Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 13 - Wedding Bell Blues - full transcript

(Luke) UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

YOU DON'T?

WELL, WHEN ARE
YOU GONNA GET IT IN?

FINE.

2 BOXES OF ANNULETS, RED
SILICONE, BRONZE BOAT NAILS,

A BAND SAW, A WOOD
RASP, AND A JACK PLANE.

YEAH, I'LL HOLD. HEY.

HUH, APPARENTLY, NOW WE'VE
BEEN MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS.

SORRY. THIS STUPID BOAT
SUPPLY PLACE DOES EVERYTHING

BUT ACTUALLY SUPPLY ANYTHING.

OH, CATALOGS! I LOVE CATALOGS.

IT'S BOATING PARTS.
YES, YES, I'M HERE.

NONE OF THEM.

MAN, YOU MUST HAVE A LOT OF
ROOM IN THAT PLACE OF YOURS.

YEAH, SURE, BACK
ORDER IT. WHAT THE HELL.

OH, LOOK AT THESE BOOTS.

LET'S TRY 20 C-CLAMPS,
5 INCHES OR LARGER.

A BOX OF 1/4-INCH TEAK
BUNGS, MARINE CAULK.

[whispering] AND THE
BOOTS. GET THE BOOTS.

YEAH, GO CHECK. I'LL HOLD.

WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?

I WANT THESE BOOTS.
THOSE ARE WORK BOOTS.

THEY'RE YELLOW AND CUTE. I'LL
LOOK LIKE THE MORTON SALT GIRL.

HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND SOMETHING
TO BUY IN MY BOAT-SUPPLY CATALOG?

SIZE 9, PLEASE. YES, I'M HERE.

NONE OF THEM. WELL, AT
LEAST YOU'RE CONSISTENT.

OK, BACK ORDER ALL OF THEM.

YES, THE C-CLAMPS, THE
TEAK BUNGS, THE MARINE CAULK

AND ONE PAIR OF
FISHERMAN'S BOOTS, SIZE 9.

OF COURSE, THOSE YOU
HAVE. [whispering] BAM.

OK, SEND THEM
RIGHT ALONG. UH-HUH.

THEY'LL BE HERE TUESDAY.

OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

HEY, IS IT OK IF I COME OVER TONIGHT
AND WORK ON THE BOAT A LITTLE?

WITH WHAT?

SHEER MASCULINITY AND
SOME IMAGINARY SANDPAPER?

I HAVE PLENTY TO DO UNTIL THE
BACK-ORDER STUFF GETS HERE.

ALL RIGHT. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA
SPEND THE EVENING TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

HOW TO FLING YOURSELF DOWN
THE STAIRS JUST HARD ENOUGH

THAT YOU WON'T HAVE TO GO TO
MY PARENTS' THING TOMORROW,

BUT NOT SO HARD
THAT YOU ACTUALLY DIE.

NO, I THOUGHT, INSTEAD, THAT I'D
TRY TO FIND A WILD BOAR TO MAUL ME

JUST ENOUGH THAT I'LL
NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION

SO I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO
YOUR PARENTS' THING TOMORROW

BUT AFTER SOME STITCHES
AND A TRANSFUSION,

I'LL STILL BE ABLE
TO MAKE YOU COFFEE.

OH, MUCH BETTER PLAN.

I STARTED TO RUN THE RIGGING. I JUST
WANTED TO GET A LITTLE FURTHER ON IT.

YEAH, THAT'S FINE. RORY'S
SPENDING THE NIGHT.

WE'RE HAVING A
COP ROCK MARATHON.

OK, HERE'S YOUR
DOUGHNUTS. THANK YOU.

AND YOUR COFFEE. THANK YOU.

AND MY FINAL PLEA TO NOT MAKE
ME GO TO THIS THING TOMORROW.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GO.

[sighing] FINE. I'LL GO.

I LOVE IT WHEN I BREAK YOU WITH JUST
THE SHEER ANTICIPATION OF A WEAR-DOWN.

H-HOLD ON. DID YOU SAY
COP ROCK MARATHON?

YEAH, I GOT THEM ALL ON TAPE.

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT YOU SEE IN ME? YEP.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE
ME IN THE BOOTS.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

(Lorelai) OK, I KNOW I'M THE ONE

WHO SAID I CRAVED
MASHED POTATOES

BUT, HUH, OH, MY GOD,
ARE THEY A LOT OF WORK.

IT'S INSTANT MASHED POTATOES.

KEY WORD: INSTANT.

OH, NO, NOT INSTANT. I HAVE TO
MIX WATER AND BUTTER INTO IT

NOT TO MENTION THE
ADDING OF SALT AND PEPPER.

OK, THE BEST OF SUPER
FURRY ANIMALS COMPLETE.

OH, PLUS, I HAVE TO RIP THE
PACKAGE OPEN, DUMP IT INTO A BOWL

AND, OH, MY GOD,
ARE THEY SERIOUS?

I HAVE TO STIR THE
MIXTURE TO COMBINE.

WHAT IS THIS, THE GULAG?

HEY, DO YOU WANT THE
ARCADE FIRE? I DON'T KNOW. DO I?

YES. THEN YES.

SO, BASICALLY, ONCE I FINISH
WITH ALL THIS MANUAL LABOR,

I STILL HAVE TO CLEAN THE BOWL.

AND THE SPOON.

WHAT DO I USE THE SPOON FOR?

STIR TO COMBINE.

RIGHT. WHAT DO I
USE THE SPOON FOR?

OH, MY MISTAKE. CARRY ON.

LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE.

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT
THESE MASHED POTATOES?

YOU WANTED THE MASHED POTATOES.

'CAUSE WITH TATER TOTS,
I CAN JUST RIP AND DUMP.

THEN STICK WITH YOUR STRENGTHS.

RE-MASTERED BRIAN
ENO COMING UP NEXT.

[knocking on door]

WHO IS IT? (Luke) IT'S ME.

ME WHO? RORY,

CAN YOU JUST OPEN THE DOOR?

DO YOU HAVE AN
EXTENSION CORD I CAN USE?

I'LL GO LOOK.

HI, COME ON IN.

NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I DON'T
WANNA DISTURB YOU GUYS.

OH, YOU'RE NOT DISTURBING US.

WELL, I'M DIRTY.

WELL, SO IS THE HOUSE.
AND IF I COME IN THERE,

I'LL SEE WHAT YOU GUYS
ARE PLANNING ON EATING

AND I'LL WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS I AM MAKING

A GARDEN SPRING SALAD
WITH 3 BITTER LETTUCES

AND A BREADED FRENCH
COUNTRY CHICKEN.

REALLY? YOU ARE? NO.

SO, HOW'S THE BOAT COMING? SLOW.

AH, WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE
BUILT A MOTORBOAT.

(Rory) EXTENSION CORD.

THANK YOU.

I'LL LET YOU GET BACK TO
TAKING 5 YEARS OFF YOUR LIFE.

YEAH. THEY WERE THE 5 WHERE I
WOULD'VE BEEN WEARING FUCHSIA LIPSTICK

WAY BEYOND MY LIP LINE, SO I
WOULDN'T WANT THEM ANYHOW.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

10:30 SHARP. HMM.

OK. THAT'S IT. FIRST
COURSE READY?

READY.

LET'S COP ROCK.

[ringing]

HELLO.

(Emily) I PICKED UP MY DRESS
FROM THE DRESSMAKER,

AND IT'S A DISASTER. WHAT?

I GOT IT HOME, AND
IT'S FALLING APART.

I NEED YOU TO FIX IT. UH, BUT...

I'M COMING OVER. NO, MOM, I...

YES, I NEED YOU TO FIX THIS.

WHAT ABOUT THE WOMAN
WHO MADE IT? MAKE HER FIX IT.

