Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 11 - In the Clamor and the Clangor - full transcript

♪

KLEENEX.

I'M REALLY GONNA MISS STAN.

I KNOW, I'M GONNA MISS HIM, TOO.

HE WAS SO CUTE WITH HIS FEDORA

AND HIS HUSH PUPPIES.

EVERY DAY, THE FEDORA

AND THE HUSH PUPPIES.

YEAH. IF HE JUST WOULD
HAVE ADDED SOME PANTS.

MOM.

I'M SORRY, I'M JUST TRYING
TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD.

'CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T
WANT A DOWNER FUNERAL.

OK, WE'RE BEING SERIOUS NOW.

YOU REMEMBER EVERY
TUESDAY, STAN CAME

TO THE INDEPENDENCE
INN FOR LUNCH?

I REMEMBER.

AND IT WAS A TOTAL WASTE BECAUSE

HE COULDN'T EAT DAIRY,
OR SALT, OR... OR MEAT.

SO HE BASICALLY JUST
CAME IN EVERY WEEK

FOR A SALAD WITH NO OIL,

NO MUSHROOMS.

HE HATED MUSHROOMS.

I HATE MUSHROOMS, TOO.

OH, HERE YOU GO. YOU KNOW,

HE CALLED LAST WEEK AND MADE

THE FIRST LUNCH RESERVATION
AT THE DRAGONFLY.

HE DID?

DON'T CANCEL IT.

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WE'LL SAVE A SEAT FOR STAN.

SAVE HIM A SEAT.

YOU'LL FIND THE MOURNERS'
KADDISH ON PAGE 453.

"MAY HIS ILLUSTRIOUS NAME

BECOME INCREASINGLY
GREAT AND HOLY"

HEY, DID YOU EVER NOTICE
THAT IN STARS HOLLOW,

DEATH COMES IN FIVES?

DO NOT TRY TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD.

I'M NOT. IT'S TRUE.

IT IS?

YEAH. WELL, LAST YEAR,
CHESTER THOMPSON,

SARA MERRIMAN, FRAN,
AND THE DUBLIN TWINS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THE YEAR BEFORE,
CHUCK O'MISHNER,

SANTO PEREZ JR.,
SANTO PEREZ SR...

PERRY LEWIS AND CHARLIE SLATER.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND NOW, PINOCHLE
DOWNS, MR. ANGELOTOPOLIS...

MRS. KRENZ.

AND STAN.

WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S ONLY 4.

IT IS ONLY 4.

THAT MEANS THE 5TH
HASN'T HAPPENED YET.

"BLESSED, PRAISED,
GLORIFIED, EXALTED..."

NUMBER 5 COULD BE IN THIS ROOM

RIGHT NOW.

OH, NO. WHAT?

HANK KRUTZMAN.

HANK KRUTZMAN?

WHY WOULD IT BE HANK KRUTZMAN?

BECAUSE HE'S 110.

HANK'S 110?

NO.

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

'CAUSE THAT'S THE AGE YOU
SAY WHEN SOMEONE'S REALLY OLD.

I DON'T. WHAT AGE DO YOU SAY?

I SAY THE AGE THEY
ARE, OTHERWISE,

I WOULD SEEM CRUEL
AND INSENSITIVE.

FINE. THE POINT IS,
HE IS VERY, VERY OLD.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T
MAKE HIM NUMBER 5.

I DON'T KNOW.

HANK KRUTZMAN.

HE WAS SUCH A HAPPY GUY.

HE HAD SUCH A GOOD LIFE.

HE OWNED THOSE HORSES.

HE LOVED HIS GOLF.

STOP. WHAT?

YOU GUYS JUST EULOGIZED HANK.

HE'S NOT EVEN DEAD YET.

AT THIS TIME,

I WOULD LIKE TO CALL
UP STAN'S DEAR FRIEND

AND FELLOW ROTARY CLUB MEMBER

REV. SKINNER.

OK, BUT IF WE DO
THINK IT'S HANK.

WE DON'T THINK IT'S HANK.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IF WE THINK IT'S HANK,

AND SOMETHING
HAPPENS, AND IT TURNS OUT

TO BE HANK, THEN WE CAUSED IT.

SHE'S RIGHT.

IT'S NOT HANK.

SO LET'S JUST FOCUS ON
STAN BECAUSE HE'S DEAD,

AND WE HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.

FINE. RIGHT.

MY GOOD FRIEND STAN GREEN
LIVED HERE FOR 56 YEARS.

HE LOVED THIS TOWN
WITH ITS FRIENDLY PEOPLE,

CHARMING STORES,

AND BEAUTIFUL CHURCH BELLS.

NOW MANY OF YOU DON'T
REMEMBER THE CHURCH BELLS.

THEY FELL INTO DISREPAIR
ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO

AND HAVE BEEN QUIET EVER SINCE.

BUT STAN REMEMBERED THOSE BELLS,

AND IT WAS HIS WISH
THAT THEY RING OUT

OVER STARS HOLLOW ONCE AGAIN.

SO HE GENEROUSLY
BEQUEATHED THE FUNDS

TO MAKE THAT DREAM COME TRUE.

WE'RE GOING TO RESTORE THE BELLS

IN HONOR OF OUR DEAR FRIEND STAN

AND EVERY TIME THEY
RING, WE'LL THINK OF HIM.

HE WILL BE MISSED
BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.

OH, STAN.

THANK YOU, REVEREND.

NOW, PLEASE JOIN
US IN SAYING GOODBYE

AT THE CEMETERY.

THAT'S SO SWEET.

YEAH. DO YOU REMEMBER THE BELLS?

NO, IT WAS BEFORE MY TIME.

ME, TOO. SOUNDS GREAT.

OH, THEY WERE FANTASTIC.

ONE OF MY MOST ROMANTIC MEMORIES

HAPPENED DURING THOSE BELLS.

YOUR FIRST KISS?

UH, SURE, OK.

OH, NO. HANK!

HANK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OK. HE'S OK. HE'S OK.

THANK GOD.

WE'RE GONNA BE VERY STRESSED
OUT FOR THE REST OF HANK'S LIFE.

SERVES US RIGHT FOR
MAKING HIM THE FIFTH.

HEY, WE DID NOT
MAKE HIM THE FIFTH.

WE DON'T HAVE THAT POWER.

WE JUST SPECULATED.

YEAH, THAT WAS IT. FOR ALL WE
KNOW, ANYONE COULD BE THE FIFTH.

THAT'S RIGHT, IT
COULD BE ANYONE.

TAYLOR OR REGGIE
OR ANDREW OR KIRK.

IT'S GOING DARK!
IT'S GOING DARK!

WE ARE THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

YEAH.

PERFECT.

THAT MIDDLE-A DRUM
ROLL WAS AWESOME!

SO KEEP IT? KEEP IT.

ZACK, YOU SEEM
LESS THAN THRILLED.

YEAH, MAN. YOU LOOK
LIKE MY 7-YEAR-OLD

WHEN SHE'S ALL GRUMPY-PUSS.

LOOK, FAR BE IT
FOR ME TO COMPLAIN.

SINCE WHEN?

DON'T BE A PUTZ.

BUT YOU COMPLAIN A LOT.

I JUST THINK WE'RE A LITTLE
TOO ON THE BEAT, THAT'S ALL.

TOO ON THE BEAT? THAT'S CRAZY.

HOW CAN WE BE TOO ON THE BEAT?

WE SHOULD BE OFF THE BEAT?

HEY, FINE. SORRY
I BROUGHT IT UP.

LET'S JUST PLAY
PERFECTLY ON THE BEAT

AND ADD A LASER
SHOW AND A FLUTE AND

BE PROG ROCK, IF
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT YOU MEAN, ZACK.
SO WE'RE TOO PERFECT?

I THINK.

ARE WE PRACTICING TOO MUCH?

WE DON'T PRACTICE TOO
MUCH, WE'RE JUST GOOD.

I DON'T WANT TO SOUND
ALL FAKE AND COMPUTERIZED.

