Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 9 - Emily Says Hello - full transcript

PSST, LORELAI.

JACKSON.

SHH.

JUST COME HERE A SEC.

I NEED YOU TO GET SOME
STUFF FOR ME FROM DOOSE'S.

JACKSON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

STOP SAYING MY NAME.

LOOK, SOOKIE'S GOT
MAJOR FOOD CRAVINGS,

AND I CAN'T GO INTO
LEECH HEADQUARTERS

OR THEY'LL BE ALL OVER
ME IN 2 SECONDS FLAT.

SELECTMAN JOB ISN'T
GETTING ANY EASIER, HUH?

NO, IT'S GETTING WORSE.

LIKE LAST WEEK, ANN
BENNINGHOFF COMES TO ME, RIGHT?

SHE WANTS TO PUT A SALES CART
OUTSIDE THE COLONIAL MUSEUM,

SELLING REVOLUTIONARY WAR
BOOKS AND "JUST A FEW ARROWHEADS."

FINE, BUT THEN SALLY
LANNIGAN HEARS ABOUT THAT,

AND SHE WANTS TO SELL
HER PINE-NEEDLE SACHETS

OUT IN FRONT OF THE GAZEBO.

FINE, BUT THEN KIRK
COMES TO ME IN AN OUTRAGE,

BECAUSE HE'S ALLERGIC
TO ALL PINE-SCENTED THINGS,

AND HOW COULD I NOT KNOW THIS?

AND PRETTY SOON, I'M NOTHING
BUT AN EMPTY SUIT OF JACKSON SKIN.

EW. WELL, WHAT DO YOU NEED?

OH, THANKS. AH, LET'S SEE HERE.

GRAPEFRUIT JUICE, MILK
DUDS, BLOODY MARY MIX,

EXTRA-SPICY TURKEY SAUSAGE...

THIS IS ALL GOING IN THE
SAME BLENDER, BY THE WAY.

GOOD LORDY.

CHIVES, AND... I'M GETTING A
STOMACHACHE JUST READING THIS LIST.

GIVE IT TO ME. I'LL BRAVE
HEADQUARTERS FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

DO NOT GO WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

WELL, WHAT'S ONE
LEECH VERSUS A SWARM?

I HAVE NO SANCTUARY.

THE POTHOLE ON THE ROAD TO
THE DRAGONFLY IS GETTING WORSE.

KIDS ARE STARTING TO SWIM IN IT.

I'LL PUT IT ON THE LIST
ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.

TOP OF THE LIST,
PLEASE? JACKSON.

UH, DON'T. SHH.

OH, WAS THAT TOO
LOUD? CAN'T ALWAYS TELL.

IT'S ON TOP OF THE LIST.

BE BACK IN A FLASH.

♪ [Where You Lead
by Carole King playing]

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

SOOKIE, I'M HOME.

I'M HOME, TOO.

WERE WE FOLLOWED?

I DON'T THINK SO.

GOOD THING WE DITCHED
THAT AUDI IN MARSEILLES.

NOW WE JUST HAVE TO
FIND THAT TRACKING DEVICE.

[Sookie crying]

SOOKIE, HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

I JUST... IT'S JUST...

IT'S JUST SO SAD.

UGH, PEOPLE MAGAZINE.

JACKSON, Y-YOU KNOW WE DON'T
ALLOW SOFT HUMAN-INTEREST STORIES

AROUND SOOKIE
WHEN SHE'S PREGNANT.

SHE MUST HAVE SNUCK IT IN.

I JUST FEEL LIKE THEY WERE
PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW?

UH-HUH. WHO, HONEY?

THE TWO OF THEM.

I MEAN, WITH THE HAIR, AND
THE... THE TEETH, AND THE...

YOU KNOW?

WHO'S GOT HAIR AND TEETH?

AND THEN THE... THE DIVINE
BROWN THING HAPPENS,

AND BAMMO, THEIR...
THEIR LOVE'S IN THE TOILET.

WE'RE TALKING ELIZABETH
HURLEY AND HUGH GRANT?

SHE MUST HAVE FOUND
AN OLD ONE SOMEWHERE.

THAT WAS YEARS AGO, SOOKIE.

TONS OF PEOPLE HAVE
BROKEN UP SINCE THEN.

OH, MY GOD!

NO, NO, IT'S OK. EVERYONE'S
TOGETHER AND HAPPY.

DISPOSE, PLEASE. GLADLY.

OH, IS THAT MY FOOD?

YES, YES, LOOK.

WE GOT, UH, TURKEY SAUSAGE,
EXTRA-SPICY LIKE YOU WANTED.

YUCK.

AND GRAPEFRUIT JUICE? RAPINI?

OOH, PUKE.

YOU'RE NOT CRAVING
THINGS ANYMORE, ARE YOU?

I'M SORRY. NO.

OH, I MEAN, I'M SO
FRIGGING IM... IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME, AND
YOU GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE,

AND YOU... YOU GET ME EVERYTHING I
WANT, THEN I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE.

I'M SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO
BE IN LOVE WITH A CRAZY PERSON.

COME HERE. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL DEAL WITH AS MUCH
MOODINESS AND FOOD WEIRDNESS

AS YOU CAN DISH OUT
AS LONG AS YOU DO

THE ACTUAL "SQUEEZING A HUMAN
BEING OUT OF YOUR BODY" PART.

[car approaching] DEAL.

OK.

THAT CAR JUST SLOWED DOWN
AS IT WENT PAST THE HOUSE.

JACKSON, WHY DON'T YOU GET AWAY FROM
THE WINDOW AND GO RELAX OR SOMETHING?

I SHOULDN'T BE NEAR A WINDOW.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT EASY,
SWEETIE, AND GO CHECK ON DAVEY?

ALL RIGHT, BUT IF ANYONE
CALLS FOR ME, I'M NOT HERE.

AND I'M ARMED AND DANGEROUS.

HE LOVES YOU.

THEN HE'S CERTIFIABLE.

'CAUSE I'M CERTIFIABLE AND
YOU HAVE TO BE CERTIFIABLE

TO PUT UP WITH THAT.

HEY, YOU'RE PREGNANT.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE NORMAL.

[laughing]

I GUESS SO. AND IT MAY BE MEAN,

BUT WHEN I WORRY TOO MUCH
ABOUT HOW I'M TREATING JACKSON,

[sniffing]

I JUST REMEMBER BRANDY.

BRANDY?

CHRISTOPHER'S BRANDY.

CHRISTOPHER'S SHERRY?

[giggling] OH, I KNEW IT
WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

ANYWAY, I'M HANDLING
THIS ALL BETTER THAN HER.

HOW IS HE, ANYWAY?

CHRISTOPHER? FINE.

OH. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I HAVE NO IDEA. HE
NEVER CALLED ME AGAIN.

REALLY? NOT ONCE
SINCE I WENT OVER THERE.

I ASSUME HE'S DOING
FINE, BUT I... I DON'T KNOW.

HE NEVER CALLED?

ALL THOSE PROBLEMS WITH THE
BABY WERE SOLVED IN ONE NIGHT?

KIND OF WEIRD, ISN'T IT?

A LITTLE.

YOU NEVER KNOW WITH HIM. HE'S AS
UNPREDICTABLE AS A PREGNANT WOMAN.

NO OFFENSE.

[laughing] NONE TAKEN.

I HOPE HE AND G.G. ARE OK.

THE LAST TIME I WAS OVER THERE,

HE WAS DUCT-TAPING HER DIAPERS.

BUT I'M SURE HE'S FOUND
THE TABBY THINGIES BY NOW.

YEAH, I'M SURE HE'S OK.

MILK CHOCOLATE AND
ARTICHOKE HEARTS. WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT I WANT, AND I'M
NOT GONNA CHANGE MY MIND.

MILK CHOCOLATE, BELL PEPPERS.

AHA. NOW I'M NOT
GONNA CHANGE MY MIND.

JACKSON, I FIGURED IT OUT.

LOOK! DARK
CHOCOLATE. OOH, TAFFY.

TAFFY AND WALNUTS. OH,
TAFFY. OOH, PISTACHIOS.

OH, HEARTS OF PALM.

PARIS, PLEASE DON'T COMPARE
OUR READING SPEEDS AGAIN.

YOU'RE FAST. I'M SLOW.
ENJOY YOUR TROPHY.

I NEED THE EXACT TIME
OF TODAY'S SUNSET.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARTICLE.

WELL, IF YOU READ
FASTER, YOU WOULDN'T BE.

OK, THE TIME OF
TODAY'S SUNSET IS 4:31.

OK.

THEN I JUST HAVE TO KEEP
MY MIND OCCUPIED UNTIL 4:31.

PARIS. WHAT?

TELL ME AGAIN WHY YOU'RE
FASTING FOR RAMADAN.

