Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 16 - The Reigning Lorelai - full transcript

DON'T TELL ME THIS
IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

IT'S ESCARGOT.

UGH, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

SNAILS?

ESCARGOT.

SLIMY THING BY ANY OTHER NAME...

THEY TASTE LIKE
GARLIC AND BUTTER.

DON'T SAY "THEY." FOOD
SHOULD NOT HAVE PRONOUNS.

GIVE IT A TRY.

AND IF I DO, AND WE'RE HAVING
ROAD KILL FOR THE MAIN COURSE,

THEN I'LL HAVE USED
UP MY ALLOTMENT

OF GROSS-OUT FOOD FOR
THE DAY. SO I'LL ABSTAIN.

I GUESS WE SHOULD STRIKE ESCARGOT
OFF THE LIST OF FRIDAY-NIGHT DINNER FOODS.

SWEETIE LOVED ESCARGOT.

THAT'S FUNNY, HOW WE
REMEMBER THOSE THINGS.

MMM.

S-SWEETIE?

SWEETIE WHO?

SWEETIE NELSON, ONE
OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS.

SHE PASSED AWAY YESTERDAY.

OH, I'M SORRY, GRANDMA.

YEAH, I'VE HEARD
YOU MENTION HER.

WAS SHE SICK?

SHE'D BEEN ILL FOR
SOME TIME, BUT STILL...

THE FAMILY IS PRETTY
OVERWHELMED.

BY THE WAY, DAVIS
CALLED LATE TODAY.

THE FUNERAL IS
GOING TO BE SUNDAY.

WAS THAT HER REAL NAME, SWEETIE?

NO, HER NAME WAS MELINDA.
SWEETIE WAS A NICKNAME.

WHY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?

I MEAN, H-HOW DID THEY
GET SWEETIE FROM MELINDA?

THEY DIDN'T GET SWEETIE FROM
MELINDA. SWEETIE IS A NICKNAME.

YES, I KNOW SWEETIE
IS A NICKNAME,

BUT USUALLY A NICKNAME COMES
FROM A VERSION OF YOUR NAME,

OR THERE'S A STORY BEHIND
THE NAME, OR SOMETHING.

SHE WAS SWEET. THAT'S THE STORY.

OK.

SHE HAD A VERY SWEET NATURE.

OH.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF STORY
DID YOU WANT, LORELAI?

NO, THAT'S FINE. SHE WAS
SWEET. THEY CALLED HER SWEETIE.

IT'S A GOOD STORY.

NO, REALLY, EXACTLY
WHAT KIND OF STORY

ABOUT MY DEPARTED
FRIEND WOULD AMUSE YOU?

MOM, IT'S NOT TO AMUSE ME...

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

SWEETIE'S FATHER
WAS A VERY POOR MAN.

SO POOR THAT SWEETIE
AND HER 4 SIBLINGS,

ALL HAD TO SLEEP IN A
HOLLOWED-OUT TREE TRUNK

BECAUSE THE HOUSE WAS ONLY
BIG ENOUGH FOR THEIR PARENTS.

ONE WINTER, THERE WAS NO FOOD,

SO SWEETIE CRAWLED
OUT OF HER TRUNK,

WRAPPED HER FEET IN NEWSPAPER,

AND WALKED 40 MILES IN THE
SNOW TO THE NEAREST TOWN,

WHERE SHE STUMBLED
INTO A CANDY STORE.

THE OWNER TOOK PITY ON HER
AND GAVE HER BAGS OF CANDY,

A DILL PICKLE, AND DROVE
HER BACK TO HER FAMILY.

HE PROMPTLY OFFERED
A JOB TO HER FATHER,

WHO GLADLY ACCEPTED AND
EVENTUALLY OWNED THAT STORE

AND TURNED IT INTO ONE OF THE MOST
IMPORTANT CANDY EMPORIUMS IN THE WORLD.

AND THAT IS HOW SHE
GOT THE NAME SWEETIE.

THERE, HOW WAS THAT?

NOW, THAT WAS A
PRETTY GOOD STORY.

I'M SORRY, EMILY, DID YOU
SAY THE FUNERAL IS SUNDAY?

YES. IS THAT A PROBLEM?

WELL, MR. HAMOTO IS IN TOWN,
AND JASON HAS SET UP GOLF FOR HIM,

AND THEN THERE'S
LUNCH AFTER THAT.

UM, WHAT TIME IS THE SERVICE?

NOON.

OH, NOON... NOON, THAT'S
CUTTING IT VERY CLOSE.

HOW IMPORTANT IS IT FOR
ME TO BE AT THE FUNERAL?

NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL.

WELL, FINE, THEN.

BE SURE TO GIVE
THEM MY CONDOLENCES.

OF COURSE. EAT YOUR FOOD.

I THINK ONE OF
THEM IS STILL ALIVE.

LORELAI.

NO, SERIOUSLY.

HE WAS OVER NEAR THE
RADISH, LIKE, 5 MINUTES AGO.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

THIS DOESN'T SMELL RIGHT.

SMELLS FINE, KIRK.

I THINK THE EGGS WERE BAD.

THE EGGS ARE FINE, KIRK.

WERE THEY COOKED
IN THE FISH PAN?

THEY SMELL LIKE THEY WERE
COOKED IN THE FISH PAN.

NO, THEY WERE NOT, THEY
WERE COOKED IN THE EGG PAN.

WAS THE FISH PAN SITTING NEXT
TO THE EGG PAN, BECAUSE PERHAPS...

I NEED SOMETHING WITH CHEESE.

LORELAI, SMELL MY EGGS.

MMM, NOT TODAY, KIRK.
HEY, WHERE'S LUKE?

UH, I WANT HIM TO MAKE

THAT BREAKFAST QUESADILLA
THING, HE MADE YESTERDAY.

LUKE'S NOT HERE.

WHERE IS HE? HE KNOWS THE
EXACT RIGHT JACK-TO-CHEDDAR RATIO.

HE'S OUT THERE. WHERE?

OVER THERE WITH NICOLE.

OH, LOOKS LIKE A SERIOUS TALK.

AND THERE HAVE BEEN
ZERO LIGHT MOMENTS.

I WISH I KNEW WHAT THEY
WERE TALKING ABOUT.

OH, I CAN TELL YOU
WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.

HOW?

I READ LIPS. MY
GIRLFRIEND TAUGHT ME.

IT'S SO WE CAN HAVE QUIET TIME

AND KEEP THE CONVERSATION
GOING AT THE SAME TIME.

OK, SHE JUST SAID,
"HARDWOOD SPONGE

IS THE AUTHORITY OF
THE HOSTILE BIOGRAPHER."

AND THEN HE RESPONDED, "JUST
PHONE CORDS TO ORIGINAL SAMOVARS."

KIRK, THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE.

MUST MEAN THEY'RE ON TO US. AND
THEY'VE SWITCHED TO SOME SORT OF CODE.

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE
SPEAKING IN CODE.

OH, I THINK LUKE'S HEADING BACK.

HE JUST GOT UP AND
SAID, "FEEL YOUR TATERS".

IS IT POSSIBLE HE SAID,
"I'LL SEE YOU LATER"?

NO, I'M PRETTY SURE
ABOUT THIS ONE.

KIRK, I'M SO SORRY.

WE ACCIDENTALLY MADE THE EGGS
IN THE FISH PAN. HERE'S NEW EGGS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYBODY IN
THIS TOWN ALWAYS THINKS I'M CRAZY.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

I CERTAINLY AM NOT
KIDDING. THIS IS SERIOUS.

IT'S NOT PLAGIARISM.

HEY!

DO YOU ALSO LIKE TO SHOUT
"FIRE" IN A CROWDED THEATER?

THIS IS A NEWSROOM.

DO NOT USE THE "P" WORD.

EVERY WORD IN MY
PIECE WAS WRITTEN BY ME.

WAS IT? LOOK AT THIS.
"SMALL BAND OF FOLLOWERS.

"RAIN-SOAKED HIGHWAY."

I'VE SEEN BOTH OF THOSE BEFORE.

OF COURSE YOU'VE
SEEN THEM BEFORE.

THOSE ARE PHRASES
USED TO TALK ABOUT

A SMALL BAND OF FOLLOWERS OR
YOU KNOW, A RAIN-SOAKED HIGHWAY.

THEY'RE NOT EVEN CLICHES LIKE
"SHOUTING 'FIRE' IN A CROWDED THEATER".

I'M SORRY, CAN YOU
SAY "STEPHEN GLASS"?

THE ENTIRE CLIMATE
OF JOURNALISTIC ETHICS

IS UNDER A MICROSCOPE RIGHT NOW.

WE CAN'T AFFORD
ANYTHING THAT LOOKS SHADY.

