Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 5 - We Got Us a Pippi Virgin - full transcript
Jackson is overwhelmed by the demands of his new job while Lorelai and Rory decide to see if they can get Richard and Emily back together. With Dean back in the picture, Lorelai tries to make things right with dinner and a movie, but when Pippi Longstocking isn't a good enough distraction for Luke's feelings that Dean isn't good enough for Rory, Lorelai has to bring out the Bop It!.
(Lorelai) IT'S GETTING THE WORD
OUT TO THE BUSINESS COMMUNITY
THAT WE'RE HERE. THAT'S THE KEY.
WE'VE GOT TO DRAW THEM IN WITH
THE THINGS THAT THEY LIKE. AMENITIES.
WHAT IS IT BUSINESSMEN
WANT WHEN THEY TRAVEL?
BOOZE. AND HOOKERS.
ANYTHING ELSE?
I THINK THAT COVERS IT.
WE GOT BOOZE. HOW
DO WE GET HOOKERS?
HOW ABOUT A BIG BANNER
UP FRONT THAT READS:
"HOES UP AT THE DRAGONFLY"?
OR WE TELL THEM
BILL MAHER'S HERE.
[gasps] THEY'D COME A-FLOCKING.
AND WE'RE IN TOO SILLY A MOOD
TO BE DISCUSSING
SUCH SERIOUS STUFF.
YOU THINK?
OH, HEY, JACKSON,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO
TO LURE MORE BUSINESSMEN
TO THE DRAGONFLY?
BESIDES INVITING BILL MAHER.
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
THE SHELL ANSWER MAN?
EVERYBODY'S GOTTA
HAVE A PIECE OF JACKSON.
WELL, HE'S GOT NOTHING
LEFT, I TELL YOU, NOTHING.
HIS TOWN SELECTMAN DUTIES
ARE STARTING TO WEAR ON HIM.
THAT'S WHY THE FANCY DUDS?
HE'S GOT FUNCTIONS EVERY
DAY, AND MEETINGS AND HEARINGS.
I TRIED TO WORK
IN A NICE SUICIDE,
[cell phone ringing] BUT MY
SCHEDULE WOULDN'T ALLOW IT.
OH, THAT SOUND IS DEATH TO ME.
DON'T ANSWER IT.
IT COULD BE A CUSTOMER. HELLO?
YES, MRS. CASSINI,
I GOT THE NOTE
ABOUT THE PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT.
OH, MY GOD, IS THAT BLOOD?
OH, IT'S TOMATO. IT
HAPPENS DAILY. DISROBE.
SO YOU SAY YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER
FELL OFF THE DUCKY?
OH, SHE FELL OFF THE PIGGY AND
SHE WHACKED HER ARM ON THE DUCKY.
UH-HUH.
I SEE.
WELL, THE FIRST THING I WOULD
DO IS QUESTION THE HORSY
BECAUSE HE'S RIGHT
NEXT TO THE PIGGY,
AND IS OUR MOST
RELIABLE WITNESS.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY
ABOUT THAT, MRS. CASSINI.
NOTHING WHATSOEVER.
ARMS UP, BIG BOY.
NO, A LITTLE GIRL BEING THROWN
FROM A PINK, SPRING-LOADED,
BOBBLING PIGGY TOY IS
VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS.
YES, MRS. CASSINI.
MMM, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S GONNA COME OUT.
POOR GUY, HE'S ONLY
GOT 2 DRESS SHIRTS.
WELL, MAYBE A BIG OLD BLOODSTAIN
WILL HELP HIM. PEOPLE WILL THINK
THERE WAS AN ASSASSINATION
ATTEMPT AND BE MORE SYMPATHETIC.
(Jackson) I HEAR...
YES, YES, MRS. CASSINI.
I'LL TALK TO MY PARKS AND RECREATION
CHAIRMAN AND GET THIS SOLVED.
I PROMISE. GOODBYE,
MRS. CASSINI.
IT'S A GONER.
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
I GOTTA GO. I GOT A KIWANIS
LUNCHEON. HAVE FUN.
HEY, JACKSON, BEFORE YOU GO, I JUST
NEED YOUR JOHN HANCOCK ON THAT THERE.
OH, YEAH? YES, RIGHT
AT THE BOTTOM THERE.
I WAS JUST ORDERING
A TON OF EXTRA,
YOU KNOW, VEGETABLES
AND STUFF FROM YOU.
JUST SIGN, CONFIRM THAT
I'M ORDERING THAT STUFF.
HEY, THIS IS FOR THOSE EXTRA
PARKING SPACES YOU NEED.
IT'S SELECTMAN BUSINESS.
R-REALLY?
ET TU, FORMER FRIEND?
I JUST NEED YOUR
SIGNATURE. IT'S YOUR DUTY.
SO IMPEACH ME.
I'LL FORGE THAT FOR YOU.
THANKS.
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
SO DICKIE HIGHTAILS
IT TO HIS OFFICE
AND E-MAILS ME WITHIN SECONDS.
DICKIE'S THE OTHER YOU
AT YOUR OFFICE, RIGHT?
WELL, THERE'S NO OTHER ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, GRANDPA.
DICKIE AND I SHARE SOME DUTIES.
WE LUNCH OCCASIONALLY,
SOCIALIZE A BIT.
BUT HE WOULD CUT MY THROAT
IN A HEARTBEAT, AS I WOULD HIS.
IT'S LIKE RIKERS ISLAND,
EXCEPT EVERYONE DRIVES A JAG.
WELL, DICKIE MADE A MISTAKE.
HE E-MAILED ME, THINKING THAT
I WOULDN'T READ IT FOR DAYS,
BUT I READ IT THE
MINUTE HE SENT IT.
HE FIGURED MY WEEKEND
STARTS WITH LUNCH ON FRIDAYS,
AS SO MANY OTHERS' DO.
ERROR FOLLOWED BY ERROR.
THAT MAN NEEDS TO
REREAD HIS SUN TZU.
ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY I AM
MISSING FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER.
DICKIE AND I ARE GOING TO
BE IN THE CHICAGO OFFICE.
WELL, SEND ME A POSTCARD.
I'M TRAVELING MUCH
LESS, BUT I DON'T MISS IT.
30 YEARS AGO, ANY CHANCE I HAD
TO TRAVEL I JUMPED AT, BUT NOW...
I'M TALKING A LOT, AREN'T I?
NO. I MEAN, YES. BUT IT'S GOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO BE TIRESOME.
GRANDPA, YOU COULD
NEVER TIRE ME. THIS IS FUN.
GOOD. MY VALET ISN'T MUCH
OF A CONVERSATIONALIST.
HE'S THE MASTER OF
THE MONOSYLLABLE.
ALTHOUGH HE CAN SHINE A
SHOE WITH THE BEST OF THEM.
SO, BEEN READING
ANYTHING GOOD LATELY?
I'M VERY INTO P.G.
WODEHOUSE RIGHT NOW.
OH, THAT'S GREAT. YOU?
ACTUALLY, I'VE HAD A
PERSONAL TRIUMPH OF LATE.
OH, YEAH? WHAT?
I'VE JUST FINISHED THE
6TH AND FINAL VOLUME OF
THE DECLINE AND FALL
OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE.
THAT IS A TRIUMPH.
I STARTED IT IN 1968.
SO IT TOOK ONLY, WHAT,
36 YEARS TO FINISH IT.
BUT, BY GOD, I FINISHED IT.
WOW, THAT'S QUITE A COMMITMENT.
WELL, I'VE HAD A LITTLE MORE
TIME ON MY HANDS LATELY.
NOT AS MANY EVENINGS
OUT, AS THERE ONCE WERE.
RIGHT. NOT AS MANY.
YOU'RE STILL GETTING TOGETHER WITH
YOUR GRANDMOTHER TONIGHT, AREN'T YOU?
HAS SHE MENTIONED
HER CAR LATELY?
HER CAR?
IT'S DUE FOR ITS
6-MONTH SERVICE.
I HOPE SHE ISN'T SKIPPING THOSE.
I DON'T KNOW. I'M HAPPY TO ASK.
OH, NO. THAT'S TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
I'LL HAVE ROBERT
CHECK WITH HER MAID. OK.
HE MAY HAVE TO USE UPWARDS OF 6
SYLLABLES FOR THIS ONE. I WISH HIM LUCK.
COULDN'T YOU JUST ASK
HER YOURSELF, GRANDPA?
I MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT THERE.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO
BE AN ANNOYANCE.
OH, OK.
BUT, GRANDPA...
CHICKEN'S GETTING COLD.
RIGHT.
I SAW THE MOST PREPOSTEROUS
THING ON T.V. THE OTHER NIGHT.
IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I'VE JUST
FLIPPED THROUGH THE CHANNELS
AND THE HORRORS TO
BE DISCOVERED THERE.
[bell dinging]
HEY, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
CAFFEINE WITHDRAWAL.
AND I LIKE LOOKING AT YOU.
TO GO? TO GO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
LUKE, THIS IS YOUR BUSINESS.
I'VE ALWAYS PAID, AND
I ALWAYS SHOULD PAY.
FINE, BUT DON'T TIP ME.
TIPPING NOW IS WEIRD.
OK. BESIDES, I
CAN TIP YOU LATER.
THAT WAS WEIRD, TOO.
I'M A VERY AWKWARD WINKER.
YOU'RE NEVER SUPPOSED
TO TIP ME, ANYWAY. WHAT?
I'M THE PROPRIETOR.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TIP THE
PROPRIETOR, EVEN WHEN THEY SERVE YOU.
YOU MEAN ALL THOSE YEARS,
THAT EXTRA 20% WAS UNNECESSARY?
[snickering] YOU
NEVER TIPPED ME 20%.
OOH, NOW IT'S GETTING UGLY.
YOU WERE A SOLID 15 PERCENTER,
SOMETIMES LESS IF
THE BILL GOT HIGHER,
WAY LESS IF YOU WERE
MAD AT ME ABOUT SOMETHING.
WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER,
'CAUSE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO
BE TIPPING YOU, ANYWAY. TRUE.
IN FACT, I WANT A REBATE. WHAT?
YOU'VE BEEN RIPPING
ME OFF FOR 10 YEARS.
HAVE YOUR LAWYER CALL MY LAWYER.
MMM, THANK YOU.
ARE WE STILL ON FOR
TOMORROW NIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY.
TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE.
OH, HI, LORELAI.
HI, DEAN.
UM, GOOD TO BUMP INTO YOU.
YEAH, SAME HERE.
UM, YOU ON YOUR WAY
BACK TO WORK? YEAH. YOU?
YEAH. I'M GOING TO DOOSE'S.
YOU WERE JUST AT THE INN.
YEAH, UH, TOM WANTED ME
TO SAND SOME DOORS DOWN,
THEY WERE GETTING
A LITTLE WARPED.
I SAW YOU IN THE HALLWAY THERE,
BUT YOU LOOKED KIND OF BUSY.
YEAH, I... I SAW YOU, TOO.
OH.
SO, HOW'S OUR GIRL?
RORY? [laughs] YEAH.
UH, SHE'S GOOD. I SAW
HER, WHAT LIKE, 3 DAYS AGO,
OR A COUPLE OF DAYS
AGO. BUT, YEAH, SHE'S GOOD.
GOOD. WELL, I TALKED TO
HER THIS MORNING, SO I WIN.
NOT THAT IT'S A CONTEST.
RIGHT.
WELL, I GUESS I'LL
SEE YOU AROUND.
NEXT TIME YOU'RE
AT THE INN, FIND ME.
WE CAN HAVE SOME
COFFEE AND CHEW THE FAT.
SOUNDS LIKE A
DISGUSTING COMBINATION.
BUT ANYWAY, COME BY.
I WILL. SURE. ABSOLUTELY.
OK.
SO, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
YOU, TOO.
[doorbell rings]
I'LL GET IT, SARAH.
HI, MOM.
COME IN, COME IN.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
TRAFFIC WAS BAD.
AND SOME MORON COMING
OUT OF STARS HOLLOW
DECIDED TO GO THE
SPEED LIMIT, WHICH IS... OOH!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WHAT DOES IT LOOK
LIKE? IT'S A PANIC ROOM.
LIKE JODIE FOSTER?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
BUT IT'S VERY SMALL.
IT'S MORE LIKE AN ANXIETY ROOM.
IT'S FOR ONE PERSON.
YOU COULD MAYBE SQUEEZE 2 IN.
AND WHEN THOSE 2
ARE DONE PANICKING,
THE NEXT COUPLE OF
PANICKERS GET A TURN?
IT'S PRIMARILY FOR ME.
WHY THE FOYER?
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO UPSTAIRS,
BUT THE BOORS WHO DELIVERED IT
CLAIMED THEY WEREN'T
TOLD ABOUT THE STAIRS,
SO THEY DIDN'T HAVE
THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT.
HEY, LET'S TEST IT
OUT. I'M GONNA GET YOU.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU BETTER GET IN
THERE, 'CAUSE I'M A BAD GUY.
[growling]
STOP IT.
I'M MENACING. PANIC,
DAMN IT. COME ON.
THERE'S NOTHING
FUNNY ABOUT THIS.
[doorbell rings] OH,
GET IN, QUICK! QUICK!
STOP IT.
(Rory) HI, GRANDMA.
SO, HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
I KNOW HOW TO PROTECT YOU
FROM SHRAPNEL AND AGENT ORANGE.
ASK ME HOW.
IT'S A PANIC ROOM.
LIKE JODIE FOSTER?
WHAT DOES JODIE FOSTER
HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
YOU NEED ONE FOR YOUR DORM.
THAT'S NOT A STUPID THOUGHT.
IT'LL STOP A 9-MILLIMETER SHELL.
MMM, HANDY FOR WHEN
SUGE KNIGHT COMES FOR TEA.
WHY IS IT HERE?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
COME, LET'S HAVE DRINKS AND
FORGET ABOUT THE PANIC ROOM.
WHAT'LL YOU HAVE? GIN MARTINI.
A SODA WITH LIME.
OH, THIS LITTLE RINKY-DINK
CART HAS NOTHING.
DAD GOT THE BIG ONE?
HE STOLE IT AWAY IN THE DARK
OF NIGHT, SO I'M STRANDED.
I HAD OUR MINISTER OVER,
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO,
AND HE HAD TO GO
WITHOUT HIS WHISKEY SOUR.
I BET HE EXCOMMUNICATED
YOU ON THE SPOT.
I'VE GOT VERMOUTH, BUT NO GIN.
PERFECT. SARAH?
(Sarah) YES, MA'AM?
I NEED GIN. CHECK EVERYWHERE.
INCLUDING THE BATHTUB.
START WITH THE PANTRY.
YES, MA'AM.
YOU KNOW, THE MAIN
REASON I GOT THE PANIC ROOM
IS BECAUSE I'M A
WOMAN LIVING ALONE.
WELL, LET THE RECORD SHOW I
DID NOT BRING UP THE PANIC ROOM.
DO YOU KNOW I'VE
NEVER LIVED ALONE?
I WENT FROM MY PARENTS'
HOUSE TO COLLEGE TO RICHARD.
BUT, GRANDMA, YOU'RE
NOT ALONE ALONE.
GRANDPA IS ONLY A FEW FEET AWAY.
HE MIGHT AS WELL BE
A MILLION MILES AWAY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOUR
GRANDFATHER WOULD LOOK UP
FROM HIS STAMP COLLECTION
IF HE HEARD ME SCREAM.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
UNLESS HIS NOSE GOT STUCK
TO THE STAMP IN THE BOOK
AND HE PHYSICALLY
COULDN'T LOOK UP.
IT HAPPENS.
HE'S GONE SO MUCH, HE'S
NO PROTECTION, ANYWAY.
HE JUST LEFT ON SOME BUSINESS
TRIP, AND IT WAS AN AFTERTHOUGHT
THAT HE EVEN BOTHERED
TO TELL ME ABOUT IT AT ALL.
BUT HE TOLD YOU, SO THAT'S
NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT.
THAT'S A THOUGHT. A VERY
THOUGHTFUL THOUGHT.
I'M SURE IT WAS IN SOME WAY
FOR HIS OWN CONVENIENCE.
THERE'S NO GIN
ANYWHERE, MRS. GILMORE.
OH, PERFECT. I'LL
CHECK THE BATHTUB NOW.
THAT WAS A JOKE, SARAH.
LORELAI, PLEASE DON'T JOKE WITH
THE MAIDS. IT'S NOT WHAT THEY DO.
SORRY.
CHECK MR. GILMORE'S
STUDY. YES, MA'AM.
I SHOULD JUST CALL
RICHARD MYSELF,
DRAG HIM AWAY FROM WHATEVER BUSINESS
MEAL HE'S HAVING, AND MAKE HIM TELL ME.
IT'S OK. MOM DOESN'T
NEED A MARTINI, RIGHT?
YEAH. RIGHT. I'LL
TAKE WHAT YOU GOT.
WHAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE
MINISTER IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
YOUR HANDS ARE EMPTY.
THE DOOR TO THE STUDY IS LOCKED.
HE LOCKED THE STUDY?
MOM, REALLY, I DON'T NEED GIN.
I'LL TAKE WHATEVER YOU HAVE.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM. COME ON.
COME ON WHERE?