WHEN A WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO A
CRACK BABY, YOU DO NOT BUY HER A PUPPY.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I WANT THIS DRESS TO BE
PERFECT FOR TOMORROW, LORELAI.

YES, MOM. BUT...

IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
DAY OF MY LIFE, LORELAI.

IT'S NOT EVEN THE MOST
IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR MARRIAGE.

I'LL BE THERE IN HALF
AN HOUR, LORELAI.

NO! HELLO? M-MOM? BUT...

SHE'S COMING OVER. WHY?

[sighing] BECAUSE SHE WON'T
BUY HER SEAMSTRESS A PUPPY.

OH, SURE. SOMETHING
ABOUT HER DRESS.

CRAP! WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO? I DON'T KNOW.

WE CAN'T EAT ALL THIS
BEFORE SHE GETS HERE.

MOST OF IT. SURE, MOST OF IT.

BUT NOT THE TATER
TOTS OR THE PIZZA TOWER.

OK. WE'LL HAVE TO DO
THE EVENING IN 2 PARTS.

WE'LL WATCH ONE COP
ROCK, EAT THIS STUFF HERE

SHE'LL COME OVER, I'LL GET
HER OUT OF HERE AS FAST AS I CAN

THEN WE'LL CONTINUE
WITH OUR EVENING.

MAYBE WE SHOULD PUT IT OFF.

SHE COMES, I FIX.
SHE GOES, WE ROCK.

NOW EAT. HMM.

[machine whirring]

OH!

OH-HO.

HI, EMILY. I JUST...
I DIDN'T SEE YOU

STANDIN' THERE. I'M
JUST WORKIN' ON MY BOAT.

YOU'RE BUILDING A BOAT? YES.

DOES IT FLOAT? NOT YET.

AREN'T BOATS SUPPOSED TO?

EVENTUALLY, YES.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE A HOBBY.

YEAH. THANK GOD FOR THAT, HUH?

IDLE HANDS AND WHATNOT.

IT WILL FLOAT EVENTUALLY.

OH, I'M SURE IT WILL.

JUST HAVE TO DO A LITTLE MORE...

WELL, I SHOULD GET INSIDE.

YEAH. IT WAS NICE
SEEIN' YOU AGAIN.

YES.

OH, UH, CONGRATULATIONS.

FOR WHAT?

YOU KNOW, YOUR THING TOMORROW.

RENEWING YOUR VOWS.

YOU CONGRATULATE THE GROOM.

YOU OFFER THE BRIDE BEST WISHES.

OH.

UH, BEST WISHES.

WHY, THANK YOU, LUKE.

HOW SWEET OF YOU TO SAY.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

Hey, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

[knocking]

MOM, GREAT, COME ON IN.

OK, SO IS THAT THE
DRESS? YES. ITS...

OK, WELL, LET ME
TAKE A LOOK HERE.

(Rory) HI, GRANDMA. BIG
DAY TOMORROW, HUH?

THAT WASN'T YOUR DINNER, WAS IT?

NO, THAT WAS JUST THE APPETIZER.

OH, WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF.

MOM, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG.

LORELAI, ARE YOU
BLIND? LOOK. WHERE?

RIGHT THERE.

THAT BEAD AND THAT BEAD
AND THAT BEAD, ALL LOOSE.

OK, I SEE IT NOW.

[laughing] I DON'T
KNOW HOW I MISSED IT.

WELL, THIS IS GONNA TAKE ME
NO TIME AT ALL. 5 MINUTES, TOPS.

WELL, DON'T RUSH IT.

NO, NO, NO. NO RUSH.
IT'S AN EASY JOB.

3 AND A HALF MINUTES
AND YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY.

YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO SIT DOWN BECAUSE
BY THE TIME YOU DO, THIS'LL BE DONE.

IN FACT, YOU SHOULD'VE
LEFT THE CAR RUNNING,

'CAUSE THAT'S HOW
QUICK THIS IS GONNA BE.

SO HOW YOU HOLDIN' UP, GRANDMA?

I'M A WRECK, ACTUALLY.

WHY?

WELL... (Lorelai) 2
MINUTES AND WE'RE DONE!

I STILL CAN'T DECIDE EXACTLY
WHAT TO DO WITH MY HAIR

AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO FAITH

THAT MY WEDDING PLANNER'S
GONNA BE ABLE TO PULL THIS OFF.

[laughing] 30 SECONDS. SOMEONE
CLOCK ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DRINK?

NO, NO, NO, MOM, WHY ARE
YOU TAKING OFF YOUR COAT?

SOME WINE, OR SOME
CHILLED VODKA, PERHAPS?

YEAH, BUT Y-YOU MIGHT WANNA
HOLD OFF ON HAVING A DRINK, MOM.

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE DRIVING
IN 2 SHAKES OF A LAMB'S TAIL.

WELL, I COULD USE
A LITTLE SOMETHING.

CALM MY NERVES ABOUT
THIS WEDDING PLANNER I HIRED.

I'M SURE EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE FINE.

I DON'T SEE HOW IT CAN BE.
EVERYTHING IS SO LAST-MINUTE.

AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET
A DECENT REHEARSAL.

MOM, I PROMISE YOU,

I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY WALKED IN A
STRAIGHT LINE AT LEAST ONCE BEFORE.

I CAN GET YOU THE COP'S
NAME IF YOU WANNA TALK TO HIM.

OH, WELL, IT'S TOO LATE TO
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT NOW.

NO, NO, MOM. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I'M
ALMOST THERE. I'M ALMOST THERE. I AM DONE.

[phone ringing] STOP HER
FROM GETTING A DRINK.

HOW? UH, SHOW HER NICK
NOLTE'S MUG SHOT. HELLO?

LORELAI, HOW ARE YOU?

I-I'M FINE, DAD. HOW ARE YOU?

OH, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT ME.

I'M IN GOOD HANDS.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS? RIGHT.

JEEZ, DAD, HANGIN' OUT
AT THE BATHHOUSE AGAIN?

I'M AT MY BACHELOR
PARTY, LORELAI.

AND I JUST THOUGHT
I'D CALL AND SEE

HOW YOUR LITTLE
GATHERING WAS GOING.

MY... YEAH. I WANT YOU
TO HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME

AND GO AS CRAZY AS
YOU THINK IS NECESSARY.

BUT MAKE SURE YOUR MOTHER
DOESN'T MIX HER ALCOHOL.

SOMETIMES, WHEN SHE HAS
A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH VODKA,

SHE FORGETS AND
SHE GOES ON TO GIN.

I NEED HER SOBER AND LOOKING
BEAUTIFUL FOR TOMORROW.

OTHERWISE, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.

[all laughing]

SO, DAD, MOM TOLD YOU
WE WERE HAVING A PARTY?

WELL, SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS HEADING
OVER TO YOUR HOUSE THIS EVENING

TO SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH THE
GIRLS, SO I PUT IT ALL TOGETHER.

I'M A VERY BRILLIANT
MAN, LORELAI.

ANYHOW, I WON'T
KEEP YOU ANY LONGER.

JUST RETURN YOUR MOTHER IN
ONE PIECE, SANS TATTOOS, PLEASE.

OK, WILL DO.

HAVE A SCANDALOUS TIME.

I'LL SEE YOU GIRLS TOMORROW.

OK, SO HERE'S A FUN TWIST
FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE.

MY FATHER THINKS MY MOTHER IS
HERE FOR HER BACHELORETTE PARTY.

WHAT? WHY DOES HE THINK THAT?

I THINK SHE TOLD HIM THAT. OOPS.

OH, WERE WE SUPPOSED TO
THROW HER A BACHELORETTE PARTY?

I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE
THE MAID OF HONOR.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO PLAN THESE THINGS?

I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD
A BACHELORETTE PARTY

WHEN YOU HADN'T BEEN A
BACHELORETTE FOR 40 YEARS.

