Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 3 - Red Light on the Wedding Night - full transcript

(female narrator) PREVIOUSLY
ON GILMORE GIRLS:

YOU SHOULD WALK DOWN
THE AISLE TO FRANK SINATRA

WITH A HUGE BOUQUET OF
SOMETHING THAT SMELLS REALLY GOOD.

POT ROAST.

MAX HAS ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM.

YEAH, I FIGURED.

I HAVEN'T MADE MY MIND UP
ABOUT THE "YES" OR "NO" PART.

WHERE ARE YOU GONNA LIVE?

WHAT? HERE? HARTFORD?

WHERE ARE WE GONNA LIVE?
WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE MORE KIDS?

HEY, PERSONAL. I MEAN,
HE WANTS KIDS, RIGHT?

ARE YOU SAYING YES? WHAT?

ARE YOU SAYING YES?

[shrieks]

HE ASKED ME TO MARRY
HIM AND I SAID YES.

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

WELL, I THINK THAT'S VERY NICE.

YEP. YEP WHAT?

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
WEDDING TO SCREW UP A FAMILY.

ACTUALLY IN MY CASE THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE A FAMILY TO SCREW UP A FAMILY.

SOOKIE, YOU'RE THROWING ME A
WEDDING SHOWER, AREN'T YOU?

IT'S A REALLY BIG
NIGHT FOR ME TONIGHT,

AND, I DON'T KNOW, IT JUST
FEELS LIKE YOU SHOULD BE THERE.

I'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.

OK.

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

(Lorelai) OH, MY GOD, HERE.

WOW, GO WITH A CRUNCH
AND A ZING AND A...

[mumbling]

HELLO!

OK, OUR HOUSE IS BURNING
DOWN AND YOU CAN SAVE

THE CAKE OR ME.
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?

THAT'S NOT FAIR. THE
CAKE DOESN'T HAVE LEGS.

SO HOW ARE WE COMING HERE?

OH, FRAN, SO GOOD.
THIS CAKE IS AMAZING.

BEYOND AMAZING.

(Fran) WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO.

WE'VE BEEN DOING
THIS FOR 112 YEARS.

WELL, YOU DON'T
LOOK A DAY OVER 106.

NO, I MEANT MY FAMILY'S
BEEN DOING IT FOR THAT LONG.

RIGHT. OK.

I'M GLAD WE GOT THAT CLEARED UP.

THE RASPBERRIES,
THE RASPBERRIES.

SO WHEN IS THE BIG DAY AGAIN?

2 WEEKS FROM TOMORROW.

HAVE YOU PICKED A FLAVOR?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
THEY'RE ALL SO GOOD.

WELL, YOU HAVE
TO TRY THEM AGAIN.

OH, NO, I'VE ALREADY
EATEN SO MANY.

THIS IS A VERY CRUCIAL
DECISION, YOUNG LADY.

CAKE IS THE GLUE OF THE WEDDING,

SO YOU WILL STAND HERE
AND EAT UNTIL YOU DECIDE.

OK, IF YOU INSIST.

I DO.

AFTER ALL, WHAT'S MORE
IMPORTANT THAN YOUR WEDDING DAY?

WELL, IT AIN'T GUY FAWKES DAY.

YES.

WELL, I'LL JUST GO AND SEE

IF THERE'S ANYTHING
ELSE IN THE BACK.

THANKS.

SO HOW WAS IT
SEEING MAX LAST NIGHT?

WELL... NO GORY DETAILS.

LIKE I'VE EVER SHARED
THAT PART WITH YOU.

YOU'VE ALLUDED,

YOU'VE INSINUATED, YOU HAVE
TIPTOED TO THE BRINK OF IMPROPRIETY.

CHILTON HAS TAUGHT
YOU SOME BIG WORDS.

THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT.

IT WAS REALLY GREAT.
I'M GLAD HE'S BACK.

AND HE'S ON BOARD WITH
THE SMALL WEDDING THING?

OH, YEAH, WE WANT FUN, WE
WANT SIMPLE, WE WANT FAST.

WE'VE BEEN COMPLETELY IN SYNC,

WITHOUT THAT SLIGHTLY
GAY, BOY-BAND AFFILIATION.

OH, I PRINTED UP SOME
SAMPLE INVITATIONS FOR YOU.

I MADE THEM ON MY COMPUTER.

[exclaims]

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PICK OUT
A QUOTE FOR THE FRONT PAGE,

AND I'LL PRINT THEM UP.

OK. UM,

"WHAT IS LOVE? IT IS THE
MORNING AND THE EVENING STAR."

[groans]

SINCLAIR LEWIS.

SINCLAIR "SAPPY" LEWIS.

FINE, NEXT.

"AND ALL WENT MERRY
AS A MARRIAGE BELL.

"BUT HUSH! HARK!

A DEEP SOUND STRIKES
LIKE A RISING KNELL!"

WHAT IS IT WITH POETRY?

LORD BYRON.

BYRON AND LEWIS, TOGETHER AGAIN.

OK, LAST ONE.

"WE HAVE BURIED THE
PUTRID CORPSE OF LIBERTY."

PERFECT.

MUSSOLINI IT IS.

UM, CAN I ASK YOU AN
ETHICAL QUESTION? MMM.

UM, IS IT RIGHT TO BE
SAMPLING WEDDING CAKES

WHEN SOOKIE'S MAKING
YOURS FOR FREE?

WHAT IS RIGHT, ANYWAY, YOU
KNOW? WHO DEFINES RIGHT?

AND IF EATING CAKE IS WRONG,
I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.

(Fran) I'M BRINGING OUT
A MOCHA CRUNCH CREME.

SO, ETHICS?

HIGHLY SUBJECTIVE AND
COMPLETELY OVERRATED.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

♪ [Where You Lead
by Carole King playing]

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

AND HERE'S A SAMPLE OF SOME
OF MY BLACK-AND-WHITE SHOTS.

KIRK, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
WERE INTO PHOTOGRAPHY.

IT'S MY PASSION.

EVER SHOT A WEDDING BEFORE?

ACTUALLY THIS WOULD BE MY FIRST

OFFICIAL WEDDING GIG, OR
PHOTOGRAPHY GIG, FOR THAT MATTER.

BUT I'VE GOT THE EYE, AND
MY NIKON IS STATE-OF-THE-ART.

I'VE GOT A NIKON, TOO.

IT'S AN "N" 64 WITH 3-D MATRIX
METERING, 35 TO 210 ZOOM.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

IT'S A NIKON.

I GOT TO TELL YOU, KIRK, THESE ARE
REALLY GOOD FOR AMATEUR SHOTS.

THANKS. THAT'S ME AND MY PARENTS

ON VACATION IN THE BERKSHIRES.

HMM, NICE-LOOKING FAMILY.

AND THOSE ARE
SOME SELF PORTRAITS.

[shrieks]

KIRK, YOU'RE NUDE.

NO, NO, I'M WEARING SPEEDOS.
THEY'RE KINDA FLESH-COLORED.

WAIT A MINUTE. I RECOGNIZE THIS.

NICE PHOTO, HUH?

THIS IS V-J DAY. NEW YORK, 1945.

WELL, I INCLUDE IT AS AN EXAMPLE
OF THE EXCELLENCE I ASPIRE TO.

HOW MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICES?

HOW ABOUT $150 AN HOUR?

HOW ABOUT LUNCH AND
THE COST OF THE FILM?

YOU WON'T BE SORRY.

DONE.

I THANK YOU.

BYE.

OH, UH, WHAT TIME IS IT?

10:00...

10:00 OF?

3. I HAVE TO GO.

NO! I HAVE TO.

YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING.

WELL, LUCKILY, THAT'LL
ALL CHANGE SOON.

YES, IT WILL.

2 WEEKS FROM NOW,
YOU WON'T HAVE TO GO

'CAUSE IT'S HERE
YOU'LL BE GOING TO.

GOING OR GOING TO?

I'D ADD THE "TO."

GOING TO. YOU MAKE ME SMARTER.

WELL, I AM A TEACHER.

