Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 10 - But Not as Cute as Pushkin - full transcript

WHOA, HONEY.

OH, I'M SORRY. I
DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

OH, GOODNESS. WHAT'S
LEFT TO WEAR ON YOUR FEET?

I KNOW. IT'S A SICKNESS. EVERYONE
THINKS IT STARTED WITH BRADSHAW.

BUT, ACTUALLY, IT CAME
OVER ON THE MAYFLOWER.

OH, WHAT A WONDERFUL
HISTORY LESSON.

ANY TIME.

[Pasqualie shouting]

PASQUALIE'S FEELING
UNAPPRECIATED AGAIN.

WE HAD "STARS HOLLOW LOVES
PASQUALIE DAY" LAST WEEK.

DIDN'T STICK.

OH, LISTEN, I WANT TO INVITE
YOU TO MY ANNIVERSARY PARTY.

ABSOLUTELY. WHICH HUSBAND?

OH, NO HUSBAND, HONEY.
I'M TALKING ABOUT A LOVER

THAT'S BEEN MUCH MORE LOYAL
AND SEDUCTIVE THAN A HUSBAND.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT
BUSINESS WE CALL SHOW.

40 YEARS.

NO.

40 YEARS AGO TODAY, I DID
MY FIRST PLAY, OFF-BROADWAY.

OFF-BROADWAY? CLEVELAND.

THAT IS OFF-BROADWAY.

ANYHOW, I... I THOUGHT
I'D THROW A BIG PARTY,

FOOD, BOOZE, A LITTLE
SONG, A LITTLE DANCE,

A LITTLE SALSA DOWN YOUR PANTS.

WELL, COUNT ME AND MY PANTS IN.

OH, WONDERFUL.

I WILL EVEN DRAG LUKE THERE.

SO IF THERE'S ANY AUDIENCE
PARTICIPATION, PLEASE PICK ON HIM.

OH, LUKE WON'T
COME. SURE HE WILL.

I HAVE VERY EFFECTIVE
METHODS OF PERSUASION.

THEY INCLUDE
EXTREMELY HIGH HEELS

AND ALL OF JESSICA
SIMPSON'S BATH PRODUCTS.

OH, NO, HONEY.

THE PARTY'S ON
TUESDAY. THE 30TH.

SO?

SO THE 30TH IS THE DARK DAY.

WHAT DARK DAY?

LUKE'S DARK DAY. THE
DAY THAT HE DISAPPEARS.

DISAPPEARS? WHERE?

NOBODY KNOWS. NOBODY KNOWS
WHERE HE GOES OR WHAT HE DOES.

ALL WE KNOW IS NOT
TO TRY AND FIND HIM.

WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS?

I DON'T KNOW, HONEY.
EVERYONE ELSE DOES.

ANYHOW, YOU COME
YOURSELF, OK? 8:00.

I'LL BE THERE. SEE
YOU TUESDAY, PATTY.

OH, PASQUALIE, THE MAESTRO.
MY GOD, YOU LOOK VIRILE TODAY.

ARE YOU SURE YOUR
WIFE WON'T SHARE YOU?

OH, SHE'S GOOD.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

I DON'T AGREE.

YOU'RE LIVING IN
A FANTASY WORLD.

I HAVE CLASSES ALL DAY LONG.

I HEAR YOU PROTESTING.

I'VE GOT A DOUBLE MAJOR OF
POLI-SCI AND BIO-CHEM, TERRENCE.

I SEE YOU OVER-SCHEDULING.

SORRY, I'M JUST
GETTING WATER HERE.

PARIS, YOU'RE NOT YELLING AT ME.

YOU'RE YELLING AT THE WORLD.

I'M NOT YELLING AT ALL.

THIS IS THE NATURAL
REGISTER OF MY VOICE.

IT'S THE REGISTER
OF A TIMID LITTLE GIRL

WHO IS NOT PUTTING
HERSELF OUT THERE.

I AM PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE.

WHY ARE YOU ARGUING
WITH TERRENCE? WHY?

LOOK, I KNOW I
HAVEN'T DATED LATELY,

BUT ASHER WAS VERY
IMPORTANT TO ME.

HEY, PARIS, I CAN'T
FIND MY NOTEBOOK.

THE BLACK ONE WITH ALL
MY YELLOW NOTES IN IT.

YOU HAVE NOT PUT
YOURSELF OUT THERE.

HE JUST DIED.

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE. HE WAS
HALFWAY DEAD WHEN YOU MET HIM.

RORY, HAS SHE BEEN PUTTING
HERSELF OUT THERE OR NOT?

OUT WHERE?

OUT IN THE WORLD. HAS SHE TRIED
TO MEET MEN SINCE ASHER DIED?

YOU DON'T JUST MEET
PEOPLE. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

I'LL JUST GO IN MY ROOM NOW.

LOOK AT YOUR DREAM LOG.
YOU ARE MONTHS BEHIND.

AND YOUR
PRETTY-THOUGHTS JOURNAL.

OK, FINE. I HAVE
NEGLECTED THINKING PRETTY.

BUT I HARDLY THINK I SHOULD
BE PENALIZED FOR TIME LOST

WHILE YOU WERE IN
COURT-ORDERED REHAB.

HEY, PARIS, WHAT'S THIS?

I HAD A BACK PROBLEM. THE
PRESCRIPTION WAS AT HOME IN MY FILOFAX.

THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM
HEADMASTER CHARLESTON.

WHEN DID HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON CALL?

EARLIER.

(Rory) AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?

I'M IN SESSION.

HELLO, HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON, THIS IS RORY GILMORE.

I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO CALL
YOU BACK. I JUST GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

SWEETIE, THAT WAS A
LITTLE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE.

WE SHOULD TALK LATER.

SO, HOW ARE YOU?

(Charleston) I'M VERY WELL.
HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING YALE?

I LOVE IT.

IS IT EVERYTHING YOU
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE?

IT'S NOTHING LIKE I THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE. IT'S BETTER, ACTUALLY.

I HAVE NO DOUBT.

NOW, I'M CALLING BECAUSE WE
OFTEN ASK A FORMER CHILTON STUDENT

TO HOST A PROSPECTIVE YALE
STUDENT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

SHOW THEM AROUND, LET THEM
OBSERVE CLASSES, CAMPUS LIFE.

THAT SORT OF THING. I WAS
WONDERING IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED.

ME?

YES, THIS IS A VERY
SPECIAL YOUNG LADY.

BRIGHT, FOCUSED,
QUIETLY DETERMINED.

SHE REMINDS ME A
GREAT DEAL OF YOU.

THANK YOU.

I ASSUME YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED.

WELL, I'VE UPGRADED THE WARDROBE
A LITTLE BIT, BUT I'M BASICALLY STILL ME.

EXCELLENT. THEN I HOPE
YOU'LL CONSIDER ACCEPTING.

I KNOW YOUR WORKLOAD
MUST BE SUBSTANTIAL.

THAT'S OK. I CAN HANDLE IT.

SO, I CAN TAKE THAT AS A "YES"?

YES, TAKE IT AS A
"YES," AND THANK YOU.

I'M HONORED.

HER NAME IS ANNA FAIRCHILD.

SHE'S 16 YEARS OLD, AND SHE'LL BE
ARRIVING MONDAY MORNING AT 9:00.

DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU?

THAT WORKS PERFECTLY.

VERY WELL. IT'S A DATE. I'M VERY GLAD
TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN, MISS GILMORE.

YALE CERTAINLY SOUNDS
LIKE IT'S AGREEING WITH YOU.

I HOPE IT WILL ALSO
AGREE WITH MISS FAIRCHILD.

LIKE SABRINA.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

SABRINA FAIRCHILD.
THAT WAS HER NAME.

HAVE WE SEGUED INTO
DISCUSSING A MOVIE?

AND WE CAN SEGUE
RIGHT OUT AGAIN.

I'M VERY GRATEFUL FOR THAT.

ALL RIGHT, THEN. MY OFFICE WILL BE
CONTACTING YOU WITH THE PARTICULARS.

I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL
TIME. I'M SURE MISS FAIRCHILD WILL.

THANK YOU, HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON. I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.

WHAT A NICE THING TO HEAR.

I'M SURE WE'LL BE
TALKING SOON. GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

OH, THIS IS A VERY
BIG HONOR, YOU KNOW.

(Rory) OH, I KNOW.

OF ALL THE CHILTON ALUMNI
AT YALE, THEY'RE ASKING YOU?

I KNOW. I KNOW.

WELL, HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT
KINDS OF THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SHOW HER?

WELL, SHE'LL GO TO ALL OF MY
CLASSES WITH ME, OF COURSE.

AND I THOUGHT MAYBE SHE'D
GO TO THE PAPER WITH ME,

AND THEN I THOUGHT

MAYBE A TRIP TO THE BEINECKE
RARE BOOK AND MANUSCRIPT LIBRARY.

OH, YOU'RE GOING TO
SHOW HER THE GUTENBERG.

