Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 1, Episode 6 - Rory's Birthday Parties - full transcript

TOMORROW OUR LAWYER,
JOSEPH STANFORD, IS COMING BY.

UGH, CRAZY SISSY'S DAD.

THAT'S TERRIBLE. SISSY WAS
A GOOD FRIEND OF YOURS.

SISSY TALKED TO HER STUFFED
ANIMALS, AND THEY ANSWERED HER.

LET'S JUST START A NEW TOPIC.

YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

SHE SAID A NEW TOPIC, MOM.

EVERYTHING'S A JOKE.
EVERYONE'S A PUNCH LINE.

OK, I'M SORRY.

MY DAUGHTER, HENNY YOUNGMAN.

SORRY FOR THAT.

A LITTLE TROUBLE
IN OUR CHINA OFFICE.

WELL, WHAT DID I MISS?

I WAS BEING IMPOSSIBLE.

THEN I TURNED INTO
A JEWISH COMEDIAN.

OH.

WELL, CONTINUE.

THANK YOU. WHERE WAS I?

UH, JOSEPH STANFORD
IS COMING TOMORROW.

YES. SO, RORY,

YOUR GRANDFATHER AND I

THOUGHT IT MIGHT
BE NICE AFTER DINNER

FOR YOU TO GO AROUND
THE HOUSE AND PICK OUT

WHAT YOU'D LIKE US TO
LEAVE YOU IN OUR WILL.

TAKE A LOOK AT THAT
DESK IN MY OFFICE.

IT'S A REALLY FINE
GEORGIAN PIECE.

WHY DON'T I EVER BRING A TAPE
RECORDER TO THESE DINNERS?

OH, WELL, ANYTHING YOU
WANT TO LEAVE ME IS FINE.

NONSENSE. YOU SHOULD
HAVE WHAT YOU LIKE.

SO JUST LOOK AROUND.

AND WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING
YOU LIKE, STICK A POST-IT ON IT.

OK, YOU TWO HAVE OFFICIALLY HIT

A NEW LEVEL OF WEIRD
THAT EVEN I MARVEL AT.

YOU CAN PICK OUT
THINGS, TOO, YOU KNOW.

OH, WELL, NOW IT'S
WAY LESS CREEPY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, RICHARD?

APPARENTLY WE'RE CREEPY.

YES, WELL, YOU LIVE AND LEARN.

OH, COOL.

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S DESSERT.

IT'S PUDDING.

WELL, IF YOU KNEW WHAT IT
WAS, THEN WHY DID YOU ASK?

YOU DON'T LIKE PUDDING.

YES, BUT YOU LIKE PUDDING.

OH, I LOVE PUDDING.
I WORSHIP IT.

I HAVE A BOWL UP ON
THE MANTEL AT HOME

WITH THE VIRGIN MARY, A
GLASS OF WINE, AND $1 NEXT TO IT.

I'VE NEVER HAD PUDDING
FROM A CRYSTAL BOWL BEFORE.

YOU LIKE THE BOWL?

MMM.

PUT A POST-IT ON IT
WHEN YOU'RE DONE.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELIN' LONELY AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

SO, WHAT DO WE THINK OF THIS?

WHERE WOULD WE PUT IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

THE EMILY AND RICHARD
GILMORE PSYCHO MUSEUM?

THIS IS THE STRANGEST
EVENING I'VE EVER SPENT HERE.

SO, HOW ARE WE DOING?

GREAT. JUST GETTING
READY FOR THE BIG DAY.

VERY NICE.

SO, UM, IT'S GETTING LATE, MOM.

UNLESS YOU'VE GOT SOME
FUNERAL PLOTS FOR US TO DECORATE,

WE SHOULD REALLY GET GOING.

ANY SPECIAL REQUESTS
FOR DINNER NEXT WEEK?

OH, WELL...

UH, MOM, I WANT TO TALK
TO YOU FOR A MINUTE.

AND, RORY, WHY DON'T YOU
GO SAY GOODBYE TO GRANDPA?

VERY SMOOTH.

SHALL I SIT DOWN?

YEAH, BUT NOT THERE, OK?
WE GOT A POST-IT ON THAT.

WE'D LIKE TO KEEP IT NICE.

IT MUST BE VERY
EXHAUSTING TO BE YOU.

MOM, RORY'S BIRTHDAY
IS NEXT FRIDAY.

I KNOW THAT.

SO, WE WERE THINKING
THAT MAYBE WE COULD PUSH

OUR DINNER NEXT
WEEK TO SATURDAY.

WHAT'RE YOU GOING TO DO
ON FRIDAY? OH, I DON'T KNOW...

WELL, PERFECT. COME HERE,
WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE PARTY.

CAN WE DO IT ANOTHER NIGHT?

WHY COME ANOTHER NIGHT
WHEN HER BIRTHDAY FALLS

ON THE EXACT NIGHT
THAT YOU COME HERE.

SATURDAY'S A GOOD NIGHT, MOM.

NOT AS GOOD AS FRIDAY.
PRETTY DAMN CLOSE.

NOT FROM WHERE I'M STANDING.

WELL, MOVE THEN.

I'M SORRY.

FRIDAY NIGHTS ARE MY NIGHTS.
THAT'S WHAT WE AGREED ON

WHEN YOU BORROWED
MONEY FOR HER SCHOOL.

THE RULES HAVEN'T CHANGED.

MOM, I DIDN'T
INTEND FOR THIS LOAN

TO BECOME A CONSTANT
SOURCE OF BLACKMAIL, OK?

THIS IS MY KID'S BIRTHDAY,
AND SHE WILL HAVE HER PARTY

AT HOME ON FRIDAY,
AND THAT'S IT.

END OF STORY.

SO, HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE 2 PARTIES THIS YEAR?

YOU COULDN'T GET HER TO CAVE.

NO, BUT SHE DID AGREE

TO MAKE THE STRING
QUARTET LEARN LIKE A VIRGIN.

WELL, YOU TRIED.

SWEETIE, I PROMISE,
SATURDAY NIGHT

WE'LL DO IT UP RIGHT AT HOME.

A STARS HOLLOW EXTRAVAGANZA.

SO, IS THIS PARTY
GRANDMA'S HAVING

GOING TO BE A BIG DEAL?

