Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 3, Episode 13 - Dear Emily and Richard - full transcript

Mom, I swear, it was Aunt Maureen.

Aunt Maureen would never
hike up her skirt in public.

She would after half a gallon of eggnog.

Richard, who was the one who
got drunk at our Christmas party

and hiked up her skirt in front of
the Town and Country photographer?

I?m sorry, did you say something?

I don?t know about you, Mom,

but I?ve never felt so
fascinating in my entire life.

I?m so sorry I?m late.
Hi Grandma, Hi Grandma.

- Hello Rory.
- Oh, now he closes the paper.

Hey, Mom, I stopped by the
bookstore on the way here.

- You got them?
- I got ?em!

Got what?

Rory and I are starting
to plan our Europe trip.

The day after graduation, we are gone.

Well, that sounds very exciting.

Lorelai, what are these?

Those are guidebooks.

"Europe Through the Backdoor. "

"The Rough Guide to Europe. "
What kind of guidebooks are these?

The cheap kind.

They have all the good information
about backpacking and staying in hostels.

Backpacking and staying in hostels?

Who?s backpacking and
staying in hostels?

We are.

- No, you?re not.
- What a ridiculous thought.

We are. We?re going to
backpack around Europe.

Yes, I know, it?s fun to
tease your grandmother, dear.

They?re going to backpack
across Europe, Richard.

I heard, sounds delightful.

Perhaps we should join them.

That sounds wonderful. Tomorrow
I?ll go out and buy some cutoffs.

Guys, we?re not kidding.

You?re telling me you?re seriously
going to traipse across Europe

with your possessions
strapped to your back

and sleep in a room
with thirty other people?

- Yes.
- No.

- Grandpa.
- It?s not safe.

I forbid it. Call our travel agent.

But we want to be spontaneous.

Jump a train to Paris,
head off to Spain.

Oh no, it?s raining in Spain.

But since the rain in Spain
stays mainly in the plain...

- Looks like Italy for us!
- Mamma mia!

You can still travel around
aimlessly and stay in a decent hotel.

We wanna do it cheap.

- We?ll pay.
- No.

Grandma, it?s going to be fun, really.

Kids do this all the time.

Yes, but you?re not a
kid, you?re a grown woman.

What are people going to think when
they see a grown woman bunking down

with a bunch of
twenty-year-olds?

Well, if the twenty-year-olds are
cute, they?ll probably think, "Lucky!"

Grandma, don?t be upset. It
really is going to be great.

What?s so traumatic about a
night without a bed anyway?

My survey shows those who have had the
opportunity to be a refugee for a night

have their perspectives broaden
and actually enjoy the experience. "

Richard, this book is encouraging them
to sleep in a park like a squirrel.

It?s okay, Mom.

My first trip to Europe, I went
to Paris and stayed at the Ritz.

I tell you what, if
it?ll make you happy,

we?ll go to Paris and
eat out of their dumpster.

All of this goes in there. Let?s
move, we?re getting backlogged.

Tom, I brought over
the nails you asked for.

Good. Get the guy?s
lunch orders, will ya?

Already done.

You?re a good kid, Dean.
You hardly bug me at all.

High praise.

Yeah, yeah, go, get the food.

- And don?t forget the pickles.
- I wouldn?t dare.

Oh, what do I gotta say to get
this crap inside where it belongs?

You got a language I?m not privy
to? ?Cause I?m a fast learner.

Dean-o,
Dean-o, Dean-o.

If you grow any taller, I?m gonna have to
get myself some mountain climbing equipment.

You?re getting dangerous to even
walk near, you know that, Patty.

I?ve been told.

You looking for Mr. Doose?

Oh, precious, no. I?m just looking.

Okay. Well, enjoy.

Oh, I always do.

- Move.
- What? Oh, sorry.

- What?s that?
- It?s nothing.

- You reading?
- It?s nothing.

- I never see you reading.
- Will you just... I read.

- What are you reading?
- I read, I read.

- What do you read?
- Invoices, expiration dates.

I stand corrected.

"Hidden Romantic Gems of the
Restaurant World. " Well, well, well.

I would like my property back, please.

- Planning something special?
- No, nothing special.

I?m just taking Nicole to dinner
on Friday and I wanna find a place.

- A place you don?t normally go to?
- Yes.

So a special place.

Will you stop saying that
word, please? And yes.

Find anything good?

Every single description in
here talks about tablecloths

and dish design, nothing about the food.

You are really going through
an awful lot for this lawyer.

She?s not a lawyer. I
mean, yes, she?s a lawyer,

but she?s also a lady, and a very nice
lady who probably expects good food

with her fancy plates and
sparse yet elegant d?cor.

You?re pathetic when you?re in love.

I?m not in love, I?m dating. This
is what you do when you?re dating.

It?s not what I do when I?m dating.

Rory?s a lucky girl.
Work. I?m going upstairs.

Fine, but if a horse-drawn
carriage shows up here,

my throwing up will be eternal.

I gotta place an order.

- Talk into the clown.
- I am.

What do you want?

Six burgers, three with cheese
- two cheddar, one Swiss.

