Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 6 - Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant! - full transcript

[knocking on door]

HEY. HEY, BACK.

READY? ALMOST.

ALMOST?

I JUST HAVE TO FIND MY
KEYS, AND FINISH THE LAUNDRY.

THAT'S NOT ALMOST.

SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO SPEED TO THE MOVIES,

PARK ILLEGALLY, AND YOU HIT THE
BATHROOM WHILE I GRAB THE POPCORN.

WE'LL MEET BACK AT THE SEATS
ALL SWEATY AND AGGRAVATED.

WELL, OF COURSE, I'LL BE AGGRAVATED.
YOU FORGOT THE RED VINES.

NO... NO KEYS HERE.

YOU KNOW THE LIGHTS
ARE ON IN YOUR JEEP?

OH, YEAH. THE PORCH
LIGHT'S OUT, AND IT WAS DARK,

SO I LEFT THE JEEP
ON FOR THE LIGHT.

COULD YOU LIFT, PLEASE?

BUT THE BATTERY'S GOING TO DIE.

NO, NO, I TIMED IT.

IT TAKES 12 HOURS FOR
THE BATTERY TO WEAR OUT.

I GO TO WORK AT 8:00,
GIVING ME 2 HOURS TO SPARE

AND A WHOLE DAY TO RECHARGE.

NOT HERE, EITHER. DOWN, PLEASE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
CHANGE THE PORCH LIGHT?

HAVE YOU SEEN HOW
DIRTY IT IS UP THERE

WITH THOSE CREEPY MOTHS
THAT FLY IN YOUR FACE?

AND YOU COULD SWALLOW ONE AND END UP WITH
SOME WEIRD HAND-TO-MOTH-TO-MOUTH DISEASE.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING.

OH, NO? DID YOU SEE
MOTHMAN PROPHECIES?

YES. OH.

WELL, OK, THEN, DID
YOU SEE THE SEQUEL?

THERE'S A SEQUEL?

YES. IT IS A HEARTBREAKING SAGA

IN WHICH RICHARD GERE GETS
A LIFE-THREATENING DISEASE

FROM CHANGING A
DIRTY PORCH LIGHT.

THERE WAS NO SEQUEL.

WELL, IT'S STILL REALLY
GROSS UP THERE.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN OUT?

SINCE RORY BROKE UP
WITH DEAN THE FIRST TIME.

NOT THE SEQUEL.

YES, HE WAS THE
LAST ONE TO CHANGE IT.

JESS NEVER CHANGED THE
PORCH LIGHT, BY THE WAY.

OK, THIS ROOM IS
DEFINITELY KEYLESS. KITCHEN.

♪ [humming]

YOU LEFT YOUR KEYS IN THE STOVE?

NO. MY SOCKS.

YOUR SOCKS. OF
COURSE. HOW NAIVE OF ME.

IT MAKES THEM WARM
AND SLIGHTLY TOASTY.

THAT'S WEIRD.

WHAT'S WEIRD? THERE'S
SO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM.

THEY'RE STILL DAMP. I
FOLLOWED THE RECIPE,

BAKE AT 250, 10 MINUTES A SIDE,

10 THE OTHER. THEY
SHOULD BE DONE BY NOW.

YOU THINK MY OVEN'S BROKEN?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR DRYER?
NO, THE DRYER'S FINE.

I THINK WE SHOULD GET TO
THE MOVIES. ALL DONE. LET'S GO.

KEYS. FORGET ABOUT THEM.

JUST LEAVE THE DOOR
UNLOCKED. YOU CAN'T.

THAT'S NOT SAFE. SURE IT IS.

JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY IT'S
SAFE DOESN'T MAKE IT SAFE.

IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME.

HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT BY THE...

KEYS ARE IN THE DOOR.

OH, THEY ARE?

THAT'S RIGHT. I HAD
TO GO IN THE BACK WAY

BECAUSE THE PORCH LIGHT WAS OUT.

THEY'RE STUCK.

YEAH, YEAH, THAT HAPPENS.

THERE.

YOU READY?

I CAN NEVER PICK
YOU UP HERE AGAIN.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

[people chattering]

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT
YOU LAST NIGHT.

IF THIS GETS DIRTY, FEEL
FREE TO KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

I DREAMT THAT IN
SPITE OF THE FACT

THAT YOU KNEW I WANTED TO
BE ASSIGNED THE RELIGION BEAT,

YOU WENT BEHIND
MY BACK TO DOYLE,

COOKED HIM DINNER,
AND STOLE IT FROM ME.

IT'S JUST A DREAM, PARIS.

YOU MADE VEAL
PARMESAN, AND IT FELT REAL.

I DON'T MAKE VEAL PARMESAN.

I DON'T MAKE ANYTHING, AND I
DON'T WANT THE RELIGION BEAT.

I WANT FEATURES. YOU KNOW THAT.

YOU SAY YOU WANT
FEATURES. AND I MEAN IT.

DREAMS TELL YOU THINGS.

IT'S OUR SUBCONSCIOUS
TALKING TO US, WARNING US,

TELLING US ABOUT THINGS
THAT ARE HAPPENING.

PARIS... MY DREAM WAS TELLING ME

THAT YOU WERE STABBING ME IN
THE BACK WITH YOUR VEAL PARMESAN.

WELL, I MUST HAVE REALLY OVERCOOKED
IT, THEN. LET ME SMELL YOUR HANDS.

GO AWAY. YOU USED
A LOT OF GARLIC.

BYE. RORY, LISTEN TO ME.

WE'RE CLOSE, LIKE FRIENDS,
AND I WOULD HATE FOR SOMETHING

AS TRIVIAL AS COMPETITION FOR THE
RELIGION BEAT TO COME BETWEEN US.

OH, MY GOD, I DON'T
WANT THE RELIGION BEAT.

WE COULD END UP
LIKE THE VAN BURENS.

AS IN MR. AND MRS. PRESIDENT?

AS IN ABBY AND ANN. RIGHT.

SISTERS IN BLOOD,
BUT BITTER RIVALS.

THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ANYMORE.

THAT'S BECAUSE
ONE OF THEM IS DEAD.

YOU DON'T WANT
THE RELIGION BEAT?

OH, I'M SORRY. YOU
MEANT THE RELIGION BEAT.

NO, I DON'T.

SANORA THOMAS
WAS IN MY DREAM, TOO.

SHE WAS POURING THE WINE.

YO, SANORA. WHERE'S THE FIRE?

HEY, RORY, DID YOU
SEE THIS? SEE WHAT?

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

GLENN HERE GOT HIMSELF
PUBLISHED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES.

YOU'RE KIDDING.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

"IT'S NO BIG DEAL," HE SAYS.

THIS IS THE ARTICLE YOU WROTE

ABOUT THE REPRINTING OF
THE ANARCHIST COOKBOOK.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL. THIS
WAS IN OUR LAST ISSUE.

AND THE TIMES PICKED IT UP.

THEY DO THAT EVERY NOW AND THEN.

THEY PICK UP SOMETHING,
AND THEY PUBLISH IT.

AND THAT'S WHAT THEY DID
WITH OUR BOY GLENN HERE.

PLEASE DON'T PAT MY BACK AGAIN.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, GLENN.

DON'T SAY IT LOUD.
PEOPLE ARE LOOKING.

YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.

WHY? IT'S NOT
EVEN MY BEST PIECE.

IT'S STILL PRETTY AMAZING.

IT IS AMAZING.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY AMAZING THAT
I SPENT ALL SUMMER IN INDIANA

WORKING MY ASS OFF WITH
THE MUNCIE MESSENGER.

AND YOU WENT FROM
STAR TREK CONVENTION

TO BOBA FETT FAN CLUB
SYMPOSIUM, AND, YET, LOOKY HERE.

THE NEW YORK TIMES.

ISN'T THAT GREAT, RORY?

AREN'T YOU SEEING
HOW GREAT IT IS?

LOOK, GET OFF MY BUS, OK?

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY PICKED IT.

I DIDN'T ASK THEM TO PICK IT.

I DON'T EVEN READ
THE NEW YORK TIMES.

YOU DON'T READ...

WELL, GLENN, IT'S GREAT, AND WE'RE
ALL JUST REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU.

WHATEVER.

[phone rings]

OH, MAN, IT'S R.W. APPLE AGAIN.

GOD, DOES HE HAVE
ANYONE ELSE TO TALK TO?

WHAT?

IT'S LIKE BEING THERE.

HE'S CHAUNCEY GARDINER.

HEY, DOYLE, YOU HAVE
TO LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.

YOU EDITED THAT PIECE AND
IF IT HADN'T BEEN EDITED WELL,

THE TIMES NEVER
WOULD HAVE PICKED IT.

THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO
LOOK AT IT. THANK YOU.

IT'S BECAUSE OF ME THAT HE'S
GOING TO BE BOB WOODWARD.

I MADE IT HAPPEN.

