Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 2 - A Messenger, Nothing More - full transcript

MORNING, AL. MORNING,
FRED. MORNING, SAM.

CIDER MILL'S OPENING SATURDAY.

BIG PARADE AND FREE
CIDER FOR ONE AND ALL.

THANK YOU.

CIDER MILL'S OPENING SATURDAY.

BIG PARADE AND FREE
CIDER FOR ONE AND ALL.

THANK YOU.

KEEP IT GOING, KIDS. YOU'RE
RED, YOU'RE DELICIOUS,

YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE THE
JUICE SUCKED OUT OF YOU.

THERE SHE IS, OUR
SPUNKY ENTREPRENEUR.

I AM THE "UBER TRUMP
MURDOCH MAXIMUS."

OOPS, APPLE DOWN.

APPLE DOWN. APPLE DOWN!

HOLD IT, EVERYBODY, APPLE DOWN.

OK, ROLL HER OVER.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

OPENING SATURDAY.

BIG PARADE, FREE
CIDER FOR ONE AND ALL.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

AND 2 EGGS OVER EASY, GOT IT.

JUST BE A COUPLE
MINUTES. CAESAR, ORDER.

SINCE THEY WERE
BOTH ACTUALLY ROYALTY,

THEIR CHILD WOULD HAVE A REAL
CLAIM TO THE JUDEAN THRONE.

SO MARY MAGDALENE GOES
TO GAUL TO HAVE THE KID.

SHE'S ALSO SUPPOSED TO RUN
THE CHURCH AFTER HIS DEATH

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT
PETER WANTS, RIGHT?

BUT ALL THAT GOT COVERED
UP LATER ON BY CONSTANTINE

AFTER THE COUNCIL OF
NICEA PURGED THE CHRISTIAN...

OH, MY GOD, WILL YOU
STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS?

THIS IS LIKE THE NUMBER
ONE BOOK IN THE COUNTRY.

WELL, IT'S MY NUMBER ONE BUMMER.

OK, GUYS, WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?

BURGER FOR ME,
NOTHING HEALTHY ON IT,

EXTRA CHEESE AND, OF COURSE,

AN ORDER OF WINK-WINKERS.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO CALL THEM THAT.

JUST WANT TO MAKE MYSELF CLEAR.

LOOK, I TOLD YOU GUYS
I'D THROW YOU FREE FRIES,

NOT A BIG DEAL SINCE
THEY'RE USUALLY ONES

WE WIND UP THROWING OUT
ANYWAY FROM MAKING TOO MANY

WHICH MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE
TO CALL THEM WINK-WINKERS

OR NUDGE-NUDGIES OR
KNOW-WHAT-I-MEANIES

OR ANYTHING ELSE IN VERBAL CODE,

ESPECIALLY IF IT'S CUTE-CUTESY.

I WILL ABIDE BY THAT.

BRIAN?

SAME THING, BURGER AND FRIES.

DUDE, THAT'S CUTE-CUTESY.

SHE SAID NOT TO BE
VERBALLY CUTE-CUTESY.

IT WAS A BLANKET MORATORIUM

ON ANYTHING CUTESY
CONCERNING THE FRIES.

I'LL BE BACK.

COKES, TOO.

BETTER GET MY MONEY READY.

THAT'S NOT EMBARRASSING.

HI, LANE.

LORELAI, HI.

WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR USUAL TO GO?

YES, AND QUICK-QUICK, PLEASE.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE
CALLING YOU "THE BLUR."

THAT'S MEAN, OR
IS IT? WHAT IS THAT?

YOU'RE NOT AROUND AND YOU'RE
ALWAYS RUNNING, SWOOSH, BLUR.

WELL, THAT'S BUSINESS, BABY.

IF YOU SLOW DOWN, THEY
MIGHT CATCH UP WITH YOU.

STILL NO LUKE, HUH?

LIZ AND T.J. ARE STILL NOT
BACK UP ON THEIR FEET.

LUKE'S CALLING THE
RENAISSANCE FAIRE

HIS VIETNAM WITHOUT
ALL THE FUN SHOOTING.

POOR GUY.

OH, I MADE IT EXTRA STRONG.

IT SHOULD BLACKEN YOUR
TEETH AND ROT YOUR STOMACH.

BLESS YOU. NO PROB.

MAYBE YOU CAN COME BY.

ALL FROM RORY.

OH, I'M SORRY, JUST BEING NOSEY.

NO, GO AHEAD, READ.

I'M SURE IT'S STUFF
SHE ALREADY TOLD YOU.

YEAH, PROBABLY.

WELL, YOU ARE READY TO SWOOSH.

THE BLUR IS OFF.

AND DON'T OVER-TIP.

TRY AND STOP ME.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY, LORELAI,

GET YOURSELF A WINK-WINKER?

WHAT?

PLEASE ERASE THIS
FROM YOUR BRAIN.

I WILL DEFINITELY TRY.

I'M TELLING YOU, I
WAS GOING CRAZY.

I WAS IN BED FOR 6 WEEKS.

IT WAS FRACTURED IN 3 PLACES.

THAT'S WHY IT TOOK
SO LONG TO HEAL.

BUT THANK GOD
FOR MY BIG BROTHER.

MORNING, LUCAS.

HEY, HENRY, HOW'S YOUR BEARD?

YOU'VE ALWAYS ASKED
THAT, AND I ALWAYS LAUGH.

WELL, IT'S OUR THING.

HEY, COME HERE. GOT SOME DISH.

YOU KNOW HAY BALE BILL, THE
GUY THAT TOTES THE HAY BALES?

YEAH, I'VE SEEN HIM AROUND.

GOT CAUGHT IN A TENT LAST NIGHT

WITH ANNIE FROM THE GROG BOOTH.

HMM, ISN'T SHE ENGAGED
TO THE FRUIT-ICE GUY?

YEAH, AND THE FRUIT-ICE
GUY COMES BACK,

AND THERE'S ANNIE AND HAY BALE,

SO HE TEARS THE TENT TO PIECES.

NOW THE GROG PEOPLE
HAVE TO HIDE HER.

THEY SET UP A FORT
MADE OUT OF KEGS.

CRAZY STUFF. I'LL
KEEP YOU POSTED.

ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU LATER.

LUKE?

WHAT, T.J.?

YOU'RE PUTTING THE PEWTER
NEXT TO THE TURQUOISE?

LOOKS LIKE IT.

WE DON'T USUALLY PUT THE
PEWTER NEXT TO THE TURQUOISE.

WELL, I'M A MAVERICK. MMM-HMM.

MIGHT BE WHY THE
PEWTER AIN'T MOVING.

PEWTER'S MOVING JUST FINE, T.J.

EXCUSE ME?

HI... HI, THERE. UH,
CAN I HELP YOU?

YEAH. I'M LOOKING FOR
THE SHAKESPEARE STAGE.

OK, UM, YOU WALK PAST
THE CALUMBA BOOTH,

VEER RIGHT AT THE
DRINKING HORNS,

THEN LEFT AT THE ANTLER ARK.

THANK YOU. MMM-HMM.

LUKE?

WHAT, T.J.?

YOU DIDN'T USE THE
APPROVED FAIRE LANGUAGE

WITH THAT CUSTOMER.

MAVERICK, ME. DON'T FORGET THAT.

THERE'S UNDERCOVER FAIRE
OFFICIALS WALKING AROUND.

THEY LOOK FOR
THAT KIND OF STUFF.

