Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 1 - Sadie, Sadie - full transcript

(woman) PREVIOUSLY
ON GILMORE GIRLS:

I'M GOING IN. YOU CAN'T.

I'M GOING IN. IT'S
THURSDAY AFTERNOON.

I KNOW. HE WORKS ON
THURSDAY AFTERNOONS.

I KNOW. OH, MY GOD!

YOU'RE GETTING BACK WITH DEAN!

YOU KNOW WHAT THESE ARE?

THEY LOOK LIKE TICKETS.

TO P.J. HARVEY.

I CAN'T DATE YOU, TRISTIN.

HAVE YOU SEEN LUKE AROUND?

OH, HE'S PROBABLY AT THE DINER.

NO, HE WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE AT THE DINER, BUT HE'S NOT.

OH, UH, WELL.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET
FOR LUNCH, BUT HE DIDN'T SHOW.

YOU HAVE ALMOST NO FREE TIME
WITH YOUR WORK AT THE DINER.

AND LATELY, EVERY SPARE
MOMENT HAS BEEN SPENT

NOT WITH RACHEL.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.

WHO ARE YOU GOING WITH?

RORY. WHAT?

RORY'S GOING OUT WITH YOU?

YES, SHE IS.

BUT RECENTLY, HE'S BEEN...

OTHER PLACES, UH,
YOUR PLACE, ACTUALLY.

I THINK I'M HIDING FROM HER.

I THINK YOU ARE, TOO.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE WEIRD
HAVING HER IN MY PLACE.

I THOUGHT THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANTED.

IT WAS... IS.

SO, UH, MAX MEDINA,
THIS IS LUKE DANES.

LUKE OWNS THE DINER.

HE HAS THE GREATEST COFFEE.

I'M NOT GOING TO P.J. HARVEY.

TRISTIN SAYS YOU ARE.

WELL, THEN HE LIED.

I SAW THE TICKETS.

I JUST LEFT MY TOOLBOX FROM WHEN
I WAS HERE EARLIER, FIXING THINGS.

I... I DO A LOT OF LITTLE THINGS
AROUND HERE FOR LORELAI.

OH, RACHEL, NO.

SHE AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS.

I... I TOLD YOU THAT
A THOUSAND TIMES.

WE CAN'T KEEP GETTING THIS CLOSE

JUST TO HAVE SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DERAIL US AGAIN.

AND FRANKLY, THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING

I COULD THINK OF
THAT COULD SOLVE IT.

BREAK UP.

WELL, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN A
MURDER-SUICIDE KIND OF THING.

WE SHOULD GET MARRIED.

DEAN?

[people chattering]

DEAN.

I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT. WHY?

'CAUSE I'VE COME ALL THE WAY
OUT HERE, AND I SEE YOU WITH HIM!

A PROPOSAL HAS TO
BE SOMETHING MORE

THAN THE DESPERATE DESIRE
TO END A BICKERING MATCH.

IT WAS MORE THAN THAT.

OH, IT HAS TO BE PLANNED.

IT... IT SHOULD BE MAGICAL.

THERE SHOULD BE A
THOUSAND YELLOW DAISIES.

DEAN. WHAT?

STOP! WHY?

[sighs]

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT.

(Michel) NOT 1,001,
NOT 999, BUT 1,000.

I DON'T QUESTION THE ORDERS.

I MERELY FILL THEM.

(Max) I DON'T WANT
AN ANSWER NOW.

I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.

I WANT YOU TO DO THE SAME.

I LOVE YOU, LORELAI GILMORE.

OH, MY.

[people chattering]

♪ [I Found Love by
The Free Design playing]

♪ I FOUND LOVE ♪

♪ I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW I NEEDED IT ♪

♪ BUT I FOUND LOVE ♪

♪ NEVER EVEN CROSSED MY MIND ♪

♪ I FOUND LOVE ♪

♪ HAD A GARDEN NEVER WEEDED IT ♪

♪ I FOUND LOVE ♪

♪ TOOK AN APPLE JUST IN TIME ♪

♪ I FOUND LOVE ♪

YOU SHOULD GET MARRIED IN ITALY.

ALL THE WAY FROM
HOME, THE SAME TOPIC.

THERE'S TONS OF STUFF
GOING ON IN THE WORLD.

LIKE? BALKANS.

THAT WAS AGES AGO. READ A PAPER.

UH, THEY MAKE MY HANDS BLACK.

OH, YOU SHOULD WALK DOWN
THE AISLE TO FRANK SINATRA

WITH A HUGE BOUQUET OF
SOMETHING THAT SMELLS REALLY GOOD.

POT ROAST.

AND YOU SHOULD WEAR A
LONG VEIL WITH YOUR HAIR UP.

UH, I'LL TAKE ANY OTHER SUBJECT
IN THE WORLD FOR $200, ALEX.

WHY DON'T YOU WANNA
THINK ABOUT THIS?

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T MADE MY MIND
UP ABOUT THE "YES" OR "NO" PART

SO I DON'T WANT TO START FANTASIZING
ABOUT DRESSES AND FLOWERS,

OR DOVES AND TULLE UNTIL I DO.

SO PLEASE CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

I THINK THE BRIDESMAIDS SHOULD
BE ABLE TO PICK THEIR OWN DRESSES.

YOU KNOW HOW IN
ALL IN THE FAMILY,

WHEN EDITH WOULD BE
YAPPING ABOUT SOMETHING,

AND ARCHIE WOULD PRETEND TO MAKE
A NOOSE AND HANG OR SHOOT HIMSELF?

SOMETHING ABOUT THIS
MOMENT MADE ME THINK OF THAT.

FINE, I'M DONE. I'M
TAKING THESE TO LANE.

OK. MEET ME AT LUKE'S.

OH, GET ME A PAPER, PLEASE.

BUT MY HANDS.

♪ [Where You Lead
by Carole King playing]

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

(Mrs. Kim) NO. NO MORE TALKING.

(Lane) BUT, MAMA, PLEASE.

NOT FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT.

ALL UNDER CONTROL.

JUST GIVE ME A HINT.

CHILDREN WILL KNOW WHAT THEIR
PARENTS THINK THEY CAN HANDLE.

I'M SORRY, WAS THAT THE HINT?

BACK TO WORK.

HEY.

I CAME TO BRING YOU
SOME OF MY MOM'S FLOWERS.

THANKS.

ARE YOU OK?

NO. I'M NOT OK.

WHAT'S WRONG?

DID SHE FIND YOUR C.D. BURNER?

MY MOTHER AND FATHER
ARE SENDING ME TO KOREA

FOR THE SUMMER
TO VISIT MY COUSINS.

SO?

THEY'RE SENDING ME TO KOREA AND
THEY WON'T TELL ME WHEN I'M COMING BACK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THEY WON'T TELL YOU?

I MEAN, THEY BOUGHT
ME A ONE-WAY TICKET.

ONE-WAY. THE PLANE
GOES THERE AND STOPS.

ARE YOU SURE?

I CALLED THE AIRLINE
TO CONFIRM IT,

AND MY PARENTS WERE IN THEIR
ROOM WHISPERING ALL MORNING.

AND WHEN MY MOTHER CAME OUT, SHE
LOOKED VERY HAPPY. SHE WAS HUMMING.

I SWEAR, THEY'RE PLANNING
ON SENDING ME TO KOREA

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

IT'S LIKE THAT SALLY FIELD MOVIE

WHERE HER HUSBAND TOOK THEM TO
IRAN AND WOULDN'T LET THEM RETURN.

EXCEPT, I WON'T HAVE TO
KEEP MY HEAD COVERED.

OK. CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN?

ARE YOU LISTENING? I AM
BEING SHIPPED OFF TO KOREA.

I THINK YOU'RE FREAKING
OUT A LITTLE PREMATURELY.

OH, REALLY?