I'M NOT GOING TO LET
RICHARD'S BUSINESS TRIP
KEEP YOU FROM HAVING
THE DRINK YOU WANT.
UH, GRANDMA, WAIT.
SHOULD WE REALLY BE DOING THIS?
OH, THAT HE CAN
LIVE IN THIS SQUALOR.
IT'S ANOTHER CALCUTTA.
IS THAT OPEN SEWAGE?
IT CERTAINLY SMELLS
LIKE A SEWER IN HERE.
IT'S HIS CIGARS.
THAT'S THE SMELL.
IT'S MORE THAN CIGARS.
IT'S DEBAUCHERY.
I KNOW, DAD MENTIONED HE HAD THE
BARBI TWINS UP HERE COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO.
HE AND HIS BUTLER HAVE A LITTLE
"AUTO FOCUS" THING GOING ON.
WELL, THE DRINK CART'S
OVER THERE, GRANDMA.
WE CAN GRAB THE GIN AND VAMOOSE.
NO, SHE'S GOT VAMOOSE, REMEMBER?
IT'S THE GIN WE
NEED. BUT, YOU KNOW...
HE MUST HAVE 5 PACKS
OF BREATH MINTS HERE.
WHY WOULD A MAN NEED
5 PACKS OF BREATH MINTS?
IT COULD BE THE GORGONZOLA
AND ONION DIET HE'S ON.
IT HAS ITS DRAWBACKS.
GRANDMA, I FEEL KIND OF
WEIRD SNOOPING LIKE THIS.
THIS IS MY PROPERTY
AS MUCH AS HIS,
AND WHEN WE DIE, IT'LL BE YOURS.
WE'RE ALL ENTITLED HERE.
HE'S GOT SOME NEW BOOKS.
HEY, MY PETUNIA
PIG PLATE AND SPOON.
WHAT'S IT DOING HERE?
OH, ODDS AND ENDS WOUND
UP OUT HERE OVER THE YEARS.
THIS IS NOT AN ODD OR AN END.
IT'S MY PETUNIA
PIG. I'M TAKING IT.
IT'S NOT YOURS TO TAKE.
DAD'S NOT USING MY
PETUNIA PIG SPOON.
I SAY TAKE IT.
HEY, MOM, WHAT ARE WE
CARRYING OUR BOOTY HOME IN?
DO YOU HAVE A CANVAS BAG
WITH A BIG DOLLAR SIGN ON IT?
OK, JUST TO REMIND
YOU, ONCE AGAIN,
THE DRINK CART IS
RIGHT OVER HERE.
OH, AND I THINK I SPOT
GIN. IT'S BROWN, RIGHT?
I LOVE THAT YOU THINK THAT.
LOOKING FOR SKELETONS?
I'M JUST LOOKING.
OH, MAN. I SPILLED A TON
OF SCOTCH ON MY SKIRT.
WHO'S NOT CLOSING THESE BOTTLES?
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT, DID YOU REALLY
FIND A SKELETON?
OK, GIN. IT'S CLEAR,
IT'S IN MY HAND,
AND IT LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH
FOR A MINISTER. LET'S GO.
OH, MY GOD. WILL
YOU LOOK AT THIS?
BRIGHT. AND TASTEFUL.
IT'S A VEST.
GRANDPA HAS LOTS OF VESTS.
IT'S GOT GLITTER.
IT'S A GLITTER VEST.
SO?
SO? WHERE IN THE WORLD WOULD
YOUR FATHER WEAR A VEST LIKE THIS?
CERTAINLY NOWHERE HE
EVER WOULD'VE TAKEN ME.
GRANDMA, IT'S JUST A VEST.
YEAH, MOM. THERE'S TONS OF
PLACES HE WOULD WEAR THAT.
NAME ONE.
OK, I'M AT A LOSS.
THIS IS INSANE.
MOM, THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE
UNWANTED THINGS CAME TO REPOSE.
MAYBE IT'S A VEST OF
HIS FROM THE OLD DAYS.
OUR DAYS NEVER INCLUDED
RICHARD DRESSING UP
LIKE THAT GAY FELLOW
WHOSE TIGER TRIED TO EAT HIM.
I HAVE DEFINITELY, POSITIVELY
NEVER SEEN THIS VEST.
THIS IS A PARTY VEST.
OK, JUST PUT IT BACK,
MOM, AND LET'S GO.
YOU PUT IT BACK. YOU KNOW, WE'VE MOVED
A LOT OF STUFF AROUND HERE TONIGHT.
WE'VE GOT TO COVER OUR TRACKS.
WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?
SQUISHED IN THE MIDDLE, AS
IF HE WAS HIDING IT FROM ME.
CAN YOU BLAME HIM? IT'S HIDEOUS.
HOW DARE HE HAVE
A VEST LIKE THAT.
OK, THE MINTS LOOKED
SOMETHING LIKE THIS, RIGHT?
THAT DEVIOUS MAN.
COME ON, MOM, LET'S GO.
MOM, PETUNIA PIG.
GRAB IT.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN GRANDMA
SO SINGULARLY OBSESSED
WITH A PIECE OF CLOTHING.
WELL, NOT SINCE I WORE
MY "GAS, GRASS, OR ASS,
NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE" T-SHIRT
TO THE JUNIOR LEAGUE SPRING TEA.
HERE WE GO.
BOYSENBERRY PIE WITH ICE CREAM.
HOT FUDGE SUNDAE.
HALF A GRAPEFRUIT.
I DON'T WANT A GRAPEFRUIT.
IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
KIND OF MY POINT.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR HER,
BUT NOT FOR YOU. EAT IT.
THIS SERVICE IS VERY
RUDE. NO TIP FOR YOU.
IN FACT, HE ACTUALLY
OWES US A LOT OF MONEY
BECAUSE WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE TIPPING HIM ALL THESE YEARS.
I KNOW. CUSTOMARILY,
YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO TIP THE PROPRIETOR
OF AN ESTABLISHMENT.
WHY HAVE WE BEEN TIPPING
HIM ALL THESE YEARS?
WE LIKE HIM? OH, THAT.
HEY, BRING US SOME COFFEE, AND I
PROMISE THIS GRAPEFRUIT WILL BE EATEN.
OK.
HOW LONG IS MY NOSE?
VERY.
WHAT'S WITH THE SCARFING?
WELL, I FIGURED
SINCE IT'S STILL EARLY,
I'D STOP BY DEAN'S NEW PLACE
REAL QUICK AND SAY HI. IS THAT OK?
OH, YEAH. SO HE'S
OUT OF THE PARENTS'?
YEAH, HE'S SLEEPING ON
HIS FRIEND KYLE'S COUCH.
IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
GREAT. YOU KNOW, WE COULD CALL HIM
AND HAVE HIM MEET US HERE IF YOU WANT.
REALLY? YEAH.
PLENTY OF PIE, ICE CREAM,
GRAPEFRUIT TO GO AROUND.
IF WE TWIST HIS ARM, I BET LUKE
WILL THROW IN SOME RAW SPINACH.
I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
SO SKIP THE SPINACH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. NO. WHAT?
IT'S BEEN A LITTLE
WEIRD BETWEEN YOU TWO.
NO, IT HASN'T. MOM.
I JUST RAN INTO HIM
TODAY. DIDN'T HE TELL YOU?
YEAH. HE SAID IT WAS WEIRD.
WELL, THEN IT WAS ONLY WEIRD ON
HIS SIDE, 'CAUSE IT WASN'T ON MINE.
MMM-HMM.
HEY, HOW ABOUT I COME
ALONG WITH YOU TO KYLE'S?
HE'S BACK FROM THE NAVY, RIGHT?
WE COULD ALL HANG OUT
AND HEAR HIS STORIES.
HE COULD TEACH US
SOME SEA CHANTEYS
AND I COULD TELL DEAN HOW
NOT WEIRD THE SITUATION IS.
SEE, THAT'S HOW UN-WEIRD
IT IS FOR ME. I'D DO THAT.
NO. THAT'D BE WEIRD, TOO.
WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT THIS WAY.
I KNOW.
WE ALL USED TO GET TOGETHER ALL
THE TIME FOR WHATEVER AND HANG OUT.
AND WE HAD A GREAT RHYTHM.
I LIKE DEAN. I'VE
ALWAYS LIKED DEAN.
HE HAS A GREAT HEART.
I DON'T WANT IT TO BE WEIRD.
NEITHER DO I. DEAN
DOESN'T EITHER.
WELL,
THEN, WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW NIGHT?
LET'S ALL HOOK UP THEN. ALL WHO?
ALL OF US, YOU KNOW. THE GANG.
THE FEARSOME FOURSOME.
HOW DOES THAT SOUND?
HOW DOES WHAT SOUND?
UH, DOING SOMETHING WITH
RORY TOMORROW NIGHT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
NO, NO, REALLY,
THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
UH, WE CAN ALL DO
SOMETHING TOGETHER.
YEAH. IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
THERE'S A GROUND SWELL
OF SUPPORT. LET'S DO IT.
OK, IF YOU WANT.
YEAH, WE WANT, RIGHT?
YEAH, WE WANT.
GOOD, GO RUN IT PAST DEAN.
DEAN? I'M SURE I
CAN PERSUADE HIM.
GOOD. YEAH, GOOD, I'LL
SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
OK. SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
BYE, LUKE.
[clearing throat]
[bell dinging] DEAN?
RORY'S SEEING DEAN?
YEAH, YOU KNEW THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
WELL, DIDN'T I TELL
YOU? NO. SINCE WHEN?
SINCE SHE GOT BACK FROM EUROPE.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WELL, HAVEN'T YOU SEEN
THEM WALKING AROUND?
NO. WERE YOU HIDING IT?
NO. I JUST...
I WASN'T SURE WHEN THEY
WANTED PEOPLE TO KNOW
OR HOW I SHOULD TELL PEOPLE WITHOUT
GETTING HAMMERED WITH A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS.
WAS THIS BEFORE HE
LEFT HIS WIFE OR AFTER?
D-DID HE LEAVE HER FOR RORY?
LIKE THOSE. QUESTIONS
JUST LIKE THOSE.
SORRY, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,
DEAN AND RORY TOGETHER AGAIN.
WELL, YOU CAN BACK
OUT IF YOU WANT.
I KIND OF SHANGHAIED YOU THERE.
NO, NO. WE CAN DO IT.
I JUST HAVE TO WRAP
MY MIND AROUND IT.
DEAN. DEAN. DEAN.
ALL RIGHT. WELL,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
"G".
♪ [strumming] "G".
FOR 4 BEATS, AND IT'S BACK TO
C-MAJOR, THEN JUMP TO A-MINOR.
C-MINOR TO "A".
MAJOR. A-MAJOR.
A-MINOR AFTER C-MAJOR,
THEN IT'S BACK TO "G".
YO, KID FLASH, SLOW DOWN.
I'VE GOT CHOPS,
BUT I'M NOT LES PAUL.
FOLLOW THE CHART, ZACH.
HE WROTE IT ALL DOWN.
I CAN'T LOOK AT THE
CHART. IT'S DEPRESSING.
HOW CAN A CHORD
CHART BE DEPRESSING?
THE TITLE, BRIAN'S SONG.
IT'S A WORKING TITLE.
WELL, IT'S BUMMING ME OUT.
IT'S REMINDING ME OF BILLY DEE
WILLIAMS AND CANCER. CHANGE IT.
I HAVE TO CHANGE A
WORKING TITLE? COME ON.
WELL, THEN LEAVE IT IF YOU DON'T
MIND BUMMING EVERYBODY OUT.
OR CHANGE IT TO LEPERS
ARE FUN, OR KISS MY SCURVY.
LOOK. THERE. BRIAN'S TUNE, OK?
GOOD WORKING TITLE THERE.
OK.
NOW FROM THE "G", WE GO TO...
LET'S TAKE 5. I GOTTA
CLEAR MY HEAD.
OK. 5 MINUTES.
I'M GONNA GO WATER THE LAWN.
WE'RE GETTING BROWN SPOTS AGAIN.
DON'T OVERWATER.
THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR IT, EITHER.
SO, HOW'RE YOU DOING, ZACH?
COMME CI COMME CA.
ANYTHING NEW?
WENT TO THE DENTIST.
SAID I'M BRUSHING
TOO VIGOROUSLY.
OH, INTERESTING,
'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE A KID,
THEY TELL YOU TO
REALLY GO AT IT, YOU KNOW.
ANOTHER LIE FED
TO OUR GENERATION.
YEAH.
AND NOW I'M PAYING
WITH ERODING GUMS.
WANT TO SEE 'EM?
I'M GOOD.
SO, ANYTHING ELSE ON YOUR MIND?
NOT REALLY.
WANT A DRINK OR ANYTHING?
NOPE. I WANT FOR NOTHING.
[bottle clinking]
[refrigerator door closing]
[doorbell rings]
♪ [Bob Dylan playing]
HI, KYLE.
OH, RORY. COME ON IN.
THANKS.
WELCOME TO CASA KYLE.
IT'S NOT THE TAJ
MAHAL, BUT IT'S COZY.
YOU LIKE DYLAN?
I THINK I BETTER.
YEAH, I LISTENED TO A
LOT OF DYLAN OUT AT SEA.
HE REALLY SPOKE TO ME.
AND YOU UNDERSTOOD HIM?
[laughing] OH, FUNNY.
SO YOU LOOK GOOD.
UH, HOW YOU BEEN DOING?
GREAT. NAVY'S BEEN FANTASTIC.
BITCHING REHAB, SO
I'M UP AND RUNNING.
I CAN DRIVE, TYPE
60 WORDS A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
NO. WHAT?
THIS THING IS A
REAL CHICK MAGNET.
YEAH, IT'S THE
CAPTAIN HOOK THING.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
BONUS VISIT.
OH, I THINK I KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
I'M GONNA MAKE MYSELF SCARCE.
NO, KYLE. IT'S OK.
WE DON'T WANNA PUT YOU OUT.
DON'T WORRY, I GOTTA
MAKE SOME CALLS.
CHECK MY TRAPS, IF
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
GIVE A SHOUT OUT
TO CINDY OR LUENE,
OR MAYBE THROW
STACY A LITTLE SOMETHIN'.
HE'S BEEN THROWING
IT AROUND A LOT LATELY.
EVERYBODY LOVES THE BIONIC MAN.
[cell phone ringing]
UH, THAT'S NOT ME.
MINE PLAYS SUPER FREAK.
[laughs] OH, SORRY. IT'S ME.
I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO TO PLAY.
HELLO?
RORY, LISTEN, I LIKE YOU,
AND I WANT TO BE MORE
THAN JUST FRIENDS WITH YOU.
WHAT?
SEE? YOU REACTED.
THAT'S WHAT A PERSON
DOES AFTER SOMEONE SAYS
THAT THEY LIKE HIM OR
HER, BUT IN MY CASE, IT'S HIM.
OH, WE'RE TALKING ZACH HERE.
(Lane) THE INSCRUTABLE ZACH.
HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
I JUST GAVE HIM AMPLE
OPPORTUNITY TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE
AND ALL HE TALKED ABOUT
WAS HIS ERODING GUMS.
OH, SEXY.
HE'S REALLY GETTING
ON MY NERVES, THAT GUY.
WHERE ARE YOU, SCHOOL?
NO, I'M WITH DEAN.
HE'S STAYING WITH KYLE.
OH, HOW'S HIS HOOK?
(Rory) APPARENTLY
IT'S A CHICK MAGNET.
WELL, SAY HI TO DEAN.
"HI" FROM LANE.
HI, LANE!
AND CALL ME BACK WHEN
YOU'RE LESS DISTRACTED.
I WILL. KEEP ME POSTED.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING TO POST.
BYE. BYE.
SO, TOMORROW NIGHT.
YEAH? WHAT TIME?
WELL, I CAN GET
HERE PRETTY EARLY,
BUT I JUST WANTED TO
TALK ABOUT PLANS WITH YOU.
SURE. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
HOW ABOUT WE GO ON A DOUBLE
DATE WITH MY MOM AND LUKE?
A DOUBLE DATE?
YEAH.
OH, WON'T THAT BE, UH, AWKWARD, WEIRD,
AND ABOUT 50 OTHER THINGS LIKE THAT?
MOM AND I ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THE
WEIRD ISSUE IN DETAIL, AND IT WON'T BE.
IT WAS MOM'S IDEA.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
NO. YOU'RE FORGETTING, WE USED TO
HANG OUT ALL THE TIME. WE HAD FUN.
THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
[sighing]
YEAH, BUT WE HAD FUN.
I REMEMBER.
WELL, SO DOES MOM. COME ON.
OK.
GOOD. I'M OFF.
I HATE THESE SHORT VISITS.
I KNOW. THEY'RE BETTER
THAN NONE, THOUGH.
YEAH, I GUESS.
HEY, DON'T LEAVE ON MY
ACCOUNT, 'CAUSE I'M OUT OF HERE.
A COUPLE OF MY
GIRLS TOOK THE BAIT.
I'M THINKING ABOUT
DOING A BACK-TO-BACKER.
I'M NOT LEAVING ON YOUR
ACCOUNT. TOMORROW?
TOMORROW.
♪ [cell phone ringing]
NO REST FOR KYLE.
YEAH?
[door closing]
HEY, COOL.
YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AROUND 11:30, BABY? ALL RIGHT.
