Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 3, Episode 21 - Here Comes the Son - full transcript

"Where's the ladies room?"

"More coffee, please. "

"Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"

We do not need to know how to say
"Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"

- Oh, yes, we do.
- Mom.

When we're in Spain, we
need to know how to say,

"Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"

When in France, "Does
Johnny Depp live near here?"

When in Rome, "Does Gore
Vidal live near here?"

You know, you look like me, yet
my ways are completely lost on you.

Come on, honey, put that down.
You've been studying all day.

I can't put it down,
I've got finals coming up.

I know you have finals coming up,
but you also have a piece of pie

sitting there that you've
been completely ignoring.

Just let me get to the
end of this chapter.

Oh, fine.

How important do you think
it is to be able to say,

- "Help, I'm bleeding from the head"?
- Just bring the phrase books.

No. If we learn all the phrases we need,

then the phrase books are one
less thing we have to lug around.

We will never be able to learn
all the phrases in every language

that we're going to
need. Bring the books.

We can learn enough. Plus, doesn't
everybody speak English over there anyway?

- Ugly American, party of one.
- Fine, we'll bring the books.

Okay, five minutes for pie.

Finally.

They're here, I've got them.

You've got what?

- The brochures for my college.
- You seem chipper.

I am. I have decided to make this whole

Seventh Day Adventist
College experience a good one.

I'm gonna look on the bright side, find the
silver lining, and make myself some lemonade.

- Good for you.
- The campus looks pretty.

Very pretty.

It's got two huge parks
with gardens and lakes.

- Two parks.
- One for boys and one for girls.

And you know, I had originally thought
that this was gonna be a suffocating place

with out of date rules
and insane restrictions,

but boy was I wrong.

For example, curfew is up to 9:30.

9:45 if you're going for your Masters.

Makeup will be permitted, as long as
it identically matches your skin tone.

And owning a Rolling Stones CD is
no longer grounds for expulsion.

You can work the demerits off
in the campus clean-up crew.

There's a separate park for boys?

My life is over.

- Oh, no, I didn't say that.
- You didn't have to.

- Well, it is over.
- It's not over.

Every kid in that brochure
was awkward and panicked.

It looked like the Academy Award
audience during Michael Moore's speech.

Hey, why don't you add the phrase
"Just sit there and look pretty"

to that list of yours there, okay?
I've gotta go back to studying.

"Does that sexy guy in the Peugeot ad

who had a bit part in
Armageddon live near here?"

- Oh, God, Rory, you scared me.
- Sorry.

I've been sneaking around here like
an idiot trying not to wake you up.

I've been up for hours.

Why? Did you have a bad dream?

The one where you finally meet Christiane
Amanpour and she's really stupid?

No, I realized last
night that at this rate,

I will never finish all
the work I have to do.

- What work?
- What work? What work, she asks.

Well, you know me and that dippy
Christiane, takes a little while to catch up.

Here.

Things to do before
graduation. A list, of course.

Study for finals, senior
breakfast, senior awards,

finish final edition of the Franklin,

organize a new student government,

convince Paris to give up student gavel.

Oh, and I forgot
- man the yearbook distribution table this afternoon

at the stupid Senior
Palooza. Unbelievable.

I'll be manning the Booster Club
Grad Night table at the same time,

so we can feel stupid
and abused together.

I can't finish all this
and sleep at the same time.

You have to sleep, it's
what keeps you pretty.

Who cares if I'm pretty
if I fail my finals?

Okay, you've got this
so completely backwards.

What is all this?

I found that if I focus
too much on one subject,

I start to get a little punchy.

This way, when I hit
Bolshevik Revolution overload,

I just shift over here and, oh,
hello, Anne Boleyn is going down,

and then when that gets too
depressing, it's right over to calculus.

Saving the party subject for last?

This shifting back and forth
seems to produce better results.

I think you're pushing
yourself too hard.

I made out a schedule.

Every single moment of every single day

from now until graduation
is accounted for.

You left off the Kiwanis Luncheon.

- I did? Are you sure?
- It's on Monday.

How could I forget the Kiwanis
Luncheon? They gave me their scholarship.

Oh, yes, a two hundred and
fifty dollar scholarship.

That'll keep you in
microwave popcorn for a week.

I'll just have to move something around.

And I'll have to work Grandma in.

Excuse me?

Grandma called and asked
if I could come over

and help her pick out a dress
to wear to my graduation.

- No.
- I have to.

Rory, my mother's been
dressing herself for years

and she has yet to show up at a function
with her bra on the outside of her clothing.