ALL RIGH? I DON'T
WANT TO BE NSYNC.

NSYNC? WHAT'S THAT?

NSYNC IS ONE OF
THOSE SUCKY BOY BANDS.

OH. I'M ROCK AND ROLL.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT BOY BANDS.

I DON'T, EITHER.

I'VE JUST READ ABOUT THEM, OK?

YOU READ ABOUT NSYNC?

ARE THEY LIKE A GUILTY
PLEASURE FOR YOU OR SOMETHIN'?

HEY, IF WE'RE GETTING
CONFESSIONAL AND ALL,

I KIND OF LIKE SIMON
AND GARFUNKEL.

I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THIS
THING FOR FLEETWOOD MAC,

I'M EMBARRASSED TO SAY.

SARAH McLACHLAN.

SO, NSYNC?

I'M NOT INTO NSYNC!

I JUST READ A LOT ABOUT MUSIC,

AND I'VE READ ABOUT THEM.

AND I DON'T READ, I SKIM.

HEY, AS FAR AS THE BEAT GOES,

WE COULD LOOSEN THINGS UP A BIT.

I MEAN, I KNOW I CAN.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

A LITTLE MORE STONES, A
LITTLE LESS KRAFTWERK.

WELL, ARE WE TAKING A BREAK NOW?

I GOTTA MAKE A CALL.

YEAH, LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

YOU'RE SO MEAN TO HIM.

NO, I'M NOT.

HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHO
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,

AND HE'S SO NICE.

YEAH, I MEAN, HE COMES EARLY,

HE BRINGS SANDWICHES
FROM HIS SHOP.

NEVER AN ITALIAN
SUB WITH PICKLES,

WHICH IS WHAT I
LIKE, I MUST SAY.

I WOULD RATHER YOU
GAVE ME THE HARD TIME,

INSTEAD OF GIL

SINCE I'M THE ONE WHO
LET HIM IN THE BAND.

HEY, WE ALL LET HIM
IN. WE'RE A DEMOCRACY.

WE ALL LET HIM IN THE BAND.

FINE! WE ALL LET HIM IN,

SO WE SHOULD ALL REMEMBER THAT.

YOU GUYS ARE NOT
GONNA BELIEVE THIS,

NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.

XANDER WON HIS SOCCER MATCH?

NO, THAT'S AT 4:00 TOMORROW.

WE, THE BAND, ARE BOOKED

AT C.B.G.B.'S.

WE'RE WHAT?

DUDE, WE HAVE
A GIG AT C.B.G.B.'S.

C.B.G.B.'S IN NEW YORK?

NO, IN HACKENSACK.

JOKE, DUDES. THE
ONE IN NEW YORK.

OH, MY GOD!

GIL, COME ON. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

DUDE, I AM ALWAYS SERIOUS
ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

MY BUDDY PETE WORKS SOUND THERE.

I GOT HIM A TAPE,

HE SLIPPED IT TO THE
BOOKER. BAM! WE'RE IN.

HOLY BAM.

I NEED MY INHALER.

NO, IT'S NOT A GREAT SLOT.

IT'S 1:00 ON A TUESDAY NIGHT.

WHO CARES? IT'S C.B.G.B.'S.

THE RAMONES STARTED THERE.

WOW.

BLONDIE, SONIC
YOUTH, TELEVISION,

TALKING HEADS, THE
LIST GOES ON AND ON.

I SAID YES. IT'S OK TO SAY YES?

I GUESS IT'S OK.

IT SURE IS PRETTY, ISN'T IT?

YES, IT IS.

I LOVE THE FIRST
SNOW OF THE YEAR.

I KNOW, ME, TOO.

ALTHOUGH THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY
THE FIRST SNOW OF THE YEAR.

IT ISN'T? NO.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FIRST SNOW?

I HAD A PHILOSOPHY FINAL.

OH, RIGHT. YEAH.

AND THE SECOND SNOW OF
THE SEASON WAS ON WEDNESDAY.

YEAH, I HAD MY
WALK-THROUGH OF THE INN.

SO ACTUALLY THIS IS THE
THIRD SNOW OF THE SEASON.

FOURTH, THE THIRD
WAS ON SATURDAY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?

BECAUSE IT HAPPENED IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

YOU STILL COULD HAVE CALLED ME.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? YES.

YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU AT YALE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT SO I COULD SAY:

"HEY, DRIVE 20 MILES TO STAND
IN THE SNOW WITH MOMMY?"

YES. AND THEN WE TAKE

THE CRAZIEST MOTHER-DAUGHTER
TITLE FROM JUDY AND LIZA.

SO FOURTH SNOW OF THE SEASON.

YEP. STILL PRETTY.

YES, WE ARE.

BELLS, THEY FIXED THE BELLS.

OH, STAN.

OH.

SEE, IF WE'D TAKEN OUR TRADITIONAL
FIRST-SNOW-OF-THE-SEASON WALK,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE
HEARD THE BELLS.

BLESS OUR OPPRESSIVE SCHEDULES.

I HAVE TO GO DROP
SOMETHING OFF AT LANE'S.

GOOD, BECAUSE I HAVE TO
DROP SOMETHING OFF AT LUKE'S.

WHAT?

I... I'M JUST DROPPING
OFF SOME STUFF

AND A FEW THINGS, AND...

MOM. I NEED COFFEE.

I'LL MEET YOU THERE. HURRY.

WE CAN COME BACK OUT FOR
THE BELLS IN HALF AN HOUR.

ORDER ME SOME COFFEE, A
MUFFIN, AND SOME ONION RINGS.

LOOK WHAT I PASSED ON
TO THE NEXT GENERATION.

EATING HABITS FROM HADES.

LOVE THAT D.N.A.

PURSUE AN INTERVIEW
WITH A DISTINGUISHED LEADER

WITH GREAT INFLUENCE
ON THE COMMUNITY, STATE,

OR NATION.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE
IT SHOULD BE INTERESTING.

WHO SHOULD WE INTERVIEW?

OH, JORDAN?

PASTOR CHO'S AVAILABLE.

UH, YES, PASTOR CHO
WOULD BE INTERESTING

AND CONVENIENT, SINCE HIS HOUSE

IS RIGHT ON CAMPUS.

SO OK, GOOD OPTION
IN PASTOR CHO.

ANY OTHER SUGGESTIONS?

ASSISTANT PASTOR ERIC?

YES, ASSISTANT PASTOR ERIC.

ALSO A FINE IDEA.

HE LIVES NEXT DOOR
TO PASTOR CHO.

WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO
THINK OUTSIDE THE CLERGY?

WHY?

PASTOR CHO DID IT LAST YEAR.

PASTOR CHO DOES IT EVERY YEAR.

SO THEN PERHAPS PASTOR
CHO MIGHT LIKE A REST.

THEN IT WOULD BE
ASSISTANT PASTOR ERIC.

HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA.

HOW ABOUT WE SEND A LETTER

TO BILL CLINTON?

IT'S PROBABLY A LONG
SHOT, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.

BILL CLINTON?

YEAH.

BUT PASTOR CHO'S
EXPECTING OUR CALL.

UNLESS HE'S SICK, IN WHICH CASE

IT WOULD BE
ASSISTANT PASTOR ERIC.

YES, BUT I...

LANE, RORY IS HERE TO SEE YOU.

RORY, HI AND BLESS YOU.

LANE, HI AND THANK YOU.

RORY, THIS IS ANDY, SARA,
JILL, MARLA, AND JORDAN.

NICE TO MEET YOU ALL.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT.

I JUST, UH, WANTED
TO RETURN YOUR BOOK

AND GET ANOTHER.

OH, OF COURSE,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

PLEASE HURRY, THE
TEA IS ALMOST READY.

I WILL.

SO HOW'D YOU LIKE IT?

IT'S GREAT.

I BURNED A COPY FOR MY MOM.

YOU KNOW, IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU

WHO ARE DESTROYING
THE MUSIC INDUSTRY.