YES, I MEAN, LET'S
THINK ABOUT THIS.

MAYBE THERE'S SOME
DEAL WITH THE AIRLINE,

AND THAT'S WHY THE
TICKET'S ONE-WAY,

OR... OR MAYBE THEY
HAVEN'T WORKED OUT

THE PLANS WITH YOUR COUSINS YET,

OR THERE'S A WEATHER
CONSIDERATION

OR A HOLIDAY THAT
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT...

[sighs]

WOW, I'M REALLY
GOING TO MISS YOU.

(Mrs. Kim) LANE,
COME HERE, PLEASE.

I HAVE TO GO.

YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD FRIEND.

HEY, BOOTSY.

SO, APPARENTLY, THEY SHOOT
A GLAND FROM A PIG'S HEAD

IN IVANA TRUMP'S REAR END TWICE A
MONTH TO KEEP HER LOOKING YOUNG.

WOW, HOPE SHE'S NOT KOSHER.

I DON'T KNOW. IT
DOESN'T SAY HERE.

HEY.

HEY. WHAT? NOTHING. WHAT PAH...

YOU A LEO? NO.

THANK GOD.

THOSE GUYS ARE
SCREWED THIS WEEK.

HUH.

[smirks]

WHAT'RE YOU READING?

GOD. DO NOT SNEAK UP
ON A PERSON LIKE THAT.

"INSTYLE WEDDINGS."
VERY INTERESTING.

NO, NOT VERY INTERESTING.

GET ANY IDEAS?

YES, WE SHOULD HAVE
CAKE MORE OFTEN.

HEY, BOOTSY, I'LL TAKE THIS.

OH, NO, I JUST...

THAT'S $6.

LORELAI, SO? OH, GEEZ.

HI, PATTY.

INSTYLE WEDDINGS. YOU SAID YES.

OH, NO, NOT YET.
YET. SHE SAID "YET."

I KNOW. I'M RIGHT HERE.

HE'S A GOOD MAN?

OH, YEAH, HE'S A GREAT MAN.

OOH, I LOVE THIS. I JUST LOVE
THIS. HAVE YOU TOLD LUKE?

WELL, NO, IT JUST
HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

OH, PATTY, STOP
IT. I'LL TELL HIM.

IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL
IF HE JUST FINDS OUT.

W-W-WHATEVER YOU SAY.

WELL, UH, IT JUST SO HAPPENS

WE ARE ON OUR WAY OVER THERE
NOW TO HAVE SOME BREAKFAST,

AND I'LL TELL LUKE
THEN. BE GENTLE.

PATTY, LUKE AND I ARE...

(both) JUST FRIENDS.

YES, YES, I KNOW.

IT'S TRUE.

OK, LET'S GO.

WELL, IT IS.

I KNOW.

[Patty whispering]

WHAT IS WITH THIS PLACE?

WHY WILL NOBODY BELIEVE ME?

THEY BELIEVE YOU.

NO, THEY DON'T.

I PROMISE THEY BELIEVE YOU.

YOU ARE PACIFYING ME.

JUST A LITTLE.

WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT.

I'LL SEE IF I CAN STOP.

[people chattering]

[laughing]

[people chattering]

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE
MOVIE THEATER TO REOPEN.

HMM.

LET'S SEE, WHAT LOOKS GOOD?

I'M SO UNBELIEVABLY HUNGRY,

I'LL HAVE TO ORDER BREAKFAST
AND LUNCH. CRAZY, HUH?

MOM, GO TELL HIM.

I WILL.

NOW. WHY?

BECAUSE IN 5 MINUTES,

SOMEONE'S ABOUT TO BE
PUSHED THROUGH THAT WINDOW.

HUH! THIS IS CRAZY.

WHY IS EVERYBODY MAKING
SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT THIS?

BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS
THAT LUKE HAS A THING FOR YOU.

LUKE DOES NOT
HAVE A THING FOR ME.

TELL HIM.

UH, WE CAN BARELY
HAVE A CONVERSATION

WITHOUT BITING EACH
OTHER'S HEADS OFF. TELL HIM.

EVERYTHING ABOUT
ME REPULSES HIM,

MY COFFEE-DRINKING,
MY EATING HABITS.

REMEMBER WHEN I CALLED HIM
RANGER BOB LAST WEEK? HE HATED THAT.

WILL YOU GET ME A MUFFIN
WHEN YOU'RE THERE?

OK. GOD. FINE.

HEY.

FRESH COFFEE WILL
BE READY IN A MINUTE

UNLESS YOU WANT TO JUST ROLL
UP A DOLLAR BILL AND GO NUTS.

NO, THANKS, I CAN WAIT.

WHAT THE HELL'S
GOING ON WITH THEM?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

CRAZY PEOPLE. THE WHOLE
TOWN SHOULD BE MEDICATED

AND PUT IN A REC ROOM WITH
PING-PONG TABLES AND HAND PUPPETS.

WHAT?

NOTHING. I... WELL.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO
SHARE WITH YOU, ACTUALLY.

SHARE WITH ME? YES.

'CAUSE WHEN EXCITING
THINGS HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE,

YOU WANNA SHARE
THEM WITH THE PEOPLE

WHO YOU THINK WILL FIND THEM
EXCITING WHICH I THINK YOU WILL.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, IT'S, UM, IT'S VERY...

EXCITING, I HEARD. I'M PREPARED

TO JUMP UP AND
DOWN IF NECESSARY.

OK, THEN, UH, HERE IT IS, UM...

MAX HAS ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM.

YEAH, I FIGURED.

YOU DID? IT WAS OBVIOUS.

YOU KNOW, YOU TWO WERE GETTING
KIND OF CLOSE, HE WAS AROUND A LOT.

UH, THEN LAST NIGHT WITH THAT...
SOME LIFE-CHANGING-THING COMMENT,

YOU KNOW I PUT 2 AND 2
TOGETHER AND FIGURED IT OUT.

OH.

CONGRATULATIONS, BY THE WAY.

THANK YOU.

HAVE YOU SET A DATE?

OH, NO, I HAVEN'T
ANSWERED HIM YET.

YOU'RE GOING TO SAY YES.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

WELL, YOU'RE MAKING A BIG DEAL
ABOUT TELLING ME HE PROPOSED.

UH, I DON'T THINK I'M
MAKING A BIG DEAL.

YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT IF
YOU WEREN'T GOING TO SAY YES.

I'M SHARING SOMETHING WITH YOU.

SHARING IS NOT
MAKING A BIG DEAL.

SHARING IS A NICE GESTURE

LIKE WHEN YOU'RE A KID AND YOU
HAVE ONE OF THOSE POPSICLES,

AND YOU BREAK IT IN 2 AND
OFFER HALF TO ANOTHER KID.

THAT IS SHARING.
THAT IS WHAT I'M DOING.

YOU OFFERED ME HALF A POPSICLE?

YES.

OK, SO, NOW YOU KNOW.

NOW I KNOW.

WELL.

[sighs] HUH.

I GUESS, I'LL JUST HAVE, UH, 2
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS AND SOME COFFEE.

COMING RIGHT UP. OK.

YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S
GOOD YOU'RE DOING THIS.

YOU DO? GOOD. ME, TOO.

I MEAN, NOT THAT I'M
DEFINITELY DOING IT,

BUT IF I DO, THEN
IT'LL BE, UH, GOOD.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO LIVE?

WHAT? HERE? HARTFORD?

HERE. I DON'T KNOW.

WE HAVEN'T TALKED
ABOUT IT ACTUALLY.

HARTFORD'S PROBABLY GOOD,
CLOSER TO RORY'S SCHOOL.

OH, YEAH, I GUESS.

OF COURSE, IT IS A
LITTLE FAR FROM THE INN.

UH, YEAH.

BUT WHO KNOWS HOW LONG
YOU'LL WORK AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED.

EXCUSE ME?