SO IS MEETING UP AT 6:30 COOL?
GOOD WITH US. WHAT'D
YOU HAVE IN MIND?
I'LL SURPRISE YOU WITH
IT, BUT IT'S A CLASSIC
STARS HOLLOW
SLATE OF ACTIVITIES.
SO WE'RE GONNA T.P.
TAYLOR'S HOUSE AGAIN?
[gasps] I WANTED IT
TO BE A SURPRISE.
[phone beeps] WAIT,
HON, HOLD ON A SEC.
(Rory) OK.
HELLO?
LORELAI, ARE YOU ALONE?
WHY?
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO
GIVE YOU THE SECRET CODE
TO OPEN THE PANIC
ROOM FROM THE OUTSIDE.
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT
IF YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
JUST HANGING OUT HERE WITH
MY CLOSE FRIEND, TEX WATSON.
THIS IS NOT A JOKING MATTER.
CAN I TRUST YOU WITH
THIS INFORMATION?
MAYBE NOT. MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE
IT TO SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE CLOSER.
WELL, I CAN'T TRUST A NEIGHBOR.
HOW ABOUT DAD?
OH, YOUR FATHER WOULDN'T
COME TO MY RESCUE IF I WAS ON FIRE.
BESIDES, THAT VEST
OF HIS IS SO LOUD,
HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO HEAR ME SCREAMING.
OK, MOM. GIVE ME THE CODE,
AND I WILL KEEP THE CODE SAFE.
OK. HERE GOES. ARE YOU READY?
PEN IS POISED.
1-1
1-1-1.
IS THAT THE CODE IT CAME WITH?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO CHANGE IT.
THE MEN WERE
SUPPOSED TO SHOW ME,
AND NOW IT'S THE
CODE I'M STUCK WITH.
DID YOU WRITE IT DOWN?
BARRING AN ANEURYSM,
I THINK I'LL REMEMBER IT.
WELL, FACTOR IN AN ANEURYSM AND
WRITE IT DOWN. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
OK. I'M WRITING IT DOWN.
1-1-1-1-1.
DON'T SAY IT OUT LOUD.
UH, UH, OUR FOOTBALL
TEAM IS SO GREAT.
THEY... WE WON,
WON, WON, WON, WON!
EVERYTHING'S A JOKE.
NO, MOM, SERIOUSLY,
THE MAILMAN OVERHEARD.
NOW, I GOTTA GET OFF THE PHONE
AND CHASE HIM DOWN AND WHACK HIM.
HIDE THAT NUMBER.
I WILL. GOODBYE. GOODBYE.
[phone beeps]
I'M BACK.
THAT WAS MOM GIVING ME
THE SECRET PANIC ROOM CODE.
SHE SHOULD JUST
GIVE IT TO GRANDPA.
I SUGGESTED THAT,
BUT SHE SCOFFED.
THOSE 2 SHOULD JUST
DIVORCE AND GET IT OVER WITH.
DON'T SAY THAT.
I WAS JUST TALKING.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
BUT THIS STANDOFF BETWEEN
THEM ISN'T GOOD FOR ANYBODY.
MOM'S GETTING MORE INSANE
AND... AND SHARING THE INSANITY
WITH ME AND EVERYBODY ELSE.
DIVORCE IS NOT THE ANSWER.
I CAN TELL YOU FOR A FACT
THAT GRANDPA IS MISERABLE.
REALLY? HE AND
JEEVES SEEM VERY HAPPY
IN THEIR NEW
MODERN RELATIONSHIP.
GRANDPA MISSES GRANDMA TERRIBLY.
WHY? HE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
I JUST KNOW. HOW?
YESTERDAY, WHEN WE
HAD LUNCH ON CAMPUS,
GRANDPA TOLD ME THAT HE FINISHED
DECLINE AND FALL
OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE.
HMM, YOU SEE?
YOU WANT TO DE-MENSA
THE REFERENCE?
NO ONE SITS AT HOME
ALONE READING THAT BOOK
UNLESS IT'S A CLASS ASSIGNMENT.
IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN.
IT'S A HONKING LONG BOOK.
IT'S CLEARLY A CRY FOR HELP.
YOU'RE VERY ANTI-INTELLECTUAL.
HE ASKED ME IF GRANDMA HAD TAKEN
HER CAR IN FOR ITS
6-MONTH SERVICE.
HON, THAT'S CONCERN
FOR HER CAR, NOT FOR HER.
NO, THAT'S CONCERN ABOUT
GRANDMA AND HER SAFETY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION
THIS TO MOM AT DINNER?
MAYBE SHE WOULD
HAVE BEEN LESS PANICKED
ABOUT WHAT HE'S
DOING WITH HIS TIME
AND THE NOW
INFAMOUS GLITTER VEST.
I DIDN'T WANT TO
OPEN A CAN OF WORMS.
HOW WOULD THAT OPEN
UP A CAN OF WORMS?
IF I TOLD HER WHAT I SAID, I'D HAVE
TO TELL HER I HAD LUNCH WITH HIM,
A LUNCH THAT I HAD PREVIOUSLY
NOT INFORMED HER OF,
AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE
HER JEALOUS AND DEFENSIVE.
THE LESS YOU TELL
GRANDMA, THE BETTER.
[gasping] BY GEORGE,
I THINK SHE'S GOT IT.
WHAT?
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO BURN THAT
INTO YOUR BRAIN SINCE YOU WERE A
BABY BUT YOU STUBBORNLY RESISTED.
NOW A BREAKTHROUGH.
I'M SO PROUD.
SO, 6:30, YOU SAID?
BY THE GAZEBO. DRESS IS CAS.
I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.
I KNOW, HON, BUT IT'S
UP TO THEM TO FIX IT.
I GUESS. I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
OK. SEE YOU TONIGHT. BYE-BYE.
LORELAI? THIS IS A SURPRISE.
DID WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?
OH, NO, I JUST STOPPED BY TO
PICK SOMETHING UP FOR MOM.
APPARENTLY, SHE'S NOT HOME.
SHE'S AT HER D.A.R. MEETING.
SHE'S ALWAYS THERE MID-SATURDAY
AFTERNOONS. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT.
OH, YEAH. I GUESS I FORGOT.
MAYBE ONE DAY THE ENTIRE
D.A.R. WILL GO COLLECTIVELY WIGGY
AND MEET ON A LATE
SATURDAY AFTERNOON.
I DOUBT THAT. CAN I GET YOU
SOMETHING? WATER, SODA?
NO, NO, THANKS. I'M FINE.
I SEE YOU HAVE YOUR
NOSE IN YOUR PROUST.
UH, YES, HAVE YOU READ HIM?
OH, I TRIED ONCE. STRUCK OUT.
WHOA, THAT'S A LOT OF CERTS.
UH, YOU KNOW HOW THAT IS.
YOU PICK ONE UP, YOU
FORGET YOU HAVE IT.
YOU PICK UP ANOTHER.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES.
KIND OF LIKE ME AND MEN.
WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.
MOM WASN'T HERE, SO
THERE WAS A VACUUM.
I'M... I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MESS.
MY MAN IS WITH HIS SICK MOTHER,
AND... AND I'M KIND OF
LEFT IN THE LURCH HERE.
AH, YOUR LURCH LEFT
YOU IN THE LURCH.
HEY, IS THAT WHERE THAT'S FROM?
YOU KNOW, LURCH ON
THE ADDAMS FAMILY,
'CAUSE HE WOULD LEAVE
PEOPLE IN THE LURCH?
I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH
THE ETYMOLOGY OF "LURCH."
SO LURCH IS AWAY, YOU'RE
BACK FROM YOUR TRIP.
ANYTHING ELSE NEW WITH YOU?
NOT THAT I CAN THINK OF.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
SPENDING YOUR TIME LATELY?
ANYTHING NEW AND FANCY?
NOT REALLY.
I JOINED A BARBERSHOP QUARTET.
AHA! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "AHA"?
AND WHAT DOES THE
BARBERSHOP QUARTET ENTAIL?
WELL, IT'S A MUSICAL GROUP.
WE DRESS UP IN OUTFITS.
AHA!
STOP SAYING THAT.
WHAT KIND OF OUTFITS?
WELL, OLD-TIMEY PERIOD THINGS.
STRAW HATS, VESTS?
THAT KIND OF THING.
AND DON'T SAY "AHA"
AGAIN. IT'S LOUD.
DAD, HAVE YOU
TALKED TO MOM LATELY?
YOUR MOTHER HAS
NOTHING TO SAY TO ME.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
AND I'M SURE SHE'D BE
INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU'RE DOING
LIKE THE QUARTET THING. WHY?
WHY? YOU WERE TOGETHER 40 YEARS.
SHE COULDN'T CARE
LESS ABOUT WHAT I DO.
DAD, YOU'RE STILL HER HUSBAND
AND IF YOU'RE FILLING YOUR
NIGHTS WITH SOMETHING,
I'M SURE SHE'D BE CURIOUS WHAT YOU'RE
FILLING THEM WITH, AS YOU WOULD BE WITH HER.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT, OK?
I'LL TELL ROBERT TO
TELL YOUR MOTHER
YOU WERE HERE WHEN HE GETS BACK.
BYE.
[sighing]
WHEN DID THE
BATHROOM SINK STOP UP?
IT JUST HAPPENED. I CALLED
THE LANDLORD. HE'S ON IT.
'CAUSE WE'VE GOT RIGHTS.
YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T RUSSIA.
CAN I SCOOT IN HERE? SURE.
DON'T BRUSH TOO HARD, DUDE.
I'D SHOW YOU MY
GUMS, BUT YOU'D PUKE.
WHAT ABOUT FLOSSING?
YOU MEAN THE SILENT KILLER?
IT'S A ROPE OF DESTRUCTION.
NOTHING'S SAFE ANYMORE.
GENTLE LITTLE STROKES.
WE STILL LACK BASIC
NECESSITIES, MAN.
WE'VE GOTTA GET A PLUNGER.
YEAH. WANNA GO TODAY?
HUH? TO GET A PLUNGER?
I KNOW A STORE THAT
SELLS THEM USED.
ZACH?
YEAH?
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. HUH?
I'VE CHANGED MY
MIND. I'M TAKING IT BACK.
TAKING WHAT BACK?
I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR YOU.
I WAS CONFUSED BEFORE,
THAT'S ALL. BUT NOT ANYMORE.
WE'RE ROOMMATES AND
BAND MATES, AND THAT'S IT,
AND THAT'S ALL IT'LL EVER BE.
IS THAT THEM?
(Lorelai) YEAH, THAT'S
STRETCH AND SKINNY.
(Luke) OH, MAN, HE'S
WEARING NICE SLACKS.
I DON'T THINK SO.
THEY'RE CREASED.
THAT EQUALS NICE?
I HATE THAT. IT'S HARD ENOUGH
GETTING DRESSED FOR A DATE.
WHEN YOU'RE GONNA DOUBLE WITH
PEOPLE, IT'S LIKE DRESSING FOR 4.
WELL, AT LEAST BE THANKFUL YOU'RE
NOT WEARING YOUR PENGUIN OUTFIT.
THEN YOU REALLY WOULD
HAVE BEEN OUT OF PLACE.
THIS IS SO NOT A SLACKS EVENING.
PLEASE STOP SAYING SLACKS.
THAT WORD IS CREEPY. SORRY.
AND DON'T MENTION THE
"S" WORD TO THEM, OK?
DEAN IS GOING TO BE
UNCOMFORTABLE ENOUGH AS IT IS.
WE DON'T WANT HIM TO
THINK THAT WE'RE JUDGING HIM
OR THAT YOU'RE INORDINATELY
INTERESTED IN HIS PANTS.
HI, HI.
HEY.
DEAN.
HI. HI.
OH, HI.
THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN.
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
YEAH, GOOD. HOW YOU DOING?
OH, TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T
HOLDING A TROPHY.
THAT WOULD HAVE
MADE A GREAT PICTURE.
SO WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA?
WE GRAB SOME TAKEOUT, THEN HIT THE
BLACK, WHITE, AND READ MOVIE THEATER.
COOL.
I MISS THAT PLACE.
IT'S BEEN FOREVER.
THEY'RE PLAYING A GREAT
MOVIE TONIGHT, COOL HAND LUKE.
NOT TOO SHABBY.
LET'S GO GET THE FOOD.
WELL, GOOD TIMING.
NO LINE AT JOJO'S.
LET'S JUST GET THE
STUFF AT MY PLACE. WHY?
SAME KIND OF FOOD, BUT BETTER.
YOURS IS WAY BETTER.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE
GOING TO JOJO'S.
WHAT? ALLOW ME.
TAKE IT.
WE ALWAYS DO JOJO'S
ON B.W.R. NIGHTS.
THAT'S SHORT FOR BLACK, WHITE, AND READ
MOVIE THEATER. THAT'S OUR LITTLE NICKNAME.
I'M FOLLOWING IT.
BECAUSE YOUR STUFF IS GOOD, AND
IT HAS TO BE EATEN PRETTY QUICKLY.
IF IT SITS AROUND,
IT STARTS TO SUCK.
THAT'S TRUE OF ALL FOOD.
AH, BUT NOT JOJO'S.
JOJO'S SUCKS TO BEGIN WITH, SO
IT'S NO WORSE WHEN YOU EAT IT LATER.
IT'S A RELATIVITY THING.
EINSTEIN AND WHATNOT.
THE SECRET IS JOJO'S CHILI.
THE CHILI ACTS AS A SEAL.
JOJO'S BURGERS
COULD TRAVEL TO CHINA,
AND THEY'D STILL
BE JUST AS GOOD.
BECAUSE THEY START OFF BAD.
GET IT? NOT REALLY.
GOOD, THEN LET'S GO.
PLUS, JOJO'S IS CHEAPER.
'CAUSE IT SUCKS.
I'M JUST SAYING.
JOJO IS GOING TO BE SO
EXCITED TO BE MAKING A SALE.
HELLO?
(Luke) ARE THEY OPEN?
THE SIGN SAID THEY WERE.
HELLO?
I HAVE A GUN!
(Lorelai) CHILL OUT, KIRK.
WE'RE HERE FOR THE MOVIE.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO PAY OUT FRONT.
YOU WEREN'T OUT
FRONT. HERE'S $20.
THAT'S TOO MUCH.
KEEP THE CHANGE.
YOU CAN GET IN 16
MORE PEOPLE FOR THAT.
PUT IT TOWARDS THE POPCORN.
LET'S SIT.
YES, YES, OOH,
LET'S TAKE BIG RED.
YES, BIG RED.
THAT'S THE NAME FOR THE COUCH.
YEAH, THANKS. I KIND
OF CAUGHT ONTO THAT.
OH, SORRY.
NO, NO, YOU GO. THAT'S OK.
NO, THAT'S FINE.
IT'S THE SAME DOWN HERE.
COOL, WE HAVE A SHORT
FEATURE TO START.
THE KATZ 'N JAMMER KIDS
TRY TO SIT ON THE COUCH.
WHOA, I LOVE THE EMPTINESS.
YEAH, IT MEANS WE CAN
TALK DURING THE MOVIE.
WOULD PEOPLE BEING
HERE HAVE STOPPED YOU?
WE WOULD HAVE
HESITATED EVER SO SLIGHTLY.
FOOD, FOOD.
HELLO, EVERYBODY
AND WELCOME TO THE BLACK,
WHITE, AND RED THEATER.
HOW ARE WE ALL DOING TONIGHT?
UM, GOOD, KIRK. HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD, I'M KIRK.
I'M VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT
TONIGHT'S FEATURE PRESENTATION
IS THE CLASSIC COOL HAND LUKE.
[whooping] YEAH.
BUT I'M DEEPLY SORRY TO REPORT
THAT THE FIRST REEL OF THE MOVIE
INEXPLICABLY CAUGHT
FIRE EARLIER THIS EVENING.
OH, NO.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
RICHARD PRYOR IS YOUR PROJECTIONIST.
I CAN STILL SHOW YOU THE FILM,
BUT YOU'D MISS THE
FIRST 25 MINUTES.
I'D BE HAPPY TO RECAP WHAT YOU'D
MISS, OR EVEN ACT IT OUT FOR YOU.
I MUST SAY, I DO A
WICKED GEORGE KENNEDY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
FIRST 25 MINUTES ARE
PRETTY IMPORTANT.
I AGREE.
BUT HAVING KIRK RE-ENACT
THINGS CAN BE PRETTY DISTURBING.
HE TOTALLY RUINED LAST
TANGO IN PARIS FOR ME.
WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS IN
PLACE OF COOL HAND, KIRK?
I CAN OFFER YOU ANYTHING FROM
THE THEATER'S LIBRARY OF FILMS.
(Lorelai) WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
A SERIES OF GRAPHICALLY
VIOLENT DRIVER'S EDUCATION FILMS
OR THE ADVENTURES
OF PIPPI LONGSTOCKING.
PIPPI! PIPPI! YEAH.
PIPPI! "ANNIKA, IT'S PIPPI!"
PIPPI LONGSTOCKING
IT IS. ENJOY YOUR FILM.
HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE
WE'VE SEEN PIPPI LONGSTOCKING?
TOO LONG.
IT'S GOTTA BE ONE OF OUR
MOST-WATCHED FILMS EVER.
OH, IT'S UP THERE.
