Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 19 - Teach Me Tonight - full transcript

I HATE CROSSWORD PUZZLES.
THEY MAKE ME FEEL STUPID.

THEN DON'T DO 'EM.

NO, BUT IF YOU DON'T DO 'EM, YOU'RE
NOT ONLY STUPID, YOU'RE ALSO A COWARD.

OR YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO.

YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL BUY THAT?

THE PEOPLE WHO LINE
UP ON A DAILY BASIS

AND ASK YOU IF YOU
DO CROSSWORD PUZZLES

AND THEN WHEN YOU SAY NO,
CHALLENGE YOU AS TO WHY?

YES, I THINK THEY WILL BUY IT.

OH, HEY, LOOK, NEW BAGBOY.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S MARTY. HE'S SUBBING
FOR DEAN WHILE HE'S OUT OF TOWN.

WOW, MARTY DOES THE JAR TWIRL
BEFORE PUTTING THE SALSA IN THE BAG.

IMPRESSIVE. VERY COCKTAIL.

MARTY'S A NICE GUY.

MARTY'S AN AMBITIOUS
SNAKE IN THE GRASS.

WHAT? THE JAR TWIRL.

THE DOUBLE-BAGGING. THE "HAVE A
NICE DAY, MA'AM," AFTER EVERY CUSTOMER.

THAT GUY'S GOT AN AGENDA.

WHICH IS?

HE'S OUT TO TAKE DEAN'S JOB.

I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, YES, HE IS. I'M TELLING
YOU. HE WANTS THAT POSITION.

DEAN BETTER HURRY BACK
FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE

OR HE CAN KISS HIS JOB GOODBYE.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO FIRE DEAN.

REALLY, WHY NOT?

WELL, FOR STARTERS, SOMEONE
STOLE TAYLOR'S LADDER LAST WEEK

AND DEAN IS THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN REACH THE TOP SHELVES.

HUH, INTERESTING.

WHAT?

JUST AS MARTY, A.K.A.
EVE HARRINGTON,

SHOWS UP TRYING
TO TAKE DEAN'S JOB,

TAYLOR'S LADDER
MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS

SUDDENLY MAKING DEAN INVALUABLE

NO MATTER WHAT FANCY TRICKS
LON CHANEY JR. OVER THERE PULLS.

GOOD THINKING, DEAN.
SMART THINKING, MY FRIEND.

YOU NEED TO START
NAPPING IN THE AFTERNOONS.

HEY, TAYLOR, PULLING
DOUBLE DUTY TODAY?

OH, I LIKE TO FILL IN BEHIND THE
REGISTER EVERY NOW AND THEN.

KEEPS ME IN CONTACT
WITH THE CLIENTELE.

ALSO, IT ALLOWS
ME TO KEEP AN EYE

ON THE "TAKE A PENNY" POT HERE,

MAKE SURE PEOPLE
AREN'T POCKETING

THOSE PENNIES FOR
THEIR PERSONAL GAIN,

BUT ARE LEGITIMATELY USING
THEM TO MAKE EXACT CHANGE.

OH, COOL. MOM, LOOK.

OH, YEAH, IT'S "MOVIE IN
THE SQUARE" NIGHT AGAIN.

GREAT. WE'LL BE THERE.

AH, EXCELLENT. THERE YOU ARE.

WHAT'S THE MOVIE THIS YEAR?

OH, IT'S GOING TO BE
SOMETHING REALLY GREAT.

REALLY? WHAT? A REAL WINNER.

WHAT'S IT CALLED? SHOW
UP AND BE SURPRISED.

HMM, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME WHAT IT IS?

NO.

WHY NOT? BECAUSE.

BECAUSE WHY? WHAT IS THE...

OH, NO.

THERE IS A LINE BEHIND YOU.

YOU CHOSE THE YEARLING AGAIN?

IT IS A FINE, WHOLESOME
MOTION PICTURE.

MOVING STORY. LOVELY
SCENES OF NATURE.

YOU'VE SHOWN THE YEARLING
THE LAST 3 YEARS IN A ROW.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I'M GETTING A LITTLE TIRED

OF HEARING YOU COMPLAIN
ABOUT THIS EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

I'M TIRED, TOO. PICK
ANOTHER MOVIE.

A LOT OF HARD WORK
AND CAREFUL PLANNING

GO INTO THOSE NIGHTS.
YOU NEVER HELP PLAN.

YOU NEVER VOLUNTEER. YOU HAVE
NEVER ONCE BEEN A TICKET RIPPER

AS LONG AS I HAVE BEEN
INVOLVED IN THAT FUNCTION.

PERSONALLY, MISSY, IF YOU CAN'T
PARTICIPATE WITH A SMILE AND A HUG,

THEN YOU SHOULDN'T
PARTICIPATE AT ALL.

I SHOULDN'T, BUT I AM.
PICK ANOTHER MOVIE.

NO.

THERE'S MILLIONS OF
GREAT MOVIES OUT THERE.

ANY ONE OF THEM WOULD BE BETTER
THAN THE YEARLING FOR THE 4TH TIME.

FINE! YOU DO IT!

WHAT? YOU PICK THE MOVIE!

SERIOUSLY? I'VE HAD IT.

YOU HAVE SUCH STRONG
OPINIONS ABOUT EVERYTHING,

YOU GO OUT AND TRY TO FIND A
MOVIE THAT EVERYBODY WILL ENJOY.

IT'S ALL YOURS. I RELINQUISH
MY MOVIE-PICKING CROWN TO YOU!

HE RELINQUISHED
HIS CROWN! I HEARD.

I GOT HIS CROWN! AND
IT LOOKS GREAT ON YOU.

COOL! THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

LET'S GO HOME AND MAKE POPCORN
AND PICK WHICH MOVIE WE'RE GONNA SHOW.

I GET TO HELP? OF COURSE.

OH, AND CAN I BORROW THE CROWN?

I DON'T KNOW, HONEY.
WE'LL HAVE TO SEE.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

WIZARD OF OZ. THE STING.

ROCKY. CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS.

THE SINGING DETECTIVE.
THAT'S A MINISERIES.

SO? SO, IT'S LIKE 6 HOURS LONG.

GOOD POINT. OH, I GOT IT.

ARTHUR. YES.

OR SOPHIE'S CHOICE.

VERY SIMILAR.

OH, MAN, I CAN'T CHOOSE.
THERE'S TOO MANY GREAT MOVIES.

THE BURDEN IS OVERWHELMING.

I'M SINKING UNDER THE PRESSURE.

MY GRASP ON REALITY IS SLIPPING.

I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T HOLD ON.

I CAN'T. HOW ABOUT CABIN BOY?

WILL YOU GET THAT? NO.

WHY NOT? TIME?

6:45. ON?

WEDNESDAY. OH.

DAD, HI.

HEY, KIDDO, WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOT MUCH. JUST GETTING READY FOR
SCHOOL AND TRYING TO THINK UP MOVIES.

MOVIES FOR WHAT?

OUR TOWN DOES THIS BIG MOVIE
FESTIVAL OUTDOORS EVERY YEAR

AND THIS YEAR MOM
GETS TO PICK THE MOVIE.

OH, YEAH? HOW'D
SHE GET THAT GIG?

SHE TICKED OFF THE GUY THAT
USUALLY DOES IT AND HE QUIT.

SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

SO HOW ARE THINGS
THERE? HOW'S SHERRIE?

OH, NOTHING MUCH
IS GOING ON HERE.

SAME OLD, SAME OLD.

HEY, LISTEN, UH, I'VE GOT
TO CUT THIS TALK SHORT,

BUT I SENT YOU AN
E-MAIL, SO READ IT.

AND ADD AN EXTRA 40 MINUTES ONTO
MY TAB FOR NEXT WEEK'S CALL. DEAL?

DEAL. DO YOU WANT TO SAY
HELLO TO MOM BEFORE YOU GO?

