Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 3, Episode 7 - They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They? - full transcript

- What about that one?
- Hm, no.

- Why not?
- Too pale.

- So what?
- Pale means sickly.

- Or sunscreen.
- Or Mad Cow Disease.

Pale does not mean Mad Cow Disease.

Have you ever had Mad Cow Disease?

Twice last week and my
coloring was wonderful.

I need a great dance partner this year.

Someone strong, non-clutzy,
with lots of stamina.

- How tall is that guy?
- Mrs. Coulter?s about 6?2".

Four years in a row, I have
come this close to winning.

Last year, I swear to God, I had it!

- I know the story. -
It was hour twenty-three.

I know the story.

I?m dancing with Henry
Ho-Ho McAphie the third.

How many people heard
me say I know the story?

And Ho-Ho?s fading, so
I?m trying to buck him up,

saying "Come on, Ho-Ho.
Stay with me Ho-Ho,"

and then all of a sudden he starts yelling,
"Stop calling me Ho-Ho, it?s making me hungry!"

Look, there goes Tommy Tune.

And out of nowhere,
Kirk comes dancing by,

waving a McDonald?s hot apple
pie in the air and of course

Ho-Ho lunges for the pie and
drops my hand and that was it.

Kirk wins, I?m out. I?m
gonna get that Ho-Ho someday.

- I?ll help ya.
- I wanna win.

- I know you do.
- I need a partner.

You?ll get one. Keep looking.

- Out there.
- But, wait...

Pancakes, right? Coming right up.

Breathe in deep,
folks. Smells like fall.

- Get out, Taylor.
- Why?

Just a code I live by.

Oh... pffft... you.

Listen, I?d like to run
a little something by you.

I?m busy, Taylor.

I was just thinking how nice
it would be if you could set up

a little coffee stand at the marathon.

- Coffee stand.
- Yes.

I mean, these people have to try
and stay up for twenty-four hours.

What better to help you stay up than
a cup of nice strong cup of coffee?

- What do you say?
- Sure.

- Really?
- For a buck a cup.

Luke, this marathon
is a charitable event.

Taylor, we have been raising money to
restore that stupid bridge for eight years.

We?re not raising money
to restore the bridge.

- We?re not?
- No, we have that money.

The Tennessee Williams lookalike contest
last month put us right over the top.

Then what the hell is
this dumb thing for?

- A tarp.
- A what?

To cover the bridge.

This is a first, Taylor. I
actually need to sit down.

Luke, you know as well as I do
that if we start renovations now,

heading right into the snow
and rainy part of the season,

then everything we do is gonna get ruined,
and there we are ? back at square one.

If we are gonna do this right,
then we are going to need a tarp.

Taylor, you are asking me to donate
free coffee to hundreds of people

so you can raise money to buy a tarp.

- How ?bout fifty cents a cup?
- How ?bout I charge for cream?

You would kick Tiny Tim?s crutch
out from under him, wouldn?t you?

If he asks for a free cup of
coffee, gimpy?s going down.

Whoa ? look at Taylor go.

I wonder who he?s dancing with.

This is amazing chicken,
Mom. I mean it, really great.

Thank you, Lorelai.

It?s like super chicken.

I bet it could fly. Have you
tried tossing it out the window?

- All right, what?s going on?
- What? I like the chicken.

Nobody likes the chicken
that much, Lorelai.

- I?m in a good mood.
- Why?

My God, it?s my ninth grade
homecoming dance all over again.

- Homecoming dance?
- In ninth grade,

I got asked to the homecoming
dance and I didn?t think I would,

and I was in a really good
mood, and Mom got so annoyed

that she made me go to my room.

Grandma?

She was sitting at the table
giving all the peas voices.

With a little encouragement,

I could?ve been the Senor
Wences of the vegetable set.

- Lorelai.
- Okay, okay, okay.

It?ll come out soon enough.

Today, ladies and gentlemen,
I found a dance partner.

- You did?
- A good one.

What are you talking about, a dance
partner? A dance partner for what?

Our town is having a dance
marathon this weekend.

It lasts twenty-four hours and the
last couple left standing gets a trophy.

A big trophy.

That sounds very nice.

All the proceeds go to charity.

Which is great ? but
did I mention the trophy?

- I believe you did.
- ?Cause it?s big.

Charitable events are wonderful
things to take part in.

There?s nothing more rewarding than devoting
yourself to making someone else?s life better.

And whose life isn?t better with
a truly gigantic trophy around?

So who?d you get to dance with you?

- Stanley Appleman.
- Who?s Stanley Appleman?

He?s brand new in town. He
works over at the hardware store,

and the best part is, he used to
be part of the touring company...

- of Riverdance.
- Score!

I know! I?m completely jazzed.

How ?bout you, Mr. Potato?
I?m completely jazzed, too.

- What?s that?
- I think that?s me.

