Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 3, Episode 9 - A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving - full transcript
Rory and Lorelai work to fit in four thanksgiving dinners but they don't eat much at the family dinner when Lorelai finds out Rory applied at more colleges then just Harvard. Lane has her first kiss and human Kirk and cat Kirk have a little adjusting to do.
I like these women.
I love these women.
- Poor Edie.
- Which Edie?
Little Edie. She?s just trying to
sing and her mom won?t stop talking.
Big Edie was so beautiful in her day.
They were both pretty.
I can?t believe they
were related to Jackie.
The Kennedy?s kind of hid them
in the background for many years.
When you?re a Kennedy,
how do you even choose
who in the family to hide?
It?s a tough choice.
Something beautiful about them though.
They?re cool, they?re free.
Yeah, and they?re memorable.
Most people are very
forgettable. And they?re happy.
- They had their cats.
- And their raccoons.
- And their pretty house.
- And each other.
Add a few years and they?re us.
Rhiana, run it through the sieve
again, I want it smooth as glass.
Don?t cut corners, people!
- Is she melting down?
- Like butter on a skillet.
- Sookie...
- Just a sec, hon.
How?s your love life, Pete?
A little frustrated, I bet.
Wondering how I know that?
?Cause you?re taking
it out on my egg whites.
Gently, fold them gently.
Cheryl ? you?re slicing not
dicing, I can hear it in the chop.
Adjust, my friend.
Sookie, whoa... Hey, let?s talk.
I?m extremely lacking in time here.
- What?s going on?
- Chaos?
A travesty of cooking? It?s a
salmonella laboratory in here!
Sookie, the kitchen
will be in good hands.
But not in my hands.
It?ll be in Bob hands.
Bob has great hands.
No, you know what Bob has?
Bob has two seconds to get the hollandaise
off the flame before I break his neck!
Sookie, listen, you hired Bob.
You trained him in your image.
He?s great, and he?s
subbed for you before.
But this is Thanksgiving, he
has never done Thanksgiving.
He?s ready, he?ll sub
for you seamlessly.
Even Big Joe Newsanchor?s
have substitutes.
And that?s the thing.
They still say, ?And now the CBS
Evening News with Dan Rather. ?
You see?
Dan is still associated with it even
though he?s off snorkeling or something,
just like I?m gonna be
associated with the dinner
because Bob is substituting for Sookie.
Excuse me one minute.
Oh, this can only be good.
Sookie, that?s the garbage.
Stop rooting through the garbage.
I will when people stop
throwing away useful stuff!
Drop, drop the, drop the tops,
drop ?em... Come here, come here...
Now, Sookie, listen to me because
you?re torturing yourself here.
Emily, hi.
Oh, that?s nice. That?s very
high school. Stick with me here.
Good to see you.
Yeah, that?s funny. You
know who?s behind you?
It?s Joseph Stalin, my good friend.
What are you doing
back from the dead, Joe?
- Lorelai.
- Oh, Mom!
- Ah, geez, you scared me.
- You heard Sookie greet me.
Oh, I thought it was a joke.
Like comparing me to Joseph Stalin?
I wasn?t comparing you to Joseph Stalin.
I?m in a hurry. Can
we speak for a minute?
Yeah, I guess, for a minute.
- So, were you in the area or something?
- Not really.
- Then what are you doing here?
- I wanted to talk to you.
Phone?s out of order?
Let?s not play games here.
Games?
I?ve called several
times the past few weeks
and you?ve skillfully
avoided every call.
No, that?s not true. I?ve
left messages on your machine.
Yes, messages.
And then if I happened
to pick up, you?d hang up.
Or if the maid picked
up, you?d ask for me,
then claim you were driving through
a tunnel so you might get cut off,
and then you?d make
garbling noises and hang up.
Fine, Mom, we?re talking now. What?s up?
Are you feeling well?
You came all the way
out here to ask me that?
You?ve been sick these past
few Friday?s for dinner,
so I was concerned. That?s
why you didn?t come, right,
because you were sick? So
are you better? You look fine.
Oh, it?s the makeup. I?m still...
these allergies really just
hit me like a ton of bricks.
I?ve never heard you
mention allergies before.
I?m a silent sufferer.
I certainly hope you?re
feeling better now
because I want you to come
to dinner tomorrow night.
Tomorrow? Tomorrow?s Thanksgiving.
Yes, it is Thanksgiving.
And before you sift through the dozen
or so excuses you always have on hand,
let me have my say. You?ve missed
two dinners and avoided my calls
because you?re mad at us
about what happened at Yale.
But I want you and Rory
at Thanksgiving this year.
- Mom...
- If you have plans...
- We do have plans.
- Alter them.
Now, there?ll be other people
there, so the focus won?t be on you,
and you may even be able to get by
without saying more than ?hello?,
?goodbye?, and ?pass the gravy?.
We already have plans.
Your father and I are going
out of town the next day
and we?ll be gone all of
December, including Christmas,
so it?s the last chance for the family
to be together for the rest of the year.
Look...
And I want you to remember
that I am not the one
who set the meeting for Rory behind
your back. I want you there, Lorelai.
And if you?re still sick, I
don?t want a doctor?s note.
I want your doctor
himself to come to my house
and convince me that it?s true, got it?
Got it.
See you tomorrow.
The multi-layered membrane
systems of the cytoplasm
are the smooth endoplasmic reticulum,
the rough endoplasmic reticulum,
and the golgi body.
Now, the smooth endoplasmic reticulum
is concerned with the
manufacture of lipid molecules.
We?ll continue on this next week.
Keep up on your reading please.
That was really distracting.
Oh. Well, by all means, Madeline,
you should point out to the faculty
that their annoying custom of teaching
is distracting you from
more important things
like nail filing and daydreaming
about marrying Ryan Phillippe.
He?s already married.
Then whatever strawhead actor isn?t.
This was bad. For the last five minutes,
every single thing
she said sounded dirty.
- Yeah, same here.
- Good God.
I mean, reticulum? Come on.
Plus, the golgi body.
I mean, is it me or is
that majorly pornographic?
My life with the Banger sisters.
- So, changing the subject...
- Hallelujah.
What?s everybody doing for Thanksgiving?
I can?t even talk about Thanksgiving.
- Louise?
- I?m having dinner with my dad.
Isn?t he still in jail?
Yes, but his company donated
some treadmills for the inmates
so he swung a special trailer for dinner that
they?re gonna set up for us in the parking lot.
We have it for about two hours and
then one of the Manson girls gets us.
You?re lucky it?s in that order.
My Thanksgiving is turning
into a Wes Craven movie.
How so?
I called shelters to
volunteer to serve food.
It?s Thanksgiving ? you?d
think they have needs.
Nope. Every stupid soup
kitchen in town turned me down
- because they have enough volunteers.
- Bummer.
I?m on a couple waiting lists,
but it doesn?t look good.
I?ve never heard of too many volunteers.
Who are all these jackasses
who volunteered anyway?
They can?t all be students like me. They?re
not all putting it on a college application.
I get something out of it and these
other people don?t get a thing.
- Talk about selfish.
- Sore subject.
What are you up to, Madeline?
I?ve got more college
applications to fill out.
Backups, safety schools.
I?ve got some of that,
too. I?m so behind.
I told you guys to have
those things done by now.
Sorry, Mom.
It?s not about being sorry.
It?s about being prepared.
I got Harvard and my
backups in weeks ago.
Okay, all you?re doing
is making me more nervous.
- I?ll see you guys Monday.
- Same here.
Yup, see you guys Monday.
Harvard is going to be expecting
Thanksgiving shelter work.
They?ll know I called too late and it will
totally impugn my organizational skills.
By the way, you know I ultimately do all
these things for the good of mankind, right?
Oh yeah.
- Sometimes I don?t think I come off that way.
- No.
Hello?
Yes, thanks for returning my call...
Nothing? But wait, wait, wait
? just stick me at any old pot.
I?m small, you won?t even know I?m
there, I?ll even bring my own ladle...
Oh, now, come on, work with me
here. I?ve got a slotted spoon...
What about coffee or condiments?
You got condiments covered?
I?m sorry, can I speak
to your supervisor?
My attitude? What about your attitude?
I?m trying to help people.
It?s Thanksgiving...
So she coldcocked you, huh?
She bit me, incapacitated me with
her poison, and devoured me whole.
But how are we going to go
to four Thanksgiving dinners?
It?s not four, is it?
Lane?s house, Sookie?s, and
we always stop by Luke?s...
that?s three, and Grandma
and Grandpa is four.
- We?re mad, Edie.
- We?re us, Edie.
We?ve gotta go to my parents? or
we?ll be brought up on war crimes.
Lane?s is always super early,
so that?s easy to catch.
- Sookie?s is mid afternoon.
- Luke?s the toughie.
- Guess that?s the one we?ll have to skip.
- Bummer.
I know, but he won?t care.
Holidays are nothing to him anyway.
Hey Kirk. Discover a new freaky fetish?
- What?
- Nothing. You buy a cat?
- Yup. I?m very excited.
- You seem it. So what?s all this?
I?m assuming there?s
nothing left in the store.
Actually, there are a
number of things left.
No, I meant you seem to
be buying a lot of stuff.
Oh, sorry.
My excitement must be clouding my
ability to judge comedic hyperbole.
So where?d you get the cat?
A lady had a bunch of
them at the grocery store
and Kirk seemed to take
an instant liking to me.
- Kirk?
- Yes?
No, I mean, the cat?s name is Kirk?
- Weird coincidence or...
- I named him Kirk.
Isn?t that confusing?
Not when you think about it.
No, it?s still confusing.
I like the name, and
whenever I call Kirk?s name,
I obviously won?t be calling myself.
True.
Although when my mom calls for
Kirk, that may be confusing.
Maybe I can get her to say
CatKirk when she?s calling Kirk,
and HumanKirk when she?s calling me.
That would keep it straight.
I?m glad I ran into you. See ya.
- See ya, HumanKirk.
- Bye HumanKirk.
He?s always been a cat person,
he?s just never had a cat.
- Hey. Anywhere?
- Anywhere.
- Would you mind moving?
- I hate when you do that.
- It?s my showstopper.
- An empty table.
- You ready to order?
- I?m ready.
Don?t bother, saw you coming,
already ordered your Wednesday usual ?
the French dip, extra fries,
the every-Wednesday cherry pie.
- Such service.
