Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 21 - Blame Booze and Melville - full transcript

THIS FEELS SO DECADENT.

ISN'T THIS DECADENT?

VERY DECADENT.

ARE THERE MORE MARSHMALLOWS?

ALL YOU TWO HAVE BEEN
DIPPING ARE THE MARSHMALLOWS.

YOU HAVEN'T TOUCHED THE KIWI,

OR THE PINEAPPLE OR
THE TANGELO SLICES.

BUT IT'S FRUIT. FRUIT
IS GOOD FOR YOU.

WE'RE FONDUE PURISTS, GRANDMA.

YEAH, WE DIP OLD SCHOOL.

THE GOVERNMENT
SAYS YOU SHOULD HAVE

9 SERVINGS OF FRUIT
AND VEGETABLES PER DAY.

IMPERIALIST PROPAGANDA.

I THINK NOAM
CHOMSKY WOULD AGREE.

YEAH, BUT NOAM
DOESN'T DIP FRUIT.

OR LAUGH. EVER SEEN
THAT PUNIM ON HIM?

EASTER ISLAND.

LUMINISTA, PLEASE BRING
MORE MARSHMALLOWS.

BLESS YOU.

SO, I'D LOVE TO GET YOUR
OPINION ON SOMETHING.

SURE.

THE CITY BALLET'S IN TROUBLE.

WE'VE GIVEN SO
MUCH OVER THE YEARS,

BUT IT'S NEVER ENOUGH TO
COVER EVERYTHING THEY NEED.

I HATE THAT.

SO, WE'RE TRYING SOMETHING NEW.

SELECT PATRONS, SUCH AS MYSELF,

ARE SPONSORING
INDIVIDUAL DANCERS.

HELP ME PICK ONE.

PICK WHAT?

MY DANCER. I GET
TO TAKE ONE HOME.

(Emily) BIOS ARE ON THE BACK.

AND THIS IS LEGAL?

OF COURSE, IT'S LEGAL.

DO YOU WANT A BOY
OR A GIRL, GRANDMA?

I'M THINKING A LITTLE
GIRL, CUTE AND PETITE.

THEY'RE ALL PETITE.

BUT NOT ALL CUTE.

THIS ONE SHOULD FOUETTE
OVER TO THE DERMATOLOGIST.

OH, YES, I'D RATHER
NOT LOOK AT THAT.

REALLY, MOM, THIS IS
A LITTLE BIT CREEPY.

IT'S NOT CREEPY. WE'RE
ENDOWING DANCERS,

SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT MONEY. IT'S NICE.

WELL, GREGORIO HERE LOOKS
PRETTY WELL-ENDOWED ALREADY.

(Emily) STOP THAT.

HERE'S A LITTLE CUTIE-PATOOTIE.

OH, SHE'S DARLING.

LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE FEET.

WHOA. YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS GREGORIO GUY,
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

RORY!

JUST A LITTLE GIRL TALK,
MOM. WHO ARE WE OFFENDING?

LET'S MAKE 2 PILES.

ONE FOR THE MAYBES,
ONE FOR THE NOS.

SANDPAPER FACE IS A NO?

DEFINITELY.

WHAT ABOUT ENDOWMENT BOY?

THE MAYBES.

YOU GO, GRANDMA.

I BET GREGORIO WOULD BE
GOOD DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE.

SORRY.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

I DON'T KNOW. ADOPTING
A BALLET DANCER?

THE WHOLE THING
SOUNDS VERY SHADY.

IT'S GOOD TO SUPPORT
THE ARTS ANY WAY WE CAN,

EVEN THE SHADY-SOUNDING WAYS.

HEY, YOU TOOK MY
BOOK BAG. I NEED THAT.

OOPS, SORRY.

SO, YOU REALLY THINK THAT
TRANSFERRING YOUR STUFF

BIT BY BIT LIKE THIS IS
THE WAY TO GO, HUH?

EASIER THAN RENTING SOMETHING?

DOING IT ALL AT ONCE?

YOU REALLY WANT TO RELIVE
THE U-HAUL INCIDENT OF MAY 2004?

HUH! YOU MAKE ONE IFFY U-TURN.

WE WERE IN A TUNNEL.

A WIDE TUNNEL.

GOING THE WRONG WAY
DOWN A ONE-WAY STREET.

THEY DON'T LET YOU FORGET.

YEAH, I'VE GOT THAT
ELEPHANT'S MEMORY

WHEN IT COMES TO NEARLY DYING.

HEY, YOU TOOK MY BOOK BAG AGAIN.

[screams]

SO, HEY, LET'S FINALIZE
OUR PLANS FOR THURSDAY.

RIGHT. SO, JACKSON SAYS
SOOKIE HAS BEEN NAPPING

BETWEEN 11:00 AND 12:30
EVERY DAY, WE CAN COUNT ON IT.

IT MUST BE NICE TO NAP
WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY.

THEN GET PREGNANT,
YOU'LL HAVE AN EXCUSE.

NO, THANKS.

SO, MEET ME AT THEIR HOUSE
AT NOON, BRING DECORATIONS,

AND SHE'LL WAKE UP TO A NICE,
FUN, SURPRISE BABY SHOWER.

YOU GOT IT. I THINK IT'S COOL

WE WAITED THIS LONG TO THROW IT.

SHE'S TOTALLY NOT
GONNA EXPECT IT.

PLUS, WE FORGOT.
ONLY WE KNOW THAT.

I'M NOT TELLING. GOOD.

BYE, HON. BYE.

MOM, MY PURSE!

OH! SORRY. HMM.

[cutlery rattling]

LUKE, CAN I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU?

YES.

YOU OVERCHARGED
ME FOR THE TOAST.

IT'S ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE $1.

I DIDN'T OVERCHARGE YOU, KIRK.

I RAISED THE PRICE OF
WHEAT TOAST. IT'S $1.10.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

I DON'T DO TOAST HUMOR.

$1.10 FROM $1?
THAT'S A 10% BUMP.

IT'S A DIME, KIRK.

I COULD REFUSE TO PAY.

THEN I'LL STEAL YOUR BIKE.

THAT'S NEVER WORKED BEFORE.

I HAVEN'T RAISED THE PRICE
OF MY TOAST IN 7 YEARS, KIRK.

IT'S STILL A BARGAIN.

I'LL GIVE YOU $1.04.

NO.

$1.05. THAT'S MY LAST OFFER.

DO I LOOK LIKE E-BAY?

I TAKE MY TOAST DRY.

ISN'T THERE A
BUTTER-AND-JAM DISCOUNT?

NO. WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHAIRS?

I'M LIGHT, AND I TEND
TO PLOP MY BUTT

DIRECTLY ON THE
CHAIR WITHOUT SLIDING,

SO THERE'S PRACTICALLY
NO WEAR AND TEAR.

THERE'S NO DISCOUNT
FOR DIRECT BUTT-PLOPPING.

WHAT ABOUT...

FINE. $1.05. IT'S
$1.05. YOU GOT IT.

THANKS. THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

HEY.

YOU RAISE SOMETHING
FROM $1 TO $1.10.

IS THAT SUCH A BIG DEAL?

WELL, THAT'S 10%.

SO PERCENTAGE-WISE,
IT'S NOT SO TINY.

DID I STEP INTO SOMETHING HERE?

YOU KNOW, I SHOULDN'T
HAVE GOTTEN INTO A BUSINESS

THAT INVOLVES
DEALING WITH PEOPLE.

HEY.

HEY, YOUR COVER!

I GOT AN ADVANCE COPY. WOW.

LOOK AT THE INN.
IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.

I KNOW.

I'VE GOT TO GET A
NEW PAIR OF PANTS.

OK, THAT DIDN'T EXACTLY FOLLOW.

NO, FOR THE PARTY
THEY'RE GONNA THROW YOU.

YOU DON'T NEED NEW
PANTS. YOU JUST NEED PANTS.

AND THE PARTY'S IN NEW YORK,
SO YOU MAY NOT EVEN NEED PANTS.

I'VE GOT TO GET A COPY.

YOU GOT A CONNECTION.

I WANT TO GET A BUNCH,
THOUGH. FRAME 1 OR 2 OF THEM.

HOW'S THE ARTICLE?
WHAT'S IT SAY?

IT WAS THEN, SADLY, THAT I
DISCOVERED LUKE COULD NOT READ.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

PEOPLE ARE GONNA
THINK I WROTE IT.

I MEAN, IT'S BIG.

I NEARLY CRIED WHEN I READ IT.

GOOD.

AND THE FACT THAT WHEN
EMILY GILMORE READS IT,

SHE'S GOING TO HIRE MEN
TO ATTACK ME WITH TIRE IRONS,

WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING
ELSE ALTOGETHER.

WHAT DID THEY PUT IN?

NOT EVERY HEINOUS THING I
SAID ABOUT HER, BUT ENOUGH.

I MEAN, IT'S GOOD
STUFF. IT'S FUNNY.

MAYBE IF I TOLD
THEM, "NOT THE FACE."

WHO?

THE GUYS WITH THE TIRE IRONS.

I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST SHOW
IT TO HER AND GET IT OVER WITH.