I'D RATHER NOT HAVE
TOBEY MAGUIRE PLAYING ME

IN A MOVIE ABOUT THE YALE DAILY
NEWS SCANDAL, THANKS VERY MUCH.

OK, I GET THAT.

BUT I DON'T THINK MY "RAIN-SOAKED
HIGHWAY" LOOKS SHADY.

TYPICAL. IT'S YOUR ATTITUDE.

WHAT ATTITUDE?

LOOK AROUND THIS ROOM.

PEOPLE WRITING THEIR ANTHRO
PAPERS ON OUR COMPUTERS.

PEOPLE XEROXING THEIR PHONE
BILLS ON OUR COPY MACHINES.

NO ONE'S RUNNING,
NO ONE'S SWEATING.

EVERY PERSON IN THIS ROOM
LOOKS EXTREMELY WELL-RESTED.

NO ONE SPELL-CHECKS
NO ONE FACT-CHECKS.

THIS IS THE BREEDING GROUND
FOR THE NEXT JAYSON BLAIR.

FIX IT. AND TIDY UP YOUR DESK!

AND MY MONTH IS UP. WHAT?

YOU'RE THE NEW DOG
TO KICK AROUND HERE.

I FEEL BAD, 'CAUSE YOU TEND
TO BE A PRETTY DECENT PERSON,

BUT MY NOSE HAS BEEN WHACKED
WITH A PAPER SO MANY TIMES,

IT ALMOST MAKES
ME MISS MY MOTHER.

DOYLE'S JUST IN A
BAD MOOD, THAT'S ALL.

"HERD MENTALITY"? ARE
YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE.

MICHEL, COME ON, WE'VE GOT
TO GET INTO THESE BUDGETS.

NOW.

DOES THE RED LIGHT
MEAN IT'S PROGRAMMED?

I EXPLAINED IT A HUNDRED TIMES.

MICHEL, YOU'VE BEEN SETTING
THAT MACHINE FOR 20 MINUTES NOW.

THE MAN CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT HIS DOG SHOW.

I COULD JUST KILL
MY CABLE PROVIDER.

"NO WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW

FULL THROTTLE 24 HOURS A DAY."

AH, THERE, IT'S RECORDING.

WELL, GET OVER HERE.

I JUST WANT TO SEE THE CHOWS.

LOOK AT THAT ONE STRUT.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A
PRETTY GIRL, DON'T YOU?

YES, WITH THOSE
I-NEED-SOME-LOVING EYES.

IS HE DOING TRICKS?

IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE
TURNING THEM. HELLO.

LORELAI, IT'S ME. DO
YOU HAVE A MOMENT?

UH, SURE.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER. SHE'S GONE.

WHAT?

LAST NIGHT. SHE APPARENTLY
HAD A HEART ATTACK.

THE MAID FOUND
HER IN THE MORNING.

BUT I... I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
HER HEART WAS A THING.

WAS HER HEART A
THING? DID WE KNOW THAT?

NO, IT WAS QUITE UNEXPECTED.

THERE WASN'T ANY WARNING AT ALL.

BUT WE JUST... WE JUST SAW HER.

I KNOW. IT'S A COMPLETE SHOCK.

OH, I... HOW... HOW IS DAD?

HE'S COMPLETELY FALLEN APART.

FROM THE MOMENT HE HEARD THE
NEWS, HE'S BEEN ALMOST INCOHERENT.

OH, NO.

HE'S IN HIS OFFICE
NOW WITH THE SCOTCH,

AND HE WANTS TURTLENECK SOUP.

ASKS FOR IT OVER AND OVER.

WHAT'S TURTLENECK SOUP?

APPARENTLY SOMETHING HIS
MOTHER USED TO HAVE MADE FOR HIM

WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE
BOY. NOW HE WANTS SOME,

AND I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND ANYBODY
WHO HAS ANY IDEA WHAT IT IS.

ALL RIGHT, THE PUGS ARE UP NEXT.

THEY'RE UGLY. LET'S DO THIS.

HEART ATTACK... GRANDMOTHER.

WHAT?

DEAD GRANDMOTHER, MICHEL.

MOM, HAVE YOU LOOKED
ON THE INTERNET?

FOR WHAT?

FOR TURTLENECK SOUP.
YOU COULD GOOGLE IT.

CAN I? CAN I "GOOGLE IT"?

OK, NEVER MIND.

SOOKIE, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT TURTLENECK SOUP COULD BE?

YOU MEAN MOCK TURTLE SOUP? YOU
THINK HE MEANS MOCK TURTLE SOUP?

MAYBE THAT'S WHAT HE
SAID. IS THERE SUCH A THING?

I THINK SO. CAN YOU
MAKE MOCK TURTLE SOUP?

WELL, I... I NEVER TRIED, BUT I THINK I
HAVE A RECIPE FOR IT SOMEWHERE HERE.

SO, MOM, SOOKIE'S TRACKING
DOWN THE SOUP. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

NOTHING. IF YOU CAN FIND THE SOUP,
THAT'LL BE ENOUGH. YOU'LL TELL RORY?

YEAH, I'LL TELL RORY.

ALL RIGHT, I HAVE TO GO.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER LEFT
VERY SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS

ON EXACTLY HOW SHE
WANTS HER FUNERAL TO BE,

SO I HAVE A HUNDRED
THINGS TO DO.

I'LL BE THERE WITH THE
SOUP AS SOON AS I CAN, MOM.

ALL RIGHT. GOODBYE. BYE.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO.

NO PROBLEM. ONE HUGE VAT OF
MOCK TURTLE SOUP COMING UP.

UH, DO YOU NEED A HUG?

THANKS, I'M OK. I
HAVE TO CALL RORY.

YOU'LL CALL ME WHEN
THE SOUP'S READY?

I'M ON IT.

I HAVE TO... TO GO.

MICHEL, YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF THE
PAPERS AND THE LANDSCAPING PLANS?

YES, I WILL. GO, GO.

OK, UH, PURSE,
COAT, KEYS. I'M GONE.

MICHEL? YES.

I THINK I'LL TAKE THAT HUG NOW.

MMM. A LITTLE WEIRD, HUH?

YEAH, EXTREMELY.

SO HEART IN THE RIGHT PLACE,
BUT NEVER AGAIN? THANK GOD.

YES, I UNDERSTAND THE
REVEREND'S RETIRED.

YOU SAID THAT 4 TIMES.

BUT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW SPECIFICALLY
REQUESTED HIM FOR THE SERVICE.

WELL, ISN'T THERE ANY
FORWARDING INFORMATION?

I GOT THE SOUP.

WELL, I WILL HOLD
WHILE YOU LOOK.

THANK GOD. HE'S IN HIS STUDY.

TAKE THAT IN TO HIM AND
SEE IF YOU CAN GET HIM TO EAT.

YES, I'M STILL HERE.
MIRACULOUS, ISN'T IT?

A PHONE NUMBER. HOW...

♪

HEY, DAD.

LORELAI?

YEAH, UH,

I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

MOCK TURTLE SOUP.

MOCK TURTLE SOUP?

YEAH, SOOKIE MADE IT.

MOCK TURTLE SOUP.
MOCK TURTLE SOUP.

MOCK TURTLE SOUP.
MOCK TURTLE SOUP.

OH, HEY, SOUP'S GONE.

NO... NO SOUP HERE.
WHO MENTIONED SOUP?

THIS IS DEFINITELY
A NO-SOUP ZONE.

UH,

THE MUSIC'S NICE.

OH, SHE LOVED KAY KYSER.

SHE WASN'T REALLY
A MUSICAL WOMAN.

MUSIC WAS A LITTLE
FRIVOLOUS FOR HER.

BUT KAY KYSER.

YEAH. WELL, SHE'S GREAT.

KAY KYSER'S A MAN.

OH, WELL, HIS PARENTS HAD
AN UGLY SENSE OF HUMOR, THEN.

OH, BOY.

SHE WAS A SAINT. THE
WOMAN WAS A SAINT.

HERE, DAD.

I LEARNED EVERYTHING
FROM THAT WOMAN.

"LIFE IS A BATTLE.

AND YOU EITHER ENTER IT ARMED
OR YOU SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY."

THAT IS WHAT SHE TOLD
ME ON MY 10TH BIRTHDAY.

I NEVER FORGOT THAT.

NO, NO ONE

WAS AS STRONG AS THAT WOMAN.

THAT WONDERFUL WOMAN,

THAT SAINT OF A WOMAN.

OH, DAD.

OH, I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I...

I JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS

REGRET.

WHAT REGRET, DAD? YOU
AND GRAN WERE SO CLOSE.

THE LAST WORDS WE EXCHANGED,
WE EXCHANGED IN ANGER.

OH, BUT, DAD, THAT'S...