Lorelai, I?ve told you a hundred
times to turn that thing off

- when you come to dinner here.
- I know, Mom. I?m sorry.

Can?t you let it go to voice mail?

See, I left Michel alone at the inn,
and he?s dealing with the roofers.

I told him to call me
if there was any trouble.

Is that true?

- I?m gonna let Mr. Potato field this one.
- I thought so.

Hello?... What?

Oh, no no, don?t tell me that...

Did you tell her how big the trophy is,
because I am really not exaggerating here...

How did your wife get a picture
of me? Stanley, that is crazy!

I don?t wanna sleep with you...

Did you tell her I don?t
wanna sleep with you?

Put her on the phone. I?ll tell
her I don?t wanna sleep with you...

Somebody has to tell her I
don?t wanna sleep with you...

Why are you insulted all
of a sudden?... Stanley?

- Great.
- What happened?

- Stanley bailed.
- No! Why?

Apparently, Miss Patty showed
his wife a picture of me,

and she thinks I look
like Elizabeth Taylor,

which makes her Debbie Reynolds,
and Stanley Eddie Fisher.

- That?s crazy.
- Especially if you?ve seen Stanley.

He?s no Eddie Fisher, trust
me. Fisher Stevens, maybe.

Can?t you talk to her?

Apparently, only at my own risk.

At least she thought you looked
like Elizabeth Taylor. That was nice.

- I have no partner.
- You?ll find another one.

Elizabeth Taylor always did.

There?s someone else
out there, trust me.

I guess.

- Here. Have some more chicken.
- Thanks, Mom.

And if you?d like, later on,
you can make my asparagus talk.

Maybe next week.

- Okay, let?s talk about Saturday.
- What about Saturday?

I think we need to work. The
seventy-fifth anniversary issue

of the Franklin comes out next
month and I want it to be amazing.

- I?ve got some great cover art lined up.
- Old pictures, new pictures?

Collage style with kind of a
sepia-toned finish to it. Very classy.

Okay, I like it. Time!

- See ya.
- Bye.

So, what were we talking about?

Working Saturday on the
seventy-fifth anniversary issue.

Thanks for asking.

But you guys already have some
decent stuff planned out, right?

Madeline - or may
I call you Spicoli?

- If you have to. - This is the
seventy-fifth anniversary issue.

There is only going to be one seventy-fifth
anniversary issue ever, and it?s on our watch.

We screw this up and we basically
mooned a piece of history.

Is that what you want? To B.A. history?

But I don?t understand. Last year was
the seventy-fourth anniversary issue

- of the Franklin.
- So?

So there?s only gonna be one
seventy-fourth anniversary issue ever

and we didn?t do
anything special for it.

I think the cover was
of a deep-fried Mars bar.

That?s because nobody cares about
the seventy-fourth anniversary issue.

I bet the person who worked on
it seventy-four years ago did.

We?re working Saturday!

"Why are we working Saturday, Paris?

What?s so special about the
seventy-fifth issue, Paris?

Why does my head feel so light
and yet not float away, Paris?"

What?

- What?s he doing here?
- I bet he?s here to see you.

He hasn?t called me once. I
haven?t seen or heard from him

since we had our date in
Washington three months ago.

Maybe he wants to explain why.

He was supposed to go
away and never come back.

I already wrote his name
in my revenge notebook.

Paris, he knows you?re
standing here talking about him.

- What does he want?
- Go over there and find out.

What do you want?

I?m on break from school, I
thought I?d come down and see you.

- But you never called.
- I know.

- You lost my number?
- Nope, I memorized your number.

- You didn?t wanna use my number?
- I was starting classes.

In phone dialing? How?s it going?

Look, Paris, this year?s
very important for me.

I thought the last thing
I needed was a distraction.

I totally understand.

This year?s very important for me, too.

I?m focusing on getting into Harvard, and
the last thing that I need is a distraction...

so, good move. You saved us
both a lot of distractions.

Thank you, and good luck.

- I need my hand.
- If I let go, how fast will you run away?

- 3.2 seconds.
- I thought so.

- Hey Rory.
- Hey Jamie.

- How?s Princeton?
- It?s good. Crazy, but...

- Let go.
- No.

- Yes.
- Paris.

Look, you don?t have to be nice,
you don?t have to tie up loose ends.

I get it, I?m a distraction. Now either pull
a Boxing Helena, or give me back my hand.

Yes, talking to you
would?ve been a distraction.

I know. I heard you already. My
God, find a pirate to sit on, okay?

However, not talking to you
has turned out to be impossible.

What?

I flunked a pop quiz in poli-sci because
I couldn?t stop thinking about you.

Still want your hand back?

I?ve got another.

I?ve thought a lot about this, and...

apparently you?re a distraction
that I?m supposed to have.

You didn?t have a bad time on the date?

- Are you busy right now?
- Well...

- No, we?re done. She?s free.
- Good.

