Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 3, Episode 8 - Let the Games Begin - full transcript

Mmkay, still walking, all?s good.

Mmkay.

- How are you?
- I should probably keep moving.

God, my feet have never been
in this much pain before.

- Oh yeah, what about that time?
- What time?

The time when I did the
thing and your feet were...

- Gotta stop.
- Gotta sit.

- What were you saying?
- About what?

- About my feet.
- What about your feet?

I don?t know. You were talking
about the thing you did to my feet.

What thing?

The thing that you...

you and... huh?

- What?
- I don?t know.

Just an observation ?
you and I do not function

well on a funky sleeping pattern.

I feel jet-lagged.

You?ve been up
twenty-four hours straight.

Yes, why did I do that?

Because I asked you to.

- And that worked?
- At the time.

- I don?t expect it to again.
- A realist, I like that.

How far is Luke?s?

It?s right over there.

- It looks far.
- Very far.

Maybe if we concentrate really hard,

our combined psychic
powers will move it closer.

I don?t think it?s working.

It?s my fault, I?m not focusing.

Yes, that must be why we can?t move
a half a city block closer to us.

All right then, let?s go.

On the count of three.

Oh my God.

Thank you.

I never realized Luke?s
was a hundred miles away.

We?re lucky it wasn?t snowing.

It would?ve been The Donner Party all
over again, but with slightly better hair.

Why are you sitting over there?

Where?

At that table.

How did I get here?

You sat there.

Well, this chair?s very
close to that chair,

so you understand how I
could?ve made the mistake.

Move over here with me.

Why don?t you move over here with me?

Because I?m not the one
who sat in the wrong chair.

I think it?s a little presumptuous to
assume that my chair is the wrong chair

when my chair could just as
easily be the right chair.

- No.
- Why?

Because I?m the leader of the
clan, the provider of the household,

the alpha male, and the one
whose feet just fell asleep

so there?s absolutely
no chance of movement.

Fine.

Thank you.

See, it?s nice sitting at
the grown-up table, isn?t it?

Oh, excuse me, did my trophy bump you?

No, Kirk, it didn?t.

Good, because the size of it is so large

that sometimes I can?t judge
where the exact end of it is.

We?re fine, Kirk.

I?m glad, because these shiny
golden edges are actually very sharp.

They could take an eye out or cause a
deep gash completely unintentionally.

It?s almost more a weapon than a trophy.

Really? Can I hold it, then?

Get out of the way, Kirk.
You?re blocking the door.

Luke, I?ll be needing one of
your larger tables this morning,

since your smaller tables simply
cannot accommodate the sheer size

- of my massive trophy.
- Put it on the floor.

It needs its own chair.

It?s gonna need some glue if
you don?t sit down pretty soon.

Everybody hates a winner.

How ?bout one person gets pancakes

and one person gets eggs
and then we can share?

I can?t, I have to go.

What are you talking about? It?s...

It took us thirty minutes to get here?

- Lots of limping.
- Wow, shoot.

At least grab a donut before you go.

Hey, Luke, we need a couple of donuts,

and... some of those extra legs Heather
Mills is sending over to Croatia.

Coming right up.

- I have to get to school.
- Yeah, me too.

What the hell was that?

That was episode one of Rory
and Jess: The Early Years.

What?

Rory and Jess are together.

Are you serious? What about Dean?

Dean and Rory broke up at the dance.

They did? I was at the dance,
how come I didn?t know about this?

Because you?re you.

But why, what happened?

- Jess happened.
- Wow, wow.

- So...
- Yup.

Wow. Well, this is great.

I?ll tell Dean you said that.

You know what I mean, Rory
and Jess, Jess and Rory.

I think this is great. Don?t
you think this is great?

I think Rory?s seventeen and it?s
probably about time for a Jess.

Look, I know Jess is a
little tough sometimes,

but he likes Rory and Rory?s a good kid,

hopefully she?ll rub off on him.

You know what, I?ve spent
a lot of time and energy

fighting the whole Jess
thing. Rory?s made her choice,

I want her to be happy. I?m just
hoping for the best at this point.

Very romantic.

Says the man who yelled "Finally!"
at the end of Love Story.

I?ll get you coffee.

Thank you very much.

Do it again, please!

I?m not quite sure what other way there
is to say ?no walnuts in the salad?

except to say ?no
walnuts in the salad. ?

Mom, she just made a mistake.

She doesn?t listen, she doesn?t
care, she has no work ethic.

She has some work ethic. You made
her remake the salad four times.

I like things done correctly.

- Preferably the first time.
- Thank you, Richard.

You know, Mom, in Europe, they eat the
salad last and the main course first.

- We?re not in Europe.
- We could pretend.

Really, Lorelai, you can?t wait
ten minutes for another salad?

The situation?s that dire?

Four salads ago, no, not dire.

Right now it?s ?your money for
nothing and your chicks for free. ?

- Rory?
- She didn?t have lunch.

Fine.

Where are you going?

Apparently, we?re going
to be European tonight.

Oh, wonderful. I was getting so tired of
being American day after day after day.

God, I?m starved.