SO SOMEDAY WHEN I'M RUNNING
THE CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT

AT THE MUNCIE MESSENGER, AND
GLENN IS ACCEPTING HIS PULITZER PRIZE,

I CAN POINT UP AT THE
SCREEN AT THE LOCAL BAR

WHERE I REGULARLY STOP ON MY WAY
HOME TO GET DROP-DEAD, BLIND DRUNK,

AND SAY, "I HELPED
HIM GET THERE."

THEN I CAN FALL OFF
THE STOOL AND THROW UP.

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR THAT, GILMORE.

I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
TO LOOK AT IT THAT WAY

IF IT HADN'T HAVE BEEN FOR YOU.

[sighs]

[cell phone ringing]

HEY, MOM.

SO, HOW ARE YOU? DO
YOU WANT TO LAUGH?

LAUGHING WOULD BE GOOD.

LUKE DID THE
FUNNIEST BIT BEFORE.

I THOUGH YOU
WOULD... WILL YOU STOP?

I DID NOT DO A BIT.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT? THE BIT.

IT WAS A RIOT.
(Luke) IT WASN'T A BIT.

I BANGED MY HEAD ON THE
STOVE, AND IT HURT LIKE HELL.

NO, YOU SAID IT FUNNIER
BEFORE. DO IT AGAIN.

I TOLD YOU. I NEVER DID IT IN THE
FIRST PLACE. YOU DID IT. IT'S YOUR BIT.

HOW COULD IT BE MY BIT WHEN
IT'S YOUR HEAD IN THE OVEN?

EXACTLY. MY HEAD,
MY CONK, NO BIT.

MOM, JUST WONDERING, DID YOU
CALL FOR ANY PARTICULAR REASON?

JUST CHECKING IN. SEEING HOW
YOU'RE DOING. HOW'RE YOU DOING?

I'M FINE. UH, WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
SOMETHING'S WRONG?

YOU GOT BAMBI VOICE.

I DO NOT HAVE BAMBI VOICE.

SPILL, PLEASE.

I'M JUST... I'M JUST
REALLY BEHIND.

BEHIND WHAT?

I'M BEHIND AT THE PAPER.
WAY, WAY BEHIND AT THE PAPER.

EVERYONE ELSE HAD THESE
AMAZINGLY PRODUCTIVE SUMMERS.

INTERNSHIPS AT HOMETOWN PAPERS,

GETTING ARTICLES REPRINTED
IN THE NEW YORK TIMES.

AND ME, THE PERSON
WHO'S BEEN TALKING

ABOUT BEING A
JOURNALIST HER ENTIRE LIFE.

WHAT DID I DO? I
WASTED 2 WHOLE MONTHS

RUNNING AWAY TO
EUROPE WITH GRANDMA.

WHOA, SLOW DOWN. FIRST
OF ALL, EUROPE, WASTE?

YOU HAD MAJOR AND VALUABLE
EXPERIENCES. THE ARCHITECTURE, THE FOOD,

SEEING MY MOTHER WITHOUT
HER MAKEUP ON IN THE MORNING.

BUT THIS IS THE TIME
FOR WORK, FOR LEARNING.

I DIDN'T EVEN CONSIDER
AN INTERNSHIP ANYWHERE.

I WAS SO WRAPPED UP IN MY
OWN PERSONAL WHATEVER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS. OK.

LET'S TAKE A STEP BACK HERE.

YOU SAY YOU'RE BEHIND.

I AM BEHIND.

SO, YOU'LL CATCH UP.

YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT'S EASY.

NO, I SAY THAT LIKE IT'S
WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO.

YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
YOU WERE BEHIND AT CHILTON,

REMEMBER, AND
THEN YOU HIT A DEER,

AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE.

THE 2 INCIDENTS WERE
IN NO WAY CONNECTED.

BUT YOU CAUGHT UP, RIGHT?

THAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL.

THIS IS COLLEGE. A VERY
BIG, IMPORTANT COLLEGE.

WELL, OK, DIFFERENT
SCHOOL, BUT SAME RORY.

YOU'RE GREAT AT
THE CATCH-UP THING.

YOU'RE THE CATCH-UP GIRL, NOT
TO BE CONFUSED WITH KETCHUP GIRL

BECAUSE THAT'S NOT YOU AT ALL.

YOU WERE STRICTLY A MUSTARD
AND RELISH GIRL FROM DAY ONE.

THAT'S A LITTLE CONDIMENT
HUMOR FOR YOU?

I'M REALLY GOING TO HAVE
TO WORK CONSTANTLY.

MAYBE I'LL LOOK FOR SOMETHING
PART-TIME AT A LOCAL PAPER.

GOOD, THAT'S GOOD, OR YOU
COULD WORK FOR A FISHMONGER.

WHAT?

BECAUSE THERE'S LOTS
OF NEWSPAPERS THERE.

OW, JEEZ, WHAT THE...

[groans]

[laughs]

HE DID IT. HE DID THE
BIT. LUKE, DO IT AGAIN.

DO IT LOUDER FOR RORY.

HEY, MOM. YEAH.

YOU SOUND HAPPY.

I AM, KID.

[panting]

WHAT?

MR. MAILER, IT'S JUST SUCH A GREAT
HONOR TO BE DOING THIS INTERVIEW.

SO I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU...

CAN I GIVE YOU A TIP? YES, SIR.

I WOULDN'T START THAT WAY FOR A
SIMPLE REASON. I DON'T TRUST COMPLIMENTS.

I'VE BEEN GETTING
THEM FOR YEARS.

SOMETIMES I DESERVED
THEM, SOMETIMES I DIDN'T.

BUT GENERALLY WHEN
PEOPLE GIVE YOU A COMPLIMENT,

THERE'S ONE OF 2
THINGS WRONG WITH THEM.

EITHER THEY ARE FALSE, OR
WHAT'S WORSE IS THEY'RE SINCERE.

THEY REALLY MEAN THE COMPLIMENT.

AND THEN THEY'RE
OFFERING YOU THEIR LOYALTY.

AND I'M KIND OF A
STINGY, COLD FELLOW...

I DON'T WANT TO GIVE
ALL THAT LOYALTY BACK.

SO, EITHER WAY, LET'S
SKIP THE COMPLIMENTS.

LET'S TALK ABOUT... WHAT
ARE YOU WORKING ON NOW?

I'M GOING TO KEEP
SAYING NO TO YOU.

I CAN'T TELL YOU
WHAT I'M WORKING ON.

I NEVER TELL ANYBODY
WHAT I'M WORKING ON.

A NOVEL IS LIKE A SECRET AFFAIR

AND YOU DON'T BRING
OTHER PEOPLE IN ON IT.

NORMAN MAILER'S BACK
FOR THE 3RD TIME THIS WEEK.

YEP. SURE IS.

THIS IS SO EXCITING. I'VE
GOT TO CALL AND TELL RORY.

YOU KNOW, SHE READ
THE NAKED AND THE DEAD

WHEN SHE WAS STILL
WEARING FOOTSIE PAJAMAS.

CHICKEN'S BURNING.

THIS IS OUR FIRST STEP ON
THE ROAD TO BEING SALONED.

I MEAN, AS SOON AS WORD GETS OUT

THAT NORMAN MAILER IS
HAVING LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY,

IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE THE REST OF THE
LITERATI COME SWEEPING IN.

SOUND'S GREAT.

WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP GORE VIDAL
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM.

BUT, YOU KNOW, PROBABLY
GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ

WILL RUN INTERFERENCE FOR US.

BUTTER BATH, BOYS. BUTTER BATH!

EVERYTHING OK?

SURE. I MEAN, I'M
THRILLED AND DELIGHTED

THAT NORMAN MAILER IS
COMING IN HERE EVERY DAY

AND SITTING AT A TABLE FOR 4, AND
ORDERING NOTHING AT ALL BUT TEA.

TEA?

ICED TEA. GLASS AFTER
GLASS AFTER GLASS.

I'M SURE HE ORDERS
MORE THAN ICED TEA.

ARE YOU, NOW?

ALL RIGHT. YOU
MAKE GREAT ICE TEA.

I MEAN, LEGENDARY.
SO, CAN YOU BLAME HIM?

ALL I KNOW IS, WHEN BILLY JOEL

CAME INTO THE INDEPENDENCE INN,

HE WOULD PACK IT AWAY. APPETIZERS,
MAIN COURSE, 2, 3 DESSERTS.

THAT WAS A MAN THAT
KNEW HOW TO EAT.

AND HE WAS ALMOST
ABLE TO HIDE IT.

YES, BUT HAVE YOU
EVER READ HIS NOVELS?

THIS IS A RESTAURANT,
NOT A COFFEE SHOP.

COME ON, SOOKIE, THIS IS FUN.

WE'RE THE COOL PLACE WHERE
NORMAN MAILER LIKES TO HANG.

IT'LL GIVE US STREET
CRED, YOU'LL SEE.

FINE.

NEED SOME MORE ICE TEA.

GEE, I WONDER WHO THAT'S FOR?

(Doyle) LINA, ECONOMIC
DEVELOPMENT.

SANG, WOODBRIDGE HALL.

BENJI, LEGAL ISSUES.
PARIS, RELIGION BEAT.