She asked, I can't say no.

Tell her about the koala
bears. She'll understand.

Please stop making fun of them. We need
every cent we can get. Yale is expensive.

I know Yale is expensive.

We haven't heard from
Yale financial aid yet.

We will, relax.

We had better hear from them soon

because I have a deposit
to send in for my room

and I have a bunch of supplies to buy

and I wanna get all of that out
of the way before we go to Europe,

otherwise I'll be obsessing
about it the entire time.

Okay, listen, I'm gonna
go out and get the paper.

Okay, don't show it to me because I have
no time for recreational reading until June.

Could we move your, uh, chill session
from four o'clock tomorrow afternoon

to... right now?
That'd be great, thanks.

Okay, little tip -

the whole stalking thing
works infinitely better

when you don't actually
smash your face in the window.

- I need to talk to you.
- Come inside.

No, Rory's in there.

Since when are you scared of Rory? 'Cause
seriously, Luke, I think you can take her.

I just need to tell you something.

- Can she hear us?
- Through the walls?

No, I put some kryptonite
in her waffles. We're good.

Come over here.

You're freaking out
the freaks this morning.

Jess is gone.

- What?
- And I don't think he's coming back.

What do you mean gone? Like gone gone?

- Exactly like gone gone.
- But when?

Last night, this morning, I don't know.

I went up there to get
some money out of the safe

and I noticed that all
of his stuff was gone.

Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, well, forget it.
I'm through with him.

He's eighteen, he can do
whatever the hell he wants.

He's on his own, I'm through.

- Luke.
- No, it's a relief.

That kid was driving me crazy. Let
him make his own way from now on.

Let him see how far that smart mouth of his
gets him without someone watching his back.

I couldn't be more relieved.
I'm just worried about Rory.

- I assume she doesn't know.
- She hasn't said anything.

- I can tell her if you want me to.
- No, it's okay. I can do it.

I just have to figure out when. She's
got a lot of things on her mind right now.

Don't wait too long.
She'll notice eventually.

Yes, okay.

- Thanks for coming over.
- No problem.

Luke?

- I failed him.
- You did not fail him.

You supported him, you defended
him, you gave him a chance,

and if he chose not to take it,
there's nothing more you could do.

Yeah.

Well, I should go.

Do you have any idea where he went?

Yeah, I got a pretty good idea.

Hey, there is no chill time
scheduled for four o'clock tomorrow,

and the one thing I really don't
have time for are your jokes, missy.

Later's good.

- Do you need some help, friend?
- Nope.

Lived here 25 years. I can certainly point
you in a direction, make your journey easier.

Enjoy this beautiful day.

I'll have the alfalfa sprouts
and a plate of mashed yeast.

Yes, I've been holding for Mr.
Hennings. I'm Lorelai Gilmore...

Oh, great, hi. Listen...

I just received this letter saying that my
daughter did not qualify for financial aid.

Rory Gilmore...

Okay, yes, we did recently receive
seventy-five thousand dollars,

but, here's the thing
- that money is gone.

I gave it to my parents, so I
don't have it anymore, I swear.

You could come over here and search me.

We could open a bottle of wine
and put on some Motown and...

Yes, that was very inappropriate.

Look, I owed my parents that money

because they helped me
put Rory through Chilton,

and I wanted her to go to Chilton
so that she could get into...

Harvard, but then Harvard became Yale

- long story
- and now that she's gotten into Yale, I paid them back for Chilton.

Just kind of a funny, wacky circle
we could all laugh about someday...

Yes, but, since I don't
have the money anymore,

it just seems like it shouldn't count.

There must be something we can do.

I mean, Rory is the most deserving
kid there is, just seriously.

You know, I don't know
if you know the Kiwanis,

but they gave her
their scholarship and...

I understand...

We'll just have to
figure something out...

Thank you. Goodbye.

Hey! Hello, is anybody home? Hey!

Pipe down!

You selling something?

No. Does Jimmy Mariano live here?

Does he owe you money?

No, I'm his...

Jess. I'm Jess.

Jess?

- Jess Marian...
- Frodo, back off now!

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

I just wanna see Jimmy, okay?

Hey, did you ever see The Wizard of Oz?

Remember when they
go to the Emerald City

and they ring the bell and the guy
with the beard stuck his head out

and they said that they wanted
to see the wizard, and he said no,

and they said, 'She's
got the ruby slippers',

and he said 'Well, that's a horse
of a different color. Come on in. '

Well, I'm the guy with the
beard and I'm saying the no

unless you can come up
with the ruby slippers.

