Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 6, Episode 1 - New and Improved Lorelai - full transcript

What?

- Luke. Will you -
- Yes.

- Well, you don't have to answer so -
- Yes.

- Well, you can take a minute to -
- No.

So, what... now?

I don't know. This is new for me.

Well, we should do something. Official.

Official.

Yeah. Something to commemorate the moment.

I mean, we're getting married.

Luke.

Married.

You and me.

Luke table-for-one Danes and

Lorelai
I'm-sorry-can-I-get-an-industrial-forklift-

for-my-emotional-baggage
Gilmore are getting

married. Huh?

- We could toast.
- Toast! Yes. Toast! Good.

What'll we toast with?

Uh -

I mean, I know you won't have champagne,
but maybe some wine or beer or something?

Nothing, I've got nothing!

No, you must have something!

Grapefruit juice and
Worcestershire sauce.

Neither sounds very festive.

I could cut it with
some festive ketchup.

No, we need something sparkly.

- Come on.
- Huh? Where are we going?

- To Funkytown.
- No, hey, wait!

What? Did you change your mind?

Oh, how did I screw it up so fast?
Was the Funkytown thing too quippy,

'cause I thought you
liked that about me, but

No, the Funkytown thing
was fine. I just -

Are you sure you want
to celebrate now?

I mean, a minute ago,
when you came in here -

I just want to be happy right now.

Okay?

Okay.

Good.

Now, come on!

Where are we going?

Hey, am I doing this right?

What?

Never mind.

That's great, Grandpa, take your time!
I have no home life.

Six hours I've been standing here waiting
for this ridiculous race to end! -

Okay, that's it! Race is over!

Maggie, I want you to start breaking
all this stuff down.

If I don't get these tables back by
midnight I pay for another day.

But we haven't given out the
trophies to the winners yet!

Oh, who cares about giving out the trophies?

There's no-one here to see the winners
get them, except the losers,

who I'm sure could give a rat's tushie
if the winners get a trophy or not!

Okay, so do I put them back
in the bubble wrap, or -

Just
- just give it to me. Hey, who was first?

- Here.
- Congratulations. Who's second?

- Right here.
- Here.

- Third.
- I wasn't third.

Rat's tushie, party of one...

Okay, everybody, listen up!

I want this square packed up and
cleared out in ten minutes!

Hey, we're closed!

The market is closed!

What is wrong with people tonight?

- It's closed.
- Ugh. Small-town hours.

I hate small-town hours!
As soon as we get married we have to move.

Hey, you two, what are you doing there?

Taylor? Great, we need to get in!

We open at six tomorrow.

Okay, Taylor, listen.

You're going to be the first
one to hear the big news.

Do I have to hear it now?
I have so many things to -

Luke and I are engaged.

You are?

As of just a few minutes ago.

Well, what do you know?
I thought there was a better chance

of all four of the Beatles getting
back together than you two

ever calming down long
enough to get engaged!

Yeah, well, wonder of wonders,
miracle of miracles, right?

Can you just open this door, Taylor?

Well, what do you need in the store?

We need something
to toast this moment with.

Something alcoholic?

Yes.

You know, Lorelai, if you feel that you
have to be drunk to be with him -

Taylor, would you just open the door?

All right.

Where do you keep the champagne?

Over there. Top shelf.

Where?

Top shelf! Top shelf!

Here?

Well, I'm out of ways of saying
"top shelf", Lorelai.

Taylor, it's five ninety-nine.

It's inexpensive, yes,
but you'll still get a buzz.

Luke, did you find anything yet?

Nothing. No wine, no
beer, no cooking sherry.

It's like Dylan Thomas just
blew through town.

I'm sorry, these bikers wiped me out.

They may look like health nuts
but they knock it back.

Oh, Taylor, you have to have something!

Lorelai, I'm sorry,
but - oh, wait a minute!

I think I have a case
of Zima in the back.

Really? Luke! He's got Zima in the back,
he's got Zima in the back!

Yep. Babette had me
stocking it for a while.

I was using it as a stepstool
but I'm sure it's okay.

We'll take it!

Let's just drive to Woodbridge.
They have a Liquor Barn there.

No, I don't want to drive all the way to
Woodbridge! I want to celebrate now.

But men aren't supposed to drink Zima.

Pay the man.

You can forget the tax.
Consider it an engagement present.

Thank you, Taylor! Come on, get the Zima.

Get those tables on the truck!

Hustle, people, hustle!

Where are you going?

I know the perfect toasting place.

Far?

Which one of us is not getting
into the romantic spirit?

The one with a caseful of
chick beer under his arm.

Shoo. Shoo!

Hi, shoo.

- Here.
- Right here?

- Right here.
- Okay.

Okay, so...

here's to us.