- Think about something else.
- Like what?

Something disgusting that
will take your appetite away.

Ari Fleischer?

Ari Fleischer is our nation?s
mouthpiece, young lady.

Officially not hungry now.

Liliana will be right
out with the sand dabs.

I?m afraid we?re going to
have to let her go, Richard.

Oh, if that?s how you feel, Emily.

You?re firing someone over
putting walnuts in a salad?

I?m going to fire someone over
putting walnuts in the salad

after she was told not to
put walnuts in the salad.

Mom, you know, if you?re not
a little nicer to your help,

you might find yourself in a
Frank Lloyd Wright situation.

Frank Lloyd Wright?

What on earth does Frank Lloyd
Wright have to do with my salad?

And your walnuts.

Mrs. Wright apparently had this
major problem with her help.

She was very rough on them
and they totally hated her.

So this guy who had worked for her
forever, he had finally had enough.

I believe the incident was
over walnuts, wasn?t it, honey?

The exact cause has not been proven.

Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites
this whole posse of people

over for dinner and they?re
all sitting around eating,

and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes
outside and locks all the doors and windows

and douses the whole house in
gasoline and sets the place on fire.

My goodness.

So the house is on fire,
and people are freaking out,

so they run to the doors
but the doors are locked,

so a few of them try to
get out through the windows,

but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside
with an ax hacking them to death

and so they all died.

Why on earth would
you tell me that story?

All I?m saying is sometimes
eating a walnut is preferable

to getting hacked to death
or set on fire during dinner.

One of these days I?m going
to make you eat in your room.

I?m going to go get myself another
soda. Would anyone else like something?

I?d like a big bag of walnuts, and
make sure you tell her they?re for me.

I believe I need a little more ice.

Emily, are you fine?

Yes, Richard, I?m fine, thank you.

Oh, stop that!

- Did you find it?
- Yes, I did.

Good, good.

Ah, here we are, ice.

And...

- chocolates.
- Bless you.

So, tell me, how?s it going at school?

It?s good. It?s crazy.

- Senior year.
- Yup.

Preparing for college
can be a daunting task.

I remember when I was
preparing for Yale.

- Bad?
- I don?t believe I slept the entire year.

- I didn?t even cut my hair for two months.
- Grandpa!

Oh, yes, it was quite a scandal.
But in the end, it was all worth it.

My years at Yale were absolutely
the most gratifying ones of my life.

Just the sheer freedom of knowing
that anything I wanted to learn,

I could learn right there.

Plus, the history of the
place, the heritage...

- my father went to Yale.
- I know.

I also made wonderful friends
there. Friends I still have today.

That must be nice.

I?m going to be going
back there next week.

There?s going to be a little
reunion of the Whiffenpoofs.

I?m sorry, the what?

It?s an a cappella singing
group I belonged to at Yale.

- A singing group?
- A very famous singing group, actually.

Like the Beatles, but
with better table manners.

I?ve never heard you sing.

Well, I?m no Perry Como,

but my shower hasn?t kicked me out yet.

Anyway, a group of us are going to
get together at the old alma mater

and have a little dinner,
swap some war stories.

Sounds fun.

Excuse me.

Did you see what I just saw?

- Walnuts.
- Poor Grandma.

Poor us.

You know, you might wanna
come with me next week.

Come with you where?

To Yale.

What?

I don?t mean to the dinner,
that would be boring for you,

but you might enjoy seeing the school.

Your mother could come to. It
would be a fun little adventure.

We could drive down, have
a little roadside snack,

get there about noon.
Have a little tour,

and then the two of you girls
could go off and have fun,

and the old folks can have
a somber little dinner.

I think you?d love to see it. I
certainly would love to show it to you.

Well... sure, Grandpa.

- That would be nice.
- Wonderful.

Oh, I?m thrilled. Do you wanna
tell your mother or shall I?

Oh, you know what, I can tell her.

All right, you tell her.

Looks like we?re gonna
need a few more of these.

Okay, I officially vote
that we send my mother

an anonymous note requesting that
she never make us the sand dabs again.

I?m not sure how anonymous
it would be considering

she said we were the first
people she ever made them for.

I have to tell you something.

Okay.

Grandpa talked to me tonight.

Why?d you turn the car off?

I?m just getting the sense
that I shouldn?t be driving

- a large vehicle when you tell me this.
- It?s no big deal.

- It?s not.
- Then tell me.

Okay. Well, Grandpa was
mentioning that he and Grandma

are going on a trip next
week, a driving trip somewhere,

and he invited me to go. And you.

He invited you and me to go
on a trip with him and Grandma.

- Where?
- What?

- Where?s the driving trip to?
- Yale.

Mom?

Mom, wait.

No, it?s okay, I got it.

He?s going for some nostalgia thing.

For a reunion of, I don?t
know, the Whiffenhoofs.

- Poofs.
- What?

- Whiffenpoofs.
- Not much better.

I totally agree.

Well, he got all sentimental and he
really just wants to show me the campus.

- It?s no big deal.
- It?s a huge deal.

Mom.