I'VE SEEN IT AT LEAST
3 TIMES WITH YOU TWO.
ISN'T IT SOME KIND
OF KIDS' MOVIE?
WAIT A MINUTE. HAVE YOU
NEVER SEEN THIS MOVIE?
NEVER. WE'VE GOT
US A PIPPI VIRGIN.
I DIDN'T THINK THERE
WERE ANY LEFT.
AND IT'S NOT A KIDS' MOVIE.
IT'S A CLASSIC OF SURREALISM.
AND BIZARRE CINEMATOGRAPHY.
AND ATONAL SINGING.
AND FORCED ACTING.
(Lorelai and Rory) ♪ FRECKLES ON
HER NOSE, DIDDLE DIDDLE DEE ♪
♪ A GIRL CAME RIDING
INTO TOWN ONE DAY ♪
♪ DIDDLE DIDDLE DEE,
SHE WAS QUITE A SIGHT ♪
♪ IT'S PIPPI LONGSTOCKING ♪
♪ HE, HO, HO, AH, HE, HA, HA ♪
♪ IT'S PIPPI LONGSTOCKING ♪
♪ THERE'S NO ONE LIKE HER ♪
♪ HAPPY AS CAN BE ♪
♪ DIDDLE DIDDLE DIPPY,
TELLS YOU STORIES ♪
♪ YOU JUST WAIT AND
SEE, TRA, LA, L, A LA, LA ♪
(Luke) WHAT
HAPPENED TO HER HAIR?
MMM, SHE'S BETWEEN STYLISTS
RIGHT NOW. IT'S VERY AWKWARD.
UNBELIEVABLE.
♪ A MONKEY AND A HORSE ♪
♪ A SUITCASE FULL
OF GOLDEN COINS ♪
YOU OK?
YEAH, YEAH. OF COURSE.
(Pippi) OF COURSE I WILL.
I'LL BEHAVE JUST
LIKE A FINE LADY.
NOT A BAD EFFECT.
I DON'T THINK GEORGE LUCAS IS
SHAKING IN HIS BOOTS, THOUGH.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIFT AN
IMMENSE QUADRUPED OVER MY HEAD.
SHH.
WHAT?
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
OH, I'LL SPEAK UP.
N-NOT YOU, THE MOVIE.
[Lorelai gasps] WHY DO YOU
WEAR SUCH LARGE SHOES?
(Pippi) I LOVE WIGGLING MY TOES,
AND I NEED PLENTY OF ROOM.
[child laughing]
HEY, LOOK AT HER.
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY EVERY MERCHANT IN TOWN
TAKES HER GOLD COINS AS PAYMENT
WITHOUT QUESTIONING
WHERE SHE GOT THEM.
HER FATHER'S A CANNIBAL KING.
EVERYONE KNOWS
THEY'RE LOUSY WITH GOLD.
THIS WAS A BOOK, RIGHT?
I SHOULD GET THE BOOK.
HEY, YOU WANT TO PASS
THE POPCORN THERE, BUDDY?
OH, YEAH. UH, SORRY.
OH, HEY, WE'RE BELOW
QUARTER FULL WITH THE TUB.
YOU GUYS WANNA FETCH A REFILL?
SURE. AND DRINKS.
THANKS, RORY.
[child chattering onscreen]
[clearing throat] KIRK?
KIRK? YEAH.
HEY, LULU.
HI, RORY. HI, DEAN.
HI. WE'RE NEEDING MORE POPCORN.
COMING UP.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
I WILL.
BOY, PIPPI IS A GREAT
MAKE-OUT MOVIE.
MUCH BETTER THAN
BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY,
OR THAT'S MY DAUGHTER'S HEAD.
HEY, COOL HAND? MMM?
TRY TO DROP THE
'TUDE. WHAT 'TUDE?
YOU PRACTICALLY BARKED AT
DEAN TO PASS THE POPCORN.
I DIDN'T BARK AT HIM.
BESIDES, HE WAS HOGGING IT.
MMM-HMM, SAY POPCORN
MORE NICELY, PLEASE.
I'LL TRY.
GOOD.
DOES HE HAVE TO BE
ALL OVER HER LIKE THAT?
WHO? KIRK? IT'S HEALTHY FOR HIM.
HIS COMPLEXION HAS
NEVER BEEN BETTER.
DEAN.
ALL THEY WERE DOING
WAS HOLDING HANDS.
YEAH, IT WAS THAT INNOCENT.
UNLESS HE HAS A 3RD HAND,
HE WASN'T HOLDING ANYTHING HE
WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HOLDING.
AND THE WAY HE GRABBED
THAT DRINK FROM HER
AND STARTED SLURPING ON IT.
SHE GAVE IT TO HIM TO
DRINK. COME ON, CHILL.
FOR ME. AND FOR
RORY. IT'S IMPORTANT.
I SAID I WILL, AND I WILL.
THANKS, GUYS.
THANK YOU, DEAN.
NO PROBLEM.
(woman) YOUR EYES ARE
BIGGER THAN YOUR TUMMY,
AND I DON'T WANT
YOU TO GET SICK.
NOW SIT OVER HERE WITH TOMMY
AND ANNIKA AND FINISH WHAT YOU HAVE.
[bell dinging]
HI, ZACH.
I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY. OK.
YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOR 2 YEARS.
YOU'VE SEEN THE
GOOD AND THE BAD.
OH, YEAH.
I MEAN, YES.
YOU PROBABLY KNOW ME BETTER THAN
MOST PEOPLE, INCLUDING MY PARENTS.
NEITHER OF THEM HAVE SEEN ME CRY
DURING DANCES WITH
WOLVES, AND YOU HAVE.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, ZACH?
YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, KNOW THAT IT
TAKES ME A WHILE TO PROCESS THINGS, OK?
YOU SAW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO
GET THAT CHORD CHANGE IN BRIAN'S TUNE.
IT WAS A TRICKY CHORD
CHANGE. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
WHATEVER. IT'S
JUST THE WAY IT IS.
NOW, I MAY NOT BE FAST, BUT THAT'S
WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE.
AND THIS ISSUE WITH ME AND YOU
IS GOING TO TAKE LONGER
THAN A CHORD CHANGE, OK?
SURE.
I HOPE YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING
AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN
KIND OF THING WHEN
I CAME IN JUST NOW.
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.
GOOD. SO WE CLEAR?
YES.
GOOD.
YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT?
YES.
NAME IT.
GIVE ME A MINUTE, OK?
SORRY. SURE. UH, TAKE A MINUTE.
(Luke) D-DID SHE OWN
THAT HOUSE SHE LIVED IN
BEFORE SHE RODE
THE HORSE INTO TOWN,
OR DID SHE BUY IT
WITH HER GOLD COINS?
(Rory) THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
OH, YEAH, I SEE A
PREQUEL IN THE WORKS.
THE ADVENTURES
OF PIPPI IN ESCROW.
I'D GO SEE IT.
SO, BEVERAGES. SHOUT THEM OUT.
WATER. BEER.
YEAH, BEER SOUNDS GOOD.
[scoffs]
OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS.
YOU WANT A BEER? YEAH.
YEAH, OK, BRING HIM A BEER.
HE'S NOT DRIVING, OR 21.
FINE. I WON'T HAVE A BEER.
NO, BUDDY, GO AHEAD. HAVE
A BEER IF YOU WANT ONE.
YOU'RE TALL. YOU'VE GOT
SLACKS. YOU CAN HAVE ONE.
I DON'T WANT ONE ANYMORE.
CAN I SUBSTITUTE SOMETHING
FOR YOU THERE, DEAN?
WATER, I GUESS.
PUT SOME BARLEY AND HOPS IN
IT, BUDDY. NO ONE'S JUDGING HERE.
WATER.
WE HAVE GOOD WATER
HERE, RIGHT, MOM?
OH, YEAH. AND I'LL BRING
OUT A COUPLE OF EXTRA BEERS
AND THOSE OF US WHO WANT
THEM CAN GRAB THEM AS NEED BE.
JUST KEEP AN EYE ON RORY, OR
SHE'LL GRAB THEM ALL FOR HERSELF.
I'LL TRY TO REFRAIN. NEED HELP?
NO, YOU STAY, ENTERTAIN.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HEY, UH, REMEMBER WHEN YOU GUYS
WERE ON A SOFTBALL TEAM TOGETHER?
IT WAS JUST A PICKUP GAME.
UM,
BUT YOU GUYS PLAYED A
NEIGHBORING TOWN, RIGHT?
I FORGET WHICH ONE.
UM, BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT YOU
GUYS DID STARS HOLLOW PROUD.
IN FACT, I... I THINK IT'S PROBABLY THE
BEST TEAM STARS HOLLOW HAS EVER THROWN.
OR HOWEVER YOU WOULD
WORD THAT PHRASE I ATTEMPTED
IN THE PROPER
SOFTBALL VERNACULAR.
YEAH, WELL, I HAVEN'T
PLAYED IN A WHILE.
SAME HERE.
DUM-DE, DUM-DUM-DUM.
WHAT'S THAT? A SONG?
UH, NO, IT'S JUST...
DUM-DE-DUM-DUM-DUM.
OK. WELL, HERE
ARE THE BEVERAGES.
THANKS. (Luke) THANKS.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
IT'S TIME TO BRING
OUT THE BOP IT.
[exclaims] BOP IT!
YES! GOOD IDEA.
[gasps] HEY, LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
BOP IT! WHO WANTS TO PLAY?
I WANT TO PLAY!
LET'S ALL PLAY. YOU
GUYS KNOW HOW TO PLAY?
I'VE PLAYED IT HERE BEFORE.
YEAH, HE HAS.
YEAH, I REMEMBER.
HEY, COOL HAND.
(Luke) WHAT IS IT?
[laughing] OH, WELL,
EACH GUY HOLDS
ONE OF THE HANDLES.
AND YOU START IT UP, AND
THEN YOU DO WHATEVER IT SAYS.
YOU TWIST IT, OR PULL IT, OR
BOP IT UNTIL ONE OF YOU IS OUT.
WATCH. I'LL BE
YELLOW. YOU BE GREEN.
(voice) TWIST IT.
PULL IT.
BOP IT.
YELLOW. FLICK IT.
[gasps]
[laughing]
YELLOW WINS. OK, YOU TRY IT.
COME ON.
IT LOOKS LIKE, UM, LUKE IS
GREEN, AND DEAN IS YELLOW.
OH, WE'VE GOT OURSELVES
A CONTEST HERE.
YEAH.
YOU WANNA DO A PRACTICE RUN?
IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
OK, HERE WE GO.
TWIST IT.
SPIN IT.
PULL IT.
PULL IT.
FLICK IT.
DON'T HURT THE BOP IT, GUYS.
IT'S GOT FEELINGS, TOO.
PULL IT.
BOP IT. YELLOW.
(Rory) LOOKS LIKE IT'S A DRAW.
GOOD GOING, GUYS. WHY
DON'T YOU TAKE A BREAK?
GREEN. TWIST IT.
TWIST IT. TWIST IT.
BOP IT.
GREEN WINS!
YEAH, IN YOUR
FACE! IN YOUR FACE!
FINE. YOU WON.
I HAMMERED YOU, BUDDY.
IT'S JUST A STUPID GAME.
SAYS THE LOSER.
I GOT TO GO.
ALREADY?
YEAH, IT'S GETTING LATE.
UH, THANK YOU, LORELAI.
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DEAN. ANYTIME.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
OK. YEAH, CALL ME.
THANKS A LOT.
WHAT DID I DO? RORY.
OH, WE SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE OUT
LIKE THIS IF PEOPLE DIDN'T WANT TO.
NO, RORY, I WANTED TO.
YOU MADE NO EFFORT.
[stammering] I DID. I SWEAR.
LUKE, WE CAN TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER.
HE HAD SOME SORT OF
CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER.
OH, COME ON, LUKE.
YOU'RE THE REASON WE HAD
TO PULL OUT THE BOP IT. WHAT?
BOP IT IS WHAT WE BRING OUT FOR SOCIAL
GATHERINGS THAT NEED MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.
I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
RORY, WAIT. I... I
FEEL AWFUL HERE.
NO, IT'S OK. WHATEVER. BYE, MOM.
BYE, HONEY. DRIVE SAFELY.
YEAH, DRIVE SAFE.
[sighing]
I FEEL AWFUL.
WELL, IT'S... YOU KNOW, IT'S
MY FAULT. I... I FORCED THIS.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID
YES TO A DOUBLE DATE.
WELL, I WANTED TO DO THIS.
BUT I CAN'T BE AROUND THAT GUY.
I KNEW THAT, AND I
SAID YES ANYWAY.
WHY CAN'T YOU BE AROUND HIM?
BECAUSE HE'S NOT
GOOD FOR HER. LUKE.
HE'S NOT. HE'S
NOT RIGHT FOR HER.
LOOK, YOU'RE MAD AT
DEAN FROM YEARS PAST.
WHAT'S PAST IS PAST.
THEY'RE A COUPLE NOW.
I MEAN, DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER
WHY YOU'RE MAD AT HIM?
HE'S A PUNK. THAT'S
WHAT I REMEMBER.
JUST LOOK AT HIS HISTORY.
HE BROKE HER HEART BEFORE.
WELL, THEIR PROBLEMS
WERE MUTUAL.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY.
HE GOT MARRIED AND BAILED OUT
BEFORE THE HONEYMOON WAS EVEN OVER.
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG,
YOU MAKE MISTAKES.
HE WAS PINING FOR RORY, AND
HE GOT MARRIED. THAT'S UNSTABLE.
HE'S 19. GIVE HIM A BREAK.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.
HE'S PROVEN THAT.
HOW CAN RORY TRUST HIM NOW?
MATTERS OF THE
HEART ARE NOT SCIENCE.
THERE ARE NO SURE THINGS.
HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
WELL, WHO IS? JESS?
NO, NOT JESS. A PRINCE, MAYBE.
ONE THAT'S IN LINE TO BE KING.
YOU KNOW, NOT ONE OF THOSE
WAITING-FOR-A-BROTHER-
TO-DIE ONES, BUT A REAL ONE.
IF NOT A PRINCE, SOMEONE WHO'S
GONNA BE GOOD FOR HER, YOU KNOW.
RORY IS LIKE PIPPI.
PIPPI?
SHE CAN HAVE ADVENTURES
AND BE FREE, SHE'S SMART.
THE WHOLE WORLD'S
WAITING FOR HER.
YOU'RE COMPARING RORY
TO PIPPI LONGSTOCKING?
PIPPI IS STRONG AND INDEPENDENT.
SHE CAN LIFT A HORSE
ABOVE HER HEAD. UH-HUH.
AND, UH, BEAT UP BULLIES
AND BUILD A HOT AIR BALLOON.
SHE'S UNIQUE, LIKE RORY.
BUT I GUARANTEE YOU,
IF PIPPI HAD MET DEAN,
THERE WOULD BE NO
HORSE, NO BALLOONS.
HE'D DRAG HER DOWN TO HIS
LEVEL, SPEND ALL HER GOLD COINS,
AND POOF, LIKE THAT, ALL
HER DREAMS WOULD BE GONE.
LOOK, IT'S RORY'S CHOICE WHO
SHE CHOOSES TO BE WITH, OK?
NOT YOURS, NOT MINE.
WHAT? DOES IT FEEL RIGHT TO YOU?
I MEAN, ARE YOU OK WITH THIS,
THIS RORY AND DEAN THING?
I JUST NEED THIS TO WORK.
LOOK AT ME.
NOT STOPPING UNTIL
HE'S UPSET EVERY PERSON
THAT MEANS ANYTHING IN THE
WORLD TO HIM IN ONE NIGHT.
YOU WANT A BEER?
YES.
MAYBE IF I'D BROUGHT
OUT THE TWISTER.
MMM.
MAYBE.
[door opening]
WHO IS IT?
I HOPE THIS ISN'T A BAD TIME.
NO, I WAS JUST CATCHING UP
ON SOME CORRESPONDENCE.
I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW
THAT OUR PROPERTY TAX BILL IS
WRONG THIS YEAR. I'M CONTESTING IT.
IN CASE THEY CALL HERE, I
WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW.
FINE. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
OH, AND I'VE JOINED A
BARBERSHOP QUARTET.
OH.
WE DO IT UP RIGHT.
DRESS IN PERIOD COSTUMES AND
THESE SILLY VESTS AND THINGS.
WE'VE PERFORMED A COUPLE
OF TIMES AT CHARITY EVENTS.
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S PART OF A
BARBERSHOP CHORUS.
THAT'S A GROUP OF ABOUT 30.
VERY GOOD.
I GUESS I'LL BE GOING.
I BOUGHT A PANIC ROOM.
VERY GOOD.
HEY. HI.
WELL, I GUESS THAT
WAS A BUST, HUH?
SORRY.
MAYBE IT WAS TOO SOON.
WELL, YOUR MOM WAS
REAL NICE. SHE WAS GREAT.
THANK HER FOR ME, OK?
I WILL.
IT WAS FUN FOR A WHILE
THERE, THOUGH, WASN'T IT?
YEAH.
THE MOVIE WAS. IT WAS REAL FUN.
LIKE THE OLD DAYS.
LIKE THE OLD DAYS.
UH, I'D INVITE YOU OVER, BUT
KYLE'S ENTERTAINING SOME BUDDIES.
