Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 6 - An Affair to Remember - full transcript

- It's simply disgraceful.
- For years, we've had peace
in the neighborhood.

I knew the Richmonds were going
to be trouble

when they missed the block party
last month.

I don't understand. They gave out
full-size candy bars for Halloween.
So what?

Not full-size candy bars, Lorelai -
king-size candy bars.

We've been giving out full-size
candy bars for years now.

And then those people move in and
throw the entire balance of the
neighborhood off.

- They made everybody look ridiculous.
- It's very embarrassing.

I think we have to do something about this -

maybe go to the homeowners association.

Two Halloweens ago, someone painted
the Duprees' Chihuahua orange

and nobody went to the homeowners
association then.

- Well, everybody hated Taco.
- I think you're making a little
too much of this.

I saw Mae Richmond at Bay Wellington's
two weeks before Halloween.

She had ample time to bring it up
then, and nothing - not a word.

I think it might be time to go
after their ball machine.

Their ball machine?

They have a ball machine on their
tennis court

that is extraordinarily loud and
unpredictable.

Flying, thumping balls all over
the place.

- Flying, thumping what all over
the place?
- Balls.

- You are four.
- And balls are funny.

Don't worry, Emily. If the homeowners
association doesn't do anything,

we'll take this to the neighbors,
get a petition going.

Or if that doesn't work, you could
throw some hoods on

and burn a full-size Mars bar on
their front lawn.

King-size, Lorelai - king-size.

So, how's work, Grandpa?

- Look how smoothly she changes
the subject.
- Work is lovely, Rory.

- How's school?
- Crazy.

- She's taking too many courses.
- I am not.

- How many are you taking?
- Five.

- Is five a lot?
- It's not a lot

It is a lot.

I took five courses when I was
a freshman. Rory takes after me.

- I like to be busy.
- Idle hands are the devil's playthings.

- That's actually the title of
one of her classes.
- Please don't worry about me.

She says to the mother and the grandmother.

Are you done?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Good, because we have mini lemon
bundt cakes for dessert.

What?

Well, they're serving full-size
bundt cakes over at the Richmonds' house.

- She's done.
- Oh, no, I have a carrot.

She's done.

Bet the Richmonds would have let
me eat my carrot.

- All right, this should do it.
- May we please get this over with?

- Patience is a virtue, Richard.
- And time is fleeting, Emily.

You're starting a new partnership.
You need new photographs,

- especially with that new look.
- I thought I'd give a beard a try.

Well, I like it. All right, Helmut,
we're all set here.

Okay. Important men doing important things.

Good. One more time. We're going
to sign, and...

We're done.

Thank you, Helmut. That was wonderful.

And now we sign the real papers.

- I'm feeling historic. You?
- Oh, yes.

It's Gettysburg all over again.

Thank you.

Important men doing important things.

Now that makes it official.

Jason.

- Let's give 'em hell.
- You bet.

Oh, I should have had Helmut get
the handshake.

The signing was fine, Emily.

Sorry about the photo session.

Oh, no, that's okay. I think it's
a cute idea.

Yes, and when the financial papers
call for an official photo, it'll
be downright darling.

I learned long ago, Jason, when
it comes to things like this,
Emily is always right.

- I am sure she is.
- Thank you both.

Jason, how's your time? Would you
like to join us for dinner?

Oh, I'd love to, Emily, but I
should get these papers up to my
lawyer's office.

- Next week?
- Consider it an open invitation.

Thank you. Richard, I'll see you
tomorrow morning.

Yes, you will.

"I think it's cute."

He's young, Emily.

Yes, well, a good smack on that
scruffy face of his would age him
up a bit.

All right, let's discuss the launch
party. Do you have any sort of
particular feel in mind?

Well, I'll leave that to your
discretion. Just make sure it's dignified.

We probably shouldn't go too fancy.

Maybe we'll do one of those vodka
bars - caviar, a Russian theme.

- I love that it's okay to be
Russian again.
- It sounds lovely.

- How's the 23rd?
- Perfect.

- And I want you to get a new suit.
- I don't need a new suit.

And find out what Jason's going to wear.

I don't want the two of you showing
up looking like the Bobbsey twins.

Oh, yes, that would be embarrassing.

I'll need a guest list.

A Russian theme. I like that.

The conquering peoples impose
their own values

on the subjugated peoples through
education,

and quite often through the appointment

of a priesthood from among their
own ranks.

This means we should not assume
that the system of values

has in some way evolved in a region.

It is almost always imposed with
the explicit purpose

of keeping power in the hands of
the powerful.

Something to think about until
next week, when we will burst
more of your illusions...

which brings me to a bit of bad news.

There was an error in the syllabus
you received.

The dates were wrong, which means
that all of your reading has been
pushed up one week.

I apologize for this cruel little
life experience, but what can I do?

I just found out my in-laws are
moving back to town.

None of us are immune.

I'll see you all Tuesday.

So, we were thinking maybe two
horses to start with.

See, it's so charming with the
overhang here.

- You want me to turn this into stables?
- Yes.

- Without a magic wand or some
sort of fairy dust?
- Preferably, yes.