- Oh, and such a food rut we?re in.
- Thank you, Luke.
- I gotta get back to stuffing my turkey.
Oh, honey, do you have time to do
that and prep your Thanksgiving food?
- Stop it.
- Here, here.
It?s a tedious job.
What if we told you you
could stuff one less?
- What do you mean?
- We got jammed.
Shanghaied by my mother and what
with the other things we have going...
well, too many
commitments, not enough us.
- So?
- We can?t make it tomorrow.
Oh, okay, fine.
It was beyond our control.
That?s fine, whatever.
I?ll be right back.
Okay, I may be crazy,
but he almost looked...
- Disappointed.
- Yes, disappointed.
- We disappointed Luke.
- I didn?t think it was possible.
Our powers are greater than we know.
He actually likes it when
we come for Thanksgiving.
All these years and we never knew.
He?s the Grinch and we?re Cindy Lou Who.
So Cindy Lou, what do we do?
I got it.
Oh, perfect. That works
great. Okay, bye now.
Sorry, I?m just clarifying
the schedule for tomorrow.
As luck has it, we can make
it. We?ll definitely be here.
- It?s okay.
- No, it?s all cleared.
That was my mom, and the time?s
just gonna work out just fine.
Really, you don?t have to. I already
stopped prepping the last turkey.
Well, start prepping it
again ?cause we are coming.
I don?t want you to feel
like you have to come.
This is tiring.
I can kneel behind him
and you can push him over.
- It may come to that.
- It won?t be a hassle?
- It won?t be a hassle.
- You sure?
We?re coming, now go away
and let us eat. Shoo, shoo.
That was very nice.
Well, I hate disappointing people.
Okay, now, practical question...
how are we going to eat
four Thanksgiving dinners?
How? Rory, what are we if
not world champion eaters?
- It?s too much food.
- It?s not too much food.
This is what we?ve been training for
our whole lives. This is our destiny.
- This is our finest hour.
- Or final hour.
No, no. Get inspired and
tomorrow I guarantee you,
we will be standing
on the Olympic platform
receiving our gold medals for eating.
We are not Michelle Kwan-ing this.
Okay, okay, four dinners.
Yeah, we?ll skip the rolls.
That?ll help.
You know, we might wanna
consider not eating much now
in preparation for our finest hour.
A little fasting so that we
can enjoy more tomorrow, hm?
- Unnecessary.
- Yeah.
What's on the list?
Flowers for everyone we're visiting
and cranberry sauce for the Kims.
Tums.
- You mean amateur pills?
- Just in case.
Okay, Tums.
I?ll do the flowers.
- I?ll do Doose?s.
- Thank you.
- Hey there.
- Hey.
- Wait, stop.
- What?
Stop.
What are you doing?
Come on.
- What was that?
- That was a kiss.
What?s with the
relocation before the kiss?
- It's too early.
- Too early? Too early for what?
For kissing like that.
What's the rule, no kissing before noon?
No, it's too early to do this here.
Where, in the street?
In the street, with people watching...
What people?
- In front of Doose's.
- Ah, Doose's.
We shouldn't flaunt it.
- But I want to flaunt it.
- It doesn't feel right.
- He's a big boy Rory.
- I know.
It's not the first time
a couple?s broken up.
- It is for us.
- This is insane.
Please, let?s not flaunt it, please?
- For how long?
- Until it's comfortable.
Before we're on Social Security?
I promise, we can kiss secretly.
Yeah, or we can wear Three
Stooges masks all the time,
that way no one will know who we are.
- I can be Curly.
- I?ll be Moe.
- Probably too silly.
- Yeah, probably.
This will get better
over time, I promise.
But until then, let?s just play it cool.
Hey, I?m Frank at the Sands.
That?s cool.
Oh, hey, Kirk. Doing
your holiday shopping?
Well, shopping, yes,
and it is a holiday,
but my shopping isn?t holiday
related, so technically no.
Oh, what happened there?
Oh, nothing, just a little scratch.
Looks like a big scratch.
Wow, Bactine, Neosporin,
Mercurochrome...
what?s with all the pharmacologicals?
Oh, well, Kirk and I are going through
a little adjustment period, that?s all.
- CatKirk?
- It?s no biggie,
and this looks a lot worse than it is.
Yeah, I can see that.
So how?d it happen? Were
you playing or something?
We haven?t actually played yet.
This happened when I accidentally walked
into the room without announcing myself.
Excuse me?
I?ve discovered Kirk
likes my presence announced
before I enter any room that he?s in.
You have to announce yourself?
Yeah, just a quick, ?Is it okay if
I come in?? from the adjacent room.
Otherwise, he gets a little testy.
Hence the scratch.
It?s just a small
laceration. Again, no biggie.
Kirk, he got your neck!
That was another mistake of mine.
I put his food bowl
down in front of him.
He doesn?t like that. Or she doesn?t.
She? I thought Kirk was a boy.
That was just a guess.
He actually hasn?t exposed his
underside to me yet. Or hers.
Well, here?s hoping your cat
exposes itself to you soon.
>From your mouth to God?s ears.
- See ya.
- See ya.
Hi there.
Hi.
So you pulled the
Thanksgiving shift, huh?
Yeah, I get time and a half.
Good, good. It?s good to see you.
Same here. So, I gotta work.
Right, right. That Taylor?s a dictator.
Dean, wait.
Look, we live in a teeny
tiny little hamlet here.
I mean, stick it in an envelope and we
could mail the whole town for a buck-forty.
It makes avoiding people
tough and uncomfortable.
I know.
I hate hiding from people, especially
when I don?t wanna hide from them.
You were a pal. You
were so good to Rory.
You were the best first boyfriend
a mother could?ve hoped for.
Thanks.
It?s okay to keep
avoiding me if you want.
I just wanted you to know
that you don?t need to, okay?
Just because you and Rory
broke up doesn?t mean we did.
Good. That?s good to hear.
Well, Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving.
- Aw, pretty!
- Yeah, good selection today.
- You get everything?
- And then some. Look.
Chocolate turkeys, nice!
I think they?ll add a festive air.
Definitely.
- So, was he in there?
- Yeah, he was.
Good, good. I hope he?s good.
- Did he seem good?
- He seemed good.
- He?s getting time and a half.
- Good, good.
- So, let?s go eat.
- And eat and eat.
- And eat and eat and eat.
- And eat and eat and eat and eat...
- Ah, the Gilmores. Happy Thanksgiving.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Come in.
- She?s in a good mood this year.
- Downright chipper.
So, Mrs. Kim, we... we brought gifts.
Flowers.
And cranberry sauce, our
little Thanksgiving tradition.
Thank you, can never have too much.
- That?s what we say.
- Plus, a chocolate turkey.
What should I do with this?
Oh, I don?t know, let the kids share it.
And then send a blank
check to their dentist?
They don?t have to eat
it, they can play with it.
Play with chocolate?
It?s missing its head.
Ooh, that one?s ours.
Here, this one has a head. There ya go.
Okay.
My arms are too short
to box with Mrs. Kim.
The singing?s already begun.
Who?s that playing
guitar? He looks familiar.
Oh my God, that?s Lane?s Dave.
Oh, yeah, it is. He?s all neat and tidy.
- He?s gone corporate.
- He?s gone Korean.
Oh, hey, hi.
Hey yourself. Hey, how?d you
get your mom to let you...
Come on, girls, let?s
get you some punch.
- What?s going on?
- That is not Dave Rygalski.
- Oh, intrigue.
- Who is it?
I mean, not the one
that I?m in a band with.
That is Dave Rygalski, local
Christian guitar player that my mom
and I met very briefly and
innocently at the dance marathon,
and that I coincidentally
ran across again
when I found his ad seeking
Christian guitar accompaniment gigs up
- on our church bulletin board.
- Complicated.
I even put the fake ad up at church
and pretended to find it
with my mom next to me.
- You?re good.
- So, are you guys dating?
We?re laying the groundwork.
If she gets to know him before
we date and she approves of him,
we won?t have to hide anything.
Right, except how you met.
And who he really is.
But other than that,
it?s completely fib-free.
Watch it. You break it, you buy it.
Ten percent off for cousins, twenty
percent off for nephews and nieces.
Yung Kwan, good to see you.
Hee Kim, hi. Oh, I love your hair.
Su Nam, hi. Hi.
Ho Kyung, Wan Kyu, great to see you, hi.
Oh, Mrs. Kim, just a
beautiful table, as always.
Try the tofurkey. Turkey made from tofu.
Oh, we definitely will.
And meet the guitar player. Nice
young man, big fan of tofurkey.
- David?
- Yes.
This is Rory Gilmore and Mrs. Gilmore.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Oh, same here.
I think I?ve seen you around town.
Yeah, that might be a
possibility. Happy Thanksgiving.
Same to you.
- Hymn 17 please.
- Yes, ma?am.
Wow, he seems like a
very upright young man.
Not a bad sight-reader either.
You?re taking tofurkey?
And some extra napkins
to slip the tofurkey into
when no one is looking
and then toss them away.
Very smart.
Mama, just a thought, but
maybe we can take a break
from the hymns while we eat?
No break, he?s paid to play.
We can quit singing for now, but he
should play soft in the background, okay?
Yeah. Yes, ma?am.
- The best laid plans.
- Tell me about it.
- How do you feel?
- I ate tofurkey.
- How do you think I feel?
- Tofurkier.
Drat that Mrs. Kim for not taking
her eyes off me the whole time...
it?s like she was anticipating
my napkin maneuver.
- Hi hon!
- Happy Thanksgiving.
Ah, thank you. Thank God,
civilization has arrived.
- What?s wrong?
- What?s wrong?
Do you not see what?s going on here?
What?s that?
That is a vat of boiling oil.
Really? Where?s Quasimodo?
- This is not a joking matter.
- What is the oil for?
- For pouring on visigoths.
- Lorelai!
When else am I gonna get
to use my visigoth material?
- What?s the oil for?
- The turkey.
My beautiful, expensive,
organically grown turkey.
I don?t get it.
A couple of days ago, Jackson asked
me if he could cook the turkey.
I thought he was gonna roast it,
stick a couple of onions around it,
something simple. So I said yes,
figuring that the minute he put it
in the oven and leaves the kitchen,
I can sneak in and give
it a nice herb-bitter rub
and stuff it with a
pancetta-chestnut stuffing.
Sure, ?cause he?d never notice that.