WELL, THEY SHOULD GET REAL JOBS.

WOULD IT KILL YOU TO
SHOOT HER A "GOOD MORROW"?

LOOK, T.J...

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I KNOW, THE YANKS
WENT WITH MUSSINA,

THEY SHOULD HAVE
GONE WITH BROWN.

YOU'RE WATCHING T.V.

I'M NOT READY FOR MY NAP.

YOU'RE MILKIN' IT.
I'M CONVALESCING.

AND YOU'RE MILKING
ME. BUT NO MORE.

FIND SOME HELP, GET A CRUTCH,

BECAUSE BY WEEK'S END, I'M GONE.

LIZ, YOU HEARING THIS?

WHAT?

SORRY. I WAS LISTENING
TO MY DEEPAK CHOPRA.

I GOT THINGS TO DO.

I GOT A BUSINESS,
HOPEFULLY A LIFE.

I... I... I PRITHEE
YOU JEST, GOOD SIR,

AND LEAVE US SHORT OF HAND?

I AIN'T JESTIN'.

BUT MY ARM.

HAD NO TROUBLE REACHING INTO A
TUB OF CARAMEL CORN LAST NIGHT

WHILE YOU WERE SCRATCHING
YOURSELF WITH THE OTHER.

YOUR DEXTERITY'S FINE.

T.J., IT'S TIME FOR HIM TO GO.

SO YOU'RE GONNA
BREAK UP THE TEAM.

I'M NOT GOOD TO YOU.

I'M NOT MOVIN' THE PEWTER.

IT'S GONE! A HOME
RUN BY GARY SHEFFIELD.

DON'T WANT YOU TO GET IN TROUBLE
WITH THE UNDERCOVER SQUAD.

AND HERE WE ARE, ROOM 518

A BEAUTIFUL ROOM, VERY
SPECIAL FOR YOU, MRS. GILMORE.

IT'S NICE. IT'S HOT.

I WILL ADJUST THE AIR FOR YOU,

NO PROBLEM ON MY END.

IT'S A SPECTACULAR
VIEW, VERY NICE.

A LITTLE BALCONY THERE.

IT'S DIFFERENT.

SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT?

THE VIEW, IT'S DIFFERENT.

WOW. IT'S PRETTY SPECTACULAR.

IT'S NOT THE SAME.

IT'S THE SAME ROOM YOU
HAD 2 YEARS AGO, SIGNORA, 518.

THE RUINS, THEY
USED TO BE CLOSER.

SOMETHING MOVE?
I DON'T THINK SO.

THAT PILLAR IS IN
A DIFFERENT PLACE.

I THINK THE RUINS ARE
PROBABLY WHERE THEY'VE BEEN

FOR THE PAST 2,000
YEARS, GRANDMA.

WE CAN GET YOU ANOTHER
ROOM, SIGNORA, NO PROBLEM.

NO, NO, IT'S FINE.

SMOKERS?

I DESPISE SMOKERS.

RORY, I TOLD YOU BEFORE,
YOU DO NOT MOVE LUGGAGE.

YES, YES. PLEASE,
WE WILL DO THAT.

SORRY.

YOUR HIGH TEA IS
STILL AT THE SAME TIME?

SI, SIGNORA.

WE'LL NEED TO BOOK
SOME PRIVATE TOURS,

THE VATICAN, THE VILLA MEDICI,

AND PRIVATE, JUST THE 2 OF US.

THE CONCIERGE IN FLORENCE

STUCK US WITH A BELGIAN
COUPLE AT THE UFFIZI

WHO DIDN'T KNOW A
FRESCO FROM A FERRET HOLE.

AND THE RUINS, OF COURSE.

MAKE SURE THE
GUIDE'S NOT TOO DRY.

SO DIFFERENT.

THE HANGING BAGS SHOULD BE HUNG,

NOT LAID ON THE BED.

EXCUSE ME, HOW FAR AWAY
ARE WE FROM THE CATACOMBS?

CLOSE, BUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER
WOULD NOT LIKE THE CATACOMBS.

BONES DISTURB HER. IT'S FOR ME,

MY GRANDMOTHER USUALLY
TAKES A NAP THIS TIME OF THE DAY,

SO I GO OFF AND DO MY OWN THING.

OH, YES, A NAP.

WE NEED 2 MORE PILLOWS.

I WILL SEE TO IT.
ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO?

THAT SHOULD DO IT,
THANK YOU, LUCIANO.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GOOD EVENING. THANK YOU.

LET'S SIT DOWN AND
PICK OUR RESTAURANTS.

THAT'S 3 NIGHTS,

THAT'S 3 LUNCHES AND 3 DINNERS.

WE'LL TAKE OUR USUAL PASSEGGIATA
AROUND THE PIAZZA NAVONA

BUT LET'S PICK THE RESTAURANTS.

DO YOU WANT TO PICK THEM
BEFORE YOUR NAP OR AFTER?

I'M SKIPPING MY NAP TODAY.

REALLY?

ABSOLUTELY, I'M NOT
THE LEAST BIT TIRED.

OH, GOOD.

COULDN'T HIDE IT ANY
BETTER THAN THAT, HUH?

HIDE WHAT?

I DON'T TAKE MY NAP, YOU DON'T
GET TO GO OUT ON YOUR OWN.

OH, GRANDMA, I
WASN'T THINKING THAT.

WELL, I WAS KIDDING.
I'M EXHAUSTED.

I'M NOT SURE I'LL EVEN
MAKE IT TO THE BEDROOM.

I MAY JUST DROP DOWN
HERE ON THE CARPET.

THANK YOU, GRANDMA.

IT'S ALL CULTURAL
STUFF, I PROMISE.

JUST KIND OF FASTER AND FUNKIER.

WELL, GO ENJOY YOUR FUNK.

THANK YOU. MMM-HMM.

SAY, WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME WE CALLED YOUR MOTHER?

NOT SURE.

HAVE WE CALLED HER THIS WEEK?

I THINK YOU DID.

WE'LL CALL WHEN YOU COME BACK.

OK. BYE.

BYE-BYE.

MORNING.

MORNING. MORNING.

OH, HEY, ROB, I WANT TO
KEEP THESE BROCHURES

NICE AND NEAT IN THE RACK
HERE, NONE OF THEM ASKEW.

OTHERWISE, IT GIVES THE PLACE

THAT WE'LL-LEAVE-
THE-LIGHT-ON-FOR-YOU FEEL

THAT WE'RE DESPERATELY
TRYING TO AVOID.

I GOT YOU.

THAT IS, IF WE ULTIMATELY
DECIDE THAT WE DON'T MIND

HAVING BROCHURES
HERE IN THE LOBBY.

UH, THE JURY'S
STILL OUT ON THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

JURY'S BACK, BROCHURES ARE OUT.

I'LL JUST TAKE
THIS IN THE OFFICE.

MICHEL.

GOOD MORNING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HIDING.

FROM ME? NO.

FROM? SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT

MY HIDING IS NOT COSTING
THE INN ANY INCOME,

IN FACT, I'M OVERDUE FOR MY 10.

SO CONSIDER THIS MY 10, AND YOU
ARE NOW CONDUCTING BUSINESS

WITH AN EMPLOYEE WHO
IS OFFICIALLY ON HIS 10

WHICH IS IN DIRECT
VIOLATION OF UNION RULES.

YOU'RE NOT IN A UNION.

I'M IN A UNION OF
OPPRESSED FRENCHMEN.

