Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 15 - Scene in a Mall - full transcript

HEY. HEY.

OW, DON'T.

OH!

YOU OK?

WELL, YOU HURT MY
FEELINGS JUST NOW.

NO, I MEAN, YOU DOING
OK WITH EVERYTHING?

YOU'RE REFERRING TO
MY MELTDOWN IN THE PARK.

IT WASN'T A MELTDOWN.

OH, IT WAS A MELTDOWN.

THEY'RE EVEN MAKING IT INTO A
MOVIE, MELTDOWN IN THE PARK.

IT'S JUST A WORKING TITLE.
BAZ LUHRMANN'S DIRECTING,

AND IN THE MOVIE, LUKE
WEARS TIGHTS AND SINGS.

BUT YOU'RE OK?

THANKS TO MY KNIGHT
IN SHINING ARMOR.

OH, WELL.

I JUST HOPE ALEC BALDWIN
CAPTURES YOUR RARE ESSENCE.

AND SLIMS DOWN A
LITTLE FOR THE ROLE.

I SHOULD DELIVER THESE.

CAN I WORK ON MY LAPTOP?

UH, DOES IT MAKE NOISE?

NO, BUT I SOMETIMES DO.

YOU ALWAYS DO.

THANKS.

KIRK. WHAT'S WITH THE...

IT'S NOT A PURSE!

I WASN'T GONNA SAY "PURSE."

OH, SORRY.

WHAT'S WITH THE GAY BAG?

IT'S A DOG CARRIER.

MY GIRLFRIEND'S GONE OUT
OF TOWN WITH SOME FRIENDS,

AND I'M WATCHING BUSTER FOR HER.

AND THEY'RE GIRL
FRIENDS, NOT GUYS.

I CALLED THE HOTEL SHE BOOKED

AND VERIFIED THAT IT'S A GIRL'S
NAME ON THE REGISTER WITH HER.

NOT THAT I DON'T TRUST HER.

CLEARLY.

OVER THERE OK? SURE.

CAROL, DANNY,

JAMIE, SEAN, CHRIS?

WHAT'S THAT?

JUST A LIST OF GUYS'
NAMES THAT COULD BE GIRLS.

YOU WANT COFFEE?

YES.

WHAT IS THIS? PHONE CORD.

I CAN'T HAVE THIS HERE.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

IT'S NOT PLUGGED INTO
YOUR REGULAR LINE.

IT'S THE FAX LINE YOU PUT IN A
YEAR AGO THAT YOU NEVER USE.

YOU MEAN THE FAX LINE YOU MADE
ME PUT IN TO GET IN FAX ORDERS,

EVEN THOUGH NO ONE HAS EVER
WANTED TO PUT IN A FAX ORDER.

AND I NEVER GOT THE FAX MACHINE,

LIKE I TOLD YOU I WOULD NEVER,
EVER GET THE FAX MACHINE,

MAKING THE FAX LINE POINTLESS.

HOLD ON. LET ME GET ON THE
GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS' WEB SITE.

YES, THAT'S THE MOST TIMES

ANYONE HAS EVER USED THE
WORD "FAX" IN A SENTENCE.

JUST BE QUICK WITH THIS.

MAN, I LOVE E-MAIL.

EVERY DAY, RORY AND I WRITE EACH
OTHER MULTIPLE TIMES. IT'S GREAT.

YOU ENJOY TYPING TO PEOPLE
MORE THAN TALKING TO THEM?

WRONG PERSPECTIVE.
E-MAIL IS A RETURN

TO THE ROMANTIC DAYS
OF LETTER-WRITING.

IT'S PURE DICKENS.

WHY DICKENS?

IT'S JUST WHEN I
PICTURE LETTER-WRITING,

I PICTURE CHARLES DICKENS.

CHARLES DICKENS WROTE MORE
LETTERS THAN OTHER PEOPLE?

NO, IT'S JUST I CAN EASILY
PICTURE HIM IN HIS STUDY,

WITH HIS DOG AND HIS PIPE

AND HIS FANCY
FEATHERED PEN, WRITING:

"CHEERIO, OLD BEAN.

"HAVE A CUP OF
TEA. HOW'S BIG BEN?

"HOW'S THE TOWER OF
LONDON, SISTER SUFFRAGETTE?

TUPPENCE A BAG."

SOUNDS LIKE AN IDIOT.

HEY, LUKE. COFFEE?

OH, THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

I COULD UNPLUG IT,

BUT THEN I'D HAVE TO START
THE WHOLE PROCESS ALL OVER.

OR YOU COULD JUST EAT HERE AND
SAVE THE E-MAILING FOR WHEN YOU'RE...

EXCUSE ME.

YOU HAVE A DOG THERE?

NO. WHY?

JUST PUTTIN' 2 AND 2 TOGETHER.

WELL, IT'S COMIN' OUT 5.

BUSTER IS AT HOME, ASLEEP.

MMM-HMM.

OK. WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?

OATMEAL, EXTRA BROWN
SUGAR ON THE SIDE,

AND A POUND OF RAW HAMBURGER.

OR JUST THE
OATMEAL WILL BE FINE.

VOILA! THIS DOES NOTHING.

WHAT? IT MAKES IT
EASIER TO LIMBO UNDER.

THIS IS MY PLACE. I
SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LIMBO.

YOU STILL SLEEPY?

WHY IS KIRK TALKING
TO HIS MAN PURSE?

YOU GOT SLEEPY FACE.
YOU HAVE TO TINKLE?

UH...

WHERE IS THAT...

JUST LOOKING FOR MY
LUCKY MAGAZINE, AND...

OW!

PAPER CUT.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GETTING A DRINK.

YOU'RE SICK. HENCE THE FLUIDS.

WHEN YOU CAME OUT, DID
YOU USE THE DOORKNOB?

AS OPPOSED TO DEMATERIALIZING,

PASSING VAPOR-LIKE
THROUGH THE WALL,

THEN REMATERIALIZING OUT HERE?

NO, I USED THE DOORKNOB.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,

I BEGGED YOU NOT
TO TOUCH ANYTHING.

I'M NOT CONTAGIOUS ANYMORE.

OH!

PARIS, STOP!

I'M NOT GETTING SICK.

THAT'S YOUR DEODORANT.

THEN WHAT THE HELL DID
I SPRAY UNDER MY ARMS?

THAT'S MINE.

HELLO?

GUESS WHERE I'M STANDING.

I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU
SOUND A LITTLE ECHOEY.

I'M STANDING IN THE LIVING ROOM

OF MY VERY OWN APARTMENT!

YOU'RE KIDDING.

I'M WAITING FOR THE GAS MAN.

THE GAS MAN! ISN'T THAT GREAT?

I'VE GOT GAS! IGNORE THE WORD.

JUST FOCUS ON THE ENTHUSIASM.

HOW ARE YOU AFFORDING THIS?

I'M SHARING IT WITH
ZACK AND BRIAN.

HUH. YOU'RE LIVING
WITH THE BAND?

IT'S TOTALLY INNOCENT.
I HAVE MY OWN ROOM,

AND THEY'LL SLEEP
IN THE LIVING ROOM.

THAT IS SO COOL.

WHEN DO YOU MOVE YOUR STUFF IN?

TOMORROW, THAT IS, IF MY
MOM HASN'T SOLD IT ALL BY NOW.

HEY, YOU SOUND A LITTLE STUFFED.

I'VE BEEN SICK,

BUT IT'S MOSTLY DEODORANT STENCH

I'M SUFFERING FROM
AT THE MOMENT.

OH MY GOD! MY
FIRST MAIL IS HERE!

IT'S A CHINESE MENU.

FRAME IT OR SOMETHING.

I WILL. I GOT TO GO.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

BYE.

OH, THAT'S NOT DANGEROUS.

FIRE KILLS GERMS.

AND I'M SLEEPING WITH ONE
OF THE OTHER GIRLS TONIGHT.

