Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 7 - The Festival of Living Art - full transcript

- Hey.
- Hi.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm gardening.

- What are you doing?
- I'm gardening!

What are you doing?

Why don't you come over here and see,
honey, since you seem so confused?

Oh, my God. You are gardening.

- Yeah. Hello. I am gardening.
- Why?

Because Babette bought me
a bag of bulbs.

Why would she do that?

She thought that cultivating new life
would help distract me...

from my current emptiness
and sense of loss.

- That's weirdly sweet of her.
- Yes, it was.

I forgot about the bulbs till Babette
brought them up this morning...

so I dug them out of the garage.

They've developed some sort of mold.

- This is the planet of the mold.
- Come help me.

I'm no botanist, but I don't think
anything's gonna grow...

from this piece of tar.

- Just put it in the hole.
- Why didn't you just throw them out?

- There are eyes everywhere, my dear.
- Hey, doll, how you doing?

Great, Babette. Just tending my bulbs.

- Makes you feel better, doesn't it?
- Absolutely. Much better.

- You need any help?
- No, I got Rory helping me.

- Hi, Babette.
- Hi, sugar.

Don't worry. I'm looking out for your mom.

I'm glad to hear that.

And just you wait till spring.

You're gonna wake up
one morning, walk out, and....

Color coming out of your yin-yang.

I'll see you girls tomorrow.

I'm going to have color
coming out of my yin-yang.

Then maybe you'll finally get a man.

This has got to be the grossest thing ever.

Forget it. Let's talk about something else.
How's school?

School's fine. It's hard, but good.

Tanna's fine. Janet and Paris are fighting...

because Janet gets up at 5:30
to go jogging, wakes Paris up...

and then the resulting argument
wakes everybody up, and....

- You bulbed me.
- I was aiming over there.

It got my hand!

- Shake it off.
- It won't go!

- You wiped it on my shirt.
- It was a reflex.

- To ruin my shirt?
- I'm sorry.

- You never liked this shirt.
- It's not that. It's just that--

- There's something crawling up my leg.
- I got it!

It's big.

Okay, so the next time that Babette...

gives you a bag of bulbs to plant
because you're lonely...

- you say....
- No, thank you.

Class dismissed.

- You can at least open a window.
- Why?

Because it smells
like a locker room in here.

- Tough luck.
- Fine.

- Did the alarm go off?
- I shut it off.

Who needs an alarm when you've
got workout Barbie around?

Never mind that some of us
were up finishing a chem lab...

till 2:30 in the morning!

I love waking up at 5:00 a.m.
to the sound...

of someone grunting out crunches
in the common room.

I told you, earplugs.

You know, she talks to herself
when she stretches.

"Come on, Janet. Push it, Janet.

"Love the pain, Janet." It's pornographic.

- What time is it?
- I know what she's doing.

Psychological warfare.

Don't let your enemy sleep.
Push him till he cracks.

Charlie tried those tricks
on our boys at Khe Sanh...

and if she keeps this up...

I am not gonna be responsible
for what happens.

Oh, my God! Paris,
breakfast is over in five minutes.

I know. It's Tuesday, too.
That's waffle bar day.

- Why didn't you wake me?
- Sure, blame me.

I'm the victim here, remember?

Excuse me. Can I.... Thank you.

Okay.

- Rory.
- Marty.

You remembered.

I wasn't the one passed out in the hallway,
so I had a better shot.

True, very true.
So, I see you're a little late for breakfast.

Yeah, my alarm was turned off.

You want some eggs or something?

I always take enough for 10.
I blame my brother.

He always took
the biggest piece of chicken.

And left you none?

No, there was more.
I just wanted that big piece.

- Well--
- I want you to meet the breakfast crew.

I'm kind of--

We all just started eating breakfast
together every morning...

so someone came up with the name
"The Breakfast Crew."

It's not like an official club or anything.
There's no hats.

At least not until
we can all agree on a color.

Excuse me, guys.
I want you all to meet Rory.

- Who?
- The robe.

The robe. Nice to meet you.

- I told them about your act of kindness.
- It was nothing, really.

I wouldn't say that.
That was one nice robe.

We all took turns trying it on.

No, not true. Ignore him.

I'm sorry I haven't gotten it
back to you yet.

- It's okay.
- Nice bunny shoes.

Thank you. It was nice meeting you all.
I actually have to go, so....

- I embarrassed you.
- It's fine.

I'm sorry. I was just so relieved
that I could finally approach you.

- Why couldn't you approach me?
- That night was really humiliating...

so every time I saw you
after that, I just hid.

But when I saw you show up like that...

I thought, "Here's my chance
to even the playing field."

Marty, this is not as embarrassing
as being totally naked.

No, it's not.

But it's close.

Well, consider the playing field leveled.

- Good. See you, Rory.
- See you, Marty.

Exactly. Yes, that's just the kind of thing
we're looking for.

I'm so glad to hear that...

because the last two designers
we met with...

had very different philosophies.

No, I didn't know you did
the Silver Thatch Inn.

That's so beautiful.

Okay. Well, why don't we meet...

Friday, say, around 2:00?

Okay. Luke's Diner.

It's right in the middle of the town square.

You can't miss it. Just follow the love.

Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye.

- What was that?
- I was taking it outside.

Three people came in
while you held the door open.

You're exaggerating.

Why can't you respect
the rules of my diner?

I do respect the rules of your diner.
It's that baseball cap I have issues with.

- Hi.
- Hey.

All right, I've done extensive
research, checked references...

and pre-screened
three other designers for you.

- Here are their names.
- Hopefully I won't need these...

because I think I found
a new designer for the inn.

Very good. I love doing research
just for the sake of doing research.

I live to grow.
Are you still buying me lunch?

I'd be happy to, I should probably
take you somewhere else.

Why should you take him
somewhere else?

Because, Kook Danes,
Michel eats a very specific diet.

Normally, yes, that's true.

However, every six months
I give myself a crazy day...

where I can eat anything I want,
and today's crazy day.

- Talk to me about your chocolate cake.
- What do you want to know?

Is it Mexican?

- Is what Mexican?
- The chocolate.

How would I know?

It would say so on the wrapper.
You could go look.

I'll wait.

Take him somewhere else.

Just bring me a doughnut,
but put some sprinkles on it, okay?

Do you know what one of
life's great mysteries is?

Mom.

Whether or not you're joining us
for Friday night dinner.

And since you pretend to be ignorant
of the concept of the RSVP...

even though it was taught to you
as a child...

I am reduced to calling...

and asking you, are you coming?

Is that, "Yes, I'm coming"...

or "I was reading while you were talking"?

Tell you what, Mom.
Plan on me coming, and if I don't...

then it'll just be a little more
for everyone else.

Lorelai, you know very well
our dinners do not work like that.

There is careful planning
and shopping and preparation...

that goes into every meal...

no matter how boring and simple
it may seem to you.

Get off that phone!

Shoot, Mom.
There's no cell phones in here.

I'll call you back later. Bye.

And when I need you. Nowhere.

It's obvious Hemingway is just
using Jake's impotence...

to indict a society
which exploited its underclass...

to fight in the trenches of the WWI.

Interesting theory, Heather.
What does everyone else think?

I don't know. Isn't Jake's impotence...

more about that generation's
loss of faith in love?

Please. That grossly ignores
the social context.

Rory's right. It's about a guy
who can't sleep with the woman he loves.

- It's not a Woody Guthrie song.
- But--

Hold that thought. We're out of time.

Okay, everyone, we'll continue this,
Thursday. I'll see you then.

- Thanks for the save.
- No problem.

Heather can get a little
"workers of the world, unite" sometimes.

I've never actually met someone
who likes the word "bourgeois" so much.

So, what are you up to this weekend?

Studying. Sleep, hopefully.
A rarity in my dorm room.

- Yeah? Do you eat?
- Habitually.

Ever been to Pancia Di Lucca?
I hear it's good.

No, I haven't.

I was thinking of going there
this weekend.

- Cool. Tell me how it is.
- Okay, I will.

- Or you could come with me.
- I can't this Saturday.

But if it's good,
maybe another time, okay?

Sure, okay. So, see you next week.

Bye, Trevor.

What are you doing home?

It seems that if you leave
your laundry in the machine...

for even two minutes after it stops,
some incredibly impatient person...

will take your nice, clean
clothes out and dump them.

- Where?
- Anywhere.

The floor, the top of another
dirty washing machine.

My Belle and Sebastian T-shirt
was in the garbage.

So now, on top of a massive
amount of reading and studying...

I get to rewash my formerly
perfectly clean clothes.

That's just wrong. I think you
should quit school in protest.

- Okay, if you say so.
- No, wait. That's not ours.

What do you mean? Who's it for?

I've got five minutes. Where's the pizza?

- There.
- Thanks. Hi, Rory.

Hey, Lane.

My mom ordered all the okra
in the Western hemisphere.

- She got a great deal, and I'm starving.
- Swallow.

Between Seventh-day Adventist college...

and mom's fascination
with ordering on the Internet...

my future looks very grim.

- You want a Coke?
- No time for liquids.

I have to be home for dinner
in four minutes. Another piece, please?

Okay, this is good. You all look good.
Things are good?

- Things are--
- Okay. Gotta go. Thanks for the grub.

She is so throwing up on the way home.

I'm gonna go put this in the washer.

Wait, have some pizza
and tell mama all about your day.

Okay. Yesterday,
Janet woke up to find that...

Paris had chaired her in her room.

Nice.

And then, later, when Janet had
climbed out the window...

she retaliated by gluing shut
the opening of Paris' glue gun.

- She went for the crafts.
- This war is getting totally out of hand.

This morning, Paris turned off my alarm
because Janet woke her up.

I almost missed breakfast.

I ran down to the dining hall
in my pajamas and bunny slippers...

and I ran into Marty.

- Naked guy.
- It was totally humiliating.

Humiliating 'cause naked guy's hot?

It was humiliating because
I had terry-cloth rabbits on my feet.

So naked guy's not hot?

Naked guy is Marty, and it's not like that.

He's sweet.

"Sweet" means "bad butt."

"Sweet" does not mean "bad butt."
"Sweet" means "sweet."

Poor naked guy.
Should've left his clothes on.

You have got to stop talking about him.
I just met Marty.