STEVE? BIBLE.

RIGHT.

THEN I WAS TORN BETWEEN TAKING HER
TO THE HEWITT MEMORIAL QUADRANGLE,

OR THE SCIENCE
CENTER AND GYMNASIUM.

HUH, THAT IS A CONUNDRUM.

YEAH, ESPECIALLY SINCE
SHE'LL BE SNORING BY THEN.

YOU'LL JUST BE DRAGGING HER DEAD
BODY WEIGHT AROUND THE CAMPUS.

LORELAI, THESE THINGS
ARE OF GREAT INTEREST

TO ANY YOUNG PERSON
CONSIDERING ATTENDING YALE.

OH, I AM SURE.

I PERSONALLY WOULD ENJOY
EVERY SINGLE THING ON MY LIST.

YES, I KNOW, BUT
IT WOULDN'T HURT

TO MAYBE THROW A
LITTLE SOMETHING FUN IN.

I'M NOT TALKING A KEGGER,

BUT JUST WALK HER BY THE
CRAZY DRAMA STUDENTS YELLING

"GIVE ME A LOCATION."
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, YOUR
MOTHER MAY BE RIGHT.

WHO HEARD THAT?

WELL, A GOOD COLLEGE EXPERIENCE IS
A WELL-ROUNDED COLLEGE EXPERIENCE.

IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO SHOW
HER THAT YALE STUDENTS HAVE FUN, TOO.

OH, HAVE HER TOUCH THE TOE.

YEAH.

TOUCH THE TOE?

THE TOE. THE STATUE
OF THEODORE WOOLSEY.

IT BRINGS GOOD LUCK TO
EVERYONE WHO TOUCHES HIS FEET.

AND FOR THAT REASON,
HE HAS ONE LEFT TOE

THAT'S BEEN RUBBED
COMPLETELY SHINY.

WOW, THAT IS FUN.

MAKE SURE YOU GET A
PARENT-CONSENT FORM FOR THAT ONE.

OH, IT IS SO EXCITING
WATCHING YOU AT YALE.

IT WAS SUCH A
WONDERFUL TIME FOR ME.

THE PEOPLE THAT YOU MEET THERE WILL
STAY WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

MARK MY WORDS.

TELL ME, ARE YOU
MAKING GOOD FRIENDS?

YEAH, I HAVE SOME GOOD FRIENDS.

AND WHAT ABOUT MR. HUNTZBERGER?

WHO IS MR. HUNTZBERGER?

LOGAN HUNTZBERGER'S A
BOY I GO TO SCHOOL WITH.

A FINE BOY, FROM A FINE FAMILY.

YOU KNOW HIM?

HIS PARENTS ARE VERY
GOOD FRIENDS OF OURS.

YOU KNOW MITCHUM
HUNTZBERGER, LORELAI.

NO.

HE'S BEEN COMING TO OUR
CHRISTMAS PARTIES FOR YEARS.

NO.

HIS MOTHER'S ON THE PEDIATRIC
HOSPITAL COMMITTEE WITH YOUR MOTHER.

OH, NO.

WELL, LOGAN IS THEIR SON.

AND I NOTICED THAT YOU TWO SEEMED
TO BE HITTING IT OFF THE OTHER NIGHT.

THE OTHER NIGHT?

HE'S VERY NICE, GRANDPA.

NOW, I DON'T WANT
TO BE TOO FORWARD,

BUT YOU MADE A HANDSOME COUPLE.

WAS THIS LOGAN AT THE MALE
YALE PARTY YOU GUYS THREW?

HE'S THE ONE WHO GAVE
ME A RIDE HOME, MOM.

OH, LIMO-BOY. SWELL.

HE'S ALSO ON THE PAPER WITH ME.

YOU KNOW, HIS FATHER OWNS SOME OF
THE FINEST NEWSPAPERS IN THE COUNTRY.

I KNOW.

NOT A BAD CONNECTION, HUH?

NOPE, NOT A BAD
CONNECTION AT ALL.

[chuckles]

HEY, SO TELL ME
ABOUT THIS LOGAN.

IT'S 3 DEGREES OUT HERE.

AS OF TONIGHT, MY
FATHER KNOWS WAY MORE

PERSONAL DISH
ABOUT YOU THAN I DO.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT OR FAIR.

HE DOESN'T GET AS MUCH
ENJOYMENT OUT OF THE DISH AS I DO.

FOR HIM, THE DISH IS
ALWAYS HALF-EMPTY.

YOU'RE JUST TALKING TO KEEP
YOURSELF WARM, AREN'T YOU?

WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH
THIS GUY? ARE YOU DATING?

NO, WE'RE NOT DATING.
HE'S JUST A FRIEND.

HOW CLOSE? FOR EXAMPLE,
IF WE FREEZE TO DEATH,

WILL HE COME TO THE FUNERAL
OR JUST SEND A NICE FRUIT BASKET?

I KNOW HIM FROM SCHOOL. HE'S
JUST A CASUAL FRIEND. THAT'S IT.

DO YOU THINK HE'S CUTE?

IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF I THINK HE'S CUTE.

IT MATTERS TO ME. I DON'T
WANT UGLY GRANDCHILDREN.

MOM, I'M NOT DATING
LOGAN OR ANYONE.

SINCE DEAN, I'M TAKING
A BOY BREAK, OK?

I'M JUST CONCENTRATING
ON SCHOOL, THAT'S IT.

FINE, BUT IF THAT CHANGES...

YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.

OK, THANK YOU. 'CAUSE THERE ARE
NOT MANY WAYS I CAN OUTDO MY FATHER.

INFO ON YOU, AND LOOKING
BETTER IN CHIFFON, THAT'S ABOUT IT.

OH, AND MY POLE
DANCE IS WAY HOTTER.

I'M FROZEN NOW.

OK, LET'S GO.

IN MY HAND, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,

SITS THE TRUE ADVANTAGE
OF DATING A DINER OWNER.

I AM NEVER MORE THAN
10 FEET AWAY FROM PIE.

AH, SEE, I THOUGHT IT WAS THE WAY
WE ALWAYS SMELL FAINTLY OF MEAT.

OH, IT'S HEAVEN.

ONE QUICK TRIP DOWNSTAIRS,
AND I HAVE ALL THE TREATS I WANT.

YOU'RE LIKE WILLY
WONKA BUT HOTTER.

I AM NOT HOTTER
THAN WILLY WONKA.

SLAP ON A PURPLE TOP
HAT, AND YOU'RE CLOSE.

[sighing]

[sighing]

THIS IS NICE.

MMM-HMM.

I THINK IT'S GOING
VERY WELL, YOU AND ME.

YOU THINK IT'S GOING VERY WELL?

I HAVE VERY FEW COMPLAINTS.

HMM, I'M GOING RIGHT PAST THE
"VERY FEW COMPLAINTS" COMMENT

'CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING
TO BAIT ME. WHAT COMPLAINTS?

HEY, SO, LUKE,

MISS PATTY IS CELEBRATING
HER 40-YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

WHICH HUSBAND?

WITH THE BUSINESS WE CALL SHOW.

OH, HIM.

AND SHE'S HAVING A BIG
PARTY, AND I TOLD HER WE'D GO.

OH, MAN.

IT'LL BE FUN.

IT WILL NOT BE FUN.

SHE'LL BE WEARING TAP SHOES,
AND THERE'LL BE SONGS AND PUNCH,

AND AT LEAST ONE STORY
ABOUT MILTON BERLE'S PENIS.

ONLY ONE?

COME ON, I HAVE
TO HAVE YOU THERE.

OTHERWISE, PEOPLE
WILL THINK I MADE YOU UP.

FINE, I'LL GO. THANK YOU.

OK, SO, IT'S TUESDAY AT 8:00.

I CAN'T GO TUESDAY.

WHY NOT? I HAVE
TO GO OUT OF TOWN.

WHY? BUSINESS.

BUSINESS? NOW
YOU'RE WILLY LOMAN?

BANKING BUSINESS IN WOODBURY.
STANDING APPOINTMENT. SORRY.

HIT THE LIGHT, WILL YOU?

I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY.

NIGHT.

OK, NIGHT.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE ALL
THE STUFF I GOT FOR ANNA.

YALE T-SHIRT,
BULLDOG SWEATSHIRT,

YALE BASEBALL CAP,
VISOR, COFFEE MUG.

I TOLD YOU TO OPEN A WINDOW
WHEN YOU'RE HOT-GLUING IN HERE.

IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE.

OH, WAIT. THIS IS NEW. THEY
JUST CAME OUT WITH THESE.

THE YALE SODA COZY.
HOW CUTE IS THAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
YOUR LOSER CARD-SWIPING JOB ANYMORE

AND YOU'RE BUYING ALL THIS CRAP
FOR SOME KID YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW?

I'M TRYING TO MAKE
HER FEEL WELCOME.

OH, SHE'LL FEEL WELCOME.
THEY ALL FEEL WELCOME.

WHO'S THEY? THE ENEMY.