I SHOULD GO ANYWAY. WANT A RIDE?
I'M ALMOST THERE.
OK. KISS.
BYE.
BYE.
OUT TO THE BUSINESS COMMUNITY
THAT WE'RE HERE. THAT'S THE KEY.
WE'VE GOT TO DRAW THEM IN WITH
THE THINGS THAT THEY LIKE. AMENITIES.
WHAT IS IT BUSINESSMEN
WANT WHEN THEY TRAVEL?
BOOZE. AND HOOKERS.
ANYTHING ELSE?
I THINK THAT COVERS IT.
WE GOT BOOZE. HOW
DO WE GET HOOKERS?
HOW ABOUT A BIG BANNER
UP FRONT THAT READS:
"HOES UP AT THE DRAGONFLY"?
OR WE TELL THEM
BILL MAHER'S HERE.
[gasps] THEY'D COME A-FLOCKING.
AND WE'RE IN TOO SILLY A MOOD
TO BE DISCUSSING
SUCH SERIOUS STUFF.
YOU THINK?
OH, HEY, JACKSON,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO
TO LURE MORE BUSINESSMEN
TO THE DRAGONFLY?
BESIDES INVITING BILL MAHER.
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,
THE SHELL ANSWER MAN?
EVERYBODY'S GOTTA
HAVE A PIECE OF JACKSON.
WELL, HE'S GOT NOTHING
LEFT, I TELL YOU, NOTHING.
HIS TOWN SELECTMAN DUTIES
ARE STARTING TO WEAR ON HIM.
THAT'S WHY THE FANCY DUDS?
HE'S GOT FUNCTIONS EVERY
DAY, AND MEETINGS AND HEARINGS.
I TRIED TO WORK
IN A NICE SUICIDE,
[cell phone ringing] BUT MY
SCHEDULE WOULDN'T ALLOW IT.
OH, THAT SOUND IS DEATH TO ME.
DON'T ANSWER IT.
IT COULD BE A CUSTOMER. HELLO?
YES, MRS. CASSINI,
I GOT THE NOTE
ABOUT THE PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT.
OH, MY GOD, IS THAT BLOOD?
OH, IT'S TOMATO. IT
HAPPENS DAILY. DISROBE.
SO YOU SAY YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER
FELL OFF THE DUCKY?
OH, SHE FELL OFF THE PIGGY AND
SHE WHACKED HER ARM ON THE DUCKY.
UH-HUH.
I SEE.
WELL, THE FIRST THING I WOULD
DO IS QUESTION THE HORSY
BECAUSE HE'S RIGHT
NEXT TO THE PIGGY,
AND IS OUR MOST
RELIABLE WITNESS.
NO, THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY
ABOUT THAT, MRS. CASSINI.
NOTHING WHATSOEVER.
ARMS UP, BIG BOY.
NO, A LITTLE GIRL BEING THROWN
FROM A PINK, SPRING-LOADED,
BOBBLING PIGGY TOY IS
VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS.
YES, MRS. CASSINI.
MMM, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S GONNA COME OUT.
POOR GUY, HE'S ONLY
GOT 2 DRESS SHIRTS.
WELL, MAYBE A BIG OLD BLOODSTAIN
WILL HELP HIM. PEOPLE WILL THINK
THERE WAS AN ASSASSINATION
ATTEMPT AND BE MORE SYMPATHETIC.
(Jackson) I HEAR...
YES, YES, MRS. CASSINI.
I'LL TALK TO MY PARKS AND RECREATION
CHAIRMAN AND GET THIS SOLVED.
I PROMISE. GOODBYE,
MRS. CASSINI.
IT'S A GONER.
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
I GOTTA GO. I GOT A KIWANIS
LUNCHEON. HAVE FUN.
HEY, JACKSON, BEFORE YOU GO, I JUST
NEED YOUR JOHN HANCOCK ON THAT THERE.
OH, YEAH? YES, RIGHT
AT THE BOTTOM THERE.
I WAS JUST ORDERING
A TON OF EXTRA,
YOU KNOW, VEGETABLES
AND STUFF FROM YOU.
JUST SIGN, CONFIRM THAT
I'M ORDERING THAT STUFF.
HEY, THIS IS FOR THOSE EXTRA
PARKING SPACES YOU NEED.
IT'S SELECTMAN BUSINESS.
R-REALLY?
ET TU, FORMER FRIEND?
I JUST NEED YOUR
SIGNATURE. IT'S YOUR DUTY.
SO IMPEACH ME.
I'LL FORGE THAT FOR YOU.
THANKS.
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
SO DICKIE HIGHTAILS
IT TO HIS OFFICE
AND E-MAILS ME WITHIN SECONDS.
DICKIE'S THE OTHER YOU
AT YOUR OFFICE, RIGHT?
WELL, THERE'S NO OTHER ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, GRANDPA.
DICKIE AND I SHARE SOME DUTIES.
WE LUNCH OCCASIONALLY,
SOCIALIZE A BIT.
BUT HE WOULD CUT MY THROAT
IN A HEARTBEAT, AS I WOULD HIS.
IT'S LIKE RIKERS ISLAND,
EXCEPT EVERYONE DRIVES A JAG.
WELL, DICKIE MADE A MISTAKE.
HE E-MAILED ME, THINKING THAT
I WOULDN'T READ IT FOR DAYS,
BUT I READ IT THE
MINUTE HE SENT IT.
HE FIGURED MY WEEKEND
STARTS WITH LUNCH ON FRIDAYS,
AS SO MANY OTHERS' DO.
ERROR FOLLOWED BY ERROR.
THAT MAN NEEDS TO
REREAD HIS SUN TZU.
ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY I AM
MISSING FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER.
DICKIE AND I ARE GOING TO
BE IN THE CHICAGO OFFICE.
WELL, SEND ME A POSTCARD.
I'M TRAVELING MUCH
LESS, BUT I DON'T MISS IT.
30 YEARS AGO, ANY CHANCE I HAD
TO TRAVEL I JUMPED AT, BUT NOW...
I'M TALKING A LOT, AREN'T I?
NO. I MEAN, YES. BUT IT'S GOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO BE TIRESOME.
GRANDPA, YOU COULD
NEVER TIRE ME. THIS IS FUN.
GOOD. MY VALET ISN'T MUCH
OF A CONVERSATIONALIST.
HE'S THE MASTER OF
THE MONOSYLLABLE.
ALTHOUGH HE CAN SHINE A
SHOE WITH THE BEST OF THEM.
SO, BEEN READING
ANYTHING GOOD LATELY?
I'M VERY INTO P.G.
WODEHOUSE RIGHT NOW.
OH, THAT'S GREAT. YOU?
ACTUALLY, I'VE HAD A
PERSONAL TRIUMPH OF LATE.
OH, YEAH? WHAT?
I'VE JUST FINISHED THE
6TH AND FINAL VOLUME OF
THE DECLINE AND FALL
OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE.
THAT IS A TRIUMPH.
I STARTED IT IN 1968.
SO IT TOOK ONLY, WHAT,
36 YEARS TO FINISH IT.
BUT, BY GOD, I FINISHED IT.
WOW, THAT'S QUITE A COMMITMENT.
WELL, I'VE HAD A LITTLE MORE
TIME ON MY HANDS LATELY.
NOT AS MANY EVENINGS
OUT, AS THERE ONCE WERE.
RIGHT. NOT AS MANY.
YOU'RE STILL GETTING TOGETHER WITH
YOUR GRANDMOTHER TONIGHT, AREN'T YOU?
HAS SHE MENTIONED
HER CAR LATELY?
HER CAR?
IT'S DUE FOR ITS
6-MONTH SERVICE.
I HOPE SHE ISN'T SKIPPING THOSE.
I DON'T KNOW. I'M HAPPY TO ASK.
OH, NO. THAT'S TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
I'LL HAVE ROBERT
CHECK WITH HER MAID. OK.
HE MAY HAVE TO USE UPWARDS OF 6
SYLLABLES FOR THIS ONE. I WISH HIM LUCK.
COULDN'T YOU JUST ASK
HER YOURSELF, GRANDPA?
I MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT THERE.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO
BE AN ANNOYANCE.
OH, OK.
BUT, GRANDPA...
CHICKEN'S GETTING COLD.
RIGHT.
I SAW THE MOST PREPOSTEROUS
THING ON T.V. THE OTHER NIGHT.
IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I'VE JUST
FLIPPED THROUGH THE CHANNELS
AND THE HORRORS TO
BE DISCOVERED THERE.
[bell dinging]
HEY, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
CAFFEINE WITHDRAWAL.
AND I LIKE LOOKING AT YOU.
TO GO? TO GO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
LUKE, THIS IS YOUR BUSINESS.
I'VE ALWAYS PAID, AND
I ALWAYS SHOULD PAY.
FINE, BUT DON'T TIP ME.
TIPPING NOW IS WEIRD.
OK. BESIDES, I
CAN TIP YOU LATER.
THAT WAS WEIRD, TOO.
I'M A VERY AWKWARD WINKER.
YOU'RE NEVER SUPPOSED
TO TIP ME, ANYWAY. WHAT?
I'M THE PROPRIETOR.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TIP THE
PROPRIETOR, EVEN WHEN THEY SERVE YOU.
YOU MEAN ALL THOSE YEARS,
THAT EXTRA 20% WAS UNNECESSARY?
[snickering] YOU
NEVER TIPPED ME 20%.
OOH, NOW IT'S GETTING UGLY.
YOU WERE A SOLID 15 PERCENTER,
SOMETIMES LESS IF
THE BILL GOT HIGHER,
WAY LESS IF YOU WERE
MAD AT ME ABOUT SOMETHING.
WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER,
'CAUSE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO
BE TIPPING YOU, ANYWAY. TRUE.
IN FACT, I WANT A REBATE. WHAT?
YOU'VE BEEN RIPPING
ME OFF FOR 10 YEARS.
HAVE YOUR LAWYER CALL MY LAWYER.
MMM, THANK YOU.
ARE WE STILL ON FOR
TOMORROW NIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY.
TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE.
OH, HI, LORELAI.
HI, DEAN.
UM, GOOD TO BUMP INTO YOU.
YEAH, SAME HERE.
UM, YOU ON YOUR WAY
BACK TO WORK? YEAH. YOU?
YEAH. I'M GOING TO DOOSE'S.
YOU WERE JUST AT THE INN.
YEAH, UH, TOM WANTED ME
TO SAND SOME DOORS DOWN,
THEY WERE GETTING
A LITTLE WARPED.
I SAW YOU IN THE HALLWAY THERE,
BUT YOU LOOKED KIND OF BUSY.
YEAH, I... I SAW YOU, TOO.
OH.
SO, HOW'S OUR GIRL?
RORY? [laughs] YEAH.
UH, SHE'S GOOD. I SAW
HER, WHAT LIKE, 3 DAYS AGO,
OR A COUPLE OF DAYS
AGO. BUT, YEAH, SHE'S GOOD.
GOOD. WELL, I TALKED TO
HER THIS MORNING, SO I WIN.
NOT THAT IT'S A CONTEST.
RIGHT.
WELL, I GUESS I'LL
SEE YOU AROUND.
NEXT TIME YOU'RE
AT THE INN, FIND ME.
WE CAN HAVE SOME
COFFEE AND CHEW THE FAT.
SOUNDS LIKE A
DISGUSTING COMBINATION.
BUT ANYWAY, COME BY.
I WILL. SURE. ABSOLUTELY.
OK.
SO, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
YOU, TOO.
[doorbell rings]
I'LL GET IT, SARAH.
HI, MOM.
COME IN, COME IN.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
TRAFFIC WAS BAD.
AND SOME MORON COMING
OUT OF STARS HOLLOW
DECIDED TO GO THE
SPEED LIMIT, WHICH IS... OOH!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WHAT DOES IT LOOK
LIKE? IT'S A PANIC ROOM.
LIKE JODIE FOSTER?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
BUT IT'S VERY SMALL.
IT'S MORE LIKE AN ANXIETY ROOM.
IT'S FOR ONE PERSON.
YOU COULD MAYBE SQUEEZE 2 IN.
AND WHEN THOSE 2
ARE DONE PANICKING,
THE NEXT COUPLE OF
PANICKERS GET A TURN?
IT'S PRIMARILY FOR ME.
WHY THE FOYER?
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO UPSTAIRS,
BUT THE BOORS WHO DELIVERED IT
CLAIMED THEY WEREN'T
TOLD ABOUT THE STAIRS,
SO THEY DIDN'T HAVE
THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT.
HEY, LET'S TEST IT
OUT. I'M GONNA GET YOU.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU BETTER GET IN
THERE, 'CAUSE I'M A BAD GUY.
[growling]
STOP IT.
I'M MENACING. PANIC,
DAMN IT. COME ON.
THERE'S NOTHING
FUNNY ABOUT THIS.
[doorbell rings] OH,
GET IN, QUICK! QUICK!
STOP IT.
(Rory) HI, GRANDMA.
SO, HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
I KNOW HOW TO PROTECT YOU
FROM SHRAPNEL AND AGENT ORANGE.
ASK ME HOW.
IT'S A PANIC ROOM.
LIKE JODIE FOSTER?
WHAT DOES JODIE FOSTER
HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
YOU NEED ONE FOR YOUR DORM.
THAT'S NOT A STUPID THOUGHT.
IT'LL STOP A 9-MILLIMETER SHELL.
MMM, HANDY FOR WHEN
SUGE KNIGHT COMES FOR TEA.
WHY IS IT HERE?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
COME, LET'S HAVE DRINKS AND
FORGET ABOUT THE PANIC ROOM.
WHAT'LL YOU HAVE? GIN MARTINI.
A SODA WITH LIME.
OH, THIS LITTLE RINKY-DINK
CART HAS NOTHING.
DAD GOT THE BIG ONE?
HE STOLE IT AWAY IN THE DARK
OF NIGHT, SO I'M STRANDED.
I HAD OUR MINISTER OVER,
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO,
AND HE HAD TO GO
WITHOUT HIS WHISKEY SOUR.
I BET HE EXCOMMUNICATED
YOU ON THE SPOT.
I'VE GOT VERMOUTH, BUT NO GIN.
PERFECT. SARAH?
(Sarah) YES, MA'AM?
I NEED GIN. CHECK EVERYWHERE.
INCLUDING THE BATHTUB.
START WITH THE PANTRY.
YES, MA'AM.
YOU KNOW, THE MAIN
REASON I GOT THE PANIC ROOM
IS BECAUSE I'M A
WOMAN LIVING ALONE.
WELL, LET THE RECORD SHOW I
DID NOT BRING UP THE PANIC ROOM.
DO YOU KNOW I'VE
NEVER LIVED ALONE?
I WENT FROM MY PARENTS'
HOUSE TO COLLEGE TO RICHARD.
BUT, GRANDMA, YOU'RE
NOT ALONE ALONE.
GRANDPA IS ONLY A FEW FEET AWAY.
HE MIGHT AS WELL BE
A MILLION MILES AWAY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOUR
GRANDFATHER WOULD LOOK UP
FROM HIS STAMP COLLECTION
IF HE HEARD ME SCREAM.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
UNLESS HIS NOSE GOT STUCK
TO THE STAMP IN THE BOOK
AND HE PHYSICALLY
COULDN'T LOOK UP.
IT HAPPENS.
HE'S GONE SO MUCH, HE'S
NO PROTECTION, ANYWAY.
HE JUST LEFT ON SOME BUSINESS
TRIP, AND IT WAS AN AFTERTHOUGHT
THAT HE EVEN BOTHERED
TO TELL ME ABOUT IT AT ALL.
BUT HE TOLD YOU, SO THAT'S
NOT AN AFTERTHOUGHT.
THAT'S A THOUGHT. A VERY
THOUGHTFUL THOUGHT.
I'M SURE IT WAS IN SOME WAY
FOR HIS OWN CONVENIENCE.
THERE'S NO GIN
ANYWHERE, MRS. GILMORE.
OH, PERFECT. I'LL
CHECK THE BATHTUB NOW.
THAT WAS A JOKE, SARAH.
LORELAI, PLEASE DON'T JOKE WITH
THE MAIDS. IT'S NOT WHAT THEY DO.
SORRY.
CHECK MR. GILMORE'S
STUDY. YES, MA'AM.
I SHOULD JUST CALL
RICHARD MYSELF,
DRAG HIM AWAY FROM WHATEVER BUSINESS
MEAL HE'S HAVING, AND MAKE HIM TELL ME.
IT'S OK. MOM DOESN'T
NEED A MARTINI, RIGHT?
YEAH. RIGHT. I'LL
TAKE WHAT YOU GOT.
WHAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE
MINISTER IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
YOUR HANDS ARE EMPTY.
THE DOOR TO THE STUDY IS LOCKED.
HE LOCKED THE STUDY?
MOM, REALLY, I DON'T NEED GIN.
I'LL TAKE WHATEVER YOU HAVE.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM. COME ON.
COME ON WHERE?
I'M NOT GOING TO LET
RICHARD'S BUSINESS TRIP
KEEP YOU FROM HAVING
THE DRINK YOU WANT.
UH, GRANDMA, WAIT.
SHOULD WE REALLY BE DOING THIS?
OH, THAT HE CAN
LIVE IN THIS SQUALOR.