ME? REALLY? HUH,
I HADN'T THOUGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

JERRY, CITY ARTS.

RORY, FEATURES. GLENN, CRIME.

WHAT, YOU DON'T WANT
CRIME? I DON'T CARE.

MAUREEN DOWD TOLD ME IT'S ALL
THE SAME, NOT THAT THAT BIG FLIRT

HAS ANY IDEA WHAT
SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.

CONGRATULATIONS IF YOU
GOT WHAT YOU WANTED.

AND IF YOU DIDN'T,
I COULD CARE LESS.

GET CRACKING.

DOYLE, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR THE FEATURES BEAT.

I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW EXCITED I AM.

THEN PLEASE DON'T TRY.

I'M GOING TO KICK BUTT.
YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE.

YOU'RE A REPORTER NOW, GILMORE.

YOU GOT TO LEARN TO SAY "ASS."

I'LL WORK ON THAT.

HEY, LISTEN, I HAVE ABOUT A
MILLION IDEAS FOR MY FIRST STORY

SO I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD RUN
THEM BY YOU, SEE WHAT YOU THINK.

2 MINUTES. GO.

OK, WELL, FIRST, I THOUGHT
I COULD DO AN UPDATE

ON UNIONIZING THE
JANITORIAL STAFF.

YOU KNOW, A CLASSIC
POWER STRUGGLE.

HAVES VERSUS THE HAVE-NOTS.

OK.

OR, AND I ALREADY HAVE
A HEADLINE FOR THIS ONE,

"YALE'S LIBERAL ACTIVIST
NETWORK, A THING OF THE PAST?"

CATCHY. CATCHY.

THEN, THERE'S THE ISSUE OF ILLEGAL
MUSIC DOWNLOADING ON CAMPUS,

WHICH I IMAGINE IS A MAJOR...

OH, NO. WHAT?

HE'S BACK.

BYE. BYE.

WELL, DOYLE, MY FRIEND.

YOU'RE LOOKING VERY,
VERY WELL. HOW YOU BEEN?

I'VE BEEN GREAT, LOGAN.

IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK.

YEAH? WELL, I STAYED
AWAY AS LONG AS I COULD,

BUT THE YALE DAILY
NEWS IT CALLED TO ME.

SURE. SO, HOW'S EVERYTHING?
HOW'S THE FAMILY?

EVERYTHING'S FINE.
THE FAMILY'S THE FAMILY.

AH, MY DESK. BEAUTIFUL.

UM, YOU KNOW, LOGAN, I
ACTUALLY DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY

WHEN YOU WERE COMING
BACK AND I GAVE OUT THE BEATS.

THAT'S FINE. I'LL TAKE WHATEVER
ONE YOU GOT LEFT OVER.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S NONE LEFT.

PERFECT. JUST THE ONE
I WANTED. RELAX, DOYLE.

I'M JUST HERE FOR THE PRETTY
PICTURE IN MY FATHER'S HEAD.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE
ANY TROUBLE AT ALL.

LOGAN, PLEASE.
YOU? TROUBLE? STOP.

IT'S JUST, GLAD
TO HAVE YOU HERE.

BE CAREFUL, DOYLE. YOU
MIGHT HURT YOURSELF.

BETTER GET BACK TO
WORK, RIGHT, BOSS?

RORY, NICE TO SEE YOU.

YOU KNOW LOGAN? HOW
DO YOU KNOW LOGAN?

I DON'T KNOW HIM, I MET HIM.
MY FRIEND INTRODUCED US.

SO YOU'RE NOT FRIENDS?

NO, DEFINITELY NOT FRIENDS.

THAT GUY'S A REAL PIECE OF WORK.

HE TOOK LAST YEAR OFF
WITH A BUNCH OF HIS FRIENDS.

HE WAS GOING TO
SAIL DADDY'S YACHT

AROUND THE WORLD,
UNTIL HE SANK IT.

HE SANK HIS FATHER'S
YACHT? RIGHT OFF OF FIJI.

THEY SPENT 6 MONTHS
GALLIVANTING AND PARTYING

AND GOD KNOWS
WHAT-ING THERE, TILL DADDY

SENT ONE OF HIS PLANES
TO BRING HIM BACK.

I'M GUESSING HIS FATHER'S RICH.

HIS FATHER'S MITCHUM
HUNTZBERGER.

MITCHUM HUNTZBERGER,
THE NEWSPAPER GUY?

THE NEWSPAPER MAGNATE.

THE MAN OWNS AT LEAST
12 DIFFERENT PAPERS.

I SPENT 2 YEARS
KISSING LOGAN'S BUTT.

DON'T YOU MEAN "ASS"? WHATEVER.

I GUESS IT'S TIME
TO PUCKER UP AGAIN.

MAN, I HATE THOSE KIND OF GUYS.

WHAT KIND OF GUYS?

THOSE PRIVILEGED WHITE MALES.

DOYLE, YOU'RE A
PRIVILEGED WHITE MALE.

WELL, HE'S MORE PRIVILEGED,
AND WAY MORE WHITER.

WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU? MEG,
WHY AM I TALKING TO GILMORE?

MY STORY. WE WERE
PICKING A STORY.

RIGHT. WELL, THEY
ALL SOUND FINE TO ME.

I THINK I'LL GO WITH THE
DOWNLOADING STORY.

GOOD. GO WITH YOUR
GUT. NOW GET TO WORK.

HELLO. CITY DESK. SMITTY
HERE. TAKE THIS DOWN.

I GOT A HOT SCOOP
ON A TALL BLONDE,

AND I GOT TO PUT IT
TO BED ON THE DOUBLE.

[typewriter clicking]

HOW DO YOU SEE YOUR
POSITION IN AMERICAN LETTERS?

I'M EITHER THE BEST OR
I'M NOT, AND I HAVE NO IDEA.

AND, IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN
WORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHETHER YOU THINK YOU'RE THE BEST.

THERE ARE 20 OF US AROUND. 20
AMERICAN WRITERS RIGHT NOW,

I COULD NAME THEM, BUT I WON'T,

WHO THINK THEY'RE THE
BEST LIVING AMERICAN WRITER.

AND I'M ONE OF THOSE
20. ON THE OTHER HAND,

I DON'T WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH SOME
OF THOSE GUYS BECAUSE THEY'RE BASTARDS.

OK, WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE
AUTHOR OF ALL TIME?

SO, HOW ARE WE DOING OVER HERE?

WE'RE FINE. THANK YOU.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT GOES GREAT
WITH ICED TEA? PORK TENDERLOIN.

MAYBE LATER. THANKS. WE
HAVE A GREAT MENU HERE.

I'M HOLDING A
COUPLE AS WE SPEAK.

WE'RE FINE. THANK YOU.

MMM-HMM. OK.

HEY, I DON'T KNOW IF THE WAITER
TOLD YOU, BUT TODAY IS WEDNESDAY.

AND ON WEDNESDAY,
AT THE DRAGONFLY

WE PLAY A LITTLE SOMETHING I
LIKE TO CALL "STUMP THE CHEF."

WHICH IS ME.

AND THE WAY WE PLAY IS THAT
YOU NAME ANY DISH IN THE WORLD

AND I WILL MAKE IT FOR YOU.

AND IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,

THEN YOU GET YOUR
LUNCH COMPLETELY FREE.

WHAT THE DEVIL IS
SHE TALKING ABOUT?

ACTUALLY, COULD WE HAVE
SOME LEMON FOR THE ICED TEA?

LEMON? OH, SURE.

ONE PLATE OF LEMON, COMING UP.

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR
MIND, I'LL BE IN THE KITCHEN,

YOU KNOW, WITH THE FOOD.

I ALREADY HAVE A TON OF
DATA, AND PAGES OF RESEARCH.

AND, OH, THE BEST THING IS
NANCY, THIS GIRL ON THE 4TH FLOOR,

HER FATHER WAS THE GUY WHO
RAN SECURITY AT THE GALLERY

WHEN LARS ULRICH
SOLD ALL HIS ART

AND HE SAID HE'D TRY TO GET HIM
ON THE PHONE FOR AN INTERVIEW

AND I GOT TO BREATHE NOW.

I THINK THAT WAS A RECORD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU THINK IT
SOUNDS BIG ENOUGH IMPORTANT ENOUGH?

YES, I DO. I THINK SO, TOO.

I FEEL VERY, VERY GOOD
ABOUT THIS, FORESTER.

EXCELLENT TO HEAR, GILMORE.

MONSIGNOR, WHY IS ASKING YOU
TO KEEP YOUR CELL ON VIBRATE

DURING MASS IN CASE I NEED TO
FACT CHECK A QUOTE OUTRAGEOUS?

RABBI FELDMAN'S DOING
IT FOR ME ON SHABBOS.

AND HE'S FLYING AGAINST
THE TALMUD THERE.

SO, WHEN DO I GET TO
READ THIS STORY OF YOURS?

WELL, I FIGURE I'LL FINISH A DRAFT IN
TIME FOR OUR DATE TOMORROW NIGHT.