I... I LOST MY TEMPER,
AND I WAS DISRESPECTFUL.

AND THAT'S THE WAY,
THAT'S THE WAY IT ENDED.

WITH AN ARGUMENT
AND HATEFUL WORDS.

DAD, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS
ONE LITTLE FIGHT. I MEAN...

ONE LITTLE FIGHT BETWEEN YOU AND
GRAN DOESN'T WIPE AWAY YEARS OF...

THAT WOMAN RAISED
ME, AND SHE TAUGHT ME.

AND SHE TOOK CARE OF THE
FAMILY, EVEN AFTER FATHER DIED.

AND I SPOKE TO HER AS
IF I OWED HER NOTHING.

AS IF SHE WAS LIKE
ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD

AND NOT THE SAINT OF
A WOMAN THAT SHE WAS.

OH, DAD.

YOU ONLY HAVE ONE
SET OF PARENTS, LORELAI.

REMEMBER THAT. I FORGOT.

AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH
THAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

♪

YOU MENTIONED SOUP.

WHAT?

WHEN YOU CAME IN.

YES, SOUP. I HAVE SOUP.

UH, MOM MENTIONED THAT YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT MOCK TURTLE SOUP.

AND YOU REALLY SHOULD
EAT SOMETHING, DAD.

I NEED A SPOON.

OH, MY GOD, YES.
I'LL GET YOU A SPOON.

I'LL GET YOU.

YOU JUST SIT RIGHT THERE. I'LL
BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR SPOON.

BUT IT USED TO BE
MARTELLI'S FLORIST, YES?

OK, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHERE MARTELLI'S MOVED TO?

OH, WELL, BEFORE HE DIED, DID
MR. MARTELLI PASS HIS TRADE ON,

TO ANY OF THE OTHER MARTELLIS?

YES, I'LL HOLD. HOW IS HE DOING?

HE NEEDS A SPOON.

HE'S GOING TO EAT?

HE'S GOING TO EAT.

THANK GOD. TAKE AN APPLE.

SEE IF YOU CAN GET
HIM TO EAT AN APPLE.

I'M HERE.

YES, I WILL TAKE THE
SIMPLE STEPSON'S NUMBER.

THANK YOU. I WILL SPEAK
SLOWLY. THANK YOU.

NOT THAT ONE. AND
TAKE SOME BREAD, TOO.

HOW ARE THE ARRANGEMENTS COMING?

WELL, SHE MADE
THEM 20 YEARS AGO.

SO THE REVEREND IS RETIRED,
THE FLORIST HAS MOVED,

AND 2 OF THE PALLBEARERS
ARE NO LONGER WITH US.

LUCKILY BOTH HAD SONS WHO
LOOK REMARKABLY LIKE THEM,

SO I THINK WE CAN
GET AWAY WITH IT.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA
BRING THIS STUFF TO DAD.

I'M GOING TO CALL THE
FLORIST'S IDIOT STEPSON.

EMILY. EMILY!

I'M RIGHT HERE,
RICHARD. WHAT'S WRONG?

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
THEY'VE COMPLETELY RUINED IT.

WHO RUINED WHAT?

TRIX'S OBITUARY.

THE COURANT JUST
FAXED IT THROUGH.

IT'S DISGRACEFUL. I'LL SUE THEM.

JUST CALM DOWN.

"LORELAI GILMORE DIED
THIS WEEK AT AGE 86.

"A MEMBER OF THE
PROMINENT GILMORE FAMILY

"AND WIDOW OF
CHARLES ABBOTT GILMORE,

"SHE IS SURVIVED BY A
SON, RICHARD GILMORE,

"AND NUMEROUS OTHER FAMILY
MEMBERS AND DEVOTED FRIENDS."

WELL, IT'S...

IT'S AN INSULT.

THAT'S ALL THEY WRITE?

NOTHING ABOUT HER CHARITY WORK,

OR HER COLLECTING,
OR HER TRAVELS?

NOT A WORD ABOUT
THE NEW MATERNITY WING

SHE DONATED TO ST. JOSEPH'S!

YOU TELL ME WHERE ALL OF
THE FINE PEOPLE OF HARTFORD

ARE SUPPOSED TO
HAVE ALL THEIR BABIES,

IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY
MOTHER. TELL ME THAT!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, CALM
DOWN. WE WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.

SHE WAS A SAINT, THAT
WOMAN. I KNOW, ABSOLUTELY,

WE WILL MAKE SURE IT SAYS
"SAINT" SOMEWHERE IN THE ARTICLE.

YOU'RE SURE? I AM SURE.

DON'T WORRY, DAD.

BECAUSE IT'S VERY, VERY WRONG!

DAD, I GOT YOUR SPOON.

WELL, I'M NOT HUNGRY.

WONDERFUL. YET ANOTHER
THING I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF.

YOU KNOW, MOM, WHY DON'T YOU LET
ME HELP OUT A LITTLE? IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M HAPPY TO DO IT. I'LL
BRING COFFEE, A DANISH.

YOU'VE NEVER HAD SO MUCH
FUN WITH DEATH IN YOUR LIFE.

I APPRECIATE THE OFFER, BUT
I HAVE IT ALL UNDER CONTROL.

I SHOULD PROBABLY
TAKE OFF, THEN.

GOODBYE. THANK SOOKIE FOR ME.

I WILL.

HELLO, I'M LOOKING FOR
MANNY MARTELLI, PLEASE.

WELL, WHAT TIME DO
YOU EXPECT HIM BACK

FROM THE SCIENCE-FICTION
CONVENTION?

YES.

WOULD YOU HOLD
ON A MINUTE, PLEASE?

LORELAI, I HAVE TO GO TO
GRAN'S HOUSE TOMORROW,

TO SORT THROUGH
HER PERSONAL PAPERS.

2 CHERRY DANISH COMING UP.

YES, I WOULD LIKE
TO LEAVE A MESSAGE.

HELLO?

HEY, IT'S ME.

NIGELLA JUST MADE A RAISIN
CAKE THAT LOOKED SO GOOD

THE FACT THAT RAISINS MAKE ME
GAG BECAME TOTALLY IRRELEVANT.

WELL, GOOD, MORE
ORDERING CHOICES.

OH, MY GOD, SHE'S ABOUT
TO DEEP-FRY A BOUNTY BAR.

I WANT TO MOVE IN WITH HER AND
CALL HER MOMMY. DO YOU MIND?

HONEY, I... I HAVE TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU SOUND SAD.

YEAH, WELL, GRAN DIED.

WHAT? WHEN?

LAST NIGHT. SHE
HAD A HEART ATTACK.

ARE YOU OK?

HOW'S GRANDPA?

WELL, HE'S BEEN BETTER.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?
CAN I DO SOMETHING?

NO, IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

WHEN'S THE FUNERAL?

FRIDAY, AND THERE'S
A WAKE AFTER.

I DON'T REMEMBER
IF YOU HAVE A CLASS.

DOESN'T MATTER.
I'LL MAKE IT WORK.

OK.

I WAS JUST GETTING TO KNOW HER.

WELL, I THINK YOU GOT A
PRETTY GOOD SNAPSHOT.

SHOULDN'T I BE CRYING? I
FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE CRYING.

WELL, YOU... YOU DIDN'T
KNOW HER THAT WELL.

STILL, SHE WAS MY
GREAT-GRANDMOTHER.

I MEAN, I SHOULD FEEL MORE.

OH, GOD, WHAT IF I DON'T
CRY AT THE FUNERAL?

THEN EVERYONE WILL SEE I'M NOT
CRYING, AND GRANDPA WILL BE UPSET.

WELL, HONEY, IF YOU CAN'T CRY, ATLEAST,
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN WORK YOURSELF UP

INTO A VERY RESPECTABLE
PANIC ATTACK.

IT MIGHT HAVE TO DO.

YOU'RE AN AMAZING KID.

SHE WAS SO LUCKY TO HAVE
YOU AS A GREAT-GRANDDAUGHTER.

HEY, DO... DO YOU WANT
ME TO COME BY TONIGHT,

PICK YOU UP, TAKE
YOU TO TIJUANA,

GET YOU DRUNK AND LAID?

THAT'S OK. I'VE GOT
TOO MUCH WORK TO DO.

OK, CALL ME IF YOU WANT
TO TALK OR WHATEVER.

I WILL.

I LOVE YOU, HON.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, MOM.

THIS LOOKS LIKE, WHAT A SHOCK,

ANOTHER INCOHERENT
LEGAL DOCUMENT.

HAND IT TO ME.

"HOUSE INSURANCE POLICY."

HAND IT TO ME.

YOU KNOW, MOM, SERIOUSLY, I CAN
DO MORE THAN JUST HAND YOU STUFF.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE A SYSTEM.