NOT REALLY.

THE GOVERNMENT
WILL CLOSE THAT DAY.

FLAGS WILL FLY AT HALF-MAST.

BARBRA STREISAND WILL
GIVE HER FINAL CONCERT AGAIN.

NOW, THE POPE
HAS PREVIOUS PLANS,

BUT HE'S TRYING
TO GET OUT OF THEM.

HOWEVER, ELVIS AND JIM
MORRISON ARE COMING

AND THEY'RE BRINGING CHIPS.

YOU ASK A SIMPLE QUESTION...

MINI ORANGE BISCUITS

WITH HONEY-MUSTARD
HAM AND CHEDDAR CHEESE.

YUM.

ANGEL WINGS WITH DIPPING SAUCE.

GOOD. GOOD.

OH, DID YOU BRING ME
THE PICTURE? OH, YES.

IT'S TOO BAD YOU
COULDN'T GET YOUR MOM

TO RELINQUISH FRIDAY NIGHT.

NO, SHE HAS HER VULCAN
DEATH GRIP ON THAT ONE.

NOT THAT SURPRISING THOUGH.

EMILY GILMORE. YOU COULD
SET YOUR WATCH BY HER.

ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW
WHAT SHE DID DO LAST NIGHT?

WORE JEANS. SERVED PUDDING.

I WAS CLOSE.

I MEAN I'M SURE IT WAS SOME
EXPENSIVE FORM OF PUDDING,

BUT NONETHELESS, IT WAS PUDDING!

THAT IS AMAZING. RIGHT?

THAT WOULD MEAN THAT SHE
ACTUALLY MADE A MENTAL NOTE

THAT WE LIKED PUDDING.

WHICH WOULD MEAN
SHE ACTUALLY LISTENED

TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE
JUDGMENTAL CONGA LINE GOING ON IN HER HEAD,

AND GOT OVER THE
FACT THAT TO HER,

PUDDING IS HOSPITAL
FOOD, AND ONLY ACCEPTABLE

WHEN YOU'VE JUST HAD A VITAL
ORGAN RIPPED OUT OF YOUR BODY.

WOW. THAT'S SOME JOURNEY
SHE HAD TO TAKE THERE.

OPEN YOUR MOUTH
AND CLOSE YOUR EYES.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

RIGHT, SORRY.

OPEN YOUR MOUTH
AND CLOSE YOUR EYES.

OK.

AND GET READY FOR
SOMETHING TRULY AMAZING.

HMM. YEAH. HUH? HUH?

WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S LIKE A...

A WHAT?

IT'S LIKE A BERRY,
BUT WAY MORE EXOTIC.

YES. GOOD.

JACKSON, HAVE YOU
BEEN HAVING REACTIONS

TO YOUR FERTILIZER FUMES AGAIN?

NO, FOR SOME TIME NOW I'VE BEEN
TOYING WITH CROSS-POLLINATION.

FINALLY, I'VE GOT IT.

I FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO CROSS A RASPBERRY
WITH A KUMQUAT.

KUMQUAT! THAT'S WHAT I TASTE!

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

HOW DID YOU DO THIS?

YOU DIDN'T BUILD ONE OF THOSE
MACHINES LIKE IN THE FLY, DID YOU?

WE'RE NOT GOING TO FIND
YOU WANDERING THE STREETS

WITH A RASPBERRY
HEAD CRYING, "EAT ME!"

YOU!

YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF ME
ALL YOU WANT TO TODAY,

BECAUSE TODAY I AM A GOD.

TODAY MOTHER NATURE
HAS BOWED DOWN TO ME!

HOW NICE FOR HER.

MICHEL, JACKSON...

NO NEED TO FILL ME IN.

I'M QUITE HAPPY BEING
IGNORANT OF WHATEVER IT IS

THAT IS MAKING HIM RAISE
HIS ARMS OVER HIS HEAD.

DO YOU NEED ME?

THE LANDSCAPER DOES.

OH, HEY, UH, RORY'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY

IS SATURDAY NIGHT.

SO START THINKING UP
REASONS WHY YOU CAN'T COME.

I'M GOING TO BE OUT OF TOWN.

OH, YOU USED THAT LAST YEAR.

I'LL WORK ON IT AND
GET BACK TO YOU.

7:00. PRESENTS MANDATORY.

MMM-HMM.

RASQUAT?

LUCY, I'M HOME!

KITCHEN.

"AND JUSTIN IS JUST SO DREAMY.

HE CAN'T MARRY BRITNEY.
I'LL JUST CRY, CRY, AND CRY."

OK, THANKS.

PIZZA'S ON ITS WAY.

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD PROVIDER.

HI.

I'M GONNA GO START MY HOMEWORK.

CALL ME WHEN THE
PIZZA GUY GETS HERE.

HELLO?

LORELAI, WHAT IS
YOUR WORK SCHEDULE?

WHY?

I WANT TO GO SHOPPING.

WITH ME?

THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.

ONLY IN YOUR WORLD, MOM.

I WANT TO GET RORY
A BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

WELL, I'M SURE WHATEVER
YOU GET HER, SHE'LL LOVE.

YES, I WANT TO GET
HER SOMETHING SPECIAL.

SOMETHING SHE WANTS,
SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD GET HER.

OK, FINE. YOU CAN GET
HER THE BONG THEN.

THIS ISN'T FUNNY. I
HARDLY SEE THE GIRL.

WE ONLY GET TO TALK
AT DINNER ONCE A WEEK.

AND THEN IT'S ALL
ABOUT SCHOOL, AND JANE.

LANE, MOM.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LET ME INTO
YOUR SECRET CLUB JUST THIS ONE TIME

AND HELP ME BUY HER
SOMETHING FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

YOU'RE SERIOUS?

ACCORDING TO YOU,
I'M ALWAYS SERIOUS.

OK.

OK?

OK.

WELL, GOOD.

I'LL MEET YOU AT DAMION'S,
TOMORROW AT 3:00.

OK.

AND DRESS APPROPRIATELY...

DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE, MOM.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

ATTAGIRL.

HEY.

WHAT, TRISTIN?

I JUST WANTED TO
SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY.

NO, BUT IT WILL BE.