Let?s go get some coffee.

- Bye Rory.
- Bye Jamie.

- He took my books.
- Go get ?em back.

- Well?
- Still ringing.

- He?s home.
- How?d he sound?

- Homey.
- Nice.

I know this is a stupid question,
but why can?t you just talk to him?

Because yesterday he called to say
that they were still looking for

a rehearsal space and that
he?d call when he had more news.

So now I have to wait until
he calls about the band ?

and in between, I call and
hang up on him. Pathetic.

Not so pathetic. I used to
hang up on Dean all the time.

- You did?
- I remember that.

- When did you hang up on me?
- Right when we first met.

- You should?ve just said something.
- I couldn?t do that.

Why not?

Because then you would?ve known that I
was calling and therefore that I liked you.

- Yes, but I liked you, too.
- I know that now.

- You could?ve known that then.
- Dean, please. This is a girl thing.

Okay. Tell me when I?m
supposed to pay attention again.

I?m gonna love him forever
and he?s never gonna know it.

- He would if you coughed.
- Dean.

- Sorry.
- At least he?s at home and not out with a girl.

- Very true.
- He could be home with a girl.

- Dean.
- Sitting here, staring at my pizza.

- You think he was at home with a girl?
- No, no, I don?t.

- I?m gonna call again.
- Good idea,

and pay attention to the
background noise this time.

- Cool, pizza.
- Shh.

She?s calling Dave to see if she
can hear a girl in the background.

I voted that she actually say something.

You?re a boy, you know
nothing about this.

- What?d you hear?
- Quadrophenia.

Classy, but not date-like.

- You think?
- Definitely.

What if he met a girl
who?s a major Who fan?

- What?
- Why are you causing trouble?

- Rory, can I talk to you in the kitchen?
- Oh, sure.

Be good.

Go ahead.

Okay, so, what?s on your mind?

I think I figured out who can be
my dance partner for the marathon.

Great! Who?

- Bye.
- Come on!

- Forget it.
- Just hear me out.

- First of all, you love me.
- Not right at this moment, I don?t.

You know how much this contest means to
me. You?d never fall asleep or chase a pie.

- I do not dance.
- It?ll be fun.

We?ll get all dressed
up, and you?re light...

- easy to hold up when you get tired.
- Mom.

Plus, we got the whole
mother/daughter gimmick going for us.

- The crowd?ll eat that up.
- I cannot dance with you.

- Why not?
- Because this is Dean?s first marathon.

We were gonna go and watch and hang
out, he?s totally looking forward to it.

I told him about how Andrew gets in a fight
with his date in the first fifteen minutes

and storms off the floor. I told
him about Taylor getting punch-drunk

at hour fifteen and telling stories about
how he always wanted to be a magician.

- Rory, please.
- And ooh...

I told him about how when Kirk wins, he
likes to take his victory lap around the floor

to the theme from Rocky. I was
gonna show him all those things,

and I was gonna show
them to him sitting down.

He can still come, and he can
still see all those things,

except if you dance, maybe that victory
lap will be you and me instead of Kirk.

Okay, I?ll tell you what.

I was supposed to work on the
Franklin this weekend with Paris.

But?

I will ask her if we can reschedule.

If she says yes, then
I will dance with you.

- Oh, I love ya!
- You should sell cars.

I should, shouldn?t I?

Hello, big fancy trophy.

Take note of its form before treated.

Make sure that your notes are completely legible
since you will be turning them in with your result.

- Miss Gellar, hello.
- Sorry I?m late, Mrs. Savitt.

- Is everything okay?
- Yes. I overslept.

- You?re kidding.
- No, it won?t happen again.

Well, good.

Okay, everyone, let?s get to work.

Paris, hi. Listen, I
need to ask you something.

Shoot.

There?s this big event
that?s happening in my town...

- Pig race?
- Dance marathon.

- I was close.
- It?s on Saturday,

and it?s a twenty-four hour thing
and my mother really wants to win,

and her partner bailed on
her and, long story short,

I was wondering if there was anyway we could move
this Saturday?s Franklin thing to next Saturday.

Okay.

- What did she say?
- I don?t know.

- What did you say?
- I said yes.

- She said yes.
- She said yes.

- Are you free on Saturday?
- No.

What about you? Come on ? speak.

Louise, I got two over here!

- So, we?re done, right?
- You had a good time yesterday.

What was yesterday?

Yesterday was the day that
you were all freaked out

about the seventy-fifth anniversary issue of
the Franklin and today?s the day you?re not.

Rory, just because I agreed to postpone
a newspaper session does in no way imply...

- You can?t even stop smiling.
- I can, too.

- Tell me.
- Okay.

We went for coffee, and he talked about
how he had a great time on our date,

and how he finds me fascinating, and
how he thought about me all the time.

Okay, there, happy?

Wow, he likes you.