WHAT ENEMY?

ANY GIRL UNDER THE
AGE OF 17 IS THE ENEMY.

OK, I'M OPENING A WINDOW NOW.

THEY'RE COMING FOR EVERYTHING.
THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE OUR JOBS,

OUR THUNDER, OUR
STARTER HUSBANDS.

DON'T YOU HAVE A
CLASS TO GET TO?

THEY'RE COMING, RORY.

THEY'RE COMING, AND THEY'RE
GOING TO KEEP ON COMING

LIKE THE LOCUSTS
DESCENDING ON MANKATO.

WE'LL BE BEATING THEM OFF
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

PLEASE, DON'T BE HERE
WHEN SHE ARRIVES.

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO SCARE HER OFF.

ME? SCARE HER OFF? PLEASE.

SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE ALABASTER
SKIN AND THE PERKY BREASTS.

[knocking on door]

DO NOT SAY "PERKY BREASTS"
TO HER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

(Paris) EVE HARRINGTON
HAS ARRIVED.

HI, I'M LOOKING
FOR RORY GILMORE.

I'M RORY. YOU MUST BE ANNA.

YES.

GREAT, COME IN.

DID YOU FIND IT OK?

I GOT LOST A COUPLE OF TIMES BUT
PEOPLE WERE REALLY NICE AND GOT ME HERE.

YEAH, IT'S A FRIENDLY
WORLD OUT THERE, ISN'T IT?

ANNA, THIS IS MY ROOMMATE,
PARIS, AND I'M SORRY.

FOR WHAT? TRUST ME.

OK.

OK, LET ME SHOW YOU
AROUND THE PLACE.

THAT IS PARIS'
ROOM. DON'T GO IN.

THAT IS MY ROOM. AND THIS IS THE COMMON
ROOM, WHICH IS ALSO YOUR BEDROOM.

THE BATHROOM IS
LITERALLY OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

OK.

AND THERE'S A FRIDGE WITH WATER
OR SODA OR WHATEVER YOU WANT.

OH, AND I GOT YOU SOME
WELCOME-TO-YALE GIFTS.

OH, REALLY? THANK YOU.

I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE. YOU ARE
GOING TO LOVE YALE. IT'S AN AMAZING PLACE.

I MEAN, I WAS EXCITED
WHEN I FIRST STARTED HERE,

BUT EVERY DAY IS
DIFFERENT AND BETTER.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
MUCH THERE IS TO LEARN. IT'S...

[knock on door]
WELL, YOU'LL SEE.

OK, I ACTUALLY SNAGGED
US SOME CAVIAR.

THEY WERE ALL OUT
OF TOAST POINTS,

BUT I THINK WE CAN USE DORITOS

AND ACHIEVE A VERY
SIMILAR RESULT. HEY.

THIS IS ANNA.

DID PARIS MOVE?

I'M RIGHT HERE, MARTY.

I KNOW, PARIS.

ANNA IS FROM CHILTON,
MY ALMA MATER.

AND I'M SHOWING HER AROUND
YALE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

OH, COOL. I'LL PUT
THIS IN THE FRIDGE.

[clearing throat] IN MY ROOM.

THANKS. OK, YOU READY?

I'M READY.

YOU HAVE BOYS BRINGING YOU FOOD.

YALE IS A MAGICAL PLACE, ANNA.

A MAGICAL, MAGICAL PLACE.

THE OLDEST PART OF THE CAMPUS
IS, OF COURSE, THE OLD CAMPUS,

AND IT HOUSES MOST OF THE
UNDERGRADUATE FRESHMAN CLASS.

IT WAS BEGUN BY
THEODORE DWIGHT WOOLSEY,

PRESIDENT OF YALE
FROM 1846 TO 1871.

OVER HERE IS THE
ELIHU YALE BENCH.

NOW, ELI YALE WAS AN OFFICER IN
THE BRITISH EAST INDIA COMPANY.

HE GAVE WHAT WAS THEN
CALLED THE COLLEGIATE SCHOOL

562 POUNDS AND 417 BOOKS
AND A PORTRAIT OF KING GEORGE I.

AND SO IT WAS
RENAMED IN HIS HONOR.

HE ACTUALLY GAVE AN ADDITIONAL
500 POUNDS TO THE SCHOOL,

BUT YALE COLLEGE NEVER RECEIVED
IT BECAUSE HE MISTAKENLY SENT IT

TO THE NONEXISTENT
COLLEGIATE SCHOOL,

APPARENTLY FORGETTING
THAT YALE WAS NAMED AFTER HIM.

[birds chirping]

OH, WAIT, THIS IS
THE WRONG BENCH.

SO KEEP THE STORY, BUT
CROSS OUT THE DIAGRAM.

MOVING ON...

THERE'S ACTUALLY
AN ONGOING RUMOR

THAT YOU CAN AUTOMATICALLY
GRADUATE AND EARN YOUR DEGREE

IF YOU BECOME SUFFICIENTLY
FLUENT IN LATIN, GREEK, AND HEBREW.

IMAGINE ALL THE TABLES YOU
COULD WAIT WITH THOSE SKILLS, HUH?

OK, YOU ARE ABOUT TO
GET A FIRSTHAND FEEL

OF WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WORK
ON A REAL NEWSPAPER.

NOW BE PREPARED. IT IS AN EXTREMELY
HECTIC, FAST-PACED ENVIRONMENT.

DON'T GET INTIMIDATED, AND
DON'T GET IN THE WAY. READY?

HERE IT IS.

EVERYONE MUST BE OUT
GETTING A SCOOP OR SOMETHING,

BUT YOU JUST WAIT. IT
CAN HEAT UP IN A SECOND.

AND WHEN IT DOES,
MAN, WATCH OUT.

MY DESK IS OVER HERE.

I DO NOT CARE.

HEY, I AM YOUR EDITOR, PARIS,
AND I DEMAND THAT YOU TELL ME.

I WON'T TELL YOU
WHERE I GOT IT, DOYLE.

YOU WILL IF YOU WANT TO
STAY ON THIS NEWSPAPER.

OK, YOU ARE NOW PRIVY TO ONE OF
THE CLASSIC JOURNALISTIC DILEMMAS

BETWEEN REPORTER AND EDITOR: THE
RIGHT TO WITHHOLD AND PROTECT SOURCES.

DAMN IT, PARIS, YOU TELL ME
WHERE YOU GOT THAT PEN RIGHT NOW.

THE PEN FAIRY.

THAT IS ONE OF MY PERSONAL
FINE-POINT GEL-TIP PENS

FROM MY BOTTOM
RIGHT-HAND DRAWER,

AND YOU WENT INTO THAT DRAWER,

AND YOU TOOK THAT
PEN, AND IT'S MINE.

OK, FOR "FINE-POINT GEL-TIP"

SUBSTITUTE "CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE
DEEP WITHIN THE ADMINISTRATION."

YOU GET A LITTLE
THRILL, DON'T YOU?

[cell phone ringing]

HANG ON A SEC.

HEY.

QUESTION: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
ANYTHING ABOUT LUKE'S DARK DAY?

(Rory) HIS WHAT?

WELL, ONE DAY A YEAR, HE
APPARENTLY HAS A DARK DAY.

NO ONE KNOWS WHERE HE GOES OR
WHAT HE DOES. HE JUST DISAPPEARS.

I'VE HEARD NOTHING ABOUT THIS.

OK, WELL, DID WE SEE HIM ON
NOVEMBER 30TH LAST YEAR?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

BECAUSE YOU KEEP ALL THOSE CRAZY,
ANAL BOB GRAHAM KIND OF NOTEBOOKS.

"8:00 A.M.: GOT UP.
8:15: BRUSHED TEETH.

8:25: HAD IMPURE THOUGHTS.
8:36: SENT DWARVES OFF TO WORK."

I DO NOT HAVE MY DIARIES FROM
LAST NOVEMBER ON ME AT THE MOMENT.

BUT YOU DO HAVE THEM. YES.

AND THEY WILL CONTAIN WHERE
WE ATE BREAKFAST THAT MORNING.

YES.

I LOVE MY LITTLE CIRCUS FREAK.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

HEY, DID YOUR MINI-ME SHOW UP?

YEAH, HER NAME'S
ANNA. SHE'S RIGHT HERE.

HOW'S THE TOUR GOING?

IT'S GOING GREAT.

HOW MANY BORING BENCH
LECTURES DID YOU GIVE?

2, BUT THEY WERE
ABOUT THE SAME BENCH.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I
HAVE SOMEONE STANDING

ABNORMALLY CLOSE
TO ME, RIGHT NOW.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER?

OK, SAY HI TO KIRK FOR ME.

OK, BYE. KIRK, WHAT
CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I HAVE A BUSINESS
PROPOSITION FOR YOU.

OK.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU
SLIP IN YOUR TUB?

NEVER.

OK, IT DOESN'T WORK IF
YOU ANSWER LIKE THAT.

CONSTANTLY. I NEVER STOP
SLIPPING, EVEN WHEN I GET OUT.