SO YOU CAN HAVE A ROMANTIC
NIGHT OF PROOFREADING.

PRETTY HOT, DON'T YOU THINK?

YEAH. LISTEN.

I'M KIDDING. YOU DON'T HAVE
TO READ IT. I'LL READ IT TO YOU.

I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW NIGHT.

WHAT?

I'M SORRY.

BUT IT'S THURSDAY. SINCE WHEN
DO YOU WORK ON THURSDAY?

SINCE TAYLOR DECIDED TO TRY AND
CASH IN ON THE 24-HOUR TRUCKER CROWD.

WHAT TRUCKER CROWD?

THE TRUCKER CROWD
OFF HIGHWAY 84.

SINCE WHEN DOES THE
TRUCKER CROWD OFF HIGHWAY 84

COME THROUGH STARS HOLLOW?

SINCE WE INSTALLED
AN ICEE MACHINE.

WOW.

YEP. I'M STUCK HERE
PULLING THE NEW SHIFTS

UNTIL WE SEE HOW
IT'S CATCHING ON.

SOUNDS ROUGH. YEAH.

YOU HAVEN'T LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE HEARD
TAYLOR BELT OUT STAND BY YOUR MAN.

YOU DESERVE HAZARD PAY.

ALREADY SUBMITTED FOR IT.

SO NO TOMORROW NIGHT.
BUMMER. HOW ABOUT SATURDAY?

SATURDAY, I'M HERE. UH,
WHAT ABOUT NEXT WEEK?

I'VE GOT TUESDAY
AND WEDNESDAYS OFF.

I HAVE THIS ARTICLE, AND I'M
ALREADY BEHIND ON MY READING.

NEXT WEEKEND?

GOING TO MAINE FOR MY
GRANDPARENTS' WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

WELL, IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU.

WAY TO STAND BY YOUR MAN.

SO I GUESS IT'S WEEK AFTER NEXT.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

I TURN IN MY ARTICLE
ON THAT MONDAY.

MONDAY NIGHT IT IS.

THEY SAY ABSENCE MAKES
THE HEART GROW FONDER.

YEAH, SEX CAN DO THAT ALSO.

AMEN, BROTHER.

OK, I GOT TO GO.

YOU HAVE TO STIR THE NACHO
CHEESE EVERY 20 MINUTES,

OR IT FORMS KIND OF A ROCK.

GO STIR THE CHEESE.
CALL YOU TOMORROW.

OK. BYE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT PRIESTS
HAVE A FABULOUS SENSE OF HUMOR?

JUST STAY ONE LIGHTNING
BOLT'S LENGTH AWAY FROM ME

AT ALL TIMES, PLEASE.

YOU WANT TO GO CHECK OUT SOME
MORMON BINGO AROUND 5TH? NO, THANKS.

HOW'S YOUR ARTICLE
COMING? VERY GOOD.

GOOD. SO YOU MUST'VE FOUND
A NEW ANGLE ON IT, RIGHT?

RIGHT. NEW ANGLE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW,
DOWNLOADING STORIES

ARE EVERYWHERE, AND THEY ALL SAY

EXACTLY THE SAME THING.

DOWNLOADING'S UP. C.D. SALES
ARE DOWN, BUT UP FROM LAST YEAR.

IT'S NOT HURTING
THE MUSIC INDUSTRY,

BUT THE MUSIC INDUSTRY
IS HURTING. BLAH-BLAH-BLAH.

IT ALWAYS SEEMS LIKE THERE'S
GOT TO BE MORE TO IT THAN THAT

BUT THERE NEVER IS.

BUT, YOU HAVE A
FRESH ANGLE, SO GOOD.

YEAH, GOOD. OK,
I'LL BE BACK LATE.

IF RABBI FELDMAN CALLS,
TELL HIM I GOT THE STATS

FROM EDWARD JAMES
OLMOS' OFFICE. SO, I'M GOOD.

BYE. YEAH, BYE.

NEVER MIND. I SEE
THE NOTE IN PINK.

THANK YOU, LORELAI.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

OK, I SEE A LOT OF
GROWTH THIS MONTH.

THE INITIAL DROP-OFF,
WHICH WE ALL KNEW

WAS GOING TO HAPPEN
AFTER THE OPENING

HAS SORT OF SETTLED. AND YOU'RE
DOING A GOOD 70 TO 75% OCCUPANCY

WHICH IS PRETTY GOOD.

YEAH, AND THE
HOLIDAYS ARE COMING UP.

WE'RE BOOKED SOLID THE
LAST 3 WEEKS OF NOVEMBER.

WELL, THAT'S ALL POSITIVE NEWS.

SO, LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THE
THINGS WE CAN DO TO HELP TILL THEN.

SO, WE NEED HELP?
WELL, YES. SOME.

IT'S THE FIRST YEAR, AND
YOU'RE BUILDING THE BUSINESS

THERE'S NOT A LOT
OF PROFIT RIGHT NOW.

AND PERSONALLY, I'D
FEEL BETTER IF WE COULD

LIGHTEN SOME OF
THE FINANCIAL LOAD.

FINANCIAL LOAD? THAT SOUNDS BAD.

I COULD PUT IN FOR
OVERTIME, AND I DON'T.

LOOK, YOU NEED TO GET SOME THESE
BURDENS OFF OF YOU, FOR EXAMPLE, LUNCH.

WHAT ABOUT LUNCH? BREAKFAST
SEEMS TO BE BREAKING EVEN

AND YOU'RE DOING FINE
WITH DINNER, BUT LUNCH...

WHAT ABOUT LUNCH, ANN?

YOU'RE HEMORRHAGING
MONEY AT LUNCH.

YOU HAVE A FULL STAFF FOR A
BASICALLY EMPTY DINING ROOM.

I THINK IT MIGHT BE A
GOOD IDEA TO DROP LUNCH

UNTIL YOU GET YOUR
OCCUPANCY RATE UP HIGHER AND...

DROP LUNCH? DID SHE
SAY, "DROP LUNCH"?

JUST UNTIL WE GET OUR
OCCUPANCY RATES UP A LITTLE HIGHER.

A LOT HIGHER.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. THAT'S
THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO?

WELL...

I MEAN, I JUST THINK IT'S
EXTREMELY COINCIDENTAL

THAT THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO TO
SAVE THE INN IS TO GET RID OF LUNCH.

I'M SURE IT'S NOT
THE ONLY THING.

I MEAN, LUNCH IS MY THING.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO
GET RID OF MY THING?

WHY CAN'T WE GET RID
OF MICHEL'S THINGS?

WHAT THINGS?

I STAND BEHIND A DESK
AND ANSWER A PHONE.

WHAT OF MINE CAN YOU
POSSIBLY GET RID OF?

THE DESK.

PUT THE PHONE ON
THE WALL... WHAT?

AND WRITE ON YOUR SHOE.

'CAUSE HE GOES
THROUGH A LOT OF PAPER.

OK, ANN, WOULD YOU JUST...

IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR THAT
EVERYBODY ELSE GETS TO KEEP THEIR THING

AND I HAVE TO GET
RID OF MY LUNCH.

ANN'S JUST TRYING TO HELP.

ANN HATES ME. NO, I DON'T.

OK, ANN, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO

GO IN THE KITCHEN AND GET
YOURSELF A CUP OF COFFEE?

I DON'T HATE HER.

I KNOW. MICHEL, CAN YOU
GET ANN SOME COFFEE?

OH, ABSOLUTELY, AND THEN I'LL
GO HANG MY PHONE ON THE WALL.

OH, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
LOOKING GOOD IS SO IMPORTANT

WHEN YOU REPRESENT THE
FACE OF THE COMPANY, NO?

I MEAN, I AM THE FIRST
THING THAT A CUSTOMER SEES

WHEN THEY WALK
THROUGH THAT DOOR.

YOUR SUITS ARE NOT
A DEDUCTION, MICHEL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHE'S TAKING MY LUNCHES AWAY.

SHE'S TRYING TO HELP US.

THIS IS ALL NORMAN
MAILER'S FAULT.

HE JUST SITS AROUND ORDERING
NOTHING, YAMMERING ON AND ON.

SO, HE WAS MARRIED TO
MARILYN MONROE. WHO WASN'T?

THAT WAS ARTHUR MILLER.

I'M GOING TO KICK HIM
AND PINCH HIS NOSE.

HEY. GET A GRIP, SOOKIE.

WE'RE TRYING TO
LAUNCH A BUSINESS HERE.

THE RESTAURANT IS
PART OF THE BUSINESS.

I KNOW.

AND CUTTING OUT
LUNCH IS NOT THE...

TEMPORARILY CUTTING OUT
LUNCH. TEMPORARILY, SOOKIE.

JUST UNTIL THINGS PERK
UP, WHICH THEY WILL.

AND WHEN THEY DO, THE LUNCHES
WILL GO BACK, JUST LIKE BEFORE.

SOOKIE? OK? FINE.

JUST GIVE IT TIME. MMM-HMM.

AND WE'RE GOING TO LEAVE
MR. MAILER ALONE, RIGHT?