- I left an impression.
- You sure did.

I still don?t understand
why he?d wanna date me.

He?s surrounded by college girls all
day long who must be prettier than I am,

and more experienced than I am.

I mean, I?m sure they?re all idiots, but
usually that?s the last thing a guy thinks

about when he?s looking
for a date for the big game.

- Jamie must be special.
- Or Ted Bundy.

Absolutely. It?s
either one or the other.

- Hey. Can you do me a favor?
- Okay.

Don?t say anything to
Madeline or Louise about this.

- About Jamie?
- Yeah.

- But they?re your best friends.
- Theoretically, yes,

but the second I mention a guy they?re
gonna both start singing the theme

from the Trojan Man commercial,
and I just can?t take that, okay?

No one knows until you give the word.

Thanks.

I have to say, for a
couple of modern girls,

we have time-warped
with the best of ?em.

- How ya doing there, champ?
- Early.

- Yes, it?s a tad early.
- No sun.

Well, he?s not up yet.

I can?t even open my eyes.

That?s okay, there?s nothing to see.

Kirk?s in a Speedo, Taylor?s in
a skirt, Al?s in assless chaps.

Oh my God, stop.

I?m never gonna be able
to close my eyes again.

- Morning Babette.
- Oh, morning sugar.

- You guys look terrific.
- Thank you.

Babette, can I lay down on
the table while Mom signs in?

Not an early bird, huh?

I need to get some coffee
in her and we?ll be fine.

Kirk, however, is gonna be
crying like a little teeny girl.

So what else is new?

Okay, now you two go get your physicals,
bring your release forms inside,

- and they?ll get you a number.
- Thanks.

Come on, Snoozy.

Hey, wait up!

Oh, wow, look at you!

- Is it fabulous?
- It is fabulous.

Wait ?til you see Jackson?s suit.
It makes me want to ration sugar.

- Where is Jackson?
- Oh, we already had our checkups,

so he?s going to sign us in and
scope out a good spot on the floor.

Oh, it?s so cool to be married.
You have your own spot-scoper.

- I?m gonna go say hi to Lane.
- Okay, hon, hurry back.

Remember, the sooner we get
inspected, the sooner we get coffee.

Yeah, coffee.

Okay, I have a problem.

Sookie, it?s five-thirty in the morning.
How can you already have a problem?

- Because I?m a
multi-tasker. - Hit me.

Last night, I made
coq au vin for dinner,

- so of course the subject of children came up.
- Of course.

All of a sudden, completely out of the blue,
Jackson announces he wants four in four.

- He wants what?
- Four in four.

- Four kids in four years.
- Good Lord!

I know!

Who?s he gonna have these kids with?

- Me, apparently.
- What did you say?

See, here?s where the problem comes in.

- What?
- I think I said yes.

How is that possible?

I was totally shocked when he
announced it and I sort of said,

"O... kay" and... but I
think he took it as, "Okay!"

So, apparently, now I have to get busy.

- Do you want four in four?
- No.

But, I mean, I want kids.
You know I want kids.

- I know you want kids.
- But I thought maybe one.

Two if the first one is really quiet.

Honey, you have to tell Jackson that.

I can?t.

Sookie, this is not like the
fruit bowl his mother gave you.

You can?t stick four kids in the attic
and just pull them out at Christmas.

I know, but Jackson and I
have never had a real fight.

We?re still newlyweds. We still sneak out
of bed in the morning to brush our teeth,

then get back in bed and pretend
we just woke up smelling like that.

You don?t have much of a marriage if you
can?t talk about the important things.

I know.

Do you think I?m crazy
to not want four in four?

Four kids is a lot, and four
years without a cocktail...

Wow, hadn?t thought of that.

Glad to shed some much-needed
perspective on the situation.

We?ll take care of this today.

Are you sure you don?t need some help?

Yeah, it?s okay. I finally
got a really good footing.

- What is that stuff?
- Eggless egg salad.

Though this year my mom added food coloring
to make the egg-like product look more eggy.

Smart.

And every sandwich comes with
your own personal pamphlet

"Dancing for the Devil," an illustrated
look at the effect of dancing

on your chances of spending
all eternity in hell.

Boy, her flames are getting really good.

She just bought a new color printer.
You can do a ton of stuff with it.

Cool.

Lane, get scooping! The minute air
hits the bread, it starts to stale.

Okay, Mama.

I?m gonna stop by later and say hi.

- Please do.
- Bye, Mrs. Kim.

- You have a pamphlet?
- Yes, I do.

Take one to your mother.

Next.

- Oh, good, just in time.
- Sorry.

Hi there. This is Rory Gilmore
and I?m Lorelai Gilmore.

- Lorelai Gilmore?
- Yeah, L ? o ? r...

You don?t look like you?ve recently
suffered a face-altering car crash.

Excuse me?

You?re also supposed to have buck
teeth, a club foot, and alopecia.