To us.

Taylor!

The light guys go on golden
time in five minutes!

Taylor, turn the lights back on!

Well, fine. Apparently there's
an oil well in the middle

of Stars Hollow that
no-one told me about!

Turn them back on, Budgie!

Okay.

I believe we were right about -

there.

Really?

You're going to kiss me now?

So incredibly predictable.

Was this mattress
always this comfortable?

I think so.

It seems so much more comfortable.

We should drink Zima and have
sex every single night.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Good night.
- Night.

So when I said "what about the kids",
I didn't mean "what about our kids".

I mean, yes, obviously,
what about our kids?

But I didn't mean we
had to have any kids.

'Cause we don't. But -

we can, I just didn't
want you to think that

I was laying down some kind
of a mandate. I mean, kids.

It's plural, so it sounds like a lot.
But we can just have one kid,

one's fine, or more if you want more,

or we don't have to have any kids.
We could just

get a plant.

- What?
- Nothing.

Okay.

I bought a house, Twickham house.
I bought it for us.

I don't have it anymore.
I could probably get it back,

but I just thought you should know.
I bought it.

For the kids, that we don't have to have.

It's a big house, and we don't have
to fill it up with kids, you know?

We could, we could get furniture.
Go shopping for a couch,

or get some end tables.

I hat shopping for furniture. For me,
kids are easier.

I love shopping.

Go to sleep.

Mmkay.

Is this really happening?

Yes.

It's really happening.

You bought a house without telling me?

What?

A house? I mean, a house is huge!

Yeah, I know, that's why I told you.

A house full of kids?

No, a plant, don't forget the plant.

Please don't do that, okay?

I mean, any other address
or life changing decisions?

Please include me in!

I will. I am. I'm sorry.

I won't. I will.

Okay.

Sorry.

Kids would be good.

Blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs.

I didn't ask for blueberries.

Antioxidants are on the house today.
Who wants coffee?

Here ya go Trudy!

Hey, top that off for you, Mac?

What do you say, cup of joe, Joe?

Where the heck is he?

There! Right there!

Get over here, you!

I can't believe it!

You finally did it, you
dumb son of a bitch!

You finally got in there
and closed the deal!

- Took you long enough!
- All right, easy, you two!

You know, we should be very mad at you.

Why?

Because we had to find out from someone
else that you and Lorelai are engaged!

East Side Tilly.

She was spreading it around town like she was
going to be a bridesmaid or something.

Tilly is not going to be a bridesmaid.

But it's true, you are engaged, right?

- Right.
- Right.

So we want to hear the whole thing.

- The whole play by play.
- How'd it happen?

- How'd you do it?
- Do what?

How did you propose to Lorelai?

Oh, uh, well -

Did you get down on one knee?

Did you take her somewhere special?

Did you hide the ring in anything?

Oh, like a glass of
champagne, or a cannoli?

Actually, I'm still
working on the ring.

Oh! So the proposal
was spontaneous, huh?

Oh, the spontaneous proposals
are the best, you know.

Yeah, Morey proposed to me spontaneously.
Did I ever tell you the story?

Uh, no.

It was a brisk fall night,
and Morey was on top.

No, wait, I was on top.

What?

Hold on, Stoney Morrison was on top.

Babette!

We were playing Twister!
Did I not mention that?

No.

I probably should have.

Well, enough about us, honey.

Come on, Luke, tell us,
how'd you do it?

Well, actually, I didn't...
Lorelai proposed to me.

Oh.

You went modern.

Well, that's still okay, sugar.

The important thing is,
you're getting married!

We're very happy for you, Luke.

- Yes, we are.
- Yeah.

Uh-huh, thanks. Well, I've got some
work to do. I'll talk to you guys later.

She proposed.

Yeah, well, thank
God he's got a good ass.

Making you an offer,
still runs great,

looking for a brand new start.

A special,
one-time deal on a pre-owned heart.

A special,
one-time deal on a pre-owned heart.

Hi.

Oh, hello there!

For sale again, huh?

Yes. We had an offer,
but the buyer backed out.

Toxic bachelor type.

But we think it'll move fast.

It has all the original fixtures, great
lighting, and a ton of terrific potential.

Yeah, it does.

Are you interested?

Oh, well, maybe.

It would be a great house for kids.

Oh, please. Not you, too.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, nothing. Sorry. Thanks!

Hello.

Lorelai! Wonderful!

How lucky that I caught you.

Now, a few things to go over.

As you know, Rory's court
appearance is Tuesday at three.

I've retained the services of Charlie
Davenport as her attorney.

You remember Charlie, Lorelai.

He bought you a doll
for your birthday once.

Well, he's coming over here tomorrow
morning to discuss Rory's case.