Two plain, one with chili,
cheese and onions on the side.

- Your memory?s that good?
- You?re screwing with me.

- I?m placing an order.
- For all of Connecticut?

For the construction crew next door.

Oh, you?re Taylor?s errand boy now.

And you?re Taylor?s waitress.

- Say that a little closer.
- I thought you had a girlfriend.

- Give me your order and get out.
- Service with a smile.

Six burgers, three cheese
- two cheddar, one Swiss.

Two plain burgers, one chili burger
with cheese and onions on the side.

Three ham on ryes
- one mayo, one mustard, one combo.

- A combo means mustard and...
- I know what a combo means.

Sorry, guess that confused
look is just how your face is.

Do you wanna talk about this outside?

Just as soon as I?m finished.

Four hot dogs. Two egg salads on
white. One chicken salad on wheat.

A chef's salad with ranch.
Five fries. Five onion rings.

Two chips. Extra pickles.

- On what?
- Excuse me?

- What are the extra pickles on?
- On the side.

On the side of what? On
the side of the burgers,

on the side of the sandwiches,
or on the side of the road

where the ditch I?m gonna
dump your body into is?

- Just make sure there?s enough for everyone.
- Fine.

- Aren?t you gonna read it back?
- Nope.

Okay, but these men
were hired by Taylor,

which means if they aren?t satisfied with
their orders, they will send them back.

And they will continue to send
them back until they are happy,

which means you could be
making this order until you die.

Six burgers, three with cheese
? two cheddar, one Swiss.

Slower, please. I?m
checking them off as we go.

Two plain burgers, one chili
with cheese and onion on the side.

Hey, it?s your party, we
just want you to be happy.

Okay. No problem.

All right, I?ll talk to you then.

Ridgemont called.

No.

He?s changing his mind about the
theme for his retirement party again.

- No!
- We have to call the florist.

But this is the fourth
theme he?s picked.

He had the fishing one,

and the Kentucky Derby
with the chocolate horsies,

and the Tibet with the Richard
Gere pictures everywhere.

I know.

And he promised that the
golf would be the last one.

He decided that golf was dull

and he doesn?t want to
be remembered as dull.

Would he like to be
remembered as limping,

because I can be a
fabulous help with that.

Hey, guys...

I?m sorry, I?m really sorry.

Here?s an idea ? it?s
a retirement party, yes?

Okay. So what happens
after you retire? You die.

- He changed his mind.
- Again?

So, why don?t we dig a big hole,

throw him in, hand everybody a shovel,

they take turns covering him up.

We go inside, have dinner,

the wife gets used to eating alone...

We are not going to bury him alive.

Well, fine then. What is the new theme?

He is calling me back at four.

I got the flags and...
he changed his mind again.

He?s worse than my mother at the
Glory of Easter T-shirt stand.

- You kept the receipt, I hope.
- Yup.

Good God, this party is
gonna be the death of me.

- Or someone.
- Go call the florist.

- You?re stressed.
- You?re observant.

Well, I was going to
save this for later,

but you look like you need it now.

What?s that?

I have been cordially invited
to Sherry Tinsdale?s C-section.

No way!

Friday, February
seventh, six o?clock p. m.

Join the girls for a toast, a hug,

a wave to the mommy as they wheel
her off, dinner at Sushi Sushi,

and then back to the
hospital for a formal viewing

of brand-new baby Georgia. RSVP
at your earliest convenience.

P.S. - gifts are not necessary,
but always appreciated.

- I don?t even know where to start.
- I knew you would like it.

- You have to RSVP to a
C- section. - And bring a gift.

I wonder if Laura Mercier makes Demerol.

- You wanna keep it?
- Oh, yes, please.

But don?t lose it. I
need the phone number.

So, are you going?

Well, I don?t know.

I mean, I know it?s weird, but
I kind of wanna see Georgia.

She?s sort of my sister.

She?s more than sort of your sister.

I just think it would be cool to
meet her the night that she?s born.

It?s a good story to talk about.

You should go.

I should, shouldn?t I?

And you should take pictures
and wear a hidden microphone

?cause I wanna hear everything.

- I?ll see what I can do.
- Oh, shoot.

Sook...

God!

I just need to go on
record that a grown man

should not throw himself a
Beanie Baby retirement party.

Just hold your breath
this one actually takes.

And how is Sookie supposed
to plan a Beanie Baby menu?

- Lots of beans.
- I think this is ridiculous.

Angel face, you need to learn that
there are going to be times in your life

when you have to do
ridiculous things for money.

If you?re Adrian Zmed,
that includes everything

that ever happens in your whole career.

Oh Rory, come on. Did you
order from Amazon again?

?Cause we?re going to get
your books their own house.

I didn?t, I swear.

- It?s from my mother.
- What is it?

It?s heavy. Must be her
hopes and dreams for me.

I thought she discarded those years ago.

Just drop the Beanies by the door.

"Girls, here are some travel books

I stumbled across in
your father?s study.

I thought they could
help in the planning

of your European
adventure. " She?s insane.

We have travel books.