Oh. I?m sorry, who told you this?

- My husband.
- Your husband?

Well, who?s... Stanley Appleman.

Your husband is Stanley Appleman.

Okay, well, it?s very nice to meet you.

Stanley?s said the
nicest things about you.

In the one tiny short conversation we
had, you know, standing way far apart.

You know, too far to touch, but close enough
to hear all the wonderful things he said

about his adorable,
sweet-tempered, lovable...

can we have someone
else do our physical?

Any couple without a
number will be disqualified.

All couples must be
touching at all times.

All couples must remain
moving at all times.

The only time you may stop moving or
stop touching is when you hear this horn.

That sound means you have ten minutes.

Ten minutes to get a drink,
to eat a snack, take a rest,

or whatever it is you
can do in ten minutes.

And in addition to the
ten-minute rest periods,

every person participating has
been issued a yellow emergency card.

In case of emergency, a
contestant may hold up the card

and leave the floor for ten minutes.

If your partner remains on the
floor and moving the entire time,

then the owner of the yellow card
may rejoin them and the contest.

First aid is available in Miss Patty?s.

Please, remember, that if you
feel yourself getting lightheaded

or having shooting pains or
any other stroke-like symptoms,

please move off to the side

so that your collapse will not get
in the way of the other dancers.

All right, people, lace your shoes,

pin those curls, because we only have
three minutes left until we start.

I believe three minutes is
plenty of time for some coffee.

Yes, coffee, please.

Hey, we?re dying, load us up.

- It isn?t ready yet.
- What?

Mommy.

What do you mean it?s not
ready? It?s six in the morning.

Nothing says coffee
like six in the morning.

You did not get this from me.

Then who do we send our
kisses of gratitude to?

The eternal question asked yet again.

Thanks Luke. Strong.

Yeah? Hello.

All right, folks.
Everybody on the floor.

We?re two minutes away. I
repeat, everybody on the floor,

we are two minutes away.

Lorelai.

- Kirk.
- Good luck to you.

And to you.

He?s going down.

- I hate to bring this up.
- What?

Kirk has very little in his life.

He has no career, no
girlfriend, no pet, no car.

He lives with his mother, she
won't even let him have his own key.

The only thing he does have in his whole
lonely pathetic existence is this marathon.

If we win, if we take him down, if we take
away that last little piece of dignity,

then we leave him with nothing.

I wonder if he'll cry.

My mother, the Howard
Roark of Stars Hollow.

All right, everybody,
grab your partners,

make sure your numbers
are securely fastened,

and let the countdown begin!

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one!

It?s showtime!

- I?m done, let?s go.
- Okay.

Hey Kirk, relax. Dancing?s
supposed to be fun.

You know what will be fun, Lorelai?

Jogging around your prostrate
body with that shiny temple

of silver importance hoisted
in the air for all to see.

That will be fun.

Do you think serious Kirk is more
disturbing than non-serious Kirk?

Actually, I think they?re
both about the same.

- Come on.
- What?

Follow me.

- Wow, you guys look great.
- Hey, you came.

- Hey, you?re standing.
- Hey, we had coffee.

I can tell. So, how?s it going?

It?s been pretty quiet so
far. However, I do believe...

You went out with Liam
Neeson! Are you kidding me?

Right on time!

Why would you ever tell me that
you went out with Liam Neeson?

Why would you do that?

Because I was trying to be honest.

I don't believe that A, you
actually went out with Liam Neeson,

and B, that you would choose
to tell me now at this moment

that you went out with Liam Neeson!

- Andrew!
- No!

- Andrew!
- I can?t stand Liam Neeson!

- See, fun!
- And no one?s even thrown up yet.

Okay, well...

I?m just gonna go sit over
there and watch for awhile.

- Maybe I?ll get lucky.
- Great.

That?s sweet. Spectator Ken.

Just keep dancing, you.

Flip all you want, pal.
This ain?t the Olympics.

It?s who?s left standing at the end that
matters, not how fancy you are getting there.

- Let me flip you.
- No way.

- Come on!
- You are not flipping me.

- Fine.
- Fine.

- You flip me.
- No need, you?ve already flipped.

- One cartwheel.
- Silence.

Unauthorized persons on the dance floor.

Security! Security! Security!

Look who?s suddenly interested in dance.

Yeah, he?s a regular Martha Graham.

Kirk.

How much longer?

Oh, chin up soldier. We should
be getting a break pretty soon.

I hope so.

- Oh good, there she is.
- Jackson, please.

- Hey guys.
- Hey to you, too.

Listen, I wanted to ask you,
what do you think of my hair?

- What?
- My hair.

How?s it look to you?

- Any opinion?
- It looks fine.

Jackson, you?re overacting.

You think? How ?bout you, Lorelai?
You think I?m overreacting?

Jackson, what?

- Oh my God.
- What, what?