HOW VERY THE "L" WORD.

YOU DONE?

OH, YES, YOUR LIMBOING
DAYS ARE OVER, MY FRIEND.

THANKS FOR PUTTIN' UP WITH ME.

WELL, I ONLY FELL ONCE.

AND GRACEFULLY. BYE.

WAIT A MINUTE.
HO-HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

WHY?

YOU'RE MAKING ME
NERVOUS. JUST, UH...

HERE. WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S... WHAT IT IS.

A MONK, A TRUNK, AND A SKUNK.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

CARNAC, BUT I DON'T
HAVE A PUNCH LINE.

NEVER STOPPED JOHNNY.

PUT THAT DOWN. HIDE IT.

WHAT IS IT?

OPEN IT LATER.

A CHECK TO ME FOR $30,000.

SHH!

LUKE, THIS IS THE MONEY I
WAS GONNA ASK YOU FOR.

AND YOU DID ASK,
AND THERE IT IS.

BUT I DIDN'T, N-NOT OFFICIALLY.

I BLUBBERED AN AMOUNT TO YOU,

AND WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT
A REPAYMENT SCHEDULE...

IT'S OK.

OR INTEREST OR COLLATERAL. I
HAD CHARTS AND PROJECTIONS.

I WANTED TO TAKE YOU
OUT TO A NICE DINNER.

SO SEND ME A HONEY-BAKED HAM.

BUT THIS IS W-WRONG.

THIS IS NOT HOW
YOU DO THESE THINGS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DO THESE THINGS.

WILL YOU JUST TAKE THE MONEY?

I'M SORRY.

WE AT LEAST HAVE TO
GO OVER THE BASICS.

I DON'T WANT TO READ THAT.

WELL, I'M NOT LEAVING
UNTIL YOU READ THIS NAPKIN.

FINE. OK? THAT'S OK.

THAT'S TOO MUCH.

THAT'S SUFFICIENT.

OK, BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS?

NICOLE?

HEY! I THOUGHT WE WERE
WRITING AND SLIDING.

WHAT ABOUT NICOLE?

WELL, I... I NEED
TO KNOW HER ROLE.

THERE IS NONE.

LUKE, IF IT'S JOINT MONEY, I
SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE THAT

AND THANK HER THE
NEXT TIME I SEE HER...

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE HER.

NOW CAN WE JUST STOP
TALKING ABOUT THIS?

OK.

OK, BUT I INSIST ON TYPING UP SOMETHING
LEGAL AND BINDING FOR THIS LOAN.

OK, OK. I REALLY JUST DON'T
WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

OK.

WE'LL DOT THE "I's" AND
CROSS THE "T's" ANOTHER DAY.

YES, WE'LL CROSS AND DOT.

OK, I JUST HAVE TO WRITE
DOWN ONE MORE THING.

WHAT, WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT NOW?

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HI.

GILMORE.

RICHARD AND EMILY GILMORE.

LOOK, WE SINGLE-HANDEDLY PUT
YOUR RESTAURANT ON THE MAP,

BY PRAISING YOUR CRAB PUFFS

AT EUNICE PIERPONT PENNINGTON'S
GRANDDAUGHTER'S CHRISTENING.

HI, MOM.

OH, REALLY? YOU'RE NEW THERE?
BECAUSE YOUR DEFT HANDLING

OF THIS PHONE CALL
DISPLAYS ALL THE SIGNS

OF A SEASONED AND
EXPERIENCED HAND.

YES, GO GET TREY.
THAT'S A SMASHING IDEA.

PAINFUL. HELLO.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU COULDN'T SEE THE
SMOKE FROM STARS HOLLOW?

LETTIE BURNED THE ENTREE.

OH, BEYOND EDIBILITY?
CAUSE I'M NOT PICKY.

OH, NO, I COULD NOT
EXPOSE YOU TO SUCH A LOIN.

OH, IF I HAD A NICKEL. WHAT?

SO YOU HAD A BURNING LOIN.

AND NOW I'M FIGHTING TO SQUEEZE
US INTO SOMEWHERE APPROPRIATE.

SOMEONE TO TAKE
PITY ON THE LOINLESS.

IS THAT HOW YOU'RE DRESSED?

IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION?

IT'S REALLY NOT
APPROPRIATE TO GO OUT IN.

I DID NOT FORESEE
YOUR BURNING LOIN.

STOP SAYING THAT WORD.

WHEN WILL I GET
THIS CHANCE AGAIN?

I'VE SEEN THAT ON
YOU A DOZEN TIMES.

YOU REALLY SHOULD
UPDATE YOUR WARDROBE.

MY WARDROBE IS FINE, MOM.

THE SUMMER LINES ARE
COMING OUT. HIT A STORE.

NO NEED FOR YOU TO HIT
ANY MORE STORES, EMILY.

YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH
SHOPPING FOR A LIFETIME.

FOR METHUSELAH'S
LIFETIME. HELLO, LORELAI.

HI, DAD.

I DIDN'T SAY I WAS GOING
SHOPPING, RICHARD.

IT'S AN INSTINCT THAT
REQUIRES NO VERBALIZATION.

I WAS SUGGESTING THAT YOUR
DAUGHTER UPDATE HER WARDROBE.

NO NEED TO SPREAD
YOUR DISEASE EITHER.

RICHARD!

REALLY, DAD, DON'T READ
MORE INTO THIS THAN WHAT IT IS,

JUST HUMILIATING ME.

I SHOULD HANG UP AND
LET YOU BOTH STARVE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, STARVE?
WHAT HAPPENED TO DINNER?

I TOLD YOU NOT 5 MINUTES
AGO THAT DINNER WAS RUINED.

DID YOU? YES.

I HEARD "LOIN," BUT I DIDN'T
THINK YOU MEANT DINNER.

THIS IS MAKING ME
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU
HALF-LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY.

YES, I'M STILL HERE.

GOOD, CHECK WITH HIM.

I THINK WE HAVE
A SHOT AT BASTIDE.

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE DRAB?

WE LOVE BASTIDE.

NO, YOU LOVE BASTIDE.

WHY DON'T WE TRY THAT PLACE
JASON TOOK ME TO LAST WEEK?

A LOT OF HIP CLIENTELE.

HE POINTED OUT MOBY TO
ME. HE'S THAT BALD MUSICIAN.

YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY HIP, DAD.

WHEN DID YOU HAVE
DINNER WITH MOBY?

MOBY WAS JUST THERE.

JASON PLAYED ME SOME
OF HIS MUSIC LATER.

I LIKED IT.

WE'RE GOING TO
BASTIDE. BUT DON'T FRET,

MAYBE THE BEATLES WILL BE THERE,

AND YOU CAN SIT IN
AND JAM WITH THEM.

2 OF THE BEATLES
ARE DEAD, EMILY.

ONLY ONE IS DEAD.

NO, A 2ND BEATLE
DIED JUST RECENTLY.

LORELAI?

COULD YOU PRESS THE PAUSE
BUTTON ON THIS CONVERSATION?

I REALLY WANT RORY
TO HEAR THE REST OF IT.

IF WE'RE GOING TO BASTIDE, YOU
SHOULD CHANGE YOUR JACKET, RICHARD.

ALL RIGHT.

AND PLEASE SHAVE THAT
MUSTACHE, I BEG OF YOU.

I WANT TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS
LIKE FULLY GROWN, EMILY.

THAT WAS THE AGREEMENT.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
A CATERPILLAR NOW.

IN 2 WEEKS, IT'LL LOOK
LIKE A BIGGER CATERPILLAR.

VERY FUNNY.

I'M NOT TRYING TO BE FUNNY.

I WILL SHAVE IT WHEN I SHAVE IT.

YES.

YES, WE'LL BE THERE.
THANK YOU. WAIT!