- Let me take a look inside.
- We'd like to keep the existing
structure, please.

Lorelai, I'm all set up as soon
as you're ready.

- Be right there, Kirk.
- Okie dokie.

- How attached are you gonna get
to these horses?
- What?

- You gonna name 'em, feed 'em
apples, braid their tails?
- Why, Tom?

The roof's about to cave in so I
can stay within our budget,

but then I'd just call 'em all Trigger.

Just tell me how much more it's
gonna cost.

- Hey, you're here.
- I'm always here.

Listen, I want to talk to you about
something very exciting.

Very exciting. I love very exciting.

This morning I got a call from your mother.

- This is the very exciting?
- Yes!

She doing a launch party for your
father's new business and she
wants us to do the catering.

- Us?
- Us!

- Did you say us?
- Yes.

- To her. Did you say "us" to her?
- Yes.

- So she knows about us?
- Yes, she knows about us, I think.

- What does she know about us?
- That we have a catering business?

- Yes.
- Oh, man!

What? Did I do something bad?

No, nothing, nothing. It's my fault.
I forgot to tell her.

How could you forget to tell her?

Well, I've only seen her forty or
fifty times since we started the business.

Now what did she say exactly?

She asked me to cater, and I said
we'd love to,

and then she said, "we?" so I
said you and I had started a company,

so it'd be the both of us together,
and she said fine.

Was there a pause before "fine" or
was it just "fine"?

- I don't remember. I just remember
the "fine."
- She's mad.

- I swear she didn't sound mad.
- Okay.

- Good.
- Now let's talk about how much
I can't do this.

Look, I knew it would be a thing
working for your mother, but it's
perfect timing.

This is probably the last job we'll
be able to take before I have the baby.

- Something else will come along.
- Not that pays like your mother does.

You know why she pays so much?

So she can torture you and you won't
throw knives at her.

Look, you already know the house.

Decorating, planning - it's gonna
be a snap for you.

I bet you can spend ninety percent
of the evening in the kitchen,

then we get to take home the pretty,
pretty money.

- Sookie.
- Pretty, pretty money.

Aren't you a big fat wad of pretty money?

- Fine.
- Really?

- Shouldn't ask again.
- Accepting and moving on.

- Excuse me, Lorelai.
- Oh, my God, Kirk, I forgot you were here.

If I had a nickel for every time
I heard that.

I'm very, very sorry. You have my
full attention.

I'm gonna go. We'll talk tomorrow
about the details.

All right, Kirk, show me what you got.

If you'll just follow me, I would
like to present you

with my new line of one-of-a-kind mailboxes.

Wow. They look very nice, Kirk.

And whimsical. They say to the world,
"I'll take my mail with a smile."

Yes, they do say that.

And since you are one of our
preferred customers,

with the purchase of one of our
mailboxes,

I'll throw in a carved-duck doorstop
and a garlic peeler.

Wow, that's quite an offer, Kirk,
but I think it's a little early for
me to pick a mailbox.

We haven't even settled on a color
for the inn yet.

Well, whimsy goes with everything.

Kirk, I promise, just as soon as...

- is that Condoleezza Rice?
- Yes, it is.

I'm a fan, and her big mouth is
perfect for shoving mail in.

- I'll have to think about it.
- Fair enough.

So, I hear you're running a catering
business now.

Oh, yeah, just temporarily.

- You guys any good?
- Not bad.

And how much would one have to pay
for your culinary services?

It depends, the type of food, number
of people, kind of venue.

Simple food, two guests, my mother's
living room.

Really?

I have a visitor coming in from
out of town

and I thought it would be nice
to serve her a catered meal.

Her?

Actually, she was my brother's
ex-girlfriend - Lulu.

Good name.

I had sort of a crush on her for a
while, and she's coming home to visit
her mother,

- and she called me.
- Kirk, you have a date.

- No, just an appointment to take
Lulu to dinner.
- That's a date.

I don't have high hopes for it,
if that's what you're thinking.

Kirk, it's very sweet,

but are you sure you want to have
dinner in your living room?

Well, the breakfast nook doesn't
seem festive enough.

Right, but while you're having
dinner in your living room, where
will your mother be?

- Probably in the living room.
- Is that what you really want?

- To have dinner with your mother watching?
- I could ask her to face the wall.

Or you could take Lulu out to a
restaurant.

- Which one?
- Well, what does she like?

I don't know. Should I call my
brother and find out?

I think if he knew, she'd probably
still be with him.

I just really want it to be nice.

Just take her someplace where
you're comfortable.

It doesn't have to be fancy. If
you like it, she'll like it.

Just not one attached to a bowling alley.

That narrows it down a bit. I'll
figure something out.

Good. You'll see - it'll be great.

Do you think I could stop by
tomorrow with some wardrobe choices
for you to pick out?

Kirk, you can dress yourself.
Just look nice.

You know, not too fancy. Clean.

No jeans.

Oh, maybe a sport coat.

- Eleven sound good?
- Perfect.

A trampoline. That's new.

Helps with my shin splints.

Wow. Squeaky.

Yup.

- Phone.
- Thanks.

Paris, can you get the phone?