HMM, MAYBE. YEAH,
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

[phone ringing]

HELLO? HOLD ON.

HEY, LUKE, IT'S FOR
YOU. IT'S TAYLOR.

[gasps]

CAESAR, YOU JUST
BROKE LUKE'S STANDING,

"WHEN TAYLOR CALLS, I'M OUT,

"EVEN IF HE CAN SEE ME THROUGH

THE STUPID CONNECTING
WINDOW" RULE.

I CAN TELL HIM YOU'RE
OUT. AND THAT DUKE,

YOUR EVIL IDENTICAL
TWIN, IS IN TOWN.

NO, NO, I'LL TAKE
IT. I ACTUALLY HAVE

TO DISCUSS SOMETHING WITH HIM.

HELLO.

LUKE?

HEY, BUDDY.

HEY, BUDDY.

SO, THE POWERS THAT
BE HAVE SIGNED OFF

ON YOU PURCHASING
THE TWICKUM HOUSE.

ALL THAT'S LEFT IS DOTTING
THE I'S AND CROSSING THE T'S.

OK, FINE.

OOH, SORRY, LORELAI'S THERE.

CAN'T TALK NOW, RIGHT?

PRETTY MUCH.

YOU KNOW, I'M A BIT
OF A ROMANTIC, LUKE.

THE THOUGHT OF YOU BUYING THIS
HOUSE FOR YOUR BURGEONING FAMILY

IS QUITE TOUCHING.
I ALMOST TEAR UP.

[chuckles]

ADDS TO THE TAX BASE, TOO.

WELL, GOOD. TALK TO YOU LATER.

(Taylor) GOODBYE.

WOW. YOU AND TAYLOR

SEEM TO BE GETTING ON
VERY WELL THESE DAYS.

YEAH, WELL, HE'S BEEN COOPERATING
WITH ME ON CERTAIN MATTERS.

LUKE, I THINK THE SALES
TAX IS OFF BY A PENNY.

(Kirk) IN FACT, I'M SURE OF IT.

I'M READY TO GO TO
THE MAT ON THIS ONE.

THOSE GUYS WITH THE TIRE IRONS?

WHERE DID YOUR MOTHER GET THEM?

THE D.A.R., AND THEY
DON'T WORK FOR OUTSIDERS.

[sighs]

SHOW ME THE PENNY, KIRK.

HEY, AL. HEY, PETE. HEY, LANCE.

THIS GOES TO METRO, A.S.A.P.

OK.

RORY, IF YOU SEE PATEL,
TELL HIM I'M LOOKIN' FOR HIM.

GOT IT.

NEED IT BACK BY 5:00, GENTLEMEN.

THANKS, BEAUTIFUL.

MANNERS, BOYS.

RORY, YOU GOT THOSE OBITUARIES?

YES. GIVE ME 5 MINUTES.

LOT OF DYING TODAY. I HEAR THAT.

THANK YOU.

OH, PATEL, CHARLIE
WANTS TO SEE YOU.

YOU GOING BY AUDREY? I CAN.

GIVE HER THIS.

OK, WILL DO.

HEY, ACE.

HEY. YOU'RE EARLY!

THERE'S A FIRST FOR
EVERYTHING. WHERE'S THE FIRE?

OH, JUST SOUTH OF
THE 95. IT'S A 4-ALARM.

WE'VE GOT KESSLER ON IT.

THIS IS FROM PATEL.

I'M NOT TALKING TO HIM.

I'LL TELL HIM.

HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE FIRE?

I DIDN'T.

I MEANT, WHERE ARE YOU
GOING IN SUCH A HURRY?

OH, I'M AT HALF SPEED
COMPARED TO THIS MORNING.

OH, NO.

WHAT?

I'M GONE FOR 5 MINUTES AND THIS
PLACE BECOMES A DUMPING GROUND.

I'M LOVING THE TOTALLY NON-GENERIC
FEEL OF YOUR SPACE HERE.

I HAVE CUSTOMIZED IT SOMEWHAT.

ECCENTRIC UNCLE?

BRIAN ENO.

I WAS CLOSE. SO LET'S GO.

IT'S 4:30.

CUT OUT EARLY. THERE'S
NOTHING GOING ON HERE.

WE'RE DOING OUR
ROUGH FRONT PAGE.

WE'RE PICKING LEADS, PHOTOS.

IT'S OUR BUSIEST
PART OF THE DAY.

SO THE PEOPLE OF STAMFORD
DON'T GET THEIR PAPER TOMORROW,

THEY'LL TURN ON THE RADIO.

I CAN'T GO.

I KNOW THE BOSS. SO DO I.

BUT I KNOW HOW TO WORK
THE BOSS AT LEAST A LITTLE.

I KNOW HE'S SOMEWHERE
IN THE VICINITY.

WHO, YOUR DAD?
CAN'T YOU SENSE IT?

THE FLURRY OF THE FRIGHTENED,
THE SHUFFLE OF SYCOPHANTS?

HEY! SOMEONE NEW.

HAVE WE BEEN INTRODUCED?

JOSE CANSECO, POST-STEROIDS.

SHOULD BE A WARNING TO PEOPLE.

ARE YOU KEEPING
RORY FROM HER WORK?

I WAS ABOUT TO CALL SECURITY.

DOES EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THE...

NOON ON FRIDAY, MAIN
CONFERENCE ROOM.

COME WITH YOUR GAME.

GOOD. DID YOU CALL YOUR
MOTHER ABOUT THE VINEYARD?

SHE'S ON MY LIST.

PUSH HIM ON THAT, WON'T YOU?

I'M GOING TO 4, IF YOU
WANT TO CATCH UP.

OK.

SEE YOU. ENJOY 4.

WHAT'S 4?

4TH FLOOR.

YOU NEWS PEOPLE AND YOUR JARGON.

WE HAVE OUR OWN LANGUAGE.

IS HE TREATING YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHO, YOUR DAD? HE'S BEEN GREAT.

SURE? YEAH.

JUST CHECKIN'.

SO, WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT FRIDAY?

AN EXCELLENT
ALTERNATIVE TO THURSDAY.

MY SISTER'S ENGAGEMENT PARTY?

OH, RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRY.

I'M DYING TO SEE THE YACHT.

WELL, IT'S GONNA BE FULL OF HONOR'S
DITZY FRIENDS, BUT THE HARBOR'S COOL.

TRY AND LEAVE YOUR
GRANDPARENTS' DINNER EARLY.

THEY GET YOU EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.

LET ME HAVE ONE.

YOU'RE VERY ONE-NOTE TODAY.

WELL, I MISS YOU, ACE.

WELL, I'LL HAVE MORE FREE TIME ONCE
FINALS ARE OVER AND SUMMER'S HERE

UNLESS I GET THAT
SUMMER JOB HERE.

WELL, YOU'RE PROBABLY A SHOO-IN.

MY FATHER SEEMS TO LIKE YOU.

I HOPE SO. I LOVE IT HERE.

OK.

SO I'LL JUST GO HANG
SOMEWHERE TILL YOU'RE DONE?

I'LL BE DONE AT 6:30,
7:00 AT THE LATEST.

ACE.

6:45.

SO MAYBE I'LL BE
HANGING ON 2 OR 5.

IS THAT THE RIGHT TERMINOLOGY?

YOU'RE GETTING THERE.

♪ [music playing on stereo]

(Lorelai) COME ON, PLEASE.

(Luke) I'M DONE.

NO, YOU CAN'T BE DONE.

I'M DONE.

THERE'S MORE. I KNOW
IT. IT'S GERMINATING.

I'M DONE. I'M AT PEACE.

THERE'S NO MORE.

JUST THE SMELL OF MANHATTAN.

I KNEW IT. THERE WAS MORE.

I MEAN, FORGET ABOUT THE
SMELLS YOU CAN'T IDENTIFY.

THE ONES YOU CAN
IDENTIFY ARE PUTRID.

I MEAN, IF IT'S NOT THAT
RANK SMELL OF HOT DOG

GUSHING OUT OF THOSE
DIRTY SIDEWALK CARTS,

IT'S THE... IT'S THE
STENCH OF THE SUBWAY

POURING OUT OF THE DIRTY GRATES.

I MEAN, THE MANHOLE-COVER STEAM?

GOD KNOWS WHAT THAT STEAM IS.

YOU CAN'T GET A
BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

GO, LUKE. RANT, LUKE.

THE WHOLE CITY
IS A DECAYING HEAP.

I-I-IT'S TOO MANY PEOPLE
CRAMMED INTO TOO MANY BUILDINGS

ON TOO SMALL A PIECE OF LAND.

IT'S AN EXPERIMENT
THAT'S FAILED.

THEY SHOULD JUST
GIVE THE WHOLE ISLAND

A PUSH AND FLOAT
IT OVER TO EUROPE.

BUT AFTER WE SEE
SPAMALOT, RIGHT?

I PAID A LOT FOR THOSE TICKETS.

I'M FINE WITH AN
URBAN ENVIRONMENT.

BUT YOU NEED LAND AROUND
YOU, SPACE, AIR TO BREATHE.

[inhales]

[exhales]

I'M DONE AGAIN.

I LOVE RANTING LUKE.

WHY DOES THIS SONG KEEP PLAYING?