There?s a reason he wants
to drag you out there, Rory.

He?s manipulating you. Trust
me, I know, he?s a master at it.

Okay, fine, maybe he is, but he
really wants me to go, I can tell.

And you don?t have to
go. I mean, he invited you

and I would really love it if you could
come, but really, you can stay home.

Just please don?t make a big thing out
of this. This doesn?t have to be a fight.

- Rory.
- We go. We look.

Hi Yale. Bye Yale. It?s
over. No harm, no foul.

How many more two-word
sentences can you come up with?

You know, it doesn?t
have to be a total loss.

Look, as she?s leading
me back to the car.

I?m sure you and I can
figure out a fun thing to do

while they?re off at dinner,
some cool road trip thing.

- In New Haven?
- Well, yeah.

Sweetie, have you
ever been to New Haven?

No.

Take a look at the coffee pot tomorrow
before I clean it, that?s New Haven.

We can make it fun.

It would mean a lot to the
grandparents, everybody wins.

Rory, listen to me.

I know, I am being manipulated.

This is part of Grandpa?s
evil plan to take over my life,

abolish my free will, pull
me in into the Gilmore world,

dress me in pearls, and ruin my
life. Did I leave anything out?

Let me see...

manipulate, evil plan,
no free will, pearls...

no, I think you about covered it. Oh, wait
? did you call my father the Puppet Master?

No, I did not.

Always call him the Puppet Master.

I will never make that mistake again.

Luke, where?s your lost and found?

Out back in the dumpster.

I need your help. I
don?t know what to do.

- I?m shaking like a spastic colon.
- What?s the matter, Kirk?

- My trophy?s gone.
- What?

- Someone took her.
- Kirk.

The last time I remember seeing her,
she was next to me at the movies.

Stop calling it she.

I retraced my steps all day and nothing.

- I suspect foul play.
- Foul play?

Kidnapping, possibly.

Then, I think you
should go to the police,

and if they mention something about staying
somewhere for observation, it?s just routine.

- Hey Kirk.
- Rory.

What are you doing?

Where were you this
morning at about ten?

At school.

- Do you have any witnesses?
- Yes.

- Can you get them to make a short statement?
- No.

Well, okay.

Someone took his statue again.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Every year.

Well, there?s some things in
life that never let you down.

- So...
- So...

It?s nice to see you, Rory.

It?s nice to see you, too, Luke.

So, table for one?

- I?ll just sit at the counter.
- Okay. What can I get you?

I guess I?ll have a cheeseburger.

Hey Jess, look who?s here ? Rory.

Okay, time to add another word.
Jess, you want something to eat?

- I?m not hungry.
- Oh, yeah, I?m not hungry either.

- What about the burger?
- Oh, well...

could you wrap it up?
I?m gonna eat it later.

I actually prefer burgers after
they?ve been sitting around for awhile.

- Let?s them age.
- Okay.

You know, I?ve got that book upstairs.

Oh, the book we talked about?

- Yup.
- Great.

We could go upstairs and look at it.

Look at the book, sure.

Let?s go upstairs and look at the book.

- So, here we are.
- Yup, here we are.

Wow, I haven?t seen it
since you guys redid it.

Oh yeah.

It?s bigger.

Ripping a wall down can
have that effect on a room

- That part, over there.
- That?s mine.

- You want a soda?
- No, I?m fine.

You sure you don?t want a soda?

Yeah, I?m sure.

Please let me get you a soda.

I gotta do something other
than stand here like a moron.

Take comfort in the fact that
you are not doing it alone.

Okay, let?s just regroup here.

Yeah, regroup.

First of all, we should try to get
within, say, a foot of each other.

I think that?s about a foot.

That school of yours
is really paying off.

So, now what?

Now we should...

Well, I think we either need to get
a little closer or need to warm up.

I got the burger.

- Thank you.
- I also threw in some fries.

Fries, great. I love fries.

Okay, Jess, thank you for...

your... I gotta go.

- What was going on up here?
- Nothing.

Nothing? I walk in here and the
two of you are like shrapnel.

Your timing is perfect, by the way.

Next time I?ll hang a sock on the door.

Hey, there will be no hanging of socks
on the door in my house, do you hear me?

Relax, I was kidding.

Oh, really? Hanging socks on
doors ? that?s your idea of funny.

Depending on the sock
design, could be hilarious.

- Okay, that?s it, sit down.
- Why?

It?s time to lay down
a few ground rules, sit.

All right, first off, when she
is up here, that door stays open.

Excuse me?

You are not allowed on
either end of this apartment.

You are, instead, to remain here
in the middle portion of the room.

You may sit on the
couch or on the chair,

as long as you two are
sitting on separate seats,

i. e. when you?re on the
couch, then she?s on the chair.

When she?s on the couch,
then you?re on the chair.

I get it, thank you.

On weekdays, you will
have her home by nine.

On weekends, you will
have her home by eleven.

Any evidence of alcohol,
cigarette smoke, or anything else

that Nancy Reagan
would find unacceptable

and you will not be allowed near
her without an adult present.

- Are these rules clear?
- Yes.