LOOK, RORY, IF YOU WANT TO CRIB
YOUR ARTICLES FROM THE A.P. WIRE,

THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,

ACTUALLY GIVE A RAT'S ASS
ABOUT JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY.

WHEN I WRITE ABOUT RAMADAN,
I EXPERIENCE RAMADAN.

ARE YOU CHEWING GUM?

WHAT? YES, WHY?

I'D REALLY PREFER IT IF
YOU DIDN'T CHEW IT AT ME.

PARIS, DID YOU KNOW
THAT NOT EATING

CAN MAKE PEOPLE KIND OF SNIPPY?

RAMADAN IS ABOUT A LOT
MORE THAN JUST NOT EATING.

IT CALLS FOR A TOTAL
ABSTINENCE FROM FOOD PARTICLES

PASSING THROUGH
MY MOUTH OR NOSE.

YOUR BAZOOKA IS
PASSING THROUGH MY NOSE.

[knocking on door]

IT'S UNLOCKED. HEY, MARTY.

SO, I JUST BARTENDED
THIS CRAZY BRUNCH,

WITH CHOCOLATE FOUNTAINS
AND FLOATING ICE SCULPTURES.

AND I SNAGGED US ALL
KINDS OF HORS D'OEUVRES.

OH, NICE GOING, BUCKO.

OK, SO, SHE DIDN'T REALLY
MEAN NICE GOING, RIGHT?

'CAUSE THERE'S SORT OF A
DEVIL-EYE THING GOING ON.

SHE'S FASTING.

PEOPLE CAME TO AMERICA

[phone ringing] TO ESCAPE
RELIGIOUS PERSECUTION.

(Marty) WELL, WHAT
RELIGION IS ANTI-LEFTOVERS?

HELLO.

(Lorelai) HI, GUESS WHERE I AM?

MOM. GO ON, GUESS.

OH, I DON'T KNOW, LUKE'S?

BUT NOT JUST AT LUKE'S,
ON THE PHONE AT LUKE'S,

AND IT'S ALL PERFECTLY LEGAL
BECAUSE I'M ON THE DINER'S PHONE.

(Rory) A LOOPHOLE, NICE.

GOTTA LOVE A LOOPHOLE.

GETTING TO USE LUKE'S
BEHIND-THE-COUNTER PHONE,

THAT'S LIKE GETTING TO
WEAR HIS LETTERMAN JACKET.

I KNOW. MAYBE NOW HE'LL
ASK ME TO THE SOCK HOP.

I'M GLAD YOU GUYS ARE ALL
LOOPHOLEY AND SOCK-HOPPY. IT'S NICE.

YEAH.

WELL, UM,

I JUST CALLED TO, YOU KNOW,
BRAG ABOUT MY LOOPHOLE,

AND CHECK ON PLANS
FOR FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER.

HEY!

UH, HON, HOLD ON A SEC.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?

YOU DIDN'T HAVE PERMISSION TO
BE BEHIND THE COUNTER, DID YOU?

YOU DON'T NEED PERMISSION
IF YOU'RE THE GIRLFRIEND.

A SACK OF POTATOES FALLS ON
YOUR HEAD THE INSURANCE COMPANY

DOESN'T CARE IF
YOU'RE THE GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, YOU'RE STORING
POTATOES IN A VERY WEIRD PLACE

IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT
THEM FALLING ON PEOPLE'S HEADS.

GO, GO, GET.

OK, I'M GETTING.

(Rory) HE'S KICKING YOU OUT?

NO.

IT'S JUST MY BOYFRIEND'S
SO PROTECTIVE OF MY SAFETY,

THE THOUGHT OF FOOD FALLING
ON MY HEAD MAKES HIM CRAZY.

SO, A-ANYWAY, WHAT'S
BETTER FOR YOU?

CAR POOL OR MEET THERE?

MEET'S BETTER, I GUESS.

OK, HONEY, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

OH, WAIT, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO RUN BY YOU.

CAN'T YOU JUST PLUG
YOUR NOSE OR SOMETHING?

SURE, ASK A BILLION
MUSLIMS TO PLUG THEIR NOSES.

THAT MAKES A LOT
OF SENSE, MARTY.

OK, SO, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

FINALLY, THIS YALE
THING IS KICKING IN.

I AM SICK OF HUMORING
GRANDMA AND GRANDPA,

DURING THIS STUPID
SEPARATION OF THEIRS.

THIS "DRINKS HERE,
DINNER THERE" IS DUMB.

IT'S NOT WORKING, AND WE
SHOULD NOT DO IT ANYMORE.

WELL,

IF YOU FEEL IT IS BEST TO
END THE FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS,

THEN AS YOUR MOTHER, I FEEL
IT IS MY DUTY TO SUPPORT YOU.

I'M NOT SAYING WE SHOULD
END FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS.

OK, WELL, THEN, AS YOUR MOTHER,

I FEEL IT IS MY DUTY TO
TELL YOU YOU'RE WRONG.

WE NEED TO TAKE A STAND.

NO MORE HUMORING.

WE NEED TO GET THEM IN A ROOM
AND TALK SOME SENSE INTO THEM.

AND TO DO THAT, I THINK WE
SHOULD DIVIDE AND CONQUER.

SO THIS FRIDAY, I'LL
HAVE DINNER WITH ONE,

AND YOU'LL HAVE
DINNER WITH THE OTHER.

UH-HUH. HEY, WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE IDEA

OF ENDING FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS?

'CAUSE I THOUGHT THAT
ONE HAD REAL POTENTIAL.

THIS WAY, WE CAN EACH
TALK TO THEM ONE-ON-ONE,

BREAK THEM DOWN, CONVINCE THEM

THAT THEIR SEPARATION
ISN'T OK WITH US.

IT'S NOT?

MOM, I KNOW THEY BOTH
WANT TO BE WITH EACH OTHER.

HON, MY PARENTS
ARE VERY STUBBORN.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET YOUR
HOPES UP ABOUT THE OUTCOME.

BUT I CAN'T STAND
IT THE WAY IT IS.

I THINK THEY BOTH MISS EACH
OTHER BUT THEY'RE JUST TOO PROUD,

AND IT'S JUST...

IT'S KIND OF BREAKING MY HEART.

SO WHICH ONE DO
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE?

HOW ABOUT I'LL TAKE GRANDPA,
AND YOU TAKE GRANDMA?

BAH, NO.

OK, THEN I'LL TAKE GRANDMA,
AND YOU TAKE GRANDPA.

[exclaiming] BAH, NO.

MOM.

CAN'T I TAKE THE BUTLER?

HE DOESN'T TALK MUCH
AND, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL,

THOROUGHLY ENJOYS
THE WAY I DRESS.

SHE'S THROWING THINGS AT ME.

RELIGIOUS SANCTUARY, PLEASE.

THE BUTLER IS NOT AN OPTION.

FINE, I'LL TAKE HER.

THANK YOU. BYE.

WHAT'S THE BACON WRAPPED AROUND?

SOMETHING BACON SHOULD
NEVER BE WRAPPED AROUND.

RICH PEOPLE.

THEY LIVE VERY DIFFERENT LIVES.

THANKS. SO, THAT WAS RORY?

YEAH. HOW'S SHE DOING?

FINE.

WITH THE DEAN THING
AND ALL AND THE BREAKUP?

SHE SOUNDS OK.

ACTUALLY, SHE'S PETITE,
BUT SHE'S STRONG.

GOOD. I'M GLAD.

DON'T GLOAT.

I'M NOT GLOATING.

YES, YOU ARE. I JUST
SAID I'M GLAD SHE'S OK.

THAT'S NOT GLOATING.

IT WAS YOUR TONE, LIKE YOU WERE
COVERING UP FOR BEING GLOATY,

BY SOUNDING EXTRA NON-GLOATY.

LORELAI. YOU ALWAYS
HATED HIM. I GET IT.

I NEVER HATED HIM. I JUST NEVER
THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT FOR RORY.

AND I SWEAR, I'M NOT GLOATING.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. IF IT WALKS LIKE
A GLOAT AND QUACKS LIKE A GLOAT...

I WASN'T.

I GOTTA GO. KISS.

I STINK. THERE'S YOUR
HEADLINE. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.

BETTER RUN.

[chuckling] I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

IF I DON'T STRANGLE MYSELF
WITH THE PHONE CORD, I'LL ANSWER.

HI, T.J.

3 FEET, LORELAI, 'CAUSE I HAVEN'T
SHOWERED IN AS MANY DAYS.

OH, GOOD. BYE, T.J.

I NEED YOUR SHOWER, BUDDY.

I'M SORRY, BROKEN.

REALLY? 'CAUSE YOU'RE
LOOKING POWDER FRESH.

I AM NOT POWDER FRESH.

COME ON, LUKE, WE GOT NO
WATER AT OUR NEW PLACE.