"ON FRIDAY AT 4:03 IN
THE MORNING, LORELAI...

WHAT IS THAT?

WHO ELSE GOT THESE?

I DON'T KNOW. EVERYONE
IN OUR CLASS, I THINK.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

I HAVE TO GO.

I'LL SEE YOU FRIDAY,
BIRTHDAY GIRL.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

THAT'S HER.

MY PARENTS ARE MAKING ME GO.

ANOTHER OBLIGATION PARTY.

MY LIFE STINKS.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

OH, ISN'T THIS LOVELY?

OH, YEAH.

AS SOON AS WE HAVE HER
CROWNED QUEEN OF ENGLAND,

WE'LL GIVE IT TO HER.

YOU ARE SO COMBATIVE TODAY.

HAT WEAR DOES THAT TO ME.

OH, MOM, LOOK. THIS IS GOOD.

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S A PURSE SHAPED LIKE
A GUITAR. THIS IS GREAT.

GREAT FOR WHAT? FOR RORY.

WHAT WOULD RORY DO WITH THIS?

SHE'D PUT STUFF IN IT
AND CARRY IT AROUND.

IN PUBLIC? YES.

WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK?

WELL, THAT SHE'S AN AX
MURDERER, OF COURSE.

WHAT ABOUT PEARLS?

PEARLS?

A DOUBLE STRING OF PEARLS
WITH A CASHMERE SWEATER SET.

MOM, SHE'S A YOUNG GIRL.
THINK OF SOMETHING YOUNG.

A MONTBLANC PEN?

TO PUT ON HER DESK
AT THE LAW FIRM?

SHE NEEDS TO WRITE.

WELL, NOT WITH A
$200 PEN, SHE DOESN'T.

OH, HEY, LOOK.

THESE DAY PLANNERS ARE ADORABLE.

YOU COULD GET HER ONE
OF THOSE FUNKY ERASERS

WITH THE MERMAID
ON IT. SHE'LL LOVE THAT.

PLEASE BE SERIOUS.
WE'RE SHOPPING FOR RORY.

NO, MOM, I'M SHOPPING FOR RORY.

YOU'RE SHOPPING FOR YOUR IMAGINARY
GRANDDAUGHTER, BARBARA HUTTON.

I WANT TO GET HER
SOMETHING NICE.

YOU ASKED FOR MY HELP, AND
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME.

YOU WANTED ME TO
GET HER A FILOFAX

AND A MERMAID ERASER.
IT'S ONE SUGGESTION.

OH, YES. AND THERE
WAS THE T-SHIRT

WITH THE FARRAH FAWCETT FACE.

A HERO TO MANY WHO ASPIRE
TO THE PERFECT FEATHER FLIP.

OH, I... I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DO THIS.

LET'S JUST GO.

OH, NO, NO. COME ON, MOM.

YOU DO KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.

THINK PUDDING.

PUDDING?

COME ON, YOU ASKED FOR MY HELP.

YOU'RE REACHING OUT.

A LITTLE, NOT A LOT.
DON'T GET FREAKED.

BUT, MOM, PUDDING.

WHY DO YOU KEEP
SAYING "PUDDING"?

LISTEN, JUST LOOK AROUND

AND PICK UP SOMETHING
YOU THINK SHE MIGHT LIKE.

HERE.

OH, NOW, THAT'S REALLY GOOD.

REALLY? ABSOLUTELY.

DOESN'T LOOK LIKE SOMETHING
YOU COULD BUY AT A CAR WASH?

TOTALLY. THAT'S HALF THE CHARM.

OH, NO, IT'S ONLY $12.

$6 MORE THAN A CAR WASH.

$12 IS NOT A PRESENT.

$12 IS A PERFECT PRESENT,
MOM. SHE'LL LOVE THAT.

CAN I AT LEAST GET
HER THE PASHMINA ALSO?

FINE, I'LL GET IT.

GOOD CHOICE.

OH, IT LIGHTS UP.

SHE'S NOT HERE YET.

ALL RIGHT. YOU'LL
HAVE TO ENTERTAIN ME

UNTIL SHE ARRIVES.

OK, BURGER BOY, DANCE.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

WHAT?

JUST LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING TO SHUT YOU UP.

YOU BETTER BE NICE TO
ME, OR I'M NOT INVITING YOU

TO RORY GILMORE'S BIRTHDAY
CELEBRATION THIS SATURDAY NIGHT.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE
TO ASK ME, YOU KNOW.

I KNOW. BUT I WOULD
LIKE YOU TO COME.

YEAH?

YEAH.

OK, I'LL SEE.

7:00. DON'T BE LATE.

WOW, NICE FACE YOU GOT ON THERE.

COFFEE.

BAD DAY?

I'VE NOW USED THE
WORD "SUCK" SO MUCH

THAT IT'S LOST
ALL MEANING TO ME.

WELL, MAYBE THIS
WILL CHEER YOU UP.

WHAT?

YOU'LL SEE.

WHAT IS THAT?

THESE ARE OUR PARTY DRESSES.

SO IT'S A HALLOWEEN PARTY?

LISTEN, YOU.

SO I'M SHOPPING TODAY
WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER,

AND IT'S A WHOLE 3 HOURS OF

"WHO ARE YOU BUYING THAT
FOR, MOM? HAVE YOU MET RORY?"

AND THEN FINALLY I
TALKED AND SHE LISTENED.

SHE WOUND UP
GETTING YOU SOMETHING

I THINK YOU'RE
REALLY GONNA LIKE.

REALLY? YES, REALLY.

AND, OF COURSE, SHE INSISTED
ON BUYING US THESE DRESSES.

BUT I THINK I CAN DO SOMETHING
WITH THEM TO MAKE THEM BETTER.

WOW. I'VE NEVER
SEEN YOU SO CHEERY

AFTER SPENDING
TIME WITH GRANDMA.

WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG
TIME SINCE WE GOT TOGETHER

AND DIDN'T END UP FIGHTING.

IT WAS REFRESHING.
IT WASN'T EXACTLY FUN,

BUT I DIDN'T GET THAT
SHOOTING PAIN IN MY EYE

LIKE I USUALLY DO.

WOW. THAT'S GREAT.

YEAH.

SO I HEAR YOU'RE HAVING
A PARTY SATURDAY.

