Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 3, Episode 14 - Swan Song - full transcript
Lorelai, Alex, Sookie, and Jackson all go to spend a weekend in Manhattan, but she's concerned about leaving Rory alone with chances of Jess coming over. But, there is no chance for it, as Jess and Rory get in a fight and he walks out on Friday night dinner at the grandparents'.
AND THEN SHE BRUSHED ME OFF
WITH A WAVE OF HER REGAL HAND,
NOT EVEN A WORD.
JUST A...
LIKE I'M HER CABANA BOY.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, INSTEAD
OF JUST WALKING OUT OF THE ROOM,
SHE'LL MAKE ME BOW AND BACK OUT.
IMPERIOUS ATTITUDE.
SHE NEVER GIVES IT A REST.
I SCHLEPPED HER TO THE
DOCTOR THE OTHER DAY,
BY COMMAND, NOT REQUEST,
AND THE ELEVATOR
OPERATOR THERE GREETED US,
NICE AND FRIENDLY.
HER DOCTOR'S ON THE 2ND FLOOR.
AND BY THE TIME WE GOT THERE,
THAT OPERATOR WAS IN TEARS.
WHEW!
WHAT?
WELL, MOM, YOU JUST DID 20
STRAIGHT MINUTES ON GRAN.
IT WASN'T 20 MINUTES.
IT WAS GETTING THERE.
HOW ABOUT A MORATORIUM
ON THE GRAN STORIES FOR A BIT?
FINE. I'D RATHER NOT SPOIL
THE MEAL WITH TALK OF HER.
GOOD.
I SHOULD JUST WASH MY HANDS.
OK.
WE'LL WAIT.
I MEAN, OF HER.
OH, GOOD. WASH THOSE HANDS.
SHE SUCKS HER OLIVE PITS.
SHORT MORATORIUM.
TRYING TO EXTRACT EVERY
LAST OUNCE OF FLAVOR
OUT OF THEM LIKE
SHE DOES PEOPLE.
SHE SUCKS FLAVOR OUT OF PEOPLE?
CAN WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT?
LIFE, NOT FLAVOR.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT GRAN NEEDS?
WHAT? A FELLA.
WITH OR WITHOUT AN UMBRELLA.
HE'D HAVE TO LOOK LIKE AN
OLIVE PIT TO GET HER ATTENTION.
LIKE A DEAN MARTIN ROAST.
THOSE AREN'T FUNNY TO ME.
YEAH, THEY'RE MEAN.
EXCEPT FOR DON RICKLES.
TOTALLY. EXCEPT FOR RICKLES.
I THINK SHE DID HAVE
A MAN FOR A TIME
SQUIRING HER AROUND
TO HER BIDDY AFFAIRS.
RICHARD THOUGHT SO,
TOO, AND IT HORRIFIED HIM.
DIDN'T WANT A NEW DADDY, HUH?
AND THEN HE SEEMED
SUDDENLY OUT OF THE PICTURE.
GREAT-GRANDMA
NEVER TALKED OF HIM?
NEVER. EVEN THOUGH I COULD TELL
PRACTICALLY THE DAY
SHE STOPPED SEEING HIM.
THOSE KINDS OF THINGS
ARE ALWAYS OBVIOUS.
YEAH, I GUESS.
WHEN A COUPLE IS
IN A RELATIONSHIP
AND THEN SUDDENLY ISN'T.
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
IS SHE STILL LOOKING?
YUP.
RIGHT. UH, YOU KNOW, GRANDMA,
DID I MENTION THAT UNFORTUNATELY
I'M NOT WITH DEAN ANYMORE?
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
WELL, I'M NOT.
WELL, YES. I'VE KNOWN
FOR WEEKS, ACTUALLY,
BUT IT'S GOOD THAT
YOU CONFIRMED IT.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
WELL, YOU ABRUPTLY STOPPED
MENTIONING HIM 11 DINNERS AGO,
SO I FIGURED THAT WAS THE CASE.
11 DINNERS. YOU KEPT COUNT?
11.
11.
WELL, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T
TELL YOU, GRANDMA.
I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE.
I MEAN, WHAT IF I'D
INVITED DEAN TO AN EVENT
AND YOU WERE NO LONGER WITH HIM
AND THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT?
IT WOULD'VE BEEN EMBARRASSING.
WHAT SORT OF EVENT WOULD
YOU HAVE INVITED DEAN TO?
I... I DON'T KNOW. A WEDDING.
FOR WHO?
A MUTUAL FRIEND OR SOMETHING.
YOU AND DEAN HAVE
MUTUAL FRIENDS IN COMMON
THAT RORY AND I DON'T?
WHO'D THAT BE, THE TALBOTS,
OR THAT SENIOR PARTNER
AT DELOITTE & TOUCHE?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.
IT'S ALWAYS BEST TO TELL
EACH OTHER MAJOR LIFE EVENTS
SO THAT THERE'S NO AWKWARDNESS.
WELL, GRANDMA, I PROBABLY
ALSO FAILED TO MENTION
THAT I'M SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.
WHO? JESS.
JESS?
LUKE'S NEPHEW.
LUKE FROM THE DINER?
OH, I SEE.
WELL, AM I GOING TO
GET TO MEET HIM SOON?
OH, I... I DON'T KNOW.
YEAH, MOM. THAT MIGHT
BE HARD TO ARRANGE.
WELL, HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
JUST BRING HIM OVER FOR DINNER
SOMETIME. HOW ABOUT NEXT FRIDAY?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
OH, YEAH, MOM. THAT
MIGHT BE HARD TO ARRANGE.
IT'S PERFECT TIMING.
RICHARD WILL BE OUT OF TOWN
AND IT WOULD BE NICE TO
ROUND OFF THE GROUP WITH A 4TH.
HE WORKS FRIDAYS, DOESN'T HE?
YEAH, THAT'S HIS USUAL
NIGHT. FRIDAY NIGHT.
IT'S A BAD NIGHT.
OH, OK.
WELL, I SUPPOSE I'LL
EVENTUALLY MEET HIM SOMEDAY,
AT SOME FUNCTION.
PERHAPS A WEDDING.
OR RORY'S GRADUATION.
THAT'S GOOD.
THAT WAY WE'LL ALL
GET TO MEET HIM AT ONCE.
MYSELF, RICHARD, GRAN.
MAYBE I'LL BRING A COUPLE
OF GIRLS FROM THE D.A.R.
REV. MAHONEY MIGHT
LIKE TO COME ALSO.
YOU KNOW WHAT, GRANDMA,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,
I THINK JESS DOES HAVE
NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT OFF.
REALLY?
LET'S MAKE IT A FOURSOME.
THAT'LL BE NICE.
YEAH, IT WILL BE
NICE, RIGHT, GRANDMA?
VERY NICE. WE'LL HAVE LAMB.
SO, IT'LL BE NICE FOR EVERYBODY?
EVERYBODY WILL BE
NICE TO EVERYBODY?
KEYWORD BEING "NICE"?
YES. VERY NICE.
REALLY, REALLY NICE?
OF COURSE, IT'LL BE NICE.
THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.
GOOD. NICE WILL BE NICE.
AND A NICE NIGHT IT'LL BE.
WELL, NOT SO NICE FOR THE LAMB.
♪
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
OK. SATURDAY MORNING
I'VE GOT A HAIR
APPOINTMENT, NAILS AND JIM.
YOU DON'T GO TO THE GYM.
NO, JIM IS COMING HERE TO
FIX THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
JIM DUNNING, GOT IT.
I ALSO GOT "RESHA PLABA SHAM."
WHAT? NO, NO,
NO. I CAN'T READ IT.
OH. SHOULDN'T YOU
CHANGE YOUR SYSTEM,
GO ELECTRONIC OR SOMETHING?
YOU'RE A BUSY WOMAN.
AH, HEY, MY SYSTEM WORKS.
YEAH, TELL IT TO THE
GUY WHO CALLS BECAUSE
YOU MISSED YOUR "RESHA
PLABA SHAM" APPOINTMENT.
I HATE COORDINATING
SCHEDULES. YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER.
IF WE DON'T WE MAY
NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.
WE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT BEFORE.
WE'RE BUSIER NOW.
LET'S RUN AWAY AND
LEAVE ALL THIS BEHIND.
YOU MEAN OUR HOUSE?
NO, WE'LL TAKE THE HOUSE,
LEAVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
PUT IT ON YOUR LIST.
SO WHAT'S YOUR
DAY LIKE TOMORROW?
HANGING OUT WITH JESS FOR MOST
OF THE DAY, STUDYING AT NIGHT.
COOL. ALEX AND I ARE HAVING
DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
GOOD. THAT'LL MAKE IT NICE
AND QUIET WHEN I STUDY.
I'M THAT LOUD?
YES, WHEN DANCING ABOUT
SINGING RORY'S STUDYING SONGS.
OH, WHAT'S THIS I HAVE
DOWN FOR SUNDAY?
"LATHE BANG TRAFFICKING."
"LANE'S BAND PRACTICING."
UNDERNEATH IT? "NET FRACKS."
"GET SNACKS."
RIGHT. FOR THE BAND.
SEE, SEE, IT WORKS.
SO, UH, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
BRINGING JESS TO DINNER ON FRIDAY?
IT'S AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY.
THERE'LL ONLY BE ONE
GRANDPARENT TO CONTEND WITH.
MAN, THAT WAS SOME STEALTHY LITTLE
MANEUVER SHE PULLED THERE, HUH?
APPLYING THE GUILT OVER NOT
KNOWING ABOUT THE DEAN BREAK-UP,
MAKING YOU ALL WEAK
AND THEN USING THAT
TO GET JESS TO COME
TO DINNER ON FRIDAY.
OH! SHE'S LIKE LYNDON JOHNSON
WITH THE SENATE. EFFORTLESS.
SO, SUNDAY'S FOR US, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I
HAVE YOU DOWN RIGHT HERE.
UM, "COKIE."
GOOD.
HEY, IT'S EARLY. WANNA WATCH
MORE OF THE SUPPLEMENTARY STUFF
ON THE LORD OF THE RINGS D.V.D.?
WELL, IT'S JUST THE DRAWINGS
AND THAT FAT GUY TALKING.
WELL, LET'S WATCH
FOOTLOOSE AGAIN.
YEAH.
HEY, YOU DROPPED
SOME OF YOUR NOTES.
WHO CARES, CAN'T
READ THEM ANYWAY.
DO YOU LOVE IT?
IT'S GREAT.
THE HOLY BARBARIANS.
I MEAN, WHAT A TITLE.
AND IT'S BY A VENICE
BEACH BEATNIK
ABOUT VENICE BEACH BEATNIKS.
AND TO TOP IT OFF, THE BEATNIK WHO
WROTE IT IS THE FATHER OF THE GUY
THAT DOES THOSE ACTORS
STUDIO INTERVIEWS ON T.V.
THE GUY WITH THE BEARD?
YEAH, THE POINTY BEARD.
THAT'S HIS DAD,
WRITING AT HIS DESK.
IT'S WEIRD THAT A
WEIRD BEATNIKKY GUY
HAS A CONSERVATIVE
SON LIKE THAT.
MAYBE HE'S NOT
THAT CONSERVATIVE.
MAYBE AT NIGHT HE, LIKE, TAKES
OFF HIS CLOTHES AND PARTIES.
OH, MAN. NOW GET THAT
PICTURE OUT OF MY HEAD.
IT'S A COOL BOOK,
YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT.
IT IS. THANKS.
I... I'M NOT LENDING
IT, I'M NOT DONE.
WELL, WHY'D YOU SHOW IT TO ME?
I LIKE SHOWING YOU
STUFF I'M READING.
YOU KNEW I'D WANT TO
READ IT. YOU'RE A BOOK TEASE.
YOU'LL GET IT WHEN I'M DONE.
CRUEL WOMAN.
SO, YOU GOING TO WORK NOW?
BACK TO THE SALT MINES.
SO, YOU'RE NOT TIED TO
THE HOURS YOU HAVE, RIGHT?
YOU CAN TRADE IF YOU WANT TO?
THERE'S SOME FLEXIBILITY.
YOU GOT ANY FLEXIBILITY
NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT?
YEAH, WHY?
I THOUGHT YOU COULD
HAVE DINNER WITH US.
US? TO MY GRANDMA'S.
TO MEET YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
YEAH, SHE'LL BE THERE. SO, YEAH.
IT MIGHT BE RUDE NOT TO
INTRODUCE THE TWO OF YOU.
I CAN'T. I GOT TO WORK.
YOU JUST SAID YOU COULD GET OUT.
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT FOR. JESS.
NO.
BUT I ALREADY KIND OF AGREED.
OH, MAN.
SO I'M KIND OF JAMMED HERE.
DOES SHE KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
PERFECT. FIND SOMEBODY WHO
VAGUELY RESEMBLES ME, TAKE HIM.
JUST DON'T KISS HIM GOOD NIGHT.
THAT NOT GOING TO WORK.
ANDY WARHOL DID IT ALL THE TIME.
WE'RE JUST $5 AWAY FROM A DEAL.
THAT'S WORTH $5 AT LEAST.
YOU GILMORES THINK
A LOT OF YOURSELVES.
OK.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
MMM.
MANIPULATOR.
RORY, GET IN HERE.
WHAT?
GET IN HERE NOW, NO QUESTIONS.
OK.
OK. NOW, FOR THOSE
WHO HAVE JUST ARRIVED,
I'M TRYING OUT SOME MATERIAL
FOR MY ONE-WOMAN SHOW,
AND I NEED SOME FEEDBACK.
YOU ARE MY RANDOMLY
PICKED AUDIENCE.
RANDOMLY SHANGHAIED.
IT'S PART STORIES, PART SONGS.
KIND OF LIKE WHAT
ELAINE STRITCH DID
ON BROADWAY, BUT
WITHOUT THE BITTERNESS.
MY WORKING TITLE:
BUCKLE UP, I'M PATTY.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?
AN HOUR?
POOR THING.
IT'S MOSTLY HER AND
KIRK ARGUING ABOUT STUFF.
APPARENTLY HE'S THE DIRECTOR.
PATTY, LET'S TRY ONE
OF YOUR REMINISCENCES.
THAT'S WHAT I'M
LOOKING FOR, KIRK.
SORRY I DIDN'T SAVE YOU.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU
UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY
COULD'VE SAVED ME.
OK, HERE WE GO. OK.
DID YOU KNOW THAT I ONCE
MET THE GREAT BETTE DAVIS?
I WAS A CHORUS GIRL
IN A BUS-AND-TRUCK
TOUR OF GUYS AND DOLLS.
BEANTOWN. I LOVE THAT TOWN.
AND THERE I WAS, ME
AND THE GIRLS BACKSTAGE
AFTER THE SHOW,
AND IN SHE COMES.
AND WHO DOES SHE
WALK RIGHT UP TO
BUT LITTLE OLD ME.
AND SHE SIZED ME UP,
EXHALED SOME SMOKE
FROM THAT WRINKLED
MOUTH OF HERS AND SAID:
"DOLL, YOU DON'T
GOT THE HIGH NOTES,
BUT YOU'VE SURE GOT THE GAMS."
I'LL ALWAYS TREASURE
THAT MOMENT WITH BETTE.
AND I WANT TO DEDICATE
THIS SONG TO HER.
UH, ETHEL, KEY OF "D."
WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO REWRITE THAT.
WHAT?
IT GOT NO RESPONSE.
IT NEEDS A REWRITE.
KIRK, IT'S MY REMINISCENCE.
I CAN'T REWRITE IT.
HOW ABOUT IF SHE SAYS,
"DOLL, YOU'VE GOT THE GAMS,
BUT I'VE GOT A BODY IN
THE TRUNK OF MY CAR"?
WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?
'CAUSE SHE'S A MURDERER.
I THINK IT WORKS.
I'M NOT REWRITING
MY MEMORIES, KIRK.
IT DIED. BUILD A COFFIN FOR IT,
PUT SOME PENNIES ON ITS EYES,
'CAUSE THAT STIFF
AIN'T BREATHING.
WELL, I THINK WE... WE
SHOULD DISCUSS THIS LATER.
GO BACK TO YOUR LIGHT BOOTH.
FINE, START THE SONG.
♪
♪ IT'S A QUARTER TO 03:00 ♪
♪ THERE IS NO ONE IN THE PLACE ♪
♪ EXCEPT YOU AND ME ♪
KIRK, WOULD YOU FIX THIS?
FIX WHAT?
THIS FLASHING!
THAT'S MY CHOICE FOR THIS SONG.
IT'S DISCO.
I'M TRYING TO
SUBVERT EXPECTATIONS.
WELL, DON'T. JUST
GIVE ME A SIMPLE SPOT.