No, sweetie, these aren?t
our kind of travel books.

These are Paris and Nicky
Hilton?s kind of travel books.

"Selected Hotels of Europe,"

"Hotels, Restaurants and Inns of
Great Britain and Ireland, 1986",

"Myra Waldo?s Travel and
Motoring Guide to Europe, ?78."

Wow, these will be an enormous
help in planning our trip.

Hey, you wanna go see the Berlin Wall?

Sounds great.

My God, I remember these books.

I think the only person in my
house who ever read them was me.

This hotel is five
hundred dollars a night.

Five hundred dollars a
night twenty years ago.

What could a hotel possibly have

that would make it five
hundred dollars a night?

An English menu?

Christopher, stop it, I?m
trying to open the door.

Graceful and lovely they enter.

- Is she home?
- I don?t know.

- Mom, are you home?
- Mom, are you home?

- Shh, she?ll hear you.
- So, she likes me.

Oh, that?s right.

Mom, it?s me, Lorelai, I?m home!

I?m home and I?m taking my sweater off.

I?m taking my sweater off
and dropping it on the floor.

I?m dropping it on the floor
and walking away from it.

I?m walking away from it
and leaving it on the floor,

and in two years I?m
gonna register Democrat.

- Looks like no Emily.
- Where?s Sofia?

- Fired.
- Already.

She touched the Baccarat unicorn.

- My God, is she insane?
- Apparently so.

Okay, so, to recap, there?s
no Emily and there?s no Sofia.

And there?s no supervision whatsoever.

- What will we do?
- Let?s celebrate.

Celebrate what?

- No more midterms.
- Hear, hear.

- Okay, I say that we drink to it.
- Hear, hear.

- Scotch, vodka, or gin?
- Hear, hear.

And put a cherry in it.

It looks like the Gilmores
are planning a trip again.

Where to this time?

Someplace fabulous where
they?ll stay at a fancy hotel

with a lot of other rich Americans
so they won?t have to talk

to anyone who actually
lives in that country.

"Myra Waldo?s Travel and
Motoring Guide to Europe. "

Hello Myra.

Oh God, I hope they go over Christmas.

That would be as holly jolly as it gets.

Smooth.

Hey, guess what I decided ?

- I?m not gonna go to college.
- Are you serious?

I?m taking a year and
I?m going to Europe.

I?m gonna backpack, train it,
sleep on a bench, see the world.

And you?ve told Straub and Francine
about your big plans, I?m sure.

Ah, it doesn?t matter.

I?m outta here the second
that diploma?s in my hand.

Sounds good.

You?re coming with me.

- Oh, I am?
- Yup.

I?m sleeping on a bench? Okay,
how does that picture look to you,

?cause to me it looks like a big no.

Fine, you we get a room for,

and then I?ll just sleep
on the bench outside.

- Much better arrangement.
- So you?ll go?

Christopher, you?re
supposed to go to college.

I?m supposed to go to college.

Then you?re supposed to join your dad?s
firm where you?ll get a corner office

and big stick to shove up your butt.

Change of plans.

You can?t just change the plans.

The plans came over on the Mayflower.

Come on, Lor. Let?s get out of here,

let?s get away from this place.
Let?s take Myra and just bolt.

Leave a note on the dining room
table. "Dear Richard and Emily,

I don?t belong here,
I?m going somewhere else,

I?ll call you when I get there.
Love, Lorelai. ? How does that sound?

Well, the word "whoopee" comes to mind.

So, then, it?s a plan.

It?s a plan.

Hey, I want to sleep amongst
thirteenth century tapestries

and chocolates made by local artisans.

Okay, then, it?s settled.
We?re not staying at any place

that wasn?t built for
Napoleon the third?s doctor

or doesn?t have a
Chagall in the bathroom.

Hear, hear.

Now we just have to figure
out how we?re gonna pay for it.

Hey, how good?s your organ grinding?

I called last night and I asked her

to talk me through the Korean
War and she said she was busy.

- Oh, she?s definitely got a boyfriend.
- I know.

- I for one think it?s about time.
- I agree.

It wasn?t healthy, all that non-dating.

It definitely didn?t help that whole
skin thing she was going through.

How come she didn?t tell us?

I think she just wanted to
make sure it was gonna take.

So, tell us, what?s this Jamie like?

You know, I really don?t feel like
talking about Paris right now. Or ever.

Oh, come on, you know him, we don?t.

- Is he sexy?
- Does he have a good car?

- How?s the trust fund?
- How?s the profile?

- Will the prom pictures work?
- How are his friends?

Yes. Is there spin-off potential?

- Whoops.
- Bye.

Okay, everyone, gather around.

I have in my hand the 2002
Franklin Yearbook photos.

I got copies for everyone, so let?s leave
the Barney?s clearance sale reenactment

for another day, shall we?

And, please take note
of the fact that the idea

of posing under the new school
banner was a major, major success.

- Paris.
- Yes?

- I?m sneezing.
- What?

In the picture. I?m sneezing
and my head is turned.

Oh, yeah, I noticed that,

but every picture had something wrong
with it and I had to pick the one

that was the best for the
largest number of people.