THE U.O.F. GOT IT,

ALL RIGHT, CARRY ON.

OH, THERE IS A SPOT ON
THE FLOOR OVER HERE

THAT THE VACUUM
NEVER QUITE REACHES.

LET'S MAKE SURE
IT DOES. THANK YOU.

HI, IT'S THE KRUMHOLTZES.

HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?

GREAT, ARE YOU ALWAYS HERE?

I GIVE THAT ILLUSION.

SO, WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA TODAY?

MIKE AND I WOULD LOVE TO
HIT SOME ANTIQUE STORES.

WE CAN GUIDE YOU
TO THE BEST OF THEM.

BUT THE KIDS WOULD
LOVE TO STAY HERE.

YOU GOT GAMES AND BOOKS AND
THEY'D BE BORED STIFF WITH US.

THEY CAN ABSOLUTELY STAY HERE,
THERE'S ALWAYS PEOPLE AROUND.

IS MICHEL GOING TO BE HERE? YES.

OH, GOOD, HE IS THEIR FAVORITE.

MICHEL? HAVE THEY MET MICHEL?

HAVE YOU MET MICHEL?

HE'S FUNNY. YEAH.

THEY LOVE HIM. HE
CHASES THEM AROUND

AND SHOUTS AND
PRETENDS TO BE MAD

AND THEY LAUGH AND LAUGH.

WELL, MICHEL IS HERE

AND I'M SURE HE WOULD BE
HAPPY TO LOOK AFTER YOU GUYS

WHILE YOUR PARENTS ARE GONE.

IN FACT, HE'S PLAYING
HIDE-AND-SEEK RIGHT NOW

AND IF YOU GO OVER
TO THE RECEPTION AREA,

I GUARANTEE YOU'LL BE
GETTING WARM, WARMER, HOT.

GOODIE, LET'S GO, COME ON.

HAVE A GOOD DAY.

MORNING. MORNING.

WHO NEEDS COFFEE?

I'LL GET YOU SOME
COFFEE RIGHT THERE.

OH, HEY, WHEN SOOKIE GETS IN

TELL HER I WANT TO GO OVER
THE LAYOUT FOR THE DINNER MENU.

I WANNA GO ANOTHER WAY.

I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE. THANK YOU.

HEY, YOU FOUND HIM.
GOOD JOB, KRUMHOLTZES.

HE GROUNDED US AND TOLD US TO
GO DO SOMETHING TO OURSELVES.

HE USED A DIRTY WORD.

AND I'M DESTINED
TO USE MANY MORE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT. COME HERE.

IT IS NOT MY JOB TO
ENTERTAIN LITTLE PEOPLE.

MICHEL, THE KRUMHOLTZES ARE
IN OUR MOST EXPENSIVE ROOM.

WE NEED PEOPLE
LIKE THEM TO BE HAPPY

SO THEY TELL OTHER PEOPLE
LIKE THEM THEY WERE HAPPY.

BECAUSE WE ARE A NEW
BUSINESS, AND WE ALL HAVE TO GO

ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF
DUTY UNTIL WE ARE ESTABLISHED.

SO YOU WATCH THEM. I HATE KIDS.

THIS ISN'T FAIR.

YOU'RE A PROFIT PARTICIPANT.

HAPPY KRUMHOLTZES EQUAL
LOTS OF PROFITS, PARTICIPANT.

WHO WANTS TO PLAY SOME
INSIPID BOARD GAME WITH ME?

WE WANT TO PLAY AN
INSIPID BOARD GAME.

YEAH, LET'S PLAY
CHINESE CHECKERS.

HELLO?

LORELAI, IT'S YOUR MOTHER.

HI, MOM. I'M CALLING FROM ROME.

THE LINE IS CRYSTAL CLEAR,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL.

SORRY, I STILL THINK
TRANSCONTINENTAL CALLS

ARE A BIGGER DEAL THAN THEY ARE.

YOU'RE COMING IN FINE. SO, ROME?

OUR LAST STOP, AND
A GOOD THING, TOO,

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
HOW LONG I CAN KEEP

THESE RANDY EUROPEAN MEN OFF ME.

EXCUSE ME?

THEY'RE TERRIBLE FLIRTS HERE.

GORGEOUS, BUT SO FORWARD.

YOU WANT TO TALK TO RORY?

UM, UM, SURE, IS SHE THERE?

YES, SHE IS, HANG ON. RORY.

HELLO?

HI.

HI. SO, ROME?

YEP.

WEATHER GOOD?

HOT IN THE DAY, COOLER AT NIGHT.

UH-HUH, THAT'S KIND OF
WHAT WE'RE HAVING HERE.

HUH.

COINKY-DINK.

YEAH, SO...

SO...

UM, I GUESS I'LL BE SEEING
YOU IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

YEP.

GREAT, THEN. BE SAFE AND
WATCH OUT FOR THOSE ITALIAN MEN

ESPECIALLY ONES NAMED RANDY.

I WILL. BYE. BYE.

DIDN'T LOOK LIKE A QUARTER
WOULD BOUNCE OFF IT.

GOTTA HAVE THOSE
BOUNCING QUARTERS.

I THINK THE PINK PURSE
WITH THE GOLD CLASP

IS MY FAVORITE.

WE PROBABLY COULD HAVE GOTTEN
ALL THIS STUFF AT HOME, GRANDMA.

NOW WE HAVE TO PAY DUTY ON THEM.

BUT IF YOU BUY THEM
BACK IN THE STATES,

THEN YOU CAN'T SAY, "I
PICKED THIS UP IN ROME."

BUON GIORNO. HELLO.
MAY I HELP YOU, PLEASE?

BUON GIORNO.

GRAZIE.

HE CALLED ME PRETTY LADY.

IT JUST NEVER STOPS.

YOU GOT THE GAMS, GRANDMA.

RORY.

RORY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

OH, A TRIPLE ESPRESSO.

HE WON'T STOP.

THE FACT IS, WE'VE GOT 5
ORIGINAL SONGS READY TO PLAY LIVE.

A 40-MINUTE GIG MEANS WE CAN
FILL IT OUT WITH 6 OR 7 COVERS.

NO PROBLEM. PROBLEM.

OUR COVERS ARE TIGHT
AND PEOPLE DIG 'EM.

WE PLAY FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL

AS GOOD AS THE WHITE STRIPES

SO HOW IS ONE OF OUR ORIGINALS

GONNA STACK UP COMING AFTER IT?

WE COULD PLAY ALL OUR ORIGINALS
UP TOP, THEN CLOSE WITH OUR COVERS.

THAT'S ASYMMETRICAL, MAN.
WE COULD LOSE OUR AUDIENCE

IF WE PLAY A BUNCH
OF ORIGINALS IN A ROW.

OUR COVERS ARE JUST TOO GOOD.

I SAY WE CUT ANY COVER SONG
THAT OVERPOWERS OUR ORIGINALS.

SO NO SUFFRAGETTE CITY.

AND NO WHITE STRIPES.

LITHIUM IS GONE, THE
RADIOHEAD, BOTH PIXIES.

NO DANDY WARHOLS. OR
VELVET UNDERGROUND.

WAIT, GUYS. YOU'RE CUTTING
EVERY GOOD COVER SONG WE PLAY.

BUT MAYBE THAT'S THE KEY.

YEAH, YEAH, IF WE PLAY
NOTHING BUT CRAPPY COVERS,

OUR ORIGINALS WILL STAND OUT.