IT'S ANOTHER CALCUTTA.
IS THAT OPEN SEWAGE?
IT CERTAINLY SMELLS
LIKE A SEWER IN HERE.
IT'S HIS CIGARS.
THAT'S THE SMELL.
IT'S MORE THAN CIGARS.
IT'S DEBAUCHERY.
I KNOW, DAD MENTIONED HE HAD THE
BARBI TWINS UP HERE COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO.
HE AND HIS BUTLER HAVE A LITTLE
"AUTO FOCUS" THING GOING ON.
WELL, THE DRINK CART'S
OVER THERE, GRANDMA.
WE CAN GRAB THE GIN AND VAMOOSE.
NO, SHE'S GOT VAMOOSE, REMEMBER?
IT'S THE GIN WE
NEED. BUT, YOU KNOW...
HE MUST HAVE 5 PACKS
OF BREATH MINTS HERE.
WHY WOULD A MAN NEED
5 PACKS OF BREATH MINTS?
IT COULD BE THE GORGONZOLA
AND ONION DIET HE'S ON.
IT HAS ITS DRAWBACKS.
GRANDMA, I FEEL KIND OF
WEIRD SNOOPING LIKE THIS.
THIS IS MY PROPERTY
AS MUCH AS HIS,
AND WHEN WE DIE, IT'LL BE YOURS.
WE'RE ALL ENTITLED HERE.
HE'S GOT SOME NEW BOOKS.
HEY, MY PETUNIA
PIG PLATE AND SPOON.
WHAT'S IT DOING HERE?
OH, ODDS AND ENDS WOUND
UP OUT HERE OVER THE YEARS.
THIS IS NOT AN ODD OR AN END.
IT'S MY PETUNIA
PIG. I'M TAKING IT.
IT'S NOT YOURS TO TAKE.
DAD'S NOT USING MY
PETUNIA PIG SPOON.
I SAY TAKE IT.
HEY, MOM, WHAT ARE WE
CARRYING OUR BOOTY HOME IN?
DO YOU HAVE A CANVAS BAG
WITH A BIG DOLLAR SIGN ON IT?
OK, JUST TO REMIND
YOU, ONCE AGAIN,
THE DRINK CART IS
RIGHT OVER HERE.
OH, AND I THINK I SPOT
GIN. IT'S BROWN, RIGHT?
I LOVE THAT YOU THINK THAT.
LOOKING FOR SKELETONS?
I'M JUST LOOKING.
OH, MAN. I SPILLED A TON
OF SCOTCH ON MY SKIRT.
WHO'S NOT CLOSING THESE BOTTLES?
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT, DID YOU REALLY
FIND A SKELETON?
OK, GIN. IT'S CLEAR,
IT'S IN MY HAND,
AND IT LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH
FOR A MINISTER. LET'S GO.
OH, MY GOD. WILL
YOU LOOK AT THIS?
BRIGHT. AND TASTEFUL.
IT'S A VEST.
GRANDPA HAS LOTS OF VESTS.
IT'S GOT GLITTER.
IT'S A GLITTER VEST.
SO?
SO? WHERE IN THE WORLD WOULD
YOUR FATHER WEAR A VEST LIKE THIS?
CERTAINLY NOWHERE HE
EVER WOULD'VE TAKEN ME.
GRANDMA, IT'S JUST A VEST.
YEAH, MOM. THERE'S TONS OF
PLACES HE WOULD WEAR THAT.
NAME ONE.
OK, I'M AT A LOSS.
THIS IS INSANE.
MOM, THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE
UNWANTED THINGS CAME TO REPOSE.
MAYBE IT'S A VEST OF
HIS FROM THE OLD DAYS.
OUR DAYS NEVER INCLUDED
RICHARD DRESSING UP
LIKE THAT GAY FELLOW
WHOSE TIGER TRIED TO EAT HIM.
I HAVE DEFINITELY, POSITIVELY
NEVER SEEN THIS VEST.
THIS IS A PARTY VEST.
OK, JUST PUT IT BACK,
MOM, AND LET'S GO.
YOU PUT IT BACK. YOU KNOW, WE'VE MOVED
A LOT OF STUFF AROUND HERE TONIGHT.
WE'VE GOT TO COVER OUR TRACKS.
WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?
SQUISHED IN THE MIDDLE, AS
IF HE WAS HIDING IT FROM ME.
CAN YOU BLAME HIM? IT'S HIDEOUS.
HOW DARE HE HAVE
A VEST LIKE THAT.
OK, THE MINTS LOOKED
SOMETHING LIKE THIS, RIGHT?
THAT DEVIOUS MAN.
COME ON, MOM, LET'S GO.
MOM, PETUNIA PIG.
GRAB IT.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN GRANDMA
SO SINGULARLY OBSESSED
WITH A PIECE OF CLOTHING.
WELL, NOT SINCE I WORE
MY "GAS, GRASS, OR ASS,
NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE" T-SHIRT
TO THE JUNIOR LEAGUE SPRING TEA.
HERE WE GO.
BOYSENBERRY PIE WITH ICE CREAM.
HOT FUDGE SUNDAE.
HALF A GRAPEFRUIT.
I DON'T WANT A GRAPEFRUIT.
IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
KIND OF MY POINT.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR HER,
BUT NOT FOR YOU. EAT IT.
THIS SERVICE IS VERY
RUDE. NO TIP FOR YOU.
IN FACT, HE ACTUALLY
OWES US A LOT OF MONEY
BECAUSE WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE TIPPING HIM ALL THESE YEARS.
I KNOW. CUSTOMARILY,
YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO TIP THE PROPRIETOR
OF AN ESTABLISHMENT.
WHY HAVE WE BEEN TIPPING
HIM ALL THESE YEARS?
WE LIKE HIM? OH, THAT.
HEY, BRING US SOME COFFEE, AND I
PROMISE THIS GRAPEFRUIT WILL BE EATEN.
OK.
HOW LONG IS MY NOSE?
VERY.
WHAT'S WITH THE SCARFING?
WELL, I FIGURED
SINCE IT'S STILL EARLY,
I'D STOP BY DEAN'S NEW PLACE
REAL QUICK AND SAY HI. IS THAT OK?
OH, YEAH. SO HE'S
OUT OF THE PARENTS'?
YEAH, HE'S SLEEPING ON
HIS FRIEND KYLE'S COUCH.
IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
GREAT. YOU KNOW, WE COULD CALL HIM
AND HAVE HIM MEET US HERE IF YOU WANT.
REALLY? YEAH.
PLENTY OF PIE, ICE CREAM,
GRAPEFRUIT TO GO AROUND.
IF WE TWIST HIS ARM, I BET LUKE
WILL THROW IN SOME RAW SPINACH.
I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
SO SKIP THE SPINACH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. NO. WHAT?
IT'S BEEN A LITTLE
WEIRD BETWEEN YOU TWO.
NO, IT HASN'T. MOM.
I JUST RAN INTO HIM
TODAY. DIDN'T HE TELL YOU?
YEAH. HE SAID IT WAS WEIRD.
WELL, THEN IT WAS ONLY WEIRD ON
HIS SIDE, 'CAUSE IT WASN'T ON MINE.
MMM-HMM.
HEY, HOW ABOUT I COME
ALONG WITH YOU TO KYLE'S?
HE'S BACK FROM THE NAVY, RIGHT?
WE COULD ALL HANG OUT
AND HEAR HIS STORIES.
HE COULD TEACH US
SOME SEA CHANTEYS
AND I COULD TELL DEAN HOW
NOT WEIRD THE SITUATION IS.
SEE, THAT'S HOW UN-WEIRD
IT IS FOR ME. I'D DO THAT.
NO. THAT'D BE WEIRD, TOO.
WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT THIS WAY.
I KNOW.
WE ALL USED TO GET TOGETHER ALL
THE TIME FOR WHATEVER AND HANG OUT.
AND WE HAD A GREAT RHYTHM.
I LIKE DEAN. I'VE
ALWAYS LIKED DEAN.
HE HAS A GREAT HEART.
I DON'T WANT IT TO BE WEIRD.
NEITHER DO I. DEAN
DOESN'T EITHER.
WELL,
THEN, WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW NIGHT?
LET'S ALL HOOK UP THEN. ALL WHO?
ALL OF US, YOU KNOW. THE GANG.
THE FEARSOME FOURSOME.
HOW DOES THAT SOUND?
HOW DOES WHAT SOUND?
UH, DOING SOMETHING WITH
RORY TOMORROW NIGHT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
NO, NO, REALLY,
THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
UH, WE CAN ALL DO
SOMETHING TOGETHER.
YEAH. IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
THERE'S A GROUND SWELL
OF SUPPORT. LET'S DO IT.
OK, IF YOU WANT.
YEAH, WE WANT, RIGHT?
YEAH, WE WANT.
GOOD, GO RUN IT PAST DEAN.
DEAN? I'M SURE I
CAN PERSUADE HIM.
GOOD. YEAH, GOOD, I'LL
SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
OK. SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
BYE, LUKE.
[clearing throat]
[bell dinging] DEAN?
RORY'S SEEING DEAN?
YEAH, YOU KNEW THAT.
NO, I DIDN'T.
WELL, DIDN'T I TELL
YOU? NO. SINCE WHEN?
SINCE SHE GOT BACK FROM EUROPE.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WELL, HAVEN'T YOU SEEN
THEM WALKING AROUND?
NO. WERE YOU HIDING IT?
NO. I JUST...
I WASN'T SURE WHEN THEY
WANTED PEOPLE TO KNOW
OR HOW I SHOULD TELL PEOPLE WITHOUT
GETTING HAMMERED WITH A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS.
WAS THIS BEFORE HE
LEFT HIS WIFE OR AFTER?
D-DID HE LEAVE HER FOR RORY?
LIKE THOSE. QUESTIONS
JUST LIKE THOSE.
SORRY, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,
DEAN AND RORY TOGETHER AGAIN.
WELL, YOU CAN BACK
OUT IF YOU WANT.
I KIND OF SHANGHAIED YOU THERE.
NO, NO. WE CAN DO IT.
I JUST HAVE TO WRAP
MY MIND AROUND IT.
DEAN. DEAN. DEAN.
ALL RIGHT. WELL,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
"G".
♪ [strumming] "G".
FOR 4 BEATS, AND IT'S BACK TO
C-MAJOR, THEN JUMP TO A-MINOR.
C-MINOR TO "A".
MAJOR. A-MAJOR.
A-MINOR AFTER C-MAJOR,
THEN IT'S BACK TO "G".
YO, KID FLASH, SLOW DOWN.
I'VE GOT CHOPS,
BUT I'M NOT LES PAUL.
FOLLOW THE CHART, ZACH.
HE WROTE IT ALL DOWN.
I CAN'T LOOK AT THE
CHART. IT'S DEPRESSING.
HOW CAN A CHORD
CHART BE DEPRESSING?
THE TITLE, BRIAN'S SONG.
IT'S A WORKING TITLE.
WELL, IT'S BUMMING ME OUT.
IT'S REMINDING ME OF BILLY DEE
WILLIAMS AND CANCER. CHANGE IT.
I HAVE TO CHANGE A
WORKING TITLE? COME ON.
WELL, THEN LEAVE IT IF YOU DON'T
MIND BUMMING EVERYBODY OUT.
OR CHANGE IT TO LEPERS
ARE FUN, OR KISS MY SCURVY.
LOOK. THERE. BRIAN'S TUNE, OK?
GOOD WORKING TITLE THERE.
OK.
NOW FROM THE "G", WE GO TO...
LET'S TAKE 5. I GOTTA
CLEAR MY HEAD.
OK. 5 MINUTES.
I'M GONNA GO WATER THE LAWN.
WE'RE GETTING BROWN SPOTS AGAIN.
DON'T OVERWATER.
THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR IT, EITHER.
SO, HOW'RE YOU DOING, ZACH?
COMME CI COMME CA.
ANYTHING NEW?
WENT TO THE DENTIST.
SAID I'M BRUSHING
TOO VIGOROUSLY.
OH, INTERESTING,
'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE A KID,
THEY TELL YOU TO
REALLY GO AT IT, YOU KNOW.
ANOTHER LIE FED
TO OUR GENERATION.
YEAH.
AND NOW I'M PAYING
WITH ERODING GUMS.
WANT TO SEE 'EM?
I'M GOOD.
SO, ANYTHING ELSE ON YOUR MIND?
NOT REALLY.
WANT A DRINK OR ANYTHING?
NOPE. I WANT FOR NOTHING.
[bottle clinking]
[refrigerator door closing]
[doorbell rings]
♪ [Bob Dylan playing]
HI, KYLE.
OH, RORY. COME ON IN.
THANKS.
WELCOME TO CASA KYLE.
IT'S NOT THE TAJ
MAHAL, BUT IT'S COZY.
YOU LIKE DYLAN?
I THINK I BETTER.
YEAH, I LISTENED TO A
LOT OF DYLAN OUT AT SEA.
HE REALLY SPOKE TO ME.
AND YOU UNDERSTOOD HIM?
[laughing] OH, FUNNY.
SO YOU LOOK GOOD.
UH, HOW YOU BEEN DOING?
GREAT. NAVY'S BEEN FANTASTIC.
BITCHING REHAB, SO
I'M UP AND RUNNING.
I CAN DRIVE, TYPE
60 WORDS A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
NO. WHAT?
THIS THING IS A
REAL CHICK MAGNET.
YEAH, IT'S THE
CAPTAIN HOOK THING.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
BONUS VISIT.
OH, I THINK I KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
I'M GONNA MAKE MYSELF SCARCE.
NO, KYLE. IT'S OK.
WE DON'T WANNA PUT YOU OUT.
DON'T WORRY, I GOTTA
MAKE SOME CALLS.
CHECK MY TRAPS, IF
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
GIVE A SHOUT OUT
TO CINDY OR LUENE,
OR MAYBE THROW
STACY A LITTLE SOMETHIN'.
HE'S BEEN THROWING
IT AROUND A LOT LATELY.
EVERYBODY LOVES THE BIONIC MAN.
[cell phone ringing]
UH, THAT'S NOT ME.
MINE PLAYS SUPER FREAK.
[laughs] OH, SORRY. IT'S ME.
I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO TO PLAY.
HELLO?
RORY, LISTEN, I LIKE YOU,
AND I WANT TO BE MORE
THAN JUST FRIENDS WITH YOU.
WHAT?
SEE? YOU REACTED.
THAT'S WHAT A PERSON
DOES AFTER SOMEONE SAYS
THAT THEY LIKE HIM OR
HER, BUT IN MY CASE, IT'S HIM.
OH, WE'RE TALKING ZACH HERE.
(Lane) THE INSCRUTABLE ZACH.
HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
I JUST GAVE HIM AMPLE
OPPORTUNITY TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE
AND ALL HE TALKED ABOUT
WAS HIS ERODING GUMS.
OH, SEXY.
HE'S REALLY GETTING
ON MY NERVES, THAT GUY.
WHERE ARE YOU, SCHOOL?
NO, I'M WITH DEAN.
HE'S STAYING WITH KYLE.
OH, HOW'S HIS HOOK?
(Rory) APPARENTLY
IT'S A CHICK MAGNET.
WELL, SAY HI TO DEAN.
"HI" FROM LANE.
HI, LANE!
AND CALL ME BACK WHEN
YOU'RE LESS DISTRACTED.
I WILL. KEEP ME POSTED.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING TO POST.
BYE. BYE.
SO, TOMORROW NIGHT.
YEAH? WHAT TIME?
WELL, I CAN GET
HERE PRETTY EARLY,
BUT I JUST WANTED TO
TALK ABOUT PLANS WITH YOU.
SURE. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
HOW ABOUT WE GO ON A DOUBLE
DATE WITH MY MOM AND LUKE?
A DOUBLE DATE?
YEAH.
OH, WON'T THAT BE, UH, AWKWARD, WEIRD,
AND ABOUT 50 OTHER THINGS LIKE THAT?
MOM AND I ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THE
WEIRD ISSUE IN DETAIL, AND IT WON'T BE.
IT WAS MOM'S IDEA.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
NO. YOU'RE FORGETTING, WE USED TO
HANG OUT ALL THE TIME. WE HAD FUN.
THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
[sighing]
YEAH, BUT WE HAD FUN.
I REMEMBER.
WELL, SO DOES MOM. COME ON.
OK.
GOOD. I'M OFF.
I HATE THESE SHORT VISITS.
I KNOW. THEY'RE BETTER
THAN NONE, THOUGH.
YEAH, I GUESS.
HEY, DON'T LEAVE ON MY
ACCOUNT, 'CAUSE I'M OUT OF HERE.
A COUPLE OF MY
GIRLS TOOK THE BAIT.
I'M THINKING ABOUT
DOING A BACK-TO-BACKER.
I'M NOT LEAVING ON YOUR
ACCOUNT. TOMORROW?
TOMORROW.
♪ [cell phone ringing]
NO REST FOR KYLE.
YEAH?
[door closing]
HEY, COOL.
YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AROUND 11:30, BABY? ALL RIGHT.
SO IS MEETING UP AT 6:30 COOL?
GOOD WITH US. WHAT'D
YOU HAVE IN MIND?