YES. YOU DON'T THINK I CAN WORK
WITHIN THE SYSTEM, BUT I CAN.

I HAVE NO PLANS TO
OVERTHROW THE SYSTEM.

JUST TEACH ME THE
SYSTEM. TEACH IT.

JUST HAND ME SOME PAPERS. OH.

EMILY, EXCUSE ME, WE FINISHED
CATALOGING THE 2ND FLOOR,

AND WE'RE ABOUT
TO MOVE TO THE 3RD.

THAT'S FINE, GEORGIA.

AND WE HAVE BUBBLE-WRAPPED
THOSE BAR GLASSES.

WHERE DO YOU WANT
US TO PUT THEM?

IN THE TRUNK OF MY CAR
ALONG WITH THE CANDLESTICKS.

MY KEYS ARE IN THE
FOYER. ALL RIGHT.

WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

I'M PREPARING FOR THE FUNERAL.

STASHING BAR GLASSES IS
PREPARING FOR THE FUNERAL?

THOSE BAR GLASSES ARE
SUPPOSED TO STAY IN THE FAMILY.

THEY GO TO US, THEN TO YOU.

HOWEVER, EVERY TIME A CERTAIN
RELATIVE OF YOUR FATHER'S COMES TO VISIT,

THINGS TEND TO DISAPPEAR.

DAD'S GOT A WINONA IN THE
FAMILY? HOW COOL. WHO IS IT?

HIS COUSIN MARILYN.

SHE HAS BEEN
SYSTEMATICALLY PILFERING

THOSE BAR GLASSES
FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS.

REALLY?

PLUS I SAW HER EYEING THE
CANDLESTICKS LAST EASTER.

I'LL BE DAMNED IF I
LET HER GET THEM.

SO MUCH TO DO.

DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE
BURIAL-CREMATION CLAUSE?

AND NOW YOU'RE
JUST MAKING STUFF UP.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS TO
HAVE AN OPEN-CASKET CEREMONY,

DISPLAYED IN ALL HER GLORY,

THEN IS TO BE CREMATED AND
HAVE HER ASHES DIVIDED IN 2.

HALF TO BE BURIED WITH HER
HUSBAND IN THE FAMILY CRYPT

AND THE OTHER HALF TO BE PUT IN AN
URN AND PLACED ON OUR MANTELPIECE.

HALF OF GRAN IS GOING TO
BE ON YOUR MANTEL FOREVER.

STARING AT ME, JUDGING
ME, DISAPPROVING OF ME.

SO APPARENTLY IT'S THE TOP HALF.

WHEN I FIRST FOUND OUT, I ALMOST
HAD A CORONARY, BUT I'VE ACCEPTED IT.

FROM NOW ON, IT'S A 3-PERSON
HOUSEHOLD, YOUR FATHER, ME AND HER URN.

YOU KNOW, IT'S SO WEIRD. I
KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT GRAN.

I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT
WAS HER MAIDEN NAME?

GILMORE. NO, NO,
HER MAIDEN NAME.

GILMORE.

WAIT. Y-YOU'RE NOT SAYING...

SHE AND CHARLES
WERE 2ND COUSINS.

EW! WHAT?

OH, DON'T ACT SO SCANDALIZED.

IT WAS NOT AT ALL UNCOMMON FOR PROMINENT
FAMILIES TO KEEP THE BLOODLINES CLOSE.

KEEPING THE BLOOD LINE CLOSE.
IS THAT WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT?

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. HOW ABOUT
"GOOD MORNING, APPALACHIA?

I GOT A MIGHTY CUTE SISTER,
AND AN EXTRA SET OF TOES."

NO ONE HAS ANY EXTRA TOES.

I HAVE A DOUBLE-JOINTED THUMB.

REMARKABLE. USE IT TO HAND
ME SOME MORE PAPERS, PLEASE.

I'M SORRY, BUT I
DON'T UNDERSTAND

HOW EVERYONE
WAS SO OK WITH THIS.

I MEAN, WHAT, DID THEY JUST GO:

"WHAT A CUTE COUPLE.
THEY LOOK SO MUCH ALIKE"?

MOM?

THIS IS TO YOUR FATHER.

IT'S A CARBON COPY OF A
LETTER SHE SENT TO YOUR FATHER.

OH, OH, THAT'S NICE.

"MY DEAREST RICHARD,
IT IS WITH HEAVY HEART

"THAT I WRITE YOU
THIS LETTER TONIGHT,

"BUT I CANNOT STAND BY AND
LET YOU MAKE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

"UNTIL NOW, I HAD
THOUGHT, HOPED, PRAYED,

"THAT YOU WOULD COME TO
THE SAME CONCLUSION I HAVE.

"BUT YOU HAVE NOT.

"AND THEREFORE I FEEL IT
IS MY DUTY, AS YOUR MOTHER,

TO BEG YOU TO RECONSIDER
YOUR IMPENDING MARRIAGE."

"I'M SURE THAT EMILY,

"IS A VERY SUITABLE
WOMAN FOR SOMEONE,

"BUT NOT FOR YOU.

"SHE WILL NOT BE ABLE
TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

"SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE
GILMORE STAMINA OR SPARK.

SHE IS SIMPLY NOT A GILMORE."

WELL, SURE, BECAUSE YOU
WEREN'T DIRECTLY RELATED TO HIM.

"I DON'T KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES
SURROUNDING YOUR BREAKUP

"WITH PENNILYN LOT
BUT IT'S STILL MY BELIEF,

"THAT SHE IS MUCH BETTER
SUITED FOR YOU THAN EMILY.

"I KNOW THE TIMING OF THIS
IS PARTICULARLY AWKWARD,

SINCE YOU ARE TO BE
MARRIED TOMORROW."

NO WAY!

"BUT YOUR HAPPINESS
IS TOO IMPORTANT TO ME

SO TIMING BE DAMNED."

SHE WANTED DAD TO
LEAVE YOU AT THE ALTAR.

SHE BEGGED HIM TO
LEAVE ME AT THE ALTAR!

SHE BEGGED HIM IN WRITING,
AND THEN SHE SAVED THE CARBONS!

HOLY MOLY! CAN I SEE THAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I'M STANDING HERE
IN HER BASEMENT,

COVERED IN DUST.

I'M ORGANIZING HER ESTATE
AND CATALOGING HER THINGS.

I'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE FOR
DAYS, TRYING TO MAKE SURE

THAT EVERYTHING WAS
EXACTLY THE WAY SHE WANTED IT,

AND ALL THIS TIME SHE NEVER
EVEN WANTED ME IN HER FAMILY!

MAN, SHE SURE USED A
LOT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS.

WELL, FINE. THAT'S JUST
FINE, BECAUSE I AM DONE.

DONE?

I'M DONE PLANNING, AND RUNNING
AROUND, AND CALLING PEOPLE.

I'M DONE WITH ANYTHING
HAVING TO DO WITH THAT WOMAN.

BUT DAD...

SKIPPED MY BEST FRIEND'S FUNERAL
TO GOLF THAT'S WHAT YOUR DAD DID!

WE'VE TO PLAN THIS FUNERAL.

FIND A BOX, THROW
HER IN, WE'RE DONE! MOM.

BETTER YET, THROW THE OLD
HARPY'S CARCASS IN A DITCH!

LET A WOLVERINE EAT HER.

OK, BUT, SEE, UH, UH, FINDING A WOLVERINE
NEAR A DITCH THAT TAKES PLANNING.

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I GOING TO HAVE A DRINK.

WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?

I CAN'T DO IT, MOM. I... I
DON'T KNOW THE SYSTEM.

BANK INFO?

HAND IT TO ME.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT STORY.

YEAH, WELL, TRUST ME,

THE BROTHERS GRIMM WERE OVER
IN THE CORNER, YELLING, "NO WAY".

AND SHE JUST WALKED OUT?

YEP.

JEWELRY APPRAISAL?
HAND IT TO ME.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL
ME WHERE TO PUT IT?

NO, BECAUSE I HAVE A SYSTEM.

OH, MMM.

THAT LETTER SOUNDS AWFUL.

IT WAS. AND REALLY CRUEL.

OH, SO CRUEL, SO COMPLETELY
CRUEL THAT I'M KIND OF WONDERING

IF GRAN DIDN'T KNOW
MOM WAS GONNA FIND IT.

STOP. IT'S TOO MEAN.

I DON'T WANNA THINK THERE'S
THAT MEANNESS IN MY GENES.

I DON'T WANT TO INHERIT
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YEAH, WELL, WHO KNOWS WHAT
WE'VE INHERITED FROM THAT WOMAN.

COUNT YOUR TOES LATELY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, I'VE BEEN SAVING
THE BEST FOR LAST.

YOUR KIDDING.