- We took ninety pictures.
- What?s your point?

My point is in ninety tries,
there wasn?t one other picture

that was good for the group
and didn?t have me looking

like I?m in Cirque du Soleil.

Sorry. Life can play some
cruel tricks sometimes.

Life had a little help from
the Gellar camp this time.

We are not done.

- Hello?
- Rory, hi, listen.

I just got the call and ? hold
on a sec. I?ll call him back.

I?m back, sorry. Where was I?

Who is this?

Maureen Rollins, Sherry?s friend.

Oh, yes, right, Maureen, I?m sorry, I...

Don?t worry about it. Listen,
I know the invitation said

that we were all gathering
at the c-section next week,

- but Sherry just went into labor.
- What?

She screwed up, she?s in
labor, and she wanted me

to call all the girls and beg them
to get down to the hospital ASAP.

It?s a big screw-up.

I guess.

- Can you come?
- Well...

- You?re a child, right?
- What?

School?

School, you have school?

Yes, I have school, but...

Is there anyway you could
reschedule school just for today?

She completely screwed up,
but she?s still our Sherry.

Well, I?m actually done with school now.

I could grab a train and...

That would be the
best, the absolute best.

You are a great kid.
She?s at Boston Memorial.

I will meet you there. Listen, I
have Graydon Carter on the other line.

- Who?
- Graydon Carter.

- I have to go.
- Okay, bye.

Please make sure the light is very soft.

I want a luminous quality.

I?m gonna have to see the young lady

before I can set the final lighting.

Yes, of course.

Arletta, did you call Lorelai?

Yes, ma?am. Twenty minutes ago.

And what did she say?

She said she was still getting dressed.

Do you want me to go up there again?

No, I?ll do it.

I swear, you?d think that it was
my coming out portrait, not hers,

for the amount of concern she has
about all of this. I?ll be right back.

Don?t scratch the floor.

Yeah?

Lorelai, the photographer
needs you downstairs.

I?ll be there in a sec.

He needs you now, not in a sec.

- I don?t hear you walking toward the door.
- Mom, please.

- I?m coming in.
- No.

I don?t have time for
your attitude young lady.

This man is being paid by the hour.

Why aren?t you dressed?

I just...

I think the zipper?s too
new or stiff or something.

Turn around, I?ll do it.

- Oh my God.
- What?

It?s not the zipper, it?s the dress.

- It?s too small.
- Are you sure?

Of course I?m sure.

It?s too small. How can it be too small?

We had a fitting three months ago.

- Have you gained weight?
- No.

- Hold your breath.
- I am.

- Hold your breath!
- I am!

The only thing I can
think of is the dressmaker

must?ve written the
measurements down wrong.

What are we supposed to do now?

I certainly can?t take a
picture of you like that.

Sorry.

I?ll just have to have
him come back next week.

And I?m going to call that woman at the
dress shop and give her a piece of my mind.

My God, is everyone in the
world completely incompetent?

Put on your sweats and
run around the block.

You?re gonna fit into the
next dress no matter what.

Okay, I have five minutes to
drink as much coffee as I can

before I have to drive to
Hartford to spend the evening

with my mother alone and...
who am I saying this to?

I was listening.

- Where?s Luke?
- I don?t know.

Is he here? Is he coming
back? How fresh is that pot?

I don?t know, I don?t
know, it was sitting there

when I got here but that?s only
been a minute so I don?t know.

Oh, thank God.

Hey, I desperately need a
massive cup of coffee to go and...

- What happened to your face?
- What do you mean?

- It?s visible.
- Oh, I shaved.

- You going to the bank?
- No.

- Funeral?
- No.

- Drag club?
- Let?s get you your coffee, shall we?

- Hey, isn?t that the sweater that...
- Yes, it is.

- You look nice.
- Thank you.

- What?s the occasion?
- Oh, well...

Oh, it?s a girl...

Nicole, this is Lorelai.

Nice to meet you. I?m Nicole Leahy.

Lorelai Gilmore.

- Wow, you look nice.
- Yeah, you, too.

So, you ready or should I sit down?

No, let?s go, I?m ready.

Oh, I?m sorry. I?ll just...

Oh, hey, Luke...

She?s a lawyer.

So what?

- Luke!
- Shh!

Hello? Yes.

No, I?m sorry, Monday?s not gonna
work, it?ll have to be Tuesday.

Yes, well, your client breaking a
contract is fairly annoying also,

but we?re all dealing with that.

Terrific to hear. Bye Michael.

Sorry. The phone is going off now.

It?s okay. Make as
many calls as you want.

- Nice meeting you.
- You, too.

As soon as I can. All right, bye.

- Maureen?
- Yes?

I?m Rory.

I?m Christopher?s daughter.
You called me to come down.

Rory, yes, sweetie,
thank God you?re here.

Sherry?s gonna be so happy to
see you. She?s a basketcase.

- Well, who wouldn?t be, right?
- Where?s everyone else?

- Oh, they?re working.
- What?

We had all planned on next
week, but Sherry screwed up,

so what can you do?
Thank God you?re here.