THEY SAID THEY CAN TAKE US IF
WE CAN BE THERE IN 5 MINUTES

AND ORDER AS
QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

WELL, IT'LL TAKE
LONGER THAN THAT.

NOT IF WE MOVE.

WHAT ABOUT MY JACKET?

THEY'LL BE STARING
AT YOUR MUSTACHE.

EMILY.

COME ON. SCOOT, SCOOT.

AND BE THINKING
ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.

JUST ONE LITTLE
PROBLEM HERE. RORY?

WHAT ABOUT HER?
SHE'S NOT HERE YET.

SHE'S NOT COMING.
SHE'S NOT COMING?

NO, SHE'S BEEN SICK ALL WEEK
AND I TOLD HER TO STAY IN AND REST.

SHE'S BEEN SICK?
DIDN'T YOU KNOW?

OH, YEAH, I KNEW.

I'M HAVING SEA
BASS. THINK, THINK.

I KNEW IT.

HELLO?

WE HAVE AN E-MAIL RELATIONSHIP.

HI.

OH! SHE SPEAKS.
SHE HAS THE ABILITY.

WHAT'S WRONG?

ARE YOU OK? ARE YOU SICK?

I'M GETTING OVER A
COLD. YOU KNEW THAT.

NO, I DIDN'T, BECAUSE OUR
ONCE-WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP

ENVY OF ALL THE WORLD,
MORE INTIMATE THAN THAT

OF THE NAKED COUPLE IN
THE "LOVE IS..." CARTOONS,

HAS DEGENERATED INTO
E-MAIL CORRESPONDENCE.

I'M SURE I WROTE
THAT I HAD A COLD.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

IN ALL THOSE E-MAILS,
I DIDN'T MENTION IT?

ALL THOSE E-MAILS?

I... I'M SORRY, BUT Y-YOU
WRITE LESS THAN THE PEOPLE

OFFERING TO ENLARGE A PIECE
OF ANATOMY I DO NOT POSSESS.

I COULD HAVE SWORN I TOLD YOU.

I JUST REREAD EVERY E-MAIL
YOU SENT IN THE PAST 10 DAYS.

NO SICKNESS MENTIONED, BUT
YOU DID SHARE THESE GEMS:

"HEY, WHAT UP? IS IT
FREEZING THERE, TOO? ICE."

AND, "PHEW, POOPED."

THEN YOU ADDED ONE OF THOSE OBNOXIOUS
HIEROGLYPHICS THAT I CAN NEVER READ

THAT INDICATE YOU'RE LAUGHING OR
SMILING OR FROWNING OR VOMITING.

THAT'S A TYPO. I DON'T
DO CUTESY SYMBOLS.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN USING VERBS.

THAT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP.

RELATIONSHIPS NEED VERBS.

WELL, YOURS AREN'T MUCH BETTER.

I'M NOT SAYING THEY ARE.

I CAN NEVER GET
YOU ON THE PHONE.

OH! I CAN NEVER GET YOU!

YOU GOT ME NOW.

FREAK OF NATURE. WHAT DO YOU
LOOK LIKE? DO YOU LOOK THE SAME?

HOLD ON. MY NOSE
RING IS ITCHING.

DON'T KID. I'M MAD AND NEEDY,

AND I ENDED UP GOING OUT TO
DINNER ALONE WITH MY PARENTS,

WHO BICKERED THE WHOLE TIME ABOUT
WHICH BEATLE IS ALIVE AND WHICH IS DEAD.

SO, WHERE'D THEY LAND?

JOHN AND KEITH ARE DEAD,

PAUL AND BINGO
ARE STILL KICKING.

PLAY HOOKY TOMORROW.

FROM WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW, WHATEVER YOU GOT.

I KNOW YOU'RE ALWAYS
BUSY, BUT LET'S DO SOMETHING.

WHAT ABOUT THE INN?

THEY CAN LIVE
WITHOUT ME FOR A DAY.

TOMORROW'S ACTUALLY GOOD.

REALLY?

THERE'S A NEWSPAPER
THING, BUT I CAN SKIP THAT.

COOL! WHAT DO WE DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

MOM SAID THE SUMMER
CLOTHING LINES ARE OUT.

WANNA GO SHOPPING? WE
HAVEN'T DONE THAT IN AGES.

BUT WE'RE BOTH TOTALLY SKINT.

HUH? WE'RE WHAT?

WE'RE SKINT,
BROKE. IT'S BRITISH.

OH, MAN, YOU'VE
LEARNED TO SPEAK BRITISH.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

SO WE WON'T BUY ANYTHING.
WE'LL JUST WINDOW-SHOP.

THAT COULD BE FUN.

IT'LL BE LIKE WE'RE
IN AN OLD MOVIE,

YOU KNOW, WALKING AROUND,
WINDOW-SHOPPING LIKE ROZ RUSSELL

AND AVA GARDNER ON 5TH AVENUE.

I'M WITH YOU.

WELL, MEET ME AT THE INN, 10:00?

BUT IT'S BEEN SO LONG. HOW
WILL WE RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER?

WE'LL WEAR A ROSE IN OUR LAPELS.

OR DANGLING FROM MY NOSE RING.

YOU'RE KIDDING
ABOUT THAT, RIGHT?

I'M LEAVING YOU IN SUSPENSE.

TOMORROW AT 10:00, ROZ, DARLING?

TILL TOMORROW, AVA, DEAREST.

LOOK OUT. COMIN' THROUGH.

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE DOGS, KIRK?

WELL, PEOPLE IN TOWN SAW
HOW GOOD I WAS WITH LULU'S DOG

THAT THEY ASKED
ME TO WATCH THEIRS.

FOR A FEE, OF COURSE.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR? SHH, COME ON.

IT'S A GAME I'M
PLAYING WITH THE DOGS.

TRACKER.

SEE, I CUT ONE OF THEM LOOSE,

AND THEN THE REST OF US HIDE
UNTIL WE GET TRACKED DOWN.

AT THE MOMENT, WE'RE
HIDING FROM SNUGGLES.

WE ARE?

IT HELPS THEM HONE THEIR
TRACKING SKILLS, AND THE KIDS LOVE IT.

WHAT KIDS?

THE BABIES. THE DOGS.

YOU EVER THE ONE
THAT GETS CUT LOOSE?

I'VE GONE TWICE. SHH, SNUGGLES.

CUTE, BUT NOT THE
SMARTEST TOOL IN THE SHED.

HE FOUND US! CELEBRATE!

COME ON, LUKE. CELEBRATE!

I'LL HAVE A BEER TONIGHT.

BEER? OH, NO!

WE DON'T LIKE BEER. BEER IS BAD.

COOKIES! COOKIES!

COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES!

CELEBRATE! COOKIES!

HI, RORY.

HI, TOM. HOW'S IT GOIN'?

NOT HALF BAD. WELL,
THAT'S HALF GOOD.

THAT MAKES IT SOUND
BETTER THAN IT IS.

KIND OF THE POINT.
WHAT'S WITH THE FLOWER?

OH, IT'S SO MY MOM AND I
WILL RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER.

GIRL THING? YEAH.

I'M NOT INTO GIRL THINGS.
YOU'RE A CONTRACTOR.

YEP. LATER.

OH, EXCUSE ME, CAN I HAVE
YOUR AUTOGRAPH? WHAT?

OH, I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE ONE OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE.

OUCH! I'M KIDDING. I'M A KIDDER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

I'M MEETING MY MOM HERE.
WE'RE PLAYING HOOKY TODAY.

THE FLOWER'S A
PRIVATE JOKE FOR HER?

YOU KNOW ME WELL. YEAH, I DO.

SO, UM,

YOU OK AND ALL?

YEAH. OH, THAT. I'M FINE NOW.

UM, A LITTLE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

CAN REALLY WORK
WONDERS FOR A GIRL.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO
LAY ALL THAT ON YOU.

NAH, THAT'S WHAT
SHOULDERS ARE FOR.

