Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 7 - Like Mother, Like Daughter - full transcript

WOW. BUSY TODAY.

HAS LUKE BEEN
ADVERTISING OR SOMETHING?

HE GETS GOOD WORD OF MOUTH.

WELL, WE HAVE TO START
SPREADING BAD WORD OF MOUTH,

SO WE CAN ALWAYS HAVE A TABLE.

WELL, THAT WOULD BE
WRONG, BUT SURE. VERMIN?

OR NO POTABLE WATER.

OR NO POTABLE VERMIN.

THAT'D SCARE THEM AWAY.

OR CONFUSE THEM AWAY.

SO WEIRD SEEING
HIM TALKING LIKE THAT.

LIKE WHAT?

JUST ALL FRIENDLY.
HE'S USUALLY ONLY GOOD

FOR A QUICK COUPLE OF GRUFF
MONOSYLLABLES, THEN HE'S OFF.

HE IS THE MASTER OF
THE MONOSYLLABLE.

HE NEVER FLIRTS WITH ANY OF
THE WOMEN. DO YOU NOTICE THAT?

HE'S FLIRTED WITH
YOU NUMEROUS TIMES.

DON'T START.

HEY, FLIRT WITH HIM
NOW. WE NEED COFFEE.

OH, LUKE, WE ARE JUST DYIN'
FOR SOME REFRESHMENTS.

KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.

HUH. HE CAN TURN IT OFF
AND TURN IT ON SO FAST.

HEY, I FOUND A C.D. UNDER
THE FRONT SEAT OF OUR CAR.

DID YOU, UH, LOSE ONE?

NOT THAT I KNOW OF, BUT
I'M KINDA SLOPPY WITH THEM.

SO YOU DIDN'T HIDE IT?

WHY WOULD I HIDE A C.D.?

I DON'T KNOW. BAY CITY ROLLERS?

IT'S NOT A BAY CITY ROLLERS C.D.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I KNOW WHAT'S NOT
HIDDEN UNDER THE SEAT.

HA. BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT
BARRY MANILOW IS UNDER THAT SEAT.

WHERE'S BARRY MANILOW?

UNDER MOM'S SEAT.

I CONFESS I WAS
HIDING BARRY MANILOW.

YOU CONFESS?

BUT HE WAS VERY BIG
WHEN I WAS VERY SMALL.

AND IT'S THE LIVE
VERSION WHERE HE DOES

A MEDLEY OF HIS
COMMERCIAL JINGLES.

DON'T WORRY.

EVERYONE'S ALLOWED
A GUILTY PLEASURE.

OH. VERY DIPLOMATIC FROM THE GIRL
WHO HAD THE BRYAN ADAMS POSTER

ABOVE HER BED FOR 2 YEARS.

FINK.

DO YOU HAVE A GUILTY PLEASURE?

NO.

ARE YOU INTO MUSIC?

SURE.

MONOSYLLABIC MAN STRIKES AGAIN.

WE'LL HAVE 2 MUFFINS, PLEASE.

YOU GOT 'EM.

DO YOU THINK HE'S DATED
ANYONE SINCE RACHEL?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE WOULD HE MEET ANYONE?

HE'S EITHER HERE
OR IN HIS APARTMENT.

HMM, MAYBE HE HAS A SECRET LIFE.

MAYBE HE'S GOT A LITTLE
CHIPPY STOWED AWAY IN MT. PILOT.

WE'LL KNOW EVENTUALLY.

I SAY HE'S A BACHELOR FOR LIFE.

I SAY THERE'S SOMEONE
FOR EVERYONE.

WHAT?

OH, BARRY MANILOW.

OH, STOP.

♪ LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT ♪

OH, YEAH? SPICE GIRLS.

DURAN DURAN.

DIDO.

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN.

THE MACARENA.

YOU AND LANE FOR HOURS
AND HOURS, FOR WEEKS ON END.

HEY, WE WERE MOCKING.

YOU CAN'T MOCK THE MOCKING.

ALL RIGHT. IT'S GETTING
UGLY. LET'S STOP.

LET'S BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT.

STOP IT.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

AH!

WHAT?

THE CAR WON'T START.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST DEAD.

I TURN THE KEY, IT
MAKES A HORRIBLE SOUND.

WHAT KIND OF SOUND?

HMM, LIKE...

YOU KNOW, BUT LESS FEMININE.

THAT'S THE BATTERY.

WELL, WHAT DID I EVER DO
TO MAKE THE BATTERY MAD?

LET'S SEE. YOU'VE
KEPT THE RADIO ON

ALL NIGHT, KILLING THE BATTERY,

YOU'VE KEPT THE LIGHTS ON
ALL NIGHT, KILLING THE BATTERY,

YOU'VE KEPT THE DOOR OPEN

WHICH KEEPS THE CEILING LIGHT
ON ALL NIGHT KILLING THE BATTERY.

OK, WELL, I'VE DONE MULTIPLE
THINGS TO MAKE THE BATTERY MAD.

ARE YOU GONNA WALK?

I'M WEARING HEELS.

CHANGE YOUR SHOES.

I'D HAVE TO CHANGE
MY OUTFIT. DO IT.

I'D HAVE TO WALK UPSTAIRS.

SUDDENLY I'M LIVING
WITH ZSA ZSA GABOR.

I'M GONNA CALL MICHEL.

THIS THING IS TOO SMALL.

INDEPENDENCE INN.

HOLD ON, MICHEL.

THAT BACKPACK IS NOT TOO SMALL.

MINISCULE.

TAKE YOUR SCHOOLBOOKS
AND LEAVE THE OTHERS.

I NEED ALL OF MY OTHER BOOKS.

YOU DON'T NEED ALL THESE.

I THINK I DO.

EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY?

THAT'S MY BUS BOOK.

UH-HUH, WHAT'S THE FAULKNER?

MY OTHER BUS BOOK.

SO JUST TAKE ONE BUS BOOK.

THE MILLAY IS A BIOGRAPHY.

AND SOMETIMES ON THE BUS,
WHEN I PULL OUT A BIOGRAPHY,

AND I THINK TO MYSELF, "WELL, I DON'T
FEEL LIKE READING ABOUT A PERSON'S LIFE"

THEN I'LL SWITCH TO THE NOVEL..

AND THEN SOMETIMES, IF I'M NOT
INTO THE NOVEL, I'LL SWITCH BACK.

STILL THERE, MICHEL?

YES, I... HOLD ON.

WHAT IS THE GORE VIDAL?

OH, THAT'S MY LUNCH BOOK.

UH-HUH. SO LOSE THE
VIDAL OR THE FAULKNER.

YOU DON'T NEED 2 NOVELS.

VIDAL IS ESSAYS.

BUT THE EUDORA WELTY'S
NOT ESSAYS OR BIOGRAPHY.

RIGHT.

SO, IT'S ANOTHER NOVEL. LOSE IT.

UH-UH, IT'S SHORT STORIES.

AH, THIS IS A SICKNESS. MICHEL?

I AM GROWING VERY OLD.

COME PICK ME UP?

I'M ALREADY HERE.

PUT CAROL ON THE DESK
AND COME PICK ME UP.

I'M NOT SPEAKING TO CAROL.
SHE ATE MY LOW-FAT CHEESE.

MICHEL, COME PICK ME UP AND
I WILL BUY YOU SOME CHEESE.

LOW-FAT CHEESE.

LOW-FAT CHEESE.

LOW-FAT AMERICAN CHEESE.

LOW-FAT AMERICAN CHEESE.

AND A MERINGUE COOKIE.

JUST GET OVER HERE.

FINE.

HA. I MADE IT ALL FIT.

EDNA, BILL, GORE, AND
EUDORA, ALL SAFE AND SOUND.

COOL. FORGOT YOUR FRENCH BOOK.

OH, I KNOW.

I'M, UH, CARRYING
MY FRENCH BOOK.

YOU SO THOUGHT THAT FRENCH
BOOK WAS ALREADY IN THERE.

I DID NOT.

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. NO, I DON'T.

YOU'RE GONNA TIP OVER FROM
THE WEIGHT OF THAT BACKPACK.

NO, I'M NOT.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO
BUY YOU A FORKLIFT. BYE.

♪

♪ SHUT UP ♪

♪ PIMPLED AND ANGRY ♪

♪ I QUIETLY TIED ALL
MY GUTS INTO KNOTS ♪

♪ GAVE UP ♪

I STARTLED YOU.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

THAT'S OK. I'M EASILY STARTLED.