- I'm his son.
- His son?

Yes, his son.

Well, that's a horse of a
different color. Come on in.

- Do they bite?
- Just those two.

Which two? Hey, which two?

Great.

I swear I will bite you back.

- I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming.
- Neither did I.

I'm Sasha.

This is Angus, Chowder, Rufus, Legolas,

Caligula, Mudball,
General Lee, Jimmy Jam,

Terry Lewis and Spot.
Jimmy's not here right now.

Okay, I can just hang out,
walk around for awhile.

Just tell me what time he gets home.

Why don't you come
in? I'll call his work.

Oh, well...

- You have a lot of pets.
- Ah, they're not all mine.

No?

No, some of 'em followed me
home, some of 'em hang out,

some of 'em just
needed a place to crash.

They drive Jimmy crazy,
actually, but what can you do?

Someone's gotta take care of 'em, right?

I'm just gonna try and track
him down, so just wander.

Lee, hi, I'm looking for Jimmy...

Okay, I'll hold...

Clowns, cats, dogs. I wonder
where his tap shoes are.

He wasn't at work, but his guy
said he'll be back any second.

Lil, Koko's gonna come over and
stay with you while I'm gone, okay?

And put those books back in
there when you're done, I mean it.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

Hey... the door.

Sorry.

- Shut up.
- I swear.

Jean jackets are out?
How is that possible?

I just opened the
magazine and there it was.

This is horrible. Who
decides these things?

Marie Claire, apparently.

I feel so helpless.

Did you hear? Jean jackets are out.

- Out of where?
- Vogue.

- No, Marie Claire.
- Whatever. We still can't wear them.

You guys, thank you so much for
passing out the yearbooks for me.

- I really need the study time.
- No problem.

Do you want me to at least
help you bring the boxes in?

Oh, we've got that taken care of.

Halfway through.

Yeah, hurry up, 'cause
we need to get started.

God, he carries those boxes sexy.

Hello?

Rory, you haven't returned my calls.

Oh, Grandma, I'm so sorry.
I've been really busy.

I don't care how busy
you get, young lady,

you have to call your grandmother back.

- I'm sorry.
- I won't be around forever, you know.

- I'm really sorry.
- When are you coming over?

I need to discuss what to wear to your
graduation. I thought about a suit.

- A suit seems nice.
- But perhaps it's too formal.

Formal's fine.

What are your friends' families wearing?

I don't know.

- Can you find out?
- Sure, hold on.

Louise, what's your grandmother
wearing to graduation?

Hopefully the pearls
I get when she kicks.

- Why don't I just come over?
- Oh, that would be wonderful. Today?

Yes, as soon as I can get away.

And bring a color swatch of your
cap and gown so I don't clash.

Bye, Grandma.

Hello?

- I just got another call from Grandma.
- Rory, no.

- I'm gonna go over there now.
- And leave me here alone?

Where are you? I can't even see you.

I'm over here by the Old Spice ad.

- Hi.
- Hi. Come over.

I have to go.

You can't come over
and talk for one second?

The minute I walk into that room, I'm
suddenly gonna have to sign yearbooks,

and since I'm severely
crunched for time,

I'm gonna have to resort
to classic clams like,

"Hey, have a good summer. Let's
keep in touch. Best friends forever,"

and I do not wanna be that person.

Plus, Paris will immediately shanghai
me and give me a million things to do.

You know what, you need to stop
being intimidated by that girl.

You're going to college for God's sake.

You need to be able to stand up for
yourself and say, you know, "Paris, go... "

What are you doing?

I was just... the phone rang...
your hair is really shiny.

We're not even set up yet. The box
isn't out, the tickets aren't in order.

- Where's the list?
- It's... in my purse.

Well, terrific. I can't think of a
better place for the list to be except,

oh, maybe out here on the table
where we could actually look at it.

Your hair is really shiny.

I'm going to go make the
rounds. I'll be back in a minute.

- Have you seen Rory?
- No.

I'll go look outside.

Run, run, run!

Okay, I'm gonna be at Grandma's for
about an hour. Can you pick me up?

If Paris hasn't had me flogged,
then yes, I'll be there.

Thank you. Bye.

Please, God, tell me I
didn't forget the list.

So the kid in the bookcase back there...

- Lily.
- Is she yours?

Mine, yes. Not Jimmy's.

I was married for the longest
minute and a half in the world and...