- Good.
- May I speak?

If you must.

Do you want me to have you committed or
would you prefer to check yourself in?

I?m not joking here, mister.

You know you?re my
guardian, not hers, right?

You don?t need a guardian.

- She tried to kiss me.
- Jess.

She did that thing where you stretch

and then you put your arm around
the other person?s shoulder

and then you sneeze and then your
hand falls and you try to grab ?

Jess, stop it.

What do you think is gonna happen?

You know what I think is gonna happen.

No, I don?t. Tell me.

Tell me what I?m gonna do to her.

You?re not gonna do anything to her
because when you?re at her place,

there?s Lorelai, and when
you?re here, there?s me,

and when you?re out
there, there?s Taylor.

Romeo and Juliet had warring families

and they still managed to
do a little damage, you know?

As soon as I catch you in a
pair of tights, I?ll get worried.

Until then, do your homework.

Rory, let?s move! They?ll
be here any minute.

I?ll be right there.

And make sure to bring an extra coat.

Why?

Do not ask why. It?s
Gilmore road rules, trust me.

But that doesn?t make any sense.

We?re only gonna be gone for one day.

Yeah, do me a favor, say
those exact words to my mother

- when she shows up.
- Taking the coat.

Now, I have been doing
some research on our trip.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

I went to the bookstore
and I found this.

- "The Best of New Haven. "
- Yeah.

- It?s light.
- It?s New Haven.

Anyhow, I looked through it and it just
so happens that one of the best taco places

on the East Coast is
ten minutes from campus.

- We like tacos.
- Yes, we do.

"You haven?t had a taco until you?ve spent
some time at Hector?s, crisp and meaty ? "

- Dirty.
- Thank you.

"Not greasy. With homemade tortillas,

it elevates this fast finger food
to the level of haute cuisine. "

- Sounds good.
- Yeah,

so I thought maybe when Dad was busy poofing
it up, we could go say hello to Hector.

I like your thinking.

Good. Where?s your stuff?

I put the extra coat by the door.

Yeah, I know, but where?s your stuff?

What stuff?

Rory, I left a list on
your dresser last night.

I thought you were kidding.

- You didn?t pack?
- Well...

Rory, let me explain something to you.

The way you survive a
road trip with my mother

is to make sure you have all your
bases covered, leave nothing to chance.

Never give her the opportunity to give
you a thirty-minute lecture on how,

if you?d brought the second
bathing suit like she told you to,

it wouldn?t have mattered that the first
one?s strap broke in a freak poolslide incident

that no one, including
the Amazing Kreskin,

could?ve predicted, you
would?ve been covered.

I have to bring a bathing suit?
It?s thirty degrees outside.

This was an example
based on a true story.

Now, get a skirt to go with this.

But I?m still confused.
When are we changing?

Not the point.

We?re driving, we?re walking, we?re
eating tacos, and we?re driving again.

Check the list.

Why do I need rain boots?

Why are you still questioning me?

Should I bring both a rain hat and an
umbrella, or will one or the other do?

Forget it, stupid question.

Oh wow.

I guess this means there really
isn?t a Dean anymore, huh?

Yeah, that and it broke
in the shower this morning.

Though I probably would?ve
taken it off anyway.

Or Jess would?ve done it for you.

What did that mean?

It just meant Jess wouldn?t want
you wearing another guy?s bracelet.

Or that Jess is a thief
and he would?ve stolen it.

It does work on both levels, doesn?t it?

So this is how it?s
gonna be from now on?

What does that mean?

- You like Dean and you hate Jess.
- Rory.

Jess will always be the evil
guy who mouthed off to you

and wrecked my car and Dean
will always be the perfect guy

who would come over and
change the water bottle.

I forgot about the water bottle.

- Mom.
- Rory, I said nothing.

I didn?t mean what you
thought I meant about Jess.

- I?m trying to be supportive about this.
- How supportive?

Supportive. You know, go team.

I?m serious, I wanna
know how it?s gonna be.

Like, can I invite him over?

Of course you can invite him over.

Well, can he actually
come into the house?

Yes, he can come into the house.

- Are you going to talk to him?
- Oh my God.

Are you going to talk to him?

I?ll at least match him grunt for grunt.

Okay. Now, let?s say he?s in
the house and there?s a fire,

and you can either save him
or your shoes ? which is it?

That depends ? did he start the fire?

Mom.

Rory, I promised you before
and I?m promising you again,

I will cut this kid all kinds of slack.

Did I like Dean? Yes.

Did I worry about you less
when you were with Dean? Yes.

But I never expected you
to be with Dean forever,

just like I don?t expect
you to be with Jess forever.

Oh, so now you?re just waiting for the
day I?m not with Jess anymore, is that it?

You know what, I?m actually looking
forward to my mother getting here.

I?m kidding and thank you.

You?re annoying, and you?re welcome.

Let the games begin.

- Your drivers have arrived.
- Hi Grandma, hi Grandpa.

Hello Rory, hello Lorelai.
What a perfect day for a drive.

Sure is.

- You brought an umbrella?
- And a rain cap.