SOMETHING MORE OBVIOUS, GOT IT.
THIS IS A HIT.
IT'LL RUN FOR YEARS.
SOMETHING ON THE
NOSE, EXPECTED. GOT IT.
KIRK!
IT WAS NICE OF YOU
TO STEP IN LIKE THAT.
WELL, SHE COULD
HAVE HURT HERSELF
TRYING TO THROW THE
PODIUM AT HIM LIKE THAT.
I THINK "WORK IN PROGRESS"
IS THE KEY PHRASE.
OH, I THINK SHE TRIES.
THE WOMAN TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING
I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN ABOUT DANCING,
BATON TWIRLING AND GYMNASTICS.
WELL, I'M THIS WAY.
I'M THIS WAY.
SEE YOU LATER. SEE YOU.
YOU KNOW, I KIND OF LIKED
THE BODY-IN-THE-TRUNK THING.
ME, TOO. PEPPIER.
NIGHT. NIGHT.
OH, SORRY.
IT'S OK. IT'S OK.
I CAN JUST SHUT THE DOOR
SO YOU CAN CARRY ON.
NO. WE'VE CARRIED ON ENOUGH.
YEAH, I THINK WE CARRIED
ON PRETTY GOOD HERE.
I'LL CALL YOU ABOUT THE WEEKEND.
OK, BYE. BYE, RORY.
GOOD NIGHT.
WE NEED A SIGNAL.
A KISSING SIGNAL?
SOMETHING TO AVOID THIS?
OK, UH, HOW ABOUT
I SHOOT OFF A FLARE
WHEN I'M OUTSIDE
NECKING WITH THE BOY?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
OR I COULD BANG ON
THE DOOR AND YELL,
"HEY, WE'RE NECKING OUT HERE!"
I STILL SAY WE NEED A SIGNAL.
WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
HEY, LISTEN, ALEX
AND I WERE TALKING
ABOUT GOING TO NEW
YORK NEXT WEEKEND.
FUN. YEAH.
HE'S GOT 4 TICKETS TO A SHOW.
HE'S HEARD ME TALK ABOUT
SOOKIE AND JACKSON SO MUCH,
THAT HE WANTS TO
INVITE THEM, TOO.
IT ISN'T BUCKLE UP, I'M PATTY?
HUH? NOTHING.
WE'D HAVE TO LEAVE FRIDAY DAY.
SO?
MEANING IT'S JUST
YOU AND JESS ALONE
AT DINNER WITH
THE GLORIOUS EMILY.
OH, THAT'S TOTALLY FINE.
ARE YOU SURE?
IT MIGHT EVEN
MAKE THINGS EASIER.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
NOTHING. JUST... IT MIGHT
MAKE IT LESS PRESSURE-PACKED.
SO, I'M LOUD WHEN YOU STUDY
AND MAKE SOCIAL
GATHERINGS WORSE?
OUT OF THE GOODNESS
OF YOUR HEART,
YOU'D BE TRYING TO
SHIELD ME ALL NIGHT.
AND THAT MIGHT
MAKE THINGS WORSE.
OUT OF LOVE.
AND I LOVE YOU. I
HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.
OK, I THINK I GET IT.
I HAVE THE BEST INTENTIONS.
BINGO.
HELLO?
HI.
HEY, HOW WAS WORK?
I TOTED THE BARGE,
LIFTED THE BALE.
WHY, YOU'RE A GREAT BARGE-TOTER,
I CAN ATTEST TO THAT.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
FINE, A LOT OF STUDYING.
OH, YEAH? IS THAT ALL YOU DID?
YEAH, BASICALLY.
BASICALLY.
JESS, WHAT?
HEARD YOU WERE HANGING
OUT WITH DEAN TODAY.
WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?
IT'S ALL OVER TOWN.
WELL, I WAS WITH
HIM FOR A WHILE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"IT'S ALL OVER TOWN"?
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FLIERS?
I'VE BEEN HOME ALL
NIGHT. WHAT FLIERS?
IT SAYS, "PEOPLE
ARE ALREADY RAVING
ABOUT MISS PATTY'S
ONE-WOMAN SHOW."
AND?
JUST SOME BLURBS. ONE SAYS,
"RORY AND DEAN COULDN'T
STOP TALKING ABOUT IT."
WE'RE ON A FLIER?
YOU AND A BUNCH OF OTHERS.
THE MAILMAN SAYS, "EVEN
WITHOUT PROPER POSTAGE,
THIS SHOW DELIVERS."
WELL, SHE'S MAKING THAT
UP. RALPH'S NOT THAT WITTY.
WERE YOU HANGING
OUT THERE WITH DEAN?
I WAS NOT HANGING OUT WITH DEAN.
WE WERE HAULED IN THERE TO
WATCH HER TRY OUT MATERIAL,
AND WE WERE SITTING IN THE
SAME AREA, SO WE TALKED A LITTLE,
AND LEFT AT THE SAME TIME.
THAT WAS IT, IT WAS
ALL BY ACCIDENT.
YEAH?
THIS IS AN OLD SUBJECT, JESS.
YOU KNOW THAT DEAN
AND I ARE FRIENDLY.
I KNOW YOU'RE FRIENDLY. IT DOESN'T
MEAN I DON'T WANT TO PUNCH HIM.
THIS WAS NOT A PLAN.
I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MISS
PATTY, SO WAS HE. THAT'S IT.
THEN YOU TWO SHOULD
PRESS CHARGES.
I THINK WE SHOULD.
JUST...
WHAT?
JUST TELL ME THESE THINGS FIRST,
SO I DON'T HAVE TO READ ABOUT
THEM ON TELEPHONE POLES.
I WILL, I PROMISE.
OK.
OK.
SO HOW'S THE SHOW?
IT'S GONNA NEED
A LOT OF POSTAGE.
WHY DOES IT SAY,
"NOT IN ANY WAY AFFILIATED
WITH KIRK" AT THE BOTTOM?
THEY HAD A SHOW BIZ SPAT.
FILL ME IN.
HELP YOURSELVES TO
DRINKS IN THE FRIDGE, GUYS.
WE'VE GOT CHIPS, PRETZELS.
AND BRIAN, I REMEMBERED
YOUR ALLERGIES
AND GOT YOU THE MELBA TOAST.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS.
WE GOT A LOT DONE TODAY.
WE'VE ALMOST GOT A FULL SET.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE MISSING
IS A STRAIGHT AHEAD LOVE SONG.
YEAH, ALL OUR SONGS ARE
ABOUT PROPERTY DESTRUCTION
AND A GENERAL DISLIKE
OF RIGHT-WING CAUSES.
NOT ONE LOVE SONG, HUH?
I THINK WE CAN ADD ONE
OR 2. THERE ARE GOOD ONES.
BOY! YOU'D THINK LOVE SONGS
ARE ALL YOU AND LANE
WOULD WANT TO PLAY.
MAN!
THIS CRUNCH JUST NOW SOUNDED
LIKE THE DRUM FILL IN BABA O' RILEY.
COOL, WAY TO GO, ZACK.
YEAH, ZACK. MUSICAL
MOUTH, THAT'S AWESOME.
BUT WHY WOULD DAVE AND LANE
WANT TO PLAY JUST LOVE SONGS?
BECAUSE, I WAS JUST THINKING,
YOU KNOW, WITH DAVE'S NAME...
DAVE, YOU'VE GOT THE
LAST 2 LETTERS IN "LOVE."
"V-E." WITH LANE'S
NAME, YOU HAVE THE "L."
Y-YOU JUST DUMP THE "A" AND
ADD AN "O" AND THERE YOU GO.
MAKES SENSE.
TOTALLY.
WE SHOULD PROBABLY
BREAK STUFF DOWN.
I GOT TO GET HOME FOR DINNER.
ONE DAY SOON, YOU
WON'T GO HOME FOR DINNER.
WHAT, I'LL BE DEAD?
NO, WE'LL BE ON TOUR.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
THAT WAS A NEGATIVE
"RIGHT, RIGHT," MAN.
GUYS, I'M SO SORRY,
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
THAT'S OK.
LUCKILY ZACK AND BRIAN
ARE, WELL, ZACK AND BRIAN.
HOW LONG ARE YOU
GONNA KEEP IT A SECRET?
FOR A WHILE. AT
LEAST IT'S EASIER.
YOU SURE IT WOULD BE
SO BAD IF THEY KNEW?
I MEAN, KEEPING THIS SECRET
SEEMS AWFULLY COMPLICATED.
NOT REALLY. WE'VE GOT A SYSTEM.
HMM. SPEAKING
OF WHICH, IT'S 3:18.
WE'LL HAVE THE
STUFF PACKED BY 3:40.
WHAT'S THE SITUATION?
AT 3:40, MY MOM WILL BE ON
HER WAY TO THE YARN STORE
FOR HER BIMONTHLY SEW-A-THON
WITH LACEY SCHWARTZ AND BICK-HO.
THE YARN STORE'S ON PEACH?
PLUM.
THAT CUTS US OFF
FROM OUR USUAL ROUTE.
THERE'S A BACK ROAD
THAT CIRCLES AROUND IT.
IT'S GOING TO BE
MUDDY FROM THE RAINS.
HOW ABOUT THE GUYS
TAKE THE USUAL ROUTE.
I'LL GO BY FOOT UP PEACH,
DOWN THE ALLEY BEHIND
AL'S, THEY CAN PICK ME UP
HALF A MILE DOWN
BY THE SHELL STATION.
PERFECT.
UH, WHAT? THAT'S
NOT COMPLICATED.
SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.
WELL, OK THEN.
HEY.
HEY, COFFEE?
PLEASE, AND HURRY.
I'M GOING TO
MANHATTAN THIS WEEKEND
AND I NEED TO SHOP
FOR SOME WARM CLOTHES.
YOU ALREADY HAVE WARM CLOTHES.
I HAVE NOTHING.
IT GETS AS FREEZING
HERE AS IN NEW YORK.
NO, IT'S NOT THE SAME.
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
I HAVE NOTHING STYLISH ENOUGH.
YOU GOT THE BLACK CASHMERE COAT.
IT NEEDS CLEANING.
CLEAN IT.
BUT I NEED SOME SWEATERS, TOO.
YOU'VE GOT THE PURPLE, YOU'VE GOT
THE POWDER-BLUE, 3 SHADES OF RED,
YOU'VE GOT A TON OF BLACK, ALL
OF WHICH WILL GO WITH THE COAT.
PLUS YOU'VE GOT A DOZEN SCARVES,
TO MIX AND MATCH
WITH ANY OF THOSE TOPS.
LET ME SHOP FOR SOME CLOTHES.
OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN NEW YORK?
UM, A BUNCH OF US ARE GOING.
IT'LL BE DINNER AND A SHOW.
HUH. WHAT SHOW?
LEVITTOWN, A NEW MUSICAL?
YEAH, IT'S IN PREVIEWS.
DOESN'T OFFICIALLY OPEN
FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
WOW. SO INFORMED.
NICOLE LIKES THE THEATER. HER
FIRM HAS AN OFFICE ON MADISON.
I'VE MET HER THERE
A COUPLE OF TIMES.
SAW HAIRSPRAY LAST WEEK.
I CAN'T PICTURE YOU
WATCHING HAIRSPRAY.
IT'S OK. I LIKED THE
PRODUCERS BETTER.
AREN'T WE JUST A BROADWAY BABY?
GOT ANY TIME TO
KILL THERE? SOME.
GOT A GREAT BOOK. IT HAS WALKING
TOURS OF OLD HISTORIC MANHATTAN.
BEFORE DISNEY GOT HOLD
OF IT. THE SOHO ONE'S GOOD.
I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT.
IT'S UPSTAIRS ON MY DRESSER,
WANT TO RUN UP AND GRAB IT.
COOL, THANKS.
OH! OH!
MOM!
SURPRISE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I CAME UP FOR A BOOK.
A BOOK?
MANY BOOKS HERE.
ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?
IT'S ONE OF LUKE'S.
WELL, IF IT HASN'T GOT
ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN IN THE TITLE,
THAT NARROWS IT DOWN.
WALKING TOURS OF NEW YORK.
ON THE TABLE.
GOOD, HERE IT IS. OK.
THANKS. SORRY ABOUT THIS.
IT'S OK.
WE SHOULD COME UP WITH
A SYSTEM OR SOMETHING.
PROBABLY. DEJA VU, HUH?
DEJA VU.
WHY I'D BE WALKING INTO
LUKE'S PLACE IN THE FUTURE,
I DON'T KNOW. SO, PUT THE
SYSTEM ON THE BACK BURNER.
GOOD.
OK. CARRY ON. SEE YOU.
DUDE.
HEY. FIND IT OK?
I FOUND EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING A COUPLE, COUPLING.
RORY AND JESS?
BEN AND J. LO. YES,
RORY AND JESS.
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.
YOU KNEW?
THEY'RE UP THERE ALL THE TIME.
ON THE COUCH,
HORIZONTAL, ON THE COUCH.
THEY COME UP FOR
AIR EVERY SO OFTEN.
AND YOU JUST ALLOW THIS? LUKE...
SETTLE DOWN. I GO UP THERE EVERY 10
MINUTES PRETENDING TO GET SOMETHING
TO KEEP THEM FROM DOING
SOMETHING WE DON'T WANT.
"WHOOPS, I FORGOT
MY POCKET KNIFE.
"WHOOPS, I'M OUT OF ONES. UH...
HEY, YOU SEE A CASE
OF MUSTARD UP HERE?"
I PUT THE STUFF IN A BOX.
I TAKE THE BOX UPSTAIRS
EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS
AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.
AND YOU THINK THAT SUFFICES?
LOOK, IT'S BETTER THAT
THEY'RE SAFE AND UPSTAIRS
THAN SOMEPLACE ELSE.
YOU GOING UP THERE
JUST NOW SAVED
ME A TRIP. SO THANKS.
GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE.
AND A GOOD SYSTEM, IT WORKS.
EVERY 10 MINUTES?
LIKE CLOCKWORK.
NEVER A MINUTE MORE.
EVEN WHILE SERVING A
CUSTOMER IT'S 10 MINUTES?
IF I'M IN MID-POUR,
I STOP AND GO UP.
10 MINUTES.
YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY
MUCH THE TIME IT TOOK
TO CREATE RORY.
AND THAT INCLUDED
GETTING DRESSED
AND FRESHENING MY LIPSTICK.
WHAT?
THANKS FOR THE BOOK.
CAESAR, COVER FOR ME.
OK.
RORY?
I'M COMING.
TOUT DE SUITE, AND I
DON'T MEAN THE CANDY.
OK. WHAT'S THE PACKING CRISIS?
THAT'S THE THING, I
HAVE NO PACKING CRISIS.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,
THERE IS NO PACKING CRISIS. SEE?
THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.
UH, I'M ALL PACKED, READY TO GO,
AND FULLY CONFIDENT
I HAVE EVERYTHING
I'LL NEED OR DESIRE.
SO YOU'RE CREATING A
CRISIS OUT OF NOSTALGIA?
NO, SEE. ALEX AND I TALKED ABOUT
EVERYTHING WE PLANNED TO DO,
AND HOW HE EXPECTED TO DRESS,
AND HOW I EXPECTED TO DRESS,
AND WE COORDINATED TO THE POINT
WHERE I KNEW EACH PIECE
OF CLOTHING I HAD TO BRING,
DOWN TO THE SPICE GIRLS NECKLACE
I PLAN TO WEAR SATURDAY
MORNING FOR BREAKFAST,
BECAUSE WE AGREED
TO KEEP IT WHIMSICAL.
SO, NOT YOUR JONAS
SALK NECKLACE.
I'M TRYING TO BECOME AS
GOOD A PLANNER AS YOU.
SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
TO WEAR ON THE DRIVE.
I WANNA LOOK GOOD, OBVIOUSLY,
BUT NOT TOO GOOD THAT IT
STEPS ON MY NIGHT OUTFIT.
I ALSO WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE.
WHAT'S HE WEARING?
A JOGGING SUIT?
YEAH. THEN AFTER, HE AND
PAULIE ARE HITTING THE BADA BING.
YOUR POINT BEING,
IT'S NOT A RUNNING SUIT.
RIGHT.
AND TONIGHT'S A DRESS?
AND, UH, MY CASHMERE
COAT AND HAT.
YOUR STRETCHY JEANS AND
YOUR BUNNY RANCH T-SHIRT.
COMFORT AND
RAUNCH, I LOVE IT. GOOD.
SO, UM, HOW ARE YOU GUYS
WORKING THE LOGISTICS TONIGHT?
I AM GOING TO STUDY AT SCHOOL,
THEN GOING STRAIGHT TO
GRANDMA'S FROM THERE.