WELL, YOU'VE GOT A HECK OF
AN UNDERSTANDING SHOULDER.

HEY, YOU WANT TO
HAMMER SOMETHIN'?

ALWAYS. BE MY GUEST.

REALLY? YEAH!

TOM WENT OUTSIDE. DO IT, GO ON.

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD SPIT OR
HIKE UP MY SHORTS OR SOMETHING.

WOW!

YOU'RE A NATURAL.

I THINK I MUST HAVE BEEN A
CARPENTER IN ANOTHER LIFE,

OR JUST SOMEONE WHO
REALLY HATED NAILS.

HI, RORY.

OH, HI, LINDSAY.

HI.

ARE WE EARLY?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

MOM AND I JUST WANTED TO GET
A NICE JUMP ON THINGS TODAY.

DID LINDSAY TELL YOU WE
FOUND A NEW DRY CLEANER?

NO. TELL HIM, LINDSAY!

THEY USE LESS
SOLVENT, SO IT'S CLEANER.

I'M REALLY INTO THE ENVIRONMENT.

OH, ME, TOO.

SO ARE YOU WORKING HERE?

NO, THAT WAS ILLEGAL
HAMMERING, COMPLETELY NON-UNION.

COME THE REVOLUTION,
I SHALL BE SHOT.

HEY, LET'S SET UP LUNCH BEFORE
EVERYTHING GETS COLD. OK.

LUNCH? THIS EARLY?

OUR DEANO'S UP AT 5:00.

DEANO?

YEAH.

DON'T WORRY. MOM MADE
LUNCH TODAY, SO IT'S SAFE TO EAT.

LINDSAY'S MOM IS
TEACHIN' HER HOW TO COOK.

IT'S HARD. DO YOU KNOW HOW?

IF YOU COUNT
RADIATOR QUESADILLAS.

OH, I SHOULD HAVE STARTED
TEACHING YOU SOONER.

DON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE
WITH YOUR LITTLE ONE.

WE ALSO HAVE THE
SALADS READY, SO...

RORY? RORY? RORY?

RORY! RORY! RORY!

HA, HA.

YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO
ATTRACT A MAN LOOKING LIKE THAT.

OVER HERE, BIDDY BIDSTER.

OH! BYE.

HI. AH, YOU WORE A ROSE.

THAT WAS THE AGREEMENT.

HEY, LINDSAY. HEY, THERESA.

HI.

YOU READY? LET'S GO.

HEY, HOW OFTEN DOES THIS HAPPEN?

OH, WELL. IT'S A HOT
LUNCH EVERY DAY.

UH, PLUS, THEY ALWAYS BRING
SOMETHING FOR THE GROUP.

YESTERDAY, IT WAS PEANUT
BRITTLE LINDSAY MADE.

IT BROKE A CROWN, 3 TEETH,

THEN A HAZMAT TEAM
CAME AND TOOK IT AWAY.

THEY PUT EVERYTHING ON
PRETZELS NOWADAYS. I LOVE THAT.

YOU'RE OUR NEW
BEST FRIEND, HOWARD.

WE DON'T SAY THAT
TO JUST ANYBODY.

JUST ANYBODY HOLDING FREE FOOD.

WE'LL BE BACK.

STOCK UP.

OK, HERE WE GO.

WHERE SHOULD WE START?

WELL, WE'RE WINDOW-SHOPPING,
SO LET'S FIND A WINDOW.

I SEE ROWS AND ROWS OF WINDOWS.

HEY, LET'S WALK ARM-IN-ARM

LIKE WINDOW-SHOPPING
LADIES DO IN MOVIES.

YOU GOT IT.

OH! I WISH I'D BROUGHT
A XYLOPHONE WITH ME.

THERE'S ALWAYS A
BOUNCY XYLOPHONE PLAYING

WHEN MOVIE GIRLS WINDOW-SHOP.

SO, LEFT OR RIGHT?

LET'S GO RIGHT.

OK.

OH, COOL.

OH, THAT WOULD
LOOK GREAT ON YOU.

I LOVE BLUE.

YOU SHOULD MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO
GET THAT WHEN YOU'RE BACK IN THE CASH.

DONE.

SHALL WE? LET'S SHALL.

OH, SORRY.

ONE OF THE RISKS OF
LINKED-ARM WALKING.

LANE.

HELLO.

COME IN.

THANK YOU.

HELLO, AUNT JUN.

HELLO.

YOUR AUNT JUN BROUGHT YOUR
COUSIN CHRISTINE TO HELP YOU MOVE.

SAY HELLO TO CHRISTINE.

HELLO, CHRISTINE.

HELLO, LANE.

JUN AND I WILL REMAIN
DOWN HERE WHILE YOU MOVE.

YOU MAY USE WHATEVER BOXES YOU
NEED, PLUS BUBBLE WRAP AND TAPE.

JUST WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU
TAKE FOR INVENTORY PURPOSES.

I WILL. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

GO WITH LANE, CHRISTINE.

I DON'T BELIEVE
IT! YOU'RE MOVING!

WHAT HAPPENED?
TELL ME EVERYTHING!

WAS THERE A FIGHT? ARE
YOU GETTING MARRIED?

NO FEMALE KIM HAS EVER MOVED
OUT WITHOUT GETTING MARRIED.

Y-Y-YOU'RE NOT
GETTING MARRIED, RIGHT?

I LOVE THE FLOORBOARD THING!

IT'S SO HOGAN'S HEROES!

I WONDER IF I CAN PULL THE
FLOORBOARDS AT MY HOUSE.

HAVE YOU HEARD THE LIBERTINES?
WHAT ABOUT THE WHITE STRIPES?

IS IT OVER FOR THEM?
WHAT ABOUT ZEPPELIN?

I'M GETTING MORE RETRO.

WHAT'S A GOOD ZEPPELIN? 2, 3...

3'S GOT STAIRWAY
TO HEAVEN, RIGHT?

MAN, IT'S LIKE A
FUNERAL DOWN THERE.

I THOUGHT MY MOM WAS HARSH,

BUT YOUR MOM MAKES
THE GUY FROM JOY DIVISION

LOOK LIKE ONE OF
THE TELETUBBIES.

ARE YOU TAKING ALL OF THIS?

IS SHE GOING THROUGH THE
BOXES BEFORE YOU LEAVE?

OH! WHERE DO YOU BUY THE
CDs WITH THE SWEAR WORDS?

YOU BUY IN DISGUISE? DID
SOMEONE BUY THEM FOR YOU?

HAVE YOU EVER...

HEY! KID, DO I LOOK GREEN
AND WRINKLY TO YOU?

NO? THAT'S RIGHT. I'M NOT YODA.

SO IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A
MENTOR, CALL THE DALAI LAMA.

WHAT I'M HERE TO DO IS
GET MY STUFF AND SPLIT.

NOW BE QUIET AND
START ASSEMBLING BOXES.

AND STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
IS FROM LED ZEPPELIN IV!

IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET INTO
CLASSIC ROCK, KNOW IT, DON'T BLOW IT!

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? ARE YOU
GETTING A CAR? DO YOU HAVE A LICENSE?

ARE KIMS ALLOWED TO
DRIVE? I'M DYING TO DRIVE.

I LEFT THE INVENTORY
LIST IN THE ROOM.

VERY GOOD.

I GUESS I'LL BE GOING.

YES.

STEP AWAY FROM LANE, CHRISTINE.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

WHICH? THAT.

THE SKIRT AND THE BLOUSE?

MORE THE SKIRT THAN THE BLOUSE.

I LIKE 'EM BOTH. GOOD COLORS.

OH, THEY HAVE
NICE-LOOKING JACKETS.

WHERE? IN THE BACK THERE.

OH, CUTE.

MENTAL NOTE.

ABSOLUTELY. NEXT WINDOW?

SURE.

OK, THIS SUCKS.

COMPLETELY.