BUT YOU PROBABLY
ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THAT?

UH, NO, BUT I THINK HE AND MY
FATHER HAVE COME TO AN AGREEMENT

ON HOW MANY GOATS I'M WORTH.

HEY, I'M JUST TALKING
HERE. IT'S GREAT, REALLY.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE MORE KIDS?

HEY, PERSONAL.

I MEAN, HE WANTS KIDS, RIGHT?

IN THE WORLD?
YES. HE WANTS KIDS.

YOU HAVEN'T TALKED
ABOUT THAT EITHER.

OK. YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE AND HAVEN'T
DISCUSSED IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNTS?
YOU KNOW HIS LAST NAME?

I WANT MY POPSICLE BACK.

FINE, IT'S YOUR BUSINESS.

YES, IT IS. IT'S MY BUSINESS.

HEY, SOME PEOPLE
GO THEIR ENTIRE LIVES

WITHOUT HAVING
THESE CONVERSATIONS.

MY PARENTS DIDN'T
DISCUSS A DAMN THING

MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD,
WORKED FINE FOR THEM.

BUT WHEN MY MOM DIED,
SHE HADN'T TOLD DAD

WHERE THE COUPON DRAWER WAS.

TOOK HIM 10 YEARS TO FIND IT.

USED A COFFEE
CAN THE WHOLE TIME.

OK. I DON'T CARE
WHAT ANYONE SAYS.

A COUPON CAN IS NOT AS
GOOD AS A COUPON DRAWER.

HOW ARE THOSE MUFFINS COMING?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU MIGHT
LIKE A COUPON CAN. YOU NEVER KNOW.

HERE YOU GO, 2
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS.

THANK YOU.

AND CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN.

[sighs]

[people chattering]

NOW WHAT'S GOING ON?

KIRK PASSED OUT.

[sighs] HERE'S YOUR MUFFIN.

THANKS.

HOW'D HE TAKE IT?

FINE. HE TOOK IT FINE.

[insects chirping]

IS EVERYTHING OK?

YES, I'M JUST TIED TO
THE EMERGENCY BRAKE.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

OH, YOU KNOW, WITH A
FLOURISH AND A BIG ENDING.

OK, I GOT IT. LET'S GO.

OH, MY COAT. MY COAT.

IT'S PRETTY WARM OUT FOR A COAT.

YEAH, WELL, IT TENDS TO COOL
OFF THE MINUTE I GET IN THAT HOUSE.

ARE YOU GOOD? I'M GOOD.

MY KEYS.

MOM.

THEY'RE IN THE
IGNITION. OK, I GOT THEM.

LET'S GO. WHAT IS
WRONG WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

YOU GOT LOST COMING HERE.

I TOOK A WRONG TURN. 6 TIMES.

WELL, MY SELF-PRESERVATIONAL
INSTINCTS AT WORK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

AND THE COAT AND THE KEYS?

I GOT STUFF ON MY
MIND. MAX STUFF?

NO. STUFF STUFF. YOU'RE LYING.

I'M BEING MYSTERIOUS.
THAT'S WHAT WOMEN DO.

MOM... OH, LOOK.
DOORBELL. PRETTY SOUND.

YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS MAKE
ME TELL YOU WHAT I'M THINKING.

YES, AND THE LESSON
WE'VE LEARNED FROM THAT IS

YOU SHOULD NEVER BECOME A SPY.

YOU'RE HERE.
RICHARD, THEY'RE HERE.

(Richard) WONDERFUL.

COME IN. COME
IN. COME IN. UH, NO.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARING RORY.

OH, STOP THAT. GET
IN HERE. SCARING RORY.

YOU'RE SO SILLY SOMETIMES.

LET'S GET YOU A DRINK.
PUT YOUR COAT DOWN.

OH, AND ARE YOU HUNGRY?

I HAD ANTONIA MAKE
SOME ROQUEFORT PUFFS.

ANTONIA, BRING THE PUFFS.

COME, SIT DOWN.
SIT DOWN. RICHARD.

(Richard) SAY NOTHING
UNTIL I GET THERE.

WELL, HURRY UP.

MOM, WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, THE NAILS, THE
NAILS, THE NAILS.

SO, TELL ME WHAT'S
NEW WITH YOU GIRLS.

UH, NOTHING.

HEY, GRANDMA, UH,
WHAT ABOUT YOU?

DID SOMETHING SPECIAL HAPPEN?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT...

OH, FOR GOODNESS'
SAKE. RICHARD, DAMN IT!

MOM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?

OH, ALL RIGHT. I CAN'T WAIT FOR
YOUR GRANDFATHER ANY LONGER.

WELL, YOU KNOW I'M VERY GOOD
FRIENDS WITH BITTY CHARLESTON,

THE HEADMASTER'S WIFE. MMM-HMM.

WELL, WE HAVE THIS
LITTLE ARRANGEMENT

WHERE SHE KEEPS ME APPRISED
OF THE GOINGS-ON AT CHILTON.

YOU KNOW, SHE TELLS
ME ALL THE GOSSIP

ON THE STUDENTS
AND THEIR PARENTS,

AND ANY PIECE OF INFORMATION
I MIGHT FIND USEFUL.

WELL, THIS AFTERNOON,
SHE CALLED TO TELL ME

THE CLASS LIST JUST CAME OUT,

AND RORY HAS FINISHED
IN THE TOP 3 PERCENT.

I KNOW.

YOU DO? WELL, WHO DO
YOU KNOW AT CHILTON?

UM, RORY.

OH.

IT WASN'T DEFINITE, BUT I
HAD A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.

RORY, WONDERFUL NEWS,

YOU FINISHED IN THE TOP
3 PERCENT OF YOUR CLASS.

OH, YEAH, DAD, J. EDGAR HOOVER
OVER HERE WAS JUST TELLING US.

WHAT?

I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY
ANYTHING BEFORE I GOT HERE.

WELL, YOU TOOK TOO LONG.

NO, NO, WE ALREADY KNEW.

IT'S A SIMPLE REQUEST.

JUST HANG UP THE PHONE.

IT'S GOOD NEWS EITHER WAY.

LET'S ALL AGREE ON THAT.

I AM IMMENSELY
PROUD OF YOU, RORY.

YES, WE KNEW YOU COULD DO IT.

OH-OH, WE CERTAINLY DID.

WE HAVE TO CELEBRATE.

NEXT WEEK, WE WILL
HAVE A SPECIAL DINNER.

GRANDMA, ALL OF YOUR
DINNERS ARE SPECIAL.

(Emily) BUT THIS ONE
WILL BE EXTRA-SPECIAL.

WE'LL MAKE ALL YOUR
FAVORITE FOODS,

AND YOU CAN INVITE
SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS.

(Richard) THERE'S AN
EXCELLENT CHANCE

THAT PRESENTS MIGHT BE INVOLVED.

(Rory) YOU GUYS DO
NOT HAVE TO DO THIS.

FOR THE TOP 3 PERCENT...

(Emily) WE MOST CERTAINLY DO.

YOU START LATE,
HAVE TO CATCH UP,

AND BY THE END OF THE YEAR
YOU'VE OVERTAKEN EVERYONE.

A TRUE GILMORE.

(Emily) THROUGH AND THROUGH.

DINNER IS READY.

THANK YOU, ANTONIA. SHALL WE?

UH-UH-UH, AFTER THE TOP
3 PERCENT IN HER CLASS.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

UH, JUST GO AHEAD
AND START WITHOUT ME.

I'VE GOT TO CHECK IN AT THE INN.

MICHEL'S THERE BY HIMSELF.

PEOPLE COULD DIE.

WELL, HURRY UP.

[dialing cell phone]

(Max) HELLO? WHERE
ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?

LORELAI? (Lorelai) WHERE
ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?

WELL, I...

YOUR HOUSE? MY HOUSE?