Exactly. Then the propane tank arrived,
and the industrial burner, and
the fifteen gallons of peanut oil.
Then he springs it on me ?
?I?m gonna deep-fry a turkey. "
- Deep-fried turkey.
- Interesting.
I tried to talk him out of
it, but I?d already promised
and now he?s excited about it.
Hey, what?s keeping Jackson?
Is he on the pot or something?
Lots of precious memories
in the making here.
Hey Jackson, get your butt
out here with that gobbler!
A gobbler.
Maybe it won?t be that bad.
Yeah, deep-frying?s kind of in now.
I don?t care. You
don?t deep-fry turkey.
Filet of fish, yes.
A batch of fries, yes.
A donut, yes. Not turkey.
- Come on, let?s get going!
- Yeah, we?re hungry!
Jackson, Jackson, Jackson...
Did someone say... Jackson?
Wow, it?s like Thunderdome in here.
He should?ve just driven
it out on a monster truck.
He?s shamelessly catering
to his demographic.
Are you ready?
Oh my God, I can?t look.
- Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
- Oh my God, they?re counting down.
...five, four, three, two, one!
- It?s in the vat.
- It?s like a death in the family.
Look at the bright side, Sookie.
At least this took your mind
off the dinner at the inn.
Oh my God, the inn.
What if Bob decides to do something
equally awful to the turkey at the inn?
- I have to call him.
- Oh, hey guys.
Neat, huh? And it only
takes forty minutes.
- Cool.
- How ya doing, hon?
Oh, fine, Sweets.
And keep ?em coming.
Hey everybody.
Oh, hey there dollfaces.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving.
- What?s this?
- Flowers.
- What do I do with them?
- Not this again.
- Put them in a vase with water.
- I don?t have a vase.
- You do this every year.
- I don?t have vases.
Buy a vase.
But I don?t need a vase
?cause I never have flowers.
Except when we bring
you flowers every year
on Thanksgiving. Buy a vase.
- Stop bringing me flowers.
- Stop bringing me flowers.
I knew you were gonna say that
because you say the same thing.
We have this same exact
conversation every year.
And every year you point that out.
- And every year you point that out.
- And every year you point that out.
And then every year we put
the flowers on the counter
and forget the ugliness ever happened.
At least we have a tradition.
Good. I?ll be right back.
That?s our table over there.
Hey Kirk.
- Oh my God!
- What happened?
I?m scratched over
sixty percent of my body.
Aw, CatKirk again?
Sorry.
- I?m so mad at that cat.
- Very uncool cat.
I love cats, but I love Kirk, too.
It?s pretty much fifty-fifty, and
that?s a high compliment, my friend.
How did this happen?
Well, the tension of our
standoff was unbearable,
so I got on the floor and
tried to play with him.
- It?s a him?
- I caught a peek.
Go on.
I rolled this cute little ball of
yarn over to him all nice and gentle.
He tried to garrote me with it.
- Oh my God.
- Very uncool.
Just grabbed two ends with
his paws and came at me.
But he doesn?t have opposable thumbs.
He?s beyond them.
And he?s smart. He knows things,
sometimes before they happen.
- Get a hold of yourself, man.
- You haven?t heard the worst.
Oh geez, there?s worse?
When the attacks got
particularly brutal,
I had no choice but to strip naked
and hide under water in the bathtub.
I read that cats are afraid of water.
They are, they are.
Kirk isn?t. He found me,
and he seemed to derive
greater power from the water.
That?s when the bulk of
the scratching happened.
Well, then, I think it?s good you?re
giving Kirk a little space right now.
Just relax and enjoy your food.
I can?t taste my food.
- Well, then, just try to relax.
- Thanks.
Hi, Happy Thanksgiving.
So, are you joining us?
- Sure, if that?s okay.
- Yeah, sit, sit.
- God, I?m starved.
- You could?ve eaten.
- You kept telling me not to eat.
- I did not.
You did, too. You said
you were waiting for them.
You didn?t have to wait for us.
I wasn?t waiting for you,
it just worked out this way.
Right.
- Looks great.
- Tasty.
- Shouldn?t we give thanks first?
- Thanks for what?
Well, that we?re not Native
Americans who got their land stolen
in exchange for smallpox
infested blankets.
Amen.
So where you guys in your day?
We hit the Kim?s, we hit Sookie?s,
and we go to the grandparents from here.
- Full day.
- Yeah.
Well, you can skip eating
this one if you want.
Just have cokes or
something, it?s no big deal.
No, no way, you?re the
main event today, my friend.
- Oh, good.
- What?s good are the yams.
Definitely. Got some more marshmallows?
Yeah, I can grab some.
Hey, refill some coffees.
So, no offense, but lame-o kiss.
What?
You and Jess, like a couple
chickens pecking at each other.
Mind your own business.
Well, it was right in front of me.
- So, I don?t need a review.
- Sorry.
I?m just not good with
the public displays.
You didn?t have that problem with Dean.
I know, but now I just feel
like everybody?s watching me.
- People are not watching you.
- You were watching me.
I created you. It?s biologically
predetermined that I watch you.
I just don?t know how this whole second
boyfriend thing is supposed to go.
He?s your first second
boyfriend. Give it time.
The whole town got used to
me with Dean, it?s just weird.
It?ll get easier. You?re gonna
have hundreds of men in your life.
Gee, thanks.
Maybe not hundreds, but
a couple, three, more.
- It?ll get easier.
- I guess.
Honey, they?ll adjust
to seeing you with Jess.
And then there?s Dean.
What do I do about him?
Well, you know, he?ll be moving on, too.
Right, of course he will, yeah.
We?re outta here.
Time to walk some of this off.
Oh, we?d have to walk to
China to walk all of it off.
Which way?s China?
Thataway. Have a good night.
Thanks. By the way, that was
some half-assed kiss you two had.
You gotta give it a
little something, honey.
- Bye Babette. Bye Morey.
- Bye.
The whole town is watching.
- You ready for this?
- Of course.
Even with the Cold War?
That?s been going on for
thirty-four years? I can manage.
It?s been a bit colder
these past few weeks.
Oh no, I?m fine, you know why?
Because in two hours ? and I do
plan on extricating us from here
in exactly two hours ?
the night will be over
and I won?t have to see
them again until next year.
Oh, start your stopwatch.
- Hello.
- Hi Grandma. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Rory. Happy
Thanksgiving, Lorelai.
Happy Thanksgiving.
One hour, fifty-nine
minutes, and forty seconds.
Oh, wow, it?s a piano player.
That?s Brad. I found him at Nordstrom?s.
Was he on sale?
I thought a little background
music would add a nice touch.
He knows every song ever written.
Free Bird! Hi Brad.
Lorelai, please. Now come
along, everyone?s here.
We?re all here.
Oh, good. Happy Thanksgiving, Rory.
Happy Thanksgiving, Grandpa.
- Lorelai.
- Dad.
These are our guests,
Natalie and Douglas Swope.
- You two have met.
- Yes, at the auction.
- Good to see you again.
- Yes.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yes, you, too.
Same here.
And this is our
international contingent,
Claude and Monique Clemenceau.
They?re just in from France.
Ah, Clemenceau, I?d have guessed Spain.
- Monique, voici ma fille et ma petite fille.
- Ah. Elles sont si jolies.
My Monique speaks only French, so
please excuse the inconvenience.
Oh, no, that?s fine. I love French.
She really wants to learn English,
perhaps tonight will inspire her.
Je leur ai dit que tu
voulais apprendre I?anglais.
L?anglais, oui, je veux I'apprendre,
mais je suis tellement paresseuse.
Ah, ?a prends du temps,
Monique. Ah, t'en fais pas.
Merci.
Oh, no no no. That?s why I love
it when the Clemenceaus visit.
It gives me the opportunity
to haul out my rusty French.
Your French is wonderful,
Richard. It always has been.
Oh, non, tu es tres gentil.
- Please, sit, sit, sit.
- Merci.
So, Rory, you speak French at all?
- Just a tiny little bit.
- Un tout petit peu?
- Oui, un tout petit peu.
- And you, my dear?
Even less. Uh, voulez vous
coucher avec moi ce soir?
- That?s about it.
- Lorelai.
- Oh my God.
- It?s just a joke.
Asking my friend to go
to bed with you is a joke?
- It?s a song.
- It?s just a joke, Dad.
Oh, je vois, c?est une chanson pop.
It?s a pop song, ah,
Monique... I did not know that.
- Lady Marmalade.
- It?s very rich. It?s very, very funny.
Oh, well, thank you.
You need a drink, oui?
Very astute, Claude.
Martini with a twist, Dad.
All right.
Is this your first American
Thanksgiving, Claude?
It is, it is. I?ve
seen it in the movies.
People seem to eat and eat and
eat until they can?t eat anymore.
That?s about it.
It?s about giving thanks, gets
you thinking about the good things.
We have a lot to give
thanks for in this country.
Definitely.
Me, I start each day giving
thanks for three things ?
Cuban cigars, French
champagne, and gorgeous women.
And I must give extra thanks for
the extraordinary group here tonight.
Douglas, Richard, leave us, won?t you?
- What?
- Just another joke.
- Oh, I missed another joke?
- You have your mother?s wit.
Sometimes I wish she?d give it back.
Emily mentioned that you were
coming from another function?
No, this is your second dinner?
- Fourth, actually.
- Fourth?
Oh, thank you for
fitting us in, Lorelai.
Don?t worry, Dad. You?re the main event.
An hour and fifty six minutes.
Beautiful table, Emily. You?ve
outdone yourself yet again.
Oh, it?s nothing.
Well, is everyone
settled? Is everyone comfy?
- Yes.
- Yes, Dad, we?re fine.
Well, then, let?s get going.
- Gorgeous.
- Oh, wonderful.
Is it for us or the whole neighborhood?
Very nice.
- Oh, ho, who gets the big piece?
- I?m sorry?
Aren?t you supposed to keep carving?
That was strictly ceremonial.
- Ceremonial?
- Ceremonial.
- C?r?moniel.
- C?r?moniel.
Please, start on the salads everyone.
Is there anything
ceremonial about the salads?
Do we carve a crouton,
then have them taken away?
- No, no ceremony.
- Salad?s great, Grandma.
I?m surprised you can eat
at this point, even salad.
There?s still room.
And if there isn?t room, we?ll
add on. I know a good contractor.
She?s like your Jerry Lewis.