HEY, HEY, DON'T. STAY LONGER.

I CAN'T.

TAKE ME UPSTAIRS AND SEE IF
YOU CAN GET ME INTO MENSA.

IT'LL TAKE ME FOREVER
TO GET BACK INTO THE CITY

AND I GOTTA GET UP EARLY
AND LET THE PAINTERS IN.

HEY, DO YOU HAVE TO BE
THERE WHILE THEY WORK?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, ISN'T YOUR APARTMENT
GONNA BE ALL PAINT FUMY?

YEAH, SO? SO

MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY HERE.

HERE? YEAH.

INSTEAD OF DRIVING BACK AND
FORTH ALL WEEKEND, SLEEP OVER.

I MEAN, IT'S GONNA BE YOUR
PLACE, TOO, SOON ENOUGH.

LOOK AT IT LIKE A TRIAL RUN.

A TRIAL RUN?

IT'LL BE FUN.

YOU THINK YOU'RE READY FOR ME?

I'M ALWAYS READY FOR YOU.

FULL TIME?

I INSIST.

HE WAS NOT WEARING SPEEDOS.

OH, DON'T TALK ABOUT THE PHOTO.

THE MAN WAS BUCK-NAKED.

OFFER RESCINDED IF THIS LINE
OF CONVERSATION PROCEEDS.

I'LL BE BACK. BYE, HONEY.

(Dean) SO WHAT ARE
WE DOING TONIGHT?

I'LL DO WHATEVER.

WHAT MOVIES HAVEN'T WE SEEN?

WE HAVEN'T SEEN JUST
ABOUT ALL OF THEM.

THEY ALL STINK THIS YEAR.

THEY DEFINITELY DO
UNDERESTIMATE OUR INTELLIGENCE.

PLUS THEY STINK.

THERE ARE AT LEAST 5 OF THEM

FEATURING SOMEONE DOING
SOMETHING DISGUSTING WITH A COW.

YEAH, I MEAN, THEY
SHOULD AT LEAST DO

SOMETHING DISGUSTING
WITH A DIFFERENT ANIMAL.

WE COULD WATCH HOLY
GRAIL ON TAPE AGAIN.

OK, BUT I AM NOT TALKING
IN AN ENGLISH ACCENT

FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING.

NO FUN. HEY, TOMORROW NIGHT...

LIFE OF BRIAN? MAX
IS STAYING OVER.

REALLY? FIRST TIME.

AND TO KIND OF CELEBRATE,

HE AND MOM WANTED
TO GO ON A DOUBLE DATE.

BUT TOMORROW'S OUR ANNIVERSARY.

NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S ON THE 24TH.

NO, THAT WAS OUR
OLD ANNIVERSARY.

WE BROKE UP, AND GOT
BACK TOGETHER ON THE 6TH,

SO USING THE 24TH WOULDN'T
BE AN ACCURATE COUNT

OF HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER.

UNLESS YOU CONSIDER
OUR TIME APART

AS A TEMPORARY MORATORIUM
ON OUR RELATIONSHIP.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THE TIME KEPT
PASSING, AND WE WERE ON A SABBATICAL.

YEAH, IT'S COMPLICATED.

VERY.

SO A DOUBLE DATE? WITH ADULTS?

NO, JUST WITH MOM AND MAX.

WHAT WILL IT BE? LIKE,
DINNER AND DANCING?

YES, AND THEN WE'LL
ENJOY BRANDY AND CIGARS.

NO, WE'LL PROBABLY
JUST GRAB A BITE.

ALL RIGHT, WE COULD DO THAT.

HEY, LET'S HAVE 2 ANNIVERSARIES.

WE CAN CELEBRATE TWICE A MONTH.

THEY'RE WELL SPREAD
APART, THE 6TH AND THE 24TH.

WE CAN'T DO THAT.

WHO'S GONNA STOP US?

TWICE A MONTH?

DARE TO BE DIFFERENT.

TWICE A MONTH IT IS.

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME HELP?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A DANGER TO
THE PROCESS. THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I'VE GOT NUMEROUS SCARS.

I CUT YOU THAT 1, 2 TIMES,

AND I'VE HELPED
YOU TONS OF TIMES.

YOU'VE HELPED ME TWICE
AND BOTH TIMES YOU CUT ME.

I DO LIKE WATCHING YOU COOK.

I LIKE YOU WATCHING ME COOK.

WHAT'S THAT WEIRD SMELL?

IT'S FOOD. IT SMELLS WEIRD?

NO, JUST WEIRD FOR THIS HOUSE.

IT SMELLS GREAT.

RORY, CAN YOU GET THAT?

WHAT?

UH, RIGHT DOWN THERE,
WITH THE SHINY HANDLE.

[gasps]

DID YOU KNOW WE HAD THAT?

NOT A CLUE. OH, COME ON.

HEY, IT'S ON FIRE!

IT'S THE BROILER. WOW!

WHAT FALLOUT SHELTER
HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN LIVING IN?

HE HAS MUCH KNOWLEDGE.

WE'LL FORM A CULT AROUND HIM.

BUILD A STATUE
MANY STORIES HIGH.

GROW OUR HAIR LONG
AND STOP BATHING.

PLEASE DON'T.

ARE WE EATING AT THE TABLE?

WHEREVER. T.V.?

I'LL GET A TAPE.

CAN I AT LEAST GRAB SOME DISHES?

FAR AWAY FROM ME.

ALARMIST.

YOU DON'T LEARN
VERY FAST, INJUN.

HOW FAST DO YOU
LEARN, BILLY JACK?

FAST ENOUGH.

"BILLY JACK, I'M GONNA KILL YOU

IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO."

OH, HE SO JINXED
HIMSELF WITH THAT ONE.

YEAH. HE SHOULD'VE SAID,
"BILLY JACK, I'M GONNA KILL YOU

OR BUY MYSELF A LOVELY
CHENILLE SWEATER."

OH, YEAH, EITHER WAY, HE WINS.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE
YOU SEEN THIS MOVIE?

I'M OUT OF DIGITS.

YOU CAN'T SEE A BILLY
JACK MOVIE TOO MANY TIMES.

WHO'S THE GUY BILLY JACK...

SHH.

ALL RIGHT, YOU CATS.
VERY SLOWLY NOW.

(Lorelai) LET'S DO
SOME JUMPING JACKS.

SPREAD OUT.

ONE. (Rory) IT'S THE
COUNTING PART.

HE MEANS IT, DANIEL.

HERE COMES MY FAVORITE
AND MY LEAST FAVORITE LINE

ALL ROLLED INTO ONE.

I'M GONNA CUT YOUR BOWELS OUT.

UGH, YUCK.

3.

COMEUPPANCE TIME.

YOU TALK THROUGH
THE WHOLE MOVIE,

AND WHEN I SAY
SOMETHING, YOU SHUSH ME.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE TALKING THROUGH
PARTS WE TALKED THROUGH LAST TIME.

WE HAVEN'T SEEN
THOSE PARTS IN A WHILE.

AH, WELL, NOW IT'S CLEAR.

[phone ringing]

MAX? WHAT?

THE PHONE?

WHOEVER'S CLOSEST ANSWERS.

HOUSE RULE. YOU'RE BOTH CLOSER.

I'D HAVE TO WALK FARTHER, AROUND THE
COFFEE TABLE. SO MY PATH WOULD BE FARTHER.

MY FOOT'S ASLEEP.

PLUS YOU'RE TALLER.
WITH LONGER LEGS.

YES, SO EVEN IF WE ALL LEFT FOR
THE PHONE AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME...

I GOT IT.

YOU'RE IN CHARGE.

I'M GONNA LIKE
HAVING HIM AROUND.

(Lorelai) DO YOU WANT A REFILL?

(Rory) SURE, SAME THING.

MAX.

UH-OH.

WE WORE HIM OUT.

WE TEND TO DO THAT.

WELL, WE ARE ELECTRA
WOMAN AND DYNA GIRL.

ELECTRA WOMAN?

I THINK IT'S TIME TO TURN IN.