UH, NO, I CAN'T.

I REALLY NEED TO RUN.
YOU SAY HELLO FOR ME.

OK.

OK. I'LL TALK TO YOU
WEDNESDAY. BYE, SWEETIE.

BYE, DAD.

HE SAYS HELLO. HE DOES NOT.

ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT
IT IS YOU TWO ARE FIGHTING ABOUT?

WE'RE NOT FIGHTING.

OK. ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE NOT FIGHTING ABOUT

THAT KEEPS YOU FROM
TALKING TO EACH OTHER?

WHAT ABOUT DESPERATELY
SEEKING SUSAN?

WHAT ABOUT MY MOTHER
IS 2? NEVER SAW IT.

ANGIE DICKINSON?
YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE
WAS THE ONE WITH ANGIE DICKINSON.

FINE. FORGET IT. I GIVE.
STAY IN A FIGHT. I DON'T CARE.

I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL.
WE'LL FINISH THIS LATER.

AFTER SCHOOL,
LUKE'S? I'LL BE THERE.

BYE, HON. BYE.

15 MINUTES LEFT.

LANE.

♪ LANE ♪
SHH.

I NEED A PENCIL.
I DON'T HAVE ONE.

THEN I NEED A PEN.

YOU ONLY HAVE 15 MINUTES LEFT.

THEN I NEED THE ANSWERS.

THERE'S A PEN IN MY BAG.

I CAN'T GO THROUGH
YOUR BAG. YES, YOU CAN.

MY MOTHER TOLD ME NEVER
TO GO THROUGH A LADY'S BAG

AT LEAST NOT UNTIL YOU'RE
A COUPLE BLOCKS AWAY.

JUST KIDDING. SHE NEVER SAID
THAT. THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE

PRETTY GOOD ADVICE, DOESN'T IT?

TAKE IT AND SHUT UP.

BOY, I TELL YOU, IT'S TRUE,
SMALL TOWNS SURE ARE FRIENDLY.

COME IN.

YEAH, I GOT A CALL
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME.

I'M, UH, LUKE DANES,
JESS MARIANO'S UNCLE.

JESS MARIANO? OH, YES.

COME IN.

THANKS.

IS EVERYTHING OK? I
DIDN'T SEE ANY COP CARS

OR FIRE TRUCKS OUT FRONT SO...

MR. DANES, PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.

A SEAT. SO THIS IS A SEAT THING.

OK, WHAT'S HE DONE?

WHY DO YOU ASSUME
HE'S DONE SOMETHING?

OH, I DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE
STARING AT A FOLDER

THAT'S LOOKING A
LITTLE THICK THERE,

I GET A CALL TO COME RIGHT
OVER HERE AND TALK TO YOU.

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TELL ME WHAT HE'S DONE?

NOTHING.

NOTHING?

NO HOMEWORK, NO
CLASS PARTICIPATION.

HIS ATTENDANCE RECORD
IS ERRATIC AT BEST.

HIS ATTITUDE TO HIS TEACHERS
RANGES FROM INDIFFERENT TO HOSTILE.

HE SHOWS NO INTEREST IN SCHOOL
ACTIVITIES OR OTHER STUDENTS,

AND THERE IS THE ISSUE OF
THE DISAPPEARING BASEBALLS.

THE WHAT?

EVERY BASEBALL ON CAMPUS
SEEMS TO HAVE DISAPPEARED.

OH, COME ON, YOU DON'T
THINK JESS SERIOUSLY...

I'LL CHECK WHEN I GET HOME.

I APPRECIATE THAT. NOW,

I DON'T SUSPECT WE'LL SOLVE
EVERY PROBLEM IN ONE MEETING,

SO LET'S FOCUS ON THE
MOST IMPORTANT ONE:

HIS GRADES.

NOT GOOD? NOT GOOD.

WELL, I'LL HAVE A TALK
WITH HIM ABOUT THAT.

YOU HAVE TO DO A LOT MORE THAN
TALK TO HIM. YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM.

ME? OH, NO, I-I'M NOT THE
ONE YOU WANT HELPING HIM.

I WENT TO THIS SCHOOL. I'M SURE
THERE'S STILL A NOTE STUFFED IN THERE

ABOUT ME WITH THE WORDS "TRADE
SCHOOL" STAMPED IN REALLY BIG LETTERS.

WELL, IF YOU CAN'T HELP HIM, YOU
GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN.

LIKE WHO?

A RELATIVE.

I DON'T THINK SO. BELIEVE ME,
I'M THE EINSTEIN OF THE CLAN.

WELL, MAYBE YOU
NEED TO HIRE A TUTOR.

A TUTOR? OH, JEEZ.

MR. DANES, JESS IS FLUNKING OUT.

HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.

NOW, IF SOMETHING IS NOT
DONE ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW,

HE'S GOING TO REPEAT THIS YEAR.

I'M SORRY, BUT
THAT'S WHERE WE ARE.

OK, WELL, IF THAT'S
WHERE WE ARE,

THEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO
FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

GOOD.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET
ABOUT THOSE BASEBALLS.

RIGHT.

BEEN USING TENNIS BALLS
FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

WOW.

VERY DIFFERENT RESULTS.

I'M SURE IT IS.

IF WE TAKE OFF FLETCH
AND URBAN COWBOY,

WE STILL HAVE 75 POSSIBILITIES.

HOW DO WE PICK JUST ONE?

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE WE SHOULD
DO A MOVIE MARATHON WEEKEND.

YOU KNOW, JUST SHOW ONE
MOVIE AFTER THE OTHER FOR 3 DAYS,

CHARGE EVERYONE A FORTUNE,
GOUGE THEM ON BOTTLED WATER,

HAVE REALLY DISGUSTING,
LITTLE BATHROOMS.

IT'LL BE LIKE OUR OWN WOODSTOCK.

AH, GOOD. THERE YOU ARE.
I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

WHAT?

THIS.

JEEZ.

WHEN YOU GET THROUGH
THIS AND MAKE YOUR DECISION,

THE NUMBER OF THE MAN YOU NEED TO
CONTACT IS INSIDE ON THE FIRST PAGE.

WHAT MAN? WHAT IS THIS?

THAT IS THE LIST OF
TITLES THAT ARE AVAILABLE

FOR YOU TO PICK FROM
FOR THE MOVIE NIGHT.

THE LIST OF TITLES?

I'M SORRY, CAN'T WE
JUST PICK OUR OWN MOVIE?

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS?

NOT OFTEN, BUT JUST THERE,
YEAH, I HAD SOME SERIOUS GOING.

MY DEAR GIRL,
MOVIES ARE EXPENSIVE

AND WE GET FABULOUS DEALS
WITH THIS PARTICULAR PLACE.

THEY HAVE A WIDE SELECTION
AND THEY'RE VERY FRIENDLY

AND SINCE IT ALL
GOES TO CHARITY,

THEY AGREE TO GIVE US
ANYTHING ON THAT LIST FOR FREE.

SO WE HAVE TO PICK
A MOVIE OFF THIS LIST?

OH, IT'S FUN.

THEY PUT THE MOVIE
TITLE OVER HERE,

AND A BRIEF DESCRIPTION
OF THE STORYLINE OVER HERE.

AND BELIEVE ME, THERE ARE SOME
EXCELLENT MOVIES ON THAT LIST. REALLY.

TOP NOTCH.

"ARCTIC FLIGHT. MAN WITH
PLANE FLIES CHARTER TO ALASKA,

"HIRED BY BEAR HUNTER WHO
TURNS OUT TO BE RUSSIAN SPY.

"LOVE STORY DEVELOPS WITH
PILOT AND SCHOOLTEACHER.

ESKIMOS DO TRIBAL
DANCE." YOU MADE THIS UP.

DON'T I WISH!

OK, WELL, I CAN'T WAIT TO
SEE WHAT YOU COME UP WITH.

BYE, GIRLS. BYE.