YEAH. MOM'S FAMOUS
FOR HER BLOWOUTS.

THE BEST ONE WAS
HER 8TH BIRTHDAY.

OH, YEAH, THAT WAS GOOD.

THE COPS SHUT US DOWN.

SHUT DOWN AN 8-YEAR-OLD'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY?

AND ARRESTED THE CLOWN.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANY MORE OF THIS.

SO NOW TELL ME, WHY
MISS LEMONHEAD TODAY?

NOTHING. I... I'M FINE.

I JUST GOT AN "A"
-MINUS ON A FRENCH TEST

THAT I SHOULD HAVE
GOTTEN AN "A" ON.

OH, HONEY, AN "A"
-MINUS IS AWESOME.

YEAH, IT'S... IT'S FINE.

LET ME SEE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD REALLY
EMBRACE THE WHOLE TULLE THING.

GO TOTALLY MODERN CINDERELLA.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

YEAH, LUCKY ME.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE GIRL.

HEY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW
FAST YOU'RE GROWING UP.

REALLY?

FEELS SLOW.

MMM-MMM, TRUST ME, IT'S FAST.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF YOUR LIFE SO FAR?

I THINK IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

ANY COMPLAINTS?

I'D LIKE THAT WHOLE
HUMIDITY THING TO GO AWAY.

MMM-HMM, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL WORK ON THAT.

SO, DO I LOOK OLDER?

OH, YEAH.

YOU WALK INTO
DENNY'S BEFORE 5:00,

YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A DISCOUNT.

GOOD DEAL.

SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

WHAT?

I THINK YOU'RE A
GREAT, COOL KID,

AND THE BEST FRIEND
A GIRL COULD HAVE.

BACK AT YOU.

AND IT'S SO HARD TO BELIEVE

THAT AT EXACTLY THIS
TIME MANY MOONS AGO,

I WAS LYING IN EXACTLY
THE SAME POSITION...

OH, BOY, HERE WE GO.

ONLY I HAD A HUGE, FAT STOMACH,

AND BIG, FAT ANKLES.

AND I WAS SWEARING
LIKE A SAILOR...

ON LEAVE.

ON LEAVE, RIGHT.

AND THERE I WAS...

IN LABOR.

AND WHILE SOME HAVE CALLED IT

THE MOST MEANINGFUL
EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE,

TO ME IT WAS SOMETHING
MORE AKIN TO DOING THE SPLITS

ON A CRATE OF DYNAMITE.

I WONDER IF THE
WALTONS EVER DID THIS.

AND I WAS SCREAMING
AND SWEARING,

AND BEING SURROUNDED AS I WAS

BY 100 PROMINENT DOCTORS,

I JUST ASSUMED THERE
WAS AN ACTUAL USE

FOR THE CUP OF ICE
CHIPS THEY GAVE ME.

THERE WASN'T.

BUT PELTING THE
NURSES SURE WAS FUN.

I LOVE YOU, MOM.

SHH, WE'RE GETTING TO THE
PART WHERE HE SEES YOUR HEAD.

SO THERE I WAS, LYING...

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE
TO GO TO SCHOOL TODAY.

HAVE TO. LATIN TEST.

JEEZ. EVERY DAY YOU HAVE A TEST.

WHEN DO YOU HAVE TIME TO
LEARN ANYTHING TO BE TESTED ON?

HEY, WRONG TABLE.

SINCE WHEN IS
THERE A RIGHT TABLE?

SINCE THE COFFEE
CAKE I BAKED FOR YOU

AND THE STUPID
BALLOONS I BLEW UP

ARE AT THAT TABLE, OVER THERE.

YOU BLEW UP BALLOONS FOR ME?

YEP.

OH, LUKE, YOU OLD SOFTY.

I COUNT TO 3, IT'S GONE.

THANK YOU.

ARE YOU OK?

YEAH, I JUST...

I'M GETTING OLD, LANE.

YOU SEEM A LITTLE
QUIET THIS MORNING.

I'M JUST DREADING
THIS WHOLE NIGHT.

I MEAN, IT'S BAD ENOUGH
THAT I HAVE TO SEE

THESE STUPID KIDS
FROM CHILTON EVERY DAY.

BUT TONIGHT, ON MY BIRTHDAY?

I'VE NEVER EVEN
TALKED TO MOST OF THEM.

AND I'VE ONLY BEEN
GOING TO THIS SCHOOL

FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

GOD, THEY'RE GONNA THINK
I AM THE BIGGEST FREAK.

THAT I NEED MY GRANDMA

TO GET PEOPLE TO
COME TO MY PARTY.

WELL, WHAT DID LORELAI
SAY WHEN YOU TOLD HER?

I DIDN'T.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE OF THE PUDDING.

OH, THE PUDDING, RIGHT, I
FORGOT ABOUT THE PUDDING.

MY GRANDMOTHER SERVED
US PUDDING THE OTHER NIGHT.

AND THEN SHE WENT
SHOPPING WITH MY MOM,

AND THEY DIDN'T FIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN,
THEY'RE NEVER GETTING ALONG.

AND NOW, SUDDENLY,
THEY'RE GETTING ALONG.

AND I KNEW THAT IF I TOLD
MOM ABOUT THE INVITE,

SHE'D WIG OUT AND CALL GRANDMA,

AND THAT WOULD BE
THE END OF THE PUDDING.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN BUY PUDDING.

IT'S ONE NIGHT, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

I CAN STAND IT FOR ONE NIGHT.

UH, COFFEE TO GO, PLEASE.

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS.

WHY ARE YOU SMILING?

I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT PUDDING.

NO, NOT THERE. IN
THE LIVING ROOM.

WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING THAT?
WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING THAT?

I WAS JUST... WELL, DON'T!

I WANT THOSE 6 INCHES
APART. GET A RULER.

EMILY.

LET ME DO THAT.

I HOPE THE LARSONS
ARE COMING TONIGHT.

RICHARD, NO BUSINESS.

THIS IS YOUR
GRANDDAUGHTER'S PARTY.

I DON'T THINK 5
MINUTES OF SHOPTALK

IS GOING TO SPOIL THE EVENING.