NO, I'M AWAKE.
YOU DON'T LOOK IT.

I'M WAITING FOR THE
GUY WITH THE THING...

MOM, GET HIM TO BED.

OK.

COME ON, HONEY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO BILLY JACK?

I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU LATER.

(Rory) GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

[whispering] THIS IS WEIRD.

HEY.

WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

OH, NOTHING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TAKING BACK POLAND.
OH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

MOM.

I HAVE A BOY IN MY ROOM. SO?

SO I HAVE A BOY IN MY ROOM.

IT'S MAX.

I KNOW.

YOU LIKE MAX.

NO. YES, I DO, BUT IT'S WEIRD.

WE'VE NEVER HAD A MAN IN
THE HOUSE LIKE THIS UP THERE.

HE'S YOUR FIANCE.

VERY TRUE.

SO ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS ADJUST.

IT'S LIKE THAT TIME YOU GOT
THE GREEN STRIPES IN YOUR HAIR.

I HATED THOSE GREEN STRIPES.

WELL, I'M TIRED.

I CAN THINK OF A BETTER
EXAMPLE TOMORROW.

NO. WAKE UP. WAKE UP.

[groans]

WE'VE NOT PROPERLY
TALKED ABOUT THIS.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT HAVING MAX IN THE
HOUSE. ABOUT THE EFFECT ON YOU.

DON'T COVER UP ANYTHING.
LET'S GET IT OUT IN THE OPEN.

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO COVER UP. I LIKE MAX.

I KNOW YOU DO. AND THAT'S GOOD.

BUT YOU KNOW,
ONCE WE ARE MARRIED,

NOTHING WILL EVER
BE THE SAME AGAIN.

I KNOW.

IT WON'T BE THE "ME AND
YOU SECRET SPECIAL CLUB,

NO-BOYS-ALLOWED THING" ANYMORE.

IT'LL BE DIFFERENT.

NOT JUST DIFFERENT.

OUR LIVES AS WE KNOW
THEM WILL BE OVER.

MOM, WE'RE NOT DYING.

NO, WE'RE NOT DYING.

BUT THE LIFE WE HAD IS GONNA
MORPH INTO THIS, LIKE, MUTATION

THAT WE COULD NEVER
POSSIBLY HAVE CONCEIVED.

LIKE THE GIANT ANTS IN THEM!?

METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING, YES, AND
I DON'T WANT IT TO BE LIKE GIANT ANTS,

THAT'S WHY I'M
TALKING ABOUT IT NOW.

I AM IN NO WAY ANTICIPATING BEING
ATTACKED BY GIANT, MAN-EATING ANTS

BECAUSE MAX IS LIVING HERE.

GOOD. GOOD.

WEIRDO.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T WALK
AROUND IN THE BUFF ANYMORE.

I DON'T REMEMBER EVER
WALKING AROUND IN THE BUFF.

I KNOW ONE TIME
YOU DID. WAS I 3?

SOMEWHERE AROUND THERE.

DOES HE HOG THE BED?

NO.

HE'S A VERY
STAY-ON-HIS-SIDE KIND OF GUY.

GOOD.

HE'S CUTE. HE WEARS
PAJAMA BOTTOMS.

STOP THERE.

NOT FUNNY ONES. I
HATE FUNNY BOTTOMS.

I'M GONNA CALL YOU FUNNY
BOTTOMS FROM NOW ON.

UH-UH.

AREN'T YOU HAPPY?

YES.

I'M HAPPY.

WELL, THEN IT'LL BE FINE.

YOU'LL GET USED TO
IT, HAVING MAX THERE.

I KNOW. YOU'RE RIGHT. I WILL.

I WILL GET USED TO IT.

[sighing]

MOM? HMM.

YOU'RE FALLING ASLEEP.

SO?

YOU NEED TO BE A BIG GIRL
AND GO TO YOUR OWN ROOM.

OH, OK.

[grunting]

FINE, 10 MORE MINUTES.

THANK YOU.

MORE?

ABSO-TIVE-O-LUTELY.

WHAT'S UP, TAYLOR?

UP? I KNOW OF NOTHING UP.

WHAT'S UP, TAYLOR?

I'M JUST HAPPY.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME NERVOUS.

YOU'RE A PARANOID MAN, LUKE.

I FEEL VERY SAD FOR YOU.

OVER THERE.

UH, CAN YOU CLEAR THAT ONE OFF?

WHY?

'CAUSE IT'S BIGGER.
WE'RE 3 TODAY.

3? YEAH, MAX IS WITH US.

MAX, HUH? SO WHEN DID MAX
BECOME INVISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE?

HE'S ON A PAPER HUNT.

MAX LIKES HIS 3
PAPERS IN THE MORNING.

THE HARTFORD COURANT,
THE NEW YORK TIMES

AND THE WALL STREET JOURNAL.

3 PAPERS?

HE LIKES TO BE WELL-INFORMED.

YOU KNOW, READING 3 PAPERS
ALL REPORTING THE SAME NEWS

IS A TERRIFIC USE OF TREES.

YOU BE NICE, LUKE. I MEAN IT.

HEY, THERE. MAX, BUDDY.

TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU.

YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY.

BROWN IS YOUR COLOR, MY FRIEND.

THANKS.

SO?

I GOT 2 OUT OF 3.

NOT BAD.

NO ONE HAS THE
WALL STREET JOURNAL.

THIS ISN'T A VERY
FINANCIALLY-ORIENTED TOWN.

YES, IT'S MORE
ORIENTED TO COFFEE.

I'VE GOT BLUEBERRY
PANCAKES THIS MORNING.

BRING 'EM. BRING 'EM TWICE.

AND YOU?

I'M GONNA NEED A MINUTE.

OH, WELL, THEN HOLD OFF.

SAME HERE.

I MIGHT RUN OUT OF THE PANCAKES.

GO AHEAD, ORDER.
I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.

NO, THAT'S OK, WE'LL WAIT.

I'M ALMOST OUT AND
I CAN'T MAKE MORE.

SET SOME ASIDE.

IT'S FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED.

WE'LL TAKE OUR CHANCES.

YES, WE'LL WAIT. WHATEVER.

YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT.

AH, WE'RE HAPPY TO.

YEAH, THAT'S STILL EGGS AND
YOUR BASIC BREAKFAST STUFF THERE.

JUST ORDER. WE'RE FINE.

I WANT YOU GUYS TO GO
AT YOUR NORMAL PACE.

MY RHYTHM MIGHT NOT NECESSARILY
BE YOUR RHYTHM. WHAT'S THIS?

THE LUNCH MENU.

I STOP SERVING
BREAKFAST IN AN HOUR.

LUKE. I'LL HAVE POACHED EGGS.

BLUEBERRY PANCAKES.
DID WE MAKE IT?

I ALREADY SET THEM
ASIDE. LOVE YOU.

WHAT THE HELL ARE
THEY DOING OUT THERE?

WHAT?

WHO IS THAT?

WHAT ARE THEY DOING, TAYLOR?

LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE
CONING OFF THE STREET.

TAYLOR.

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,
THEY ARE A COUNTY WORK CREW

HERE TO INSTALL STARS HOLLOW'S

FIRST TRAFFIC LIGHT
AND METERED CROSSWALK.

LUKE.

HOLD IT. KEEP GOING.

YOU HAVE NO CONTROLLING
LEGAL AUTHORITY OVER THIS MATTER.

STUFF IT, TAYLOR. HOLD IT.

KEEP GOING. AND I
WILL NOT STUFF IT.

WHAT AUTHORITY DID YOU
HAVE TO AUTHORIZE THIS?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO INFORM

LOCAL BUSINESS OWNERS
OF MAJOR PROJECTS,

PER TOWN RULES, MEANING ME.

NOT WHEN IT'S A MATTER
OF DIRE PUBLIC SAFETY

WHERE THE CITY CHARTER
CLEARLY STATES THAT I CAN FUNCTION

UNILATERALLY IN THE
TOWN'S BEST INTERESTS.