I'LL SURPRISE YOU WITH
IT, BUT IT'S A CLASSIC
STARS HOLLOW
SLATE OF ACTIVITIES.
SO WE'RE GONNA T.P.
TAYLOR'S HOUSE AGAIN?
[gasps] I WANTED IT
TO BE A SURPRISE.
[phone beeps] WAIT,
HON, HOLD ON A SEC.
(Rory) OK.
HELLO?
LORELAI, ARE YOU ALONE?
WHY?
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO
GIVE YOU THE SECRET CODE
TO OPEN THE PANIC
ROOM FROM THE OUTSIDE.
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT
IF YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
JUST HANGING OUT HERE WITH
MY CLOSE FRIEND, TEX WATSON.
THIS IS NOT A JOKING MATTER.
CAN I TRUST YOU WITH
THIS INFORMATION?
MAYBE NOT. MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE
IT TO SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE CLOSER.
WELL, I CAN'T TRUST A NEIGHBOR.
HOW ABOUT DAD?
OH, YOUR FATHER WOULDN'T
COME TO MY RESCUE IF I WAS ON FIRE.
BESIDES, THAT VEST
OF HIS IS SO LOUD,
HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO HEAR ME SCREAMING.
OK, MOM. GIVE ME THE CODE,
AND I WILL KEEP THE CODE SAFE.
OK. HERE GOES. ARE YOU READY?
PEN IS POISED.
1-1
1-1-1.
IS THAT THE CODE IT CAME WITH?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO CHANGE IT.
THE MEN WERE
SUPPOSED TO SHOW ME,
AND NOW IT'S THE
CODE I'M STUCK WITH.
DID YOU WRITE IT DOWN?
BARRING AN ANEURYSM,
I THINK I'LL REMEMBER IT.
WELL, FACTOR IN AN ANEURYSM AND
WRITE IT DOWN. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
OK. I'M WRITING IT DOWN.
1-1-1-1-1.
DON'T SAY IT OUT LOUD.
UH, UH, OUR FOOTBALL
TEAM IS SO GREAT.
THEY... WE WON,
WON, WON, WON, WON!
EVERYTHING'S A JOKE.
NO, MOM, SERIOUSLY,
THE MAILMAN OVERHEARD.
NOW, I GOTTA GET OFF THE PHONE
AND CHASE HIM DOWN AND WHACK HIM.
HIDE THAT NUMBER.
I WILL. GOODBYE. GOODBYE.
[phone beeps]
I'M BACK.
THAT WAS MOM GIVING ME
THE SECRET PANIC ROOM CODE.
SHE SHOULD JUST
GIVE IT TO GRANDPA.
I SUGGESTED THAT,
BUT SHE SCOFFED.
THOSE 2 SHOULD JUST
DIVORCE AND GET IT OVER WITH.
DON'T SAY THAT.
I WAS JUST TALKING.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
BUT THIS STANDOFF BETWEEN
THEM ISN'T GOOD FOR ANYBODY.
MOM'S GETTING MORE INSANE
AND... AND SHARING THE INSANITY
WITH ME AND EVERYBODY ELSE.
DIVORCE IS NOT THE ANSWER.
I CAN TELL YOU FOR A FACT
THAT GRANDPA IS MISERABLE.
REALLY? HE AND
JEEVES SEEM VERY HAPPY
IN THEIR NEW
MODERN RELATIONSHIP.
GRANDPA MISSES GRANDMA TERRIBLY.
WHY? HE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
I JUST KNOW. HOW?
YESTERDAY, WHEN WE
HAD LUNCH ON CAMPUS,
GRANDPA TOLD ME THAT HE FINISHED
DECLINE AND FALL
OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE.
HMM, YOU SEE?
YOU WANT TO DE-MENSA
THE REFERENCE?
NO ONE SITS AT HOME
ALONE READING THAT BOOK
UNLESS IT'S A CLASS ASSIGNMENT.
IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN.
IT'S A HONKING LONG BOOK.
IT'S CLEARLY A CRY FOR HELP.
YOU'RE VERY ANTI-INTELLECTUAL.
HE ASKED ME IF GRANDMA HAD TAKEN
HER CAR IN FOR ITS
6-MONTH SERVICE.
HON, THAT'S CONCERN
FOR HER CAR, NOT FOR HER.
NO, THAT'S CONCERN ABOUT
GRANDMA AND HER SAFETY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION
THIS TO MOM AT DINNER?
MAYBE SHE WOULD
HAVE BEEN LESS PANICKED
ABOUT WHAT HE'S
DOING WITH HIS TIME
AND THE NOW
INFAMOUS GLITTER VEST.
I DIDN'T WANT TO
OPEN A CAN OF WORMS.
HOW WOULD THAT OPEN
UP A CAN OF WORMS?
IF I TOLD HER WHAT I SAID, I'D HAVE
TO TELL HER I HAD LUNCH WITH HIM,
A LUNCH THAT I HAD PREVIOUSLY
NOT INFORMED HER OF,
AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE
HER JEALOUS AND DEFENSIVE.
THE LESS YOU TELL
GRANDMA, THE BETTER.
[gasping] BY GEORGE,
I THINK SHE'S GOT IT.
WHAT?
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO BURN THAT
INTO YOUR BRAIN SINCE YOU WERE A
BABY BUT YOU STUBBORNLY RESISTED.
NOW A BREAKTHROUGH.
I'M SO PROUD.
SO, 6:30, YOU SAID?
BY THE GAZEBO. DRESS IS CAS.
I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.
I KNOW, HON, BUT IT'S
UP TO THEM TO FIX IT.
I GUESS. I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
OK. SEE YOU TONIGHT. BYE-BYE.
LORELAI? THIS IS A SURPRISE.
DID WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?
OH, NO, I JUST STOPPED BY TO
PICK SOMETHING UP FOR MOM.
APPARENTLY, SHE'S NOT HOME.
SHE'S AT HER D.A.R. MEETING.
SHE'S ALWAYS THERE MID-SATURDAY
AFTERNOONS. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT.
OH, YEAH. I GUESS I FORGOT.
MAYBE ONE DAY THE ENTIRE
D.A.R. WILL GO COLLECTIVELY WIGGY
AND MEET ON A LATE
SATURDAY AFTERNOON.
I DOUBT THAT. CAN I GET YOU
SOMETHING? WATER, SODA?
NO, NO, THANKS. I'M FINE.
I SEE YOU HAVE YOUR
NOSE IN YOUR PROUST.
UH, YES, HAVE YOU READ HIM?
OH, I TRIED ONCE. STRUCK OUT.
WHOA, THAT'S A LOT OF CERTS.
UH, YOU KNOW HOW THAT IS.
YOU PICK ONE UP, YOU
FORGET YOU HAVE IT.
YOU PICK UP ANOTHER.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES.
KIND OF LIKE ME AND MEN.
WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.
MOM WASN'T HERE, SO
THERE WAS A VACUUM.
I'M... I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MESS.
MY MAN IS WITH HIS SICK MOTHER,
AND... AND I'M KIND OF
LEFT IN THE LURCH HERE.
AH, YOUR LURCH LEFT
YOU IN THE LURCH.
HEY, IS THAT WHERE THAT'S FROM?
YOU KNOW, LURCH ON
THE ADDAMS FAMILY,
'CAUSE HE WOULD LEAVE
PEOPLE IN THE LURCH?
I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH
THE ETYMOLOGY OF "LURCH."
SO LURCH IS AWAY, YOU'RE
BACK FROM YOUR TRIP.
ANYTHING ELSE NEW WITH YOU?
NOT THAT I CAN THINK OF.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
SPENDING YOUR TIME LATELY?
ANYTHING NEW AND FANCY?
NOT REALLY.
I JOINED A BARBERSHOP QUARTET.
AHA! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "AHA"?
AND WHAT DOES THE
BARBERSHOP QUARTET ENTAIL?
WELL, IT'S A MUSICAL GROUP.
WE DRESS UP IN OUTFITS.
AHA!
STOP SAYING THAT.
WHAT KIND OF OUTFITS?
WELL, OLD-TIMEY PERIOD THINGS.
STRAW HATS, VESTS?
THAT KIND OF THING.
AND DON'T SAY "AHA"
AGAIN. IT'S LOUD.
DAD, HAVE YOU
TALKED TO MOM LATELY?
YOUR MOTHER HAS
NOTHING TO SAY TO ME.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
AND I'M SURE SHE'D BE
INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU'RE DOING
LIKE THE QUARTET THING. WHY?
WHY? YOU WERE TOGETHER 40 YEARS.
SHE COULDN'T CARE
LESS ABOUT WHAT I DO.
DAD, YOU'RE STILL HER HUSBAND
AND IF YOU'RE FILLING YOUR
NIGHTS WITH SOMETHING,
I'M SURE SHE'D BE CURIOUS WHAT YOU'RE
FILLING THEM WITH, AS YOU WOULD BE WITH HER.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT, OK?
I'LL TELL ROBERT TO
TELL YOUR MOTHER
YOU WERE HERE WHEN HE GETS BACK.
BYE.
[sighing]
WHEN DID THE
BATHROOM SINK STOP UP?
IT JUST HAPPENED. I CALLED
THE LANDLORD. HE'S ON IT.
'CAUSE WE'VE GOT RIGHTS.
YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T RUSSIA.
CAN I SCOOT IN HERE? SURE.
DON'T BRUSH TOO HARD, DUDE.
I'D SHOW YOU MY
GUMS, BUT YOU'D PUKE.
WHAT ABOUT FLOSSING?
YOU MEAN THE SILENT KILLER?
IT'S A ROPE OF DESTRUCTION.
NOTHING'S SAFE ANYMORE.
GENTLE LITTLE STROKES.
WE STILL LACK BASIC
NECESSITIES, MAN.
WE'VE GOTTA GET A PLUNGER.
YEAH. WANNA GO TODAY?
HUH? TO GET A PLUNGER?
I KNOW A STORE THAT
SELLS THEM USED.
ZACH?
YEAH?
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. HUH?
I'VE CHANGED MY
MIND. I'M TAKING IT BACK.
TAKING WHAT BACK?
I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR YOU.
I WAS CONFUSED BEFORE,
THAT'S ALL. BUT NOT ANYMORE.
WE'RE ROOMMATES AND
BAND MATES, AND THAT'S IT,
AND THAT'S ALL IT'LL EVER BE.
IS THAT THEM?
(Lorelai) YEAH, THAT'S
STRETCH AND SKINNY.
(Luke) OH, MAN, HE'S
WEARING NICE SLACKS.
I DON'T THINK SO.
THEY'RE CREASED.
THAT EQUALS NICE?
I HATE THAT. IT'S HARD ENOUGH
GETTING DRESSED FOR A DATE.
WHEN YOU'RE GONNA DOUBLE WITH
PEOPLE, IT'S LIKE DRESSING FOR 4.
WELL, AT LEAST BE THANKFUL YOU'RE
NOT WEARING YOUR PENGUIN OUTFIT.
THEN YOU REALLY WOULD
HAVE BEEN OUT OF PLACE.
THIS IS SO NOT A SLACKS EVENING.
PLEASE STOP SAYING SLACKS.
THAT WORD IS CREEPY. SORRY.
AND DON'T MENTION THE
"S" WORD TO THEM, OK?
DEAN IS GOING TO BE
UNCOMFORTABLE ENOUGH AS IT IS.
WE DON'T WANT HIM TO
THINK THAT WE'RE JUDGING HIM
OR THAT YOU'RE INORDINATELY
INTERESTED IN HIS PANTS.
HI, HI.
HEY.
DEAN.
HI. HI.
OH, HI.
THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN.
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
YEAH, GOOD. HOW YOU DOING?
OH, TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T
HOLDING A TROPHY.
THAT WOULD HAVE
MADE A GREAT PICTURE.
SO WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA?
WE GRAB SOME TAKEOUT, THEN HIT THE
BLACK, WHITE, AND READ MOVIE THEATER.
COOL.
I MISS THAT PLACE.
IT'S BEEN FOREVER.
THEY'RE PLAYING A GREAT
MOVIE TONIGHT, COOL HAND LUKE.
NOT TOO SHABBY.
LET'S GO GET THE FOOD.
WELL, GOOD TIMING.
NO LINE AT JOJO'S.
LET'S JUST GET THE
STUFF AT MY PLACE. WHY?
SAME KIND OF FOOD, BUT BETTER.
YOURS IS WAY BETTER.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE
GOING TO JOJO'S.
WHAT? ALLOW ME.
TAKE IT.
WE ALWAYS DO JOJO'S
ON B.W.R. NIGHTS.
THAT'S SHORT FOR BLACK, WHITE, AND READ
MOVIE THEATER. THAT'S OUR LITTLE NICKNAME.
I'M FOLLOWING IT.
BECAUSE YOUR STUFF IS GOOD, AND
IT HAS TO BE EATEN PRETTY QUICKLY.
IF IT SITS AROUND,
IT STARTS TO SUCK.
THAT'S TRUE OF ALL FOOD.
AH, BUT NOT JOJO'S.
JOJO'S SUCKS TO BEGIN WITH, SO
IT'S NO WORSE WHEN YOU EAT IT LATER.
IT'S A RELATIVITY THING.
EINSTEIN AND WHATNOT.
THE SECRET IS JOJO'S CHILI.
THE CHILI ACTS AS A SEAL.
JOJO'S BURGERS
COULD TRAVEL TO CHINA,
AND THEY'D STILL
BE JUST AS GOOD.
BECAUSE THEY START OFF BAD.
GET IT? NOT REALLY.
GOOD, THEN LET'S GO.
PLUS, JOJO'S IS CHEAPER.
'CAUSE IT SUCKS.
I'M JUST SAYING.
JOJO IS GOING TO BE SO
EXCITED TO BE MAKING A SALE.
HELLO?
(Luke) ARE THEY OPEN?
THE SIGN SAID THEY WERE.
HELLO?
I HAVE A GUN!
(Lorelai) CHILL OUT, KIRK.
WE'RE HERE FOR THE MOVIE.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO PAY OUT FRONT.
YOU WEREN'T OUT
FRONT. HERE'S $20.
THAT'S TOO MUCH.
KEEP THE CHANGE.
YOU CAN GET IN 16
MORE PEOPLE FOR THAT.
PUT IT TOWARDS THE POPCORN.
LET'S SIT.
YES, YES, OOH,
LET'S TAKE BIG RED.
YES, BIG RED.
THAT'S THE NAME FOR THE COUCH.
YEAH, THANKS. I KIND
OF CAUGHT ONTO THAT.
OH, SORRY.
NO, NO, YOU GO. THAT'S OK.
NO, THAT'S FINE.
IT'S THE SAME DOWN HERE.
COOL, WE HAVE A SHORT
FEATURE TO START.
THE KATZ 'N JAMMER KIDS
TRY TO SIT ON THE COUCH.
WHOA, I LOVE THE EMPTINESS.
YEAH, IT MEANS WE CAN
TALK DURING THE MOVIE.
WOULD PEOPLE BEING
HERE HAVE STOPPED YOU?
WE WOULD HAVE
HESITATED EVER SO SLIGHTLY.
FOOD, FOOD.
HELLO, EVERYBODY
AND WELCOME TO THE BLACK,
WHITE, AND RED THEATER.
HOW ARE WE ALL DOING TONIGHT?
UM, GOOD, KIRK. HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD, I'M KIRK.
I'M VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT
TONIGHT'S FEATURE PRESENTATION
IS THE CLASSIC COOL HAND LUKE.
[whooping] YEAH.
BUT I'M DEEPLY SORRY TO REPORT
THAT THE FIRST REEL OF THE MOVIE
INEXPLICABLY CAUGHT
FIRE EARLIER THIS EVENING.
OH, NO.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
RICHARD PRYOR IS YOUR PROJECTIONIST.
I CAN STILL SHOW YOU THE FILM,
BUT YOU'D MISS THE
FIRST 25 MINUTES.
I'D BE HAPPY TO RECAP WHAT YOU'D
MISS, OR EVEN ACT IT OUT FOR YOU.
I MUST SAY, I DO A
WICKED GEORGE KENNEDY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
FIRST 25 MINUTES ARE
PRETTY IMPORTANT.
I AGREE.
BUT HAVING KIRK RE-ENACT
THINGS CAN BE PRETTY DISTURBING.
HE TOTALLY RUINED LAST
TANGO IN PARIS FOR ME.
WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS IN
PLACE OF COOL HAND, KIRK?
I CAN OFFER YOU ANYTHING FROM
THE THEATER'S LIBRARY OF FILMS.
(Lorelai) WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
A SERIES OF GRAPHICALLY
VIOLENT DRIVER'S EDUCATION FILMS
OR THE ADVENTURES
OF PIPPI LONGSTOCKING.
PIPPI! PIPPI! YEAH.
PIPPI! "ANNIKA, IT'S PIPPI!"
PIPPI LONGSTOCKING
IT IS. ENJOY YOUR FILM.
HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE
WE'VE SEEN PIPPI LONGSTOCKING?
TOO LONG.
IT'S GOTTA BE ONE OF OUR
MOST-WATCHED FILMS EVER.
OH, IT'S UP THERE.
I'VE SEEN IT AT LEAST
3 TIMES WITH YOU TWO.
ISN'T IT SOME KIND
OF KIDS' MOVIE?