OH, MY GOD. SHE'S GONNA
HOLD THIS AGAINST ME

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

[sighs]

♪ [music playing]

[people laughing] DAVEY
HAD JUST FALLEN ASLEEP.

I KNOW. I'M SORRY. THANK
YOU FOR COMING OVER HERE

[sighs] AT THE LAST
MINUTE. AND IS THAT...

POT STICKERS. I LOVE YOU.

HI, SOOKIE. MMM-HMM.

GO ON IN THE LIVING ROOM. OK.

THE OTHER LIVING ROOM. OK.

HMM. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO OPEN YOUR EYES NOW.

OK.

HEY, LORELAI.

HEY, GYPSY. THANKS FOR
COMING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

HEY, I'M ALWAYS UP
FOR A GOOD PARTY.

EMILY'S IN THE LIVING
ROOM WITH THE OTHERS.

GREAT. WHO'S EMILY?

FOLLOW ME, I'LL POINT HER OUT.

OKEY-DOKEY.

LOOK, EVERYONE, IT'S GYPSY!

GYPSY! GYPSY'S HERE.
EVERYONE, GYPSY'S HERE.

GYPSY, THAT'S EMILY.

COME ON, GYPSY. COME
OVER HERE AND SIT BY ME.

OH, OK.

I HAVE TO SAY, LORELAI,
I AM LOVING THIS DRINK.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF
THESE, GYPSY? I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S CALLED A RUM AND COKE.

YOU KNOW, YOU MAY
LOOK HIGHBROW, EMILY,

BUT UNDERNEATH,
YOU'RE JUST A BROAD.

(Emily) DID YOU HEAR
THAT, GYPSY? I'M A BROAD.

YEAH, I ALWAYS SUSPECTED.

HOW'S IT GOING? GREAT.

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

I TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT TO
HER, BUT IT IS NOT WORKING.

WE ARE THROWING MY
GRANDMOTHER A BACHELORETTE PARTY.

BUT SHE'S MARRIED.

YEAH, BUT THEY'RE
DOING IT AGAIN.

BUT WHY? BECAUSE

THEY WANT TO TELL EACH OTHER THAT
THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ALL OVER AGAIN.

BUT WHY?

BECAUSE THEY DO. BUT WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S FUN. BUT WHY?

BECAUSE...

HEY, YOU LASTED ONE
MORE "BUT WHY" THAN I DID.

SO, EMILY, TELL US ABOUT THIS
PARTY OF YOURS TOMORROW.

IT'S GOING TO BE
FABULOUS, ISN'T IT, LORELAI?

AB FAB, SWEETIE DARLING.

ISN'T SHE HILARIOUS?

I NEVER HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT,

BUT SHE'S SO
ENTERTAINING, LIKE A CHIMP.

ISN'T SHE LIKE A CHIMP, GYPSY?

PLEASE MAKE YOUR
MOTHER STOP TALKING TO ME.

IF ONLY I HAD THAT POWER.

THE PARTY'S GOING
TO BE VERY, VERY BIG,

FLOWERS EVERYWHERE,
AND MY DRESS IS INCREDIBLE.

THE WOMAN WHO
MADE IT IS A GENIUS.

SO WHERE'S IT GONNA
BE? THE WINDSOR CLUB.

OH, FANCY!

WELL, THAT AIN'T NO TOILET BOWL.

NO, IT CERTAINLY IS NOT.

IT'S THE PERFECT PLACE TO
HAVE MY PERFECT WEDDING.

AND WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH
TO GET IT, LET ME TELL YOU...

LORELAI, THE CUP'S EMPTY.

IT WAS BOOKED UP
2 YEARS IN ADVANCE

AND THE SHELDRAKES
HAD THE ROSE ROOM.

THEY WERE HAVING
A RETIREMENT PARTY

OR SOMETHING
RIDICULOUS LIKE THAT

AND THEY SIMPLY REFUSED
TO LET US HAVE THE ROOM.

THEY WERE STUBBORN AND SELFISH

AND NOW AFTER ALL
THE STRINGS I PULLED,

THEY ARE ACROSS TOWN
AT THE BLUESTONE CLUB

WITH THEIR PIPED-IN MUSIC AND
THEIR PORNOGRAPHIC FOUNTAINS.

YOU GO, MISS GOTTI!

I MUST SAY, THIS IS THE BEST
BACHELORETTE PARTY I EVER HAD.

I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD
PLAY GAMES OR SOMETHING

OR HAVE NAUGHTY GIFTS
LIKE EDIBLE UNDERWEAR

OR DIRTY-SHAPED PASTA.

TOO BAD WE DON'T... OH,
OH, WAIT JUST A SECOND.

WHERE'S SHE GOING?
GYPSY, WHERE'S SHE GOING?

AH-HA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NO WAY.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

YOU GAVE IT TO ME.

[laughing] YEAH.

MOM, FOR YOU ON
YOUR SPECIAL NIGHT.

WHAT IS THIS?

[laughing]

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

[all laughing] WHAT ARE
THEY LAUGHING AT?

[all continue laughing]

HAVE A TATER TOT, KIM.

[whispering] MY MOTHER
IS FAST ASLEEP IN MY BED

CLUTCHING MY HELLO KITTY PILLOW,

AND YES, I HAVE PICTURES.

I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH
RUM GRANDMA DRANK TONIGHT.

HOW MUCH RUM SHE DRANK?

THAT'S GRANDMA'S BAG.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I HAVE NO IDEA. I AM DRUNK.

HEY. COME BACK HERE WITH THAT.

[snoring]

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

[gasping] THERE IS NO WAY I'M
SITTING NEXT TO MISSY HOLLERMAN.

STOP THAT. THAT'S
GRANDMA'S SEATING CHART.

I KNOW. I'M JUST FINE-TUNING IT.

OH, THE RAMSEYS' DIVORCE
MUST BE LEGAL BY NOW.

TIME FOR A LITTLE REUNION.

YOU'RE EVIL, AND
I'M GOING TO TELL.

WELL, IF YOU DO, THEN I'M
GONNA TELL COUSIN DREW

A.K.A. THE POWER
SPITTER, THAT YOU LIKE HIM.

YOU'RE MEAN.

HMM. MAN, I MUST SAY
ONE THING FOR MY PARENTS:

THEY CERTAINLY
COMMAND A GOOD TURNOUT.

HEY, DO YOU THINK THE SHELDRAKES
WILL BE UNHAPPY AT THE BLUESTONE CLUB?

UH, I HAVE NO IDEA.

HOWEVER, I DO KNOW THAT
DINKY SHAW IS GOING TO BE SITTING

NEXT TO HER EX-HUSBAND'S
DAUGHTER FROM HIS 2ND MARRIAGE.

THIS IS THE DAUGHTER WHOSE
CONCEPTION CAUSED THE 2ND MARRIAGE

AND EVERYBODY SHOULD
BRING AN EXTRA ROLL OF FILM.

SEEMS MEAN, GETTING THEM
KICKED OUT LIKE THAT. SEEMS MEAN.

SEEMS GILMORE. MOM.

RORY, THIS IS HOW IT WORKS
IN MY PARENTS' WORLD.

TRUST ME, THE SHELDRAKES
ARE BUSY SCREWING SOMEONE

AT THE BLUESTONE OUT
OF SOMETHING AS WE SPEAK.

IF YOU SAY SO.

THESE PEOPLE LIVE IN A UNIVERSE
WHERE THEY FEEL ENTITLED

TO GET WHAT THEY
WANT WHEN THEY WANT IT

AND THEY DON'T CARE WHO'S IN
THEIR WAY. I HATE THAT WORLD.

VAPID, SELFISH.