DIRE PUBLIC SAFETY?
WE HAVEN'T HAD

AN ACCIDENT HERE IN 10 YEARS!

YOU CAN'T STOP PROGRESS, LUKE!

TRAFFIC LIGHT, HUH?

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

WELL, IT COULD
ALWAYS BE TAKEN OUT

WITH YOUR BARE
HANDS OR YOUR TEETH.

YEAH, I GUESS.

HEY, DID YOU GET MY INVITATION?

WHAT?

MY WEDDING INVITATION FOR MY
WEDDING, BECAUSE I'M WEDDING MAX.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, IT'S IN
A PILE UPSTAIRS SOMEWHERE.

GOOD, GOOD. SO ARE YOU COMING?

YOU KNOW, I HAVE
TO MAKE SOME CALLS

ABOUT THIS THING
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OK. UM...

I CAN BARELY WALK.

BAD SHOES?

I ATE A COW.

YOU HAD A STEAK.

PLUS THE SIDES.

4 PEOPLE, 6 BAKED POTATOES.

YOU BOYS EXAGGERATE.

AM I EXAGGERATING?

NOPE.

OOH, ICE CREAM.

I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

HOW COULD THEY
POSSIBLY EAT MORE?

I'M KIND OF SURPRISED.

I KNOW. THEY'RE BOTTOMLESS PITS.

I MEAN AT YOU.

YOU'VE KNOWN THEM LONG
ENOUGH NOT TO BE SO CONFUSED.

I'M NOT CONFUSED. I'M JUST...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THEIR EATING HABITS
ARE JUST THE START

OF WHAT YOU GONNA
HAVE TO GET USED TO.

THERE'S TONS OF STUFF
YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF.

REALLY?

OH, YEAH.

LIKE, DON'T EVER USE THE
LAST OF THE PARMESAN CHEESE.

AND NEVER GET INTO A HEAVY
DISCUSSION LATE AT NIGHT

'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN
THEY'RE AT THEIR CRANKIEST.

OH, AND, UH, GO WITH THEIR BITS.

THEIR BITS?

YEAH, LIKE IF YOU'RE EATING PIZZA
WITH THEM, AND LORELAI DECIDES

THAT THE PEPPERONI IS
ANGRY AT THE MUSHROOMS

BECAUSE THE MUSHROOMS
HAVE AN ATTITUDE,

AND THEN SHE HOLDS
UP A PEPPERONI

AND THE PEPPERONI
ASKS FOR YOUR OPINION,

DON'T JUST LAUGH.
ANSWER THE PEPPERONI.

ANSWER THE PEPPERONI.

DON'T LET THEM NEAR PUPPIES 'CAUSE
THEY'LL WANT TO TAKE HOME EVERY ONE.

THAT ONE I KNEW.

OH, AND, UH, HERE'S A BIG ONE.

IF YOU EVER THINK THAT
THEY'RE DOING SOMETHING CRAZY,

THEY'RE NOT.

YOU SEE, AFTER A WHILE,
THEIR THINKING BECOMES CLEAR,

BUT BY THE TIME IT'S CLEAR,

THEY'VE ALREADY DONE 2 OTHER TOTALLY
CRAZY THINGS THAT YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT.

SO THERE'S NO CATCHIN' UP.

YOU HAVE MUCH KNOWLEDGE.

YOU GOT THAT FROM RORY.

OH, AND, HEY, UH,

DOES LORELAI KNOW WHAT
KIND OF ICE CREAM YOU LIKE?

YEAH, CHOCOLATE CHIP.
I ALREADY TOLD HER...

HEY, CHOCOLATE CHIP.

THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WOW.

[sighs]

I'M SO FULL.

WHY DID YOU LET ME EAT SO MUCH?

YEAH. THEY'LL BLAME YOU.

IT'S PAST 11:00, GUYS.

OK.

HMM.

HOW'RE YOU DOING?

I'M STABLE.

YOU'RE A LOVELY SHADE OF PUCE.

DON'T SAY PUCE. IT SOUNDS LIKE

ANOTHER WORD I DON'T
WANT TO HEAR NOW.

SORRY.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE STILL OUTSIDE.

OH, WHO?

RORY AND DEAN.

OH.

HOW LONG YOU THINK
THEY'LL BE OUT THERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

SO THERE'S NO TIME
LIMIT OR ANYTHING?

YES. AS SOON AS THEY BOTH GET
TIRED OF SAYING, "NO, YOU'RE PRETTIER"

TO EACH OTHER, THE NIGHT'S OVER.

LORELAI, COME ON.

WHAT?

I'M GOING TO BE
LIVING HERE SOON.

I KNOW THAT.

SO I JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD
KNOW WHAT THE PROCEDURE IS

WHEN STUFF LIKE THIS COMES UP.

STUFF LIKE WHAT?

SAY YOU'RE NOT
HERE, I COME HOME,

THERE'S RORY AND
DEAN IN THE DARK

ALL ALONE, AFTER 11:00.

HOW DO I HANDLE STUFF LIKE THAT?

MAX, RORY IS VERY
LOW MAINTENANCE.

KIND OF LIKE THAT
ROBOT KID IN A.I.

ONLY WAY LESS MOTHER-OBSESSED.

OH, MY GOD, THAT
KID WAS SO ANNOYING.

I WOULD HAVE PUSHED HIM OUT OF
THE CAR WHILE IT WAS STILL MOVING.

WHAT IF I CATCH THEM ONE
NIGHT MAKING OUT ON THE COUCH?

UM, WELL, TURN OFF THE LIGHT?

YOU'RE NOT BEING SERIOUS.

MAX, THEY'RE TEENAGERS.
THEY CAN KISS A LITTLE BIT.

OK, WELL, WHAT DO I DO IF
RORY COMES HOME DRUNK?

COME ON!

IT HAPPENS.

NOT TO RORY, IT DOESN'T.

I KNOW, BUT THEORETICALLY,
JUST IN A MAKE-BELIEVE WORLD,

IF SHE DID, WHAT WOULD I DO?

NOTHING.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU WOULD DO NOTHING.
I WOULD HANDLE IT.

SO BASICALLY, I HAVE
NO ROLE IN RORY'S LIFE.

MAX, RORY'S, UM, DONE.
SHE'S BROUGHT UP.

SHE'S RORY. YOU
DON'T NEED A ROLE.

FINE.

I... I DON'T SEE THE
PROBLEM HERE.

CLEARLY. SO I SHOULD DO
NOTHING AROUND HERE, EVER.

NO, NOT NOTHING EVER.

WHAT, THEN?

MAKING THE GARLIC BREAD THE
OTHER NIGHT WAS REALLY GOOD.

SO OTHER THAN MAKING THE GARLIC
BREAD AND ANSWERING THE PHONE,

WHAT ELSE IS MY
ROLE AROUND HERE?

WELL, YOU'RE MY FELLOW.

YOU'RE MY GUY, MY OLD MAN.

AND WHAT DOES THAT ENTAIL?

ALL THINGS DIRTY.

AH, I'M NOT JOKING HERE.
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, LORELAI.

I KNOW.

WELL, THAT MEANS WE'RE TAKING 2
SEPARATE LIVES AND MELDING THEM TOGETHER.

I MEAN, HOW DO YOU
THINK THAT'S GONNA WORK?

I DON'T KNOW.

HAVE YOU GIVEN IT
ANY THOUGHT AT ALL?

NOT REALLY.

[stammering] UH, NO. BUT, UH,
I WILL. BUT I-I'LL START NOW.

HOW WOULD YOU
FEEL IF I TOLD YOU,

"I HAVEN'T THOUGHT
ABOUT OUR FUTURE AT ALL"?

TERRIBLE. I WOULD
FEEL TERRIBLE. I'M SORRY.

I MEAN IT. I'M SORRY.
PLEASE COME HERE.

REMEMBER, IT'S ALL THOSE
LITTLE ANNOYING QUIRKS

THAT MAKE ME THE FASCINATING
WOMAN YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH.

REALLY NOT FAIR.

