Luke.
It should only take a couple more minutes.

I've been following you around
for half an hour.

I know there's a wireless internet
hub around here somewhere.

Ah!

No. Encrypted.

I used to use the bank's access, but I had to
stand right in front of the versateller machine,

and they got very snippy about that.

And Doose's had it for a while,
but Taylor but a block on it.

It's sad what this world is coming to.

Why don't I just find someone who
actually has the internet?

Hold on.

Hold on.

We have achieved contact.

We have?

Yes, courtesy of Stars Hollow books.

Okay. Now, tell me what you need.

Uh, I just, uh, need to look up a website.

Okay. Give me the name,
and I'll type it in for you.

Hold on- is this one of those websites?

'Cause if they'll come after Pete Townsend,
no one is safe.

Kirk, just tell me what to do,
and I'll do it myself.

- Are you sure?
- Yes. Just- here.

- Okay, give me your hand, and-
- Stop it.

All right. Just click here, then type in the
name of the website here, then press here.

This makes the page go up and down.

I can figure out the rest, Kirk.

All right. I'll be over here if you need me.

I've never felt safer in my life.

Thank you for coming.
We appreciate your business.

Everything's dusted.
The receipts are organized.

I'm not hungry. I'm going upstairs.

Lane Kim!

Come down now!

Follow me.

Help me.

Good. Come.

Whoa.

Lane, it's been six weeks
since you come home.

You have grieved, and now we move on.

One more.

Hey, buddy.

Yeah, there is something
weird about it, right?

What? What is it?

Hello?

Guess who's crazy.

- Who?
- Me.

You? Since when?

Since I went all Frances Farmer in
my psychologist evaluation today.

I'm on the bed and comfortable.

Should I get popcorn,
or is it a shorter story than that?

I went home from class to get ready for
the appointment, and Logan was there.

At your apartment?

In the hallway.

And, of course, I couldn't get my door
open fast enough, so he started talking.

What did he say?

He said he loved me.

No way.

And it completely threw me.

And I got out of there as fast as I could.

But then I got to Dr. Shapiro's office, and he
started peppering me with all these questions,

and I just got more and more upset.

Then I exploded all over the place.

I went through two boxes of kleenex,
I started hyperventilating,

and I had to breathe into a paper bag.

Do you believe him?

Believe who?

Logan- do you believe he loves you?

I don't know. I guess I can figure
that out next week in therapy.

What?

After my little meltdown, Dr.
Shapiro thinks I should come see him

once a week for the next two months.

You're kidding.

No jokes in the mental-health field, only hand
puppets, inkblots, and inflatable anger bats.

I'm so sorry you're a nut.

It's okay. I'm sure Dr.
Shapiro has a nice padded room for me.

Don't let them put you on any of those pills.

Tom Cruise will be very upset.

All right. I should go.
I have a massive amount of reading to do.

I just wanted to call and say hi.

Okay. Remember- blame it all on grandma.

Will do.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Okay.

Hold on.

Hello?

Just a sec.
Major pillow emergency happening here.

What? Anna?

Sorry. Hi. Who's this?

It's, uh, Luke.

Luke?

Wow, when it rains, it-

I saw her website.

Her?

I saw her pictures- in the lab
and with the Christmas tree.

You never told me she wore a back brace.
Why was she wearing a back brace?

Oh, she had just read "Deenie. "
It was a phase.

Well, still, I should have known.

That she had just read "Deenie"?

Yes, and that she was going through
a phase and was a science wiz

and wore crazy bike helmets and
glasses and looked like me.

Just the nose.

The nose is something. I mean, there's no
one else running around with my nose.

That you know of.

Is this funny to you?

No. I'm sorry.

You should've told me.

Luke, we went through all this already. I-

- I want contact.
- What?

I want a relationship. I want to talk to
her and see her on a regular basis.

- But you said- - I don't care what I said.
This is what I want.

I want to know my own daughter,
and I want her to know me.

Okay.

Really?

Well, it's really up to April,
but if she's cool, then I'm cool.

Oh.

So, uh, is, uh, April there now?

No. But she'll be home pretty soon.

Can I have her call you?

- Yes. No.
- No?

I should call her.

She'll definitely be home by 8:00.

Then I will call back at 8:00.

Okay.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Hey, Anna?

What the hell is "Deenie"?

The gospel according to Judy Blume.

- What?
- It's a book, Luke.

And now would probably be a good
time for you to read it.

Bye.

Bye.

Lorelai!

Uh, Luke, I'm upstairs!

Yeah, uh, can you come down?
I have to talk to you about something.

Okay. Yes, I will come down,
but I'm coming down in my wedding dress.

What? No!

Yes!

It's bad luck for me to
see the wedding dress.

I know, but I need you to see this dress.
There's something not right up here.

It was too easy.
I can't be objective anymore.

- But-
- Coming down.

But I don't-

Well?

It's-

You're perfect.

Really? Have you seen the back?

I think the train's a little weird,
and I can take it back if you don't think-

It's perfect.

Are you sure?

Okay.

It's not bad luck if it's under five minutes.