IT'S LIKE THAT LIFE AND DEATH
BRIGADE YOU WROTE ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU KNOW, LIKE A BUNCH
OF SELFISH RICH KIDS,

THE CHILDREN OF ENTITLEMENT,
BLOWING OFF SCHOOL,

DRINKING FOR DAYS,
SPENDING THOUSANDS

ON A STUPID AND
POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS STUNT

KNOWING FULL WELL THAT
THEY'RE NOT GONNA GET IN TROUBLE

'CAUSE DADDY IS IMPORTANT.
THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

THEY'RE NOT ALL THE SAME.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM.

AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I WROTE.

I DIDN'T SAY THOSE
THINGS ABOUT THEM.

YOU'RE JUST READING
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO INTO IT.

OK, SORRY.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE MONEY, THAT
DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE YOU A JERK.

I KNOW. I DIDN'T
MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

[sighs]

SO, NEW SUBJECT?

[sighing] YEAH, NEW SUBJECT.

[gasping] HEY.

I WONDER IF MY
MOTHER WOULD NOTICE

IF SHE AND DAD WERE
SUDDENLY AT DIFFERENT TABLES.

OK.

(Lorelai) HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN
MY SPARKLY VENOM LIP GLOSS?

(Rory) YES, I HAVE.
IT'S AT SCHOOL.

WELL, AS LONG AS IT'S SAFE.

HEY, WHAT TIME IS IT? 10:35.

[knocking on door] RATS.

RORY, CAN YOU GET THAT?

I'M NOT DRESSED YET.

YOU'RE NOT? IT'S 10:35. SO?

[door opening] FINALLY THAT
CHILDISH PUNCTUALITY OF YOURS

HAS WORN OFF.

[door closing] STOP.

MY BABY'S A WOMAN. (Luke) HELLO?

LUKE? YEAH.

UH, THE FRONT DOOR WAS OPEN.

WE'LL BE RIGHT
THERE. (Rory) HI, LUKE.

HEY, RORY.

UH, Y-YOU KNOW, YOUR
FRONT DOOR WAS OPEN.

[footsteps on stairs] IT WASN'T
LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT, WAS IT?

HEY, YOU LOOK NICE.
YOU'RE NOT DRESSED.

NO, GETTING DRESSED THERE.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD
GET DRESSED THERE.

RORY, LET'S MOTOR!

I WOULD'VE GOTTEN DRESSED THERE.

OK. I'M READY.
HEY, YOU LOOK NICE.

YEAH. I... I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
COULD GET DRESSED THERE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU DIDN'T MENTION THERE WAS
A PLACE TO GET DRESSED THERE.

[sighing] WE'RE LATE. LET'S GO!

WAIT, AREN'T YOU GONNA LOCK UP?

(Lorelai) BABETTE, LOCK
UP WHEN YOU LEAVE.

YOU GOT IT, HONEY.

OH, YOU LOOK NICE.

OH, PLEASE LET THEM
NOT BE HERE YET.

THEY'LL BE HERE.

WELL, YOU TELL THEM
YOU WERE RUNNING LATE.

YOU WERE RUNNING LATE, TOO.

MY PANTS ARE ALL
WRINKLED FROM THE RIDE.

CAN YOU SEE THEM? NO.

I LOOK LIKE I SLEPT IN THEM.

STOP BEING SUCH A
NANCY-BOY ABOUT THE PANTS.

YOU THINK HEMINGWAY EVER GAVE A
CRAP WHAT HIS PANTS LOOKED LIKE?

HEMINGWAY BLEW
HIS BRAINS OUT, ALSO.

HOW MUCH OF A ROLE MODEL DO
YOU WANT ME TO MAKE THIS GUY?

WELL, THERE THEY ARE.

(Richard) HELLO, GIRLS.

[chuckles] APPARENTLY, THEY'RE
GOING TO CHANGE HERE ALSO.

SORRY, UM, RORY HAD
A LITTLE EMERGENCY.

(Rory) SO DID MOM.

I HOPE EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

YES, JUST FINE.

HOW IS EVERYTHING GOING?

UTTER DISASTER.

THAT MORONIC WEDDING PLANNER
FINALLY FULFILLED HER POTENTIAL.

I GET HERE AND I GO THROUGH
MY SEATING CHART, AND IT'S A MESS.

IT LOOKED LIKE A DRUNKEN
PSYCHOPATH TOOK A STAB AT IT.

I HAD TO REDO THE ENTIRE THING.

IT TOOK ME 2 HOURS
AND YEARS OFF MY LIFE.

WELL, MAYBE SHE
JUST GOT CONFUSED.

SHE DID GET CONFUSED.

CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT
HER PROFESSION SHOULD BE.

ANYWAY, I FIRED HER. THAT SHOULD
HELP CLARIFY THINGS FOR HER.

3RD RING OF HELL, PARTY OF ONE.

MOM, UH, HOW COULD YOU FIRE HER
NOW? WHO'S GONNA RUN THE WEDDING?

WELL, LUCKILY, MARILYN CAME
INTO TOWN EARLY FOR THE CEREMONY

AND SHE OFFERED TO HELP OUT.

YOU KNOW THAT MARILYN WAS A
VERY INTIMATE FRIEND OF CECIL BEATON.

HE NAMED AN END
TABLE AFTER HER. HMM.

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT,
EVEN THOUGH WE MANAGED

TO GET THE SHELDRAKES
OUT OF THE ROSE ROOM,

THE WOMEN'S CLUB
THAT OWNS THIS PLACE

HAS THEIR STILL-LIFE PAINTING
CLASS AT 4:00 TODAY IN THE SALON

AND THEY REFUSE TO GIVE IT UP.

ARE YOU USING THE SALON?

OF COURSE WE'RE
NOT USING THE SALON.

WHAT ON EARTH WOULD
WE USE THE SALON FOR?

OH, LUKE, YOU'RE HERE.

YEAH, UH, HAVE BEEN, ACTUALLY.

RICHARD, DID YOU SEE LUKE?

NO. WHY, LUKE, THERE YOU ARE.

HI, MR. GILMORE. BEST
WISH... CONGRATU...

NICE SUIT.

THANK YOU, LUKE.

I CAN HAVE MY TAILOR STEAM
OUT THOSE TROUSERS FOR YOU.

[laughing] RICHARD, THAT'S NOT WHAT
HE'S WEARING TO THE CEREMONY.

I'M SURE HE'S GOING TO CHANGE.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS,
LET'S GO GET SETTLED.

ARE YOU OK TO HANG
HERE FOR A WHILE?

OH, SURE. I'M FINE. YOU GO.

EMILY!

YOUR FLORIST IS HERE, AND
EVERYTHING LOOKS FABULOUS.

REALLY?

NO, BUT IT WILL.

LORELAI, YOU LOOK DIVINE.

AND, RORY, THAT SKIN.

GORGEOUS. I CAN'T
FIND THE WORDS.

AND WHO IS THIS?

OH, MARILYN, THIS IS LUKE.

LUKE, THIS IS MY
COUSIN, MARILYN.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU, TOO.

[cutlery rattling]

IS HE A GARDENER?

UH, NO. HE OWNS A DINER.

OH, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH A GARDENER.

APPARENTLY,
THAT'S VERY "IN" NOW.

MARILYN, WE'RE GOING
TO THE BRIDAL ROOM NOW.

AND I HAVE GARDENIAS
TO DEAL WITH.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.

I'LL BE THE HANDSOME
ONE HOLDING THE RING.

MY FAVORITE KIND OF MAN.

PSST, PSST.

[whispering] LORELAI. I NEED
YOU TO DO SOMETHING.

SPY VOICE. COOL. FOCUS, PLEASE.

I AM A CAMERA.

I WANT TO GIVE YOUR
MOTHER A PRESENT,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HER DRESS LOOKS LIKE.

SO, I NEED YOU TO TAKE THESE,

WAIT TILL SHE'S NOT LOOKING,

HOLD THEM UP TO THE DRESS,
PICK THE ONE THAT LOOKS BEST

BRING IT BACK TO ME,
AND I WILL GIVE IT TO HER.