THIS IS THE LEAST AMOUNT
OF FUN I'VE EVER HAD,

BARRING THE TIME WE
WENT TO MUMMENSCHANZ.

OH, THIS IS WAY LESS FUN.

WINDOW-SHOPPING?
WHAT WAS I THINKING?

BUT IT SOUNDS FUN.
IT SHOULD BE FUN.

NOT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, WINDOW-SHOPPING
IS LIKE GOING TO A MUSEUM,

BUT YOU'RE INTERESTED
IN WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT,

AND EVERYONE CAN BUY
SOMETHING EXCEPT FOR YOU.

I'VE MADE SO MANY MENTAL
NOTES IN MY HEAD OF THINGS TO GET

THAT I THINK MY HEAD HAS
ACTUALLY GOTTEN BIGGER.

LOOK AT ALL THESE HAUGHTY
PEOPLE WITH THEIR BAGS,

JUST RUBBING OUR FACES IN IT.

WHAT WERE ROZ RUSSELL
AND AVA GARDNER THINKING?

WHAT MOVIE DID YOU SEE
THEM WINDOW-SHOP IN?

I DON'T KNOW THAT I DID.

I JUST PICKED 2 OLD
MOVIE-ACTRESS NAMES.

I DON'T KNOW THAT I'VE SEEN ANYONE
WINDOW-SHOP IN A MOVIE, EVER.

SO THIS WHOLE OUTING
WAS A HOUSE OF SAND

BUILT ON A FOUNDATION OF STRAW.

HEY, MAYBE IF WE WENT IN
THE STORE, IT WOULD BE BETTER.

WELL, IT WOULD BE WAY BETTER THAN JUST
PRESSING OUR NOSES UP AGAINST THE WINDOWS.

YA, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

NOPE.

WORSE!

MUCH WORSE.

TIME TO PULL THE PLUG, HON.

BUT WHAT DO WE DO?
IT'S STILL MORNING.

WE COULD RIDE THE GLASS
ELEVATOR UP AND DOWN.

OH, GOD, WE'RE SAD.

THEY'VE GOT A MERRY-GO-ROUND.

HMM, IT COSTS MONEY.

RIGHT, AND WE'RE SKINT.

PLUS, D-DIRTY DIAPERS
HAVE TOUCHED THOSE SEATS.

WELL, LET'S JUST GO SOMEWHERE

WHERE THINGS ARE NOT FOR SALE.

LET'S BE RID OF TEMPTATION.

SOUNDS GOOD.

DO YOU SEE HOWARD?

I SEE HOWARD. HE'S
GOT A FRESH BATCH.

I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO HOWARD.

OH, NO. WHAT?

EMILY. EMILY WHO?

EMILY THE STRANGE,
WITH THE BLACK CAT

AND THE BOOTS MADE FOR
KICKING. WHO DO YOU THINK?

GRANDMA'S HERE? ARE YOU SURE?

VERY SURE. WHY ARE WE HIDING?

UM, REFLEX. WE HAVE
TO SAY HELLO TO HER.

WHY? WE'RE 2 SHIPS.
WE'RE PASSING.

IF SHE SEES US HIDING, WE'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN.

SO HIDE GOOD.

LORELAI, RORY!

MOM, HI.

HI, GRANDMA.

MEET ME UP HERE.

OH, WE'RE GOIN' DOWN.

MEET ME UP HERE!

OK.

GO DOWN, THEN MEET ME UP HERE!

RIGHT, COMING.

WE STINK AT HIDING.

HI. HI.

WOW.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
BOTH SWAMPED WITH WORK.

YES, WELL, ROR-RORY
GOT A SPECIAL...

THE CHANCELLOR GAVE ME A...

I ACTUALLY WAS ABLE TO
TAKE A HALF A DAY, TOO.

A HALF A DAY.

AND SO WE'VE, UH, WELL...

JUST TO SPEND SOME TIME...

WE'RE PLAYING HOOKY.

THEN JUST SAY THAT. HOW
LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?

HOUR AND A HALF.
WHERE ARE YOUR BAGS?

WE'RE JUST WINDOW-SHOPPING.

LIKE ROZ RUSSELL
AND AVA GARDNER.

WINDOW SHOPPING?
WHAT'S THE FUN IN THAT?

THERE'S NO FUN IN THAT.

WE'RE THINKING OF SUING
ROZ AND AVA'S ESTATES.

WELL, COME ON. UH, W-WHERE?

SHOPPING. COME ON. PIP-PIP.

MOM, WE WERE JUST LEAVING.

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING.
NOW, COME ON.

I GUESS WE'RE
FOLLOWING MY MOTHER.

SHE'S VERY AGGRESSIVE TODAY.

I THINK THE PASSIVE PART OF HER
PERSONALITY IS PLAYING HOOKY.

COME ON!

COMING!

HEY, DID YOU GUYS
BRING SILVERWARE

OR DRINKING GLASSES OR
ANYTHING FOR THE KITCHEN?

I DIDN'T.

WE HAVE NO BOWLS!
WE HAVE NO CUPS!

BUT WE DO HAVE A HIM.

HIM? HIM WHO?

THERE'S A HIM IN ONE
OF THE CUPBOARDS?

AN EX-HIM, TO BE EXACT.

HE'S BELLY-UP. HE WAS A BIG BOY,
TOO. A BIG, FAT, BELLY-UP BIG BOY.

HEY, WATCH IT. THAT'S MY STEREO!

WE DIDN'T NEED YOUR STEREO,
BRIAN. WE'VE GOT MY STEREO.

WE'VE GOT 3 STEREOS
AND NO FORKS.

WE'RE KIND OF
LACKING IN SHELF SPACE.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SKIP
DISPLAYING YOUR FUTURAMA ACTION FIGURES.

THAT MIGHT OPEN SPACE UP A BIT.

THERE ARE NO CURTAINS
ON THE WINDOWS!

PEOPLE CAN SEE RIGHT IN.

WHAT IF WE'RE NAKED?

PLEASE, NEVER BE NAKED.

I TRY NOT TO BE.

AND HOW CAN THERE
BE NO REFRIGERATOR?

THERE'S NO REFRIGERATOR?

I JUST ASSUMED THERE'D BE ONE!

GREAT, SO IT'S BACK TO
THE MIDDLE AGES FOR US.

LET'S START STORING
MEAT IN STOCKS OF SALT.

IS THAT SOMEONE LOOKING IN?

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A NIGHT-LIGHT.

DUDE, WHEN THE SEX
PISTOLS ROOMED TOGETHER,

NO WAY DID THEY
HAVE A NIGHT-LIGHT.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

I READ JOHNNY ROTTEN'S BOOK.
THERE'S NO MENTION OF A NIGHT-LIGHT.

TOWELS! I DON'T HAVE TOWELS.

I'VE GOT THIS. THIS
IS NOT GONNA WORK.

HEY, WHEN YOU SAID
YOU HAD A BED FOR ME,

YOU DIDN'T SAY IT
WOULD BE BUNK BEDS.

BUT THEY'RE COOL. THE
BOTTOM ONE'S LIKE A FORT.

WE'RE NOT PLAYING FORT.

WE'VE GOT TO START A LIST.

UH, ANYONE HAVE PAPER
OR A PEN, OR MONEY?

DUDE, LOOK,

THIS IS MY SIDE OF THE SHELF.

YOUR STUFF'S ENCROACHING.

IT'S NOT ENCROACHING.

BENDER AND LEELA ARE ON MY
SIDE. PUT 'EM BACK ON YOUR SIDE.

THAT'S NOT BENDER,
THAT'S NIBBLER.

BENDER'S A ROBOT.

ARE YOU REMOTELY
AWARE THAT YOU'RE NOT 12?

THEY'RE ON MY SIDE!

THEY'RE ON MY
SIDE, DUDE. MOVE 'EM.

GUYS, STOP! LOOK DOWN.