- Excellent!
- Here, let me help you with those.

- Where are you going with that?
- To the car.

- You can?t have that in the car.
- I know.

Then, what are you doing with it?

- Walking it.
- Lorelai.

Mom, I know I can?t have it in
the car. It will not be in the car.

- Is that everything?
- Yes, I think so.

All right, then. Let?s
get this show on the road.

Now let?s see you drink it.

Good to the last drop.

You stay that way until it?s gone.

Aye, aye, captain.

Let?s go Richard.

All right-y.

Wow, does that guy look smart.

I mean it, he?s got the smart look down.

The glasses, the furrowed
brow, the ticky walk.

- The Kierkergaard.
- I really think it?s the walk.

Well, we are at Yale, you know.
There are smart people here.

I know there are smart people here.
I just didn?t realize how many.

I bet if I pulled my checkbook out now,
twelve guys could help me balance it.

Thirteen if you were
near the right building.

Grandpa, that art gallery
was amazing. Thank you.

Yale has one of the finest collections
of British art in the world.

Louvre, schmouvre.

Oh, I spent a lot of time in
that gallery as a young man.

I?ll say you did.

What was that ?I?ll say you did??

I just remember that
that gallery was one

of your father?s favorite
places to bring the ladies.

- What?
- Emily.

It?s where you took
me on our first date.

So, Dad liked to impress
?em with the paintings.

Why did you bring this up?

He was a master of the frown,
step back, wrinkle and sigh.

- The what?
- Frown.

Step back.

Wrinkle.

- And sigh.
- I did no such thing.

And then he?d talk about the
paintings he had seen in Paris

and the colors of Titian,
and by the end of the date,

you thought he was the most
brilliant man in the entire world.

Using Titian to score.
Even Titian didn?t do that.

You shouldn?t tell them this.

They?ll think I was
some kind of lothario.

Well, you were.

I was just a young single man

who wanted to experience life.

- Don?t ever fall for that line.
- I promise.

You know, Emily, you weren?t
such an innocent little doe

- lost in the woods yourself.
- I beg your pardon?

They?re turning on
each other, I love it.

I?ll have you know, I was happily
involved in a very serious relationship

when your mother decided
she simply had to have me.

Oh, the size of your ego, I swear.

- Linny Lott.
- That mouse?

Oh, that mouse and I were engaged.

Oh, you were not.

I?d given her my pin, I?d
introduced her to my parents.

So?

The date was set,
invitations mailed out.

Mom.

Well, you couldn?t marry Linny Lott.

That woman needed
directions to get to a point.

Richard Gilmore, you are going to
give these girls the wrong impression.

What impression is that, Grandma?

That you were the Helena Bonham
Carter of the society set?

I did not steal your grandfather,
I simply gave him a choice.

When you showed up at my fraternity
party in that blue dress, I had no choice.

You stole my father with fashion.

I can?t believe you remember the dress.

I can?t believe you
were the other woman.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Another woman should be
saying this is ridiculous.

Will you stop?

- Well...
- Well what?

You mean you don?t remember?

Oh my God! There was a bench here.

They moved it last year.

I can?t believe this.

Me either. What if
we wanted to sit down?

This is where your father proposed?

- Really?
- That?s right.

- By the trash can.
- That?s right.

Well, that?s very romantic...

especially if you need
to spit your gum out.

We were going to meet my girlfriends who
were going to drive me back to school.

And you were angry with me.

Because you wouldn?t commit
to plans for the holidays.

Because I was going to
invite you to the house

to meet my parents after I proposed.

Which I didn?t know because you
gave me no indication whatsoever.

Anyway, you had just finished
calling me a spineless jellyfish.

And you got very annoyed,
reached in your pocket,

pulled out a box and said, "Here. "

And you opened the
box, showed no emotion,

slammed it close and said, "Fine. "

Yes, I did.

- That?s so sweet.
- Oh no, my button broke.

Oh yeah? Let me see.

It just broke in two and fell.

Well, let me look, Mom.

It?s a broken button,
what is there to look at?

All right, then, I think
there?s a bathroom over there.

What can we do in a bathroom?

- Meet George Michael.
- What?

Let?s go.

I don?t believe it. This
is a brand new skirt.

Mom, let me see.

I have this dinner to go
tonight. What am I going to do?

Drink a lot. It?s easier to explain

not wearing a skirt if
you?re falling down drunk.

Thank you for the advice.

You know, I can rig
this ?til you get home.

- You can?
- Yeah, just give me five seconds here.

- What is that?
- It?s a paper clip.

And what do you intend to
do with that paper clip?

I intend to carve something really
dirty into the bathroom door.

- Lorelai.
- What rhymes with Nantucket?

I?m standing here holding my skirt.

I?m gonna put this paper
clip through the buttonhole

and then through the thread
that used to hold the button,

and then you?re gonna put your
jacket back on and there you go.

- That?s ingenious.
- I know.

If I had a thumbtack, I
could make a scud missile.

You know, your father?s
having a wonderful time.

Well, good.

It means a lot to him
to share this with Rory.

I know.