She?s very, very funny.
Rory, did your grandmother say
you were a high school senior?
So you?re going through this horrible
period of applying to college.
It?s not so horrible.
She?s got it pretty well covered.
That?s right.
- All your applications are in?
- I?ve applied.
We have a grandson your
age, he?s going through hell.
He?s already been turned down for
early admission to Stanford, his dream.
Took it pretty hard.
Children put so much stress
on themselves these days.
It?s pretty stressful.
He?s waiting to hear from his backups.
I have a grandson who lives
with his mother in Orlando,
you know, he?s going through
a very similar thing, poor boy.
How do they like Orlando, Claude?
Well, it?s all Mickey Mouse
this and Mickey Mouse that,
- you know. They want to die.
- That?s too bad.
Where did you apply, dear?
- Harvard.
- No word yet?
I?m not supposed to
hear back for awhile.
- Where else?
- Where else?
Where else did you
apply? Your alternates?
We?re so curious, it?s like we?ve
been going through this ourselves.
Well, I?m pretty much
counting on Harvard.
Well, you didn?t apply
to just Harvard, did you?
Well, no.
No?
- Am I prying?
- No.
We applied elsewhere?
You can?t just apply to one place.
Chilton wouldn?t allow that.
- Is that true?
- Pretty much.
Why didn?t you tell me that?
- I was going to.
- You have to be safe.
My grandson ? six schools.
Same with Dustin.
- Where else did you apply?
- Just at some other schools.
Well, if you?re aiming at
Harvard, that would be Princeton,
Yale, maybe Vassar, Wesleyan.
Certainly Yale because of
Richard?s connections, yes?
I would assume so.
Those are the kinds of places, yup.
The kinds of places or the places?
Rory?
Princeton...
Yale.
- Yale?
- Yes?
Yale, Dad?
Oh, this is the first I?m
hearing about it, Lorelai.
- Oh, bull.
- Mom.
- Lorelai.
- You did this.
I haven?t discussed this awful subject
since the debacle at the campus.
- You forced her hand.
- I did nothing of the sort.
Mom, wait.
You made it seem like you?d be deeply
hurt if she didn?t apply to Yale,
and she?s very sensitive, so
that?s as good as forcing her hand.
Lorelai, really.
You wanted her to go to Yale
instead of Harvard, didn?t you?
That wasn?t a secret.
Lorelai ne veut pas
que Rory aille ? Yale.
Je suis d?sol? de ce qui ce passe ici.
- Stick to English, Dad.
- Grandpa didn?t force my hand.
Honey, you weren?t
aware he was doing it.
She is not a puppet, Lorelai.
- I needed a backup.
- But why Yale?
I could live at home.
- You.
- What?
You got to her. That was your thing.
- I?m afraid we started this.
- This is not your doing, Natalie.
Encore une fois, je suis d?sol?.
- I never spoke to Rory about that.
- I don?t believe you.
I figured it out on my own, Mom.
You?re saying there have been
no conversations, no emails?
- I can read a map.
- This is unbelievable.
And past indelicate. We have guests.
Yes, I?m sorry, I apologize,
I?m sorry you have to see this.
This is paranoia, Lorelai.
There?s been no conspiring.
I?m not being paranoid, Mom.
For seventeen years, she was going
to Harvard, and now all of a sudden,
she?s applied to Yale and she?s
mimicking everything you say.
This is just crazy.
Elle a dit que, ?c?est de la folie. ?
Excuse me, please.
It?s freezing out here.
It?s Jamaica compared to in there.
It?s just an alternative
to Harvard, a backup.
- It changes nothing.
- No, no.
- Lorelai.
- Mom, I don?t wanna talk.
Do you believe we had
nothing to do with this?
Just for a second, Mom, please.
Just let me digest this for a second.
All this Yale stuff...
You can?t even let Rory
have one piece of our lives,
even if it?s her choice.
You hate us that much.
Goodbye, drive safe.
Excellent Thanksgiving, Mama.
I think people had fun.
And it was nice of you to only charge half
price on the chair that Yung Hee broke.
That was my cost.
That why it was nice.
I guess I?ll be going.
All right. You did a good job.
Thank you for your time, David.
You?re welcome, Mrs. Kim. I enjoyed it.
- Yes, thank you.
- You?re welcome.
Here.
Some rice, spinach, lots of tofurkey.
- Great, thanks.
- And something for your time.
That?s very nice, thank you.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Goodbye.
Keep clearing. I?m going
to start on the kitchen.
Oh, Mama, look. Dave?s
bible. He forgot it.
He?s gonna need this, too.
I?ll run it out to him.
Wait.
We?re gonna miss him.
Let me see that.
?This bible belongs to God, but
is being used by Dave Rygalski. ?
Go on.
Wow, you run really quiet.
Sorry, I?m sorry about everything.
- What?
- The whole night.
I had no idea she?d make you play
five straight hours without a break.
- It?s okay.
- Your hands must be dead.
They?re just a little numb.
But I?ve got these Kurt Cobain
calluses now, how cool is that?
But this whole thing,
this whole charade,
the fake flier and
everything, it was too much.
Lane, it?s fine. And that flier ? I?ve
gotten like three other calls for paying gigs.
I should be paying you a commission.
Oh, that?s not necessary.
And check it out ? twenty bucks.
Wow, she liked you.
We?ll put it towards
our first real date.
Really? After all this
? the marathon hymns,
the weak punch, the crabby Koreans,
you still wanna go
out on a date with me?
I?ve gotta go...
But I?m gonna call you tomorrow.
Are you mad?
- No, I?m not mad.
- You seem mad.
I?m not mad.
What are you feeling?
I wouldn?t know how to word it.
Try.
See, my head knows that whichever
one of these places you go,
Harvard, Princeton, Yale...
it?s gonna be great.
It?s gonna be awesome,
and you?re gonna come out on the
other side an even more amazing you.
But I just wish my head could sit down
and have a chat with that
gnawing feeling in my gut
that?s there every time my
parents get involved in anything
and tell it, it?s gonna be okay.
It?s gonna be okay.
Nice try.
What else are we putting in the pot?
Come on, let?s think of something.
A raspberry, a deep-fried
raspberry. How ?bout a rasquat?
- Cake! - Cake!
Deep-fried cake!
Dibs on the deep-fried cake!
You haven?t even eaten
your deep-fried biscotti.
Hey, Sookie.
Ah, hi there.
- Are you okay?
- This tastes good.
Yeah, it looks like
they?re deep-frying ?
Everything.
Vegetables, mashed potatoes,
butter, pickles, salt, a napkin.
And yet, you?re very serene.
You?re practically floating.
Well, you caught me
at a good time, ladies.
I?ve already gone through
the five stages of grieving.
Denial, anger...
I don?t remember these two, but they
were served on the rocks with salt!
Now, I?m just happily
enscotched in acceptance.
- Enscotched...
- Ensconced?
Ensconced ? that?s it!
I do believe I heard Phil
suggest throwing Junior in.
- Junior?
- His nephew.
- I chimed in on that one.
- What happened over there?
Mm, about a half-hour ago
they set the lawn on fire.
But Phil says it?s okay and everything
?cause it?ll grow back twice as lush.
Though that?s what he said
when he broke my salad bowl
that I brought back from Belgium.
That?ll maybe grow back, too, huh?
Phil is a riot. Am I crying or laughing?
- Laughing.
- Good.
Who?s that?
It?s Lane. It just
says ?bible kiss bible?.
What does that mean?
I have no idea. Good band name, though.
Honey, we should get
going? You gonna be okay?
I?m Sookie.
Yeah, I know, but you?re
gonna be okay, right?
- You?ll go to bed soon. -
Unless they deep-fried it.
I?m sure they haven?t.
Okay, we?ll see you tomorrow.
- Poor thing.
- Oh, she may not remember any of it.
- Deep-fried shoe!
- Deep-fried shoe!
- Get more trash cans.
- I don?t need more.
You make me run around town
for a place to dump this.
Just dump it in one of Taylor?s bins.
It gets it out of here and it?ll
drive Taylor crazy. It?s a win-win.
- Hi guys.
- We?re out of food.
Oh, please, we?re not eating for a year.
Or ?til tomorrow morning.
Whichever comes first. Hi Saint Nick.
Tell him he needs to
get more trash cans.
Just go.
- You got any coffee?
- That I?ve got. Come on in.
Hey, did I see flames coming from
Sookie?s place about a half-hour ago?
Yeah, why?
I still say you should get more tra...
Later.
- Nothing to say?
- Guess not.
That?s funny, you usually
have something to say.
Guess I?m all talked out.
What?s the matter, Jess?
Why you walking away?
It?s getting a little
West Side Story here, Dean,
and I gotta warn you, my dancing
skills are not up to snuff.
But now?s your chance,
there?s no one else around.
Go home. Cool off.
Come on, make one of
your Boy Scout references,
or a good Farmer John joke. I got
my Doose?s Market apron with me ?
you want me to put it on,
give you a little inspiration?
I don?t get it, what happened
? you suddenly like me now?
Oh yeah, I was just about
to invite you camping.
Good, okay, now we?re getting somewhere.
- I?m not gonna fight you, Dean.
- Why?
?Cause if I fight you, Rory?s
gonna think it?s my fault,
so just forget it, okay? Just forget it.
Go home. Let it rest.
So Rory?s got a nice
little hold on you now, huh?
Geez.
- Don?t do that.
- How does it feel?
It feels like I?m with
Rory and you?re not.
You know, when all this happened
with you and me and Rory,
I figured I?d just stay out of everyone?s
way, that that would be easiest.
But now, I?m looking
at you and I?m thinking,
I?m gonna run from him?
The Glad Man.
This is my town, I?m not hiding.
And I don?t have be remotely
calm around you anymore,
and I like that feeling.
I like it a lot.
Happy Thanksgiving, Jess.
So, how did the four dinners work out?
You guys must feel more
stuffed than you?ve ever been.
I don?t know. Is this
more stuffed than the great
Six Flags hot dog consumption of ?99?
No, or the taffy binge of ?97.
Not by a long shot.
See, we didn?t eat at my
parents because of the upset,
so we really had three
dinners, not four.
Which means...
- What?
- We didn?t have to skip rolls.
Oh yeah.
- Hey, do you have any rolls left?
- No. Come on.
Just a little something
for the walk home.
I don?t see how you do it.
You?re not us, are ya?