OH, NOW, BRITNEY'S GOTTA
SHOULDER SOME OF THE BLAME.

HMM, LET ME SEE.

HOW ABOUT THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS?

SOLD.

IT'S QUITE A LIVELY BUNCH
YOU'VE GOT DOWN THERE.

OH, YEAH, I'M KIND OF WORRIED.

ALL THOSE BREAKABLES.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?

OH, THE USUAL.

HOW TO AVOID ANY CONTACT
WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

HMM. THOSE GUYS MUST REALLY
BE SCREWING UP THE CURVE.

YES. IT'S ANNOYING.

HOWEVER, TODAY,
I COULD CARE LESS

BECAUSE TODAY,
ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT

IS THE GIG. I MEAN,
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I'M ACTUALLY GONNA BE
ON STAGE AT C.B.G.B.'S!

I KNOW, BUT HOW ARE
YOU GONNA GET THERE?

OH, I WILL GET
THERE. AS WE SPEAK,

I AM WORKING ON
THE PERFECT ALIBI.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT SO FAR?

MAMA, MAY I RUN
SOMETHING PAST YOU?

THAT'S IT.

I LIKE IT.

YES, SO I WAS ORIGINALLY
GONNA START WITH

"CAN I RUN SOMETHING
PAST YOU" BUT

I THOUGHT THE "MAY I" ADDED

A CERTAIN LEVEL OF RESPECT.

I AGREE, HOWEVER, YOU NOW

NEED TO ADD AN EXCUSE.

I'VE COME UP WITH LOTS OF, UH,

YOU KNOW, MID-AFTERNOON
AND EVENING ALIBIS BUT

SO FAR, NO 1:00 A.M. ALIBIS.

YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL YOUR MOM

THAT YOU'RE SLEEPING
OVER AT MY DORM.

SHE KNOWS THEY'RE CO-ED.

BY THE WAY, SHE'S
PRAYING FOR YOU.

SO YOU WANNA BORROW
THE NEW SPARKS?

PLEASE.

OH, HOW ABOUT THIS?

TELL YOUR MOM THAT YOU'RE
TAKING AN ASTRONOMY CLASS

AND YOU HAVE TO
GO ON A FIELD TRIP

TO LOOK AT THE STARS.

THERE ARE NO ASTRONOMY CLASSES

AT ADVENTIST COLLEGE.

THAT WOULD IMPLY
THE UNIVERSE IS OLD.

NOT A LOT OF LOOPHOLES
IN YOUR WORLD, HUH?

IT'S OK. I'LL COME
UP WITH SOMETHING.

MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS
BEEN A TRAINING SESSION

FOR THIS VERY EVENT.

I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.

THANK YOU. WAIT!

GETTING A LITTLE SLOPPY THERE.

LANE, YOUR
CLASSMATES ARE WAITING.

SORRY, MAMA.

UM, WELL, I GOTTA GO.
THANK YOU FOR THE BOOK.

BYE, MRS. KIM.

WAIT!

ONE WOMAN'S HARROWING
JOURNEY TO GOD."

GOOD CHOICE.

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

SMART MOVE JUMPING
ON MY BAND WAGON

WITH THE INTERNATIONAL
RELATIONS ASSOCIATION.

LIKE I HAD A CHOICE.

WHAT? YOU DRAGGED
ME HERE, PARIS.

YOU'LL THANK ME
WHEN YOU INTERVIEW

FOR GRAD SCHOOL IN A FEW YEARS

AND FIND THOSE WAIFISH LOOKS OF
YOURS AREN'T QUITE AS CHARMING.

WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

IT MEANS THESE KIND OF CLUBS
LOOK GOOD ON YOUR RESUME.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE LOOKS GOOD?

PASSING YOUR CLASSES.

NO ONE STUDIES MORE THAN YOU DO.

YOU'RE FINE. NOW,
REMEMBER TO ARGUE.

EVEN IF YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO SAY OR ADD, BE VOCAL.

VERY FEW PEOPLE IN LIFE LISTEN

TO WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS ANYHOW.

IT'S ALL ABOUT VOLUME.

CAN I ASK WHY YOU'RE
SUDDENLY SO INTERESTED

IN INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS?

YOU'RE PREMED.

IT'S CRITICAL TO STEP
OUT OF ONE'S MAJOR AND

EXPERIENCE OUR WORLD'S
SWEEPING EXPANSE.

PLUS, A CERTAIN
FELLOW TOLD ME ABOUT IT.

OK, ENOUGH WITH THAT.

OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH.

WHAT?

OUR ADVISOR, PROFESSOR FREEDMAN.

YOU KNOW HER?

OF HER.

HER DAUGHTER WAS BUSTED
LAST SPRING BY NEW HAVEN POLICE

FOR GROWING POT
IN THEIR BASEMENT,

RIGHT DURING HARVEST SEASON.

STRANGELY, IT NEVER
MADE THE PAPERS.

BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?

A CERTAIN FELLOW TOLD ME.

I'VE GOT TO STOP
ASKING QUESTIONS.

LUKE.

YEAH, KIRK.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

I'M NOT SAYIN', KIRK.

WHY NOT?

'CAUSE I JUST TOLD
YOU 30 SECONDS AGO.

MORE LIKE 45
SECONDS IF YOU ADD IN

ALL THE BICKERING.

3:58.

ONLY 2 MINUTES UNTIL THE BELLS.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, I'M FAST.

YOU'RE CRUEL AT TIMES, LUKE.

ONLY WHEN POKED WITH A STICK.

COFFEE, BIG CUP, AND HELLO.

LORELAI, WHAT TIME DO YOU HAVE?

DO NOT TELL HIM.
HE ALREADY KNOWS.

I DO NOT.

IF YOU JUST WAIT FOR THE BELLS,

THEN YOU'LL GET
TO HEAR THE BELLS,

AND THEN YOU'LL
KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

THE OTHER DAY, I STOOD TOO CLOSE

TO THE BELLS, AND
THEY RANG SO LOUD

THAT THERE'S NOW A
PERSISTENT RINGING IN MY EARS.

NOW I CAN'T TELL WHICH
ARE THE CHURCH BELLS

AND WHICH ARE THE KIRK BELLS.

OH, NO. DID YOU
GO TO THE DOCTOR?

YES, HE SAYS I HAVE TINNITUS.

I LOOKED IT UP ON THE WEB

AT "CELEBRITIES WHO
SHARE YOUR DISEASE"

AND FOUND THAT WILLIAM SHATNER

IS LIKEWISE AFFLICTED.

REALLY? KIRK AND CAPT. KIRK?

THE IRONY WASN'T LOST ON ME.

WAS THAT THEM?

RELAX, THE CHURCH
BELLS WILL BE THE LOUD,

OBNOXIOUS ONES.

HMM, SOMEBODY
DOESN'T LIKE BELLS.

NOT EVERYONE LIKES BELLS.

NO. ACTUALLY, THEY DO.

THEY ENJOY THE
CONSTANT INTERRUPTIONS

IN CONVERSATIONS,
THE MONOTONOUS DRONE

OF THE SAME TONES
HOUR AFTER HOUR?

YES, CAN YOU
BELIEVE IT? THESE ARE

THE SAME FREAKS
WHO ALSO LIKE SUNSETS

AND THE MOON, AND THE STARS.

WHAT ARE THE PAINT CHIPS FOR?

OH, I'M JUST DOING
SOME PAINTING.

OH, REALLY?

YOU MEAN, YOU'RE
NOT GONNA COLLECT

AND TRADE THEM
AMONGST YOUR FRIENDS?

WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING?

UH, OUR APARTMENT.

YOU AND I, WE'RE
GETTING AN APARTMENT?

NO. ME AND NICOLE, WE'RE
GETTING AN APARTMENT.

OH. THAT'S GREAT. WHEN?

WHEN WHAT?

WHEN ARE YOU
GETTING AN APARTMENT?

3 WEEKS AGO.

3 WEEKS. YOU MOVED ALREADY?

YES.