BECAUSE I PUT THE
C.D. PLAYER ON REPEAT

WITH MY FANCY REMOTE
IN MY FANCY LIMO.

HEY, DO A LIMO RANT. I
BET THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

NO, IT'S RIGHT THEY
SENT YOU A LIMO.

YOU DESERVE IT.

AND IT ENABLED US TO
DRINK AND NOT DRIVE.

THAT'S GOOD, TOO.

HEY, I HEARD THERE WAS
GOOD FOOD AT THIS PARTY.

I HEARD THAT, TOO.

MMM, NEVER MADE IT
TO THE FOOD, DID WE?

I HAD 3 PEPPERMINTS I TOOK
FROM THE BOWL IN THE MEN'S ROOM.

GAVE THE ATTENDANT A
$5 BECAUSE IT'S ALL I HAD.

MADE IT TO THE BAR, THOUGH.

YEAH, WE SHOULD HAVE EATEN
SOMETHING BEFORE WE WENT.

WHO KNEW WE'D KEEP
MISSING THE TRAYS?

BUT I'M NOT HUNGRY,
BUT I'M SOMETHING.

WHAT AM I?

YOU'RE DRUNK.

I HAVEN'T BEEN DRUNK IN YEARS.

HEY, HAVE I THANKED YOU
ENOUGH FOR ESCORTING ME

AND BEING SUCH A GOOD SPORT,

AND SHAKING HANDS WITH ALL
THE BIG-CITY FOLK YOU DON'T LIKE,

AND PUTTING EXTRA
CHERRIES IN MY MANHATTAN?

YEAH, YOU DID.

THERE'LL BE MORE
THANKING LATER ON TONIGHT.

TASTES LIKE PEPPERMINT.

HI, YOU'RE LATE.

SORRY.

AH, IT'S ONLY A
LITTLE AFTER NOON.

I'M NOT THAT LATE.

WHAT? WE HAVE VERY LIMITED
TIME DURING SOOKIE'S NAP HERE.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BLOW IT.

HOLD ON. YOU WENT TO DOOSE'S
FOR BABY-SHOWER DECORATIONS?

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO GO.

A DECORATION STORE?

IS THERE SUCH A THING?

YES, WHAT DID YOU GET?

UM, POPPERS. TAYLOR HAD 9 LEFT.

OK, THERE'S 10 OF US, SO
SOMEONE DOESN'T GET TO POP.

I'LL PASS ON THE POP.

AND PLATES AND CUPS AND...

CHICKS BEING
HATCHED? THAT'S EASTER.

NO, I KNOW, BUT I
FIGURED HATCHING IS BIRTH.

SO, WE'RE RIGHT ON
TOPIC THERE. 70% OFF, TOO.

WHAT ELSE?

UH, NEW YEAR'S EVE
BALLOONS WITH FATHER TIME

AND THE NEW YEAR'S BABY ON THEM.

WE'LL BLOW THEM UP AND CHEAT
THE OLD-MAN SIDE TO THE WALL

SO WE CAN'T SEE IT. AND
THEN CHANGE THE WORD "YEAR"

SO IT SAYS, "HAPPY NEW BABY."

THAT'S JUST SAD.

HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE ATTITUDE?

THERE'S NO ATTITUDE.

YOU'VE BEEN ANNE
SEXTON SINCE I PULLED UP.

SORRY, I THINK I JUST
SLEPT A LITTLE FUNNY.

COME ON, LET'S GET UP IN THERE

WHILE WE STILL HAVE THE CHANCE.

(Jackson) LOOK OUT!
COMING THROUGH!

IT'S HAPPENING.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

OH, MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING?

YOU MEAN IT'S
HAPPENING, HAPPENING?

IT'S COMING ROUND THE MOUNTAIN.

I CAN'T WATCH THIS!

GO GET HER SUITCASE.
IT'S BY THE DOOR.

I'LL GRAB HER SUITCASE!

OH, I'M FREAKING OUT RORY.

IT'S OK. SHE'S A TRADITIONALIST.

WHEN SHE HAS A
BABY, SHE'S GONNA BE

IN THE WAITING ROOM,
PACING AND SMOKING.

WE SHOULD HAVE THROWN
HER THE BABY SHOWER EARLIER.

THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE
HAD TO WATCH THIS.

YOU WERE GONNA THROW
ME A BABY SHOWER?

WE WERE GONNA SET
IT UP DURING YOUR NAP.

WANT A BOOST?

I CAN MAKE IT.

GOD. HEY, WATCH IT!

SORRY, I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE

WHAT'S COMING
AROUND THE MOUNTAIN.

SEE YOU GUYS AT THE HOSPITAL?

YOU'LL SEE ME.

YEAH, I HAVE TO GO BACK TO YALE.

PLUS, SHE'S THOROUGHLY SICKENED
BY WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU.

I'M NOT SICKENED.

IT'S FINALS TIME. I'M STRESSED.

OOH, CONTRACTION!

OH, THAT'S PRETTY SICKENING.

HANG ON.

I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T
GET YOUR PARTY.

BLAME LITTLE NAME-TO-COME.

WE'LL SEE YOU THERE.

SEE YOU THERE. MMM-HMM.

YOU'RE GOING TO OPEN YOUR EYES

WHEN YOU DRIVE
BACK TO YALE, RIGHT?

YES, I'M JUST GIVING THEM
A 5-MINUTE HEAD START.

WE'RE TAKING THE SAME ROAD.

GOOD THINKING, HONEY.

BYE.

BYE.

[people chattering]

HUH! I KNOW HE WANTS THE BONE.

I KNOW THERE'S GONNA BE A
COMPLICATION GETTING THE BONE.

BUT MARMADUKE STILL
CRACKS ME UP EVERY TIME.

REFILLS ARE STILL FREE, RIGHT?

YEAH, THEY'RE STILL FREE.

[phone ringing]

LUKE'S.

LUKE, IT'S TAYLOR.

OH, HEY, TAYLOR. HOW'S IT GOIN'?

NOT SO WELL.

I MEAN, FOR YOU. IT'S
GOING VERY WELL FOR ME.

I JUST HAD A GROUP OF
GERMAN TOURISTS COME IN

AND THEY'VE BEEN SHOVELING
IT IN SINCE THEY SAT DOWN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S
NOT GOING WELL FOR ME?

(Taylor) IT'S THE TWICKUM HOUSE.

SOMEONE'S PUT IN
A COMPETING OFFER.

A COMPETING...

TAYLOR, YOU PROMISED
THAT HOUSE TO ME.

AND I DID ALL THAT I COULD,
BUT THIS OTHER OFFER

INCLUDES A SUBSTANTIAL
DOWN PAYMENT IN CASH.

THE POWERS THAT BE ARE
SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING

SELLING THE HOUSE TO THIS
FELLOW TOWNSMAN OF YOURS.

I'LL UP MY OFFER.

THIS GUY WILL JUST UP HIS, THEN.

HE'S GOT VAST RESOURCES.

HOW MANY RESOURCES CAN HE HAVE?

HE'S LIVING IN STARS HOLLOW.

LUKE, HE'S WILLING
TO PUT DOWN $250,000.

WHAT? THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

I KNOW EVERYONE
IN THIS STINKIN' TOWN.

WHAT FELLOW TOWNSMAN
HAS $250,000 IN CASH?

I'M NOT SURE I'M
AT LIBERTY TO SAY.

(Luke) TELL ME, TAYLOR.

OK.

SAY THAT NAME AGAIN?

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

SALLY FORTH IS ON FIRE TODAY.

ON FIRE!

WHERE DID YOU GET $250,000?

WHAT? I DON'T HAVE $250,000.

YOU DON'T?

NO, JUST SHY. IT'S $247,868,

67, IF I GET A COUPLE
DONUTS TO GO.

THOSE CHOCOLATE-RAISED
ARE CALLING MY NAME.

WHERE THE HELL DID YOU
GET THAT MUCH MONEY?

I'VE BEEN WORKING
FOR 11 YEARS, LUKE.

I'VE HAD 15,000 JOBS.

I'VE SAVED EVERY
DOLLAR I EVER MADE.

THAT, AND THE MIRACLE
OF COMPOUND INTEREST,

HAS CREATED A
BOUNTY OF $250,000.

AGAIN, JUST UNDER. I
DON'T WANT TO BRAG.

YOU PUT A COMPETING OFFER
IN ON THE TWICKUM HOUSE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S A PERFECT PLACE
FOR ME AND LULU.

YOU KNOW I HAVE AN
OFFER ON THAT HOUSE?

I'VE HEARD TALK TO THAT EFFECT.

TAKE IT BACK. TAKE
BACK THE OFFER.

NO, YOU TAKE YOURS BACK.

I HAD A DEAL WITH TAYLOR BEFORE

YOU EVEN KNEW THAT
HOUSE WAS AVAILABLE.

DID YOU GET IT IN WRITING?

NO, BUT...

AN ORAL AGREEMENT'S ONLY AS
GOOD AS THE PAPER IT'S WRITTEN ON.

HEY, THAT WOULD BE A GOOD
LINE FOR DENNIS THE MENACE

AFTER HE FAILS TO
MOW MR. WILSON'S LAWN.