WAIT A MINUTE. HAVE YOU
NEVER SEEN THIS MOVIE?
NEVER. WE'VE GOT
US A PIPPI VIRGIN.
I DIDN'T THINK THERE
WERE ANY LEFT.
AND IT'S NOT A KIDS' MOVIE.
IT'S A CLASSIC OF SURREALISM.
AND BIZARRE CINEMATOGRAPHY.
AND ATONAL SINGING.
AND FORCED ACTING.
(Lorelai and Rory) ♪ FRECKLES ON
HER NOSE, DIDDLE DIDDLE DEE ♪
♪ A GIRL CAME RIDING
INTO TOWN ONE DAY ♪
♪ DIDDLE DIDDLE DEE,
SHE WAS QUITE A SIGHT ♪
♪ IT'S PIPPI LONGSTOCKING ♪
♪ HE, HO, HO, AH, HE, HA, HA ♪
♪ IT'S PIPPI LONGSTOCKING ♪
♪ THERE'S NO ONE LIKE HER ♪
♪ HAPPY AS CAN BE ♪
♪ DIDDLE DIDDLE DIPPY,
TELLS YOU STORIES ♪
♪ YOU JUST WAIT AND
SEE, TRA, LA, L, A LA, LA ♪
(Luke) WHAT
HAPPENED TO HER HAIR?
MMM, SHE'S BETWEEN STYLISTS
RIGHT NOW. IT'S VERY AWKWARD.
UNBELIEVABLE.
♪ A MONKEY AND A HORSE ♪
♪ A SUITCASE FULL
OF GOLDEN COINS ♪
YOU OK?
YEAH, YEAH. OF COURSE.
(Pippi) OF COURSE I WILL.
I'LL BEHAVE JUST
LIKE A FINE LADY.
NOT A BAD EFFECT.
I DON'T THINK GEORGE LUCAS IS
SHAKING IN HIS BOOTS, THOUGH.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIFT AN
IMMENSE QUADRUPED OVER MY HEAD.
SHH.
WHAT?
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
OH, I'LL SPEAK UP.
N-NOT YOU, THE MOVIE.
[Lorelai gasps] WHY DO YOU
WEAR SUCH LARGE SHOES?
(Pippi) I LOVE WIGGLING MY TOES,
AND I NEED PLENTY OF ROOM.
[child laughing]
HEY, LOOK AT HER.
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY EVERY MERCHANT IN TOWN
TAKES HER GOLD COINS AS PAYMENT
WITHOUT QUESTIONING
WHERE SHE GOT THEM.
HER FATHER'S A CANNIBAL KING.
EVERYONE KNOWS
THEY'RE LOUSY WITH GOLD.
THIS WAS A BOOK, RIGHT?
I SHOULD GET THE BOOK.
HEY, YOU WANT TO PASS
THE POPCORN THERE, BUDDY?
OH, YEAH. UH, SORRY.
OH, HEY, WE'RE BELOW
QUARTER FULL WITH THE TUB.
YOU GUYS WANNA FETCH A REFILL?
SURE. AND DRINKS.
THANKS, RORY.
[child chattering onscreen]
[clearing throat] KIRK?
KIRK? YEAH.
HEY, LULU.
HI, RORY. HI, DEAN.
HI. WE'RE NEEDING MORE POPCORN.
COMING UP.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
I WILL.
BOY, PIPPI IS A GREAT
MAKE-OUT MOVIE.
MUCH BETTER THAN
BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY,
OR THAT'S MY DAUGHTER'S HEAD.
HEY, COOL HAND? MMM?
TRY TO DROP THE
'TUDE. WHAT 'TUDE?
YOU PRACTICALLY BARKED AT
DEAN TO PASS THE POPCORN.
I DIDN'T BARK AT HIM.
BESIDES, HE WAS HOGGING IT.
MMM-HMM, SAY POPCORN
MORE NICELY, PLEASE.
I'LL TRY.
GOOD.
DOES HE HAVE TO BE
ALL OVER HER LIKE THAT?
WHO? KIRK? IT'S HEALTHY FOR HIM.
HIS COMPLEXION HAS
NEVER BEEN BETTER.
DEAN.
ALL THEY WERE DOING
WAS HOLDING HANDS.
YEAH, IT WAS THAT INNOCENT.
UNLESS HE HAS A 3RD HAND,
HE WASN'T HOLDING ANYTHING HE
WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HOLDING.
AND THE WAY HE GRABBED
THAT DRINK FROM HER
AND STARTED SLURPING ON IT.
SHE GAVE IT TO HIM TO
DRINK. COME ON, CHILL.
FOR ME. AND FOR
RORY. IT'S IMPORTANT.
I SAID I WILL, AND I WILL.
THANKS, GUYS.
THANK YOU, DEAN.
NO PROBLEM.
(woman) YOUR EYES ARE
BIGGER THAN YOUR TUMMY,
AND I DON'T WANT
YOU TO GET SICK.
NOW SIT OVER HERE WITH TOMMY
AND ANNIKA AND FINISH WHAT YOU HAVE.
[bell dinging]
HI, ZACH.
I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY. OK.
YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOR 2 YEARS.
YOU'VE SEEN THE
GOOD AND THE BAD.
OH, YEAH.
I MEAN, YES.
YOU PROBABLY KNOW ME BETTER THAN
MOST PEOPLE, INCLUDING MY PARENTS.
NEITHER OF THEM HAVE SEEN ME CRY
DURING DANCES WITH
WOLVES, AND YOU HAVE.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, ZACH?
YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, KNOW THAT IT
TAKES ME A WHILE TO PROCESS THINGS, OK?
YOU SAW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO
GET THAT CHORD CHANGE IN BRIAN'S TUNE.
IT WAS A TRICKY CHORD
CHANGE. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
WHATEVER. IT'S
JUST THE WAY IT IS.
NOW, I MAY NOT BE FAST, BUT THAT'S
WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE.
AND THIS ISSUE WITH ME AND YOU
IS GOING TO TAKE LONGER
THAN A CHORD CHANGE, OK?
SURE.
I HOPE YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING
AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN
KIND OF THING WHEN
I CAME IN JUST NOW.
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.
GOOD. SO WE CLEAR?
YES.
GOOD.
YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT?
YES.
NAME IT.
GIVE ME A MINUTE, OK?
SORRY. SURE. UH, TAKE A MINUTE.
(Luke) D-DID SHE OWN
THAT HOUSE SHE LIVED IN
BEFORE SHE RODE
THE HORSE INTO TOWN,
OR DID SHE BUY IT
WITH HER GOLD COINS?
(Rory) THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
OH, YEAH, I SEE A
PREQUEL IN THE WORKS.
THE ADVENTURES
OF PIPPI IN ESCROW.
I'D GO SEE IT.
SO, BEVERAGES. SHOUT THEM OUT.
WATER. BEER.
YEAH, BEER SOUNDS GOOD.
[scoffs]
OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS.
YOU WANT A BEER? YEAH.
YEAH, OK, BRING HIM A BEER.
HE'S NOT DRIVING, OR 21.
FINE. I WON'T HAVE A BEER.
NO, BUDDY, GO AHEAD. HAVE
A BEER IF YOU WANT ONE.
YOU'RE TALL. YOU'VE GOT
SLACKS. YOU CAN HAVE ONE.
I DON'T WANT ONE ANYMORE.
CAN I SUBSTITUTE SOMETHING
FOR YOU THERE, DEAN?
WATER, I GUESS.
PUT SOME BARLEY AND HOPS IN
IT, BUDDY. NO ONE'S JUDGING HERE.
WATER.
WE HAVE GOOD WATER
HERE, RIGHT, MOM?
OH, YEAH. AND I'LL BRING
OUT A COUPLE OF EXTRA BEERS
AND THOSE OF US WHO WANT
THEM CAN GRAB THEM AS NEED BE.
JUST KEEP AN EYE ON RORY, OR
SHE'LL GRAB THEM ALL FOR HERSELF.
I'LL TRY TO REFRAIN. NEED HELP?
NO, YOU STAY, ENTERTAIN.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HEY, UH, REMEMBER WHEN YOU GUYS
WERE ON A SOFTBALL TEAM TOGETHER?
IT WAS JUST A PICKUP GAME.
UM,
BUT YOU GUYS PLAYED A
NEIGHBORING TOWN, RIGHT?
I FORGET WHICH ONE.
UM, BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT YOU
GUYS DID STARS HOLLOW PROUD.
IN FACT, I... I THINK IT'S PROBABLY THE
BEST TEAM STARS HOLLOW HAS EVER THROWN.
OR HOWEVER YOU WOULD
WORD THAT PHRASE I ATTEMPTED
IN THE PROPER
SOFTBALL VERNACULAR.
YEAH, WELL, I HAVEN'T
PLAYED IN A WHILE.
SAME HERE.
DUM-DE, DUM-DUM-DUM.
WHAT'S THAT? A SONG?
UH, NO, IT'S JUST...
DUM-DE-DUM-DUM-DUM.
OK. WELL, HERE
ARE THE BEVERAGES.
THANKS. (Luke) THANKS.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
IT'S TIME TO BRING
OUT THE BOP IT.
[exclaims] BOP IT!
YES! GOOD IDEA.
[gasps] HEY, LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
BOP IT! WHO WANTS TO PLAY?
I WANT TO PLAY!
LET'S ALL PLAY. YOU
GUYS KNOW HOW TO PLAY?
I'VE PLAYED IT HERE BEFORE.
YEAH, HE HAS.
YEAH, I REMEMBER.
HEY, COOL HAND.
(Luke) WHAT IS IT?
[laughing] OH, WELL,
EACH GUY HOLDS
ONE OF THE HANDLES.
AND YOU START IT UP, AND
THEN YOU DO WHATEVER IT SAYS.
YOU TWIST IT, OR PULL IT, OR
BOP IT UNTIL ONE OF YOU IS OUT.
WATCH. I'LL BE
YELLOW. YOU BE GREEN.
(voice) TWIST IT.
PULL IT.
BOP IT.
YELLOW. FLICK IT.
[gasps]
[laughing]
YELLOW WINS. OK, YOU TRY IT.
COME ON.
IT LOOKS LIKE, UM, LUKE IS
GREEN, AND DEAN IS YELLOW.
OH, WE'VE GOT OURSELVES
A CONTEST HERE.
YEAH.
YOU WANNA DO A PRACTICE RUN?
IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
OK, HERE WE GO.
TWIST IT.
SPIN IT.
PULL IT.
PULL IT.
FLICK IT.
DON'T HURT THE BOP IT, GUYS.
IT'S GOT FEELINGS, TOO.
PULL IT.
BOP IT. YELLOW.
(Rory) LOOKS LIKE IT'S A DRAW.
GOOD GOING, GUYS. WHY
DON'T YOU TAKE A BREAK?
GREEN. TWIST IT.
TWIST IT. TWIST IT.
BOP IT.
GREEN WINS!
YEAH, IN YOUR
FACE! IN YOUR FACE!
FINE. YOU WON.
I HAMMERED YOU, BUDDY.
IT'S JUST A STUPID GAME.
SAYS THE LOSER.
I GOT TO GO.
ALREADY?
YEAH, IT'S GETTING LATE.
UH, THANK YOU, LORELAI.
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DEAN. ANYTIME.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
OK. YEAH, CALL ME.
THANKS A LOT.
WHAT DID I DO? RORY.
OH, WE SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE OUT
LIKE THIS IF PEOPLE DIDN'T WANT TO.
NO, RORY, I WANTED TO.
YOU MADE NO EFFORT.
[stammering] I DID. I SWEAR.
LUKE, WE CAN TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER.
HE HAD SOME SORT OF
CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER.
OH, COME ON, LUKE.
YOU'RE THE REASON WE HAD
TO PULL OUT THE BOP IT. WHAT?
BOP IT IS WHAT WE BRING OUT FOR SOCIAL
GATHERINGS THAT NEED MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.
I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
RORY, WAIT. I... I
FEEL AWFUL HERE.
NO, IT'S OK. WHATEVER. BYE, MOM.
BYE, HONEY. DRIVE SAFELY.
YEAH, DRIVE SAFE.
[sighing]
I FEEL AWFUL.
WELL, IT'S... YOU KNOW, IT'S
MY FAULT. I... I FORCED THIS.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID
YES TO A DOUBLE DATE.
WELL, I WANTED TO DO THIS.
BUT I CAN'T BE AROUND THAT GUY.
I KNEW THAT, AND I
SAID YES ANYWAY.
WHY CAN'T YOU BE AROUND HIM?
BECAUSE HE'S NOT
GOOD FOR HER. LUKE.
HE'S NOT. HE'S
NOT RIGHT FOR HER.
LOOK, YOU'RE MAD AT
DEAN FROM YEARS PAST.
WHAT'S PAST IS PAST.
THEY'RE A COUPLE NOW.
I MEAN, DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER
WHY YOU'RE MAD AT HIM?
HE'S A PUNK. THAT'S
WHAT I REMEMBER.
JUST LOOK AT HIS HISTORY.
HE BROKE HER HEART BEFORE.
WELL, THEIR PROBLEMS
WERE MUTUAL.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY.
HE GOT MARRIED AND BAILED OUT
BEFORE THE HONEYMOON WAS EVEN OVER.
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG,
YOU MAKE MISTAKES.
HE WAS PINING FOR RORY, AND
HE GOT MARRIED. THAT'S UNSTABLE.
HE'S 19. GIVE HIM A BREAK.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.
HE'S PROVEN THAT.
HOW CAN RORY TRUST HIM NOW?
MATTERS OF THE
HEART ARE NOT SCIENCE.
THERE ARE NO SURE THINGS.
HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
WELL, WHO IS? JESS?
NO, NOT JESS. A PRINCE, MAYBE.
ONE THAT'S IN LINE TO BE KING.
YOU KNOW, NOT ONE OF THOSE
WAITING-FOR-A-BROTHER-
TO-DIE ONES, BUT A REAL ONE.
IF NOT A PRINCE, SOMEONE WHO'S
GONNA BE GOOD FOR HER, YOU KNOW.
RORY IS LIKE PIPPI.
PIPPI?
SHE CAN HAVE ADVENTURES
AND BE FREE, SHE'S SMART.
THE WHOLE WORLD'S
WAITING FOR HER.
YOU'RE COMPARING RORY
TO PIPPI LONGSTOCKING?
PIPPI IS STRONG AND INDEPENDENT.
SHE CAN LIFT A HORSE
ABOVE HER HEAD. UH-HUH.
AND, UH, BEAT UP BULLIES
AND BUILD A HOT AIR BALLOON.
SHE'S UNIQUE, LIKE RORY.
BUT I GUARANTEE YOU,
IF PIPPI HAD MET DEAN,
THERE WOULD BE NO
HORSE, NO BALLOONS.
HE'D DRAG HER DOWN TO HIS
LEVEL, SPEND ALL HER GOLD COINS,
AND POOF, LIKE THAT, ALL
HER DREAMS WOULD BE GONE.
LOOK, IT'S RORY'S CHOICE WHO
SHE CHOOSES TO BE WITH, OK?
NOT YOURS, NOT MINE.
WHAT? DOES IT FEEL RIGHT TO YOU?
I MEAN, ARE YOU OK WITH THIS,
THIS RORY AND DEAN THING?
I JUST NEED THIS TO WORK.
LOOK AT ME.
NOT STOPPING UNTIL
HE'S UPSET EVERY PERSON
THAT MEANS ANYTHING IN THE
WORLD TO HIM IN ONE NIGHT.
YOU WANT A BEER?
YES.
MAYBE IF I'D BROUGHT
OUT THE TWISTER.
MMM.
MAYBE.
[door opening]
WHO IS IT?
I HOPE THIS ISN'T A BAD TIME.
NO, I WAS JUST CATCHING UP
ON SOME CORRESPONDENCE.
I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW
THAT OUR PROPERTY TAX BILL IS
WRONG THIS YEAR. I'M CONTESTING IT.
IN CASE THEY CALL HERE, I
WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW.
FINE. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
OH, AND I'VE JOINED A
BARBERSHOP QUARTET.
OH.
WE DO IT UP RIGHT.
DRESS IN PERIOD COSTUMES AND
THESE SILLY VESTS AND THINGS.
WE'VE PERFORMED A COUPLE
OF TIMES AT CHARITY EVENTS.
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S PART OF A
BARBERSHOP CHORUS.
THAT'S A GROUP OF ABOUT 30.
VERY GOOD.
I GUESS I'LL BE GOING.
I BOUGHT A PANIC ROOM.
VERY GOOD.
HEY. HI.
WELL, I GUESS THAT
WAS A BUST, HUH?
SORRY.
MAYBE IT WAS TOO SOON.
WELL, YOUR MOM WAS
REAL NICE. SHE WAS GREAT.
THANK HER FOR ME, OK?
I WILL.
IT WAS FUN FOR A WHILE
THERE, THOUGH, WASN'T IT?
YEAH.
THE MOVIE WAS. IT WAS REAL FUN.
LIKE THE OLD DAYS.
LIKE THE OLD DAYS.
UH, I'D INVITE YOU OVER, BUT
KYLE'S ENTERTAINING SOME BUDDIES.
I SHOULD GO ANYWAY. WANT A RIDE?
I'M ALMOST THERE.
OK. KISS.
BYE.
BYE.