Actually, it means a lot to him to share this
with you and Rory. It?s very nice that you?re here.

Nice for you. I just found out you?re
not supposed to be my real mother,

so I?m a little scarred.

See that? That is my favorite
building in the whole school.

- It is?
- Yes, it is.

Why?

Because that?s where the
Timothy Dwight Dining Hall is.

I thought campus food was
supposed to be disgusting.

Not Yale food.

They have the most delicious
pot roast you?ve ever tasted.

- I love pot roast.
- Who doesn?t love pot roast?

Are you having a good time?

I?m having a very good time.

I?m glad.

It?s nice being able to show this
place to another Gilmore generation.

You know, one day, when your
mother was ten years old,

she ran into my office and she said,

"I?m going to go to
Yale, just like you. "

She actually took my diploma out
of my office and put it in her room.

She wouldn?t give it back
to me for about six months.

This place makes you remember things.

Hopefully, things
you?re being graded on.

All right, we?re all in one piece again.

Oh, glad to hear it.

Shall we continue?

Okay, but you?re not gonna
show me the vending machine

where I was conceived, are you?
?Cause I don?t think I can take it.

- Lions and tigers and bears...
- Oh my.

It?s impressive, isn?t it?

Yeah, I?d like to open a
checking account, please.

What is this place?

This is the main
administration building.

Professors? offices, the dean?s office.

Some of the best scotch in the country
can be found behind those doors.

Not sure how to take that, Dad.

Come on. Ah, follow me, please.

What?s he so excited about?

Oh, who knows?

Dickens must have dropped
a pencil here at some point.

Rory, this is the office of
a very dear friend of mine.

His name is Harris Fellows,

and he just happens to
be the Dean of Admissions.

- Really?
- That?s right.

And I called him just before
we came down and I asked him

if he had a little time to
squeeze you in and he said yes.

- Squeeze me in?
- For an interview.

An interview for what, Dad?

- An interview for Yale.
- Grandpa.

Oh, I told him all
about you and your grades

and how well you were doing at Chilton.

Of course, he insisted on seeing you.

He wouldn?t let me off the hook.

But I haven?t applied to Yale.

Oh, I told him that you
weren?t finished deciding,

that you were being very picky.

I think that made him
want you even more.

They can be very competitive,
these Ivy League schools.

He?s expecting you at three.
Oh, look, it?s three now.

Well, we timed this
perfectly now, didn?t we?

Come on, I?ll walk you
in. We?ll be right back.

Rory, honey, you don?t
have to go in there.

What? Well, of course
she?s going to go in there.

Rory, honey, the only
person I?m talking to,

you don?t have to go in
there if you don?t want to.

Lorelai, the man is waiting.

You wanna leave? ?Cause
we could just leave.

No, it?s okay. I?ll go in.

Harris is a very nice man, Rory.

I think you two are
really going to hit it off.

Come on, I?ll walk you in.

My skirt seems to be
holding up very well.

- Lorelai...
- No.

She shook his hand.

She just reached out and shook his hand.

It completely threw him
off. I swear, that girl.

You know what, I almost feel like
a standing ovation is in order.

If you?re going to get
dramatic, let?s go outside.

It echoes in here.

What did you think you were doing?

I thought I was helping my granddaughter

get into what is, in my opinion, the
best Ivy League school in America.

Even though she doesn?t wanna go here?

She doesn?t know she
doesn?t want to go here.

You?re unbelievable, Dad.

You corner her alone the
other night, without me there.

Of course I did. You
wouldn?t let her go.

Oh, I wouldn?t?

I knew that the last thing in
the world that you could want

would be for Rory to go to Yale.

And the reason for that would be?

I went to Yale, therefore Rory can?t.

Oh, that?s right, the crazy reason.

That?s all right. It?s your
prerogative to feel that way.

It?s mine to make sure that Rory
at least knows all her options.

Aren?t you supposed to slap my face
with a glove before you do this?

I?m not going to discuss this with you.

You lied to everybody, Dad.

You lied to me, you lied
to Rory, I?m looking at Mom

and I?m thinking you lied to her, too.

Lorelai, please, let?s
try and calm down.

This is for Rory?s own good.

- Rory?s going to Harvard.
- We?ll see.

No, Rory?s going to Harvard.

It?s already been decided
without you, get it?

You don?t control it.

And that little stunt of yours
doesn?t change that fact one bit.

I?m sorry about the
way it had to be done,

but I didn?t want to
argue with you about it.

My whole life, you have
tried to control everything,

and if you didn?t get
to control something,

then you just didn?t deal with it.

That?s ridiculous.

When you couldn?t control
me, you didn?t deal with me.

- This has nothing to do with you.
- No?

This is about Rory and Rory?s education.

Which, frankly Lorelai, is
something you know nothing about.

Excuse me?

You never went to college, let
alone an Ivy League college.

You don?t know the first thing
about the system, the way it works.

I do, I went through it.

You want Rory to go
to Harvard that badly?

So do thousands of other mothers.

Yale is an excellent school, the equal
of Harvard in every way except one ?

I went here. I?m an alumnus.

That makes it easier for Rory to get in.