YOU KNOW WHAT GRAN'S
MAIDEN NAME WAS?

WHAT? GILMORE.

GRANDPA CHARLES
WAS HER 2ND COUSIN.

NO. YES.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT US?

WHAT IF THAT'S CAUSED, LIKE,
A HORRIBLE GENETIC MUTATION

THAT HASN'T SHOWN UP YET?

OH, OUR EYES.

WHAT? WE EACH HAVE 2 OF THEM.

NO, I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS NEAT
THAT OUR EYES LOOK KIND OF SIMILAR

BUT NOW I DON'T
KNOW. IS IT CREEPY?

I DON'T KNOW, IS IT?

I THINK IT'S CREEPY.

OK, JUST HAND ME
SOME MORE STUFF.

AND STOP STARING
AT MY EYES. COME ON.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO DO?

WELL... WELL, UH,

I HAVEN'T TRACKED DOWN
THIS REVEREND WILDER YET,

AND I GOT SOME
MYSTERIOUS MESSAGE

FROM THE PLACE THAT
MADE HER HEADSTONE.

SO I HAVE TO GO SEE ABOUT THAT.

AND THEN THERE'S
JUST THE RANDOM STUFF.

WHAT RANDOM STUFF?

WELL, FOR INSTANCE,

GRAN REQUESTED THAT SHE
BE BURIED IN FRESH CLOTHING.

WHAT IS FRESH CLOTHING?

I DON'T KNOW. CLEAN CLOTHING?

CLOTHES FRESH FROM THE CLEANERS?

NEW CLOTHES?

CLOTHES WITH A
MOUNTAIN-FRESH SCENT?

I THINK IT'S NEW CLOTHING.
YEAH, IT'S SAFEST, ISN'T IT?

SO ADD THAT TO THE
LIST WITH THE HEADSTONE.

OH, AND THEN THERE'S THE OBITUARY.
I ALMOST FORGOT THE OBITUARY.

WHAT ABOUT THE OBITUARY?

THE PAPER WROTE SOMETHING, BUT
DAD THINKS IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH,

SO I HAVE TO REWRITE
HER DEATH ANNOUNCEMENT.

I SHOULD LET MOM DO IT.

I BELIEVE IT WOULD GO, "YAY".

HEY, CAN I DO IT?
I WANT TO HELP.

AND WE HAVE ACCESS TO A
DATABASE AT THE YALE PAPER

THAT WOULD MAKE
IT EASY TO RESEARCH.

OH, HONEY, THAT WOULD
BE GREAT. THANK YOU.

MY PLEASURE.

I JUST FEEL REALLY
BAD FOR GRANDPA,

LOSING HIS MOTHER.

WELL, THEY WERE REALLY CLOSE.

YEAH. IT'S SAD.

SO GRAN AND HER HUSBAND HAD
THE SAME GREAT-GRANDFATHER.

TRY NOT TO THINK
ABOUT IT. RIGHT.

HELLO?

MOM, DAD?

LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.

OH.

MOM, ARE YOU HERE?

IN THE LIVING ROOM, LORELAI.

UH, YEAH. WHERE'S THE MAID?

YOU GOT A CONDOLENCE
MOAT GOING ON OUT HERE.

WHOA.

I TOLD HILDA TO
TAKE THE DAY OFF.

NOTHING'S HAPPENING HERE.

I THINK EVERY DELIVERY BOY
IN TOWN WOULD BEG TO DIFFER.

WHAT? OH, THOSE. JUST
PUT THOSE ANYWHERE.

I HAVE TO FINISH READING THE
CRIMSON PETAL AND THE WHITE

FOR MY BOOK CLUB.

SOOKIE, WHAT A
PLEASANT SURPRISE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I BROUGHT SOOKIE SO SHE COULD
CHECK THE EQUIPMENT FOR THE WAKE.

AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

I'M SO SORRY, EMILY.

ABOUT WHAT?

WELL, ABOUT RICHARD'S
MOTHER DYING.

ARE YOU?

HUH.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGARETTE?

NO, THANK YOU.

WELL, THEN. MORE FOR ME.

I THINK SHE BROKE.

MOM, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M JUST GONNA
GO TO THE KITCHEN.

MOM!

LORELAI, PLEASE, I'M READING.

UH, OK.

IF YOU'RE GOING BY THE BAR MY DRINK
COULD USE A LITTLE FRESHENING UP.

YOU'RE DRINK IS FRESH ENOUGH.
AND PUT THAT CIGARETTE OUT!

HI, JASON.

HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
WERE GONNA BE HERE.

OH, YEAH, WELL, THE
WHITE RABBIT RAN BY.

I CHASED HIM, FELL DOWN
A HOLE, AND HERE I AM.

SO HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?

UH, WELL, DAD'S A MESS

AND MOM STARTS WORK AT
THE TRUCK STOP NEXT WEEK.

ARE YOU HOLDING UP?

YEAH, I AM. THANKS FOR ASKING.

WELL, IT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

REALLY?

NO. I HAVE TO GET YOUR FATHER'S
SIGNATURE ON SOME PAPERS.

MOM, WHERE'S DAD?

HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW?

BOY, SHE SOUNDS REALLY UPSET.

YEAH. HE'S PROBABLY
IN HIS STUDY.

OK, THANKS.

HMM. CAREFUL.

♪

OH, JASON.

RICHARD, I AM... I AM
SO SORRY TO HEAR...

OH.

WHO WAS THAT AT THE DOOR?

IT WAS JASON. DAD
NEEDS TO SIGN SOMETHING.

UH-HUH.

YOU KNOW WHAT, WHY DON'T I START
PUTTING SOME OF THESE BASKETS AWAY?

WHATEVER.

THEN UH, MAYBE I COULD START
WRITING SOME THANK-YOU NOTES.

FINE. I THINK THERE'S SOME
POST-ITS IN THE KITCHEN.

MOM.

I... I KNOW HOW HURT YOU ARE.

THAT LETTER WAS TERRIBLE.

BUT THERE'S STILL A LOT OF
STUFF THAT HAS TO GET DONE.

I KNOW. YOU'RE RIGHT.

SAY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU CALL PENNILYN LOTT
AND HAVE HER PLAN THE FUNERAL?

MOM.

I MEAN, SHE'S THE ONE THAT WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE PLANNING IT ANYHOW,

SO I SAY LET HER DO IT.

YOU NEED SOMETHING, SOOKIE?

I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF IT'S GOING TO BE OK

TO SET UP A BUFFET
IN THE DINING ROOM?

I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DO YOU
THINK PENNILYN LOTT WOULD DO?

YOU THINK SHE'D SET IT UP IN THE
DINING ROOM? BECAUSE, PERSONALLY,

I THINK WE SHOULD JUST TOSS
SOME CHEESE CUBES IN THE COFFIN,

STUFF SOME TOOTHPICKS IN HER
MOUTH, AND LET THE PEOPLE GO TO TOWN.

IS SHE SERIOUS?

THE DINING ROOM'S FINE, SOOKIE.

OK, GOOD.

UM, UH, EXCUSE ME.

DID YOU SEE THAT HUG?

YES, I SAW THE
HUG. I SAW THE HUG.

IT DIDN'T END. I KNOW.

IT WAS THE HUG
THAT WOULDN'T END.

AND HE WAS WEARING A ROBE.

YES, APPARENTLY WE'RE
A ROBE FAMILY NOW.

AND HE WAS CRYING.

I AM REALLY, REALLY BAD
AT COMFORTING PEOPLE.

I SAY COMPLETELY
INAPPROPRIATE THINGS.

BAD JOKES, WITH WORDS
LIKE "NANTUCKET" IN THEM.

DID YOU GET WHAT YOU NEEDED?

YEAH, THANKS.

OK, WELL, THEN I GUESS I'LL SEE
YOU AT THE FUNERAL TOMORROW?

YEAH, ABOUT THE
ACTUAL FUNERAL...

JASON. I CAN'T DO FUNERALS.

YOU HAVE TO DO FUNERALS. THIS
WAS YOUR PARTNER'S MOTHER.

I UNDERSTAND, BUT FUNERALS
HAVE WAY TOO MUCH EMOTION FOR ME.

THE DEATH AND THE
HUGGING. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

WHEN I WAS 10, MY FAMILY WENT
THROUGH A TERRIBLE PERIOD.

ONCE A MONTH, SOMEBODY DIED.

FOR A YEAR, THEY WERE
DROPPING LIKE FLIES.

IT COMPLETELY FREAKED ME OUT.

OK, FINE, DON'T COME.

BUT YOU HAD BETTER LIE TO
MY FATHER AND TELL HIM YOU DID.

I'M VERY COMFORTABLE
WITH THAT COMPROMISE.

GIVE MY CONDOLENCES TO YOUR
MOTHER. ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU LATER.