I DON'T KNOW.

WE HAVE TO FIGURE
THIS STUFF OUT.

I... I HAVE A LIFE AND A KID, AND... AND
BOTH OF THEM REQUIRE A HOUSE OF SOME SORT.

OK, BUT...

I... I HAVE STUFF. I
HAVE A LOT OF STUFF.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY CLOSET YET,
BUT YOU... YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE

THE AMOUNT OF STUFF ONE
PERSON CAN ACCUMULATE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS
STUFF IS, BUT IT'S THERE AND IT'S MINE,

AND IT... IT... IT NEEDS
A PLACE TO LIVE.

(Max) WELL... AND
I WANT TO WORK.

WHAT?

AND I LIKE MY BANK.

OK, HOLD ON...

AND THE TELLER'S NAME IS
MARGIE AND SHE CAN'T COUNT.

THERE'S SOMETHING
POETIC ABOUT BANKING

IN A PLACE WHERE THE
TELLER CAN'T COUNT.

LORELAI. WHAT?

CALM DOWN. TALK TO ME.

IT'S JUST...

[crickets chirping]

IF I DIE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
WHERE THE COUPON DRAWER IS.

I WOULD LIKE THAT, TOO. I THINK.

WELL, WE NEED TO FIGURE
THESE THINGS OUT BEFORE...

BEFORE WHAT?

ARE YOU SAYING YES?

WHAT? ARE YOU SAYING YES?

WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT?

BECAUSE YOU CALL
ME, OUT OF THE BLUE.

YOU'RE COMPLETELY PANICKED ABOUT
WHERE WE'RE GOING TO LIVE AND BANK

AND COUPON DRAWERS AND MARGIE.

THESE ARE IMPORTANT
THINGS TO DISCUSS.

I AGREE.

THEY'RE EXTREMELY
IMPORTANT THINGS TO DISCUSS,

ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE SAYING YES.

ARE YOU?

I AM SO THRILLED ABOUT THIS.

WILL YOU GET A CERTIFICATE?

I'M NOT SURE.

WELL, THEY CERTAINLY SHOULD
GIVE YOU A CERTIFICATE OR A PLAQUE.

I'LL TALK TO BITTY
ABOUT THAT TOMORROW.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL
TELMAN McCABE ABOUT THIS.

OH, RICHARD.

HE'S ALWAYS BRAGGING ABOUT
THAT SIMPLETON GRANDSON OF HIS.

WILLIAM IS A LOVELY BOY.

HIS HEAD IS SHAPED
LIKE A FOOTBALL.

IT IS NOT.

IF HE FELL ASLEEP IN THE PARK,

SOMEONE WOULD TRY TO PUNT HIM.

TELMAN IS A VERY
DEAR FRIEND OF YOURS.

YES, HE IS.

AND ONE SHOULD ALWAYS SHARE WONDERFUL
NEWS WITH ONE'S VERY GOOD FRIENDS.

(Emily) YOU JUST WANT TO BRAG.

(Richard) I THINK
I HAVE A RIGHT.

YOU'D THINK YOU WERE
THE ONE WHO FINISHED

IN THE TOP 3 PERCENT
OF YOUR CLASS.

WELL, IT WAS MY GENES. I GET
TO CLAIM A LITTLE RESPONSIBILITY.

[screams]

OH. GOODNESS.

I JUST SPILLED ON MY SHIRT.

WHAT ARE YOU,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE THEY DOING, EMILY?

I HAVE NO IDEA.
STOP THAT, YOU TWO.

SORRY.

YEAH, SORRY.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

UH, I'M JUST REALLY JAZZED
ABOUT THIS WHOLE 3-PERCENT THING.

YEAH, REALLY, REALLY JAZZED.

YEAH.

[both squealing]

DON'T EVEN TRY TO
UNDERSTAND, RICHARD.

ANTONIA, PLEASE BRING SOME
CLUB SODA FOR MR. GILMORE'S SHIRT.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT
OF CLARIFIED BUTTER.

OH, CHOP THAT FINER.

NO PARBOILING.

[speaking Spanish]

OH, THAT LOOKS GOOD. ADD
A LITTLE PINCH OF OREGANO.

I THINK WE'VE GOT IT.

OK, GOT YOUR LOBSTERS.

YEAH, ARE THEY GOOD?

OOH, THEY LOOK
GOOD. YES, THEY DO.

OH, IT'S GOT MY HAND.
IT'S GOT MY HAND.

THANKS. OK, I'LL
BE FINE. I'LL BE FINE.

I'M A GOOD CLOTTER. DON'T WORRY.

YOU ARE FRESH, AREN'T YOU?

OK, IN THE BACK, IN
THE BACK. IN THE BACK.

MICHEL, I'M GONNA
NEED YOU TO MOVE.

(Michel) IN A MINUTE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I AM WEIGHING MY TURKEY.

WHY?

A GROUP OF SCIENTISTS
DID A STUDY ON RATS

WHERE THEY CUT THEIR
DAILY CALORIES BY 30 PERCENT.

AND YOU FELT LEFT OUT?

NO, THE RATS LIVED
30 PERCENT LONGER.

THE SCIENTISTS WERE SO IMPRESSED

THAT THEY CUT THEIR OWN CALORIES

JUST LIKE THE RATS.

IT WAS A VERY NICE
DISPLAY OF SOLIDARITY.

I HAVE DECIDED TO DO THE SAME.

I FIGURE IF I STAY
ALIVE LONG ENOUGH,

THESE SCIENTISTS, THEY WILL BE ABLE
TO CURE ANYTHING, INCLUDING DEATH,

THEREFORE ENSURING
MY INDEFINITE EXISTENCE.

YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE
FOREVER? LIKE ON FAME?

DON'T SPEAK TO ME.

GIVE ME BACK MY SCALE.

HEY, UM, I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE,

AND IT'S BIG AND IT'S FABULOUS

AND YOU ARE NOT
GOING TO BELIEVE IT.

GOODBYE.

WAIT. I GOT NEWS.

OH, WELL, I'M SURE
IT'S VERY EXCITING.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT? WHAT'S WITH THE TURKEY?

UM, HE THINKS HE'S
GOING TO LIVE FOREVER.

LIKE ON FAME?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

UM, A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW,

I'LL SIT AROUND TELLING
MY FELLOW MEN OF SCIENCE

ABOUT THE TWO OF
YOU, AND WE WILL GIGGLE

LIKE LITTLE GIRLS
AT YOUR IGNORANCE.

NOW I HAVE WORK TO DO.

HE DID SAY "GIGGLE
LIKE LITTLE GIRLS," RIGHT?

FORGET HIM. TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR FABULOUS NEWS.

I'M ENGAGED.

WHAT?

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

NO. YES.

NO. YES.

NO. YES.

NO. WHAT?

SOOKIE.

OH, MY GOD. THIS IS AMAZING.
OH, MY GOD, I'M SHAKING.

MAX IS A WONDERFUL
MAN. IT IS MAX, RIGHT?

YES, IT IS MAX.
GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.

OH, I KNEW IT. I KNEW
YOU'D GET ENGAGED.

REALLY? GOD, I DIDN'T.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE A SADIE.

A WHAT?

A SADIE.

♪ SADIE, SADIE, MARRIED
LADY MEET A MORTGAGEE ♪

FUNNY GIRL!

STREISAND!

STOP IT.

WHO'S CATERING?

UH, BOBBY FLAY?

NOT FUNNY.

I'M MAKING THE CAKE ALSO.

ABSOLUTELY.

I'LL START A MENU. SOMETHING
LIGHT AND ROMANTIC TO START WITH,

SOMETHING THAT WILL GO
WONDERFUL WITH CHAMPAGNE.

TRUFFLES GO WONDERFUL
WITH CHAMPAGNE.

[crying] AND SCRAMBLED EGGS.

SOOKIE? HONEY?