I'VE GOT A LINGERIE DRAWER
FULL OF NOT FAIR, MISTER.

OK. WE DIDN'T NEED TO
GET INTO THIS TONIGHT.

I DEFINITELY BROKE DEAN'S
LATE-NIGHT CRANKY RULE.

WHOSE WHAT?

NOTHING.

WELCOME, TOWNSPEOPLE.

SO YOU'RE GOING TO SPOIL IT
RIGHT OFF THE BAT, HUH, LUKE?

WHY WASTE TIME?

WHAT ABOUT DINNER?

YOU DON'T EAT AT A
BACHELORETTE PARTY.

YOU GOT TO EAT.

NO, YOU GOTTA DRINK, DANCE,
PARTY, AND DRINK SOME MORE.

WELL, I'LL HURL BEFORE
THE NIGHT'S HALF OVER.

THIS IS ALL VERY FASCINATING.

OH, SORRY, TEACH,
WE'LL KEEP IT DOWN.

HOW ABOUT KEEPING IT SILENT?

WAY DOWN.

OR ZIPPING IT SHUT?

LITTLE, TINY MICE VOICES.

TOWNSPEOPLE, WE
SHOULD ALL BE PROUD

OF THE NEW ADDITION
TO OUR STREETS.

I KNOW MANY OF YOU HAVE WANTED

A TRAFFIC LIGHT AND A
CROSSWALK FOR YEARS

WHAT?

AND NOW YOUR
DREAM HAS COME TRUE.

IT'S LIKE HITLER'S GERMANY.

LUKE!

YOU'RE TRYING TO
BRAINWASH US, TELLING US

WE WANT SOMETHING THAT WE DON'T

AND NOT GIVING US ANY CHOICE.

LUKE, SHUSH, WE'RE PLANNING.

I HEARD. AND YOU'RE IDIOTS
IF YOU DON'T EAT FIRST.

EVERYBODY, LET ME SEGUE INTO THE
INFORMATIONAL PORTION OF OUR GATHERING.

IF I CAN TURN YOUR
ATTENTION TO THE POLE HERE,

YOU WILL SEE A YELLOW BUTTON WITH
AN INSTRUCTIONAL PANEL RIGHT ABOVE IT.

OH, MY GOD, THAT'S THE BIGGEST
YELLOW BUTTON I'VE EVER SEEN.

IF YOU'LL READ THE
PANEL ABOVE THE BUTTON,

YOU'LL LEARN HOW
THE SYSTEM WORKS.

"TO CROSS STREET, PUSH YELLOW
BUTTON, WAIT FOR WALK SIGNAL.

"WHEN SIGNAL READS
'WALK', STEP INTO STREET

AND PROCEED TO THE OTHER SIDE."

IT'S WRITTEN FOR MORONS.

IN BIG, STUPID LETTERS, TOO.

I HATE BEING INFANTILIZED.

DOES NO ONE HERE CARE ABOUT
THE SPATE OF NEAR-ACCIDENTS

WE HAVE SUFFERED
OVER THE PAST YEAR?

NEAR-ACCIDENTS, MEANING
THEY DIDN'T HAPPEN.

JUST BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAPPEN,

DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULDN'T
WARD AGAINST THEM.

THERE'S LOTS OF THINGS THAT DON'T
HAPPEN THAT WE DON'T WARD AGAINST.

LIKE?

LIKE EVERYTHING.

SO EVERYTHING DOESN'T HAPPEN
HERE, MEANING NOTHING HAPPENS?

NO, IT'S... IT'S NOT NOTHING
HAPPENS. STUFF HAPPENS.

IT'S THAT IT'S... IT'S NOT
EVERYTHING THAT'S...

IT'S...

DAMN IT, TAYLOR!

HA.

NOW FOR SOME INTERESTING STATS.

IT'S YOU, ME, MISS
PATTY, RORY, BABBETTE.

BABBETTE, YOU'RE COMING, RIGHT?

DOLL, I'M SORRY, I'M NOT
GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

BABBETTE, NO.

WE'RE HAVING MOREY'S
PARENTS OVER FOR DINNER.

AND IF YOU CANCEL
ON THEM LAST MINUTE,

THEY'LL STICK A RED HOT POKER
UP YOUR YOU-KNOW-WHERE.

AH, WELL, W-WE'LL MISS YOU.

BUT STICK YOUR HAND DOWN THE FRONT
OF SOME GUY'S PANTS FOR ME. WOULD YOU?

I HOPE YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT A STRIPPER.

WHATEVER.

NOW THE LENGTH OF THE
WALK-SIGNAL'S DURATION

HAS THOUGHTFULLY BEEN
TIMED TO ACCOMMODATE THE PACE

OF STARS HOLLOW'S
OLDEST LIVING RESIDENT.

SO TO INAUGURATE THE SIGNAL,

OUR BELOVED MRS. LANAHAN

IS GOING TO PUSH
THE BUTTON AND LEAD

THE FIRST HISTORIC
GROUP ACROSS THE STREET.

READY WITH THE CAMERA, KIRK?

ROLLING.

[camera clicking]

UH, THE CAP IS STILL
ON THE LENS, DEAR.

OH, THANKS.

I'M NOT WEARING A
VEIL AT THE PARTY.

THE BRIDE ALWAYS WEARS A
VEIL AT THE BACHELORETTE PARTY.

I'M NOT WEARING A
VEIL AT THE WEDDING.

YOU'RE NOT? I LOVE VEILS.

NO, WE'RE GOING CAS, SOOK.

IT'S A BIG DAY. YOU
GOTTA HAVE SOME POMP.

YOU SHOULD ELOPE
AND GET IT OVER WITH.

NO ONE ASKED YOU.

BELIEVE ME, ELOPING WAS
NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION.

BUT YOU DON'T GET A
WEDDING OVER WITH.

WHY NOT? IT'S A BUREAUCRATIC CIVIL
CEREMONY, AND A PRETTY POINTLESS ONE.

AH, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

OH, HE'S JUST BEING LUKE.

IT'S NOT BIOLOGICALLY NATURAL
FOR PEOPLE TO MATE FOR LIFE.

ANIMALS DON'T MATE FOR LIFE.

WELL, DUCKS DO, BUT WHO THE
HELL CARES WHAT DUCKS DO?

LUKE!

I MEAN, PEOPLE GROW AND
EVOLVE THEIR WHOLE LIVES.

THE CHANCES THAT
YOU'LL GROW AND EVOLVE

AT THE SAME RATE AS SOMEONE
ELSE ARE TOO SLIM TO TAKE.

THE MINUTE YOU SAY "I DO",

YOU'RE STICKING YOURSELF IN A TINY
LITTLE BOX FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

BUT, HEY, AT LEAST YOU
HAD A PARTY FIRST, RIGHT?

OK, I'M TIRED OF YOU NOW.

WE'RE GONNA FINISH THIS CONVERSATION
AWAY FROM CROTCHETY GUY.

THIS PLACE LOOKS LIKE FUN.

THEY'RE NEVER GONNA LET ME IN.

THEY WILL LET YOU IN.

THIS IS A FELONY, YOU
KNOW, CORRUPTING A MINOR.

WE'LL ALL END UP IN THE POKEY.

HE'S RIGHT. WE'RE ALL
GOING TO THE POKEY.

SWEETIE, DON'T SAY
POKEY. IT'S CREEPY.

JUST TRY TO LOOK OLDER.

HOW?

LOOK LIKE YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT RETIREMENT, 401(K)s.

YOU SHOULD'VE BROUGHT
YOUR FAKE BEARD AND MUSTACHE.

WHO INVITED MR. SNICKLEFRITZ?

HE HEARD US PLANNING
AND WANTED TO COME.

I DID NOT KNOW THE EVENING
INCLUDED BABY-SITTING.

SHE'S GOING TO GET IN.

[cell phone ringing]

SORRY.

HEY!

SO MY BACHELOR PARTY'S
COME TO A SCREECHING HALT.

WHAT? WHY?

THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT. I'M
FINE, BUT WE'RE AT THE HOSPITAL.

OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?