BECAUSE I DON'T CARE HOW
OLD HE IS, HE CAN TAKE YOU.

I KNOW.

SO WE'RE BOOTED UP,
AND WE'RE SEARCHING

THE NETWORK FOR
OTHER CLIENTS, RIGHT?

AND THEN YOU ENTER THE ALBUM
YOU WANT IN THE SEARCH FIELD, RIGHT?

LET'S SAY, IT'S THE NEW
INTERPOL, HAVE YOU HEARD IT?

I THINK SO.

LITTLE LESS JOY
DIVISION THIS TIME.

MORE NICK CAVE GOT
MUGGED BY PAUL WELLER

WITH SOME 17 SECONDS,
SORT OF, CURE, THROWN IN.

BUT, ANYWAY, FOR BETTER
QUALITY, YOU CHOOSE THE FILE

WITH THE HIGHEST BIT RATE.

IT'S A TRADE-OFF 'CAUSE
IT'S A BIGGER FILE SIZE.

THE LOWER THE BIT RATE, THE SMALLER
THE FILE, BUT LOWER QUALITY. GOT THAT?

HIGHER, SMALLER. LOWER, LARGER.

HIGHER, LARGER. LOWER, SMALLER.

CHECK THIS OUT.

I CAN DOWNLOAD A BAND'S ENTIRE
CATALOG WITH THE PUSH OF A BUTTON.

I CAN TAKE DOWN ALL
22 CHICAGO ALBUMS.

THERE'S CHICAGO ONE,
CHICAGO 2, CHICAGO 3,

CHICAGO 4. NEAT, HUH?

YEAH, REALLY NEAT.

CHICAGO 9, CHICAGO 10.

I HATE CHICAGO. USE A
TROMBONE, GO TO JAIL.

BUT MY GOAL IS TO GET IT
ALL, FROM ABBA TO ZAPPA.

THERE'S THE CHRISTMAS ALBUM.

HMM, OK, THAT'S REALLY
FASCINATING STUFF,

BUT LET ME ASK YOU,
DO YOU STILL BUY C.D.s?

YEAH.

MMM-HMM.

ANYTHING TO ADD TO THAT?

YOU HEARD THE C.D.
SALES ARE UP THIS YEAR?

YES, I DID.

DOWN LAST YEAR.
UP THIS YEAR. WEIRD.

OH, COOL! HERE'S A 1986
BOOTLEG OF "CHICAGO LIVE AT

THE CUMBERLAND CIVIC
CENTER," IN PORTLAND, MAINE.

BOO-YA!

SO, LEN, TELL ME ABOUT WHEN...

OR, UM, IF...

YEAH?

UH, I JUST, I LOST MY
TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

I HATE THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I'M
GOING TO GO GET A CUP OF COFFEE.

COFFEE SOUNDS GOOD.
I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

I'LL BE HERE.

[girl giggling]

OOPS.

DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

[shushing]

[giggling]

IN OMNIA PARATUS.

[laughing]

[cell phone rings]

OH, BOY. OK. HOLD ON.

I GET IT. YOU'RE RINGING.

HOWDY, MA'AM.

HOLD ON, HOLD
ON. YES. HI. HELLO.

(Chris) LOR.

CHRIS?

I CAN'T GET HER TO
STOP. STOP WHAT?

CRYING, SCREAMING.

SHE'S NOT HOT, THERE'S NO
FEVER, AND I CAN'T GET HER TO EAT.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
GIGI, RIGHT? YES.

OK, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
SHERRY'S REALLY THIN, SO I...

[baby wailing]

ARE YOU SURE SHE'S NOT HOT?

NO, I ALREADY CHECKED.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

SHE'S EVERYWHERE,
SHE WON'T SIT STILL.

SHE KEEPS CLIMBING OUT OF HER
CRIB, AND SHE'S MOVING REALLY FAST.

CHRIS, HONEY, CALM
DOWN. WHERE'S SHERRY?

SHE'S NOT HERE. SHE'S OUT AGAIN.

WHEN IS SHE GETTING HOME?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHO TO CALL.

THE NANNY IS NOT
ANSWERING HER PAGER

AND SHERRY'S FRIENDS, THEY
DON'T HAVE KIDS OR LIKE KIDS.

I JUST... I'LL BE
RIGHT THERE. BYE.

[knocking on door]

I OWE YOU SO BIG.

WOW, YOU LOOK GREAT.

HOW LONG AGO DID AXL ROSE LEAVE?

YEAH, THE PLACE IS KIND OF A
MESS. I TRIED TO CLEAN UP EARLIER.

BUT SHE KEEPS
CLIMBING OUT OF THE CRIB.

WHEN SHE'S NOT CLIMBING, SHE'S
SCREAMING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE.

I MEAN, I KEEP THINKING SHE'S
HUNGRY, BUT SHE WON'T EAT.

OH, CRAP! THERE SHE GOES AGAIN.

COME ON, GI.

LET'S GO BACK IN THE CRIB, HUH?

[baby screeching]

YOU TELL HIM, GIRLFRIEND.

SHE HASN'T SLEPT FOR DAYS.

I'M GUESSING THAT
MAKES 2 OF YOU.

YEAH, WELL.

COME ON, GI, JUST
A LITTLE SLEEP, HUH?

CHRIS, WHERE IS SHERRY?

SHE'S, UH, AWAY.

COME ON. SERIOUSLY, GIGI.

$500 IF YOU STAY IN
THERE FOR 10 MINUTES.

HOLD OUT, KID. YOU'VE
GOT HIM ON THE ROPES NOW.

SHE DOESN'T NEED YOUR HELP.

NO, SHE DOESN'T. JUST COME HERE.

HI. OH, WOW.

I HEAR STRAINED
SPINACH IS THE NEW PINK.

HERE YOU GO.

IT'S OK.

[crying]

IT'S OK. IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

HERE YOU GO.

THAT'S IT? YEAH.

YOU MEAN, SHE'S
GOING TO STAY IN THERE?

YEAH. UNTIL HER HAIR GROWS LONG
ENOUGH FOR THE PRINCE TO SHIMMY UP.

WHAT?

COME ON.

GOD, I AM SO SORRY, LOR.

OH, FOR WHAT?

I HARDLY EVER CALL YOU OR RORY,

BUT THE MINUTE I'M IN TROUBLE...

WELL, THAT'S WHAT
WE'RE HERE FOR. YEAH.

I'VE BEEN TRAVELING SO
MUCH, THEN I GET HOME TO THIS

AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I
SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

CHRIS.

YEAH? WHERE IS SHERRY?

SHERRY IS IN PARIS.

WOW. LUCKY GIRL. WHEN
DOES SHE GET BACK?

SHE'S NOT.

SHE'S...

I GOT HOME FROM SEATTLE,
AND THE NANNY WAS HERE

AND SHE HANDED ME A NOTE.

IT SAID THAT SHERRY HAD
BEEN OFFERED A JOB IN PARIS

AND SHE HAD DECIDED TO TAKE IT.

WHAT?

SHE SAID SHE HAD PUT HER CAREER
ON HOLD FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS.

SHE SAID I'D BEEN GONE
FOR MOST OF THAT TIME,

WHICH I GUESS IS TRUE,

AND SHE WASN'T GOING TO
LET THIS OPPORTUNITY PASS.

SHE SAID IT WAS MY TURN.

SHE WAS SORRY, BUT SHE
HAD TO DO THIS FOR HER.

WOW. YEAH.

I'M STUNNED.

PRETTY MUCH MY SAME REACTION.

BUT GIGI? SHE JUST
TAKES OFF ON GIGI?

OK, WELL, YOU SMELL
AS GOOD AS YOU LOOK.

I HAVEN'T SHOWERED
SINCE SEATTLE.

REALLY? WELL, I'M HOT.

OK, UM, HOW ABOUT THIS FOR A
PLAN? YOU GO TAKE A SHOWER

AND I WILL ORDER SOME FOOD,
AND I'LL START TO CLEAN UP...

HEY, I CAN'T DO THIS.

DO WHAT, SHOWER? OH,
YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE.

YOU JUST TURN THE
WATER ON, AND STEP IN.

OH, WAIT, REMOVE
CLOTHES, THEN STEP IN.

I CAN'T RAISE HER. I CANNOT
RAISE HER ALL BY MYSELF.

YES, YOU CAN.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO.

CHRIS, SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO FIND A WAY.

I DID. I DID IT WITH RORY.

YOU'RE DIFFERENT.

YES. I WAS 16.

YOU'RE DIFFERENT. I MEAN,
YOU'RE SPECIAL. YOU'RE STRONGER.

YOU'RE LIKE A SUPERHERO WITH
RED BOOTS, AND A GOLDEN LASSO.

IT WAS ONE HALLOWEEN,
CHRISTOPHER.

I MEAN, YOU RAISED
RORY ALL BY YOURSELF.

YOU HAD NO ONE TO HELP
YOU, AND YOU DIDN'T LOOK BACK.

THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT IF I HAD DECIDED
TO BAIL ON RORY

AND FOLLOW THE BANGLES
AROUND THE WORLD

WHICH IS WHAT I PLANNED TO
DO UNTIL THE DEMEROL KICKED IN,

THEN YOU WOULD HAVE PUT ON
THE RED BOOTS AND GOLDEN LASSO.

AND YOU WOULD HAVE RAISED HER,

AND EVERYTHING
WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.

EXCEPT SHE WOULDN'T HAVE
INTRODUCED YOU TO ANYONE

OR LET YOU GO TO THE PARENT NIGHT AT
SCHOOL, BECAUSE YOU LOOK SO FREAKY.

I DON'T KNOW.

SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER.

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER.

I'VE BEEN GONE SO MUCH.

WELL, WELCOME HOME, BABE.

I DON'T WANT TO
SCREW THIS UP, LOR.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO.

I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS, CHRIS.

YOU EVER GET TIRED OF
BEING MY CHEERLEADER?

HEY, AS LONG AS I LOOK CUTE
IN THE SKIRT, I'M GOOD TO GO.

OK. UH...

I REALLY NEED TO SHOWER.

YEAH.

I'LL CLEAR A PATH AND
ORDER SOME FOOD.

YEAH, NO APPLESAUCE.

YOU GOT IT.

SO, YOU REALLY THINK
I CAN HANDLE THIS?

NO DOUBT IN MY MIND.

[baby crying]

GO. I'VE GOT THE CRYING.

HEY, LOR.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'D DO WITHOUT YOU.

YEAH, YOU'RE GOING TO FIND
OUT REAL SOON IF YOU DON'T...

TAKE OFF CLOTHES, GET IN
SHOWER, TURN ON WATER.

I'M GOING.

♪ JUST ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY ♪

GELLER!

DO YOU SEE WHAT I
HAVE HERE IN MY HAND?

I'M BUSY, DOYLE.

RABBI BARON SAYS HE'S CHANGED
HIS NUMBER TWICE. OH, PLEASE.

FATHER CALLAHAN IS THREATENING A
RESTRAINING ORDER. IF I HAD A NICKEL.

AND THE HONORABLE
MUHAMMAD ABDUL AZIZ

SAYS THAT YOU
STOLE HIS FLIP-FLOPS.

WHAT A LIE. HE LEAVES
THEM OUT IN HIS HALLWAY

AND I HAVE TOLD HIM A MILLION
TIMES THAT PEOPLE SUCK AND...

PARIS! WHAT?

YOU HAVE THREATENED, STALKED
AND BASICALLY FREAKED OUT

EVERY RELIGIOUS LEADER
WITHIN A 100-MILE RADIUS.

THIS PAPER HAS NEVER
RECEIVED SO MANY COMPLAINTS

IN THE HISTORY OF ITS EXISTENCE.
AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET

JESSE JACKSON'S
BARBER'S NUMBER? HOW?

HEY, YOU GAVE ME THIS
BEAT TO FIND A STORY,

NOT TO KOWTOW
AND MAKE NICE AND...

GELLER! WHAT?

WAY TO GO.

THANKS.

DON'T YOU DARE GIVE
BACK THOSE FLIP-FLOPS.

NOT A CHANCE.
THEY FIT PERFECTLY.

(Rory) HEY, DOYLE, I THINK I
WANT TO CHANGE MY STORY.

YEAH?

THE DOWNLOADING STORY WAS A
DEAD-END. THERE'S NOTHING THERE.

YOU'RE TELLING ME. WHAT?

I GOT BORED JUST
HEARING YOU PITCH IT.

SO, WHAT DO YOU GOT NOW?

OK, WELL, LAST NIGHT, I WAS IN ONE
OF THE BATHROOMS OVER AT BERKELEY

AND THIS GIRL CAME
IN, SLIGHTLY TOASTED.

SHE WAS WEARING A
FULL-ON BALL GOWN

WITH ONE OF THOSE
PLASTIC GORILLA MASKS.

NOT SOMETHING YOU SEE EVERY DAY.

EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT.

SO I FOLLOWED HER
OUT TO THE PARKING LOT,

AND SHE GOT IN THIS
FANCY BLACK S.U.V.

AND SAID THE PHRASE
"IN OMNIA PARATUS,"

WHICH MEANS
"READY FOR ANYTHING."

I KNOW, I TOOK LATIN.

QUEL IMPRESSED. CONTINUE.

ALL THIS SEEMED A LITTLE WEIRD,

BUT INTERESTING WEIRD, YOU KNOW.

SO, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE
IT'S ALL THIS HANGING OUT WITH

A REAL NEWSPAPERMAN LIKE
YOURSELF, BUT MY ANTENNA WENT UP.

I FELT THERE WAS A STORY THERE.

DID YOU CATCH THE
SUBTLE SUCKING UP?

CAUGHT IT. CONTINUE.

SO, I GOOGLED THE PHRASE. NOT
QUITE SURE WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.

BUT THEN, I FOUND THIS. SEE, IT LINKS
THE PHRASE WITH A CLUB HERE AT YALE.

IT'S SORT OF A SECRET SOCIETY,
KIND OF SKULL AND BONES,

KIND OF CREEPY GROUP,
DATING BACK TO THE 1800s.

THIS PHRASE WAS THEIR MOTTO.

NOW, THAT ALONE,
NOT THAT INTERESTING.

UH-UH. BUT HERE. LOOK.

HMM.

I FOUND THIS IN A 1996 EDITION
OF THE YALE DAILY NEWS.

IT'S AN ARTICLE ON WHETHER OR
NOT THIS CLUB ACTUALLY EXISTS.

A LIFE AND DEATH BRIGADE.
YEAH, I KNOW THESE GUYS.

OH, YOU DO? NO,
I'VE HEARD OF THEM.

THEY'RE APPARENTLY EVEN MORE
ELUSIVE THAN THE SKULL-AND-BONES CROWD.

OF COURSE, THEY'VE NEVER BEEN
LINKED TO MASTURBATING IN A COFFIN

SO I AUTOMATICALLY
LIKE THESE GUYS BETTER.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM?

NOT MUCH. THE PAPER'S TRIED TO TRACK
THEM DOWN BEFORE. WE'VE GOTTEN A FEW LEADS

BUT NO ONE'S EVER GOTTEN CLOSE
ENOUGH TO CONFIRM ANYTHING.

WE ALL KNOW THEY EXIST,
BUT WE DON'T KNOW THEY EXIST.

IT'S ALL JUST TOO, TOO...

GOD, I HATE THOSE STUPID CLUBS.

I WANT TO DO THIS STORY.

I WANT TO FIND THIS CLUB, TRACK
THEM DOWN, GET ON THE INSIDE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
GO WITH YOUR GUT.

YOU SAID THAT ABOUT
MY DOWNLOADING STORY.

HEY, YOU DON'T TRUST MY GUT.

FINALLY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

AM I WEARING THE SAME THING
I WORE LAST FRIDAY NIGHT?

WHAT?

HALFWAY HERE, I WAS STRUCK
BY THE OVERWHELMING FEELING

THAT I WORE THIS EXACT OUTFIT
TO DINNER LAST FRIDAY NIGHT.

THERE'S NO WAY
I'M GOING IN THERE

TO SEE MY MOTHER WEARING THE
SAME THING I WORE LAST FRIDAY NIGHT.

BECAUSE I MAY NOT REMEMBER,
BUT SHE SURE AS HELL WILL.

I DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW?

YOU DON'T REMEMBER,
BUT YOU EXPECT ME TO?

WELL, YOU LOOK AT ME MORE THAN I
LOOK AT ME. YOU SIT ACROSS ME AT DINNER.

YOU HAD MORE OF A CHANCE TO
IMPRINT MY ENSEMBLE IN YOUR BRAIN.

SORRY. NO IMPRINT. THAT HURTS.

I'M SURE YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT
I WAS WEARING. I MOST CERTAINLY DO.

OK, WHAT WAS I WEARING?

YOU WERE WEARING A LOVELY AND
DELICATELY UNDERSTATED OUTFIT.

YOU WERE DEFINITELY
WEARING THESE ARMS.

OH, WAY TO IMPRINT, LADY.

STAND IN FRONT
OF ME JUST IN CASE.

HELLO.

HI, WE SHOULD BE
ON THE GUEST LIST.

HALSTON AND LIZA
ARE EXPECTING US.

OK, LET'S TRY IT STRAIGHT.
HI, WE'RE HERE FOR DINNER.

I'M LORELAI, THE DAUGHTER. THIS
IS RORY, THE GRANDDAUGHTER.

OH, OK. I'M SORRY.
RIGHT THIS WAY.

SHE'S ACTING WEIRD.

SHE KNOWS I'M WEARING THE
SAME OUTFIT AS LAST WEEK.

SHE WASN'T HERE LAST WEEK.

THE WORLD'S SMALL. MAIDS TALK.

ABOUT YOU? YES.

WITH ALL THAT'S GOING ON IN THE
WORLD, ALL THE MAIDS IN EXISTENCE

ARE TALKING ABOUT YOU.