I'M MRS. BURDINESS, THE
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.

YOUR NAME'S RORY,
ISN'T IT? RORY GILMORE?

YES.

HELLO.

HELLO. I'D LOVE TO
SIT AND TALK TO YOU.

CAN WE DO THAT?

SURE, ANYTIME.

HOW ABOUT AFTER
YOU FINISH YOUR LUNCH?

OH, THAT SOON?

I THINK SOON WOULD BE GOOD.

OK. WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT THEN.

NOT EVEN A HINT?

SEE YOU IN A LITTLE BIT.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

COME IN.

HELLO, RORY. HAVE A SEAT.

THANK YOU.

SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT BEING
LATE FOR YOUR NEXT CLASS.

I'LL WRITE YOU A
NOTE IF YOU WANT.

OK.

I KNOW FROM YOUR RECORDS
YOU'RE A STICKLER FOR PUNCTUALITY.

I AM A STICKLER, YES.

I ONLY SLIPPED
ONE TIME LAST YEAR.

I HIT A DEER. ACTUALLY,
HE HIT ME. OR SHE DID.

OR NOT ME, MY CAR.

BUT, UM, THEN HE OR SHE RAN
AWAY, AND I THINK IT TURNED OUT OK.

UH, I DIDN'T SEE IT AGAIN,
SO I CAN'T DEFINITIVELY SAY.

BUT I DID LOOK FOR HIM OR HER.

IT'S A BIG STORY FOR ME.

I'M SURPRISED I
DON'T TELL IT BETTER.

WHY DON'T WE GET TO THE
REASON I ASKED YOU HERE?

HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON BROUGHT YOU

TO MY ATTENTION A FEW WEEKS AGO.

HE'S WORRIED.

AFTER OBSERVING YOU
A BIT, I'M WORRIED, TOO.

YOU'VE BEEN OBSERVING ME?

WE'VE BEEN CONCERNED ABOUT
YOUR SOCIAL BEHAVIOR HERE AT SCHOOL.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

YOU DON'T SEEM TO INTERACT
MUCH WITH OTHER STUDENTS.

I... I DO, SOMETIMES.
IN CLASS, ALL THE TIME.

BUT RARELY OUTSIDE OF CLASS.

AT LUNCH, YOU'RE
ALWAYS BY YOURSELF.

THAT'S WHEN I
CATCH UP ON READING.

THAT WALKMAN MAKES
YOU VERY UNAPPROACHABLE.

YOU APPROACHED ME.

YOU ALL JUMPED OUT OF YOUR SKIN.

WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?

THAT I'M JUMPY.

ON THE 4th OF JULY,
FORGET IT, I'M A WRECK.

WHEN THE STARS HOLLOW ORCHESTRA
BEGINS TO PLAY IN THE GAZEBO

WITH THE GUY BANGING THE
CYMBALS, IT DRIVES ME NUTS.

DENYING A PROBLEM DOESN'T
SOLVE A PROBLEM, RORY.

UNLESS SOMETHING CHANGES,
THIS COULD AFFECT YOUR FUTURE.

BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I GET GOOD GRADES.
ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

YOU KNOW IT'S NOT.

RORY, WHEN WE MAKE
RECOMMENDATIONS TO UNIVERSITIES

ON BEHALF OF A STUDENT,

THAT STUDENT'S SOCIAL
SKILLS ARE A BIG PART OF IT.

WELL, I ASSUME YOU WANT
TO GO TO A UNIVERSITY.

ABSOLUTELY.

WELL, UNIVERSITIES DO
NOT LOOK KINDLY ON LONERS.

BUT I'M NOT A LONER.

REALLY? WHAT DO
YOU THINK A LONER IS?

LONERS ARE THOSE
GUYS THAT YOU SEE

WALKING AROUND
WEARING, I DON'T KNOW,

OUT-OF-DATE CLOTHING,
BELL-BOTTOMS.

AND... AND THEY TEND
TO CARRY A DUFFEL BAG

WITH GOD KNOWS WHAT INSIDE.

THAT'S A LONER.

LONERS COME IN ALL
SHAPES AND SIZES.

EVEN PRETTY GIRLS.

JUST TRY TO IMPROVE, RORY.

MIX IT UP WITH OTHERS.

YOU MAY EVEN ENJOY
IT. START WITH LUNCH.

I DON'T SUPPOSE
THERE'S A LUNCHTIME

READING/WALKMAN-LISTENING
CLUB I CAN JOIN, IS THERE?

I GUESS THAT'S NO.

WHAT DOES SHE EXPECT?

SHE SAID, "MIX IT UP."

"MIX IT UP"? WHAT
DOES THAT MEAN?

I GUESS, THAT MEANS GOING UP TO
STRANGE KIDS AT SCHOOL AND SAYING:

"HEY, MIND IF I
AWKWARDLY BUTT IN

WHERE I DON'T BELONG
AND DON'T WANNA BE?"

THE WHOLE THING'S RIDICULOUS.

CHILTON IS A CULT.

LORELAI, DO YOU
KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

UM, NO.

DAMN.

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE THERE IS
SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.

OH, DON'T SAY THAT.

MAYBE I AM A LONER.

I MEAN, YOU WERE MOCKING
MY BACKPACK TODAY.

I MIGHT JUST BE ONE STEP AWAY FROM
CARRYING A MYSTERIOUS DUFFEL BAG.

OH, DON'T YOU GO DOUBTING
WHO YOU ARE, HOW YOU SHOULD BE.

HOW DARE THAT
WOMAN DO THIS TO YOU?

IT WASN'T JUST HER.

THE WHOLE MEETING WAS
CHARLESTON'S SUGGESTION.

WELL, GOOD. IT'S TIME I CALLED ON
OLD SCHNICKELFRITZ CHARLESTON

TO TELL HIM TO STOP
MESSING WITH MY KID'S MIND.

NO. I'M SORRY, I DON'T LIKE
THIS. SCHOOLS LIKE CHILTON

TRY TO STAMP OUT EVERY
VESTIGE OF INDIVIDUALITY.

I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

IT'S ALL FIXED. I FOUND
A LOOSE TERMINAL.

I RECONNECTED THE BATTERY
AND JUMPED IT. IT'S SET TO GO.

OH, THANKS, KIRK.

I'M NOT GONNA CHARGE FOR THE TIME
I SPENT STUCK UNDERNEATH THE CAR.

THAT'S GREAT, KIRK.

I JUST WANT TO YOU KNOW THAT I
OVERHEARD, AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I CARRIED A DUFFEL BAG
AND ATE LUNCH BY MYSELF

MY ENTIRE SCHOOL CAREER
AND I TURNED OUT JUST FINE.

I'M STILL GOING DOWN THERE.

MS. GILMORE IS HERE.

HELLO, MR. CHARLESTON.

MS. GILMORE, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE.

I CHECKED MY RECORDS TO
REMIND MYSELF WHY I ASKED YOU IN,

ONLY TO DISCOVER YOU'D
ASKED TO CALL THIS MEETING.

YES, I DID.

I'M SURPRISED. WE
DON'T SEE YOU OFTEN.

WE'D FORGOTTEN
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

WELL, I'M PRETTY MUCH THE SAME.

ROSY-CHEEKED, STRONG
OF BONE, SLY OF WIT.

HOW NICE. SO WHY DID
YOU WANT TO SEE ME?

WELL, I WANTED TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT RORY,

AND, UH, THIS
RIDICULOUS ACCUSATION

ABOUT HER BEING A LONER
AND HOW THAT'S SOMETHING BAD.

WELL, IT IS BAD.

NO, IT'S NOT BAD. IT'S JUST HER.

I RAISED RORY TO
DO WHAT SHE WANTS,

AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T
HURT ANYONE ELSE.

AND I DON'T SEE HOW READING A
BOOK OR LISTENING TO A WALKMAN

IS... IS HURTING ANYONE.

IT'S HURTING HER.

I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE.

THAT DOESN'T SURPRISE
ME, BASED ON MY RESEARCH.

WHAT RESEARCH?

WHEN I SAW YOUR NAME
ON THE APPOINTMENT LIST,

I DECIDED TO HAVE
A LOOK AT THE FILE.

UH, YES. RORY'S FILE'S BEEN OF A LOT OF
INTEREST TO YOU GUYS LATELY, HASN'T IT?

I WASN'T TALKING
ABOUT RORY'S FILE.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOURS.