About eight-thirty?

Sounds super.

You know, Charlie doesn't usually
take small cases like this.

He's doing the family a great favor.

Charlie sounds like a swell guy.

He is a swell guy, and a top lawyer!

You must remember him.

Sure, he bought me a doll
for my birthday once.

Well, do you have any questions?

Nope.

I have to say, I thought you would have had
more interest in this subject than you seem to.

Really? Huh. So is there anything else?

No, there isn't anything else!

I just wanted to fill you in!

Will we see you tomorrow morning?

For what?

For the meeting with Charlie Davenport!

Oh, no! It sounds like you have
everything under control.

Fine! I'll talk to you later!

Tell Charlie thanks
for the doll for me.

Good morning!

You're still sleeping? My goodness.
You're young!

These are the good days.

There's plenty of time to sleep when you've
gone up a couple of dress sizes.

Is it stuffy in here?

So. Let's talk about this room.

Now that you're staying here I thought
we could spruce the place up.

Individualize it to your tastes.

You don't have to do anything -

I've been dying to get my hands
on this dump for ages,

and now I finally have an excuse.

Huh. Well, that's insane.

Do you want Hosanna to draw you a bath?

No.

Hosanna, draw Rory a bath, please.

Hosanna has a pot of coffee for you
in the other room. Interested?

Wow!

I brought some fabric samples
to flip through.

Oh, the coffee smells amazing.

There's cream in the fridge.

When did you have time to do all this?

Oh, it's amazing what you can get done
before eight-thirty in the morning.

Now, I've got some things for you.

Key to the pool house, key to
the main house, key to the garage.

The security alarm code,
the security alarm password,

the number of the security company.

Now, the code to the panic room is

one, one, one, one, one.

Don't write it down, and whatever you do,
don't tell the maids.

They tell their children and then their
children grow up and rob you.

Now, is this all your things,
or is there more still at school?

Uh, no, I have a lot more. At Mom's.

Oh. Well, don't you worry.
I'll take care of that.

Did you try the danish?
I bought it at an organic bakery.

So, how'd it go last night?

Hmm?

With Mom.

Was she mad? I mean, of course she was mad,
but was it a bad mad?

Well, you know your mother, Rory.

Everything's the end of the world!
So dramatic.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Lorelai Barrymore.

But don't you worry.

She'll calm down,
just give it some time.

Hello? Is anyone there?

- Come in, please.
- What's that?

It's just the intercom.

Yes, Richard, we're
here and we read you!

Copy that, Emily.

Is Rory up yet? Charlie Davenport
is here for our meeting.

Well, of course she's
up, Richard. Please.

You really think she'd still be asleep
at eight-thirty in the morning?

I have her here
looking at fabric samples.

We'll be done in a minute,
and I'll send her right in.

We'd better get you in that bath!

I didn't know there was an intercom!

Isn't that wonderful? We're just
a push-button away, like Star Trek!

Hosanna! We're coming in!

Oh, I don't think that duck stopped
flying until it hit Paraguay!

And then, of course,
we came home completely empty-handed.

Nothing but our whistles in our hands!

You came home empty-handed,
I came home with the Middlin case.

Oh, yes, that's right!

On this trip, we met Argus Middlin,
CEO of Windermere Technologies.

Paid for his thirty-two million
dollar Maine estate,

and his wife's new lower half,
with the company's pension fund!

Ninety-four million dollars
in accounting fraud.

They had him red-handed! On tape, in e-mails,

the man was guilty as sin.
Where is he now, Charlie?

Los Angeles.
Just bought Ellen Degeneres' house.

So, you got him off?

And successfully sued for
defamation of character!

If you knew the number of truly guilty criminals
put back on the street by this man here,

you'd never believe in the criminal
justice system again.

Now, Richard, I've just realized we've spent
so much time talking about ourselves,

we haven't discussed Rory's case at all.

She must have a million questions!

Go on, Rory, what would you like to know?

Well, I guess I would just like
to know what's going to happen?

Good question!
Richard, that is a good question!

She's a Gilmore.

Well, Rory, the first thing that's going
to happen is I'm going to have

a little face-to-face with the prosecutor
that's handling your case,

we'll go over things,
I'll take him out for a cup of coffee -

Just don't take him duck-hunting.

And then we will agree on a plea bargain.

Really? No trial?

Hell no. Considering you're a first-time
offender with demonstrably excellent character,

not to mention your family's
standing in the community,

the most you'll get is a little community
service, ten hours, give or take.

Sound good?

Yeah. Sounds very good.

Embezzle a pension fund and you'll
really see what he can do.

Now, Richard, I'm afraid I must be going.

We appreciate you coming over like this.

Well, of course. Pleasure meeting you, Rory.

You too.