THAT WAS JASON
AGAIN. HE HAD TO GO.

HE WANTED ME TO
TELL YOU HELLO FOR HIM.

JASON. YOUR FATHER
LOVES THAT BOY.

I KNOW HE DOES.

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE
WOULD LOVE THAT BOY?

PENNILYN LOTT.

I'M GONNA GO GET STARTED
ON THOSE THANK-YOU CARDS.

REMEMBER TO THANK PENNILYN LOTT

JUST FOR BEING PENNILYN LOTT.

I'M ALMOST DONE. I PROMISE I'LL
GET IT TO THE PAPER THIS AFTERNOON.

THIS IS A REALLY BIG
HELP, MY FRIEND. I OWE YOU.

NO, IT WAS REALLY INTERESTING.

I MEAN, I NEVER KNEW ALL
OF THESE THINGS ABOUT GRAN.

WAS THE EXTRA-TOE
THING IN THERE?

NO, BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE
TOOK CARE OF WOUNDED SOLDIERS

THAT WERE SHIPPED BACK
HERE DURING WORLD WAR II?

SHE ALSO STUDIED AT THE
SORBONNE AND AT OXFORD,

AND MET 3 PRESIDENTS.

OH, WHICH ONES?

KENNEDY, JOHNSON AND NIXON.

THERE'S THIS AMAZING PICTURE
OF HER FROWNING AT NIXON,

LIKE SHE KNEW HE WAS
UP TO SOMETHING. REALLY?

YEAH, SHE WAS SOME KIND
OF SOMETHING, WASN'T SHE?

YES, SHE KIND OF WAS.

I JUST LOVE THAT SHE
WANTED SOMETHING SO...

I GOT TO GO. HI, DOYLE.

HEY, DID YOU READ THE TYPO
IN THE NEW YORK TIMES TODAY?

THIS IS PERSONAL.

YES, YES, IT IS.

YOU'RE USING NEWSPAPER RESOURCES
TO WORK ON SOMETHING PERSONAL

IN DIRECT DEFIANCE OF WHAT I
WAS WARNING ABOUT THE OTHER DAY.

BUT THIS IS
DIFFERENT. OH, IT IS?

IF I CAN JUST...

OH, GOODIE. HERE
COMES THE DEFENSE.

WHAT'LL IT BE?

"I'M LOOKING SOMETHING
UP FOR A FRIEND.

"THE PROFESSOR DIDN'T
GIVE ME ENOUGH TIME.

I WAS JUST BROWSING THROUGH
THE ARCHIVES, AND I GOT DISTRACTED."

MY GRANDMOTHER IS DEAD.

OH.

OH, NO.

YES, SHE DIED 2 DAYS AGO,

SUDDENLY, AND WE WERE
CLOSE. OK. WE WERE CLOSE.

AND I'M JUST TRYING TO
GIVE HER AN OBITUARY

THAT IS FITTING FOR THE
GREAT WOMAN THAT SHE WAS.

OH, THAT'S...

I... I DIDN'T KNOW.

YOU DIDN'T ASK.

MY GRANDMOTHER DIED
IN DECEMBER, AND IT WAS...

I'M STILL NOT OVER IT.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

KEEP GOING, PLEASE.
I'M... I'M SORRY.

IT'S OK. AND THANK YOU.

LAST WEEK, YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?

NO.

I PICKED UP THE
PHONE TO CALL HER.

ISN'T THAT SAD? I
ACTUALLY FORGOT.

THEN, OF COURSE, IT
HIT ME ALL OVER AGAIN.

I HOPE THAT DOESN'T
HAPPEN TO YOU.

ME, TOO.

SHE SMELLED A
LITTLE LIKE COFFEE.

I STILL CAN'T WALK PAST ANY
PLACE THAT MAKES COFFEE.

OH. THE GIRL I WAS
DATING WAS A BARISTA.

I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HER.

WE WEREN'T THAT CLOSE. WHAT?

AND IT WASN'T MY GRANDMOTHER.
IT WAS MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER.

I DROPPED THE "GREAT" TO MAKE
THE WHOLE THING SOUND SADDER.

I... I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT HER, UNTIL TODAY.

I'M... I'M SO SORRY.

I'M JUST GONNA PACK UP AND
GO STRAIGHT TO HELL NOW.

MY GRANDMOTHER WAS
A VERY SPECIAL WOMAN.

SHE DROVE ME TO MY PROM AND I'D
BE A POOR MAN IF I'D NEVER KNOWN HER.

FINISH THE OBITUARY.

WHAT? WHAT?

EVERYBODY SHOULD GET TO
KNOW THEIR GRANDMOTHER.

BUT IT WAS HER
GREAT-GRANDMOTHER, DIDN'T YOU HEAR?

GLENN, YOU TAKE RORY'S PIECE
ON THE NEW PARKING RULES, OK?

MY MONTH LASTS A MONTH.
YOUR MONTH LASTS 3 DAYS.

YES, SIRREE, FOLKS,
THAT IS MY LIFE!

I DON'T WANT TO TALK NOW.

I WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!

I DON'T HAVE TIME.
I HAVE CUSTOMERS!

QUIT YELLING AT ME.

I AM TRYING TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION.

OH, KIRK, GOOD, I'VE BEEN...

SHH.

WHAT ARE WE LISTENING TO?

AGAIN?

YEP.

WHO NEEDS TO ORDER?

I DO.

GO AHEAD. UH, I'LL
HAVE A CHEF'S SALAD.

DRESSING? OIL AND
VINEGAR ON THE SIDE.

CRACKERS OR ROLL? UM.

GET THE CRACKERS.
GET THE CRACKERS.

UH, I'LL HAVE THE...

LUKE WHAT?

ARE YOU COMING
BACK? I'M WORKING.

WE WERE HAVING A DISCUSSION
AND YOU JUST GOT UP AND LEFT.

I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE!

I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF
THE WORD "SEPTEMBER."

OK, COME ON.

OK, GO AHEAD.

WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CONVERSATION!

WE WERE YELLING. IT WAS A FIGHT.

WE WEREN'T YELLING.
IT FELT LIKE YELLING.

OK, WE WON'T YELL.
WE'LL TALK. FINE, TALK.

ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED
TO TALK. WE'RE HERE, LET'S TALK.

YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK? I
DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY!

YEAH. ME EITHER.

NICOLE.

WHAT?

YOU GOING BACK TO OUR PLACE?

OUR PLACE?

OUR PLACE. HUH.

FUNNY.

DAD, WHY ARE YOU
ANSWERING THE DOOR?

OOH, UH, WELL, I
HEARD IT RING, SO...

THE MAID'S TAKEN
THE DAY OFF AGAIN?

YEAH, I SUPPOSE SO.

OH, RORY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

I'M SO SORRY, GRANDPA.

THANK YOU, RORY.

HOW ARE YOU?

WELL, I'M HAVING A DEVIL
OF A TIME WITH THIS TIE.

YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY SHOES.

WHAT? OH, YEAH, SHOES.

DAD, CAN'T MOM HELP
YOU WITH THE TIE?

YES, YES.

OK.

UH, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE SHE'S GOTTEN TO.

UH, THERE ARE A LOT
OF PLANS TO MAKE.

OH, SOMEONE SENT US 4 HAMS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE? 4 HAMS.

OH, MOM, THERE YOU ARE.

RORY, YOU LOOK VERY NICE.

I BROUGHT A DRESS
TO CHANGE INTO.

OH, WHAT YOU'RE WEARING IS FINE.

LORELAI, HERE, I JUST
FINISHED READING.

AND I THINK YOU'LL
REALLY LIKE IT.

IT'S ABOUT THIS PROSTITUTE
NAMED SUGAR, IN VICTORIAN ENGLAND.

SHE STARTS RISING THROUGH
THE RANKS OF SOCIETY

AND SHE MEETS THESE
REALLY VIVID CHARACTERS!

OK, SURE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TELL ME THE WHOLE STORY NOW.

I'M NOT GIVING ANYTHING
AWAY. IT'S ALL ON THE BACK.

DAD? FOLLOW HIM. POINT
OUT DOORS AND WINDOWS.

GOT IT.

SO M-MOM, Y-YOU MIGHT
WANNA GO GET READY NOW.

NONSENSE. WE HAVE HOURS.

WANT A DRINK?

TODAY I LEARNED
HOW TO MAKE MOJITOS.

MOM, TODAY ESPECIALLY,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE EARLY

SINCE WE'RE THE ONES
THROWING THE FUNERAL.

FINE.

THERE YOU GO. GO ON UPSTAIRS.

PUT ON A DRESS, A BLACK DRESS.

I GOT HIM TO SIT DOWN.

OK, PILLOW. SOFT. GOOD.