Paris?

- Don't answer it.
- Why not?

It's Jamie and we're fighting.

Well, does he know you're fighting?
'Cause he's not hanging up.

Oh, he knows. Trust me, he knows.

- You're seriously not gonna answer that?
- Nope.

- Paris, come on.
- Fine.

There.

- Why are you and Jamie fighting?
- Because he's wrong.

- Oh, okay.
- He won't listen to me.

You won't listen to me!

He's in love with the sound of his own voice.

You'd think he was already president
and I don't want to be Hillary.

I don't want to wait for a hundred
years while he does his thing

so by the time I get my chance,
I'm too old to enjoy it.

- Well, I don't think Hillary's
too old to enjoy it.
- Fine. Be on his side.

I'm not on his side. I'm on her side.

Don't answer it.

- Paris, I have to study!
- Go ahead.

- I can't!
- Why not?

The phone.

Don't, Rory! I mean it!

Hello? Hi, Jamie. Yes, she is here.

Paris, you're acting stupid, okay?
You love Jamie,

so just get on the phone and work
it out so that I can study, okay?

What?

No, I haven't thought about what you said.

Because I'm very busy, Jamie,
and contrary to your beliefs,

I have better things to occupy my
time with than thinking about you.

Or what you said.

Or what you meant or what you want

or anything about you or concerning you.

Have him call you back on your cell
phone. Then you can talk to him outside.

- It's nice outside. There are
birds and trees.
- My cell phone is dead.

- Then take mine.
- What's your phone plan?

Why?

'Cause I'm not gonna borrow your
phone and get slammed with a massive
charge

- because your phone plan sucks.
- Paris!

Jamie, I'm going to call you back
on Rory's cell.

Yes, I am.

- Yes, I am!
- Yes, she is!

- Okay, bye.
- Here.

- I'll be back.
- Take your time.

- Tanna, I'm trying to study.
- Okay.

- I can hear the TV through the wall.
- Okay.

It's distracting.

- Are you telling me to turn it off?
- I'm not telling...

You can, you know, because your
grandma paid for the TV.

- I'm not telling you to turn
the TV off.
- Because you can.

- The TV belongs to all of us.
- If it's a matter of volume,

I could press my ear to the speaker
and then I could turn it really low.

Never mind.

The problem there is that the
speakers for the TV are mounted up

in the corner of the ceiling,
but perhaps if I got a ladder.

Never mind, Tanna.

Are you sure you don't want me
to turn it off?

Try this one.

Sookie, I love you, I love your
cooking, but I swear if you make me eat

one more bite of broccoli tart,
I will beat you to death with it.

Your mother is the pickiest woman
I have ever catered for.

She has impeccable taste, the
highest standards,

and she can smell an inferior
tart a mile away.

Depending on how long it's been
left out, we all can.

- You know, she still hasn't called yet.
- She will.

But she was supposed to call about
the details a couple of days ago.

She will, Sookie.

But it's coming up and we still
don't know if she wants a fish
course or a cheese course.

We'll make a fish-cheese combo
course just to be sure.

- Lorelai.
- Why do I have to call her?

Because technically you're doing
the organizing, and I've got batter
hands.

Oh, ask her about the foie gras.
Is it too expected?

'Cause I can make it with a, you
know, cherry compote.

Okay. You know what to say.

- Hello, Mom.
- Lorelai, hello. How nice to
hear from you.

- How are you doing?
- Well, I'm just fine, thank
you for asking.

- Good, I'm glad to hear it.
- And I'm glad to report it.

So the reason I'm calling is we
haven't heard from you yet,

and we really need to nail down
some of the details of the party.

- "We" haven't heard from you yet?
- Yes, we - me and Sookie.

- Ah, yes, the Independence Catering Company.
- So, anyhow...

You know, a few years ago, there
was a company called Independent
Catering.

They were all the rage until they
catered the Kirov benefit for diabetes

that sent 300 people to the hospital
with a vicious case of food poisoning.

Well, needless to say, they went
out of business immediately,

and I believe one of them left
town without packing.

Oh, well, that's a good story.
Hans Christian Anderson?

You know, some people could mistake
the Independence Catering Company

with the Independent Catering Company,

and that would just be a shame
for you, wouldn't it?

Now if I'd known what you were
going to name your company, I could
have warned you.

- Mom, I swear, I tried to tell you.
- You did?

Yes, I did. I sent you a flier.
Didn't you get my flier?

No, I did not get your flier.

Oh, well, I sent it, and to be
honest with you,

I was a little hurt that you didn't
call to congratulate me,

but now that I know you didn't get
it, I forgive you.

- When did you send a flier?
- Last week.

- What did it say?
- Oh, you know... come and get it.

You wrote "come and get it" on
your business flier?

No, it was your basic "Introducing
the Independence Catering Company", flier.

You know, it had our phone number,
our address, and an amusing caricature of us.

- Well, that sounds like a very
nice flier.
- Oh, it was.

Do you have an extra one? You can
bring it with you on Friday night.

Sure.

Because it's very unusual these
days for things to get lost in the mail.

You don't think you got the address
wrong, do you?