GOT IT? GOT IT.

GO.

WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?

THAT ONE. THE OTHER
FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

[gasping] LOOK AT
THAT. IT'S SO FANCY.

YOUR GRANDFATHER HAS PERFECT
TASTE IN NECKLACES AND EARRINGS.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO FIND A MAN

WHO CAN PICK OUT YOUR JEWELRY.

OR STEAL IT. HMM.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

UH, TO GIVE DAD
BACK THE NECKLACES.

HANG YOUR DRESS UP FIRST.
(Rory) I'M GONNA GO CHANGE.

OH, GREAT. COME
BACK AS THORA BIRCH.

OH, LORD, LOOK AT THAT.

PIERRE HAS HIS WORK
CUT OUT FOR HIM TODAY.

STOP IT, MOM. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.

LORELAI, WHY AM I DOING THIS?

OH, YES. IT IS PRETTY, ISN'T IT?

IT'S PRETTY FREAKING
AWESOME IS WHAT IT IS.

OH, MY GOD, I'M SO NERVOUS.

I HAVEN'T EATEN A THING ALL DAY.

DO YOU WANT ME TO WHIP UP
A LITTLE PASTA FOR YOU, MOM?

STOP THAT. MAYBE I
SHOULD TAKE A SECONAL.

EXCELLENT IDEA, JUDY. ALL
RIGHT, MY DRESS IS HUNG.

MAKE SURE YOU HURRY
BACK. LIZETTE WILL BE HERE

TO DO YOUR HAIR ANY MINUTE.

MY HAIR'S ALREADY DONE.
DON'T WORRY. SHE CAN FIX IT.

I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

I'M JUST SO NERVOUS,
I CAN'T THINK.

WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?
I'M GETTING MARRIED.

FOR THE 2ND TIME. MOM,
IT'S A PRETEND WEDDING.

J-LO HAS THEM ALL THE TIME.

WELL, IT CERTAINLY FEELS
LIKE A REAL WEDDING.

AFTER ALL, WE'VE BEEN
SEPARATED FOR MONTHS.

I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN
WHAT IT WAS LIKE

TO HAVE A MAN AROUND THE HOUSE.

OH, GOD, I MISSED HIM.

IT'S A WONDERFUL THING TO
HAVE A HUSBAND, A PARTNER,

SOMEONE WHO'S ALWAYS THERE.

OH, LORELAI, DON'T YOU THINK
YOU'LL EVER WANT TO BE MARRIED?

WELL, UM...

ACTUALLY, I... I DO.

WELL, THAT'S NICE.

BEST MAN IN THE HOUSE.

(Emily) OH, MY GOODNESS, RORY.
YOU ABSOLUTELY LOOK ADORABLE.

SAY, AREN'T YOU THE
CULTURE QUEER EYE GUY?

UH, IGNORE HER.
YOU LOOK DASHING.

YEAH. NOW GO BUY
ME SOME EARRINGS.

I LIKE IT.

HEY, IT'S NOT FAIR THAT SHE
GETS TO DRESS LIKE THAT.

YOUR DRESS IS BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH, BUT SHE GETS TO
WEAR, LIKE, A COSTUME.

CAN'T I DRESS LIKE YOUR MAID?

IT'LL BE WHIMSICAL,
AND I CAN WEAR FLATS.

GO GET THE NECKLACES
BACK TO YOUR FATHER.

HMM. YOU SO LIKE HER BETTER.

♪ [violins and cello playing]

SO, TELL ME, LUKE, HAVE YOU EVER
CONSIDERED BEING A GARDENER?

UH, I'M NOT MUCH GOOD
AT GROWING THINGS.

[laughing] LUKE, THAT'S
THE LEAST IMPORTANT PART

OF BEING A GARDENER.

[music stops]

WILL YOU ALL BE SEATED, PLEASE?

I HAVE KNOWN EMILY AND RICHARD
GILMORE FOR 20 YEARS NOW.

I KNOW THEM TO BE 2 OF THE
MOST FORMIDABLE OPPONENTS

THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.

THEY COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER.

THEY DEFEND EACH OTHER.

THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

AND TODAY, IN FRONT
OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY,

RICHARD AND EMILY
HAVE CHOSEN, ONCE AGAIN,

TO SAY TO EACH
OTHER, "I CHOOSE YOU."

HOW MANY OF US IN A LIFETIME
GET CHOSEN EVEN ONCE

FOR SOMETHING WE REALLY WANT?

RICHARD AND EMILY, WILL
YOU PLEASE FACE EACH OTHER?

PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME:

I, RICHARD GILMORE...

I, RICHARD GILMORE...

♪ [band playing]

[people chattering]

AND OVER HERE, WE
HAVE THE ROMANOV TABLE.

WOW. LOOK AT THOSE
FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS.

THIS THING MUST
HAVE COST A FORTUNE.

THEY'RE REAL ORCHIDS.

A LITTLE GAYER, PLEASE.

I'M JUST SAYIN'.

OH, WASN'T THE CEREMONY PERFECT?

THE CANDLES AND THAT JUDGE...

I SHOULD'VE MARRIED HIM.

I WAS SUCH A SNOB.

WOULDN'T HAVE A CIVIL SERVANT.

[sighs]

YOU'RE SAVING A DANCE FOR ME.

OH, GOD, THERE'S DANCING?

OH, YEAH, THEY WERE DOING
THE ONE FROM PULP FICTION.

DO YOU WANT TO
BE UMA OR SHOULD I?

I'LL MEET YOU GUYS
AT OUR TABLE LATER.

TABLE 5, HON.

[sighing] MAN, I'VE ALREADY
SEEN 10 PEOPLE I HATE,

20 PEOPLE I KNOW, BUT WHOSE
NAMES I CAN'T REMEMBER,

AND 40 PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW, BUT
WHO'LL EXPECT ME TO KNOW THEM ANYHOW.

A BAR. THANK GOD.

HEY, I NEED YOU TO RUN MAJOR
INTRODUCTION INTERFERENCE FOR ME.

WHAT?

WELL, YOU HAVE THE ADVANTAGE.
NO ONE KNOWS YOU HERE.

YOU CAN'T INSULT THEM BY
FORGETTING THEIR NAMES.

UH, VODKA TONIC. AND A BEER.

WHEN SOMEONE COMES
UP, I'LL TAKE A DRINK.

MY MOUTH WILL BE
FULL. I CAN'T TALK.

HOW WOULD THAT LOOK, RIGHT?

THEN YOU JUMP IN,
OFFER YOUR HAND,

"HI, LUKE DANES. AND YOU ARE..."

"I'M MR. VLOCKENFEFFER." BY
THEN, I WILL HAVE SWALLOWED.

"OH, HI, MR. VLOCKENFEFFER.
I'M LORELAI. REMEMBER ME?"

"THE BANE OF YOUR
MOTHER'S EXISTENCE?"

"EXACTLY. NICE
TO SEE YOU AGAIN."

"NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
AND NICE TO MEET YOU, LUKE."

"NICE TO MEET YOU,
MR. VLOCKENFEFFER."

"YOU KIDS HAVE A
LOVELY EVENING."

"NO, YOU HAVE A LOVELY EVENING.
OUR LOVE TO MRS. VLOCKENFEFFER."

OH, LOOK. WHAT?

MY AUNT TOTSIE.
HMM. LOVELY WOMAN.

SHE HUGS YOU, YOU'LL
SMELL LIKE HER FOR A MONTH.

[sighing] YEP. KEEP
THESE COMING.

THANKS.

[man chattering]

(man) WHISKEY ON THE ROCKS.

[people chattering]

(woman) OH, I NEVER QUITE
UNDERSTOOD HOW THAT WORKS.

ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT THAT
DIFFICULT AT ALL. REALLY?

YOU JUST START WITH THE SIBLINGS

AND COUNT DOWN EVEN GENERATIONS.