- Hey sweetie, how's everything?
- Everything's fine.

I love that. Give Riley a kiss.

Then I came to my senses and ran for
the hills but I got Lily so I win, ha ha.

Short cut.

Anyhow, I met Jimmy about
five and a half years ago,

but Lily's just crazy about him, so...

Ronnie, I found your keys again.

Oh, good. Thank you, baby doll.

You have got to sew that hole
in your pocket up, I mean it.

Today, drop your coat by my house.

I'll do it for you if
you don't have the time.

- Got any brothers or sisters?
- Apparently not.

Lily submitted a written request for
a brother by the end of this year,

but I think I should be
married before we have any kids.

You guys aren't married.

- You didn't know that.
- No.

- You guys had quite a talk, didn't you?
- Yeah, well.

Okay, we're here.

- Well.
- It looks like a jar of pickles.

I know it's a jar of pickles,
but is it that jar of pickles?

- Yes.
- You're sure.

No.

Look, the Chicago dills were the original
pickles they sold here back in 1922.

1922. Yes, I listen.

Now I finally tracked down
the family that sold them,

I paid a substantial premium
to use the original labels,

I waited weeks for them to arrive,

and now they're here and I look at
them and they don't look the same.

Too many bumps.

Jimmy, I'm begging you, play golf.

Just call the guy and tell them
they look different, please.

Whatever you say.

Jimmy.

Hey Sash.

- You have a visitor.
- Yeah?

- You... just get here?
- Just got here.

So, Jess, I assume you'll
be staying for dinner?

- Oh, well...
- Yeah, sure, stay.

You'll stay. He'll stay.
We'll get Abbott's, right?

Whatever you want.

Well, I have to get back, so...

I will see you guys later.

Sorry I didn't call.

Hey, life's about the
spontaneous, right?

- This your place?
- The Inferno... yes.

- It's nice.
- Thanks.

Hey, why don't I come out there?

Oh, I didn't mean to
interrupt your work.

No problem. Hey Lee, I'm
gonna take a break for awhile.

Thank God.

- You didn't have to do that.
- It's fine.

- So, first time on the West Coast?
- First time on the West Coast.

The sites.

Ocean.

- I wondered what that was.
- Sand.

- Keeps the ocean in its place.
- Sky.

We've got one of those back east.

And then you have the boardwalk.

Sunglasses, smoothies, bootlegged CD's.

- Good ones?
- Not bad, I guess.

I never actually bought
one. My neighbor Stan did.

He's not my neighbor anymore.
He used to work at Lockheed,

but they shut down the Burbank plant, so
he went to a trade school out in the valley.

He installs cable now.

Sends me a postcard at Christmas time.

He's Dutch.

Currently, we're in Santa Monica.

You keep walking, you hit Venice
- that's technically where we live.

Past that, you got Marina Del Rey -

lotta bike shots in that area.

And then you're getting near the beaches
- Manhattan, Redondo,

- and basically that's it.
- That's it. That's all of LA.

There are these crazy rumors
that if you get in your car

and you actually drive
east away from the beach,

there's some city and other stuff,
but personally I don't believe it.

I take it you like the beach.

I would marry the beach if man
and property were allowed to mate.

Sounds serious.

I've lived a lot of places
all over this country,

and nothing, absolutely
nothing, compares to this.

So where else have you lived?

What, where else? Let's see.

Minneapolis, Chicago, Biloxi, Maine -

- worked on a lobster boat.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Let me tell you, I smelled great.

- Did a stint in New Jersey, New Hampshire...
- New York?

Oh, yeah, well, obviously, New York.

New York was...

well...

You know what New York was, so...

- Jimmy?
- Yeah?

I didn't come here to
bust your balls, man.

Okay, good to know.

Jimmy, I got the pickle guy.
He's as worried about you as I am.

I should take this.

- Go ahead. I can just hang out.
- You sure?

- I got my book, I'm good.
- Okay, you're good.

Hi, I'm here to see my grandmother.

She's in the living
room with Miss Celine.

- With who?
- Right this way.

- It's stunning.
- Really?

Chills, I've got chills.

Turn for me, dear.

Oh, it moves, it just moves.

Ginger Rogers always insisted
her dresses move just like that.

Ginger Rogers, well.

Of course, she didn't have your legs.

- Oh, Celine.
- Hey, Grandma.

Rory, perfect. What do you think?

You look beautiful.

If I do, it's all
because of this lady here.

Rory, I'd like you to meet Miss Celine.

She's been our fashion
consultant for years.