"KILLER SHARK. SHARK
FISHERMEN ON OCEAN.

"MEXICAN CANTINA WITH
TEQUILA AND MARIACHI MUSIC.

HAS GOOD SCENE OF
CATCHING AND CLEANING SHARK."

"WHERE ARE YOUR CHILDREN?
HIP MUSIC AND SINGING

"ABOUT KIDS GETTING IN TROUBLE,
SNEAKING BOOZE INTO CLUBS,

"STEALING CAR,
FIGHT BETWEEN GIRLS.

ROMANCE STARTS, THEN
GUY GOES IN THE NAVY."

HMM. "SUDDEN DANGER.

"MOM DIES OF GAS ASPHYXIATION.

SON BLAMED. GOOD KISS SCENE."

"SUSPENSE. ICE SKATER
FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIRED HELP."

WELL, AT LEAST NOW I KNOW
HOW SNOW DOGS GOT MADE.

HEY, LISTEN, HAVE YOU SEEN JESS?

I THINK I SAW HIM GO
UPSTAIRS EARLIER.

OH, GREAT. THANKS.

OH, GOOD, YOU'RE HERE.

SO, YOU FILE THOSE
UNDER THE BAND NAMES?

GENRE. RIGHT. GENRE.

THAT MAKES SENSE.
MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.

OH, WHAT IS THAT?
SOMETHING FOR SCHOOL?

NO.

SHOULDN'T YOU READ
SOMETHING FOR SCHOOL?

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN, I
KNOW YOU LIKE READING.

SINCE YOU LIKE READING, YOU MIGHT AS
WELL READ SOMETHING YOU'LL GET GRADED ON

SO YOU CAN GET GRADED
ON SOMETHING YOU LIKE

BECAUSE YOU LIKE READING.

WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?

I WENT TO SEE YOUR
PRINCIPAL TODAY.

HUH.

HE SAYS YOU'RE FLUNKING OUT.

HE SAYS YOU'RE NOT
SHOWING UP FOR CLASS.

HE SAYS YOU STOLE
THEIR BASEBALLS.

YOU STOLE THEIR BASEBALLS?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLE
NEED 500 BASEBALLS FOR?

COULD WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?

WHY, YOU GOT A BIG FRISBEE
HEIST GOING DOWN AT 6:00?

JESS, MR. MERTON SAID IF
YOU DON'T START DOING BETTER,

THEY'RE NOT GONNA
LET YOU BE A SENIOR.

BUMMER. THEY'RE
GONNA HOLD YOU BACK.

WELL, AT LEAST I'LL KNOW
WHERE MY CLASSES ARE.

JESS, THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU'RE FLUNKING OUT!

YOU LOOKIN' AT BEING IN THE 11TH
GRADE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

YOU'RE GONNA BE THE KID
IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM

WITH A BEARD AND A RACING FORM,

BABBLING INCOHERENTLY
ABOUT STEELY DAN.

STEELY DAN?

THE GROUP MAY CHANGE. THE
FREAK IN THE BACK DOESN'T.

I'M GOING OUT.

DON'T YOU WANNA GO TO COLLEGE?

DON'T WAIT UP.

WHAT WILL YOU BE
WHEN YOU GROW UP?

ABOUT 20 MILES SOUTH
OF WHEREVER YOU ARE.

YOU HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT THE FUTURE.

IF YOU DON'T GET THROUGH HIGH
SCHOOL, WHO'S GONNA HIRE YOU?

YOU WON'T HAVE ANY SKILLS. STOP.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA WORK?
HOW ARE YOU GONNA EAT, PAY RENT?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, JESS?

JEEZ, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I'LL WORK IN A DINER.

MARSHMALLOW?

THANK YOU.

OK, I HAVE NOW
FINISHED GOING THROUGH

EVERY SINGLE ONE
OF THESE MOVIES.

I'VE READ THEM,
REVIEWED THEIR MERITS,

AND I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
THAT I HAVE CHOSEN OUR MOVIE.

HOW DOES THE
YEARLING SOUND TO YOU?

PERFECT. AND BYE-BYE.

THAT MUST BE PAULINE
KAEL RISING FROM THE DEAD.

TELL HER, "HEY."

PAULINE! WHAT?

NEVER MIND. WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I MADE SOME BROWNIES. I
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE SOME.

OH, GEE.

SINCE I JUST ATE A HALF-BAG
OF MARSHMALLOWS, 6 POP-TARTS,

4 BAGEL DOGS, AND A
REALLY STALE CHEESE NIP,

YUP, IT'S BROWNIE TIME. THANKS.

HERE'S A QUESTION FOR YOU.

YEAH?

WELL, YOU PROBABLY HAVE A DINER FULL
OF PEOPLE WHO'D LOVE THESE BROWNIES.

PLUS, I BET THEY'D
PAY YOU FOR THEM.

WELL, I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED TRIPLE THE
AMOUNT OF COCOA POWDER IN THE BATTER,

SO I EITHER HAD TO DUMP
THE BATCH OR FIND SOMEONE

WITH SOME SORT OF SUPERHUMAN
CHOCOLATE TOLERANCE.

ONLY ONE NAME CAME TO MIND.

GOD, I LOVE BEING SPECIAL.

WHAT?

NOTHING, I JUST...

HEY, IS RORY HERE,
BY ANY CHANCE?

YEAH, SHE'S IN HER ROOM.

CAN I TALK TO HER FOR A SEC?

SURE. GO RIGHT AHEAD.

THANKS.

RORY, IT'S LUKE. CAN I
COME IN FOR A MINUTE?

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

NOT MUCH. CAN I...

UM, YEAH. COME ON IN.

SO I SEE YOU'RE STUDYING.

YUP. THAT'S GOOD.

STUDYING IS VERY, VERY GOOD.

WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT
THERE WITH THE BOOKS, VERY GOOD.

THANK YOU.

OK, LOOK, I WANTED TO
ASK YOU A FAVOR. OH.

I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU COULD TUTOR JESS.

WHAT?

HE'S NOT DOING WELL IN SCHOOL.
THE PRINCIPAL SAYS HE'S NOT

GONNA LET HIM MOVE ON
UNLESS SOMETHING CHANGES.

I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU COULD HELP.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. HE'S
SMART ENOUGH TO PASS ANY SUBJECT.

I DON'T THINK IT'S NOT
HIS LACK OF SMARTS.

MORE LIKE HIS LACK OF PROXIMITY

TO THE ACTUAL CLASSES.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

AH.

OK. UH, WHAT SUBJECT
DOES HE NEED HELP IN?

I'D SAY ALL OF THEM, PROBABLY.

HUH.

LOOK, I DON'T EXPECT
YOU TO WORK MIRACLES

AND IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
A FULL-TIME, EVERYDAY THING.

IF YOU COULD GET HIM THROUGH
A COUPLE OF HIS NEXT TESTS,

MAYBE MAKE THE SCHOOL
SEE THAT HE CAN DO IT,

THAT WOULD PROBABLY
HELP OUT A LOT.

SURE. GREAT. TONIGHT?

TONIGHT...

I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.

OK.

YOU SHOULD GET BACK
TO YOUR STUDYING.

OTHERWISE, YOU'RE
COMPLETELY USELESS TO ME.

OK, SO I'LL SEE YOU GUYS
AT DINNER, PROBABLY.

WAIT. HOLD ON. WHAT
WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

OH, RORY'S GONNA TUTOR JESS.

SHE IS?

YEAH. JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

HELP GET HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

WOW. OK, I SHOULD
BE GETTING BACK.

ENJOY THE BROWNIES. I'LL SEE IF I CAN
SCREW UP A CAKE FOR YOU LATER ON.

SOUNDS GREAT.

HEY, LUKE, HANG ON JUST A SEC.

YEAH?

UM, LISTEN, ABOUT RORY
DOING THIS TUTORING THING...

I REALLY APPRECIATE
IT, BY THE WAY.