HA! UH,

WOW! SO, WHERE IS THE APARTMENT?

LITCHFIELD.

YOU MOVED TO LITCHFIELD?

YES.

3 WEEKS AGO YOU
MOVED TO LITCHFIELD?

YES.

LITCHFIELD IS ANOTHER COUNTY.

YES.

WELL, 3 WEEKS AGO YOU
MOVED TO ANOTHER COUNTY?

W-WERE YOU GONNA MENTION
THIS TO ME ANY TIME SOON?

SURE. WHEN?

WHEN IT CAME UP.
WHEN IT CAME UP.

YEAH.

OK. SO IF I HADN'T ASKED
FOR THE NEXT 20 OR 30 YEARS,

AND I SENT A FRUIT
BASKET UPSTAIRS,

YOU JUST NEVER
WOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT?

IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. OK.

I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE WE TELL
EACH OTHER EVERYTHING.

NO, OF COURSE WE DON'T.

I MEAN, I TORE A PAIR OF
PANTY HOSE THIS MORNING,

AND I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

OH, WAIT. I GUESS I JUST DID.

HEY, YOU KNOW NOW, RIGHT?

YEAH, RIGHT.

LOOK, NOTHING'S CHANGED.

YEAH, NOTHING'S CHANGED,
EXCEPT YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!

SO WHAT?

SO I DON'T EVEN HAVE
YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

I'LL GIVE YOU MY PHONE NUMBER.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU LIVE IN.

AN... AN APARTMENT,
A TRAILER, A BAT CAVE.

A TOWNHOUSE.

A TOWNHOUSE? SURE,
BECAUSE WHEN I LOOK AT YOU,

I THINK "COMMON DRIVEWAY."

IT'S FINE. YOU'LL COME
OVER AND SEE IT EVENTUALLY.

WILL I? WILL I COME OVER?
BECAUSE ME COMING OVER

IMPLIES WE'RE FRIENDS.

WE ARE FRIENDS.

NO. WE'RE NOT.

WE'RE NOT FRIENDS.
FRIENDS TELL EACH OTHER

AT LEAST THE MOST BASIC THINGS

LIKE WHERE YOU LIVE AND
WHEN YOU MOVED AWAY.

I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS,
BUT I GUESS WE'RE NOT.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I CAN'T SAY.

LORELAI!

DAMN BELLS!

OH. THIS IS THE TRAGEDY

THAT RESULTS WHEN YOUR
MOM GOES OUT OF TOWN

LEAVING YOUR DAD IN
CHARGE OF THE CARE PACKAGE.

CLING PEACHES IN LIGHT SYRUP.

THEY MAKE RICE CRISPY
TREATS IN FOIL PACKS NOW.

HOW HARD IS THAT?

OK. WANT YOUR SMILE BACK?

PORK TOP RAMEN.

FOR THAT, YOU SHARE
YOUR CARE PACKAGE.

FINE. MY MOM DOESN'T BAKE,
BUT SHE KNOWS PEOPLE WHO DO.

THIS MAKES GREAT
PACKING MATERIAL.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. THE GUY
OVER BY THE VENDING MACHINE.

2 THUMBS UP.

THAT IS MY FRIEND
JOSH'S ROOMMATE

WILLIAM.

HELLO, YOUR HIGHNESS.

I'M SERIOUSLY
DEBATING A MOVE HERE.

NAKEDNESS TENDS TO WORK.

I MET HIM AT THIS
PARTY THIS WEEKEND.

HE'S PRETTY COOL AND FUNNY.

HE TELLS A STORY ABOUT
A GIRL IN THIS DORM.

SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

SHE COMES UP TO HIM
AND STARTS TALKING TO HIM,

AND HE'S TALKING TO HER,
YOU KNOW, JUST TO BE NICE,

BUT SHE THINKS HE'S
INTO HER OR SOMETHING.

SO, LIKE, 3 SECONDS
LATER, SHE ASKS HIM OUT.

OF COURSE, HE SAID NO,

BUT I GUESS TO HER,
NO DOESN'T MEAN NO,

SO NOW SHE'S SHOWING
UP EVERYWHERE HE IS.

HE CALLS HER, UM,
HIS ADORING FAN.

DID HE SAY WHO IT WAS?

SOMEONE CRANKED UP THE KARAOKE
MACHINE RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT.

SO, NO. NO NAMES.

BUT HIS IMPRESSION
OF HER ASKING HIM OUT,

ALL FLITTY EYELASHES
AND "LOOK HOW HOT I AM"

IS HILARIOUS.

OH, INTRIGUE.
PSYCHO-GIRL IN THE DORM.

I WONDER WHO IT CAN BE.

SO NOW THAT HE
LIVES IN LITCHFIELD,

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

ACCORDING TO LUKE, NOTHING.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE DINER?

OH, HE SAID THE DINER'S
FINE. EVERYTHING'S FINE.

AND HE'S GONNA
CONTINUE WORKING HERE

EVEN THOUGH HE'S LIVING THERE?

YES, APPARENTLY,
HE'LL GO FROM BEING

GRUMPY LUKE TO
GRUMPY COMMUTER LUKE.

LUKE PLUS ROAD RAGE.

THERE'S A HEALTHY COMBINATION.

OH, WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THAT SCONCE?

OH, IT'S TOO BRITISH.

I SWEAR, THAT GUY
SHOULD WORK FOR THE C.I.A.

HE GIVES AWAY NOTHING,
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I HAVE FRIENDS THERE.

WHAT? WHERE?

THE C.I.A.

NO, YOU DON'T.

YES, UH, YOU DIDN'T MEAN THE
CULINARY INSTITUTE OF AMERICA?

NO.

OK, THEN.

OH, WHAT ABOUT THIS?

NO, TOO SPANISH.

3 WEEKS HE'S BEEN LIVING THERE,

3 WEEKS AND NOT A SINGLE WORD.

AND HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS

COMPLETELY INSANE TO BE UPSET.

WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?

TOO GERMAN.

HOW CAN A SCONCE BE TOO GERMAN?

IT'S SHAPED LIKE A KNACKWURST.

IT IS NOT. OH, IT IS. WHY
WOULD THEY DO THAT?

MAYBE I AM INSANE. I MEAN

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, RIGHT?
JUST BECAUSE I GO IN THERE

FOR COFFEE EVERY DAY,
THAT DOESN'T MAKE US FRIENDS.

YOU ARE FRIENDS.

YES, BUT I THOUGHT WE
WERE FRIEND FRIENDS,

AND APPARENTLY WE'RE
JUST COFFEE FRIENDS.

I BUY THE COFFEE,
AND HE'S MY FRIEND.

IT'S LIKE A DOG
AND A LIVER TREAT.

IF YOU HAVE A LIVER TREAT

THE DOG'LL LIKE
YOU. AND THAT'S US.

WHICH ONE ARE YOU? THE
DOG OR THE LIVER TREAT?

WELL, I WAS THE LIVER TREAT,
AND I THOUGHT I WAS A COLLAR

OR AT LEAST A REALLY
CUTE LEASH, AND I'M NOT.

I WANT TO CHIME IN
AND BE SUPPORTIVE,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
NOTHING. NEVER MIND.

OH, I'M COMING, COOKIE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? IS HE HUNGRY?

NO, IT'S THE BELLS.

THE BELLS AREN'T RINGING.

NO, BUT THEY'RE ABOUT TO.

HE'S CRYING IN
ANTICIPATION OF THE BELLS?

HE HATES THEM.

AT FIRST, HE JUST
CRIED WHEN THEY RANG.

NOW HE KNOWS THEIR SCHEDULE.

OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

BELIEVE ME, THE 5:00
A.M.ERS ARE THE WORST.

OH. OH, I KNOW.

POOR THING.

HEY, SOOKIE, LOOK IT'S LUKE.

WHAT'S HE DOING?

HE'S SHOVELING MY WALK.

HE'S GOOD.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

LUKE, YOU MISSED A SPOT.

THIS IS REALLY NICE, LUKE.