- Oh, well, how do you...
- Oh my God, it's Audrey Hepburn.

What?

You're Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina.

- Just a waif with eyes.
- Thank you.

Celine, I don't think the
handkerchief works with this.

Oh, Rory, I didn't know you were here.

Richard, look at this
girl, what do you see?

- Well...
- It's Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina.

Now that you mention it, there
is a touch of Audrey in her.

But even prettier.

Yes, without that
ridiculous affected accent.

For years I kept telling her,
"Audrey, get a speech therapist. "

She was very stubborn.

But could she wear capris.

You know, Rory is
starting Yale in the fall.

Yale, that is exciting.

You'll need a whole new wardrobe, huh?

Oh, Celine, I love this one.

Yes, I had that exact suit made in mint
for Mrs. Walter Cronkite just last week.

A darling woman.

We've been friends since the Big Bang.

That's nice.

What do you think of this, Richard?

I like the green one with the beads.
It made you look like a mermaid.

But you guys know that this
is just a casual graduation.

Folding chairs on the grass.

- There's going to be grass?
- Yeah, it's going to be outside.

Oh, you cannot wear green around grass.

I learned that from Tova
Borgnine the hard way.

Go try the red one on. Red
goes wonderful with nature.

- All right.
- I'm gonna try the grey linen.

- Ah, yes, with this white silk shirt.
- Oh, very nice.

Yes, I had that exact shirt on Jimmy
Stewart the night before his colonoscopy.

He came through it clean as a whistle.

Never underestimate the
power of a good shirt.

I never will again.

- Kathy Kim.
- Check.

Next.

Greg Agulara.

Check.

Next.

Brad Langford.

Check.

Why did you do that?

It has a really bad picture of us on it.

Yeah, but that page had the only
picture of me in the entire book.

There.

Next.

No one is going to buy our tickets.

Give it time, Paris.

We've been sitting here for an
hour and have sold eight tickets.

Grad Night is a big deal, Paris.

They will buy the tickets.

Unbutton your top.

What?

Teenage boys are controlled by
one thing. Unbutton your top.

Well, me doing it
isn't going to help any.

Paris, you need to relax.

You need to stop worrying.
You need to stop obsessing.

You need to stop looking at my boobs.

Fine. Oh, man, even the stupid
class poster table has a line.

Okay, time to play "Let's
distract Paris. " Look at me.

- Let's talk.
- About what?

Anything. Tell me what
college you finally landed on.

- I didn't.
- What's it between?

- Princeton, Columbia, and Yale.
- Good choices.

I'm really not that
interested in Columbia,

but the thought of me going
there horrifies my mother

so I have to keep it
in the mix, you know?

Do I ever.

Princeton's a good school,
but Jamie goes there.

- That's your boyfriend?
- Yes.

He goes there, and if I go there, it's going
to look like I went there just to be with him.

Suddenly I'm Felicity without the hair issues
and I'm not terribly comfortable with that.

But look at it like this -

not going to a school you wanna go to
just because your boyfriend is there

is just as bad as going to a
school you don't wanna go to

- just because your boyfriend isn't there.
- I guess.

If you wanna go to
Princeton, go to Princeton.

If you wanna go to Yale, go to Yale.

Leave Jamie out of it.
Leave your mother out of it.

Just decide whatever it
is you wanna do and do it.

I can try that, I guess.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

What are you doing?

- I'm giving you a hug.
- Why?

Just give into it, baby. Come
on, you can do it. That a girl.

Unclench the fists, Paris. Unclench
the fists. Yeah, there you go.

Sash, I'm home!

What's up, Lily-Lou?

Want some pineapple on your pizza?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Does she do that a lot?
- All the time.

- You ever find it a little weird?
- All the time.

Listen, why don't you
give me a minute here.

Make it two, two minutes.

Three, and do a special knock
before you come in, maybe a -

I'll tell you what, I passed a
bookstore back on the boardwalk,

why don't I just go
check it out for awhile?

Okay. But I thought the
knock idea was kind of cool.

So, last week when you said
you were going to Sacramento

to check out a potential
supplier, you actually went...

To Connecticut to see Jess.

That was quite an
elaborate story you made up.

- I do have a gift.
- Of course I didn't believe you.

- Okay, it's not a big gift, but...
- Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

You're nodding your head.
Why are you nodding your head?

You're shrugging your shoulders.

You're nodding your head
and shrugging your shoulders.

Why are you nodding your head
and shrugging your shoulders?