I KNOW SCRAMBLED EGGS
DON'T SOUND VERY FESTIVE,

BUT WHEN YOU PUT THEM

IN A LITTLE QUAIL'S EGGSHELL,
YOU PUT CAVIAR ON TOP,

THEY'RE QUITE A CROWD-PLEASER.

HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE
WATERWORKS, LADY?

IT'S JUST...

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU RAISED THAT LITTLE GIRL
ALL ALONE, AND SHE IS SO GREAT,

AND YOU WORK YOUR BUTT OFF HERE

AND YOU GO TO SCHOOL
AND YOU PUT UP WITH ME.

OH, HONEY.

YOU JUST REALLY DESERVE THIS.

THANK YOU.

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE MOST
GORGEOUS BRUSSELS SPROUTS EVER.

SOOKIE, ARE YOU
OK? ARE YOU HURT?

HAVE YOU BEEN
MAKING CUTLETS AGAIN?

LORELAI'S GETTING
MARRIED. MARRIED.

OH, I LOVE SAYING THAT.
MARRIED. MARRIED. MARRIED.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.
CONGRATULATIONS.

THANKS, JACKSON.

UH, HEY, DO YOU WANT TO
LOOK AT THE BRUSSELS SPROUTS?

YES, I DO.

OOH, OH, WHAT ABOUT SOME
NICE BRUSSELS SPROUTS

WITH GARLIC OLIVE
OIL FOR THE WEDDING?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A "TILL DEATH
DO US PART" KIND OF SIDE DISH,

DOESN'T IT?

YEAH, I WOULDN'T KNOW.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS
THE MOST ROMANTIC VEGETABLE?

YOU KNOW, I-I'M THE
WRONG GUY TO ASK.

YOU'RE THE VEGETABLE GUY.

YEAH, THE NORMAL VEGETABLE GUY,
NOT THE ROMANTIC VEGETABLE GUY.

I MEAN, I WOULD
HAVE NO IDEA WHAT

AN APPROPRIATE VEGETABLE
WOULD BE TO SERVE AT A WEDDING.

I'VE NEVER EVEN
BEEN TO A WEDDING.

ONE. MY COUSIN BONBON.
YES, THAT'S HIS REAL NAME.

A-A-AND I DIDN'T STAY LONG AND
I DIDN'T NOTICE THE VEGETABLES,

SO I WOULD NOT BE THE GUY TO
ASK ABOUT WEDDING VEGETABLES.

I'M NOT THE WEDDING
VEGETABLE GUY.

OH-OH.

JACKSON'S GOT "PANICKED, MY GIRLFRIEND
WANTS ME TO GET MARRIED" FACE ON.

YEP, HEY, NEXT TIME HE'S HERE,
TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE PREGNANT.

WITH TWINS.

WHY NOT?

[crickets chirping]

OK, SO, WHAT'S THE LATEST?

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE
WITH THE AMERICAN CONSULATE.

(Rory) AND?

CAN YOU SAY "HYUNG YUNG"?

NO, AND WHAT IS THAT?

MY KOREAN NAME.

THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

I'M A MINOR. I'VE BEEN PUT IN THE
CUSTODY OF FAMILY BY MY PARENTS.

THAT'S IT. IT'S OVER.

YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST
TRY TO TALK TO YOUR FAMILY.

[sighing] I DON'T KNOW.

(Mrs. Kim) DINNER.

I HAVE TO GO. LAST MEAL.

CALL ME LATER.

(Mrs. Kim) LANEY!

[sighing]

COMING, MAMA.

DO YOU WANT TATER TOTS ALSO?

THAT'S A RHETORICAL
QUESTION, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

SO, WHAT KIND OF DRESS
ARE YOU THINKING OF?

UM, THE ONE STEPHANIE SEYMOUR
WORE IN THE GUNS N' ROSES VIDEO.

WHAT ABOUT COLORS? DID
YOU PICK YOUR COLORS YET?

YES.

REALLY? WHAT?

SPUMONI.

OK, I AM PLANNING THIS
WEDDING WITHOUT YOU.

YOU WILL HAVE NO SAY, AND I
MAY NOT EVEN LET YOU COME.

[phone ringing]

HELLO?

OH, RORY? GOOD, IT'S MAX.

OH, HEY, MAX.

LOOK, I, UH, I'VE BEEN OUT
RING SHOPPING ALL DAY.

RING SHOPPING? VERY INTERESTING.

(Max) NOW, I'VE NARROWED IT
DOWN TO 3 DIFFERENT RINGS,

BUT I WANT TO GET HER
SOMETHING SHE'S REALLY GONNA LIKE,

NOT JUST SOMETHING THAT SHE TELLS
ME SHE LIKES, BUT SHE REALLY HATES.

AND YOU KNOW HER TASTE
IN JEWELRY BETTER THAN I DO.

SO I THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU COULD GIVE ME ADVICE.

OK, ANYTHING WITH THE WORD
"FOXY" ON IT IS A BIG CROWD-PLEASER.

OH, MAYBE FOR OUR
FIRST ANNIVERSARY.

OK, I'M LISTENING.

OK.

THE FIRST RING
HAS, UH, A GOLD BAND

AND SORT OF A SQUARE DIAMOND.

IT'S SIMPLE, BUT VERY CLASSIC.

GOLD BAND, SQUARE
DIAMOND, SIMPLE, CLASSIC.

I'M NOT SURE THAT'S REALLY HER.

OK. AHEM, THE NEXT ONE

IS, UH, SORT OF AN
ENGAGEMENT BAND

WITH SMALL DIAMONDS
ALL AROUND IT, WHITE GOLD,

AND THERE'S A WEDDING BAND
THAT SORT OF FITS INTO IT, LIKE A SET.

WHITE GOLD ENGAGEMENT
BAND, SMALL DIAMONDS AROUND IT

WITH WEDDING BAND
THAT FITS INTO IT.

THAT'S A POSSIBILITY.
WHAT'S THE 3RD ONE?

THE 3RD ONE

[sighs]

IS FROM THE '20s.

FROM THE '20s? HMM.

LARGE DIAMOND IN THE MIDDLE...

LARGE DIAMOND IN THE MIDDLE.

DIAMOND CLUSTERS ON THE SIDES...

DIAMOND CLUSTERS ON THE SIDES.

AND IT'S A LITTLE DECO.

LITTLE DECO.

[panting]

[yelping]

(Rory) THAT SOUNDS
GREAT. UH, GOOD GOING.

SHE'S GONNA BE ECSTATIC.

SHE'S RIGHT THERE
WITH YOU, ISN'T SHE?

WHAT? NO.

NO, I... I THOUGHT
I HEARD HER BARK.

NO, THAT'S JUST A WILD JACKAL
THAT HANGS OUT HERE SOMETIMES.

MMM-HMM. PUT CUJO
ON THE PHONE, PLEASE.

ONE SEC.

HERE, BOY.

[knocking on door]

OH, HELLO, MAX. WHAT
A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

I JUST WALKED IN.

HI.

AM I LATE?

NO, RIGHT ON TIME.

GOOD.

ARE YOU COMING IN?

IN A SEC. UH, WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

IN THE KITCHEN, ON THE PHONE.

BEGINNING, MIDDLE, OR
END OF A CONVERSATION?

WELL, IT CONCERNS JEWELRY,

SO THERE MAY NOT BE AN
END TO THE CONVERSATION.

GOOD.

HI.

HI.

I MISSED THAT.

ME, TOO.

SO, UH, YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE
BREAKING-UP THING, WE TRIED IT.

YEAH, WE DID. DIDN'T
REALLY WORK FOR ME.

ME, EITHER.

OK, GOOD. SO IT'S DECIDED.
BREAKING UP, NOT FOR US.

I MEAN, HEY, NOT
THAT IT'S A BAD THING.