I HAVE A FILE?

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO.

IT'S TINY.

IT'S VERY THIN.

THAT'S GOOD. IT MEANS I HAVEN'T
GOTTEN INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE.

ON THE CONTRARY, A
THIN FILE FOR A PARENT

INDICATES LACK OF PARTICIPATION.

OH, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
I'VE PARTICIPATED IN STUFF.

YOU ATTENDED A BAKE SALE.

AND I SOLD STUFF.

THEN PROMPTLY LEFT.

I WAS BUSY.

WITHOUT FRATERNIZING WITH THE
OTHER CHILTON PARENTS AT ALL.

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY,
LIKE A REALLY TALL BEE.

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER.

OK, HOLD ON.

MS. GILMORE,
ACTIVE PARTICIPATION

IN CHILTON ACTIVITIES
FOR A PARENT

IS VITALLY IMPORTANT.

BUT...

THIS IS A LIST OF ORGANIZATIONS
SPONSORED BY CHILTON.

PARENT GROUPS DEDICATED
TO CERTAIN SPECIFIC TASKS.

ANY ONE OF THEM WOULD BE
HONORED BY YOUR PARTICIPATION.

OK, MY SCHEDULE IS...

WE'RE ALL TREMENDOUSLY
BUSY, MS. GILMORE.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TOO BUSY
TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU,

OR WHAT'S BEST
FOR RORY, ARE YOU?

NO.

EXCELLENT. LET US
KNOW WHAT IT'LL BE.

I WILL.

OH, MAY I GO?

YES, YOU MAY.

I'M GLAD YOU CAME IN TODAY.

IT WAS A GOOD IDEA.

YES. I'M JUST FULL
OF GOOD IDEAS.

HEY. HEY.

YEAH, LOOK FAT ALBERT.
GET ME A SODA, WILL YOU?

MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO
MEET ME IN MY LATIN CLASS

AFTER MEETING WITH
HEADMASTER CHARLESTON.

OH, MY, GOD. I WAS.
I TOTALLY FORGOT.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

COME ON. WHAT HAPPENED?
DID YOU TALK TO HIM?

I DID.

I SAID HE WAS COMPLETELY OUT
OF LINE WITH HIS TREATMENT OF YOU

THAT YOU'RE NOT A LONER
FREAK, YOU'VE PLENTY OF FRIENDS.

AND YOU DON'T OWN A LONG
BLACK LEATHER MATRIX COAT.

AND THEY SHOULD FALL
ON THEIR KNEE SOCKS

EVERY DAY THAT YOU DEIGN TO
SHOW UP AT THAT LOSER SCHOOL.

AND?

AND THEN HE YELLED AT ME.

HE WHAT?

HE PULLED OUT A FILE AND TOLD
ME I WAS A BAD CHILTON MOM.

HE DID NOT.

AND THAT I DON'T PARTICIPATE
IN SCHOOL ACTIVITIES.

WELL, YOU WORK.

AND I DON'T MAKE POSTERS.

YOU HAVE NO
ARTISTIC CAPABILITIES.

I DON'T CHAPERON SCHOOL DANCES.

DOES HE KNOW YOU
GOT PREGNANT AT 16?

BASICALLY, I'M NOT DOING MY PART

TO HELP FURTHER YOUR
EDUCATIONAL FUTURE.

SO WE BOTH GOT BUSTED.

YES. GREAT.

NOW I HAVE TO PICK
A GROUP OR A CAUSE

OR SPONSOR A CLUB OR SOMETHING.

THIS SUCKS.

BUT, HEY, I'VE BEEN THINKING.

I MEAN THE WHOLE REASON
WE DID THIS CHILTON THING

IS FOR YOU TO GET
INTO HARVARD, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

AND THESE FANATICS
THAT RUN YOUR SCHOOL,

THEY ARE THE ONES THAT WRITE
THE LETTERS TO THE FANCY COLLEGES

SAYING THINGS LIKE, "HEY,
SHE'S KEEN, LOOK AT HER."

OR, "HAVE YOU SEEN THE 'L'
TATTOOED ON HER FOREHEAD?

CAUSE IT SURE IS A BIG ONE."

SO YOU'RE SAYING WE SHOULD
JUST GO ALONG WITH THIS?

YEAH, GO ALONG WITH IT.

TALK TO SOME KIDS. I'LL
HANG OUT WITH THEIR MOMS,

AND WE'LL GET INTO HARVARD,
TAKE OVER THE WORLD

AND BUY CHILTON AND
TURN IT INTO A RAVE CLUB.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? DEAL?

DEAL.

OOH, LOOK, THE CHILTON CHEER
SOCIETY WEAR MATCHING HATS.

EH?

GO HARVARD.

HEY.

HEY.

THERE'S A BAD DRAFT
WHERE I USUALLY SIT,

KIND OF LIKE A BIG
DOWNWARD GUST.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY "TOTO,
WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE,"

BUT IT'S STILL UNCOMFORTABLE

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE JUST
GOTTEN YOUR HAIR TO BEHAVE.

SO CAN I SIT HERE?

UH, YEAH.

THANKS.

NICE TABLE.

IT'S MUCH MORE LEVEL
THAN THE ONE OVER THERE.

YOUR NAME IS LORI?

RORY.

RIGHT. RORY.

WHAT'S YOURS?

FRANCIE.

YOU'RE FRANCIE?

NO, SHE'S FRANCIE. I'M IVY.

FRANCIE'S SPOKESMAN.

WELL, I AM A VERY
IMPORTANT PERSON

AND VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE
NEVER SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

I DID NOT KNOW
THAT, BUT I DO NOW.

THAT'S AZURE, LILY, CELINE,
LANA, ASIA, ANNA, AND LEM.

LEM.

SHORT FOR LEMON.

OH, SURE.

WE WERE JUST
DISCUSSING HOMECOMING.

THOUGHTS?

GREAT MOVIE.

THAT WAS COMING HOME. SORRY.

I TRULY BELIEVE THE
WHOLE HOMECOMING

DANCE RITUAL SHOULD
BE PUT TO SLEEP.

OR AT LEAST ASSIGNED
A NEW COLOR SCHEME.

RORY, HUH? DO
THEY CALL YOU "ROR"?

NOT UNLESS PROVOKED.

NO NICKNAME?

ACTUALLY, RORY IS A NICKNAME.

MY FULL NAME'S LORELAI.

LORELAI. THAT'S A WEIRD NAME.

WELL, LEM, WHAT CAN I SAY?

SOUNDS SOUTHERN.

ARE YOU A BELLE?

OH, NO, BUT APPARENTLY
I COMMAND THEM.

WELL. SEE YOU
LATER, YOUR HIGHNESS.

GOD! YOU'RE LIKE A
POP-UP BOOK FROM HELL.

YOU WERE SITTING WITH THE PUFFS.

HOW DID YOU DO IT?

THE WHO? THE CHILTON PUFFS.

YOU WERE AT THEIR TABLE.
AND I WANT TO KNOW HOW.

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST SAT DOWN.

NOBODY JUST SITS DOWN WITH THEM.

YOU HAVE TO BE INVITED.

PARIS, IT'S NOT
THE COSTA NOSTRA.

NO, THEY'RE THE PUFFS.

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL
SORORITY AT CHILTON.

CHILTON HAS SORORITIES?

ONLY 10 WORTH MENTIONING.

AND THE PUFFS, THEY
HAVE BEEN NUMBER ONE

FOR AT LEAST THE LAST 50 YEARS.

MY MOTHER WAS A PUFF,
MY AUNT WAS A PUFF.

I THOUGHT ONLY
COLLEGES HAD SORORITIES.

AND THE CONNECTIONS YOU MAKE WITH
THE PUFFS, LAST THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

MY COUSIN GOT HER INTERNSHIP
AT THE SUPREME COURT

BECAUSE OF SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR.

SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR WAS A PUFF?

YES. SHE WAS PUFFED IN 1946,
BECAME THE PRESIDENT IN '47,

AND IN '48, SHE ACTUALLY
MOVED THE GROUP

TO THE VERY TABLE
YOU SAT AT TODAY.

IT WAS A CONTROVERSIAL
MOVE AT THE TIME,

BUT SHE WAS JUST THAT POWERFUL.

I HAD NO IDEA.

WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME? WHAT?

DID YOU TELL THEM YOU HATED ME?

I DIDN'T MENTION YOU.