WE WERE COMING OUT OF THE RESTAURANT,
AND WE WERE HEADING TO OUR NEXT STOP

WHEN MY BROTHER DECIDES TO
LEAPFROG OVER A PARKING METER.

WHY DID HE DO
THAT? MIDDLE CHILD.

POOR JAN.

ANYWAY, HE DIDN'T MAKE IT.

OH. OUCH. HOW DRUNK WAS HE?

HE CLAIMS HE WASN'T DRUNK.

HE'S SAYING THAT THE PARKING
METERS IN HARTFORD ARE TALLER

THAN THE PARKING METERS IN
DULUTH, SO HE MISCALCULATED.

HUH. YEP.

I'VE GOT A CONCUSSION.
I'M GOOD. LET'S DRINK!

HOLD ON A SECOND.
YOU GOT A CONCUSSION?

A LITTLE ONE, THOUGH.

WHAT IS HE SAYING?

IT'S A MILD CONCUSSION.
WE'RE GONNA TAKE HIM HOME.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, TAKE HIM
HOME, THEN GO HIT A STRIP CLUB.

EXCUSE ME?

I AM TELLING YOU, THIS
IS YOUR LAST CHANCE

TO LOOK AT ANOTHER
WOMAN'S BREASTAGE.

POINT WELL TAKEN. I'LL
CALL YOU TOMORROW.

OK, NEW RULE FOR THE EVENING:

NO CALLS TO FIANCES
OR BOYFRIENDS

OR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT.

IT'S GIRLS' NIGHT
OUT! PLUS MICHEL.

HEY.

IT'S $12. AND IT'S 18 AND OVER.

OH, YEAH, SHE'S 18.

THAT'S RIGHT, LAST WEEK.

SO IT'S A NEW 18,
BUT IT'S 18. YEP.

YOU GOT SOME I.D.?

HEY, UH, SIR, MAKE WAY FOR RORY.

THAT'S HER NAME
AND HER ONLY NAME.

RORY. SINGLE NAME,
SHE'S THAT IMPORTANT.

INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN
INTERNATIONAL SUPERMODEL

AND SOMETIMES SPOKESPERSON
FOR INTERNATIONAL PRODUCTS.

SHE'S VERY BIG IN GERMANY.

JA, WITH THE
LEDERHOSEN AND SUCH.

$12.

THANK YOU.

DANKE SCHON, CUTIE.

♪ FORGET YOUR TROUBLES,
COME ON, GET HAPPY ♪

♪ YOU BETTER CHASE
ALL YOUR CARES AWAY ♪

♪ SHOUT HALLELUJAH,
COME ON, GET HAPPY ♪

♪ GET READY FOR
THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪

♪ THE SUN IS SHINING
COME ON, GET HAPPY ♪

THIS IS A DRAG CLUB.

IT'S CALLED THE QUEEN VICTORIA.

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
TEA AND CRUMPETS?

OH, GUYS, I GUESS WE'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO STAND.

WAIT, THAT ONE LOOKS OPEN.

OH.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT IN LUCIFER'S REACH
IS MY MOTHER DOING HERE?

OH, I INVITED HER.

YOU WHAT?

JUST A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A KICK.

COME ON.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, YOU
LOOK JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.

HI, GRANDMA. COME HERE OFTEN?

I SHOULD SAY NOT.
HOW DID YOU GET IN?

APPARENTLY, I'M AN
INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN SUPERMODEL.

HAPPY BACHELORETTE
PARTY, LORELAI.

THANK YOU, MOTHER.

IN THE FUTURE, WHEN YOU
PLAN ONE OF THESE THINGS

AND YOU TELL A PERSON
TO SHOW UP AT 8:00,

IT IS CONSIDERED GOOD MANNERS
FOR YOU TO ALSO SHOW UP AT 8:00.

I DIDN'T ACTUALLY
INVITE YOU, MOTHER.

MICHEL DID.

OH, WELL, I FEEL
MUCH BETTER NOW.

HUH, LET'S DRINK.

LOOKS LIKE EMILY'S
GOTTEN A HEAD START.

WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING, HONEY?

MANHATTAN. GOOD,
TOO. NOT TOO SWEET.

I ORDERED IT FROM THAT NICE
FELLOW DRESSED AS JOAN CRAWFORD.

SO IS THERE NO DANCING HERE?

I WAS HOPING THERE'D BE DANCING.

YOU NEED TO STRUT, TONY MANERO?

IT IS A WEEKEND, AND ON
THE WEEKENDS, I LIKE TO MOVE.

AND THE LADIES,
THEY LIKE IT, TOO.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU
MOVE OUT OF TOWN.

BA ZING!

HAS SHE EATEN?

YEAH, ABOUT A QUART OF WINE.

HI, MAE WEST.

WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU?

MY DIGNITY BACK.

A RUM AND COKE,
MARGARITA, NO SALT,

MARTINI WITH OLIVES,
A SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

LOVE HER.

I'LL HAVE HER ON
THE ROCKS, PLEASE.

AND I'LL HAVE A GIANT
LONG ISLAND ICED TEA.

COMING UP.

SO LORELAI, HOW'RE YOU FEELING?

UM, WELL, I'M TIPSY,

BUT JUST SHORT OF
SEEING PINK ELEPHANTS.

NO, I MEAN ABOUT
YOU GETTING MARRIED.

IT'S ONLY A WEEK AWAY.

I'M FINE. EVERYTHING'S FINE.

I FIGURED ONCE I GOT THE
SHOES TO MATCH THE DRESS,

THE REST WAS JUST GRAVY.

I MUST SAY, I ADMIRE
YOUR COMPOSURE.

THE WEEK BEFORE MY
WEDDING, I WAS A WRECK.

SO WAS I, BEFORE ALL OF MINE.

HOW MANY WAS THAT?

WELL, THERE WAS SINJEN,
JOHN, SERGIO, SINJEN.

3 MEN, 4 TIMES.

YOU REGRET ANY OF THEM?

SINJEN WAS A LETDOWN
THE SECOND TIME,

BUT HE WAS MY BURTON,
AND I WAS HIS TAYLOR.

I JUST WISH I COULD'VE FOUND A
LITTLE MIKE TODD THERE IN THE MIDDLE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WAS 34 YEARS
AGO THAT I MARRIED RICHARD.

I REMEMBER IT SO DISTINCTLY.

THERE'S GOING TO
BE A ROMANTIC STORY.

MY STOMACH WAS NOT MY FRIEND.

IT WAS FULL OF BUTTERFLIES, I
COULDN'T EAT A BITE THE WHOLE WEEK.

WHAT A BUMMER.

I WAS ACTUALLY WEAK IN THE
KNEES, TREMBLING ALL THE TIME.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

REALLY?

WHEN I WASN'T
ACTUALLY WITH RICHARD,

I WAS THINKING ABOUT
HIM CONSTANTLY.

IMAGINING WHAT HE WAS DOING,
WAS HE THINKING ABOUT ME,

MAKING UP LITTLE
SCENARIOS IN MY HEAD

ABOUT HOW WE'D RUN INTO EACH
OTHER ACCIDENTALLY AT THE CLUB,

AND HE WOULD BE PLAYING
GOLF, AND I WOULD WALK BY,

AND HE WOULD BE SO DISTRACTED
THAT HE'D COMPLETELY MISS THE BALL.

SILLY.

IT'S SWEET.

I WAS IN LOVE.

IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE IN LOVE.

BUT THE THING I REMEMBER MOST

WAS THAT FOR THE ENTIRE
WEEK BEFORE MY WEDDING,

I'D WAIT TILL MY MOTHER WENT TO
SLEEP, AND I'D SNEAK OUT OF BED

AND I'D PUT ON MY WEDDING
DRESS AND MY TIARA AND MY GLOVES,

AND I WOULD STARE AT
MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND THINK

HOW VERY SAFE I FELT,

HOW VERY RIGHT AND
WISE AND HONORED.

THIS IS A VERY GOOD DRINK.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

OK, I'VE GOT TO MAKE A CALL.