Will you stop nodding your head
and shrugging your shoulders?

- Sasha, come on.
- I'm gonna pick up the pizza.

Just have it delivered.

The delivery guys are too stoned after
six to find the house, it'll take forever.

I didn't know how it was gonna go, okay?

I didn't know if he
was even gonna be there

or if he was gonna wanna
talk to me or slug me or -

- I get it.
- Sash.

- I'll see you later, roomie.
- Do not do that.

We are not roomies. We are
partners, we're soul mates.

You just traveled cross-country
to see your son for the first time

since he was born and you
didn't tell me. We are roomies.

I'm sorry.

Get the extra mattress
out of the closet.

- What for?
- For Jess.

- For Jess to do what?
- For Jess to sleep on.

- Jess is sleeping here?
- Isn't he?

I don't know.

Jimmy, you didn't ask him
if he's staying the night?

Did you ask him how long he's here for?

- Did you ask him anything?
- Should I have?

Jimmy, he could be in trouble.

What, he's in trouble?
What kind of trouble?

How would I know what kind of trouble?

You're the one that just
said he was in trouble.

I said he could be in trouble.

He could be running from the cops, or
attempting to hop across America on one foot,

or he really did come all
the way from Connecticut

just to have pizza with his father who he's
not seen or heard from in seventeen years.

What are the odds it's the last one?

Do what you want. Talk to him, don't
talk to him, I am not your mother.

I don't care. I'll be
back. Lily, come on.

Now, Sabrina, college is a very
important time in a young girl's life.

- You need to be properly attired.
- I'm sure, but...

Trust me, a young girl is completely
and solely judged by her appearance.

All right, let's begin. I always
start every wardrobe from the top.

The hat.

Remember Sabrina, it's the
first thing that God sees

when you walk outside in the morning.

Well, I'm exhausted. I feel as if
I've tried on every dress in town.

So is it the blue?

Yes, I think it's the blue.

I think it's quite suitable for
my granddaughter's graduation.

- Hey. Hi hon, hi Mom.
- Hey.

- What are you doing here?
- I just came to pick Rory up.

- Miss Celine.
- Oh my God, it's Natalie Wood!

Look Sabrina, it's Natalie Wood.

Oh, Miss Celine, I can't believe
it, you're still... working.

Oh, I tried to retire once.

Olivia deHavilland wouldn't hear of it.

How are you? How's Mrs. Walter Cronkite.

Lovely. Thank you for asking, Natalie.

I left the suits upstairs.
I'll just go up and get them.

No, I'll get them.

It's who I am, the
keeper of the clothes.

- Delight to see you again.
- Same here, Celine.

Oh my God, she was like a thousand
when I was ten, I can't believe it.

You should've seen all the clothes
that Grandma tried on today.

She picked out a beautiful
blue dress for graduation.

I'd like to see that, Mom.

It needs to be altered.

Oh, sure. I'll see it
at graduation, I guess.

So I'm sorry I didn't give you
advanced notice that I was coming over.

I don't need advanced notice, Lorelai.

Okay, you just seem tense.

No, I'm just tired.

And busy. I have a very
busy evening ahead of me.

Oh, I'm sure you do.

- Dinner's ready, Mrs. Gilmore.
- No, it's not.

- I just checked it and it's...
- I was in there ten minutes ago

- and it still had another forty minutes to go.
- But it's really brown and...

Lupe, please do not argue
with me. It's not ready.

Now go in there and make the salad.

- What?
- The salad's ready.

Lupe!

Mom, it's seven o'clock.

- So?
- That's your dinnertime.

- I don't have a dinnertime, Lorelai.
- You don't have a dinnertime?

No, I don't.

So all the years I
grew up in this house,

we did not sit down to dinner at
exactly seven o'clock every single night?

- No.
- I just imagined that?

Lorelai, I don't know what your
obsession with dinnertime is.

My obsession with dinnertime is
that it was always at seven o'clock,

now all of a sudden, it's
not. Is it because I'm here?

- That's ridiculous.
- It is.

I'm here, and if you served dinner,

Miss Manners would insist that you
invite me to stay and you don't want to,

so you're going to pretend that dinner
is suddenly whenever you feel like it.

Lorelai, do not get dramatic.

Dinner is not ready, and even if it was, I
would still not be able to invite you to stay

because your father and
I have plans tonight.

We are eating quickly and then leaving.

To go where?

- The Thompsons.
- For what?

- Book club.
- What book?

- Lovely Bones.
- Did you like it?