I SHOULD SEND THAT IN.

THIS IS NOT GONNA
GO DOWN THIS WAY.

YOU ARE NOT GETTING THAT HOUSE!

AU CONTRAIRE, MY FRIEND.

I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT YOUR
CREDIT'S NOT EXACTLY STELLAR.

MY CREDIT?

GRANTED, YOU'VE GOT
SOME REAL ESTATE HOLDINGS,

BUT YOUR CASH FLOW'S
BEEN FLAT FOR 3 YEARS.

AND UNLESS YOU'RE
WILLING TO SELL OFF ASSETS,

YOU MAY BE ABLE TO SWING NO
MORE THAN A 5% DOWN PAYMENT

WHICH MAKES YOU
A REAL-ESTATE RISK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THE
STATE OF MY ASSETS?

THAT'S THE POWER OF
DEEP POCKETS, LUKE.

PUT A SAWBUCK IN
THE RIGHT HANDS,

AND THEY BABBLE LIKE PARROTS.

WELL, I AM ONE OF
STARS HOLLOW BANK'S

OLDEST CUSTOMERS.

I'M NOT ANTICIPATING
ANY PROBLEMS.

WELL, I'M STARS HOLLOW
BANK'S BIGGEST CUSTOMER.

I THINK THAT MEANS MORE.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU'RE SWIMMING IN
CASH AND YOU FOUGHT ME

OVER A 10-CENT RAISE ON TOAST.

AND YOU FOLDED LIKE A ROAD MAP.

IT MIGHT EXPLAIN THE
DISCREPANCY IN OUR NET WORTHS.

SO, I THINK I WILL HAVE
THOSE DONUTS TO GO.

YOU'VE GOT CHANGE
FOR $100, RIGHT?

[speaking German]

I WANT TO TALK TO
THE TOWN ELDERS.

THE TOWN ELDERS?

YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT
THE POWERS THAT BE.

THAT'S THE TOWN
ELDERS, RIGHT? YES.

THEY OVERSEE THE TOWN
ASSETS, THE REAL ESTATE.

I WANT TO SEE THEM.

THEY WON'T GO FOR THAT, LUKE.

WHY? IT ISN'T HOW IT'S DONE.

THEY DON'T DEAL WITH THE PUBLIC.

THEY'RE THE FINAL ARBITERS.

WHAT THEY SAY GOES.

I'M SEEING THEM.

BUT... ARRANGE IT!

YOU BREATHING, HONEY?

I'M BREATHING.

HEY, WAS THAT ANDY
DICK OUT IN THE HALLWAY?

NO, HONEY. THIS
HAPPENED LAST TIME.

YOU GO INTO LABOR, YOU START
THINKING YOU SEE FAMOUS PEOPLE.

RIGHT, SUDDENLY MY
MIDWIFE WAS WOLF BLITZER.

HEY, YOU NEED ME TO UNPACK YOU?

YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE TO.

WE HAVE EVERYTHING
SHE NEEDS ALL SET UP.

WE GUYS ALWAYS PACK
A SUITCASE. USELESS.

SO, YOU BEEN
THINKING ABOUT NAMES?

I'M LEANING TOWARDS ETHAN
FOR A BOY, OR GLENDA IF IT'S A GIRL.

ALTHOUGH I LIKE MARTHA,
TOO, AND RUPERT FOR A BOY.

THEY'RE ALL GOOD, SWEETIE.

HEY, WHATEVER WE DON'T USE,
WE SAVE FOR THE NEXT ONE, RIGHT?

RIGHT, RIGHT. THE NEXT ONE.

HEY, WILL YOU STAY WITH HER?

I GOT TO CALL MY
MULCH DELIVERY GUYS

AND LET THEM KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING.

YEP, I'LL BE HERE.

YOU COMFORTABLE?

I AM, PENELOPE CRUZ.

[both chuckle]

REALLY? WHAT?

YOU'RE EATING AN APPLE?

OH, I'M SORRY. I'LL PUT IT AWAY.

NO, EAT. I'M JUST SURPRISED.

IT'S NOT YOUR THING.

I KNOW. WE WERE BY A VENDING
MACHINE, CHECKING YOU IN.

IT WAS THERE, AND
IT LOOKED GOOD.

IT DOES LOOK GOOD. IT
LOOKS LIKE BEN STILLER!

HMM.

UM, HEY, SOOKIE, UM, WHEN
DID YOU KNOW FOR SURE?

ABOUT WHAT?

THAT YOU WERE PREGNANT.
HOW COULD YOU TELL?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

NORMAN MAILER.

HMM, RIGHT, RIGHT.
NORMAN MAILER.

(Sookie) I WONDER HOW NORMAN IS.

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT
HIM THE OTHER NIGHT.

HE WAS YELLING AT SOMEONE
TO SHUT UP AND READ JOYCE.

UH, BUT HOW SOON WAS
THE NORMAN MAILER MOMENT

AFTER YOU AND
JACKSON, UH, CONCEIVED?

WOW! UH,

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. A FEW WEEKS?

IT WAS WEEKS?

I THINK.

THEN YOU DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE?

NOT A FEELING OR ANYTHING?

I DON'T KNOW. YOU'VE
HAD ONE BEFORE.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

YEAH, IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

WHY ARE YOU ASKING?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. BEING
IN A MATERNITY WARD

MAKES ME WONDER
ABOUT THESE THINGS.

I'M GOING TO SEE
HOW FAR ALONG SHE IS.

WE'LL BE A COUPLE MINUTES.

OH, SURE. SHE LOOKS
LIKE MARLO THOMAS.

SEE, IT'S NOT JUST ME.

I'LL BE OUTSIDE.

OH, EXCUSE ME, UH, DOCTOR.

YES.

HI. YOU'RE NOT OFF TO
SAVE A LIFE, ARE YOU?

NOT AT THE MOMENT.

OK. JUST A QUICK QUESTION.

UM, PREGNANCY TESTS.

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THEM NOW?

I HAVEN'T TAKEN ONE
IN A COUPLE DECADES

AND I WAS WONDERING IF
THEY WORK ANY DIFFERENTLY.

NO, BUT THEY'RE
MORE ACCURATE NOW,

BUT THE PROCESS IS SIMILAR.

OK, SO LET'S SAY YOU DO
IT, HAVE SEX, YOU KNOW.

HOW SOON AFTER CAN A
TEST TELL YOU ANYTHING?

AT LEAST 2 WEEKS.

NOT 2 DAYS?

IT WON'T BE DEFINITIVE
AFTER JUST 2 DAYS.

BOY, THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
IS REALLY HOVERING OVER YOU

FOR A COUPLE WEEKS THERE, HUH?

PRETTY MUCH.

HOME TESTS CAN BE TRICKY, TOO.

CAN'T BUY ONE WHERE I LIVE,
BECAUSE PEOPLE WOULD SEE AND TALK.

IT'S A SMALL TOWN.
AND EVEN AFTERWARD,

THE GARBAGE MAN COULD SEE
THE BOX IN THE TRASH AND BLAB.

AND, YOU KNOW, I
LIKE MY GARBAGE MAN,

BUT AGAIN IT'S A SMALL
TOWN. IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

SO THERE'S NO MACHINE?

MACHINE?

YEAH, A MACHINE YOU
COULD STICK ME IN.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PUTTING
PIG VESSELS IN PEOPLE.

ISN'T THERE A MACHINE THAT
COULD TELL ME RIGHT AWAY,

AWAY FROM THE PRYING
EYES OF THE GARBAGE MAN?

YOU NEED TO WAIT AND TAKE
THE TEST AT THE PROPER TIME.

OK, SEE, I'M EATING AN APPLE.

NORMALLY, THIS WOULD NOT BE A
SIGN OF ANYTHING EXCEPT HUNGER,

EXCEPT, I DON'T EAT MUCH FRUIT.

I KNOW I SHOULD, BUT I DON'T
HAVE A HANKERING FOR IT.

I HAD IT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT
WITH MY FIRST KID, THOUGH.

KEPT CRAVING THOSE
APPLES. AND THIS MORNING,

BOY, WAS I CRAVING AN APPLE.

WELL, THAT COULD BE A SIGN.

IT COULD?

OR NOT.

[sighs]

OK, YOU'RE NICE, YOU'RE SWEET,

AND I'VE TAKEN UP TOO
MUCH OF YOUR TIME.

THANK YOU. NO PROBLEM.

OK.

[cell phone ringing]

[sighs]

HELLO.

LORELAI, IT'S YOUR MOTHER. I
JUST HAVE A QUICK QUESTION.

(Lorelai) OK.

WELL, I GOT MY BALLERINA.

OH, WHICH ONE? SASHANKA?

NO, I WAITED TOO LONG,

AND MITSIE HERTFERDSHIRE
SURE SCOOPED HER UP.

IT'S OK BECAUSE SASHANKA
TORE A LIGAMENT LAST YEAR

AND IS PROBABLY WASHED UP.

I GOT POLA.

OH, POLA.

BLOND HAIR, BULLET
BODY, SO PETITE,

BUT THIGHS THAT
COULD BREAK CONCRETE.

SOUNDS GOOD.