I KNOW YOU DO, I
JUST... RORY'S SO SWEET

AND SHE'D NEVER SAY NO TO
ANYONE 'CAUSE SHE LOVES TO HELP,

BUT I-I'M NOT SURE
IF IT'S THE BEST IDEA.

WHY NOT?

SHE'S GOT HER OWN
STUDIES TO WORRY ABOUT.

I KNOW. AND I PROMISE THIS
WON'T TAKE UP ALL HER TIME.

IT'S FOR A LITTLE
WHILE. OK, BUT...

PLUS, RORY'S PRETTY
SERIOUS ABOUT SCHOOL.

I DON'T THINK SHE'D SAY SHE
HAD THE TIME IF SHE DIDN'T.

I KNOW, RORY IS A GREAT
STUDENT, BUT SHE'S JUST A KID.

DON'T YOU NEED A PROFESSIONAL
TUTOR TO HELP WITH JESS?

YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY
WITH A DEGREE, A PIPE,

AND ONE OF THOSE COATS
WITH ELBOW PATCHES ON IT?

I NEED SOMEONE JESS
IS GONNA LISTEN TO.

SOMEONE HE'S GONNA, I
DON'T KNOW, LOOK UP TO.

THAT SURE ISN'T ME, AND IT SURE
ISN'T SOME TUTOR. HE LIKES RORY

AND RORY'S ON THE PATH THAT I'D LIKE
TO SEE JESS ON: SCHOOL AND COLLEGE.

HE NEEDS TO SEE SOMEBODY HE
RESPECTS DOING WHAT HE SHOULD BE DOING.

AND RORY'S THE ONLY PERSON I CAN
THINK OF WHO FITS THAT DESCRIPTION.

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW FOR
SURE THAT HE'LL LISTEN TO RORY.

BUT I GOTTA DO
SOMETHING, DON'T I?

I MEAN, WHAT WOULD
YOU DO IF YOU WERE ME?

OK, JUST MAKE SURE IT'S
NOT TOO MUCH TIME, OK?

I WILL. OK.

ENJOY THE BROWNIE.

MMM.

OH, MY GOD.

HMM, THAT'S GOOD.

AH, LORELAI, GOOD, I NEED
ONE MINUTE OF YOUR TIME.

I'LL GIVE YOU 2
BECAUSE YOU SCARE ME.

I HEAR THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE
THAT YOU ARE THE ONE IN CHARGE

OF SELECTING THE MOVIE
FOR THIS YEAR'S MOVIE NIGHT.

YES, I AM.

OK. WELL,

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
KNOW THIS ABOUT ME,

BUT I HAVE GREAT
CREATIVE AMBITIONS.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT
ABOUT YOU, KIRK.

IT'S TRUE. DON'T GET ME WRONG,
I LOVE THE BLUE-COLLAR WORK.

I ENJOY THE PLIGHT
OF THE EVERYMAN.

BUT AS MUCH AS THE MAILED LETTER
DELIVERED AND THE D.S.L. LINE INSTALLED,

THE LATEST J. LO FLICK RENTED
FILLS ME WITH A DEEP SENSE OF PRIDE,

IN MY SOUL, I AM AKIRA KUROSAWA.

7 SAMURAI. GREAT MOVIE.

EXCUSE ME? 7 SAMURAI.

I'M SORRY, I DON'T...

AKIRA KUROSAWA
DIRECTED 7 SAMURAI.

IT'S A GREAT JAPANESE MOVIE.

JAPANESE MOVIE? NO.

I'M SORRY, I... I... I HAVE
THE WRONG PERSON.

WHO'S THE GUY WHO DIRECTED
ALL THOSE FACTS OF LIFE?

I DON'T... ASAAD KELADA. SORRY.

IN MY SOUL, I KNOW
I AM ASAAD KELADA.

WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME, KIRK?

I'VE MADE A SHORT FILM THAT I'VE BEEN
WORKING ON FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS, NOW.

AND IF I RUSH, I CAN HAVE IT DONE BY
THURSDAY NIGHT. I'M VERY PROUD OF IT.

AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD
SCREEN IT BEFORE THE MOVIE TOMORROW.

IT WOULD MEAN A GREAT
DEAL TO MY CAREER.

WELL, UH, WHAT
KIND OF MOVIE IS IT?

OH, YOU MEAN, IS IT "BLUE"?

NO. PERFECTLY P.G.

UH-HUH.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY BABE.
IT'S MORE LIKE BABE 2.

GOT IT. SAME PIG. HARDER EDGE.

OK, KIRK, I HEAR YOU.
I WANT TO HELP YOU.

LET ME THINK ABOUT IT,
AND GET BACK TO YOU.

HERE'S A COPY OF THE FILM.

TAKE A LOOK AND CALL ME.

AND REMEMBER, I CAN
EDIT OUT 2 OF THE "HELLS,"

BUT I NEED TO KEEP
ALL THE "DAMNS."

IT'S A STREET-CRED THING.

BYE, KIRK.

WELL, AT LEAST NOW I HAVE
SOMETHING FUN TO DO TONIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT WATCHING
THAT WITHOUT ME.

OK, I'LL WAIT.

SO, UM...

OH, DO YOU WANT TO GET SOME PIE?

NO, I'M FULL.

HOW ABOUT SOME COFFEE? I'M GOOD.

HOT CHOCOLATE? NO, THANKS.

EGG CREAM?

NOW, I NEVER HAD AN EGG CREAM,

BUT IT SOUNDS JUST DISGUSTING
ENOUGH TO BE FABULOUS.

WE'RE JUST GOING
TO STUDY. I KNOW.

AND WE'LL BE
RIGHT HERE DOING IT.

I KNOW.

SO THIS STALLING IS COMPLETELY
UNNECESSARY. I KNOW.

SO GO. I WILL.

JUST FINISHING UP THE
COFFEE THAT I PAID FOR.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
ENOUGH. I'M GOING. BYE.

BYE.

UM, MOM? YEAH?

LISTEN, JUST IN CASE,
AND I DON'T THINK HE WILL,

BUT IF DEAN CALLS, WILL
YOU TELL HIM I'M WITH LANE?

I THOUGHT THIS WAS
NOTHING. IT IS NOTHING.

THAT YOU WERE JUST
STUDYING. WE ARE.

THEN HOW COME I
HAVE TO LIE TO DEAN?

YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT
IT'S NOT GONNA BE OK WITH DEAN

IF I'M STUDYING WITH JESS.

THEN MAYBE YOU
SHOULDN'T BE, I MEAN,

IF YOU FEEL WEIRD ENOUGH
THAT I HAVE TO LIE TO DEAN.

I'M NOT ASKING
YOU TO LIE TO DEAN.

YOU TOLD ME TO SAY
THAT YOU'RE WITH LANE.

BECAUSE... I DON'T
SEE LANE HERE.

SOUNDS LIKE A LIE
TO ME. FINE, FORGET IT.

JUST DON'T ANSWER THE
PHONE. HELLO? I GET CALLS, TOO.

I'M NOT WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO
BABY JANE? YET, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

JUST TELL HIM THAT I'M STUDYING,
WHICH IS WHAT I AM DOING,

SO YOU WILL NOT BE LYING, OK?

HEY, TEACH.

HEY.

YOU GUYS DONE YET?

JUST NOT YET.

GOOD. WELL, I'LL BE RIGHT
OVER THERE WHEN YOU ARE.

JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR
THAT LEARNING TO BEGIN.

HEY, ARE WE GONNA DO SOME OF
THOSE SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK SONGS?

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, JESS.

'CAUSE THEY SAY IF YOU
JUST MAKE LEARNING FUN...

GIVE US A MINUTE, OK?

WELL, HURRY. A MIND IS A
TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE.

I'LL BE HOME EARLY.

FINE. BYE.

BYE.

BYE, JESS.

MA'AM.

SO, ARE YOU READY TO START?

YES, I AM.