BRILLIANT. WHAT?

ANYTHING BY MEN AT WORK.

OR CHICAGO, WINGS.

STYX. CULTURE CLUB.

WE THROW IN A QUARTERFLASH,
THEY'LL BE EATING OUT OF OUR HANDS.

OK. THIS IS JUST KOOKY.

I SAY WE RECONVENE TONIGHT
AND FIGURE IT OUT THEN.

I GOTTA GET TO WORK, ANYWAY.

I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME TONIGHT.

I'LL GET YOU SOME MORE WATER?

THANKS.

WELL, HELLO. HI, THERE.

HI, ZACH.

TRINA. HOW YOU DOIN'?

CHERYL, COME ON. SHOOT ME SOME.

COME THIS WAY.

YOU SIT THERE. I WANT
YOU TO SIT RIGHT HERE.

IT'S YOUR TURN.

REALLY, THAT FACT
HAS NOT CHANGED

SINCE YOU SAID IT
10 SECONDS AGO.

IF YOU LOSE, WILL
YOU DO THAT THING

WHERE YOU PRETEND TO GET
ALL MAD AND YOU HIT THE BOARD

AND SEND THE MARBLES
FLYING ALL AROUND?

YEAH. I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE.

HI, KIDS. MICHEL, DO WE HAVE
ANY DOUBLE-A BATTERIES?

HOW CAN A MAN PLAY
CHINESE CHECKERS

WITH ALL THESE INTERRUPTIONS?

OH, THEY'RE STILL NOT
VACUUMING THAT SPOT.

IT'S YOUR TURN, MICHEL.

YOU REDUNDANT LITTLE RODENT.

MICHEL, THE BATTERIES?

ARE IN THE OFFICE, FAR RIGHT
DRAWER OF THE CREDENZA. DAMN!

IS WHERE WATER IS STORED

TO POWER ELECTRICAL FACILITIES.

THANKS, MICHEL.

IT'S YOUR TURN AGAIN.

WHY ARE THE DINING ROOM TABLES
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS OUT OF PLACE?

YEAH? YEAH.

LORELAI.

EXCUSE ME.

OK, TABLE'S PERFECT NOW.

WHO KEEPS MOVING THEM
OUT OF PLACE? I WANT A NAME.

UH, CRUEL SADISTIC
TABLE FAIRIES?

COME INTO THE
PANTRY WITH ME HERE.

I CAN GIVE YOU A
MINUTE, THAT'S IT. OH!

I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT A WAY

HOW TO BRING THIS UP AND NOW...

WHAT'S THAT? I CLEARED A PLATE.

YOU DON'T CLEAR PLATES.

THE PLATE WAS
EMPTY, SO I GRABBED IT.

GIVE ME THE PLATE,
YOU'VE GONE NUTTY.

WHAT? NOW YOU'RE MAD,

I HATE MAKING YOU MAD.

I HAVE THE WORST PEOPLE SKILLS.

I'M NOT MAD OR NUTTY.

BUT YOU ARE, AND YOU
HAVE BEEN FOR WEEKS.

THE NUTTY DON'T USUALLY KNOW

THAT THEY'RE NUTTY,
THUS THE NUTTY.

SOOKIE, I'M VERY BUSY.

DOING OTHER PEOPLE'S
WORK. I AM NOT.

IT'S YOUR JOB TO CHANGE SHEETS

FLUFF PILLOWS? NO.

BRUSH THE HORSES, FOLD THE
POINTS ON THE TOILET PAPER?

SOOKIE, WE'RE
BREAKING IN NEW PEOPLE.

I'M PICKING UP THE SLACK.

I'M NEW? MICHEL'S NEW?

I'M NOT DOING YOUR JOBS.

2 WEEKS AGO, I COME
IN AND MY REFRIGERATOR

WHICH IS SORTED BY A SYSTEM THAT I
HAVE HONED FOR 10 STRAIGHT YEARS,

IS COMPLETELY REARRANGED.

THE MEAT'S ON THE TOP,

AND THE VEGETABLES
ARE ON THE BOTTOM.

IT'S APOCALYPSE NOW, BABY.

I YELLED AT THE STAFF.

BUT NOW I KNOW IT WAS YOU.

IT WAS MESSY.

IT WAS MY MESSY.

I COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING
IN THERE FOR DAYS.

I KEPT REACHING IN
FOR STRAWBERRIES

AND COMIN' UP WITH
LIVER, THAT'S NOT PLEASANT.

I PROMISE NOT TO
TOUCH THE FRIDGE AGAIN.

YOU'RE YELLING AT THE EMPLOYEES.
YOU NEVER YELLED BEFORE.

I'M YELLING?

YOU'VE GOT TO GO
HOME ONCE IN A WHILE.

SOOKIE, WE'RE A NEW
BUSINESS, IT'S TIME-CONSUMING.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE
YOU FALLEN ASLEEP

AT YOUR DESK IN THAT
STUPID OFFICE OF YOURS?

ONCE. NO.

ONCE, YOU FELL
ASLEEP ON A STAPLER,

AND THE WHOLE NEXT
DAY, YOU HAD "SWINGLINE"

PRINTED BACKWARDS
ACROSS YOUR FACE.

LOOK, YOU'VE FALLEN ASLEEP
AT THAT DESK 100 TIMES.

I'M HERE WHEN I'M HERE.

I CAN'T CHANGE THAT. I'M SORRY.

WANT TO KNOW THE LAST
TIME I SAW STAFF AND MAIDS

LOOKING THIS SCARED
OF THEIR BOSS?

YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE.

OH! KNIFE IN THE GUT.

WELL, I'M SORRY TO DEAL FROM THE
BOTTOM OF THE DECK, BUT THAT'S REALITY.

WELL, UH,

I AM PRETTY BURNED OUT.

ME, TOO. WE ALL ARE.

IT'S BEEN HARD.

I WILL TAKE A BREAK.

GOOD.

NOT THIS WEEK BECAUSE
STUFF'S BEEN PILING UP, BUT...

AND NOT NEXT WEEK.
GOD, I DON'T KNOW.

NOW.

WELL, OH, HEY, STOP.

WAIT, I'M BEING KIDNAPPED.

GO HOME AND RELAX.

I HAVE NO ONE TO HANG OUT WITH.

I'LL HANG OUT WITH YOU
SOMETIME THIS WEEK.

I NEED A BREAK, TOO.

WE'LL HAVE A GIRLFRIEND DAY.

WE'LL GET MANICURES AND
JUMP ROPE AND TALK ABOUT BOYS.

THE WHOLE CLICHE THING.

NOW, GO, GO. AND
DON'T STOP FOR NOTHING.

OK, OK, I PROMISE. GO.

YES. DO IT AGAIN. DO IT AGAIN!

HOLD IT. HOLD IT.

GOOD GIRL. NOW, GET
YOUR THINGS AND GO.

OH, HEY, UM, BOB,

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO...

NOPE, KEEP GOING.

HELLO?

IT'S ME. OH, HELLO.

BAD TIME? ARE YOU BUSY?

UH, TRYING NOT TO BE.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?

GOOD, YOU?

GOOD.

I WAS AT THE CORNER OF
BARK AND CHEESE TODAY.

BARK AND CHEESE? REALLY?

AND IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.

EXACTLY THE SAME?

WAS... WAS THERE A
TINY LITTLE ITALIAN DOG

IN A BASKET BARKING THE
WHOLE TIME YOU WERE THERE?