JESS IS DRIVING
STRAIGHT FROM WORK,
AND THEN HE'S DRIVING ME HOME.
HUH? HOME HERE?
YEAH, HE'S GONNA
DROP ME OFF HERE.
WELL, I, UH, GUESS
THAT MAKES SENSE.
I THOUGHT SO.
ALTHOUGH, HMM, I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT?
ARE YOU SURE THAT'S
THE BEST WAY TO DO IT?
YEAH. WHY?
WELL, IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE
COMING HOME TO AN EMPTY HOUSE.
THAT'S YOUR DOING, NOT MINE.
IT MIGHT BE LONELY HERE.
DID YOU THINK ABOUT
STAYING AT MOM'S?
OVERNIGHT?
YEAH. THEY'VE GOT THOSE
FANCY BEDS THAT DON'T SAG,
AND YOU'RE GUARANTEED
A GREAT NORMA DESMOND-STYLE
BREAKFAST NEXT MORNING.
YOU DON'T HAVE SCHOOL,
WORKS OUT PERFECTLY.
I'D RATHER JUST COME HOME.
OK, SURE.
BUT YOU KNOW, STAYING
AT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S
WOULD ALSO MEAN THAT
JESS WOULDN'T HAVE TO
GO OUT OF HIS WAY
AT THE END OF THE
NIGHT TO DROP YOU OFF.
IT WOULD BE MORE
CONVENIENT FOR HIM.
OUR HOUSE IS TWO-TENTHS
OF A MILE OUT OF HIS WAY.
SURE HE'LL HAVE ENOUGH GAS?
I'LL MAKE SURE.
BUT IF YOU CAN'T
GET A HOLD OF HIM,
IT MIGHT BE SAFER TO
PLAN ON STAYING AT MOM'S.
IF YOU RUN OUT OF
GAS, YOU'RE STUCK
AND AT THE MERCY OF THE ORCS.
MOM, WHY ARE YOU SO FREAKED?
THIS IS NOT FREAKED.
IS IT BECAUSE YOU WON'T
BE HERE AND HE WILL?
UH, IT MIGHT HAVE
CROSSED MY MIND.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED
ABOUT HAPPENING?
WELL, WHAT YOU GUYS
WERE ON THE ON-RAMP FOR
UP AT LUKE'S THE OTHER DAY.
YOUR BASIC BOY-GIRL STUFF,
ESPECIALLY THIS
NEW-BOY-YOU-GIRL STUFF.
THE BOY IS DIFFERENT,
BUT I'M STILL ME.
THAT HASN'T CHANGED.
WELL, I KNOW.
AND I HAVE SO MUCH ON MY MIND.
SO MANY THINGS
GOING ON IN MY LIFE
THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE
TIME TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
NO THINKING, AT ALL?
NONE, I SWEAR.
MMM-HMM? SURE. SURE.
AND WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING
TOGETHER, YOU AND ME, REMEMBER?
SO IT'S NOT LIKE
SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN
THAT YOU WON'T KNOW ABOUT.
GOOD.
THAT'S ALEX. COME ON.
YOU KNOW, YOU
DIDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE.
I FEEL KIND OF DUMB
BEING IN MY UNIFORM
WHEN I'M NOT IN SCHOOL.
BUT YOU LOOK DARLING IN IT.
I'M GOING TO MISS IT
WHEN YOU GO TO COLLEGE.
I AM, TOO, IN A WAY.
I MEAN, I LIKE NOT
HAVING TO THINK ABOUT
WHAT I'M GOING TO WEAR.
YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF YEARS
TO STRESS YOURSELF
OUT ABOUT THAT.
I'M SORRY HE'S LATE.
WE'RE FINE, DINNER WILL KEEP.
I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE
THINGS TO BE PUNCTUAL.
THERE WAS A BIG
TIE-UP ON THE 84 EARLIER,
HE'S PROBABLY SMACK-DAB
IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY HIM ON HIS
CELL PHONE, SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE.
REALLY?
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN THEM.
WELL, I FIND THAT REFRESHING.
TECHNOLOGY IS
ENCROACHING TOO FAST
ON EVERY ASPECT
OF LIFE, IF YOU ASK ME.
IT'S GETTING TO THE POINT
WHERE PEOPLE WILL WANT ROBOTS
TO CARRY THEM
FROM PLACE TO PLACE.
THERE HE IS.
WHAT?
SORRY I'M LATE.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
COME IN, COME IN. IT'S COLD OUT.
UH, GRANDMA, THIS IS JESS.
JESS, MY GRANDMOTHER.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SAME HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
OH, THIS IS NEW?
BRAND-NEW.
IT LOOKS BAD, DOES IT HURT?
I'M FINE.
IS THAT WHY YOU WERE LATE?
NO, UH, 84 WAS JAMMED.
WE KNEW THAT, TOO.
THERE WAS SOMETHING
WITH A BIG RIG.
OH, THOSE THINGS
SCARE THE LIFE OUT OF ME.
AND APPARENTLY ALL
THE MEN WHO DRIVE THEM
ARE HOPPED UP ON
BENNIES AND GOOFBALLS.
COME, COME.
HAVE A SEAT AT THE TABLE.
I'LL GO CHECK ON DINNER.
SHOULDN'T WE GO WITH HER?
WERE YOU IN A FIGHT?
DINNER'S WAITING.
JESS, WERE YOU IN A FIGHT?
TOLD YOU IT'S A LONG STORY.
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.
WHY?
LOOK, RORY, I'M ALREADY
IN A CRAPPY MOOD.
TRAFFIC SUCKED, TRAFFIC I HIT,
GOING TO A FUNCTION I DIDN'T
PARTICULARLY WANT TO GO TO,
AND I'M THIRSTY AND I
AM HUNGRY, SO LET'S EAT.
SO, DO WE EAT STANDING UP?
OVER THERE.
THE ROAST LOOKS PERFECT.
OH, JESS, DO YOU EAT
MEAT? I FORGOT TO ASK.
I'M A CARNIVORE.
GOOD. I DON'T SEE
HOW ANYBODY CAN
RESIST EATING MEAT.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TEETH.
THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
DINNER PARTIES
USED TO BE SIMPLE.
NOW EVERY TIME WE GIVE ONE,
I HAVE TO RUN MY MENU DOWN
WITH EVERY PERSON ON THE LIST.
IT'S TIRING.
THIS ONE EATS JUST
ABOUT ANYTHING.
GRANDMA.
SORRY, BUT THE WAY
YOU AND YOUR MOM EAT,
AND THOSE SLIM FIGURES OF YOURS,
IT IS A MEDICAL MARVEL.
THEY SHOULD BE STUDIED.
I DON'T THINK SO.
SO RORY TELLS ME YOU'RE PART OF
THE WAL-MART CORPORATION.
ONLY OUT OF NECESSITY.
THEY SOUND LIKE
WONDERFUL STORES.
OH, YEAH. I WANT
TO BE BURIED THERE.
WE'VE NEVER BEEN INSIDE
ONE, BUT WE OWN THE STOCK.
THANKS FOR THE PAYCHECK.
OH! THAT'S VERY FUNNY.
DID YOU JUST GET IT? HUH?
THE EYE. DID IT JUST HAPPEN?
YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD
EAT THESE SALADS
SO THE ROAST DOESN'T GET COLD.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE SOMETIME
BETWEEN 9:00 LAST NIGHT AND NOW.
HUH? HIS EYE.
YEAH, IT WAS SOMETIME IN THERE.
YOU CAN'T NARROW IT DOWN?
RORY, COME ON.
OH, MY GOD, THERE'S NO SALT
AND PEPPER ON THIS TABLE.
WE'LL NEED IT FOR THE MEAT.
THESE PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED
TO BE TRAINED BEFORE I GET THEM,
BUT GOD KNOWS
THAT'S NEVER THE CASE.
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME THE
TRUTH. THAT'S MY PROBLEM.
I DON'T WANNA GET INTO IT HERE.
IT'S OBVIOUS WHY.
OH, IS IT?
YOU GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH DEAN.
UNBELIEVABLE.
IS THAT IT?
IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO DEAN.
BECAUSE YOU BRING IT THERE.
YOU BROUGHT UP DEAN.
'CAUSE YOU GOT
INTO A FIGHT WITH HIM.
WHY ARE YOU PRESSING THIS? WHY?
I'M TRYING TO MAKE SOME KIND OF
POSITIVE IMPRESSION ON YOUR GRANDMA,
PER YOUR REQUEST,
AND YOU'RE FORCING
ME TO DO OTHERWISE.
AND WHAT THE HELL ARE
RAISINS DOING IN A SALAD?
WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEAVE
WELL ENOUGH ALONE?
WELL, IN THAT WHOLE SPEECH,
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU DENY IT.
WE'VE GOT GREAT
CHOICES ON THE PRIME RIB.
HOW DO YOU LIKE
YOUR PRIME RIB, JESS?
COOKED.
HE'S NOT PICKY, GRANDMA.
GOOD, THAT'LL MAKE IT EASIER.
SO, WHAT DID I MISS?
NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I
SPEAK TO JESS FOR A SECOND?
WE CAN GO TO THE STUDY.
WE'RE EATING.
WELL, I WANT TO TALK.
YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE RUDE
TO YOUR GRANDMA, RORY.
I CAN LEAVE THE ROOM
FOR A MINUTE IF YOU WANT.
NO, GRANDMA,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I TOLD YOU NOTHING
HAPPENED AT PATTY'S,
BUT YOU JUST
WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU HAD TO GET INTO A
FIGHT WITH DEAN TONIGHT,
RIGHT BEFORE MEETING MY
GRANDMA. IT'S A DISASTER.
I DID NOT FIGHT WITH DEAN.
BULL.
BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT.
I'M GONNA FIND OUT EVENTUALLY,
SO WHY KEEP IT FROM ME?
WHAT IF DEAN HAD PUNCHED
ME, AND I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF?
YOU'RE NOT EVEN CONSIDERING THE
POSSIBILITY THAT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED?
DEAN WOULDN'T DO THAT.
OH, NO. HE MIGHT GET HIS
BIG WHITE STETSON DIRTY.
YOU'RE BEING A JERK
TO MY GRANDMA, TOO.
HEY, I'M DOING MY BEST. IF THAT
MEANS I'M A JERK, THAT'S WHAT I AM.
I DIDN'T EVEN WANNA COME.
NO ONE MADE YOU.
YOU MADE ME.
NOW I'VE SEEN IT ALL.
YOU EMBARRASSED
ME IN FRONT OF HER.
THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT.
SO HAVE I?
IF YOU'RE GONNA HARP
ON THIS, I'M LEAVING.
OH, GREAT. SO NOW I HAVE
TO EXPLAIN TO MY GRANDMA
WHY MY BOYFRIEND, WHO
SHOWED UP A HALF-HOUR LATE,
WITH A BLACK EYE,
IS WALKING OUT?
WELL, YOU LIKE MAKING
UP STORIES IN YOUR HEAD,
SO THAT SHOULD BE EASY FOR YOU.
IS HE FETCHING
SOMETHING FROM HIS CAR?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HE LEFT.
YEAH, HE LEFT.
WELL, YOU CAN
TAKE SOME PRIME RIB
BACK FOR HIM, IF YOU WANT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY THE GIRLS
HAVE SOME DINNER, HUH?
SO, GOOD. GOOD SHOW.
YEAH. ALEX, THANK YOU FOR
GETTING US THOSE TICKETS.
GREAT PRODUCTION VALUE.
OH, AMAZING, THE WAY THEY
DO LIGHTING ON THESE THINGS.
IT'S MAGICAL.
YEAH, IT'S MAGICAL.
THIS IS THE WORST PIECE
OF CRAP I'VE EVER SEEN.
WHAT?
I SAW MOOSE MURDERS.
THIS STINKS WORSE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS ME.
I WAS DYING IN THERE.
EVERY SONG WAS THE SAME.
SAME 2 NOTES.
HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
♪ I FEEL SO VERY BAD,
YET I FEEL SO VERY SAD ♪
♪ I'M MAD, I'M SAD,
I'M MAD, I'M SAD ♪
♪ I'M MAD, I'M SAD,
I'M MAD, I'M SAD ♪
I'M SORRY, THAT'S
BETTER, RENT A THEATER.
I SAY WE HIT A BAR,
GET SOME DRINKS,
CONTINUE PLOTTING OUT
THIS MUSICAL YOU'RE WRITING.
COOL. WE'LL NEED PENS AND PAPER.
JUST MEMORIZE IT.
♪ I'M MAD, I'M SAD,
I'M MAD, I'M SAD ♪
WE'LL GRAB A CAB.
HEY, THAT FITS RIGHT IN.
YOU'RE NICE.
I TRY.
WHO ARE YOU EXPECTING?
OH, RORY. NOT THAT
I'M EXPECTING A CALL,
BECAUSE IT COULD
MEAN SOMETHING BAD,
SO, NOT GETTING
CALLS IS PROBABLY BEST.
PROBABLY.
I'M GONNA GIVE HER A CALL.
ON THE DRIVE DOWN HERE,
YOU ASKED ME TO STOP YOU
FROM CALLING RORY
FOR THE WRONG REASON.
I LEFT THE IRON ON.
SHE'LL TURN IT OFF.
SHE'S GOT THIS BOY.
I KNOW.
I SHOULDN'T CALL HER.
IT'S UP TO YOU.
HEY, GUYS, WE'VE GOT A CAB,
AND THE DRIVER LIKES OUR SONG.
PUTTING AWAY PHONE NOW.
GOOD GIRL.
HELLO?
GOOD MORNING.
HEY! IT'S EARLY. WHY ARE
YOU CALLING SO EARLY?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. I MUST HAVE
SCREWED UP THE TIME DIFFERENCE.
WHAT TIME IS IT THERE?
THE SAME TIME IT IS THERE.
OH, SORRY.
HOW'S IT GOING?
GOOD. LOT OF WALKING. HAD PIZZA
AT JOHN'S, AND WROTE A MUSICAL.
GOOD FOR YOU.
WE PLAYED THE SAME
DEAN MARTIN SONG 25 TIMES.
PEOPLE STARTED COMPLAINING.
SO WE PICKED NEW
YORK MINING DISASTER,
AND THEY BEGGED
FOR DEAN MARTIN BACK.
SOUNDS FUN.
SO, HOW DID THE DINNER GO?
UH, NOT WELL. FAR FROM WELL.
WHAT?
I'M AT GRANDMA'S.
YOU STAYED THE NIGHT?
YEP.
WHAT DID SHE DO?
DID SHE MAKE YOU STAY
BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT
JESS DRIVING YOU HOME?
SHE'S SO UNTRUSTING.
AND TO RUIN THIS
DINNER, I'LL KILL HER.
NO. GRANDMA WAS GREAT THE WHOLE
TIME, EVEN THOUGH JESS WAS LATE.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
SHE WAS A SAINT.
STAYING OVER WAS MY IDEA.
WHY?
JESS AND I GOT INTO THE
MOST HORRIBLE FIGHT OF MY LIFE
AND IT WAS...
OH! I CAN'T EVEN SAY.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
HE SHOWED UP
WITH A BIG BLACK EYE.
A BLACK GUY?
EYE. A BLACK EYE.
HE GOT INTO A FIGHT.
WITH WHO? DEAN?
HE WOULDN'T SAY, BUT YES.
AND HE WAS ALL
STANDOFFISH ABOUT IT,
AND THINGS GOT WORSE, AND WORSE,
AND HE WALKED
OUT. IT WAS HORRIBLE.
WOW. HONEY, I'M
SORRY. ARE YOU OK?
I'M UPSET BUT I'M OK.
OH, I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU UP.
HOW ABOUT SOME BREAKFAST?
SURE.
IS THAT JESS?
NO, IT'S MOM.
HEY, PUT HER ON.
SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
BYE.
SEE YOU TONIGHT.
HELLO?
MOM. HI, LISTEN.
RORY KIND OF EXPLAINED
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT,
AND HOW YOU WERE
REALLY GREAT ABOUT IT.
I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
ALL THE DETAILS,
BUT I'M SURE IT ALL COULD
HAVE BEEN WAY WORSE,
AND YOU KEEPING
YOUR COOL LIKE THAT
WAS REALLY, REALLY NICE.
THANKS.
HOW CAN YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTER BE
WITH THAT ABOMINABLE THUG?
FIRST HE ARRIVES LATE.
HOW DISRESPECTFUL IS THAT?
THEN HE'S RUDE TO
RORY, RUDE TO ME.
OH, AND THAT ATTITUDE,
I WANTED TO SLAP THAT
MONOSYLLABIC MOUTH OF HIS.