THERE'S A WHOLE EMPTY SHELF
THERE FOR YOU TO USE. STOP BICKERING.

BUT WE PUT THAT ASIDE FOR YOU.

WHAT?

FOR YOUR CDs AND STUFF.
YOU NEED A SHELF, LANE.

MMM!

JEEZ, YOU SMEARED MY GLASSES.

THIS IS GONNA WORK,
ONE STEP AT A TIME.

LISTEN, WE SET ASIDE A SHELF
FOR YOU IN THE JOHN, TOO.

YOU DON'T NEED
TO HUG US FOR THAT.

UH, MOM, WHERE'S THE FIRE?

WE HAVE A LOT TO GET THROUGH.

MRS. GILMORE, DID I
KNOW YOU WERE COMING?

NOT UNLESS YOU'RE CLAIRVOYANT.

WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?
WHAT ARE WE NOT LOOKING FOR?

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, LORELAI,
MY GRANDDAUGHTER, RORY.

NICE TO MEET YOU. SAME HERE.

WHAT'S NEW? I
WANT A FULL REPORT.

WE HAVE A CHINA SET THAT
ARRIVED, STILL IN ITS CRATE,

THAT SCREAMS "EMILY GILMORE."

HAND-PAINTED?

DESIGNED IN 1870 FOR THE
SHAH OF PERSIA, THE FINEST.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?

NO NEED. GIVE ME A SET OF 12.

PLUS SOUP TUREENS, SAUCE
BOATS, THE WORKS. WHAT ELSE?

DOREEN.

THAT'S GORGEOUS.

FROM GIORGIO BALDI'S STUDIO
IN VENICE. THEY ONLY MADE 18.

WRAP 'EM UP. RIGHT AWAY.

LORELAI!

WELL, YOUR BRAKE
LIGHTS WERE OUT.

YOU!

YOU'VE GOT RICHARD
GILMORE'S SIZES ON FILE.

PULL THE LATEST BRIONIS IN
AN ASSORTMENT OF COLORS

AND CHARGE THEM TO OUR ACCOUNT.

YES MA'AM. WHAT ARE BRIONIS?

6 MONTHS OF MY CAR
PAYMENTS, PLUS A CAR.

INCLUDE ACCESSORIES AND
3 PAIRS OF LOAFERS, ITALIAN.

THEY SHOULD FEEL LIKE
BUTTER. MAKE IT 4. HELL, MAKE IT 6.

YES, MA'AM.

AND JEWELRY.

ADD AN ASSORTMENT OF JEWELRY
APPROPRIATE FOR A MAN WITH A MUSTACHE.

WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
BRACELETS, PINKIE RINGS? WELL...

AND A MUSTACHE COMB, THE
MOST EXPENSIVE ONE YOU'VE GOT.

I WILL LOOK. EXCUSE ME.

UH, MOM? KEEP UP.

DOES DAD EVEN WANT
ANY OF THIS STUFF?

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS,
LORELAI, SO I CHOOSE WHAT HE WANTS.

EXCUSE ME. YES?

I WANT THIS.

I'M SORRY, THAT'S JUST A
DISPLAY. IT'S NOT FOR SALE.

EVERYTHING IS FOR SALE.

I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.

MOM, DAD DOES NOT
NEED ANOTHER GLOBE.

THEN RORY CAN HAVE IT. SHE GOES
TO COLLEGE. SHE CAN USE A GLOBE.

IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE
THE RIGHT COUNTRIES ON IT.

COME ON. OR CALIFORNIA.

START PICKING!

START PICKING WHAT?

EVERYTHING, ANYTHING!

MOM, WE... WE DON'T
HAVE ANY MONEY.

IT'S ON YOUR FATHER.
BUT, GRANDMA...

SOME HELP, PLEASE.

YOU LIKE HATS?

UH, KIND OF.

THAT ONE. PUT IT ON HER.

OOH!

I LIKE IT. THESE
SCARVES ALL MATCH,

AND OF COURSE
YOU'LL NEED GLOVES.

WE'LL TAKE THEM ALL.

WELL, HEY, SEE THOSE
MARBLES ROLLING ON THE FLOOR?

THEY'RE MOM'S. THEY
SPILLED OUT OF HER HEAD.

I DO LIKE THE CHAPEAU.

DO NOT GET SUCKED
IN! THIS IS CRAZINESS!

IT'S JUST A HAT. IT'S A SYMBOL.

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT'S SYMBOLIZING. RESIST.

LORELAI!

YOU NEED A WATCH. I
DON'T WEAR A WATCH.

DO YOU HAVE A WATCH? NO.

THEN YOU NEED A WATCH. THESE
DON'T HAVE DIAMONDS. WHICH ONES DO?

NEXT DISPLAY.

I'M NOT BUYING A DIAMOND
WATCH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUT IT,

YOU JUST HAVE TO
TAKE IT. I'M NOT TAKING IT.

I'M BUYING YOU A DAMN WATCH!

THAT ONE. WRAP IT UP.

CAN I RETURN THE DAMN
WATCH IF I DON'T WANT IT?

YES, MA'AM. THANK YOU.

ARE YOU KEEPING
TRACK? I LOST COUNT.

SHE BOUGHT ME 4 COCKTAIL
DRESSES, 2 EVENING GOWNS,

AND, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,
8 MAIDS A-MILKING.

SHE ALSO BOUGHT YOU A WEDDING
DRESS WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING.

VERA WANG. WHY
DIDN'T YOU STOP HER?

WELL, HOW DO YOU STOP A
TOP FROM SPINNING AROUND?

THIS IS TOO MUCH.

GIRLS, COME ON. KEEP UP.

MOM. STOP DAWDLING

AND START CHOOSING
SOME SHOES. MOM!

THESE MANOLO BLAHNIKS
WOULD LOOK GREAT ON YOU.

ME WANTS THEM, MY PRECIOUS.

AND YOU TOLD ME TO RESIST.

THAT'S BEFORE I SAW THESE. THESE ARE
WORKS OF ART. THEY SHOULD BE IN THE LOUVRE.

MRS. GILMORE, I'M SORRY, WE ONLY
HAVE 4 OF THE VENETIAN APPLES IN.

IF YOU WANT THE REST,
WE CAN HAVE THEM SHIPPED.

WELL, GIVE ME THE 4 TODAY
AND SHIP THE REST OVERNIGHT,

WHATEVER THE COST. YES, MA'AM.

HEY, MOM, UH, A QUICK WORD.

WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?

WAIT, WAIT. WHAT IS THE RUSH
ON THE FUNNY GLASS APPLES?

THEY'RE NOT FUNNY, AND I
WANT THEM. THAT'S THE RUSH.

BUT YOU'VE ALREADY PUT QUITE
A DENT IN YOUR CREDIT CARD

FOR THINGS YOU
DON'T SEEM TO NEED.

SO?

SO IT'S CRAZY.

CRAZY? YOU THINK THIS IS CRAZY?

OK, MOM... THIS ISN'T CRAZY!

THAT STUPID MUSTACHE IS
CRAZY. THAT'S WHAT'S CRAZY.

AND YOUR FATHER'S JOB IS
CRAZY. THAT'S WHAT'S CRAZY.

HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE SLOWING DOWN,

AND NOW HE'S CLUB-HOPPING WITH
JASON AND HANGING OUT WITH MOBY

AND HAVING SECRET LUNCHES
WITH WOMEN AND LYING ABOUT IT!

CALM DOWN. WHY
SHOULD I CALM DOWN?

ARE YOU ON HIS SIDE? DO
YOU LIKE THAT MUSTACHE?

I'M NOT TAKING SIDES.

I SHOULD GO TO BARS! I SHOULD
HANG OUT WITH MOBY! HE'D HATE THAT.

MOM, I'M JUST SUGGESTING

THAT YOU SLOW DOWN
ON THE SHOPPING.

THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE A WHOLE BIG THING.

WHY DO I NEED TO SLOW DOWN? THIS
IS WHAT I DO, ACCORDING TO RICHARD.

AND HE'S NOT SLOWING DOWN.
HE'S GOT A WHOLE NEW LIFE.

HE'S GOT PENNILYN LOTT, HE'S
GOT DIGGER, HE'S GOT A MUSTACHE!

HE'S GOT ALL THAT,
AND WHAT DO I HAVE?

MAYBE I SHOULD GET A JOB
SO I CAN HAVE MY OWN LIFE.

I COULD SELL SHOES HERE
JUST AS WELL AS EDUARDO.

I SHOULD GET AN APPLICATION.
GET ME AN APPLICATION. GO, GO!

MOM.

I HATE THAT MUSTACHE,
AND HE REFUSES TO SHAVE IT.

MOM, LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BREAK.

WELL, WE DO, AND MY
FEET ARE KILLING ME.

WELL, THEN GET SOME NEW SHOES!

COME ON.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER HERE.

WE REALLY SHOULD
HAVE TAKEN OUR BAGS.

THEY SAID THEY'D HOLD THEM.

I'M TOTALLY TURNED
AROUND. WHERE ARE WE?

YOU'LL SMELL IN A SECOND.

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S THE FOOD COURT.

HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN HERE?

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
TO THE FOOD COURT?

NO.

WELL, WHERE DO YOU
EAT WHEN YOU SHOP?

I LEAVE AND GO TO A RESTAURANT.

WITH THIS VALHALLA OF
INTERNATIONAL CUISINE SO CLOSE?

BUT IT'S CAFETERIA-STYLE.

THAT'S THE FUN.

HERE. BEST TABLE IN THE HOUSE.

IT'S PLASTIC.

PLASTIC IS A VITAL PART
OF OUR BRIGHT TOMORROW.

SOON WE'LL ALL BE
LIVING IN PLASTIC HOUSES.

ON THE MOON. MMM.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WE'RE PULLING YOUR LEG, GRANDMA.

WELL, DON'T DO THAT.

SO WHAT ARE YOU IN THE MOOD FOR?

I DON'T KNOW.

I WANT MEXICAN.

I KIND OF FEEL LIKE
MOROCCAN AND CHINESE.

THE SMORGASBORD? YEAH, COME ON.

WAIT. HERE.

OH, NO, MOE'S MOROCCAN PALACE
DOES NOT TAKE CREDIT CARDS.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

IT'S ON US.

KEEP AN EYE ON HER.

MAKE SURE SHE
DOESN'T WANDER OFF.

THE AD CANNOT RUN WITH THE
COLOR COMPOSITION THE WAY IT IS.

THE DRAWING OF THE
INN LOOKS PURPLE.

YES, I KNOW, BUT I'M NOT
PAYING FOR IT LOOKING LIKE THAT.

UH, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
IT LOOKS AWFUL.

FINE. HAVE HIM CALL ME.

I WOULD LOVE TO SORT IT OUT. OK?

THANK YOU. BYE.

SORRY.

WHAT IS ALL THIS?

IT'S LUNCH. THANKS, LOU.

GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING
FROM EVERYWHERE.

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

WELL, START AT THE TOP
AND STOP WHEN YOU HIT TABLE.

I HAD NO IDEA SO MANY DIFFERENT
KINDS OF FOODS CAME ON STICKS.

WELL, SOME COME ON STICKS,

LIKE THE HOT DOGS AND THE
FRIED CHEESE DIPPED IN BATTER,

BUT OTHERS ARE
TECHNICALLY KEBABS.

WHAT'S IN THE CUPS?

WELL, YOU GOT YOUR
SODA, YOUR ICED TEA,

ROOT BEER, LEMONADE.

I'LL TRY THIS.

AH, ORANGE JULIUS.

A CLASSIC.

OH, MY. THAT'S VERY GOOD.

YOUR FATHER AND I KNOW A MAN

WHO OWNS A COUPLE DOZEN OF
THESE STANDS AS PART OF HIS HOLDINGS.

NOW I CAN SINCERELY
TELL HIM I LIKE HIS PRODUCT.

EXCELLENT.

WE FORGOT NAPKINS.

OH, GET SOME MORE LITTLE
PEPPER THINGIES, PLEASE.

SO DIG IN, MOM.

UM, YOU'VE GOT
SWEET-AND-SOUR PORK AND PIZZA

AND SOME WRAPPED THINGY.

I ALREADY FORGOT WHAT IT IS,
BUT, UH, IT'S PROBABLY NOT HEALTHY.

OK.

OH, AND THERE'S ICE CREAM, TOO.

WE CAN GET SOME
AFTER IF YOU WANT.

ALL RIGHT.

SO HOW LOUD WAS I BACK THERE?

WELL, UH, Y-YOU WERE H-HEARD.

IF I HAD SEEN SOMEBODY
ACT THAT WAY IN A STORE

I WOULD HAVE CALLED SECURITY.

IT'S REALLY OK, MOM.
IT WASN'T THAT LOUD.

IT'S TOTALLY FORGOTTEN.

OH, DO NOT DISTURB. I'M EATING.

WHAT WAS THAT PHONE
CALL YOU GOT BEFORE,

WHEN YOU WERE COMING
OVER WITH THE TRAYS?

OH, IT'S THIS AD WE'RE
DOING FOR THE INN.

THE DRAWING OF THE INN CAME
OUT PURPLE, LIKE EGGPLANT,

LIKE PRINCE CHOSE
THE COLOR. IT WAS BAD.

SOUNDS AWFUL.

WELL, IT WAS THEIR SCREW-UP.

JUST ONE OF THE
MANY JOYOUS THINGS

I GET TO DEAL WITH
ON A DAILY BASIS.

YOU WERE VERY FORCEFUL.

WAS I?

VERY IN COMMAND. I
LIKE HOW YOU HANDLED IT.

WELL, I LEARNED FROM THE BEST.

FROM WHOM?

FROM THE LADY EATING HER
HAMBURGER WITH A KNIFE AND FORK,

THAT'S WHOM.

OH, PLEASE.

I ORDER MAIDS AND SALESPEOPLE
AROUND. THAT'S DIFFERENT.

I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING.

MOM, COME ON. THAT'S NOT TRUE.

RICHARD'S RIGHT.

I BUY THINGS. THINGS
I DON'T EVEN WANT.

IT'S ALL I HAVE.

NO, MOM.

YOU HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY
WHO LOVE BEING WITH YOU.

AND... AND YOU HAVE A HOUSE YOU
LOVE. YOU... YOU HAVE A WHOLE LIFE.

YOU COULD HAVE
A DOG IF YOU WANT.

THERE'S A SWELL PET STORE HERE.

YOU'RE LOSING PERSPECTIVE, MOM.

YOU'RE NOT SEEING CLEARLY.

IF HE WOULD JUST
SHAVE THAT MUSTACHE.

AND THAT'S ALL IT WOULD
TAKE? SHAVING HIS MUSTACHE?

MOM, YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM.

HE'S ALWAYS SO DISTRACTED.

NO. MAKE HIM TALK, YOU NEED IT.

AND... AND MAKE IT A REAL TALK
WITHOUT BICKERING, WITHOUT SNIPPING,

WITHOUT MENTIONING MOBY.

REALLY CLEAR THE AIR.

I GOT PEPPER, I GOT NAPKINS,
I GOT LOU'S PHONE NUMBER.

HE ASKED ME TO GIVE IT TO YOU.

OH-HO, I'M PRIVILEGED.

WHAT DID I MISS?

I WAS JUST ADMIRING
YOUR MOTHER'S LIFE.

OH, I DO THAT DAILY.

OH, GOD!

OH, GOD!

HEY, JOE. HEY, LUKE.

CAN I GET 20 SINGLES OFF YOU?