(Emily) THEY DELIVERED
HER THIS MORNING, AND

I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
IT'S BEEN SO MUCH FUN.

SHE SPEAKS THIS
CHARMING BROKEN ENGLISH,

AND EVERYTHING IS SO
NEW AND FRESH TO HER.

OH, I'M GLAD. SO, WHAT'S UP?

WELL, POLA WANDERED INTO YOUR
ROOM LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM.

SHE REALLY DOESN'T
KNOW LEFT FROM RIGHT.

AND SHE FOUND THAT
OLD TOY OF YOURS.

THE MAGIC 8 BALL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT'S STILL THERE.

AND SHE IS MESMERIZED BY IT.

SHE'S BEEN PLAYING WITH IT
EVER SINCE, ASKING IT QUESTIONS.

SHE WON'T PUT IT DOWN.
AND I WAS JUST WONDERING

IF I CAN LET HER KEEP IT.

OH, SURE.

IT'S PRACTICALLY
GLUED TO HER HAND.

HMM, WHATEVER POLA
WANTS, POLA GETS.

GOOD. THANK YOU.

IT IS YES! YES! I'M
GONNA BE RICH!

I JUST WANT TO HUG THE
STUFFING OUT OF HER.

YOU'LL MEET HER
TOMORROW NIGHT AT DINNER.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

BYE, AND THANKS AGAIN.

BYE, MOM.

[sighs]

[dialing]

[cell phone rings]

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

OH, FINE. SHE'S ALL CHECKED IN.

BREATHING NORMALLY,
CONTRACTING PAINFULLY.

HER CURSING SHOULD
START ANY TIME NOW.

EVERYTHING'S AS IT SHOULD BE.

(Rory) GOOD.

I MEAN, THAT WAS
WEIRD, WASN'T IT?

SHE WAS LIKE, WHAT, A
WEEK AND A HALF EARLY?

YEAH, THOSE LITTLE BUGGERS

TEND TO COME WHEN
THEY WANT TO COME.

I STILL CAN'T GET "COMING AROUND
THE MOUNTAIN" OUT OF MY MIND.

IT'S LIKE ONE OF THOSE PHRASES
LIKE "DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT"

THAT I REALLY WISH
I'D NEVER HEARD.

HEY, UM,

YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING YOU
NEED TO DO IN THAT AREA, RIGHT?

WHAT AREA?

UM, PROTECTION

TO PREVENT SOMETHING FROM
COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN?

I HOPE SO. HOPE?

THIS IS NOT AN AREA WHERE
HOPE IS GOOD ENOUGH.

I THINK I HAVE IT COVERED,

AND THAT WASN'T MEANT
TO BE A EUPHEMISM.

OK, "THINK" IS NOT
GOOD ENOUGH, EITHER.

WHAT KIND OF BIRTH
CONTROL DO YOU USE?

UM,

I'M IN THE DINING HALL.

THAT WAS NOT MY QUESTION.

PEOPLE ARE LIKE 3
FEET AWAY FROM ME.

LISTEN, ALL I'M SAYING IS,

YOU CANNOT LEAVE
IT UP TO THE GUY, OK?

(Lorelai) THEY ARE NOT RELIABLE.

I DON'T LEAVE IT UP TO THE GUY.

THEY GET INTO THIS STATE,
YOU KNOW, PRIMORDIAL.

IT'S ALL VERY EXCITING, BUT SO
IS EATING A GALLON OF PUDDING.

AND BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE
GONNA REGRET THAT LATER.

I USE THAT AS AN EXAMPLE

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU LIKE PUDDING.

OK.

YOU'VE GOT TO FIGURE,
IF HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES.

LOOK AROUND. THERE ARE BABIES
POPPING OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE.

YOU'RE IN A MATERNITY WARD.

YOU'VE GOT A
SKEWED SAMPLE THERE.

SO YOU CAUGHT UP ON THE SUBJECT?

YOU'VE CAUGHT ME UP,
SOCIETY'S CAUGHT ME UP,

THE HEALTH CHANNEL
ON CABLE'S CAUGHT ME UP.

MISS DRISCOLL, THE SAD
SPINSTER GYM TEACHER

AT STARS HOLLOW
HIGH CAUGHT ME UP.

MISS DRISCOLL? RIGHT, LIKE SHE
WOULD EVER NEED BIRTH CONTROL.

I'M CAUGHT UP, HONEST.

OK, GOOD.

MOM, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

MOM?

[sighing] I MIGHT BE PREGNANT.

OH.

SO THAT'S WHERE
THIS IS COMING FROM.

I BLAME MOM.

SHE NEVER SAT ME
DOWN FOR THE TALK.

AND MISS DRISCOLL. SHE
HAD HER CHANCE, TOO.

ALL THOSE P.T.A. MEETINGS, AND ALL
SHE EVER TALKED ABOUT WAS GOLF.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
I MEAN, IF IT'S TRUE.

LUKE AND I CAME HOME FROM THE
MAGAZINE PARTY THE OTHER NIGHT.

WE WERE A LITTLE LOOPY,
AND IT GOT PRIMORDIAL.

ALL ROADBLOCKS DOWN.

I MEAN, I AM ALWAYS
BEYOND CAREFUL.

THE LAST TIME I HAD MY
ROADBLOCKS DOWN WAS, I DON'T KNOW.

COUNT HOW OLD YOU ARE TO
THE DAY, AND ADD 9 MONTHS.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN...

I JUST ATE AN APPLE.

UH-OH. YEAH, AND I LIKED IT.

WHOA.

MY BODY IS TELLING ME SOMETHING.

MAYBE IT'S NOT TELLING
YOU, WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.

MAYBE IT'S JUST TELLING
YOU TO BETTER COMPLY

WITH THE GOVERNMENT'S
RECOMMENDATIONS

FOR FOOD AND VEGETABLE INTAKE.

THAT'S NOT JUST
PROPAGANDA, YOU KNOW.

MAYBE.

AND... WHAT?

WELL, WOULD IT BE SO HORRIBLE?

I MEAN, IT'S LUKE.

IT IS LUKE?

YES, IT'S LUKE.

WELL, YOU GUYS ARE SO CLOSE,
IT COULD BE HEADED SOMEWHERE.

I KNOW, BUT NOT RIGHT NOW, HON.

IT'S EARLY FOR US.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, MY
LIFE IS GOING REALLY GOOD.

IT'S THE INN AND THIS NEW
POTENTIAL OPPORTUNITY, AND,

YOU KNOW, I JUST GOT RID OF YOU.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE I'VE GOTTEN

TO FEEL LIKE A SINGLE,
GROWN-UP WOMAN.

UH, NOW IS JUST
NOT THE RIGHT TIME.

OK, WELL, MAYBE IT'S NOT TRUE.

YEAH, MAYBE.

BUT WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO IF IT IS?

OH, I COULD REALLY USE
MY MAGIC 8 BALL ABOUT NOW.

I'M GONNA LET YOU GO, HON.

KEEP ME POSTED.

OK. BYE.

I'M EARLY?

A LITTLE.

IT'S NOT 10 AFTER 12:00?

UH, YOUR WATCH MUST BE FAST.

MY WIFE PROBABLY SET IT
AHEAD TO GET ME HOME EARLIER.

IT NEVER WORKS.

IT'S 11:49.

HMM.

CHARMLESS, ISN'T IT?

THE ROOM?

NEEDS PLANTS.

I CAN GET PLANTS.

EVER BEEN TO THE
TRIBUNE OFFICES, CHICAGO?

NO.

A CATHEDRAL.

GO, IF YOU EVER GET THE CHANCE.

I WILL.

[cell phone ringing]

GONNA GET THAT?

UM, I'M NOT DONE HERE.

YOU GOT 10 MINUTES.

I'M GONNA STAY HERE,
CATCH UP ON E-MAILS,

MAKE EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE
THAT I BEAT THEM HERE.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

HEY, YOU.

IT'S A GIRL.

A GIRL! OH, GOOD,
WE NEED A GIRL.

WHY DO WE NEED A GIRL?

I DON'T KNOW.

AREN'T THERE ENOUGH GUYS
WALKING AROUND OUT THERE?

WELL, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL
GIRL, NAME TO COME,

AND SOOKIE'S FINE, JACKSON'S
FINE, EVERYONE'S FINE.

GOOD.

(Lorelai) 14 HOURS OF
LABOR WAS THE DOWNSIDE,

BUT SOOKIE HAS THE REST
OF HER LITTLE GIRL'S LIFE

TO GET BACK AT HER FOR THAT.

I LOVE THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

AND THERE'S MORE GOOD NEWS.

WHAT?

IT WAS A FALSE ALARM.
I'M NOT PREGNANT.

THE CRISIS HAS PASSED.

OH, MOM, GOOD. I'M GLAD.

YOU'RE GLAD?

HUH. AS THE SIGHT OF BABIES
ISN'T FREAKING ME OUT ANYMORE,

I CAN ENJOY THE
MATERNITY WARD AGAIN.

SO WHAT WAS WITH THE APPLE?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I JUST HAD
A MOONPIE AND A DING-DONG

AND WASHED IT DOWN WITH AN
ORANGE CRUSH IN THE CAFETERIA.