ARE YOU CALLING JACKSON?

NO.

WELL, YES, BUT IT'S ONLY
BECAUSE I NEED TO PICK UP

SOMETHING I LEFT
AT HIS HOUSE THAT,

IF IT'S STILL THERE, I SHOULD...

HI, HONEY, IT'S ME.

AND WHO ARE YOU WRITING TO?

I JUST WANT TO SEE
IF DEAN'S AROUND.

AND THINKING ABOUT YOU?

♪ I KNOW THIS MUCH IS ♪

OH, NO, NOT YOU, TOO.

NO, IT'S... I'LL BE QUICK.

♪ I KNOW THIS MUCH IS ♪

HI.

HI, WHO'S THIS?

IT'S TRIXIE FROM
THE OTHER NIGHT.

YOU NEVER CALLED ME.

LORELAI?

OH, YOU GOT ME.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

I'M JUST, UH, HANGING
OUT. WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

I'M AT A BACHELORETTE PARTY.

OH, COOL. WHOSE?

MINE.

YOURS? WOW.

I KNOW, I'M STILL KIND
OF WOW ABOUT IT MYSELF.

WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY?

YOU DON'T KNOW
HIM. HIS NAME'S MAX.

RIGHT. MAX.

YOU DO KNOW HIM?

UH, RORY MENTIONED HIM.

SHE DIDN'T MENTION
IT WAS SERIOUS.

WELL, IT WASN'T. WE HOOKED
UP, AND THEN IT WAS GOING GOOD

AND THEN WE BROKE UP
'CAUSE ONE OF US FREAKED OUT.

YOU FREAKED OUT.

I FREAKED OUT,

AND THEN WE GOT BACK TOGETHER
AND IT SUDDENLY GOT VERY SERIOUS.

SO IS HE WORTHY?

IS ANYONE?

BONO, MAYBE? BRYAN FERRY?

GET SERIOUS.

A YOUNG TOM WAITS?

NOW YOU'RE TALKING.

SO WHAT'S HE LIKE?

HE'S GREAT.

COULD YOU BE A
LITTLE MORE VAGUE?

I DON'T KNOW, HE'S
MAX. HE'S GREAT.

WHAT'S HIS C.D. COLLECTION LIKE?

DON'T READ INTO
HIS C.D. COLLECTION.

JAZZ? CLASSICAL?
WHAT'S THE STORY?

IT'S KIND OF A
GENERAL COLLECTION.

UH, OH.

AH, CHRISTOPHER.

ARE WE TALKING A DOZEN
SOUNDTRACKS, A FEW BEATLES,

A BOB DYLAN PLUS A GENERIC...

I SAID DON'T.

ALANIS MORISSETTE?

A LOT OF PEOPLE KNEE-JERKED ABOUT
HER FIRST ONE. CUT THEM SOME SLACK.

DAVE MATTHEWS?

A COUPLE OF HIS THINGS ARE GOOD.

BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB?

STOP IT.

ENYA?

I'M GOING TO HIT YOU.

WE'RE ON THE PHONE.

I'LL COME OVER
THERE AND HIT YOU.

YOU'RE AT YOUR
BACHELORETTE PARTY.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

SO WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?

UM, BECAUSE YOU
KNOW ME REALLY WELL.

YES, I DO.

AND I JUST WANTED TO TELL
SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ME REALLY WELL

THAT I'M GETTING MARRIED.

WELL, AS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU
REALLY WELL, I SAY CONGRATULATIONS.

IF YOU FOUND THE GUY,
I THINK THAT'S GREAT.

AND YOU CAN PICTURE
ME MARRIED, RIGHT?

YEAH. TO THE RIGHT GUY, I
CAN PICTURE YOU MARRIED.

THANKS.

YOU SHOULD GET
BACK TO YOUR PARTY.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

HE'S A GREAT GUY, MAX.

I'M SURE HE IS.

I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND.

I KNOW.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

BYE. HEY, CAN YOU PUT
TRIXIE BACK ON THE PHONE?

BYE.

HEY.

HEY.

MICHEL LEAVE?

NOPE. HE SAID HE HAD
TO SHAKE HIS THING.

♪ [music playing]

SO HOW'S YOUR GUY?

HOW'S MAX DOING?

FINE.

FINE. EVERYTHING'S JUST FINE.

I THINK I KNOW WHAT AN ANEURYSM
FEELS LIKE BEFORE YOU HAVE IT.

LIKE A BASEBALL THE SIZE OF
A CANTALOUPE IN YOUR HEAD.

GOOD ONE.

WHAT?

BASEBALL THE SIZE
OF A CANTALOUPE.

YEAH.

BECAUSE A BASEBALL
CAN ONLY BE ONE SIZE,

SO IT'S A YOGI BERRA TYPE THING.

YOGI BEAR?

NO. FORGET IT.

I FEEL LIKE CRAP ON TOAST.

WHERE WERE YOU AFTER YOU
BROKE OFF FROM THE GROUP?

OH, I SAT AT A TABLE
WITH JANET JACKSON

AND CELINE DION. VERY NICE GUYS.

OH, BY THE WAY,
YOUR HUSBAND-TO-BE

IS OUT THERE LOOKING
ANNOYINGLY PERKY.

SLAP HIM OR I WILL.

HEY.

AH.

WHAT DID I DO?

YOU SPOKE AT A NORMAL VOLUME.

SORRY.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. I'M JUST
MAD YOU'RE NOT MORE HUNG OVER.

I TRIED. I DID.

LIAR.

I DRANK COPIOUSLY.

PEOPLE WHO'VE DRUNK
COPIOUSLY THE NIGHT BEFORE,

DO NOT USE WORDS
LIKE "COPIOUSLY".

ASK MY BROTHER.

HOW IS MR. McMETERHOPPER?

IRONICALLY, HE FEELS
BETTER THAN YOU.

IT'S SO WRONG.

HE'S FINE.

SO I WAS GOING TO
DROP MY PRINTER OFF

AT THE HOUSE, BUT
RORY WASN'T THERE,

AND GUESS WHO DOESN'T
POSSESS HIS OWN SET OF KEYS YET?

AH, I'M GUESSING IT'S YOU.

IT'S STILL ME.

OH, MAX, I'M SORRY. I FORGOT.

AGAIN.

AGAIN.

YOU'RE MAD.

NO. A LITTLE.

THEY'RE JUST KEYS.

TRY BEING WITHOUT
THEM AND SAY THAT.

OH, I'VE LOST MY KEYS BEFORE.

I HAVEN'T LOST THEM.
I NEVER GOT THEM.

YOU'LL GET THEM.

I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT
TO READ TOO MUCH INTO THIS.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE YOU DON'T WANT ME HAVING KEYS, OR
YOU DON'T WANT ME COMING IN THE HOUSE.

MAX, THAT'S CRAZY.

WELL, I NEED KEYS.

I NEED AN ASSISTANT.

YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT SOMEONE

OTHER THAN YOURSELF
FOR A FEW MINUTES A DAY.

OUCH.

THAT WAS TOO STRONG.

MAYBE I AM A LITTLE HUNG OVER.

THIS IS NOT A GOOD DAY
FOR KEYS OR COMMUNICATION.

I'LL JUST BRING THE
PRINTER BY LATER.

YEAH, BRING IT TOMORROW.

I'LL BRING IT TOMORROW.

OK. I'LL HAVE THE KEYS.

(Rory) I CAN'T BELIEVE
SCHOOL'S ALREADY STARTING.

OH, I USED TO HATE
SCHOOL STARTING.

I ONCE FLIPPED THE PAGES BACK ON A
CALENDAR MY MOM KEPT IN THE KITCHEN

AND TRIED TO CONVINCE HER IT
WAS JUNE AND NOT SEPTEMBER.

DIDN'T WORK?

HMM, ODDLY ENOUGH.

I GOT AN INTERESTING CALL TODAY.

OH, YEAH? WHO?

DAD.

COOL. HOW IS HE?

I... I... I TALKED TO
HIM LAST NIGHT.

HE MENTIONED THAT.