And if you had any idea about the
way the system works, you?d know this.

Oh, so, here it is. I knew we
would eventually get to the big

"my daughter?s a loser, poor
me, the future squandered,

the Gilmore name?s sullied" speech.

I am not going to leave
Rory?s education to chance

simply because I might
risk offending you.

Her future is more
important than your pride.

If you don?t like that, I?m sorry.

If it makes you angry,
well, what else is new?

But that, my dear
girl, is the way it is.

I?m calling a cab. We?re leaving.

Lorelai, come back inside.

Lorelai, put the phone
away and come back inside.

Yes, hi, in New Haven, I need
a number of a cab company.

Anyone, pick one. Thanks.

You are not going to take a cab
all the way back to Stars Hollow.

He lied to you, too, Mom.
Don?t you care about that?

That is between me and your father.

Great, whatever.

Damn, I just forgot the number.

If you would just calm down and
look at it from his point of view.

Hi... in New Haven,

I need a cab company, any cab company.

Your father is a very
strong-willed man, Lorelai.

You know this, you take after him.

Thank you.

He wants the best for Rory.
He thinks this is the best.

It doesn?t really matter what he thinks.

It matters what I think and what
Rory thinks and the list ends there.

So Rory takes a meeting at Yale.

That doesn?t mean she
still won?t go to Harvard.

I know it doesn?t, because
she is still going to Harvard.

- If she applies to Yale...
- She?s not applying to Yale!

And gets into Yale, that might even
make her more appealing to Harvard.

Have you thought about that?

No, I haven?t, because I?m not trying
to reason away a crazy man?s actions.

Oh, don?t do this. Don?t
turn this into yet another one

of your crusades against your
childhood. Just let it go.

Realize that despite the matter in which your
father did this, his intentions were honorable.

You know what, Mom? Sometimes
I literally sit around

and try to figure out why Dad and
I have such an awful relationship.

I try to figure out
why we can?t communicate

and why we can?t seem to break through
whatever crap it is that stands between us,

and then something like this
happens and suddenly it?s like,

- ?Oh yeah. That?s why. ?
- Fine, Lorelai,

your father?s a demon. He?s cruel
and out to destroy your happiness.

But think about this...

you?re fighting so hard to send
Rory off to Harvard no matter what

that you haven?t even stopped for one
second to consider that if she went to Yale,

she could live at home.
Consider that on your cab ride.

Hi, yes, in New Haven,
I need a cab company.

It was a pleasure to meet you.

I?ll read that book you recommended.

And don?t be fooled by the Oprah seal
on the cover, it?s actually very good.

Well, how did it go? I see
that everyone is smiling.

Richard, your granddaughter is
everything you said and more.

You should be very proud.

I am, very proud.

- It was very nice meeting you.
- Same here.

- I?ll see you at dinner later, Richard.
- Thanks, Harris.

Well, that sounded
like it went very well.

What did you tell him to read?

- Why did you do that?
- Do what?

Why did you make this appointment
without telling me about it?

Rory, I know this
appointment upset your mother,

but this was an important opportunity.

I know it was an important opportunity.

That?s why I can?t believe
you didn?t prepare me for it.

I didn?t have my transcripts,
my letters of recommendation.

I couldn?t even remember what I
wanted to major in when he asked.

I?m sure he knew you were nervous.

But I didn?t have to be that nervous.

I could?ve been calm. I
could?ve brushed my hair.

- I never would?ve worn this.
- Oh, Rory, none of this matters.

It matters to me. I like to be prepared.

This has nothing to do with Mom. If you
had really wanted me to take this meeting,

I would?ve done it just
because you asked me to.

And I would?ve done it right.

Rory, a cab is meeting us
at the main gate. Let?s go.

I?m coming.

- Bye Grandma.
- Goodbye Rory.

Don?t you even look at me.

Thanks.

Well, here?s the good news.

You no longer have to worry
about which college to go to

?cause that cab ride
was your college tuition.

Can we not say the word college
for at least forty-eight hours?

- Fine.
- Thank you.

How ?bout collage, can we say collage?

?Cause it sounds the same but
it?s actually very different.

Collage is fine.

Okay, good, ?cause I don?t even know how

to get through a conversation
without the word collage.

I should?ve listened to you about today.

Oh, no.

There?s no way even I
could?ve seen this one coming.

I can?t believe I had
a meeting at Yale today.

I know.

And I can?t believe the only
name that popped into my head

when he asked for my role
model was Gloria Estefan.

Well, you don?t work
great under pressure.

- Sucky day.
- But excellent tacos.

Yeah, Hector really came through.

What are you doing?

We?re coming from a day
with my parents. Want a taco?

No thanks. See, I
already have food here.

We sell it to the other customers who don?t
come quite as prepared as the two of you.

Be nice and get us some salsa.

- At least order a cup of coffee.
- Coffee and tacos?

Sounds just gross enough to work.

Please, I?ll finish it ? hi, hi,
hi, hi, hi. I?m getting the coffee.

I gotta run out for a second
and get a part for my car.

Get a receipt this time.