I'M SURE SOME PEOPLE LIKE IT.

OH, SURE. CHER, GREGG ALLMAN.

I BET THEY GIVE IT
A BIG THUMBS-UP.

DID YOU PICK OUT YOUR RING?

YES. HE'S GOING TO SURPRISE
ME WITH IT TOMORROW.

'20s DECO?

SUPPOSEDLY RIPPED RIGHT OFF OF
ZELDA FITZGERALD'S COLD, DEAD HAND.

HEY, DEAN. HEY.

WHEN'S DINNER READY?

DO I LOOK LIKE A TIMER?

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT'VE SET ONE.

SILLY RABBIT!
TIMERS ARE FOR KIDS.

10 MINUTES, WE'RE THERE.

I'LL GET IT SET UP.

SO WHAT'S THE MOVIE FOR TONIGHT?

OH, MY GOD, A CLASSIC.

THE JOAN AND MELISSA
RIVERS STORY. STARRING...

JOAN AND MELISSA RIVERS. A MOTHER
AND DAUGHTER TORN APART BY TRAGEDY.

SUICIDE.

NOT GETTING THE TONIGHT
SHOW. MEAN BOYFRIENDS.

IDENTICAL NOSES.
YOU'LL LAUGH, YOU'LL CRY.

'CAUSE YOU'RE LAUGHING SO HARD.

IT'LL BE AN EVENING TO REMEMBER.

AND IN THE PIVOTAL SCENE,

WHERE A DISTRAUGHT JOAN GETS
LOCKED OUT OF HIGH HOLIDAY SERVICES

'CAUSE SHE'S LATE, I WILL BE
FORCED TO REWIND IT AND PLAY IT

OVER AND OVER ABOUT 4,000 TIMES.

YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME.

SO?

SO?

IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK.

THANKS. IT'S NICE TO BE BACK.

WE MISSED YOU.

I MISSED YOU GUYS, TOO.

NO, I MEAN, WE REALLY,
REALLY MISSED YOU.

YOU NEED THE WATER
BOTTLE CHANGED, DON'T YOU?

DESPERATELY.

RAG.

THANK YOU.

WHERE'S DEAN?

GETTING WATER.

YOU'RE SHAMELESS.

HE OFFERED. PLEASE.

THE FIRST THING
HE SAID TO ME WAS,

"HEY, LORELAI, CAN I
CHANGE YOUR WATER?"

WHAT CAN I DO?
THE KID'S A FREAK.

HEY.

(Rory) HEY.

I'M SO SORRY SHE'S GOT
YOU DOING CHORES ALREADY.

I DON'T MIND.

YOU WILL. SHE PULLED OUT
THE MOWER THIS MORNING.

WELL, IF THAT MOVIE IS
ANYTHING LIKE YOU DESCRIBED,

MOWING MIGHT BE A
GOOD ALTERNATIVE.

HEY, I WANTED TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING.

YEAH?

MY GRANDPARENTS ARE HAVING THIS
SPECIAL DINNER FOR ME NEXT WEEK.

IT'S NOTHING BIG, BUT THEY
SAID I COULD INVITE SOMEONE,

AND I THOUGHT YOU'VE NEVER
SEEN MY GRANDPARENTS' HOUSE,

AND I'D REALLY LIKE YOU
TO MEET MY GRANDPA.

WHAT?

WELL, UH, IT'S JUST THE LAST
TIME I MET YOUR GRANDMA

WAS THE NIGHT OF THE DANCE,

AND YOU KNOW HOW
THAT TURNED OUT, SO...

THE DANCE WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

SHE'S OVER IT BY NOW.

I'M SURE EVERYTHING
WILL BE FINE.

YOU WANT ME TO GO?

YEAH, I WANT YOU TO GO.

[sighs]

THEN I'LL GO.

GOOD.

(Lorelai) OH, MY. THAT COFFEE
CAN IS JUST SO HIGH UP THERE.

WHATEVER WILL I DO?

COMING.

♪ [music playing]

ANTONIA, TAKE THIS AND PUT
IT IN THE DINING ROOM, PLEASE.

OH, I LIKE THAT TIE.

YES, IT'S RATHER SNAPPY,
ISN'T IT? OH, OH, OH.

RICHARD, DON'T YOU
DARE GET ON THAT PHONE.

THEY'LL BE HERE ANY SECOND.

I'M NOT GETTING ON THE PHONE.

I'M GOING TO GIVE RORY THAT FIRST
EDITION OF MENCKEN'S CHRESTOMATHY.

[doorbell rings]

WELL, HELLO THERE.

WELL, HELLO THERE.

GRANDMA, YOU
REMEMBER DEAN, RIGHT?

YES, I DO. NICE
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THANKS. UH, YOUR HOUSE
IS... IS GREAT. IT'S HUGE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A
HOUSE THIS HUGE BEFORE.

WELL, THANK YOU.

SO FEW PEOPLE BOTHER TO NOTICE

THE HUGENESS OF
THE HOUSE ANYMORE.

MOM, IT WAS SO NICE OF YOU TO, UH,
TELL RORY TO INVITE A FRIEND TONIGHT,

SEEING AS THIS IS HER NIGHT.
THAT WAS REALLY NICE OF YOU.

IT WAS MY PLEASURE.

GOOD.

WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

WE HAVE A CELEBRATION
TO ATTEND. COME IN, COME IN.

SO, WHAT WOULD
EVERYONE LIKE TO DRINK?

OH, WELL,

I'LL HAVE A WHITE WINE,
AND DEAN WILL HAVE A BEER.

WHAT? CORONA, RIGHT?

NO. I DON'T... I DON'T WANT
A BEER. I DON'T DRINK BEER.

I'LL HAVE A WATER OR SODA
OR ANYTHING. OR NOTHING.

NOT BEER. NEVER BEER.
BEER'S... BEER'S BAD.

RELAX, DEAN, THAT'S JUST
LORELAI'S LITTLE SENSE OF HUMOR.

YOU'RE VERY CRUEL.

YES, WELL, IT KEEPS ME YOUNG.

I'M JUST GOING TO SIT HERE
AND STARE AT MY HANDS.

SODA, DEAN?

PLEASE.

RORY?

OH, I'LL HAVE A BEER.

I'M SORRY, DEAN. WE'RE
NOT LAUGHING AT YOU.

OH, WAIT, I THINK I WAS.

I THINK I WAS A LITTLE, TOO.

OH, RICHARD, THERE
YOU ARE. COME JOIN US.

HEY, DAD.

GRANDPA, HI. UM, THIS IS DEAN.

DEAN, THIS IS MY GRANDPA.

HI.

SORRY. HI.

HELLO.

IT'S, UH, IT'S NICE TO MEET...

DOES EVERYONE HAVE DRINKS?

YEAH. WE ALL HAVE
DRINKS. THANKS.

SHOULD WE DO THE
BEER THING AGAIN?

UH, I DON'T THINK SO.

(Rory) GRANDMA, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU FOUND A RECIPE FOR BEEFARONI.

(Emily) IT WASN'T EASY. ANTONIA
THOUGHT I'D GONE INSANE.

(Lorelai) WELL.

(Emily) NO ONE NEEDS
A COMMENT FROM YOU.

NO, I WAS JUST GOING TO
SAY, UH, WHAT'S THE SECRET?

WELL, LET'S JUST
SAY IT'S NOT BEEF.

WELL, OK. I'M DONE.

ME, TOO.

DEAN, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE?

UH,

NO. I'M FINE, THANKS.

WELL, THEN I GUESS IT
MUST BE PRESENT TIME.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

OH, YEAH, MOM,
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

UNLESS YOU GOT SOMETHING THAT'LL
FIT ME, TOO. IN WHICH CASE, GOOD GOIN'.

HERE YOU GO, RORY.
CONGRATULATIONS. WE'RE SO PROUD.

THANKS, GRANDMA.