SURE. IT'S GONNA COST YOU $25.

IT'S CHANGE HUMOR.

I KNOW. YOU DO IT EVERY TIME.

I'LL GET 'EM FOR YOU. THANKS.

HEY, LUKE. HI, DEAN.

WAIT, HOLD ON.

YOU DID GOOD!

YOU'RE SHORT OF YOUR
RECORD, THOUGH, DEAN.

YEAH, I'LL GET THERE.

HE'S THE REIGNING CHAMP
OF EVERY GAME IN HERE.

WOW!

I'M NOT HERE THAT MUCH.

I J-JUST COME AFTER DINNER
SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW.

LINDSAY AND HER MOM KIND OF LIKE ME
OUT OF THE WAY WHEN THEY'RE CLEANIN' UP.

THEY KICK YOU OUT, HUH?

I JUST SLIP OUT. THEY
DON'T REALLY NOTICE.

SO HOW'S MARRIED
LIFE TREATIN' YOU?

GOOD. REAL GOOD.
LINDSAY'S GREAT.

YEAH, SHE SEEMS GREAT.

YEAH. AND... AND HER
PARENTS ARE FANTASTIC.

I MEAN, THEY... THEY
HELP OUT SO MUCH.

LIKE WITH THE CLEANIN' UP.

YEAH, AND HER DAD'S OVER
ALL THE TIME, FIXING THINGS.

LINDSAY'S GOT THIS
LIST FOR HIM TO DO, AND...

GREAT.

THEY'RE JUST THE MOST
UNSELFISH PEOPLE I KNOW.

YEAH, I'VE SEEN THEM AROUND.
HER DAD WORKS FOR THE COUNTY,

DOESN'T HE? HE'S A
SURVEYOR OR SOMETHIN'?

YEAH. OH, HE, UH,
HE... HE USED TO.

BUT I THINK NOW HE... HE...

I... I THINK HE'S, UM...

ACTUALLY, HE... HE
MANAGES AN APARTMENT,

SO HE OVERSEES THE GUYS,

AND HE'S... HE'S
NOT REALLY, UM...

NOT SURVEYIN' MUCH.

YEAH, HE'S NOT
IN THE FIELD MUCH.

YEAH. OK, WELL, I'LL LET
YOU GET BACK TO YOUR GAME.

YEAH. HEY, UH, SEE
YOU LATER, MAN.

THANKS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

TAKING INVENTORY.

WE SHOULD RETURN IT ALL.

MOM'S GONNA EXPECT TO SEE US
WITH SOMETHING SHE BOUGHT US.

WE HAVE TO KEEP SOMETHING.

$700 YOGA BAG?

GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, YES, MY FRIEND, RICH
PEOPLE LIKE THEIR SWEATY MATS

TO HAVE EXPENSIVE HOMES.

WE COULD EACH KEEP
A LITTLE CLUTCH PURSE.

WHAT'S THAT LITTLE
TUBEY ONE FOR?

LIFE SAVERS.

THE CANDY? YEP.

GET OUT OF HERE.

TURQUOISE LEATHER JACKET?

MMM, PASS.

HAIR CLIPS WITH
DIAMOND BETTY BOOPS?

PASS.

TROPICAL-PRINT
EMBROIDERED BIKINI?

NOT ME. LUKE?

THIS IS SICK.

THIS, I'LL TAKE.

OH, NO, I HAVE DIBS
ON THAT. IN YOUR MIND.

I SAID IT IN THE STORE.

I SAID IT, TOO.
AND I CLUTCHED IT.

IT STILL HAS MY CLUTCH MARKS.

THE THING WE'RE FIGHTING OVER IS THE
FREE TOTE BAG THAT CAME WITH OUR PURCHASE.

IT'S A NICE TOTE BAG.

I'M UPSET JUST WATCHING THIS.

THIS IS YOUR WINDOW ON A
WHOLE OTHER WORLD, LUKE,

THE WORLD OF WORTHLESS
RICH-PEOPLE STUFF.

PEOPLE OF MEANS SEE WHAT
THEY WANT AND SIMPLY TAKE IT,

REGARDLESS OF OTHERS.

YOU POUR YOUR OWN
COFFEE? OH, YEAH.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

OH, I'M SORRY, I WON'T
DO IT AGAIN. MMM-HMM.

DOES ANYONE KNOW
WHO THIS IS? NO.

YEAH, IT'S SNUGGLES.

YOU KNOW SNUGGLES?

IT'S NOT SNUGGLES.

IT'S THE DOG THAT
LOOKS LIKE SNUGGLES.

SNUGGLES' OWNER PICKED HIM UP.

NO ONE PICKED THIS GUY
UP, AND HE HAS NO TAG.

YOU HAVE A DOG LEFT OVER?

YOU KNEW SNUGGLES BY NAME?

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
CHITCHAT HERE, PEOPLE!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHOSE DOG IT IS.

ME, EITHER. SORRY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME.

I WAS USING RANDOM SOUNDS,
TRYING TO SEE IF HE'D RESPOND.

PAKU.

GNOCCHI.

NINI.

BLEEBLO.

NOTHING.

SORRY.

I'VE GOT TO PUT UP MORE FLYERS.

SUNNA. LIPDOO.

FUNO.

DOOPNAP.

OH, I'M SO TIRED.

ME, TOO, AND I HAVE
TO GET BACK TO YALE.

I HAD A GREAT TIME
TODAY. SO DID I.

OK. GOOD. AND WE SHOULD MAKE THIS A
REGULAR PART OF OUR WEEKLY SCHEDULE.

SOUNDS GOOD.

SO NEXT TUESDAY?

TUESDAY'S GOOD.

OH, SHOOT, I CAN'T. WEDNESDAY?

UH, SURE. I'LL HAVE TO
CANCEL PLANS WITH JASON.

DON'T CANCEL PLANS WITH JASON.

DUMB ME, I'VE GOT CLASS
THAT NIGHT ANYWAY.

ALL RIGHT, SKIP AHEAD A WEEK.

I HATE THAT WE HAVE TO
SCHEDULE TIME LIKE THIS.

BUT IF WE DON'T, WE DON'T
SEE EACH OTHER, RIGHT? RIGHT.

SO WHAT ABOUT THE WEEKEND?

I'LL BE AT FRIDAY-NIGHT
DINNER AT GRANDMA'S.

GREAT, I WON'T,
NOT THIS ONE. DARN.

UH-HUH.

YEAH.

HEY, YOU WANT PIE?

YEAH.

'CAUSE I'M GETTIN' MY 2ND WIND.

ME, TOO. LET'S HAVE PIE.

HEY, LUKE, WE'RE HAVING PIE.

OK, JUST WAIT FOR
ME TO SERVE IT.

OK.

SHOULD WE BE WORRIED
ABOUT GRANDMA?

OH, I THINK SHE'LL BE OK.

I MEAN, WAS ANYTHING RESOLVED?

ARE SHE AND GRANDPA
GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
THEY'RE A TEAM. THEY'LL BE OK.

GOOD. I LIKE THEM.

I KNOW.

THANKS.

DID YOU DEAL WITH THAT
BUSINESS WITH THE GARDENERS?

NOT YET.

HMM.

WE NEED TO RESOLVE THAT.

THOSE VINES ARE OUT OF CONTROL.

I'LL SEE TO IT.

BE NICE TO HAVE THAT
FINISHED BY THE TIME I GET BACK.

GET BACK? FROM WHERE?

JASON AND I ARE MEETING
SOME CLIENTS IN MANHATTAN.

IT'S SOME NEW PLACE
DOWNTOWN. TRIBECA, I THINK.

IT'S REALLY AN
UP-AND-COMING AREA.

I'LL PROBABLY STAY IN THE CITY,
TAKE THE TRAIN IN THE MORNING.

IS THAT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU?

THAT'S FINE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE?

HMM?

THE APPLES.

OH!

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THOSE.