I'll walk you out, Charlie.

I'll see you on Tuesday, young lady.

Thank you, Mr. Davenport. I swear,
I will never need your help again.

I'm sure you won't.

Charming girl.

She certainly is.

Rory?

In here!

You live here?

Home, sweet home.

Aren't you worried that one night you're going
to sleepwalk right into that pool and drown?

I am now.

Stuff's in here?

Go to town.

I'm meeting more of Doyle's family tonight.

I've been meeting people for months.

He's got, like, five hundred cousins.
And you know what?

He's the tallest one in the family.

- Really?
- Yep.

Family get-together is like a
Lollipop Guild Convention.

I have to stop myself from asking how
it's going at the chocolate factory.

Good, good. Get it all out now.

This isn't half bad.

Yeah, there's a belt in there
somewhere that matches.

So, I have a matter to discuss with you.

Doyle and I have decided to move in together.

- Hey, congratulations.
- Thanks.

We have a great duplex right near campus,
lots of room, separate bathrooms,

and it's a two-bedroom, so I was thinking
maybe you'd like to move in with us.

Very Bob, Carol, Ted
and Alice. Minus Bob.

Now, it wouldn't be until school started,
'cause it's rented 'till then.

But I think it could
be a perfect situation.

It's a nice offer, Paris, but I can't.

I'm not going back to school.

You're pregnant.

No!

Sick? You look pasty.

I'm not sick.

Well, I know your National Guard unit didn't
get called up, so what's the story?

I'm just taking some time off.

No. You don't take time off.

Did you find what you need?
'Cause I have to finish getting ready.

What happened? Something must have happened!

Nothing happened. People take time off.

Einstein took a year off!

Yeah.
After he discovered three laws of physics.

I do not have to defend my life to you.

I'm a grown-up, I'm independent.
I'm on my own.

You have no furniture.

Well, I'm redecorating!

I want to individualize it to my tastes.

Oh. I get it.

I know what this is all about.

No, you don't.

Sure I do.

Paris, just take what
you need and go, okay?

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

Paris.

You.

I think vacation's coming at
just the right time for her.

I'm ready, let's go.

Did you get robbed?

Uh...

Oh, come on!

You should get a real
cash register, Luke.

It's called character, Joe.
It's items like this

that give a place character.

Evening, Luke!

Yeah, sit down, Kirk,
I'll be right with you.

I'm not interested in food, Luke.
I'm here on business.

I hear you might be in
the market for a ring.

Or should I be talking to Lorelai?

Go away, Kirk.

Well, then, it's your lucky day.

Because I happen to be in possession of the
finest estate ring collection in Connecticut.

And since you are a friend,
I'm prepared to make you a great deal.

Or will Lorelai be the one paying for it?

No, she will not be paying for it, Kirk.

Ah, East Side Tilly called it wrong,
this time.

Look, I'll take care of
finding the ring, okay?

You're sure you don't want to take
a look before you toss me out?

No. I don't.

Nice, huh?

Well, yeah.

They are nice.

Really nice. Wow, look at this one!

This is perfect!

It looks like Lorelai.

It sure does.

Yeah. And, these are real?

Yes, they are.

I mean, real diamonds,
not "they exist" real?

Diamond and platinum.

I have a certificate of authenticity
for every one of these babies.

Kirk, where'd you
get all these rings?

I befriend really old women.

Excuse me?

Really old women need companionship, Luke.
They are really old.

Most people they know are dead.

So when someone comes along
and they're not dead,

and they'll listen to their stories
and care about their dosage,

they are grateful.

Are you serious?

Serious as a heart attack.

Which is how I got that ring
you're holding right now.

So what do you think?

I think you've got
some great choices here.

Good.

Actually, I have a lot of sympathy
for what you're going through.

What are you talking about, Kirk?

Well, Lorelai proposing to you like that,
stealing your thunder.

It's got to be embarrassing,
and a little upsetting.

Now you'll never have that moment.

You don't get to be the romantic one,
the one to sweep her off her feet.

That's got to hurt.

I'm fine, Kirk.

Well, sure, what else
are you going to say?

You know, I've been getting pretty
close to proposing to Lulu myself,

and when I heard what happened to you,
it really freaked me out.

I mean, if Lorelai can just
spring it on you like that,

what's to stop Lulu from springing it on me?

Your creepy friendships with really
old women might do the trick.

Well, I've been avoiding her for two days.

Hanging up on her really
quickly when she calls.

She may be mad, but there's no way she's
going to rob me of my moment.

Well, don't you
feel sorry for me, Kirk.

I'm going to have my moment.

But it's gone.

Trust me, I'll have it. Case closed.
Now, here. I'll take this one.

Ah, old widow Mason.

Thought she was Frieda
Callow toward the end.