AND THE FLIES,
THEY'RE A-BUZZING, MAN.

FINE, USE MY SHOWER, T.J.

YOU'RE THE BEST, YOU KNOW THAT?

I WORSHIP YOU.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD
BUILD AN ALTAR TO ME.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW I
SHOULDN'T ASK YOU THIS,

BUT WHY ISN'T YOUR
WATER TURNED ON?

'CAUSE THE PIPES GOT TRASHED AFTER
I DEMOED THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM.

YOU WEREN'T GONNA
DEMO THE BATHROOMS.

RIGHT, BUT I HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT
INSTALLING THE TOWEL RACK,

AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
THE WHOLE BATHROOM'S DEMOED.

BECAUSE OF THE TOWEL RACK?

I GOT VERY ANGRY
AT THIS TOWEL RACK.

YES, THAT'S...
THAT'S VERY NORMAL.

BUT I GOT SOME REPLACEMENT PIPE.

I JUST GOT TO CUT IT
UP INTO SHORTER PIECES,

AND STICK IT TOGETHER,
AND WE'RE GOOD TO GO.

OK, SOUNDS LIKE YOU
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I JUST NEED SOME KIND
OF TOOL THAT CUTS PIPE.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT?

I DON'T KNOW, UH, A PIPE CUTTER?

THAT'S IT. A PIPE CUTTER.

YOU KNOW ANYONE
WHO'S GOT A PIPE CUTTER?

I HAVE A PIPE CUTTER. WOULD
YOU LIKE TO BORROW IT?

THAT CUTS PIPE, RIGHT?

HEY, T.J., WHY DON'T YOU
JUST HIRE A PROFESSIONAL?

BECAUSE I'M TRYING
TO BE RESPONSIBLE.

WHAT WITH THE MOVE AND
BEING IN ESCROW AND EVERYTHING,

I'M NOT EXACTLY FLUSH, SO
I FIGURED I'D DO IT MYSELF.

IS THAT SO WRONG?

I'LL HELP YOU CUT THE PIPE, T.J.

OH, HEY, THAT'S BEYOND THE CALL.

YOU'VE GOTTA BE THE BEST
BROTHER-IN-LAW IN THE WORLD.

UH-HUH, THANKS.
UH, ANYTHING ELSE?

YOU KNOW, IT'S REAL HELL TRYING
TO MAKE COFFEE WITHOUT WATER.

HAVE SOME COFFEE, T.J.

AND A CRULLER TO CUT THE BITTERNESS
'CAUSE SOMETIMES, NO OFFENSE,

I FIND YOUR COFFEE
A LITTLE BITTER.

I MEAN, IT'S GOOD. IT'S
JUST A LITTLE BITTER.

WE NEED TO TALK.

SHOOT.

THERE'S A COUPLE HERE
I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED,

BUT I WAS NOT SURE, SO I
CONSULTED AN OLD GUEST LEDGER

FROM THE INDEPENDENCE INN,

AND FOUND A PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

THAT CONFIRMED THEIR IDENTITIES.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION? YES.

I HAD DESCRIBED THEM
WITH ASTONISHING ACCURACY.

DOWN TO THE CROOKED
EYES AND UNSIGHTLY MOLES.

YOU HAVE A SYSTEM OF DESCRIBING

WHAT PEOPLE'S MOLES LOOK LIKE?

MMM, MOLES, FRECKLES,
ESTIMATIVE WEIGHT,

ARE THEY BUXOM,
IS THEIR CHIN CLEFT,

DO THEY WALK WITH ANY SORT
OF LIMP, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

BUT THIS IS BESIDE THE POINT.

YOU REMEMBER THE
BATHROBE BANDITS?

[gasping] NO.

THE MARRIED COUPLE
FROM MASSACHUSETTS,

THAT STOLE BATHROBES FROM THE
INDEPENDENCE INN EVERY TIME THEY CAME.

WE CALLED THEM THE
BATHROBE BANDITS.

THEY ARE HERE.

DID THEY BRING THEIR MOLES?

WITH YOUR PERMISSION, I'M
GOING TO REMOVE THEIR BATHROBES

FROM THEIR ROOM AS
A PREVENTIVE MEASURE.

NO, NO, NO. MICHEL, COME ON.

IF THEY STEAL ROBES, WE CAN
JUST CHARGE THEIR CREDIT CARD.

AND IF THEY TAKE A
CREDENZA OR A COUCH?

DO YOU THINK THEY'LL
STOP AT ROBES?

THEN I'LL START JOTTING DOWN
MOLE LOCATIONS ALONG WITH YOU.

BUT FOR NOW, LET'S
TAKE A FLIER ON THEM.

I SHOULD NEVER
TELL YOU ANYTHING.

PROMISE?

I'M GOING TO LEAVE A VAGUELY
THREATENING NOTE IN THEIR ROOM.

NO, NO, NO. MICHEL, NO.

[footsteps fading]

[beeping]

[phone ringing]

HELLO.

(Lorelai) WELL, IF IT ISN'T
MR. INCOMMUNICADO.

LORELAI.

I FIGURED YOU'D TURNED
AMISH OR SOMETHING

AND COULDN'T MAKE ANY
CALLS UNTIL RUMSPRINGA,

BUT NO, HERE YOU ARE,
ANSWERING THE PHONE.

UH, YEAH.

SO, HOW ARE YOU?

UH, FINE.

IS THIS A BAD TIME?

NO, NOT AT ALL. UH,
SO WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOT MUCH. JUST WORKING
AT THE OLD SALT MINE.

BUT EARLIER, I WAS TALKING
TO SOOKIE, WHO, BY THE WAY,

GOT HERSELF KNOCKED UP AGAIN.

THE CRAZY SLUT.

SO, UH, ANYWAY, WE WERE
TALKING ABOUT BABIES AND STUFF,

AND SHE ASKED ME ABOUT YOU
AND G.G., AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED

I HADN'T TALKED TO YOU IN
A WHILE, SO HERE WE ARE.

SORRY I HAVEN'T CALLED.

I JUST, YOU KNOW,
BEEN REALLY BUSY.

OK, WELL, NO... NO WORRIES.

I... I KNOW YOU'VE GOT YOUR
PLATE FULL TAKING CARE OF G.G.

UM, ARE YOU SURE
THIS ISN'T A BAD TIME?

NO. NO, IT'S FINE.

UH, FINE.

OK. SO HOW IS G.G.?
IS SHE STILL ALIVE?

THE LAST TIME I WAS THERE,
THINGS WERE A LITTLE DICEY.

SHE'S GOOD. EVERYTHING'S
FINE, LOR. EVERYTHING'S GOOD.

YOUR HELP WAS GREAT,
AND I'M ABSOLUTELY FINE.

OK, WELL, GOOD.

SO I... I GUESS I'LL
TALK TO YOU LATER.

SURE. DEFINITELY, OK?

I'LL TALK TO YOU
LATER. TAKE CARE.

OK, BYE.

LISTEN, LOR, I JUST WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I ONLY CALLED YOU BEFORE,

BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATE.

I MEAN, THERE WAS
NO OTHER REASON.

I WAS JUST PANICKED, AND
I DIDN'T THINK, YOU KNOW?

CHRIS, SURE.

I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T
HAVE BOTHERED YOU.

I KNOW YOU HAVE YOUR OWN
LIFE AND YOUR OWN STUFF,

AND I SHOULDN'T BE BUTTING IN.

BUT IT WAS JUST A
ONE-TIME THING, YOU KNOW?

SO YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

CHRIS, COME ON, YOU CAN CALL ME

ANYTIME YOU WANT. YOU KNOW THAT.

YEAH, WELL...

I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR
G.G., WHATEVER YOU NEED.

BECAUSE WE GOT BONDS,
BABY. JUST TRY TO BREAK THEM.

THANKS, LOR.

NO PROBLEM.

ANYHOW, G.G.'S GREAT.

I'VE GOT NEW PICTURES, TOO. I CAN
E-MAIL THEM TO YOU, IF YOU WANT.

OR BRING HER AROUND NEXT
TIME YOU'RE IN THE 'HOOD.

STARS HOLLOW'S A 'HOOD NOW?

OH, IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A 'HOOD. WE
JUST TRY TO KEEP IT ON THE DOWN-LOW.

BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU
SHOULD COME BY.

WELL, I'M ACTUALLY GONNA BE
ADJACENT TO THE 'HOOD ON SATURDAY,

BECAUSE I'M TAKING G.G.
TO SEE HER GRANDPARENTS.

COME BY SATURDAY.

ARE YOU SURE? I...
I DON'T WANT TO...

COME BY. WE CAN HAVE LUNCH
HERE AT THE INN, YOU, ME, AND G.G.

THAT WAY, I CAN CHECK SHE'S
STILL GOT ALL HER ARMS AND LEGS.