She?ll be thrilled. She?s
feeling a little abandoned.

Now, she?s right in there.
Do not mention how fat she is.

For some reason, she?s extremely
sensitive about that today.

Okay, kiss. I?ll call you later
to find out how everything?s going.

Wait, where are you going?

I?ve gotta get back to
work. I?m swamped today.

You?re leaving me here alone?

Believe me, I would love
to stay hon ? impossible.

What can I say? Sherry screwed up.

Anyhow, you?ll be fine.
If you need anything, call.

I don?t have your number.

Sherry?s got it.

Sherry? It?s Rory.

Rory?

Oh my God, I?m so glad you?re here.

How are you?

This wasn?t supposed to happen now.

I know.

Christopher?s out of town.

I think Maureen called
him and left a message

but it doesn?t matter because
he?s not here. Where?s Maureen?

Oh, she had to go back to work,
but she said she?d call later.

- She?s at work?
- Yes.

I?m lying in a bed.

God knows what?s gonna happen.

You?re going to have a baby.

And she goes back to work.

I would love to go back to work, but
I can?t because I have to stay here.

Well, yeah, because you?re
going to have a baby.

She?s not here.

None of my friends are here.

Christopher isn?t here. No one is here.

No one but you.

Thank God you?re here, Rory.

I don?t think that I
could do this by myself

because this wasn?t supposed
to happen until next week.

I wrote it down.

I wrote it down.

I wrote it down!

Boy, do you look thin.

Well, it?s a rare treat
to have an evening alone

with my daughter uncoerced.

Yes, it is, isn?t it?

So Rory?s at the hospital?

Yeah. She?s gonna see her new
half-sister fresh from the oven.

That?s about an unpleasant a
description as I?ve ever heard.

- I thought we?d have martinis.
- Very good thought.

- Olives?
- Twist.

So how?s Rory feeling about
Christopher?s new baby?

She?s very excited. It?s kind of cute.

You should?ve gotten her a puppy.

Stop.

No maid tonight?

Leloni usually takes Sundays off,

but she wanted to switch and seeing
as it?s just you and I, I said yes.

Leloni, huh? Very exotic name.

She?s from Honolulu.

- Cool. Does she know Don Ho?
- No.

- Charo?
- No.

The C&H Pure Cane Sugar dancers?

Lorelai, please, we don?t
have a buffer here tonight.

So who cooked dinner?

Please don?t tell me it?s you
?cause we can always... diet.

Leloni made a roast before
she left and I heated it up.

You did?

I even added a little wine to the
pan to keep it from drying out.

Well, who died and
made you Sara Moulton?

Drink this and be quiet.

So...

how long is Dad gone for this time?

Two weeks.

Didn?t he just come home last week?

Yes, he did.

So business must be pretty good?

I suppose. He has to work
twice as hard as he ever did,

and I?m still not sure that
he?s actually made a dime yet.

However, he does see to be having the
time of his life, so what can you do?

Nothing, I guess.

Hey Mom, can I ask you something?

Of course you can.

What do you do while Dad is gone?

I do all sorts of things.

Like what?

I keep this house running.

And I have my DAR meetings

and there?s always a
thousand calls to make.

I have functions and fundraising events
to organize. A million different things.

Okay, but what do you do at night?

Excuse me?

I mean, you don?t organize
functions at night, do you?

What are you insinuating?

I?m not insinuating anything, Mom.

I?m just trying to find out
a little bit about your life.

Your father calls every night
at nine o?clock and we talk.

So, you spend fifteen
minutes talking to Dad

and then you hang up the phone and you ?

what? Watch television?

I don?t watch that much television.

I don?t find forensic work quite as
fascinating as the rest of the world.

But you have cable, right? I
mean, you could watch movies.

Yes, but I never know where the
maid puts that guide they send you,

so I always wind up turning it on
after a movie has already started

and I don?t like to come
in on the middle of things.

But you could tape the
movies, or get a DVD player.

I don?t need a DVD player.

Why not? Then you could buy
all those musicals you love

and watch them whenever
you felt like it.

I?m not an invalid, Lorelai.

Of course you are, Mother.

Why else would I suggest a DVD player?

I can fill my time all by myself

and I?d like you to drop
this conversation right now.

Where are you going?

We?re going to eat.

Just because you leave the room

doesn?t mean the conversation?s over.

I started the conversation.
The conversation?s in me.

Therefore, when I get over there,

the conversation?s just
gonna start up again.

This is unbelievable.

Absolutely unbelievable.

- I feel sick.
- Everything?s gone.

It?s been tossed right out the window.

Stop crying.

Here Francine, drink your water.

We all need to calm down. Getting
upset isn?t going to get us anywhere.

What do we tell people?

Who needs to know?

What do you mean, who needs to know?

You don?t have to yell at me, Straub.

Everybody has to know, Emily.

Everybody will know. We can?t
pretend this didn?t happen.

- You could send her away.
- Excuse me?

Aren?t there places that
take girls like that?

Girls like what, Francine?

Girls in...