So, drink, dinner, movie,
that's really what we're doing tonight?

I don't understand why you
won't just believe me.

I'm tired, I just want a mellow
evening with my girlfriend.

Last time you were mellow you
had a hundred and four fever

and even then, we were bar-hopping
for an hour before you fainted.

I didn't faint, I passed out.

Drink, dinner,
and a movie, that's it.

Fine.

For she's a jolly good felon,
for she's a jolly good felon.

For she's a jolly good felon!

Which nobody can deny!

After the party, that is!

- How much longer?
- Oh, sorry.

There's a purse-shoe incident that's
threatening the entire outcome of the ensemble.

It's technical,
you wouldn't understand.

I don't want to understand,
I want to leave. I'm starving.

Watch T.V.

How is that a response to "I'm starving"?

Hey, why don't you answer the door?
That would be fun for ya.

I'm not bored because I'm six.

I'm bored because you told me to pick you
up at seven, and it's eight-thirty.

Who are you?

Well, I'm -

I need to talk to Lorelai.
Where is she?

Lorelai! Where are you?

Who's that?

It's Paris,
and I need to talk to you right now!

- Who are you?
- Well, I tried to tell you -

Paris! What are you doing here?

Are you busy? Is this a bad time?

No, we're just getting ready to go out.
It's fine.

- Um, have you met Luke?
- No.

- I'm Luke.
- Paris.

- Nice to -
- Rory's quitting Yale.

I just went to see her and she told me she's
quitting Yale. Did you know about this?

Yes, I did.

It's Logan. That Christopher
Atkins wannabe is the reason

that she's suddenly Blue Lagoon-ing
it right out of school.

- Paris -
- I don't understand.

- Why are you letting her do it?
- I have no choice.

Yes, you do. You can stop her.

You can pull some of that supermom
crap that you always do

- and get her to change her mind!
- Yep.

Rory can't quit Yale!
We have to do something!

I agree.

I mean, we should kidnap her.

Drag her back here and tie her up and not let
her loose until she listens to reason.

- Yes.
- Luke.

Hey, my suggestion first.

I need her to be at Yale.

Rory has been my only real competition
since she showed up at Chilton!

She's the only one who has
ever challenged me.

She's my pace car. She's my Bjorn Borg.

Without her, I'll get lazy. I'll fall apart.
I'll have frosted hair

and dragon-lady nails and I'll achieve
nothing! I'll become my mother!

Paris. Listen to me. You are a very smart,
driven young lady.

You can be anything you want.
Except a diplomat.

You don't need Rory to push you.

Rory's my only friend.

She stays in the room until I'm completely
done saying something. I need that.

Listen. I know I'm not Rory,

but if you need to talk to someone
you can always call me.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I mean, I'll give you
my cell phone number.

Basically my lifeline.

You take it and you use it.

I can really call you?

Anytime, anywhere.

I'm going to hold you to that.

It's not a threat, sweetie,
if somebody makes the offer willingly.

Okay. Thanks.

Sorry to bother you.

Bye, Luke.

Nice to meet -

And that concludes the floor
show portion of the evening.

I'll get my purse and we'll go.

- So what are you going to do?
- About what?

- You know about what.
- Nothing.

- Come on.
- Come on, let's just go!

No. We haven't talked about this.

Because there's nothing to talk about.

Yes there is.

Luke. This is Rory's decision, okay?

She knew exactly how I felt about the
situation, and she chose to ignore me.

She chose to move in with my parents.
She chose not to tell me about it.

- She's a kid.
- She's not a kid!

She's twenty.
She's going to be twenty-one in October.

She's been living on her own for
two years now. She's not a kid.

Okay, fine. But she's young.

And young people have to be
allowed to make mistakes.

I made a much bigger mistake than
this when I was much younger.

Oh, so what? Just because you made
it on your own, Rory has to also?

- That's not my point.
- Well, then, what is your point?

My point is that I wouldn't have listened
to anyone in that situation,

even if there was someone to listen to.
I had to go through that

and Rory has to go through this.

Now, she's smart and she's strong.
Hopefully she'll figure it out,

but I am not going to force my way in!

She wants to be on her own, fine,
she's on her own.

- Really.
- Tough love, baby.

- So that's it.
- That's it.

And you're okay with this?

I'm totally okay with this.

Come on, let's go.
I thought you were starving.

Did you give Paris
your real cell number?

My best sloth year, I believe,
was sophomore year.

I went to Spain for a week to
immerse myself in Cervantes,

wound up staying for two months and almost
joined the French Foreign Legion.

But you were in Spain!

Yes, but Sinatra didn't sing about
the Spanish Foreign Legion.

Could you pass me three peanuts?

Two months is nothing.