THE CHILDREN OF SIBLINGS
ARE FIRST COUSINS,

THE GRANDCHILDREN OF SIBLINGS
ARE 2ND COUSINS, AND SO ON.

THAT MAKES YOU
AND CICI 3RD COUSINS

BECAUSE MEMAW AND YOUR
GREAT-GREAT-AUNT MARY WERE SISTERS, SEE?

NOW, IF THE
GENERATIONS AREN'T EVEN,

THAT'S WHERE YOU
INDICATE WITH "REMOVED."

FOR EXAMPLE, YOU'RE
TRIP'S 2ND COUSIN.

BUT TRIP'S DAUGHTER IS YOUR
2ND COUSIN ONCE REMOVED.

SO IF CICI EVER HAS
GRANDCHILDREN,

THEY WILL BE YOUR 3RD
COUSINS TWICE REMOVED,

WHEREAS THEY WILL BE MY
2ND COUSINS THRICE REMOVED

AND MY GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN'S
5TH COUSINS.

YOU SEE, IT'S...

(Bruce) I'M BRUCE McALISTER
AND THIS IS MY WIFE, SUSAN.

(Luke) WELL, IT'S VERY NICE TO
MEET YOU, BRUCE AND SUSAN.

HI, BRUCE. REMEMBER ME, LORELAI?

YES, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

(Susan) WELL, WE
SHOULD FIND OUR TABLE.

WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER? OK.

BYE, BRUCE. BYE, SUSAN.

COME ON, HON, LET'S GO.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.

HMM. OOPS. MARILYN'S
GETTING TOTSIED.

[clears throat]

AHEM. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?

IT'S OK.

GOOD. UM, I HAVE TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU OK? YEAH. I, UM...

[whispering] CHRISTOPHER'S HERE.

OH, WELL, I GUESS HE
KNOWS YOUR PARENTS, SO...

YEAH, BUT, UM...

SO, CHRISTOPHER'S FATHER
DIED A COUPLE WEEKS AGO

AND, UM, HE TOOK IT PRETTY HARD.

HE HAD A TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE MAN, AND, UM,

I WENT OVER THERE ONE NIGHT.

THE NIGHT BEFORE
THE RE-ENACTMENT.

UM, I BROUGHT TEQUILA,
AND WE TALKED AND DRANK,

JUST 2 OLD FRIENDS
HANGIN' OUT, THAT'S ALL.

YOU WENT OVER
THERE? TO COMFORT HIM.

I KNOW I SHOULD'VE
TOLD YOU ABOUT IT.

I JUST DIDN'T, BECAUSE I... I DIDN'T
WANT YOU TO READ ANYTHING INTO IT

OR THINK ANYTHING WEIRD.

AND I'M ONLY TELLING YOU NOW
BECAUSE HE'S HERE AND IT MIGHT COME UP

AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO FEEL SHANGHAIED.

YEAH, THAT WOULD BE BAD.

HUH. I'M SORRY, LUKE.
NOTHING HAPPENED.

PLEASE BELIEVE ME.

HEY, LORE. HI, CHRIS.
YOU KNOW LUKE?

UH, NO, NOT REALLY.
I'M CHRISTOPHER.

YEAH, I'VE HEARD A LOT
ABOUT YOU. YOU, TOO.

THE COFFEE IS LEGENDARY.

[chuckling] LUKE
AND I ARE DATING.

THAT'S GREAT.

HAVE BEEN FOR,
WHAT, 4 MONTHS NOW?

MAN, TIME. IT FLIES WHEN
YOU'RE HAVING FUN, HUH? BIG FUN.

NOTHING SEXUAL
INTENDED, ALTHOUGH...

SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAD.

YEAH, UH, THANKS.

I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOUR
DAD AND THE TEQUILA.

OH, YEAH, IT WAS ROUGH.

LORELAI HELPED ME A
LOT, JUST BEING THERE.

SHE'S A VERY CONSIDERATE PERSON.

[laughs]

HEY, WHO LIKES MY DRESS,

'CAUSE, MAN, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN
THE ONE MY MOTHER WANTED ME TO WEAR.

YOU'RE CUTTING OFF MY
CIRCULATION. I'M SORRY.

HEY, SO, WHERE'S
THAT KID OF OURS? UH...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I'D LIKE TO PRESENT TO YOU

FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS CENTURY,

MR. AND MRS. RICHARD GILMORE.

[people applauding]

WELL, UH, WE SHOULD
TAKE OUR SEATS NOW.

SEE YOU LATER, CHRIS.

WE'LL HAVE A DRINK.
THAT'D BE GREAT.

♪ [band playing]

SOMETHING WRONG?

THE COFFEE SUCKS.

THANK YOU.

[clearing throat]

ON BEHALF OF MYSELF
AND MY 2ND WIFE, EMILY,

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR
COMING HERE TO HELP US CELEBRATE.

YOU ARE GOOD FRIENDS AND
WE ARE VERY, VERY LUCKY.

[people applauding]

NOW, AHEM, IN PLANNING
OUR TRADITIONAL FIRST DANCE,

I GAVE A LOT OF THOUGHT TO
THE SONG THAT WOULD REPRESENT

THE NEXT PHASE IN OUR MARRIAGE.

THE BEST PHASE IN
OUR MARRIAGE, I BELIEVE.

I WENT OVER ALL THE GREATS,
BENNETT, SINATRA, CHUCK BERRY,

AND A STORY POPPED INTO MY HEAD.

MOST OF YOU KNOW
MY DAUGHTER, LORELAI.

WHEN LORELAI WAS 3,

SHE WENT THROUGH A PERIOD OF
HAVING CHRONIC EAR INFECTIONS.

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

SCREAMING ALL NIGHT LONG,

WE COULDN'T KEEP A
NANNY LONGER THAN A WEEK.

YEAH, THAT WAS THE
TERRIBLE PART ABOUT IT.

THE SEARING PAIN
WAS JUST A SIDE NOTE.

SO IT FELL TO EMILY TO SIT
WITH HER ALL NIGHT LONG.

SHE TRIED EVERYTHING
TO CALM HER DOWN.

FINALLY, SHE FOUND A SONG
THAT SEEMED TO SOOTHE HER.

IT WAS A POPULAR
SONG ON THE RADIO,

AND IT SOON BECAME
EMILY'S FAVORITE.

OF COURSE, IT DROVE ME CRAZY.

SOME WOMAN COMPLAINING ABOUT

HOW SHE WANTED TO
MARRY A MAN NAMED BILL.

NOT EXACTLY COLE PORTER.

EMILY WOULD TEASE ME, SAYING,

"IF ONLY YOUR NAME WAS BILL,
THEN THIS COULD BE OUR SONG."

[people chuckling] WELL,
EMILY, FOR TONIGHT,

AND TONIGHT ONLY,

[people exclaiming] MY NAME
IS BILL, AND THIS IS OUR SONG.

HIT THE BUTTON, JOHNNY.

♪ [band starts playing]
YOUR HAND, MADAM.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU
REMEMBERED THIS SONG.

♪ [Wedding Bell Blues by
The 5th Dimension playing]

♪ BILL, I LOVE YOU SO ♪

♪ I ALWAYS WILL ♪

♪ I LOOK AT YOU AND SEE
THE PASSION EYES OF MAY ♪

♪ OH, BUT AM I EVER GONNA SEE ♪

♪ MY WEDDING DAY ♪

♪ WEDDING DAY ♪

♪ I WAS ON YOUR SIDE, BILL ♪

♪ WHEN YOU WERE LOSING ♪

♪ I NEVER SCHEME OR LIE, BILL ♪

♪ THERE'S BEEN NO FOOLIN' ♪

♪ BUT KISSES AND
LOVE WON'T CARRY ME ♪

♪ TILL YOU MARRY ME, BILL ♪

WE SHOULD SEPARATE MORE OFTEN.