NOT THIS TIME, BUT I
DEFINITELY HAD FLASHBACKS.

DID YOU HAVE A NICE PIECE
OF CHEESE WITH YOUR COFFEE?

I STILL SAY I SAID THE CORRECT
WORD FOR "CREAM" IN ITALIAN.

I EVEN POINTED AT MY
COFFEE WHEN I ASKED FOR IT.

HOW COULD I BE
ASKING FOR CHEESE?

BUT CHEESE YOU WERE BROUGHT.

STINKY CHEESE, THE
WORST, DON'T FORGET.

THAT YOU PROCEEDED TO EAT.

BECAUSE I HATE PEOPLE WHO
MAKE MISTAKES WHEN THEY ORDER

ESPECIALLY IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY

AND THEN MAKE A BIG TO-DO
WHEN THEY GET THE WRONG THING.

UGLY AMERICAN, YUCK.

AHA, SO YOU ADMIT IT WAS A
MISTAKE. YOU DID SAY "CHEESE."

I KNOW FRENCH, A BIT OF SPANISH,

BUT MY ITALIAN, NOT SO GOOD.

BEING TRILINGUAL IS
PLENTY FOR A YOUNG LADY.

YEAH.

MOM? YEAH?

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OK.

I SCREWED UP.

I SCREWED UP SO BAD.

I HANDLED EVERYTHING WRONG.

OH, HONEY.

I KEEP RELIVING
EVERYTHING OVER AND OVER.

IT'S SUCH A MESS.

I JUST WANT TO FIX
IT. I HAVE TO FIX IT.

YOU WILL.

I KNOW, I JUST...
I NEED A FAVOR.

OK.

IT'S BIG.

OK.

I WROTE A LETTER TO DEAN.

COULD YOU GET IT TO HIM?

OH.

I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO DO IT.

I CAN'T JUST MAIL IT
TO HIS APARTMENT.

IT'S A BIG FAVOR.

HONEY, I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S A LOT TO ASK,
BUT I THINK THAT

THIS WILL MAKE
EVERYTHING BETTER.

PLEASE. I CAN'T WAIT
UNTIL I GET HOME.

I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW.

A LETTER, HUH?

WELL, GET IT TO ME,
AND I WILL GET IT TO HIM.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

HAVE SOME ESPRESSO
AND LIMBURGER FOR ME.

I WILL.

I LOVE YOU, MOM.

I LOVE YOU, TOO. BYE.

BYE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK IF YOU
MADE IT A LITTLE FULLER...

GO! GOING.

I WANT TO THANK THEE, KIND
LADY, FOR YOUR PURCHASE.

PLEASE TAKE ONE OF MY CARDS.

NOTE THE WEBSITE.

AND DO ENJOY YOUR
DAY AT THE FAIRE.

THANKS.

I AM KICKIN' ASS.

WHO KNEW I WAS A
MASTER SALESMAN? MMM.

SO I'M ALL PACKED
AND READY TO GO.

GOOD, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT
NOTHING, BECAUSE WE'RE ALL COOL HERE.

WELL, THAT'S THE THING.
IN 10 YEARS, I COULD DIE

AND THEY COULD VERY WELL
TRACE IT BACK TO THIS MOMENT.

"HE GOT BACK UP ON
HIS FEET TOO FAST."

THAT'S WHAT THEY COULD SAY.

IT'S WEIRD WHEN PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T DOCTORS

START THINKING THEY'RE DOCTORS.

HE'LL BE FINE.

GOSH, I WAS SO WORRIED.

SO, I'M GONNA MAKE A PHONE CALL,

AND THEN I'LL GO.

OK.

OH, HEY, HON, COULD YOU TRY
AND GET THIS CASHBOX OPEN?

IT'S STUCK AGAIN. IF YOU WANT.

IT'S JUST I WAS HOLDING
THIS SCREWDRIVER BEFORE

AND I ALMOST BLACKED OUT.

I'LL TRY AGAIN.

THANKS.

LUKE, DON'T FORGET
THE UNDERCOVER GUYS,

THEY LOOK FOR CELL PHONES.

I'LL KEEP AN EYE OUT.

LUKE, I'M BEING
YOUR FRIEND HERE.

HELLO? HEY, IT'S ME.

WELL, HUZZAH AND
PRITHEE. ART THOU...

STOP.

SORRY, HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.

SORRY, THAT WAS INCOMPLETE.

HOW ARE YOU, YOU BIG FAT LIAR?

WHAT?

YOU SAID YOU WOULD
BE HOME YESTERDAY.

I'M COMING HOME TODAY FOR SURE.

OH, WHAT'S THAT, LUCY?

A FOOTBALL FOR ME TO KICK?

I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

OH, WHOA! MAN.

IT'S A DONE DEAL.

HMM, I'LL BELIEVE
IT WHEN I SEE IT.

DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BILL?

HAY BALE BILL? NO, SPILL.

HE CRAWLED IN A TENT
WITH GROG BOOTH ANNIE.

NO WAY. HE DID.

BUT SHE'S ENGAGED
TO THE FRUIT-ICE GUY.

IT'S NOT GONNA LAST.

OH, BOY.

YOU FEELING OK?

I'M VERY NAUSEOUS.

NOT YOU, T.J.

I'M FINE, I JUST HAVE A LITTLE
ASSIGNMENT I'VE GOT TO DO.

SO, WHAT LIE ARE YOU GONNA
TELL ME ABOUT COMING HOME NOW?

I'M COMING HOME TODAY.

SO, NEXT WEEK? TODAY.

MILADY,

DOST THOU HAVE PEPTO-BISMOL
ON THEE? OR BREADSTUFFS?

THIS MONTH AT LEAST?

TODAY.

SEE YOU WHEN
HILLARY'S PRESIDENT.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER TODAY.

BYE.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SPECIFIC?

NO. WELL, UH,

YOU REMEMBER THOSE
EARRINGS YOU GOT ME BEFORE?

YEAH. YOU HAVE A NECKLACE

THAT WOULD MATCH THAT?

YEAH, I THINK SO. YOU
GIVE THEM TO A GIRL?

YEAH.

ANYONE I KNOW?

OH, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SOMEONE.

DARK HAIR, BRIGHT BLUE EYES?

YOU WERE JUST TALKING TO HER?

I COULD TELL 'CAUSE YOU
GRIN A LOT WHEN YOU DO.

IT'S LORELAI.

IT'S LORELAI! HUZZAH! HUZZAH!

HUZZAH!

I NEVER GOT THE
WHOLE "HUZZAH" THING.

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU,
YOU'VE FOUND YOUR T.J.

PLEASE, DON'T PUT IT LIKE THAT.

I'VE HAD DREAMS ABOUT
YOU TWO BEING TOGETHER,

AND MY DREAMS ALWAYS COME TRUE.

DREAM ME A HEALTHY
SPINE, SWEETS.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE ALONE.

YEAH, YEAH. THE NECKLACE.

PERFECT? PERFECT.

SO, GO GIVE IT TO HER.

TAKE CARE, SIS.

I LOVE YOU, BIG BROTHER.

WHOA.

ONE HUG AND MY BACK
WOULD SNAP IN 8 PIECES.

GOOD MORROW, BUDDY.

HUZZAH!

EXCUSE ME, I'M LOOKING FOR DEAN.

THANKS.