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN KILLING
MYSELF TRYING TO GET INVITED IN.

I SPENT ALL OF LAST YEAR
SUCKING UP TO FRANCINE JARVIS.

YOU MEAN FRANCIE?

YOU CALL HER FRANCIE?

OH, NO, SOMEONE ELSE DID.

I'VE HELPED HER
WITH HER HOMEWORK,

SECURED HER A PRIME SPOT IN THE
PARKING LOT, ORGANIZED HER LOCKER,

SCRUNCHED UP THE PLASTIC STRANDS

ON HER POMPOMS
TO MAKE THEM FLUFFY.

I'VE DONE EVERYTHING
EXCEPT A MANICURE.

AND BY GOD, IF I HAD ANY TALENT WITH AN
ORANGE STICK, I WOULD'VE DONE THAT, TOO.

I KNOW I'M NOT THE FIRST ONE TO
SAY THIS TO YOU, BUT YOU'RE INSANE.

OK, LOOK.

I KNOW YOU AND ME, WE...

SHOULDN'T BE AROUND
EACH OTHER ARMED.

YES. BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,

I HAVE TO GET INTO THAT GROUP.

I JUST HAVE TO.

MY FAMILY'S NAME AND REPUTATION,

NOT TO MENTION MY ENTIRE FUTURE,

ALL DEPEND ON ME
GETTING INTO THAT GROUP.

IT'S JUST A CLIQUE, THAT'S ALL.

LOOK, ALL I'M ASKING IS, PLEASE DON'T
SAY ANYTHING HORRIBLE ABOUT ME.

DON'T TELL THEM
THAT YOU HATE ME.

PARIS, COME ON, I'M
NOT IN THEIR GROUP.

THEY DON'T CARE WHAT I SAY.

THEY LET YOU SIT AT THEIR TABLE ALL
THE WAY THROUGH LUNCH. YOU'RE IN.

PARIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND.

DO WHAT YOU WANT. I DON'T CARE.

WHO THE HELL NAMES
THEIR KID LEMON?

SOMEONE REALLY INTO CITRUS.

OH, CRAZY, CRAZY PEOPLE.

IT'S JUST SO WEIRD
THAT THE ONE TABLE

I SIT DOWN AT IS HOME
TO THE SECRET SOCIETY.

I KNOW, IT'S LIKE WAKING
UP ONE DAY AND REALIZING

EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY
CAN PULL THEIR FACE OFF.

YES, IT'S EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

YOUR MOTHER WOULD LIKE
YOU TO HEAD OUT TO THE PATIO.

WE'RE BARBECUING TONIGHT.

THANKS.

DOES GRANDMA HAVE A BARBECUE?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE SHE KEEPS
IT IN A SECRET ROOM

WITH THE PAPER NAPKINS
AND THE MISMATCHED SHEETS.

WOW. SHE REALLY IS BARBECUING.

HEY, COOL.

WHAT'S UP, POPPIN' FRESH?

OH, CORN!

NICE. THANK YOU.

MMM.

MMM.

WHAT IS THIS, A REFUGEE CAMP?

COME INSIDE AND
EAT AT THE TABLE.

MOM, THE WHOLE POINT OF
BARBECUING IS TO EAT OUTSIDE.

ANIMALS EAT OUTSIDE.

HUMAN BEINGS EAT INSIDE
WITH NAPKINS AND UTENSILS.

IF YOU WANT TO EAT OUTSIDE,
GO HUNT DOWN A GAZELLE.

MAKE YOUR DECISION.
I'LL BE INSIDE.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF
FINDING A GAZELLE HERE?

SLIM TO NONE.

OK, LET'S GO.

I'M EXTREMELY
DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, LORELAI.

HOLD ON, MOM.

OK, GO AHEAD.

I HAD LUNCH WITH BITTY
CHARLESTON TODAY.

AND SHE TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED
WITH YOU AND THE HEADMASTER.

WHAT? JEEZ. DOES
SOMEONE DO NOTHING

BUT HIDE UNDER HIS DESK
WITH A TAPE RECORDER?

AFTER ALL WE'VE GONE THROUGH
TO GET RORY IN THAT SCHOOL,

AND THEN YOU HUMILIATE ALL
OF US BY NOT BEING INVOLVED?

THAT'S JUST INCOMPREHENSIBLE.

SHE WASN'T INVOLVED EITHER.

WOW, JUST SITTING HERE.

YOU ARE GROWN-UP. YOU
HAVE TO SET AN EXAMPLE.

IF SHE'S NOT INVOLVED WITH SCHOOL,
THEN SHE LEARNED IT FROM YOU.

HOW HARD IS IT TO HELP
OUT JUST ONCE IN A WHILE?

JOIN A GROUP, ATTEND A MEETING.

AND ALL FOR THE SAKE...

MOM, STOP ALREADY. PLEASE.

I HAVE JOINED A GROUP, OK?

YOU HAVE?

YOU HAVE? YES.

WHICH ONE?

I'M GONNA JOIN THE
BOOSTER CLUB, OK?

THE BOOSTER CLUB.
I'M GOING TO BOOST.

WELL, THE BOOSTERS ARE
A VERY FINE ORGANIZATION.

THAT'S WHY I PICKED 'EM.

THEY DO VERY GOOD
WORK FOR THE SCHOOL.

ALL WENT INTO THE
PICKING PROCESS.

AND THE MATCHING SWEATSHIRTS
THEY WEAR ARE JUST DARLING.

WE'RE CERTAINLY NOT
DOING IT LIKE LAST YEAR.

GOD, WAS THAT AWFUL.

IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
IT WASN'T THAT BAD?

BY THE TIME WE FINISHED PAYING FOR
EVERYBODY'S STOMACH TO BE PUMPED,

THERE WAS NO MONEY LEFT
TO BUY THE NEW BLEACHERS.

THE SALSA BAND WAS WONDERFUL.

THIS IS GIVING ME A MIGRAINE.

I VOTE WE TAKE A BREAK.

HI. SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. CAN WE HELP YOU?

UH, YES, ACTUALLY.

THIS ISN'T THE
BOOSTER CLUB, IS IT?

YES, IT IS.

OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE
NOT WEARING SWEATSHIRTS.

EXCUSE ME?

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND.

I'M LORELAI GILMORE.
SORRY I'M LATE.

OH, PLEASE, YOU
HAVEN'T MISSED A THING.

SO FAR, WE HAD COFFEE, DEBATED
CAROLYN MASTERS' NOSE JOB.

TOO PUG.

TOO SMUSHED. WHO CARES?

AND WE STARTED ARGUING
ABOUT OUR FALL FUNDRAISER.

I SUGGESTED WE TAKE A BREAK.

I IGNORED THE SUGGESTION.

AND NOW HERE WE
ARE. YOU'RE UP TO DATE.

HAVE A SEAT.

LORELAI GILMORE. SO
YOU'RE EMILY'S DAUGHTER.

UH, YEAH. YOU KNOW MY MOTHER?

VERY WELL. WE'RE ON THE
PHILHARMONIC COMMITTEE TOGETHER.

SHE TOLD ME TO KEEP
AN EYE OUT FOR YOU.

THAT'S NICE.

SHE WASN'T SURE YOU'D SHOW UP.

SO, FALL FUNDRAISER.
WHAT DO WE DO?

WELL, LAST YEAR, WE HAD THE USUAL
LUNCHEON WITH THE SILENT AUCTION

AND A SALSA BAND.

A TERRIFIC SALSA BAND.

BUT EVERY GUEST ENDED UP IN
THE HOSPITAL WITH FOOD POISONING

BEFORE THE AUCTION EVEN STARTED,
AND WE WOUND UP LOSING MONEY.

WHOOPS.

YES, IT'S QUITE A
WHOOPS, ISN'T IT?

ANYHOW, THIS YEAR, WE'VE
DECIDED TO DO A FASHION SHOW.

OH, THAT SOUNDS FUN.

YES, WELL, AUBREY
HERE WORKS AT SAKS.

USED TO WORK AT SAKS.

SORRY. USED TO WORK AT SAKS.

AND SHE GOT SEVERAL DESIGNERS
TO DONATE THEIR CLOTHES.

AND NOW WE'RE JUST TRYING TO
FIND A SUITABLE CATERER AND LOCATION

AND SOMEONE TO PLAN THE EVENT.

IT'S ALL GOING VERY WELL.

I STILL SAY WE APPROACH
CHATEAU MEMSIE.