OH, BITE YOUR TONGUE.

♪ I LOVE YOU SO I ALWAYS WILL ♪

(M.C.) AT THIS TIME,
IF YOU'RE IN LOVE,

WE'D LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO JOIN

EMILY AND RICHARD
ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

♪ OH, BUT AM I EVER GONNA
HEAR MY WEDDING BELLS ♪

YOU WANNA DANCE?

NO, THANKS.

PLEASE?

I... I PROMISE I WILL DANCE
JUST AS SPAZZY AS YOU WILL.

I DO NOT DANCE SPAZZY.

THEN I WILL BE THE
ONLY SPAZ ON THE FLOOR.

PLEASE.

I DO NOT DANCE SPAZZY.

THANK YOU.

♪ BUT KISSES AND
LOVE WON'T CARRY ME ♪

♪ TILL YOU MARRY ME, BILL ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU SO I ALWAYS WILL ♪

♪ AND THOUGH DEVOTION
RULES MY HEART I TAKE NO BOWS ♪

♪ OH, BUT, BILL,
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA ♪

♪ TAKE THOSE WEDDING VOWS ♪

♪ OH, COME ON, BILL ♪

♪ OH, COME ON, BILL ♪

YOU WANT SOME COMPANY?

HEY, KIDDO. HAVE A SEAT. HEY.

QUITE A PARTY, HUH?

I'D EXPECT NOTHING LESS
FROM YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

PRETTY FLOWERS.

YES, NOT AT ALL FAKE.

DO YOU LIKE MY SUIT?

I DO. IT'S VERY BUGSY MALONE.

SO, HOW YOU DOING?

[sighing] ME? OH, I'M FINE.

I'M JUST...

DID YOUR MOTHER EVER TELL
YOU ABOUT OUR FIRST KISS?

[chuckles] NO.

WE WERE 14.

IT WAS AFTER SCHOOL, IN
THE PARKING LOT OF THE A&P

AND SHE JUST WALKED
RIGHT UP AND KISSED ME.

REALLY? YEP.

SAID SHE JUST WANTED TO
KNOW WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE.

I HOPE YOU AT LEAST
BOUGHT HER A MOONPIE.

YOU KNOW, IT NEVER WOULD
HAVE CROSSED MY MIND

TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

JUST WALK UP AND KISS
SOMEONE 'CAUSE YOU WANTED TO.

BUT LORELAI, SHE ALWAYS
KNEW WHAT SHE WANTED.

AND SHE'D GO OUT AND GET IT.

SHE NEVER TOLD ME THAT STORY.

NO, PROBABLY WANTED TO
MAKE ME SEEM MORE MANLY.

[chuckles]

DID YOU...

DID I WHAT?

DID YOU LIKE IT THAT
SHE KISSED YOU FIRST?

WHO COULD NOT LIKE BEING
KISSED BY A GILMORE GIRL?

[chuckles]

IT WAS THE GREATEST
DAY OF MY LIFE.

[ice clinking]

[grunting] I'M GONNA GET A
REFILL. CAN I GET YOU SOMETHIN'?

NOPE. I'M FINE.

OK, WELL, I'LL SEE YOU
BACK IN THE CENTER RING.

OK.

♪ I LOVE YOU SO I ALWAYS WILL ♪

♪ [band playing]

WHOO.

[grunting]

OK, THERE'S A TOUCH
OF SPAZZY IN THERE.

[both chuckling]

CAN WE STOP DANCING NOW?

WE CAN, UH, BUT MARILYN IS
STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU

AND IF WE SWAP,
SHE'S GONNA SWOOP IN.

THERE'S NOTHIN' I
CAN DO TO SAVE YOU.

WELL, FUNNY HOW MARILYN'S
BEEN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND ME

WHERE I CAN'T SEE HER
FOR THE LAST 2 SONGS.

YEAH. I KNOW. THAT
WOMAN IS SPOOKY.

THIS WOULDN'T BE SOME
UNDER-HANDED PLOY OF YOURS

TO KEEP ME DANCING, WOULD IT?

WHY, LUKE DANES, I'M
APPALLED AT THE INSINUATION.

I SHOULD WALK OFF THIS
DANCE FLOOR RIGHT NOW

AND LEAVE YOU TO YOUR FATE.

BUT I'M MUCH TOO SWEET
A PERSON TO DO THAT.

AH-HA.

♪ [band stops playing]

[people applauding]

[band starts playing] MUCH BETTER.
LOWERS THE SPAZ QUOTIENT.

I LIKE THE SUIT. CASHMERE?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
WERE GOING TO BE HERE.

REALLY? I THOUGHT YOU
PUT MY NAME ON THE LIST.

NOPE.

OH, WELL, IT MUST BE YOUR
GRANDPARENTS INVITED ME.

MY PARENTS ARE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

OH, SO YOU CAME
WITH YOUR PARENTS?

[sighs] YEP.

AND... AND WHAT?

WHERE'S THE BLONDE?

SHE'S AT THE BAR.

OH, WELL, SHE'S PRETTY.

YEAH, YOU WANT
ME TO HOOK YOU UP?

NO, I WAS JUST SAYING...

WHAT ARE YOU JUST SAYIN'?

THAT SHE'S PRETTY. Y-YOU...

THAT YOU BROUGHT A
PRETTY GIRL. SHE'S PRETTY

AND 2 OF YOU LOOK PRETTY TOGETHER,
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

JILL'S A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY.
I'VE KNOWN HER FOREVER.

SHE'S VISITING HER PARENTS IN
TOWN, AND, UH, SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO,

SO SHE ASKED TO TAG ALONG.

WE'RE NOT DATING.

DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?

[exhales]

AFTER YOU.

WHAT'S THAT?

[woman exclaiming] YAAH!

TOTSIE ALERT. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.

WHAT?

WHY DID YOU COME?

OPEN BAR.

QUITE A DRAW FOR A GUY WITH
AN AMERICAN EXPRESS BLACK CARD.

LIVE BAND, SALAD,
BUTTER PATS... LOGAN...

LITTLE NET BAGS FULL OF
THOSE JORDAN ALMONDS.

ARE YOU EVER
GOING TO ASK ME OUT?

YOU FLIRT WITH ME,

YOU ACT LIKE YOU
LIKE ME A LITTLE.

YOU SHOW UP HERE
WITH A FRIEND, NOT A DATE.

I MEAN, AREN'T YOU EVER...

YOU DO LIKE ME, RIGHT?

OH.

OK, UH, NO PROBLEM. I'LL JUST,
UM, LET YOU GO BACK TO YOUR TABLE

AND I'LL START BURROWING
DIRECTLY INTO THE GROUND.

RORY. I SHOULD BE
IN CHINA BY MIDNIGHT.

RORY.

YOU CALLED ME RORY.

I WANT TO BE CLEAR. OH, GOOD.

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT
ASKING YOU OUT SEVERAL TIMES.

I JUST DON'T THINK
IT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

WHY NOT?

[sighs]

BECAUSE YOU'RE SPECIAL.

SPECIAL?

LIKE "STOP EATING
THE PASTE" SPECIAL?

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,
YOU'RE INTELLIGENT,

YOU'RE INCREDIBLY INTERESTING.

YOU'RE DEFINITELY
GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL.

I, HOWEVER, AM DEFINITELY
NOT BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T
DO COMMITMENT.

I DON'T WANT TO PRETEND
TO YOU THAT I CAN.

IF I WERE TO DATE YOU,
THERE WOULD BE NO DATING.

IT WOULD BE SOMETHING RIGHT
AWAY, AND I'M NOT THAT GUY.

BUT I'M NOT LOOKING FOR
ANYTHING SOMETHING-LIKE.

[sighing] RORY.

I'M NOT.

I'VE DONE THAT.

A-AS A MATTER OF FACT, I JUST DID
THAT, AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.