SO, NO DESIRE FOR
ANYTHING NUTRITIONAL.

OH, THANK GOD. I'M GLAD, MOM.

YEAH. SO, LISTEN.

HOW ABOUT WE RESCHEDULE
SOOKIE'S BABY SHOWER?

(Rory) HOW? IT'S TOO LATE.

NO, WE'LL THROW

A "WELCOME TO THE EARTH,
BABY GIRL BELLEVILLE" PARTY.

DID YOU SAVE THE DECORATIONS?

STILL IN MY CAR.

HOW ABOUT SATURDAY MORNING?

THAT'S WHEN SHE GETS HOME.

JUST COME BACK WITH
ME TONIGHT AFTER DINNER.

WE'LL SET IT UP AT HER HOUSE.

SOUNDS GOOD.

HEY, UM,

DID YOU EVER MENTION THIS
PREGNANCY SCARE TO LUKE?

MY GOD, NO. CAN YOU IMAGINE?

"UH, LUKE, YOU'RE
GONNA BE A DADDY."

SUDDENLY, THERE'S NOTHING
LEFT BUT A PUFF OF SMOKE

AND A BASEBALL CAP
SPINNING ON THE FLOOR.

YEAH, HE NEVER SEEMED
MUCH LIKE A FAMILY GUY.

THIS IS FOR THE BEST.

LISTEN, UM, I'VE
GOT TO GET BACK.

WE HAVE A BIG STAFF
MEETING IN A FEW MINUTES

AND I WANNA GET
BACK AND MAKE SURE

EVERYTHING'S SET UP AND READY.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, MY
ONE AND ONLY OFFSPRING.

BYE.

[chuckling] BYE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANKS.

SHE'S SOUND ASLEEP.

I'M NOT SO BRIGHT-EYED MYSELF.

BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP,

WE SHOULD PROBABLY
DECIDE ON A NAME.

I KNOW. NAMES ARE SO HARD.

BUT THE GOOD THING,

WHATEVER NAME WE DON'T USE NOW,

WE JUST USE ON THE NEXT ONE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, WE
NEED TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

SURE.

I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE
BROUGHT IT UP SOONER, SORRY.

NO PROBLEM. WHAT?

YOU'RE GETTING A VASECTOMY.

WHAT?

YOU'RE GETTING A VASECTOMY.

YOU GOT ME. YOU GOT ME.

YOU'RE FUNNY. DARK, BUT FUNNY.

I'M NOT JOKING, SWEETIE.

WE'RE CUTTING THAT
TUBE, IF IT IS A TUBE.

I'M NOT REALLY UP
ON THE PROCEDURE.

THE DOCTOR DOING
IT WILL BE, THOUGH,

SO I'M SURE HE'LL KNOW.

YOU'RE NOT KIDDING?

I'M NOT KIDDING.

SOOKIE, COME ON.

JACKSON, WE HAVE ONE OF
EACH. WE KEPT THE SPECIES GOING.

BUT I WANTED 4.

AND I WANTED 3.

THIS IS A GOOD COMPROMISE.

I'M SORRY. 2 IS NOT A
COMPROMISE BETWEEN 3 AND 4.

THIS IS REGGIE.

HE'S GOING TO TAKE YOU
DOWN AND HAVE IT DONE.

I'M HAVING IT DONE TODAY?

YEP.

THEY SENT THE BIG NURSE.

JUST IN CASE.

HEY!

YOU GET HER BACK AFTERWARDS.

NOW IT'S JUST A QUICK
OUTPATIENT PROCEDURE.

YOU GO IN, LIE DOWN,
CLOSE YOUR EYES,

SNIP-SNIP, AND YOU'RE
SHOOTING BLANKS.

IS THIS ALL I'M
HAVING DONE TODAY,

OR DO I NEED TO GET
SOME GLUTE IMPLANTS?

IT'S EVERYTHING, I PROMISE.

KISS BEFORE YOU GO.

HEY, I JUST THOUGHT
OF THE PERFECT NAME.

FIRST NAME, MARTHA. MIDDLE
NAME, JANICE LAURIE ETHAN RUPERT

GLENDA CARSON DAISY DANNY.

YOU GOT THEM ALL IN.

NOW GO GET CUT.

[sighs]

[bell rings]

HI, MOM.

LORELAI, COME IN. COME IN.

I WANT YOU TO MEET
MY SPECIAL GUEST.

AND I'M CURIOUS TO MEET HER.

OH, BOY!

SHE SURE LOOKED
DIFFERENT IN HER PICTURE.

THIS IS MIKHAIL.

MIKHAIL, MY DAUGHTER, LORELAI.

HI.

HELLO.

WHAT HAPPENED TO POLA?

OH, THAT ANNOYING LITTLE STICK.

SHE DROVE ME
CRAZY. YOU LOVED HER.

THERE WAS SOMETHING
WRONG WITH HER,

SO FLIGHTY, SO SKINNY.

SHE MADE NO NOISE
WHEN SHE WALKED,

SO YOU COULDN'T HEAR HER COMING.

I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING
STALKED BY AN ELF.

THANK YOU.

SHE HAD A MENTALITY
OF A PRESCHOOLER.

IF SHE WAS SITTING
WHEN SHE LAUGHED,

SHE WOULD CLAP
HER FEET TOGETHER.

SMOKED LIKE A
FIEND, TOO. UH-HUH.

AS SHE KEPT PLAYING WITH THAT
OBNOXIOUS MAGIC 8 BALL OF YOURS,

SHE'D ASK IT THE SAME
QUESTION OVER AND OVER

TILL SHE GOT THE
ANSWER SHE WANTED.

I TOLD HER THAT'S
NOT HOW IT WORKS.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT
THE FIRST ANSWER IT GIVES YOU

AND THAT'S THAT, BUT,
NO, SHE KEPT GOING.

I WANTED TO STICK THE LITTLE
TWIG IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.

SO I EXCHANGED HER FOR MIKHAIL.

REALLY?

YOU CAN DO THAT? JUST TRADE
HER IN FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

I PAID FOR HER, LORELAI, AND
SHE WASN'T WHAT I WANTED.

ALL RIGHT.

ISN'T HE STUNNING?

HMM, HE'S EASY ON THE EYES, YES.

YOU SHOULD SEE HIM STRETCH.

DO YOU WANT LUMINISTA
TO TAKE YOUR BAG?

NO, I'M GONNA KEEP THIS WITH ME.

THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO SHOW YOU.

OH, GOOD. SHALL WE
GO IN THE LIVING ROOM?

HE'S LEARNING ENGLISH,
SO KEEP YOUR WORDS SHORT.

LIVING ROOM.

YES, PLEASE.

WHAT A VALUE.

HOW INTERESTED ARE STAMFORD
RESIDENTS IN ARTS COVERAGE

OF A CITY 40 MILES AWAY?

THEY'RE INTERESTED.

THAT JUST TAKES RESOURCES
AWAY FROM COVERING LOCAL EVENTS...

(Lucille) THAT ARE LESS
INTERESTING THAN EVENTS

TAKING PLACE IN NEW YORK CITY.

IF THEY'RE THAT
INTERESTING, WE SHOULD SEND

A COUPLE OF OUR OWN
CALENDAR STAFFERS.

FREELANCERS ARE
A PAIN IN THE BUTT.

SO, FRANZ FERDINAND
COMES TO NEW YORK.

FORGET FREELANCERS,
YOU'LL GO COVER IT?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT, AND WHO'S HE?

HE'S A BAND.

WATCH IT, FISHER.

EVEN I KNEW THAT, SAM...

MITCHUM, PLEASE, ARBITRATE.

(Mitchum) AND SPOIL
THE FUN? NO WAY!

IT'S YOUR MONEY.

MONEY WELL SPENT.

IT'S NOT YOUR MONEY, LUCILLE.

(Mitchum) LOOK, KEEP
THE SYSTEM AS IS.

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE OFFICE SPACE

FOR EXTRA PEOPLE,
LET ALONE THE BUDGET.

GO TO UNIVERSITIES,
YALE, WHEREVER,

GET VOLUNTEERS TO PICK UP
WHAT OUR STAFF CAN'T COVER.

THOSE KIDS JUMP AT THE CHANCE.

I'LL PICK UP SOME SLACK.

AFTER YOU PICK UP MY
DRY CLEANING, RIGHT?

I'LL PICK THAT UP, TOO.

GOOD, HARRY, DON'T LET
HIM PUSH YOU AROUND.

ARE WE GONNA END THIS MARATHON

BEFORE WE GET TO SUBSCRIPTIONS?

PLEASE SAY NO.

CHARLIE'S FEELING
NEGLECTED AGAIN.

WHERE ARE WE WITH OUR
SALES DEPARTMENT, CHARLIE?

ABUNDANT TURNOVER.

WE HAVE TO START PAYING MORE.

THAT GOT THE BOSS
WHERE IT HURTS.

IT'S MINIMUM WAGE
PLUS 20% COMMISSION.

AND ALL THE STALE
PASTRY THEY CAN EAT.

UP IT TO 30%.

OK, NOW I'M IN PAIN.