OK, NOW YOU'RE MAKING
ME SEEM A LITTLE STUCK-UP.

CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?

YES, A MARTINI,
PLEASE. COKE, PLEASE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD
WAIT FOR MY MOTHER.

IS SHE COMING DOWN SOON?

NO.

OH, OK.

DO YOU KNOW IF SHE SAW WHAT I
WAS WEARING THROUGH THE WINDOW?

MRS. GILMORE ISN'T HERE.

SHE'S NOT? WHERE IS SHE?

SHE'S AT A DINNER FOR
THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.

SO SHE'S NOT GOING TO
BE HERE AT ALL TONIGHT.

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

OK, I GUESS WE CAN JUST...

YOU KNOW, WE'LL JUST GO HAVE
DINNER IN THE POOL HOUSE WITH DAD.

OH. OH?

MR. GILMORE IS OUT OF TOWN.

HE IS? TILL TUESDAY.

WE'VE OFFICIALLY
BECOME AFTERTHOUGHTS.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO MAKE
YOU TWO SOMETHING FOR DINNER?

WELL, SINCE EVERYONE'S GONE,
MAYBE I'LL JUST HEAD BACK TO SCHOOL.

I HAVE A LOT OF WORK
TO DO AT THE PAPER.

YEAH. OK. THAT WOULD BE ONE
OPTION. GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.

HOWEVER, ANOTHER OPTION WOULD
BE STAYING HERE, ORDERING PIZZA,

AND EATING DINNER ON THE LIVING
ROOM FLOOR ON PAPER PLATES.

YOU'RE EVIL.

WOULD YOU BRING US
A PHONE BOOK, PLEASE.

RIGHT AWAY.

GET CRAZY. OK.

LET'S REALLY LIVE IT
UP. CARPE DIEM, BABY.

I'M TOUCHING THE
RUG WITH MY FEET.

YOU'RE PERVERSE.

AND WHEN SHE BRINGS THE
DRINKS, LET'S NOT USE COASTERS.

I WONDER IF THERE'S ANYTHING IN
HERE THAT WE COULD UN-ALPHABETIZE.

THE RUG IS SO SOFT.
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.

WOULD GLUING
EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM

TO THE CEILING SO
THAT IT'S IN EXACTLY

THE SAME PLACE BUT UPSIDE
DOWN BE GOING TOO FAR?

A LITTLE.

SO, DISH?

ABSOLUTELY.

SHERRY LEFT YOUR DAD.

WHAT? WHEN?

A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.
SHE GOT A JOB OFFER IN PARIS

AND SHE PACKED HER TINY
PANTS IN A BAG AND BAILED.

WHAT ABOUT GIGI?
LEFT HER WITH CHRIS.

NO WAY. YEAH.

HE CAME HOME, AND THE
NANNY HANDED HIM A LETTER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. HOW
COULD SHE JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
ALL THIS? HE CALLED ME.

WHEN? YESTERDAY.

HE WAS FREAKING OUT
BECAUSE HE COULDN'T

STOP GIGI FROM
CRAWLING OUT OF HER CRIB.

AND, YOU KNOW, I DO
HAVE TO HAND IT TO HIM,

HE GETS EXTRA POINTS
FOR THE VERY ORIGINAL

DUCT-TAPING-OF-THE-DIAPER MOVE.

THE PLACE WAS A WRECK.
YOU WENT OVER THERE?

OH, YEAH. I CALMED HIM DOWN, AND
WE SORT OF GOT THE PLACE IN ORDER.

AND I THINK EVERYTHING'S
GOING TO BE OK.

I'M GOING TO GO BACK ON MONDAY

AND JUST MAKE SURE
EVERYONE'S STILL BREATHING.

OH, WELL,

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

WELL, YOUR DAD IS GOING TO
NEED A LITTLE HELP BEING A DAD.

I MEAN, BECAUSE

HE WAS YOUR DAD, SO
NO NEWS FLASH HERE.

BUT YOU SHOULD SEE GIGI.

SHE'S HUGE, AND
GORGEOUS, AND A BELTER.

OH, GREAT. DINNER IS SERVED.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL
ONE-AND-A-HALF MILE HIKE.

UM, THERE'S A WATERFALL
AROUND THIS BEND HERE.

AND OVER HERE ARE SOME OF THE
OLDEST BIRCH TREES IN THE AREA.

A RARE BUTTERFLY NATURE
PRESERVE IS OFF TO THE RIGHT HERE.

[phone ringing] OH, EXCUSE ME.

MICHEL, WOULD YOU
TAKE OVER FOR ME?

YES. OF COURSE.

OK, SO OVER HERE BY
THIS SEMI-POLLUTED BROOK,

YOU WILL FIND
LARGE, SCARY SPIDERS

AND A FASCINATING
DISPLAY OF POISON IVY.

LUKE, SLOW DOWN.

I CAN'T COME NOW.
I'M WORKING. HE WHAT?

OK. FINE. I'M ON MY WAY.

YES, I'M RUNNING. MY FEET ARE
GOING LIKE A CARTOON CHARACTER.

THERE ARE DUST CLOUDS BEHIND ME,

AND THE BACKGROUND
KEEPS REPEATING ITSELF. BYE.

WHICH BRINGS YOU TO
THE RATTLESNAKE CURVE

WHERE PEOPLE HAVE
ACTUALLY DIED, PAINFUL,

BUT VERY PICTURESQUE DEATHS.

LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY. GET
YOUR LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY.

YOU HAVE NOT EATEN LUNCH TILL
YOU'VE EATEN LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY.

I MEAN IT, KIRK, GET
AWAY FROM HERE.

I AM ON THE SIDEWALK, LUKE.
YOU DO NOT OWN THE SIDEWALK.

THE SIDEWALK IS FOR
THE COMMON PEOPLE.

THE HOI POLLOI, THE EVERYMAN.

AND EVERY MAN AND EVERY WOMAN

WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A DELICIOUS
LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY.

I'M GOING TO CALL THE COPS.

COPS GET FREE PIE WITH
LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY.

KIRK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE A GIANT HOT DOG.

TECHNICALLY, I'M A GIANT WIENER.

THE COSTUME TAG SAYS "WIENER."

GET HIM AWAY FROM
MY DINER. I MEAN IT.

DON'T YOU WORRY, LORELAI.

I HAVE NO INTENTION OF ABANDONING
MY POST, AND I WILL NOT REST

TILL EVERY SINGLE
PERSON IN STARS HOLLOW

HAS TRIED LUNCH
AT THE DRAGONFLY.

KIRK, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

I'M TRYING TO SCROUNGE
UP A LUNCH CROWD FOR YOU

SO I FIGURED I'D GO WHERE
EVERYBODY ALREADY HAS LUNCH

AND GET THEM OVER TO YOU.

I'M DOING A PRETTY GOOD
JOB, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.

BUT WHO ASKED YOU... OH, BOY.

OK, LUKE, I'M VERY SORRY.
THIS WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

COME ON, KIRK. I'M SORRY,
BUT WHY A HOT DOG?

THE DRAGONFLY
DOESN'T SERVE HOT DOGS.

THE QUICHE MADE ME LOOK FAT.

IF I SEE HIM AGROUND
HERE AGAIN...

YOU WON'T. LET'S GO, KIRK.

THIS IS AS FAST AS I
CAN GO IN THIS OUTFIT.

[people chattering]

HEY, HUNTZBERGER.

HEY, YOU WAITING
ON ME? COULD BE.

WELL, I'M FLATTERED.
YOUR PREROGATIVE.

YOU HERE ON
BUSINESS OR PLEASURE?

I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE I'D GIVE YOU
A CHANCE TO RESPOND TO MY ARTICLE.

WHAT ARTICLE?

THE ARTICLE I'M DOING ON
THE LIFE AND DEATH BRIGADE.

DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU DON'T? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

IT'S A CLUB. ONE OF
THESE SUPER SECRET,

SUPER EXCLUSIVE
CLUBS HERE AT YALE.

MEMBERSHIP SPANS A
THOUSAND CENTURIES.

SECRET HANDSHAKES,
AND SECRET SAYINGS,

A LOT OF RUNNING AROUND IN
A CIRCLE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

THAT KIND OF THING.
SOUNDS PRETTY SECRET.

YEAH, ANYHOW,
I'M DOING, SORT OF,

AN EXPOSE ON THIS
ONE PARTICULAR CLUB

AND I FIGURED SINCE YOU'RE IN IT

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE
YOUR POINT OF VIEW INCLUDED.

I'M IN IT? WELL, AREN'T YOU?

I HAVE YET TO RUN AROUND
IN A CIRCLE IN MY UNDERWEAR.

WELL, OK.

I MEAN, I HAVE PROOF THAT
YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS IN IT,

WHICH MEANS THAT
YOUR FATHER WAS IN IT,

WHICH SHOULD MEAN
THAT YOU'RE IN IT.

BUT MAYBE NOT. OK.
SORRY TO LET YOU DOWN.

NO LETDOWN. IT
WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE

BUT I HAVE PLENTY OF
STUFF WITHOUT YOU,

AND I'M SORRY TO
HAVE BOTHERED YOU.