I'M NOT SAYING YOU
WANT THAT RIGHT NOW.

NO, I DON'T WANT THAT AT ALL.

NO, I'M NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING.

I JUST...

I LIKE YOU

AND I WANT TO SPEND
SOME TIME WITH YOU.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED, HUH?

HEY, GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

STRINGLESS FUN.

YOU MAY FEEL LIKE
THAT NOW, BUT...

I DO FEEL LIKE THAT NOW.

OK, BUT...

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

H-HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

WHAT, DO YOU THINK I
HAVE A PLAN OR SOMETHING?

JEEZ. HUH. LIVE IN THE
MOMENT, HUNTZBERGER.

COMING?

CHAMPAGNE?

[exhales]

LOOK, YOU SURE
YOU WANNA DO THIS?

I JUST WANNA KNOW
WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE.

I FEEL LIKE I'M KISSING A GUY.

AND APPARENTLY, I HAD
NO IDEA WHAT I WAS MISSING.

[clinking continues]

[people applauding]

[people hooting]

HERE YOU GO.

OH, NO! YOU'VE BEEN TOTSIED!

WELL, YOU LEFT ME ALONE.

I WARNED YOU ABOUT HER.

I TURN AROUND AND SHE'S HEADED
RIGHT FOR ME. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

OH, MAN.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

OF COURSE NOT.

THOUGHT I'D COME
BY FOR THAT DRINK.

[sniffing] MAN. YOU'VE
BEEN TOTSIED.

[laughing] DIDN'T YOU WARN HIM?

I TRIED. HE MOVED SLOW.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
MAN. WE ALL BEEN THERE.

LORELAI AND I WENT TO A
FUNERAL. WE GOT TOTSIED TWICE.

YOU REMEMBER? UH, NO.

NO? COME ON, IT WAS RAINING.

YOU WERE WEARING YOUR
"HELL IS FOR CHILDREN" T-SHIRT.

YOUR MOM FLIPPED BECAUSE
WE SNUCK THAT FLASK IN.

UH, SORRY, NO MEMORY
AT ALL. YOU WANNA DANCE?

DANCE? YOU'LL GET
2ND-HAND TOTSIED, LORE.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD BURN
THAT SUIT WHEN YOU GET HOME.

HEY, HOW'S THE INN?

YOU KNOW, WE HAD LUNCH
AT THE INN LAST MONTH.

I KNOW.

THE INN IS FINE.
EVERYTHING IS FINE.

(Marilyn) HONEY, SO
SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

YOUR PARENTS WANT TO TAKE A
PICTURE OF JUST THE WEDDING PARTY

IN FRONT OF THE CAKE
BEFORE THEY CUT IT.

OK, I'LL JUST, UH, GO FIND RORY.

I THINK I SAW HER HEADING OFF THAT
WAY WITH THAT DARLING BLOND BOY.

I'VE FORGIVEN HER
FOR NOT NOTICING

THAT I WAS CHATTING
WITH HIM EARLIER.

REALLY? OK, I'LL GO GET RORY
AND, UH, MEET YOU BACK AT THE CAKE.

I'LL GO WITH YOU.

LISTEN, UH, I THINK
WE NEED TO TALK.

[exhaling] I KNOW, I KNOW,
WE WILL. LET ME TRY TO FIND...

HUH.

GRANDMA WANTS A PICTURE.

OF THIS? RORY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MOM... YOU'RE AT YOUR
GRANDPARENTS' WEDDING

RENEWAL, VOW THING, W-WHATEVER.

THEY'RE RIGHT OUT
THERE. GOD, RORY, I SWEAR.

(Christopher) RORY?
RORY'S IN HERE?

OK, DON'T, CHRIS.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN'
IN HERE WITH MY DAUGHTER?

GET AWAY FROM HER!
THAT IS MY DAUGHTER!

I WILL KICK YOUR
ASS! OK. ALL RIGHT!

I WILL KICK YOUR ASS,
YOU LITTLE WEASEL!

GET OUT! HEY, WHAT
THE HELL'S GOIN' ON?

WHO'S THAT GUY, LORELAI?

CHRISTOPHER, CALM
DOWN! YOU'RE DRUNK!

CALM DOWN? THERE'S A GUY
IN THERE PAWING MY DAUGHTER!

WHAT GUY? THERE'S A
GUY IN THERE WITH RORY?

OH, MY GOD! LUKE!

HEY, GET YOUR HANDS
OFF HER. I MEAN IT.

RIGHT NOW! HANDS IN THE AIR!
I WANNA SEE HANDS IN THE AIR!

(Lorelai) OUT!

I THINK YOU GUYS BETTER USE
THE BACK WAY OUT OF HERE.

BUT DAD... LUKE...

I WILL TAKE CARE
OF DAD AND LUKE.

PLEASE GO, NOW. GO.

[sighs]

[Luke clamoring] SO, UM,
YOU MUST BE LOGAN.

[sighing] UH, YEAH.

I'M LORELAI.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

(Luke) I'M GONNA KILL HIM!

(Christopher) NO,
I'M GONNA KILL HIM!

OK, I BETTER... YEAH.

IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH RORY.

IT SURE THE HELL IS MY BUSINESS!

LOOK, GUYS, PLEASE.

RORY IS MY DAUGHTER! MINE.

OH, REALLY?

WELL, THEN WHERE THE HELL WERE
YOU WHEN SHE GOT THE CHICKEN POX

AND WOULD ONLY EAT
MASHED POTATOES FOR A WEEK?

OR WHERE WERE YOU WHEN
SHE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL

OR STARTED COLLEGE, HUH?

WHO THE HELL MOVED HER
MATTRESS INTO HER DORM

AND OUT OF HER DORM AND
BACK INTO HER DORM AGAIN?

LUKE, PLEASE, THIS
IS NOT THE TIME...

WHERE I WAS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.

RORY IS MY DAUGHTER AND
LORELAI'S DAUGHTER AND THAT'S IT!

WELL, I'M WITH LORELAI. FOR NOW.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, "FOR
NOW"? WHAT IS THAT, A THREAT?

LORELAI AND I BELONG TOGETHER.

EVERYONE KNOWS IT. I
KNOW IT. EMILY KNOWS IT.

WHAT?

LOOK, I BLEW IT, OK? I
KNOW THAT I BLEW IT.

YOU WAITED AND I DIDN'T COME
THROUGH, AND NOW YOU'RE WITH HIM

BUT IT'S NOT TOO
LATE. CHRIS, DON'T.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE. I
KNOW IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

EMILY TOLD ME IT
WASN'T TOO LATE.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE, OK?
I KNOW YOU'RE WITH HIM,

BUT IT'S FOR NOW IT'S NOT
FOREVER. IT'S JUST FOR NOW.

I KNOW THAT.

LUKE, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, LUKE, WAIT.

(Christopher) PLEASE,
JUST TALK TO ME...

CHRISTOPHER, GET OUT OF MY WAY!

♪ [band playing]

PLEASE STOP.

GET AWAY FROM ME,
CHRISTOPHER. I JUST WANNA TALK.

GET SOME COFFEE, CHRISTOPHER!

THIS WASN'T THE WAY I
WANTED IT TO GO DOWN.

I WANTED TO GET YOU ALONE...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GOING AFTER LUKE.

OH, THERE YOU ARE! I'VE GOT HER!

UH! YOU CANNOT KEEP A
ROOMFUL OF ANGLO-SAXONS

WAITING FOR CAKE THIS LONG.

THEY START TO FORM MORE CLUBS.

TAKE HER, TAKE HER, TAKE HER.

(photographer) ALL RIGHT.
WONDERFUL. THERE WE ARE.

OK, EVERYONE IN
JUST A LITTLE CLOSER.

THAT'S PERFECT. HOLD THAT.

YOU AND ME, WE'RE DONE.

1, 2, 3.