5 MINUTES, PLEASE. EMILY...

IF I EVER HEARD YOU
KEEP YOUR SHOPTALK

DOWN TO 5 MINUTES,
I'D DROP DEAD.

EMILY. IN FACT, I
COULD DROP DEAD,

AND YOU STILL WOULDN'T
STOP TALKING BUSINESS.

YOU'D JUST STEP RIGHT OVER MY
BODY TO GET TO THE SPEAKERPHONE.

EMILY. WHAT?

YOU LOOK VERY NICE TONIGHT.

THANK YOU.

GOOD EVENING.

JEEZ, MOM,

LEAVE SOME SERVANTS FOR
THE REST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

THERE SHE IS, THE BIRTHDAY GIRL.

HI, GRANDMA.

WOW, YOU REALLY
WENT ALL OUT. HUH?

WELL, I WANTED EVERYTHING TO
BE PERFECT. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK EDITH WHARTON WOULD HAVE
BEEN PROUD, AND BUSY TAKING NOTES.

HERE, BABE, GO CHANGE. OK.

HURRY.

WHAT IS THAT?

OH, THAT'S MY DRESS.

WHERE'S THE ONE I BOUGHT YOU?

THIS IS IT.

I THOUGHT THERE WAS MORE OF IT.

GEE, MOM, THE PLACE LOOKS GREAT.

DID YOU TURN RORY'S INTO A HAT?

NICE CANDLES. 6 INCHES APART?

YOU'RE DRINKING
WHITE WINE TONIGHT?

NO SCOTCH?

EXCUSE ME. I'M GOING
TO SIT OVER THERE

WITH MY DAUGHTER. OK.

HERE.

WHAT IS IT?

SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?

A SHIRLEY TEMPLE BLACK.

WOW.

AND I GOT YOUR GOOD SHIP
LOLLIPOP RIGHT HERE, MISTER.

SO, DO YOU WANT
SOMETHING TO EAT?

EVERYTHING SMELLS FUNNY.

THERE YOU ARE. COME.

THERE'S SOME PEOPLE
I WANT YOU TO MEET.

LORELAI?

YEAH.

OH, MY GOD! OH, MITZI, WOW,
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE...

YOUR 7TH MONTH.

I WAS GONNA SAY
HIGH SCHOOL, BUT OK.

OH, NO. DID I SAY
SOMETHING RUDE?

NO, NO.

NO, I DID. I SAID
SOMETHING RUDE.

I... I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO WORK ON THAT.

WELL, A NOBLE GOAL.

EVER SINCE MY DIVORCE,

I'VE BEEN REALLY TRYING
TO WORK ON MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, I JUST...
I... I WANT TO GROW.

UH-HUH.

LORELAI GILMORE,
THE SCANDAL GIRL.

NOW, TELL ME, WHAT EVER
HAPPENED WITH CHRISTOPHER?

CHRISTOPHER IS IN CALIFORNIA.

OH, DO YOU HEAR FROM HIM? UH...

I'M SORRY, IS THIS PAINFUL
FOR YOU TO TALK ABOUT?

WELL... WHEN DID
HE LAST CALL YOU?

GOD, YOU'RE MAKING PROGRESS
WITH THAT RUDE THING. HUH, MITZ?

OH, SORRY.

IT'S OK.

UM, HE CALLS, LIKE, ONCE A WEEK,

AND WE SEE HIM AT
CHRISTMAS, SOMETIMES EASTER.

IT'S ALL VERY CIVIL.

SO ARE YOU MARRIED NOW?

NO, IT'S JUST ME AND RORY.

YOUR CAT? MY KID.

SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE. OH.

WOW.

YOU CAN REALLY SEE
CHRISTOPHER IN HER, CAN'T YOU?

YES, YOU CAN.

DOES THAT KILL YOU?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I
SEE SOMEONE ELSE,

AND IT'S BEEN GREAT.

NO, THOSE AREN'T THE
TERMS WE AGREED ON.

THEY MOST CERTAINLY ARE.

LARS, YOU WERE AT THE
SAME MEETING AS I WAS.

WE SPECIFICALLY SPELLED OUT A
5-YEAR EXTENSION, NOT A 3-YEAR ONE.

I HEARD 3.

HEY, GRANDPA.

RORY.

GENTLEMEN, THIS IS MY
GRANDDAUGHTER, RORY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RORY.

I THINK WE SHOULD GET DENNIS
ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.

FINE, I'VE GOT A
PHONE IN MY OFFICE.

WELL, EXCUSE ME.

RORY, THERE'S A WHOLE GROUP OF
YOUR SCHOOL FRIENDS IN THE LIBRARY.

LET'S GO SAY HELLO TO THEM.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

JUST SAY HELLO FIRST.

COME ON, I'LL HOLD
THOSE FOR YOU.

WHO'S THAT?

I THINK IT'S HER PARTY.

OH.

PARIS?

MY PARENTS MADE ME COME.

OH, GOD!

OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE HERE.

YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?

OH, COMING TO GREET ME?

HELLO, TRISTIN.

SO WHERE'S MY BIRTHDAY KISS?

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

SO I'LL GIVE YOU
A BIRTHDAY KISS.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

OK, I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

I CAN'T EAT, I CAN'T SLEEP.

I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT CALLING OUT YOUR NAME.

RORY. RORY.

WOULD YOU SHUT UP, PLEASE?

RORY, WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

I DON'T KNOW,
BUT THIS IS TRISTIN.

EXCUSE ME?

TRISTIN DUGRAY, SIR.

DUGRAY?

ARE YOU ANY RELATION
TO JANLEN DUGRAY?

YEAH, THAT'S MY
GRANDFATHER, SIR.

WELL, I'VE DONE BUSINESS
WITH JANLEN FOR YEARS.

HE'S A FINE MAN.

THAT HE IS.

RORY, YOU HAVE VERY GOOD
TASTE IN FRIENDS. I APPROVE.

RICHARD, I'VE GOT
DENNIS ON THE PHONE,

AND HE HEARD THE
SAME THING I HEARD.

WELL, ONE WRONG MAN
CAN ALWAYS FIND A FRIEND.

HE LIKES ME.

HE'S DRUNK.

COME ON, LET'S TAKE A WALK.

THIS IS STUPID. YOU
DON'T EVEN LIKE ME.