WE GET LOTS OF STUFF
FROM LOCAL FARMS,

BUT, UM, A LOT OF THE TIME

IT'S HARD TO PREDICT
WHEN IT'S GONNA COME IN

AND HOW MUCH OF
IT WE'RE GONNA GET.

WE'RE KIND OF AT THE
MERCY OF... OF THE, UM, GUYS,

OF THE FARMERS THEMSELVES,
BECAUSE THEY SELL OUT A LOT.

BUT WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
YOUR NAME AND NUMBER

WHEN YOU CHECK OUT,
AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A CALL

AS SOON AS THE EGGS
YOU WANT COME IN, OK?

DEAN.

HI. HI.

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A LETTER FOR YOU FROM RORY.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE IS SHE?

JUST TAKE THE LETTER.

SHE WENT TO EUROPE, RIGHT?

MISS PATTY SAID
SHE WENT TO EUROPE.

WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT'S SHE DOING THERE?

WHO IS SHE WITH? DEAN.

WHEN'S SHE GETTING
BACK? SOON, JUST TAKE IT.

WHERE IS SHE? EUROPE.

WITH WHO? HER GRANDMOTHER.

LOOK, TAKE IT.

NO, WHY DID SHE GO? I
MEAN, WHOSE IDEA WAS IT?

THAT DOESN'T MATTER. IT DOES.

DEAN, PLEASE, I'M A
MESSENGER, NOTHING MORE.

JUST TAKE IT.

ONION, GUACAMOLE,

A LITTLE RED PEPPER OVER
BUTTER LETTUCE AND ENDIVE.

IT COULD BE A BIG SELLER.

BUT, CAESAR, IT'S NOT THE SALAD.

THE SALAD LOOKS DELICIOUS.

IT'S WHAT YOU'RE CALLING IT.

CAESAR'S SALAD. RIGHT.

SO?

THERE'S ALREADY A CAESAR SALAD

IT'S KIND OF FAMOUS.

THAT'S "CAESAR SALAD."

MINE'S GOT AN APOSTROPHE "S."

I DON'T THINK THAT
MAKES IT LESS CONFUSING.

CUSTOMERS.

HMM, KEEP GOING, ZACH.

YEAH, THIS IS THE BOMB.

SO, MARY MAGDALENE GOES
TO GAUL TO HAVE THE KID, RIGHT?

THAT'S THE SLUTTY ONE,
RIGHT? NOT THE MOM?

IT'S SO CONFUSING 'CAUSE
THEY'RE ALL NAMED MARY.

SHE'S NOT THE MOM,
BUT SHE'S NOT SLUTTY.

THAT'S WHAT THIS DUDE CONSTANTINE
WANTED YOU TO BELIEVE, RIGHT?

HE WAS PURGING THE "E!
TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY"

PART OF IT FOR HIS OWN BENEFIT.

TURNED THE WHOLE THING
INTO HOLLYWOOD BABYLON

AND CHICKS GOT THE SHORT END.

GOD, I JUST WANT TO
SPEND LIKE 3 STRAIGHT YEARS

DOING NOTHING BUT
READING, YOU KNOW?

WHAT BOOK? WHAT?

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO WAIT TO BE SEATED.

SINCE WHEN? SINCE ALWAYS.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO AT
DENNY'S, THAT'S WHAT WE DO HERE.

OK, WELL, MY USUAL TABLE
WHERE I ALWAYS SIT. OK, LANE?

FINE, ZACH, WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?

ALLOW ME TO ORDER FOR YOU GIRLS.

SURE.

A HAM SANDWICH FOR
THE LADY ON MY RIGHT.

LIGHT MUSTARD, RIGHT, TRIN?

IS THAT A YES, TRIN?

THAT'S A YES. BURGER,
NO CHEESE FOR CHERYL.

CHEESEBURGER FOR ME

AND GO AHEAD AND SHOOT
EVERYBODY HERE SOME FRIES.

FREE FRIES ARE FOR FRIENDS
AND FAMILY ONLY, SORRY.

ANOTHER NEW RULE?

NOPE, OLD. OLD AS MOSES.

OK, JUST BRING ME MY
ORDER AND WE'LL ALL SHARE.

SORRY, NO. WHAT?

YOU GET FREE FRIES,
YOU HAVE TO EAT 'EM.

I CAN'T SHARE MY OWN FRIES?

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S BOGUS.

THAT'S TOUGH. THEY'RE
FOR YOU, NOT THESE GIRLS.

THEY'RE TO BE CONSUMED
BY YOU, AND YOU ALONE.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

I'LL BE WATCHING TO SEE IF YOU
SHARE, SO DON'T GET ANY BIG IDEAS.

JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, OK?

WE'LL GO TO AL'S PANCAKE WORLD.

FINE. GO. WE ARE.

GOOD. COME ON, GIRLS.

HEY. WHAT?

SORRY, WE DIDN'T KNOW.

KNOW WHAT?

KNOW WHAT?

SO...

SO, THIS IS NICE.

BEING AWAY FROM THE
INN FOR A WHOLE DAY.

YOU GET SOME PERSPECTIVE.

JUST LOOKING AT SOMETHING OTHER
THAN THOSE SAME STUPID WALLS.

WHAT A RELIEF.

IT ALL FALLS AWAY.

MY MEAT GUY BETTER NOT
SCREW ME LIKE HE DID YESTERDAY.

OH, MY GOD, THE GUTTERS.

THAT'S WHAT I FORGOT.

I TOLD STEVE THAT IF HE
DOESN'T RELIEVE NORM BY 3:00...

DID I TELL MICHEL
TO HAVE THE GUY

CHECK ALL THE RADIATORS
OR JUST THE ONE...

OH, NO, NO, I DID, I DID.

NOW IT'S FALLING AWAY.

IT'S STARTING TO.

I HATE YOU, DEAN, I
HATE EVERYTHING!

LET'S JUST TALK.

I DON'T WANNA TALK, I
DON'T WANT YOU HERE.

I'M SORRY, OK?

YOU'RE SORRY? OH, MY GOD.

GET OUT. OH, MY GOD.

YOU'VE GOT MY...

DON'T YOU DARE!

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU GET MARRIED TOO YOUNG.

YEAH, THAT MUST BE IT.

THIS IS JUICY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
AND YOU DIDN'T DO IT.

I USUALLY ONLY GET TO
HEAR ABOUT THESE THINGS.

I NEVER GET TO SEE THEM.

CAN WE DO SOMETHING?
LUCKY US, COME ON.

LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

I HATE YOU, DEAN.

BUT YOU DEFINITELY PREPPED
THE SAUCE FOR THE DUCK?

BECAUSE THE DUCK
WITHOUT THE SAUCE

IS A DUCK THAT WE CAN'T USE.

THE SAUCE HAS TO
BE PREPPED EARLY.

I... I KNOW YOU
SAID IT, SAY IT AGAIN.

STOP SAYING, "LET IT GO." STOP
SAYING, "LET IT GO." JOHN, STOP IT.

STOP IT! I AM LETTING IT GO.

I JUST NEED YOU TO ASSURE ME
THAT EVERYTHING'S GETTING DONE

SO THAT I KNOW I
CAN FULLY LET IT GO.

HELLO?

KITCHEN!

I AM HANGING UP, BUT I
AM NOT LETTING IT GO.

MOM.

OH, MY TRAVELER.

I MISSED YOU.

I MISSED YOU, TOO.

SOOKIE.

YOU REMEMBER WHO I AM.

HELLO.

HI.

HELLO, LORELAI. HELLO, SOOKIE.