- Night Luke.
- Night Luke.
Night.
This has been a nice Thanksgiving.
Very.
Nicer for some than others though.
Night Kirk!
Night.
I love these women.
- Poor Edie.
- Which Edie?
Little Edie. She?s just trying to
sing and her mom won?t stop talking.
Big Edie was so beautiful in her day.
They were both pretty.
I can?t believe they
were related to Jackie.
The Kennedy?s kind of hid them
in the background for many years.
When you?re a Kennedy,
how do you even choose
who in the family to hide?
It?s a tough choice.
Something beautiful about them though.
They?re cool, they?re free.
Yeah, and they?re memorable.
Most people are very
forgettable. And they?re happy.
- They had their cats.
- And their raccoons.
- And their pretty house.
- And each other.
Add a few years and they?re us.
Rhiana, run it through the sieve
again, I want it smooth as glass.
Don?t cut corners, people!
- Is she melting down?
- Like butter on a skillet.
- Sookie...
- Just a sec, hon.
How?s your love life, Pete?
A little frustrated, I bet.
Wondering how I know that?
?Cause you?re taking
it out on my egg whites.
Gently, fold them gently.
Cheryl ? you?re slicing not
dicing, I can hear it in the chop.
Adjust, my friend.
Sookie, whoa... Hey, let?s talk.
I?m extremely lacking in time here.
- What?s going on?
- Chaos?
A travesty of cooking? It?s a
salmonella laboratory in here!
Sookie, the kitchen
will be in good hands.
But not in my hands.
It?ll be in Bob hands.
Bob has great hands.
No, you know what Bob has?
Bob has two seconds to get the hollandaise
off the flame before I break his neck!
Sookie, listen, you hired Bob.
You trained him in your image.
He?s great, and he?s
subbed for you before.
But this is Thanksgiving, he
has never done Thanksgiving.
He?s ready, he?ll sub
for you seamlessly.
Even Big Joe Newsanchor?s
have substitutes.
And that?s the thing.
They still say, ?And now the CBS
Evening News with Dan Rather. ?
You see?
Dan is still associated with it even
though he?s off snorkeling or something,
just like I?m gonna be
associated with the dinner
because Bob is substituting for Sookie.
Excuse me one minute.
Oh, this can only be good.
Sookie, that?s the garbage.
Stop rooting through the garbage.
I will when people stop
throwing away useful stuff!
Drop, drop the, drop the tops,
drop ?em... Come here, come here...
Now, Sookie, listen to me because
you?re torturing yourself here.
Emily, hi.
Oh, that?s nice. That?s very
high school. Stick with me here.
Good to see you.
Yeah, that?s funny. You
know who?s behind you?
It?s Joseph Stalin, my good friend.
What are you doing
back from the dead, Joe?
- Lorelai.
- Oh, Mom!
- Ah, geez, you scared me.
- You heard Sookie greet me.
Oh, I thought it was a joke.
Like comparing me to Joseph Stalin?
I wasn?t comparing you to Joseph Stalin.
I?m in a hurry. Can
we speak for a minute?
Yeah, I guess, for a minute.
- So, were you in the area or something?
- Not really.
- Then what are you doing here?
- I wanted to talk to you.
Phone?s out of order?
Let?s not play games here.
Games?
I?ve called several
times the past few weeks
and you?ve skillfully
avoided every call.
No, that?s not true. I?ve
left messages on your machine.
Yes, messages.
And then if I happened
to pick up, you?d hang up.
Or if the maid picked
up, you?d ask for me,
then claim you were driving through
a tunnel so you might get cut off,
and then you?d make
garbling noises and hang up.
Fine, Mom, we?re talking now. What?s up?
Are you feeling well?
You came all the way
out here to ask me that?
You?ve been sick these past
few Friday?s for dinner,
so I was concerned. That?s
why you didn?t come, right,
because you were sick? So
are you better? You look fine.
Oh, it?s the makeup. I?m still...
these allergies really just
hit me like a ton of bricks.
I?ve never heard you
mention allergies before.
I?m a silent sufferer.
I certainly hope you?re
feeling better now
because I want you to come
to dinner tomorrow night.
Tomorrow? Tomorrow?s Thanksgiving.
Yes, it is Thanksgiving.
And before you sift through the dozen
or so excuses you always have on hand,
let me have my say. You?ve missed
two dinners and avoided my calls
because you?re mad at us
about what happened at Yale.
But I want you and Rory
at Thanksgiving this year.
- Mom...
- If you have plans...
- We do have plans.
- Alter them.
Now, there?ll be other people
there, so the focus won?t be on you,
and you may even be able to get by
without saying more than ?hello?,
?goodbye?, and ?pass the gravy?.
We already have plans.
Your father and I are going
out of town the next day
and we?ll be gone all of
December, including Christmas,
so it?s the last chance for the family
to be together for the rest of the year.
Look...
And I want you to remember
that I am not the one
who set the meeting for Rory behind
your back. I want you there, Lorelai.
And if you?re still sick, I
don?t want a doctor?s note.
I want your doctor
himself to come to my house
and convince me that it?s true, got it?
Got it.
See you tomorrow.
The multi-layered membrane
systems of the cytoplasm
are the smooth endoplasmic reticulum,
the rough endoplasmic reticulum,
and the golgi body.
Now, the smooth endoplasmic reticulum
is concerned with the
manufacture of lipid molecules.
We?ll continue on this next week.
Keep up on your reading please.
That was really distracting.
Oh. Well, by all means, Madeline,
you should point out to the faculty
that their annoying custom of teaching
is distracting you from
more important things
like nail filing and daydreaming
about marrying Ryan Phillippe.
He?s already married.
Then whatever strawhead actor isn?t.
This was bad. For the last five minutes,
every single thing
she said sounded dirty.
- Yeah, same here.
- Good God.
I mean, reticulum? Come on.
Plus, the golgi body.
I mean, is it me or is
that majorly pornographic?
My life with the Banger sisters.
- So, changing the subject...
- Hallelujah.
What?s everybody doing for Thanksgiving?
I can?t even talk about Thanksgiving.
- Louise?
- I?m having dinner with my dad.
Isn?t he still in jail?
Yes, but his company donated
some treadmills for the inmates
so he swung a special trailer for dinner that
they?re gonna set up for us in the parking lot.
We have it for about two hours and
then one of the Manson girls gets us.
You?re lucky it?s in that order.
My Thanksgiving is turning
into a Wes Craven movie.
How so?
I called shelters to
volunteer to serve food.
It?s Thanksgiving ? you?d
think they have needs.
Nope. Every stupid soup
kitchen in town turned me down
- because they have enough volunteers.
- Bummer.
I?m on a couple waiting lists,
but it doesn?t look good.
I?ve never heard of too many volunteers.
Who are all these jackasses
who volunteered anyway?
They can?t all be students like me. They?re
not all putting it on a college application.
I get something out of it and these
other people don?t get a thing.
- Talk about selfish.
- Sore subject.
What are you up to, Madeline?
I?ve got more college
applications to fill out.
Backups, safety schools.
I?ve got some of that,
too. I?m so behind.
I told you guys to have
those things done by now.
Sorry, Mom.
It?s not about being sorry.
It?s about being prepared.
I got Harvard and my
backups in weeks ago.
Okay, all you?re doing
is making me more nervous.
- I?ll see you guys Monday.
- Same here.
Yup, see you guys Monday.
Harvard is going to be expecting
Thanksgiving shelter work.
They?ll know I called too late and it will
totally impugn my organizational skills.
By the way, you know I ultimately do all
these things for the good of mankind, right?
Oh yeah.
- Sometimes I don?t think I come off that way.
- No.
Hello?
Yes, thanks for returning my call...
Nothing? But wait, wait, wait
? just stick me at any old pot.
I?m small, you won?t even know I?m
there, I?ll even bring my own ladle...
Oh, now, come on, work with me
here. I?ve got a slotted spoon...
What about coffee or condiments?
You got condiments covered?
I?m sorry, can I speak
to your supervisor?
My attitude? What about your attitude?
I?m trying to help people.
It?s Thanksgiving...
So she coldcocked you, huh?
She bit me, incapacitated me with
her poison, and devoured me whole.
But how are we going to go
to four Thanksgiving dinners?
It?s not four, is it?
Lane?s house, Sookie?s, and
we always stop by Luke?s...
that?s three, and Grandma
and Grandpa is four.
- We?re mad, Edie.
- We?re us, Edie.
We?ve gotta go to my parents? or
we?ll be brought up on war crimes.
Lane?s is always super early,
so that?s easy to catch.
- Sookie?s is mid afternoon.
- Luke?s the toughie.
- Guess that?s the one we?ll have to skip.
- Bummer.
I know, but he won?t care.
Holidays are nothing to him anyway.
Hey Kirk. Discover a new freaky fetish?
- What?
- Nothing. You buy a cat?
- Yup. I?m very excited.
- You seem it. So what?s all this?
I?m assuming there?s
nothing left in the store.
Actually, there are a
number of things left.
No, I meant you seem to
be buying a lot of stuff.
Oh, sorry.
My excitement must be clouding my
ability to judge comedic hyperbole.
So where?d you get the cat?
A lady had a bunch of
them at the grocery store
and Kirk seemed to take
an instant liking to me.
- Kirk?
- Yes?
No, I mean, the cat?s name is Kirk?
- Weird coincidence or...
- I named him Kirk.
Isn?t that confusing?
Not when you think about it.
No, it?s still confusing.
I like the name, and
whenever I call Kirk?s name,
I obviously won?t be calling myself.
True.
Although when my mom calls for
Kirk, that may be confusing.
Maybe I can get her to say
CatKirk when she?s calling Kirk,
and HumanKirk when she?s calling me.
That would keep it straight.
I?m glad I ran into you. See ya.
- See ya, HumanKirk.
- Bye HumanKirk.
He?s always been a cat person,
he?s just never had a cat.
- Hey. Anywhere?
- Anywhere.
- Would you mind moving?
- I hate when you do that.
- It?s my showstopper.
- An empty table.
- You ready to order?
- I?m ready.
Don?t bother, saw you coming,
already ordered your Wednesday usual ?
the French dip, extra fries,
the every-Wednesday cherry pie.
- Such service.
- Oh, and such a food rut we?re in.
- Thank you, Luke.
- I gotta get back to stuffing my turkey.
Oh, honey, do you have time to do
that and prep your Thanksgiving food?