CRUNCH THE NUMBERS,
LLOYD, AND GET 'EM TO ME.

I NEVER GO BEHIND THE
BACK OF CAPTAIN CRUNCH.

LET'S GET TOGETHER MONDAY.

LET'S ALL RESUME
THIS MONDAY. GO HOME.

MEET YOUR KIDS. FEED YOUR DOGS.

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

GOOD NIGHT.

THAT WAS FUN.

YEAH, THAT'S THE WAY
THOSE THINGS SHOULD GO.

GIVE AND TAKE.

THE LESS I SAY, THE BETTER.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

NO, I'M ABOUT TO TAKE OFF HERE.

OK.

SO I'M GOING TO BE
PULLING BACK HERE SOON.

FROM THE PAPER?

I'VE DONE MY DAMAGE.

IT'S TIME FOR THEM TO TAKE
IT AND MAKE SOMETHING OF IT.

OH, OK.

I'LL PROBABLY BE IN MONDAY,

MAYBE TUESDAY, THEN
NOT SO MUCH AFTER THAT.

WELL, I'M HAPPY TO KEEP
GOING, EVEN WITHOUT YOU HERE.

YOU KNOW, YOU
AND I HAVEN'T REALLY

SAT DOWN AND TALKED
ABOUT THE SITUATION,

ABOUT HOW YOU'RE
DOING HERE AND ALL.

WELL, YOU'VE BEEN BUSY.

I'VE MEANT TO.

I OFFERED YOU THE JOB,
TOOK YOU UNDER MY WING.

IT'S PART OF THE DEAL.

GREAT, I'D LOVE YOUR FEEDBACK.

GO ON AND SIT.

I'VE WORKED WITH A LOT OF
YOUNG PEOPLE OVER THE YEARS.

INTERNS, NEW HIRES.

I'VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD GUT SENSE

FOR PEOPLE'S STRENGTHS
AND WEAKNESSES.

WHETHER THEY HAVE
THAT CERTAIN SOMETHING

TO MAKE IT IN JOURNALISM.

IT'S A TOUGH BUSINESS.
LOT OF STRESS.

DEFINITELY.

AND I HAVE TO TELL
YOU, YOU DON'T GOT IT.

NOW, GUTS CAN BE WRONG.

MINE'S BEEN WRONG BEFORE.

BUT NOT OFTEN.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING OK.

I JUST DON'T THINK YOU
REALLY HAVE THE DRIVE

TO PUT YOURSELF OUT
THERE, TO BE HONEST.

TO GET A STORY, TO DIG.

I MEAN, JUST NOW,
IN THIS MEETING...

I ENCOURAGED EVERYONE TO
SAY WHATEVER THEY WANTED.

YOU SAID NOTHING.

I WASN'T SURE IF I SHOULD.

EXACTLY.

I MEAN, YOU SAW HARRY.

HE JUMPED RIGHT INTO THE FIRE.

YOU DIDN'T.

BUT HARRY'S NOT AN INTERN.

DOESN'T MATTER.

I'VE ALWAYS DONE
WHAT'S ASKED OF ME.

SEE, THE THING IS,
IN THE REAL WORLD,

IT'S NOT ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH

TO DO JUST WHAT'S ASKED OF YOU.

BUT I THOUGHT I WAS IN A REALLY
GOOD RHYTHM WITH EVERYONE HERE.

I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE
NOT COMPETENT.

YOU'RE SMART.

YOU'RE TERRIFIC AT
ANTICIPATING NEEDS.

ACTUALLY, YOU'D MAKE
A GREAT ASSISTANT.

OH.

I'M SORRY. IT'S NOT MY PLEASURE

TO DISAPPOINT SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

ESPECIALLY YOU.

NOT WITH THE EXTENUATING
CIRCUMSTANCES.

BUT IT'S HEALTHY.

I DON'T KNOW ANY
OTHER WAY. I DON'T B.S.

I SHOULD GET BACK.

HEY, LISTEN, I KNOW
THIS IS ROUGH, BUT, UH,

I MAY HAVE JUST
DONE YOU A BIG FAVOR.

OH, OK.

THANKS.

(Kirk) HE HAD NO CONTRACT.

HE HAD NOTHING IN WRITING.

GRANTED, HIS OFFER MATCHED THE
FAIR-MARKET VALUE OF THE PROPERTY,

BUT IT WAS A
RIGGED-BID SITUATION.

THE HOUSE WASN'T EVEN
OFFICIALLY LISTED FOR SALE.

IT WASN'T A RIGGED BID, KIRK.

THAT'S FOR THE COURTS TO DECIDE.

GET TO THE POINT, KIRK.

THE HOUSE SHOULD BE RE-LISTED.

YOU SHOULD TAKE THE BEST OFFER

FROM THE PERSON
WITH THE BEST CHANCE

OF SECURING FINANCING.
THAT PERSON IS ME.

ALL RIGHT. AND, LUKE, WHAT
DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT?

WHAT THE HELL ARE WE
DOING IN A STEAM ROOM?

LUKE, I EXPLAINED TO YOU THAT IF
YOU WANTED TO SEE THE TOWN ELDERS,

YOU HAD TO DO IT ON THEIR TERMS.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I
CAN'T THINK IN HERE.

YOU SHOULD STRIP
AND GET IN A TOWEL.

I'M NOT GETTING IN A TOWEL.

I THINK HE'S GOT BODY ISSUES.

I DON'T HAVE BODY ISSUES.

I JUST DON'T AGREE
WITH WHAT'S GOING ON.

HOW IT'S GOING ON.

I DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE
FOR THE DEFENDANT

TO ADDRESS YOU
IN THIS TONE, IS IT?

I'M NOT THE DEFENDANT,
KIRK. THIS ISN'T A COURT.

IT'S NOT EVEN A ROOM.

IT'S A BOX FULL OF HOT AIR.

NOW HE'S INSULTING YOU.

LISTEN, OLD GUYS, I
SHOULD GET THE HOUSE.

WATCH YOUR MANNERS, YOUNG MAN.

I CAN GET A LOAN...

BUT I HAVE DEEP
POCKETS. NOT NOW, I MEAN.

RIGHT NOW I'M NAKED, BUT
MY PANTS HAVE POCKETS.

WHO ARE YOU GUYS, ANYWAY?

WHAT GIVES YOU THE AUTHORITY
TO MAKE TOWN DECISIONS?

LUKE, THIS ISN'T HELPING.

HE'S A HOTHEAD WITH BODY
ISSUES AND SHALLOW POCKETS.

THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

TAYLOR AND I HAD AN AGREEMENT.

HE NEEDS THERAPY
AND PROBABLY PILLS.

LUKE SHOULD GET THE HOUSE.

WHAT? WHAT?

(town elder) IT'S THE
RIGHT THING TO DO.

KIRK MAY HAVE A BETTER
CLAIM TECHNICALLY,

BUT LUKE WANTS IT MORE.

BUT...

I KNEW LUKE'S FATHER,
HIS GRANDFATHER.

WE ALL DID.

HE'LL CARE FOR THE HOUSE

BECAUSE HE CARES
SO MUCH ABOUT IT.

HE WANTS IT FOR HIM AND LORELAI.

FOR ME AND...

DID YOU?

WE ALL WATCHED
LUKE PINE FOR LORELAI

FOR 9 LONG YEARS.

HE WAITED FOR HER WHILE SHE WENT
THROUGH HER MANY RELATIONSHIPS.

HE WON HER.

NOW HE WANTS THIS FOR
HER AND FOR THE OTHERS.

OTHERS? W-WHAT OTHERS?

YOU'LL BRING CHILDREN
INTO THE HOUSE.

I'LL BRING CHILDREN
INTO THE HOUSE, TOO.

MAYBE NOT MY OWN.

IT'S RIGHT FOR LUKE TO
HAVE IT. KIRK IS YOUNG.

THERE'LL BE OTHER
PLACES FOR HIM TO GO.

THAT'S WHAT I THINK.

WELL, I AGREE.

ME, TOO. LUKE SHOULD
GET THE HOUSE.

RIP!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, SIR.

HEY, LUKE, IT'S A BIG YARD.

YOU'LL HAVE THERE,
A LOT OF LAWN.

I WAS WONDERING IF
WE COULD TALK ABOUT

MY RENDERING GARDENING SERVICES?

I HAVE TOOLS.

SYRUSTEY.

SYRUSTEY.

FANTASTIC.

AND WHERE IS YOUR
TOWN, SYRUSTEY?

JUST OUTSIDE MOSCOW.

IT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.

OUR PEOPLE DIE VERY YOUNG THERE.

OH, WELL, THAT
DOESN'T SOUND SO GOOD.

WHAT'S IN THE BAG?

HUH?

YOU'VE BEEN CLUTCHING
THAT BAG ALL NIGHT.

WHAT'S IN IT?

SHE'S GOT MYSTERY BAG.

A MYSTERY BAG, YES.

WHAT'S IN THE MYSTERY BAG?

OH, WELL,

UM, THIS IS MY COVER STORY.

YOUR COVER STORY?

I THOUGHT IT WASN'T
COMING OUT FOR 2 WEEKS.

LET ME SEE THAT.

OK.