YOU'RE RIGHT,
THEY'RE A LITTLE NUTTY.

YEAH, WITH EXTRA NUTS ON TOP.

OK, I HAVE TO, UM,
CHECK AND MAKE SURE

THAT SOOKIE'S KITCHEN
STUFF MADE IT OVER HERE.

AND I HAVE TO CALL THE AIRLINE, AND
MAKE SURE THE REVEREND GOT ON THE PLANE.

I HAVE TO CHECK IN
WITH THE HEADSTONE...

UNDERWEAR. UH, THAT TOOK A TURN.

OH, MY GOD.

I DELIVERED GRAN'S CLOTHES
TO THE FUNERAL HOME

BUT I FORGOT TO
INCLUDE UNDERWEAR.

GRAN'S GOING COMMANDO?

OH, NO, I'LL HAVE
TO GO BUY SOME.

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO'S GOING TO KNOW?

WELL, I'LL KNOW. JUST STAY HERE.

KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR
GRANDPA. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THIS, UM, WHOLE SECTION
IS OUR 2-FOR-1 SALE.

UH, LISTEN. SHANNON.

SHANNON, UM, I NEED TO BUY
SOMETHING FOR MY GRANDMOTHER.

ANY PARTICULAR STYLE?

SOMETHING
RESPECTABLE, UPSTANDING.

YOU GOT ANYTHING THAT
CAME OVER ON THE MAYFLOWER?

WE HAVE THIS WHOLE LINE
OF REALLY TERRIFIC PANTIES

AND THEY HAVE A BUILT-IN TUMMY
PANEL THAT OLDER WOMEN REALLY LOVE.

OH, WELL, TUMMY
PANEL SOUNDS GREAT.

WHAT SIZE IS SHE?

SIZE? UH, SHE'S TINY BUT STRONG.

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE
COULD TAKE A PUNCH.

BUT SHE WEARS THESE BIG DRESSES,

SO WHO KNOWS WHAT'S
GOING ON UNDER THERE.

OK, WELL.

I'M SORRY, SHE WORE BIG DRESSES.

SHE WORE BIG DRESSES,
'CAUSE SHE'S DEAD.

OH.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT
"FRESH CLOTHING" MEANS?

NO. NEITHER DO I.

I'M GUESSING IT MEANS, YOU
KNOW, NEW, AND THAT'S WHY I'M HERE,

BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO ALL
THE... ALL THE PLANNING NOW,

BECAUSE MY MOTHER
FOUND THE NOTE.

THE STUPID NOTE.

WHO WRITES A NOTE LIKE THAT
AND... AND KEEPS THE CARBON?

I DON'T...

YEAH, MY GRANDMOTHER,
THAT'S WHO,

MY GRANDMOTHER WHO
WANTS FRESH CLOTHING

AND A 4,000-YEAR-OLD MINISTER.

AND... AND... AND WHO
WANTS TO BE CREMATED

AND... AND PUT IN A JAR ON TOP
OF MY MOTHER'S MANTELPIECE

TO SIT UP THERE AND
JUDGE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

I BET YOUR FAMILY'S LOOKING REALLY
GREAT TO YOU RIGHT ABOUT NOW, HUH?

YES, THEY ARE.

YEAH. OH, GOD.

I'M JUST BABBLING.

I'M STANDING IN
UNDERWIRE HEAVEN,

JUST BABBLING LIKE
A CRAZY PERSON.

I SHOULD JUST PICK SOMETHING,

BECAUSE, I MEAN, WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

SHE'S DEAD. YOU KNOW,
THE WOMAN IS DEAD.

SHE CAN'T TELL
WHAT SHE'S WEARING

OR WHO BOUGHT IT FOR HER.

SHE CAN'T SEE THE
MESS SHE'S LEFT BEHIND

SO I'LL JUST... I'LL TAKE THIS.

THAT'S A SMALL.

HELLO. SHE'S DEAD.
THE WOMAN IS DEAD.

SHE CAN'T TELL IF
IT'S THE RIGHT SIZE!

SHE WANTED FRESH CLOTHES, AND
I'M HERE BUYING HER FRESH CLOTHES.

SO IF SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH
THE SIZE OR THE STRAWBERRY PRINT

THEN SHE CAN RISE FROM THE DEAD,

AND COME BACK HERE,
AND YELL AT ME HERSELF.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW
WHAT? IF ANYONE COULD,

THAT TOUGH, OLD, CRAZY,
WONDERFUL BROAD, WOULD BE THE ONE.

YOU TAKE VISA, RIGHT?

MMM-HMM.

OK, SO, ACCORDING TO
THIS, WE'RE ALMOST HOME.

I JUST PULL THIS THROUGH THERE,

WHICH LOOKS PROMISING,
AND WE'RE DONE.

NOW YOU JUST DO
THE FINAL ADJUSTING.

WELL, THAT'S NOT BAD.

4TH TIME'S THE CHARM.

VERY HANDY LITTLE SHEET, YOU
GOT HERE. WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

OFF THE INTERNET. YOU
CAN FIND ANYTHING THERE.

HMM, VERY NICE.

DO YOU WANT TO
KEEP IT, THE DIAGRAM?

I DON'T THINK I'LL BE NEEDING
IT MUCH AROUND THE DORM.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, I
WILL. THANK YOU, RORY.

NOW, I THINK ALL WE NEED IS YOUR
JACKET AND YOUR SHOES, AND YOU'RE READY.

YES, I SUPPOSE SO.

YOU KNOW, THE SUIT I WORE
WHEN WE BURIED MY FATHER,

I WAS NEVER ABLE
TO WEAR IT AGAIN.

IT WAS BRAND-NEW,
A VERY NICE SUIT.

CUSTOM-MADE.

IT WAS MY FIRST
CUSTOM-MADE SUIT.

I TOLD YOUR GRANDMOTHER
THAT IT DIDN'T FIT ANYMORE

BUT REALLY I JUST DIDN'T
WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN.

I SUPPOSE THIS IS GOING
TO BE IT FOR THIS SUIT, TOO.

SO I HEAR YOU'RE
DOING THE EULOGY?

YEAH, WELL, I'M HER SON.

ARE YOU GONNA BE OK DOING THAT?

WELL, I HAVE TO BE, I SUPPOSE.

BECAUSE IF YOU FIND YOURSELF

FEELING, YOU KNOW,
UNSTEADY ABOUT IT, I CAN DO IT.

I DID A LOT OF READING
ABOUT GRAN FOR THE OBITUARY

AND I THINK I CAN
DO HER JUSTICE.

SHE HAD A LIFE, DIDN'T SHE?

SHE REALLY DID.

WELL, I THANK YOU FOR YOUR OFFER

BUT THIS IS MY
RESPONSIBILITY. I WILL BE FINE.

I'M SURE YOU WILL.

HOWEVER, IF SOMETHING
HAPPENS, AND I FIND MYSELF,

LET US SAY A TAD MORE
EMOTIONAL THAN I WOULD LIKE...

I GOT YOUR BACK, GRANDPA.

DID YOU GO SHOPPING?

I'VE BEEN SITTING
HERE WAITING FOR YOU.

THANK YOU. THANKS
SO MUCH FOR COMING.

APPRECIATE IT.

NICE JOB WITH THE
EULOGY, GILMORE.

WELL, I'VE ALWAYS FOUND
THAT A WELL-TIED BOW TIE

CAN HAVE A VERY
STEADYING EFFECT.

RICHARD, SHE WAS
A HELL OF A LADY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HOSPITAL
BOARD WILL DO WITHOUT HER.

I APPRECIATE BOTH OF YOU COMING.

HAVE YOU MET MY
GRANDDAUGHTER, RORY?

NO, I DON'T BELIEVE WE HAVE.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, RORY.

NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

I'M GONNA GO GET
A SODA. EXCUSE ME.

SHE'S LOVELY, RICHARD.

INSIDE AND OUT.

SO, HOW'S HE DOING?

NOT BAD. HE'S
HOLDING IT TOGETHER.

PARTLY BECAUSE ALL
THESE PEOPLE ARE HERE,

BUT I THINK HE'S DOING BETTER.

GOOD.

SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF
GRAN'S FABULOUS, FRESH CLOTHING?

I THOUGHT IT WAS
VERY SOPHISTICATED.

MMM, THANK YOU.

BUT DON'T THINK, FOR A SECOND,

THAT I DIDN'T NOTICE THE HELLO
KITTY BRACELET YOU PUT ON HER.

A LITTLE SOMETHING SPECIAL
FROM ME AND YOU, FOR ALL ETERNITY.

SO THERE SHE WAS DRAGGING
POOR CHARLES AROUND EGYPT,

OF ALL PLACES.

I MEAN, THE MAN DETESTED SAND.