ALL RIGHT, SURE. SOUNDS GOOD.

UH, SATURDAY IT IS.

OK, SEE YOU THEN.

YES, YOU WILL.

BYE.

♪ [music playing on stereo]

GRANDPA, IT'S FINE.

NO, IT CERTAINLY IS NOT FINE.

WHEN YOU'RE ENTERTAINING AN
ELEGANT YOUNG LADY FOR DINNER,

THEN DINNER IS EXPECTED.

BUT I JUST SPRANG THIS ON YOU.

YOU COULDN'T BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR
YOUR LACK OF ELEGANT-YOUNG-LADY FOOD.

WELL, I AM DELIGHTED
WITH YOUR COMPANY,

THOUGH I'M STILL A LITTLE
CONFUSED AT THE NEW ARRANGEMENT.

WELL, MOM AND I HAVE REALIZED,

THAT WE DON'T REALLY
GET TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME

WITH YOU AND GRANDMA
SINCE THE SEPARATION,

SO WE DECIDED TO SPLIT UP.

WELL, UH, HOW WOULD
YOU FEEL ABOUT, UH,

HMM, SOME, UH,
BATTERIES AND NUTELLA?

OH, RATS. I HAD THAT FOR LUNCH.

WELL, THAT SEEMS TO
BE ALL I HAVE IN HERE.

ROBERT'S SHOPPING SKILLS
LEAVE SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED.

SO, GRANDPA... WAIT.

I THINK I HAVE SOME
CANNED PEACHES.

YOU'VE REALLY MADE IT
COMFORTABLE OUT HERE.

HUH, PEARS.

NICE, LIKE A VACATION SPOT.

YOU KNOW, FUN AND ALL YOURS,

NOT PERMANENT, BUT FUN FOR NOW.

YES, WELL, "FUN FOR NOW" IS
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.

SO IT'S NOT PERMANENT?

WHAT? THE POOL HOUSE.

IT'S NOT PERMANENT. YOU
JUST SAID "FUN FOR NOW."

DID I? I MUST HAVE
HEARD IT SOMEWHERE.

I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

IT'S GOOD TO SHAKE THINGS
UP EVERY NOW AND THEN.

YOU KNOW, PUT A LITTLE
PAINT ON THE HOUSE,

MOVE THE FURNITURE
AROUND THE DEN, GO BLOND.

BUT AFTER YOU'VE DONE
ALL THAT, IT CAN ALSO BE NICE

TO GO BACK TO SOMETHING
THAT'S COMFORTABLE,

SOMETHING YOU'VE DEPENDED
ON FOR, LET'S SAY, 40 YEARS.

I... I MEAN, IF SOMETHING'S
BEEN AROUND THAT LONG,

IT MUST BE FOR A REASON, RIGHT?

YOU'RE A LOVELY GIRL.

I HAVE GOOD GENES.

OH, I THINK I REMEMBER
SEEING A FROZEN PIZZA IN HERE.

REALLY?

AHA! NOW,

THE DOWNSIDE OF THIS DISCOVERY

IS THAT SINCE ROBERT IS
CURRENTLY DOING ALL THE SHOPPING,

THIS PIZZA COULD HAVE BEEN HERE

SINCE LORELAI'S
10TH BIRTHDAY PARTY.

THE UPSIDE, HOWEVER, IS THAT
THERE IS CHEESE IN THE CRUST.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A "GLASS IS
HALF FULL" KIND OF GAL MYSELF.

ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
HERE GOES NOTHING.

[glass tinkling]

[mumbling] STUPID LITTLE...
I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING

IN THIS PLACE.
SHE'S TAKEN THINGS.

WHAT, MOM?

OH, NOTHING. I'M JUST TRYING TO
MAKE A PROPER DRINK, THAT'S ALL.

SORRY ABOUT THE CHANGE OF PLANS.

OH, PLEASE. I'M AS FLEXIBLE
AS THE NEXT PERSON.

SEE, RORY THOUGHT THAT, SINCE
DAD'S MOVED OUT TO THE POOL HOUSE,

WE'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH
TIME WITH EITHER OF YOU, SO...

I GUESS I COULD USE THE ICE IN THE
FREEZER, THOUGH IT'S PROBABLY OLD.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, A
LITTLE NOTICE ENSURES FRESH ICE.

I'M SORRY, WHO SAYS THAT?

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO
HAVE SCOTCH NEAT.

SUPER.

I'D OFFER YOU WINE,

BUT ALL THE WINE I
HAVE HAS TO BREATHE.

AND THAT REQUIRES NOTICE.

[clock ticking]

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

NOTHING.

IT'S JUST... ISN'T... ISN'T
THIS WEIRD TO YOU?

WHAT?

SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO MOVE?

NO, IT'S FINE. IT'S JUST CLOSE.

WILL YOU EXPLAIN TO ME
AGAIN WHY WE ARE DOING THIS?

I HAVE NO IDEA BECAUSE
YOU USUALLY SIT OVER THERE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT RORY BEING
IN THE POOL HOUSE, LORELAI.

RORY JUST THOUGHT WE
SHOULD SPLIT UP TONIGHT,

GET IN SOME QUALITY COUCH TIME.

THAT SEEMS VERY SILLY.

WE HAD A PERFECTLY
GOOD SYSTEM WORKED OUT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE CHANGED IT.

MMM.

SO, MOM, DO YOU THINK YOU AND
DAD ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

OK, GOT ANY PEANUTS?

YOUR FATHER HAS PROVEN TO ME ONCE
AND FOR ALL HE'S MOVED ON WITH HIS LIFE.

YOU DON'T THINK THAT
MOVING ON WITH HIS LIFE

WOULD'VE ACTUALLY
INCLUDED MOVING?

NO. OK.

WE ATTENDED THE DORMAN
SCHOOL BAZAAR LAST WEEK.

IT WAS A BIG FORMAL GATHERING.

ALL OUR FRIENDS WERE THERE.

AND AT DINNER, HE MADE
ME REACH FOR THE BUTTER.

WHAT?

IT WAS SITTING RIGHT
THERE IN FRONT OF HIM,

AND YET HE DIDN'T
OFFER ME THE DISH.

HE BUTTERED HIS OWN ROLL,

OFFERED THE DISH TO THE MAN
NEXT TO HIM, AND THAT WAS IT.

AND THAT'S WHY YOU
THINK HE'S MOVED ON?

IT WAS A TOTAL
DISREGARD FOR MY NEEDS.

I MIGHT AS WELL NOT HAVE HAD
A ROLL IN FRONT OF ME AT ALL.

WELL, MOM, I'M SORRY.

IT'S VERY UPSETTING.

HMM.

BUT AT SOME POINT,
YOU HAVE TO FACE FACTS,

AND THE FACTS ARE HE'S MOVED ON.

AND THEREFORE, I
SHOULD MOVE ON ALSO.

I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO DATE.

[gasping] OH, MY GOD!

I WANT TO GO ON A DATE.

WITH A MAN?

NO, A WEASEL. OF
COURSE WITH A MAN.

I'M NOT HEARING THIS.

WELL, WHY SHOULDN'T I DATE?
I'M STILL A VIABLE COMMODITY.

I NEED A PAPER TOWEL
AND A VALIUM, PLEASE.

THERE ARE PLENTY
OF MEN AT THE CLUB,

WHO, IN THE PAST, HAVE MADE
THEIR INTEREST IN ME KNOWN.

I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW
TO RECIPROCATE THEIR FEELINGS.

YOU HAVE A LOT OF
EXPERIENCE WITH MEN.

HOW DO YOU LET THEM
KNOW THAT YOU'RE AVAILABLE?

WELL, ONE OF THOSE BENCH
ADS USUALLY DOES THE TRICK.

LORELAI, STOP IT.
I NEED HELP HERE.

IT'S BEEN YEARS
SINCE I DID THIS,

AND I DON'T REMEMBER
THE PROPER PROCEDURE.

NOW TAKE ME THROUGH
THIS STEP BY STEP.

YOU SEE A MAN, YOU WALK
UP TO HIM, AND YOU SAY...

"HELLO."

IS THAT TOO FORWARD?

NO, IT'S THE APPROPRIATE WAY TO INDICATE
YOU'RE OPEN TO A SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT.

UNLESS, HOWEVER, YOU
ARE APPROACHING A WEASEL.

THEN I BELIEVE THE PROPER SIGNAL

IS JUST TO OFFER HIM
YOUR HINDQUARTERS.

HEY, MY NIGHT WAS GREAT.

AH.

GRANDPA MADE FROZEN PIZZA.
GRANTED, HE MADE IT ON A CEDAR PLANK,

WHICH WAS NOT WHAT THE
MANUFACTURER INTENDED,

BUT I GOT A CHANCE TO
SAY A LOT OF THINGS TO HIM.