HEY, CAN WE FIGHT AGAIN?

'CAUSE I NEED MY
RAIN GUTTERS CLEANED.

YOU THINK EVERYTHING
IS YOUR BUSINESS.

EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.
WELL, HERE'S A NEWS FLASH:

SOME THINGS ARE NOT ABOUT YOU.

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

IF I WANT TO MOVE
IN WITH NICOLE,

IT CONCERNS HER
AND IT CONCERNS ME

AND THAT IS IT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

IT DOES NOT CONCERN YOU.

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I DON'T HAVE TO
TELL YOU ANYTHING!

AND YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT

TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE
I DIDN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING.

I WASN'T TRYING...

I'VE BEEN TYING MY
OWN SHOES SINCE I WAS 4,

I'VE BEEN REPAIRING MY
OWN CAR SINCE I WAS 14,

AND I HAVE BEEN MAKING
MY OWN DECISIONS

SINCE I COULD CRAWL!

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

I OWE YOU NOTHING!

FINE!

NOTHING! FINE!

AND SHOVEL YOUR WALK!

IT IS A SAFETY HAZARD,

AND YOU CAN'T JUST WALK
PAST IT AND IGNORE THE FACT

THAT THE SNOW IS UP TO YOUR ASS!

YOU'VE GOT MY SHOVEL!

I LOANED IT TO YOU 3 YEARS AGO!

WHEN YOU BOIL IT DOWN,

ISN'T THE WHOLE
ISRAELI-PALESTINIAN PROBLEM

A CASE OF SIBLING RIVALRY?

FOLLOW UP.

THE OLD TESTAMENT.
IT'S ALL THERE.

ISRAELIS ARE DESCENDENTS
OF ABRAHAM AND SARAH.

ARABS ARE THE DESCENDENTS
OF ABRAHAM AND HIS MAID, HAGAR.

SO ISRAELIS AND ARABS
BOTH HAVE THE SAME DAD

AND BOTH WANT TO
BE THE GREAT NATION

GOD PROMISED ABRAHAM.

THEY MIGHT AS WELL FIGHT
OVER WHO GETS THE T.V. REMOTE.

BIBLICAL FACTS ARE ACCURATE,
PARIS, BUT YOUR ARGUMENT

DISREGARDS THE COMPLEXITIES
OF THE PAST 4,000 YEARS.

I KNOW, RESEARCH TAKES TIME.

AT LEAST I DON'T WORRY ABOUT
CHEECH GROWING THAI STICK

IN THE REC ROOM.

WHAT? NOTHING.

OK. ANYONE ELSE?

IT'S JUST A POWER STRUGGLE,
NOTHING MYSTERIOUS.

FOLLOW UP?

WHO WINS IN THIS GAME?

IN WHOSE BEST INTEREST IS
IT TO KEEP THE KIDS FIGHTING?

RIGHT. LIKE THERE'S
SOME ALL-POWERFUL ENTITY

MANIPULATING THE ENTIRE
POPULATION OF ISRAEL.

THERE'S A GOOD THOUGHT
PROCESS FOR YOU.

EXCUSE ME? IT'S MORE
COMPLEX THAN THAT.

BUT IF YOU DISREGARD POWER...

THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.

MAYBE IF YOU SAT UP
STRAIGHT FOR A MINUTE

YOU COULD HEAR A
LITTLE MORE CLEARLY.

DECORUM, PEOPLE.

ISRAEL IS MADE UP OF
OVER 6 MILLION INDIVIDUALS,

EACH WITH A UNIQUE
VIEW ON THE SITUATION.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
A UNIQUE VIEW OF A SITUATION,

DON'T YOU?

I GUESS.

BECAUSE PROPAGANDA, AND
THE SPREADING OF BLATANT,

HEINOUS, RIDICULOUS LIES

CAN CAUSE MORE DAMAGE
THAN GUNS, OR BOMBS

OR ANY SORT OF WEAPONRY.

PERSONALLY, IF I'M IN
AN ALLEY WITH OSAMA,

I'D RATHER HE WAS ARMED

WITH A BLATANT,
HEINOUS LIE THAN AN UZI.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

YOU KNOW, YOU DIDN'T LOOK
SCARY WHEN YOU CAME IN HERE.

OH, YEAH? GIVE
ME BACK MY PENCIL.

OKAY, YOU TWO.

LET'S TAKE A COOLING-OFF PERIOD

AND HEAR FROM SOMEONE ELSE.

SARA, YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS.

I'M STARVING.

ORDER A PIZZA.

NO. IT'S SNOWING.
THEY WON'T DELIVER.

THEN GO TO AL'S.

IT'S CURRY NIGHT!

CHINA CHARLIE'S
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.

I HATE CHINESE. SINCE WHEN?

SINCE TONIGHT.

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A 4-YEAR-OLD.

I DON'T CARE. I'M BORED.

THIS IS STUPID.
JUST GO TO LUKE'S.

NO WAY.

OH, COME ON. YOU
GUYS ALWAYS FIGHT.

NOT LIKE THIS.

AND THEN YOU MAKE UP.

NO, I'M NOT GOING TO LUKE'S.

YOU'RE GONNA STARVE TO DEATH.

WELL, FINE. I WILL
STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE

I'M NOT GONNA
REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR.

IS THERE SOMETHING
IN THE FRIDGE?

NOTHING EDIBLE.

THERE'S BEEFARONI.
YOU LIKE BEEFARONI.

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD
FOR BEEFARONI.

MOM, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

I NEED A SUGGESTION.

HAVE YOU READ THE BELL JAR?

AH, NOT FUNNY.

OK. YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

NO, NO. COME ON.

I HAVE TO STUDY,

AND YOU'RE IN YOUR
STUBBORN MOOD.

HEY, I SAT UP WITH YOU
ALL NIGHT WHEN YOU HAD

THE CHICKEN POX.
I HELD YOUR HAND

SO YOU COULDN'T SCRATCH YOUR
FACE AND SCAR YOUR PERFECT SKIN.

YOU LOOK THAT WAY BECAUSE OF ME.

GOOD NIGHT, MOM.

WELL, UH, BUT THE CHICKEN POX.

BEEFARONI. IT'S CALLING YOU.

SHUT UP!

1 AND 2 AND 3 AND 4.

IGNORE THE BELLS.
STAY ON THE BEAT.

THE BELLS JUST
SCREW IT ALL TO HELL.

AND 1 AND 2 AND 3 AND 4.

AND 1 AND...

1 AND 2 AND 3 AND 4 AND...

YOU WANT TO HELP
ME BREAK THE BELLS?

I'LL GET MY TOOLBOX.

I'LL JUST BE A SECOND.

OK.

GOT IT. LET'S GO.

RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

HEY!

SORRY, ZACK. ANYTHING IMMOBILE

IS FAIR GAME. I'M SO HYPED.

ME, TOO.

DID YOU FIND BLONDIE ANYWHERE?

NO, I THINK THEY
REPAINTED AT SOME POINT.

REPAINTING IS SO
NOT ROCK AND ROLL.

YOU HAVE SERIOUSLY
GOTTA STOP THAT.

SUE ME.

HERE ARE THE STROKES!

YAWN. HEY, YOU ALMOST DONE?

YOU'VE BEEN TUNING
FOR A HALF-HOUR.

ALMOST. JEEZ, I'M NERVOUS.

YEAH, YOU'RE
SHAKING LIKE THE POPE.

DO IT FOR ME.

FINE.

SO DO WE GET TO SIGN THE WALL?

OH, WE ARE SIGNING THE WALL.

IT'S THE WHOLE REASON
TO BE IN THE BAND.

THAT AND THE LOOSE CHICKS.

HERE ARE THE STROKES AGAIN.

YEAH, THEY'RE OVER THERE, TOO.

MAN, THEY'RE OVEREXPOSED,
EVEN ON WALLS.

HEY GUYS, UH, BAD NEWS.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUMP YOU.

WHAT? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS YOU'RE BUMPED.
YOU'RE NOT PLAYING.