WHERE ARE YOUR BOOKS?

HUH, I DON'T KNOW.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO
STUDY WITHOUT YOUR BOOKS?

I GUESS WE CAN'T. TOO
BAD. SO, WHAT NOW? MOVIE?

GET YOUR BOOKS.
THE CAT ATE THEM.

GET YOUR BOOKS
OR I'M GOING HOME.

WAIT THERE.

EXPLAIN TO ME THE POLITICAL
RAMIFICATIONS OF THE MARSHALL PLAN.

PICK A CARD.

HUH, THAT JUST MADE THE
TRICK A LITTLE BIT HARDER.

JESS, FOCUS.

WHERE'S DEAN TONIGHT?
WE JUST WENT OVER THIS.

THERE'S NO WAY YOU FORGOT. WORK?

I'LL MAKE YOU WRITE IT OUT 50 TIMES
ON THE SPECIALS BOARD, IF NEEDED.

'CAUSE IF HE'S NOT AT
WORK, HE MUST BE FREE.

SO, HE DOESN'T CARE
THAT YOU'RE HERE?

NO, HE DOESN'T.

HE'S VISITING HIS GRANDMOTHER.

WHERE? CHICAGO.

SO HE DOESN'T KNOW?
IT WOULDN'T MATTER.

YOU'LL TELL HIM? WE'RE STUDYING.

YOU ARE, I'M PRYING
INTO YOUR LIFE.

JESS, WHY WON'T YOU AT LEAST TRY

TO REMEMBER THE MARSHALL PLAN?

HAVE YOU EVER
READ PLEASE KILL ME?

NO.

ORAL HISTORY OF
THE PUNK MOVEMENT.

YOU'D LIKE IT. YOU CAN
BORROW IT IF YOU WANT.

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU STUDY.

NOW, IF YOU WANT
ME TO GO, I'LL GO.

BUT IF I'M GOING TO STAY, THEN
YOU WILL STOP DISTRACTING ME

AND START PAYING
ATTENTION, UNDERSTAND?

I UNDERSTAND.

GOOD.

AND, YES, I WOULD
LIKE TO BORROW IT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NOW OPEN YOUR BOOK.

DONE.

THIS ISN'T SHAKESPEARE.

IT'S NOT?

IT'S THE WORDS TO A CLASH SONG.

AH, BUT WHICH CLASH SONG?

HEY, I'M NOT THE
ONE BEING TESTED.

10 SECONDS. JESS.

9, 8,

7... STOP IT.

6, 5,

4... YOU'RE REALLY
STARTING TO...

3... OOH, GUNS OF BRIXTON.

A-PLUS.

WHY DID YOU AGREE TO THIS
STUDYING THING IN THE FIRST PLACE?

'CAUSE LUKE SAID I HAD TO.

YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING
BECAUSE SOMEONE SAID YOU HAD TO.

I MOVED HERE BECAUSE
SOMEONE SAID I HAD TO.

VERY DIFFERENT. YEAH, WELL.

HEY, DO YOU WANT
TO GET OUT OF HERE?

WHAT? I'M SICK OF STUDYING.

HOW CAN YOU BE SICK OF STUDYING?

YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANY STUDYING.

YOU'VE DONE CARD TRICKS,
YOU'VE MADE COFFEE,

YOU'VE TRIED TO EXPLAIN
TO ME HOW ON EARTH

COLDPLAY COULD BE
CONSIDERED AN ALTERNATIVE BAND,

BUT AS OF YET, NO STUDYING.

THAT'S YOUR CAR?

YES, IT IS.

OK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

LET'S GO GET SOME ICE CREAM,
AND THEN, WHEN WE GET BACK,

I'LL STUDY.

THIS IS A DINER.
THERE'S ICE CREAM HERE.

YES, BUT WE DON'T HAVE CONES.

CONES. I NEED CONES.

SO, IF WE GO GET
ICE CREAM... IN CONES.

THEN YOU'LL BE A PERFECT
STUDENT FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

I COULD NOT BELIEVE YOU LESS.

HERE. YOU DRIVE. I'LL READ YOU
OTHELLO. WON'T THAT BE FUN?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH.

ADMIT IT, IT'S ALWAYS
BETTER IN A CONE.

IT'S ALWAYS BETTER IN A CONE.

PUTTING ICE CREAM IN A
DISH? EATING IT WITH A SPOON?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

HOLD THE WHEEL.

WHAT? I'M DRIPPING.
HOLD THE WHEEL.

I CAN'T HOLD THE
WHEEL. YOU'RE DRIVING.

THE PERSON WHO'S DRIVING
HAS TO HOLD THE WHEEL.

THEY TEACH YOU THAT
FIRST IN DRIVER'S ED.

HUH, I GOT TO TAKE THAT CLASS
ONE OF THESE DAYS. TAKE THE WHEEL.

JESS. I'M LETTING GO.

STOP. TAKE IT BACK.

OK, YOU ARE TAKING
THIS WHEEL BACK,

AND WHEN YOU DO, I'M GOING TO
KILL YOU. I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW.

I APPRECIATE THE WARNING.

JESS! OK. I GOT IT.

JEEZ, YOU LOOK PALE. YOU OK?

DEATH. AND IT'S
GOING TO BE PAINFUL.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA KILL ME.

THINK HOW DULL YOUR
LIFE WOULD BE WITHOUT ME.

♪

SERIOUS QUESTION? OK.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE SMARTER THAN
ALMOST EVERYBODY AT YOUR SCHOOL.

IT TAKES YOU, LIKE, 5
MINUTES TO FINISH A BOOK.

YOU READ AND
REMEMBER EVERYTHING.

YOU COULD ACE
THOSE CLASSES EASILY.

WHY DON'T YOU?

YOU DON'T NEED A TUTOR.

IT'S CRAZY THAT THEY'RE
TALKING ABOUT LEAVING YOU BACK.

WHATEVER.

YOU COULD DO ANYTHING. YOU
COULD BE ANYTHING YOU WANTED.

RORY.

IS IT, LIKE, A "COOL" THING?

I COULD CARE LESS
ABOUT BEING COOL.

WELL, INFORM ME, PLEASE.

I'M NEVER GOING TO COLLEGE. WHY
WASTE THE TIME IN HIGH SCHOOL?

AND WHY AREN'T YOU
GOING TO COLLEGE?

PLEASE. WHAT?

"PLEASE" WHAT? WHY
IS THAT SO CRAZY?

ASK MY MOTHER.

SHE COULD GIVE YOU
A COUPLE REASONS.

AND I'M SURE PRINCIPAL MERTON
CAN CHIME IN WITH A FEW GOOD ONES.

IN FACT, ASK YOUR MOTHER.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW
ME ALL THAT WELL,

BUT I'M SURE SHE COULD
IMPROVISE A FEW THINGS.

DO NOT GIVE ME THAT WHOLE "I'M SO
MISUNDERSTOOD," KURT COBAIN-Y THING.

YOU ARE WAY STRONGER THAN THAT,
AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR IT.

YOU HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE.

NO, YOU HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE.

BUT DON'T YOU HAVE ANY PLANS?

YES. I PLAN TO GET
OUT OF STARS HOLLOW.

AND GO WHERE? WHEREVER.

AND DO WHAT? WHATEVER.

"WHENEVER." "WHATEVER."

I'LL LIVE WHERE I LIVE, I'LL
WORK WHEN I NEED MONEY,

AND I'LL SEE WHERE I END UP.

YOU COULD DO MORE.

HERE COME THE POMPONS.

NO, NO POMPONS.

JUST ME SAYING,
"YOU COULD DO MORE."

SO, COURTNEY, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

WHAT ARE YOUR BIG AMBITIONS?

HARVARD. AND AFTER HARVARD?

I'M GONNA BE A JOURNALIST.

PAULA ZAHN? CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR.

YOU'RE GONNA BE AN
OVERSEAS CORRESPONDENT?