- Stop it.
- Here, here.
It?s a tedious job.
What if we told you you
could stuff one less?
- What do you mean?
- We got jammed.
Shanghaied by my mother and what
with the other things we have going...
well, too many
commitments, not enough us.
- So?
- We can?t make it tomorrow.
Oh, okay, fine.
It was beyond our control.
That?s fine, whatever.
I?ll be right back.
Okay, I may be crazy,
but he almost looked...
- Disappointed.
- Yes, disappointed.
- We disappointed Luke.
- I didn?t think it was possible.
Our powers are greater than we know.
He actually likes it when
we come for Thanksgiving.
All these years and we never knew.
He?s the Grinch and we?re Cindy Lou Who.
So Cindy Lou, what do we do?
I got it.
Oh, perfect. That works
great. Okay, bye now.
Sorry, I?m just clarifying
the schedule for tomorrow.
As luck has it, we can make
it. We?ll definitely be here.
- It?s okay.
- No, it?s all cleared.
That was my mom, and the time?s
just gonna work out just fine.
Really, you don?t have to. I already
stopped prepping the last turkey.
Well, start prepping it
again ?cause we are coming.
I don?t want you to feel
like you have to come.
This is tiring.
I can kneel behind him
and you can push him over.
- It may come to that.
- It won?t be a hassle?
- It won?t be a hassle.
- You sure?
We?re coming, now go away
and let us eat. Shoo, shoo.
That was very nice.
Well, I hate disappointing people.
Okay, now, practical question...
how are we going to eat
four Thanksgiving dinners?
How? Rory, what are we if
not world champion eaters?
- It?s too much food.
- It?s not too much food.
This is what we?ve been training for
our whole lives. This is our destiny.
- This is our finest hour.
- Or final hour.
No, no. Get inspired and
tomorrow I guarantee you,
we will be standing
on the Olympic platform
receiving our gold medals for eating.
We are not Michelle Kwan-ing this.
Okay, okay, four dinners.
Yeah, we?ll skip the rolls.
That?ll help.
You know, we might wanna
consider not eating much now
in preparation for our finest hour.
A little fasting so that we
can enjoy more tomorrow, hm?
- Unnecessary.
- Yeah.
What's on the list?
Flowers for everyone we're visiting
and cranberry sauce for the Kims.
Tums.
- You mean amateur pills?
- Just in case.
Okay, Tums.
I?ll do the flowers.
- I?ll do Doose?s.
- Thank you.
- Hey there.
- Hey.
- Wait, stop.
- What?
Stop.
What are you doing?
Come on.
- What was that?
- That was a kiss.
What?s with the
relocation before the kiss?
- It's too early.
- Too early? Too early for what?
For kissing like that.
What's the rule, no kissing before noon?
No, it's too early to do this here.
Where, in the street?
In the street, with people watching...
What people?
- In front of Doose's.
- Ah, Doose's.
We shouldn't flaunt it.
- But I want to flaunt it.
- It doesn't feel right.
- He's a big boy Rory.
- I know.
It's not the first time
a couple?s broken up.
- It is for us.
- This is insane.
Please, let?s not flaunt it, please?
- For how long?
- Until it's comfortable.
Before we're on Social Security?
I promise, we can kiss secretly.
Yeah, or we can wear Three
Stooges masks all the time,
that way no one will know who we are.
- I can be Curly.
- I?ll be Moe.
- Probably too silly.
- Yeah, probably.
This will get better
over time, I promise.
But until then, let?s just play it cool.
Hey, I?m Frank at the Sands.
That?s cool.
Oh, hey, Kirk. Doing
your holiday shopping?
Well, shopping, yes,
and it is a holiday,
but my shopping isn?t holiday
related, so technically no.
Oh, what happened there?
Oh, nothing, just a little scratch.
Looks like a big scratch.
Wow, Bactine, Neosporin,
Mercurochrome...
what?s with all the pharmacologicals?
Oh, well, Kirk and I are going through
a little adjustment period, that?s all.
- CatKirk?
- It?s no biggie,
and this looks a lot worse than it is.
Yeah, I can see that.
So how?d it happen? Were
you playing or something?
We haven?t actually played yet.
This happened when I accidentally walked
into the room without announcing myself.
Excuse me?
I?ve discovered Kirk
likes my presence announced
before I enter any room that he?s in.
You have to announce yourself?
Yeah, just a quick, ?Is it okay if
I come in?? from the adjacent room.
Otherwise, he gets a little testy.
Hence the scratch.
It?s just a small
laceration. Again, no biggie.
Kirk, he got your neck!
That was another mistake of mine.
I put his food bowl
down in front of him.
He doesn?t like that. Or she doesn?t.
She? I thought Kirk was a boy.
That was just a guess.
He actually hasn?t exposed his
underside to me yet. Or hers.
Well, here?s hoping your cat
exposes itself to you soon.
>From your mouth to God?s ears.
- See ya.
- See ya.
Hi there.
Hi.
So you pulled the
Thanksgiving shift, huh?
Yeah, I get time and a half.
Good, good. It?s good to see you.
Same here. So, I gotta work.
Right, right. That Taylor?s a dictator.
Dean, wait.
Look, we live in a teeny
tiny little hamlet here.
I mean, stick it in an envelope and we
could mail the whole town for a buck-forty.
It makes avoiding people
tough and uncomfortable.
I know.
I hate hiding from people, especially
when I don?t wanna hide from them.
You were a pal. You
were so good to Rory.
You were the best first boyfriend
a mother could?ve hoped for.
Thanks.
It?s okay to keep
avoiding me if you want.
I just wanted you to know
that you don?t need to, okay?
Just because you and Rory
broke up doesn?t mean we did.
Good. That?s good to hear.
Well, Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving.
- Aw, pretty!
- Yeah, good selection today.
- You get everything?
- And then some. Look.
Chocolate turkeys, nice!
I think they?ll add a festive air.
Definitely.
- So, was he in there?
- Yeah, he was.
Good, good. I hope he?s good.
- Did he seem good?
- He seemed good.
- He?s getting time and a half.
- Good, good.
- So, let?s go eat.
- And eat and eat.
- And eat and eat and eat.
- And eat and eat and eat and eat...
- Ah, the Gilmores. Happy Thanksgiving.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Come in.
- She?s in a good mood this year.
- Downright chipper.
So, Mrs. Kim, we... we brought gifts.
Flowers.
And cranberry sauce, our
little Thanksgiving tradition.
Thank you, can never have too much.
- That?s what we say.
- Plus, a chocolate turkey.
What should I do with this?
Oh, I don?t know, let the kids share it.
And then send a blank
check to their dentist?
They don?t have to eat
it, they can play with it.
Play with chocolate?
It?s missing its head.
Ooh, that one?s ours.
Here, this one has a head. There ya go.
Okay.
My arms are too short
to box with Mrs. Kim.
The singing?s already begun.
Who?s that playing
guitar? He looks familiar.
Oh my God, that?s Lane?s Dave.
Oh, yeah, it is. He?s all neat and tidy.
- He?s gone corporate.
- He?s gone Korean.
Oh, hey, hi.
Hey yourself. Hey, how?d you
get your mom to let you...
Come on, girls, let?s
get you some punch.
- What?s going on?
- That is not Dave Rygalski.
- Oh, intrigue.
- Who is it?
I mean, not the one
that I?m in a band with.
That is Dave Rygalski, local
Christian guitar player that my mom
and I met very briefly and
innocently at the dance marathon,
and that I coincidentally
ran across again
when I found his ad seeking
Christian guitar accompaniment gigs up
- on our church bulletin board.
- Complicated.
I even put the fake ad up at church
and pretended to find it
with my mom next to me.
- You?re good.
- So, are you guys dating?
We?re laying the groundwork.
If she gets to know him before
we date and she approves of him,
we won?t have to hide anything.
Right, except how you met.
And who he really is.
But other than that,
it?s completely fib-free.
Watch it. You break it, you buy it.
Ten percent off for cousins, twenty
percent off for nephews and nieces.
Yung Kwan, good to see you.
Hee Kim, hi. Oh, I love your hair.
Su Nam, hi. Hi.
Ho Kyung, Wan Kyu, great to see you, hi.
Oh, Mrs. Kim, just a
beautiful table, as always.
Try the tofurkey. Turkey made from tofu.
Oh, we definitely will.
And meet the guitar player. Nice
young man, big fan of tofurkey.
- David?
- Yes.
This is Rory Gilmore and Mrs. Gilmore.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Oh, same here.
I think I?ve seen you around town.
Yeah, that might be a
possibility. Happy Thanksgiving.
Same to you.
- Hymn 17 please.
- Yes, ma?am.
Wow, he seems like a
very upright young man.
Not a bad sight-reader either.
You?re taking tofurkey?
And some extra napkins
to slip the tofurkey into
when no one is looking
and then toss them away.
Very smart.
Mama, just a thought, but
maybe we can take a break
from the hymns while we eat?
No break, he?s paid to play.
We can quit singing for now, but he
should play soft in the background, okay?
Yeah. Yes, ma?am.
- The best laid plans.
- Tell me about it.
- How do you feel?
- I ate tofurkey.
- How do you think I feel?
- Tofurkier.
Drat that Mrs. Kim for not taking
her eyes off me the whole time...
it?s like she was anticipating
my napkin maneuver.
- Hi hon!
- Happy Thanksgiving.
Ah, thank you. Thank God,
civilization has arrived.
- What?s wrong?
- What?s wrong?
Do you not see what?s going on here?
What?s that?
That is a vat of boiling oil.
Really? Where?s Quasimodo?
- This is not a joking matter.
- What is the oil for?
- For pouring on visigoths.
- Lorelai!
When else am I gonna get
to use my visigoth material?
- What?s the oil for?
- The turkey.
My beautiful, expensive,
organically grown turkey.
I don?t get it.
A couple of days ago, Jackson asked
me if he could cook the turkey.
I thought he was gonna roast it,
stick a couple of onions around it,
something simple. So I said yes,
figuring that the minute he put it
in the oven and leaves the kitchen,
I can sneak in and give
it a nice herb-bitter rub
and stuff it with a
pancetta-chestnut stuffing.
Sure, ?cause he?d never notice that.
Exactly. Then the propane tank arrived,
and the industrial burner, and
the fifteen gallons of peanut oil.
Then he springs it on me ?