Oh, so you think you can outdo me?

Freshman year, four and a half months
cross country road trip.

This was pre-navigational systems, people.

In junior year,
I dropped my things off at my dorm room,

jumped on a plane to Australia
and surfed until Christmas.

- You did not.
- I did.

Where was I?

In class, like a good little boy.

Amazing. They're actually
having a loser-off.

Oh, look how she mocks.
The girl stayed home

for a month after
she had a tragic haircut.

It wasn't a tragic haircut.
It was apocalyptic highlights.

I looked like a Tim Burton character.

Two more peanuts. Little ones.

Hey, Logan, do you remember that
time that you left a classroom

to make an entrance for that mock debate
and you ended up in Atlantic City?

Vaguely.

Now, this man, here, my darling,
is the long-reigning King of the Sloths.

That's right. No one can waste
time like this man here.

- Really?
- No. Now who wants a drink?

Oh, he's just being modest.

Logan has a talent for doing nothing that's
yet to be matched by man... or actual sloth.

Okay, I feel a lipstick
crisis coming on.

- I'll be right back.
- I'll go with you.

King of the Sloths, huh?

I don't know. This year I might
give you a run for your money.

Oh, really?

Yes. All Kings must
be de-throned eventually.

And this year that crown will be mine.

All hail Rory Gilmore,
future Queen of the Sloths.

All hail.

All right, time to make the rounds.
See which one of these lovely females

is soused enough to find
my arrogance charming.

Finn, have you ever thought
about just wooing a woman?

Flowers, chocolates,
a little slow jam in the background?

Slow jams are for the subtle, Rory.

"One too many" has
a delightful immediacy.

- You coming, Colin?
- Absolutely.

I wonder how beer tastes
with ice cream in it.

I give you one month.

To do what?

Before you're back at school. One month.

You are wrong.

Nope.

Oh, I cannot believe how little
faith you have in me.

I mean, what kind of
match would I be for you

if I just went running right back
to a life of respectability

without even attempting to join
the French Foreign Legion?

You love school.

Not anymore.

No. You love school.

I saw it. That doesn't just go away.

Well, I have reformed, all right?

From now on, no more scheduling.
No more planning.

I am just going to spend my days
making ice cream beer floats

and just taking life as it
comes. You'll see. New me.

- If you say so.
- I do say so.

Come on, come on! I love this song.

We need to dance the booze off,
or else one of us is going home with Finn.

Oh, this is for a good cause.

Take her.

Okay, save my seat.
And order me a scoop of vanilla!

You have a really nice place here. Really.

I slept incredible last night.
I woke up to birds singing.

Seriously, this town is so great.

I just had to take one last early morning
ride around the town before I checked out.

I can't wait to tell
people about this place.

Hmm. Could you move
your arm, please?

- Huh?
- Your arm. That one.

Okay.

Uh, hi. How's your bill looking?
Everything okay?

Yeah, my bill's fine.

Okay, well, I'll put this in an
envelope for you, and I'll be right back.

It's been a pleasure
having you stay with us.

Hand me an envelope,
don't ever do that again!

Sweating all over the desk.

He's paying a six hundred
dollar hotel bill.

I don't care.
He smells, they all smell.

The whole inn smell like sweat
socks and damp nylon shorts.

It's making me sick.

I have to work at that desk,

and I have no intention of catching
jock itch on my forearm

because Mr. Breaking Away
over there can't shower

before he invades my dance space.

Michel, just chill
out with the spray, okay?

- Fine.
- Thank you.

Oh, by the way,
your mother called a few minutes ago.

She says she wants to pick up
the rest of Rory's things

and she will be at your house at eleven.

Fine.

Hey, whoa! There's your bill, there.

So, um, everything
all set with your bags?

Yeah.

Good, well, thank you for staying at
the Dragonfly, we hope to see you soon.

The cart's outside to
take you to your car.

Okay, thanks!

Thank you.

- Michel.
- I'm all over it.

Hello, won't you come in.

All right. Thank you.

What are you doing here?

I was sent to open
the door like a servant.

What?

Where's Lorelai?

I don't know.
She doesn't keep the help informed.

- She's not here?
- No. I am here.

I am here, and not at the Dragonfly Inn,
which I theoretically run,

when I'm not busy
answering door like Benson.

I don't understand.
You gave her my message?

I gave her your message and she told
me to come over here and let you in.

Just like I'm a puppy, fetching
slippers and getting my liver treat.

- But... - I don't
- did she leave anything for me?

She left me.

But - I just - I can't -

well, this is absolutely incredible.

Does she think this
is a funny thing to do?

I drive all the
way from Hartford -

She did nothing!

Nothing's packed,
nothing's ready to go!

Where are Rory's good clothes?