HI, EMILY. HI, MOM.

DON'T, I SMELL LIKE AIRPLANE.

I GUESS I SHOULD GO GET MY BAGS.

RORY, YOU DO NOT TOUCH BAGS.

OH, I THOUGHT THAT
WAS JUST A EUROPE THING.

THE DRIVER'S BRINGING THEM IN.

OH, WE HAD SUCH A TRIP.
RORY WILL FILL YOU IN.

SPARE HER THE MORE
SALACIOUS ASPECTS.

SALACIOUS ASPECTS?

THOSE EUROPEAN MEN

YOUNG, OLD, IN BETWEEN,
THEY SAW US COMING.

THEY SAW YOU COMING WHERE?

WE WERE LIKE MAGNETS,
SUCH HIGH LIBIDOS.

YOU WEREN'T WALKING AROUND

WEARING YOUR "HOT AND WEALTHY"
SANDWICH BOARD, WERE YOU, MOM?

SHE WAS VERY POPULAR.

WELL, I SHOULD GO.

I BRING YOU BACK A CHARMING,
CULTURED, WELL-MANNERED YOUNG LADY.

DON'T UNDO IT.

I WILL DEFINITELY TRY
NOT TO NOT UNDO IT.

GOODBYE, ALL. GOODBYE, RORY.

BYE, GRANDMA.

NOPE. AIRPLANE.

I CAN TAKE IT. THANKS, GRANDMA.

CIAO. HMM.

COME HERE, YOU.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING HOME?

WE'RE TRYING TO GET SOME
DISTANCE FROM THE INN.

AND IT'S GOING THROUGH THE ROOF.

NOT THE INN'S ROOF,
THAT'S SOLID AS A ROCK.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

WE'RE BOOKED TO 90% CAPACITY.

AND THE RESTAURANT,
WE'RE TURNING PEOPLE AWAY.

OH, YOU KNOW ALL
THAT. NO, NO, KEEP GOING.

WELL, CUSTOMERS AGREE
THAT, DESPITE MICHEL,

WE'RE THEIR FAVORITE
CONNECTICUT INN.

BUT THAT'S NOTHING COMPARED
TO THE BIG TOWN NEWS.

WOW, WHAT? SOOKIE.

WE WALKED PAST DEAN'S PLACE

AND LINDSAY WAS THROWING
HIS STUFF OUT ON THE STREET.

THEY WERE REALLY GOING
AT IT. IT WAS LIKE RAGING BULL.

THERE'S YELLING AND SCREAMING.

SOOKIE, YOU'RE EXPLODING
ALL OVER THE POOR GIRL.

OH, SORRY.

AND SHE'S PROBABLY HUNGRY.

YOU'RE HUNGRY, RIGHT, HONEY?

OH, I'LL WHIP US SOMETHING UP.

YOU SAID YOU HAD TO
GO AND PICK UP DAVEY,

SO WE'LL GO OUT.
WE'LL CALL YOU LATER.

OK. OK, LET'S GO.

TALK TO YOU LATER.

SEE YOU LATER, SOOKIE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. IT WAS BAD.

SHE WAS YELLING, SHE
WAS THROWING THINGS,

HE WAS YELLING, SHE
CALLED HIM A JERK.

IT WAS VERY VIOLENT
AND VERY PUBLIC.

OTHER PEOPLE SAW
IT. IT WAS HORRIBLE.

THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

YOU!

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF
YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU DID.

JUST WAIT. WHAT DID
SHE EVER DO TO YOU?

HOW DID SHE HURT YOU?

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

THERESA, PLEASE, CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN?

MY LITTLE GIRL HAS TO COME HOME

AND FIND YOUR HEINOUS
LETTER IN DEAN'S JACKET.

WE'RE IN THE STREET...

YOU LITTLE MONSTER. HEY!

PULL BACK, LADY.

THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF
OTHER BOYS IN THE WORLD.

DO YOU HAVE TO GO
AFTER HER HUSBAND?

OK, STOP ATTACKING MY
DAUGHTER RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE UPSET, I GET IT,
BUT YOU DO NOT DO THIS.

SHE SLEPT WITH MY SON-IN-LAW.
SHE BROKE UP A MARRIAGE.

ARE YOU PROUD?

SHE DID NOT BREAK UP A MARRIAGE.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THIS?

ENOUGH, I KNOW RORY.

WELL, ALL I KNOW IS THAT
NOW MY LINDSAY IS DEVASTATED

DEAN IS BACK WITH HIS
PARENTS, LIVES ARE DESTROYED

AND YOU AND YOUR
DAUGHTER CAN GO TO HELL.

OK, I HAVE GOT TO KNOW
WHAT WAS IN THAT LETTER.

UM,

I...

I TOLD HIM THAT...

THAT NIGHT WAS SPECIAL

AND THAT I WASN'T
SORRY THAT IT HAPPENED.

BUT HE'S MARRIED,

AND HE HAS TO
FIGURE OUT HIS LIFE.

SO I WAS GOING TO
MAKE IT EASIER FOR HIM

AND TAKE MYSELF OUT OF THE MIX.

THAT WAS A VERY GOOD LETTER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE FOUND IT.

WE CAN'T KEEP STANDING HERE.

I KNOW.

THESE STREETS ARE
DANGEROUS RIGHT NOW.

VERY. COME ON.

ANYTHING YOU WANT, IT'S ON ME.

PIE, CAKE, PANCAKES, PAN
PIE, CAKE PAN, PANACOCKIN.

SAY THE WORD OR
MAKE ONE UP, IT'S YOURS.

CHAIR FEELS GOOD.

YEAH, YEAH. A CHAIR
DOES FEEL GOOD.

I THINK A ROOT
BEER MIGHT BE GOOD.

ROOT BEER SOUNDS GOOD.

IT'S ON THE HOUSE, SO GO CRAZY.

LUKE. HEY.

HI, RORY, WELCOME BACK. THANKS.

ARE YOU OK? YOU
LOOK A LITTLE PALE.

YOU KNOW, PALE'S THE NEW TAN.

SO, YOU'RE HERE.

YOU'RE NOT A MIRAGE.

I TOLD YOU I WAS COMING BACK.

YES, BUT YOU LIED TO ME
REPEATEDLY FOR WEEKS,

SO YOUR CREDIBILITY'S
BEEN SHATTERED.

I KNOW, IT'S BEEN 7 WEEKS.

7 WEEKS.

YOU KNOW, I JUST REMEMBERED
I... I... I HAVE AN ERRAND TO RUN.

OH, YEAH?

I GOT TO GO TO THE
PHARMACY. I'M GONNA GO NOW.

UM, LANE'S HERE, SHE'LL
BRING YOU YOUR ROOT BEER.

HEY, LANE, I... I GOT TO RUN DOWN
TO THE PHARMACY, GOT AN ERRAND.

OK.

SO I'LL JUST BE BACK IN A BIT.

RORY? HEY, YOU.

YOU'RE BACK. OUR GIRL'S BACK.

I KNOW.

WE NEED TO CONSULT.

OH, SOUNDS SERIOUS.

I'M IN A QUANDARY.

OTHER PEOPLE'S
QUANDARIES, I'M ALL EARS.

HEY, YOU KNOW, I JUST REMEMBERED

I HAVE TO GO TO DOOSE'S
TO PICK SOMETHING UP.

YOU NEED A BANANA OR ANYTHING?

I'M GOOD. ARE YOU SURE?