THAT SPACE IS TOO SMALL, MENA.

HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
MORE YOUNG AND FUN?

YOU KNOW MY
STEPDAUGHTER, KIMBERLY...

SARAH?

RIGHT, SARAH. SARAH.

ANYHOW, SHE TOLD ME ABOUT
THIS NEW CLUB CALLED THE DIGS...

SHE'S BEEN MARRIED A MONTH

AND CAN'T REMEMBER THE
NAMES OF HER STEPCHILDREN.

SO THE BOOTHS ARE IN THESE PITS,
AND THERE'S SAND EVERYWHERE...

STOP HER.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

UM, I RUN AN INN.

YOU DO? WHICH ONE?

THE INDEPENDENCE INN.
IT'S IN STARS HOLLOW.

I'VE BEEN THERE. IT'S LOVELY.

AND WE HAVE A TERRIFIC
CHEF WHO'S NEVER ONCE

HOSPITALIZED AN ENTIRE FUNCTION.

AND, WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR,

BUT WE DO FUNCTIONS
THERE ALL THE TIME.

WHO'S YOUR FUNCTION COORDINATOR?

I AM, ACTUALLY.

SINCE IT'S FOR CHARITY, I
COULD GET YOU A GOOD PRICE.

I'M SORRY, I FORGOT TO ASK.

ARE YOU FROM HEAVEN?

YOU LIKE THE IDEA?

I LOVE THE IDEA.

I LOVE IT SO MUCH,
WE CAN FINALLY

TAKE THAT BREAK
AUBREY'S BEEN DYING FOR.

WELL, THIS IS VERY EXCITING.

MIND IF I COME OUT THERE TOMORROW
TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE PLACE?

YOU KNOW, MAKE SURE IT'S
BIG ENOUGH FOR THE RUNWAY.

OH, YEAH, SURE. I'LL
BE THERE ALL DAY.

SO, A FASHION SHOW, HUH?

ARE WE GONNA GET
ANY FAMOUS MODELS?

EXCUSE ME?

TO MODEL THE CLOTHES.

ANY CHANCE I'LL FINALLY SEE
KATE MOSS EAT SOMETHING?

OH, NO, NO, WE'RE THE MODELS.

WE? WHO'S WE?

WE. THE WOMEN IN
THIS ROOM. ME, YOU. WE.

ME? YES.

BY THE WAY, WELCOME
TO THE BOOSTERS.

WE'RE THRILLED TO HAVE YOU.

THANKS. THAT'S GREAT.

HA, HA. YOURS IS
WORSE THAN MINE.

OH, THEY TOTALLY JUST
SNUCK THAT MODELING THING IN.

HMM, MY MOM'S A MODEL.

MAYBE I'LL GET TO DATE
LEONARDO DICAPRIO NOW.

PLUS, NOW I HAVE TO PLAN
THE WHOLE STUPID THING.

LORELAI GILMORE.

NOPE, DOESN'T SOUND
MODEL-Y ENOUGH.

YOU NEED SOMETHING
THAT STANDS OUT MORE.

HOW ABOUT WAFFLE?

WE COULD CALL YOU WAFFLE
AND SAY YOU'RE FROM BELGIUM.

HEY, I'M CRABBY. I NEED
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

HEY, MOM. HELLO.

I WENT TO MY FIRST
BOOSTER MEETING LAST NIGHT.

DID BITTY TELL YOU?

NO, SHE DID NOT.

WELL, MAYBE SHE'S STILL
STUCK UNDER THAT DESK.

YOU MIGHT WANNA SEND
SOMEONE OUT THERE TO LOOK.

IT'S CERTAINLY NICE TO HEAR
YOU'RE FINALLY GETTING INVOLVED.

YES. IN FACT, WE'RE PLANNING A
CHARITY FASHION SHOW NEXT WEEKEND,

AND I VOLUNTEERED
TO ORGANIZE IT.

WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.

YES AND SINCE I KNOW
HOW CONCERNED YOU ARE

ABOUT HOW RORY'S
PERCEIVED AT CHILTON,

I KNEW YOU'D WANT TO BE INVOLVED SOMEHOW,
SO YOU'RE GONNA BE ONE OF THE MODELS.

EXCUSE ME?

YEAH, SO IT'S NEXT SATURDAY.

BE THERE AT 4:00, AND WE'LL
PROVIDE HAIR AND MAKEUP.

LORELAI, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

WE'LL NEED YOUR
MEASUREMENTS, ALSO.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

MOM, YOU SAID YOU WANTED ME
TO BE INVOLVED. WELL, I'M INVOLVED.

NOW, DON'T YOU WANT TO DO YOUR
PART TO ENSURE RORY'S FUTURE?

ALL RIGHT.

START MEASURING.

YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?

WAFFLE'S VERY HAPPY.

SIT WITH US, PLEASE.

UM, OK.

HERE SHE IS.

WELCOME.

WE TALKED. WE FIND
YOU FASCINATING.

LIKE THE MONKEY HABITAT.

SO WE'VE DECIDED TO
EXTEND AN INVITE TO YOU.

YOU CAN EAT HERE
ANYTIME YOU LIKE.

WOW. THAT'S NICE OF YOU. THANKS.

SO CAN I ASK ABOUT THIS
WHOLE SORORITY THING?

PARDON?

SORORI-WHAT?

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS...

WE'VE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AFTER ALL, WHAT'S THE POINT OF A
SECRET SOCIETY IF IT'S NOT A SECRET?

THE WHOLE SCHOOL
APPARENTLY KNOWS ABOUT IT.

NO ONE HAS PROOF.
IT'S JUST FOLKLORE.

LIKE SNOW WHITE AND ROSE RED.

OR MARIAH CAREY'S CRACKUP.

HAVE YOU HEARD HER
FAN MESSAGE RECENTLY?

SHE'S FINE AND IS
CURRENTLY STARING

AT A REALLY BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW.

SURVIVOR, HELLO.

FRIEND OF YOURS?

PARIS? OH, WELL...

TOO INTENSE.

WAY TOO INTENSE.

SHE COMES FROM A
LONG LINE OF US, THOUGH.

I HATE NEPOTISM.

IT, HOWEVER, DOES MAKE
THE WORLD GO ROUND.

YOU KNOW, PARIS, WHILE,
YES, A LITTLE INTENSE,

IS ALSO VERY SMART.

SO I DROP A BOX OF
MATCHES ON THE FLOOR,

SHE CAN TELL ME
HOW MANY THERE ARE?

SHE'S EDITOR OF THE PAPER,
AMAZING WRITER, PLUS FUNNY.

SHE'S FUNNY?

OH, YEAH, HILARIOUS.

I MEAN, THE TIMES THAT WE
HAVE SPENT LAUGHING TOGETHER...

I TELL YOU, SHE'S A
REGULAR GARY MULE DEER.

SHE ASKED YOU TO
TALK HER UP, DIDN'T SHE?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

RIGHT.

NO, REALLY. I THINK
SHE'S ACTUALLY THINKING

OF JOINING ANOTHER
NON-EXISTENT GROUP.

WHAT?

BUT HER FAMILY'S FULLY PUFFED.

DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I HEARD WRONG.

BUT I THINK THAT'S
WHAT I HEARD HER SAY.

A VOLUNTARY DEFECTOR.

FRANCIE...

I KNOW.

PARIS?

YEAH?

I THINK THE WALL CAN HOLD
ITSELF UP JUST FINE, DON'T YOU?

WHAT?

YOU SHOULD SIT. SIT?

HERE. SIT THERE?

OR HERE.

OR ANYWHERE, FOR THAT MATTER.

WELL.

UNLESS YOU'VE GOT
SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE.

ANOTHER TABLE, PERHAPS?

ANOTHER TABLE?

NO, YOU HAVE TO SIT
RIGHT HERE. COME. COME.

UH, OK. I GUESS I CAN SIT.

FOR A LITTLE WHILE, ANYHOW.

OK. SO,

HAVE WE DISCUSSED
HOMECOMING YET?

NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE.

I TRULY BELIEVE

THE WHOLE HOMECOMING DANCE
RITUAL SHOULD BE PUT TO SLEEP.

IN THE DINING ROOM. AND DON'T
DRIP WATER ON THE FLOOR, PLEASE.

MICHEL, DID... 5 MINUTES AGO.

HE BROUGHT THE WRONG
COLOR. I SENT HIM BACK.