THINGS ABOUT LIVING IN THE POOL
HOUSE AND ABOUT HIM AND GRANDMA.

AND THOUGH I USED
VEILED REFERENCES,

I KNOW HE GOT MY POINT, AND HE
IS DEFINITELY THINKING ABOUT IT.

HOW DID YOU DO?
GRANDMA WANTS TO DATE.

WHAT?

SHE WANTS TO DATE MEN
WHO HANG OUT AT THE CLUB

AND WHO HAVE EXPRESSED
INTEREST IN HER IN THE PAST.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
SHE WANTS TO DATE?

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO MAKE HER WANT TO DATE.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE HER WANT
TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH GRANDPA.

HEY, I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE
ME HAVE DINNER ALONE WITH HER.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?

I SAID, "ARE YOU
GETTING BACK WITH DAD?"

AND SHE SAID HE
WOULDN'T BUTTER HER ROLL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.

I'M SORRY. I TRIED.

YOU DID NOT TRY.

I DID TRY. I JUST SUCKED AT IT.

LOOK, SHE PROBABLY
DIDN'T MEAN IT, OK?

SHE'S JUST MAD AT DAD,
AND SHE WAS JUST TALKING.

NEXT WEEK, WE'LL SWITCH.

YOU CAN HAVE DINNER
WITH MY MOTHER

AND I'LL MARRY MY DAD
OFF TO A NICE BARONESS.

DON'T JOKE. DON'T HATE ME.

I DON'T HATE YOU. I
CAN'T HATE THE PATHETIC.

GOOD.

NOW, I HAVE A
COMPLAINT TO REGISTER.

BECAUSE OF YOUR FLAWED PLAN, I WAS
DEPRIVED OF FRIDAY NIGHT WITH MY KID.

I WAS TRYING TO
REUNITE YOUR PARENTS.

OH, SURE, NOW
THEY'RE MY PARENTS.

SO, ANYWAY, I WAS THINKING,
IF YOU'RE NOT BUSY TOMORROW,

HOW ABOUT YOU COME MEET ME
FOR LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY?

WHAT TIME? 1:00-ISH?

SEE YOU TOMORROW. OK.

AND STAY AWAY FROM GRANDMA.

OH, GEE, THERE'S A DEMAND.

(Chris) WELL, I LIKE
THAT IT'S GOT ROOMS.

VERY NOVEL FOR AN INN.

MMM-HMM, THE GUESTS LOVE IT WHEN
THEY DON'T HAVE TO SLEEP COMMUNALLY.

THEY PAY EXTRA FOR IT.

GOOD SQUEAKY STAIRS,
HELPS SELL THE OLD INN ASPECT.

ACTUALLY, WE HAD
THOSE SQUEAKS INSTALLED.

SQUEAKMASTERS?

OH, YOU'VE USED THEM?
OH, SEVERAL TIMES.

RECEPTION'S OVER THERE.
LIVING ROOM'S THROUGH HERE.

HEY, YOU RECOGNIZE THE
BOBBLE-HEAD DOLLS ON THE MANTEL?

YOU PUT THOSE OUT IN PUBLIC?

HEY, THEY ARE A CHERISHED
PART OF MY CHILDHOOD.

PLUS, ALL THE DIRTY PIECES
BROKE OFF 10 YEARS AGO

SO NOW THEY'RE JUST CHARMING.

I LIKE THE JUKEBOX.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

AND HERE'S WHERE WE FEED THEM.

YOU FEED THEM, TOO?

YES, AND ONCE A DAY, WE
LET THEM USE THE BATHROOM

OR SIT ON THE FURNITURE.

CLASSY JOINT.

(Lorelai) SO I'M THINKING
YOU SHOULD ORDER

THE STEAK SANDWICH
AND THE GARLIC BREAD, OR...

THANKS.

OR FRIED CHICKEN. SERIOUSLY
GOOD FRIED CHICKEN.

OR, YEAH, GET THE PORK CHOPS.

'CAUSE, NORMALLY, EATING
PORK CHOPS IS VERY SIMILAR,

TO SUCKING ON THE
POTTERY BARN CATALOG,

BUT SOOKIE DOES
THIS BRINING THING,

IN A SALTWATER-BOURBON SOLUTION.

IT SOUNDS A LITTLE LIKE LAUNDRY,
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY UNBELIEVABLY GOOD.

[chuckling] WHAT?

NOTHING. JUST... YOU DID IT.

I...

YOU DID IT.

YEAH, I THINK I DID.

HOW SAPPY IS IT GOING TO SOUND
IF I SAY THAT I'M PROUD OF YOU?

OH, MY GOD, SO SAPPY.

YEAH, WELL, I AM.

THANKS, CHRIS.

YEAH.

OK, SO I THINK YOU WERE TRYING

TO TALK ME INTO THE PORK CHOP.

YES, I WAS.

MOM, HEY, I'M...

(Lorelai) HEY, SURPRISE!

LOOK WHAT THE MOMMY DRAGGED IN.

HEY, RORY.

HEY, DAD.

[chuckles] YOU HAVEN'T
SAID HI TO YOUR SISTER YET.

[G.G. cooing] OH, RIGHT.

HEY, G.G., REMEMBER
ME? I'M RORY.

(Chris) I SHOW HER YOUR
PICTURE ALL THE TIME.

(Rory) GREAT. THANKS.

(Lorelai) SO YOUR TIMING'S
PERFECT. I'M STARVED. HAVE A SIT.

ISN'T THIS A NICE SURPRISE?

OH, VERY NICE, YES.

I LIKE TO SEE G.G.

[G.G. cooing]

HOW ARE YOU DOING
THERE, UH, G.G.?

THAT THUMB TASTING
PRETTY GOOD THERE?

'CAUSE SERIOUSLY,
IF YOU SOAK IT IN

A SALTWATER-BOURBON
SOLUTION OVERNIGHT,

YOU'LL SEE A MAJOR IMPROVEMENT.

UH, LORELAI, EXCUSE ME.

THERE'S AN INCIDENT IN THE FRONT
YOU MAY WANT TO CHECK IN ON.

OK, ROB, THANKS.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING
HILARIOUS WHILE I'M GONE.

HMM.

RORY. ONE THING.

I'VE ONLY ASKED YOU
FOR ONE THING, EVER.

THIS WASN'T MY IDEA. STOP.

RORY, I DIDN'T CALL.

AFTER YOU ASKED
ME NOT TO, I DIDN'T.

YOUR MOTHER CALLED ME.

SHE CALLED ME BECAUSE SHE
HADN'T HEARD FROM ME IN A WHILE.

AND THE REASON THAT SHE
HADN'T HEARD FROM ME IN A WHILE,

IS BECAUSE YOU ASKED
ME TO STAY AWAY AND I DID.

PLEASE STOP SHAKING YOUR HEAD.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

SHE CALLED ME, RORY. SHE
CALLED ME. SHE ASKED ME TO LUNCH.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ACCEPT.

I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO
GOOD REASON TO SAY NO.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?

TELL HER THAT YOU DON'T
WANT ME TO SEE HER ANYMORE?

I DIDN'T WANT TO RAT
YOU OUT. I'M SORRY.

LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU WERE GONNA BE HERE.

THIS IS AS MUCH A SURPRISE
TO ME AS IT IS TO YOU.

OH, I SEE. SO YOU DIDN'T
THINK I WAS GONNA BE HERE,

SO THEREFORE IT
MAKES IT SAFE TO COME,

'CAUSE MAYBE I WOULDN'T
FIND OUT ABOUT IT.

NO, RORY. NO, ALL RIGHT?
THAT IS NOT HOW IT WENT DOWN.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T
HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU.

I'VE DONE ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING WRONG HERE.

FINE.

LOOK, I'M SORRY YOU'RE
UPSET. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE HAD A
RELATIONSHIP LONG BEFORE YOU EVER EXISTED.

WE GREW UP TOGETHER.
WE HAD A CHILD TOGETHER.

AND NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING
ON, THAT DOES NOT CHANGE.

GREAT. YOU KNEW HER FIRST,

SO THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO JUST
WALTZ IN AND SCREW EVERYTHING UP?

I DID NOT WALTZ IN.
I DID NOT CALL HER.

YOU CANNOT MAKE
ME THE BAD GUY HERE.

HEY, IF THE BLACK HAT FITS.

I'M YOUR FATHER, KID, OK?

I THINK THAT DEMANDS A
TINY BIT OF RESPECT HERE.

FINE.

SEE, THIS IS WHY I LOVE THIS JOB.
SO, MICHEL HAS BEEN OBSESSED

WITH THESE GUESTS, WHO HE SWEARS

ARE THE NOTORIOUS BATHROBE
BANDITS FROM THE INDEPENDENCE INN.