YOU JUST HAVE THIS
WEIRD NEED TO PROVE

THAT I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU.
THAT'S NOT LIKING SOMEONE.

WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING THIS?

YOU'RE GONNA GIVE IN EVENTUALLY.

I'M GONNA GO FIND MY MOTHER.

WOW, MEETING YOUR MOM.

IT'S A BIT SUDDEN,
BUT OK, I'M READY.

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

I THINK IT'S TIME THAT YOU SAID
A FEW WORDS TO YOUR GUESTS.

WHAT?

JUST A LITTLE SPEECH
TO SAY THANK YOU

AND TELL EVERYONE HOW IT
FEELS TO BE ONE YEAR OLDER.

MOM, I DON'T THINK SHE'S...

SHE'S THE HOSTESS, LORELAI.
THIS IS HER RESPONSIBILITY.

I AM NOT THE HOSTESS. YOU ARE.

HEY, HONEY, HOLD ON.

THIS IS YOUR PARTY, AND
THESE ARE YOUR GUESTS.

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY
TO THEM. SO YOU GIVE THE SPEECH.

RORY! EXCUSE ME.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

LORELAI, YOUR DAUGHTER
HAS NO MANNERS WHATSOEVER.

YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

OK, HOW DID THIS
BECOME MY FAULT?

HEY, CAN I COME IN?

IT'S YOUR ROOM.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I'M SORRY I SNAPPED AT GRANDMA.

YEAH, HUH?

THAT WAS A PRETTY FREAKY
FRIDAY MOMENT WE HAD BACK THERE.

SHE JUST WENT AHEAD AND INVITED
ALL THOSE KIDS FROM CHILTON.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

I THOUGHT SHE CHECKED
ON THAT WITH YOU.

SHE DIDN'T ASK ME, OR TELL ME.

OH, MAN, I'M SO SORRY.

I JUST...

I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT
REALLY MADE ME MAD.

OH, HONEY, WHY
DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

BECAUSE YOU WERE HAPPY.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT VERY OFTEN THAT
THERE'S PEACE BETWEEN YOU TWO.

I... I DIDN'T WANT TO
SCREW EVERYTHING UP.

RORY, I APPRECIATE YOU
WANTING MOM AND I TO GET ALONG,

BUT YOU SHOULDN'T KEEP
STUFF LIKE THAT FROM ME.

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

I MEAN, I'VE NEVER
YELLED AT HER BEFORE.

LISTEN, YOU'LL APOLOGIZE.
ALL WILL BE FORGOTTEN.

YOU'LL SEE.

MMM.

MAN.

IT'S LIKE TIME HAS
STOOD STILL IN THIS ROOM.

IT MUST BE WEIRD FOR YOU
TO BE IN THIS ROOM NOW.

YEAH, IT WAS WEIRD FOR
ME TO BE IN THIS ROOM THEN.

YOU KNOW, UM, THEY GAVE
THIS TO ME WITH THE GLASS ON.

I NOW OFFICIALLY KNOW WHAT IT
FEELS LIKE TO HAVE GROWN UP HERE.

HMM, IT'S NOT OFFICIAL
UNTIL YOU'RE HUDDLED

IN A CORNER, EATING YOUR HAIR.

DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR
LAST BIRTHDAY HERE?

YEAH.

WE HAD JUST HAD A FIGHT,

AND I WAS LYING ON THE
BED JUST LIKE YOU ARE NOW.

WHAT DID YOU FIGHT ABOUT?

WELL...

I WAS PREGNANT.

OH, THAT.

AND I SAID SOMETHING
AT THE TABLE

ABOUT THE PATE
SMELLING LIKE CLOROX,

AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER,

AND I WOUND UP HERE.

THEY HADN'T TOLD
ANYBODY YET ABOUT ME

AND YOU.

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN
REALLY HARD ON THEM.

YEAH.

I REMEMBER WHEN I
FINALLY TOLD THEM

IT WAS THE ONLY TIME THEY
EVER LOOKED SMALL TO ME.

I GUESS I'D BETTER
GO FIND GRANDMA.

HMM, GIVE HER A MINUTE.

THERE YOU ARE.

SHE'LL FIND US.

YOU ARE BOTH BEING VERY RUDE.

THIS ISN'T MY BIRTHDAY
PARTY, YOU KNOW.

SORRY, MOM.

HONESTLY, THE WAY
THE TWO OF YOU ACT.

GRANDMA, I JUST WANT TO SAY...

WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THIS LATER. NOW GO.

THANK YOU. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

LOVELY AS ALWAYS, LEEZA.

MY BEST TO DARREN.

HEY, MOM. GREAT
PARTY. ONE OF YOUR BEST.

I EVEN LIKED THOSE
BROWN MUSHROOM THINGS.

GRANDMA, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SEC?

RICHARD, THE GIRLS ARE LEAVING.

WELL, RORY, I HOPE
YOU HAD A GOOD TIME.

YEAH, I DID.

NOW, I KNOW THAT
YOUR GRANDMOTHER

HAS ALREADY BOUGHT YOU A
GIFT AND SIGNED MY NAME TO IT.

THAT WAS PART OF OUR
AGREEMENT WHEN WE GOT MARRIED.

HOWEVER, I FEEL THIS OCCASION

CALLS FOR SOMETHING
A LITTLE EXTRA.

PUT THAT TOWARDS
YOUR TRIP TO FEZ.

OH, GRANDPA.

YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL,
RORY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I DON'T DESERVE THIS.

FINE. HAND IT OVER.

YOU GIRLS SHOULD GET GOING.

YOU'VE GOT QUITE A
DRIVE AHEAD OF YOU.

GRANDMA, WE'RE HAVING A
PARTY TOMORROW AT OUR HOUSE.

AND, I MEAN, IT WON'T
BE ANYTHING LIKE THIS,

BUT IT WILL BE FUN.

AND MAYBE YOU AND
GRANDPA COULD COME.

THAT'S VERY SWEET, DEAR, BUT
I'M AFRAID WE ALREADY HAVE PLANS.

OH, OK.

HAVE A SAFE TRIP. LOCK
THE DOOR BEHIND YOU, OK?

HEY, UM, WHY DON'T YOU
GO HELP THAT GUY OUT THERE

PUT ALL THE PRESENTS IN THE CAR?