YES, I AM.

YOU'RE GONNA CRAWL AROUND IN
TRENCHES AND STAND ON TOP OF BUILDINGS

AND HAVE BOMBS GOING
OFF IN THE BACKGROUND

AND CIVIL WARS RAGING
ALL AROUND YOU?

WHAT? YOU DON'T
THINK I CAN DO IT?

NO, I DO. IT JUST
SOUNDS A LITTLE TOO...

A LITTLE WHAT?

JUST SOUNDS A LITTLE
TOO ROUGH FOR YOU.

WELL, IT'S NOT A LITTLE
TOO ROUGH FOR ME.

I HOPE IT'S NOT A LITTLE
TOO ROUGH FOR ME.

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT THIS FOREVER.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I WOULD DO IF...

I DIDN'T MEAN TO FREAK YOU OUT.

I'M SORRY. I'M
SURE YOU'LL DO IT.

YOU WILL. I PROMISE.

I'LL HELP YOU PRACTICE, OK?

TOMORROW, YOU'LL STAND
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET,

AND I WILL DRIVE STRAIGHT AT YOU

SCREAMING IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
A FOREIGN LANGUAGE FIRST.

WELL, IT'S LUCKY I'VE
GOT ME A TUTOR, ISN'T IT?

OK, SO I GUESS WE
SHOULD BE GETTING BACK.

I DID PROMISE TO STUDY IF YOU
WENT ON THIS ICE-CREAM RUN WITH ME.

YES, YOU DID.

OK, SO I JUST GO STRAIGHT,
AND WE'LL BE BACK AT LUKE'S.

GOOD SENSE OF DIRECTION.

OF COURSE, I COULD TURN
RIGHT AND THEN WE'D JUST BE

DRIVING AROUND IN
CIRCLES FOR A WHILE.

TURN RIGHT.

AS YOU WISH.

HELLO? MOM.

OH, RORY, GREAT.

TELL ME, WAS IT THE
CHINA BALL, THE CHINA DOLL,

OR THE CHINA WALL THAT HAD
THE REALLY GOOD SHRIMP BALLS?

I THINK IT WAS THE CHINA DOLL.

OK, THESE CAN GO.

YOU'LL BE SO PROUD OF ME. I'M
ORGANIZING THE TAKEOUT DRAWER.

I'M WEEDING OUT ALL THE DOGS,

AND I'M PUTTING
HAPPY-FACE STICKERS

ON THE DISHES THAT HAVE
BEEN HUGE SUCCESSES

TO MAKE OUR ORDERING MORE
EFFICIENT. WHERE ARE YOU?

I NEED YOU TO BE CALM.

CALM ABOUT WHAT?

CALM ABOUT WHAT
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

WHAT... WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M ALL RIGHT.

OF COURSE. WHY
WOULDN'T YOU BE ALL RIGHT?

BECAUSE I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT.

WHAT? WHAT ACCIDENT? WHAT DO
YOU MEAN YOU GOT IN AN ACCIDENT?

JESS AND I WENT FOR ICE CREAM
AND WE WERE JUST DRIVING,

AND IT WAS DARK, AND THIS
DOG OR CAT OR POSSUM,

I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS
SMALL AND FURRY,

IT RAN INTO THE MIDDLE OF
THE ROAD AND JESS SWERVED...

JESS SWERVED? YES.

JESS WAS DRIVING? YES.

JESS WAS DRIVING YOUR CAR,
AND YOU GOT IN AN ACCIDENT?

BUT I'M FINE, AND HE'S FINE.
AND THE FURRY THING IS FINE.

THE CAR'S A LITTLE MESSED UP, BUT THERE'S
NOTHING FOR YOU TO BE WORRIED ABOUT.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M IN THE HOSPITAL.

UM, H-HI, EXCUSE ME.
UH, MY DAUGHTER'S HERE.

SHE WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT.
HER NAME IS RORY GILMORE.

OK, JUST TAKE A SEAT.

I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A SEAT.

IT'LL BE ONE MINUTE.

DO YOU REMEMBER IN
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

WHERE SHIRLEY
MACLAINE'S IN THE HOSPITAL

AND FREAKS WHEN HER
DAUGHTER DOESN'T GET A SHOT?

SHE GOT THAT FROM ME
AND SHE TONED IT DOWN.

SO ONCE AGAIN, I'M LOOKING
FOR MY DAUGHTER, RORY GILMORE.

FIRST DOOR ON YOUR LEFT.

THANK YOU.

RORY. GOOD. ARE YOU OK?

I'M FINE. OH.

PLEASE TELL HER THAT
I'M FINE. SHE'S FINE.

WELL, THEN, WHAT'S
WITH THE WRAPPING?

IF SHE IS, THERE'LL BE NO WRAPPING.
THERE'S NO WRAPPING IF SHE'S FINE.

HER ARM HIT THE DASHBOARD.

SHE SUSTAINED A MINOR
HAIRLINE FRACTURE TO HER WRIST.

SO, SHE BROKE HER WRIST?
NO, IT'S JUST A FRACTURE.

HONEY, LET GEORGE
CLOONEY TALK HERE.

IT'S A TINY FRACTURE.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING SERIOUS.

I'LL PUT A CAST ON IT. SHE'LL WEAR
IT FOR A COUPLE WEEKS. THAT'S IT.

A CAST? IT BARELY
HURTS, I SWEAR.

AND THAT'S IT? JUST THE
WRIST? EVERYTHING ELSE IS FINE?

SHE SEEMS PERFECTLY HEALTHY.

SHE "SEEMS HEALTHY"? DID
YOU CHECK EVERYTHING OUT?

ALMOST EVERYTHING
THAT COULD BE AFFECTED.

ALMOST EVERYTHING?

MISS GILMORE, I ASSURE YOU,
WE WERE VERY THOROUGH.

I'M SURE YOU WERE, I JUST WOULD
LIKE SOME EXTRA THOROUGH.

ANYTHING THAT COULD'VE
POSSIBLY, IN ANY SCENARIO,

AFFECTED THIS BODY I
WANT IT CHECKED OUT.

I'LL RUN MORE X-RAYS
IF YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

IT WILL. THANK YOU. THEN
WE'LL PUT THE CAST ON HER

SO IT'S GONNA BE A LITTLE
WHILE BEFORE SHE'S OUTTA HERE.

I CAN WAIT. OK.

RORY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOU SIT STILL FOR A MINUTE, OK?

OK.

OH.

THE CAR'S NOT SO GOOD.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE CAR.

JESS MADE SURE THAT HE CALLED
THE AMBULANCE AND I WAS OK

BEFORE HE EVEN
TALKED TO THE POLICE...

LET'S JUST HEAR ABOUT
THE DETAILS LATER, OK?

I JUST WANT YOU TO RELAX NOW.

YOU'RE NOT MAD? NO, I'M NOT MAD.

SO THEY... THEY BROUGHT
YOU IN THE AMBULANCE?

YEAH. DID THEY USE THE SIREN?

YEAH. I HOPE TAYLOR WAS IN BED.

IT WAS AFTER 9:00, SO THERE'S
A GOOD CHANCE HE WAS.

NICE.

OK, RORY, I'M GONNA HAVE THE
NURSE TAKE YOU DOWN TO X-RAY NOW.

OK. OH, CAN I GO WITH HER?

I'M SORRY. YOU HAVE
TO WAIT OUTSIDE.

IT'LL BE ABOUT AN HOUR. IF YOU WANT
TO GRAB SOME COFFEE OR SOMETHING.

OK. THANKS.

SMILE PRETTY FOR THE CAMERA.

THANKS.

LUKE. LUKE.

HEY, I WAS...

WHERE IS HE? WHO?

JESS, WHERE'S JESS, LUKE?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST GOT BACK.

WHAT'S GOING ON? I GOT
HERE AND THEY WEREN'T HERE.

JESS!

HEY, TALK TO ME.