I THOUGHT SO. THEN MY NEW LINE

OF BATH-AND-SHOWER
ADHESIVE DECALS ARE FOR YOU.

HUH, "YESTERDAY,
TODAY, AND TOMORROW."

YESTERDAY'S RETRO DESIGNS
IN TODAY'S FASHION COLORS

WITH TOMORROW'S
TRACTION TECHNOLOGY.

WELL, KIRK, THIS LOOKS VERY
IMPRESSIVE AND, WOW, VERY EXPENSIVE.

WELL, IT'S YESTERDAY'S RETRO
DESIGNS IN TODAY'S FASHION COLORS

WITH TOMORROW'S
TRACTION TECHNOLOGY.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE THE
CATALOG WITH ME AND I'LL LOOK IT OVER?

COULD YOU LOOK AT IT NOW?
IT'S THE ONLY ONE I HAVE.

OK.

I LIKE THAT ONE.

IF YOU PUT THE FISHES'
FACES TOGETHER,

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE KISSING.

OH, HEY, KIRK, DO YOU KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT LUKE'S DARK DAY?

EVERYONE KNOWS
ABOUT LUKE'S DARK DAY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

NOT THE DETAILS, JUST
THAT HE HAS IT ONCE A YEAR.

I THINK IT GOES BACK
A LONG, LONG TIME.

YEAH?

SURE, I MEAN, LUKE'S ALWAYS
HAD A TOUCH OF DARKNESS IN HIM.

I GUESS WE ALL DO,

BUT LUKE'S A LITTLE
MORE TOUCHED THAN SOME.

HE'S KIND OF GRABBED, ACTUALLY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S ABOUT?

WHEN I WAS IN 7TH GRADE, LUKE
KNOCKED THE BOOKS OUT OF MY HANDS.

BECAUSE OF HIS DARK DAY?

NO, EVERYONE KNOCKED
MY BOOKS OUT OF MY HANDS.

I WAS KIND OF A TARGET.

I USED TO WEAR A CAPE TO SCHOOL.

HMM.

[people chattering]

NOW, OUTSIDE, WE JUST
PASSED THE WOMEN'S TABLE

WHICH WAS DESIGNED BY MAYA LIN.

SHE'S ALSO THE ONE WHO DESIGNED
THE VIETNAM WAR MEMORIAL,

WHICH, BY THE WAY,
ORIGINALLY WAS A CLASS PROJECT

FOR WHICH SHE RECEIVED A "B".

THE TEACHER WHO GAVE HER THE "B"

ALSO SUBMITTED A DESIGN FOR THE
WAR MEMORIAL BUT HERS WAS CHOSEN.

HIS WAS NOT.

THAT'S A LIFE
LESSON TO REMEMBER.

THIS IS STERLING
MEMORIAL LIBRARY.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE
PLACES ON CAMPUS.

IT WAS BUILT IN 1930, AND
IT HOUSES OVER ONE-THIRD

OF THE UNIVERSITY'S
10 MILLION VOLUMES.

I LOVE LIBRARIES.

I JUST SPEND I CAN'T TELL
YOU HOW MANY HOURS JUST...

YOU'RE NOT WRITING.

OH, SORRY.

SO I COME HERE
SOMETIMES, LATE AT NIGHT...

I JUST LOVE HOW
EVERYBODY'S DRESSED.

WHAT? NO UNIFORMS.

I LOVE THAT THERE'S NO UNIFORMS.

COLLEGE TO ME MEANS
NO MORE UNIFORMS.

OH, RIGHT.

HOWEVER, WAIT TILL
YOU'RE LATE FOR CLASS

AND IT TAKES YOU 20 MINUTES
TO PUT TOGETHER AN OUTFIT.

SUDDENLY YOU'LL
MISS THOSE UNIFORMS.

HOW MANY GUYS HAVE YOU
DATED SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE?

OH, WELL, NONE FROM YALE.

ANYHOW, THE BOOKS.

ARE YOU SEEING THE BOOKS?

EVERYTHING YOU'D WANT
TO READ IS RIGHT HERE.

FEEL IT.

FEELS GOOD, RIGHT? NOW SMELL IT.

NOTHING, NOTHING
SMELLS LIKE THAT.

I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME. DID I
JUST SEE YOU SMELL THAT BOOK?

HEY, LOGAN.

HEY, ACE. WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

OH, ANNA, THIS IS LOGAN. LOGAN, THIS
IS ANNA. SHE'S FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL.

I'M SHOWING HER
AROUND CAMPUS. HI.

WELL, HIGH SCHOOL? NAH, I WOULD'VE
SWORN YOU'RE A COLLEGE GIRL.

SO, IS SHE SHOWING
YOU A GOOD TIME?

I'M SHOWING HER
EVERYTHING IMPORTANT.

GOOD. MAKE SURE SHE
TAKES YOU BY THE PUB.

LOCAL PLACE.
EVERYONE GOES THERE.

I'M NOT TAKING HER TO THE PUB.

OH, PLEASE? THE PUB SOUNDS FUN.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRINK.
THEY DO HAVE COFFEE.

IT'S A COOL SCENE. MAKE HER
TAKE YOU. BRING A BOOK TO SNIFF.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN A LIBRARY ANYHOW?

GOT LOST. DON'T TELL
ANYONE I WAS HERE.

RUIN MY REP. ANNA,
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.

SEE YOU, ACE.

HE'S CUTE.

YES, HE IS, BUT NOT
AS CUTE AS PUSHKIN.

RIGHT THIS WAY, MISSY.

[Luke yelling]

(Luke) FINE. DO
WHATEVER YOU WANT.

(Mrs. Thompson) WELL, I'M
SORRY YOU'RE SO UPSET.

YOU'RE GIVING ME
A WEEK'S NOTICE.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO
DO WITH A WEEK'S NOTICE?

WELL, MY SON JUST CALLED ME FROM
FLORIDA TO TELL ME THE CONDO MOVED.

OK, FINE, GO. ENJOY FLORIDA. I HEAR
THEY HAVE GREAT WEATHER THERE.

TERRIFIC HURRICANES.

MAKE SURE YOU BRING PLENTY
OF PLYWOOD AND BOTTLED WATER.

HEY, HI, HELLO. WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST DRIVING DOWN
THE STREET, AND I SAW YOU.

I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY
AND SAY "HEY, HI, HELLO."

HELLO, MRS.
THOMPSON. HELLO, DEAR.

SO WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING. NOTHING'S GOING ON.

LUKE, PLEASE UNDERSTAND.
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

I'VE ALREADY FOUND SOMEONE TO
RENT THE HOUSE. AND THEY HAVE CARS.

AND YOU JUST AGREED TO THAT?

WELL, IT SEEMED RATHER
REASONABLE TO ME.

OH, COME ON.

LUKE'S VERY UPSET WITH ME.

WHY?

WELL, HIS FATHER
RENTED THE GARAGE.

HE WAS BUILDING A BOAT, AND
HE DIDN'T HAVE ROOM AT HIS PLACE

SO HE PAID ME TO DO IT HERE.

AND THEN WHEN HE DIED, LUKE
CONTINUED TO PAY FOR THE GARAGE.

AND NOW I'M MOVING
TO A NURSING HOME,

AND I NEED HIM TO MOVE HIS BOAT.

YOU'RE MAD BECAUSE THIS LITTLE
OLD LADY IS MOVING TO A NURSING HOME

AND YOU HAVE TO MOVE YOUR BOAT?

IS THIS REALLY THE STORY
YOU WANT TO STICK TO?

SHE CALLED ME OUT OF THE BLUE,

AND I PAID FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH.

I CAN GIVE YOU A PARTIAL
REFUND IF YOU LIKE.

WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO
FIND A SPACE TO STORE A BOAT

ON A MOMENT'S NOTICE?

DID YOU THINK ABOUT
THAT FOR EVEN A SECOND?

COULD WE SIT DOWN? THE DOCTOR
SAYS THE SCREW IN MY HIP IS LOOSE.

YES, YES, LET'S SIT. LET'S SIT AND...
AND CALMLY TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

NO, NO. I... I'VE GOT IT FIGURED
OUT. JUST HAUL IT OFF. TRASH IT.

HAUL WHAT OFF? THE BOAT?

YES, THE BOAT. SCRAP IT. FIND SOMEBODY TO
DRAG IT AWAY AND CUT IT UP FOR FIREWOOD.

OH, NOW, LUKE.

WHO'S GONNA HAUL IT OFF?

ANYONE. JUST FIND A GUY
WITH A TRUCK AND A HOOK.

AND STRAP IT ON AND DRIVE
IT AWAY AND SEND ME THE BILL.

I'M DONE. LUKE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

LUKE, STOP. WHAT,
WHAT, AND WHAT?

I HAVE BEEN PAYING THAT WOMAN
EVERY MONTH FOR 15 YEARS.

LUKE, SHE'S MOVING
TO A NURSING HOME.