OK.

ALL THIS CAN GO IN THE
DISHWASHER. MMM-HMM.

MOM, COME TO THE PARTY TOMORROW.

I CAN'T. I'M BUSY.

THROW THOSE OUT.
WE WON'T EAT THEM.

MOM, YOUR
GRANDDAUGHTER INVITED YOU

TO HER BIRTHDAY
PARTY. PLEASE COME.

I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO A
PARTY FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER,

AND SHE HUMILIATED ME IN
FRONT OF ALL MY FRIENDS.

I HAVE NO DESIRE TO
RELIVE THAT EXPERIENCE.

THE CHEESES MUST BE PUT
IN INDIVIDUAL BAGS, PLEASE.

MOM, COME ON. GIVE HER A BREAK.

YOU INVITED ALL THESE CHILTON
KIDS WITHOUT EVEN ASKING HER.

THEY'RE HER SCHOOLMATES.

I ASSUMED THEY WERE HER FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
WHEN PEOPLE ASSUME THINGS.

NO, WHAT DO THEY SAY?

THAT YOU SHOULDN'T.

VERY CLEVER.

MOM, SHE DIDN'T WANT THEM HERE.

SHE DOESN'T LIKE THEM.

WELL, I HAD TO INVITE THEM.
THAT'S JUST GOOD MANNERS,

SOMETHING YOUR
DAUGHTER IS SORELY LACKING.

GOD, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
DOING THE SAME THING TO HER

THAT YOU ALWAYS DID TO
ME. YOU TRY TO CONTROL HER.

AND WHEN THAT DOESN'T
WORK YOU JUST SHUT HER OUT.

I'M TOO TIRED FOR YOUR
ACCUSATIONS RIGHT NOW.

CAN WE DO THIS TOMORROW?

I'M JUST... I'LL FIND YOU A PEN

SO YOU CAN WRITE DOWN YOUR
INSULTS SO YOU WON'T FORGET THEM.

MOM, THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

I HAVE A CRUSHED
KID OUT IN THE CAR.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

EVERYTHING'S FINE.
IT'S FORGOTTEN. THERE.

I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

SO I GUESS THE
WHOLE PUDDING THING

WAS JUST A... A FLUKE, HUH?

TRYING TO GET TO KNOW
US, EASING UP ON THE RULES,

SMUDGING THAT
BOTTOM LINE OF YOURS.

IT WAS JUST SOME WEIRD PHASE.

WHAT, YOU WERE ON COLD
MEDICINE LAST WEEK OR SOMETHING?

OH, SO I'M A VILLAIN
NOW, IS THAT IT?

I SPENT A FORTUNE ON THIS PARTY.

I SPENT DAYS PLANNING IT,

MAKING SURE THAT EVERY
LITTLE DETAIL WAS PERFECT:

THE FOOD, THE LINEN, THE MUSIC.

AND I DID ALL THIS FOR RORY.

THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE NEEDED, MOM.

WHAT SHE NEEDS IS FOR
YOU TO ACCEPT HER APOLOGY

AND COME TO HER PARTY.
THAT'S WHAT SHE NEEDS.

BUT YOU DON'T CARE
WHAT SHE NEEDS.

HOW DARE YOU?

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE
NEEDS 'CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HER.

YOU'VE NEVER TRIED TO KNOW HER,

JUST LIKE YOU NEVER
KNEW ME. OH, I KNOW YOU.

YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT ME.

OH, YOU'D LIKE TO THINK THAT. THAT
YOU'RE JUST SOME HUGE MYSTERY TO ME?

"WHY DOES LORELAI DO THAT? I
DON'T KNOW. SHE'S A MYSTERY TO ME."

WELL, YOU'RE NOT SO
MYSTERIOUS, LORELAI.

NO, NO. WHAT AM I THEN?

RIGHT NOW YOU'RE VERY
LOUD AND DISRUPTIVE

TO THE ENTIRE CLEANING PROCESS.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT DO I
HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO PUT

THE DAMN CHEESE
IN INDIVIDUAL BAGS?

FINE. I GIV... I GIVE UP.

OH, YOU GIVE UP? IF I HAD A DOLLAR
FOR EVERY TIME YOU GAVE UP...

THEN YOU COULD PAY FOR
THIS PARTY, COULDN'T YOU?

I MADE COFFEE.

MMM.

HANGOVER?

EMILY.

OH. GOT IT. MOVING ON.

GOOD MORNING.

MORNING, POPCORN. YOU
WANT SOME PANCAKES?

NO, I'VE GOTTA GET GOING.

WHERE?

THE COLLEGE FAIR IS TODAY.

SO YOU'RE GOING TO GET YET
ANOTHER HARVARD BROCHURE?

I JUST WANNA SEE IF THEY'VE
CHANGED THE PICTURES.

WEIRDO.

I'LL BE BACK IN PLENTY OF
TIME TO HELP YOU DECORATE.

NO, THIS IS YOUR PARTY.
YOU DO NOT WORK.

YOU LOUNGE AND
MOCK THOSE WHO ARE.

HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?

SORRY. I'LL TRY
TO BE BETTER. BYE.

OK, BYE-BYE.

NEW BROCHURE?

YES.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THERE'S A COLLEGE FAIR GOING ON.

NO. I MEAN WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M GETTING A NEW BROCHURE.

WHY?

BECAUSE THEY'RE
NOT SELLING PIZZA.

OH, NO.

YOU CAN'T.

YOU'RE APPLYING TO HARVARD?

YES. NO.

10 GENERATIONS OF GELLERS
HAVE GONE TO HARVARD.

I HAVE TO GO TO HARVARD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU CAN GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

GO TO BRANDEIS.
BRANDEIS IS NICE.

I'VE ONLY EVER WANTED
TO GO TO HARVARD.

THAT'S IT. NOWHERE ELSE.

IT'S A BIG SCHOOL.

I GUESS.

WE'LL PROBABLY
NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.

YOU THINK?

AND IF WE DO, WE DUCK.

OK.

SO...

HEY.

ARE YOU DATING TRISTIN?

WHAT? NO. NO WAY.

DO YOU LIKE HIM?

NOT EVEN A LITTLE.