It's not my taste but
I respect the attempt.

Now I know where I get it from.

We'll have dinner
another time, all right?

So, are you kicking us out?

I told you, we have plans.

Or do you just wanna get that
dinner of yours that's been ready

for ten minutes now on the table?

Lorelai, please.

Tell me this
- if I couldn't stay but Rory could, would you want her to?

Of course I would, but as I told
you, your father and I have plans.

So she can't stay even if I'm gone?

No, she can't.

Emily, for heaven's sake, it's
7:10. Why aren't we eating?

Oh, hi, Dad. Listen, Rory was gonna stay
for dinner if you guys don't have plans.

Of course we don't have any plans.

Oh, I'm thrilled, Rory is staying.

You just livened up a very
boring night in the Gilmore house.

Enjoy your dinner.

And Mom, get yourself an agent

'cause you're wasting that
talent of yours in dinner theater.

Mom, wait.

Mom, wait. Where are you going?

I'm gonna drive in a
circle backwards really fast

to reverse the Earth's orbit
to go back in time to before

I made the insane decision to
come here in the first place.

- You came here to pick me up.
- What was I thinking doing that?

You were thinking, 'Hey, wouldn't
it be great for my daughter

not to have to walk all the
way back to Stars Hollow. '

A thirty-mile hike never hurt
anyone. God, I can't believe her.

- And I can't believe you.
- Why?

- You were gonna leave me here?
- So you could have dinner with them.

I never said I wanted
to have dinner with them.

You said I wanted to have dinner
with them, and then you stormed out.

Okay, I'm sorry. I just, I finally
realized that I can't do this anymore.

I can't come back
here anymore, I'm done.

I'm sorry. I never should've
asked you to pick me up.

It's okay. It's good, actually.

Now I can stop feeling guilty
for not talking to them.

I can go back to the
way things were before.

We share a nose and that's it.

- So we're going?
- Yes, we're going.

Okay, I have to go get my books.
Please be here when I come back.

- Are you staying?
- No, I have to go, Grandma.

All right, I guess we'll just
see you at graduation then.

I guess you will.

I swear, I don't know what to do with
that mother of yours, I really don't.

Everything has to be such a scene.

I think you're being really stupid.

- So, Souplantation...
- Hang on, I'm almost at the end of this chapter.

Okay, let the raving begin.

A room full of all you can eat food.

Soup, salad, pizza,
pasta, chicken wings,

ice cream, rainbow sprinkles.

How did I not know about
the rainbow sprinkles?

- I have no good answers for you.
- We are going back with Tupperware.

- It's turning yellow.
- Ah, shoot.

- Come on, gun it.
- I can't.

Mom, we have to get home.

Rory, I already have two
tickets. I cannot get another.

Oh, I can't believe you stopped.

I can't believe you wanted me to go.

There's no one around.

Now no one's around, but
the second I run that light,

a police car, four helicopters, the
Canadian mounties and the crew of Cops

- jump out of a dumpster and I'm toast.
- Paranoid.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean
they're not out to get you, my friend.

All right, I guess we wait.

Do you think Luke will know
we went to Souplantation?

Not unless you tell him.

But maybe he'll be able
to tell. They'll be a glow.

An all-you-can-eat
glow.

He'll see the glow, he'll know we cheated,
and he'll never give us extra fries again.

Mom, why did just bolt away from us?

Maybe he saw the glow.

Mom.

Okay, first of all, I'm sorry
I didn't tell you sooner.

I just thought with all the stuff
you were doing, maybe I should wait.

What's going on?

Jess is gone.

- Gone where?
- I don't know.

Luke knows, but he didn't tell me.

But he doesn't seem to
think he's coming back.

Neither do I.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Forget this.

Hey, when you say 'I'm going to check
out a bookstore on the boardwalk',

- you be more specific.
- What?

I have been wandering
around for over an hour.

I've been to three different bookstores.

I have been worried sick
about you, you hear me?

- Sorry.
- Outside.

- But...
- Outside.

- Are you in trouble?
- What?

You know, when you left
home, were the cops after you?

No 'cause they shouldn't be or no
'cause they haven't found the head yet?

What's up, Jimmy?

- You just showed up here, man.
- I know I did.

No call, no letter, just like...

Just like you showed up in Stars
Hollow with no letter, no call.

- Were you in trouble?
- We're not talking about me, we're talking about you.

- I'm not running from the cops.
- Then why are you here?

Why'd you come to Stars Hollow?

Hey, listen, Mr. Double-Talk,
I need an answer here.