THANKS, GRANDPA.

(Emily) NOW, GO ON. OPEN IT.

OK.

OH, PENS. ALL YOURS.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I THINK THE TOP STUDENT
DESERVES THE TOP TOOLS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

REALLY.

UM, UH, WELL,
PENS ARE VERY NICE,

BUT I JUST BET THERE IS A
FABULOUS, FANCY DESSERT

JUST SITTING OUT THERE
IN THAT KITCHEN OF YOURS.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
THERE IS. TWINKIES.

(Lorelai) WHAT?

(Emily) WELL, RORY TOLD ME
THAT WAS HER FAVORITE DESSERT.

EMILY GILMORE, YOU
ARE ONE CLASSY BROAD.

ANTONIA, PLEASE
BRING OUT THE TWINKIES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST
HEARD YOU SAY THOSE WORDS.

WELL, DON'T GET USED TO IT.

SO, DEAN,

WHERE ARE YOU PLANNING
TO GO TO COLLEGE?

OH, UH, WELL, I...

PLEASE, DAD, START OFF WITH,

LIKE, "WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
BASEBALL TEAM?" OR SOMETHING.

I'M TALKING TO DEAN.

I DON'T KNOW YET.

YOU DON'T?

NO, NOT YET.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF
GRADES DO YOU GET?

RICHARD, PLEASE,
DON'T GRILL THE BOY.

I'M NOT GRILLING THE BOY, EMILY.
IT'S A... IT'S AN EASY QUESTION.

A's? B's? C's?

I GET A MIXTURE, ACTUALLY.

A MIXTURE? WHAT'S THE RATIO?

RICHARD.

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET
TO KNOW THE BOY, EMILY.

(Richard) AFTER ALL, RORY BRINGS
HOME A YOUNG MAN TO DINNER.

THE LEAST WE COULD DO IS TO
FIND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT HIM.

HE CHANGES A MEAN WATER BOTTLE.

I GET A COUPLE OF A's,

A COUPLE OF B's, A FEW C's.

REALLY?

I'M NOT GREAT IN MATH.

YEAH. EXCEPT, WHO
IS, REALLY, YOU KNOW?

EXCEPT MATHEMATICIANS
OR BLACKJACK DEALERS,

OR I GUESS STEPHEN
HAWKING DOESN'T SUCK.

BUT YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW WHAT
ELSE IS GOOD, THOUGH, MOM, IS A HO HO.

BECAUSE IF YOU
CAN'T FIND A TWINKIE,

YOU KNOW, YOU TREAT
YOURSELF TO A NICE HO HO.

HOW LONG DOES IT
TAKE TO OPEN A BOX?

SHE'S MAKING THEM.

SHE'S MAKING THE
TWINKIES? YOU'RE KIDDING.

OH, RICHARD, WASN'T THERE A
BOOK YOU WANTED TO GIVE RORY?

IN A MINUTE, EMILY. SO, DEAN...

UH, GRANDPA...

YOU DO KNOW THAT RORY'S
GOING TO AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL?

I KNOW.

HARVARD, PRINCETON, YALE.

HE SAID HE KNEW, DAD.

YOU NEED TOP GRADES
TO GET INTO A TOP SCHOOL.

YEAH. WELL, RORY'S REALLY SMART.

YEAH. SHE IS REALLY SMART.

MOM?

YEAH, WHY DON'T
WE ALL GO SIT IN THE...

SO HOW ARE YOU
PLANNING TO MAKE A LIVING

ONCE YOU GRADUATE
FROM THIS COLLEGE

YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT
ANYTHING ABOUT YET?

GRANDPA, CAN WE TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?

I'M GOING TO GET THAT BOOK.

I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I
WAS 10 YEARS OLD,

I KNEW EXACTLY WHERE
I WANTED TO WORK.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE
ALWAYS PICKED LAST FOR DODGE BALL.

I KNEW I WANTED TO GO TO YALE

AND PUT ON A NICE SUIT EVERY DAY

AND BE A VERY IMPORTANT
MAN IN A VERY POWERFUL FIRM.

AND I KNEW I WANTED TO
TRAVEL AND SEE THE WORLD.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

I WANTED TO SEE LA TRAVIATA
AT THE LA SCALA OPERA HOUSE.

I WANTED TO WALK
THE RUINS OF POMPEII.

I WANTED TO TRAVEL THE FAR EAST.

OR BE A BALLERINA, OR A FIREMAN.

LORELAI, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

IT'S A LITTLE FUNNY TO
THINK OF A 10-YEAR-OLD KID

DREAMING OF THE LA
SCALA OPERA HOUSE.

RORY DOES. RORY WANTS TO TRAVEL.

RORY HAS PLANS.

RORY'S SPECIAL.

YES. EXACTLY.

RORY IS SPECIAL.

WELL, I... I KNOW
THAT RORY'S SPECIAL.

I'VE GOT IT.

DEAN IS SPECIAL, TOO, GRANDPA.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

I KNOW ENOUGH.

NO, YOU DON'T. DEAN IS
INCREDIBLE, AND HE'S SPECIAL TO ME.

AND I BRING HIM HERE,
AND YOU ATTACK HIM.

I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN
TO LIKE THAT IN MY HOUSE.

RICHARD, HERE,
GIVE HER THE BOOK.

THIS FAMILY HAS STANDARDS.
YOU LIVE UP TO THEM.

YOU SHOULD EXPECT THAT EVERYONE
YOU SPEND TIME WITH LIVE UP TO THEM ALSO.

YOU ARE A GIFTED GIRL
WITH IMMENSE PROMISE,

AND YOU SHOULD LEARN VERY EARLY

THAT CERTAIN PEOPLE
CAN HOLD YOU BACK.

GRANDPA, STOP IT. YOU
CANNOT TREAT DEAN THIS WAY.

I'M SORRY. EXCUSE
ME. I HAVE TO WORK.

GRANDPA.

THANK YOU FOR THE DINNER
AND THE GIFT, GRANDMA,

BUT I REALLY THINK
WE SHOULD BE GOING.

THANKS.

I'M SORRY.

AM I CRAZY?

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE US, RIGHT?

OH, UH, WANT TO COME IN
AND HAVE SOME DESSERT?

YOU NEVER DID GET YOUR TWINKIE.

UH, NO, THANKS. I THINK
I SHOULD GET GOING.

ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH.

OK, WELL, ALL I CAN SAY IS,

DEAN, TONIGHT YOU OFFICIALLY
BECAME A GILMORE GIRL.

FEELS GOOD, HUH?

YEAH.

SEE YOU LATER. MEET YOU INSIDE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I HAD NO IDEA. I
THOUGHT HE WOULD...

I AM SO SORRY, DEAN.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

NONE OF THOSE THINGS
HE SAID WERE TRUE.

NONE OF THEM MEAN ANYTHING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MADE
HIM ACT THAT WAY. I JUST...

YOU KNOW, LET'S... LET'S
JUST FORGET IT, ALL RIGHT?

PLEASE DON'T BE UPSET.

I'M NOT.

DEAN...

I'M FINE. I'M NOT UPSET.

I HAVE TO GO.

CALL YOU TOMORROW.

OK.

THAT MAN IS IMPOSSIBLE.

TWINKIE?

HE JUST ATTACKS
DEAN OUT OF NOWHERE,

AND DEAN IS SITTING THERE
BEING PERFECTLY NICE,

AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN...

OH, GOD, I'M SO
MAD. HE'S A SNOB.

YES.

AND HE DOESN'T LISTEN.

HE JUST WANTS TO
SAY HORRIBLE THINGS

AND HAVE YOU SIT
THERE AND LISTEN TO HIM

AND THEN JUST AGREE WITH
HIM. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?

AH, THAT IS ABOUT A 100
YEARS' WORTH OF INBREEDING.

I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM
BE MEAN BEFORE, EVER.