If not him, are there any other guys
on the horizon?

- Nope.
- No?

How about a professor?

Someone older, wiser,
with brown cords and whiskey breath?

- Yeah. There's one of those.
- Come on, Rory.

This guy asked me to try this restaurant,
but it was a totally casual thing.

- So what'd you tell him?
- That I was busy.

- You don't like him?
- No, I like him fine. I mean...

he's smart, and he takes my side
in the debates...

and he's decent to look at.

- So why'd you say no? Too many clothes?
- I don't know. He....

He carries a bottle of water
around with him all the time.

- That's just weird.
- Right. Hydration. Very creepy.

He's preppy and I don't really like preppy.

Plus he's gonna go study
in Barcelona next year.

- So?
- It's a waste of time. I can't go anywhere.

You could go to dinner, maybe a movie.

Look, I know you've never really dated.

What are you talking about? I've dated.

- Who did you date?
- Dean.

You did not date. You had a relationship.

- Well, Jess.
- Was relationship number two.

So maybe I've never dated,
but you haven't either.

I have dated at least once.

- You had me with dad. Relationship.
- Yes, but--

Max. Relationship.
Dad again. Relationship.

Okay, fine, I may not be
the world's best dater, but I do it.

You should give it a shot.
You're in college now.

What else is there to do
in college but date?

I'm gonna go wash my clothes now.

Wait.

Was that it?

Is this conversation over?

Sorry. Did I win?

Okay, here. I want to show you this.

"Castles of Ireland"?

There is a room in here
that I've always wanted to do.

- Here it is.
- I love that.

What is that wall treatment?

- That's anaglyptic wallpaper.
- What are you doing?

I'm looking at anaglyptic wallpaper.

The other three tables
are here for support?

We just had a lot of books to go through.

Luke, this is Natalie Zimmerman.

She's gonna help us design the Dragonfly.

- Nice to meet you.
- Did I tell you we're having horses?

The property has stables, so why not?

I love horses. I've always loved horses
ever since I was a little girl.

Now I finally have a grown-up excuse
to buy a pony.

Great, listen, National Velvet,
you have to move this stuff out of here.

- Why?
- Because this is a diner.

- People wanna sit.
- This is business.

No, this is business,
and it's open, and it's decorated...

and it wants its seats back.

Fine.

Sorry about that.

He wants "The World's Grumpiest
Diner Guy" title from Mel.

No problem.

So you were telling me about
anaglyptic wallpaper?

Yes. It's a textured paper
that we can paint or treat.

We can distress it if you want
to give it a more vintagey look.

That sounds interesting.

You know, Emily actually has some
in the smaller upstairs guest bath.

You should take a look
next time you're there.

Emily? You mean my mother Emily?

- Yes.
- I didn't know you knew Emily.

Yeah. I did her second-floor remodel
about a year ago.

- I thought that's how you got my name.
- No, I got your name from a magazine.

- So you know Emily?
- It's a small world, isn't it?

Yes. Yes, really small.

About the same square footage
as that box they threw McCain in.

- So, are you ready to see bedrooms?
- Yes, sure. Why not?

Next week we finish up
with Snows of Kilimanjaro.

Then, it is Hemingway's pal,
Scott Fitzgerald.

So do yourselves a favor,
get a jump on Tender is the Night.

- Good session today, huh?
- It was fine.

I can't believe we get to sit around
and talk about books and get graded.

I mean, there's almost nothing
I like more...

than talking about
a good book or a bad book...

or a really thick magazine.

Hey, Trevor.

You know what else I like to do
besides talk about a really good book? Eat.

Isn't that weird?

And, actually, for me, they're linked.

It's true. When I talk about a book,
I get really hungry. Starving.

- You ever experience that?
- Not really.

Well, it happens to me all the time.

Like right now, for example.
Starving. Really.

And I enjoyed The Snows of Kilimanjaro
so much...

that I will probably be
hungry for quite some time.

All weekend, probably.
Especially Saturday night.

- Saturday night?
- Saturday night.

Are you saying you want to go
to dinner on Saturday night?

Okay. Yeah, I will be hungry.

That fact has been pretty well-established.

Okay. Sure.
Let's go to dinner, Saturday night.

- So, you're at--
- Durfee, Suite 5.

- I'll pick you up at 7:30.
- Sounds good.

I gotta hand it to you there, Trevor.
You sure are persistent.

- Davey? You're naming him Davey?
- Yes. I love Davey.

Me, too. I can't believe you finally
picked a name. It makes it real.

Yes, because the stomach and
the massive ankles were too ambiguous.

Does Jackson like it?

He's okay with the stomach,
but the massive ankles freak him out.

The name. Davey.

- It was actually his suggestion.
- Really?

He wanted Davey if it was a boy
and Colgate if it was a girl.

- Colgate?
- His great-grandmother's name.

Great-grandmother Colgate.

- Yep.
- That's horrible.

What's worse is she looked like a Colgate.

At least you know it's a boy.

Yes, but he doesn't know
it's going to be a boy.

I realize he has to know that I thought...

Colgate was an insane name,
but if I didn't fight him on it...

it must be because I knew
we weren't having a girl.

Then he'd know we were
gonna have a boy...

and that would spoil everything
for him, so I told him:

"We're not naming our daughter
after a toothpaste."