WHAT? WHEN WILL HE...

20 MINUTES OR I'LL HUNT HIM
DOWN AND SHAVE HIS BEARD.

NOW WE NEED...

OH, YES, THANKS
FOR REMINDING ME.

ANYTHING... NO.

I'M GOING IN THE DINING ROOM.

COME AND GET ME IF YOU
NEED ME TO FINISH A SENTENCE.

WILL DO.

HEY, HOW'S IT COMING?

WORKING ON IT.

THIS CANNOT TILT.

I KNOW THIS.

WOMEN IN HEELS
WILL BE WALKING ON IT.

MAKE IT NOT TILT.

THE LETTUCE IS DRY.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

HOW ATTACHED ARE YOU TO SALAD?

IT'S FREE TO SEE ANYONE.

I WON'T MAKE A SALAD
WITH DRY LETTUCE.

WHAT'S THE ALTERNATIVE? SOUP.

FINE. OK, GREAT.

SOOKIE? YEAH?

DID WE PAY FOR THE
LETTUCE ALREADY?

YES.

SEE IF YOU CAN
PUT IT IN THE SOUP.

GOTCHA.

OH, THANK GOD. YOU BROUGHT BERT.

RIGHT HERE.

MY MEN. FOLLOW ME.

YOU DO TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE THE
ONE THAT NAMED MY TOOLBOX, RIGHT?

TOOLBOX. DIRTY.

OH, JEEZ.

OK, UM, MOVE. WHAT?

I WANT LUKE TO LOOK AT IT.

HEY, I PUT THIS THING TOGETHER.

YES. AND I LOVED
YOUR WORK IN PISA.

NOW GET OUT OF THE WAY, PLEASE.

OK, SO WHAT SEEMS
TO BE THE PROBLEM?

THE PROBLEM... THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

I LIKE IT WHEN YOU'RE STRESSED.

OH, MAN, HE PUT
THIS UP ALL WRONG.

CAN YOU CAN FIX IT?

I DON'T KNOW. I'LL SEE.

YOU CAN FIX IT.

YOU CAN SAY IT ALL YOU
WANT, IT DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE.

YOU CAN FIX IT.

NOT WITH YOU HOVERING, I CAN'T.

OK, I'M LEAVING.
AND YOU CAN FIX IT.

OH, EVA, HI.

GOD! THE PLACE LOOKS WONDERFUL.

THANK YOU.

LET ME SHOW YOU TO THE ROOM
WHERE WE'RE ALL GETTING READY.

ALL RIGHT.

FIX IT YET?

THE MORON USED
THE WRONG SUPPORTS.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAN FIX IT.

IF I TOLD YOU I COULDN'T,
WOULD YOU ACCEPT?

NO.

I CAN FIX IT.

THANK YOU.

SO, WE'RE RIGHT BACK HERE.

EVA, THE ROOM'S RIGHT BACK HERE.

HIM. THERE. MAN WITH
TOOLS. WHO IS THAT?

OH, THAT'S LUKE.

LUKE. I LIKE LUKE. WHAT?

HE'S ADORABLE. AND
HE LOOKS STRONG.

IS HE STRONG?

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK HE'S
GONNA BE IN A SIDESHOW ANYTIME SOON,

BUT HE CAN GET THE
LID OFF A PICKLE JAR.

IS HE SINGLE?

WELL, UH, YEAH, HE IS SINGLE.

WHAT KIND OF WOMEN DOES HE LIKE?

I DON'T KNOW. THE
ONES WITH HEADS.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT LUKE'S TASTE IN WOMEN IS.

LORELAI.

OH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO
IN THE BACK, GO TO THE RIGHT,

YOU'LL FIND THE DRESSING
ROOM. I'LL BE THERE IN A SEC.

HI, MOM.

THE PLACE ISN'T NEARLY DONE YET.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO IN
THE BACK AND GET READY?

DID YOU SEE THE CLOTHES?
WHAT AM I WEARING?

I DON'T KNOW. I HAD 'EM
HANG 'EM UP IN THE ROOM.

GOD, I HOPE THEY'RE NOT TASTELESS
OR ZEBRA-STRIPED OR SPANDEX.

ONE GOOD WAY TO FIND OUT IS
TO GO ON BACK AND TAKE A PEEK.

YOU HAVE TO GET READY, TOO.

I'LL BE THERE IN A SEC.

IF I'M DOING THIS,
YOU'RE DOING THIS.

I MEAN IT.

AH, YOU FIXED IT.

YEP. FOR THE TIME BEING.

BUT I'M GONNA STICK AROUND FOR A
WHILE JUST TO MAKE SURE NOTHING HAPPENS.

OH, OK.

WHAT? DON'T WANT ME TO?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT. ANY
REASON I SHOULDN'T?

IT'S FINE.

BECAUSE I'M JUST
DOING THIS FOR YOU.

I MEAN, IF THIS THING GOES AND
SOMEONE BREAKS THEIR NECK...

LUKE, STICK AROUND.

ALL RIGHT, IF YOU INSIST.

HEY. WHY AREN'T YOU DRESSED YET?

I WAS WAITING FOR YOU.

OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE
A PARANOID WOMAN.

I'M EMILY GILMORE.

OK, HERE YOU GO.

WHERE'S LORELAI GILMORE?

OH, RIGHT HERE.

YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER.

WHAT?

YOU'RE THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER TEAM.

NO, I'M...

I HAVE OUTFITS FOR ONE
MOTHER-DAUGHTER TEAM.

YOUR NAMES ARE ON
THE OUTFITS. YOU'RE IT.

OH, MY GOD.

I WANT TO WELCOME YOU HERE

TO THE CHILTON BOOSTER CLUB'S
ANNUAL FALL FESTIVAL FUNDRAISER

WHERE ALL PROCEEDS
FROM THE EVENING

GO DIRECTLY INTO
THE REFURBISHING

OF THE CHILTON AUDITORIUM.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE KIDS.

TONIGHT IS ABOUT US.

AND WITHOUT FURTHER
ADO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

SAKS PRESENTS A FABULOUS
FALL FASHION EXTRAVAGANZA.

♪

♪ I COME HOME IN
THE MORNING LIGHT ♪

♪ MY MOTHER SAYS ♪

♪ WHEN YOU GONNA
LIVE YOUR LIFE RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, MAMMA DEAR, WE'RE
NOT THE FORTUNATE ONES ♪

♪ AND GIRLS, THEY
WANNA HAVE FUN ♪

♪ OH GIRLS, THEY WANNA HAVE ♪

♪ THAT'S ALL THEY REALLY WANT ♪

♪ IS SOME FUN ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORKING DAY IS DONE ♪

♪ OH, GIRLS, THEY
WANNA HAVE FUN ♪

♪ OH GIRLS, JUST
WANNA HAVE FUN ♪

♪ WANNA HAVE FUN ♪

♪ GIRLS, WANNA HAVE ♪

♪ THEY JUST WANNA,
THEY JUST WANNA ♪

♪ THEY JUST WANNA ♪

♪ THEY JUST WANNA ♪

♪ OH, GIRLS ♪

♪ GIRLS THEY WANNA HAVE FUN ♪

WELL, I MUST SAY THIS WAS DEFINITELY
BETTER THAN THE SALSA BAND.

THE PEOPLE LOVED
IT. DID YOU HEAR 'EM?

GOD, WHO PICKED THAT MUSIC?

UM, THAT'D BE ME.

IT WAS TERRIFIC. THE
WHOLE THING WAS TERRIFIC.

THANK YOU.

AND HIRING THAT ACTOR TO PLAY A
HORRIBLE, RUDE, ANNOYING FRENCHMAN...

WHAT A RIOT.

OH, YEAH, I THOUGHT
THAT'D BE FUN.

IF YOU'D PLAN ALL
THESE DAMN THINGS,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY
MORE STUPID MEETINGS.

OH, COME ON. DON'T YOU
WANT TO SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES

FOR AUBREY TO FINALLY
LEARN THAT KID'S NAME?

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

OK, I'LL SEE YOU AT
THE NEXT MEETING.

GREAT JOB.

REALLY, IT'S THE BEST
EVENT WE'VE EVER HAD.

THANKS, GINGER. BYE, MENA.

BYE-BYE.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING
SO "HA-HA" ABOUT?

I'M NOT LOOKING "HA-HA."

YES, YOU ARE.

ALL RIGHT, WHATEVER YOU SAY.