AND MY DAD WAS PAYING HER
EVERY MONTH 20 YEARS BEFORE THAT.

NURSING HOME, LUKE. I
KNOW WHERE SHE'S GOING.

SHE'S NOT TRYING TO
HURT YOU. WHATEVER.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
BACK TO THE DINER.

LET ME DRIVE YOU. NO.

LUKE, I CAN DRIVE YOU
BACK TO THE DINER.

I PROMISE IF WE PASS
ANY SENIOR CITIZENS,

I'LL LET YOU JUMP
OUT AND PANTS THEM.

FINE.

AND OVER HERE WE HAVE THE
WORLD-FAMOUS LUKE'S DINER,

HOME OF THE BEST
COFFEE ON THE EAST COAST,

AND THE MOST DELIGHTFUL
AND CHATTY PROPRIETOR

SINCE MEL KISSED FLO'S GRITS.

OK, WELL, I SHOULD
GET BACK TO THE INN.

I HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED YOUR TOUR

AND DON'T FORGET TO BUY YOURSELF

A SOUVENIR PLASTIC
MONKEY ON THE WAY OUT.

TOMORROW'S THE
ANNIVERSARY OF MY DAD'S DEATH.

OH. OH, HON...

AND EVERY YEAR ON
THAT ANNIVERSARY,

I... I DISAPPEAR.

I DON'T WORK. I DON'T
TALK TO ANYONE.

I GET INTO KIND OF
A FUNK. IT'S LIKE...

YOU HAVE A DARK DAY.

YEAH, I HAVE A DARK DAY.

I THOUGHT I SHOULD TELL YOU THIS

BECAUSE WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WONDER

WHY I SUDDENLY DON'T ANSWER
THE PHONE OR I'M NOT AROUND.

WHY YOU CAN'T FLIP YOUR HAIR

AND CON ME INTO GOING TO MISS
PATTY'S CRAZY ANNIVERSARY PARTY.

THE HAIR FLIP IS
THAT EFFECTIVE, HUH?

YOU COMBINE THAT
WITH YOUR BLACK DRESS,

YOU COULD PROBABLY GET
ME TO BE YOUR BACKUP DANCER.

I'LL REMEMBER THAT.

I'VE NEVER TOLD
ANYONE THIS BEFORE.

I DON'T REALLY LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS THE
THING WITH MRS. THOMPSON.

YEAH.

SOME TIMING, HER SPRINGING
THIS BOAT THING ON ME NOW.

I'LL APOLOGIZE TO HER.

[sighing]

YOU KNOW, HE NEVER
FINISHED THAT BOAT.

IT'S BEEN SITTING THERE
HALF-DONE FOR 15 YEARS.

HEY, LUKE, DON'T YOU
THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN

A LITTLE TOO HASTY
ABOUT THE BOAT DECISION?

I MEAN, YOU'RE UPSET

AND I BET SOMEDAY YOU'RE
GONNA BE REALLY SORRY,

YOU DON'T HAVE
THAT BOAT ANYMORE.

NO, IT'S BETTER SHE GETS
RID OF THE THING NOW.

BUT...

I HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT THAT
BOAT SINCE MY DAD GOT SICK. IT'S...

NOT A GLANCE, NOTHING.

EVEN MORE REASON.

IF IT'S GONE, THEN I DON'T
HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

IT'S... IT'S TIME TO
MOVE ON, YOU KNOW?

BUT...

I'M FINE, REALLY.

THANKS FOR THE RIDE.

ANYTIME.

[people chattering]

I LOVE IT HERE.

YOU LOVE IT HERE?
WE JUST WALKED IN.

I KNOW, BUT IT
FEELS SO COLLEGIATE.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT
IS GREAT ABOUT THIS PLACE?

ELI YALE DRANK HERE?

NO, THEY MAKE AMAZING
CAPPUCCINOS. YOU WANT ONE?

YEAH.

OK, YOU GO SIT, AND
I'LL GET THE COFFEES.

OK.

2 CAPPUCCINOS,
PLEASE. SURE THING.

HEY. HI, YOU JUST GET HERE?

YEAH. YOU WANT A...

YES, PLEASE.

I'M SORRY. COULD YOU
MAKE THAT 3 CAPPUCCINOS?

SO, HOW'S IT GOING?

I THINK I MAY HAVE
OVERWHELMED ANNA.

HER HAND CRAMPED
UP ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

AND IT'S BEEN
SPASMING EVER SINCE.

WHERE IS SHE? SHE'S RIGHT...

YOU WANNA GO TO A
PARTY TONIGHT? REALLY?

I TURN AROUND FOR ONE MINUTE.

EXCUSE ME.

OH, RORY, MARK AND MATTHEW WERE JUST
TELLING ME ABOUT A GREAT PARTY TONIGHT.

REALLY? THAT WAS
VERY NICE OF THEM.

THANK YOU, MATTHEW
AND MARK, WAS IT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, HOW BIBLICAL. OK, WELL, OUR
SCHEDULE IS COMPLETELY FULL AT THE MOMENT,

BUT IF THAT CHANGES,
IF THINGS LIGHTEN UP,

OR IF SHE SUDDENLY AGES 2
YEARS IN THE NEXT 3 HOURS,

THEN WE'LL KNOW
WHERE TO FIND YOU, OK?

BYE-BYE, NOW. BYE-BYE.

WE'LL BE OVER
HERE, JUST IN CASE.

RORY. ANNA.

OH, THIS IS SO NOT FAIR.
YOU GET TO TALK TO BOYS.

WHAT?

WELL, YOU WERE OVER
THERE TALKING TO MARTY.

THAT'S DIFFERENT.
MARTY'S JUST A FRIEND,

WHICH IS ANOTHER GREAT
THING ABOUT COLLEGE.

YOU LEARN TO HAVE GUY FRIENDS.

NOTHING ROMANTIC,
JUST A GOOD PAL.

THOSE BOYS ARE NOT
INTERESTED IN YOUR FRIENDSHIP,

UNLESS THE WORD "FRIENDSHIP"
IS TATTOOED ON YOUR BUTT.

NOW, DRINK YOUR COFFEE.

IT'S GOOD, HUH?

CAN I SLEEP WITH THE T.V. ON?

YEAH, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T WAKE PARIS UP.

AND THAT ADVICE IS
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

AND IF I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP?

THEN YOU DON'T GO TO SLEEP.

I LOVE THAT.

I LOVE NOT HAVING SOMEONE
TELL ME WHEN TO GO TO SLEEP.

YES, IT'S GREAT.

I LOVE SLEEPING
WITH THE T.V. ON,

AND I LOVE HAVING NO PARENTS
AROUND, AND I LOVE CAPPUCCINO,

AND I LOVE APPLE MUFFINS,
AND I LOVE COLLEGE.

WHAT'S SHE ON?

4 CAPPUCCINOS AND THE 3
RED BULLS FROM THE FRIDGE.

ENJOY YOUR NIGHT. HOW DO I LOOK?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M PUTTING MYSELF
OUT THERE, RORY.

(Rory) NOW? YES, NOW.

IT'S 11:00 AT NIGHT.

WHO ARE YOU HOPING TO HOOK
UP WITH NOW, SPIKE AND DRUSILLA?

JUST TELL ME IF MY
LIPSTICK IS TOO WHORISH.

NO, JUST WHORISH ENOUGH.

GOING OUT AT 11:00 AT NIGHT?

I LOVE COLLEGE.

I MAY SUFFOCATE
HER WHEN I GET BACK.

HEY, IF YOU CAN CATCH HER. BYE.

GOOD LUCK.

GOOD NIGHT, ANNA.

NIGHT.

[man chattering on T.V.]

WHICH BRINGS US
TO THIS QUESTION:

DOES CAMPBELL'S WORK
SUCCESSFULLY RESOLVE

THE DISPARATE STANCES
OF JUNG AND FREUD

WHEN IT COMES TO THE
COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS?

HEY, PAY ATTENTION.

PROFESSOR BELL IS ONE OF THE FOREMOST
PHILOSOPHY PROFESSORS IN THE COUNTRY.

SORRY.

(man) BORDERED ON
BEING METAPHYSICAL?

ALL RIGHT, LET'S CALL
THAT CLOSE ENOUGH.

BUT NOW, CAMPBELL CAN POINT TO
THE REPETITION OF THE HERO MYTH

IN CULTURE AFTER
CULTURE AND SAY:

"HEY, SIGMUND, LIKE IT OR NOT,

HERE ARE THE SAME BASIC
CHARACTERS OVER AND OVER"...

EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CLASS, YOUNG MAN.

I KNOW. I'M SORRY, I JUST...

RORY, YOU CAN'T JUST
WALK OUT LIKE THAT.

NOT AFTER EVERYTHING
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH.

YOU JUST LEFT. I
WAS STILL IN BED.

I MEAN, WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?

OK, YOU NEED TO DO THIS LATER.

I CAN'T DO THIS LATER.

RORY, I LOVE YOU. I
LOVE YOU, DAMN IT.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO
TELL YOU? GOD, JUST TALK TO ME.