I don't know, but I will continue
to search for them frantically.

Are you just going to sit there?

I was instructed to
stay until you leave.

Like I need to be watched.

Like I'm a meth head stealing a television
set to support my habit.

Well, this is completely unacceptable!
Rory needs something to wear to court!

I'm sorry, if you're talking to me,
you'll have to do it in woofs.

You've been working with my
daughter way too long.

Don't I know it.

Well, I have to say,
this is a charming little courtroom.

Reminds me of my early days practicing law.

It is quaint.

I hope we picked the right outfit here.

It's coming off a little more
Mennonite than I had hoped.

The girl looks fine, Emily. Leave her alone.

Are you nervous?

No.

And you shouldn't be. Everything will be
fine, it'll be over before you know it.

Court calls the state
versus Lorelai Gilmore.

Who is Lorelai Gilmore?

I am. That's my real name.

Good thing I found out about it now.
Could have been a little embarrassing later.

Rory! Rory, unbutton
the sweater a little.

Emily, stop it!

I don't want her to look like
she's trying too hard.

I understand that a plea agreement
has been reached.

That's correct, your Honor.

Miss Gilmore, please stand.

You understand that you're pleading
guilty to criminal mischief

in the third degree in violation of
section 117A of the penal code?

Yes, your honor.

You further understand that by
so doing you waive your right

to a trial by a jury of your peers?

I do.

I see that community
service is recommended?

Miss Gilmore has no
prior record, your Honor.

No history of getting into trouble.

Twenty hours of community service?

This was a youthful
indiscretion, your Honor.

A one-time, childish lark.

My client is duly remorseful and I can
assure you, it will never happen again.

I see you're a student at Yale.

Yes, your Honor.

That's a very nice school.

Prestigious.

Yes, your Honor.

I understand the defense is portraying
this as a childish lark.

A youthful indiscretion.

Well, I take the law very seriously.

And if there's one thing I have
very little tolerance for,

it's rich, privileged children viewing
the world as their private playground!

I don't care who you are!

I don't care who your family is.

When you commit a crime, Miss Gilmore,

there must be consequences. Period.

Twenty hours of community
service won't do it.

I'm ordering three hundred
hours of community service

to be completed in
no more than six months,

and one year's probation.

But I can't do three
hundred hours. I -

I have to get a job!

Well. Add that to your list of things
you should have thought about

before you decided to joyride
on someone else's boat!

Three hundred hours, but this
is outrageous! Charlie!

Now, assuming this is
a one-time occurrence,

at the end of five year's time,
Miss Gilmore can petition the court

to have this expunged from her record.

Record? She's going to have a record?
Oh, my God!

You never said
anything about a record!

Richard, please.

Don't "Richard, please" me,
you two-bit double-talker!

Who are you? Sit down.

I am her grandfather, Richard Gilmore,
and this is outrageous!

I never should have let her
go with the ponytail.

You are going to have to
restrain yourself, sir.

I will not restrain myself!

I will not stand by and let this girl walk
around with a record for five years!

Richard, you're standing on my foot!

I should never have listened to you.

Making deals with a twenty year
old child in a cheap suit!

Hey!

I'm not duty-bound to do so,
but I'm happy to give Miss Gilmore

the opportunity to withdraw
her plea and go to trial.

If she does so,
she'll face additional felony charges.

Given the undisputed facts, I'd think very
hard about that course of action.

Well, I think it's
something to consider!

Grandpa, no! I don't
want to go to trial!

I'll do the community service!
Please, just sit down!

Richard, sit down!

I do not want to withdraw my plea,
your Honor.

All right.

I will consider this matter settled.

Court will recess
for twenty minutes.

All rise.

This is not that big a deal.

Well, we got a little more community
service than we wanted.

You're a lousy duck-hunter, Charlie.

It wasn't the weather,
and it wasn't the duck-call, it was you.

I was doing you a favor, Richard.

Well! Do me some more favors, Charlie!

Let's see if we can get the girl
twenty to life at Sing Sing!

That is it!

Grandpa.

I'm hiring a lawyer to sue that man.

Grandpa, did you tell mom
about the court date?

Of course I did.

You did? You told her the time and
where it was and everything?

She knew all about it, Rory,
she simply showed no interest in the matter.

- Abe Rosenstein!
- Who?

That's who I'm going to get to sue Charlie.

Good-bye, Emily.

Go to hell, Richard.

I'm not through with you yet!

Richard, you can't kill him here!
We're in the courthouse!

Lorelai, it's your mother.

I want to thank you for the lovely little
surprise you left me this morning.

I can't wait to tell the girls
at the club all about it.

I mean, they're always bragging about their
daughter did this and their daughter did that.

Well, finally I get to go in
there and say, "Oh, really?