AND GOD FORBID THEY'RE IN
ANOTHER ACCIDENT TOGETHER
OR HIS HEAP OF A
CAR BREAKS DOWN,
AND LORD JIM HAS DECIDED
CELL PHONES ARE BENEATH HIM,
THEY'RE STRANDED IN
THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
HOW CAN YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?
HE HAD A BLACK EYE.
HE BELONGS IN JAIL.
♪
YO! DUDE, THAT'S DISRESPECTFUL.
WE'RE EARLY. LET'S
GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
SURE. WHAT DO WE WANT?
I'VE ONLY GOT $3.
YOU'VE ALWAYS ONLY GOT $3.
WHAT IS IT, YOU GO TO AN A.T.M.
THAT GIVES OUT ONLY $3 AT A TIME?
LET'S JUST PICK.
WELL, I'M SICK OF BURGERS.
SO IF IT COULD BE A PLACE
THAT HAS MORE THAN BURGERS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
A $3 SUSHI PLACE?
DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SUSHI.
GUYS, SHUT UP AND BE
COOL, DON'T SAY A THING.
WHAT? WHY?
MRS. KIM, HELLO.
DAVID. DAVID.
MRS. KIM, YOU'RE LANE'S MOM?
HOW DO YOU KNOW LANE?
SHE'S A GREAT...
GIRL. WE ALL THINK SO.
WHO ARE YOU? WHAT IS ALL THIS?
DAVID, WHO ARE ALL
THESE UNWASHED BOYS?
WELL, SEE, ZACK AND BRIAN
HERE PLAY IN A COMBO WITH ME
WHEN I DON'T PLAY SOLO.
A COMBO.
A CHRISTIAN COMBO.
OH, GOOD. JUST A
GUITAR CAN SOUND THIN.
WELL, THAT'S WHY WE
PLAY MUSIC TOGETHER.
THE LIGHT'S TURNED,
WE SHOULD GET...
WAIT. I WANT TO WARN
YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.
YES?
ABOUT LANE. SHE
HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.
SHE DOES?
I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW. SHE'S
A GOOD GIRL, BUT FLIGHTY SOMETIMES.
BE CAREFUL AROUND HER. I
KNOW YOU'RE A SERIOUS BOY.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE SHOCKED.
OH, NO. THANK YOU, I'LL BE
VERY CAREFUL, I PROMISE.
OK. MAYBE I'LL BOOK
YOUR COMBO SOMETIME.
MIX IT UP A LITTLE.
IT WOULD BE OUR
PLEASURE. RIGHT, GUYS?
YEAH. SURE.
DON'T SPEED.
OK, SO, UH, WHERE
DO WE WANNA EAT?
HEY.
HEY, THERE. SEE THOSE FLIERS?
APPARENTLY I CLICKED
MY HEELS FOR JOY
AFTER ONE OF HER SONGS.
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
ME, NEITHER. CAN I TALK TO YOU?
OH, YEAH. WHAT'S WRONG?
THIS WHOLE FRIEND THING
WITH US ISN'T GOING TO WORK
IF WE'RE NOT HONEST
WITH EACH OTHER.
I AGREE.
OK. SO ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
CORN'S 2 FOR A DOLLAR?
JESS HAS A BLACK EYE.
OH, YEAH?
ANY IDEA WHERE HE GOT IT?
THAT WOULD BE AN
EXTREMELY LONG LIST.
IT WASN'T YOU?
WASN'T ME.
SWEAR? I SWEAR.
DID HE SAY IT WAS ME?
NO, HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
HE'S LESS TALKATIVE THAN SOME.
YES. SORRY, I HAVE...
I HAVE NO IDEA.
LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
LIKE TALKING ABOUT HIM.
I KNOW, SORRY. I...
I SHOULD GET BACK TO WORK.
OK.
SORRY I COULDN'T
SOLVE THE MYSTERY.
ME, TOO.
WHOA! WHAT?
Y-YOU'RE PETEY THE DOG.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
IS THAT WHY YOU SNUCK IN?
I DID NOT SNEAK IN.
CAN WE GET BACK TO WORK HERE?
FINE. START CLEARING SOME STUFF.
WHEN DID YOU GET
INTO A FIGHT WITH DEAN?
WASN'T IN A FIGHT WITH DEAN.
WHERE'S THAT COMING
FROM? I JUST ASKED.
I'M SICK OF EVERYONE
MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.
SO IT WASN'T DEAN.
NO.
IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY? YES.
YOU WENT TO RORY'S GRANDMOTHER'S
YESTERDAY, SHE PUNCH YOU?
STOP.
WHERE'D YOU GET IT? SANTA CLAUS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME?
THAT'S RIGHT.
HELLO.
HI, RORY. HANG ON
A SECOND. IT'S RORY.
I'M NOT HERE.
WHAT?
GET A CLUE, I DON'T
WANT TO TALK.
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO RORY?
HEY, RORY, H-HE JUST
WENT SOMEPLACE.
YEAH, I'LL TELL HIM. BYE.
COME ON.
HEY.
WHAT IS THIS?
LOOK, YOU'RE MY RESPONSIBILITY.
YOU'RE EXHIBITING SIGNS
OF VIOLENT BEHAVIOR.
AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK.
YOU WON'T LEAVE
TILL YOU TELL ME.
WHERE'D YOU GET THE BLACK EYE?
YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT ANYWAY.
TRY ME, TOUGH GUY.
A SWAN.
EXCUSE ME?
I WAS ATTACKED BY A SWAN.
OK, YOU HAPPY?
A STUPID SWAN.
NOW HOW ABOUT THE REAL STORY?
THAT IS THE REAL STORY.
IT HANGS OUT BY LARSON'S DOCK.
I WAS JUST WALKING BY,
AND THE THING CAME OUT
OF NOWHERE, AND BAM!
IT BEAKED ME RIGHT IN THE EYE.
IT "BEAKED" YOU.
YOU STILL DON'T BELIEVE ME.
I'VE JUST NEVER HEARD ANYONE USE
THE WORD "BEAKED"
AS A VERB BEFORE.
NO, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
THAT STUPID BIRD ATTACKED ME.
HE COULD HAVE BLINDED ME.
IT'S A VICIOUS, VICIOUS BIRD.
FINE. FORGET IT.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M GONNA DO A LITTLE
BEAKING OF MY OWN.
JESS, NOT THE LADLE,
THAT'S A BRAND-NEW LADLE.
TAKE THE BASTER.
I DON'T SEE A SWAN.
PUT YOUR OARS DOWN.
THEY DON'T LIKE OARS?
JUST LAY LOW, IT'LL COME.
DOES IT ACT ALL
PEACEFUL AND BAMBI-LIKE,
AND THEN SUDDENLY ATTACK,
LIKE THE RABBIT IN MONTY PYTHON?
YOUR VOICE IS PROBABLY
SCARING IT AWAY.
SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THE
BLACK EYE TO THE GILMORES?
I DIDN'T. THE WHOLE
NIGHT SUCKED.
I'M GLAD IT'S BEHIND ME.
BEHIND YOU? YOU'VE
GOT NOTHING BEHIND YOU.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU HAVE PLENTY MORE
EVENTS LIKE THAT IN YOUR FUTURE.
NO WAY.
WHEN YOU DATE A GIRL LIKE RORY,
YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH
HER WHOLE FAMILY.
JUST LIKE THAT
LAST GIRL YOU DATED,
Y-YOU WERE INVOLVED
WITH HER PETRI DISH.
AT LEAST SHE WAS
EASY TO FIGURE OUT.
AND YOU WERE BORED FROM DAY ONE.
I'M DATING RORY, NOT HER FAMILY.
ALL THESE PEOPLE COME IN
A PACKAGE WITH THIS GIRL.
THE MOTHER COMES WITH THIS GIRL,
THE GRANDMOTHER
COMES WITH THIS GIRL.
AND APPARENTLY A
BUNCH OF OTHERS.
EVERYBODY SHE'S EVER
MET, INCLUDING DEAN.
SHE PICKED YOU.
GOD KNOWS WHY.
SHE KNOWS, THAT'S
ALL THAT MATTERS.
JESS, BEING JEALOUS OF DEAN...
I'M NOT JEALOUS OF DEAN.
BEING JEALOUS OF
DEAN IS POINTLESS.
YOU'RE JUST GOING
TO DRIVE RORY AWAY.
YOU WANNA HAVE A
RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN TO OPEN
UP YOUR MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING.
GIVE IT A REST, DR. PHIL.
YOU CAN'T SHUT DOWN.
YOU CAN'T AVOID HER CALLS.
I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK.
WHEN WILL YOU WANNA TALK?
I DON'T KNOW.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? JUST KEEP
AVOIDING HER AND NEVER TAKE HER CALLS?
SHE'LL FIND ME EVENTUALLY.
IF SHE KEEPS LOOKING FOR YOU.
I'M NOT GONNA BE
A WUSS LIKE DEAN.
DEAN HAD THAT GIRL FOR 2 YEARS.
YOU HAVE A LITTLE
FIGHT AFTER 2 MONTHS,
YOU WALK OUT, AND IT'S OVER?
I DON'T CARE.
FINE. YOU DON'T
CARE. THAT'S OBVIOUS.
SHH.
IS THAT THE ONE?
THAT'S IT. WATCH IT.
I'M WATCHING IT.
IT'S PRETTY.
SHH!
IS IT GONNA DOUBLE BACK?
MAYBE.
IT'S LULLING US
INTO COMPLACENCY.
HE'S VICIOUS.
ITS BUTT'S TERRIFYING.
IT'S OUTNUMBERED.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
IT KNOWS THERE'S TWO OF US.
SO YOU WANT ME
TO GET UNDERWATER,
SWIM ALONG AND BREATHE
THROUGH A STRAW?
FORGET IT.
MAYBE IT'S GONNA
GET ANOTHER SWAN,
COME BACK AND MAKE
A FIGHT OF IT, HUH?
FORGET IT.
HE'S NOT EVEN
CALLING YOU BACK, HUH?
NO. I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO.
DAVE AND I HAVE
NEVER HAD A FIGHT,
BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T
REALLY TRULY BEGUN DATING,
SO I HAVE NO
PERSPECTIVE ON THIS.
YOU BETTER HURRY UP
AND START HAVING
BAD BOY TROUBLES
SO I CAN GET SOME FEEDBACK.
HEY. HI, GUYS.
HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
I THINK IT'S GOING A LITTLE
WEIRD TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
WEIRD, WHY?
WE NEED TO GET
SOMETHING OUT IN THE OPEN.
DEFINITELY.
WE RAN INTO YOUR MOM.
MY MOM?
OH, BOY.
WE'RE AWARE THERE'S A SITUATION
HERE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING.
WE SHOULD GET IT OUT
OR IT'LL GET WEIRDER.
I GUESS SO.
WE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING
BY HIDING IT, GUYS.
WHAT PISSES US OFF IS THAT
YOU FELT YOU HAD TO HIDE IT.
REALLY?
YEAH. DAVE, YOU'RE A
CHRISTIAN, SO WHAT? THAT'S COOL.
IT'S NOTHING TO HIDE.
CHRISTIANS CAN STILL ROCK.
THEY CAN?
YEAH, YEAH, DAVE. CHRISTIANS
CAN STILL ROCK, DON'T HIDE IT.
MARSHALL STACKS DON'T KNOW
CHRISTIANS FROM ATHEISTS.
GOSH, I JUST WASN'T SURE
IF YOU GUYS WOULD BE
ACCEPTING OF MY DEVOUTNESS.
DAVE, IT'S A PART OF YOU AND WE
THINK YOU'RE COOL, SO IT'S COOL.
GREAT. THANKS, GUYS.
BUT NO WAY ARE WE
PLAYING CREED, MAN.
OH, NO. OF COURSE NOT.
OR AMY GRANT. WE
DRAW THE LINE THERE.
THIS IS VERY
ACCEPTING OF YOU GUYS.
WE'LL PLAY THAT GIG
FOR YOUR MOM, IF IT PAYS.
OH, MRS. KIM PAYS, UH,
SHE'S VERY GOOD ABOUT THAT.
THAT'S MY MOM. I'M
GLAD THIS ALL WORKED.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
HEY!
OH, MY LITTLE DAUGHTER.
I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
THANKS FOR BRINGING
HER BACK IN ONE PIECE.
NO PROBLEM.
I'M VERY WEAK.
SHE HASN'T EATEN IN A WHILE.
I TOLD YOU TO KEEP
TO A FEEDING SCHEDULE.
I'M DRIFTING. DRIFTING.
SHE WANTED TO HAVE
DINNER WITH YOU.
THAT'S SWEET. MUST
HAVE FOOD NOW.
I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
THANKS.
BYE.
YOU'RE NOT FOOD.
REVIVE HER. I WILL.
I'M GONNA RUN AND GET TAKE-OUT.
MAKE LIKE THE WIND.
CAN YOU MAKE IT TO THE DOOR?
I'LL STRUGGLE.
RORY?
OH, HEY. HEY.
YOUR MOM HOME?
I'M BRINGING SUPPLIES.
SHOULD HAVE
BROUGHT A MULE. WHAT?
A PACK MULE. TO CARRY IT.
OH, YEAH.
SO... SORRY I MISSED YOUR CALLS.
YOU'RE ALWAYS OUT.
YEAH. I WAS GETTING READY
TO CALL YOU JUST NOW,
BUT YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT.
IRONIC.
YEAH.
SO, I KNOW THERE WAS
NO FIGHT WITH DEAN.
REALLY? HOW?
YOU ASKED DEAN.
IT WAS THE ONLY THING
I COULD THINK TO DO.
GO TO THE SOURCE.
YEAH. I'M SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.
IT'S OK. I WOULD HAVE
DOUBTED ME, TOO.
I NEED TO TRUST YOU
AS MUCH AS I TRUST...
HIM? YEAH.
THIS BLACK EYE
SCREWED EVERYTHING UP.
YEAH.
NEXT TIME I GO TO YOUR
GRANDMA'S, I'LL NOT HAVE ONE.
NEXT TIME?
NEXT TIME.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
I... I DON'T...
COME ON. IT WASN'T
DEAN. YOU CAN SAY.
WILL THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?
YES, VERY.
OK, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH
SINCE WE'RE BOTH SO
INTO THE TRUTH TONIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT GOOD
RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT. RIGHT?
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO PROMISE
NOT TO MOCK ME, EVER.
AND PLEASE DON'T
TELL ANYONE ELSE.
PROMISE.
I WAS THROWING A FOOTBALL WITH
A BUDDY AND GOT HIT IN THE EYE.
YOU POOR THING.
YEAH.
BUT THAT'S NOT EMBARRASSING.
YEAH, NOW THAT YOU
MENTION IT, IT'S NOT.
I HAVE TO GO.
DON'T GO.
I DON'T WANT TO.
THEN DON'T. LET'S GO SOMEWHERE.
I'VE GOT TAKE-OUT.
I'LL REIMBURSE YOU.
MY MOM'S WAITING.
KEEP THINKING WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING.
I HAVE NO CHOICE.
MOM?
HMM? IS THAT YOU, RHETT?
I BRING FOOD.
OH, THANK GOD, ONE
OF EVERYTHING AT AL'S.
BLESS YOU AND YOUR GLUTTONY.
AREN'T YOU HUNGRY?
YEAH.
WELL, COME ON, DIG IN.
WHAT'S WRONG?
NOTHING.
UM, LISTEN.
I'M LISTENING.
W-WHEN I SAID BEFORE
THAT I WAS TOO BUSY
TO THINK ABOUT IT,
I REALIZED NOW THAT I'M NOT
TOO BUSY TO THINK ABOUT IT.
THINK ABOUT IT?
ABOUT "IT."
OH, "IT."
YEAH, "IT."
HA, HA. "IT."
NOTHING'S HAPPENED YET,
BUT IT MIGHT. MAYBE.
MAYBE?
MAYBE.
WITH JESS.
WITH JESS.
YOU STILL WANT ME TO TELL
YOU EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
YEAH. UH, NO, WELL...
WHICH IS IT?
WE'RE DOING THIS NOW.
YES. WHICH IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'LL LET ME KNOW?
YEAH.
WAS THAT, YEAH,
YOU'LL LET ME KNOW,
OR THAT'S YOUR ANSWER,
YOU WANT TO KNOW?
I GUESS I WANT TO KNOW, YES.
AND NOW, SURE.
WELL, NOTHING'S HAPPENED.
I HEARD.
BUT IT MIGHT.
OK.
COULD YOU JUST TELL
ME BEFORE IT DOES?
RIGHT BEFORE, OR...
NO, JUST... JUST BEFORE.
OK.
OK, GOOD.
IS THAT IT?
FOR TONIGHT, YEAH.
GOOD.