COME ON, MOM. FESS UP.

BIG SUCCESS TONIGHT.

SEEMED TO BE.

THE LADIES WERE
THRILLED. THEY ADORE YOU.

YES, WELL, THAT'S
BECAUSE I'M ADORABLE.

FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

WHAT'S FUNNY?

HOW NICELY YOU
SEEM TO BE FITTING

INTO THE WORLD THAT
YOU RAN AWAY FROM.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT,
LORELAI. CONGRATULATIONS.

IS THAT YOU?

NOPE.

HOW WAS IT?

OH, FINE.

IT RAN SMOOTHLY, AND
THE FOOD WAS AMAZING.

MICHEL ONLY MADE 3 PEOPLE CRY.

HOW WAS THE FASHION SHOW?

OW, YOU KNOW, I WALKED UP AND
DOWN THE RAMP, LOOKED POUTY AND SEXY

AND NOW I'M READY FOR REHAB.

I BROUGHT YOU SOME BOOSTER CAKE.

PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE, PLEASE.

OK.

HOW'S GRANDMA?

UH, GOOD.

I'M ASSUMING THAT'S
YOUR PIECE OF CAKE

AND MINE IS SAFELY
IN THE FRIDGE.

YOU'RE CUTE. UH-HUH.

SO, WHAT'D YOU WEAR?

LOOK AT THE TIME.
I'M GOING TO BED.

NOBODY TOOK A PICTURE OF YOU?

UH, NO. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

YOU'RE HOLDING ON TO THAT
PURSE MIGHTY TIGHTLY THERE, MISSY.

I REALLY LOVE THIS PURSE.

YOU HAVE PICTURES IN THERE.

YOU CALLING YOUR MOTHER A LIAR?

YES, I AM.

THAT'S WHY I ATE YOUR CAKE.

OH, MY GOD!

BE NICE.

YOU LOOK LIKE NANCY REAGAN.

NOW, HOW IS THAT NICE?

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU LOOK SO
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

ELEGANT, UNDERSTATED.

I WAS WEARING UNDERWEAR
WITH PROPELLERS

IF THAT MAKES YOU
FEEL ANY BETTER.

I'M GOING TO BED.

I'LL SEND THE SECRET SERVICE UP.

OH, BY THE WAY, I WOULD
PUT ON YOUR GOOD PAJAMAS,

YOU KNOW, THE CUTE ONES WITH THE
CAKES ON THEM, AND BRUSH YOUR HAIR

AND PUT ON A LITTLE LIP GLOSS.

WHY?

YOU'RE BEING KIDNAPPED TONIGHT.

EXCUSE ME?

I GOT A CALL TODAY FROM FRANCIE.

WHAT?

YES. SHE SAID SHE AND HER FRIENDS
WOULD COME IN WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING,

WAKE YOU UP, KIDNAP YOU,

AND TAKE YOU OUT TO
BREAKFAST IN YOUR PAJAMAS.

WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?

APPARENTLY, IT'S FUN.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T SOUND FUN.

SHE TOLD ME TO LEAVE THE KEY UNDER
THE MAT AND MONEY ON THE COFFEE TABLE.

AND YOU SAID YES
TO THIS INSANITY?

HEY, I TOLD YOU NOT TO BECOME
A SOC, BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING TO LET A
GROUP OF STRANGE GIRLS COME TRAIPSING IN

AND TAKE AWAY YOUR ONLY
CHILD, YOUR PRECIOUS BABY GIRL,

OFF TO GOD KNOWS WHERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

IF IT'S SOMEPLACE WITH
DOUGHNUTS, BRING ME ONE, OK?

FINE.

HEY!

CHRISTMAS CARDS.

MORE LIKE YOUR
GRANDMOTHER EVERY DAY.

MOM, MY KIDNAPPERS ARE HERE.

OK, HAVE FUN.

GET THE LIGHT.

I CAN'T FIND IT.

SHH.

SURPRISE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

RISE AND SHINE.

YOU CAN GRAB SHOES BUT NO SOCKS.

OH, WOW, THIS IS
TOTALLY UNEXPECTED.

I'M... I'M COMPLETELY SURPRISED.

YOU LOOKED IT.

OK, LET'S MOVE.

WE STILL GOT A COUPLE
MORE GIRLS TO GET.

SO, THAT'S HOW YOU LOOK
WHEN YOU'VE JUST WOKEN UP?

UM, YEAH.

NOTHING IN MY LIFE IS FAIR.

OK, A LITTLE FURTHER.

OW.

SHH.

SORRY.

OK, THAT'S FAR ENOUGH.

LADIES, HERE ON THIS
SPOT, TONIGHT IN THIS PLACE

WHERE SO MANY OTHERS
HAVE COME BEFORE YOU,

WE INVITE YOU TO JOIN US.

LADIES, REMOVE YOUR BLINDFOLDS.

WE'RE AT CHILTON.

KEYS, PLEASE.

WHAT ARE WE DOING AT CHILTON?

COULD YOU PLEASE BE
QUIET? WE'RE BEING PUFFED.

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO AND WHAT
YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY WILL REMAIN FOREVER

BETWEEN THE
MEMBERS OF THE PUFFS,

AND ONLY THE
MEMBERS OF THE PUFFS.

THIS IS THE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE.

HOW DID SHE GET THE KEYS?

I'M SURE HE DIDN'T
GIVE THEM TO HER.

STOP IT. WE ARE MAKING VERY
IMPORTANT SOCIAL CONTACTS HERE.

HEY, I'M NOT LOOKING
FOR SOCIAL CONTACTS.

I HAVE FRIENDS. I'M FINE.

HOW NICE IT MUST BE TO BE YOU.

MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL
STUMBLE INTO A DISNEY MOVIE

AND SUDDENLY BE
TRANSPORTED INTO YOUR BODY.

AND AFTER LIVING THERE AWHILE, I'LL
FINALLY REALIZE THE BEAUTY OF MYSELF.

BUT UNTIL THAT MOMENT, I'M GOING TO GO
IN THERE AND I'M GOING TO BECOME A PUFF.

NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY.

THE HISTORICAL BELL OF
CHILTON, 120 YEARS OLD.

EVERY MEMBER OF THE PUFFS HAS
STOOD HERE, UNDER THE COVER OF NIGHT

TO PLEDGE HER
LIFELONG DEVOTION TO US.

I PLEDGE MYSELF TO THE PUFFS.

LOYAL I WILL ALWAYS BE.

A "P" TO START,
2 "F'S" AT THE END

AND A "U" SITTING IN BETWEEN.

ANNE SEXTON, RIGHT?

ONCE YOU'VE FINISHED YOUR OATH,

YOU WILL RING THE BELL 3 TIMES.

RORY?

YEAH?

YOU FIRST.

UM, I... I PLEDGE
MYSELF TO THE PUFFS.

YOU HAVE TO HOLD THE CANDLE.

I PLEDGE MYSELF TO THE PUFFS.

UH, LOYAL I'LL ALWAYS BE.

SING OUT, LOUISE.

A "P" TO START, 2 "F'S" AT THE
END, AND A "U" SITTING IN BETWEEN.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT
AGAIN, MS. GILMORE.

DISAPPOINTMENT, DISILLUSIONMENT,
FRUSTRATION, ASTONISHMENT.

I SUPPOSE YOU COULD SAY I AM
EXPERIENCING ALL OF THESE EMOTIONS.

FINDING SOME OF CHILTON'S
BEST AND BRIGHTEST

ACTING IN SUCH A DESTRUCTIVE,
IMMORAL, AND ILLEGAL MANNER

WILL MAKE ALL OF US
THINK LONG AND HARD

ABOUT THE MANNER IN WHICH
WE'RE EDUCATING YOU GIRLS.

BUT THAT IS ALL IN THE FUTURE.

HOW DO WE HANDLE THIS NOW?

WELL, SUSPENSION
WILL BE CONSIDERED.

DETENTION AND EXTRA CREDIT TO
MAINTAIN YOUR CURRENT G.P.A. STANDING

WILL BE A GIVEN.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

WHAT WAS THAT, MS. GILMORE?

NOTHING.

I DISTINCTLY HEARD YOU MUMBLING
SOMETHING IN A RATHER DISGRUNTLED TONE.

I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS.

I SAID, "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE."

AND WHY IS THIS
UNBELIEVABLE, MS. GILMORE?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO BE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

NOW, MS. GILMORE...