(Bell) OK, OUT. RIGHT
NOW. JUST GET...

COLIN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN?

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

SHE'S WITH ME NOW.
I TOLD YOU. LET IT GO.

I WILL NOT LET IT GO.
SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.

RORY, TELL HIM
YOU DON'T LOVE HIM.

EVERYTHING WAS FINE
UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG.

DON'T BLAME ME 'CAUSE
YOU COULDN'T KEEP HER.

I SWEAR TO GOD,
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

OH, I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY.

STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
ANTHONY, GET SECURITY.

BREAK IT UP. WHAT ARE YOU...

GENTLEMEN, YOU
ARE LOSING CONTROL.

YOU'RE IN A CLASSROOM
WITH STUDENTS...

[both grunting]

[whistling]

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
BREAK IT UP, YOU TWO.

RORY GILMORE, YOU SHOULD
BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

TOYING WITH THESE
BOYS LIKE THIS.

THEY USED TO HAVE PRIDE.

THEY USED TO HAVE DIGNITY.

THEY USED TO HAVE BALLS.

[all laughing]

DAMN IT, GILMORE, GIVE
THEM BACK THEIR BALLS.

[students clapping]

GOD, THIS IS A LOT OF JUNK.

I KNOW.

WHO HAS 3 THIGHMASTERS
BESIDES SUZANNE SOMERS?

WELL, MRS. THOMPSON, APPARENTLY.

YOU'D THINK IF YOU
HAD 3 THIGHMASTERS,

YOU'D WEAR SOME
SLACKS ONCE IN A WHILE.

I'M SORRY, BUT WHY EXACTLY DID
YOU HAVE TO TAKE ALL THIS CRAP?

IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD
GET HER TO GIVE ME THE BOAT.

SOME GUY WANTED IT, AND SHE
GOT HIM TO BUY ALL HER OTHER CRAP.

SO IF I WANTED THE BOAT,
I HAD TO TAKE EVERYTHING

AND THAT'S WHAT I DID.

I JUST HAVE TO HIDE IT FOR A
FEW DAYS, THEN I'LL MOVE IT.

WHERE? I DON'T KNOW.

SOMEWHERE. THE INN.

I'LL PUT IT IN THE
OLD STABLE OUT BACK.

ARE YOU EVER
GONNA TELL LUKE? YES.

WHEN? A WEEK, A YEAR.

I HAVEN'T THOUGHT
THAT FAR IN ADVANCE.

I JUST COULDN'T LET HER
GET RID OF HIS DAD'S BOAT.

WHAT IF WE HANG THE
THIGHMASTERS ON IT?

OR GET MORE TREES.

YEAH, OR GET MORE TREES.

JACKSON'S GOT
SOME TREES AT HOME.

THINK I COULD BORROW THEM?

SURE, WE'LL JUST
WAIT TILL HE LIES DOWN,

FOR HIS NAP AND SNEAK
THEM RIGHT OUT OF THERE.

GREAT, THEN I'LL HOP A FENCE

AND GET RICHARD WIDMARK
TO SIGN MY GRAPEFRUIT.

I'D LIKE TO WELCOME YOU ALL TO
TODAY'S SPEED-DATING SESSION.

MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN WITH US
BEFORE. MANY OF YOU ARE FIRST-TIMERS.

SO FOR THE LATTER
GROUP, HERE ARE THE RULES.

EACH COUPLE WILL
HAVE ONE MINUTE TO TALK

AND GET A SENSE OF THE
PERSON ACROSS FROM THEM.

WHEN THE BELL RINGS,

THE WOMEN WILL GET
UP AND SWITCH TABLES.

MEN, STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

THIS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL
EVERY WOMAN HAS MET EVERY MAN

AND AFTER THAT, IT'S UP TO YOU.

ARE WE ALL READY?

THEN LET THE DATING BEGIN.

[bell chiming]

I'M JACK. PARIS.

DID YOUR PARENTS TRAVEL A LOT?

WHY? YOUR NAME IS PARIS.

NO. DID YOUR PARENTS
CHANGE FLAT TIRES A LOT?

WHAT?

OR PLUG THE PHONE
INTO THE WALL A LOT? NO.

GREAT, SO WE'VE
CLEARED UP THAT MYSTERY.

WHAT'S NEXT ON YOUR
FASCINATING LIST OF TALKING POINTS?

UH, WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR?

SERIOUSLY? YOU'VE GOT ONE
MINUTE TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION,

AND THAT'S ALL YOU
CAN COME UP WITH?

YOU WANT TO KNOW
MY SIGN, TOO, JACK?

OR HOW ABOUT MY FAVORITE COLOR?

OR IF I'M A BRITNEY
OR A CHRISTINA?

HERE, I'LL ASK YOU A QUESTION.

WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
HAD AN INTERESTING THOUGHT

WHEN YOU CONSIDERED FLINGING
YOURSELF OFF A BUILDING?

[bell chiming] BYE, JACK. I'LL
WRITE MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.

[sighing]

PARIS, AND NO, MY
PARENTS DIDN'T TRAVEL.

BILLY, AND I HAVE NO
IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.

NEVER MIND. SO, WHAT'S
YOUR STORY, BILLY?

WELL, I'M A DRAMA
MAJOR. DING, DING, DING.

[people chattering]

DOYLE. PARIS.

I'M SURPRISED TO SEE YOU HERE.

I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU.

SO, YOU FIND ANY GOOD PROSPECTS?

OH, YES, ONE GIRL WANTS TO
HAVE 11 CHILDREN. GOOD GOD.

THE SECOND ONE WAS CUT OFF
QUICKLY. THANK YOU, BY THE WAY.

I BELIEVE, THE WORDS "LATTER-DAY SAINTS"
WERE ABOUT TO COME OUT OF HER MOUTH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I CAME
HERE. IT'S MY 3RD TIME.

YOU EVER MEET ANYONE YOU
ACTUALLY WANTED TO DATE?

MY BAR IS SO NOT THAT HIGH.

I DON'T SEE ONE
PERSON IN THIS ROOM

THAT SHOULDN'T BE
STERILIZED IMMEDIATELY.

RIGHT THERE WITH YOU.

SO, YOU'VE BEEN READING
ABOUT THOSE SKELETONS

THEY'VE BEEN FINDING ON
THE ISLAND OF FLORES, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH. THEY'RE
ONLY 13,000 YEARS OLD.

THAT'S NOTHING IN
GEOLOGICAL TIME.

THEY MADE TOOLS AND
PROBABLY HAD A LANGUAGE AND...

[bell chiming]

KEEP MOVING, SISTER.

HEY, YOU KNOW THEY WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE MASTER HUNTERS.

EVEN THOUGH THEY
WERE DIMINUTIVE IN SIZE.

AND THEN, WHEN THAT OTHER
GUY CAME IN IN THAT OUTFIT,

HOW GREAT WAS THAT?

WE ALSO STUDIED
DYLAN THOMAS TODAY.

WHY DON'T WE TALK
ABOUT THAT FOR A WHILE?

YEAH, THAT WAS COOL.

BUT WHEN LOGAN AND COLIN STARTED
TO FIGHT, THAT WAS SO AMAZING.

THE TEACHER HAD NOTHING TO
SAY, NOTHING. HE JUST STOOD THERE.

THINK THEY'LL GET
IN TROUBLE FOR THAT?

OH, PROBABLY NOT.

OH, GOD, THAT'S
GREAT. THE FREEDOM.

I MEAN, YOU CAN DO
ANYTHING IN COLLEGE.

NO RULES, NO CONSEQUENCES.

WELL, ANNA, THERE ARE
ALWAYS CONSEQUENCES.

YOU'RE GETTING THE WRONG IDEA.

COLLEGE IS NOT JUST A CRAZY, WILD,
SLEEP-DEPRIVED HEDONISTIC SOCIETY.

OH.

IT WASN'T THE T.V.

NO, IT WASN'T THE T.V.

THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

I HOPE NOT.

I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T THE T.V.

HI, PARIS. ALL RIGHT,
FINE. DOYLE AND I HAD SEX.

OK, ANNA, GET YOUR COAT.

WE MET AT SPEED-DATING, AND WE
CONSIDERED HAVING DINNER FIRST,

BUT WE BOTH KNEW WHERE
IT WAS GOING TO END UP,

SO WE FIGURED WE'D JUST CUT TO
THE CHASE AND SAVE THE CALORIES.

HURRY UP, ANNA.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?

DINNER.

IT'S ONLY 5:00.

YOU'VE NO RIGHT TO BE
REPULSED BY MY SEX LIFE.

THIS IS AN EXCEPTIONALLY
COMFORTABLE ROBE.

DINNER WHENEVER YOU WANT,
RANDOM SEX WHENEVER YOU WANT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO COLLEGE.

[people chattering]

ICE CREAM AND CEREAL FOR DINNER.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. COLLEGE ROCKS.

LADIES.

HI, LOGAN.