JESS, ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW.

WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT
HAPPENED? THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT.

WHAT ACCIDENT? JESS!

WHAT ACCIDENT?

JESS WAS DRIVING RORY'S
CAR, AND HE CRASHED IT.

WHAT? WHEN? WHAT
DO YOU MEAN, WHEN?

TONIGHT, TONIGHT, HE CRASHED
IT TONIGHT. JESS! DAMN IT.

WHAT HAPPENED? IS ANYONE HURT?

LORELAI!

HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU HERE.

WHERE WOULD HE BE?
WHERE WOULD HE GO?

I ASKED YOU IF ANYONE WAS HURT.

WAS ANYONE HURT?
WELL, LET'S SEE,

UH, RORY'S IN THE
EMERGENCY ROOM NOW

WITH A FRACTURED WRIST. SO,
YEAH, I'D SAY SOMEONE WAS HURT.

RORY FRACTURED HER WRIST?
YES, SHE HAS TO WEAR A CAST

FOR 2 WEEKS. SHE'S
GETTING X-RAYS AND TESTS.

WHAT ABOUT JESS? IS HE HURT?

NO, LUKE. JESS DID THE HURTING.

THAT LITTLE PUNK NEPHEW OF
YOURS ALMOST KILLED MY KID TONIGHT.

LOOK, I'M SURE IT WAS AN
ACCIDENT. ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.

NOT WITH MY KID IN THE CAR.

OK, YOU NEED TO CALM
DOWN. WHY DID YOU DO THIS?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHY DID I DO WHAT?

WHY DID YOU BRING
HIM HERE? WHAT?

IF YOU HADN'T BROUGHT HIM HERE,
NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED.

THIS IS MY FAULT?

YES, IT IS YOUR FAULT. YOU TOLD
HIM TO COME. YOU LET HIM STAY.

EVERYBODY HATED HIM,
EVERYBODY KNEW HE WAS TROUBLE,

BUT YOU WOULDN'T
LISTEN OR SEND HIM HOME.

AND NOW MY DAUGHTER
IS IN THE HOSPITAL.

YOU KEPT PUSHING THEM TOGETHER.

YOU ASKED HER TO HELP HIM STUDY.

YOU KNEW SHE'D NEVER SAY NO.

I TOLD YOU IT MADE ME NERVOUS.

I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T LIKE IT, AND I
SHOULD'VE STOPPED IT RIGHT THERE.

BUT YOU THOUGHT
RORY'D BE GOOD FOR JESS,

NEVER MIND WHAT HE'D BE TO
HER. THAT WASN'T IMPORTANT.

OF COURSE IT WAS IMPORTANT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT A STOP TO
IT AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE?

WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE HIM LEAVE?

HE'S MY NEPHEW. I HAD AN
OBLIGATION TO TAKE HIM IN.

I HAD AN OBLIGATION
TO CARE FOR HIM.

YOU HAD AN OBLIGATION TO
THIS TOWN, TO ME AND TO RORY.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I HAVE TO FIND
OUT WHERE JESS IS.

I'LL TELL YOU WHERE HE'S NOT:

HE'S NOT IN THE EMERGENCY
ROOM, HAVING HIS ARM PLASTERED UP.

HEY! I AM SORRY ABOUT RORY.

YOU KNOW I CARE MORE
ABOUT HER THAN I DO MYSELF.

BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHERE RORY
IS, AND AT LEAST YOU KNOW THAT SHE'S OK.

NOW, I HAVE TO FIND JESS, AND I
HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT HE'S OK.

IF THAT CUTS INTO YOUR SCREAMING
TIME, WELL, THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD!

GO TO HELL! RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

CHRIS?

I MADE SURE SHE WAS OK.

I KNOW YOU DID.

OK, YOU GOT YOUR T.V.,
YOU GOT YOUR BOOKS,

YOUR MAGAZINES,
YOUR REFRESHMENTS,

YOU HAVE YOUR C.D.
PLAYER, YOUR ASSORTED C.D.s,

STAN FREBERG. ASH.

YOU HAVE YOUR SINEAD O'CONNOR
BECAUSE WHEN LIFE REALLY GETS YOU DOWN,

SINEAD'S REALLY THE ONE TO
TEACH YOU SOME PERSPECTIVE.

YOU HAVE A PAD AND PAPER IN CASE YOU
DECIDE TO WRITE THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL,

AND OVER HERE, YOU HAVE
A TINY-BUT-ANNOYING BELL,

IN CASE THERE'S SOMETHING HERE
THAT YOU NEED BUT YOU DON'T HAVE

AND YOU WANT TO SUMMON THE
COMMON-BUT-LOVELY HOUSE-WENCH

WHO WILL PROMPTLY
LEAVE HER TALKING MICE

AND COME TO FETCH THE CONTESSA
WHATEVER SHE MAY REQUIRE.

I THINK WHAT CONTESSA
REQUIRES RIGHT NOW IS SLEEP.

IS YOUR ARM HURTING YOU? UH-UH

BUT THE STUFF THEY GAVE ME AT
THE HOSPITAL MADE ME A LITTLE DOPEY.

MY LITTLE MARIANNE FAITHFULL.

SCOOCH DOWN NOW AND GO TO SLEEP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST A LITTLE FENG
SHUI. GO TO SLEEP.

MOM, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SLEEP IN HERE TONIGHT.

I KNOW, I JUST THINK THE
CHAIR LOOKS NICE HERE.

AND WHAT'S THE BLANKET FOR?
IN CASE THE CHAIR GETS COLD.

AND THE PILLOW? TO KEEP
THE BLANKET COMPANY.

UH-HUH. OK,
EVERYTHING'S IN ITS PLACE.

CHAIR SEEMS WARM,
BLANKET SEEMS HAPPY.

JUST ONE THING
MISSING. OH, YEAH.

GOOD NIGHT.

FREAK OF SIDESHOW PROPORTIONS.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

MOM?

HMM?

I'M SORRY.

SHH.

THE CHAIR IS TRYING TO SLEEP.

CHRIS.

WHAT?

LOR, IS EVERYTHING...

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

UH, I HAVE A REALLY
CRAPPY MATTRESS AT HOME.

CHRIS?

I DROVE HERE AS FAST AS I
COULD, AND I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL,

BUT YOU GUYS HAD ALREADY
LEFT, SO I TRIED YOUR CELL PHONE,

BUT ALL I GOT WAS THE
VOICEMAIL. SO I CAME HERE,

BUT THE PLACE LOOKED DARK, SO I GOT
THE KEY OUT OF THE TURTLE AND CAME IN,

BUT YOU GUYS WERE
ALREADY ASLEEP,

SO I JUST GRABBED A CHAIR AND...

AND APPARENTLY MY EVIL PLAN
WORKED EXACTLY AS I ANTICIPATED.

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

ME, TOO.

HOW'S SHE DOING?

SHE'S IN A CAST. I KNOW.

THE DOCTOR SAID SHE'LL BE FINE.

HE'LL TAKE IT OFF IN
A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

THE CAR IS TOTALLY GONE.

I HAVE TO CALL THE INSURANCE
GUY TOMORROW, AND I DON'T KNOW...

DID YOU FIND THAT KID? JESS?

"JESS." "DEAD MEAT."
WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.

NO. LITTLE FERRET'S HIDING
OUT SOMEWHERE, I'M SURE.

OK, WELL, I'M GONNA DEAL
WITH THE CAR TOMORROW,

AND I STILL WANT TO TALK
TO THE DOCTOR IF THAT'S OK.

AND I'M GONNA NEED
A PICTURE OF THIS JESS

SO I DON'T ACCIDENTALLY RIP
OFF THE HEAD OF THE WRONG KID

'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE BAD.

LOOK AT YOU, ALL
SPRINGING INTO ACTION.

ABOUT TIME, DON'T YOU THINK?

I LIKE THE SUPERHERO YOU.

JUST TRYING TO KEEP UP.