I can?t handle this, I
can?t handle this at all.

Stop crying, dammit.

Christopher is just as
much to blame as Lorelai is.

- Like hell he is.
- They are in this together.

I don?t see why.

Why should Christopher sacrifice everything
we?ve planned for him just because...

Choose your words
extremely carefully, Straub.

Emily, you know we love
Lorelai, you know that.

But Christopher?s so young, he?s a baby.

Lorelai?s not exactly
collecting social security.

Why doesn?t she get rid of it?

- What?
- Straub.

- It?s an option.
- It certainly is not an option.

- Why not?
- Because I say so.

Then what the hell are
you suggesting, Emily?

What?s your great
solution to this problem?

They will get married,

they will live here,

and Christopher will go
to work at my company.

That is the solution.

Now, we have a plan

so we can all stop talking about it.

Please excuse me, I have work to do.

I think Richard?s plan
sounds very sensible.

I just have one question
? why his company?

What do you mean, his company?

Well, I have a law firm.

Christopher could go to school.

I know we?re all upset here folks,

but maybe we should ask
the kids what they think.

Lorelai, Christopher,
anything to add here?

Quiet, they?ll hear you.

Not likely. I don?t know how much
longer I can just sit here like this.

It?s okay, let them talk.

They?re talking about us.

They?re trying to figure out what to do.

What to do with our lives ? our lives!

Yours and mine and... its.

We?re gonna need their help.

We can take care of ourselves.

- How?
- We?ll figure it out.

It?s okay. It sounds okay.

What sounds okay?

You know, working for
your dad, living here.

- It sounds okay.
- Chris, no!

What about Europe? What about
sleeping on a bench in Paris?

- We can?t do that now. I have to get a job.
- No!

- I have to make money.
- No!

It?s okay, really.

You?re not even listening to each other.

Oh, for God?s sake Francine, shut up!

So, we?ll see you next Friday at three.

And once again, sorry for
the short notice. Okay, bye.

Great, who?s next?

Sheldon Harnick.

Try and set him for Wednesday.

Oh, and don?t tell him I?m
pregnant. He hates pregnancy.

Oh, how about a plumbing problem?

Sounds good.

Okay, so how are we doing?

I?m not sure.

Don?t be nervous. Everything?s
going to be just fine.

I just wanted to check on you
and to see who?s going to be

with you in the delivery
room while it?s happening.

Oh, my fianc?s on his
way. He?s on his way, right?

Yes, he?s on his way.

Okay, so when he gets
here, he?ll come in with me.

And if he doesn?t get here in time?

Then we?ll just have to wait.

I?m afraid that?s gonna be
a little tough to arrange.

Once it starts, that?s it.

Okay, well, then I guess it?s Rory.

Right?

Absolutely.

Okay, then I?m gonna get you a gown

and some gloves so you?ll be all
set in case you have to go in.

- That sounds great.
- I?ll be right back.

Okay, where were we?

Listen, Sherry, I really
need a cup of coffee.

Would you mind if I
ran out really quick?

Oh, no, go ahead. I?ll make
the next few calls myself.

- Hello?
- Mom, they?re giving me gloves!

What are you talking about?

I don?t want gloves, I don?t want
a gown, I don?t wanna be in there.

In where?

- In the delivery room with Sherry.
- What?

Dad?s not here yet
and she?s freaking out

and she told the nurse
I?m going in and...

Where are her other friends?

They had to work. I?m here all by myself

and I?m trying very hard to be calm
but I?m starting to feel nauseous,

and the hospital has a
smell, and there are noises,

and those gowns do not stay closed and
I?ve seen a lot of butts today! And...

Okay, sweetie, calm down.

- I need you.
- Rory.

I need you, I need you
here, I need you now.

I cannot do this alone. I need my Mommy,

and dammit, I don?t care who knows it!

- What hospital is it?
- Boston Memorial.

- I?ll be right there.
- I really, really like you.

Tell Sherry to keep her legs
crossed ?til I get there.

- Does that work?
- No. Bye.

Mom, I gotta go, I?m
sorry. Dinner was great.

Where are you going?

Sherry?s freaking out and
Rory?s the only one with her,

so I?m going to the hospital.

You?re going to be with Rory?s father?s
girlfriend while she has his baby?

Gee, Mom, I can?t at all tell
what your opinion on that might be.

Why would you do this?

This woman pulled Christopher
away from you, away from Rory.

She destroyed any chance
you might have had...

Rory asked me to come,
that?s why I?m going.

I don?t understand what
Rory?s doing there either.

She?s going to have a sister.

Half-sister.

Thank you for a lovely
dinner. I?ll see you next week.

- Are you done?
- Yes.

Okay. Is anyone with you, hon?

No.

Someone will be up to
get you in just a second.

Thanks.

Excuse me, Sherry
Tinsdale?s room please?

- Right through there.
- Thank you.

Mom!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You?re welcome, and I will be holding
this over you for the next ten years.

- What are you doing?
- Xeroxing.

What?

Sherry had some status reports she
promised to fax to people by tomorrow

but she didn?t bring enough, and so
I?ve been trying to find a Xerox machine.