HOW ARE WE DOING
THIS FINE EVENING?

WE'RE DOING GREAT.
YOU WANT TO JOIN US?

SURE.

SO, DULL DAY, HUH?

NOT FOR ME.

SOMEONE'S QUIET.

GOT NOTHING TO SAY.

DO YOU GET THE SENSE
THAT SHE'S MAD AT ME?

YUP.

HEY, ANNA, WHY DON'T YOU HEAD
ON OVER TO THE FRO-YO SOCIAL?

YOU REMEMBER WHERE IT IS, RIGHT?

YEAH, BUT I JUST HAD 3
SCOOPS OF ICE CREAM.

KID, YOU'RE IN COLLEGE NOW, OK?

NOW, GO GET
YOURSELF SOME YOGURT.

ARE YOU GOING TO COME, LOGAN?

I'M NOT SURE HOW WELL I'LL BE
WALKING, HERE, IN A MINUTE, ANNA.

OH, OK. BYE.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD LOOK.

I HAVE NO WORDS.

HEY, IT WAS JUST A JOKE.

OH, NO, WAIT. I... I
THOUGHT OF SOME:

JERK, ASS, ARROGANT,
INCONSIDERATE,

MINDLESS, FRAT-BOY, LOWLIFE,
BUTT-FACED MISCREANT.

"BUTT-FACED MISCREANT"?

WHY WOULD YOU DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

I'M SORRY, "BUTT-FACED
MISCREANT"?

HERE I AM, TRYING TO SHOW ANNA
WHAT COLLEGE LIFE IS REALLY LIKE...

THAT IS WHAT COLLEGE
LIFE IS REALLY LIKE.

MAYBE YOUR COLLEGE LIFE, NOT
MINE. THAT WAS MY CLASS, LOGAN.

THAT WAS MY PROFESSOR
WHO DECIDES MY GRADES,

AND YOU MADE ME
LOOK RIDICULOUS TO HIM.

NO, I MADE ME LOOK
RIDICULOUS TO HIM.

OH, YOU DON'T THINK HE
THINKS I WAS A PART OF IT?

I'LL TALK TO HIM. I'LL TELL HIM YOU
WERE AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER.

THE WHOLE CLASS WAS IN
A FRENZY THE ENTIRE TIME.

WE NEVER GOT BACK TO
WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.

THERE'S ANOTHER CLASS NEXT WEEK.

I KNOW THAT CLASSES AND
THE PAPER AND YALE IN GENERAL

MEAN NOTHING TO YOU, BUT
IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME.

PROFESSOR BELL'S COURSE
IS ONLY 6 WEEKS LONG,

AND YOU BLEW ONE OF THOSE WEEKS
FOR ME. I WON'T GET THAT WEEK BACK.

LOOK, YOU WANT A CLOSE AND PERSONAL
TIME WITH BELL, MY DAD KNOWS HIM.

HE'LL ARRANGE...
PLEASE STOP TALKING.

I'M SORRY YOU'RE SO BENT OUT OF
SHAPE. I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU.

ANNA THINKS THAT
YALE IS JUST A BIG JOKE.

IF ANNA THINKS YALE IS JUST
A BIG JOKE AFTER SPENDING

5 MINUTES WITH YOU,

THEN SHE WAS ALWAYS GONNA
THINK THAT YALE WAS JUST A BIG JOKE.

RELAX.

YOU AND ME, VERY
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

I HAVE TO GO.

TO THE FRO-YO SOCIAL?

YES, I HAVE TO GO
TO THE FRO-YO SOCIAL.

AND YES, I DO REALIZE HOW
INCREDIBLY STUPID THAT JUST SOUNDED.

EXCUSE ME.

ALL I'M SAYING IS I JUST
WANT A LITTLE INFORMATION.

IS THIS A RELATIONSHIP?
A ONE-NIGHT STAND?

THE BEGINNING OF A SERIES
OF LATE-NIGHT BOOTY CALLS?

I THINK I HAVE THE
RIGHT TO KNOW.

(Terrence) I HEAR YOU.
DOYLE, DO YOU HEAR HER?

I DO HEAR HER.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE
CAN'T DECIDE THIS AMONGST OURSELVES.

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T, DOYLE. NOW,
PLEASE TELL PARIS HOW YOU FEEL.

WELL, I... I FEEL THAT...

SPEAK INTO THE PHONE,
DOYLE. I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

IS ANNA HERE? NO, WHY?

SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP
AT THE FRO-YO SOCIAL.

JEEZ, DO YOU BLAME
HER. I HAVE TO FIND HER.

WHY? DID YOU LOAN HER
MONEY OR SOMETHING?

JUST GO BACK TO WHAT
YOU WERE DOING, PLEASE.

HEY, MARTY, I... I LOST ANNA.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE.

JUST... THANKS.

IF SHE COMES BACK HERE, CALL ME.

(Paris) GO AHEAD,
DOYLE. TELL HIM.

ANY IDEA WHERE SHE'D GO?

NO, SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET ME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET
HER GO OFF BY HERSELF.

WELL, WE'LL FIND HER.

MOM. HI.

(Rory) WHERE WOULD A 16-YEAR-OLD
GIRL GO FOR A GOOD TIME?

OH, HOW SAD THAT YOU HAD TO
COME TO ME FOR THIS CONVERSATION.

MOM.

YOU WERE 16 A LOT MORE
RECENTLY THAN I WAS.

I LOST ANNA.

HOW DID YOU LOSE ANNA?

SHE NEVER SHOWED
AT THE FRO-YO SOCIAL.

OK, RELAX. 16-YEAR-OLD
GIRL AT COLLEGE.

AH, YOU HAVE TO CHECK PARTIES.

BARS AND CHINESE
RESTAURANTS RARELY CARD.

NO CHINESE RESTAURANTS AROUND.

THE PUB. DID YOU CHECK THE PUB?

NO. THE PUB. WE HAVE TO CHECK
THE PUB. PARTIES AND THE PUB.

OK, CALL ME WHEN YOU...

[Luke groaning]

I HAVE TO GO, HON. CALL
ME WHEN YOU FIND HER.

OK, BYE. BYE.

OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU OK?

I SMASHED MY LEG
ON A THIGHMASTER.

I'M SO SORRY.

YEAH, AND THEN I TRIPPED AND SMASHED
MY OTHER LEG ON ANOTHER THIGHMASTER.

I'M SORRY.

WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE
SO MANY THIGHMASTERS?

I HAVE A REALLY
BAD THIGH COMPLEX.

ARE YOU BLEEDING?
YOU WANT TO COME IN?

NO, I'M FINE. I JUST...

YOU LEFT YOUR
GLASSES AT MY HOUSE.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
NEED THEM. THANK YOU.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE HERE. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE GOING TO PATTY'S THING.

I WAS JUST LEAVING. BUT I DON'T
HAVE TO GO IF YOU WANT TO COME IN.

NO, IT'S OK. I'M STILL GOING
THROUGH MY DARK DAY.

I'M GONNA GO.

OK. SORRY ABOUT YOUR FOOT.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH
YOUR GARAGE? WHAT?

YOUR GARAGE DOOR
LOOKS ALL WEIRD.

OH, NO, IT'S FINE. IT'S
JAMMED. JUST LEAVE IT.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE
IT OPEN LIKE THAT.

YOU COULD RUIN ALL YOUR STUFF.

THAT'S OK. TOO MUCH STUFF
ANYHOW. IF A LITTLE BIT GETS RUINED,

SERVES ME RIGHT FOR
BEING SO DARN MATERIALISTIC.

WHAT ARE ALL THESE
TREES DOING HERE?

NO, JUST STOP. GO BACK TO YOUR
DARK DAY. NO, NO, DON'T, DON'T.

THERE'S CLOWNS IN THERE AND
PUPPIES WEARING COSTUMES,

AND THEY'LL CHEER YOU UP, AND
THEN YOUR DARK DAY WILL BE RUINED.

[dog barking]

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S YOUR BOAT.

I THOUGHT I TOLD HER
TO GET RID OF THIS BOAT.

SHE DID. SHE SOLD IT TO ME
ALONG WITH ALL OF HER OTHER CRAP.

SHE MADE QUITE A
KILLING, ACTUALLY.

I JUST COULDN'T STAND THE IDEA

THAT YOU MIGHT REGRET
SOMEDAY GIVING THIS BOAT AWAY.

EVEN THOUGH I SAID
I WANTED IT GONE?

YES, I KNOW, BUT YOU WERE UPSET.

NO, I WAS CRANKY. NOW I'M UPSET.

I'M SORRY. I... I
JUST THOUGHT...

YOU THOUGHT ABOUT YOU. YOU
THOUGHT ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU'D FEEL.

YOU... YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT ME OR
THE... OR THE FACT THAT I SAID I WANTED

TO GET RID OF THIS DAMN BOAT.

I MEAN, I SAID IT, LORELAI, I SAID IT,
YOU HEARD IT, AND YOU IGNORED IT.

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU...