THIS... THIS IS GOOD.
YEAH, IT IS GOOD.
OK, WELL, LET'S EAT.
GOOD.
WITH A WAVE OF HER REGAL HAND,
NOT EVEN A WORD.
JUST A...
LIKE I'M HER CABANA BOY.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, INSTEAD
OF JUST WALKING OUT OF THE ROOM,
SHE'LL MAKE ME BOW AND BACK OUT.
IMPERIOUS ATTITUDE.
SHE NEVER GIVES IT A REST.
I SCHLEPPED HER TO THE
DOCTOR THE OTHER DAY,
BY COMMAND, NOT REQUEST,
AND THE ELEVATOR
OPERATOR THERE GREETED US,
NICE AND FRIENDLY.
HER DOCTOR'S ON THE 2ND FLOOR.
AND BY THE TIME WE GOT THERE,
THAT OPERATOR WAS IN TEARS.
WHEW!
WHAT?
WELL, MOM, YOU JUST DID 20
STRAIGHT MINUTES ON GRAN.
IT WASN'T 20 MINUTES.
IT WAS GETTING THERE.
HOW ABOUT A MORATORIUM
ON THE GRAN STORIES FOR A BIT?
FINE. I'D RATHER NOT SPOIL
THE MEAL WITH TALK OF HER.
GOOD.
I SHOULD JUST WASH MY HANDS.
OK.
WE'LL WAIT.
I MEAN, OF HER.
OH, GOOD. WASH THOSE HANDS.
SHE SUCKS HER OLIVE PITS.
SHORT MORATORIUM.
TRYING TO EXTRACT EVERY
LAST OUNCE OF FLAVOR
OUT OF THEM LIKE
SHE DOES PEOPLE.
SHE SUCKS FLAVOR OUT OF PEOPLE?
CAN WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT?
LIFE, NOT FLAVOR.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT GRAN NEEDS?
WHAT? A FELLA.
WITH OR WITHOUT AN UMBRELLA.
HE'D HAVE TO LOOK LIKE AN
OLIVE PIT TO GET HER ATTENTION.
LIKE A DEAN MARTIN ROAST.
THOSE AREN'T FUNNY TO ME.
YEAH, THEY'RE MEAN.
EXCEPT FOR DON RICKLES.
TOTALLY. EXCEPT FOR RICKLES.
I THINK SHE DID HAVE
A MAN FOR A TIME
SQUIRING HER AROUND
TO HER BIDDY AFFAIRS.
RICHARD THOUGHT SO,
TOO, AND IT HORRIFIED HIM.
DIDN'T WANT A NEW DADDY, HUH?
AND THEN HE SEEMED
SUDDENLY OUT OF THE PICTURE.
GREAT-GRANDMA
NEVER TALKED OF HIM?
NEVER. EVEN THOUGH I COULD TELL
PRACTICALLY THE DAY
SHE STOPPED SEEING HIM.
THOSE KINDS OF THINGS
ARE ALWAYS OBVIOUS.
YEAH, I GUESS.
WHEN A COUPLE IS
IN A RELATIONSHIP
AND THEN SUDDENLY ISN'T.
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
IS SHE STILL LOOKING?
YUP.
RIGHT. UH, YOU KNOW, GRANDMA,
DID I MENTION THAT UNFORTUNATELY
I'M NOT WITH DEAN ANYMORE?
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
WELL, I'M NOT.
WELL, YES. I'VE KNOWN
FOR WEEKS, ACTUALLY,
BUT IT'S GOOD THAT
YOU CONFIRMED IT.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
WELL, YOU ABRUPTLY STOPPED
MENTIONING HIM 11 DINNERS AGO,
SO I FIGURED THAT WAS THE CASE.
11 DINNERS. YOU KEPT COUNT?
11.
11.
WELL, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T
TELL YOU, GRANDMA.
I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE.
I MEAN, WHAT IF I'D
INVITED DEAN TO AN EVENT
AND YOU WERE NO LONGER WITH HIM
AND THAT'S HOW I FOUND OUT?
IT WOULD'VE BEEN EMBARRASSING.
WHAT SORT OF EVENT WOULD
YOU HAVE INVITED DEAN TO?
I... I DON'T KNOW. A WEDDING.
FOR WHO?
A MUTUAL FRIEND OR SOMETHING.
YOU AND DEAN HAVE
MUTUAL FRIENDS IN COMMON
THAT RORY AND I DON'T?
WHO'D THAT BE, THE TALBOTS,
OR THAT SENIOR PARTNER
AT DELOITTE & TOUCHE?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.
IT'S ALWAYS BEST TO TELL
EACH OTHER MAJOR LIFE EVENTS
SO THAT THERE'S NO AWKWARDNESS.
WELL, GRANDMA, I PROBABLY
ALSO FAILED TO MENTION
THAT I'M SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.
WHO? JESS.
JESS?
LUKE'S NEPHEW.
LUKE FROM THE DINER?
OH, I SEE.
WELL, AM I GOING TO
GET TO MEET HIM SOON?
OH, I... I DON'T KNOW.
YEAH, MOM. THAT MIGHT
BE HARD TO ARRANGE.
WELL, HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
JUST BRING HIM OVER FOR DINNER
SOMETIME. HOW ABOUT NEXT FRIDAY?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
OH, YEAH, MOM. THAT
MIGHT BE HARD TO ARRANGE.
IT'S PERFECT TIMING.
RICHARD WILL BE OUT OF TOWN
AND IT WOULD BE NICE TO
ROUND OFF THE GROUP WITH A 4TH.
HE WORKS FRIDAYS, DOESN'T HE?
YEAH, THAT'S HIS USUAL
NIGHT. FRIDAY NIGHT.
IT'S A BAD NIGHT.
OH, OK.
WELL, I SUPPOSE I'LL
EVENTUALLY MEET HIM SOMEDAY,
AT SOME FUNCTION.
PERHAPS A WEDDING.
OR RORY'S GRADUATION.
THAT'S GOOD.
THAT WAY WE'LL ALL
GET TO MEET HIM AT ONCE.
MYSELF, RICHARD, GRAN.
MAYBE I'LL BRING A COUPLE
OF GIRLS FROM THE D.A.R.
REV. MAHONEY MIGHT
LIKE TO COME ALSO.
YOU KNOW WHAT, GRANDMA,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,
I THINK JESS DOES HAVE
NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT OFF.
REALLY?
LET'S MAKE IT A FOURSOME.
THAT'LL BE NICE.
YEAH, IT WILL BE
NICE, RIGHT, GRANDMA?
VERY NICE. WE'LL HAVE LAMB.
SO, IT'LL BE NICE FOR EVERYBODY?
EVERYBODY WILL BE
NICE TO EVERYBODY?
KEYWORD BEING "NICE"?
YES. VERY NICE.
REALLY, REALLY NICE?
OF COURSE, IT'LL BE NICE.
THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.
GOOD. NICE WILL BE NICE.
AND A NICE NIGHT IT'LL BE.
WELL, NOT SO NICE FOR THE LAMB.
♪
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
OK. SATURDAY MORNING
I'VE GOT A HAIR
APPOINTMENT, NAILS AND JIM.
YOU DON'T GO TO THE GYM.
NO, JIM IS COMING HERE TO
FIX THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
JIM DUNNING, GOT IT.
I ALSO GOT "RESHA PLABA SHAM."
WHAT? NO, NO,
NO. I CAN'T READ IT.
OH. SHOULDN'T YOU
CHANGE YOUR SYSTEM,
GO ELECTRONIC OR SOMETHING?
YOU'RE A BUSY WOMAN.
AH, HEY, MY SYSTEM WORKS.
YEAH, TELL IT TO THE
GUY WHO CALLS BECAUSE
YOU MISSED YOUR "RESHA
PLABA SHAM" APPOINTMENT.
I HATE COORDINATING
SCHEDULES. YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER.
IF WE DON'T WE MAY
NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.
WE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT BEFORE.
WE'RE BUSIER NOW.
LET'S RUN AWAY AND
LEAVE ALL THIS BEHIND.
YOU MEAN OUR HOUSE?
NO, WE'LL TAKE THE HOUSE,
LEAVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
PUT IT ON YOUR LIST.
SO WHAT'S YOUR
DAY LIKE TOMORROW?
HANGING OUT WITH JESS FOR MOST
OF THE DAY, STUDYING AT NIGHT.
COOL. ALEX AND I ARE HAVING
DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
GOOD. THAT'LL MAKE IT NICE
AND QUIET WHEN I STUDY.
I'M THAT LOUD?
YES, WHEN DANCING ABOUT
SINGING RORY'S STUDYING SONGS.
OH, WHAT'S THIS I HAVE
DOWN FOR SUNDAY?
"LATHE BANG TRAFFICKING."
"LANE'S BAND PRACTICING."
UNDERNEATH IT? "NET FRACKS."
"GET SNACKS."
RIGHT. FOR THE BAND.
SEE, SEE, IT WORKS.
SO, UH, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
BRINGING JESS TO DINNER ON FRIDAY?
IT'S AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY.
THERE'LL ONLY BE ONE
GRANDPARENT TO CONTEND WITH.
MAN, THAT WAS SOME STEALTHY LITTLE
MANEUVER SHE PULLED THERE, HUH?
APPLYING THE GUILT OVER NOT
KNOWING ABOUT THE DEAN BREAK-UP,
MAKING YOU ALL WEAK
AND THEN USING THAT
TO GET JESS TO COME
TO DINNER ON FRIDAY.
OH! SHE'S LIKE LYNDON JOHNSON
WITH THE SENATE. EFFORTLESS.
SO, SUNDAY'S FOR US, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I
HAVE YOU DOWN RIGHT HERE.
UM, "COKIE."
GOOD.
HEY, IT'S EARLY. WANNA WATCH
MORE OF THE SUPPLEMENTARY STUFF
ON THE LORD OF THE RINGS D.V.D.?
WELL, IT'S JUST THE DRAWINGS
AND THAT FAT GUY TALKING.
WELL, LET'S WATCH
FOOTLOOSE AGAIN.
YEAH.
HEY, YOU DROPPED
SOME OF YOUR NOTES.
WHO CARES, CAN'T
READ THEM ANYWAY.
DO YOU LOVE IT?
IT'S GREAT.
THE HOLY BARBARIANS.
I MEAN, WHAT A TITLE.
AND IT'S BY A VENICE
BEACH BEATNIK
ABOUT VENICE BEACH BEATNIKS.
AND TO TOP IT OFF, THE BEATNIK WHO
WROTE IT IS THE FATHER OF THE GUY
THAT DOES THOSE ACTORS
STUDIO INTERVIEWS ON T.V.
THE GUY WITH THE BEARD?
YEAH, THE POINTY BEARD.
THAT'S HIS DAD,
WRITING AT HIS DESK.
IT'S WEIRD THAT A
WEIRD BEATNIKKY GUY
HAS A CONSERVATIVE
SON LIKE THAT.
MAYBE HE'S NOT
THAT CONSERVATIVE.
MAYBE AT NIGHT HE, LIKE, TAKES
OFF HIS CLOTHES AND PARTIES.
OH, MAN. NOW GET THAT
PICTURE OUT OF MY HEAD.
IT'S A COOL BOOK,
YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT.
IT IS. THANKS.
I... I'M NOT LENDING
IT, I'M NOT DONE.
WELL, WHY'D YOU SHOW IT TO ME?
I LIKE SHOWING YOU
STUFF I'M READING.
YOU KNEW I'D WANT TO
READ IT. YOU'RE A BOOK TEASE.
YOU'LL GET IT WHEN I'M DONE.
CRUEL WOMAN.
SO, YOU GOING TO WORK NOW?
BACK TO THE SALT MINES.
SO, YOU'RE NOT TIED TO
THE HOURS YOU HAVE, RIGHT?
YOU CAN TRADE IF YOU WANT TO?
THERE'S SOME FLEXIBILITY.
YOU GOT ANY FLEXIBILITY
NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT?
YEAH, WHY?
I THOUGHT YOU COULD
HAVE DINNER WITH US.
US? TO MY GRANDMA'S.
TO MEET YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
YEAH, SHE'LL BE THERE. SO, YEAH.
IT MIGHT BE RUDE NOT TO
INTRODUCE THE TWO OF YOU.
I CAN'T. I GOT TO WORK.
YOU JUST SAID YOU COULD GET OUT.
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT FOR. JESS.
NO.
BUT I ALREADY KIND OF AGREED.
OH, MAN.
SO I'M KIND OF JAMMED HERE.
DOES SHE KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
PERFECT. FIND SOMEBODY WHO
VAGUELY RESEMBLES ME, TAKE HIM.
JUST DON'T KISS HIM GOOD NIGHT.
THAT NOT GOING TO WORK.
ANDY WARHOL DID IT ALL THE TIME.
WE'RE JUST $5 AWAY FROM A DEAL.
THAT'S WORTH $5 AT LEAST.
YOU GILMORES THINK
A LOT OF YOURSELVES.
OK.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
MMM.
MANIPULATOR.
RORY, GET IN HERE.
WHAT?
GET IN HERE NOW, NO QUESTIONS.
OK.
OK. NOW, FOR THOSE
WHO HAVE JUST ARRIVED,
I'M TRYING OUT SOME MATERIAL
FOR MY ONE-WOMAN SHOW,
AND I NEED SOME FEEDBACK.
YOU ARE MY RANDOMLY
PICKED AUDIENCE.
RANDOMLY SHANGHAIED.
IT'S PART STORIES, PART SONGS.
KIND OF LIKE WHAT
ELAINE STRITCH DID
ON BROADWAY, BUT
WITHOUT THE BITTERNESS.
MY WORKING TITLE:
BUCKLE UP, I'M PATTY.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?
AN HOUR?
POOR THING.
IT'S MOSTLY HER AND
KIRK ARGUING ABOUT STUFF.
APPARENTLY HE'S THE DIRECTOR.
PATTY, LET'S TRY ONE
OF YOUR REMINISCENCES.
THAT'S WHAT I'M
LOOKING FOR, KIRK.
SORRY I DIDN'T SAVE YOU.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU
UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY
COULD'VE SAVED ME.
OK, HERE WE GO. OK.
DID YOU KNOW THAT I ONCE
MET THE GREAT BETTE DAVIS?
I WAS A CHORUS GIRL
IN A BUS-AND-TRUCK
TOUR OF GUYS AND DOLLS.
BEANTOWN. I LOVE THAT TOWN.
AND THERE I WAS, ME
AND THE GIRLS BACKSTAGE
AFTER THE SHOW,
AND IN SHE COMES.
AND WHO DOES SHE
WALK RIGHT UP TO
BUT LITTLE OLD ME.
AND SHE SIZED ME UP,
EXHALED SOME SMOKE
FROM THAT WRINKLED
MOUTH OF HERS AND SAID:
"DOLL, YOU DON'T
GOT THE HIGH NOTES,
BUT YOU'VE SURE GOT THE GAMS."
I'LL ALWAYS TREASURE
THAT MOMENT WITH BETTE.
AND I WANT TO DEDICATE
THIS SONG TO HER.
UH, ETHEL, KEY OF "D."
WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO REWRITE THAT.
WHAT?
IT GOT NO RESPONSE.
IT NEEDS A REWRITE.
KIRK, IT'S MY REMINISCENCE.
I CAN'T REWRITE IT.
HOW ABOUT IF SHE SAYS,
"DOLL, YOU'VE GOT THE GAMS,
BUT I'VE GOT A BODY IN
THE TRUNK OF MY CAR"?
WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?
'CAUSE SHE'S A MURDERER.
I THINK IT WORKS.
I'M NOT REWRITING
MY MEMORIES, KIRK.
IT DIED. BUILD A COFFIN FOR IT,
PUT SOME PENNIES ON ITS EYES,
'CAUSE THAT STIFF
AIN'T BREATHING.
WELL, I THINK WE... WE
SHOULD DISCUSS THIS LATER.
GO BACK TO YOUR LIGHT BOOTH.
FINE, START THE SONG.
♪
♪ IT'S A QUARTER TO 03:00 ♪
♪ THERE IS NO ONE IN THE PLACE ♪
♪ EXCEPT YOU AND ME ♪
KIRK, WOULD YOU FIX THIS?
FIX WHAT?
THIS FLASHING!
THAT'S MY CHOICE FOR THIS SONG.
IT'S DISCO.
I'M TRYING TO
SUBVERT EXPECTATIONS.
WELL, DON'T. JUST
GIVE ME A SIMPLE SPOT.
SOMETHING MORE OBVIOUS, GOT IT.
THIS IS A HIT.
IT'LL RUN FOR YEARS.
SOMETHING ON THE
NOSE, EXPECTED. GOT IT.