- The runaround.
- The runaround?

That does not sound good.

I?m sorry, baby. I?m so, so sorry.

Ladies and Gentlemen, on your
marks... get set... and go!

Round and round they go, but
when the song stops, nobody knows!

But the last five couples that finish
behind the red line are automatically out,

so hold onto your partner
and move, move, move!

You?re getting too much
pleasure out of this, Taylor.

Hey Lorelai, just wondering, how?s
my running? Got an opinion on that?

Jackson, what?s going on?

Nothing. He?s mad at me and
he?s taking it out on you.

Oh, I?m not mad.

I just didn?t realize that when I
married Sookie, I also married you.

I didn?t realize I was
a Mormon, my mistake.

I need to interject for one
second to tell you that I hate you!

Thanks, honey.

Quit trying to drag Lorelai into this.

Fine, I will.

Jackson, wait! Yellow cards, right here!

I?ve got ?em for the both
of us. We?ll be right back!

One of you is supposed
to stay here. Hey!

- I think I?m going to die.
- Me first.

- How much longer?
- I don?t know.

I just know that every
year I block this part out.

From now on I?m going
to remind you of it.

- Kirk, what are you doing?
- I?m drafting you.

- Well, stop it!
- You can?t tell me where to run!

Kirk, I swear to God, don?t
make me come back there!

Ten minute break
everyone, ten minute break.

Well run.

Ten minute break,
everyone. Ten minute break.

What are you doing?

I?m trying to kick
you but I can?t reach.

I would help you but I can?t move.

- Can I owe you one?
- Yeah, no problem.

Okay, okay, heart returning to normal.

I have to go find Jackson and Sookie.

I?ll get us a couple of sandwiches.

Good idea.

- This is fun, huh?
- Big fun.

- So, not dancing?
- Nope.

- Why not? Too cool?
- Go away, Jess.

No one asked for a Tony
Manero wannabe to drop by.

Hey, I?m just here for the food.

Here, enjoy, buh-bye.

I noticed Rory?s not dancing with Dean.

Nothing gets past you, does it.

How come? Trouble in paradise?

Rory?s dancing with her mother.
Nothing?s wrong with her and Dean,

and you?re blocking my sandwiches
from the rest of the room.

I know. They?re erecting a statue
to me in the park next week.

- Who are you?
- Jess...

ma?am.

Scoop more.

The sandwiches are for the dancers.

I?m dancing on the inside.

- What are you doing here?
- I live here.

You have nothing better to do than to
sit around inside a gymnasium all day

- staring at a dance marathon?
- I don?t know.

Do you have nothing better to do
than sit inside a gymnasium all day

staring at a dance marathon?

I wouldn?t direct any sort of
comment toward me if I were you.

I?m just trying to support my town.

Good, then go back to New York.

Zing. I?ve been snapped.

You think you?re bugging me sitting
in front of me staring like that?

You think you?re bugging me dancing
in front of me staring like that?

I?m not staring at you.

Then how do you know I?m staring at you?

I am dancing. I cannot
control where my glance goes.

And the few moments that I can control
it, my glance goes to Dean, not to you.

So you can?t control
when you look at me,

but you have to force
yourself to look at him?

Sorry, man. That?s cold.

- My former comment still stands.
- Go home.

- No, thanks.
- Then get out of my way.

Didn?t realize I was in your way. There
you go. It?s all yours. God help you.

Where did you go? I?ve been sitting
out there for twenty minutes.

- The break?s only for ten.
- It?s just a saying.

- I came to get food.
- Good, I?m starved.

The food is for the dancers.

Who are you, Bobby Brady? Get a life.

Rory?s feeling a little
territorial today.

Whatever. God, what is this thing?

Rory, get your stuff and let?s go.

That was good. Now say ?then get
in there and make me my supper. ?

I got ?em.

Come on.

See you in there.

I?m gonna get a soda.

- Have you seen Sookie and Jackson?
- Nope.

I?ve looked everywhere for them.

Have you tried the insane asylum where
everybody in this room is supposed to be?

Okay, I need to say something here.

I?ve been looking all over for you.

I wish you would just drop this.

Contrary to your belief,
there are some things in life

that you do not have the
right to have an opinion on.

What?

And the rate at which I have kids
and the amount of kids I wish to have

- falls directly under that category.
- Sookie, what did you tell him?

Okay, you see, once again, my
communication skills ? not so good.

Jackson, I didn?t mean to
get involved in any of this.

No? Telling Sookie that she
needs to immediately inform me

- that four in four is crazy?
- Sookie.

- Yeah, it did come out something like that.
- Aw man.

- What?s four in four?
- Four kids in four years.

That is crazy.

Oh good, yes, let?s open this
up to even more discussion.

One kid in four years is crazy.

Sorry, go ahead, drop
another sucker in this mess.

Okay, raise your hand
if you?re not helping.