YOU HAVE NO RESPECT
FOR WHAT I WANTED.

THIS WAS MY DAD.

THIS WAS HIS BOAT, AND THIS DECISION
WAS MINE. THIS WAS NOT YOURS.

I KNOW.

THIS IS WHO I AM.

I DON'T WANT TO HANG ON TO
THINGS OR STARE AT THINGS.

EXCEPT MY HOROSCOPE

WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY THE WRONG
THING TO BRING UP RIGHT NOW. I'M SORRY.

I'M GETTING OUT OF
HERE. NO, I'M SORRY.

PLEASE, JUST STAY
AND... AND YELL AT ME.

WHY? WHAT'S THE POINT? YOU DON'T
LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY, ANYHOW.

SHE'S NOWHERE.
SHE'S NOT NOWHERE.

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

THERE'S MORE
BARS. WE'LL FIND HER.

GOD, I'M SO STUPID. IF I DIDN'T
HAVE TO CONFRONT LOGAN LIKE THAT,

I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO
SEND HER OFF ON HER OWN

AND WE WOULDN'T BE
LOOKING FOR HER RIGHT NOW.

WE'LL FIND HER.

HE'S SO FRUSTRATING, THAT GUY.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I
DID TO GET ON HIS BAD SIDE,

OR WHY HE JUST HAS
TO COME AFTER ME LIKE...

OH, STOP IT. WHAT?

HE'S NOT COMING
AFTER YOU. HE LIKES YOU.

HE DOES NOT.

OH, PLEASE, RORY.

MARTY, HE DOES NOT LIKE ME. I MEAN, LOOK AT
WHAT HE DID. LOOK AT THAT STUNT HE PULLED.

HE TOTALLY HUMILIATED ME.

ATTENTION LIKE THAT FROM PEOPLE
LIKE LOGAN IS LIKE BEING TAPPED.

YOU'VE BEEN ANOINTED. YOU'RE IN.

IN WHAT?

IN WITH HIM, WITH HIS
GROUP. HE LIKES YOU.

STOP BEING SO
NAIVE. IT'S ANNOYING.

MARTY...

[cell phone ringing]

HELLO?

MISS GILMORE, HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON HERE.

OH, HI, HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON. WHAT'S GOING ON?

WELL, NOT MUCH.
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

I WAS JUST WONDERING HOW THINGS
ARE GOING WITH MISS FAIRCHILD.

OH, FINE.

YES?

EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

WONDERFUL. THEN I CAN
INFORM ANNA'S PARENTS

THAT THE UNDERAGE GIRL
THE YALE CAMPUS POLICE FOUND

WHEN THEY BROKE UP A
RATHER RAUCOUS PARTY IS,

IN FACT, NOT THEIR DAUGHTER.

I'M SORRY, HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON.

AND WHAT A HELP THAT IS.

I TRIED. I JUST...

I TURNED AROUND FOR A MOMENT.
DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT THE BENCH?

'CAUSE I SPENT A LOT OF TIME...

I'M SORRY, MISS
GILMORE. I HAVE TO GO.

SOME ANGRY PARENTS WILL BE
HERE IN A MOMENT TO TALK TO ME.

I APPRECIATE THE ATTEMPT.
GOOD LUCK AT YALE.

BYE, HEADMASTER CHARLESTON.

THE CAMPUS POLICE GOT HER.

SHE CAME, SHE SPENT
ONE DAY WITH ME,

AND SHE GOT SENT
HOME BY THE POLICE.

AND I THINK I'M GOING TO
RETROACTIVELY FLUNK HIGH SCHOOL.

AT LEAST SHE'S SAFE, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

[horn honking]

CRAPPY, CRAPPY DAY.

YOU WANT TO TAKE
A CAB? MY TREAT.

THANKS.

I THINK I'M GONNA WALK.

MARTY...

I'LL... I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

[people chattering]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I SMELL LIKE TREES.

YOU DO?

HEY, ME, TOO.

NOW WE'RE THE CRAZY
PINE-SCENTED LADIES.

HOW'S YOUR PUNCH?

IT'S GOOD.

YOU OK?

YEAH, FINE, JUST FINE.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, EVERYONE.

I'M HONORED THAT YOU CAME HERE

TO HELP ME CELEBRATE 40
WONDERFUL YEARS ON THE STAGE.

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE
HERE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE

AND SO CLOSE TO A PIANO.

SO CLOSE TO A PIANO.

KIRK.

SORRY.

HEY, PATTY, WHY DON'T YOU
DO A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR US?

WELL, IF YOU INSIST. HIT IT.

♪ [piano playing]

♪ WAY DOWN AMONG BRAZILIANS ♪

♪ COFFEE BEANS
GROW BY THE MILLIONS ♪

♪ SO THEY HAVE TO FIND
THOSE EXTRA CUPS TO FILL ♪

♪ THEY GOT AN AWFUL
LOT OF COFFEE IN BRAZIL ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T GET CHERRY SODA ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THEY HAVE
TO FILL THEIR QUOTA ♪

♪ AND THE WAY THINGS
ARE, I BET THEY NEVER WILL ♪

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪ THEY GOT AN AWFUL
LOT OF COFFEE IN BRAZIL ♪

HEY.

SEE, THERE'S A REASON I STAY AWAY
FROM PEOPLE ON THIS PARTICULAR DAY.

IT'S 'CAUSE I KIND OF SUCK.

OH, LUKE, I'M SO SORRY.

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU.

I SHOULD HAVE STAYED OUT OF IT.

YOU WERE RIGHT. I DIDN'T THINK.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK LIKE YOU WOULD
THINK. I THOUGHT LIKE I WOULD THINK,

AND MY THINKING IS SOMETIMES
VERY, VERY WRONG IF YOU'RE NOT ME.

AND, OCCASIONALLY,
IF YOU ARE ME.

YOU JUST KEEP THINKING
LIKE YOU'D THINK.

I CAN DO THAT.

DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?

YOU CAN GET DRUNK JUST
STANDING NEXT TO THE PUNCH BOWL.

NAH, I'M STILL KIND OF...

I GET IT.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT US TO...

WE'RE NOT.

YEAH. YOU GO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

YEAH, YOU'LL SEE ME TOMORROW.

OK.

LOGAN.

RICHARD? WOW, THIS
IS A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

FINN, COLIN, YOU KNOW
RICHARD, DON'T YOU?

WELL, HELLO, BOYS.
NICE TO SEE YOU.

LOGAN, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.

I JUST HEARD ABOUT THE INCIDENT.

THE...

I HEARD THAT YOU PROFESSED
YOUR FEELINGS FOR RORY.

WHAT?

MR. BELL IS A VERY DEAR FRIEND OF
MINE. AS IS THE DEAN OF ADMISSIONS.

WELL, YOU KNOW THIS
PLACE. NEWS TRAVELS FAST.

YEAH, LOOK...

I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT, WHILE I
UNDERSTAND WHAT COULD HAVE DRIVEN YOU

TO SUCH A PUBLIC
DISPLAY OF AFFECTION,

THERE IS A PROPER TIME AND
PLACE FOR THAT SORT OF THING.

AND A CLASSROOM IN THE MIDDLE
OF CLASS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

NO, I KNOW. I...

HOWEVER, WHAT'S
DONE IS DONE. IT'S OUT.

SO I DROPPED BY TO TELL YOU
THAT I'VE SPOKEN TO YOUR FATHER.

MY FATHER.

WE POUNDED OUT A FEW THINGS,

PROPERTY AGREEMENTS,
PRENUPS, THAT SORT OF THING.

OK, I THINK THERE'S BEEN...

OH, WE CAME TO A VERY FAIR
AGREEMENT. I'M SURE YOU'LL BE PLEASED.

NOW, WE'RE SETTING UP
A DINNER FOR NEXT WEEK

TO FINALIZE THE ENGAGEMENT AND
START TALKING ABOUT THE CEREMONY.

EMILY IS HANDLING ALL THE
NEWSPAPER ANNOUNCEMENTS.

SO NOT TO WORRY.
THAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

BUT...

SHE'S A FINE YOUNG LADY, LOGAN.

I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY.

YOU'LL TAKE CARE
OF THAT, I ASSUME.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL LET YOU GET
BACK TO YOUR COFFEE BREAK.

NICE SEEING ALL OF YOU AGAIN.

AND, LOGAN, WELCOME
TO THE FAMILY, SON.

I DO HOPE ONE OF HIS
DOPEY-LOOKING FRIENDS KNOWS C.P.R.

OR HE JUST MIGHT NOT MAKE IT.

YOU'RE THE BEST, GRANDPA.

ALL RIGHT, WHO'S NEXT?
PARIS GIVING YOU ANY TROUBLE?

NOT ANY MORE THAN USUAL.

HOWEVER, THERE IS A GIRL
IN MY MODERN POETRY CLASS

WHO KEEPS KICKING MY CHAIR.

AH, I DO LOVE THIS PLACE.

RIGHT BACK AT YOU, GRANDPA.