Well, so do I.

You show up, you don't talk
to me, you don't say anything.

You just have a cup of
coffee, then you left.

Why'd you come if you
didn't even wanna talk to me?

- I did wanna talk to you.
- You did?

Of course I wanted to talk to you.

You think a person travels all the way across
the country just to listen to a Bowie song?

Granted, a classic off Ziggy, but still.

So, what, you're telling
me you just chickened out?

Yeah.

- Well, I came to see you.
- Okay.

And I thought maybe I could
crash here for a little while.

Just a little while.

I don't need my own room or anything.
I can just sleep on the couch.

Or the extra mattress
we keep in the closet.

Sure, that'd be fine, too.

You know, Sasha's always right.

It drives me crazy. No matter what
the situation, she's always right.

Jimmy.

I'd love to be right just
once in awhile, you know?

It wouldn't be for long.

Do you know she called the
Super Bowl five times in a row?

Who does that? What is she, a witch?

You know what, say no if you want.

- Jess, man, come on, you can't stay here.
- Why not?

- 'Cause you can't.
- Why not?

- 'Cause you can't.
- Why not?

Because you can't.

I'd ask "why not" but it doesn't
seem to be getting me anywhere.

Look at me, Jess. I'm not a father.

I was never a father. I left
you because I wasn't a father.

I mean it, the minute the cigar was finished,
I was like, "What the hell are you doing?

You can't take care of yourself. How
are you gonna take care of someone else?"

- That's not why...
- I can't take you in, I can't raise you.

Raise me? I'm eighteen! I'm raised.

I can vote, I can be drafted.

It's a little late to throw me a Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle birthday party.

I thought you didn't come
here to bust my balls.

- I didn't.
- Well, then put the bat down, man.

I don't need a daddy. I
just need a place to crash.

Do you even understand that it's
only been the last five years

that I've even started
to put my life together?

You don't wanna be around me.

I am a screw-up. That
is my genetic code.

the apple doesn't fall
too far from the tree.

Don't say that.

You're young, you can
do anything you want.

A month. Just let me stay a month.

Are you listening? I have
nothing to offer you. Nothing.

You have nothing? I have nothing!

I have no place to go. I can't stay at
Luke's, I can't stay in Stars Hollow.

My mother is a wackjob.

I mean, you're saying
you're this loser and what,

you don't wanna take me off this
terrific path I'm headed down right now?

I'm not graduating high school.

I don't know what I'm gonna
do with the rest of my life,

but something's telling
me I better find out soon

or I'm gonna be that guy out there on
the boardwalk selling the hemp hats.

I have one of those.

It's a good hat.

Well?

I have to talk it over with Sasha.

Just tell her I'm a dog.

Great idea.

Maybe you can sit there and lick yourself
while she decides, you know, help sell it.

Thank you, Jimmy.

If she says it's okay, then we'll see.

- Fine, we'll see.
- It may not work out.

I totally understand.

But I'll ask and if she says
it's okay, then we'll see.

We'll see.

Oh my God, I'm so tired.

Here's a crazy thought,
how about going to bed?

I have to study.

Or, better yet, make a pot of coffee and
once again, get no sleep. Just as good.

- What's this?
- Oh, that's just...

Yale needed my Social
Security number for something.

- Look who became a soche.
- What?

You have a lot of signatures
in here, little girl.

Everybody signs everybody's
yearbook. It's polite.

"Rory, have a great
summer. BFF. Amber. "

- Hey, Amber BFF'ed you.
- Yeah, I feel truly blessed.

"Hey, Aurory Borealis. "

Okay, can't talk to this one ever again.

"You have been my inspiration, my rock,
my light. I loved you in South Pacific. "

- When did you do South Pacific?
- What?

Some dipstick named Shauna
thinks you were in South Pacific.

Oh, Shauna tends to get people mixed up.

Oh, okay.

Hey, you know what's weird?

A lot of the kids in here are
calling you a valedictorian.

Is that anything like a dirty skank,

'cause if it is I'll kick their
plaid butts up and down the sidewalk.

Were you named valedictorian?

Yes, and you know what that means?

One more stupid speech that I have to
write, that I have no time to write,

but nevertheless, I have to write.

Hey, listen,

my little Holly Hunter
in Broadcast News,

I'm gonna let you freak out
and study like a mad woman

and stress yourself out until finals,

but once they're over, we are
gonna celebrate big time...

'cause this is amazing.

Yeah, it is.

Okay, now go make Mommy nervous.