I finally conned someone in
ICU into letting me use theirs.

- I haven?t found a fax machine yet, but...
- Okay, come on.

- I have to fax these.
- Let?s go.

But we have a deadline.

Yes, I?m having them
faxed over right now.

Yes, that?s right.

I?m not sure if the numbers I
have are the numbers that you have.

That?s right, that?s bad.

I think you should, too.

- Did you get those things faxed?
- Sherry, hang up.

- No, I have to finish this call.
- Just say goodbye.

- But...
- You?ll call ?em back.

Hi. Sherry?s gonna
have to call you back.

- Yeah, I promise. Okay, goodbye.
- No, that was work.

Sherry, you really shouldn?t
be working right now.

I can?t just stop
everything because I?m...

Having a baby. Admitting
it is the first step, honey.

I?m not ready. I had it planned.

- Christopher was supposed to be here.
- I know.

I don?t know what to do.

The first thing you have to do
is calm down and stop working.

And the second thing is, you need to
tell me why you?re sitting like that.

Maureen told me that Howard Stern said

that if you squat, it makes
the baby come out faster.

Okay, as long as you have a sane
reason from a reliable source.

- I?m scared.
- I know.

It?s scary, and it hurts like hell.

And remember, when it comes
out not to look at it too hard

until they give it a good cleaning, or
you?ll think you gave birth to phlegm.

But, once they give it a good
scrub, it?s just unbelievably cool.

Yeah?

And look how good they
grow up. Not bad, huh?

I hope I get that lucky.

I?ve got a good feeling.

Thank you.

Lorelai?

Yeah?

My ankles are starting to hurt.

Okay, grab an arm.

I?m glad you?re here.

At this moment, you probably should be.

- She?s jogging in place.
- Why?

I think she?s hoping to aerobicize
the thing right out of there.

Should we stop her?

I tried. She almost took an eye out.

That can?t be good for the baby.

It?s probably no worse

than the guilt trip it?s gonna
get for showing up a week early.

You do know it?s a girl.

Yes, I should probably stop
calling it "it". Her "it".

I was just bringing you some coffee.

Thanks. Did you try
calling your dad again?

His cell?s not in service
or out of range or something.

You do know if he doesn?t get
here, I have to go in with her.

Yes, I do.

I don?t want to go in with her.

At least you know what?s gonna happen.

I had the cheap seat before. My
view was quite a bit different.

Hey, should we buy a
camera or something?

For what?

If Dad doesn?t get here,
shouldn?t we maybe...

No.

- But...
- No.

- Mom.
- No.

I just thought it would be nice.

Lor, Rory!

Oh, thank God you?re here, Chris.

Has it happened? Did I miss it?

- No.
- You have perfect timing.

I must?ve broken fifteen
different laws getting here.

I don?t even remember
where I left my car.

I thought I wasn?t gonna make it.

Take a breath, you did make it,
and Sherry?s gonna be thrilled.

- Where is she?
- Come on.

- Is this...
- Yeah.

- Sherry!
- Christopher, you?re here!

I can?t believe you?re here.
I didn?t think you?d make it.

Are you kidding? You
think I?d miss this.

No, I?m sorry. It?s just, I?m just in a
lot of pain and I can?t think straight.

I take it this is your fianc?.

Yeah, this is him.

This is my Christopher.

Well, Christopher, are
you coming in with us?

Try and stop me.

Okay, let?s go then.

We?ll be right here, waiting.

Have fun.

Have fun?

Well...

Okay, this is a big pain and I?d
really like it to go away, please.

Just breathe deep, honey.

Breathing doesn?t help,
can I hit you instead?

What?

Or pinch you really hard, ?cause
that might make me feel better.

No, you cannot hit me.

Can I bite you or pull your
hair or use the Epilady on you

?cause I really need to do something.

Lorelai Gilmore!

Wheel this a little faster, please.

Lorelai, you do not do this. You
do not just leave a person a note.

Okay, see the timing here?

"Dear Mom and Dad, I?m in
labor. See you later, Lorelai. "

Emily, please, I feel ridiculous.

You?re having a baby ?
do you know that, Lorelai?

That explains the stomachache.

You do not leave your house
when you are having a baby

without telling your mother.
You say, "Excuse me, Mom.

I?m having a baby, give me
a ride to the damn hospital!"

Emily, please, I wore
the wrong shoes for this.

Of all the things in the
world I had a right to do,

driving my daughter to
the hospital to give birth,

especially since she?s sixteen years old
and doesn?t have her driver?s license yet,

is definitely one of them.

Ma?am, I need to wait out here, please.

Why?

Because we?re going
into the delivery room.

I want to go in.

- No, Mom, please.
- Yes, Emily, please.

Fine, we?ll be right
here when you?re done.

Super.

And do not think we?re finished
discussing this, young lady,

- because we are not!
- Emily, let?s just sit here.

- I?m glad he got here.
- Yeah. Me, too.

So I guess now we wait?

Yup, now we wait.

Kirk, how long are you gonna sit here?

What do you mean?