WE'LL RESCHEDULE, OK?

DRAG!

GUESS I CAN STOP TUNING.

NO, NO, DON'T STOP
TUNING. I DON'T GET THIS.

WHY ARE WE BEING BUMPED?

WELL, THERE'S LIKE 2
PEOPLE OUT IN THE AUDIENCE.

AND THEY'RE BORN AGAIN OR SOMETHING.
AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN DRINKING.

I'LL GET THEM
DRINKING. I'M VERY GOOD

AT WORKING AROUND
RELIGIOUS MANDATES.

OLDER COUPLE?

YEAH.

THAT'S MY PARENTS.
THEY DON'T DRINK.

WE'LL JUST PLAY
FOR BRIAN'S PARENTS.

THAT'S FINE WITH US.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

LOOK, GUYS, IT HAPPENS.

I'M SORRY. WE'RE
PLAYING TONIGHT.

TO AN EMPTY ROOM?

EVERY BAND PLAYS TO
EMPTY ROOMS AT SOME POINT.

THEY CAN BE SOME OF
THE MOST CLASSIC GIGS.

LOOK, I'VE ALREADY
SENT PEOPLE HOME.

THE DOORMAN, THE WAITRESSES.

YOU DON'T NEED THEM.
THERE'S NO ONE OUT THERE.

THE SOUND GUY.

WE DON'T NEED SOUND.

LOOK, IT'S NOT UP TO YOU.
WE'LL RESCHEDULE, OK?

NICE GOING, DUDE.

DON'T DUMP ON GIL.

EXCUSE ME. WE'RE NOT DONE.

WELL, I THINK WE ARE.

NO, WE'RE NOT JUST LITTLE GNATS

THAT YOU CAN FLICK AWAY.

WE'RE PROFESSIONALS. SOME
OF US HAVE GONE THROUGH

A LOT OF TROUBLE
TO BE HERE TONIGHT.

A LOT OF TROUBLE.

THEN YOU HAVE A
LOT OF MY SYMPATHIES.

I NEED A CIGARETTE.

GET CANCER, DARRYL!

WHOA. LANE, COME ON.

YOU GOTTA ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES.

NO, WE HAVE TO PLAY TONIGHT.

WE CAN'T.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PACKIN' UP.

JUST BECAUSE DARRYL SAID TO?

HE'S THE BOOKER.

NO, HE'S THE MAN,

AND ROCK AND ROLL IS
ABOUT SAYING NO TO THE MAN.

THIS IS A LOT OF
TROUBLE FOR NOTHING.

I SAID I'M SORRY.

IT'S NOT GIL'S FAULT.

THEN WHOSE IS IT?

LOOK, YOU GOTTA ROLL
WITH THE PUNCHES, TOO, ZACK.

YOU JUST STEPPED ON MY GUITAR!

WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND?

PRETTY MUCH.

DUDE, GET IT TOGETHER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOUR
PARENTS DON'T DRINK!

WHAT? THEY LOCKED
THE DOOR TO A CHURCH?

ARE THEY SERIOUS?

WHAT IF I NEED TO
DO SOMETHING HOLY?

LIKE COMMIT VANDALISM?

SHE'S SICK OF HEARING
THE DAMN BELLS.

I'M GONNA HAVE
TO BREAK THE LOCK.

NO, WAIT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ALL THOSE YEARS OF
WATCHING HART TO HART

ARE ABOUT TO PAY OFF.

WHAT IS THAT? IT'S MY GYM CARD.

YOU JOINED A GYM? YEAH.

WHEN?

AFTER I HAD RORY, TO LOSE
THE PREGNANCY WEIGHT.

DID YOU GO?

GOD, NO. I WAS WAY TOO FAT.

PRAISE BE TO HIM AND
ALL THE LITTLE LAMBS

THAT FROLIC THE EARTH

WITH THEIR
FRANKINCENSE AND MYRRH...

WILL YOU GET INSIDE?

BOY, WOULD IT KILL GOD TO DUST?

OK, NOW JUST HOLD
THE FLASHLIGHT.

DO NOT DO ANY MOVING,
SPOTLIGHT GAGS,

OR POINT IT AT ME AND YELL:

"FREEZE! DROP YOUR WEAPONS."

HOW ABOUT IF I
SHINE IT ON THE WALL

AND DO A DIRTY
SHADOW-PUPPET SHOW?

JUST STAND BACK

SO THE LIGHTNING
ONLY STRIKES YOU.

SO, UH, WHAT'S THE
GAME PLAN HERE?

PERSONALLY, I WAS THINKING
WE COULD WHACK THE BELLS

REALLY HARD WITH A HAMMER.

UH, YOU DON'T BREAK
BELLS WITH A HAMMER.

OK, I'M OUT. WHAT'S
YOUR PLAN, CLYDE?

WELL, I WAS THINKING
WE COULD JUST

JAM THE TURNBUCKLE

OR WEDGE THE MAIN MECHANISM.

JUST FOR FUN,

DISCONNECT A FEW
OF THE CLAPPERS.

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BREAK EVERY BELL.

IF YOU JUST DAMAGE A COUPLE,

SAY THE TIERCE AND THE PRIME,

YOU PRETTY MUCH RUIN THE SET.

YOU MUST'VE BEEN
THE TOP OF YOUR CLASS

AT HUNCHBACK SCHOOL.

WELL, LET'S SAY YOU COULD
SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE WAITING

FOR BELLS TO FALL
INTO DISREPAIR.

SOMETIMES THEY NEED A PUSH.

NO WAY. YOU BROKE THE BELLS?

YOU'RE WELCOME.

IT'S A LITTLE NARROW UP THERE.

SO WE SHOULD JUST
TAKE THE TOOLS OUT

AND LEAVE THE BOX DOWN HERE.

GOD, THESE THINGS ARE HEAVY.

DON'T YOU HAVE A
SMALLER TOOLBOX?

NO. WHY WOULD I
HAVE 2 TOOLBOXES?

'CAUSE YOU NEED A
BIG ONE AND SMALL ONE.

WELL, IF YOU HAVE A BIG ONE,
YOU DON'T NEED A SMALL ONE.

AND DON'T SAY DIRTY.

IT'S TOO EASY. HOLD THESE.

SO, UM,

WHY WASN'T YOUR TOOLBOX
AT YOUR NEW PLACE?

I NEEDED IT HERE.

HUH?

USUALLY, MOVING
REQUIRES LOTS OF TOOLS,

HANGING THINGS,
PUTTING THINGS TOGETHER.

NICOLE HIRED A
PROFESSIONAL PICTURE HANGER.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO PUT TOGETHER.

HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER.

PHILLIPS OR FLATHEAD?
I KNOW THINGS.

PHILLIPS.

LUKE, HOW COME YOU
TOLD ME YOU MOVED?

I DID MOVE.

YOU MAY HAVE MOVED, BUT
NONE OF YOUR STUFF DID.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

HAND ME THE OPEN-ENDED WRENCH.

LUKE, I WAS IN YOUR APARTMENT.

IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.

NO, IT'S NOT.

I JUST THINK IT'S WEIRD,
YOUR PRETENDING YOU MOVED

WHEN YOU DIDN'T.

I DID MOVE.

LUKE, YOUR BED WASN'T EVEN MADE.

SO?

THERE WERE DISHES IN THE SINK.

THERE WAS SOME KIND
OF SHAKE IN THE BLENDER.

MEGAMAN PROTEIN
POWDER ON THE COUNTER.

REMIND ME TO MOCK
YOU FOR THAT LATER.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING ELSE?

OR BETTER LET'S NOT TALK
AND JUST GET THIS DONE.

DOES NICOLE THINK YOU MOVED?

OF COURSE, SHE THINKS
I MOVED. I DID MOVE.

DO YOU SLEEP THERE?

OF COURSE I SLEEP THERE.

WHEN WAS TTHE LAST
TIME YOU SLEPT THERE?

I LIVE THERE.

SO LAST NIGHT?