SO OF COURSE LORELAI WANTED TO
GO AND SEE THE PYRAMIDS RIGHT AWAY.

HE WAS DRAGGING HIS FEET.
HE WANTED TO GO TO THE HOTEL.

HE SAID, "LORELAI,
THOSE PYRAMIDS

"HAVE BEEN THERE FOR
THOUSANDS OF YEARS

SO THEY CAN WAIT ANOTHER DAY."

AND SHE SAID, "WELL, YOU
DIDN'T MARRY THE PYRAMIDS.

YOU MARRIED ME, AND I
WON'T WAIT ANOTHER HOUR."

AND SHE JUMPED ON A
CAMEL AND RODE AWAY.

DRAGGED THE CAMEL'S OWNER
BEHIND HER FOR OVER A MILE.

MAN ALMOST DIED.

THERE SHE IS.
LORELAI, COME HERE.

SAY HELLO TO YOUR
FATHER'S FAVORITE COUSIN.

HI, MARILYN.

LOOK AT YOU. YOU LOOK
JUST LIKE YOUR PICTURE.

YOU KNOW, YOUR GRANDMOTHER
HAD THIS PICTURE OF YOU,

RIGHT SMACK-DAB IN THE
MIDDLE OF HER ENTRYWAY.

YOU WOULD WALK IN THE DOOR, SHE WOULD
POINT TO THE PICTURE AND SHE WOULD SAY,

"THIS IS MY
GRANDDAUGHTER, LORELAI.

SHE'S NOT MARRIED."

OH, THAT'S A TERRIFIC STORY.

YOU ARE STUNNING.

MY GOD, TELL ME YOU'RE
AN IDIOT, I BEG YOU.

I HAVE MY MOMENTS. HOW'S THAT?

AND YOU, MISS, AM I POSSIBLY
RELATED TO YOU ALSO?

YES, THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, RORY.

IT IS A THRILL TO MEET YOU BOTH.

HORRIBLE
CIRCUMSTANCES, I SUPPOSE.

ANYWAY, ANGELS, TELL ME

WHEN YOU WERE LAST OVER AT
YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE,

DID YOU POSSIBLY NOTICE SOME
DARLING LITTLE BAR GLASSES?

BAR GLASSES?

CRYSTAL, WITH THIS LITTLE
GOLD-LEAF PATTERN AROUND?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, WELL, I WAS JUST WONDERING.

THEY WEREN'T VALUABLE,
JUST SENTIMENTAL.

I USED TO ADMIRE
THEM AS A SMALL CHILD.

WELL, SURE, WHAT
LITTLE KID DOESN'T HAVE

A FASCINATION WITH BAR GLASSES?

WELL, IF YOU EVER DO SEE THEM...

YES, I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

I... I'M SORRY, I HAVE TO
GO CHECK THE CATERER.

GO, GO, GO. I CAN
VISIT WITH RORY.

OK. HEY, I HEARD YOU
TALKING ABOUT GRAN IN EGYPT.

OH, SHE LOVED EGYPT.

ACTUALLY, SHE LOVED
ANYPLACE EXOTIC.

DID SHE EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE
TIME SHE WAS STRANDED IN ISTANBUL?

NO. I ACTUALLY DIDN'T
KNOW HER VERY WELL.

OH, THAT'S A TERRIBLE SHAME.

I THINK SO, TOO. HMM.

WELL, IT WAS A LOVELY SERVICE.
YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB.

THANK YOU.

IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE
HITTING THAT AGE

WHERE WE'RE GOING TO BE
GOING TO A LOT OF THESE THINGS.

TIME TO INVEST IN A SECOND
BLACK SUIT, I SUPPOSE.

EXCUSE ME. PLEASE BRING
MY HUSBAND A MANHATTAN

AND MAKE SURE THE HORS
D'OEUVRES START WITH HIM.

HE HAS TO EAT SOMETHING.

YEAH, I THINK PHILOSOPHY MAY BE ONE
OF MY FAVORITE SUBJECTS RIGHT NOW.

2ND COUSIN. GOT TO GO.

WAIT, I'LL COME WITH YOU.

REVEREND WILDER,
HI. THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR COMING ALL THE WAY UP
HERE FROM FLORIDA TO BE WITH US.

GRAN WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PLEASED.

OH, UH, THANK YOU. I
WAS HAPPY TO DO IT.

AND... AND YOU ARE?

I'M LORELAI GILMORE.

D-DIDN'T I JUST BURY YOU?

NO, REVEREND, UM, I'M THE ONE
WHO TALKED TO YOU ON THE PHONE

AND I PICKED YOU UP
FROM THE AIRPORT.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH. THAT WAS A
DIFFERENT LORELAI.

THIS IS HER GRANDDAUGHTER.

THIS IS THE REIGNING LORELAI.

HOW NICE. AND WHO ARE YOU?

WELL, THIS IS GRAN'S
NIECE, MARILYN.

YOU REMEMBER ME FROM
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.

YOU MARRIED ME TO MY
FIRST HUSBAND, THEODORE.

I DID?

IT WOULD BE EASIER ON ALL OF US

IF YOU CAN JUST
PRETEND TO REMEMBER.

OH, THAT... THAT'S
PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA.

THANK YOU.

HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?

MY FEET ARE KILLING ME.

HOW'S THE REST OF YOU?

THE REST OF ME? THE
REST OF ME IS FINE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, MOM,

SHE MAY HAVE WRITTEN THAT
LETTER, BUT HE PICKED YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WORE
THOSE SHOES TO A FUNERAL.

I'M GOING TO GO GET A
STUFFED MUSHROOM NOW.

THANK YOU AGAIN. TAKE CARE.

HMM.

YOUR TIE IS CROOKED. OH.

HAVE YOU EATEN?

OH, YES.

EVERY 5 MINUTES,

IT SEEMS A YOUNG MAN WOULD SHOW
UP AT MY SIDE WITH A TRAY OF FOOD.

YOUR DOING, I SUPPOSE.

COULD BE. THERE, THAT'S BETTER.

SO, I'VE BEEN THINKING.

YES?

I'M NOT SO SURE,

THE MANTEL IS THE BEST
PLACE FOR GRAN'S ASHES.

WHAT? THE LEDGE IS TOO SMALL.

IT WOULDN'T REALLY
BE APPROPRIATE.

BUT HER WISHES?

BEING BURIED WITH MY
FATHER SEEMS RIGHT.

DON'T YOU AGREE?

WHATEVER YOU WANT, RICHARD.

SO THERE SHE IS, AUNT LORELAI,
ALREADY IN HER 70S, MIND YOU,

AND THE BLIZZARD HAS HER TRAPPED
IN THAT OLD HOUSE FOR A WEEK

WITH NO HEAT, NO RUNNING WATER.

THE LOCAL POLICE FINALLY
CAME AND DUG HER OUT

AND HANDED HER SOME HOT TEA.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DOES?

FIRST OF ALL, SHE COMPLAINS
THAT THE TEA IS TOO HOT.

AND THEN SHE SENDS THEM
A BILL FOR CARPET CLEANING

BECAUSE THEY TRACKED IN SNOW.

SO YOU DITCHED THE COUSIN?

YEAH, WE RAN INTO A SISTER,
AND HOW COULD I COMPETE?

AH, SURE. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I'M FEELING SADDER ABOUT
GRAN, BUT FEELING SADDER

IS MAKING ME FEEL LESS
GUILTY ABOUT NOT FEELING SAD.

SO THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.

GOOD.

SO, APPARENTLY, I AM
NOW THE REIGNING LORELAI.

HUH, I GUESS YOU ARE.

HMM, IT'S A LOT OF
RESPONSIBILITY. WELL, SURE.

I MEAN, IT'S MOSTLY CEREMONIAL STUFF
NOWADAYS, DECLARING KNIGHTHOODS,

OPENING SUPERMARKETS,
BUT NOW AND THEN

YOU GET TO BANISH SOMEONE
OR POSE FOR A STAMP.

NEAT. AND COINS.

YEAH, AND COINS.

YOU KNOW, SOMEDAY YOU'LL
BE THE REIGNING LORELAI.

I DON'T LIKE THAT IDEA.

WHY NOT? YOU GET A CAPE.

BECAUSE IF I'M THE REIGNING
LORELAI, THAT MEANS YOU'LL BE GONE.

GONE? NO, NOT ME.

I'LL STEP DOWN WAY BEFORE THAT.

I'M NOT GONNA PULL A
QUEEN ELIZABETH ON YOU,

MAKE YOU WAIT AROUND FOREVER,

FORCE YOU TO DEVELOP INTERESTS
IN POLO AND ARCHITECTURE.

I AM SCARED OF HORSES.

I KNOW THAT.

SO THERE'S A CAPE, HUH?