Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 10 - The Nanny and the Professor - full transcript
Luke hires Lane to help out at the diner. Rory isn't happy Paris is dating her new teacher. Lorelai and Jason decide to keep their relationship from her parents at least for now and Michel, out of jealousy babysits Davey.
IT'S CULS-DE-SAC.
NO WAY!
IT IS.
THE PLURAL OF CUL-DE-SAC
IS CULS-DE-SAC? YUP.
THIS DOESN'T EVEN
SOUND LIKE ENGLISH.
THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S FRENCH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
I HATE TO BE THE
BEARER OF BAD NEWS.
WORDS SHOULD SOUND
RIGHT TO BE RIGHT.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.
SO, WHAT? THE PLURAL
OF YO-YO IS YOS-YO?
YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT
SOUNDS SO NATURAL.
AS NATURAL AS CULS-DE-SAC.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HEY, WHEN DID LANE
START WORKING HERE?
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.
SHE FILLED OUT AN APPLICATION,
LUKE BROUGHT HER IN FOR AN INTERVIEW.
AN INTERVIEW? SO OFFICIAL.
YEAH, THEY SAT IN COMPLETE
SILENCE FOR A FULL 5 MINUTES.
THEN LUKE SAID, "HOW YOU DOING?"
AND SHE SAID, "GOOD."
THEN HE GAVE HER THE JOB.
WHAT DO WE GET OUT OF
THIS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE GOT SOMEONE ON THE
INSIDE, A FRIEND OF OURS.
AND OUT OF IT, WE COULD GET...
SECRET THINGS HE KEEPS THERE.
HIS SHOWGIRL COSTUME.
EXTRA JELLY PACKETS, BUTTER,
DISCARDED DAY-OLD BREAD.
BUT WE GET THAT WHEN
WE GO DUMPSTER DIVING.
THIS WILL BE EASIER
ON OUR SHOES.
HEY, LUKE. LOOK AT THIS.
WHO? LANE? SHE'S SUPER WAITRESS.
ABLE TO LEAP TALL
PANCAKES IN A SINGLE BOUND.
OR IS THAT PANSCAKE? VERY FUNNY.
IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK OUT.
OH, WHY NOT? SHE'S SO GOOD.
SHE'S TOO GOOD. OH, CALM DOWN.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE
WHY SHE TOOK THE JOB.
I MEAN, I TOTALLY
BLEW THE INTERVIEW.
YOU WERE NERVOUS.
HEY, GUYS. YOU GOT THIS, LUKE?
YEAH, I GOT IT.
CAESAR, I NEED
THAT ENGLISH MUFFIN.
WHEN THERE WAS A LULL, SHE CLEANED
THE MENUS WITHOUT BEING ASKED.
DO YOU MEAN MENSU? STOP IT.
THIS ISN'T CHALLENGING
ENOUGH. SHE'LL GET BORED.
BUY HER A CHEMISTRY
SET. OR A FOOSBALL TABLE.
I SHOULD FIND SOMETHING TO DO.
HAVING HELP IS STRESSING HIM.
SO, NOW, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO
GET BACK TO CAMPUS SO EARLY?
CLASSES DON'T START
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
YEAH, I HAVE A LOT
OF STUFF TO DO.
IT'LL BE NICE AND QUIET
WITH NO ROOMMATES AROUND.
WHERE ARE THE ROOMSMATE?
UM, JANET'S MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING,
TANNA'S HOME,
AND PARIS WENT SKIING
WITH HER BOYFRIEND.
SO YOU'RE JUST IGNORING
THE PLURAL THING NOW? YEAH.
YOU HAVEN'T MENTIONED
PARIS' BOYFRIEND IN A WHILE.
EVERYTHING GOOD THERE?
YEAH.
WHAT? SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT?
UM, WELL, THERE'S THE
WEIRDNESS OF BOTH OF THEM BEING
REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL
AND HE'S MILES AWAY AT
PRINCETON, BUT THEY'RE GOOD.
UM, SHE CALLED ME
FROM THE SLOPES
AND THEY SOUNDED LIKE
THEY WERE HAVING A BLAST.
EGGS SCRAMBLED, CEASER.
HEY, LUKE, COFFEE IN
THE CORNER. RIGHT, SORRY.
BOY, MAYBE THIS LANE-LUKE
TEAM ISN'T GOING TO WORK OUT.
YEAH.
WHERE DO YOU THINK LUKE WILL GO?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE A
BIG CHAIN WILL TAKE HIM ON.
WONDER IF HE HAS
A FORKLIFT LICENSE.
HE COULD REDEEM RECYCLABLES.
YOU MEAN RECYCSABLE?
♪
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
YOU PROMISE?
YES, THIS IS IN AND OUT,
PICK A MOLDING FOR THE PUBLIC
AREAS, MEETING ADJOURNED.
NO FOOD SAMPLING.
IT'S NOT ON THE AGENDA.
I HAVE NOT SEEN
SOOKIE ONCE THIS MONTH
WHEN SHE HAS NOT GREETED ME
BY SHOVING SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH.
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS
FOOD EVERY TIME?
YOU CAN JOKE, BUT SO LONG
AS SUPER-LOW-RISE JEANS
ARE THE FASHION FOR MEN,
I MUST STAY TRIM OR DIE.
COME ON IN!
HOW LOW ARE WE TALKING HERE?
I'VE HAD TO WAX.
SUBJECT OVER.
HI, OH! AHA.
AH, OOH, THIS IS NICE.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE,
TOO. LITTLE PRICEY.
IT'S AMAZING HOW WE
ALWAYS PICK THE PRICEY.
SO, YOU GUYS WANT
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
NO.
I MADE HOT WATER FOR TEA.
TEA?
YOU LIKE EARL GRAY, RIGHT?
IF YOU HAVE SOME.
I HAVE IT ALL READY. EARL GRAY.
THANK YOU.
AND TRY THIS PIZZELLE.
I KNEW IT! DELIGHT.
THIS IS A TASTING.
I JUST NEED YOUR OPINION.
WELL, MY OPINION IS YOU'RE TRYING
TO FATTEN ME OUT OF A LOVE LIFE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE CELIBATE.
NOT BY CHOICE.
YOU WOKE UP DAVEY, BIG MOUTH.
YOU WANT TO GO CHECK ON HIM?
HE'LL BE HERE IN A SECOND.
HE'S 2 MONTHS AND
ALREADY WALKING?
I'M MISSING THE BIG MOMENTS.
TOBIN!
TOBIN?
HI. AND I'M HIGH AROUND
THIS LITTLE THING.
HE'S SUCH AN ANGEL.
HELLO, LITTLE BOOBY.
DID THAT MEAN OLD
MICHEL WAKE YOU UP?
I'M BEING PUNKED. I
KNOW I'M BEING PUNKED.
ISN'T THIS GREAT, WITH THE
WHOLE TEAM BACK TOGETHER?
I'M ECSTATIC. DID YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
I HEARD THAT TOBIN WAS BACK,
BUT I DIDN'T HEAR YOU WERE THE...
BABY'S NANNY?
JUST TILL SOMETHING MORE
PERMANENT COMES ALONG.
DAVEY FELL FOR THIS GUY
LOCK, STOCK AND BARREL.
IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.
WELL, MY WHOLE LIFE IS KIDS.
I HAVE 11 NIECES AND NEPHEWS.
WOW! HOW JOYOUS FOR YOU.
NOW, TOBIN, WE
HEARD YOU'D MOVED.
YES. RIGHT AFTER THE
OLD INN BURNED DOWN.
I MOVED TO UTAH BECAUSE I HEARD
THERE WAS LOTS OF JOB OPPORTUNITIES
FOR INDUSTRIOUS MORMONS.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A MORMON.
I WASN'T, SO I BECAME ONE.
THE PAPERWORK TOOK WEEKS.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THE ALCOHOL THING.
THEY FAMOUSLY ABSTAIN.
NO COFFEE EITHER.
THE CHOIR'S FABULOUS, BUT THEN
THERE'S THE FUNNY UNDERWEAR.
IT DIDN'T LAST.
THEN HE CALLED ME FROM
THE ROAD AND SUGGESTED THIS.
HOW WONDERFUL.
OH, I SEE YOU'RE
TRYING THE PIZZELLES.
ARE THEY NOT PIECES OF HEAVEN
SHAPED LIKE COOKIES?
WONDERFUL.
YOU KNOW, THEY'D BE PERFECT FOR
BREAKFAST, TOO, WITH CAPPUCCINO.
I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THEM
FOR BREAKFAST. GREAT IDEA.
IT OCCURRED TO ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD SERVE THEM
ON THAT GREEN PLATTER WE BOUGHT.
THE COLORS WOULD
JUXTAPOSE NICELY.
YOU WENT SHOPPING TOGETHER?
YES, I TURNED SOOKIE ON TO A PLACE
THAT SELLS HARD-TO-FIND KITCHENWARE.
OH, AND I FOUND SOME WEBSITES I'D
LIKE TO RECOMMEND TO YOU, LORELAI.
I SPENT A LOT OF TIME
ONLINE WHEN I WAS A MORMON.
THERE WASN'T MUCH ELSE TO DO.
EXCUSE ME, IS THIS NOT AN INN
MEETING FOR INN EMPLOYEES ONLY?
SHH. IT'S OK, LITTLE BABY.
I THINK YOUR VOICE HITS A
PITCH THAT HURTS HIS EARS.
MY VOICE HAS THE SAME
PITCH AS ANYONE ELSE'S.
MICHEL HATES BABIES.
I DO NOT HATE BABIES.
WELL, BABIES HATE YOU.
THEY DO NOT HATE ME.
LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS WE
HAVE LIMITED TIME TOGETHER
THE 3 OF US, AND WE
CANNOT AFFORD TO WASTE IT
THE 3 OF US, AND
HE'S CUTTING IN.
MICHEL, I'M NOT CUTTING IN.
BUT THE FACT IS, WHEREVER
SOOKIE GOES, THE BABY GOES
AND WHEREVER
THE BABY GOES, I GO.
IT'S MY JOB.
WE EVEN MADE A
LITTLE JOKE EARLIER.
"THE BABY HAS A MEETING TODAY."
I LOVE THIS.
WE DO, TOO.
WOULD YOU LIKE A
CUP OF TEA, TOBIN?
JUST A LITTLE LAPSANG
OOLONG, PLEASE.
YOU KNEW THAT? YES, I DID.
COME ON!
EVERYONE DOES.
DID YOU? OF COURSE I DID.
SO EVERYONE IN THE
ENTIRE WORLD KNEW
THE PLURAL OF CUL-DE-SAC
WAS CULS-DE-SAC?
YES.
OK. SO MARIAH CAREY'S
OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS
AND SHE'S HAD A
COUPLE OF COCKTAILS.
SHE GLANCES DOWN
FROM THE ROOF AND SAYS:
"OH, LOOK AT ALL
THOSE CULS-DE-SAC?"
WHY ARE THEY ON THE
ROOF? IT'S A ROOFTOP BAR.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
SAYING IT? CUL-DE-SACS.
AND NO ONE EVER CORRECTED YOU?
NO, BECAUSE THAT'S
THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
EVEN IF IT ISN'T
TECHNICALLY CORRECT,
IT SHOULD BE
PRONOUNCED THAT WAY.
MOM, MOM, JUST LET IT GO.
I WILL NEVER LET THIS GO.
IS THERE A DESSERT?
YES, WE HAVE A SPECIAL
SURPRISE FOR YOU FOR DESSERT.
WE BROUGHT IT BACK
FROM SWITZERLAND.
WE'RE GETTING A MOUNTAIN GOAT?
THIS IS BETTER THAN A GOAT.
LET'S GO TO THE LIVING ROOM.
DESSERT FROM SWITZERLAND.
THE LAND OF CHOCOLATE. YUM.
YOU TWO ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.
IS IT AS GOOD AS TOBLERONE?
OH, IT'S BETTER THAN TOBLERONE.
OH, WOW.
WHAT IS THAT?
IT'S MARZIPAN.
MARZIPAN?
THE FINEST MARZIPAN IN ALL OF
EUROPE, MADE BY CLOISTERED NUNS.
WE TOURED THEIR CLOISTER. IT WAS
RIGHT OUT OF THE SOUND OF MUSIC.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE
CHOCOLATE? WHAT CHOCOLATE?
YOU COMPARED IT TO
TOBLERONE. THAT'S CHOCOLATE.
YOU BROUGHT UP TOBLERONE.
I JUST SAID IT WAS BETTER
THAN THAT BECAUSE I THINK IT IS.
MARZIPAN IS CANDY.
YOU LIKE CANDY.
MARZIPAN IS NOT CANDY.
IT IS A UNIQUE
SUBSTANCE UNTO ITSELF,
LIKE VELVEETA OR PLUTONIUM.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING
TO TRY IT? I'LL PASS.
I'LL TRY SOME, GRANDMA.
TAKE THE ONE WITH THE
LITTLE PIG ON IT. OH, THANK YOU.
WE GOT THE PIGS FOR YOU AND
THE BUNNY FOR YOUR MOTHER.
YOU GOT ME BUNNIES?
THEY'RE FOR WHOMEVER NOW.
WELL, NO. I'LL TRY A BUNNY.
DON'T FORCE YOURSELF.
I AM NOT. I WANT A
BUNNY. GIVE ME A BUNNY.
DELICIOUS.
THOSE NUNS KICK YOU-KNOW-WHAT.
NOW, WHO CAN THAT BE?
IT'S PROBABLY JASON.
HE SAID HE MIGHT DROP SOMETHING
BY ON HIS WAY BACK FROM THE AIRPORT.
IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER?
HE WON'T BE HERE LONG.
HE'S PROBABLY EXHAUSTED.
THE FLIGHT FROM
AUSTRALIA IS DRAINING.
JASON, WELCOME BACK.
OH, I DIDN'T MEAN TO
INTERRUPT YOUR EVENING.
OH, NOT AT ALL.
UM, YOU LOOK FIT.
LOOK HOW FIT HE LOOKS, EMILY.
HE LOOKS VERY FIT. HELLO, JASON.
EMILY.
YOU'VE MET LORELAI AND RORY.
YES, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
SAME HERE. HI.
RICHARD, HERE ARE THE PAPERS, AND
THEY DO NOT NEED TO BE NOTARIZED.
OH, THAT'S A HUGE
HELP. TERRIFIC.
SO, UH, MOM, MAYBE
OUR GUEST WOULD, UM...
OH, JASON, WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME MARZIPAN?
WOULD I? I LOVE MARZIPAN.
TAKE AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE AND
PUT SOME EXTRA INTO A NAPKIN
JUST NOT THE ONE LORELAI
SPAT HER PIECE INTO.
MMM. DELICIOUS.
MMM-HMM. MMM-HMM.
OH, I'LL BE GOING. MMM-HMM.
IT WAS GOOD TO SEE
YOU ALL AGAIN. OH, HERE.
NO, NO, RICHARD, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO SEE ME OUT.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN
HIKING THE WHOLE TIME.
HE LOOKS WONDERFUL.
EXCUSE ME. I JUST HAVE
TO FRESHEN UP MY HAIR.
BE RIGHT BACK.
HAVE YOU SWALLOWED
YOUR MARZIPAN YET?
MMM-HMM.
MMM-MMM.
HELLO?
UM, SO, YOU'RE BACK.
UH, I AM NO HOLOGRAM.
AUSTRALIA WAS GOOD?
VERY GOOD. HOT.
YOU TIE YOUR
WALLABY DOWN, SPORT?
NO, I JUST DRANK A LOT OF BEER
AND THOUGHT ABOUT YOU A LOT.
THAT'S VERY SWEET.
SO, WHEN ARE WE
GETTING TOGETHER AGAIN?
WHEN DO YOU WANT? HOW ABOUT NOW?
MMM, TOO SPONTANEOUS.
HOW ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT?
FOR WHAT? DINNER, ET CETERA.
SOUNDS GOOD, ET CETERA.
I'LL CALL YOU. OK.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO WITH YOUR MARZIPAN?
UH, I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT
I'D DUMP THEM ON THE ROAD,
BUT IS THAT
ENVIRONMENTALLY SOUND?
I DON'T THINK
MARZIPAN BIODEGRADES.
I'LL JUST SERVE IT TO
THE CLIENTS I DON'T LIKE.
WELL, BYE.
I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY.
ALMOST DONE WITH YOUR
RADIATOR, YOUNG LADY.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
YOU WERE SMART.
YOU COME BACK EARLY,
YOU BEAT THE RUSH.
I JUST WANTED TO
GET A JUMP ON THINGS.
I LIKE THE CAMPUS WHEN IT'S
KIND OF EMPTY LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW.
ALL QUIET.
SNOW'S PRETTY, TOO.
YEAH, VERY PRETTY.
THERE'S SOMETHING VERY
MAGICAL ABOUT THIS CAMPUS.
I'VE BEEN HERE 23 YEARS COME
AUGUST AND I'VE NEVER BEEN BORED.
YOU KNOW, WE'VE HAD PRESIDENTS
GRADUATE FROM THIS SCHOOL.
YOU OK?
WHAT? YOU FEELING OK?
YES. I, UH... YES, THANKS.
RORY. PARIS.
HI. YOU'RE BACK EARLY.
YOU'RE BACK EARLY.
JUST THOUGHT I'D GET A JUMP
ON THINGS. HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
GREAT. THOUGHT
I'D COME BACK EARLY.
SAME HERE. WHERE'S YOUR STUFF?
WELL, I GOT BACK EARLY. I KNOW.
EARLY THIS MORNING, SO I
UNPACKED AND WENT TO VISIT MY MOM.
SHE GOOD?
SHE WASN'T THERE.
JAMIE SAYS HELLO.
OH, GOOD. HELLO BACK AT HIM.
SO, YOU GUYS HAVE FUN?
I TOLD YOU THAT ON THE PHONE.
I KNOW. YOU HAVE FUN AFTER THAT?
SURE, THE RESORT WAS BEAUTIFUL,
A LITTLE TOO STAR-STUDDED.
HARRISON FORD AND CALISTA
FLOCKHART WERE THERE.
THEY TONGUE-KISS IN
PUBLIC. THEY'RE IN LOVE.
THEN SHE'D TICKLE HIS TUMMY,
AND HE'D GIGGLE. IT WAS FOUL.
TO EACH HIS OWN. I'LL
GET OUT OF YOUR WAY.
YOU'RE NOT IN MY WAY. I'LL GET OUT
OF YOUR WAY. YOU'RE NOT IN MY WAY.
I'LL JUST STAY HERE THEN. GOOD.
AND SCENE. SHOOT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH! GOD! RORY!
ANNOUNCE YOURSELF!
WERE YOU BRUSHING
DIRT UNDER THE SINK?
NO, I'M BRUSHING
CRUMBS UNDER THE SINK.
YOU'RE A PIG.
YOU'RE JUST LEARNING THAT?
WHY ARE YOU HERE, ANYWAY?
OH, CRABBY AND DIRTY.
OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
HANG AT SCHOOL
FOR SOME ALONE TIME.
ALONE TIME SUDDENLY
INCLUDED PARIS.
OH, I THOUGHT PARIS
WAS SKIING WITH JAMIE.
PARIS IS NOT SKIING, AND PARIS
IS DEFINITELY NOT WITH JAMIE.
HMM, MEANING?
THERE ARE LITTLE MARSHMALLOW
EASTER BUNNIES UNDER HERE.
NO, NO, WHAT DID YOU MEAN WHEN
YOU SAID PARIS WAS NOT WITH JAMIE?
PARIS IS SEEING SOMEBODY ELSE.
REALLY? A PSYCHIATRIST?
A PROFESSOR.
AT YALE? YES.
OH, WOW!
LORELAI GILMORE, YOU'VE
BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME.
IT'S SO WEIRD.
ONE MINUTE, SHE'S
TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH JAMIE,
AND THEN THE NEXT SHE'S
MAKING OUT WITH A PROFESSOR
IN DARK CORNERS.
YOU SAW THEM MAKING OUT?
APPARENTLY THE BIG GAME
WAS BIG FOR EVERYONE.
WELL, WOW!
I CAN'T BELIEVE PARIS
IS DOING AN OLDER MAN.
WHO SAID DOING? I DIDN'T SAY
DOING. I SAID KISSING, THAT'S IT.
RORY, COME ON.
WHEN YOU'RE DATING AN OLDER MAN,
YOU'RE PROBABLY DOING
OLDER-MAN THINGS. OH, JEEZ.
SO WHAT AGE ARE WE
TALKING HERE, LIKE 35, 40?
45? 46?
47? 47 1/2? 48?
60! WHAT? SHUT UP!
HE WENT TO SCHOOL
WITH GRANDPA. 60?
THAT'S HOW THEY MET.
WE WERE HAVING LUNCH.
HE CAME BY. GRANDPA
INTRODUCED THEM.
SHE WANTED TO GET AN INTERVIEW,
AND APPARENTLY, SHE GOT ONE.
60? LIKE 60, 60? MOM.
I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST...
NOW I KNOW WHO WOODY ALLEN'S
NEXT LEADING LADY'S GOING TO BE.
AND IT'S SO ANNOYING.
SHE'S HIDING IT FROM ME,
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW.
I'M SUPPOSED TO THINK SHE'S
WITH JAMIE, WHICH SHE'S NOT.
ARE YOU SURE? NO.
INTRIGUE.
I DON'T LIKE INTRIGUE.
I DON'T WANT INTRIGUE.
I LIKE JAMIE. HE'S A NICE
GUY. HE'S A PATIENT GUY.
PARIS SHOULD NOT BE
TREATING HIM LIKE THIS.
OH, HONEY, IF SHE
LIKES ANOTHER GUY,
THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
LET US ALL REMEMBER DEAN.
THIS IS NOT THE SAME AS DEAN.
I DID NOT CHEAT ON
DEAN WITH AN OLD GUY.
IS THE OLD GUY MARRIED?
HE WAS. HE HAS KIDS,
GROWN KIDS. HE'S A WRITER.
WHAT WOULD THE SCHOOL
SAY IF THEY KNEW ABOUT THIS?
YES, WHAT ABOUT THAT?
THIS GUY'S RISKING EVERYTHING,
HIS JOB, HIS REPUTATION.
YES, WELL, HE'LL
ALWAYS HAVE PARIS.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
WAITING WITH THAT ONE?
I HAD A FEELING THE OPPORTUNITY
WOULD PRESENT ITSELF.
MAYBE IT'S A PHASE. IT'LL PASS.
OH, YEAH, OR HE WILL.
HELLO?
WHAT? MICHEL? CALM DOWN.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU WHEN
YOU'RE NOT SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY.
WHAT? OK, WHAT ARE YOU...
OK, OK, I'LL BE RIGHT
THERE. GOODBYE.
AH, I GOT TO GO.
WHY? WHAT'S UP?
MICHEL'S SPAZZING.
WHY? I DON'T KNOW.
WILL YOU BE HERE
WHEN I GET BACK?
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
PARIS WAS GETTING OUT HER
POTTER'S WHEEL WHEN I LEFT.
OK, I'LL GO PICK UP CHINESE.
OR WE CAN JUST EAT
WHAT'S UNDER THE SINK.
AH, THE WIT. GET EGG ROLLS.
ALL RIGHT, JUST WATCH OUT.
OLD GUYS DON'T LIKE
'EM BOSSY. YEAH YEAH.
YOU TOOK SO LONG! WHY?
YOU NEED TO CHARTER AN AIRPLANE?
I CAME AS QUICKLY
AS I... OW. GET IN HERE.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
MOVE QUICKER, PLEASE.
IS SOOKIE HERE?
SHE AND THE FARMER
WENT TO SEE A MOVIE.
DO THEY KNOW YOU'RE HERE?
YES, THEY DO.
AND THEY'RE OK WITH THAT?
WE'LL SEE.
STOP. WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY ARE WE IN THE BEDROOM?
I OFFERED TO BABY-SIT.
I... I'M SORRY, YOU DID WHAT?
I HEARD SOOKIE TALKING TO THE
POTATO MAN ABOUT WANTING TO GO OUT
AND THERE WAS NO ONE TO WATCH
THE BABY. SO I OFFERED TO WATCH IT.
IT? HIM. WATCH HIM FOR HER.
AND SHE LET YOU?
YES, SHE LET ME.
SO I CAME OVER, AND THE MINUTE
SHE LEFT, IT STARTED TO CRY.
IT?
HE STARTED TO CRY. HE
WOULDN'T STOP. I DID EVERYTHING.
I DID THE JIGGLE, THE BOUNCY AND THE
AIRPLANE. AND THEN I EVEN PICKED IT UP.
IT? HIM, DAMN IT,
HIM. I PICKED HIM UP,
BUT IT DIDN'T MATTER. HE
WOULDN'T STOP CRYING.
SO FINALLY I INVENTED A GAME.
WHAT KIND OF GAME?
I CALLED IT BABY CREPE.
I DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT ONE.
IT'S QUITE INGENIOUS. YOU
GET DOWN HERE ON THE FLOOR
AND THEN YOU ROLL
HIM UP IN A BLANKET
AND THEN YOU PULL IT BACK
AND FORTH AND BACK AND FORTH.
HE LOVED IT. HE DID NOT
CRY. HE SMILED, HE GIGGLED.
HE WAS HAVING
THE TIME OF HIS LIFE.
AND THEN, I PULLED BACK
THE BLANKET A LITTLE TOO HARD
WHAT? AND HE
ROLLED UNDER THE BED,
WHAT? AND HE GOT STUCK.
OH! OH, MY GOD!
I TRIED TO GET HIM OUT, BUT
HE WOULDN'T GRAB THE STRING.
THEN HE FELL ASLEEP. I
WORRIED IF I WOKE HIM UP
THE SCREAMING WOULD START AGAIN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROLLED
LITTLE DAVEY UNDER THE BED.
DAVEY? YES, DAVEY,
SOOKIE'S BABY.
I'VE BEEN CALLING
HIM TRUMAN. WHY?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS HIS NAME.
WHERE'D YOU GET TRUMAN FROM?
I HEARD WRONG, OKAY. YOU THINK
HE'S GOING TO HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
THE MAN THAT ROLLED HIM UNDER
THE BED? NO, I THINK YOU'RE GOOD.
OH, MAN, HE REALLY IS
SLEEPING. HE LOOKS SO PEACEFUL.
SEE? I MADE HIM HAPPY.
WE NEED TO LIFT THIS
BED AND GET HIM UP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TAKING OFF MY SHIRT.
WHAT PART OF "LIFT THE
BED AND GET HIM OUT"
TRANSLATES TO YOU TAKING OFF
YOUR SHIRT? THIS IS AN EXPENSIVE SHIRT.
NO, I'M NOT LIFTING THE
BED WITH A NAKED YOU.
I'M NOT TAKING OFF MY
PANTS. LEAVE THE SHIRT ON.
IT WILL WRINKLE.
NOT AS MUCH AS WHEN
SOOKIE COMES HOME
AND FINDS TRUMAN UNDER THE BED.
NOW, LIFT UP HERE,
AND I'LL GET HIM OUT.
I CAN'T HOLD THIS BY
MYSELF. ARE YOU CRAZY?
HERE, YOU HOLD IT. READY?
NO! OKAY.
HEY.
HEY, DAVEY. I GOT YOU.
OH, YOU'RE SNOOZY, HUH? YEAH.
HOW IS HE?
HE'S JUST FINE. HE'S JUST FINE.
THERE YOU GO. JUST KICK BACK.
WAIT TILL MOMMY GETS HOME.
NOW PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.
NOTHING.
WHY ARE YOU BABY-SITTING?
YOU HATE BABIES.
NOT REALLY.
YOU DO NOT BABY-SIT, EVER.
AND YET HERE YOU ARE WEARING
YOUR SUPER-LOW-CUT JEANS
MAKING UP BABY GAMES,
AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY.
I HATE TOBIN!
HE'S A SNIVELING LITTLE SYCOPHANTIC
TUSHIE KISSER, AND I HATE HIM!
MICHEL.
HE WEASELS HIS WAY INTO
EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE.
THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THE
INDEPENDENCE INN BURNING DOWN
WAS THAT TOBIN WAS GONE,
BUT YET, HERE HE IS, BACK.
HE'S LIKE THE CAT. WHAT CAT?
THE ONE THAT CAME
BACK THE VERY NEXT DAY.
YOU THOUGHT HE WAS A
GONER, BUT THE CAT CAME BACK.
HE JUST WOULDN'T STAY AWAY.
MICHEL, YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO BE JEALOUS OF TOBIN.
HE WANTS TO REPLACE ME.
AS WHAT? AS EVERYTHING.
HE WANTS TO REPLACE
ME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
HE'S GOING TO KEEP
WORMING HIS WAY IN
UNTIL YOU NO LONGER FIND
ANY REASON TO HAVE ME AROUND.
YOU'RE BEING SILLY.
HE'S GOING TO SUCCEED.
IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT I
HAVE ALL THE EXPERIENCE
AND THE CREDENTIALS AND
THE HISTORY TO RUN THIS INN.
HE LIKES THE BABY.
HE HOLDS THE BABY.
HE DOESN'T ROLL THE BABY
UNDER THE BED. HE WINS!
OH, HE DOES NOT WIN.
MICHEL, THIS RIVALRY
IS IN YOUR HEAD.
IT IS, HUH? YES.
SO YOU DO NOT LIKE
TOBIN BETTER THAN ME?
NO. WE LIKE TOBIN.
WE'RE ADDICTED TO YOU.
YOU ARE?
YES, WE ASKED YOU TO COME WITH
US TO THE DRAGONFLY, DIDN'T WE?
WE LOVE YOU, MICHEL
AND AS LONG AS YOU STAY FAR,
FAR AWAY FROM LITTLE DAVEY,
WE WILL CONTINUE LOVING YOU. OH.
I CAN DO THAT.
OK.
OK. HOLD ON, AND...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT STINKS.
WELL, IT'S A NEWSPAPER HAT. IT'S
NOT SUPPOSED TO SPARK A TREND.
THERE.
HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
MARTHA STEWART.
MARTHA STEWART
ACTUALLY DID A SEGMENT
ON HOW TO MAKE A
HAT OUT OF NEWSPAPER?
YES.
OH, WELL, IT LOOKS NICE.
WHAT IS THIS?
ACADEMICALLY APPROVED
TORTURE? MAKE YOUR OWN HAT?
THAT'S HOW YOU GET ON THE PAPER?
BECAUSE THAT HAS WHAT
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
RELAX, GLENN. IT'S TRADITION.
IT'S NOT TRADITION. IT'S HAZING.
WHY DON'T THEY JUST HANDCUFF
US NAKED TO A STREETLAMP
WEARING A SIGN THAT SAYS:
"HONK IF YOU LIKE
UNBIASED JOURNALISM."
I'M NOT DOING IT.
THEY CAN'T MAKE ME.
YOU DON'T WEAR THE HAT,
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ON THE PAPER.
I NEED ANOTHER SHEET.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
TONIGHT REPRESENTS A
MELDING OF THE OLD AND THE NEW.
FOR ONE NIGHT, IDENTIFYING
THE 2 GROUPS WILL BE EASY.
THE OLD WILL BE THE ONES
RUNNING AROUND FRANTICALLY
TRYING TO GET OUT THE
LATEST ISSUE OF THE DAILY NEWS
AND THE NEW WILL BE THE
ONES IN THE STUPID HATS.
IT'S A MUCH-BELOVED TRADITION
THAT FOR ONE NIGHT, ALL NIGHT,
YOU DON A HAT OF
YOUR OWN MAKING,
WAIT ON MEMBERS OF THE
PAPER WHILE OBSERVING
THE INNER WORKING
OF THE YALE DAILY NEWS.
THERE'S A LOT OF NEW, FRESH
TALENT SITTING IN THIS ROOM TONIGHT.
RORY GILMORE
AN UNFLINCHINGLY HONEST
REVIEWER WHO SHOWS NO MERCY,
BUT A GREAT DEAL OF
DARK WIT IN HER PIECES.
PARIS GELLER, WHOSE INTERVIEW
WITH PROF. ASHER FLEMMING
WAS THE MOST INTIMATE, REVEALING
PORTRAIT OF A COMPLICATED MAN
THAT I HAVE EVER READ.
GLENN BABBLE
WHOSE CARTOON COMMENTARIES
ON THE AMERICAN FAMILY
PROVE THAT HE WAS NEVER
HUGGED A DAY IN HIS LIFE.
IT'S HARD WORK BEING
HERE, BUT IT'S AN HONOR.
YOU'RE WORKING WITH
THE BEST OF THE BEST.
FROM HERE, YOU CAN GO TO THE NEW
YORK TIMES, THE WASHINGTON POST.
YOU CAN EVEN SELL OUT
YOUR IDEALS COMPLETELY
LIKE THE COFOUNDERS
OF THE DAILY NEWS DID
WHEN THEY STARTED TIME MAGAZINE
WHICH HAS BASICALLY BECOME AN
OVER-HYPED, ILLUSTRATED BIRD-CAGE LINER.
NEWS FOR THE READER'S
DIGEST BUNCH, I CALL IT.
THE "JUST GIVE US THE
GIST OF IT" MAGAZINE
MASQUERADING AS
A REAL NEWS OUTLET.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR WAITING
ROOMS ALL OVER THE WORLD,
THERE'D BE ABSOLUTELY NO
NEED FOR TIME MAGAZINE AT ALL.
I HATE TIME MAGAZINE!
CHERYL, I NEED TEA!
YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHAT
YOU THOUGHT OF MY ARTICLE.
UM, WHAT ARTICLE?
MY INTERVIEW WITH
ASHER FLEMMING.
DID YOU READ IT? I SKIMMED IT.
OH, WELL, I HAVE A
COPY IN OUR ROOM.
I CAN GIVE IT TO YOU TOMORROW.
YOU'RE A GOOD WRITER.
I'M SURE IT'S GOOD.
BUT STILL, I'D LIKE
YOU TO READ IT.
I TRUST YOUR OPINION, AND I'D LIKE
TO BE ABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH YOU.
LOOK, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
BE TAKING DINNER ORDERS, SO...
HELLO? HI.
NO PHONE CALLS WHILE
YOU'RE WEARING THE HAT!
HOLD ON. I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
WHILE YOU'RE WEARING THE HAT.
I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
IT'S A GOOD THING HIGH
SCHOOL HAD ALREADY BEATEN
ALL THE SELF-ESTEEM OUT OF ME.
HOW COULD YOU TALK
THROUGH AN ENTIRE MOVIE?
WELL, NOTHING
ELSE WAS HAPPENING.
AN ENTIRE MOVIE WAS HAPPENING.
THERE WERE PEOPLE IN COSTUMES
AND HORSES. DID YOU SEE THE HORSES?
I DID SEE THE HORSES. I
THOUGHT YOU LIKED HORSES.
I DO LIKE HORSES, BUT
THEY NEVER LET THEM TALK.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE THIS
WASN'T A TALKING-HORSE MOVIE.
YOU WANT SOME WINE?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE VIBING
MY MOVIE-WATCHING HABITS.
I AM NOT VIBING YOUR HABITS.
I'M MERELY SAYING THAT THE
LARGE MAN IN A WIFE-BEATER
SITTING IN FRONT OF US
INVITED ME TO THE LOBBY
TO DISCUSS YOUR HABITS
AND HAD I ACCEPTED
HIS CHARMING INVITATION
I MIGHT BE IN
TRACTION RIGHT NOW.
OH, PLEASE, YOU COULD
TOTALLY HAVE OUTRUN HIM.
YOU'RE SPRY. MMM-HMM.
THANK YOU.
AHEM. SO, THIS IS YOUR PLACE.
THIS IS IT.
HMM. INTERESTING.
VERY, VERY INTERESTING.
SO, WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
WELL, YOU'RE NOT
A TCHOTCHKE GUY.
YEAH, I DON'T LIKE TOO
MANY OBJECTS AROUND
THAT HAVE NO OBVIOUS PURPOSE.
THE PURPOSE OF TCHOTCHKES
IS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
THEY MAKE YOU SMILE.
THEY MAKE A ROOM
SEEM FUN AND WHIMSICAL.
WELL, I INVITE A CLOWN
OVER ONCE A WEEK
TO MAKE THE ROOM
FEEL FUN AND WHIMSICAL,
SO I FEEL ALL SET IN
THAT DEPARTMENT.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU HAD A DOG. I DO.
WHERE IS HE? OVER THERE.
OH, HE'S CUTE AND VERY STILL.
YEAH, HE'S THE BEST.
WHAT IS HIS NAME?
CYRUS.
CYRUS. SURE, PERFECT
NAME FOR A DOG.
CYRUS. HI, CYRUS.
IS HE BREATHING?
YES.
CYRUS WAS ACTUALLY TRAINED
BY THE MONKS OF NEW SKETE.
OH, WOW.
HE'S INCREDIBLY WELL-BEHAVED.
HE WAS HOUSEBROKEN IN AN HOUR.
HE HAS A 2-BARK MINIMUM
FOR DELIVERY GUYS,
3 FOR EVERYBODY ELSE,
BUT THE BEST THING IS HE
DOESN'T DO ANY OF THE STANDARD
"SIT" AND "LIE DOWN" COMMANDS.
I TAUGHT HIM VERY SPECIAL COMMANDS
THAT ONLY MY DOG COULD KNOW.
LIKE WHAT?
UH, LIKE "A LITTLE TO THE LEFT."
SHUT UP.
CYRUS, A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.
WHAT THE HELL'S THAT GOOD FOR?
WHAT THE HELL IS "SIT" GOOD FOR?
WHEN YOU SIT, YOU GET A COOKIE.
WELL, WHEN YOU MOVE
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT,
YOU GET THE SATISFACTION OF
KNOWING YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING
BUT YOU ARE NOT
PANDERING FOR A DOG BONE.
CAN HE MOVE A LITTLE TO
THE RIGHT? NO, NOT YET.
WE JUST DO "A LITTLE TO THE
LEFT" UNTIL HE HITS THE WALL
AND THEN I TURN HIM AROUND.
YOU AND YOUR DOG
ARE EXTREMELY WEIRD.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
I'M NOT SURE WE'RE SETTING
SUCH A GOOD EXAMPLE
FOR CYRUS OVER THERE.
OH, YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. CYRUS.
OK.
WELL, THAT ONE, I GET.
EVERY WEEK, YOU ARGUE WITH ME.
BUT, DOYLE, IT'S A
PERFECTLY GOOD ARTICLE. HEY!
WE DON'T DO
"PERFECTLY GOOD" HERE.
YOU WANT TO DO "PERFECTLY
GOOD," GO TO HARVARD.
JACKASS.
CAN YOU BEAT HIM
TO DEATH WITH THAT?
I DON'T THINK SO.
IT'S SOFT SERVE.
I GOT YOUR ICE CREAM.
WHAT IS THIS?
STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM.
IT HAS STRAWBERRIES IN IT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW
TO RESPOND TO THAT.
I WANTED PLAIN
STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM
WITHOUT CHUNKS OF
STRAWBERRIES IN IT.
THIS HAS CHUNKS.
I SEE ONE.
I CAN'T EAT THIS. TAKE IT AWAY.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING ELSE?
NO, JUST FORGET IT.
FINE. BRING IT BACK.
YOU OK, DOYLE?
YES. WHY WOULDN'T I BE?
I DON'T KNOW. YOU JUST SEEM
A LITTLE BIT ANNOYED TONIGHT.
I HAVE AN ISSUE TO PUT OUT
WITH A BIG HOLE ON THE BACK PAGE
BECAUSE MY EDITORIAL WRITERS
CHOSE TO BE UN-OPINIONATED TODAY!
AND THAT'S IT?
AND I GOT REJECTED FOR A JOB AS
YALE'S STRINGER TO TIME MAGAZINE.
OH, SO THAT EXPLAINS IT.
THIS IS A MAJOR
BLOW TO MY CAREER.
YOU'RE 20. THESE THINGS
CAN FOLLOW YOU, RORY.
ONE DAY YOU FEEL GOOD,
YOU'RE THE FAIR-HAIRED BOY
AND THE NEXT DAY
YOU'RE SCHLEPROCK.
YOU'RE NOT SCHLEPROCK, DOYLE.
TELL THAT TO MY DAD.
OK, I JUST HAVE TO SAY
HOW AMAZINGLY UNFAIR IT IS
THAT I HAVE A RUBBER BAND
WORKING ITS WAY INTO MY BRAIN
AND PARIS GETS TO BAIL.
PARIS ISN'T HERE? NO, SHE ISN'T.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW SHE LEFT?
NO, I... I KNEW THAT THERE WAS
THIS THING WITH HER FAMILY, UM,
THAT SHE WAS REALLY
CONCERNED ABOUT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHE GOT
THAT CALL, AND HER AUNT IS SICK
AND I HEARD HER SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL,
SO I THINK THAT'S
WHERE SHE WENT.
ALL RIGHT, COME GET ME
THE MINUTE SHE GETS BACK.
I WILL.
HEY, DO YOU HAVE A
COSMO LYING AROUND?
I WANT TO SEE HOW MANY
CALORIES I JUST BURNED OFF.
I'VE LOOKED. IT'S 55.
OH, NO, IT'S WAY MORE THAN 55.
I KNOW WHAT 55 IS, AND
THAT, MY FRIEND, WAS NOT 55.
THANKS.
ARE YOU COLD? I COULD
TURN UP THE HEAT.
OH, PLEASE, ENOUGH
WITH THE BRAGGING.
SO, YOU'RE GOOD?
I'M GOOD.
I'M GOING TO FALL ASLEEP
EXTREMELY HAPPY TONIGHT.
HI.
HI BACK.
ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT JOINING
ME BACK HERE ANYTIME SOON?
JOINING YOU? WELL...
JASON?
AH, OK, JUST REMEMBER,
YOU LIKE THAT I
HAVE LITTLE QUIRKS.
OK.
THEY'RE WHAT MAKE ME, ME.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ASK
TO WEAR MY DRESS, ARE YOU?
NO.
UM, I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND
SLEEPING IN THE
GUEST ROOM TONIGHT.
WELL. DIDN'T SEE
THAT ONE COMING.
I AM THE WORLD'S
LIGHTEST SLEEPER.
I HAVE CHRONIC INSOMNIA,
SO, I JUST, I TOSS AND I
TURN LIKE A CRAZY PERSON
AND I CAN'T SLEEP IN THE SAME
BED WITH ANOTHER PERSON.
YOU'RE SERIOUS? YEAH.
YOU WANT ME TO GO
IN THE GUEST ROOM?
IT'S A REALLY NICE ROOM.
YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T I JUST GO?
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, PLEASE,
I SWEAR I WANT YOU TO STAY.
I WANT TO SEE YOU
IN THE MORNING.
I WANT TO MAKE BREAKFAST. I
WANT YOU TO BE HERE WHEN I GET UP.
WELL, NOT HERE. IN THERE.
YOU KNOW, JASON, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE
JUST TO GET ME TO LEAVE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE.
I'M A BIG GIRL. I
CAN HANDLE TRUTH.
THIS IS THE TRUTH.
IT'S FINE. I HAVE THINGS I
NEED TO DO TOMORROW.
I SHOULD PROBABLY
GO HOME ANYHOW.
PLEASE, JUST LOOK AT THE ROOM.
JUST ONE LOOK. A PEEK.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO USE
BOTH EYES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
ONE LOOK.
THAT'S ALL I ASK.
WELL, THAT, AND YOU GET
OUT OF THE BED VERY SLOWLY.
YOU KNOW, DON'T FLIRT WITH ME.
I'M FINDING YOU WEIRD RIGHT NOW.
FAIR... FAIR ENOUGH.
HERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.
HERE IT IS.
IT'S OK.
THERE ARE HUNDREDS
OF GREAT BOOKS IN HERE,
RANGING FROM THE CLASSICS
WUTHERING HEIGHTS, TO THE REAL
CLASSICS, VALLEY OF THE DOLLS.
NICE TASTE.
FULLY LOADED MINI-BAR, SODA,
CANDY, LITTLE BOTTLES OF HOOCH,
A REALLY GREAT C.D.
PLAYER, C.D.S DOWN BELOW
AND A D.V.D. LIBRARY ABOVE.
D.V.D.S BUT NO T.V.?
AHA.
OH, COME ON, THAT IS COOL.
OK, FINE, IT'S COOL.
THE ROOM IS GOOD.
IT'S BETTER THAN "GOOD."
I WOULD LOVE THIS ROOM.
YOU DO KNOW YOU
CAN HAVE IT, DON'T YOU?
I CAN'T HAVE ANY DISTRACTIONS
IN MY ROOM, OR I WON'T SLEEP.
REALLY?
THAT'S RIGHT.
T.V., READING MATERIAL,
UNBELIEVABLY GORGEOUS WOMAN...
I SHOULD AT LEAST GET
BILLING OVER THE T.V.
IT'S PLASMA.
OH, RIGHT.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WELL...
THERE'S KIEHL'S PRODUCTS
IN THE BATHROOM.
JASON, I PROMISE, IF I LEAVE,
IT WON'T BE THAT BIG A DEAL.
IT'LL BE A VERY BIG DEAL TO ME.
PLEASE STAY.
OK.
YES?
YES. FREAK.
THANK YOU.
EVEN FOR THE "FREAK," THANK YOU.
UH, THERE'S A LOOFAH
IN THE TOP DRAWER.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
WALKING AGAINST THE WIND
OF WESTERN AGGRESSION...
IT'S LATE.
LATE, LATE, LATE,
LATE, LATE, LATE, LATE.
DON'T YOU WANT TO
KNOW WHERE I WAS?
NO, I DON'T.
I COMPLETELY LOST TRACK OF TIME.
I GUESS I SHOULD REMEMBER TO
TAKE A WATCH WITH ME FROM NOW ON.
WHEN I GOT THAT CALL TONIGHT, I HAD
NO IDEA IT WAS GOING TO GO THIS LATE.
YES, IT WAS QUITE
A NIGHT. TONIGHT.
YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T
WANT TO KNOW WHERE I WAS?
NO, I DON'T WANT TO
KNOW WHERE YOU WERE
AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE DOING
OR WHO YOU WERE DOING IT WITH.
I HAD TO COVER FOR YOU WHEN
DOYLE NOTICED YOU WERE GONE,
SO I TOLD HIM YOU
WERE AT A FAMILY THING.
AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE,
AT YOUR FAMILY THING.
AND IN THE FUTURE, I WANT
NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING TO DO
WITH WHAT YOU WERE
DOING TONIGHT OR WHO
YOU WERE DOING IT
WITH, ESPECIALLY WHO.
NOW, GO TO SLEEP.
I SMELL LIKE PIPE TOBACCO.
OH, JEEZ.
WELL, HERE'S HOW
THE MAJOR AVERAGES
ARE MOVING AT THIS HOUR.
THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL
IS DOWN TO 86 POINTS,
S&P DOWN AS WELL, 7 POINTS.
HI, CYRUS.
OH, GOOD.
LISTEN, WOULD YOU STILL FIND
ME ATTRACTIVE IF I WERE POOR?
UM, NO.
THAT'S WHAT I
FIGURED. SLEEP GOOD?
I WATCHED THE DAILY SHOW,
FELL INTO THE BEST
SLEEP I EVER HAD,
WOKE UP, WATCHED FAST
TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
AND HAD A VANILLA-SCENTED
JACUZZI BATH.
AH, SO THAT'S WHAT THE
LOOK ON YOUR FACE IS.
I THOUGHT IT WAS
FROM SEX WITH ME.
NO, IT'S FROM THE JACUZZI BATH.
GOOD MORNING.
GOOD MORNING.
UH, COFFEE'S OVER HERE.
THANK YOU.
THE COFFEE SMELLS GOOD.
HEY, CAN WE NOT SLEEP
TOGETHER AGAIN TONIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY. YOU WANT
CHEESE IN YOUR EGGS?
WHY NOT?
OKAY. MMM, GOOD.
I THINK WE'RE READY TO GO.
WOW, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE HERE.
WELL, I AM TRYING
TO IMPRESS YOU.
TRUST ME, ONCE YOU'RE
COMPLETELY MAD ABOUT ME,
IT IS BACK TO
CORNFLAKES AND BEER.
THIS IS LOVELY.
YOU ARE LOVELY.
VERY GOOD.
TOMORROW I'LL MAKE BLINTZES.
UM, LISTEN, WE SHOULD TALK
ABOUT WHAT WE'RE GOIN' TO DO.
ABOUT WHAT?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO
SAY TO PEOPLE ABOUT US.
HMM, HOW ABOUT "YAHOO"?
NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO SAY TO MY PARENTS ABOUT US.
OH, WE'LL SAY THAT WE'RE HAVING
REPEATED SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS
OUT OF WEDLOCK, CONTINUOUSLY,
AS CATHOLIC SCHOOLCHILDREN
ARE WALKING BY. PERFECT.
NO, YOU KNOW, WE LIKE
EACH OTHER, WE'RE DATING.
PRETTY SIMPLE.
NOTHING IS SIMPLE WHEN
IT COMES TO MY PARENTS.
O-OK, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY?
I'D LIKE TO SAY NOTHING.
NOTHING?
I MEAN, IT ISN'T REALLY ANY OF
THEIR BUSINESS ANYHOW, IS IT?
UH, NO, BUT WE CAN'T
JUST SAY NOTHING.
IT'LL CAUSE TOO MANY
PROBLEMS IF THEY KNOW.
IN MY EXPERIENCE, THESE
THINGS HAVE A WAY OF COMING OUT.
HOW? I DON'T KNOW.
SOMEBODY SLIPS UP.
I NEVER SLIP UP. I'M
COMPLETELY NON-SLIP.
LIKE ONE OF THOSE RUBBER
MATS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TUB.
WHY CAN'T WE TELL YOUR PARENTS?
I JUST THINK IT'S WEIRD.
YOU'RE IN BUSINESS WITH MY
FATHER, AND HE WON'T LIKE THIS.
HE'LL GET USED TO IT. MY FATHER
NEVER GETS USED TO ANYTHING.
HE STILL MISSES DIESEL
FUEL FOR GOD'S SAKE.
YOU DON'T FIND IT
EXHAUSTING, KEEPING SECRETS?
YOU HAVE TO WATCH
EVERYTHING YOU SAY.
I ALWAYS HAVE TO WATCH EVERYTHING
THAT I SAY AROUND MY PARENTS ANYWAY.
HOW ABOUT WE JUST TELL ONE
OF THEM, TO SEE HOW THAT GOES?
PLEASE, JASON, WE WILL TELL
THEM EVENTUALLY, I PROMISE.
JUST NOT NOW.
OK, THEY'RE YOUR PARENTS
AND IF YOU FEEL THAT
STRONGLY, THEN WE'LL WAIT.
THANK YOU.
HEY, UM, CAN I
FEED THIS TO CYRUS?
SURE.
HEY, CYRUS, YOU WANT THE BACON?
THAT IS ONE STRANGE DOG, JASON.
YUP.
EXCUSE ME, YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH LONGER IT'S GOING ON?
NO.
WELL, HELLO.
ARE WE TOO LATE?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
GOOD.
MAY I HAVE YOUR TICKET,
PLEASE? I DON'T HAVE A TICKET.
YOU CAN'T TAKE THE
TOUR WITHOUT A TICKET.
EXCUSE ME, DORRIE,
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER.
OH, WELL, HELLO THERE.
HI.
COME IN, LORELAI.
OK. BYE.
MOM, WHAT IS GOING ON?
WE LET THE HISTORICAL SOCIETY
USE OUR HOUSE FOR A WALKING TOUR.
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, AND
I AM NEVER DOING IT AGAIN.
IT WAS SUPPOSED
TO END AT 5:00, EMILY.
I KNOW THAT, RICHARD.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO, THROW THEM OUT?
THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S DONE.
THIS IS NOT HOW
PROPER CHARITIES WORK.
YOU DO NOT INFRINGE
ON PEOPLE'S LIVES.
YOU MAKE A PLAN AND STICK TO IT.
OH, LOOK, THEY HIRED ACTORS
TO BE THE FAMILY. HOW CLEVER.
WE ARE NOT ACTORS!
RICHARD, PLEASE.
OH, NO, FOLKS. THIS IS NOT
PART OF THE TOUR. SORRY, EMILY.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, DORRIE.
IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT, DORRIE.
RICHARD, JUST IGNORE
IT AND PASS THE CARROTS.
THIS IS LUNACY. I FEEL
AS IF I WAS IN A ZOO.
YOU KNOW WHAT MONKEYS DO WHEN
PEOPLE STARE AT THEM IN THE ZOO?
NO, I DON'T. AND
YOU DON'T WANT TO.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I CAN JUST TELL.
♪ DON'T PLAY THAT PIANO!
DON'T YOU SEE THE SIGN?
THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SIGN.
THERE IS A SIGN. WELL,
IT'S NOT A VERY GOOD SIGN.
THE HOUSE WAS BUILT IN
1906 BY STANFORD WHITE.
THAT'S IT.
THE HOUSE WAS BUILT IN 1907, AND HE
WAS A PROTEGE OF STANFORD WHITE.
I'M GETTING A MIGRAINE.
SO, YOU'RE A FULL-FLEDGED
NEWSPAPERWOMAN NOW.
YES, I AM.
CONGRATULATIONS. THANK YOU.
YOU GOT TO GET YOURSELF
A NICKNAME LIKE SMITTY
AND START TALKING REALLY FAST.
FASTER THAN I ALREADY DO?
HEY, WHATEVER IT TAKES.
WHAT WERE YOU GOING
TO DO, HIT THE MAN?
HE WENT INTO MY DESK!
HE WAS 85 YEARS OLD!
WELL, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE TO LEARN A LESSON.
THIS IS IT. I MEAN IT.
I KNOW YOU DO, RICHARD.
THE NEXT TIME YOU
PLAN A FUNCTION,
WE WILL RENT A HALL
AND DO IT PROPERLY
LIKE THE FIBROMYALGIA
FUNCTION LAST NIGHT.
THAT IS THE PROPER
WAY TO RAISE MONEY.
YOU WENT TO A FUNCTION LAST
NIGHT. YOU HAVE ONE TONIGHT.
WE DIDN'T HOST THE ONE LAST
NIGHT. WE WERE JUST GUESTS.
WAS IT FUN? IT WAS FINE.
IT WASN'T HERE. IT WAS PERFECT.
THE FOOD WAS TERRIBLE.
THE FACT THAT PEOPLE STILL
INSIST ON SERVING PAELLA
IS SIMPLY BEYOND ME.
HOWEVER, THE ROOM LOOKED LOVELY.
AND THE MUSIC WAS EXCELLENT.
THE GUEST LIST WAS VERY GOOD A
LOVELY GROUP OF PEOPLE, EXCEPT FOR...
EMILY!
WOULD IT HAVE HURT THE
WOMAN TO BUY AN UNDERGARMENT?
WHO?
SHE WAS A VERY NICE GIRL.
I WOULDN'T REQUEST TO
SEE HER THESIS ON ANYTHING,
BUT SHE WAS CHARMING
AND A GOOD DANCER.
WHO? WHO'S THE DUMB GIRL
WITHOUT THE UNDERWEAR?
JASON'S DATE.
JASON BROUGHT A DATE?
AND I HAD TO SIT
NEXT TO HER ALL NIGHT.
OH, THE FASCINATING TIME WE HAD.
"I KNOW ALL THE BEST PLACES
TO GET MY ACRYLICS FILLED."
YOUR MOTHER IS A SNOB.
SHE WAS QUITE BEAUTIFUL.
SHE WAS, HUH?
WELL, SHE'S PERFECT
FOR JASON, I WILL SAY THAT.
SO, HOW BEAUTIFUL WAS SHE?
LIKE CATHERINE ZETA-JONES OR
THE WEIRD-LOOKING HILTON SISTER?
SHE LOOKS LIKE EXACTLY
THE KIND OF GOLD DIGGER
WHO WOULD LATCH ONTO AN
IMMATURE LITTLE CON ARTIST LIKE JASON.
MY GOODNESS, EMILY, TELL US HOW
YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT THE BOY.
BUT WHEN YOU SAY "GOLD DIGGER,"
DO YOU MEAN SHE
WAS CHEAP-LOOKING?
YES. NO.
SO IS HE SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS GIRL?
OH, WHO CAN TELL?
SHE LOOKS LIKE A PERFECTLY
FINE FIRST WIFE FOR HIM.
♪ HUH.
NOW THE OLD MAN
IS JUST BAITING ME.
WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT THE PIANO?
WE DON'T HAVE TO PUT THE
RECEPTION AREA OVER THERE.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE
MY OFFICE IS GOING TO BE.
FONZIE USED THE
BATHROOM AS HIS OFFICE.
YEAH, WHAT'S GOOD
ENOUGH FOR THE FONZ
ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? YEAH.
FONZIE USED THAT BATHROOM
OFFICE ONLY INTERMITTENTLY
AND NOT FOR ANY BUSINESS
FOR WHICH HE WAS PAID.
HE HAD USE OF A PRIVATE OFFICE
AT THE AUTO SHOP HE WORKED AT
THEN ACCESS TO THE
TEACHERS' LOUNGE
WHERE HE TAUGHT
NIGHT SCHOOL PART-TIME.
OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE TAKING THIS
FONZIE THING WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.
LORELAI, AM I INTERRUPTING?
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
I WAS ON MY WAY TO NEW YORK
BUT I WANTED TO SEE THIS INN
YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT.
OH, UH, SURE.
HELLO, I'M SOOKIE.
UM, SOOKIE IS MY PARTNER HERE.
HI, SOOKIE, I'M JASON STILES.
YES, YOU ARE.
UH, MICHEL GERARD.
MICHEL IS THE MANAGER
OF THE DRAGONFLY.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
OK, SO, UM, I'M JUST GONNA
SHOW JASON AROUND.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
FOLLOW ME.
YOUR FRIENDS SEEM REALLY NICE.
OH, THEY'RE THE BEST.
SO, WHO DO THEY THINK I AM?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, DID YOU TELL
'EM WE'RE DATING
OR DO THEY THINK
I MAKE YOUR HATS?
THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
THIS PLACE IS REALLY GREAT.
YEAH, YOU THINK? I DO.
GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
UM, YOU... YOU SEEM
A LITTLE DISTRACTED.
DID I COME AT A BAD TIME?
NO, YOU CAME AT A PERFECT TIME.
PERFECT TIME FOR...
I HEARD YOU WENT TO A
FUNCTION THE OTHER NIGHT.
AH, FIBROMYALGIA,
A VERY DULL DISEASE.
I ALSO HEARD YOU DIDN'T
GO ALONE. NO, I DIDN'T.
SO, YOU BROUGHT A DATE?
YES, I DID.
OK, GOOD. WELL,
THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD.
UM, MY MOTHER SAID SHE
DIDN'T WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR.
EMILY DIDN'T WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR?
YOUR DATE DIDN'T
WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR.
OH, I DON'T KNOW THAT FOR
A FACT, BUT IF EMILY SAID SO,
FAR BE IT FROM ME
TO CALL HER A LIAR.
HUH, OK, HEY, YOU WANT
TO SEE THE STABLES?
UH, SURE.
WELL, THERE THEY
ARE. WELL, TOUR'S OVER.
BATHROOM'S TO THE LEFT.
YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT
YOU'RE BOTHERED ABOUT?
WE'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER
AND YOU'RE TAKING BARE-BUTTED
WOMEN TO FUNCTIONS?
CRYSTAL IS JUST A FRIEND...
A FRIEND NAMED "CRYSTAL"?
WHO ARE YOU? HUGH HEFNER?
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A SEC.
I WOULD'VE RATHER TAKEN
YOU TO THAT FUNCTION.
CRYSTAL IS VERY SWEET,
BUT THE MOCKING OF THE SICK
IS COMPLETELY BEYOND
HER CAPABILITIES.
BUT YOU TOLD ME,
THAT YOUR PARENTS WERE NOT
SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT US.
AND SINCE THIS IS A FUNCTION
YOUR PARENTS WOULD ATTEND,
I THOUGHT TAKING YOU WOULD
BE OUT OF THE QUESTION.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE GONE ALONE.
YOU DON'T GO TO
THESE THINGS ALONE.
THERE ARE 2 SEATS,
YOU'VE GOT TO FILL THEM.
YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME, SO I
WASN'T BLIND-SIDED BY MY PARENTS.
THIS IS WHAT I MEAN ABOUT
KEEPING SECRETS. IT NEVER WORKS.
LET'S JUST TELL YOUR PARENTS.
THEN WE NEVER HAVE TO
HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN.
LORELAI, I AM IN A BUSINESS WHERE
THERE ARE LOTS OF FUNCTIONS.
I HAVE TO GO TO THEM, AND I
DON'T WANT TO TAKE OTHER PEOPLE,
BUT I'LL HAVE TO IF YOU WON'T LET
ME SAY SOMETHING TO YOUR FATHER.
I HAVE NO INTEREST IN
SPENDING A SECOND OF MY TIME
WITH ANY OTHER WOMAN
BUT YOU, AND EARTHA KITT.
WELL, SURE.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
CAN WE END THE MADNESS
AND TELL YOUR PARENTS?
NO. NO?
I... I... I KNOW IT'S TRICKY
TO KEEP THIS A SECRET,
BUT I JUST DON'T THINK
IT'S TIME TO TELL THEM YET.
IF THAT MEANS THAT
I HAVE TO ADJUST,
THEN I HAVE TO ADJUST.
AND
NOW THAT YOU'VE
TOLD ME HOW YOU FEEL,
I THINK IT'S FINE IF YOU TAKE
CRYSTAL TO THESE FUNCTIONS.
FINE FOR YOU. YOU DON'T
HAVE TO TALK TO THE WOMAN.
OH, SORRY. MAYBE
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT'S LIKE BEATING YOUR HEAD
AGAINST A WALL WITH SPIKES.
WANT TO SEE THE APPLE TREES?
SHE THINKS THAT
BABE CAN REALLY TALK.
OH.
CONTEMPORARY POLITICAL FICTION?
YES. OH, GOOD.
I SWORE THIS SEMESTER
WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
I WOULD GET TO CLASS ON TIME.
FINISH MY ASSIGNMENTS ON TIME.
I WOULD DO EVERYTHING ON TIME.
I LEFT MY PURSE ON THE BENCH.
I HAVEN'T STARTED SPEAKING YET.
ASHER FLEMMING IS
TEACHING THIS COURSE?
I KNOW. ISN'T IT COOL?
AH.
RORY GILMORE. WE MEET AGAIN.
HELLO, PROF. FLEMMING.
YOU'RE TAKING THIS CLASS?
YES, I AM.
WONDERFUL. I LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
AFTER ALL, IT SEEMS
VERY NATURAL, DOESN'T IT?
ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU AND I HAVE
SOMEONE VERY IMPORTANT IN COMMON.
YOUR GRANDFATHER.
GOOD MAN.
YES, SIR, VERY GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
LET'S GET SETTLED.
THE CLASS IS CONTEMPORARY
POLITICAL FICTION.
I AM PROF. FLEMMING.
ALL THOSE IN THE WRONG
CLASS, PLEASE LEAVE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE
IN THE WRONG CLASS?
IF YOU DO NOT ENJOY
A GOOD ARGUMENT,
IF YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO
VOICE A DIFFERING OPINION,
AND IF YOU CANNOT APPRECIATE
AN INTELLIGENTLY CLOAKED INSULT,
THEN YOU'RE IN THE WRONG CLASS.
IF ALL OF THESE
THINGS APPEAL TO YOU,
THEN YOU ARE IN FOR AN
INTERESTING SEMESTER.
I'LL BE HANDING OUT
THE READING LISTS.
NO WAY!
IT IS.
THE PLURAL OF CUL-DE-SAC
IS CULS-DE-SAC? YUP.
THIS DOESN'T EVEN
SOUND LIKE ENGLISH.
THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S FRENCH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
I HATE TO BE THE
BEARER OF BAD NEWS.
WORDS SHOULD SOUND
RIGHT TO BE RIGHT.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.
SO, WHAT? THE PLURAL
OF YO-YO IS YOS-YO?
YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT
SOUNDS SO NATURAL.
AS NATURAL AS CULS-DE-SAC.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HEY, WHEN DID LANE
START WORKING HERE?
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.
SHE FILLED OUT AN APPLICATION,
LUKE BROUGHT HER IN FOR AN INTERVIEW.
AN INTERVIEW? SO OFFICIAL.
YEAH, THEY SAT IN COMPLETE
SILENCE FOR A FULL 5 MINUTES.
THEN LUKE SAID, "HOW YOU DOING?"
AND SHE SAID, "GOOD."
THEN HE GAVE HER THE JOB.
WHAT DO WE GET OUT OF
THIS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE GOT SOMEONE ON THE
INSIDE, A FRIEND OF OURS.
AND OUT OF IT, WE COULD GET...
SECRET THINGS HE KEEPS THERE.
HIS SHOWGIRL COSTUME.
EXTRA JELLY PACKETS, BUTTER,
DISCARDED DAY-OLD BREAD.
BUT WE GET THAT WHEN
WE GO DUMPSTER DIVING.
THIS WILL BE EASIER
ON OUR SHOES.
HEY, LUKE. LOOK AT THIS.
WHO? LANE? SHE'S SUPER WAITRESS.
ABLE TO LEAP TALL
PANCAKES IN A SINGLE BOUND.
OR IS THAT PANSCAKE? VERY FUNNY.
IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK OUT.
OH, WHY NOT? SHE'S SO GOOD.
SHE'S TOO GOOD. OH, CALM DOWN.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE
WHY SHE TOOK THE JOB.
I MEAN, I TOTALLY
BLEW THE INTERVIEW.
YOU WERE NERVOUS.
HEY, GUYS. YOU GOT THIS, LUKE?
YEAH, I GOT IT.
CAESAR, I NEED
THAT ENGLISH MUFFIN.
WHEN THERE WAS A LULL, SHE CLEANED
THE MENUS WITHOUT BEING ASKED.
DO YOU MEAN MENSU? STOP IT.
THIS ISN'T CHALLENGING
ENOUGH. SHE'LL GET BORED.
BUY HER A CHEMISTRY
SET. OR A FOOSBALL TABLE.
I SHOULD FIND SOMETHING TO DO.
HAVING HELP IS STRESSING HIM.
SO, NOW, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO
GET BACK TO CAMPUS SO EARLY?
CLASSES DON'T START
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
YEAH, I HAVE A LOT
OF STUFF TO DO.
IT'LL BE NICE AND QUIET
WITH NO ROOMMATES AROUND.
WHERE ARE THE ROOMSMATE?
UM, JANET'S MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING,
TANNA'S HOME,
AND PARIS WENT SKIING
WITH HER BOYFRIEND.
SO YOU'RE JUST IGNORING
THE PLURAL THING NOW? YEAH.
YOU HAVEN'T MENTIONED
PARIS' BOYFRIEND IN A WHILE.
EVERYTHING GOOD THERE?
YEAH.
WHAT? SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT?
UM, WELL, THERE'S THE
WEIRDNESS OF BOTH OF THEM BEING
REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL
AND HE'S MILES AWAY AT
PRINCETON, BUT THEY'RE GOOD.
UM, SHE CALLED ME
FROM THE SLOPES
AND THEY SOUNDED LIKE
THEY WERE HAVING A BLAST.
EGGS SCRAMBLED, CEASER.
HEY, LUKE, COFFEE IN
THE CORNER. RIGHT, SORRY.
BOY, MAYBE THIS LANE-LUKE
TEAM ISN'T GOING TO WORK OUT.
YEAH.
WHERE DO YOU THINK LUKE WILL GO?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE A
BIG CHAIN WILL TAKE HIM ON.
WONDER IF HE HAS
A FORKLIFT LICENSE.
HE COULD REDEEM RECYCLABLES.
YOU MEAN RECYCSABLE?
♪
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
YOU PROMISE?
YES, THIS IS IN AND OUT,
PICK A MOLDING FOR THE PUBLIC
AREAS, MEETING ADJOURNED.
NO FOOD SAMPLING.
IT'S NOT ON THE AGENDA.
I HAVE NOT SEEN
SOOKIE ONCE THIS MONTH
WHEN SHE HAS NOT GREETED ME
BY SHOVING SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH.
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS
FOOD EVERY TIME?
YOU CAN JOKE, BUT SO LONG
AS SUPER-LOW-RISE JEANS
ARE THE FASHION FOR MEN,
I MUST STAY TRIM OR DIE.
COME ON IN!
HOW LOW ARE WE TALKING HERE?
I'VE HAD TO WAX.
SUBJECT OVER.
HI, OH! AHA.
AH, OOH, THIS IS NICE.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE,
TOO. LITTLE PRICEY.
IT'S AMAZING HOW WE
ALWAYS PICK THE PRICEY.
SO, YOU GUYS WANT
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
NO.
I MADE HOT WATER FOR TEA.
TEA?
YOU LIKE EARL GRAY, RIGHT?
IF YOU HAVE SOME.
I HAVE IT ALL READY. EARL GRAY.
THANK YOU.
AND TRY THIS PIZZELLE.
I KNEW IT! DELIGHT.
THIS IS A TASTING.
I JUST NEED YOUR OPINION.
WELL, MY OPINION IS YOU'RE TRYING
TO FATTEN ME OUT OF A LOVE LIFE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE CELIBATE.
NOT BY CHOICE.
YOU WOKE UP DAVEY, BIG MOUTH.
YOU WANT TO GO CHECK ON HIM?
HE'LL BE HERE IN A SECOND.
HE'S 2 MONTHS AND
ALREADY WALKING?
I'M MISSING THE BIG MOMENTS.
TOBIN!
TOBIN?
HI. AND I'M HIGH AROUND
THIS LITTLE THING.
HE'S SUCH AN ANGEL.
HELLO, LITTLE BOOBY.
DID THAT MEAN OLD
MICHEL WAKE YOU UP?
I'M BEING PUNKED. I
KNOW I'M BEING PUNKED.
ISN'T THIS GREAT, WITH THE
WHOLE TEAM BACK TOGETHER?
I'M ECSTATIC. DID YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
I HEARD THAT TOBIN WAS BACK,
BUT I DIDN'T HEAR YOU WERE THE...
BABY'S NANNY?
JUST TILL SOMETHING MORE
PERMANENT COMES ALONG.
DAVEY FELL FOR THIS GUY
LOCK, STOCK AND BARREL.
IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.
WELL, MY WHOLE LIFE IS KIDS.
I HAVE 11 NIECES AND NEPHEWS.
WOW! HOW JOYOUS FOR YOU.
NOW, TOBIN, WE
HEARD YOU'D MOVED.
YES. RIGHT AFTER THE
OLD INN BURNED DOWN.
I MOVED TO UTAH BECAUSE I HEARD
THERE WAS LOTS OF JOB OPPORTUNITIES
FOR INDUSTRIOUS MORMONS.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A MORMON.
I WASN'T, SO I BECAME ONE.
THE PAPERWORK TOOK WEEKS.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT THE ALCOHOL THING.
THEY FAMOUSLY ABSTAIN.
NO COFFEE EITHER.
THE CHOIR'S FABULOUS, BUT THEN
THERE'S THE FUNNY UNDERWEAR.
IT DIDN'T LAST.
THEN HE CALLED ME FROM
THE ROAD AND SUGGESTED THIS.
HOW WONDERFUL.
OH, I SEE YOU'RE
TRYING THE PIZZELLES.
ARE THEY NOT PIECES OF HEAVEN
SHAPED LIKE COOKIES?
WONDERFUL.
YOU KNOW, THEY'D BE PERFECT FOR
BREAKFAST, TOO, WITH CAPPUCCINO.
I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THEM
FOR BREAKFAST. GREAT IDEA.
IT OCCURRED TO ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD SERVE THEM
ON THAT GREEN PLATTER WE BOUGHT.
THE COLORS WOULD
JUXTAPOSE NICELY.
YOU WENT SHOPPING TOGETHER?
YES, I TURNED SOOKIE ON TO A PLACE
THAT SELLS HARD-TO-FIND KITCHENWARE.
OH, AND I FOUND SOME WEBSITES I'D
LIKE TO RECOMMEND TO YOU, LORELAI.
I SPENT A LOT OF TIME
ONLINE WHEN I WAS A MORMON.
THERE WASN'T MUCH ELSE TO DO.
EXCUSE ME, IS THIS NOT AN INN
MEETING FOR INN EMPLOYEES ONLY?
SHH. IT'S OK, LITTLE BABY.
I THINK YOUR VOICE HITS A
PITCH THAT HURTS HIS EARS.
MY VOICE HAS THE SAME
PITCH AS ANYONE ELSE'S.
MICHEL HATES BABIES.
I DO NOT HATE BABIES.
WELL, BABIES HATE YOU.
THEY DO NOT HATE ME.
LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS WE
HAVE LIMITED TIME TOGETHER
THE 3 OF US, AND WE
CANNOT AFFORD TO WASTE IT
THE 3 OF US, AND
HE'S CUTTING IN.
MICHEL, I'M NOT CUTTING IN.
BUT THE FACT IS, WHEREVER
SOOKIE GOES, THE BABY GOES
AND WHEREVER
THE BABY GOES, I GO.
IT'S MY JOB.
WE EVEN MADE A
LITTLE JOKE EARLIER.
"THE BABY HAS A MEETING TODAY."
I LOVE THIS.
WE DO, TOO.
WOULD YOU LIKE A
CUP OF TEA, TOBIN?
JUST A LITTLE LAPSANG
OOLONG, PLEASE.
YOU KNEW THAT? YES, I DID.
COME ON!
EVERYONE DOES.
DID YOU? OF COURSE I DID.
SO EVERYONE IN THE
ENTIRE WORLD KNEW
THE PLURAL OF CUL-DE-SAC
WAS CULS-DE-SAC?
YES.
OK. SO MARIAH CAREY'S
OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS
AND SHE'S HAD A
COUPLE OF COCKTAILS.
SHE GLANCES DOWN
FROM THE ROOF AND SAYS:
"OH, LOOK AT ALL
THOSE CULS-DE-SAC?"
WHY ARE THEY ON THE
ROOF? IT'S A ROOFTOP BAR.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
SAYING IT? CUL-DE-SACS.
AND NO ONE EVER CORRECTED YOU?
NO, BECAUSE THAT'S
THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
EVEN IF IT ISN'T
TECHNICALLY CORRECT,
IT SHOULD BE
PRONOUNCED THAT WAY.
MOM, MOM, JUST LET IT GO.
I WILL NEVER LET THIS GO.
IS THERE A DESSERT?
YES, WE HAVE A SPECIAL
SURPRISE FOR YOU FOR DESSERT.
WE BROUGHT IT BACK
FROM SWITZERLAND.
WE'RE GETTING A MOUNTAIN GOAT?
THIS IS BETTER THAN A GOAT.
LET'S GO TO THE LIVING ROOM.
DESSERT FROM SWITZERLAND.
THE LAND OF CHOCOLATE. YUM.
YOU TWO ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.
IS IT AS GOOD AS TOBLERONE?
OH, IT'S BETTER THAN TOBLERONE.
OH, WOW.
WHAT IS THAT?
IT'S MARZIPAN.
MARZIPAN?
THE FINEST MARZIPAN IN ALL OF
EUROPE, MADE BY CLOISTERED NUNS.
WE TOURED THEIR CLOISTER. IT WAS
RIGHT OUT OF THE SOUND OF MUSIC.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE
CHOCOLATE? WHAT CHOCOLATE?
YOU COMPARED IT TO
TOBLERONE. THAT'S CHOCOLATE.
YOU BROUGHT UP TOBLERONE.
I JUST SAID IT WAS BETTER
THAN THAT BECAUSE I THINK IT IS.
MARZIPAN IS CANDY.
YOU LIKE CANDY.
MARZIPAN IS NOT CANDY.
IT IS A UNIQUE
SUBSTANCE UNTO ITSELF,
LIKE VELVEETA OR PLUTONIUM.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING
TO TRY IT? I'LL PASS.
I'LL TRY SOME, GRANDMA.
TAKE THE ONE WITH THE
LITTLE PIG ON IT. OH, THANK YOU.
WE GOT THE PIGS FOR YOU AND
THE BUNNY FOR YOUR MOTHER.
YOU GOT ME BUNNIES?
THEY'RE FOR WHOMEVER NOW.
WELL, NO. I'LL TRY A BUNNY.
DON'T FORCE YOURSELF.
I AM NOT. I WANT A
BUNNY. GIVE ME A BUNNY.
DELICIOUS.
THOSE NUNS KICK YOU-KNOW-WHAT.
NOW, WHO CAN THAT BE?
IT'S PROBABLY JASON.
HE SAID HE MIGHT DROP SOMETHING
BY ON HIS WAY BACK FROM THE AIRPORT.
IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER?
HE WON'T BE HERE LONG.
HE'S PROBABLY EXHAUSTED.
THE FLIGHT FROM
AUSTRALIA IS DRAINING.
JASON, WELCOME BACK.
OH, I DIDN'T MEAN TO
INTERRUPT YOUR EVENING.
OH, NOT AT ALL.
UM, YOU LOOK FIT.
LOOK HOW FIT HE LOOKS, EMILY.
HE LOOKS VERY FIT. HELLO, JASON.
EMILY.
YOU'VE MET LORELAI AND RORY.
YES, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
SAME HERE. HI.
RICHARD, HERE ARE THE PAPERS, AND
THEY DO NOT NEED TO BE NOTARIZED.
OH, THAT'S A HUGE
HELP. TERRIFIC.
SO, UH, MOM, MAYBE
OUR GUEST WOULD, UM...
OH, JASON, WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME MARZIPAN?
WOULD I? I LOVE MARZIPAN.
TAKE AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE AND
PUT SOME EXTRA INTO A NAPKIN
JUST NOT THE ONE LORELAI
SPAT HER PIECE INTO.
MMM. DELICIOUS.
MMM-HMM. MMM-HMM.
OH, I'LL BE GOING. MMM-HMM.
IT WAS GOOD TO SEE
YOU ALL AGAIN. OH, HERE.
NO, NO, RICHARD, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO SEE ME OUT.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN
HIKING THE WHOLE TIME.
HE LOOKS WONDERFUL.
EXCUSE ME. I JUST HAVE
TO FRESHEN UP MY HAIR.
BE RIGHT BACK.
HAVE YOU SWALLOWED
YOUR MARZIPAN YET?
MMM-HMM.
MMM-MMM.
HELLO?
UM, SO, YOU'RE BACK.
UH, I AM NO HOLOGRAM.
AUSTRALIA WAS GOOD?
VERY GOOD. HOT.
YOU TIE YOUR
WALLABY DOWN, SPORT?
NO, I JUST DRANK A LOT OF BEER
AND THOUGHT ABOUT YOU A LOT.
THAT'S VERY SWEET.
SO, WHEN ARE WE
GETTING TOGETHER AGAIN?
WHEN DO YOU WANT? HOW ABOUT NOW?
MMM, TOO SPONTANEOUS.
HOW ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT?
FOR WHAT? DINNER, ET CETERA.
SOUNDS GOOD, ET CETERA.
I'LL CALL YOU. OK.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO WITH YOUR MARZIPAN?
UH, I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT
I'D DUMP THEM ON THE ROAD,
BUT IS THAT
ENVIRONMENTALLY SOUND?
I DON'T THINK
MARZIPAN BIODEGRADES.
I'LL JUST SERVE IT TO
THE CLIENTS I DON'T LIKE.
WELL, BYE.
I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY.
ALMOST DONE WITH YOUR
RADIATOR, YOUNG LADY.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
YOU WERE SMART.
YOU COME BACK EARLY,
YOU BEAT THE RUSH.
I JUST WANTED TO
GET A JUMP ON THINGS.
I LIKE THE CAMPUS WHEN IT'S
KIND OF EMPTY LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW.
ALL QUIET.
SNOW'S PRETTY, TOO.
YEAH, VERY PRETTY.
THERE'S SOMETHING VERY
MAGICAL ABOUT THIS CAMPUS.
I'VE BEEN HERE 23 YEARS COME
AUGUST AND I'VE NEVER BEEN BORED.
YOU KNOW, WE'VE HAD PRESIDENTS
GRADUATE FROM THIS SCHOOL.
YOU OK?
WHAT? YOU FEELING OK?
YES. I, UH... YES, THANKS.
RORY. PARIS.
HI. YOU'RE BACK EARLY.
YOU'RE BACK EARLY.
JUST THOUGHT I'D GET A JUMP
ON THINGS. HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
GREAT. THOUGHT
I'D COME BACK EARLY.
SAME HERE. WHERE'S YOUR STUFF?
WELL, I GOT BACK EARLY. I KNOW.
EARLY THIS MORNING, SO I
UNPACKED AND WENT TO VISIT MY MOM.
SHE GOOD?
SHE WASN'T THERE.
JAMIE SAYS HELLO.
OH, GOOD. HELLO BACK AT HIM.
SO, YOU GUYS HAVE FUN?
I TOLD YOU THAT ON THE PHONE.
I KNOW. YOU HAVE FUN AFTER THAT?
SURE, THE RESORT WAS BEAUTIFUL,
A LITTLE TOO STAR-STUDDED.
HARRISON FORD AND CALISTA
FLOCKHART WERE THERE.
THEY TONGUE-KISS IN
PUBLIC. THEY'RE IN LOVE.
THEN SHE'D TICKLE HIS TUMMY,
AND HE'D GIGGLE. IT WAS FOUL.
TO EACH HIS OWN. I'LL
GET OUT OF YOUR WAY.
YOU'RE NOT IN MY WAY. I'LL GET OUT
OF YOUR WAY. YOU'RE NOT IN MY WAY.
I'LL JUST STAY HERE THEN. GOOD.
AND SCENE. SHOOT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH! GOD! RORY!
ANNOUNCE YOURSELF!
WERE YOU BRUSHING
DIRT UNDER THE SINK?
NO, I'M BRUSHING
CRUMBS UNDER THE SINK.
YOU'RE A PIG.
YOU'RE JUST LEARNING THAT?
WHY ARE YOU HERE, ANYWAY?
OH, CRABBY AND DIRTY.
OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
HANG AT SCHOOL
FOR SOME ALONE TIME.
ALONE TIME SUDDENLY
INCLUDED PARIS.
OH, I THOUGHT PARIS
WAS SKIING WITH JAMIE.
PARIS IS NOT SKIING, AND PARIS
IS DEFINITELY NOT WITH JAMIE.
HMM, MEANING?
THERE ARE LITTLE MARSHMALLOW
EASTER BUNNIES UNDER HERE.
NO, NO, WHAT DID YOU MEAN WHEN
YOU SAID PARIS WAS NOT WITH JAMIE?
PARIS IS SEEING SOMEBODY ELSE.
REALLY? A PSYCHIATRIST?
A PROFESSOR.
AT YALE? YES.
OH, WOW!
LORELAI GILMORE, YOU'VE
BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME.
IT'S SO WEIRD.
ONE MINUTE, SHE'S
TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH JAMIE,
AND THEN THE NEXT SHE'S
MAKING OUT WITH A PROFESSOR
IN DARK CORNERS.
YOU SAW THEM MAKING OUT?
APPARENTLY THE BIG GAME
WAS BIG FOR EVERYONE.
WELL, WOW!
I CAN'T BELIEVE PARIS
IS DOING AN OLDER MAN.
WHO SAID DOING? I DIDN'T SAY
DOING. I SAID KISSING, THAT'S IT.
RORY, COME ON.
WHEN YOU'RE DATING AN OLDER MAN,
YOU'RE PROBABLY DOING
OLDER-MAN THINGS. OH, JEEZ.
SO WHAT AGE ARE WE
TALKING HERE, LIKE 35, 40?
45? 46?
47? 47 1/2? 48?
60! WHAT? SHUT UP!
HE WENT TO SCHOOL
WITH GRANDPA. 60?
THAT'S HOW THEY MET.
WE WERE HAVING LUNCH.
HE CAME BY. GRANDPA
INTRODUCED THEM.
SHE WANTED TO GET AN INTERVIEW,
AND APPARENTLY, SHE GOT ONE.
60? LIKE 60, 60? MOM.
I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST...
NOW I KNOW WHO WOODY ALLEN'S
NEXT LEADING LADY'S GOING TO BE.
AND IT'S SO ANNOYING.
SHE'S HIDING IT FROM ME,
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW.
I'M SUPPOSED TO THINK SHE'S
WITH JAMIE, WHICH SHE'S NOT.
ARE YOU SURE? NO.
INTRIGUE.
I DON'T LIKE INTRIGUE.
I DON'T WANT INTRIGUE.
I LIKE JAMIE. HE'S A NICE
GUY. HE'S A PATIENT GUY.
PARIS SHOULD NOT BE
TREATING HIM LIKE THIS.
OH, HONEY, IF SHE
LIKES ANOTHER GUY,
THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
LET US ALL REMEMBER DEAN.
THIS IS NOT THE SAME AS DEAN.
I DID NOT CHEAT ON
DEAN WITH AN OLD GUY.
IS THE OLD GUY MARRIED?
HE WAS. HE HAS KIDS,
GROWN KIDS. HE'S A WRITER.
WHAT WOULD THE SCHOOL
SAY IF THEY KNEW ABOUT THIS?
YES, WHAT ABOUT THAT?
THIS GUY'S RISKING EVERYTHING,
HIS JOB, HIS REPUTATION.
YES, WELL, HE'LL
ALWAYS HAVE PARIS.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
WAITING WITH THAT ONE?
I HAD A FEELING THE OPPORTUNITY
WOULD PRESENT ITSELF.
MAYBE IT'S A PHASE. IT'LL PASS.
OH, YEAH, OR HE WILL.
HELLO?
WHAT? MICHEL? CALM DOWN.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU WHEN
YOU'RE NOT SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY.
WHAT? OK, WHAT ARE YOU...
OK, OK, I'LL BE RIGHT
THERE. GOODBYE.
AH, I GOT TO GO.
WHY? WHAT'S UP?
MICHEL'S SPAZZING.
WHY? I DON'T KNOW.
WILL YOU BE HERE
WHEN I GET BACK?
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
PARIS WAS GETTING OUT HER
POTTER'S WHEEL WHEN I LEFT.
OK, I'LL GO PICK UP CHINESE.
OR WE CAN JUST EAT
WHAT'S UNDER THE SINK.
AH, THE WIT. GET EGG ROLLS.
ALL RIGHT, JUST WATCH OUT.
OLD GUYS DON'T LIKE
'EM BOSSY. YEAH YEAH.
YOU TOOK SO LONG! WHY?
YOU NEED TO CHARTER AN AIRPLANE?
I CAME AS QUICKLY
AS I... OW. GET IN HERE.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
MOVE QUICKER, PLEASE.
IS SOOKIE HERE?
SHE AND THE FARMER
WENT TO SEE A MOVIE.
DO THEY KNOW YOU'RE HERE?
YES, THEY DO.
AND THEY'RE OK WITH THAT?
WE'LL SEE.
STOP. WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY ARE WE IN THE BEDROOM?
I OFFERED TO BABY-SIT.
I... I'M SORRY, YOU DID WHAT?
I HEARD SOOKIE TALKING TO THE
POTATO MAN ABOUT WANTING TO GO OUT
AND THERE WAS NO ONE TO WATCH
THE BABY. SO I OFFERED TO WATCH IT.
IT? HIM. WATCH HIM FOR HER.
AND SHE LET YOU?
YES, SHE LET ME.
SO I CAME OVER, AND THE MINUTE
SHE LEFT, IT STARTED TO CRY.
IT?
HE STARTED TO CRY. HE
WOULDN'T STOP. I DID EVERYTHING.
I DID THE JIGGLE, THE BOUNCY AND THE
AIRPLANE. AND THEN I EVEN PICKED IT UP.
IT? HIM, DAMN IT,
HIM. I PICKED HIM UP,
BUT IT DIDN'T MATTER. HE
WOULDN'T STOP CRYING.
SO FINALLY I INVENTED A GAME.
WHAT KIND OF GAME?
I CALLED IT BABY CREPE.
I DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT ONE.
IT'S QUITE INGENIOUS. YOU
GET DOWN HERE ON THE FLOOR
AND THEN YOU ROLL
HIM UP IN A BLANKET
AND THEN YOU PULL IT BACK
AND FORTH AND BACK AND FORTH.
HE LOVED IT. HE DID NOT
CRY. HE SMILED, HE GIGGLED.
HE WAS HAVING
THE TIME OF HIS LIFE.
AND THEN, I PULLED BACK
THE BLANKET A LITTLE TOO HARD
WHAT? AND HE
ROLLED UNDER THE BED,
WHAT? AND HE GOT STUCK.
OH! OH, MY GOD!
I TRIED TO GET HIM OUT, BUT
HE WOULDN'T GRAB THE STRING.
THEN HE FELL ASLEEP. I
WORRIED IF I WOKE HIM UP
THE SCREAMING WOULD START AGAIN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROLLED
LITTLE DAVEY UNDER THE BED.
DAVEY? YES, DAVEY,
SOOKIE'S BABY.
I'VE BEEN CALLING
HIM TRUMAN. WHY?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS HIS NAME.
WHERE'D YOU GET TRUMAN FROM?
I HEARD WRONG, OKAY. YOU THINK
HE'S GOING TO HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
THE MAN THAT ROLLED HIM UNDER
THE BED? NO, I THINK YOU'RE GOOD.
OH, MAN, HE REALLY IS
SLEEPING. HE LOOKS SO PEACEFUL.
SEE? I MADE HIM HAPPY.
WE NEED TO LIFT THIS
BED AND GET HIM UP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TAKING OFF MY SHIRT.
WHAT PART OF "LIFT THE
BED AND GET HIM OUT"
TRANSLATES TO YOU TAKING OFF
YOUR SHIRT? THIS IS AN EXPENSIVE SHIRT.
NO, I'M NOT LIFTING THE
BED WITH A NAKED YOU.
I'M NOT TAKING OFF MY
PANTS. LEAVE THE SHIRT ON.
IT WILL WRINKLE.
NOT AS MUCH AS WHEN
SOOKIE COMES HOME
AND FINDS TRUMAN UNDER THE BED.
NOW, LIFT UP HERE,
AND I'LL GET HIM OUT.
I CAN'T HOLD THIS BY
MYSELF. ARE YOU CRAZY?
HERE, YOU HOLD IT. READY?
NO! OKAY.
HEY.
HEY, DAVEY. I GOT YOU.
OH, YOU'RE SNOOZY, HUH? YEAH.
HOW IS HE?
HE'S JUST FINE. HE'S JUST FINE.
THERE YOU GO. JUST KICK BACK.
WAIT TILL MOMMY GETS HOME.
NOW PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.
NOTHING.
WHY ARE YOU BABY-SITTING?
YOU HATE BABIES.
NOT REALLY.
YOU DO NOT BABY-SIT, EVER.
AND YET HERE YOU ARE WEARING
YOUR SUPER-LOW-CUT JEANS
MAKING UP BABY GAMES,
AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY.
I HATE TOBIN!
HE'S A SNIVELING LITTLE SYCOPHANTIC
TUSHIE KISSER, AND I HATE HIM!
MICHEL.
HE WEASELS HIS WAY INTO
EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE.
THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THE
INDEPENDENCE INN BURNING DOWN
WAS THAT TOBIN WAS GONE,
BUT YET, HERE HE IS, BACK.
HE'S LIKE THE CAT. WHAT CAT?
THE ONE THAT CAME
BACK THE VERY NEXT DAY.
YOU THOUGHT HE WAS A
GONER, BUT THE CAT CAME BACK.
HE JUST WOULDN'T STAY AWAY.
MICHEL, YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO BE JEALOUS OF TOBIN.
HE WANTS TO REPLACE ME.
AS WHAT? AS EVERYTHING.
HE WANTS TO REPLACE
ME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
HE'S GOING TO KEEP
WORMING HIS WAY IN
UNTIL YOU NO LONGER FIND
ANY REASON TO HAVE ME AROUND.
YOU'RE BEING SILLY.
HE'S GOING TO SUCCEED.
IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT I
HAVE ALL THE EXPERIENCE
AND THE CREDENTIALS AND
THE HISTORY TO RUN THIS INN.
HE LIKES THE BABY.
HE HOLDS THE BABY.
HE DOESN'T ROLL THE BABY
UNDER THE BED. HE WINS!
OH, HE DOES NOT WIN.
MICHEL, THIS RIVALRY
IS IN YOUR HEAD.
IT IS, HUH? YES.
SO YOU DO NOT LIKE
TOBIN BETTER THAN ME?
NO. WE LIKE TOBIN.
WE'RE ADDICTED TO YOU.
YOU ARE?
YES, WE ASKED YOU TO COME WITH
US TO THE DRAGONFLY, DIDN'T WE?
WE LOVE YOU, MICHEL
AND AS LONG AS YOU STAY FAR,
FAR AWAY FROM LITTLE DAVEY,
WE WILL CONTINUE LOVING YOU. OH.
I CAN DO THAT.
OK.
OK. HOLD ON, AND...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT STINKS.
WELL, IT'S A NEWSPAPER HAT. IT'S
NOT SUPPOSED TO SPARK A TREND.
THERE.
HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
MARTHA STEWART.
MARTHA STEWART
ACTUALLY DID A SEGMENT
ON HOW TO MAKE A
HAT OUT OF NEWSPAPER?
YES.
OH, WELL, IT LOOKS NICE.
WHAT IS THIS?
ACADEMICALLY APPROVED
TORTURE? MAKE YOUR OWN HAT?
THAT'S HOW YOU GET ON THE PAPER?
BECAUSE THAT HAS WHAT
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
RELAX, GLENN. IT'S TRADITION.
IT'S NOT TRADITION. IT'S HAZING.
WHY DON'T THEY JUST HANDCUFF
US NAKED TO A STREETLAMP
WEARING A SIGN THAT SAYS:
"HONK IF YOU LIKE
UNBIASED JOURNALISM."
I'M NOT DOING IT.
THEY CAN'T MAKE ME.
YOU DON'T WEAR THE HAT,
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ON THE PAPER.
I NEED ANOTHER SHEET.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
TONIGHT REPRESENTS A
MELDING OF THE OLD AND THE NEW.
FOR ONE NIGHT, IDENTIFYING
THE 2 GROUPS WILL BE EASY.
THE OLD WILL BE THE ONES
RUNNING AROUND FRANTICALLY
TRYING TO GET OUT THE
LATEST ISSUE OF THE DAILY NEWS
AND THE NEW WILL BE THE
ONES IN THE STUPID HATS.
IT'S A MUCH-BELOVED TRADITION
THAT FOR ONE NIGHT, ALL NIGHT,
YOU DON A HAT OF
YOUR OWN MAKING,
WAIT ON MEMBERS OF THE
PAPER WHILE OBSERVING
THE INNER WORKING
OF THE YALE DAILY NEWS.
THERE'S A LOT OF NEW, FRESH
TALENT SITTING IN THIS ROOM TONIGHT.
RORY GILMORE
AN UNFLINCHINGLY HONEST
REVIEWER WHO SHOWS NO MERCY,
BUT A GREAT DEAL OF
DARK WIT IN HER PIECES.
PARIS GELLER, WHOSE INTERVIEW
WITH PROF. ASHER FLEMMING
WAS THE MOST INTIMATE, REVEALING
PORTRAIT OF A COMPLICATED MAN
THAT I HAVE EVER READ.
GLENN BABBLE
WHOSE CARTOON COMMENTARIES
ON THE AMERICAN FAMILY
PROVE THAT HE WAS NEVER
HUGGED A DAY IN HIS LIFE.
IT'S HARD WORK BEING
HERE, BUT IT'S AN HONOR.
YOU'RE WORKING WITH
THE BEST OF THE BEST.
FROM HERE, YOU CAN GO TO THE NEW
YORK TIMES, THE WASHINGTON POST.
YOU CAN EVEN SELL OUT
YOUR IDEALS COMPLETELY
LIKE THE COFOUNDERS
OF THE DAILY NEWS DID
WHEN THEY STARTED TIME MAGAZINE
WHICH HAS BASICALLY BECOME AN
OVER-HYPED, ILLUSTRATED BIRD-CAGE LINER.
NEWS FOR THE READER'S
DIGEST BUNCH, I CALL IT.
THE "JUST GIVE US THE
GIST OF IT" MAGAZINE
MASQUERADING AS
A REAL NEWS OUTLET.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR WAITING
ROOMS ALL OVER THE WORLD,
THERE'D BE ABSOLUTELY NO
NEED FOR TIME MAGAZINE AT ALL.
I HATE TIME MAGAZINE!
CHERYL, I NEED TEA!
YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHAT
YOU THOUGHT OF MY ARTICLE.
UM, WHAT ARTICLE?
MY INTERVIEW WITH
ASHER FLEMMING.
DID YOU READ IT? I SKIMMED IT.
OH, WELL, I HAVE A
COPY IN OUR ROOM.
I CAN GIVE IT TO YOU TOMORROW.
YOU'RE A GOOD WRITER.
I'M SURE IT'S GOOD.
BUT STILL, I'D LIKE
YOU TO READ IT.
I TRUST YOUR OPINION, AND I'D LIKE
TO BE ABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH YOU.
LOOK, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
BE TAKING DINNER ORDERS, SO...
HELLO? HI.
NO PHONE CALLS WHILE
YOU'RE WEARING THE HAT!
HOLD ON. I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
WHILE YOU'RE WEARING THE HAT.
I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
IT'S A GOOD THING HIGH
SCHOOL HAD ALREADY BEATEN
ALL THE SELF-ESTEEM OUT OF ME.
HOW COULD YOU TALK
THROUGH AN ENTIRE MOVIE?
WELL, NOTHING
ELSE WAS HAPPENING.
AN ENTIRE MOVIE WAS HAPPENING.
THERE WERE PEOPLE IN COSTUMES
AND HORSES. DID YOU SEE THE HORSES?
I DID SEE THE HORSES. I
THOUGHT YOU LIKED HORSES.
I DO LIKE HORSES, BUT
THEY NEVER LET THEM TALK.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE THIS
WASN'T A TALKING-HORSE MOVIE.
YOU WANT SOME WINE?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE VIBING
MY MOVIE-WATCHING HABITS.
I AM NOT VIBING YOUR HABITS.
I'M MERELY SAYING THAT THE
LARGE MAN IN A WIFE-BEATER
SITTING IN FRONT OF US
INVITED ME TO THE LOBBY
TO DISCUSS YOUR HABITS
AND HAD I ACCEPTED
HIS CHARMING INVITATION
I MIGHT BE IN
TRACTION RIGHT NOW.
OH, PLEASE, YOU COULD
TOTALLY HAVE OUTRUN HIM.
YOU'RE SPRY. MMM-HMM.
THANK YOU.
AHEM. SO, THIS IS YOUR PLACE.
THIS IS IT.
HMM. INTERESTING.
VERY, VERY INTERESTING.
SO, WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
WELL, YOU'RE NOT
A TCHOTCHKE GUY.
YEAH, I DON'T LIKE TOO
MANY OBJECTS AROUND
THAT HAVE NO OBVIOUS PURPOSE.
THE PURPOSE OF TCHOTCHKES
IS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
THEY MAKE YOU SMILE.
THEY MAKE A ROOM
SEEM FUN AND WHIMSICAL.
WELL, I INVITE A CLOWN
OVER ONCE A WEEK
TO MAKE THE ROOM
FEEL FUN AND WHIMSICAL,
SO I FEEL ALL SET IN
THAT DEPARTMENT.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU HAD A DOG. I DO.
WHERE IS HE? OVER THERE.
OH, HE'S CUTE AND VERY STILL.
YEAH, HE'S THE BEST.
WHAT IS HIS NAME?
CYRUS.
CYRUS. SURE, PERFECT
NAME FOR A DOG.
CYRUS. HI, CYRUS.
IS HE BREATHING?
YES.
CYRUS WAS ACTUALLY TRAINED
BY THE MONKS OF NEW SKETE.
OH, WOW.
HE'S INCREDIBLY WELL-BEHAVED.
HE WAS HOUSEBROKEN IN AN HOUR.
HE HAS A 2-BARK MINIMUM
FOR DELIVERY GUYS,
3 FOR EVERYBODY ELSE,
BUT THE BEST THING IS HE
DOESN'T DO ANY OF THE STANDARD
"SIT" AND "LIE DOWN" COMMANDS.
I TAUGHT HIM VERY SPECIAL COMMANDS
THAT ONLY MY DOG COULD KNOW.
LIKE WHAT?
UH, LIKE "A LITTLE TO THE LEFT."
SHUT UP.
CYRUS, A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.
WHAT THE HELL'S THAT GOOD FOR?
WHAT THE HELL IS "SIT" GOOD FOR?
WHEN YOU SIT, YOU GET A COOKIE.
WELL, WHEN YOU MOVE
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT,
YOU GET THE SATISFACTION OF
KNOWING YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING
BUT YOU ARE NOT
PANDERING FOR A DOG BONE.
CAN HE MOVE A LITTLE TO
THE RIGHT? NO, NOT YET.
WE JUST DO "A LITTLE TO THE
LEFT" UNTIL HE HITS THE WALL
AND THEN I TURN HIM AROUND.
YOU AND YOUR DOG
ARE EXTREMELY WEIRD.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
I'M NOT SURE WE'RE SETTING
SUCH A GOOD EXAMPLE
FOR CYRUS OVER THERE.
OH, YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. CYRUS.
OK.
WELL, THAT ONE, I GET.
EVERY WEEK, YOU ARGUE WITH ME.
BUT, DOYLE, IT'S A
PERFECTLY GOOD ARTICLE. HEY!
WE DON'T DO
"PERFECTLY GOOD" HERE.
YOU WANT TO DO "PERFECTLY
GOOD," GO TO HARVARD.
JACKASS.
CAN YOU BEAT HIM
TO DEATH WITH THAT?
I DON'T THINK SO.
IT'S SOFT SERVE.
I GOT YOUR ICE CREAM.
WHAT IS THIS?
STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM.
IT HAS STRAWBERRIES IN IT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW
TO RESPOND TO THAT.
I WANTED PLAIN
STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM
WITHOUT CHUNKS OF
STRAWBERRIES IN IT.
THIS HAS CHUNKS.
I SEE ONE.
I CAN'T EAT THIS. TAKE IT AWAY.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING ELSE?
NO, JUST FORGET IT.
FINE. BRING IT BACK.
YOU OK, DOYLE?
YES. WHY WOULDN'T I BE?
I DON'T KNOW. YOU JUST SEEM
A LITTLE BIT ANNOYED TONIGHT.
I HAVE AN ISSUE TO PUT OUT
WITH A BIG HOLE ON THE BACK PAGE
BECAUSE MY EDITORIAL WRITERS
CHOSE TO BE UN-OPINIONATED TODAY!
AND THAT'S IT?
AND I GOT REJECTED FOR A JOB AS
YALE'S STRINGER TO TIME MAGAZINE.
OH, SO THAT EXPLAINS IT.
THIS IS A MAJOR
BLOW TO MY CAREER.
YOU'RE 20. THESE THINGS
CAN FOLLOW YOU, RORY.
ONE DAY YOU FEEL GOOD,
YOU'RE THE FAIR-HAIRED BOY
AND THE NEXT DAY
YOU'RE SCHLEPROCK.
YOU'RE NOT SCHLEPROCK, DOYLE.
TELL THAT TO MY DAD.
OK, I JUST HAVE TO SAY
HOW AMAZINGLY UNFAIR IT IS
THAT I HAVE A RUBBER BAND
WORKING ITS WAY INTO MY BRAIN
AND PARIS GETS TO BAIL.
PARIS ISN'T HERE? NO, SHE ISN'T.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW SHE LEFT?
NO, I... I KNEW THAT THERE WAS
THIS THING WITH HER FAMILY, UM,
THAT SHE WAS REALLY
CONCERNED ABOUT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHE GOT
THAT CALL, AND HER AUNT IS SICK
AND I HEARD HER SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL,
SO I THINK THAT'S
WHERE SHE WENT.
ALL RIGHT, COME GET ME
THE MINUTE SHE GETS BACK.
I WILL.
HEY, DO YOU HAVE A
COSMO LYING AROUND?
I WANT TO SEE HOW MANY
CALORIES I JUST BURNED OFF.
I'VE LOOKED. IT'S 55.
OH, NO, IT'S WAY MORE THAN 55.
I KNOW WHAT 55 IS, AND
THAT, MY FRIEND, WAS NOT 55.
THANKS.
ARE YOU COLD? I COULD
TURN UP THE HEAT.
OH, PLEASE, ENOUGH
WITH THE BRAGGING.
SO, YOU'RE GOOD?
I'M GOOD.
I'M GOING TO FALL ASLEEP
EXTREMELY HAPPY TONIGHT.
HI.
HI BACK.
ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT JOINING
ME BACK HERE ANYTIME SOON?
JOINING YOU? WELL...
JASON?
AH, OK, JUST REMEMBER,
YOU LIKE THAT I
HAVE LITTLE QUIRKS.
OK.
THEY'RE WHAT MAKE ME, ME.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ASK
TO WEAR MY DRESS, ARE YOU?
NO.
UM, I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND
SLEEPING IN THE
GUEST ROOM TONIGHT.
WELL. DIDN'T SEE
THAT ONE COMING.
I AM THE WORLD'S
LIGHTEST SLEEPER.
I HAVE CHRONIC INSOMNIA,
SO, I JUST, I TOSS AND I
TURN LIKE A CRAZY PERSON
AND I CAN'T SLEEP IN THE SAME
BED WITH ANOTHER PERSON.
YOU'RE SERIOUS? YEAH.
YOU WANT ME TO GO
IN THE GUEST ROOM?
IT'S A REALLY NICE ROOM.
YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T I JUST GO?
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, PLEASE,
I SWEAR I WANT YOU TO STAY.
I WANT TO SEE YOU
IN THE MORNING.
I WANT TO MAKE BREAKFAST. I
WANT YOU TO BE HERE WHEN I GET UP.
WELL, NOT HERE. IN THERE.
YOU KNOW, JASON, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE
JUST TO GET ME TO LEAVE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE.
I'M A BIG GIRL. I
CAN HANDLE TRUTH.
THIS IS THE TRUTH.
IT'S FINE. I HAVE THINGS I
NEED TO DO TOMORROW.
I SHOULD PROBABLY
GO HOME ANYHOW.
PLEASE, JUST LOOK AT THE ROOM.
JUST ONE LOOK. A PEEK.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO USE
BOTH EYES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
ONE LOOK.
THAT'S ALL I ASK.
WELL, THAT, AND YOU GET
OUT OF THE BED VERY SLOWLY.
YOU KNOW, DON'T FLIRT WITH ME.
I'M FINDING YOU WEIRD RIGHT NOW.
FAIR... FAIR ENOUGH.
HERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.
HERE IT IS.
IT'S OK.
THERE ARE HUNDREDS
OF GREAT BOOKS IN HERE,
RANGING FROM THE CLASSICS
WUTHERING HEIGHTS, TO THE REAL
CLASSICS, VALLEY OF THE DOLLS.
NICE TASTE.
FULLY LOADED MINI-BAR, SODA,
CANDY, LITTLE BOTTLES OF HOOCH,
A REALLY GREAT C.D.
PLAYER, C.D.S DOWN BELOW
AND A D.V.D. LIBRARY ABOVE.
D.V.D.S BUT NO T.V.?
AHA.
OH, COME ON, THAT IS COOL.
OK, FINE, IT'S COOL.
THE ROOM IS GOOD.
IT'S BETTER THAN "GOOD."
I WOULD LOVE THIS ROOM.
YOU DO KNOW YOU
CAN HAVE IT, DON'T YOU?
I CAN'T HAVE ANY DISTRACTIONS
IN MY ROOM, OR I WON'T SLEEP.
REALLY?
THAT'S RIGHT.
T.V., READING MATERIAL,
UNBELIEVABLY GORGEOUS WOMAN...
I SHOULD AT LEAST GET
BILLING OVER THE T.V.
IT'S PLASMA.
OH, RIGHT.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WELL...
THERE'S KIEHL'S PRODUCTS
IN THE BATHROOM.
JASON, I PROMISE, IF I LEAVE,
IT WON'T BE THAT BIG A DEAL.
IT'LL BE A VERY BIG DEAL TO ME.
PLEASE STAY.
OK.
YES?
YES. FREAK.
THANK YOU.
EVEN FOR THE "FREAK," THANK YOU.
UH, THERE'S A LOOFAH
IN THE TOP DRAWER.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
WALKING AGAINST THE WIND
OF WESTERN AGGRESSION...
IT'S LATE.
LATE, LATE, LATE,
LATE, LATE, LATE, LATE.
DON'T YOU WANT TO
KNOW WHERE I WAS?
NO, I DON'T.
I COMPLETELY LOST TRACK OF TIME.
I GUESS I SHOULD REMEMBER TO
TAKE A WATCH WITH ME FROM NOW ON.
WHEN I GOT THAT CALL TONIGHT, I HAD
NO IDEA IT WAS GOING TO GO THIS LATE.
YES, IT WAS QUITE
A NIGHT. TONIGHT.
YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T
WANT TO KNOW WHERE I WAS?
NO, I DON'T WANT TO
KNOW WHERE YOU WERE
AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE DOING
OR WHO YOU WERE DOING IT WITH.
I HAD TO COVER FOR YOU WHEN
DOYLE NOTICED YOU WERE GONE,
SO I TOLD HIM YOU
WERE AT A FAMILY THING.
AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE,
AT YOUR FAMILY THING.
AND IN THE FUTURE, I WANT
NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING TO DO
WITH WHAT YOU WERE
DOING TONIGHT OR WHO
YOU WERE DOING IT
WITH, ESPECIALLY WHO.
NOW, GO TO SLEEP.
I SMELL LIKE PIPE TOBACCO.
OH, JEEZ.
WELL, HERE'S HOW
THE MAJOR AVERAGES
ARE MOVING AT THIS HOUR.
THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL
IS DOWN TO 86 POINTS,
S&P DOWN AS WELL, 7 POINTS.
HI, CYRUS.
OH, GOOD.
LISTEN, WOULD YOU STILL FIND
ME ATTRACTIVE IF I WERE POOR?
UM, NO.
THAT'S WHAT I
FIGURED. SLEEP GOOD?
I WATCHED THE DAILY SHOW,
FELL INTO THE BEST
SLEEP I EVER HAD,
WOKE UP, WATCHED FAST
TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
AND HAD A VANILLA-SCENTED
JACUZZI BATH.
AH, SO THAT'S WHAT THE
LOOK ON YOUR FACE IS.
I THOUGHT IT WAS
FROM SEX WITH ME.
NO, IT'S FROM THE JACUZZI BATH.
GOOD MORNING.
GOOD MORNING.
UH, COFFEE'S OVER HERE.
THANK YOU.
THE COFFEE SMELLS GOOD.
HEY, CAN WE NOT SLEEP
TOGETHER AGAIN TONIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY. YOU WANT
CHEESE IN YOUR EGGS?
WHY NOT?
OKAY. MMM, GOOD.
I THINK WE'RE READY TO GO.
WOW, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE HERE.
WELL, I AM TRYING
TO IMPRESS YOU.
TRUST ME, ONCE YOU'RE
COMPLETELY MAD ABOUT ME,
IT IS BACK TO
CORNFLAKES AND BEER.
THIS IS LOVELY.
YOU ARE LOVELY.
VERY GOOD.
TOMORROW I'LL MAKE BLINTZES.
UM, LISTEN, WE SHOULD TALK
ABOUT WHAT WE'RE GOIN' TO DO.
ABOUT WHAT?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO
SAY TO PEOPLE ABOUT US.
HMM, HOW ABOUT "YAHOO"?
NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO SAY TO MY PARENTS ABOUT US.
OH, WE'LL SAY THAT WE'RE HAVING
REPEATED SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS
OUT OF WEDLOCK, CONTINUOUSLY,
AS CATHOLIC SCHOOLCHILDREN
ARE WALKING BY. PERFECT.
NO, YOU KNOW, WE LIKE
EACH OTHER, WE'RE DATING.
PRETTY SIMPLE.
NOTHING IS SIMPLE WHEN
IT COMES TO MY PARENTS.
O-OK, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY?
I'D LIKE TO SAY NOTHING.
NOTHING?
I MEAN, IT ISN'T REALLY ANY OF
THEIR BUSINESS ANYHOW, IS IT?
UH, NO, BUT WE CAN'T
JUST SAY NOTHING.
IT'LL CAUSE TOO MANY
PROBLEMS IF THEY KNOW.
IN MY EXPERIENCE, THESE
THINGS HAVE A WAY OF COMING OUT.
HOW? I DON'T KNOW.
SOMEBODY SLIPS UP.
I NEVER SLIP UP. I'M
COMPLETELY NON-SLIP.
LIKE ONE OF THOSE RUBBER
MATS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TUB.
WHY CAN'T WE TELL YOUR PARENTS?
I JUST THINK IT'S WEIRD.
YOU'RE IN BUSINESS WITH MY
FATHER, AND HE WON'T LIKE THIS.
HE'LL GET USED TO IT. MY FATHER
NEVER GETS USED TO ANYTHING.
HE STILL MISSES DIESEL
FUEL FOR GOD'S SAKE.
YOU DON'T FIND IT
EXHAUSTING, KEEPING SECRETS?
YOU HAVE TO WATCH
EVERYTHING YOU SAY.
I ALWAYS HAVE TO WATCH EVERYTHING
THAT I SAY AROUND MY PARENTS ANYWAY.
HOW ABOUT WE JUST TELL ONE
OF THEM, TO SEE HOW THAT GOES?
PLEASE, JASON, WE WILL TELL
THEM EVENTUALLY, I PROMISE.
JUST NOT NOW.
OK, THEY'RE YOUR PARENTS
AND IF YOU FEEL THAT
STRONGLY, THEN WE'LL WAIT.
THANK YOU.
HEY, UM, CAN I
FEED THIS TO CYRUS?
SURE.
HEY, CYRUS, YOU WANT THE BACON?
THAT IS ONE STRANGE DOG, JASON.
YUP.
EXCUSE ME, YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH LONGER IT'S GOING ON?
NO.
WELL, HELLO.
ARE WE TOO LATE?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
GOOD.
MAY I HAVE YOUR TICKET,
PLEASE? I DON'T HAVE A TICKET.
YOU CAN'T TAKE THE
TOUR WITHOUT A TICKET.
EXCUSE ME, DORRIE,
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER.
OH, WELL, HELLO THERE.
HI.
COME IN, LORELAI.
OK. BYE.
MOM, WHAT IS GOING ON?
WE LET THE HISTORICAL SOCIETY
USE OUR HOUSE FOR A WALKING TOUR.
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, AND
I AM NEVER DOING IT AGAIN.
IT WAS SUPPOSED
TO END AT 5:00, EMILY.
I KNOW THAT, RICHARD.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO, THROW THEM OUT?
THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S DONE.
THIS IS NOT HOW
PROPER CHARITIES WORK.
YOU DO NOT INFRINGE
ON PEOPLE'S LIVES.
YOU MAKE A PLAN AND STICK TO IT.
OH, LOOK, THEY HIRED ACTORS
TO BE THE FAMILY. HOW CLEVER.
WE ARE NOT ACTORS!
RICHARD, PLEASE.
OH, NO, FOLKS. THIS IS NOT
PART OF THE TOUR. SORRY, EMILY.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, DORRIE.
IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT, DORRIE.
RICHARD, JUST IGNORE
IT AND PASS THE CARROTS.
THIS IS LUNACY. I FEEL
AS IF I WAS IN A ZOO.
YOU KNOW WHAT MONKEYS DO WHEN
PEOPLE STARE AT THEM IN THE ZOO?
NO, I DON'T. AND
YOU DON'T WANT TO.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I CAN JUST TELL.
♪ DON'T PLAY THAT PIANO!
DON'T YOU SEE THE SIGN?
THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SIGN.
THERE IS A SIGN. WELL,
IT'S NOT A VERY GOOD SIGN.
THE HOUSE WAS BUILT IN
1906 BY STANFORD WHITE.
THAT'S IT.
THE HOUSE WAS BUILT IN 1907, AND HE
WAS A PROTEGE OF STANFORD WHITE.
I'M GETTING A MIGRAINE.
SO, YOU'RE A FULL-FLEDGED
NEWSPAPERWOMAN NOW.
YES, I AM.
CONGRATULATIONS. THANK YOU.
YOU GOT TO GET YOURSELF
A NICKNAME LIKE SMITTY
AND START TALKING REALLY FAST.
FASTER THAN I ALREADY DO?
HEY, WHATEVER IT TAKES.
WHAT WERE YOU GOING
TO DO, HIT THE MAN?
HE WENT INTO MY DESK!
HE WAS 85 YEARS OLD!
WELL, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE TO LEARN A LESSON.
THIS IS IT. I MEAN IT.
I KNOW YOU DO, RICHARD.
THE NEXT TIME YOU
PLAN A FUNCTION,
WE WILL RENT A HALL
AND DO IT PROPERLY
LIKE THE FIBROMYALGIA
FUNCTION LAST NIGHT.
THAT IS THE PROPER
WAY TO RAISE MONEY.
YOU WENT TO A FUNCTION LAST
NIGHT. YOU HAVE ONE TONIGHT.
WE DIDN'T HOST THE ONE LAST
NIGHT. WE WERE JUST GUESTS.
WAS IT FUN? IT WAS FINE.
IT WASN'T HERE. IT WAS PERFECT.
THE FOOD WAS TERRIBLE.
THE FACT THAT PEOPLE STILL
INSIST ON SERVING PAELLA
IS SIMPLY BEYOND ME.
HOWEVER, THE ROOM LOOKED LOVELY.
AND THE MUSIC WAS EXCELLENT.
THE GUEST LIST WAS VERY GOOD A
LOVELY GROUP OF PEOPLE, EXCEPT FOR...
EMILY!
WOULD IT HAVE HURT THE
WOMAN TO BUY AN UNDERGARMENT?
WHO?
SHE WAS A VERY NICE GIRL.
I WOULDN'T REQUEST TO
SEE HER THESIS ON ANYTHING,
BUT SHE WAS CHARMING
AND A GOOD DANCER.
WHO? WHO'S THE DUMB GIRL
WITHOUT THE UNDERWEAR?
JASON'S DATE.
JASON BROUGHT A DATE?
AND I HAD TO SIT
NEXT TO HER ALL NIGHT.
OH, THE FASCINATING TIME WE HAD.
"I KNOW ALL THE BEST PLACES
TO GET MY ACRYLICS FILLED."
YOUR MOTHER IS A SNOB.
SHE WAS QUITE BEAUTIFUL.
SHE WAS, HUH?
WELL, SHE'S PERFECT
FOR JASON, I WILL SAY THAT.
SO, HOW BEAUTIFUL WAS SHE?
LIKE CATHERINE ZETA-JONES OR
THE WEIRD-LOOKING HILTON SISTER?
SHE LOOKS LIKE EXACTLY
THE KIND OF GOLD DIGGER
WHO WOULD LATCH ONTO AN
IMMATURE LITTLE CON ARTIST LIKE JASON.
MY GOODNESS, EMILY, TELL US HOW
YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT THE BOY.
BUT WHEN YOU SAY "GOLD DIGGER,"
DO YOU MEAN SHE
WAS CHEAP-LOOKING?
YES. NO.
SO IS HE SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS GIRL?
OH, WHO CAN TELL?
SHE LOOKS LIKE A PERFECTLY
FINE FIRST WIFE FOR HIM.
♪ HUH.
NOW THE OLD MAN
IS JUST BAITING ME.
WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT THE PIANO?
WE DON'T HAVE TO PUT THE
RECEPTION AREA OVER THERE.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE
MY OFFICE IS GOING TO BE.
FONZIE USED THE
BATHROOM AS HIS OFFICE.
YEAH, WHAT'S GOOD
ENOUGH FOR THE FONZ
ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? YEAH.
FONZIE USED THAT BATHROOM
OFFICE ONLY INTERMITTENTLY
AND NOT FOR ANY BUSINESS
FOR WHICH HE WAS PAID.
HE HAD USE OF A PRIVATE OFFICE
AT THE AUTO SHOP HE WORKED AT
THEN ACCESS TO THE
TEACHERS' LOUNGE
WHERE HE TAUGHT
NIGHT SCHOOL PART-TIME.
OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE TAKING THIS
FONZIE THING WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.
LORELAI, AM I INTERRUPTING?
OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
I WAS ON MY WAY TO NEW YORK
BUT I WANTED TO SEE THIS INN
YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT.
OH, UH, SURE.
HELLO, I'M SOOKIE.
UM, SOOKIE IS MY PARTNER HERE.
HI, SOOKIE, I'M JASON STILES.
YES, YOU ARE.
UH, MICHEL GERARD.
MICHEL IS THE MANAGER
OF THE DRAGONFLY.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
OK, SO, UM, I'M JUST GONNA
SHOW JASON AROUND.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
FOLLOW ME.
YOUR FRIENDS SEEM REALLY NICE.
OH, THEY'RE THE BEST.
SO, WHO DO THEY THINK I AM?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, DID YOU TELL
'EM WE'RE DATING
OR DO THEY THINK
I MAKE YOUR HATS?
THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
THIS PLACE IS REALLY GREAT.
YEAH, YOU THINK? I DO.
GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
UM, YOU... YOU SEEM
A LITTLE DISTRACTED.
DID I COME AT A BAD TIME?
NO, YOU CAME AT A PERFECT TIME.
PERFECT TIME FOR...
I HEARD YOU WENT TO A
FUNCTION THE OTHER NIGHT.
AH, FIBROMYALGIA,
A VERY DULL DISEASE.
I ALSO HEARD YOU DIDN'T
GO ALONE. NO, I DIDN'T.
SO, YOU BROUGHT A DATE?
YES, I DID.
OK, GOOD. WELL,
THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD.
UM, MY MOTHER SAID SHE
DIDN'T WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR.
EMILY DIDN'T WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR?
YOUR DATE DIDN'T
WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR.
OH, I DON'T KNOW THAT FOR
A FACT, BUT IF EMILY SAID SO,
FAR BE IT FROM ME
TO CALL HER A LIAR.
HUH, OK, HEY, YOU WANT
TO SEE THE STABLES?
UH, SURE.
WELL, THERE THEY
ARE. WELL, TOUR'S OVER.
BATHROOM'S TO THE LEFT.
YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT
YOU'RE BOTHERED ABOUT?
WE'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER
AND YOU'RE TAKING BARE-BUTTED
WOMEN TO FUNCTIONS?
CRYSTAL IS JUST A FRIEND...
A FRIEND NAMED "CRYSTAL"?
WHO ARE YOU? HUGH HEFNER?
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A SEC.
I WOULD'VE RATHER TAKEN
YOU TO THAT FUNCTION.
CRYSTAL IS VERY SWEET,
BUT THE MOCKING OF THE SICK
IS COMPLETELY BEYOND
HER CAPABILITIES.
BUT YOU TOLD ME,
THAT YOUR PARENTS WERE NOT
SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT US.
AND SINCE THIS IS A FUNCTION
YOUR PARENTS WOULD ATTEND,
I THOUGHT TAKING YOU WOULD
BE OUT OF THE QUESTION.
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE GONE ALONE.
YOU DON'T GO TO
THESE THINGS ALONE.
THERE ARE 2 SEATS,
YOU'VE GOT TO FILL THEM.
YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME, SO I
WASN'T BLIND-SIDED BY MY PARENTS.
THIS IS WHAT I MEAN ABOUT
KEEPING SECRETS. IT NEVER WORKS.
LET'S JUST TELL YOUR PARENTS.
THEN WE NEVER HAVE TO
HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN.
LORELAI, I AM IN A BUSINESS WHERE
THERE ARE LOTS OF FUNCTIONS.
I HAVE TO GO TO THEM, AND I
DON'T WANT TO TAKE OTHER PEOPLE,
BUT I'LL HAVE TO IF YOU WON'T LET
ME SAY SOMETHING TO YOUR FATHER.
I HAVE NO INTEREST IN
SPENDING A SECOND OF MY TIME
WITH ANY OTHER WOMAN
BUT YOU, AND EARTHA KITT.
WELL, SURE.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
CAN WE END THE MADNESS
AND TELL YOUR PARENTS?
NO. NO?
I... I... I KNOW IT'S TRICKY
TO KEEP THIS A SECRET,
BUT I JUST DON'T THINK
IT'S TIME TO TELL THEM YET.
IF THAT MEANS THAT
I HAVE TO ADJUST,
THEN I HAVE TO ADJUST.
AND
NOW THAT YOU'VE
TOLD ME HOW YOU FEEL,
I THINK IT'S FINE IF YOU TAKE
CRYSTAL TO THESE FUNCTIONS.
FINE FOR YOU. YOU DON'T
HAVE TO TALK TO THE WOMAN.
OH, SORRY. MAYBE
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT'S LIKE BEATING YOUR HEAD
AGAINST A WALL WITH SPIKES.
WANT TO SEE THE APPLE TREES?
SHE THINKS THAT
BABE CAN REALLY TALK.
OH.
CONTEMPORARY POLITICAL FICTION?
YES. OH, GOOD.
I SWORE THIS SEMESTER
WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
I WOULD GET TO CLASS ON TIME.
FINISH MY ASSIGNMENTS ON TIME.
I WOULD DO EVERYTHING ON TIME.
I LEFT MY PURSE ON THE BENCH.
I HAVEN'T STARTED SPEAKING YET.
ASHER FLEMMING IS
TEACHING THIS COURSE?
I KNOW. ISN'T IT COOL?
AH.
RORY GILMORE. WE MEET AGAIN.
HELLO, PROF. FLEMMING.
YOU'RE TAKING THIS CLASS?
YES, I AM.
WONDERFUL. I LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
AFTER ALL, IT SEEMS
VERY NATURAL, DOESN'T IT?
ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU AND I HAVE
SOMEONE VERY IMPORTANT IN COMMON.
YOUR GRANDFATHER.
GOOD MAN.
YES, SIR, VERY GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
LET'S GET SETTLED.
THE CLASS IS CONTEMPORARY
POLITICAL FICTION.
I AM PROF. FLEMMING.
ALL THOSE IN THE WRONG
CLASS, PLEASE LEAVE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE
IN THE WRONG CLASS?
IF YOU DO NOT ENJOY
A GOOD ARGUMENT,
IF YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO
VOICE A DIFFERING OPINION,
AND IF YOU CANNOT APPRECIATE
AN INTELLIGENTLY CLOAKED INSULT,
THEN YOU'RE IN THE WRONG CLASS.
IF ALL OF THESE
THINGS APPEAL TO YOU,
THEN YOU ARE IN FOR AN
INTERESTING SEMESTER.
I'LL BE HANDING OUT
THE READING LISTS.