AT LEAST THE MOLES
MATCH. SO, APPARENTLY,

THEY WERE CHECKING OUT,
AND MICHEL STOPPED THEM,

AND DEMANDED THEY OPEN THEIR
SUITCASES, AND THEY REFUSED.

SO HE GRABS THE GUY'S SUITCASE,

AND STARTS TEARING
THROUGH ALL OF HIS STUFF,

WHICH, OF COURSE,
WENT OVER REALLY WELL.

AND WHEN I GOT THERE, THE
WIFE WAS CALLING THE COPS,

AND THE HUSBAND WAS CHASING
MICHEL AROUND WITH A GOLF CLUB.

IT TOOK A COMPED BILL
AND 2 FREE BATHROBES

IN ADDITION TO THE
ONES THEY HAD STOLEN

TO GET THEM TO DROP THE CHARGES.

PLUS, MICHEL RIPPED HIS PANTS,

AND HIS UNDERWEAR'S
PINK AND SHINY.

[titters]

DID I NOT HIT THE "PINK
AND SHINY" HARD ENOUGH?

SHOULD IT HAVE BEEN, "HIS
DRAWERS ARE PINK AND SHINY"?

I'M CONFUSED.

'CAUSE I WAS GOING TO HIT THE ORPHEUM
CIRCUIT WITH THAT MATERIAL. WOW.

DID I MISS SOMETHING HERE?

NOPE. UH, NOTHING.

LOOK, LOR, I SHOULD BE GOING.

WHAT?

NO, UH, WE DIDN'T GET
OUR BRINY PORK CHOPS YET.

I KNOW. I JUST... I REALLY NEED
TO GET TO MY PARENTS' HOUSE,

AND G.G.'S GONNA
NEED HER NAP SOON.

SHE CAN... SHE CAN NAP HERE.

UH, NO, IT'S... IT'S OK.

UM, THE PLACE
LOOKS GREAT, REALLY.

AND, UH, TELL SOOKIE I
SAID THANKS, UH, FOR ME.

AND BYE, RORY. BYE.

CHRIS.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

OK, START CONNECTING THOSE DOTS.

DID YOU CALL HIM AND
INVITE HIM TO LUNCH? WHAT?

DID YOU CALL HIM AND
INVITE HIM TO LUNCH?

YEAH, I DID.

HE DIDN'T CALL YOU? NO.

HE DIDN'T INITIATE THIS?

NO, RORY, WHAT IS GOING ON?

HUH? ANSWER ME.

I WENT TO SEE DAD.

WHEN? TODAY?

NO, A WHILE AGO, RIGHT
AFTER SHERRY LEFT.

I WENT TO SEE
HIM, AND I TOLD HIM

THAT I DIDN'T WANT HIM
TO CALL YOU ANYMORE.

WHY?

MOM, COME ON.

NO "MOM, COME ON." WHY?
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO SCREW
ANYTHING UP BETWEEN YOU AND LUKE.

OH, KID, YOU ARE
SO FAR OFF HERE.

THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

VERY TIME HE COMES BACK, HE
ENDS UP MESSING UP YOUR LIFE.

NOT TRUE. IT'S COMPLETELY TRUE.

HE WANTS YOU BACK,
AND THEN HE DISAPPEARS,

OR SHERRY GETS PREGNANT
OR... OR HE LOSES HIS JOB

OR HE JUST TAKES OFF. WHATEVER.

NO GOOD REASON NECESSARY.

AND IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS FOREVER,
AND YOU JUST LET HIM DO IT.

YOU CAN'T HELP
IT. RORY, COME ON.

YOU CAN'T JUST
BREAK FREE OF HIM.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU'RE ENGAGED TO MAX, AND
THEN, SUDDENLY, YOU'RE NOT.

CHRISTOPHER HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH MAX.

WHO WAS THE PERSON YOU WERE
CALLING FROM YOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY?

I WAS DRUNK. I TRIED TO CALL
ABE VIGODA, TOO, IF YOU REMEMBER.

YOU'RE JUST ALWAYS WAITING
FOR HIM TO GET HIMSELF TOGETHER.

NO, NO, HON. I'M NOT
ALWAYS WAITING FOR HIM.

THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN,
YES, IT... IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE

TO ACTUALLY BE WITH THE
FATHER OF MY KID, BUT NOT NOW.

I'M WITH LUKE COMPLETELY.

WHAT DID HE SAY
WHEN YOU TOLD HIM?

TOLD WHO WHAT? LUKE.

WHAT DID HE SAY
WHEN YOU TOLD HIM

YOU WERE HAVING LUNCH WITH DAD?

NOTHING.

HE DIDN'T CARE?

NO, HE DIDN'T CARE.

HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CARE, 'CAUSE
THERE'S NOTHING TO CARE ABOUT.

IF YOU SAY SO.

I APPRECIATE YOU BEING
CONCERNED FOR ME, BUT DON'T BE.

I'M GOOD.

OK.

LET'S ORDER, SHALL WE?

SHE WAS SO SERIOUS. YOU KNOW,

HOW SHE GETS REALLY SERIOUS
LIKE WHEN SHE SAW THE WAY WE WERE,

AND SHE COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT
HUBBELL WAS GOING TO LEAVE KATIE

AFTER SHE HAD THE BABY?

OH, I REMEMBER. SHE
TALKED ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS.

"HOW COULD HE DO THAT?

"SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO
CARED ABOUT THE BLACKLISTING.

SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO
THOUGHT HE COULD WRITE A NOVEL."

ON AND ON AND ON. THAT'S
THE FACE SHE HAD ON TODAY.

SHE'S JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

THEN WHEN SHE THREW THAT
"WHAT DID LUKE SAY" THING AT ME.

SHE'S GOT A GOOD LEFT HOOK.

I LIED TO MY KID, SOOKIE.

I HATE THAT I LIED TO HER.

BUT I DIDN'T WANT HER TO THINK
THERE WAS ANY WEIRD REASON

WHY I DIDN'T TELL LUKE.

WAS THERE ANY WEIRD REASON
THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL LUKE?

SOOKIE, COME ON.

I DON'T KNOW. UH, MAYBE YOU
WERE AFRAID THAT HE'D GET JEALOUS.

I-I-I'D BE AFRAID THAT
JACKSON WOULD GET JEALOUS.

I WAS NOT AFRAID
HE'D GET JEALOUS.

HE DID BEAT UP A CAR.

ONE TIME. THAT WE KNOW OF.

HUH, NO, I DIDN'T TELL HIM
BECAUSE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

I THOUGHT IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM, RIGHT?

WELL. YEAH, I SHOULD
HAVE TOLD HIM.

NOW HE'S GONNA THINK I'M HIDING SOMETHING
FROM HIM, AND... AND I'M... I'M NOT.

DAMN IT, HE'S GOING
TO BEAT UP MY CAR.

[chuckling] IT'S
AMERICAN. IT CAN TAKE IT.

I CAME HOME FROM WORK AND I
FOUND THESE ON THE DOORSTEP.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

HON, MAYBE IT'S JUST A JOKE.

NO, THIS IS NOT A
JOKE. THIS IS A THREAT.

YEAH, THOSE PEOPLE AT BUTTERICK
PATTERNS PLAY PRETTY ROUGH.

THIS IS THE FISH
ON THE DOORSTEP.

IT'S THE HORSE HEAD IN THE BED.

IT'S THE "EITHER YOUR SIGNATURE

OR YOUR BRAINS ARE GOING
TO BE ON THE CONTRACT."

JACKSON, CALM DOWN.

I WILL NOT CALM DOWN.

I TOLD THEM I WOULD NOT DO
ANY RIBBON-CUTTING CEREMONIES.

WHO'S "THEM"? THEM. THE TOWN.

THE LUNATICS WHO VOTED FOR ME.

OK, COULD YOU PUT THE
GIANT SCISSORS DOWN,

AND THEN DO THE WAVING AROUND?

WE HAVE TO MOVE. PACK
UP. WE'RE GETTING OUT.

OK.

OR YOU COULD JUST ASK THEM
AT THE NEXT TOWN MEETING,

NOT TO LEAVE GIANT SCISSORS
ON OUR PORCH ANYMORE.

TOWN MEETING? OH, NO.

NO WAY. THERE WILL
BE NO TOWN MEETING.

WHAT? THERE'S GONNA
BE LOTS OF UPSET PEOPLE.

THE TOWN MEETING IS A
200-YEAR-OLD TRADITION.

TRADITION OVER.

ONLY HELL WAITS FOR
ME AT TOWN MEETINGS.

SPREAD THE WORD.

THAT'S SWEET. HE'S HAVING
SYMPATHY MOOD SWINGS.

HE LOVES ME.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?
YOU NEED COFFEE?

NO.

NO? SURE.

SURE? YES, COFFEE GOOD.

YOUR CUP'S FULL.

OH, NO. THEN, NO.
NO, COFFEE BAD.