YOU GOT PLENTY WITHOUT ME, HUH?

YEAH, I HAVE THE BALL GOWNS,
THE GIRL IN THE GORILLA MASK,

IN OMNIA PARATUS.

VERY FANCY
CATCHPHRASE, BY THE WAY.

THE LICENSE PLATE
ON THE BLACK S.U.V.,

AND ABOUT A DOZEN
OTHER LITTLE THINGS.

I MEAN, GETTING AN INTERVIEW
WITH AN ACTUAL MEMBER

WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT,
BUT I'M OK WITHOUT IT.

GREAT. YEP.

PLUS, I'M COMPLETELY
ONTO YOUR ROUTINE NOW.

WOW. YEAH.

SO I FIGURE I'LL JUST TRACK YOU

AND YOU'LL EVENTUALLY
LEAD ME THERE ANYWAY.

SO, HEY, I MEAN, IT WOULD BE EASIER IF
YOU WOULD HAVE TALKED JUST TO ME NOW

BUT I CAN DO IT THE
OTHER WAY IF YOU WANT.

THE OTHER WAY? YES.

WITH YOU TRACKING ME? YES.

FOLLOWING MY EVERY MOVE? YEAH.

I PICK THAT WAY. OK, BUT...

WE CAN START RIGHT NOW.
I'M HEADING BACK TO MY ROOM.

I'LL KEEP THE WINDOW OPEN IN
CASE YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SNEAK IN

AND TRACK ME FROM THE INSIDE.

THANKS FOR THE INFO.

ABSOLUTELY.

AND, HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT
ARTICLE. SOUNDS LIKE HELL OF A SCOOP.

SOOKIE, WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING

WE AGREED ON WHEN
WE OPENED THE INN?

WHAT?

KEEP KIRK AWAY
FROM THE BUSINESS.

THEN I GET A CALL FROM A NOT SO
JOLLY LUKE AND I RUN DOWN THERE

AND I FIND A GIANT HOT DOG
HANDING OUT 10% OFF FLYERS

FOR LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY.

WHO WAS THE GIANT HOT DOG?

KIRK WAS THE GIANT HOT DOG.

I DIDN'T TELL HIM TO DRESS
LIKE A GIANT HOT DOG.

WHY WOULD HE DRESS LIKE A
GIANT HOT DOG? BECAUSE IT'S KIRK.

SOOKIE, THE GIANT HOT
DOG SUIT WAS A GIVEN

THE MINUTE YOU TALKED TO KIRK.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.

I WAS THINKING WE NEEDED TO
DRUM UP SOME LUNCH BUSINESS.

BUT THERE IS NO
LUNCH. SINCE WHEN?

SINCE WHEN? SOOKIE,
WE ALL AGREED. ANN SAID...

I DID NOT AGREE.

I DID NOT AGREE TO
STOP SERVING LUNCH.

SOOKIE, COME ON. IT'S
THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO.

WE HAVE TO. YOU HEARD
ANN, WE CAN'T AFFORD THIS.

WHO'S ALL THIS FOOD FOR?

ALL WE NEED IS A LITTLE TIME.

AND THE PEOPLE
ARE GOING TO COME.

AND I PAID KIRK OUT OF
MY OWN MONEY, BY THE WAY

SO YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT THIS. WHAT?

WHAT ARE WE DOING WITH ALL
THIS FOOD? WHO'S GOING TO EAT IT?

WHY ARE THERE 7
KITCHEN PEOPLE WORKING

WHEN THE ONLY PERSON
OUT THERE IS NORMAN MAILER?

HEY, THIS IS WHAT I DO.

SOOKIE, WE'RE DROPPING LUNCH.

IT'S JUST TEMPORARY, BUT AS
OF NOW, I'M SORRY, IT'S GONE.

FINE. NO LUNCH.

FROM NOW ON, THERE'S NO LUNCH.

EVERYBODY STOP
WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

BECAUSE AS OF NOW,
THERE'S NO MORE LUNCH.

BOYS, SORRY TO
BREAK UP THE PARTY,

BUT AS OF NOW,
THERE'S NO MORE LUNCH.

IT'S BEEN CANCELED.

YOU HAPPY, NORMAN MAILER,
HUH? LUNCH HAS BEEN CANCELED.

THAT MEANS NO MORE ICED TEAS.

UH-UH. NO MORE LEMON SLICES.

NO MORE HANGING OUT AT A
RESTAURANT, ORDERING NOTHING

BECAUSE YOU'RE NORMAN
MAILER AND YOU CAN.

IT'S JUST LIKE ME COMING INTO A
BOOKSTORE, AND READING YOUR BOOKS

WITHOUT BUYING THEM.

HEY, CAN I BORROW THIS, HUH?

I'M NOT GOING TO PAY FOR IT.

JUST STAND HERE AND READ.

OOH. YEAH. SOMEONE SURE
LIKES TO USE HIS BIG WORDS.

CAN I GET SOME MORE
ICED TEA FOR THE TABLE?

EXCUSE ME, MR. MAILER.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

WHAT?

[Sookie exclaiming]

(Sookie) YEAH, WRITE THAT DOWN.

WHAT? THIS IS HIS FAULT.

IT IS NOT HIS FAULT.

HE TAKES UP SPACE,
HE DRINKS ICED TEA,

HE SCARES THE OTHER PEOPLE OFF.

HE DOES NOT. WHY ARE YOU
BEING SO NUTTY ABOUT THIS?

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M
GETTING SO NUTTY ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, I HEAR MYSELF
GETTING NUTTY.

AND I KNOW THAT THERE'S
NO ONE COMING FOR LUNCH.

AND I KNOW THAT NORMAN
MAILER'S NOT RESPONSIBLE

FOR NO ONE COMING FOR LUNCH.

AND I TELL MYSELF
IT'S JUST TEMPORARY,

AND THERE'S STILL
DINNER AND BREAKFAST.

AND THAT'S GOOD, AND I
CAN DO A LOT WITH THAT.

AND I TRY TO CALM MYSELF
DOWN, AND THAT JUST ONLY SEEMS

TO MAKE ME CRAZIER.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS
CRY AND SCREAM AND...

OH, MY GOD, I'M PREGNANT.

[gasps] YOU'RE PREGNANT?

I'M PREGNANT.

[both exclaiming]

NORMAN MAILER, I'M PREGNANT.

CONGRATULATIONS.

HEY, YOU OK? YEAH.

I THINK I HAD SOME BAD HOST AT
ONE OF THE MASSES YESTERDAY.

[students chattering]

[computer beeps]

HEY.

IS THE HOT DOG WITH YOU?

NO. KIRK IS AT HOME.

GOOD. MAKE SURE HE STAYS THERE.

I WILL. SO, ARE YOU
STILL MAD AT ME?

NOPE. YOU SEEM MAD.

NOT MAD, JUST BUGGED.

LUKE, I SWEAR, KIRK
WILL NEVER BOTHER

YOUR BUSINESS ON
OUR BEHALF AGAIN.

OH, IT'S NOT THAT. WHAT THEN?

I GOT THIS TABLE OF BOZOS
SITTING OVER THERE ALL DAY LONG

ORDERING NOTHING BUT ICED TEA.

(journalist) WHY DON'T
WE FOCUS ON WRITING?

I KNEW YOU'D COME UP
WITH A QUESTION LIKE THAT.

IT'S LIKE, WHY DON'T YOU
PUSH MY CADILLAC FOR ME?

OH, BUMMER.

[knocking on door]

RORY, HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE? HERE.

HEY, IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU, KIDDO.

COME ON IN. SIT DOWN.

GIGI IS ASLEEP, WHICH IS BASICALLY
A MIRACLE, BUT WHAT THE HELL,

FOR YOU, I'LL WAKE HER UP.

NO, IT'S OK, I CAN'T STAY LONG.

WELL, COME SIT DOWN.

NO, I CAN'T STAY.

OK.

I DON'T WANT YOU
CALLING MOM ANYMORE.

WHAT? I WANT YOU TO
STAY AWAY FROM HER.

RORY...

MOM'S IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW,
AND SHE'S DOING REALLY GREAT.

HE'S KIND AND...

WELL, HE'S THERE,
AND SHE'S HAPPY.

I THINK THAT'S GREAT, RORY, I...

YOU'LL MESS IT UP. YOU'LL
MESS EVERYTHING UP.

BECAUSE EVERY
TIME YOU COME BACK,

IT ALWAYS ENDS UP THE SAME WAY.

MOM'S CRYING, AND
YOU'RE NOT BEING THERE.

I KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

I KNOW YOU DON'T MEAN IT TO BE
THAT WAY, BUT THAT'S HOW IT IS.

I JUST NEEDED SOME
HELP, THAT'S ALL.

NEXT TIME YOU NEED HELP,
CALL A NANNY, OR A BABYSITTER,

OR CALL ME, JUST
LEAVE MOM ALONE.

I'M SORRY. I HAVE TO
GO. KISS GIGI FOR ME.