- Mom, the party?
- All right.

I'm going to want a mixture of white,
off-white, and cream-colored linen.

A simple bone china with a gold or
deep-blue stripe will work.

Okay, got it.

I'm going with tapers cut in half
so that people can see each other
across the table.

We'll need white and sterling roses,
but not too high or formal.

- Do you have a florist?
- I have a florist.

- Does he have a flier?
- Do you want clear or silver vases?

- You must think I'm a complete idiot.
- No, Mom, I don't.

There is no flier.

You're making it up to cover for
the fact that you once again

neglected to tell me about an
important event in your life.

- Mom, I swear there's a flier.
- Shame on you for swearing there's a flier.

That's the worst possible thing
you could do.

Liv Tyler grew up her entire life
thinking Todd Rundgren was her real father.

You think that might knock this
out of first place?

I tell you, if I saw this kind of
behavior from some other company
I was hiring,

- I would fire them on the spot.
- Then fire us, Mom.

Excuse me?

You are not hiring your daughter
and her friend,

you are hiring a professional
catering company. This is not a favor,

it is a business transaction,
and I must insist that you treat us

exactly as you would any other
person off the street.

- As you wish.
- Thank you.

Now I'm sorry, but we're very busy
with preparations for your event,

so I'm gonna have to hang up now.
Goodbye, Mother.

Goodbye.

Horrible woman!

You forgot to ask about the menu.

My dorm room has turned into a
"Three Stooges" movie.

Shove Pop Tarts under the door
in two hours please.

Honey...

You quiched my room.

- They're not quiche. They're broccoli tarts.
- Well, then you tarted up my room.

I'm sorry, honey, I didn't know
you were coming home today.

Sookie's just trying some things
out for Grandma's party.

How am I supposed to study when
it smells like broccoli?

- Well, study in the living room.
- This is not living room study.

This is serious bedroom study.
I have a ton of work to do.

Hey, here's a crazy thought - isn't
there someplace at Yale you can study?

- Don't they have like a hundred libraries?
- Yes, but they don't have that right vibe.

They're too quiet and too big
and drafty. Very, very drafty.

- At least they don't smell like quiche.
- Enough with the quiche, okay?

I can't believe I came all the
way home and there's nowhere to work.

- It's just temporary.
- 'Til the sewing machine comes.

Oh, hey... you know how many
kids in India would love to come home

to a room full of quiche? Sorry - tarts.

- Tarts are totally different.
- I know, honey. I know.

Have a seat, Kirk. I'll be right there.

Caesar.

You know what the key to a truly
successful tuna melt is?

- What?
- Tuna.

- That's not tuna?
- No, it's turkey.

Give me the plate. I'll do it again.

Don't get exasperated with me.
I'm not the one that made the
wrong sandwich.

What are you doing, Kirk?

Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would
you seat me?

In an acting class.

No, I mean, which do you consider
the best seat in the house?

- I don't know.
- How are the acoustics here?

- What?
- The bathrooms are right over there.

One good loud flush and the entire
mood is spoiled.

I don't have time to kill you right
now, Kirk. Come back in a couple of hours.

All right, I'll just reserve these
three tables and decide later.

- Reserve these three...
- For Wednesday night, eight o'clock.

- We don't take reservations, Kirk.
- But this is a special occasion.

And Lorelai told me to go somewhere
I'm comfortable, and I'm comfortable here.

You are?

Well, not at this moment, but
previously I have been comfortable here.

- Please?
- What's the occasion?

I have a date with a young lady.

You really felt the need to add
the "with a young lady" part?

Kinda.

Okay, you can have one table for
eight o'clock.

- Thank you. Here.
- What's this?

It's a diagram of how I would
like the table set up.

See - little flowers by her plate,
and the champagne bucket over here

so I don't accidentally knock
it off the table with my elbow.

- I don't sell champagne, Kirk.
- Why not?

- Because this is a diner.
- Good champagne goes with everything.

- Get your own champagne, Kirk.
- But what about the flowers?

- Kirk.
- Okay, fine.

I'll get the champagne and the flowers.

Now, let's say the date goes well.
How much for the place upstairs?

- You mean my apartment?
- Yes.

- Bye, Kirk.
- Okay, see you later.

- Excuse me, is that good?
- Yes.

And what is that?

Meat loaf.

Okay, so, this meat loaf, is it
a romantic food for you? I mean,
is it getting you hot?

Kirk!

Good talking to you.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Well, you did tell her to treat
us like any other catering service.

"I'd like you to do a test meal,
Lorelai. After all, you are a new company."

She must be so happy right now.

She's probably been cackling into
her magic mirror all morning.

It's going to be a breeze. You wait and see.

Three hours of bowing and scraping.

We are not going to be bowing and
scraping. We're going to be serving
and delighting.

Anything to humiliate me, anything at all.

Wow! You grew up here?

- I swear, if she makes me wear a uniform...
- This is Citizen Kane's house.

- Drape one of those napkins over my arm.
- Is there a moat?

Just help me out here, okay? Run
interference whenever you can.

I promise.

- May I help you?
- Hi. We're the caterers. We're here for...