SO, ARE YOU STAYING HERE TONIGHT

OR DO YOU HAVE TO RUSH BACK?

NO, I WANT TO SPEND SOME
TIME WITH RORY TOMORROW.

AND SHERRIE'S COOL
WITH YOU STAYING HERE?

RORY COMES FIRST.

OK.

DO YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

I'LL GET IT.

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE COFFEE?

YES, I DO. MY COFFEE?

ONE BAG OF COFFEE PER
CUP OF WATER, RIGHT?

PERFECT.

OH, MY GOD.

WHEN RORY CALLED ME TONIGHT
AND SAID THE WORD "HOSPITAL,"

I... I JUST LEGITIMATELY THOUGHT
I WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

AND LET ME TELL
YOU, IT WAS NOT FUN.

I'M JOINING A GYM TOMORROW.
THAT'S HOW NOT-FUN IT WAS.

SEE IF YOU CAN GET A
2-FOR-ONE MEMBERSHIP.

ANYTHING COULD'VE HAPPENED. IT
COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE.

BUT IT WASN'T. NO, IT WASN'T,

BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN.

IT WASN'T.

IT'S OK, EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE OK.

HEY, ABOUT THE FIGHT WE HAD
THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE...

OH, YES. THAT WAS
A DOOZY, WASN'T IT?

I JUST... I... I
DIDN'T MEAN TO...

NO, I SHOULDN'T HAVE...

NO, BUT IF I IMPLIED THAT...

YOU DIDN'T. I JUST SNAPPED.

I UNDERSTAND.

I'M SORRY.

ME, TOO.

HEY, DID I MENTION I'M
REALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE?

I BELIEVE YOU DID.

WELL, GOOD FOR ME THEN.

THE YEARLING?

UH-HUH. GREAT MOVIE.

YOU'D THINK THEY COULD'VE
GOTTEN THE GENIUS IN CHARGE OF THIS

TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING
OTHER THAN THE YEARLING.

PICKING A MOVIE THAT WILL APPEAL
TO A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE IS HARD.

RORY!

WE'LL GET SEATS.

OH, MY GOD. LET ME SEE.

OH, THAT SUCKS. THAT
SO SUCKS. DOES IT HURT?

ONLY WHEN I
REMEMBER HOW I GOT IT.

OK, HERE. ANGRY GIRL
FOR AN ANGRY ARM.

OH, COOL. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

SO, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

OH, LANE, IT WAS HORRIBLE. I
HAVE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED

IN ANYTHING SO
HORRIBLE IN MY LIFE.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED?

AN ANIMAL RAN OUT INTO THE ROAD

AND WE SWERVED
AND WE HIT A POLE.

AND MY CAR, MY
BEAUTIFUL CAR... HOW BAD?

BAD. HAVE YOU TALKED TO DEAN?

NO, HE GETS HOME TOMORROW.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
SAY? I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S GONNA FREAK. I KNOW.

AND JESS?

NOT SINCE LAST NIGHT.

OH.

YEAH, EVERYONE IS
SO UPSET RIGHT NOW.

MY DAD'S IN TOWN AND SOMETHING
HAPPENED BETWEEN MOM AND LUKE

AND SHE WON'T TELL
ME WHAT. I DON'T KNOW.

THEY JUST NEED TIME TO COOL OFF

AND THEN EVERYTHING
WILL BE FINE.

EVERYONE JUST NEEDS TIME.

MAYBE I'LL TRY TO
CALL HIM TOMORROW.

TOMORROW. YEAH, THAT'S PLENTY OF
TIME. NO ONE WILL STILL BE MAD THEN.

SARCASM DOES NOT BECOME YOU.

MAYBE NOT, BUT IT
DOES SUSTAIN ME.

HEY, WHY ISN'T JACKSON HERE?

OH, HE'S SINGING TO HIS
PERSIMMONS TONIGHT.

THEY'VE BEEN A
LITTLE SOUR LATELY.

OH, RIGHT.

RIGHT? YOU JUST ACCEPT
THAT EXPLANATION?

YEAH, WHY SHOULDN'T I?

BECAUSE SHE JUST TOLD YOU THE MAN IS
NOT HERE BECAUSE HE'S SINGING TO FRUIT.

THAT'S BETTER THAN
DANCING WITH IT.

REMEMBER LAST YEAR'S
WATERMELON CROP?

OH, YEAH. THREW HIS BACK OUT.

OK, I'M FACING THE SCREEN NOW.

THE MOVIE'S STARTING? I
THOUGHT IT STARTED AT 8:00.

NO, THIS IS A LITTLE
PRE-MOVIE TREAT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO
MEET YOUR FAMILY.

I'M VERY CLOSE TO MY FAMILY.

I KNOW THIS. THAT'S WHY I
CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOUR FAMILY.

REMEMBER, DADDY
IS QUITE PROTECTIVE.

I'M HIS FAVORITE DAUGHTER.

HE HAS GOOD TASTE. I
INTEND TO TELL HIM THAT.

I LOVE YOU.

DADDY.

YOU ARE WITH MY
FAVORITE DAUGHTER.

YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE.

COME IN THE HOUSE.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER.

WHO ARE YOU TO LOVE MY DAUGHTER?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO OFFER HER?

NOTHING.

ONLY THIS.

♪

♪ BASS ♪

♪ OOH, WHITE ♪

WOW.

HE RAPS LATER.

OK, JACKSON NEEDS TO SEE THIS.

HEY, IF I CAN GET HIM
HERE QUICK ENOUGH...

OH, WE ARE SO PLAYING
THIS AGAIN AFTER THE MOVIE.

GREAT. I'LL BE BACK.

THIS TOWN IS LIKE ONE BIG
OUTPATIENT MENTAL INSTITUTION.

GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

♪ A VERY STRANGE REACTION ♪

IT'S SO NICE YOU DECIDED
TO STAY FOR THE MOVIE.

I MEAN, IT'S REALLY
FUN BEING ABLE TO SAY:

"HEY, LOOK, I KNOW THAT
PERSON. I TALK TO HIM EVERY DAY

AND SO FAR, HE'S
NEVER BITTEN ME."

THAT'S IT. I'M DEFINITELY
COMING AROUND MORE OFTEN.

YOU NEED PROTECTION.

COMING AROUND MORE
OFTEN SOUNDS GOOD.

I WISH I COULD STAY LONGER.

YOU GOTTA GET BACK TO SHERRIE.

DON'T WORRY. WE UNDERSTAND.

YEAH, WELL, I WISH I COULD STAY.

HEY, WHERE DID SOOKIE GO?

OH, MY LORD!

QUICK, COVER HER
EYES. SHE'S JUST A CHILD.

SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE THIS.

HE'S TAKING HIS SHIRT OFF.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE THIS
EITHER. I'M GOING FOR POPCORN.

ME, PLEASE. ME, TOO.

GOT IT. BE RIGHT BACK.

I LIKE IT WHEN HE'S HERE.

YEAH. ME, TOO.

LET'S EAT.

I DID THE CHOREOGRAPHY. MMM.

PATTY, DOLL, COME HERE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

BYE, PATTY.

SO, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

HAUNTED BY THE SIGHT
OF KIRK'S BARE CHEST.

NO!

I SWEAR TO GOD!

WHEN? LAST NIGHT

NOT LONG AFTER THE
ACCIDENT HAPPENED,

LUKE WALKED HIM STRAIGHT
TO THE BUS STATION,

STUCK THE KID ON A BUS,
SENT HIM HOME TO HIS MOM'S.

I CAN'T BELIEVE LUKE WOULD
SEND HIM OFF LIKE THAT.

I HEARD THE KID WANTED TO GO.

I DON'T KNOW. ALL I KNOW
IS THAT JESS IS GONE.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

WHAT WILL WE DO FOR
ENTERTAINMENT AROUND HERE?

BEATS THE HELL OUT OF ME.