HEY, DID I TELL YOU ABOUT
THE BATHROBE BANDITS?

NOPE.

OH, WELL, VERY FUNNY STORY.

BACK AT THE INDEPENDENCE
INN, THERE WAS THIS COUPLE,

AND THEY WOULD COME IN ALL
THE TIME AND STEAL THE BATHROBES.

THEY'D MAKE MICHEL
CRAZY. SO, TODAY...

UP.

OH, RIGHT. A-AND
TODAY, THEY SHOWED UP.

WHO?

THE BATHROBE BANDITS. THEY
SHOWED UP, AND THEY STAYED,

AND THEN THEY WERE CHECKING
OUT, AND THEN, GET THIS,

THE BELLBOY COMES RUNNING
OVER AND TELLS ME TO COME QUICK,

THERE'S A SITUATION
IN THE LOBBY.

AND SO, I COME
RUNNING TO THE LOBBY.

YOU CAN PUT YOUR PLATE DOWN.

RIGHT. SO I RUN TO THE LOBBY,
AND MICHEL IS BEING CHASED,

AND THE WIFE IS
CALLING THE COPS,

AND I COMPED THEIR ROOM
AND GAVE THEM FREE BATHROBES,

TO STOP THE YELLING
AND THE CALLING.

THIS IS A VERY BAD STORY.

IT WASN'T THAT BAD.

NO, THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I
TOLD IT, AND BOTH TIMES, CRICKETS.

[exhales]

I MEAN, RORY AND CHRISTOPHER
LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS PAULY SHORE.

CHRISTOPHER?

RORY'S DAD. HE CAME
FOR LUNCH TODAY.

I HAD LUNCH WITH
HIM TODAY, AND RORY.

I HAD LUNCH WITH RORY AND CHRISTOPHER
AND G.G., HIS DAUGHTER WITH SHERRY.

HE BROUGHT HER 'CAUSE SHERRY MOVED
TO FRANCE, SO HE'S A FULL-TIME DAD NOW,

AND WE ALL HAD LUNCH,
ALL OF US TOGETHER, TODAY.

AND WHEN I TOLD THE
BATHROBE-BANDITS STORY,

THEY ALL ACTED LIKE THAT.

EXCEPT G.G., WHO SPIT
UP 'CAUSE SHE'S A BABY.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

OK.

[exhales]

OK.

[cell phone ringing]

[clears throat]

HELLO.

(Emily) YOU GET OVER
HERE RIGHT NOW.

WHO IS THIS?

THIS IS YOU IN 20 YEARS.

"WHO IS THIS?" I SWEAR.

MOM, CALM DOWN.

HE'LL BE HERE IN ONE HOUR,
AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR.

Y-YOU'VE GOT TO COME RIGHT NOW.

WHO'LL BE THERE
IN ONE HOUR? DAD?

SIMON McLANE.

WHO IS SIMON McLANE?

HE'S MY DATE.

WHAT?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO PUT ON.

I'M IN A BLIND PANIC,
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

HOW IS IT MY FAULT?

BECAUSE I USED YOUR
LINE, AND IT WORKED.

WHAT LINE?

"HELLO."

"HELLO" IS NOT MY LINE.

"HELLO" IS NOT A
LINE. "HELLO" IS HELLO.

WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I
HELLOED HIM TODAY,

AND NOW HE'S
TAKING ME TO DINNER.

UH, M-MOM...

IF YOU DON'T GET
OVER HERE RIGHT NOW,

I'M GOING TO BOOK A D.A.R.
FUNCTION AT THE DRAGONFLY,

EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND
FROM NOW UNTIL I DIE.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

MOM? ARE YOU...

[exclaiming] CHANEL ATTACK.

(Emily) LOOK AT
THE RED PANTSUIT.

THE...

THE RED PANTSUIT.
THE RED PANTSUIT.

RIGHT THERE. RIGHT
THERE. RIGHT THERE.

I GOT IT. I GOT IT. HERE.

WELL?

NICE.

NICE? UH, NICE,

AND RED AND PANTY-SUITY.

IT'S HORRIBLE. YOU
THINK IT'S HORRIBLE.

NO.

IT'S HORRIBLE AND SIMON WILL BE HERE IN
20 MINUTES AND I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.

WELL, JUST TELL HIM YOU'RE
OBSESSED WITH BUTTERFIELD 8,

AND GO LIKE THAT.

I... I HAVEN'T DONE
THIS IN YEARS.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S APPROPRIATE
TO WEAR ON THE FIRST DATE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S APPROPRIATE
TO SAY ON THE FIRST DATE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK
ABOUT, WHAT TO ORDER. WHICH ONE?

[chuckling] THEY LOOK
EXACTLY THE SAME.

THEY ARE NOT EXACTLY THE SAME.

UH, OK, THEN THAT ONE.

WHY? WHY WHAT?

WHY DID YOU PICK THAT ONE?

WHAT WAS THE LOGIC BEHIND
YOUR PICKING THIS PARTICULAR ONE?

COULD IT POSSIBLY BE
BECAUSE IT WAS CLOSEST?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY SAY ABOUT LOCATION.

YOU'RE JUST PICKING ANYTHING SO
THAT I'LL GET DRESSED AND YOU CAN LEAVE.

NO, MOM, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE.

I'M NEVER LEAVING. IN
FACT, I'M GOING WITH YOU.

I'LL NEVER BE READY ON TIME.

I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY HAIR. I
HAVEN'T FINISHED MY MAKEUP.

OH, MY GOODNESS.
I CAN'T BREATHE.

I'M ACTUALLY HAVING
TROUBLE BREATHING.

MOM, SIT. SIT.

I CAN'T SIT. I'LL
WRINKLE MY CLOTHES.

YOU'RE NOT DRESSED YET.

WHAT? OH, MY GOD,
I'M LOSING MY MIND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.

I'M DATING. I'M SINGLE.

YOU'RE NOT SINGLE.

THAT'S JUST A FORMALITY.

YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER
THE NIGHT I GOT MARRIED.

OH, I WAS PANICKED.
I THOUGHT, "THIS IS IT.

"I'LL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE
TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE.

THIS IS IT FOR LIFE."

IF ONLY I'D HAD A CRYSTAL BALL,

I MIGHT'VE BEEN
ABLE TO EAT MY SALAD.

I REMEMBER IT LOOKED DELICIOUS.

MOM, IS THIS REALLY
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

YES, IT IS.

OK.

WEAR THE BLACK.

THANK YOU. MMM-HMM.

WHAT ABOUT THE... THE
BURGUNDY WORKS FINE, TOO.

JACKSON! JACKSON! STOP!

OH, JACKSON. OH,
THANK GOD. I'M FRANTIC.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MY ACCOMPANIST JUST PASSED OUT.

SHE WHAT?

WELL, SHE WAS PLAYING THE
TARANTELLA AND THEN, SUDDENLY,

SHE STOPPED AND FELL
OFF THE STOOL. COME ON.

WELL, IS SHE
BREATHING? I DON'T KNOW.

DID YOU... DID YOU
CHECK HER PULSE?

NO. WHAT A GOOD IDEA. OH,
YOU'RE SUCH A SMART MAN.

WELL, THANK YOU. I...

A LITTLE FASTER, HONEY. THE
POOR WOMAN IS JUST LYING THERE.

WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL 911.

SHE'S RIGHT OVER
THERE IN THE CORNER.

(Jackson) WHY IS IT
SO DARK IN HERE?

[people chattering]

THE TOWN MEETING
IS NOW IN SESSION.

(T.J.) YOU KNOW, WE WORK
PRETTY GOOD TOGETHER.

I GUESS.

NO GUESS. WE DO.

WE GOT, LIKE, A
RHYTHM, A GROOVE THING.

WE COULD SURVIVE IN
THE WOODS TOGETHER.

START A NEW
CIVILIZATION, IF NEED BE.

I THINK YOU'D NEED
A WOMAN FOR THAT.

OH, RIGHT.

OK, MAYBE LIZ COULD COME.

EXCEPT WE COULDN'T SHARE
HER 'CAUSE SHE'S YOUR SISTER,

AND THAT'S A BAD WAY TO
START A NEW CIVILIZATION.

HOW ABOUT YOU AND LIZ GO START A NEW
CIVILIZATION, I'LL STAY HERE IN THIS ONE?

NO, COME ON. WE
COULD SOLVE THIS.

OK, LORELAI COULD COME.

AND NOW, HER, WE COULD SHARE.

OK, NO MORE NEW
CIVILIZATION TALK.

OK BY ME.

HEY, T.J.?

YES, LUKE.

DO YOU CONSIDER
YOURSELF A JEALOUS MAN?

WHY? ARE YOU PLANNING ON CUTTING
SOME PIPE WITH ANOTHER GUY TOMORROW?