YEAH, I WAS ABOUT
TO MENTION IT MYSELF.

THAT'S QUITE A COINCIDENCE.

YEAH. DID I NOT
MENTION IT LAST NIGHT?

NO, UH, NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE.

I COULD HAVE SWORN I DID.

WHY DID YOU CALL HIM?

OH, JUST TO CHECK IN.

AT YOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY?

SEEMED AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY.

TO CATCH UP ON CALLS?

YEAH, PRETTY MUCH.

SEEMS LIKE A WEIRD TIME.

DID HE CALL JUST TO FINK ON ME?

NO, HE WANTED TO SEE
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU.

HE THOUGHT IT WAS WEIRD, TOO.

HEAVEN FORBID I EVER
USE THE PHONE AGAIN.

WAS IT WHEN YOU TOLD
US YOU WERE CALLING MAX?

SOMEWHERE AROUND THERE.

WHY DID YOU SAY YOU
WERE CALLING MAX?

HONEY, SOME DAY WHEN
YOU'RE A LITTLE OLDER,

YOU WILL BE INTRODUCED
TO SOMETHING

THAT IS EXTREMELY
SEDUCTIVE BUT FICKLE.

A FAIR-WEATHER FRIEND
WHO SEEMS BENIGN,

BUT PACKS A WALLOP
LIKE A DONKEY KICK.

THAT IS THE LONG
ISLAND ICED TEA.

THE LONG ISLAND ICED
TEA MAKES YOU DO THINGS

THAT YOU NORMALLY WOULDN'T DO.

LIKE LIFTING YOUR
SKIRT IN PUBLIC,

OR CALLING SOMEONE YOU
NORMALLY WOULDN'T CALL

AT REALLY WEIRD TIMES.

I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO
MEETING LONG ISLAND ICED TEA.

I'D DEFINITELY WALK
THE OTHER WAY.

YOU KNOW, DAD WANTS
YOU TO BE HAPPY.

I KNOW.

AND I REALLY WANT
YOU TO BE HAPPY.

I KNOW, SWEETIE.

YOU ARE HAPPY ABOUT
ALL THIS, AREN'T YOU?

DON'T I SEEM HAPPY?

I GUESS.

OK, THEN.

ALL RIGHT, UH, I'LL BE IN
MY ROOM IF YOU NEED ME.

OK.

[door closes]

WHAT IS THAT?

UH, IT'S A HUPPAH.

A WHAT? A HUPPAH.

YOU STAND UNDER IT, YOU AND MAX.

IT'S FOR YOUR WEDDING.

AH! DID YOU MAKE THAT?

YEAH, I HAD SOME TIME, SO...

GIVE ME A HAND.

LUKE, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

OH, WELL, I SAW A
PICTURE IN A BOOK.

THE PICTURE LOOKS BETTER.

IT'S GOT CARVINGS.
BIRDS AND FLOWERS.

YEAH, THERE'S ALSO A GOAT.

A GOAT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT STANDS
FOR, BUT IT WAS IN THE PICTURE

AND YOU LIKE GOATS, RIGHT?

YEAH, GOATS ARE GOOD.

OK, SO THERE YOU GO.

WHAT ON EARTH
INSPIRED YOU TO DO THIS?

YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. YOU
CAN'T JUST STAND IN THE HOT SUN

IN THE MIDDLE OF A LAWN THAT
HASN'T BEEN MOWED IN WEEKS.

I GUESS HE DOESN'T MOW?

NO, MAX ISN'T A MOWER.

OK, YOU NEEDED
SOMETHING. HERE IT IS.

I'LL MOW IT IF YOU WANT.

WE GOT A GUY WHO DOES THAT.

ONE OF THE PETES
FROM THE NURSERY.

BIG PETE? LITTLE PETE.

HE'S THE BETTER OF THE PETES.

WE'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT SO.

HEY, AREN'T HUPPAHS JEWISH?

MAYBE.

IS IT OK THAT MAX
AND I AREN'T JEWISH?

IT'S OK BY ME.

I MEAN TO STAND UNDER IT.

GOD WON'T SMITE US OR ANYTHING?

I HIGHLY DOUBT IT.

PLUS GOD WOULD PROBABLY HAVE
TO GET A LICENSE FROM TAYLOR

TO DO ANY SMITING IN STARS
HOLLOW ON A WEEKEND,

SO I'D SAY YOU'RE SAFE.

YOU KNOW, I WASN'T
PUTTING DOWN MAX.

HE SEEMS LIKE A REALLY GOOD GUY.

HE IS, AND YOU WERE
PUTTING HIM DOWN.

YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

DID YOU MEAN ALL THOSE
THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT MARRIAGE?

WHAT THINGS?

REALLY WANT ME TO
REPEAT THEM TO YOU?

NO.

I GUESS FOR SOME PEOPLE

MARRIAGE, YOU KNOW, ISN'T
THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.

I MEAN, IT'S PROBABLY
BETTER THAN

BEING HOBBLED OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

AND PEOPLE CAN EVOLVE
TOGETHER, DON'T YOU THINK?

MAYBE.

YOKO AND JOHN LENNON DID.

THEY JUST GOT CLOSER AND
CLOSER AS THE YEARS WENT BY.

AT THE END, THEY
HAD THE SAME FACE.

IT GOT A LITTLE SPOOKY.

BUT COOL.

YEAH, THEY WERE LUCKY.

I GUESS IF YOU CAN
FIND THAT ONE PERSON

WHO'S WILLING TO PUT
UP WITH ALL YOUR CRAP

AND DOESN'T WANT TO
CHANGE YOU OR DRESS YOU

OR MAKE YOU EAT FRENCH FOOD,
THEN MARRIAGE CAN BE ALL RIGHT.

BUT THAT'S ONLY IF
YOU FIND THAT PERSON.

YEAH, IF YOU FIND THAT PERSON.

NO ONE HAS EVER MADE
ME A HUPPAH BEFORE.

WELL, YOU ONLY GET
MARRIED ONCE. THEORETICALLY.

YEAH, YOU ONLY GET MARRIED ONCE.

PACK.

WHAT?

PACK.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE ARE HITTING THE ROAD.

WHAT?

PACK EVERYTHING.
TRAVELING LIGHT IS FOR GIRLS.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHY ARE WE HITTING THE ROAD?

WE HAVEN'T TAKEN A ROAD TRIP IN
FOREVER, AND THE WEATHER IS PERFECT.

WE CAN'T TAKE A ROAD TRIP.

YOU'RE GETTING
MARRIED THIS WEEKEND.

DO YOU HAVE MY BLUE SWIMSUIT?

WHAT ABOUT MAX?

SUNSCREEN. WE NEED SUNSCREEN.

MOM, STOP.

WHAT?

ARE YOU AND MAX GETTING MARRIED?

NO.

WHY?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO TRY ON
MY WEDDING DRESS EVERY NIGHT.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

WE DON'T HAVE TO.

HOT, COLD, ROCKY,
SANDY, MOUNTAIN, VALLEY?

I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE
A PARTICULAR SPOT.

PACKING FOR ALL
CONTINGENCIES. GOT IT.

LIGHT LAYERS.

YEAH, LIGHT LAYERS.

DO YOU NEED A BOOK?

UM, THAT COLETTE BIOGRAPHY.

I LOST YOUR PLACE IN IT.

IT'S OK, I HAVE TO
START OVER ANYWAY.

YOU GOT IT.

AND HURRY.

ARE WE GOING TONIGHT?

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

7-ISH? 5-ISH.

IT'LL BE MORE LIKE 6-ISH.

LET'S SHOOT FOR 5ISH.

YOU ARE CRAZY, AND I LOVE IT.

(Rory) WOW, TOTALLY DESERTED.

(Lorelai) WE'RE THE
LAST ONES LEFT.

SO ARE WE ALMOST THERE?

WE'RE ALMOST THERE
AND NOWHERE NEAR IT.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS WE'RE GOING.

WE'RE PRACTICALLY GONE ALREADY.

LOOK OUT, WORLD.