KIRK!
IT WAS NICE OF YOU
TO STEP IN LIKE THAT.
WELL, SHE COULD
HAVE HURT HERSELF
TRYING TO THROW THE
PODIUM AT HIM LIKE THAT.
I THINK "WORK IN PROGRESS"
IS THE KEY PHRASE.
OH, I THINK SHE TRIES.
THE WOMAN TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING
I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN ABOUT DANCING,
BATON TWIRLING AND GYMNASTICS.
WELL, I'M THIS WAY.
I'M THIS WAY.
SEE YOU LATER. SEE YOU.
YOU KNOW, I KIND OF LIKED
THE BODY-IN-THE-TRUNK THING.
ME, TOO. PEPPIER.
NIGHT. NIGHT.
OH, SORRY.
IT'S OK. IT'S OK.
I CAN JUST SHUT THE DOOR
SO YOU CAN CARRY ON.
NO. WE'VE CARRIED ON ENOUGH.
YEAH, I THINK WE CARRIED
ON PRETTY GOOD HERE.
I'LL CALL YOU ABOUT THE WEEKEND.
OK, BYE. BYE, RORY.
GOOD NIGHT.
WE NEED A SIGNAL.
A KISSING SIGNAL?
SOMETHING TO AVOID THIS?
OK, UH, HOW ABOUT
I SHOOT OFF A FLARE
WHEN I'M OUTSIDE
NECKING WITH THE BOY?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
OR I COULD BANG ON
THE DOOR AND YELL,
"HEY, WE'RE NECKING OUT HERE!"
I STILL SAY WE NEED A SIGNAL.
WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
HEY, LISTEN, ALEX
AND I WERE TALKING
ABOUT GOING TO NEW
YORK NEXT WEEKEND.
FUN. YEAH.
HE'S GOT 4 TICKETS TO A SHOW.
HE'S HEARD ME TALK ABOUT
SOOKIE AND JACKSON SO MUCH,
THAT HE WANTS TO
INVITE THEM, TOO.
IT ISN'T BUCKLE UP, I'M PATTY?
HUH? NOTHING.
WE'D HAVE TO LEAVE FRIDAY DAY.
SO?
MEANING IT'S JUST
YOU AND JESS ALONE
AT DINNER WITH
THE GLORIOUS EMILY.
OH, THAT'S TOTALLY FINE.
ARE YOU SURE?
IT MIGHT EVEN
MAKE THINGS EASIER.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
NOTHING. JUST... IT MIGHT
MAKE IT LESS PRESSURE-PACKED.
SO, I'M LOUD WHEN YOU STUDY
AND MAKE SOCIAL
GATHERINGS WORSE?
OUT OF THE GOODNESS
OF YOUR HEART,
YOU'D BE TRYING TO
SHIELD ME ALL NIGHT.
AND THAT MIGHT
MAKE THINGS WORSE.
OUT OF LOVE.
AND I LOVE YOU. I
HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.
OK, I THINK I GET IT.
I HAVE THE BEST INTENTIONS.
BINGO.
HELLO?
HI.
HEY, HOW WAS WORK?
I TOTED THE BARGE,
LIFTED THE BALE.
WHY, YOU'RE A GREAT BARGE-TOTER,
I CAN ATTEST TO THAT.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
FINE, A LOT OF STUDYING.
OH, YEAH? IS THAT ALL YOU DID?
YEAH, BASICALLY.
BASICALLY.
JESS, WHAT?
HEARD YOU WERE HANGING
OUT WITH DEAN TODAY.
WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?
IT'S ALL OVER TOWN.
WELL, I WAS WITH
HIM FOR A WHILE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"IT'S ALL OVER TOWN"?
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FLIERS?
I'VE BEEN HOME ALL
NIGHT. WHAT FLIERS?
IT SAYS, "PEOPLE
ARE ALREADY RAVING
ABOUT MISS PATTY'S
ONE-WOMAN SHOW."
AND?
JUST SOME BLURBS. ONE SAYS,
"RORY AND DEAN COULDN'T
STOP TALKING ABOUT IT."
WE'RE ON A FLIER?
YOU AND A BUNCH OF OTHERS.
THE MAILMAN SAYS, "EVEN
WITHOUT PROPER POSTAGE,
THIS SHOW DELIVERS."
WELL, SHE'S MAKING THAT
UP. RALPH'S NOT THAT WITTY.
WERE YOU HANGING
OUT THERE WITH DEAN?
I WAS NOT HANGING OUT WITH DEAN.
WE WERE HAULED IN THERE TO
WATCH HER TRY OUT MATERIAL,
AND WE WERE SITTING IN THE
SAME AREA, SO WE TALKED A LITTLE,
AND LEFT AT THE SAME TIME.
THAT WAS IT, IT WAS
ALL BY ACCIDENT.
YEAH?
THIS IS AN OLD SUBJECT, JESS.
YOU KNOW THAT DEAN
AND I ARE FRIENDLY.
I KNOW YOU'RE FRIENDLY. IT DOESN'T
MEAN I DON'T WANT TO PUNCH HIM.
THIS WAS NOT A PLAN.
I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MISS
PATTY, SO WAS HE. THAT'S IT.
THEN YOU TWO SHOULD
PRESS CHARGES.
I THINK WE SHOULD.
JUST...
WHAT?
JUST TELL ME THESE THINGS FIRST,
SO I DON'T HAVE TO READ ABOUT
THEM ON TELEPHONE POLES.
I WILL, I PROMISE.
OK.
OK.
SO HOW'S THE SHOW?
IT'S GONNA NEED
A LOT OF POSTAGE.
WHY DOES IT SAY,
"NOT IN ANY WAY AFFILIATED
WITH KIRK" AT THE BOTTOM?
THEY HAD A SHOW BIZ SPAT.
FILL ME IN.
HELP YOURSELVES TO
DRINKS IN THE FRIDGE, GUYS.
WE'VE GOT CHIPS, PRETZELS.
AND BRIAN, I REMEMBERED
YOUR ALLERGIES
AND GOT YOU THE MELBA TOAST.
THAT'S NICE. THANKS.
WE GOT A LOT DONE TODAY.
WE'VE ALMOST GOT A FULL SET.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE MISSING
IS A STRAIGHT AHEAD LOVE SONG.
YEAH, ALL OUR SONGS ARE
ABOUT PROPERTY DESTRUCTION
AND A GENERAL DISLIKE
OF RIGHT-WING CAUSES.
NOT ONE LOVE SONG, HUH?
I THINK WE CAN ADD ONE
OR 2. THERE ARE GOOD ONES.
BOY! YOU'D THINK LOVE SONGS
ARE ALL YOU AND LANE
WOULD WANT TO PLAY.
MAN!
THIS CRUNCH JUST NOW SOUNDED
LIKE THE DRUM FILL IN BABA O' RILEY.
COOL, WAY TO GO, ZACK.
YEAH, ZACK. MUSICAL
MOUTH, THAT'S AWESOME.
BUT WHY WOULD DAVE AND LANE
WANT TO PLAY JUST LOVE SONGS?
BECAUSE, I WAS JUST THINKING,
YOU KNOW, WITH DAVE'S NAME...
DAVE, YOU'VE GOT THE
LAST 2 LETTERS IN "LOVE."
"V-E." WITH LANE'S
NAME, YOU HAVE THE "L."
Y-YOU JUST DUMP THE "A" AND
ADD AN "O" AND THERE YOU GO.
MAKES SENSE.
TOTALLY.
WE SHOULD PROBABLY
BREAK STUFF DOWN.
I GOT TO GET HOME FOR DINNER.
ONE DAY SOON, YOU
WON'T GO HOME FOR DINNER.
WHAT, I'LL BE DEAD?
NO, WE'LL BE ON TOUR.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
THAT WAS A NEGATIVE
"RIGHT, RIGHT," MAN.
GUYS, I'M SO SORRY,
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
THAT'S OK.
LUCKILY ZACK AND BRIAN
ARE, WELL, ZACK AND BRIAN.
HOW LONG ARE YOU
GONNA KEEP IT A SECRET?
FOR A WHILE. AT
LEAST IT'S EASIER.
YOU SURE IT WOULD BE
SO BAD IF THEY KNEW?
I MEAN, KEEPING THIS SECRET
SEEMS AWFULLY COMPLICATED.
NOT REALLY. WE'VE GOT A SYSTEM.
HMM. SPEAKING
OF WHICH, IT'S 3:18.
WE'LL HAVE THE
STUFF PACKED BY 3:40.
WHAT'S THE SITUATION?
AT 3:40, MY MOM WILL BE ON
HER WAY TO THE YARN STORE
FOR HER BIMONTHLY SEW-A-THON
WITH LACEY SCHWARTZ AND BICK-HO.
THE YARN STORE'S ON PEACH?
PLUM.
THAT CUTS US OFF
FROM OUR USUAL ROUTE.
THERE'S A BACK ROAD
THAT CIRCLES AROUND IT.
IT'S GOING TO BE
MUDDY FROM THE RAINS.
HOW ABOUT THE GUYS
TAKE THE USUAL ROUTE.
I'LL GO BY FOOT UP PEACH,
DOWN THE ALLEY BEHIND
AL'S, THEY CAN PICK ME UP
HALF A MILE DOWN
BY THE SHELL STATION.
PERFECT.
UH, WHAT? THAT'S
NOT COMPLICATED.
SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.
WELL, OK THEN.
HEY.
HEY, COFFEE?
PLEASE, AND HURRY.
I'M GOING TO
MANHATTAN THIS WEEKEND
AND I NEED TO SHOP
FOR SOME WARM CLOTHES.
YOU ALREADY HAVE WARM CLOTHES.
I HAVE NOTHING.
IT GETS AS FREEZING
HERE AS IN NEW YORK.
NO, IT'S NOT THE SAME.
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
I HAVE NOTHING STYLISH ENOUGH.
YOU GOT THE BLACK CASHMERE COAT.
IT NEEDS CLEANING.
CLEAN IT.
BUT I NEED SOME SWEATERS, TOO.
YOU'VE GOT THE PURPLE, YOU'VE GOT
THE POWDER-BLUE, 3 SHADES OF RED,
YOU'VE GOT A TON OF BLACK, ALL
OF WHICH WILL GO WITH THE COAT.
PLUS YOU'VE GOT A DOZEN SCARVES,
TO MIX AND MATCH
WITH ANY OF THOSE TOPS.
LET ME SHOP FOR SOME CLOTHES.
OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN NEW YORK?
UM, A BUNCH OF US ARE GOING.
IT'LL BE DINNER AND A SHOW.
HUH. WHAT SHOW?
LEVITTOWN, A NEW MUSICAL?
YEAH, IT'S IN PREVIEWS.
DOESN'T OFFICIALLY OPEN
FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
WOW. SO INFORMED.
NICOLE LIKES THE THEATER. HER
FIRM HAS AN OFFICE ON MADISON.
I'VE MET HER THERE
A COUPLE OF TIMES.
SAW HAIRSPRAY LAST WEEK.
I CAN'T PICTURE YOU
WATCHING HAIRSPRAY.
IT'S OK. I LIKED THE
PRODUCERS BETTER.
AREN'T WE JUST A BROADWAY BABY?
GOT ANY TIME TO
KILL THERE? SOME.
GOT A GREAT BOOK. IT HAS WALKING
TOURS OF OLD HISTORIC MANHATTAN.
BEFORE DISNEY GOT HOLD
OF IT. THE SOHO ONE'S GOOD.
I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT.
IT'S UPSTAIRS ON MY DRESSER,
WANT TO RUN UP AND GRAB IT.
COOL, THANKS.
OH! OH!
MOM!
SURPRISE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I CAME UP FOR A BOOK.
A BOOK?
MANY BOOKS HERE.
ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?
IT'S ONE OF LUKE'S.
WELL, IF IT HASN'T GOT
ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN IN THE TITLE,
THAT NARROWS IT DOWN.
WALKING TOURS OF NEW YORK.
ON THE TABLE.
GOOD, HERE IT IS. OK.
THANKS. SORRY ABOUT THIS.
IT'S OK.
WE SHOULD COME UP WITH
A SYSTEM OR SOMETHING.
PROBABLY. DEJA VU, HUH?
DEJA VU.
WHY I'D BE WALKING INTO
LUKE'S PLACE IN THE FUTURE,
I DON'T KNOW. SO, PUT THE
SYSTEM ON THE BACK BURNER.
GOOD.
OK. CARRY ON. SEE YOU.
DUDE.
HEY. FIND IT OK?
I FOUND EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING A COUPLE, COUPLING.
RORY AND JESS?
BEN AND J. LO. YES,
RORY AND JESS.
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.
YOU KNEW?
THEY'RE UP THERE ALL THE TIME.
ON THE COUCH,
HORIZONTAL, ON THE COUCH.
THEY COME UP FOR
AIR EVERY SO OFTEN.
AND YOU JUST ALLOW THIS? LUKE...
SETTLE DOWN. I GO UP THERE EVERY 10
MINUTES PRETENDING TO GET SOMETHING
TO KEEP THEM FROM DOING
SOMETHING WE DON'T WANT.
"WHOOPS, I FORGOT
MY POCKET KNIFE.
"WHOOPS, I'M OUT OF ONES. UH...
HEY, YOU SEE A CASE
OF MUSTARD UP HERE?"
I PUT THE STUFF IN A BOX.
I TAKE THE BOX UPSTAIRS
EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS
AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.
AND YOU THINK THAT SUFFICES?
LOOK, IT'S BETTER THAT
THEY'RE SAFE AND UPSTAIRS
THAN SOMEPLACE ELSE.
YOU GOING UP THERE
JUST NOW SAVED
ME A TRIP. SO THANKS.
GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE.
AND A GOOD SYSTEM, IT WORKS.
EVERY 10 MINUTES?
LIKE CLOCKWORK.
NEVER A MINUTE MORE.
EVEN WHILE SERVING A
CUSTOMER IT'S 10 MINUTES?
IF I'M IN MID-POUR,
I STOP AND GO UP.
10 MINUTES.
YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY
MUCH THE TIME IT TOOK
TO CREATE RORY.
AND THAT INCLUDED
GETTING DRESSED
AND FRESHENING MY LIPSTICK.
WHAT?
THANKS FOR THE BOOK.
CAESAR, COVER FOR ME.
OK.
RORY?
I'M COMING.
TOUT DE SUITE, AND I
DON'T MEAN THE CANDY.
OK. WHAT'S THE PACKING CRISIS?
THAT'S THE THING, I
HAVE NO PACKING CRISIS.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,
THERE IS NO PACKING CRISIS. SEE?
THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.
UH, I'M ALL PACKED, READY TO GO,
AND FULLY CONFIDENT
I HAVE EVERYTHING
I'LL NEED OR DESIRE.
SO YOU'RE CREATING A
CRISIS OUT OF NOSTALGIA?
NO, SEE. ALEX AND I TALKED ABOUT
EVERYTHING WE PLANNED TO DO,
AND HOW HE EXPECTED TO DRESS,
AND HOW I EXPECTED TO DRESS,
AND WE COORDINATED TO THE POINT
WHERE I KNEW EACH PIECE
OF CLOTHING I HAD TO BRING,
DOWN TO THE SPICE GIRLS NECKLACE
I PLAN TO WEAR SATURDAY
MORNING FOR BREAKFAST,
BECAUSE WE AGREED
TO KEEP IT WHIMSICAL.
SO, NOT YOUR JONAS
SALK NECKLACE.
I'M TRYING TO BECOME AS
GOOD A PLANNER AS YOU.
SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
TO WEAR ON THE DRIVE.
I WANNA LOOK GOOD, OBVIOUSLY,
BUT NOT TOO GOOD THAT IT
STEPS ON MY NIGHT OUTFIT.
I ALSO WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE.
WHAT'S HE WEARING?
A JOGGING SUIT?
YEAH. THEN AFTER, HE AND
PAULIE ARE HITTING THE BADA BING.
YOUR POINT BEING,
IT'S NOT A RUNNING SUIT.
RIGHT.
AND TONIGHT'S A DRESS?
AND, UH, MY CASHMERE
COAT AND HAT.
YOUR STRETCHY JEANS AND
YOUR BUNNY RANCH T-SHIRT.
COMFORT AND
RAUNCH, I LOVE IT. GOOD.
SO, UM, HOW ARE YOU GUYS
WORKING THE LOGISTICS TONIGHT?
I AM GOING TO STUDY AT SCHOOL,
THEN GOING STRAIGHT TO
GRANDMA'S FROM THERE.
JESS IS DRIVING
STRAIGHT FROM WORK,
AND THEN HE'S DRIVING ME HOME.
HUH? HOME HERE?
YEAH, HE'S GONNA
DROP ME OFF HERE.