The servants' entrance is around back.

Was that a maid?

Come on.

What are all those tennis balls
doing over here?

Irish studies suck, German studies
suck, everything here sucks, sucks, sucks!

That yoga's really working for you, Glenn.

Don't get that, I mean it! Do
not touch that phone!

Oh, great, I'm glad you got that.
It's been bugging me for the last...

- Is this the off-white or the cream?
- The off-white.

The cream is more creamy.

I cut those myself so they could
be adjusted either way.

I mean, they could be adjusted smaller.

Taller would be tougher once
they're cut, but,

if they tell a lie, they'll shoot
right back up.

- I assume you'll have servers.
- Yes, we will.

I assume you'll instruct your
servers to omit the Pinocchio humor.

Yes, we will.

Okay, here we go.

Now, we would start off with
either the roasted asparagus

with the Parmesan or the trio
of winter soups -

tomato basil, butternut squash,
and Catalonian garlic.

- Very ambitious.
- And very tasty.

I'll tell the servers not to do
that either.

- Lorelai?
- Yes?

- My napkin.
- Oh, well, yes.

Napkin, yes, your napkin. I got it.

- Do you want me to just tuck
it in your shirt there or...
- My lap will be fine.

Okay. There you go.

Feel free to spill anything you
want down there. You are covered.

- What is the next course?
- Lobster potpie.

- You may bring it out now.
- Okay.

- Sookie, how far along are you?
- Eight months.

Lorelai, there doesn't seem to
be any reason for a pregnant woman
in her eighth month

to be running back and forth to
the kitchen, does there?

No, there doesn't.

You should take my plate. Otherwise,
you'll have no place to put the potpie.

Oh, I can think of a place.

- What was that?
- Plates going bye-bye.

Okay, when I give the signal,

you run in and distract her and
I'll take her down. Got it?

Here we go - Sookie's famous
lobster potpie.

- Very nice crust.
- Thank you.

Well, Sookie, I must say your
food is as accomplished as I remember it.

Oh, thank you, Emily.

And I think after we fine-tune
the presentation,

we'll have ourselves a very nice
dinner party.

- So we got the job?
- Yes, you got the job.

We got the job. Thank you. You will
not be disappointed.

No, I will not. The event starts at 7:30,

I would like you to be here at
four o'clock.

I'm going to make a Xerox copy
of my notes here

so the two of you can peruse it
on the way home.

We did it, we got the job! What
a score! We landed a whale.

Yeah, we always had the job, Sookie.
The whale was just toying with us.

She was swatting us with her tail
and hosing us down with her blowhole

because that is the whale's M.O. -
humiliate and rip apart every other
fish in the sea

until there's nothing left but a
bloody pile of chum.

Boy, you really hate whales, don't you?

It's amazing. Out of the blue,
bam! It was right there.

Well, things always happen when
you least expect it.

- I have to tell you, this tree is perfect.
- All girls think their tree is perfect.

It fits my back completely, and
there's plenty of grass,

and it's in a great area - just
far enough away from anything major

so there's not a lot of noise
but still not in Siberia.

Hey, can it cook? 'Cause I can
get it a great gig with a crazy woman.

- Grandma's not crazy. She's specific.
- Well, at least one of us is happy.

- And thank God it's me.
- My feelings exactly.

You have no idea how much studying
I got done today.

- Seriously, ask me anything.
- Okay.

How'd I get shanghaied into catering
a party for my mother?

You keep repeating yourself.

Well, as soon as I hear you talking
about a study shrub, I'll know it's
time to move on.

Okay, fine, I have to go.

Yeah? Gonna go shopping for a
nice yellow ribbon?

- Have some chili fries for me.
- I will.

Cheeseburger, onion rings, and
a list of people

who killed their parents and got
away with it. I'm looking for heroes.

- How'd the tasting go?
- We got the job.

- Would have been pathetic if you hadn't.
- I can't do this.

- It's a gig.
- Yes, it is a gig.

It's Prince opening for the Rolling
Stones. That's the kind of gig it is.

- Luke...
- Yeah?

- What's Kirk doing?
- Practicing.

- For what?
- His date.

He's doing a test run - talking,
eating, making conversation.

Then he's gonna go home and review
the tape and adjust from there.

Boy! You ever think about how many
different ways

- Kirk could get kicked out of the Army?
- What a poor slob.

- He's pathetic.
- He likes a girl. That's sweet.

All day long, I have this crazy
person sitting in my diner ordering
everything off the menu,

by the way, to see which meal has
less crumb-to-sweater ratio.

Well, if he's bugging you that
much, you can ask him to leave.

You ask him to leave. It's your
fault he's here.

How is it my fault? I'm not going
out with him.

You're the one that told him to
find someplace he felt comfortable.

How did I know he felt comfortable here?

I don't know. All I know is that
you talked to him,

and now he's over there talking
to a camera.

Oh, come on, Luke. Give him a break.

He wants the date to go well.

I mean, it's all any of us wants -

to find a nice person to hang out
with 'til we drop dead. Not a lot to ask.

I guess.

And look on the positive side -
if Kirk's date goes well, he'll be
occupied,

and you'll be seeing a lot less
of him at the diner.