THINGS WERE GOING FINE.
MY GRADES WERE GOOD.

I JOINED THE PAPER.
MY ROUTINE WAS DOWN.

YOUR ROUTINE WAS...

I HAVE FRIENDS. I HAVE
A STEADY BOYFRIEND.

AND MY MOTHER AND I
ARE FREAKISHLY LINKED.

AND LANE AND I HAVE BEEN BEST
FRIENDS SINCE KINDERGARTEN.

BUT YOU DON'T SEE IT 'CAUSE
I DON'T LIVE IN THIS TOWN.

AND IF YOU DON'T SEE IT,
THEN IT MUSTN'T BE TRUE.

YOU CALL ME IN HERE TO LECTURE
ME BECAUSE I'D RATHER READ AT LUNCH

THAN DISCUSS THE
EUTHANASIA OF HOMECOMING.

YOUR READING...

YOU TOLD ME AND MY MOM I
NEEDED TO SOCIALIZE. IF I DIDN'T,

IT WOULD BE FROWNED UPON AND
IT'D HURT ME GETTING INTO HARVARD.

WELL, YES, WE DID SAY THAT.

SO I DID IT.

I SAT DOWN AT A
TABLE, A RANDOM TABLE.

RANDOM?

THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M
BEING PULLED OUT OF MY BED

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT AND I'M BLINDFOLDED.

AND THEN BEFORE I KNOW IT, I END
UP HERE WITH THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD

RECITING POETRY
AND LIGHTING CANDLES.

AND NOW I'M GONNA
BE SUSPENDED BECAUSE

I WAS TRYING TO DO
WHAT YOU TOLD ME?

WHAT'S FAIR ABOUT THAT?

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON, THE
PARENTS ARE STARTING TO ARRIVE.

THANK YOU, MRS. TRAIGER.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES, WE'LL
CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION

TOMORROW AND FOR
MANY DAYS AFTER THAT.

YOU MAY GO. MS. GILMORE.

I THINK THAT MAYBE YOU AND
I SHOULD TALK SOME MORE.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT THE FACT
THAT THOUGH I DO FEEL

IT IS IMPORTANT THAT
STUDENTS SOCIALIZE,

POSSIBLY WE MAY HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE HASTY TO JUDGE IN YOUR CASE.

REALLY? SO DOES THAT MEAN THAT
YOU MIGHT RECONSIDER MY SUSPENSION?

YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT STUDENT.

YOU DESERVE TO GO TO HARVARD.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO
STAND IN THE WAY OF THAT.

WE'LL TALK TOMORROW.

THANK YOU.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THE RECEPTION ON
THE PHONE SUCKED.

ALL I HEARD WAS "RORY,"
"CHILTON," AND "GET DOWN HERE."

WHO'S BUTT DO I HAVE TO KICK?

WE DIDN'T GO TO BREAKFAST.

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

WE CAME HERE, THEY BROKE INTO THE
HEADMASTER'S OFFICE AS THE BIG INITIATION.

OH, THOSE STUPID GIRLS.

MMM-HMM. PART OF THE
INITIATION WAS RINGING A BELL.

SO THAT'S WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN
SECURITY SHOWED UP. THEY CALLED YOU.

YOU GOT BUSTED
FOR RINGING A BELL?

THAT'S IT? BELL RINGING?

YES.

WERE YOU AT LEAST
SMOKING A CUBAN CIGAR?

MOM.

NO. I MEAN, "BAD GIRL.

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I
TOLD YOU NOT TO RING BELLS?

"THEY CAN DENT OR SCRATCH,
AND THEY MAKE DOGS CRAZY.

"THINK YOU'RE THE
HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME?

ARE YOU FRENCH? CIRCULAR? NO."

I'M WALKING TO THE CAR NOW.

WAIT. HOLD ON. HOW
MUCH TROUBLE ARE YOU IN?

SHOULD I GO TALK
TO THE HEADMASTER?

NO, I THINK IT'S GONNA BE OK.

OK.

OH. WAS IT A BIG BELL AT LEAST?

HEY, GOOD PARTY YESTERDAY.

YEAH, NOT BAD.

YEAH, I LIKED THE NEW LOOK.

IT WAS VERY HIGH-CLASS
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.

EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.

COFFEE?

OH, TO GO.

OK.

HEY, LUKE,

UH, I FEEL A LITTLE WEIRD
EVEN MENTIONING THIS TO YOU.

WHAT?

WELL, YESTERDAY, I
SAW YOU TALKING TO EVA.

YOU KNOW SHE'S IN
MY BOOSTER CLUB.

YEAH, I KNOW WHO SHE IS.

HMM, GOOD. WELL, GOOD.

SO ANYHOW, I SAW YOU
GUYS TALKING ALONE,

AND IT SEEMED KIND OF PRIVATE.

AND SHE MENTIONED EARLIER THAT
YOU DIDN'T MAKE HER, YOU KNOW, GAG.

SO I JUST FIGURED YOU GUYS WERE
MAKING SOME SORT OF PLANS TO HANG OUT.

AND, SEE, THE THING IS, I JUST
THINK IT WOULD BE A LITTLE WEIRD

IF YOU STARTED
DATING A CHILTON MOM.

LOOK, I KNOW I HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY
ANYTHING TO YOU, BUT IT'S JUST, UM...

IF YOU DID DATE HER,

I'M IN THE BOOSTER CLUB WITH
HER, WHICH MEANS I'LL HEAR THINGS.

AND I DON'T KNOW, IT'S JUST...

I'D LIKE TO KEEP THAT
CHILTON LIFE SEPARATE

FROM MY... MY STARS HOLLOW LIFE.

SO IF THERE'S ANY WAY THAT
YOU COULD NOT DATE HER,

THAT WOULD BE REALLY GREAT.

BOY, I TELL YOU,
YOU'VE GOT NERVE.

OK.

UH, I KNOW THIS IS
YOUR PRIVATE BUSINESS.

IT IS MY PRIVATE BUSINESS.

YOU DON'T SEE ANY
VALIDITY TO MY SIDE AT ALL?

I'M A GROWN MAN. YOU
CAN'T TELL ME WHO TO DATE.

I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHO TO DATE,
I'M TELLING YOU WHO NOT TO DATE.

YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT EITHER.

I WILL DATE WHO
I LIKE, AND IF THAT

SCREWS WITH YOUR
PLANS, THEN SORRY.

IF YOU DON'T WANNA
HEAR THINGS, DON'T LISTEN.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE
IT, JUST DEAL WITH IT.

OK, I'LL JUST DEAL WITH IT.

GOOD.

I JUST THOUGHT IF SOMETHING WAS GOING
TO AFFECT OUR FRIENDSHIP IN SOME WAY,

THAT YOU MIGHT CARE ABOUT THAT.

BECAUSE IF THE
SITUATION WAS REVERSED,

THEN I WOULD CARE. BUT,
HEY, THAT'S ME. AND, HUH...

SO GO AHEAD. DATE
HER, MARRY HER.

MAKE HER MRS.
BACKWARDS BASEBALL CAP.

LIVE HAPPILY EVER
AFTER. SEE IF I CARE.

AND BY THE WAY, I
WASN'T ASKING HER OUT.

I WAS GIVING HER DIRECTIONS FOR
THE QUICKEST WAY TO HARTFORD.

IT WAS VERY ROMANTIC.

I SAID, "YOU TAKE A
RIGHT AT DEERFIELD

AND YOU CATCH THE
I-5 AND TAKE IT SOUTH."

OH, MAN, HOT STUFF.

THAT IS SO TYPICAL OF YOU.

WHAT?

THAT IS NOT THE QUICKEST
WAY BACK TO HARTFORD.

EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU TAKE
MAINE TO CHERRY TO LINWOOD

AND THEN GRAB THE I-11.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT, LUKE.

EVERYBODY, APPARENTLY, BUT YOU.

♪

♪ I'M TIRED OF BEING WASTED ♪

DO YOU MIND?

OH, NO.

THANKS.

♪ YEAH, BUT SURE THAT
LOVE EXISTED LONG ♪

♪ BEFORE THE FIRST
WORD WAS PRONOUNCED ♪

♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY,
IT'S A CRAZY WORLD ♪

♪ IT'S A BITTER TURN WHOO HOO ♪

♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT SUGAR,
IT'S A CRAZY WORLD ♪

♪ IT'S A BITTER TURN WHOO HOO ♪

♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY ♪