I'M CONSULTING
ON A QUANDARY. GO.

OK, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

SO, MY QUANDARY, ARE YOU READY?

AND I NEED HONESTY.

SHOOT.

AM I IN LOVE WITH ZACH?

WHAT?

I NEED TO KNOW IF YOU
THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH ZACH

BECAUSE A DIRTY
TROLLOP SUGGESTED IT

AND THEY'RE GENERALLY
RELIABLE ABOUT THESE THINGS.

A DIRTY TROLLOP? SHE
SAID SOMETHING TO ME

AND GAVE ME THIS SORT
OF KNOWING, WORLDLY LOOK

THAT SEEMED TO SUGGEST
I WAS ACTING IN A WAY

THAT SAID I HAVE
A THING FOR ZACH,

OR SHE WAS HITTING ON ME.

I JUST NEED TO KNOW
YOUR THOUGHT ON THIS.

HEY, ARE YOU LISTENING?

HEY, THERE YOU ARE.

HI.

SO, YOU REALLY RAN AN ERRAND.

I... I DIDN'T RUN AN ERRAND, BUT I
SORT OF KEPT UP THE PRETENSE.

SO I WENT IN THE PHARMACY.

SO I WAS IN THE PHARMACY,
SO I HAD TO BUY SOMETHING.

I FEEL KIND OF DUMB.

YEAH. BUT YOU DIDN'T REALLY
HAVE AN ERRAND, RIGHT?

NO, IT WAS JUST GETTING KIND OF
CROWDED BACK THERE, YOU KNOW?

YEAH.

SO I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHIN'.

OH.

MY OWN SMOKES, GINCHY.

OH.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. YEAH.

I THINK THAT'LL MATCH THE
EARRINGS I GOT YOU BEFORE.

IF THEY DON'T,
I'LL TAKE 'EM BACK.

DEFINITELY GOES.

OH, YEAH, LOOK AT
THAT, PERFECT MATCH.

PERFECT MATCH.

♪

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

CIDER MILL.

FOR THE LOVE OF...

HURRY UP, MICHEL!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M ENJOYING THE
CIDER MILL PARADE.

SUCH CULTURE I'VE BEEN
MISSING ALL THESE YEARS.

THIS BAND, SO SUBTLE.

LIKE A POLO MALLET
HITTING YOUR HEAD.

COME ON! COME ON.

DON'T PULL, I'M FRAGILE.

THIS TOWN...

IS OUR TOWN,

THIS TOWN IS SO GLAMOROUS.

SO, WE'LL HOOK UP LATER, MAYBE.

WE'LL HOOK UP LATER, DEFINITELY.

GOOD.

I LOVE THE NECKLACE.

GOOD.

GOOD.

OH, I'M SORRY. OH, NO!

OH, LET ME PAY YOU.

I DON'T HAVE ANY CASH, UM.

UH, WOULD YOU TAKE AN I.O.U.?

HAVE YOU BEEN TO
THE DRAGONFLY INN?

THE... THE... THE FOOD IS
GREAT, WOULD YOU LIKE TO...

I KNOW. DO YOU SMOKE?

HI.

I HOPE THIS IS OK.

I WASN'T SURE WHERE TO
CALL, AND I JUST HAD TO...

ARE YOU OK?

AM I OK?

YEAH, I MEAN, HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I'M SORRY, THAT'S
A STUPID QUESTION.

NO. IT'S NOT A STUPID QUESTION.

LET'S SEE. HOW DO I FEEL?

ACTUALLY, I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.

WHY? WHY?

BECAUSE I WAS
MARRIED, RORY, MARRIED.

AND I THREW IT ALL AWAY FOR
SOMEONE WHO DUMPED ME ONCE

AND THEN JUST BAILED ON ME.

I DIDN'T JUST BAIL ON YOU.

I HURT EVERYBODY.

I HURT LINDSAY, I HURT HER
PARENTS, I HURT MY PARENTS

AND NOW I'M BACK AT HOME

AND YOU'RE IN EUROPE
WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

AND WHAT THE
HELL WAS I THINKING?

I MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

NOTHING.

I GOT TO GET READY FOR WORK.

♪ I'M SPACING OUT ♪

♪ I'M SEEING SIGNS ♪

SO, FINISH YOUR STORY.

EVERYBODY KNOWS

YOU DON'T MESS
WITH HAY BALE BILL.

SO, HAY BALE GOES OFF
AND PUNCHES THE GUY

AND IT TURNED OUT
TO BE THE WRONG GUY

ALL OVER THIS PERCEIVED INSULT
ABOUT HIS GIRLFRIEND'S LEGS.

WAIT, WHICH ONE HAD HAIRY LEGS?

ANNIE THE GROG
GIRL OR OCARINA JANE

WHO SECRETLY SOLD POT
BEHIND THE BRASS-RUBBING BOOTH?

YOU MEAN "HAIRIEST." EGADS.

I'M THINKING BATHING-SUIT
SEASON AT THE RENAISSANCE FAIRE

IS ONLY ENJOYED BY THE BLIND.

HEY, I SHOULD BRING
STEAK SAUCE, RIGHT?

FOR WHAT? PIZZA.

I JUST GOT BACK FROM ITALY. SO?

SO THEY'D SHOOT
YOU IN ITALY FOR THAT.

UH, BUT THIS IS AMERICA,

WHERE WE UNAPOLOGETICALLY
BASTARDIZE OTHER COUNTRIES' CULTURES

IN A GROSS QUEST FOR MORAL
AND MILITARY SUPREMACY.

I FORGOT. BRING ON THE
IMPERIALISTIC CONDIMENTS.

HEY, DO YOU THINK ANNIE THE
GROG GIRL MADE A PASS AT LUKE?

I'M SURE HE REBUFFED HER,
BUT HE WAS THERE A LONG TIME.

I HOPE NOT. I'D JOUST
THE LITTLE SLUT.

SO, YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT...

SOMETHING TO WATCH?

UH, YES. SOMETHING TO WATCH.

YOU PICK.

WILL YOU BE MAD IF
IT'S SHOWGIRLS AGAIN?

I GOT THE DELUXE EDITION WITH
SHOT GLASSES AND A DRINKING GAME.

SANCTUARY.

LET ME SHOW YOU ONE
THING BEFORE SHOWGIRLS, OK?

WHAT?

HOME MOVIES FROM
MY TRIP WITH GRANDMA.

YOU HAVE HOME MOVIES?

SHE WAS IN FINE FORM.

THE SIGNORA DISTINCTLY WROTE:

"SOUTH ROOMS WITH A
VIEW AND CLOSE TOGETHER."

INSTEAD OF WHICH, SHE
HAS GIVEN US NORTH ROOMS

WITHOUT A VIEW AND
A LONG WAY APART.

SHE GETS VERY BRITISH
WHEN SHE'S ABROAD.

OH, YES. HURRY AND
GET DRESSED, DEAR

OR WE'LL MISS OUR DINNER
ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

AND YOU LOOK VERY
INNOCENT AND PRETTY.

IT WAS A GREAT VIEW. I DON'T
KNOW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

WHAT WE WERE LED TO EXPECT.

I THOUGHT WE WERE
GOING TO SEE THE ARNO.

THE SIGNORA DISTINCTLY WROTE:

"SOUTH ROOMS WITH A
VIEW AND CLOSE TOGETHER."

INSTEAD OF WHICH, SHE
HAS GIVEN US NORTH ROOMS...