Cut! Okay, that sucked!

Let's just go again right away.

Focus! Focus.

I'll have his monogrammed booth
installed tomorrow.

All right, I think this should be everyone.

You've double-checked it?

I have double-checked it, but
I'm sure you will also double-check it.

You know I will.

So I am entirely confident that
no one will be left out.

- This is very nice.
- Isn't it, though?

It's a florist Lorelai found.
We're using him for the party.

Oh, I think that will be perfect.

It has to be perfect. These are
important people we're trying to impress.

- Richard, Emily.
- Jason, what a pleasant surprise.

Richard, you should have told me
Jason was coming over.

I would have had something prepared.

Oh, please, Emily, I've gained ten
pounds since I came into this house.

Men always say that and it's never true.

I just dropped by for the keys
to the office.

Ah, that's right. Forgot to give
you the keys.

Oh, my apologies, Jason. Here you go.

Thank you. Sorry to interrupt your
evening. I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, Jason, I'm going to need your
guest list as soon as possible.

- My guest list?
- To the launch party.

Oh, Richard, you did remember to
ask Jason for his list, didn't you?

Emily, I am a very busy man.

Oh, honestly, Richard, that's
what you have a secretary for.

Jason, I apologize for my husband.

The official launch party for your
company is next week.

I've got the entire thing organized.
All I need is your guest list.

You organized a launch party.

Yes, and trust me when I tell you
that there is no one

who can throw together a more elegant
event at the drop of a hat than
Emily Gilmore.

True, and thank you, and you still
forgot to tell him.

Well, Emily, I really appreciate
the thought,

but I'm not so sure a launch party
is the way to go.

What do you mean?

Jason, it's traditional to do something
for our clients. They appreciate it.

It gives us a chance to talk to
them one-on-one, develop relationships.

It's the extra little things that
set you apart in business, Jason.

I couldn't agree more, and that is why

- I've organized a trip to Atlantic City.
- What?

You know, get everybody out, away
from business, away from their spouses,

away from stuffy cocktail-party
music and floral arrangements.

Have a little crazy fun - you know,
good food, lots to drink,

maybe a little gambling, a show,
and trust me,

nothing bonds two businessmen
together more than one of them

finding the other hung over with a
hooker in their bed the next morning.

- What?
- Just a figure of speech, Emily.

You cannot be serious. These are
dignified men and women.

- There are mobsters in Atlantic City.
- Let's hope so.

- Talk to him.
- Well, Jason, I'm not so sure this...

Richard, this is the kind of thing
that could set us apart from the
other companies.

It's different, maybe a little crazy,

but they will remember it and they
will tell their friends about it.

Yes, I suppose they will.

Every other company in town is
throwing a dignified cocktail party.

Believe me, right now my mother
has twelve caterers throttling every
sturgeon they can find

to get fine caviar for my father's clients.

Let's not give our clients canap?s,
Richard.

- Let's give 'em some fun.
- Well, it is different.

- You can't be serious.
- Well, it's good to change with
the times.

You're running an insurance company,
not a rap label.

People aren't looking to you to
give them a good time.

They are looking to you to protect
their livelihood.

Now let's think about this for
a moment.

I mean, how far along is this party?
Is it too late to cancel?

No, it's not too late to cancel.

All right.

Jason, we'll try it your way.
Atlantic City it is.

I think it's a good move, Richard.
And Emily, thank you again for the offer.

- But see, now you can just hang
out and relax.
- My two favorite things.

- All right, see you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.

Excuse me, you're sitting under my tree.

- What?
- My study tree, this is my study tree.

What the hell's a study tree?

- Okay. See, I have roommates...
- So do I.

Yes, but I have Paris and I have Tanna

and I have Janet, and Janet squeaks...

Look, I'm busy, okay?

Yes, I see you're very busy with
your "Trucker's Monthly" there,

but I finally found a great place
to study, and you're sitting on it.

There's a million trees on campus.

But this one fits my back perfectly
so I don't get tired, and the light is right,

and it's just far enough away from
anything busy so that the noise
level is perfect,

and it's quiet but not Unabomber, and...

and anyhow, I was just hoping that maybe

you would consider giving me back my tree.

No.

Well...

After you.

Wow, this place seems nice.

Yes, diners are apparently all
the rage nowadays.

Really?

Very hip. Very, very hip.

- Excuse me.
- Yes?

I believe I have reservations
for two. The name's Kirk.

Kirk, yes. Okay. Follow me.

- How's this?
- Very satisfactory. Thank you.

- There's more where that came from.
- It's my lucky night.

- Wow, I'm getting the fancy treatment.
- Well, you did show up.

Yes, I did.

I hear the meat loaf is excellent here.

Coming, coming, coming.

Mom.

- Were you asleep?
- No.

- Then why are you in your pajamas?
- These aren't pajamas.

You wear that in public?

Hi, Mom. Would you like to come in?

You have the word "juicy" on your rear end.

Well, if I had known you were
coming over, I would have changed.

Into what, a brassiere with the
word "tasty" on it?

Hey, Mom, what can I do for you?