WELL, I, UH, GUESS
THAT MAKES SENSE.
I THOUGHT SO.
ALTHOUGH, HMM, I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT?
ARE YOU SURE THAT'S
THE BEST WAY TO DO IT?
YEAH. WHY?
WELL, IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE
COMING HOME TO AN EMPTY HOUSE.
THAT'S YOUR DOING, NOT MINE.
IT MIGHT BE LONELY HERE.
DID YOU THINK ABOUT
STAYING AT MOM'S?
OVERNIGHT?
YEAH. THEY'VE GOT THOSE
FANCY BEDS THAT DON'T SAG,
AND YOU'RE GUARANTEED
A GREAT NORMA DESMOND-STYLE
BREAKFAST NEXT MORNING.
YOU DON'T HAVE SCHOOL,
WORKS OUT PERFECTLY.
I'D RATHER JUST COME HOME.
OK, SURE.
BUT YOU KNOW, STAYING
AT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S
WOULD ALSO MEAN THAT
JESS WOULDN'T HAVE TO
GO OUT OF HIS WAY
AT THE END OF THE
NIGHT TO DROP YOU OFF.
IT WOULD BE MORE
CONVENIENT FOR HIM.
OUR HOUSE IS TWO-TENTHS
OF A MILE OUT OF HIS WAY.
SURE HE'LL HAVE ENOUGH GAS?
I'LL MAKE SURE.
BUT IF YOU CAN'T
GET A HOLD OF HIM,
IT MIGHT BE SAFER TO
PLAN ON STAYING AT MOM'S.
IF YOU RUN OUT OF
GAS, YOU'RE STUCK
AND AT THE MERCY OF THE ORCS.
MOM, WHY ARE YOU SO FREAKED?
THIS IS NOT FREAKED.
IS IT BECAUSE YOU WON'T
BE HERE AND HE WILL?
UH, IT MIGHT HAVE
CROSSED MY MIND.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED
ABOUT HAPPENING?
WELL, WHAT YOU GUYS
WERE ON THE ON-RAMP FOR
UP AT LUKE'S THE OTHER DAY.
YOUR BASIC BOY-GIRL STUFF,
ESPECIALLY THIS
NEW-BOY-YOU-GIRL STUFF.
THE BOY IS DIFFERENT,
BUT I'M STILL ME.
THAT HASN'T CHANGED.
WELL, I KNOW.
AND I HAVE SO MUCH ON MY MIND.
SO MANY THINGS
GOING ON IN MY LIFE
THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE
TIME TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
NO THINKING, AT ALL?
NONE, I SWEAR.
MMM-HMM? SURE. SURE.
AND WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING
TOGETHER, YOU AND ME, REMEMBER?
SO IT'S NOT LIKE
SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN
THAT YOU WON'T KNOW ABOUT.
GOOD.
THAT'S ALEX. COME ON.
YOU KNOW, YOU
DIDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE.
I FEEL KIND OF DUMB
BEING IN MY UNIFORM
WHEN I'M NOT IN SCHOOL.
BUT YOU LOOK DARLING IN IT.
I'M GOING TO MISS IT
WHEN YOU GO TO COLLEGE.
I AM, TOO, IN A WAY.
I MEAN, I LIKE NOT
HAVING TO THINK ABOUT
WHAT I'M GOING TO WEAR.
YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF YEARS
TO STRESS YOURSELF
OUT ABOUT THAT.
I'M SORRY HE'S LATE.
WE'RE FINE, DINNER WILL KEEP.
I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE
THINGS TO BE PUNCTUAL.
THERE WAS A BIG
TIE-UP ON THE 84 EARLIER,
HE'S PROBABLY SMACK-DAB
IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY HIM ON HIS
CELL PHONE, SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE.
REALLY?
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN THEM.
WELL, I FIND THAT REFRESHING.
TECHNOLOGY IS
ENCROACHING TOO FAST
ON EVERY ASPECT
OF LIFE, IF YOU ASK ME.
IT'S GETTING TO THE POINT
WHERE PEOPLE WILL WANT ROBOTS
TO CARRY THEM
FROM PLACE TO PLACE.
THERE HE IS.
WHAT?
SORRY I'M LATE.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
COME IN, COME IN. IT'S COLD OUT.
UH, GRANDMA, THIS IS JESS.
JESS, MY GRANDMOTHER.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SAME HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
OH, THIS IS NEW?
BRAND-NEW.
IT LOOKS BAD, DOES IT HURT?
I'M FINE.
IS THAT WHY YOU WERE LATE?
NO, UH, 84 WAS JAMMED.
WE KNEW THAT, TOO.
THERE WAS SOMETHING
WITH A BIG RIG.
OH, THOSE THINGS
SCARE THE LIFE OUT OF ME.
AND APPARENTLY ALL
THE MEN WHO DRIVE THEM
ARE HOPPED UP ON
BENNIES AND GOOFBALLS.
COME, COME.
HAVE A SEAT AT THE TABLE.
I'LL GO CHECK ON DINNER.
SHOULDN'T WE GO WITH HER?
WERE YOU IN A FIGHT?
DINNER'S WAITING.
JESS, WERE YOU IN A FIGHT?
TOLD YOU IT'S A LONG STORY.
I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.
WHY?
LOOK, RORY, I'M ALREADY
IN A CRAPPY MOOD.
TRAFFIC SUCKED, TRAFFIC I HIT,
GOING TO A FUNCTION I DIDN'T
PARTICULARLY WANT TO GO TO,
AND I'M THIRSTY AND I
AM HUNGRY, SO LET'S EAT.
SO, DO WE EAT STANDING UP?
OVER THERE.
THE ROAST LOOKS PERFECT.
OH, JESS, DO YOU EAT
MEAT? I FORGOT TO ASK.
I'M A CARNIVORE.
GOOD. I DON'T SEE
HOW ANYBODY CAN
RESIST EATING MEAT.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TEETH.
THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
DINNER PARTIES
USED TO BE SIMPLE.
NOW EVERY TIME WE GIVE ONE,
I HAVE TO RUN MY MENU DOWN
WITH EVERY PERSON ON THE LIST.
IT'S TIRING.
THIS ONE EATS JUST
ABOUT ANYTHING.
GRANDMA.
SORRY, BUT THE WAY
YOU AND YOUR MOM EAT,
AND THOSE SLIM FIGURES OF YOURS,
IT IS A MEDICAL MARVEL.
THEY SHOULD BE STUDIED.
I DON'T THINK SO.
SO RORY TELLS ME YOU'RE PART OF
THE WAL-MART CORPORATION.
ONLY OUT OF NECESSITY.
THEY SOUND LIKE
WONDERFUL STORES.
OH, YEAH. I WANT
TO BE BURIED THERE.
WE'VE NEVER BEEN INSIDE
ONE, BUT WE OWN THE STOCK.
THANKS FOR THE PAYCHECK.
OH! THAT'S VERY FUNNY.
DID YOU JUST GET IT? HUH?
THE EYE. DID IT JUST HAPPEN?
YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD
EAT THESE SALADS
SO THE ROAST DOESN'T GET COLD.
I MEAN, IT MUST BE SOMETIME
BETWEEN 9:00 LAST NIGHT AND NOW.
HUH? HIS EYE.
YEAH, IT WAS SOMETIME IN THERE.
YOU CAN'T NARROW IT DOWN?
RORY, COME ON.
OH, MY GOD, THERE'S NO SALT
AND PEPPER ON THIS TABLE.
WE'LL NEED IT FOR THE MEAT.
THESE PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED
TO BE TRAINED BEFORE I GET THEM,
BUT GOD KNOWS
THAT'S NEVER THE CASE.
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME THE
TRUTH. THAT'S MY PROBLEM.
I DON'T WANNA GET INTO IT HERE.
IT'S OBVIOUS WHY.
OH, IS IT?
YOU GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH DEAN.
UNBELIEVABLE.
IS THAT IT?
IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO DEAN.
BECAUSE YOU BRING IT THERE.
YOU BROUGHT UP DEAN.
'CAUSE YOU GOT
INTO A FIGHT WITH HIM.
WHY ARE YOU PRESSING THIS? WHY?
I'M TRYING TO MAKE SOME KIND OF
POSITIVE IMPRESSION ON YOUR GRANDMA,
PER YOUR REQUEST,
AND YOU'RE FORCING
ME TO DO OTHERWISE.
AND WHAT THE HELL ARE
RAISINS DOING IN A SALAD?
WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEAVE
WELL ENOUGH ALONE?
WELL, IN THAT WHOLE SPEECH,
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU DENY IT.
WE'VE GOT GREAT
CHOICES ON THE PRIME RIB.
HOW DO YOU LIKE
YOUR PRIME RIB, JESS?
COOKED.
HE'S NOT PICKY, GRANDMA.
GOOD, THAT'LL MAKE IT EASIER.
SO, WHAT DID I MISS?
NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I
SPEAK TO JESS FOR A SECOND?
WE CAN GO TO THE STUDY.
WE'RE EATING.
WELL, I WANT TO TALK.
YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE RUDE
TO YOUR GRANDMA, RORY.
I CAN LEAVE THE ROOM
FOR A MINUTE IF YOU WANT.
NO, GRANDMA,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I TOLD YOU NOTHING
HAPPENED AT PATTY'S,
BUT YOU JUST
WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU HAD TO GET INTO A
FIGHT WITH DEAN TONIGHT,
RIGHT BEFORE MEETING MY
GRANDMA. IT'S A DISASTER.
I DID NOT FIGHT WITH DEAN.
BULL.
BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT.
I'M GONNA FIND OUT EVENTUALLY,
SO WHY KEEP IT FROM ME?
WHAT IF DEAN HAD PUNCHED
ME, AND I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF?
YOU'RE NOT EVEN CONSIDERING THE
POSSIBILITY THAT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED?
DEAN WOULDN'T DO THAT.
OH, NO. HE MIGHT GET HIS
BIG WHITE STETSON DIRTY.
YOU'RE BEING A JERK
TO MY GRANDMA, TOO.
HEY, I'M DOING MY BEST. IF THAT
MEANS I'M A JERK, THAT'S WHAT I AM.
I DIDN'T EVEN WANNA COME.
NO ONE MADE YOU.
YOU MADE ME.
NOW I'VE SEEN IT ALL.
YOU EMBARRASSED
ME IN FRONT OF HER.
THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT.
SO HAVE I?
IF YOU'RE GONNA HARP
ON THIS, I'M LEAVING.
OH, GREAT. SO NOW I HAVE
TO EXPLAIN TO MY GRANDMA
WHY MY BOYFRIEND, WHO
SHOWED UP A HALF-HOUR LATE,
WITH A BLACK EYE,
IS WALKING OUT?
WELL, YOU LIKE MAKING
UP STORIES IN YOUR HEAD,
SO THAT SHOULD BE EASY FOR YOU.
IS HE FETCHING
SOMETHING FROM HIS CAR?
I DON'T THINK SO.
HE LEFT.
YEAH, HE LEFT.
WELL, YOU CAN
TAKE SOME PRIME RIB
BACK FOR HIM, IF YOU WANT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY THE GIRLS
HAVE SOME DINNER, HUH?
SO, GOOD. GOOD SHOW.
YEAH. ALEX, THANK YOU FOR
GETTING US THOSE TICKETS.
GREAT PRODUCTION VALUE.
OH, AMAZING, THE WAY THEY
DO LIGHTING ON THESE THINGS.
IT'S MAGICAL.
YEAH, IT'S MAGICAL.
THIS IS THE WORST PIECE
OF CRAP I'VE EVER SEEN.
WHAT?
I SAW MOOSE MURDERS.
THIS STINKS WORSE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS ME.
I WAS DYING IN THERE.
EVERY SONG WAS THE SAME.
SAME 2 NOTES.
HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
♪ I FEEL SO VERY BAD,
YET I FEEL SO VERY SAD ♪
♪ I'M MAD, I'M SAD,
I'M MAD, I'M SAD ♪
♪ I'M MAD, I'M SAD,
I'M MAD, I'M SAD ♪
I'M SORRY, THAT'S
BETTER, RENT A THEATER.
I SAY WE HIT A BAR,
GET SOME DRINKS,
CONTINUE PLOTTING OUT
THIS MUSICAL YOU'RE WRITING.
COOL. WE'LL NEED PENS AND PAPER.
JUST MEMORIZE IT.
♪ I'M MAD, I'M SAD,
I'M MAD, I'M SAD ♪
WE'LL GRAB A CAB.
HEY, THAT FITS RIGHT IN.
YOU'RE NICE.
I TRY.
WHO ARE YOU EXPECTING?
OH, RORY. NOT THAT
I'M EXPECTING A CALL,
BECAUSE IT COULD
MEAN SOMETHING BAD,
SO, NOT GETTING
CALLS IS PROBABLY BEST.
PROBABLY.
I'M GONNA GIVE HER A CALL.
ON THE DRIVE DOWN HERE,
YOU ASKED ME TO STOP YOU
FROM CALLING RORY
FOR THE WRONG REASON.
I LEFT THE IRON ON.
SHE'LL TURN IT OFF.
SHE'S GOT THIS BOY.
I KNOW.
I SHOULDN'T CALL HER.
IT'S UP TO YOU.
HEY, GUYS, WE'VE GOT A CAB,
AND THE DRIVER LIKES OUR SONG.
PUTTING AWAY PHONE NOW.
GOOD GIRL.
HELLO?
GOOD MORNING.
HEY! IT'S EARLY. WHY ARE
YOU CALLING SO EARLY?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. I MUST HAVE
SCREWED UP THE TIME DIFFERENCE.
WHAT TIME IS IT THERE?
THE SAME TIME IT IS THERE.
OH, SORRY.
HOW'S IT GOING?
GOOD. LOT OF WALKING. HAD PIZZA
AT JOHN'S, AND WROTE A MUSICAL.
GOOD FOR YOU.
WE PLAYED THE SAME
DEAN MARTIN SONG 25 TIMES.
PEOPLE STARTED COMPLAINING.
SO WE PICKED NEW
YORK MINING DISASTER,
AND THEY BEGGED
FOR DEAN MARTIN BACK.
SOUNDS FUN.
SO, HOW DID THE DINNER GO?
UH, NOT WELL. FAR FROM WELL.
WHAT?
I'M AT GRANDMA'S.
YOU STAYED THE NIGHT?
YEP.
WHAT DID SHE DO?
DID SHE MAKE YOU STAY
BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT
JESS DRIVING YOU HOME?
SHE'S SO UNTRUSTING.
AND TO RUIN THIS
DINNER, I'LL KILL HER.
NO. GRANDMA WAS GREAT THE WHOLE
TIME, EVEN THOUGH JESS WAS LATE.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
SHE WAS A SAINT.
STAYING OVER WAS MY IDEA.
WHY?
JESS AND I GOT INTO THE
MOST HORRIBLE FIGHT OF MY LIFE
AND IT WAS...
OH! I CAN'T EVEN SAY.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
HE SHOWED UP
WITH A BIG BLACK EYE.
A BLACK GUY?
EYE. A BLACK EYE.
HE GOT INTO A FIGHT.
WITH WHO? DEAN?
HE WOULDN'T SAY, BUT YES.
AND HE WAS ALL
STANDOFFISH ABOUT IT,
AND THINGS GOT WORSE, AND WORSE,
AND HE WALKED
OUT. IT WAS HORRIBLE.
WOW. HONEY, I'M
SORRY. ARE YOU OK?
I'M UPSET BUT I'M OK.
OH, I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU UP.
HOW ABOUT SOME BREAKFAST?
SURE.
IS THAT JESS?
NO, IT'S MOM.
HEY, PUT HER ON.
SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
BYE.
SEE YOU TONIGHT.
HELLO?
MOM. HI, LISTEN.
RORY KIND OF EXPLAINED
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT,
AND HOW YOU WERE
REALLY GREAT ABOUT IT.
I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
ALL THE DETAILS,
BUT I'M SURE IT ALL COULD
HAVE BEEN WAY WORSE,
AND YOU KEEPING
YOUR COOL LIKE THAT
WAS REALLY, REALLY NICE.
THANKS.
HOW CAN YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTER BE
WITH THAT ABOMINABLE THUG?
FIRST HE ARRIVES LATE.
HOW DISRESPECTFUL IS THAT?
THEN HE'S RUDE TO
RORY, RUDE TO ME.
OH, AND THAT ATTITUDE,
I WANTED TO SLAP THAT
MONOSYLLABIC MOUTH OF HIS.
AND GOD FORBID THEY'RE IN
ANOTHER ACCIDENT TOGETHER
OR HIS HEAP OF A
CAR BREAKS DOWN,
AND LORD JIM HAS DECIDED
CELL PHONES ARE BENEATH HIM,
THEY'RE STRANDED IN
THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
HOW CAN YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?