LORELAI OWNS AN INN.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL
IT, MAYBE, UH, A DACHA?

DACHA, YES.

THIS IS IT.

OH, FANTASTIC.

THANK YOU.

GREAT DACHA, THIS DACHA!

ARE THERE OTHER
PICTURES WITH THE ARTICLE?

UH, UH-HUH, GO
AHEAD AND READ IT.

WE HAVE TIME
BEFORE DINNER, RIGHT?

WE CAN'T START DINNER
UNTIL RORY GETS HERE.

YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE
MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

YOU'LL JUST WANT TO PICK HER
UP AND THROW HER IN THE AIR.

GIVE ONE TO MIKHAIL.

IT'S HOW HE'S LEARNING ENGLISH.

GOT PLENTY TO GO AROUND.

OH, GORGEOUS!

YES.

IT'S A RAVE.

WE GOT LUCKY.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

[stammering] I'LL JUST BE
RIGHT BACK. SIT, MIKHAIL.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T MEAN
THAT AS A COMMAND.

BUT PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.

I'LL JUST, I'M GONNA...

(Emily) OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

LORELAI!

LORELAI, ARE YOU IN THERE?

NO.

[doorknob rattling]

COME OUT OF THERE.

NO.

[doorknob rattling]

THIS IS PATHETIC!

I KNOW.

THE THINGS YOU SAY IN THIS.

I... I KNOW.

CALLING ME POL POT.

MOM, IT WAS MEANT AS A JOKE,

THE POL POT, THE
WALKING ANTHRAX.

I WAS JUST BEING
EDGY, LIKE CHRIS ROCK.

WALKING ANTHRAX!

YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN
TO THAT PART YET?

NO!

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

I'M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TALKING
ABOUT THIS THROUGH THE DOOR.

LOOK, MOM, I WAS MAD AT YOU
WHEN I DID THE INTERVIEW, OK?

AND I SAID THINGS,
BUT I DIDN'T MEAN THEM.

IT JUST HAPPENED.

AND I'M NOT USED TO
TALKING TO REPORTERS.

I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE
OFF-THE-RECORD ON-THE-RECORD THING.

BUT I KNOW NOW, AND I'M
REALLY SORRY IT HAPPENED.

I DID NOT FORCE JIMMY CARTER
OUT OF HIS ROOM AT THAT HOTEL.

SEE, THAT I THOUGHT WAS
JUST AN AMUSING ANECDOTE.

I DID NOT GET INTO A
"BITCH FIGHT" WITH HIM.

HE'S AN EX-PRESIDENT!

HE WAS WITH THAT
INSUFFERABLE ROSALYNN.

AGAIN, MOM, I AM
REALLY, REALLY SORRY,

AND UNLESS YOU
FORGIVE ME I... I AM GOING

TO CAMP OUT IN HERE,
POSSIBLY FOREVER.

MOM, I'M JUST...

DON'T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT
THE ARTICLE, SO THEY WON'T READ IT.

AND THE ONES WHO DO,

JUST TELL THEM I WAS MISQUOTED.

AND I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT

YOU STOP READING
THE ARTICLE RIGHT NOW

AND... AND JUST LOOK
AT THE PICTURES.

THE PICTURES ARE REALLY PRETTY.

I-IF YOU ARE APPLYING
EXPLOSIVES TO THE DOOR,

PLEASE TELL ME,
SO I CAN STEP AWAY.

I'LL STOP READING.

AND WE WON'T TALK
ABOUT IT AGAIN, EVER.

FINE. COME OUT.

LET'S GO BACK TO
THE LIVING ROOM.

THANK YOU, MOM.

GOODBYE, MRS. GILMORE.

MIKHAIL, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I MUST LEAVE.

LEAVE? WHY? MIKHAIL!

[door bangs shut]

MIKHAIL!

[people laughing]

[people chattering]

HEY, YOU'RE HERE EARLY.

I GUESS.

WAY EARLY. DID YOU
SKIP YOUR DINNER?

COME DOWN HERE, SO
WE DON'T HAVE TO YELL.

I'M SORRY.

SO, THERE SHE IS.

WHO?

THE BOAT. CALLING THEM "SHE" IS
ONE OF THOSE NAUTICAL TRADITIONS.

RIGHT, SOMETHING
SEXIST IN THAT, I'M SURE.

I'M SURE.

SO, HOW'D YOU GET AWAY?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST GOT AWAY.

I'M GLAD.

SO, WHO'S SHE?

WHO?

THE GIRL ON THE BOAT.

OK, I'M SORRY. WE WERE
CALLING THE BOAT A "SHE."

I'M A LITTLE BIT BEHIND
BUT I'M CATCHIN' UP.

SHE'S A FRIEND OF MY SISTER'S.

WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO
INTERRUPT ANYTHING.

YOU WEREN'T
INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.

LOOKED LIKE I WAS.

I'VE KNOWN HER FOREVER.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO PULL YOU AWAY.

WE WERE JUST TALKING.

ME, HER, AND HER HUSBAND.

IF YOU WANT, I CAN HAVE THEM PULL
OUT PICTURES OF THEIR 2-YEAR-OLD.

BEN HAS THEM IN
HIS JACKET POCKET.

DO YOU EVEN WANT ME HERE?

ACE, I INVITED YOU HERE.

RIGHT, ON A FRIDAY NIGHT,
WHEN YOU KNEW I COULDN'T COME.

IT'S MY SISTER'S PARTY.

I DIDN'T PICK THE NIGHT.

TRAFFIC SUCKED GETTING HERE.

SORRY, BUT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT THE TRAFFIC, EITHER.

CAN WE JUST, UM...

WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

I'M JUST IN A WEIRD MOOD.

I'LL SAY.

I'M SORRY. I JUST...

CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE ELSE?

WHAT?

LET'S GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE
BEING AROUND PEOPLE.

OK, NAME IT.

WILL YOUR SISTER MIND?

I'VE BEEN HERE AN
HOUR AND A HALF.

I'VE TALKED TO
EVERYBODY. MY DUTY'S DONE.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?

I DON'T KNOW. SOMEWHERE FAR.

OUT THERE.

WHERE?

OUT TO SEA.

OUT TO SEA?

YEAH, LET'S TAKE THAT FANCY-PANTS
YACHT OF YOURS FOR A SPIN.

TRICKY, SINCE IT'S
ABOUT TO HEAD OUT

WITH ALL MY SISTER'S
FRIENDS ON IT.

OH, DON'T YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE?

NOT HERE.

WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE? FAR AWAY.

LET'S JUST DRIVE SOMEWHERE,
LET'S GO TO NEW YORK.

I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE.

I WANT TO BE OUT THERE,
JUST THE 2 OF US, ALONE.

WELL...

AND YOU KNOW THE
BEGINNING OF MOBY DICK,

WHEN THE NARRATOR SAYS

THAT WHEN HE FINDS HIMSELF
GROWING GRIM ABOUT THE MOUTH

AND WANTING TO KNOCK
PEOPLE'S HATS OFF,

HE TAKES TO THE SEA?

YEAH.

WELL, I FEEL LIKE KNOCKING
PEOPLE'S HATS OFF.

SO I GUESS WE GOT
TO TAKE TO THE SEA.

THAT ONE LOOKS GOOD.

YEAH?

NICE AND SEAWORTHY.

NOT OURS TO TAKE.

THAT EVER STOPPED YOU BEFORE?

I THINK I'VE BEEN A BAD
INFLUENCE ON YOU, ACE.

LET'S GO, HUNTZBERGER.

LET'S GO.

SEE, I WAS MAD AT MOM, MRS.
GILMORE HERE, AT THE TIME.

AND I ENDED UP SAYING
THINGS I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID.

BECAUSE, YOU SEE, NORMALLY,

I... I DON'T MAKE JOKES
ABOUT JOSEPH STALIN.

THEY'RE INAPPROPRIATE.

I JUST SAID IT IN JEST TO THIS
WRITER, AND... AND SHE PRINTED IT.

I MEAN, SHE'S NOT JOSEPH STALIN,

AND NOT THAT THIS IS ANY EXCUSE,

BUT THERE'S NO WAY
I COULD HAVE KNOWN

THAT... THAT A RUSSIAN
MAN WHOSE ENTIRE FAMILY

AND THEIR VILLAGE
WAS KILLED BY STALIN

W-WOULD BE READING
THIS IN FRONT OF ME.

I MEAN, THERE'S JUST NO WAY.

SHE HAS THIS OFF-PUTTING
SENSE OF HUMOR, MIKHAIL.

YOU'D KNOW THAT IF
YOU SPENT TIME WITH HER.

YES, YOU WOULD. YOU
WOULD KNOW THAT.

YES.

I MEAN, JOSEPH
STALIN WAS A MONSTER.

SO PLEASE STAY.

YOU JUST CAUGHT US ON A BAD DAY.

ALL RIGHT.

[cell phone ringing]

UH, THIS MUST BE RORY.

EXCUSE ME.

HELLO.

(Rory) MOM.

HEY, UM, WHEN ARE
YOU GETTING HERE?

I REALLY, REALLY WANT YOU HERE.

YOU NEED TO COME AND GET ME.

WHERE ARE YOU?