NEVER MIND.

I'M SORRY.

YOU WERE ASKING ME IF I
CONSIDER MYSELF A JEALOUS MAN.

I DON'T, AND LET
ME TELL YOU WHY.

JEALOUSY IS BAD.

JEALOUSY IS WHAT
LANDED ME IN JAIL. TWICE.

I LEARNED QUICKLY THAT WITHOUT
AN IMMEDIATE INFLUX OF CASH,

I COULD NO LONGER
AFFORD TO BE A JEALOUS MAN.

SUPPLY AND DEMAND, MY FRIEND.

SO YOU'RE SAYING IF LIZ
HAD LUNCH WITH AN EX,

IT'S NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT?

RIGHT. RIGHT.

I MEAN, IT'S AN OLD EX, A LONG
TIME AGO, ANCIENT HISTORY.

BUT IF SHE HAD LUNCH, AND SHE
DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT IT AT THE TIME,

BUT, EVENTUALLY,
SHE DID TELL YOU,

WELL, YOU SHOULD
JUST LET IT GO, RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
READING ANYTHING INTO ANYTHING.

YOU'D JUST MAKE YOURSELF
CRAZY AND HER CRAZY,

AND THEN EVERYBODY'S
CRAZY, RIGHT?

WHO THE HELL IS LIZ
HAVING LUNCH WITH?

WHAT? NO ONE.

YOU JUST SAID SHE
HAD LUNCH WITH AN EX.

NAH, T.J...

WAS IT ART? NO, IT WASN'T ART.

I SWEAR TO GOD, IF
IT'S ART, I'M GONNA...

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I TOLD HIM NEVER TO COME
SNIFFING AROUND HERE AGAIN.

HEY, T.J. HEY, IT WASN'T ART.

[people talking]

I HAVE TO TELL YOU, EVERY TIME I
HEAR MAHLER'S SEVENTH SYMPHONY,

I GET RIDICULOUS, GIDDY.

IT'S LIKE THE BEATLES
ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW.

WELL, MAHLER CAN DO THAT TO YOU.

DID YOU SEE THE
CLEVELAND ORCHESTRA

WHEN THEY WERE HERE LAST MONTH?

I WENT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

OH, I SHOULD'VE DONE THAT.

I WENT THE LAST NIGHT AND
THEN TO THE GALA AFTERWARD.

THEIR CONDUCTOR THAT NIGHT...

RUDOLFSKI.

DID YOU KNOW THAT
HE'S DEAF IN HIS LEFT EAR?

I DID KNOW THAT.

IN FACT, I HAVE A
VERY EVIL FRIEND,

WHO LIKES TO SIT NEXT TO
HIM AT ALL THE GALA DINNERS,

AND WHISPER INCREDIBLY
SCANDALOUS THINGS

INTO HIS BAD EAR ALL NIGHT LONG.

WELL, WHO KNEW EMILY GILMORE
RAN WITH SUCH A BAD CROWD?

AH, YES, I'M VERY
DANGEROUS. ASK MY MAIDS.

HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW HAPPY I AM
YOU SAID HELLO TO ME AT THE CLUB?

TWICE. AND SO AM I.

HOW ARE WE DOING HERE?

WE'RE DOING FINE.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE WINE?

WHY NOT?

[brakes squeaking]

[dogs barking]

OK, SO, YOU KNOW WHAT'S
GREAT ABOUT THIS COUNTRY?

NOPE.

IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH,

YOU CAN EVENTUALLY
FIND A SHOWING

OF ST. ELMO'S FIRE
ON THE BIG SCREEN.

YES, THAT'S WHAT GETS US THE
GOOD SEATS AT THE SUMMITS.

COME ON, ADMIT IT.

ROB LOWE PRETENDING TO PLAY
THE SAXOPHONE WAS INCREDIBLY HOT.

OH, I ADMIT IT.

AND ALSO, ANDREW
MCCARTHY AT HIS BEST.

THOUGH LESS THAN ZERO
RUNS A VERY CLOSE SECOND.

I'M SURE IT DOES.

YOU HATED THE MOVIE.

YES.

ALTHOUGH I LOVE THE FACT THAT
IT GOT ME OUT OF A TOWN MEETING,

SO, ALL IN ALL, A VERY
SUCCESSFUL EVENING.

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN'T STAY?

I'VE GOT REALLY EARLY
DELIVERIES TOMORROW.

I'LL MAKE IT UP TO
YOU THIS WEEKEND.

I'LL HOLD YOU TO THAT, MISTER.

(Luke) OH, BY THE WAY,

IT'S FINE ABOUT LUNCH.

WHAT?

YOU HAVING LUNCH
WITH CHRISTOPHER.

I JUST WANT YOU TO
KNOW I'M FINE WITH IT.

OH, OK. GOOD.

YUP, ALL RIGHT.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.

[car door closing]

[car engine starting]

BREAKING YOUR FAST?

[knocking on door] OH, MY GOD. I
LOVE FOOD. YOU WANT SOME?

I'M GOOD. IT'S FOR
ME. IT'S FOR ME.

[door opening]

(man) PIZZA. YES, YES.

(man) $34.95. NEED SOME MONEY?

(Paris) OH, I GOT IT.

YOU WANT TO HAVE
SOME? THERE'S PLENTY.

NO, THANKS. I'M
GOING TO MARTY'S.

OK.

OH, WHERE'S THE CHEESY BREAD?

I ORDERED THE CHEESY BREAD.

♪ [music playing on stereo]

OK, I REMEMBER
SOMETHING ABOUT ROME.

ROME.

ROME. ROMANS LIVED THERE.

UH, AUDREY HEPBURN
TOOK A HOLIDAY THERE.

IT'S THE NAME OF A B-52 SONG.

DIFFERENT ROME.

[sighing] OK, THAT'S
IT. I CAN'T REMEMBER.

COLLEGE IS BREAKING MY SPIRIT.

EVERY SINGLE DAY, TELLING
ME THINGS I DON'T KNOW,

IT'S MAKING ME FEEL STUPID.

UGH, OK, I NEED A BREAK.

I SECOND THAT.

OH, MAN, I'M TIRED.

LIVING IS EXHAUSTING.

THIS WEEK SUCKED.
I'M SO GLAD IT'S OVER.

WHY DID IT SUCK?

JUST A TON OF
SCHOOLWORK AND RAMADAN.

OH, SURE.

I BROKE UP WITH MY
BOYFRIEND THIS WEEK.

THAT WAS FUN.

IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
AT MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE.

AND THEN, BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT
WASN'T ENOUGH PEYTON PLACE FOR ME,

I HAVE THIS WHOLE
THING GOING WITH MY DAD,

WHO'S SUDDENLY
BACK IN MY LIFE AGAIN.

YEAH, DADS CAN BE TOUGH.

I SPENT SO MANY YEARS JUST...

I COULDN'T WAIT TILL HE SHOWED
UP. AND NOW HE'S SHOWING UP,

AND I DON'T KNOW.

I'M JUST REALLY TIRED.

YOU KNOW,

ONCE I FOUND OUT MY FATHER
WASN'T REALLY MY FATHER,

WE STARTED GETTING
ALONG MUCH BETTER.

STOP IT.

I'M SERIOUS.

SUDDENLY THE PRESSURE WAS OFF.

IF SOMETHING HAPPENS,

I DON'T AUTOMATICALLY
HAVE TO GIVE HIM A KIDNEY.

I CAN WEIGH MY OPTIONS.

IT WAS A REAL TURNING
POINT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

SO, YOU BROKE UP WITH
YOUR BOYFRIEND, HUH?

RORY?

[phone ringing]

[answering machine beeps]

(Lorelai on answering machine) I'M
EXHAUSTED. THE PHONE'S FAR.

MAKE IT SHORT AND SWEET.

[beeps]

(Chris on answering machine) HEY,
LOR, IT'S ME. ARE YOU THERE?

OK, WELL, I'M JUST CALLING
'CAUSE LUNCH ENDED BAD,

AND I'M SURE YOU'VE
TALKED TO RORY BY NOW,

SO YOU KNOW WHY IT ENDED
BAD, AND I JUST WANTED TO TALK.

GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU GET IN.

I'LL BE UP LATE. OK, BYE.

[beeps]

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE I'VE HAD AN EVENING

QUITE AS ENJOYABLE AS THIS ONE.

I'M CHOOSING TO
BELIEVE YOU, SIMON,

PARTLY BECAUSE IT'S FLATTERING,

AND PARTLY BECAUSE I'VE HAD 3
GLASSES OF WINE AND A LIMONCELLO.

SO, DO YOU THINK WE COULD
POSSIBLY DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME?

THAT WOULD BE LOVELY, SIMON.

I'LL CALL YOU THIS
WEEK. GOOD NIGHT.

[car door closes]

[car engine starting]

[crying]