I?ll be back.

Hey Luke, what?s the record
for most tacos eaten in a diner

that doesn?t actually sell tacos?

I have no idea.

Find out, will you, ?cause if
it?s less than five, we?re famous.

Where?d you get those things anyhow?

- New Haven.
- Really? That dump was close?

We paid a little visit to Yale today.

Yes, one that I would
prefer not to relive,

thank you very much.

I?m gonna go study.

Okay hon, see you back home.

- Bye Luke.
- Bye.

Listen, I just want you to know

that I had a little
talk with Jess earlier.

- You did?
- Yes, I did,

and I really laid down the
rules concerning him and Rory.

Trust me, he now knows that
I am going to be watching them

- every second they are together.
- Oh good.

- You know, they?re together now.
- What?

Oh yeah. ?I have to
get a part for my car?,

?I?m going to go study?
? that?s kid code for

?Meet me at the previously agreed upon
location far away from my clueless uncle. ?

You?re kidding me, right?
You don?t really think that...

Damn, they are! They?re together.

They used the kid code
and now they?re together!

- It?s okay, Luke.
- It?s okay, Luke?

They are out there right now doing God
knows what, completely unsupervised.

- How did you let this happen?
- Me?

Yes, you. I thought
you were against this.

I thought you were all, ?This is so
great and Rory?s gonna change Jess. ?

What is she, a miracle worker?
Come on, Lorelai, wake up...

the guy?s trouble. I have to find ?em.
Caesar, I?ll be back in a little while.

You?re seriously gonna run all
over town looking for Jess and Rory?

If I have to, yes.

And if you were really a concerned
mother, you?d go out there with me.

No, I can?t do that.

But if you like, I?ll let
you sniff Rory?s sweater.

Maybe her scent will
help you track them down.

The things you find amusing
astound me sometimes.

You?re not really gonna sniff it.

No, it?s cold out. She might need it.

You going to smoke that
or mind meld with it?

It depends.

So where?s the part for your car?

I don?t know.

Gypsy said she was gonna
leave it for me somewhere.

- Guess she forgot.
- She?s bad that way.

I?m just gonna have to
take my business elsewhere.

Looks that way.

- So.
- So.

- Here we are.
- Yeah, here we are.

So, tell me, what?s your decision
about smoking that depending on?

On what?s gonna happen.

- When?
- Now.

I?m glad you didn?t smoke it.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, whatever else happens between us,

at least we know that part works.

What?

I have to go.

What?

Did I do something or...

No, no. This was...

you were ? are...

it was wonderful,

and I look forward to many
similar occurrences in the future,

but right now, I have to go. Understand?

Not at all.

It?s more fun that way, isn?t it?

Come here.

Beat it.

I?ll see you tomorrow.

- What are you doing?
- I climbed a tree.

Why?

Well, I was afraid to ring the doorbell

?cause your mom would answer
and I assume she knows,

so I assume she hates me and...

I just wanted to talk to you, so...

- She doesn?t know.
- She doesn?t.

I haven?t really been in
the mood to talk about it.

But you?re going to have
to tell her eventually,

so if she did answer the
door and was nice to me,

then I would?ve known that she
was going to be hating me soon,

and that just would?ve been really
hard because I like your mom.

I guess you?re probably
gonna tell your sister also,

so she?s probably gonna hate me, too.

Well, too bad, Rory.

Somebody doesn?t like you for once.

- I didn?t mean...
- What do you want?

Do you remember that girl Butterfly
who lived in a tree for a year?

I can officially attest
that she was nuts.

I have to go.

I wanna say that I?m sorry.

For what?

For treating you the way I did.

For doing all the things you said I did.

I am so, so sorry. It?s all my fault.

I don?t know what?s wrong with me.

You were the most amazing
boyfriend in the world.

You made me so happy.

You made me laugh, you
made my mother like you,

you were nice to my
friends, you protected me,

you even came with me to
that stupid debutante ball.

I don?t need the list.

I really did love you.

Please believe that.

You with him now?

I don?t wanna talk about him.

I just came to tell you that
I?m truly sorry that I hurt you,

and that I?m going to miss you so much,

and I just hope that someday
you won?t hate me anymore.

I hope so, too.

Coffee and Ovaltine.

Thanks.

It?s getting late, you almost done?

Almost.

Don?t study so much that
you get brilliant, go mad,

grow a big bald egghead and try
to take over the world, okay,

?cause I wanna go shoe
shopping this weekend.

Promise, I will not go mad
until we get you some boots.

Thank you.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

How was the rest of the evening?

It was eventful.

Eventful... well, okay.

Goodnight hon.

Mom?

- Yeah?
- Details tomorrow.

Ah, thank God.

?Cause you know what not
knowing these things does to me.

- I know.
- I can?t sleep.

I wonder what I did wrong. Should
I not have left you that first day

in kindergarten when you begged me
not to? Are you holding it against me?

I was fine staying at kindergarten. You
were the one that had trouble leaving.

See, see how irrational I
get when you hold out on me?

I invent crazy reasons
why you hold out on me.

- Night Mom.
- Night babe.