YEAH, I HAD AN EARLY DELIVERY,

AND IT DIDN'T MAKE
SENSE TO SLEEP THERE.

AND THE DAY BEFORE?

I WAS THERE FOR DINNER.

AND AFTER DINNER?

NICOLE WAS GETTING A SORE
THROAT SO IT MADE SENSE

TO GO BACK TO MY
PLACE AND NOT GET SICK.

YOUR PLACE?

MY OLD PLACE.

YOU DIDN'T SAY YOUR OLD
PLACE. YOU SAID YOUR PLACE.

WELL, I MEANT MY OLD PLACE.

LUKE, YOU DON'T
LIVE WITH NICOLE.

YES, I DO.

YOU WATCH HER
T.V., EAT HER FOOD,

KEEP STUFF IN A DUFFLE
BAG AT HER HOUSE.

YOU'RE A RUDE GUEST,
NOT HER BOYFRIEND.

HUSBAND. WHOLE OTHER DISCUSSION.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.

DOING WHAT AGAIN?

YOU'RE PASSING JUDGMENT ON
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH NICOLE.

I'M NOT PASSING JUDGMENT.

YOU PASSED JUDGEMENT
ON OUR MARRIAGE.

YOU PASSED JUDGMENT
ON OUR DIVORCE.

NOW YOU'RE PASSING JUDGMENT
ON OUR LIVING TOGETHER.

I'M NOT PASSING JUDGMENT
ON YOUR LIVING TOGETHER.

YOU'RE JUDGING YOUR LIVING
TOGETHER BY NOT LIVING TOGETHER.

I WAS TIPSY ON THAT CRUISE
SHIP, BUT I DON'T REMEMBER ANYONE

PRONOUNCING US HUSBAND
AND WIFE AND LORELAI.

THEY MAY AS WELL
HAVE, BECAUSE I SPEND

AS MUCH TIME WITH
NICOLE AS YOU DO.

AND THE JUDGMENT'S BACK.

I COULD MOVE IN WITH YOU GUYS.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, NONE OF THIS
IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY
MY BUSINESS. HOW?

BECAUSE I WASTED A WEEK OF
MY LIFE ADJUSTING TO THE IDEA

THAT YOU HAD MOVED, ONLY TO
FIND OUT THAT YOU HAVEN'T MOVED.

HOW MUCH ADJUSTING
DID YOU HAVE TO DO?

NOTHING'S CHANGED. I
STILL SEE YOU EVERY DAY.

I STILL COOK YOUR FOOD.

I STILL SERVE YOUR
COFFEE. WHAT DO YOU CARE?

I CARE.

WHY?

BECAUSE I DON'T
WANT YOU TO MOVE.

WHY?

WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME TO MOVE?

LORELAI? LUKE?

OH, THANK GOD. CARRY ON.

PARIS, IT'S 4:00 IN THE MORNING.

HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

AND YOU ALWAYS SEEM
TO KNOW WHAT TO DO.

SO I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY
AND... AND ASK YOU WHAT TO DO.

ABOUT WHAT?

I DIDN'T COME UP WITH ONE.

ONE WHAT? ONE ALIBI.

WHAT?

I COULDN'T THINK OF NYTHING.

LANE?

I SWEAR, I TRIED.

BUT NOTHING I CAME
UP WITH SOUNDED

LIKE SHE'D BELIEVE
IT, SO I JUST LEFT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST LEFT?

I MEAN I WAITED TILL
SHE WENT TO BED,

WHICH WAS ABOUT
9:15, AND THEN I LEFT.

YOU DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE?

NO.

YOU DIDN'T CALL?

I DON'T EVEN THINK I
LOCKED THE DOOR BEHIND ME.

LANE, THIS IS BAD.

I KNOW, BUT I COULDN'T
MISS THE GIG, RORY.

I MEAN, IT WAS C.B.G.B.'S.

I HAD TO GO, AND... AND SHE
WOULDN'T HAVE LET ME GO.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

YOU HAVE TO CALL YOUR MOM.

NO WAY.

LANE, SHE COULD BE
FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T TELL HER.
I CAN'T CALL HER.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
JUST NEVER GO HOME AGAIN?

YOU SAY THAT LIKE
IT'S A BAD THING.

IT IS A BAD THING. A
REALLY BAD THING.

I CAN'T TALK TO HER.

FINE.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING?

I HATE YOU.

MOM, ARE YOU AWAKE? NO.

COULD YOU BE AWAKE?

WHAT'S THE MATTER? LANE'S HERE.

WHAT? WHY?

SHE SNUCK OUT OF
HER HOUSE TONIGHT

AND IS SCARED TO GO HOME.

SHE SNUCK OUT?

SHE HAD SOMETHING TO
DO WITH THE BAND AND...

UH? SHE SNUCK OUT?

YES.

BYE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M CALLING MRS. KIM.

MOM, NO.

RORY, IF I WOKE UP,
AND YOU WEREN'T THERE,

I'D HAVE A FRIGGIN'
HEART ATTACK.

KEEP LANE THERE AND TELL
HER I'M PISSED AS HELL AT HER.

BYE.

HELLO?

HI, OH, MRS. KIM.

IT'S LORELAI GILMORE.

I'M SO SORRY, UM, TO
BE CALLING SO LATE.

AND, UM, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU KNOW THIS OR NOT,

BUT LANE ISN'T THERE.

WHERE IS SHE?

WELL, SHE WENT OUT
TONIGHT, I THINK SHE WAS

J... JUST SCARED TO
TELL YOU ABOUT IT,

BUT SHE IS FINE.

SHE'S WITH RORY AT YALE.

AND, UM, THEY'RE SAFE, AND
THEY PROMISE TO STAY PUT.

GIVE ME THE ADDRESS.

198 ELM STREET,
DURFEE HALL, SUITE 5.

DO YOU NEED DIRECTIONS?

I HAVE A NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEM.

OK, WELL, CALL ME IF
YOU NEED ANYTHING.

LUKE!

HEY, MRS. KIM. YOU'RE UP EARLY.

I JUST WANT TO
TELL YOU THAT LANE

WILL NOT BE COMING
TO WORK TODAY.

OH, YEAH, YEAH. I KNOW.

YOU KNOW?

YEAH, SHE CALLED.

SHE CALLED?

TWICE. SHE LEFT A
MESSAGE LAST NIGHT,

AND SHE CALLED AGAIN

A MINUTE AGO JUST
TO MAKE SURE I GOT IT.

I TELL YOU THAT IS
ONE RESPONSIBLE KID.

SHE CALLED YOU?

TWICE.

SHE CALLED YOU.
SHE CALLED LORELAI.

IS EVERYTHING OK?

EVERYTHING'S FINE.

WELL, YEAH. I'M GOING HOME.

OK.

LET'S NOT STRAY TOO FAR
FROM THE COFFEE CART.

I CAN BARELY FEEL
MY FEET THIS MORNING.

THE FLOOR WASN'T
TOO COMFORTABLE, HUH?

NO, IT WAS FINE TILL
PARIS CAME HOME

AND STEPPED ON MY FACE.

THE STEPPING ON MY
FACE WASN'T COMFORTABLE.

WELL, AT LEAST PARIS
DOESN'T TEND TO WEAR HEELS.

WHERE WAS SHE SO LATE?

I DON'T KNOW.

PARIS' BUSINESS
IS PARIS' BUSINESS.

I WISH I LIVED IN A DORM.

HAVE YOU CALLED YOUR MOTHER YET?

NO.

WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE
THE LONGER YOU WAIT,

THE EASIER IT'S GOING TO BE.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE DIDN'T JUST SHOW UP

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT, KICK DOWN THE DOOR,

DOUSE THE PLACE WITH HOLY WATER.

MAYBE SHE WANTED A
CHANCE TO COOL OFF.

NO, THAT'S YOUR MOTHER.

MY MOTHER'S THE
KICKER AND THE DOUSER.

NO. MRS. KIM IS
SENDING A MESSAGE.