- I have to talk to you about something.
- Is everything okay?

I'm afraid you aren't going to
be catering the launch party after all.

What? Why?

Your father and I just decided
to go a different way, that's all.

A different way?

Now, of course, I realize you've
already put out some money.

Yeah, we have.

Of course, I will reimburse you for
all expenses. Just give me the receipts.

Great.

That's it. That's all I came to tell you.

Okay, well, thanks for the notice.

You don't have to take that tone
with me, Lorelai.

Really, I don't? After you made
us do that ridiculous tasting at the house?

You told me to treat you like
any other company.

Oh, but you sat there like the
Queen of England, making us jump
through hoops

and taking ridiculous notes and
for what - so you could fire us?

Is this payback for me not telling
you about the business?

Because, I have to say, Mom, even
for you, it seems a little extreme.

- I understand you're upset.
- Yes, I'm upset!

We needed that money, Mom. And I
knew that humiliation was part of
the package,

but I did it because I had to,

and - just you abruptly firing
us is completely wrong!

I agree, it is wrong.

Well, okay, then...

as long as you agree it's wrong...
what? Okay.

I'm sorry, Lorelai. I really am.

I thought your table was lovely.

I thought the food was wonderful.

I was really looking forward to this party.

I think it might have been the
best one I ever put on.

So, then, what happened?

Oh, you know, times change, Lorelai.

Things that were once considered
proper and elegant

are now considered stuffy and out-of-date.

Like what?

Like canap?s and cocktail parties
and the people who plan them.

- Mom, what are you talking about?
- Nothing. It's not important.

Mom, come on.

Jason decided to take the clients
to Atlantic City instead.

He thinks that's what they would
prefer to do.

He's probably right anyhow.
What do I know?

Did he know all the work you put
into this?

It's really not important, Lorelai.

I do this for your father.

I have done this for your father
for the last 36 years.

If he thinks that Jason's right,
then it's fine with me.

And after all, now I don't have
to worry about a party.

I can just relax and hang out.

Mom.

Anyhow, I have to go.

I'm wasting all my hanging-out
time sitting here talking about
this silly party.

Send me those receipts and I'll
get you a check.

Okay, well, great.

- Apologize to Sookie for me, will you?
- Sure.

We'll see you girls Friday night.

Oh, my gosh, that's so funny.

That's amazing, you sound just like him.

- Luke.
- Jeez! Kirk, what are you doing?

- I need your help.
- I'm filling the coffee here.

- Look behind me.
- What am I looking at, Kirk?

- Is she still there?
- Who?

- Lulu. Is Lulu still there?
- You mean your date?

Yes, Lulu, my date. Who else would I mean?

- Catch up, man. Time is of the essence.
- Yes, she's still there.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure, now get out
from behind my counter.

I don't know what to do.

What are you talking about? I just
looked over there and everything
seemed fine.

- Exactly. Everything seemed fine.
- So?

- Doesn't that seem weird to you?
- No.

- Really?
- Yes, a little, but so what?

- Why question it? Go back over there.
- I can't. I don't understand
what's happening.

I mean, she was looking at me.
Directly at me.

At first I thought I had something
on my lip, but I brushed and brushed
and nothing.

- She was just looking at me.
- Well, that's good.

And I have prepared several small-talk
subjects for the evening

- and I haven't used one of them.
- You're making too much of this.

This is not how it's supposed to go.
I'm supposed to take her out,

we're supposed to exhaust my
prepared subjects immediately,

and then the minute I get up and
go to the bathroom,

she is supposed to sneak out and
leave me here humiliated.

Now I have been to the bathroom
three times, and I have to tell you,

I did not have to go, and every time
I came back to the table,

she was there and she was smiling, and...

hey, did you see her touch my arm?
What the hell was that all about?

- I think that means she likes you.
- Shut up! You take that back!

Kirk, Kirk, I am not gonna fight
with you over you not believing
that this girl likes you

because, to be honest with you,
I'm a little fuzzy on the "why" myself,

- but the bottom line is she does.
- She does?

Yes, she's laughing and smiling,
and buckle up, cowboy,

because I think she might actually
touch you again.

You think?

There's a frightening chance she
might, so my advice to you

is to go back over there and
continue doing what you've been doing.

I was doing my Jon Cryer from
"Pretty in Pink" impression.

- Duckie?
- Yes, Duckie.

Were you near the end of the movie yet?

No, just getting to the "Try a
Little Tenderness" moment.

You've got plenty of ammo left.
Go on. Go back over there.

- You think she likes me?
- I think she likes you.

You think she likes me.

God help us one and all.

No, just leave another message that I called.

Thank you.

Number 42, see ya.

You don't have to throw them all out, Sookie.

- I didn't. I've got twenty in
the freezer.
- Great.

- And so do you.
- Even better.

I already had that money spent.

It was going towards a down payment
on a safer car.

Now little Davey will have to fend
for himself rolling around in the
back of Daddy's truck.

- Mom?
- Kitchen.

"Hold on, Davey! Daddy's coming
to a sudden stop."

- You're being dramatic.
- But I'm so disappointed.

I mean, all that planning, all
that time, all that broccoli.

- I lost my tree.
- What?

My tree, my study tree - it's gone.
Someone stole it.

- Someone stole a tree?
- No, the tree's still there,

but when I went there today,
there was this guy sitting there
reading trucking magazines

and he would not give it up, so
now I'm back where I started.

You'll figure something out.

Yes, I will figure out what my
alternate profession will be

because now I can't study, I'm
gonna flunk out of Yale

and I'm gonna have to give up
all hope of being a foreign correspondent.

- This sucks.
- You're telling me?

- I'm eating broccoli tarts for
the next four years.
- Well, what am I gonna do?

- You are gonna suck it up.
- What?

You're in college now, Rory.
If your study plan doesn't work,

then come up with another one.
Just figure it out,

but stop complaining because
you're not two.

And Sookie, in pioneer times,
kids traveled across the country

in covered wagons and survived.

Somehow I think little Davey
will live without his minivan.

- Mom, why are you mad?
- I have something I have to do.

I'll be back in a little while.
And have these damn tarts out of
here by the time I get home!

Grab a fork.

Well, hello, Digger Stiles.

Lorelai Gilmore, you sure grew up good.

Oh, did I, Digger? Thanks. Listen,
why didn't you return my calls?

- 'Cause I hadn't seen you yet.
- Four times. You never called me back.

- I'll call you back now. What's
your number?
- 976-bite-me.

Okay, did you get that, Ms. Lomay?

Because I know how much you like
having numbers in your files.

- We need to talk.
- In my office?

Great.

- You know what? You can go.
- All right.

- Goodnight, Mr. Stiles.
- Goodnight.

- Would you like something to drink?
- Oh, no, thanks.

- So how you been?
- Great. You?

- No complaints.
- Okay, small talk over.

I want you to know something -
you can't just waltz into people's
lives and take over.

I don't waltz at all. It's
embarrassing and a little gay.

You know, people were hired for
this party, people who were counting
on this money.

- What party?
- Launch party.

- Oh, that.
- Yes, that.

And I want to tell you something else -
my mother has been planning

these stupid parties for years,
and it was completely out of line
for you

to walk in there and just crap
all over the whole thing

and make her feel obsolete and useless.

Hold on there. I never knew about
the party. They never told me about
the party.

Of course they never told you
about the party

because they're inconsiderate
and self-centered,

and they have been that way for
many years, so they have dibs.

But the minute you found out about
the party, you should have canceled
your plans.

It was too late for that. And
I never called your mother obsolete,

- I just called cocktail parties obsolete.
- Same thing.

- I don't see how.
- Jason, my mother is a corporate wife.

Her job is putting these parties
on, and you put her out of work.

You know that, your mother does
the same thing.

Imagine if you took these functions
away from her. What would she have left?

More time with the pool boy?

You embarrassed my mother and
made her feel small.

You unceremoniously canceled something
she had been working on for days.

But I didn't know.

And then she had to come to my
house and fire me!

- Fire you? Why would she fire you?
- Because I was the caterer.

Get out of town!

Yes, I have a partner in a small
catering company.

- You cook?
- I plan.

I had no idea how much chaos my
little weekend was causing.

No, you didn't, because you didn't
think. You never thought.

Back in summer camp, you never thought.
"Hey, if I stand up in this canoe,

maybe it'll tip over." That was
the extent of your thought process.

- You're still mad about that.
- I was fully dressed.

- I remember, green T-shirt, no bra.
- What?

Trust me, I was the hero of cabin
five for the rest of the summer.

- You will apologize to my mother.
- Absolutely.

- And you will let her throw that party.
- Sorry.

- Digger!
- Umlauts!

The party is off. Now this is
business. I will apologize to Emily,

- but that is the best I can do.
- I can't believe you just called
me Umlauts.

You called me Digger three times
before I called you Umlauts once.

- I think that shows great self-control.
- Let my mother have her party!

No, I can't do it, but what I can
do is take you out to dinner
tomorrow night.

I'm sorry, how do those two thoughts
even coincide?

You'd have to be in my head, but
trust me, there was a track.

- I am not having dinner with you.
- Why not?

Because you just had me fired.
You just insulted my mother.

It's interesting, I didn't know
you and your mother were so close.

- We're not.
- You're being awfully protective of her.

Well, every family has a Fredo.

Yeah, and Fredo's family put two
in the back of his head.

My relationship with my mother
is none of your business.

- Then have dinner with me.
- No!

- Why not?
- Because.

Because your mother would hate it.

Yes, my mother would hate it.

A lot.

You suck.

Excuse me.

- Remember me?
- I got here first.

I know. Look, I just wanted to
tell you that I'm sorry about
the other day.

I got a little wound up because
I do that sometimes.

I get too structured and too serious
and I just have to adjust, you know,

because we're in college and
college is about change,

and you have my study tree, so
yeah, I just...

I have to be okay with that and
just learn to kind of go with the flow.

So I just wanted to tell you that,
and I'm sorry if I interrupted you again.

That's okay.

I'll give you twenty bucks for the tree.

- You're gonna pay me for the tree?
- Go with the flow, man.

You're on.