Does anyone here understand
that a man has a right

not to have his personal life
debated in a public forum?

- I am not Winona Ryder.
- I know that.

I?m sorry, Jackson, I didn?t mean...

My child-bearing arrangements
are between me and Sookie.

And the Lord. Still not helping?

Jackson, just please calm down.

I will calm down.
I?ll calm down at home.

- But what about the contest?
- To hell with the contest!

I'm quitting the contest. That is,
if it's okay with Lorelai, or Luke,

or that strange man in the
corner who I've never met.

Excuse me, strange man in the corner?
Is it okay if I quit this contest?

I?m so sorry. I got tongue-tied
and things just started coming out

- and I couldn?t stop them and...
- Go.

Jackson, honey, wait!

They?re gonna make great parents.

All dancers back on the dance floor.

All dancers back on the dance floor.

- Mom.
- Let?s go.

And then I?d say ?what
is this in your ear?

and I?d pull out a bright shiny penny

and then whole room
would laugh and clap.

Yeah, I?m sure they did, Taylor.

Yeah.

Have you ever levitated a rottweiler?

No.

Not easy.

But in a cape with a wand

and a shiny black top hat...

What are you doing?

I was just...

You tried to take my megaphone.

No, I just didn?t want you to drop it.

No one touches my megaphone. No one.

- What do you mean...
- Guards!

- no one touches your megaphone?
- Guards!

How?s that... take that!

Tell me a joke.

Knock knock.

That was a good one.

You okay?

- Oh no!
- What?

- My heel broke.
- What?

My heel just broke off. Damn,
these are brand new shoes, too.

They were made in 1943.

I just bought them Tuesday.

I told you not to wear vintage shoes.

But the lady at the store said
that they hadn?t been worn a lot.

Yeah, but not a lot in
sixty years is still a lot.

I gotta fix ?em. I?ll use my
emergency card. I?ll be right back.

No, stop. If you leave, there?s no
way I?ll be able to stand up on my own.

- Ten minutes.
- Nighty-night.

Fine, hold on.

Dean, come here! Dean!

What are you doing?

- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, it?s great. Stand here.

Look, I?ll be back in ten minutes.

Do not let her stop or lay
down, do you understand me?

- But I...
- I need you, Dean.

- The team needs you.
- What team?

Pick a team ? it needs
you. I?ll be right back.

I?m really sorry about this.

Yeah, it?s okay.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Actually, it?s not bad at all.

I think that one?s a goner, Miss.

- Hey, my shoe broke.
- What?

- I need you to fix it.
- Do I look like a cobbler to you?

- If I say yes, will you fix my shoe?
- Let me see it.

I only have ten minutes ? please.

I think I have some
glue back at the diner.

Glue, yes ? we love glue!

I wouldn?t say that too
loudly if I were you.

Thank you.

Hey. Are you guys out?

No, my shoe broke. Luke?s fixing it.

Oh, good. Listen, I just feel
terrible about what happened.

I know. How?s Jackson?

Oh, he?s fine. We went home, and
he calmed down, and we talked.

He totally understands and
he?s open to anything I want.

That?s great.

- Now, tell me what I want.
- No way.

But I?m not sure.

Then flip a coin ?cause I am
staying so far out of this.

- You?re my best friend.
- Yes, I am,

and I can only remain your best friend
as long as Jackson doesn?t kill me.

- Lorelai...
- Sookie, he?s a produce man.

They?ll never find the body, but the
squash will be especially chatty that year.

Okay, fair enough.

Hey, take your time.

- That?s it. That?s all I have to say.
- Thank you.

- Got it.
- Good.

I?m going home to
figure out what I want.

- Good luck. Call me tomorrow.
- I will.

- So, how?s that situation going?
- It?ll be okay.

Good.

Listen... I didn?t really mean
all that stuff I said earlier.

- What stuff?
- The kid stuff, you know.

- Oh, it?s no big deal.
- Yeah, I know, I just...

I?m not really as anti-kid
as I might have come off.

- Drop another sucker in...
- Okay, yes.

I don?t always have the patience for
?em. They tend to be a little squishy,

- and that freaks me out a little.
- You don?t have to want kids, Luke.

Or like kids. It?s not for everybody.

I know, but... although I?m
quite happy going an entire day

without having to deal with
somebody else?s bodily functions,

if I ever happen to meet
the right person... well,

- it would be a discussion.
- A discussion.

Yes. Probably a short
discussion, but still.

Here, hold this.

So what about you ? you ever
think about having another kid?

I don?t know how much fun it would be

without biology finals and headgear...

but sure, if I ever happen
to meet the right person,

another kid might be nice.

- Your shoe?ll be ready in a minute.
- Thank you.

One sandwich please.

What are you doing here?

Well, you mentioned this
thing last time we talked

and it sounded very Blue Velvet so I
figured I would come by and check it out.

What do you think?

- I think you held back.
- Yeah, well...

Anyhow, I hadn?t seen you in
awhile, and I thought I?d come down

and maybe we could figure
something out on this band issue.

Sure, we could do that.

Plus, I missed you.

You did? You missed me?

Yeah. Did you miss me?

Yeah, definitely. I definitely,
definitely missed you.

Glad and relieved to hear it.

Who are you, what do you want?

Mama.

Do you know this boy?

No, actually, I just heard a
bunch of people talking outside

about the sandwiches and I thought
that I would come in and maybe try one.

I'm sorry, may I?

Thank you.

- That's delicious.
- Really?

May I have another one for later please?

Yes, that's fine.

Take another one.

Thank you. You know, my parents
would love these sandwiches.

I wish I could bring ?em by but unfortunately
they're in private bible study right now.

Bible study?

- Say, how long are you serving?
- Why?

I thought that if they got out
in time I could bring ?em on over.

Well, the bread is only good
for another twenty minutes,

after that there's no
point. You chip a tooth.

Okay. So if I can get my parents
back here in twenty minutes,

then you'll still be serving,
but in thirty you're done?

- That's right.
- Great.

So if for some reason I'm not
back here in twenty minutes,

that means that I'm gonna be
over there, on the church steps,

waiting for my parents to get
out so that I can tell them

about the great sandwiches
that they missed. Okay?

Okay, great. Thanks a lot
and I hope to see you soon.

I hope he comes back. He seemed hungry.

- He?s still there.
- What?

Jess. He?s still there. I
can?t believe he?s still there.

- Just ignore him.
- Yeah.

You know, this is a dance marathon.

You?re not supposed to come and sit
and watch, you?re supposed to dance.

He?s just trying to bug me, sitting
there right in front of me, staring.

Jerk.

I?m bored.

Okay.

There they go again!

God, I swear, why can?t
they just get a room?

Or forget a room ? get a
park bench, or a doorway,

or even a strategically placed
telephone pole would probably suffice.

I mean, girls like Shane
? what is it with them?

Don?t they see what they look
like? I know they have mirrors.

- Hey, you talking about me?
- No.

- I heard you mention Shane.
- Shane isn?t you.

- Shane concerns me.
- Shane concerns me, too...

- and all women, for that matter.
- You got a problem here?

Nope. Just a little sick of seeing
the two of you sitting there.

If you?re not gonna participate,
then why don?t you just leave?

That works for me. Let?s go.

- No.
- Why not?

Because I?m not ready to go.

- Oh really?
- Yes, really.

I?m gonna sit here as long as I like,
and I?m gonna do whatever I like,

and if you don?t like it, then just ignore
me and pay attention to your boyfriend.

Sorry, she can?t.

I?m not her boyfriend anymore.

What?

You know, I tried to ignore this.

I really did, but I don?t know
what the hell I was thinking.

What are you talking about?

You don?t wanna be with me, Rory.

- Yes, I do.
- Oh, please!

You?ve been into him
since he got to town,

and I have spent weeks
? months, actually ?

trying to convince myself that it wasn?t
true, that everything was fine between us.

But now I know that I was an idiot.

You?re into him and
he?s into you, and Shane,

who by the way, should be listening
to this ?cause it?s so damn obvious.

What?s obvious? What did I do?

Everyone can see, Rory!

Everyone. And I?m tired,

but I?m over it, so go ahead, go.

Be together. There?s nothing standing
in your way now, ?cause I?m out.

I don?t see a yellow card.
I don?t see a yellow card.

Excuse me, young lady... whose
name I don?t remember right now...

No one listens to me.

I know, honey.

Dean?s a jerk.

Yelling at you like that, breaking
up in front of everybody...

the guy?s a total jerk.

No, he?s not.

He?s right.

Everything he said.

All those things about you and
me, all those things about me...

lying to him, and messing with his head.

He was right.

Well, wasn?t he?

Fine, he was right about me, then.

Now go away.

He was right...

about...

all of it.

So, what now?

You?re definitely broken up with Dean?

Yeah, I?m definitely
broken up with Dean.

Okay.

I have to go take
care of something then.

They?re out! They?re out!

We won! We won!

Oh, oh, oh. Taylor, wake up! It?s over.

Taylor, blow the horn.

...a quarter right out of your ear.

Taylor, the horn. Oh, for Pete?s Sake.

Okay, Ladies and
Gentlemen, we have a winner!

Wait, what are you doing? I?m here,
I?m standing, I used my yellow card!

I win, I win! I win,
I win, I win, I win!

You didn?t win! I?m still
here! Patty, where?s Rory?

Oh, she ran off the floor
a little while ago, honey.

What? No!

Yes!

For the fifth year in a
row, ladies and gentlemen,

the marathon winner is
Donna Delain and Kirk!

Rory, what happened? Where did you go?

Oh, Rory, honey! Oh.