We got in a big fight
and now we're not talking.

- Cool!
- Yeah, I know. Everything's perfect.

My baby has a name and
my husband's sleeping on the couch...

and I figured out that I'll go
with the Avery stove for the inn.

- Is that okay? I know it's more expensive.
- It's your kitchen, Sookie.

Okay, good. I'm going to call Natalie
the minute I get home.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

It's the Avery. It's too extravagant.

No, the Avery's fine. Everything's fine.

- You're sure?
- I'm sure.

Natalie knows my mother.

- Emily? How?
- Yes.

Because she did her second-floor remodel
like a year ago.

So she really knows your mother.

They've been shopping together.
It's a bond.

- Sookie, I don't know if I can--
- Lorelai, no.

- She knows my mother.
- So what?

Sookie, my whole life,
my whole existence...

my essence, my being,
my ability to be this sparkling creature...

standing before you, all this depends on...

the complete, total separation of my life
from my mother's. That's how it works.

- But we like Natalie.
- We do like Natalie.

Remember all the other designers
we met that we didn't like?

Remember the one who wanted
to put the tiny mannequin in every room...

so lonely people would have
someone to talk to?

- Yes, I do.
- Or the purple guy.

- Purple!
- They were horrible.

And then we met Natalie,
and she was perfect.

Look, just try.
At least give Natalie a chance, okay?

- Please?
- I'll try.

Good. I'm gonna go home
and get going on the Avery.

All right. I have to stop by Luke's.
I'll call you later.

- It's going to be fine.
- Yes, it is.

Hey, Luke. What's going on?

Tom called. The banister on the stairs
has to be replaced.

It'll be $4,000. Tamsin Corbally called.

He needs a deposit
on the quarter sawn oak. It'll be $4,000.

Julio the landscaper called.

I have no idea what he said,
but it's going to be $4,000.

Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called.

She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke
would suit your needs...

but Gunsmoke snores...

so the stables can't be too close
to the guests' bedrooms.

Rory's looking for her black Converse,
and one last thing:

- I'm not taking messages for you anymore!
- I'm sorry.

What'd you do,
have business cards printed?

- People just know I'm here a lot.
- I missed a call from my meat guy...

because I was discussing
Gunsmoke's deviated septum.

I'm gonna call all of them
and tell them never to call me here again.

- You bet you will.
- Consider it done.

- Good.
- Just....

- What?
- Just one more thing.

- Did a package arrive for me here today?
- What?

- I'm sorry. Never mind.
- Luke. Sorry.

I'm cutting it kind of close here.

Sorry, Ed. I didn't realize you were
cutting it kind of close.

Everybody, drop everything.
Ed's cutting it kind of close.

- Here's your tickets.
- You seem mad.

Look, Ed, just go to the game
and enjoy it, okay?

And choke on a hot dog while you're at it.

I have to tell you, I am never
accepting anything free from you again.

What a threat!

Boy, you're a real master of fear, there, Ed.

Look out, Jason and Freddy.

Ed may never mooch off
of either one of you ever again!

- What is wrong with you?
- Nothing.

- You're yelling at Ed.
- Ed bugs me.

- Ed cries.
- I'm just having a bad day.

- Excuse me?
- Days.

You've been stomping around,
barking at people for days.

- I have not.
- Yes, Cujo, you have.

I always talk to people like that.

- No, Benji, you don't.
- I'll be fine tomorrow.

Really, Lassie? Why is that?

I bought tickets for Nicole
because she's a Yankees fan.

I thought it'd be nice
if we went to a game together.

Oh, man.

It's no big deal.
The closer it got to the game...

the more I felt like a loser.

I'm sitting on the tickets, which means
I thought I'd be in a relationship.

I don't know. Stupid.

I broke my own rule. I asked for it.

What are you talking about?

Never plan for anything
more than two days in advance.

- That's your rule?
- Yes.

'Cause when you make plans,
you have expectations...

when you have expectations,
you will get disappointed.

Having expectations gives you
something to look forward to.

Then you're looking forward
to being constantly disappointed.

- You're not that cynical.
- I am today.

I have an idea.

- Tomorrow night is usually movie night.
- What?

Rory and I would always rent a bunch
of movies, order food. It was our thing.

Now she's at school and busy,
so why don't you come over?

It might be fun.

- Okay.
- Yeah?

- Sure. What else have I got to do?
- I love when men say that to me.

- What time?
- 8:00.

- 8:00 it is.
- I'll pick us up a couple movies.

- What do you want to see?
- I don't know.

Come on, tell me. I don't want to get
something you've seen.

Don't worry. I haven't seen anything.

- People always say that.
- With me, it's true.

- Casablanca?
- No.

You have never seen Casablanca?
Are you kidding?

Just get anything, please.

- Chinatown?
- Anything at all.

- Bonnie and Clyde?
- A video game would be nice.

It Happened One Night? His Girl Friday?

Treasure of the Sierra Madre?

Diner?

I saw Mr. and Mrs. Bridge.

My house, 8:00. We have such work to do.

I'll see you there.

By the way, if my package arrives today,
just bring it with you, okay? Thanks.

Hey. Just hold on.