Well, today my daughter invited me
over and then didn't show up.

And then she had me watched by
a surly barking Frenchman

so that I didn't steal anything!"

I didn't invite you over, mother!

"Top that, ladies!"
This was unforgivable, Lorelai.

Disgraceful behavior,
even by your standards.

And since I assume you've torn up all
of my notes, I'll read them to you.

I made copies.

"Dear Lorelai,
I was shocked and saddened by your decision

not to be at home when I came
by for Rory's things. "

My God.

There. There's all of her stuff.

You happy?

Lorelai, you scared me half to death!

Yeah, well, follow-through has
always been my problem. Oh, well.

Um, so, we've got clothes, books,
stuffed animals.

I even checked the laundry to make sure
nothing was waiting to be washed.

Okay? Are we good?

What do you mean, barging in here in
the middle of the night? Are you crazy?

Mom just seemed extremely concerned about
getting the rest of Rory's things.

She needed something to wear to court.

Yeah, so I figured I'd better bring them
right over here, so now I did. So I'm done.

Lorelai, stop this. I know you're upset.
I know you hate us, but -

I don't hate you. Why would I hate you?

Well, because we -
because you thought we -

You were just being you.
You couldn't help it.

What are you talking about?

The scorpion and the frog.

It's an old story.
The scorpion says to the frog,

"Hey, frog. Give me a lift to
the other side of the pond. "

Frog says, "No way.
You'll sting me and I'll die. "

Scorpion says, "Will not!
'Cause then we'd both drown. "

Frog says "Cool. "

So, scorpion gets on the frog's back,
and frog makes it to the middle of the pond,

and the scorpion stings him.
As the frog is going down, he says,

"Why would you do that?
Now we'll both die. "

Scorpion says, "Sorry,
it's just my nature. "

Frog. Scorpion.

I always thought it was a turtle.

Whatever it was.
You guys couldn't help it.

Lorelai, why don't you
sit and calm down?

I am calm. I'm fine.

You guys must be pretty jazzed, though, huh?
I mean, you finally did it,

you finally got a shot at getting the
daughter you've always wanted.

I'm too tired to have this conversation.

Rory. Here, right under
your roof. Excellent.

You're being ridiculous.

Now you get your do-over.
A new and improved Lorelai.

Congrats. Very well played.

Lorelai, listen to me.

I know that you think some sort of
con has been perpetrated on you.

Hey, it's only a paper moon, Dad.

The fact of the matter is, your mother and
I were just trying to do the right thing.

We're all striving for the same goal.

We want Rory happy and healthy.

Now, she's taken a bit of a stumble.

But we can get her back on the right track.
All of us, together.

We're going to need your input and
your involvement to achieve that.

My involvement ends here,
with the laundry basket.

What is that flip remark supposed to mean?

It's supposed to mean that I'm out.
You've won. She's all yours.

Course, the laundry basket,
I'm going to want back.

Please, Luke. Please?
Please, please, please, please. Please!

No.

Luke, I have to have the ring back!

Kirk, I paid you for the ring. In fact,
I've overpaid you for the ring.

You gave me a certificate of authenticity

and a promise that none of the heirs
are going to sue me for possession,

and that our business was done!

Luke, you don't understand. I think that
was the ring that Lulu had her eye on.

I'd totally forgotten this until
- where are you going?

I'm leaving, Kirk! The diner's closed!

You can't leave until I get that ring back!

If I propose, I'm going to need that ring.

You have a suitcase full of rings!

But that's the one that I sort
of remembered her liking.

Pick another ring!

But my backup ring pulled through.

Plus, now there's talk of her
wanting to be buried with it.

Good night, Kirk.

- Luke! Wait!
- Oh, boy.

I have to talk to you!

Okay, Babette! Slow down,
I'm not going anywhere.

- It's very serious!
- I'm right here.

Just
- you can walk, Babette, just walk, Babette.

Please, walk. Slow down! Just - whoa!

Ah, geez! Oh my God. I smell toast.

I smell toast and almonds.
I smell almond toast.

Yeah, well, what do you need, Babette?

I need confirmation on a rumor.

There's a rumor that there's been
a rift between Lorelai and Rory!

A rift?

Big rift, very serious!
That's why Rory ain't home for the summer?

Wow.

Who told you this?

Well, who else? East Side Tilly.
That damn woman keep trumping me.

So come on, is she right? Is it true?

It is true. Oh my God. Well, what happened?
And how's Lorelai taking it?

She must be a basket case!
Oh, is she a basket case?

Okay, stop! Look, look. There's been a little
incident, but it's all going to be fine.

Lorelai has it completely under control.

- She's okay?
- Trust me. She's just fine.

Nice ring.

Full moon! Moment's here, let's go!