HE HAD A BLACK EYE.
HE BELONGS IN JAIL.
♪
YO! DUDE, THAT'S DISRESPECTFUL.
WE'RE EARLY. LET'S
GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
SURE. WHAT DO WE WANT?
I'VE ONLY GOT $3.
YOU'VE ALWAYS ONLY GOT $3.
WHAT IS IT, YOU GO TO AN A.T.M.
THAT GIVES OUT ONLY $3 AT A TIME?
LET'S JUST PICK.
WELL, I'M SICK OF BURGERS.
SO IF IT COULD BE A PLACE
THAT HAS MORE THAN BURGERS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
A $3 SUSHI PLACE?
DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SUSHI.
GUYS, SHUT UP AND BE
COOL, DON'T SAY A THING.
WHAT? WHY?
MRS. KIM, HELLO.
DAVID. DAVID.
MRS. KIM, YOU'RE LANE'S MOM?
HOW DO YOU KNOW LANE?
SHE'S A GREAT...
GIRL. WE ALL THINK SO.
WHO ARE YOU? WHAT IS ALL THIS?
DAVID, WHO ARE ALL
THESE UNWASHED BOYS?
WELL, SEE, ZACK AND BRIAN
HERE PLAY IN A COMBO WITH ME
WHEN I DON'T PLAY SOLO.
A COMBO.
A CHRISTIAN COMBO.
OH, GOOD. JUST A
GUITAR CAN SOUND THIN.
WELL, THAT'S WHY WE
PLAY MUSIC TOGETHER.
THE LIGHT'S TURNED,
WE SHOULD GET...
WAIT. I WANT TO WARN
YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.
YES?
ABOUT LANE. SHE
HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.
SHE DOES?
I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW. SHE'S
A GOOD GIRL, BUT FLIGHTY SOMETIMES.
BE CAREFUL AROUND HER. I
KNOW YOU'RE A SERIOUS BOY.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE SHOCKED.
OH, NO. THANK YOU, I'LL BE
VERY CAREFUL, I PROMISE.
OK. MAYBE I'LL BOOK
YOUR COMBO SOMETIME.
MIX IT UP A LITTLE.
IT WOULD BE OUR
PLEASURE. RIGHT, GUYS?
YEAH. SURE.
DON'T SPEED.
OK, SO, UH, WHERE
DO WE WANNA EAT?
HEY.
HEY, THERE. SEE THOSE FLIERS?
APPARENTLY I CLICKED
MY HEELS FOR JOY
AFTER ONE OF HER SONGS.
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
ME, NEITHER. CAN I TALK TO YOU?
OH, YEAH. WHAT'S WRONG?
THIS WHOLE FRIEND THING
WITH US ISN'T GOING TO WORK
IF WE'RE NOT HONEST
WITH EACH OTHER.
I AGREE.
OK. SO ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
CORN'S 2 FOR A DOLLAR?
JESS HAS A BLACK EYE.
OH, YEAH?
ANY IDEA WHERE HE GOT IT?
THAT WOULD BE AN
EXTREMELY LONG LIST.
IT WASN'T YOU?
WASN'T ME.
SWEAR? I SWEAR.
DID HE SAY IT WAS ME?
NO, HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
HE'S LESS TALKATIVE THAN SOME.
YES. SORRY, I HAVE...
I HAVE NO IDEA.
LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
LIKE TALKING ABOUT HIM.
I KNOW, SORRY. I...
I SHOULD GET BACK TO WORK.
OK.
SORRY I COULDN'T
SOLVE THE MYSTERY.
ME, TOO.
WHOA! WHAT?
Y-YOU'RE PETEY THE DOG.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
IS THAT WHY YOU SNUCK IN?
I DID NOT SNEAK IN.
CAN WE GET BACK TO WORK HERE?
FINE. START CLEARING SOME STUFF.
WHEN DID YOU GET
INTO A FIGHT WITH DEAN?
WASN'T IN A FIGHT WITH DEAN.
WHERE'S THAT COMING
FROM? I JUST ASKED.
I'M SICK OF EVERYONE
MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.
SO IT WASN'T DEAN.
NO.
IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY? YES.
YOU WENT TO RORY'S GRANDMOTHER'S
YESTERDAY, SHE PUNCH YOU?
STOP.
WHERE'D YOU GET IT? SANTA CLAUS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME?
THAT'S RIGHT.
HELLO.
HI, RORY. HANG ON
A SECOND. IT'S RORY.
I'M NOT HERE.
WHAT?
GET A CLUE, I DON'T
WANT TO TALK.
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO RORY?
HEY, RORY, H-HE JUST
WENT SOMEPLACE.
YEAH, I'LL TELL HIM. BYE.
COME ON.
HEY.
WHAT IS THIS?
LOOK, YOU'RE MY RESPONSIBILITY.
YOU'RE EXHIBITING SIGNS
OF VIOLENT BEHAVIOR.
AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK.
YOU WON'T LEAVE
TILL YOU TELL ME.
WHERE'D YOU GET THE BLACK EYE?
YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT ANYWAY.
TRY ME, TOUGH GUY.
A SWAN.
EXCUSE ME?
I WAS ATTACKED BY A SWAN.
OK, YOU HAPPY?
A STUPID SWAN.
NOW HOW ABOUT THE REAL STORY?
THAT IS THE REAL STORY.
IT HANGS OUT BY LARSON'S DOCK.
I WAS JUST WALKING BY,
AND THE THING CAME OUT
OF NOWHERE, AND BAM!
IT BEAKED ME RIGHT IN THE EYE.
IT "BEAKED" YOU.
YOU STILL DON'T BELIEVE ME.
I'VE JUST NEVER HEARD ANYONE USE
THE WORD "BEAKED"
AS A VERB BEFORE.
NO, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
THAT STUPID BIRD ATTACKED ME.
HE COULD HAVE BLINDED ME.
IT'S A VICIOUS, VICIOUS BIRD.
FINE. FORGET IT.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M GONNA DO A LITTLE
BEAKING OF MY OWN.
JESS, NOT THE LADLE,
THAT'S A BRAND-NEW LADLE.
TAKE THE BASTER.
I DON'T SEE A SWAN.
PUT YOUR OARS DOWN.
THEY DON'T LIKE OARS?
JUST LAY LOW, IT'LL COME.
DOES IT ACT ALL
PEACEFUL AND BAMBI-LIKE,
AND THEN SUDDENLY ATTACK,
LIKE THE RABBIT IN MONTY PYTHON?
YOUR VOICE IS PROBABLY
SCARING IT AWAY.
SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THE
BLACK EYE TO THE GILMORES?
I DIDN'T. THE WHOLE
NIGHT SUCKED.
I'M GLAD IT'S BEHIND ME.
BEHIND YOU? YOU'VE
GOT NOTHING BEHIND YOU.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU HAVE PLENTY MORE
EVENTS LIKE THAT IN YOUR FUTURE.
NO WAY.
WHEN YOU DATE A GIRL LIKE RORY,
YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH
HER WHOLE FAMILY.
JUST LIKE THAT
LAST GIRL YOU DATED,
Y-YOU WERE INVOLVED
WITH HER PETRI DISH.
AT LEAST SHE WAS
EASY TO FIGURE OUT.
AND YOU WERE BORED FROM DAY ONE.
I'M DATING RORY, NOT HER FAMILY.
ALL THESE PEOPLE COME IN
A PACKAGE WITH THIS GIRL.
THE MOTHER COMES WITH THIS GIRL,
THE GRANDMOTHER
COMES WITH THIS GIRL.
AND APPARENTLY A
BUNCH OF OTHERS.
EVERYBODY SHE'S EVER
MET, INCLUDING DEAN.
SHE PICKED YOU.
GOD KNOWS WHY.
SHE KNOWS, THAT'S
ALL THAT MATTERS.
JESS, BEING JEALOUS OF DEAN...
I'M NOT JEALOUS OF DEAN.
BEING JEALOUS OF
DEAN IS POINTLESS.
YOU'RE JUST GOING
TO DRIVE RORY AWAY.
YOU WANNA HAVE A
RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN TO OPEN
UP YOUR MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING.
GIVE IT A REST, DR. PHIL.
YOU CAN'T SHUT DOWN.
YOU CAN'T AVOID HER CALLS.
I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK.
WHEN WILL YOU WANNA TALK?
I DON'T KNOW.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? JUST KEEP
AVOIDING HER AND NEVER TAKE HER CALLS?
SHE'LL FIND ME EVENTUALLY.
IF SHE KEEPS LOOKING FOR YOU.
I'M NOT GONNA BE
A WUSS LIKE DEAN.
DEAN HAD THAT GIRL FOR 2 YEARS.
YOU HAVE A LITTLE
FIGHT AFTER 2 MONTHS,
YOU WALK OUT, AND IT'S OVER?
I DON'T CARE.
FINE. YOU DON'T
CARE. THAT'S OBVIOUS.
SHH.
IS THAT THE ONE?
THAT'S IT. WATCH IT.
I'M WATCHING IT.
IT'S PRETTY.
SHH!
IS IT GONNA DOUBLE BACK?
MAYBE.
IT'S LULLING US
INTO COMPLACENCY.
HE'S VICIOUS.
ITS BUTT'S TERRIFYING.
IT'S OUTNUMBERED.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
IT KNOWS THERE'S TWO OF US.
SO YOU WANT ME
TO GET UNDERWATER,
SWIM ALONG AND BREATHE
THROUGH A STRAW?
FORGET IT.
MAYBE IT'S GONNA
GET ANOTHER SWAN,
COME BACK AND MAKE
A FIGHT OF IT, HUH?
FORGET IT.
HE'S NOT EVEN
CALLING YOU BACK, HUH?
NO. I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO.
DAVE AND I HAVE
NEVER HAD A FIGHT,
BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T
REALLY TRULY BEGUN DATING,
SO I HAVE NO
PERSPECTIVE ON THIS.
YOU BETTER HURRY UP
AND START HAVING
BAD BOY TROUBLES
SO I CAN GET SOME FEEDBACK.
HEY. HI, GUYS.
HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
I THINK IT'S GOING A LITTLE
WEIRD TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
WEIRD, WHY?
WE NEED TO GET
SOMETHING OUT IN THE OPEN.
DEFINITELY.
WE RAN INTO YOUR MOM.
MY MOM?
OH, BOY.
WE'RE AWARE THERE'S A SITUATION
HERE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING.
WE SHOULD GET IT OUT
OR IT'LL GET WEIRDER.
I GUESS SO.
WE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING
BY HIDING IT, GUYS.
WHAT PISSES US OFF IS THAT
YOU FELT YOU HAD TO HIDE IT.
REALLY?
YEAH. DAVE, YOU'RE A
CHRISTIAN, SO WHAT? THAT'S COOL.
IT'S NOTHING TO HIDE.
CHRISTIANS CAN STILL ROCK.
THEY CAN?
YEAH, YEAH, DAVE. CHRISTIANS
CAN STILL ROCK, DON'T HIDE IT.
MARSHALL STACKS DON'T KNOW
CHRISTIANS FROM ATHEISTS.
GOSH, I JUST WASN'T SURE
IF YOU GUYS WOULD BE
ACCEPTING OF MY DEVOUTNESS.
DAVE, IT'S A PART OF YOU AND WE
THINK YOU'RE COOL, SO IT'S COOL.
GREAT. THANKS, GUYS.
BUT NO WAY ARE WE
PLAYING CREED, MAN.
OH, NO. OF COURSE NOT.
OR AMY GRANT. WE
DRAW THE LINE THERE.
THIS IS VERY
ACCEPTING OF YOU GUYS.
WE'LL PLAY THAT GIG
FOR YOUR MOM, IF IT PAYS.
OH, MRS. KIM PAYS, UH,
SHE'S VERY GOOD ABOUT THAT.
THAT'S MY MOM. I'M
GLAD THIS ALL WORKED.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
HEY!
OH, MY LITTLE DAUGHTER.
I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
THANKS FOR BRINGING
HER BACK IN ONE PIECE.
NO PROBLEM.
I'M VERY WEAK.
SHE HASN'T EATEN IN A WHILE.
I TOLD YOU TO KEEP
TO A FEEDING SCHEDULE.
I'M DRIFTING. DRIFTING.
SHE WANTED TO HAVE
DINNER WITH YOU.
THAT'S SWEET. MUST
HAVE FOOD NOW.
I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
THANKS.
BYE.
YOU'RE NOT FOOD.
REVIVE HER. I WILL.
I'M GONNA RUN AND GET TAKE-OUT.
MAKE LIKE THE WIND.
CAN YOU MAKE IT TO THE DOOR?
I'LL STRUGGLE.
RORY?
OH, HEY. HEY.
YOUR MOM HOME?
I'M BRINGING SUPPLIES.
SHOULD HAVE
BROUGHT A MULE. WHAT?
A PACK MULE. TO CARRY IT.
OH, YEAH.
SO... SORRY I MISSED YOUR CALLS.
YOU'RE ALWAYS OUT.
YEAH. I WAS GETTING READY
TO CALL YOU JUST NOW,
BUT YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT.
IRONIC.
YEAH.
SO, I KNOW THERE WAS
NO FIGHT WITH DEAN.
REALLY? HOW?
YOU ASKED DEAN.
IT WAS THE ONLY THING
I COULD THINK TO DO.
GO TO THE SOURCE.
YEAH. I'M SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.
IT'S OK. I WOULD HAVE
DOUBTED ME, TOO.
I NEED TO TRUST YOU
AS MUCH AS I TRUST...
HIM? YEAH.
THIS BLACK EYE
SCREWED EVERYTHING UP.
YEAH.
NEXT TIME I GO TO YOUR
GRANDMA'S, I'LL NOT HAVE ONE.
NEXT TIME?
NEXT TIME.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
I... I DON'T...
COME ON. IT WASN'T
DEAN. YOU CAN SAY.
WILL THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?
YES, VERY.
OK, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH
SINCE WE'RE BOTH SO
INTO THE TRUTH TONIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT GOOD
RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT. RIGHT?
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO PROMISE
NOT TO MOCK ME, EVER.
AND PLEASE DON'T
TELL ANYONE ELSE.
PROMISE.
I WAS THROWING A FOOTBALL WITH
A BUDDY AND GOT HIT IN THE EYE.
YOU POOR THING.
YEAH.
BUT THAT'S NOT EMBARRASSING.
YEAH, NOW THAT YOU
MENTION IT, IT'S NOT.
I HAVE TO GO.
DON'T GO.
I DON'T WANT TO.
THEN DON'T. LET'S GO SOMEWHERE.
I'VE GOT TAKE-OUT.
I'LL REIMBURSE YOU.
MY MOM'S WAITING.
KEEP THINKING WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING.
I HAVE NO CHOICE.
MOM?
HMM? IS THAT YOU, RHETT?
I BRING FOOD.
OH, THANK GOD, ONE
OF EVERYTHING AT AL'S.
BLESS YOU AND YOUR GLUTTONY.
AREN'T YOU HUNGRY?
YEAH.
WELL, COME ON, DIG IN.
WHAT'S WRONG?
NOTHING.
UM, LISTEN.
I'M LISTENING.
W-WHEN I SAID BEFORE
THAT I WAS TOO BUSY
TO THINK ABOUT IT,
I REALIZED NOW THAT I'M NOT
TOO BUSY TO THINK ABOUT IT.
THINK ABOUT IT?
ABOUT "IT."
OH, "IT."
YEAH, "IT."
HA, HA. "IT."
NOTHING'S HAPPENED YET,
BUT IT MIGHT. MAYBE.
MAYBE?
MAYBE.
WITH JESS.
WITH JESS.
YOU STILL WANT ME TO TELL
YOU EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
YEAH. UH, NO, WELL...
WHICH IS IT?
WE'RE DOING THIS NOW.
YES. WHICH IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'LL LET ME KNOW?
YEAH.
WAS THAT, YEAH,
YOU'LL LET ME KNOW,
OR THAT'S YOUR ANSWER,
YOU WANT TO KNOW?
I GUESS I WANT TO KNOW, YES.
AND NOW, SURE.
WELL, NOTHING'S HAPPENED.
I HEARD.
BUT IT MIGHT.
OK.
COULD YOU JUST TELL
ME BEFORE IT DOES?
RIGHT BEFORE, OR...
NO, JUST... JUST BEFORE.
OK.
OK, GOOD.
IS THAT IT?
FOR TONIGHT, YEAH.
GOOD.
THIS... THIS IS GOOD.
YEAH, IT IS GOOD.
OK, WELL, LET'S EAT.
GOOD.