WHAT MESSAGE IS THAT?

THE MESSAGE IS,
"YOU MESSED UP, KID,

"AND NOW YOU GET
TO SIT THERE AND PANIC

"ABOUT WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT,

"AND WHILE YOU'RE PANICKING
ABOUT WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT,

"YOU GET TO FIND
YOUR OWN WAY HOME

"CAUSE THE MRS. KIM
SHUTTLE-VAN SERVICE

IS CLOSED FOR BUSINESS."

SO IT'S A WORDY MESSAGE.

EVERYTHING'S SO SCREWED UP.

MY LIFE. EVERYTHING I'M DOING.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

IT IS THAT BAD. I
MEAN, LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT WHERE YOU ARE,
LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE.

I'M SO JEALOUS. YOU HAVE A LIFE.

YOU HAVE A LIFE, TOO.

YEAH, JUST NOT A VERY GOOD ONE.

LANE, COME ON. YOU'RE HEALTHY.

YOU HAVE A BAND AND A BOYFRIEND.

AND SO WHAT IF SCHOOL IS BORING?

YOU WON'T BE IN SCHOOL FOREVER.

YOU HAVE A GOOD LIFE.

I'M WEAK. I HAVE NO SPINE.

IF YOU HAD NO SPINE,
YOU'D BE WALKING FUNNIER.

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
LETTING ME CRASH HERE LAST NIGHT.

OF COURSE. ANYTIME.

I GOTTA GET GOING.

OH, HEY, DO YOU WANT TO
WAIT TILL THIS AFTERNOON?

I CAN GIVE YOU A RIDE HOME
WHEN I'M DONE WITH CLASSES.

NO, I HAVE TO GET HOME.

I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THIS.

OK, COME ON.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

I CAN'T SEND YOU
HOME TO MRS. KIM

WITHOUT A PURSE FULL
OF MINI DOUGHNUTS.

YOU KNOW, I BELIEVE THAT'S HOW

MOTHER TERESA GOT STARTED.

REALLY? I HEARD
IT WAS PIXY STIX.

HEY, IT'S MADELEINE ALBRIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DO NOT APPRECIATE
YOU CALLING ME THAT.

IN FACT, I DON'T APPRECIATE
YOU TALKING TO ME

OR ABOUT ME AT ALL. FINE.

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN
TELLING A STORY.

WHAT STORY?

THE LAUNDRY-ROOM STORY.

REMEMBER THE LAUNDRY ROOM?

MACHINES, RINSE CYCLE...

I ASKED YOU TO GET
COFFEE. THAT'S IT.

I DID NOT ASK YOU
TO GET MARRIED,

OR SAY THAT I LOVED YOU,

OR ASK TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN.

AND I'M NOT STALKING YOU. IT
WAS A COMPLETE COINCIDENCE

THAT I HAPPEN TO
GO ON TO A MEETING

THAT YOU HAPPENED TO BE IN.

I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE THERE.

AND IT'S HARD TO ASK SOMEONE OUT

AND... AND IT PUTS YOU

IN AN INCREDIBLY
VULNERABLE POSITION.

SO IT'S CRUEL TO
USE THAT INCIDENT

AS A FUNNY COCKTAIL STORY.

SO FROM NOW ON, I
WOULD APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU WOULD
REFRAIN FROM TELLING

THE HILARIOUS
LAUNDRY-ROOM INCIDENT

TO ANYONE, ANYWHERE EVER AGAIN.

I WASN'T TALKIN' ABOUT YOU.

WHAT?

THERE WAS THIS GIRL
FROM THE 3RD FLOOR.

SHE ASKED ME OUT LIKE 100 TIMES.

SHE FOLLOWED ME TO CLASS.

SHE BAKED ME A CAKE
EVERY DAY FOR A MONTH.

THEN SHE SNUCK IN MY WINDOW

AND HID IN MY CLOSET

COVERED IN WHIPPED CREAM.

OH, WELL, THAT IS
SORT OF EXTREME.

I DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY
ABOUT THE LAUNDRY ROOM.

WELL, GOOD.

UM, DO YOU THINK
THAT YOU COULD MAYBE

NOT TELL ANYONE
THIS STORY, ALSO?

BECAUSE, UH, THAT
WOULD BE GREAT. THANKS.

IS THIS ALL?

THAT'S ALL.

I'M SORRY.

ABOUT WHAT?

I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

I DON'T WANT TO KEEP
SECRETS FROM YOU.

YOU DON'T?

MY BAND HAD THIS AMAZING CHANCE

TO PLAY THIS REALLY
FAMOUS CLUB LAST NIGHT,

AND I DIDN'T KNOW HOW
TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T
APPROVE. YOU WOULDN'T APPROVE

OF ME BEING IN THE BAND

OR THE MUSIC WE WERE PLAYING.

AND I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE
WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE SAID

IF I'D ASKED YOU
TO LET ME STAY OUT

TILL 4:00 IN THE MORNING.

I WOULD HAVE SAID NO.

WELL, THEN I GUESS

I COULD HAVE
IMAGINED IT AFTER ALL.

HOW LONG?

HOW LONG WHAT?

HOW LONG THIS?

I STARTED IT WHEN I WAS 6.

THE DAY YOU TOLD ME
THAT THE COOKIE MONSTER

WAS ONE OF THE 7 DEADLY SINS.

GLUTTONY.

YES, GLUTTONY.

SO I MADE YOU DO THIS?

NO, I JUST...

I WANT TO PLEASE YOU
SO BADLY, BUT I CAN'T.

I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.

LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED
LAST NIGHT. IT'S NOT GOOD.

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING LIKE THIS

TO EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I'VE BEEN THINKING
A LOT ABOUT THIS,

OUR SITUATION,

AND I THINK I'VE
FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.

YOU HAVE?

I DON'T WANT TO GO

TO SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST
COLLEGE ANYMORE.

I WANT TO BE ABLE
TO PLAY WITH MY BAND.

I WANT TO BE A DRUMMER.

I WILL HAPPILY GO TO
COMMUNITY COLLEGE,

AND I WILL HAPPILY LIVE AT HOME

AND ADHERE TO YOUR
CURFEW, EXCEPT ON THE NIGHTS

WHEN THE BAND
PLAYS OR PRACTICES.

THIS WAY, I CAN GET WHAT I WANT,

AND I WON'T BE LYING TO
YOU OR SNEAKING AROUND.

THIS WAY, WE CAN BOTH BE HAPPY.

CHILDREN DO NOT MAKE THE RULES.

YOU MAY MOVE OUT,

AND LIVE LIKE THAT
SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I THINK YOU HANDLED
THAT VERY WELL.

I WAS SO HUMILIATED.

YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

HOW SELF-CENTERED AM I

THAT I JUST ASSUMED THAT
HE WAS TALKING ABOUT ME?

OH, I WOULD HAVE
ASSUMED THE SAME THING,

SO, INCREDIBLY SELF-CENTERED.

ALL I KNOW IS I
CAN'T SHOW MY FACE

IN INTERNATIONAL
RELATIONS CLUB AGAIN,

OR THE LAUNDRY ROOM,

OR THE DINING ROOM, OR ANYWHERE.

OH, HEY, IF THAT NUT JOB WHO JUMPED
OUT OF HIS CLOSET REDDI-WIPPED

IS STILL HANGING AROUND,
I THINK YOU'RE FINE.

HEY, IT'S 4:00. SO?

WHERE ARE THE BELLS?

THEY, UH, STOPPED.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW.

THEY JUST HAVEN'T
BEEN WORKING ALL DAY.

OH, TOO BAD.

YEAH. AIN'T IT, THOUGH?

SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR.
CALL ME TOMORROW?

YOU BET.

YOU OK?

YEAH, WHY?

YOU JUST SOUND A
LITTLE DISTRACTED.

DO I? NO, I'M GOOD.

I JUST DIDN'T GET MUCH
SLEEP LAST NIGHT. THAT'S ALL.

OK. SEE YOU LATER.

BYE.

HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK.