Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 1 - Ballrooms and Biscotti - full transcript

[growls]

AND WE'RE HOME.

HOW LONG DOES A
FREAKIN' VAN RIDE TAKE?

NOT THAT LONG.

EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD'S
LIFE FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES.

THAT'S HOW MUCH TIME I HAD.

I... I THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA DIE ON THAT VAN.

IT SEEMED A GOOD POSSIBILITY.

THAT VAN RIDE FELT LONGER THAN
OUR TRAIN RIDE FROM PARIS TO PRAGUE.

AND WE HAD THAT GROUP OF
FRENCH BOYS SINGING SKATER BOY

AND... AND SMELLING LIKE A SOCCER
FIELD, SITTING ALL AROUND US.

OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE BACK!

MOREY, THEY'RE BACK!

ARE YOU HURT? ARE YOU BLEEDIN'?

NO, WE'RE FINE.

THEY'RE FINE? THEY'RE FINE!

MOREY, THEY'RE
FINE! (Morey) YEAH?

OK.

WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?

ACCORDING TO THE
ITINERARY THAT RORY GAVE ME

YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE HOME ON SATURDAY.

THE ITINERARY THAT
RORY GAVE YOU?

SO WHEN YOU GIRLS DIDN'T
SHOW UP, WE PANICKED.

MOREY! (Morey) YEAH.

DIDN'T WE PANIC?

YEAH.

HEY, MOREY, YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT
STAYIN' OUT HERE AT TIMES LIKE THESE?

BY SUNDAY NIGHT, I WAS
A COMPLETE BASKET CASE.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN KIDNAPPED
BY SOME CRAZY SANDINISTAS.

'CAUSE THE SANDINISTA
MOVEMENT IS SO POPULAR IN FRANCE.

SO FINALLY I JUST STARTED
CALLING CONSULATES.

CONSULATES?

HOW MANY CONSULATES?

AH, JEEZ, ALL OF THEM.
ANYHOW, YOU'RE HERE.

LET'S GO INSIDE.

I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT EUROPE.

MOREY, I'M GOIN' IN!

(Morey) OK.

YOU GAVE HER AN ITINERARY?

I THOUGHT IT'D BE GOOD FOR
SOMEONE TO KNOW WHERE WE WERE.

YOU GAVE HER AN ITINERARY, AND SHE
CALLED EVERY CONSULATE IN THE WORLD.

IF WE WERE CAUGHT SMUGGLING
HASH OVER THE BORDER

AND WERE THROWN IN
SOME TURKISH PRISON,

WOULDN'T YOU WANT SOMEONE
TO KNOW WE WERE IN TURKEY?

WHERE DID WE GET THIS
HASH WE'RE SMUGGLING?

YOU WERE AT A CAFE, A
GUY SWEET-TALKED YOU.

HE PUT IT IN YOUR PURSE
WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKIN'.

AT LEAST TELL ME HE WAS CUTE.

HE WAS NOT BAD
FOR A HASH DEALER.

HMM.

[Lorelai sighing]

(Babbette) I'M MAKIN' COCOA!

GOD.

SHE'S MAKING COCOA 'CAUSE
YOU GAVE HER AN ITINERARY.

I MAY HAVE GIVEN
HER THE ITINERARY,

BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT
US BUSTED FOR DRUG SMUGGLING.

REALITY HAS ABSOLUTELY
NO PLACE IN OUR WORLD.

OK

I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT EUROPE.

COME ON, TELL ME.

WHAT'D YOU SEE?

WELL, EVERYTHING.
UH, NOTRE DAME,

THE ROMAN BATHS,
ST. PETER'S BASILICA.

MOM TOUCHED THE
POPE. YOU'RE KIDDING.

ACTUALLY, I JUST
TOUCHED HIS CAR.

THEN ONE OF THE SWISS GUARDS IN
THE FRUITY COOL CLOTHING BUSTED ME.

LUCKILY, MOM IS
FLUENT IN FLIRTING.

FLIRTING WITH A GUY
IN A POM-POM HAT

AND A SKIRT IS QUITE
AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE
YOU HAD A TERRIFIC TRIP.

IT WAS.

[yawns]

OH, YOU OK, HON?

YEAH. I'M JUST A LITTLE SLEEPY.

OH, OF COURSE. YOU
GIRLS MUST BE WIPED.

I'LL, UH, GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, BUT THANKS, BABBETTE.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT. SLEEP TIGHT.

I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW.

MOREY, I'M COMING HOME!

I'M GONNA GO UNPACK.

OH, UNPACK TOMORROW.

NO, IF I LEAVE STUFF
PACKED OVERNIGHT,

EVERYTHING'S GONNA GET GROSS.

EVERYTHING'S ALREADY GROSS.

[sighs]

[exclaims]

OH, MY GOD.

YOUR BED FEELS GOOD.

DO NOT GET COMFORTABLE.

I WILL SLEEP ON TOP
OF YOU IF I HAVE TO.

OH, MAN, SMELL THIS. WHAT?

I FORGOT THAT PILLOWS
DON'T HAVE TO SMELL LIKE FEET.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO
SAY, I THINK IT'S GOOD

I DID THIS HOSTEL
THING IN MY 30s

AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

I MISSED YOU. I MISSED YOU ALL!

IF I HAD DONE IT
IN MY 20s OR TEENS,

I WOULD HAVE BEEN
NAIVE ENOUGH TO THINK

THAT HOSTELS WERE
EXOTIC AND ROMANTIC.

BUT ONCE YOU'RE IN YOUR
30s, YOU'VE LIVED ENOUGH

TO KNOW THEY'RE GROSS AND
SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS.

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT
YOU IN COPENHAGEN.

YOU WERE THERE, AND
YOU AND YOU AND YOU.

LISTEN, SINCE WE
SLEPT ON THE PLANE

WE SHOULD GO TO SLEEP NOW, BUT
GET UP REALLY EARLY TOMORROW.

WE DON'T WANT TO BLOW THIS
WHOLE WEEK BEING JET-LAGGED.

WE NEED TO ESTABLISH
NORMAL SLEEPING PATTERNS.

FINE.

OK. I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER

AND LEAVE YOU ALONE TO MAKE
OUT WITH YOUR SOCK DRAWER.

CLOSE THE DOOR.

HMM.

HELLO, BOYS.

♪ [Where You Lead
by Carole King playing]

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

GILMORE, LORELAI. YES.

MY DAUGHTER'S
NAME IS LORELAI ALSO.

VERY CONFUSING OR, IN YOUR
CASE, EXTREMELY CONVENIENT.

UGH.

UH, NO, SEE, WE
WERE NEVER MISSING.

IT WAS A... IT WAS
A BIG MISTAKE.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

BELGIUM.

YES, UH-HUH, BABBETTE DELL.

SHE GOT OUR ARRIVAL
DATES MIXED UP

AND SHE WAS JUST
WORRIED, BUT WE'RE FINE.

WE ARE HERE. WE
JUST LOVED YOUR FRIES.

MMM-HMM.

OK, SURE. BYE-BYE.

OK, BELGIUM'S DONE,
LISBON'S CALLING ME BACK,

BERLIN HAD NO IDEA
WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

AND PARIS IS PISSED.

AT WHO? WHO KNOWS?

OK, I'M TAKING A BREAK, AND THEN
I'M TAKING ON THE NETHERLANDS.

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE
BABBETTE DID THIS.

SHE JUST LOVES US.

WELL, BE A LITTLE LESS LOVABLE,
WOULD YOU? IT'S COSTING ME A FORTUNE.

TRY BEING ONE OF THOSE
KIDS WHERE PEOPLE ARE LIKE:

"OH, REALLY? SHE WAS KIDNAPPED?
HEY, WELL, THIN THE HERD."

VERY NICE. HEY, WHO ARE
THE ROSARY BEADS FOR?

THEY'RE MINE.

WHAT DO YOU NEED ROSARY
BEADS FOR? THEY'RE CUTE.

THEY'RE FOR PRAYER.

WELL, PRAY THEY
MATCH MY BLUE SUIT?

THEY'VE JUST UPGRADED
YOU TO A QUEEN-SIZE BED,

JACUZZI-TUB
JUNIOR SUITE IN HELL.

OH, PIETA PLACE MAT?

OH, GYPSY.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

YOU KNOW, NOT BAD,
JUST A LITTLE SPACY.

LIKE A COLD-MEDICINE BUZZ?

MAYBE WE GOT LUCKY
AND MISSED THE JETLAG.

I HOPE SO, BECAUSE WE HAVE
A VERY BIG WEEK AHEAD OF US.

OH, YEAH? YES.

I HAVE HERE IN MY HAND A
SCHEDULE OF ALL THE ACTIVITIES

WE ARE GOING TO
PARTAKE IN OVER THIS WEEK.

THE FINAL WEEK OF
RORY GILMORE'S LIFE

BEFORE SHE ENTERS
THE IVY-COVERED,

HALLOWED HALLS
OF YALE UNIVERSITY.

SCHEDULE, PLEASE. OK.

TODAY WE GET THE PRESENTS TO
OUR FRIENDS, THEN WE HIT THE MALL.

GOT IT.

TOMORROW WE GET AN EARLY START

AND WE HIT 3 OF THE
CRAPPIER MOVIES THAT ARE OUT.

THEN WE HAVE
DINNER AT GRANDMA'S.

WHICH I WILL CONVENIENTLY
NOT PUT DOWN ON MY LIST

IN THE HOPE THAT IT
MAGICALLY GOES AWAY.

UH, OK, THE NEXT
DAY WE HIT NEW YORK,

SEE YOUR FANCY ART GALLERIES,

HIT THE STRAND,
PIZZA AT JOHN'S. YES.

UM, SUNDAY, PICK UP ALL THE
STUFF YOU NEED FOR SCHOOL

AND THEN THERE'S BARBECUE AT
SOOKIE'S. MONDAY IS MANI-PEDI, FACIAL,

HAIRCUT, GO TO THE PSYCHIC,
AND STOCK UP FOR TUESDAY.

THE DAY OF ALL DAYS.

GODFATHER I, II, AND III

WITH EXTRA SHOWINGS OF THE
SOFIA DEATH SCENE OVER AND OVER

AS LONG AS THE
MALLOMARS HOLD OUT.

THE PERFECT DAY. I AGREE.

WE HAVE JUST ENOUGH OF THE BISCOTTI
THAT WE BROUGHT BACK FROM MILAN

TO LAST US THE REST OF THE WEEK.

OH, GOOD.

WELL, EVERYTHING'S IN ORDER.

SO, UH, LET'S GET GOIN'.
GET THIS STUFF OUT OF HERE.

[sighs]

WOW.

WE SURE HAVE A LOT OF GIFTS.

DO WE LIKE THIS MANY PEOPLE?

I DIDN'T THINK SO.

MAYBE WE'RE GETTING
SOFT IN OUR OLD AGE.

OK. WELL, I GUESS WE
SHOULD GET SOME TOTE BAGS.

WHAT TOTE BAGS?

WE MUST HAVE TOTE BAGS.

WHERE WOULD WE GET TOTE BAGS?

EXCUSE ME. EVERY WOMAN
WHO'S EVER PURCHASED

$75 WORTH OF CLINIQUE
PRODUCTS HAS SOME TOTE BAGS.

WE DON'T HAVE TOTE BAGS.

WELL, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO GET THIS STUFF OUT OF HERE?

NOW WE'RE THE QUIRKY
BACKPACK LADIES.

ONE OF THE KINDER NICKNAMES
THAT HAVE BEEN ATTRIBUTED TO US.

LET'S BE VERY
EFFICIENT ABOUT THIS.

WE'LL START WITH PATTY,

WORK OUR WAY CLOCKWISE
AROUND THE TOWN, END WITH ANDREW.

AND LET'S STICK WITH THE "MY
MOM TOUCHED THE POPE" ANECDOTE.

IT'S QUICK, IT'S PEPPY, AND
EVERYBODY LIKES A NICE POPE STORY.

DO WE HAVE TIME TO STOP
AT LUKE'S? I'M STARVING.

ABSOLUTELY.

THIS IS OUR WEEK.

THIS WEEK, WE DO
ANYTHING WE WANT.

I LIKE THIS WEEK.

HEY, I WONDER IF LUKE AND NICOLE
ACTUALLY WENT ON THAT CRUISE.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING.

I KNOW, BUT I WONDER
IF HE ACTUALLY WENT.

WHY WOULDN'T HE?

I DON'T KNOW. BECAUSE
HE'D HAVE TO PACK AND LEAVE,

PLUS HE'D HAVE TO
BUY A BATHING SUIT.

WELL, I HOPE HE WENT. HE
COULD USE A GOOD VACATION.

PLUS HE REALLY
SEEMS TO LIKE NICOLE.

MMM-HMM. YEAH, HE DOES.

OH, HEY, LOOKS LIKE
THE SODA SHOP IS OPEN.

I AM GONNA KILL YOU!

OH, PLEASE, YOU ARE NOT.

(Luke) I AM, TOO.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU BEFORE.

THE MINUTE YOU PUT UP THOSE
UNICORN TOPIARIES IN THE PARK.

BUT, HEY, HINDSIGHT, RIGHT?

OH, I'VE MISSED THAT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK,
BISCOTTI MOMENT?

ABSOLUTELY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL, LUKE.

YOU PUT A GIANT
WINDOW IN MY WALL.

SO WHAT?

A GIANT WINDOW, RIGHT HERE!

YOU CAN SEE MY ENTIRE DINER

AND WHEN I'M IN MY DINER,

I CAN SEE YOUR
WHOLE STUPID STORE!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOURS IS A DINER

AND MINE IS A "STUPID STORE."

LOOK AT THIS PLACE! LOOK AT YOU.

ALL YOU NEED IS 6
DANCING PENGUINS

AND MARY POPPINS
FLOATING IN THE CORNER

TO BRING BACK 2 OF THE
WORST HOURS OF MY CHILDHOOD.

(Taylor) I DON'T THINK
YOU HAD A CHILDHOOD.

I THINK YOU CAME OUT
A BITTER, SURLY KILLJOY.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE BASIC
STRUCTURE OF THIS PLACE

WITHOUT MY OK!

WHAT?

YOUR HAND IS NEAR THE WAX LIPS.

SO?

IF YOU COULD JUST MOVE IT, SO YOU
DON'T ACCIDENTALLY TOUCH THE CANDY.

LUCAS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

LOOK AT ALL THE PRETTY CANDY!

(Taylor) STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

OH, MY GOD.

MMM, WHAT? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LUKE.

YEAH, HE'S FINALLY LOST IT.

NO, WE FORGOT LUKE.

WE FORGOT LUKE, WHAT?

OH, WE FORGOT TO
BRING HIM BACK A GIFT.

OH, NO!

WE KEPT PUTTING IT OFF.

WE COULDN'T FIND
ANYTHING GOOD ENOUGH.

WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HIM
THAT BULLFIGHTER'S UNIFORM.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

WELL, WE HAVE TO JUST
PICK UP SOMETHING HERE

AND WE'LL TELL HIM THAT
WE GOT IT IN DENMARK.

PICK UP WHAT?

SOMETHING.

WHAT? THIS IS STARS HOLLOW.

EVERYTHING YOU BUY HERE
HAS A HELLO KITTY STAMP ON IT.

WELL, WE HAVE TO
GET HIM SOMETHING.

WE CANNOT GO INTO
LUKE'S EMPTY-HANDED.

GREAT.

COME ON.

I'M HUNGRY.

[yelling]

HEY, SOOKIE!

[Sookie exclaiming]

YOU'RE BACK!

WE'RE BACK!

HEY, DON'T SQUISH BABY!

I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!

WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!

HI.

OH, LOOK AT YOU! YOU LOOK OLDER.

OH, THANKS, SOOKIE.

SO HOW WAS IT? WAS IT WONDERFUL?

I WANT TO HEAR EVERYTHING
YOU DID AND EVERYTHING YOU ATE.

OH, WAS IT WARM? I
READ IT WAS WARM.

HOW WAS BARCELONA? DID
YOU SEE THE GAUDI APARTMENTS?

DID YOU SEE A BULLFIGHT?

DID YOU SEE ANNE FRANK'S
HOUSE? DID YOU CRY?

WAS STEVEN SPIELBERG THERE?
I HEAR YOU TOUCHED THE POPE!

ARE YOU HUNGRY? DO YOU WANT
ANYTHING TO EAT? I'VE GOT QUICHE.

HOLD ON ONE SEC HERE,
MISSY. I NEED TO LOOK AT YOU.

SIDEWAYS, PLEASE.

OK.

HELLO. HI, NICE TO SEE YOU.

I'M YOUR AUNTIE LORELAI,
AND THIS IS YOUR AUNTIE RORY.

SAY HI, RORY.

HEY.

COME OVER HERE.

OH, NO, I'M GOOD.

COME ON, RORY, RUB MY STOMACH.

I'D RATHER NOT.

RORY'S A CHICKEN.

SO IS JACKSON.

HEY, I'M GONNA LIKE
IT WHEN IT COMES OUT.

SO, WHAT DID THE
ULTRASOUND SAY, BOY OR GIRL?

IT'S A... BUH, BUH, BUH,
BUH, BUH, BUH, BUH, BUH.

IT'S A BUH? WHAT'S A BUH?

READ.

"I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW
THE SEX OF MY BABY."

THAT'S RIGHT. I'M GOING
OLD SCHOOL ON THIS.

AND HE'S BEING
COMPLETELY STUBBORN.

BUT YOU KNOW?

OF COURSE I KNOW.

I HAVE LITTLE CLOTHES...

BUH, BUH, BUH, BUH, BUH, BUH!

WHAT? I SAID NOTHING
ABOUT THE SEX.

YOU SAID "LITTLE," AND NOW I
KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE LITTLE.

JACKSON, SERIOUSLY,
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW?

HEY, IN THE OLD
DAYS, THE GUYS WOULD

PACE BACK AND FORTH
IN THE WAITING ROOM

UNTIL A PRETTY NURSE IN A NICE,
WHITE OUTFIT WOULD COME OUT AND SAY:

"CONGRATULATIONS. IT'S A...
INSERT YOUR CHOSEN SEX HERE."

RICKY RICARDO DIDN'T KNOW,
DICK VAN DYKE DIDN'T KNOW.

AND, BY GUM, IF IT WAS GOOD
ENOUGH FOR RICK AND DICK,

IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

WELL, I WANT TO KNOW.

RORY, WHAT DO YOU
SAY? BE ON MY SIDE.

JACKSON, THERE ARE NO SIDES.

WE CAN BE IN THAT
WAITING ROOM TOGETHER,

PACING, WAITING.

WE'LL GET YOU A NICE
SUIT. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OK, SURE. I'M ON JACKSON'S SIDE.

GREAT. WELCOME TO 1954.

HAPPY TO BE HERE.

WELL, I WANT TO KNOW.

COME ON. I'LL TELL YOU OUTSIDE.

SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO?

READ THE BUTTON, MISSY.

(Lorelai) OK.

[sighs]

SO YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT
WHOLE SPUTNIK THING?

OH, EISENHOWER'S ON TOP OF IT.

HE'S REALLY NOT GONNA BE IN
THE DELIVERY ROOM WITH YOU?

NOPE. DOES THAT BUG YOU?

HEY, I DON'T LIKE JACKSON
TO SEE ME SHAVE MY LEGS.

I'M OPENING THE SHED!

OK. ARE YOU READY?

[giggles] FOR WHAT?

[gasps]

OH!

IT'S A BOY.

IT'S A BOY!

OH, SOOKIE, YOU'RE HAVING A BOY.

I KNOW.

JACKSON WILL FINALLY HAVE THAT
SON TO PRUNE THE TREES WITH.

MY GOD, IT'S SO EXCITING.

A BOY! OH, A LITTLE BOY.

I KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT LITTLE BOYS.

ME, NEITHER.

MAN, YOU'RE
PREPARED, AREN'T YOU?

YES, I AM.

[sighs]

IT'S SO NICE TO BE HOME.

IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU HOME.

HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN
LUKE LATELY? BRIEFLY.

I GUESS HE WENT ON
THAT CRUISE, HUH? YEP.

THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S
GOOD HE WENT.

HE NEEDED A VACATION.

HE WORKS HARD, THAT
ONE. ALWAYS COOKING,

MAKING THE COFFEE,
TAKING THE ORDERS.

YOU KNOW,

I THINK SOMETHING
HAPPENED ON THAT TRIP OF HIS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, THE DAY HE GOT BACK,
JACKSON AND I WENT TO THE DINER.

I ASKED HIM HOW HIS TRIP WAS.

HE COULDN'T GET AWAY
FROM ME FAST ENOUGH.

REALLY? WAS JACKSON
WEARING THAT CREEPY BUTTON?

NOPE. LUKE JUST SEEMED KIND OF
FREAKED OUT ABOUT SOMETHING.

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU THINK HE AND NICOLE
HAD A FIGHT OR SOMETHING?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?

NOPE. HE JUST WALKED AROUND
ACTING WEIRDER THAN NORMAL.

HMM.

I WONDER WHAT THAT'S ALL ABOUT.

[sighs]

[sighs]

SO...

[Lorelai chuckles]

ARE YOU GONNA NAME HIM LORELAI?

ABSOLUTELY.

THAT WOULDN'T BE
CONFUSING AT ALL.

[both giggling]

(Rory) I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU.

(Lorelai) WHAT? IT'S THE
PERFECT GIFT FOR LUKE,

FINE FANCY JAM FROM FRANCE.

FINE FANCY JAM FROM
JACKSON'S PANTRY.

OH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I'M LOOKING RIGHT HERE AT THIS
BEAUTIFUL HANDCRAFTED LABEL

AND IT SAYS "FRUITS
DE LA TERRE."

YOU DIDN'T EVEN CHECK TO MAKE
SURE YOU GOT THE FRENCH RIGHT.

YES, WELL, I THINK IT
ADDS AN AUTHENTIC TOUCH.

IN MY WORLD, THE
PERSON WHO MADE THIS JAM

WAS AN, AN ILLITERATE
ORPHAN, SOCHELLE.

AS IN SOCHELLE CRAB?

YES, EXACTLY.

SOCHELLE WAS BORN BY THE SEA

OR SO SAID THE NOTE
LEFT IN THE BASSINET

WHEN THE NUNS FOUND HER
ON THE STEPS OF NOTRE DAME.

OH, GOOD, THERE ARE NUNS.

EVERY SAD STORY NEEDS NUNS.

ANYHOW, SOCHELLE HAD NOTHING.

NO FATHER, NO MOTHER,
NO FRIENDS, NO EDUCATION.

ALL SHE HAD WAS A BURNING DESIRE

TO MAKE GREAT JAM.

NOW SHE'S THE MOST
SUCCESSFUL JAMSTRESS IN PARIS.

LUKE'S GONNA KNOW. NO, HE'S NOT.

MUCH AS I WOULD LIKE TO BE THERE
WHEN YOU GIVE LUKE YOUR GIFT,

I'M GONNA GO GIVE LANE HER GIFT.

THEN I'LL GET ALL
THE CREDIT FOR THIS.

EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD BE.

GIVE LANE A HUG FOR ME.

I WILL.

DON'T GIVE HIM THE JAM.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I'M TOO FAR AWAY!

[bell dings]

BONJOUR, LUKE.

[speaking French]

WHAT? UH, HI, LUKE.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW
TO TIE YOUR SHOES?"

VERY GOOD.

YEP. IT CAME IN HANDY,
LET ME TELL YOU.

NOT ONE SHOELACE
FATALITY ON MY WATCH.

YOU REMEMBERED.

YEAH, A COUPLE
THINGS ABOUT YOU STICK.

YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME?

[speaking French]

WHAT'S THAT? "YOUR CAT SMELLS."

YOU MUST'VE BEEN A BIG
HIT WITH THE SALON SET.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
WE HAD THE BEST TIME.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO
COME BACK SATURDAY.

I KNOW. KEEPING TABS ON ME?

SAFER TO KNOW WHICH DIRECTION
THE TORNADO IS COMING FROM.

WE WERE IN LONDON, AND WE
RAN INTO THIS GROUP OF GIRLS

WHO WERE HEADING TO IRELAND

TO STAKE OUT THE CLARENCE HOTEL.

WHY?

BECAUSE U2 OWNS IT, AND
BONO HANGS OUT THERE.

AH, HIM AGAIN.

SO THEN WE JUMPED ON A
TRAIN AND HEADED TO IRELAND,

INCREDIBLY
BEAUTIFUL, BY THE WAY,

AND WE SAT IN A BAR FOR 2 DAYS

AND DID NOTHING BUT EAT SODA
CRACKERS AND FUNKY CHEESE

AND HE NEVER SHOWED.

QUE SERA.

MMM, MMM. STILL GOOD.

I TOLD THEM ABOUT YOU OVER
THERE, SENOR SWANKY PANTS.

CAN'T TELL YOU HOW GRATEFUL I AM

TO HAVE YOU AS MY PRESS AGENT.

AND WE GOT YOU SOMETHING.

YOU DID?

YES, WE DID.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WE DO NOT GO TO
EUROPE AND COME BACK

WITHOUT BRINGING
SOMETHING FOR LUKE.

HERE.

JAM?

YES, FANCY FRENCH JAM.

"FRUITS DE LA TERRE."
VERY IMPRESSIVE.

IT'S HANDMADE BY
THIS WOMAN IN PARIS,

WHO HAS THE MOST AMAZING STORY.

REALLY? YEAH.

ORPHANED UH-HUH.

AND ILLITERATE. OK.

JUST HAD NOTHING IN HER LIFE
EXCEPT THIS BURNING DESIRE

TO BE THE WORLD'S
GREATEST JAMSTRESS.

AND SHE'S FAMOUS NOW

AND, UH, SHE ONLY MAKES 3
BOTTLES OF THAT STUFF A YEAR

AND THAT'S ONE OF THEM, AND I
BROUGHT IT ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE, UH...

I GOT IT FROM SOOKIE'S HOUSE.

NO.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

JUST A WILD GUESS.

I SWEAR WE TRIED TO GET YOU
SOMETHING, BUT NOTHING WAS GOOD ENOUGH.

I DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING
ON MY TRIP EITHER. WE'RE EVEN.

OH, YEAH. HOW WAS THE CRUISE?

OH, IT WAS, YOU KNOW...

NOT REALLY. I'VE NEVER
BEEN ON A CRUISE.

SO?

IT WAS FINE.

OK, SO, YOU AND
NICOLE HAD FUN, THEN?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
WANT MORE COFFEE?

AH, UH, OH. SO, WHAT DID YOU DO?

WHERE?

ON THE BOAT. WHAT DID YOU
AND NICOLE DO ON THE BOAT?

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, WE...

WE FLUTTERED AROUND AND ATE

AND THERE WAS A MAGIC
SHOW AND A SINGER.

AND PILLOW MINTS AND...

YOU KNOW, THAT'S IT.

BUT YOU AND NICOLE HAD A
GOOD TIME? YOU GOT ALONG AND...

YEAH. UH, I'M GONNA GO
CHECK ON YOUR FOOD.

OK.

I... I DIDN'T ORDER
ANYTHING YET.

HI, KIRK.

[speaking Spanish]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST PUT THAT THERE.

SCOOP TOWARD YOU,
ROLLING SMOOTHLY.

VERY GOOD, GINGER.

NICE SYMMETRICAL
BALLS THERE, JOSHUA.

EASY ON THE NUTS.
EASY ON THE NUTS.

ONE CHERRY, AND THEN
PRESENT YOUR SUNDAE

WITH A TAYLOR TIP.

UH, EXCUSE ME, TAYLOR.

AH, THERE YOU ARE. HELLO.

YOUR MAJESTY COME TO
CHECK ON YOUR LITTLE KINGDOM.

UH, GINGER, HAND ME A SPOON.

I WAS JUST WALKING BY WHEN I...

HERE YOU ARE, ON THE HOUSE.

THANK YOU. WOULD YOU
LIKE AN EXTRA CHERRY?

NO.

BECAUSE IF THE STARS HOLLOW
ICE CREAM QUEEN WANTS 2 CHERRIES

THEN SHE WILL GET 2 CHERRIES,

AND TO HELL WITH THE
EXTRA 25-CENT CHARGE.

TAYLOR, YOU DIDN'T ASK ME IF I
WANTED TO BE THE ICE CREAM QUEEN.

SO?

SO, YOU DIDN'T ASK ME.

YOU JUST PUT MY PICTURE
ON A FLIER AND STUCK IT UP.

I COULDN'T ASK YOU WHEN YOU WERE

TRAIPSING AROUND
EUROPE, COULD I?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
GETTING ANYTHING.

I HAVE ALREADY RENTED
A CAPE AND A CROWN.

JUST WEAR A NICE
SIMPLE SAGE-COLORED

FLOOR-LENGTH DRESS
AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

I CAN'T DO IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU CAN'T DO IT?

I MEAN I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW.

I ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF DAYS
LEFT BEFORE I GO OFF TO SCHOOL

AND MOM AND I HAVE
EVERY MOMENT PLANNED.

SO I'M JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO PASS ON THIS ONE.

OH.

I SEE.

YOU'RE GOING TO PASS.

YOU'RE PASSING ON THIS.

FINE. JUST CONSIDER
YOURSELF PASSED.

LOOK, I... I CAN STILL COME BY.

OH, CAN YOU? REALLY?

YOU CAN FIND TIME IN
YOUR BUSY DAY TO COME BY

AND EAT MY FREE ICE CREAM
AND TAKE MY FREE BALLOON

AND GET YOURSELF A
FREE GLITTER HAND STAMP?

YOU CAN, UH, SWING THAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PASS ON THAT?

LOOK, TAYLOR, DON'T
TAKE IT LIKE THIS.

IN MY OWN DEFENSE, I ASSUMED
YOU WOULD BE THRILLED

BASED ON YOUR PAST
PARTICIPATION RECORD.

BUT THIS HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH...

YOU'VE BEEN THE
HEAD PILGRIM GIRL

AT THE FOOD DRIVE TABLE.

YES, THAT'S FOR CHARITY.

THE 3RD LEPRECHAUN AT
THE ST. PADDY'S DAY FESTIVAL.

YES, OK, BUT AGAIN, FOR CHARITY.

YOU MAN THE TICKET
BOOTH ON GROUNDHOG DAY.

YOU HELP ORGANIZE THE MANGER
PROCESSION AT CHRISTMAS.

YOU PLAY ESTHER EVERY
YEAR AT THE PURIM CARNIVAL.

I JUST ASSUMED YOU LIKED
TAKING PART IN TOWN EVENTS.

I DO LIKE IT, BUT I CAN'T
THIS TIME. I'M SORRY.

OH, DON'T BE. IT'S MY OWN FAULT.

I SHOULD HAVE FIGURED
THAT ONCE YOU GOT INTO YALE

EVERYTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

NO, I UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE NO LONGER OUR LITTLE
STARS HOLLOW RORY GILMORE.

YOU BELONG TO THE
IVY LEAGUES RIGHT NOW.

IT'S TIME TO CUT
THOSE SMALL-TOWN TIES

AND GO OFF AND DO
SOMETHING IMPORTANT,

LIKE GO TO DRAMA SCHOOL

OR HAVE ONE OF THOSE
HIGH-CLASS NAKED PARTIES

WITH THAT BUSH GIRL.

TAYLOR!

OK. SEE YOU AROUND THE QUAD.

[inaudible]

OK. THAT TOOK WAY LONGER
THAN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.

FROM NOW ON WHEN WE GO OUT
OF TOWN, NO PRESENTS FOR ANYONE.

OH, RIGHT. WE'LL JUST BUY EVERYONE
A BIG CRATE OF FRUITS DE LA TERRE.

THAT HORSE IS DEAD.
PUT THE STICK DOWN.

NOW WE'RE WAY BEHIND IN OUR
SCHEDULE, SO I PROPOSE A CHANGE.

HOLD OFF ON THE FRIVOLOUS
SHOPPING UNTIL TOMORROW.

WHAT'S UP?

THAT TAYLOR THING
IS STILL BUGGING ME.

ME TOO. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
DIDN'T CALL ME IN TO SEE THE FIGHT.

MAYBE I AM DIFFERENT,
MAYBE I DO HAVE AN ATTITUDE.

I THINK YOU DO.

I'VE ALWAYS HAD TIME FOR THE TOWN
IN THE PAST, AND NOW SUDDENLY I DON'T.

AM I CHANGING? I
DON'T WANT TO CHANGE.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE
ANTI-TOWN GIRL. I'M NOT DARIA.

HE IS JUST MESSING
WITH YOUR MIND.

IT'S HIS SPECIALTY. IGNORE HIM.

I GUESS.

HEY, HEY, NO MAIL
YET. WE AGREED.

WE'RE STILL ON VACATION.

I'LL JUST LOOK THROUGH MY MAIL.

YOURS CAN SIT THERE.

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE
BACK IN THE REAL WORLD

AND I'M OUT HERE IN
VACATION LAND, ALONE.

THAT'S NOT FUN.

OH, NO!

WHAT?

OH, NO!

WHAT, "OH, NO"?

OH, NO! OH, NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO. OH, NO!

UH, HEY, KID, YOU'RE KIND
OF FREAKIN' ME OUT HERE.

I WROTE THE DATE DOWN WRONG.

W-W-WHAT DATE?

THIS IS FROM YALE. MY
ORIENTATION IS SATURDAY.

RIGHT, NEXT SATURDAY.

NO, THIS SATURDAY.

NO, NEXT SATURDAY.
NO, THIS SATURDAY.

BUT TODAY'S THURSDAY.
THAT... THAT MEANS WE...

I HAVE TO BE AT SCHOOL
DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

BUT, NO! WE HAD A FREE WEEK.

I... I HAD IT ALL SCHEDULED OUT.

I WROTE THE DATE WRONG.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

YOU NEVER WRITE THE
DATE DOWN WRONG.

I WROTE IT BEFORE WE
LEFT, AND I WROTE IT WRONG.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A WEEK.

WELL, WE DON'T.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WROTE
THE DATE DOWN WRONG.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WEREN'T
GONNA LET ME OPEN THE MAIL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
WROTE THE DATE WRONG.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE US
GO TO IRELAND TO STALK BONO.

NOT FAIR. YOU HAVE
MORE "I CAN'T BELIEVES."

THIS SUCKS!

THIS TOTALLY SUCKS!

I'M NOT READY. I HAVEN'T
PACKED. I HAVE THINGS TO GET.

WE WERE GOING TO
WATCH THE 3 GODFATHERS

AND SOFIA DYING OVER AND
OVER AND EAT OUR BISCOTTI.

LISTEN, CALM DOWN. WE JUST
NEED TO REVISE OUR PLAN.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A WEEK.

OK, TONIGHT WE
STAY HOME AND PACK.

TOMORROW WE GET UP EARLY.
WE GET ALL THE STUFF YOU NEED

WHICH GIVES US TIME TO WATCH 2
GODFATHERS AND A SOPHIA DYING.

WE'LL STILL HAVE A PARTIAL
DAY AND A GREAT BISCOTTI NIGHT.

CHINESE. WHAT?

FOOD. ORDER IT. GO.

NO TIME FOR FULL
SENTENCES. ORDERING.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN THAT
3RD EXCEDRIN P.M. LAST NIGHT.

3RD? WHY DID YOU TAKE 3?

OH, WELL, ORIGINALLY I TOOK 2.

THEN SOMEWHERE
AROUND 4:00 IN THE MORNING

I WOKE UP AND HAD A MAJOR
MARILYN MOMENT. OH, NO.

YEAH. I FORGOT THAT I'D TAKEN
SOME, SO I POPPED A 3RD ONE.

NOW I'M ABOUT READY
TO SLEEP WITH A KENNEDY.

I HEAR CARRIE'S AVAILABLE.

OK, LET'S SIT.

OH, GOD. MR. JETLAG
WANTS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.

YOU WANT TO GO HOME AND REST?

NO. WE HAVE A GODFATHER
NIGHT TO SALVAGE.

CHECK THE LIST.

OK, WE GOT SHEETS, TOWELS,
BATHROOM SHOWER CADDY

AND THE BASIC FIRST-AID
ACCOUTREMENTS.

WE STILL NEED TO HIT
THE BEAUTY SUPPLY,

THE HARDWARE STORE,
STATIONERY STORE...

THE MATTRESS STORE.

YOU DO KNOW THEY SUPPLY YOU
WITH A MATTRESS AT THE DORM.

A MATTRESS THAT
DECADES OF STUDENTS

IN VARIOUS STATES OF
CLEANLINESS HAVE SLEPT ON,

SOME WITHOUT PAJAMAS.

GROSS! EXACTLY.

WE'VE BEEN RUNNING AROUND
FOR HOURS AND THE LIST ISN'T

GETTING ANY SHORTER.
WE'LL NEVER FINISH.

STOP. YES, WE ARE.

WE JUST NEED TO SPLIT UP.
WE'LL GET IT DONE QUICKER.

I'LL TAKE THE BEAUTY SUPPLY AND
YOU TAKE THE STATIONERY STORE

AND WE'LL MEET BACK
HERE IN 20 MINUTES!

OK!

OH, BOY.

WHAT?

I'M GONNA HAVE TO WALK PAST
THAT STUPID GRAND OPENING.

I'D TAKE THE STATIONERY STORE,

BUT YOU'RE SO WEIRD
ON WHAT PENS YOU LIKE.

NO, NO. I'LL JUST... I'LL WALK REALLY
FAST. MAYBE TAYLOR WON'T NOTICE ME.

YEAH. YOU BETTER
WALK REALLY FAST,

LIKE "WARP SPEED,
MR. SULU" KIND OF FAST.

GO!

20 MINUTES.

THESE AND MANY OTHER
FLAVORS AWAIT YOUR TONGUES

AT TAYLOR'S OLDE FASHIONED
SODA SHOPPE AND CANDY STORE.

I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL
FOR COMING HERE TODAY

TO HELP US CELEBRATE
OUR GRAND OPENING.

NOW, ORIGINALLY

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE
OUR ICE CREAM QUEEN HERE

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, KIDS,
SHE WAS JUST TOO BUSY.

SHE JUST COULDN'T FIND TIME
IN HER BUSY QUEEN'S SCHEDULE

TO COME PLAY WITH
ALL OF YOU HERE TODAY.

[crying]

I KNOW, CHRISTY, BUT TAKE HEART.

WE STILL HAVE BALLOONS AND MUSIC

AND AS A SPECIAL
TREAT A LITTLE LATER,

A SKYDIVER IS GOING
TO DROP FROM THE SKY

AND LAND RIGHT HERE

IN FRONT OF TAYLOR'S
OLDE FASHIONED

SODA SHOPPE AND CANDY STORE...

ISN'T THAT GREAT, KIDS?

A SKYDIVER, WHO ISN'T TOO
BUSY TO COME PLAY WITH YOU

WILL BE HERE SOON.

HEY, KIRK.

HELLO.

HEY, I'M LOOKING FOR
A GOOD DAYTIME CREAM

AND A GOOD NIGHTTIME CREAM.

FOR YOU? NO, FOR RORY.

IS SHE SENSITIVE, PRONE TO
BREAKOUTS IF THE CREAM IS TOO HEAVY?

YEAH.

I THOUGHT SO.

OK. FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD
STAY FAR AWAY FROM THAT ONE.

MUCH TOO RICH FOR HER.

THIS ONE IS LIGHT, WITH A FRESH CITRUS
SCENT, AND IT IS COMPLETELY NATURAL.

WE LIKE THAT.

FOR DAY, I WOULD RECOMMEND
SOMETHING WITH A SUNSCREEN.

RORY HAS A CLASSIC
PEACHES-AND-CREAM COMPLEXION

AND IT WOULD BE A CRIME
IF, WHEN SHE GOT OLDER,

HER FACE STARTED TO
LOOK LIKE A COWBOY.

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE.

ALL RIGHT. THIS SHOULD WORK.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I HEARD YOU
GOT BACK FROM YOUR TRIP.

YEP, I'M LIVING PROOF.

MISS PATTY SHOWED ME
THE CASTANETS YOU GOT HER.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

AND ANDREW SHOWED ME THE T-SHIRT

FROM THE PICASSO MUSEUM.

I MUST ADMIT I WAS
A LITTLE JEALOUS.

I MEAN, I HATE PICASSO,
BUT I LOVE T-SHIRTS.

AND PETE REALLY ENJOYED THE TOWER
OF LONDON NUTCRACKER YOU GOT HIM.

A NUTCRACKER'S VERY
USEFUL TO HAVE AROUND.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES
I'VE BEEN SITTING IN MY LIVING ROOM

WITH A NUT THINKING, "IF ONLY
I HAD A WAY TO CRACK THIS."

OK, KIRK, I'M REALLY SORRY.

WE GOT A LITTLE MESSED
UP ON THE PRESENTS.

IT JUST GOT SO CRAZY OVER THERE.

WE FORGOT TO BRING
SOMETHING BACK FOR LUKE.

I HEARD HE GOT JAM.

FAKE JAM.

I LOVE FAKE JAM.

I'M GONNA MAKE
THIS UP TO YOU, OK?

REALLY?

I PROMISE. WE NEVER
MEANT TO FORGET YOU.

OH.

OK. WELL, SURE. YOU
CAN MAKE IT UP TO ME.

OK. NOW, HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU?

$45.50.

YOU'RE, UH, YOU'RE LUCKY
YOU CAME IN WHEN YOU DID.

I'M CLOSING A
LITTLE EARLY TODAY.

OH, WELL, LUCKY ME.

YEP.

KIRK, NO.

TAYLOR PAID ME $20 TO JUMP OUT
OF A PLANE FOR THE GRAND OPENING.

NO!

I TOOK A LESSON. THE GUY
SAID I WAS A NATURAL AT FALLING.

KIRK, LISTEN TO ME.

THIS IS THE BEST GIFT I
COULD POSSIBLY GIVE YOU.

DON'T DO THAT, OK?

DO I STILL GET THE JAM?

THANKS A LOT! YALE CAN HAVE YOU!

HONEY, HEY, DID YOU
GET YOUR SILLY PENS?

YES.

OK, GOOD. I CAN MARK THESE 2
THINGS OFF AND WE ONLY HAVE

ABOUT 10,000 OTHER THINGS TO DO.

GREAT.

THE ONLY WAY WE'RE GONNA
GET THIS DONE IS IF WE PRIORITIZE.

MEANING?

SOMETHING HAS TO GO.

BISCOTTI NIGHT.

NO! NOT BISCOTTI NIGHT.

I THINK WE SHOULD BAIL
ON FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER.

CANCEL ON GRANDMA?

YES. CANCEL ON GRANDMA.

I CAN'T DO THAT.

WE NEED TO GET THIS
STUFF BEFORE TOMORROW.

THERE'S NO WAY WE
CAN, IF WE HAVE TO DRIVE

TO HARTFORD AND BACK.
SHE'LL UNDERSTAND.

WELL, THE FIRST PART WAS TRUE.

I CAN'T SKIP DINNER.

COME ON!

WE'RE GONNA GO
TO DINNER NEXT WEEK

AND EVERY WEEK AFTER THAT
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES

AND I DO MEAN THE
REST OF OUR LIVES,

BECAUSE MY PARENTS
WILL OUTLIVE US.

THE DAMNED CAN DO THAT.

MOM, I MADE A DEAL.

THIS IS WHY I GET TO GO
TO YALE. I CAN'T BACK OUT.

IT'S OUR LAST NIGHT.

I HAVE TO GO. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO, BUT I DO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I WAS VERY CLEAR WHEN I MADE
THIS DEAL THAT IT WAS ONLY FOR ME.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I
DON'T HAVE TO GO.

THAT'S AN ODDLY
LIBERATING FEELING.

I DON'T HAVE TO GO.
I DON'T HAVE TO GO.

I DO NOT HAVE TO GO TO DINNER.

MOM. HANG ON. I'M NOT DONE.

I DO NOT HAVE TO GO
EVER IF I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.

MOM!

I'M NOT GOING. I'LL
FINISH ALL THE ERRANDS.

REALLY? YES.

YOU GO AND EAT REALLY FAST,
AND THEN GET OUT OF THERE.

MEET ME BACK HERE AT
9:30, 10:00 AT THE LATEST

AND WE'LL DO GODFATHER I

THROUGH "MONDAY, TUESDAY,
THURSDAY," AND A QUICK SOFIA DYING.

DEAL. REMEMBER, EAT FAST.

OK. OK.

NOW, JUST PICTURE HER
SITTING HERE JUST LIKE THIS

SMILING AND WAVING.

"HELLO, KIDS. I'M THE
ICE CREAM QUEEN."

OK, THAT'S IT.

I HUMILIATE MYSELF AT LEAST
6 TIMES A YEAR FOR THIS TOWN

AND JUST BECAUSE I'M GOING TO
YALE, THAT'S NOT GOING TO STOP.

NOW, THE REASON I AM
NOT THE ICE CREAM QUEEN

IS BECAUSE TAYLOR
NEVER ASKED ME.

I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
THAT'S WHY I WAS BUSY.

NOW I LOVE THIS TOWN.

I WILL BE BACK IN THAT
RIDICULOUS PILGRIM OUTFIT

AT THANKSGIVING.

SO, EVERYBODY,
JUST GET OFF MY BACK!

[people applauding]

[doorbell ringing]

RICHARD, THEY'RE HERE.

PUT THOSE PAPERS
AWAY AND FIX YOUR TIE.

HEY, GRANDMA.

HELLO, RORY.

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU, TOO. COME ON IN.

I'M SORRY I'M A LITTLE LATE.

WELL, YOU'RE HERE NOW,
AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

SHALL WE GO INTO
THE LIVING ROOM?

YES. THEN I CAN GIVE
YOU YOUR PRESENT.

MY PRESENT? WELL, THAT
SOUNDS VERY INTERESTING.

WE BOUGHT IT FOR YOU IN PARIS

BECAUSE MOM SAID YOU
LOVED PARIS THE MOST.

I WONDER WHAT IT COULD BE.

FOR YOU.

[gasps]

OH, MY. IT'S LOVELY,
RORY, REALLY.

JUST BEAUTIFUL.

IT WAS BETWEEN THIS
AND THE ARC DE TRIOMPHE,

BUT MOM SAID THAT THE
EIFFEL TOWER WAS FANCIER.

I AGREE, AND I
LOVE IT. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

SO, WHERE IS YOUR
MOTHER TONIGHT?

NOT SICK, I HOPE.

OH, NO, SHE'S FINE. SHE
JUST HAD SOME THINGS TO DO.

AH, THINGS.

ERRANDS, ACTUALLY.

ERRANDS. OF COURSE.

BUT SHE'LL BE HERE NEXT WEEKEND.

SHE SAYS SHE'S
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

EMILY, I'M EXPECTING A CALL.
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO

SO PLEASE DON'T BE UPSET
WHEN I LEAVE THE TABLE.

RORY! HOW LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

WELL, HOW WAS THE FIRST
EUROPEAN EXCURSION?

IT WAS PERFECT.

LORELAI HAD CHORES
TO DO TONIGHT.

CHORES?

ERRANDS, YOU KNOW.

ERRANDS?

THAT'S WHY SHE DIDN'T COME.
SHE HAD TO RUN ERRANDS.

BUT SHE'LL BE HERE NEXT WEEK AND SHE'S
LOOKING FOWARD TO IT. ISN'T THAT NICE?

I SUPPOSE.

I THINK SO, TOO.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SEE MY PRESENT?

WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE.

THAT'LL FIT RIGHT IN WITH
YOUR COLLECTION, EMILY.

YES, IT WILL.

WE GOT SOMETHING
FOR YOU, TOO, GRANDPA.

WELL!

I GUESS YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
ONE WHO GETS A TREAT TONIGHT.

OH, AND JUST WHEN I
THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL.

LOOK AT THAT! THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WE FOUND THIS AMAZING
PIPE STORE IN COPENHAGEN.

THE MAN THERE CAN
CARVE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

HIS FAMILY'S BEEN DOING
IT FOR OVER 150 YEARS.

THEY HAD A WHOLE SET OF
ALICE IN WONDERLAND PIPES

THAT MOM WANTED, BUT
THEY WERE TOO EXPENSIVE

SO WE JUST GOT THE
QUEEN OF HEARTS.

WELL, I LOVE IT.

YES, AND YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE IT OUTSIDE ON THE PATIO.

AS YOU WISH, MY DEAR.

[phone beeping]

THAT'S MY CALL. THAT'S MY CALL.

HURRY BACK, OR WE'LL
START WITHOUT YOU.

5 MINUTES, 10, TOPS.

HE'LL BE AN HOUR.

IS HIS NEW BUSINESS GOING WELL?

OH, WHO KNOWS? HE'S NOT
AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT.

DINNER IS SERVED, MRS. GILMORE.

ALL RIGHT, GERTA.

WELL, I GUESS WE
SHOULD GO IN AND EAT.

WHAT ABOUT GRANDPA?

OH, WE'LL SAVE HIM SOMETHING.

OK.

SO, RORY, TELL ME, HOW
WERE THE GUNDERSONS?

THE WHO?

THE GUNDERSONS,
OUR FRIENDS IN ZURICH.

THE ONES WE TOLD YOU TWO TO
LOOK UP WHEN YOU GOT THERE.

OH, THE GUNDERSONS. RIGHT.

THEY'D BETTER HAVE GIVEN
YOU A FIRST-CLASS WELCOME,

ESPECIALLY AFTER
THAT SON OF THEIRS

SQUATTED HERE FOR
OVER A MONTH LAST YEAR.

AND RUINED THE RUG
IN THE GUEST ROOM.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I HOPE YOU RUINED ONE
OF THEIR RUGS AS WELL.

ACTUALLY, WE, UM... WE DIDN'T GET
A CHANCE TO SEE THE GUNDERSONS.

WHY NOT? WERE THEY OUT OF TOWN?

WELL...

YOU DID GO TO
ZURICH, DIDN'T YOU?

YES, BUT, YOU KNOW,
ZURICH WAS SO CRAZY FOR US

THAT WE JUST FIGURED, "AH,
WE'LL JUST CATCH THEM NEXT TIME."

YOU DIDN'T CALL THEM?

YOU KNOW, THERE
REALLY WASN'T TIME.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE
EGERHOLMS IN DENMARK?

IS THEIR NEW HOUSE
A MONSTROSITY?

WELL, IF, IF YOU THINK
ZURICH WAS HECTIC,

THEN DENMARK WAS JUST, "WHOO!"

YOU DIDN'T CALL THEM?

UM, NO.

THE REZOSCOS IN FLORENCE?

NO.

THE TALBOTS IN LONDON?

WE WERE ONLY IN
LONDON FOR 2 DAYS.

WHO DID YOU LOOK UP
WHEN YOU WENT TO EUROPE?

JIM MORRISON SAYS HELLO.

YOU DIDN'T LOOK UP
ONE OF OUR FRIENDS?

WE MUST HAVE GIVEN YOU 15 NAMES.

BUT WE GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN
THE BACKPACKING ASPECT OF IT

THAT IT JUST KIND OF
SLIPPED OUR MINDS.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, EMILY.

WE'LL HAVE TO STAY
WITH THE GUNDERSONS

WHEN WE GO TO
ZURICH IN THE FALL.

RORY, WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER PIECE OF CHICKEN?

TIRESOME PEOPLE.

I'VE ALREADY HAD 2, GRANDMA.

I'M SORRY, WHY ARE WE
FRIENDS WITH THEM, AGAIN?

JUST TAKE IT AND NIBBLE
AT IT IF YOU WANT TO.

GERTA, YOU CAN PUT
THE SOUFFLE IN NOW.

SOUFFLE?

YES, WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE A SPECIAL DESSERT,

SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE
YOUR HOMECOMING.

WHY DIDN'T SHE PUT IT IN THE
OVEN WHEN WE SAT DOWN TO DINNER?

EVERY TIME WE GO TO PARIS,
I MARVEL AT THEIR ABILITY

TO TURN A SIMPLE MEAL
INTO A 3 OR 4-HOUR EVENT.

IT MAKES EVERY DAY
SEEM LIKE A PARTY.

SO TONIGHT I THOUGHT
WE'D BE EUROPEAN.

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE'D HAVE A CHEESE
PLATE BEFORE DESSERT AND COFFEE.

HOW DOES THAT SOUND, BON?

OH, YES, VERY BON.

IT'S NICE TO MIX IT
UP ONCE IN A WHILE.

OH, I HAVE A WONDERFUL IDEA.

RORY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A
BALLROOM-DANCING COMPETITION?

UH, NO.

YOU WOULD LOVE IT.

IT IS SO EXCITING, AND THE
COSTUMES ARE BEAUTIFUL.

I'VE BEEN TAPING THEM
SINCE 1978, CAN YOU IMAGINE?

NO.

ALL RIGHT, THEN, AFTER DESSERT

YOU AND I WILL HUNKER DOWN
IN THAT DEN WE NEVER USE

AND I AM PULLING
OUT THOSE TAPES.

WE'LL START AT THE BEGINNING
AND SEE HOW FAR WE GET.

PERFECT. HERE'S THE CHEESE.

I'LL TAKE THAT, GERTA.

RICHARD, DO YOU WANT TO START?

JEEZ, YOU THINK YOU GO
TO A FANCY SCHOOL LIKE YALE

THERE'D BE A
MATTRESS IN THE ROOM.

YEAH, GO FIGURE, HUH?

YOU PACKED HER
STUFF IN HEFTY BAGS?

SHE'S LUCKY I HAD
THESE IN THE HOUSE.

YOU NEEDED LUGGAGE,
YOU SHOULD'VE ASKED ME.

YOU HAVE LUGGAGE?

YES, WHY WOULDN'T
I HAVE LUGGAGE?

YOU NEVER GO ANYWHERE.

I JUST WENT ON A
7-COUNTRY CRUISE.

THAT'S RIGHT, THE MYSTERY CRUISE
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.

I TOLD YOU I BROUGHT LUGGAGE.
WHAT MORE INFO DO YOU NEED?

WHY WON'T YOU TELL
ME WHAT HAPPENED?

BECAUSE.

WHY? LUKE, I SWEAR,
I'M DYING TO KNOW.

BUT EVERY TIME I BRING
IT UP, YOU SPAZ OUT.

WHY WON'T YOU TELL
ME? I WOULD TELL YOU.

YES, BUT I WOULDN'T
WANT TO KNOW.

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN
WITH YOU AND NICOLE?

YES.

WHAT? DID YOU PROPOSE?

YES.

OH, MY GOD. YOU PROPOSED?

YES, I PROPOSED.

THIS IS BIG. THIS IS HUGE.

THERE'S MORE.

THERE'S MORE? OK, WELL, WHAT?

DID SHE SAY YES?

YES.

SHE SAID YES. YOU
PROPOSED, AND SHE SAID YES.

THERE'S MORE.

AND THERE'S MORE AFTER YOU
PROPOSED AND SHE SAID YES? WHAT?

WE GOT MARRIED.

YOU GOT MARRIED?

HOW COULD YOU G-GET MARRIED?

WE ASKED THE CAPTAIN,
AND HE MARRIED US.

AND THAT'S LEGAL?

APPARENTLY.

SO YOU'RE MARRIED?
YOU'RE LEGALLY MARRIED?

THIS IS JUST...

ACTUALLY, THERE'S A LITTLE MORE.

[gasps]

AND SHE'S PREGNANT. OH, MY
GOD. YOU FINALLY REPRODUCED.

WE'RE GETTING DIVORCED.

I'M GONNA SIT DOWN NOW.

IT JUST ALL HAPPENED SO FAST.

WELL, YEAH.

YOU'RE ON THIS BOAT IN
THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

AND EVERYTHING'S MOVIN', AND
YOU FEEL WEIRD ALL THE TIME.

THERE'S THIS ENDLESS
SUPPLY OF FOOD AND DRINK.

MIDNIGHT BUFFETS, BY THE WAY,
ARE WHY THE WORLD HATES US.

EVERYONE AROUND US WAS
EITHER IN LOVE, ENGAGED,

OR CELEBRATING THEIR
100TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

AND WE WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.

THE NEXT MORNING WE BOTH WOKE UP

AND REALIZED WE'D
LOST OUR MINDS.

WE TRIED TO IGNORE
IT FOR A WHILE,

YOU KNOW, WENT SNORKELING.

BUT BY THE TIME WE, UH, HIT
LAND, WE WERE SEPARATED

AND NOW WE'RE GETTIN' DIVORCED.

OK.

MY JETLAG AND YOUR LOVE
LIFE IS MAKING ME DIZZY.

IS THERE MORE?

NOPE, THAT'S IT. WHEW.

I'M SORRY.

AH, IT'S OK.

WELL, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

NOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED,

IT'LL SILENCE ALL
THOSE QUESTIONS.

WHAT QUESTIONS?

YOU KNOW, A SINGLE MAN OF A
CERTAIN AGE WHO LIVES ALONE?

YOU'RE KIDDING.

HEY, I ALWAYS DEFENDED YOU.

I ALWAYS SAID, "HEY,
SO WHAT IF HE IS?"

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

[cell phone ringing]

[sighs]

HELLO?

SHE'S TAKEN ME HOSTAGE.

WHAT?

SHE'S NOT LETTING ME LEAVE.

DINNER LASTED AN HOUR.

SHE DIDN'T PUT THE SOUFFLE
IN THE OVEN UNTIL WE'D FINISHED

AND NOW WE'RE WATCHING TAPED
BALLROOM-DANCING COMPETITIONS

THAT DATE BACK TO THE 1800s.

YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YET?

ARE YOU LISTENING
TO ME? I CAN'T LEAVE.

SHE WON'T LET ME LEAVE EVER.

THIS IS IRAN IN '79, AND YOU ARE
JIMMY CARTER. WHAT DO WE DO?

WELL, FIRST WE LOSE THE
JIMMY CARTER COMPARISON

AND 2ND, I HAVE TO COME GET YOU.

THIS IS ABOUT ME, AND
ME NOT SHOWING UP.

SO MAYBE IF I PUT IN AN
APPEARANCE, SHE'LL LET YOU GO.

OK, BUT COME QUICKLY,
BECAUSE SHE'S GOT A LOT OF TAPES

AND THEY REWIND REALLY SLOW.

I'M ON MY WAY.

UM...

HEY, SO, UH... I... I
HAVE TO GO GET RORY.

EVERYTHING OK?

UH, YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER'S A
PSYCHO, SO BUSINESS AS USUAL.

YEAH.

THANKS FOR THE HELP.

SURE.

AND I AM SORRY.

I'LL BE FINE.

STRONG WIND.

NOW I THINK YOU'RE REALLY
GOING TO SEE QUITE A DIFFERENCE

FROM THE EARLY '80s.

THEY REALLY START
TO MIX IT UP IN '88.

UH-HUH.

OH, SEE RIGHT THERE.
SEE THAT MOVE?

5 YEARS AGO, IT WAS NOT ALLOWED.

COULD HAVE GOTTEN
YOU KICKED RIGHT OUT.

THAT'S HARSH.

OH, YES.

BALLROOM DANCING
CAN BE VERY HARSH.

OH, LOOK. THE COUPLE
IN THE PURPLE FEATHERS.

THAT'S CORKY AND SHIRLEY BALLAS.

I LOVE THEM. THEY
ARE SO TALENTED.

CORKY'S ACTUALLY
WRITING A MUSICAL

BASED ON THEIR LIFE AS
BALLROOM CHAMPIONS.

AND THEIR SON, CORKY JR., IS
GOING TO PLAY HIM AS A YOUNG MAN.

WOW. 2 CORKYS IN ONE SHOW.

YOU DON'T SEE THAT EVERY DAY.

HEY.

MOM, HI!

THERE YOU GUYS ARE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, I JUST HAPPENED TO
BE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

AND I THOUGHT, "WHAT'S
DOIN' AT THE GILMORE HOUSE?"

WE'RE WATCHING NATIONAL
BALLROOM DANCING COMPETITION.

YOU ARE?

THAT SOUNDS FUN. MIND
IF I WATCH WITH YOU?

I DON'T THINK YOU'D ENJOY IT.

OH, NO, I'M SURE I WOULD.

YOU'VE MISSED THE BEGINNING.

I BET YOU CAN CATCH ME UP.

RORY, WOULD YOU GO ASK GERTA
IF SHE WOULD MAKE ME SOME TEA?

UM, SURE, GRANDMA.

NO, NOTHING FOR ME, MOM, THANKS.

UM, SO, WHAT'S NEW?

WELL, YOU OBVIOUSLY WEREN'T
JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE?

UH, YOU KNOW, I CAME TO SEE YOU.

YOU CAME TO GET RORY.

MOM, SHE'S BEEN HERE FOR HOURS.

PATTY HEARST HAD A
SHORTER INCARCERATION.

SHE'S NOT BEING HELD
HOSTAGE. I RESENT THAT.

SHE'S SPENDING TIME WITH ME, SOMETHING
YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO DO.

MOM, I'M SORRY I... I
MISSED DINNER TONIGHT.

COME TO DINNER, DON'T COME,
IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME.

YOU ARE UNDER NO
OBLIGATION TO US ANY LONGER.

I KNOW, BUT...

YOU'RE VERY BUSY. I UNDERSTAND.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO
KEEP YOU ANY LONGER.

MOM, PLEASE LET ME
TAKE RORY WITH ME.

NO. TONIGHT IS MY
NIGHT WITH RORY.

YOU'RE KEEPING HER
FROM ME ON PURPOSE.

IF RORY WANTS TO LEAVE,
SHE CAN ASK TO LEAVE.

SHE'S NOT A 4-YEAR-OLD.

WELL, SHE'S NOT GONNA HURT
YOUR FEELINGS BY ASKING TO LEAVE.

WHY SHOULD SHE? SHE KNOWS
YOU'LL BE ALONG TO DO IT FOR HER.

MOM, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS
MAKE EVERYTHING SO HARD?

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT
WITH MY DAUGHTER.

SHE GOES OFF TO
COLLEGE TOMORROW.

I KNOW. WHICH IS WHY
I WAS SO SURPRISED

YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH HER.

I DO! THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE COME.

I COULDN'T. YOU WOULDN'T.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

[sighing]

WHERE'S DAD?

OH, HE WENT TO BED HOURS AGO.

[laughs]

HE WENT TO BED?

WELL, IT WAS GETTING LATE.

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

UM...

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT
RORY LOCKED IN HERE

WITH THE MAMBO KINGS AND, UM,

AND DAD WENT TO BED.

SO WHAT? WHY IS THAT FUNNY?

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S HERE, AND HE'S THERE,

AND, GOD, I'M SO TIRED.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

OH, SHE'S HAVING A FIT.

MOM?

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT?

I JUST GOT THE JIMMY
CARTER REFERENCE.

AS SOON AS YOU'RE BOTH DONE...

♪ [music playing]

(Rory) OH, WATCH THIS.
THIS PART'S REALLY GOOD.

(Lorelai) OUCH. THAT
HAS GOT TO HURT.

COOL, HUH?

EXTREMELY.

PLUS THE WHOLE
MATCHING-HAIRCUT THING

ADDS A LEVEL OF
COMMITMENT TO THEIR ACT

THAT THE OTHER ACTS JUST LACK.

OH, HEY, CAREFUL WHERE
YOU PUT THE HAND, MISTER.

THEY REHEARSE EVERY NIGHT,
PLUS THEY HAVE CLASSES,

PLUS THEY GO TO THE
GYM 4 TIMES A WEEK?

OH, MY GOD. SHE'S
BALANCING ON HIS HAND.

HE IS LIKE SUPERMAN
OR WONDER WOMAN.

EITHER WAY, HE'S VERY STRONG.

♪ IN A WORLD WITHOUT YOU ♪

SO, TOMORROW...

♪ I WILL ALWAYS HUNGER ♪

YEAH, TOMORROW.

IT'S A BIG DAY.

IT'S A REALLY BIG DAY.

I JUST HOPE IT'S EVERYTHING
I'VE BEEN IMAGINING IT TO BE.

YEAH.

I JUST HOPE YOU
ACTUALLY GET THERE.

[chuckles]

NOW IF SOFIA COULD JUST DIE DURING
A FOX TROT, THAT WOULD BE PERFECT.

BISCOTTI?

YES, PLEASE.

THEY'RE ALL BROKEN.

I KNOW.

I LIKE THEM LIKE THAT.

♪ EVERYTHING YOU ASK FOR ♪

♪ NOTHING IS ♪