That could have been very ugly, huh?

The great cappuccino disaster of 2003.
Very sad. Shelley Winters drowns.

Think the coffee was stronger
than I thought.

- Can I take your coat?
- Thank you.

Your daughter called
and said she was going to be late.

- So Rory's not here yet?
- No, it's just you and your mother.

You know what? I just remembered
I left something in the car...

so I'll be right back.

Could I.... It's new.
I can't be away from it just yet.

Thanks. Okay. Back in a flash. Bye.

- Our next guest will be--
- Remember that night--

What are you doing?

I was looking for my lip-gloss.

You need the radio on
to look for your lip-gloss?

Well, I came out here,
and I couldn't find it, and so...

I thought if I tried to retrace
my steps it would turn up.

- Very clever idea.
- Yeah, I thought so.

So I put my purse on the seat
and I put the keys in the car...

naturally the radio came on,
'cause that's what it does.

Shadow Dancing was playing...

which was one of my favorite songs
in junior high.

- You forgot to look for your lip-gloss.
- Just for a second.

Which makes sense
since it's in the ashtray next to you.

- It is. Look at that.
- Yes, it's a miracle. Come inside, Lorelai.

Can't I just wait till the song....
I'm coming.

You can't sit here
for three seconds without Rory.

Not true!

Stop it and sit down.
I want to talk to you about something.

I just found out that Sookie is pregnant.

Don't look at me.
I had nothing to do with it.

May I ask
why you didn't bother to tell me?

Your not telling me about Sookie
is unforgivable.

Why? It's not like
you're such good friends.

- I went to her wedding.
- So did Kirk.

I haven't sent her a gift.
How does that make me look?

Like you hate her
and all childbearing women.

You are so intent
on keeping me out of your life.

It's not my life. It's Sookie's life.

A simple phone call to tell me
that Sookie is pregnant.

How did you find out, anyway?

Why? Are you going to track down
the informant and have him shot?

- Maybe.
- It doesn't matter how I found out.

- I found out, no thanks to you.
- Mom, please, tell me how you found out.

- Why? Does it bother you not knowing?
- Yes.

- Me, too.
- Hey.

- Rory, you're here.
- I'm so sorry I'm late, Grandma. Hi, Mom.

- You'll pay.
- Sit down and tell me all about Yale.

If you don't, she'll find out anyway.

Yale's interesting.
It's more free-form than I thought.

You're an adult.
They treat you like an adult in college.

In college, yes. In the Gilmore house--

We've switched subjects,
in case you were wondering.

What are your plans for the weekend?
Any parties going on?

There are always parties going on,
but I'm not going to a party.

- I'm actually going on a date.
- You are?

- Your first college date.
- Who's the lucky guy?

- Just a guy from my English class.
- No.

Your English class?

What happened?
I thought you turned him down.

- You turned him down?
- I thought about it, and I reconsidered.

- What did you do? Ask him out?
- You asked him out?

- Tell me you didn't ask him out.
- I didn't ask him out.

I just made sure he knew I was available.

- Better, Mom?
- No, that's not better.

Rory, you're in Yale, not Amsterdam.

How you conduct yourself socially
is as important...

as how you conduct yourself academically.

I promise, it was very proper.

Yes, Mom, she had a nice
Tiffany lampshade over her red light.

Do you know where the boy's from,
who his parents are?

No, I plan to find that out on the date.

- What are you gonna wear?
- I don't know.

- Want to borrow something?
- No, she does not.

What's that mean?

It's bad enough you haven't taught her
how to interact with the opposite sex.

You will not dress her up in
one of your Sex and the City ensembles...

and send her out to tell the entire campus:

"Don't worry. I'll ask you."

How do you know about Sex and the City?

Something like this
outside against a wall...

very Little House on the Prairie
with a twist.

I love Little House on the Prairie.
Jack the dog.

Where is Lindsay Sidney Greenbush?

When she came tumbling down the hill,
I would just laugh.

- Lorelai?
- Yeah?

- What do you think?
- I don't know. I'm not really sure.

Just keep in mind that anything
you see here I can have duplicated.

I've got this guy in Delaware who can
knock off anything for half the price.

- Maybe we should go.
- What? We just got started.

Then maybe we should think
some more before we shop.

What are you talking about?
We've been thinking for months.

Let's start buying.
Holy mother of God. This bench is $15,000.

- We can find something else.
- We don't have to find something else.

- What are you talking about?
- We have no problem paying full price.

- What?
- Yeah.

No money problems
or problems of any kind.

Our lives are perfect. We have
no complaints and plenty of money.

- What're you talking about?
- You know what?

I see a lawn jockey out there
that looks very interesting. I'll be back.

We cannot afford that bench.

I know that. I don't want her to know that.

- Her.... Natalie, her?
- Yes.

- Why?
- Because it could get back to my mother.

- What could?
- That we have money problems.

- We do have money problems.
- But I don't want my mother knowing that.

I don't want any personal information
leaked out.

- In Emily's hands, that could be a weapon.
- Natalie's not gonna say anything.

How do you know she's not filling her in
on our every move on a daily basis?

- You're being paranoid.
- Oh, yeah?

My mother found out
about you being pregnant.

- Not from Natalie.
- How do you know?

Because Natalie herself didn't know
until about a half an hour ago.

- That's her story.
- Okay. This is getting crazy now.

You've got to go out there
and talk to her about this.

- I don't know.
- It's the only fair thing. Come on. Go.

Look, Natalie,
I have to say something to you.

I feel a tad silly even mentioning it,
but I think I have to.

Did I do something that--

No. You did nothing.
You've been great, really.

Just great ideas, great attitude.
It's just that you know my mother.

- Yes?
- That's it. You know my mother.

And my mother and I don't exactly have
the smoothest of relationships.

Right. I mean,
we're not warring or anything.

But it's just that we're very different...

and I feel kind of weird
sharing things with her.

I promise you, I haven't been in contact
with your mother for a long time.

Maybe twice she called
to get a couple of names.

But that was it. I hadn't even met you yet.

So trust me. She knows nothing
that you haven't told her yourself.

- Okay. I feel really stupid right now.
- No, don't.

I enjoyed working with your mother.

But this inn is the kind of thing
that I love to do.

The place has incredible potential.

Somebody's gonna get a chance
to make it a wonderful inn.

I would be heartsick
if I lost this opportunity.

I haven't spoken to Emily in months.
I doubt I'll be speaking to her in the future.

- I promise.
- Okay.

- Really?
- Absolutely.

- I'm so glad.
- So am I.

So now that I talked myself
back into a job...

what do you think the outlook
for this lawn jockey is?

Not good.

- Emily would hate it.
- Wrap it up.

Okay. So this is option number four.

- Tanna.
- Yes?

We're doing the whole bonding thing now.

Okay. Sorry. Start again.

What do you think?

Men respond subconsciously
to a woman's pheromones.

You should run in place till he gets here.

- It'll give you a nice musk.
- Go back to your leg.

Roommates meeting starts
in two minutes.

I told you to stop with the math
and the Sharpies on my good sheets.

Okay. Sorry.

How come the puppy doesn't pee
on your bed?

- I'll be right out, Paris.
- Hurry up.

All right, everyone. Take a seat, please.

Rory, one last curtsy, and let's move.

My date will be here in 10 minutes,
so talk fast.

Thank you all for coming.

I'd like to start this meeting by saying
that no one here is on trial.

This meeting is about healing,
it is about redemption...

about accepting responsibility
and making amends.

I don't believe this.

This is a forum for us
to air our grievances...

so we can resolve them
and go on with our lives.

Since I'm already standing,
why don't I start?

This is thrilling.

Setting your alarm
for 5:30 in the morning...

when no one else here
shares the desire to put on nylon shorts...

and run in circles for an hour
like a greyhound is selfish.

I have a partial athletic scholarship, Paris.

The grunting and sweating,
there're plastic balls everywhere.

- One balance ball.
- No one can sleep. No one can breathe.

Rory missed breakfast the other day.

You've seen Rory eat.
She cannot miss breakfast.

- Paris has a point there.
- Excuse me, if I remember correctly...

Rory missed breakfast
because you turned her alarm off.

Janet does have a point there.

While we're airing grievances,
what about your stupid craft area?

Everywhere you turn,
there's glitter or seashells or macaroni.

And the smell of the glue.

I make things we can all enjoy.
I am contributing.

The coasters I make are for everyone.
Those push-ups are for only you.

- I vote we get rid of craft corner.
- No. That's my emotional homework!

- Okay, let's just all calm down for a sec.
- No. I cannot calm down.

I've tried to be reasonable.

I've told myself over and over:

"Imagine what she's been through
to turn out like that."

- A lot!
- But you're impossible!

- I'm sick of your constant negativity!
- You're on steroids, aren't you?

That's what's behind
this obsessive behavior.

You're calling me obsessive?

Excuse me.

I'm not intimidated or afraid of you.

Hi. You ready to go?

Just one sec. We're finishing up
a roommates meeting.

- I'll race you.
- What?

To Hewitt's quad and back.
I win, no alarm before 7:00 a.m.

You win, I move my crafts area
into Rory's and my room.

- Forget it. I am not gonna race--
- On your marks, get set, go.

Now they're gonna have a nice musk.

- Shall we?
- After you.

Man bearing bags of food. Come in.

- I went a little overboard here.
- No such thing.

I got tons of fries, half a pumpkin pie.

- You got whipped cream?
- Always.

I wasn't sure what to do with the burgers.

Sometimes you order double cheese,
sometimes you don't.

So I brought one with
normal cheese and one with....

- What did you do?
- I ordered food.

- I said I'd bring food.
- So I can't contribute? Like I'm a piker?

No. Just that I didn't need to bring food.

Well, I'm leftover girl.

I'll have burgers tonight
and the Chinese food during the week.

You just should have ordered
the Chinese fresh tomorrow.

I don't like fresh Chinese food.
I like stale Chinese food.

I give up.

- I got you a nice, cold beer.
- Appreciate it.

Okay.

You are one click away from Casablanca.

- Start it up.
- No.

- You need to get situated. You situated?
- I'm situated.

You need to squish around a little.
Come on. Squish around a little bit.

I'm fine how I am.

Okay, but you can't squish
during the movie...

because it's distracting.
That's rule number one.

- There's rules?
- Yeah.

Especially for a true classic
like Casablanca.

It's not like we're watching
a there's-nothing-else-on movie...

or a guilty pleasure like Hardbodies.

- Have you seen Hardbodies?
- I don't think so.

Three middle-aged guys rent a beach
house and they hire a young local stud...

to introduce them to cute girls,
a.k.a. hardbodies.

- Let's see that.
- No, Luke. We're seeing Casablanca.

- Then let's see that.
- Rest of the rules:

No talking during the movie.
No exceptions during a true classic.

And minimize distraction.

No shifting around a lot,
no phone calls, nothing.

No going to the bathroom.

If you go, you miss the movie,
because we're not pausing.

It's the only way to get
the flow of the thing.

- Fair enough.
- Okay.

Here we go.

What's that?

A: No talking during the movie...

and B: Don't tell me you've never seen
the FBI warning before.

- It's new to me.
- Oh, my God.

You're beyond Monk. You're uber Monk.

- Just start it up. I won't talk again.
- Just one more warning.

When they showed the first motion picture
over a 100 years ago...

it featured a train
rushing toward the camera...

and people were so sure...

the train was going to burst
off the screen and crush them...

that they ran away in terror.

Now, Luke, the train is not
going to leave the screen.

- Hit the button.
- Okay.

Hang on to this.
We'll page you when the table's ready.

Thank you.

A riot of color. Geeky but cool.

- Ever been to Italy?
- No.

Yes. What am I saying?
Yes. I was just there.

- Hard thing to forget.
- Yeah. I'm just...

so used to not having been anywhere.

- But yeah, I have.
- What's it like?

Terrific.

Boy, they have these places all over.

Two in Miami, Detroit.
Hey, two in my hometown.

- Now, that's a great town.
- Definitely.

- So you've been there?
- Where?

- Chicago.
- Is that where you're from?

- I thought you saw where I was pointing.
- Oh, no.

I miss things about home
that I didn't think I'd miss.

My little brother Brian.
He drove me crazy my whole life...

and now I can't wait for his e-mails.

- You have any siblings?
- No.

I read this article once
about restaurants like this...

where they have an open bowl of mints
you grab on your way out.

When people come out of the bathroom
a lot of them don't wash hands.

They'll grab a mint and walk out...

and people have studied the mints
and found traces of urine in them.

So they're urine mints.

- We're being paged.
- Good.

Right this way.

- Thank you.
- Enjoy.

Sam, I thought I told you never to play.. ..

- Stop doing that.
- No talking.

- Then stop doing that.
- Doing what?

Looking at me.

Vain party, table for one.

You know what I mean. You're watching
me watch the movie. It's creepy.

I enjoy watching people watch
certain parts of certain movies.

But you look over
before something big happens...

- so I always know something's coming.
- I do?

You did it just before Humphrey Bogart
saw Ingrid Bergman for the first time.

She's the co-star.
You knew something was coming.

- There goes our flow.
- We missed stuff while we were talking.

- You're back too far. We've seen this.
- I didn't know. I was looking at you.

- We'll never get through this.
- Mom, are you there?

- Wait.
- Come on.

Mom, if you're there, pick up.

- Honey, are you okay?
- There goes the phone rule.

This whole night is sucking.

What? How?

You're right. I've never dated before.

I know that now
because of this feeling I have.

I've never had this feeling before.

Sort of frozen, sort of unsure...

sort of wishing you'd read
a lot of dating articles?

I have no idea what I'm doing here.

Everyone is staring because they know
we're on a bad first date.

- So the guy's a dud?
- Trevor's fine.

I'm moronic. I bring...

the conversation to a crashing halt
every time I speak.

- Where is he now?
- In the bathroom.

Probably pondering my anecdote
about urine mints.

About what?

People go to the bathroom and don't
wash their hands and take a mint.

Oh, my God, I've been eating
those mints for years.

- Hey, did you know about urine mints?
- What?

I've forgotten everything he said to me.

The name of his brother
and sister and best friend.

We're sitting on the same side
of the table. We keep bumping menus...

and my neck already hurts...

from trying to turn
and look at him when he talks.

Can I tell him to sit on the other side?

Honey, you have to relax.

It's just a date, and sometimes
dates don't go well.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help
but if he's back and you're on the phone...

- it might make things awkward.
- Bite the bullet, huh?

Yeah. Sorry, but yeah.

Okay. I'll talk to you later.

Bye.

- Poor thing.
- Dating's the worst.

Yeah, but they're sitting
on the same side of the table...

and that's awkward,
and she can't think of what to say next...

and she's just got to go through it
and figure it out on her own.

You just have to throw them out there...

and let them learn
what those wings are for.

She could say there's a draft.

- What?
- Where she's sitting.

She could say the air conditioning
is hitting her and switch...

- and blame it on that.
- That's perfect.

- Hey, is he back yet?
- No.

Say there's a draft
and move to the other side of the table.

It's very ladylike to feel drafts.

- And he'll totally understand.
- Okay. Good.

Then ask what his brother
and sister's names are.

He'll like that you cared enough
to confirm.

- That feels right.
- Don't worry about conversation.

Just talk, and if the talk
doesn't flow, it doesn't.

Stay away from urine-related topics,
and you're good to go.

Thanks, Mom.

The draft thing was Luke's.

- Thank him for me, too. I'd better go.
- Go.

Oh, good. I feel so much better.
She says thanks.

I wouldn't trade places with her
for the world.

You wouldn't want to go out
with a boy named Trevor?

You might want to wait
and see his picture.

I mean dating. It's a horror.

It's the only cure for the singleness thing,
barring ordering a spouse off the net.

- I missed nothing by not dating.
- Not true.

If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single.

I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights
at Tony Roma's.

But dating is how you get to know
your potential partner.

There's the gut.

I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone
within seconds of meeting them.

I feel it here.
I felt it with Rachel, I felt it with Nicole.

- I was immediately relaxed.
- You've got the gut thing.

It's just knowing
that someone will let you be.

- That's a gut thing.
- You're fast-forwarding.

- I just want to get to the good parts.
- There are no bad parts of Casablanca.

Just go back.

Back. I'm gonna go grab dessert.

Phone again.

- Who is this?
- Who's this?

This is Emily Gilmore. Who's this?

Luke Danes, Mrs. Gilmore.
Your daughter's friend from the diner.

I'm not really supposed to be talking here.
Hang on.

- Why did you answer the phone?
- You answered it before.

But that was Rory.
You should have told her I'm not here.

- Then what would I be doing here?
- Light maintenance.

- You broke a rule.
- You've broken every rule.

Dodging my mother's phone calls
isn't a movie-night rule.

It's an always-rule.

Hi, Mom. What's up?

You're telling people
they can't speak to me?

No, Mom. It's just a little movie-night rule.

If you and Luke wanna talk,
you guys can talk.

- I'm talking about Natalie Zimmerman.
- Natalie?

I called her today about sprucing up
a room for me she did a year ago...

and, as you would say, she blew me off.

What did she say?

She said she couldn't help me out
but she wouldn't say why...

so I leaned on her a bit.

She cracked and said
she'd made you certain promises.

Mom, I never told her
she couldn't work for you.

- She said you did.
- No. Our agreement was--

So there was an agreement.

- Yes, but--
- To exclude me?

No. Not exactly.

Perhaps it would be easier
if you just gave me a list...

of the people I'm not allowed
to have contact with.

So far, I know there's Natalie, and Sookie,
and Luke on movie night.

What about Richard?
Am I allowed to talk to my husband?

Mom, this is just a big misunderstanding.
Go ahead and hire Natalie.

But you'll still have a problem
with us using her.

I will cease working with her.
She's all yours. I'll tell her tomorrow.

Wonderful. So it'll be my fault
she loses the job.

No, Lorelai, you keep her...

and I promise I'll never speak to her ever.

If she's bleeding on the side of the road,
I'll drive by, pretend I didn't see.

- Mom.
- I have to go.

- I'm firing Natalie.
- That's up to you.

- Consider it done.
- I'll see you Friday.

Yep.

All right, I'll make it easier for you.

Go ahead and shoot.
You'll be doing me a favor.

I know just how you feel, Rick.

Mom?

Tell me he didn't fall asleep
during Casablanca.

No, we made it through that.

He fell asleep during Hardbodies.

How do you fall asleep
during a classic like Hardbodies?

There's no accounting for taste.

- He looks comfy there, doesn't he?
- Yeah, he does.

So, you want to talk about it
or forget about it?

There's nothing much to talk about.
It was just bad.

I got better as the night went on.
Talked a little more.

He was very nice, just not my type.
And the whole draft thing backfired.

How so?

I switched over
to the other side of the table.

Then he started to feel the same draft
and came over to my side.

- But we made up the draft.
- The power of suggestion.

- Boys are so malleable.
- It just all seemed so forced.

I felt like I was locked in
to this pointless societal ritual.

- There has to be another way.
- Luke and I were debating that.

He thinks it's about gut instinct.

You know instantly
if a person is right for you.

I think you have to go through
a lot to find a contender.

You've been very lucky with boys before.
They were just always sort of there.

But, I think, for the most part,
a girl's got to hunt a little.

- Go through a lot of non-contenders.
- Yes.

Then the non-contenders
become your fun bad-date anecdotes.

In fact, on your next date,
tell him about your bad date.

- What if that date is bad?
- Then you have an anecdote...

- for your next date.
- How long does this go on?

You've seen Grey Gardens.
It could go on forever.

- Just shoot me now.
- Hang in there.

- Go with Luke's gut thing if all else fails.
- Maybe.

- Yeah?
- I think my clothes were in there.

Yeah, somebody had already
dumped them out...

so I put them in my basket
to keep them clean.

- Hope you don't mind.
- No. Thanks.

That's the coolest laundry basket
I've ever seen. I love The Smiths.

I had an older brother
that got me into them.

My friends were listening
to Hootie and the Blowfish...

I was memorizing Meat is Murder.

I've a mom who's cooler
than anyone you'd meet.

- She did the same thing.
- Mine's a plain old soccer mom...

but she's great.

Being away like this makes you think
about stuff like that, doesn't it? Home?

Totally.

Would you maybe want to get
a cup of coffee sometime?

In between classes or something?

I don't think so, but thanks.

You're welcome.