?I?m gonna deep-fry a turkey. "
- Deep-fried turkey.
- Interesting.
I tried to talk him out of
it, but I?d already promised
and now he?s excited about it.
Hey, what?s keeping Jackson?
Is he on the pot or something?
Lots of precious memories
in the making here.
Hey Jackson, get your butt
out here with that gobbler!
A gobbler.
Maybe it won?t be that bad.
Yeah, deep-frying?s kind of in now.
I don?t care. You
don?t deep-fry turkey.
Filet of fish, yes.
A batch of fries, yes.
A donut, yes. Not turkey.
- Come on, let?s get going!
- Yeah, we?re hungry!
Jackson, Jackson, Jackson...
Did someone say... Jackson?
Wow, it?s like Thunderdome in here.
He should?ve just driven
it out on a monster truck.
He?s shamelessly catering
to his demographic.
Are you ready?
Oh my God, I can?t look.
- Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
- Oh my God, they?re counting down.
...five, four, three, two, one!
- It?s in the vat.
- It?s like a death in the family.
Look at the bright side, Sookie.
At least this took your mind
off the dinner at the inn.
Oh my God, the inn.
What if Bob decides to do something
equally awful to the turkey at the inn?
- I have to call him.
- Oh, hey guys.
Neat, huh? And it only
takes forty minutes.
- Cool.
- How ya doing, hon?
Oh, fine, Sweets.
And keep ?em coming.
Hey everybody.
Oh, hey there dollfaces.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving.
- What?s this?
- Flowers.
- What do I do with them?
- Not this again.
- Put them in a vase with water.
- I don?t have a vase.
- You do this every year.
- I don?t have vases.
Buy a vase.
But I don?t need a vase
?cause I never have flowers.
Except when we bring
you flowers every year
on Thanksgiving. Buy a vase.
- Stop bringing me flowers.
- Stop bringing me flowers.
I knew you were gonna say that
because you say the same thing.
We have this same exact
conversation every year.
And every year you point that out.
- And every year you point that out.
- And every year you point that out.
And then every year we put
the flowers on the counter
and forget the ugliness ever happened.
At least we have a tradition.
Good. I?ll be right back.
That?s our table over there.
Hey Kirk.
- Oh my God!
- What happened?
I?m scratched over
sixty percent of my body.
Aw, CatKirk again?
Sorry.
- I?m so mad at that cat.
- Very uncool cat.
I love cats, but I love Kirk, too.
It?s pretty much fifty-fifty, and
that?s a high compliment, my friend.
How did this happen?
Well, the tension of our
standoff was unbearable,
so I got on the floor and
tried to play with him.
- It?s a him?
- I caught a peek.
Go on.
I rolled this cute little ball of
yarn over to him all nice and gentle.
He tried to garrote me with it.
- Oh my God.
- Very uncool.
Just grabbed two ends with
his paws and came at me.
But he doesn?t have opposable thumbs.
He?s beyond them.
And he?s smart. He knows things,
sometimes before they happen.
- Get a hold of yourself, man.
- You haven?t heard the worst.
Oh geez, there?s worse?
When the attacks got
particularly brutal,
I had no choice but to strip naked
and hide under water in the bathtub.
I read that cats are afraid of water.
They are, they are.
Kirk isn?t. He found me,
and he seemed to derive
greater power from the water.
That?s when the bulk of
the scratching happened.
Well, then, I think it?s good you?re
giving Kirk a little space right now.
Just relax and enjoy your food.
I can?t taste my food.
- Well, then, just try to relax.
- Thanks.
Hi, Happy Thanksgiving.
So, are you joining us?
- Sure, if that?s okay.
- Yeah, sit, sit.
- God, I?m starved.
- You could?ve eaten.
- You kept telling me not to eat.
- I did not.
You did, too. You said
you were waiting for them.
You didn?t have to wait for us.
I wasn?t waiting for you,
it just worked out this way.
Right.
- Looks great.
- Tasty.
- Shouldn?t we give thanks first?
- Thanks for what?
Well, that we?re not Native
Americans who got their land stolen
in exchange for smallpox
infested blankets.
Amen.
So where you guys in your day?
We hit the Kim?s, we hit Sookie?s,
and we go to the grandparents from here.
- Full day.
- Yeah.
Well, you can skip eating
this one if you want.
Just have cokes or
something, it?s no big deal.
No, no way, you?re the
main event today, my friend.
- Oh, good.
- What?s good are the yams.
Definitely. Got some more marshmallows?
Yeah, I can grab some.
Hey, refill some coffees.
So, no offense, but lame-o kiss.
What?
You and Jess, like a couple
chickens pecking at each other.
Mind your own business.
Well, it was right in front of me.
- So, I don?t need a review.
- Sorry.
I?m just not good with
the public displays.
You didn?t have that problem with Dean.
I know, but now I just feel
like everybody?s watching me.
- People are not watching you.
- You were watching me.
I created you. It?s biologically
predetermined that I watch you.
I just don?t know how this whole second
boyfriend thing is supposed to go.
He?s your first second
boyfriend. Give it time.
The whole town got used to
me with Dean, it?s just weird.
It?ll get easier. You?re gonna
have hundreds of men in your life.
Gee, thanks.
Maybe not hundreds, but
a couple, three, more.
- It?ll get easier.
- I guess.
Honey, they?ll adjust
to seeing you with Jess.
And then there?s Dean.
What do I do about him?
Well, you know, he?ll be moving on, too.
Right, of course he will, yeah.
We?re outta here.
Time to walk some of this off.
Oh, we?d have to walk to
China to walk all of it off.
Which way?s China?
Thataway. Have a good night.
Thanks. By the way, that was
some half-assed kiss you two had.
You gotta give it a
little something, honey.
- Bye Babette. Bye Morey.
- Bye.
The whole town is watching.
- You ready for this?
- Of course.
Even with the Cold War?
That?s been going on for
thirty-four years? I can manage.
It?s been a bit colder
these past few weeks.
Oh no, I?m fine, you know why?
Because in two hours ? and I do
plan on extricating us from here
in exactly two hours ?
the night will be over
and I won?t have to see
them again until next year.
Oh, start your stopwatch.
- Hello.
- Hi Grandma. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Rory. Happy
Thanksgiving, Lorelai.
Happy Thanksgiving.
One hour, fifty-nine
minutes, and forty seconds.
Oh, wow, it?s a piano player.
That?s Brad. I found him at Nordstrom?s.
Was he on sale?
I thought a little background
music would add a nice touch.
He knows every song ever written.
Free Bird! Hi Brad.
Lorelai, please. Now come
along, everyone?s here.
We?re all here.
Oh, good. Happy Thanksgiving, Rory.
Happy Thanksgiving, Grandpa.
- Lorelai.
- Dad.
These are our guests,
Natalie and Douglas Swope.
- You two have met.
- Yes, at the auction.
- Good to see you again.
- Yes.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yes, you, too.
Same here.
And this is our
international contingent,
Claude and Monique Clemenceau.
They?re just in from France.
Ah, Clemenceau, I?d have guessed Spain.
- Monique, voici ma fille et ma petite fille.
- Ah. Elles sont si jolies.
My Monique speaks only French, so
please excuse the inconvenience.
Oh, no, that?s fine. I love French.
She really wants to learn English,
perhaps tonight will inspire her.
Je leur ai dit que tu
voulais apprendre I?anglais.
L?anglais, oui, je veux I'apprendre,
mais je suis tellement paresseuse.
Ah, ?a prends du temps,
Monique. Ah, t'en fais pas.
Merci.
Oh, no no no. That?s why I love
it when the Clemenceaus visit.
It gives me the opportunity
to haul out my rusty French.
Your French is wonderful,
Richard. It always has been.
Oh, non, tu es tres gentil.
- Please, sit, sit, sit.
- Merci.
So, Rory, you speak French at all?
- Just a tiny little bit.
- Un tout petit peu?
- Oui, un tout petit peu.
- And you, my dear?
Even less. Uh, voulez vous
coucher avec moi ce soir?
- That?s about it.
- Lorelai.
- Oh my God.
- It?s just a joke.
Asking my friend to go
to bed with you is a joke?
- It?s a song.
- It?s just a joke, Dad.
Oh, je vois, c?est une chanson pop.
It?s a pop song, ah,
Monique... I did not know that.
- Lady Marmalade.
- It?s very rich. It?s very, very funny.
Oh, well, thank you.
You need a drink, oui?
Very astute, Claude.
Martini with a twist, Dad.
All right.
Is this your first American
Thanksgiving, Claude?
It is, it is. I?ve
seen it in the movies.
People seem to eat and eat and
eat until they can?t eat anymore.
That?s about it.
It?s about giving thanks, gets
you thinking about the good things.
We have a lot to give
thanks for in this country.
Definitely.
Me, I start each day giving
thanks for three things ?
Cuban cigars, French
champagne, and gorgeous women.
And I must give extra thanks for
the extraordinary group here tonight.
Douglas, Richard, leave us, won?t you?
- What?
- Just another joke.
- Oh, I missed another joke?
- You have your mother?s wit.
Sometimes I wish she?d give it back.
Emily mentioned that you were
coming from another function?
No, this is your second dinner?
- Fourth, actually.
- Fourth?
Oh, thank you for
fitting us in, Lorelai.
Don?t worry, Dad. You?re the main event.
An hour and fifty six minutes.
Beautiful table, Emily. You?ve
outdone yourself yet again.
Oh, it?s nothing.
Well, is everyone
settled? Is everyone comfy?
- Yes.
- Yes, Dad, we?re fine.
Well, then, let?s get going.
- Gorgeous.
- Oh, wonderful.
Is it for us or the whole neighborhood?
Very nice.
- Oh, ho, who gets the big piece?
- I?m sorry?
Aren?t you supposed to keep carving?
That was strictly ceremonial.
- Ceremonial?
- Ceremonial.
- C?r?moniel.
- C?r?moniel.
Please, start on the salads everyone.
Is there anything
ceremonial about the salads?
Do we carve a crouton,
then have them taken away?
- No, no ceremony.
- Salad?s great, Grandma.
I?m surprised you can eat
at this point, even salad.
There?s still room.
And if there isn?t room, we?ll
add on. I know a good contractor.
She?s like your Jerry Lewis.
She?s very, very funny.
Rory, did your grandmother say
you were a high school senior?
So you?re going through this horrible
period of applying to college.
It?s not so horrible.