NOT LIKE THAT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL
EVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN.

AND DEAN, HE MUST BE
SO UPSET RIGHT NOW.

I... I HATE THAT HE DID
THIS TO HIM. I HATE IT.

YES, IT WAS BAD.

MY FATHER WAS IN FINE
FORM TONIGHT. BUT...

BUT? THERE'S A "BUT"
FROM YOU? THERE'S A "BUT"?

TWINKIE?

I DON'T THINK MY
FATHER HAS EVER LOVED

ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD
AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU.

NOW, THAT HAVING
BEEN ESTABLISHED,

LET'S JUST CONSIDER THAT MAYBE

THIS FLIP-OUT TONIGHT
ACTUALLY CAME FROM SOMEWHERE

THAT POSSIBLY HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH DEAN,

AND VERY POSSIBLY HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU ARE THE GREAT WHITE
HOPE OF THE GILMORE CLAN.

YOU ARE THEIR ANGEL
SENT FROM UP ABOVE.

YOU ARE THE DAUGHTER
THEY DIDN'T HAVE.

MOM...

NO, IT'S NOT A
FEEL-SORRY-FOR-ME THING.

IT'S JUST THE TRUTH.

I MEAN, YOU'RE GOING
TO GO TO COLLEGE.

HELL, YOU'RE GOING TO
GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

THEY'RE GOING TO GET TO
WATCH YOU WALK DOWN THE AISLE

WEARING YOUR CAP AND GOWN AND
GET YOUR DIPLOMA AND GO TO HARVARD

AND BE A PHI BETA BIMBO
AND GRADUATE WITH HONORS

AND... AND JUST SET
THE WORLD ON FIRE.

I MEAN, THAT IS THE PLAN.
LOOKS LIKE IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

EXCEPT FOR THAT
"PHI BETA BIMBO" PART.

BUT THEN TONIGHT, YOU... YOU
WALK IN WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY

WHO... WHO LIKES YOU
ENOUGH TO BRAVE GOING

TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS'
HOUSE FOR DINNER,

AND DAD LOOKS AT YOU
AND SEES YOU WITH HIM,

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, HAS A
TERRIBLE LORELAI FLASHBACK.

HE SEES IT ALL GOING AWAY,

THE COLLEGE, THE CAP AND GOWN.

I'M NOT GOING TO GET PREGNANT.

I KNOW THAT.

HE SHOULD KNOW THAT.

YES. HE SHOULD.

BUT... YOU DO HAVE MY EYES.

YOU DO REALIZE YOU JUST SPENT
10 MINUTES DEFENDING YOUR DAD?

I KNOW. I'M GONNA HAVE TERRIBLE
NIGHTMARES ALL NIGHT LONG.

BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, IF
YOU CUT HIM A LITTLE SLACK,

I'LL, UM, WEAR MY "PORN STAR"
T-SHIRT TO DINNER NEXT WEEK.

DEAL. GOOD.

[phone ringing]

HELLO?

I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

MY PARENTS JUST
BROUGHT IN THE SUITCASE

THAT I'M SUPPOSED
TO TAKE ON MY TRIP.

AND TO PAINT YOU A
PICTURE, IT COULD FIT

YOU AND ME, PLUS
EVERYTHING WE OWN,

AND STILL HAVE ENOUGH ROOM
TO DO A LITTLE SOUVENIR SHOPPING.

I AM NEVER COMING BACK.

WHAT IS LORELAI THINKING,

LETTING RORY RUN AROUND
WITH A BOY LIKE THAT?

WELL, OF COURSE,
SHE ISN'T THINKING.

SHE NEVER THINKS.

RICHARD, PLEASE. YOU'RE
GIVING ME A HEADACHE.

AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,
INVITING HIM OVER HERE?

WE TOLD HER SHE
COULD INVITE SOMEONE.

YOU WERE RIGHT THERE.

I DID NOT MEAN HIM.

PLEASE CALM DOWN.

I WILL NOT CALM DOWN. DID YOU
HEAR THE WAY SHE TALKED TO ME?

YES, I HEARD THE WAY
SHE TALKED TO YOU.

SHE SOUNDED LIKE HER MOTHER.

YOU WERE ATTACKING
HER BOYFRIEND.

A GIRL THAT AGE SHOULDN'T
HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

YOU TRULY THINK A 16-YEAR-OLD
GIRL ISN'T GOING TO DATE?

WELL, OF COURSE SHE'S GOING
TO DATE, AND SHE SHOULD DATE.

PROPER SOCIALIZATION
IS IMPORTANT TO A CHILD.

BUT SHE SHOULD NOT DATE ONE BOY,

AND SHE SHOULD NOT DATE HIM.

[phone ringing]

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

I'M GOING TO ANSWER IT.

EMILY, WE ARE IN THE
MIDDLE OF A DISCUSSION.

I'M SURE YOU'LL REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHERE YOU WERE 5
MINUTES FROM NOW.

HELLO?

HI. MRS. GILMORE?

IT'S SOOKIE ST. JAMES,
LORELAI'S FRIEND.

(Sookie) I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'D REMEMBER ME.

OH, YES, YOU'RE
THE CHEF AT THE INN.

THAT'S RIGHT. LISTEN, I'M
SORRY TO CALL SO LATE,

BUT I NEED TO ASK
YOU A QUESTION.

I'M PLANNING A SURPRISE WEDDING
SHOWER FOR LORELAI AND MAX.

IT'S GOING TO BE MORE
LIKE A BIG PARTY ACTUALLY.

BUT I'VE CLEARED THE DATE
WITH EVERYBODY AROUND HERE,

SO WE'RE ALL SET TO GO,

BUT I WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT
YOU GUYS WERE GOING TO BE AROUND

BEFORE I FINALIZED EVERYTHING.

IT'S GOING TO BE
SATURDAY THE 21ST.

I DON'T KNOW. I'D HAVE TO CHECK.

OK.

OK. YOU CHECK, AND THEN
YOU CALL ME AT THE INN.

OK?

YES, I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

OK.

I WANT YOU TO CALL RORY
TOMORROW AND APOLOGIZE.

WHAT?

I WANT YOU TO CALL HER
AND TELL HER YOU'RE SORRY,

THAT YOU WEREN'T FEELING WELL,

AND YOU THINK
DEAN IS A LOVELY BOY

AND HE'S WELCOME HERE ANYTIME.

HAVE YOU GONE INSANE?
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES...

OUR DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED.

SHE'S GETTING MARRIED,
AND SHE DIDN'T TELL US.

WHEN RORY DECIDES
TO GET MARRIED,

I'D LIKE HER TO TELL US.

CALL HER TOMORROW.

(Lorelai) IT WAS AWFUL.

(Max) IT SOUNDS AWFUL.

THAT'S THE FAMILY YOU
WANT TO MARRY INTO.

I MUST BE INSANE.

YOU MUST BE.

MMM, SPEAKING
OF MARRYING INTO...

YES?

I HAVE A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

LET ME GUESS. IS IT GUM?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW
HOW MUCH I LIKE GUM,

AND HOW CONCERNED I
AM ABOUT DENTAL HYGIENE.

OH, MY.

YOU LIKE?

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

OH, IT'S TOO BIG.

NO, IT'S NOT.

HERE, GIVE IT TO ME.

NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BACK.

I'LL GET IT SIZED. NO, IT'S OK.

IT'S GONNA FALL OFF.

I'LL WEAR IT ON MY THUMB.

YOU 'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

I'LL EAT A LOT OF
SALT AND BLOAT UP.

JUST LET ME GET IT SIZED,

AND I PROMISE YOU'LL NEVER
HAVE TO TAKE IT OFF AGAIN.

IN FACT, I'M GOING
TO INSIST ON IT.

NOW JUST IN A MINUTE, OK?

OK.

[sighs]

I'M GETTING MARRIED.