It?s been four hours. Go home.

It?s boring at home. My TV?s broken.

- So do something else.
- Like what?

- Read a book.
- What book?

- Any book.
- I?m gonna need a suggestion.

Moby Dick.

- That?s about the whale?
- Yes.

No. What else?

Forget it, just sit there.

So he just drove all the way to
New York, picked up the cheese,

drove back. Nobody talked
about it ever again.

Oh, God, I love cheese.

You would?ve gotten along
very well with my father.

So, you want some coffee?

I would love some coffee.

Have a seat. Jess, coffee over here.

So, I have to say,

I really hated that restaurant.

Good, I like that we?re
on the same page here.

I did, however, have a really good time.

Once again, I like that
we?re on the same page here.

- Okay, coffee.
- Thank you.

Did you have a good time?

Yes, we had a really good time.

Okay, well, I?m going to
go out for about an hour.

What are you talking about? It?s 11:30.

I know. I?m just gonna
go out for about an hour.

- Where?
- Out.

- Out where?
- Out for about an hour.

What are you talking about?

I?m talking about going
out for about an hour.

What ? you need more time?

Nicole, will you excuse me for a minute?

- Sure.
- Okay.

They have amazing communication.

I guess I?m not going
out for about an hour.

Say goodnight, Jess.

I don?t understand you, man.

My mystique is part of my charm.

You at least want me to
take a walk around the block?

- Jess.
- Take an extra long shower?

- Go upstairs.
- Sorry, I tried.

Lor?

Are you a daddy?

Come on, come look.

We?ll wake Rory later.

So how was it?

Oh, man, Lor, in my wildest
dreams, I never could?ve imagined.

I?ve never been that nervous or
terrified or nauseous in my entire life.

It was like the most amazing
thing ever in the world.

It was like...

- You know.
- Yes, I do know.

I?ve never seen anything like it.

And Sherry was great.

I?m flying, I mean it, I?m flying.

There.

- That?s my daughter.
- I can tell.

How?

I think she conned that
one out of his blanket.

She?s perfect.

Rory was perfect.

She, however, is a good solid second.

I just can?t believe it.

She?s beautiful,

really.

Congratulations Christopher.

Thank you.

Thank you for everything.

Of course.

- She?s pretty.
- She?s perfect.

So, I guess we should get married.

I should wake Rory, don?t you think?

Yeah, she?d like to see this.

I?ll get it, Leloni. You find out
where that smell is coming from.

- Lorelai.
- Hi, Mom.

What on Earth are you
doing here? What is this?

This is your new DVD player.

My what?

Plus, I picked up Singin?
in the Rain, Funny Girl,

Easter Parade, An American in
Paris, and as an added bonus,

the new classic dance series ?
Urban Cowboy, Saturday Night Fever,

Grease, Footloose, and Flashdance.

Trust me, you?re gonna be cutting
up your sweatshirts all weekend.

Why did you do this?

?Cause I thought you?d enjoy it.

But I don?t know anything
about a DVD player.

Mom, trust me, once it?s hooked up,

all you?ll have to know
is how to press play.

- But who?s gonna hook it up?
- I am.

You know how to hook this up?

I know how to read
an instruction manual.

- Since when?
- Please.

Maybe we should get a professional.

I can do this. Just give
me five seconds here.

Well?

Well, can you do it?

Oh, just forget it.

Mom, please, just let me focus
on this for one more second,

and if I cannot do it, I?ll get a professional
DVD guy in here to install it, okay?

I still don?t understand
why you got me this.

I love this movie.

Lorelai, we?re leaving!

What do you know? She finally
put Rory?s stroller away.

It?s the first time in a year I
haven?t tripped over that thing.

Where?s my scarf?

I told Tina to put everything
out for you, Richard.

- Out where?
- Look on the table.

You have to be more
specific with her, Emily.

Fine, Richard.

There should be a designated
place to put things.

Whatever you say, Richard.

Lorelai, we are leaving!
Please acknowledge that!

Where is that girl?

This is not the scarf I asked for.

It looks fine. Can you just wear it?

No, I?m gonna go back upstairs

and get the scarf I intended
to wear in the first place.

I?m surprised at you Emily.

These are your friends
we?re seeing tonight.

You would have thought that my
appearance would be a priority for you.

I didn?t want to go to this
thing in the first place.

I have an early meeting in the morning,

and I would much rather go to bed

and ignore the fact that the symphony has
to reupholster its mezzanine this year.

Emily?

Emily?

- Well, can you do it?
- I have no idea.

Where are you going? Are
you going to take it back?

- I?m going upstairs.
- Why?

I think I should put this in
your bedroom. That?s your best TV.

You just said you didn?t
know how to hook that up.

I?ll figure it out.

But there are wires involved
and connections and electricity.

You could hurt yourself
or set the house on fire.

In your Easter bonnet...

- You could ruin our television set.
- ... with all the frills upon it,

you?ll be the grandest
fella in the Easter parade.

- I'll be all in clover...
- I don?t like being ignored, Lorelai.

...and when they look us over, we?ll be
the proudest people in the Easter parade.