She?s got it pretty well covered.
That?s right.
- All your applications are in?
- I?ve applied.
We have a grandson your
age, he?s going through hell.
He?s already been turned down for
early admission to Stanford, his dream.
Took it pretty hard.
Children put so much stress
on themselves these days.
It?s pretty stressful.
He?s waiting to hear from his backups.
I have a grandson who lives
with his mother in Orlando,
you know, he?s going through
a very similar thing, poor boy.
How do they like Orlando, Claude?
Well, it?s all Mickey Mouse
this and Mickey Mouse that,
- you know. They want to die.
- That?s too bad.
Where did you apply, dear?
- Harvard.
- No word yet?
I?m not supposed to
hear back for awhile.
- Where else?
- Where else?
Where else did you
apply? Your alternates?
We?re so curious, it?s like we?ve
been going through this ourselves.
Well, I?m pretty much
counting on Harvard.
Well, you didn?t apply
to just Harvard, did you?
Well, no.
No?
- Am I prying?
- No.
We applied elsewhere?
You can?t just apply to one place.
Chilton wouldn?t allow that.
- Is that true?
- Pretty much.
Why didn?t you tell me that?
- I was going to.
- You have to be safe.
My grandson ? six schools.
Same with Dustin.
- Where else did you apply?
- Just at some other schools.
Well, if you?re aiming at
Harvard, that would be Princeton,
Yale, maybe Vassar, Wesleyan.
Certainly Yale because of
Richard?s connections, yes?
I would assume so.
Those are the kinds of places, yup.
The kinds of places or the places?
Rory?
Princeton...
Yale.
- Yale?
- Yes?
Yale, Dad?
Oh, this is the first I?m
hearing about it, Lorelai.
- Oh, bull.
- Mom.
- Lorelai.
- You did this.
I haven?t discussed this awful subject
since the debacle at the campus.
- You forced her hand.
- I did nothing of the sort.
Mom, wait.
You made it seem like you?d be deeply
hurt if she didn?t apply to Yale,
and she?s very sensitive, so
that?s as good as forcing her hand.
Lorelai, really.
You wanted her to go to Yale
instead of Harvard, didn?t you?
That wasn?t a secret.
Lorelai ne veut pas
que Rory aille ? Yale.
Je suis d?sol? de ce qui ce passe ici.
- Stick to English, Dad.
- Grandpa didn?t force my hand.
Honey, you weren?t
aware he was doing it.
She is not a puppet, Lorelai.
- I needed a backup.
- But why Yale?
I could live at home.
- You.
- What?
You got to her. That was your thing.
- I?m afraid we started this.
- This is not your doing, Natalie.
Encore une fois, je suis d?sol?.
- I never spoke to Rory about that.
- I don?t believe you.
I figured it out on my own, Mom.
You?re saying there have been
no conversations, no emails?
- I can read a map.
- This is unbelievable.
And past indelicate. We have guests.
Yes, I?m sorry, I apologize,
I?m sorry you have to see this.
This is paranoia, Lorelai.
There?s been no conspiring.
I?m not being paranoid, Mom.
For seventeen years, she was going
to Harvard, and now all of a sudden,
she?s applied to Yale and she?s
mimicking everything you say.
This is just crazy.
Elle a dit que, ?c?est de la folie. ?
Excuse me, please.
It?s freezing out here.
It?s Jamaica compared to in there.
It?s just an alternative
to Harvard, a backup.
- It changes nothing.
- No, no.
- Lorelai.
- Mom, I don?t wanna talk.
Do you believe we had
nothing to do with this?
Just for a second, Mom, please.
Just let me digest this for a second.
All this Yale stuff...
You can?t even let Rory
have one piece of our lives,
even if it?s her choice.
You hate us that much.
Goodbye, drive safe.
Excellent Thanksgiving, Mama.
I think people had fun.
And it was nice of you to only charge half
price on the chair that Yung Hee broke.
That was my cost.
That why it was nice.
I guess I?ll be going.
All right. You did a good job.
Thank you for your time, David.
You?re welcome, Mrs. Kim. I enjoyed it.
- Yes, thank you.
- You?re welcome.
Here.
Some rice, spinach, lots of tofurkey.
- Great, thanks.
- And something for your time.
That?s very nice, thank you.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Goodbye.
Keep clearing. I?m going
to start on the kitchen.
Oh, Mama, look. Dave?s
bible. He forgot it.
He?s gonna need this, too.
I?ll run it out to him.
Wait.
We?re gonna miss him.
Let me see that.
?This bible belongs to God, but
is being used by Dave Rygalski. ?
Go on.
Wow, you run really quiet.
Sorry, I?m sorry about everything.
- What?
- The whole night.
I had no idea she?d make you play
five straight hours without a break.
- It?s okay.
- Your hands must be dead.
They?re just a little numb.
But I?ve got these Kurt Cobain
calluses now, how cool is that?
But this whole thing,
this whole charade,
the fake flier and
everything, it was too much.
Lane, it?s fine. And that flier ? I?ve
gotten like three other calls for paying gigs.
I should be paying you a commission.
Oh, that?s not necessary.
And check it out ? twenty bucks.
Wow, she liked you.
We?ll put it towards
our first real date.
Really? After all this
? the marathon hymns,
the weak punch, the crabby Koreans,
you still wanna go
out on a date with me?
I?ve gotta go...
But I?m gonna call you tomorrow.
Are you mad?
- No, I?m not mad.
- You seem mad.
I?m not mad.
What are you feeling?
I wouldn?t know how to word it.
Try.
See, my head knows that whichever
one of these places you go,
Harvard, Princeton, Yale...
it?s gonna be great.
It?s gonna be awesome,
and you?re gonna come out on the
other side an even more amazing you.
But I just wish my head could sit down
and have a chat with that
gnawing feeling in my gut
that?s there every time my
parents get involved in anything
and tell it, it?s gonna be okay.
It?s gonna be okay.
Nice try.
What else are we putting in the pot?
Come on, let?s think of something.
A raspberry, a deep-fried
raspberry. How ?bout a rasquat?
- Cake! - Cake!
Deep-fried cake!
Dibs on the deep-fried cake!
You haven?t even eaten
your deep-fried biscotti.
Hey, Sookie.
Ah, hi there.
- Are you okay?
- This tastes good.
Yeah, it looks like
they?re deep-frying ?
Everything.
Vegetables, mashed potatoes,
butter, pickles, salt, a napkin.
And yet, you?re very serene.
You?re practically floating.
Well, you caught me
at a good time, ladies.
I?ve already gone through
the five stages of grieving.
Denial, anger...
I don?t remember these two, but they
were served on the rocks with salt!
Now, I?m just happily
enscotched in acceptance.
- Enscotched...
- Ensconced?
Ensconced ? that?s it!
I do believe I heard Phil
suggest throwing Junior in.
- Junior?
- His nephew.
- I chimed in on that one.
- What happened over there?
Mm, about a half-hour ago
they set the lawn on fire.
But Phil says it?s okay and everything
?cause it?ll grow back twice as lush.
Though that?s what he said
when he broke my salad bowl
that I brought back from Belgium.
That?ll maybe grow back, too, huh?
Phil is a riot. Am I crying or laughing?
- Laughing.
- Good.
Who?s that?
It?s Lane. It just
says ?bible kiss bible?.
What does that mean?
I have no idea. Good band name, though.
Honey, we should get
going? You gonna be okay?
I?m Sookie.
Yeah, I know, but you?re
gonna be okay, right?
- You?ll go to bed soon. -
Unless they deep-fried it.
I?m sure they haven?t.
Okay, we?ll see you tomorrow.
- Poor thing.
- Oh, she may not remember any of it.
- Deep-fried shoe!
- Deep-fried shoe!
- Get more trash cans.
- I don?t need more.
You make me run around town
for a place to dump this.
Just dump it in one of Taylor?s bins.
It gets it out of here and it?ll
drive Taylor crazy. It?s a win-win.
- Hi guys.
- We?re out of food.
Oh, please, we?re not eating for a year.
Or ?til tomorrow morning.
Whichever comes first. Hi Saint Nick.
Tell him he needs to
get more trash cans.
Just go.
- You got any coffee?
- That I?ve got. Come on in.
Hey, did I see flames coming from
Sookie?s place about a half-hour ago?
Yeah, why?
I still say you should get more tra...
Later.
- Nothing to say?
- Guess not.
That?s funny, you usually
have something to say.
Guess I?m all talked out.
What?s the matter, Jess?
Why you walking away?
It?s getting a little
West Side Story here, Dean,
and I gotta warn you, my dancing
skills are not up to snuff.
But now?s your chance,
there?s no one else around.
Go home. Cool off.
Come on, make one of
your Boy Scout references,
or a good Farmer John joke. I got
my Doose?s Market apron with me ?
you want me to put it on,
give you a little inspiration?
I don?t get it, what happened
? you suddenly like me now?
Oh yeah, I was just about
to invite you camping.
Good, okay, now we?re getting somewhere.
- I?m not gonna fight you, Dean.
- Why?
?Cause if I fight you, Rory?s
gonna think it?s my fault,
so just forget it, okay? Just forget it.
Go home. Let it rest.
So Rory?s got a nice
little hold on you now, huh?
Geez.
- Don?t do that.
- How does it feel?
It feels like I?m with
Rory and you?re not.
You know, when all this happened
with you and me and Rory,
I figured I?d just stay out of everyone?s
way, that that would be easiest.
But now, I?m looking
at you and I?m thinking,
I?m gonna run from him?
The Glad Man.
This is my town, I?m not hiding.
And I don?t have be remotely
calm around you anymore,
and I like that feeling.
I like it a lot.
Happy Thanksgiving, Jess.
So, how did the four dinners work out?
You guys must feel more
stuffed than you?ve ever been.
I don?t know. Is this
more stuffed than the great
Six Flags hot dog consumption of ?99?
No, or the taffy binge of ?97.
Not by a long shot.
See, we didn?t eat at my
parents because of the upset,
so we really had three
dinners, not four.
Which means...
- What?
- We didn?t have to skip rolls.
Oh yeah.
- Hey, do you have any rolls left?
- No. Come on.
Just a little something
for the walk home.
I don?t see how you do it.
You?re not us, are ya?
- Night Luke.
- Night Luke.
Night.
This has been a nice Thanksgiving.
Very.
Nicer for some than others though.
Night Kirk!
Night.