REALLY?

REALLY.

OK.

HEY.

NICE PARTY.

THANKS.

♪

HI.

HI.

HI, EVERYBODY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RORY.

OH, MY GOD.

OPEN IT, OPEN IT, OPEN IT.

NO!

DO YOU LIKE IT?

YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK.

NO, I LOVE IT. IT'S PERFECT.

IT'S BLUE, AND IT HAS A HANDLE.

IT'S WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I
TOLD THE GUY AT THE STORE.

OK, ON 3, 'CAUSE
I'M GONNA DROP IT.

1, 2...

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR RORY ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

YEAH!

MAKE A WISH.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, I NEED YOUR
ATTENTION, ATTENTION, ATTENTION, PLEASE.

THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MOMENT.

2 PRIESTS, A
RABBI, AND A DUCK...

MOM.

ALL RIGHT, I'M
KIDDING, I'M KIDDING.

UM, I WOULD LIKE
TO PROPOSE A TOAST

TO THE ONE THING IN MY
LIFE THAT IS ALWAYS GOOD,

THAT'S ALWAYS SWEET,

AND WITHOUT WHOM

I WOULD HAVE NO REASON
TO GET UP IN THE MORNING.

MY PAL RORY. CHEERS.

CHEERS.

HERE'S TO YOU, BIRTHDAY GIRL.

AND IN HONOR OF
THIS VERY SPECIAL GIRL,

I NOW INVITE YOU ALL
TO HELP ME EAT HER FACE.

AND YOU MAY HAVE THE FIRST CUT.

THERE'S SOMETHING VERY STRANGE

ABOUT HACKING INTO MY OWN HEAD.

JEEZ, WHO THE HELL'S
RINGING THE BELL?

IT'S A PARTY. GET
YOUR ASS IN HERE.

OR ASSES, I GUESS.

GRANDMA, GRANDPA,

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE.

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.

HEY, NO TIE?

I THOUGHT I'D
MIX IT UP A LITTLE.

LOOK, GRANDMA, LOOK.

WHY, IT LOOKS LOVELY.

I WANT YOU TO MEET EVERYONE.

EVERYONE, THESE
ARE MY GRANDPARENTS.

HI!

HELLO.

LORELAI... EMILY, DAD.

LORELAI, YOU LOOK WELL.

I'M PATRICIA LACOSTA.

WE JUST LOVE YOUR
DAUGHTER AND GRANDDAUGHTER.

THANK YOU.

MY GOD, YOU'RE A TALL
SPECIMEN OF A MAN.

MUST BE ALL THAT
GOOD AIR IN HARTFORD.

MOM, DAD, CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?

NO, THANK YOU.

OH, NO, MOM, YOU'RE
GONNA NEED ONE.

AND I HAVE WINE GLASSES
THAT SAY "HOLIDAY INN" ON THEM.

STOLI ON THE ROCKS WITH A TWIST.

RIGHT.

UM, OK, UH, MY PARENTS ARE HERE.

NO.

YEAH, UH, I'VE CURSED
IN FRONT OF THEM TWICE,

AND MISS PATTY ALREADY
TRIED TO HIT ON MY DAD,

AND I'M SURE MOM'S GONNA
CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES.

GOD, WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME THEY WERE HERE?

NEVER.

NOT ONCE?

NOT SINCE WE MOVED HERE.

I MEAN, THEY'D COME DOWN
AND VISIT US OCCASIONALLY

WHEN RORY WAS A BABY,
AND WE LIVED AT THE INN,

BUT THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE.

WOW, THAT'S BIG
STUFF. IS RORY THRILLED?

THROUGH THE ROOF.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

LORELAI, I JUST TRIED SOME
OF THOSE HORS D'OEUVRES.

THEY'RE UNBELIEVABLE.
WHO IS YOUR CATERER?

SOOKIE. WHAT'S A SOOKIE?

THAT'S A SOOKIE.

HI, SOOKIE ST. JAMES.

SOOKIE'S THE CHEF
AT THE INN, MOM.

MY DEAR, YOU ARE VERY TALENTED.

THANK YOU.

WELL, YOU MUST
CATER MY NEXT PARTY.

AND WHEN MY FRIENDS
GET WIND OF YOU,

YOU'LL HAVE SO MUCH BUSINESS, YOU
WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOURSELF.

BUT REMEMBER, I DISCOVERED YOU.

MOM, SOOKIE HAS A JOB.
SHE'S THE CHEF AT THE INN.

THE... THE INN WHERE WE WORK.

MY INN.

6 DAYS A WEEK, MOM. SHE
COOKS THERE EVERY DAY.

JUST GIVE HER YOUR NUMBER,
OR WE'LL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE.

OK.

SO, HOW DOES IT LOOK?

IT DOESN'T LOOK
STRUCTURALLY SOUND.

DRINK UP, DAD.

OK, DON'T PANIC.

OH, GOOD OPENING
LINE. WHAT'S WRONG?

WE'RE OUT OF ICE.

HOW CAN WE BE OUT OF
ICE? WE HAD A TON OF ICE.

IT WAS LIKE A PENGUIN
HABITAT IN THERE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED.
I JUST KNOW IT'S HAPPENED.

AND SOMEHOW WE
HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

WELL, I WILL GO
AND GET SOME THEN.

OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE A VISION!

SOOKIE, WE HAVE ICE.

HALLELUJAH.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

WELL, A GOOD RULE OF THUMB IS

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH ICE.

OH, YOU'RE THE BEST!

OH, HI, MOM. THIS IS,
UH, MY FRIEND LUKE.

HOW DO YOU DO?

FINE, THANK YOU.

WELL, I'D BETTER GET THESE IN
THE FREEZER BEFORE THEY MELT.

WELL, NOT VERY LIKELY IN HERE.

GRANDPA.

RORY, WHAT A LOVELY PARTY.

I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING TO READ.

OH.

IT'S NOT THE WALL
STREET JOURNAL,

BUT THERE'S A QUIZ IN THERE

THAT DETERMINES WHETHER
YOU'RE A SUMMER OR A FALL.

I APPRECIATE THIS. THANK YOU.

OH, MOREY, YOU REMEMBER
THE TIME THAT RORY DECIDED

THAT OUR OLD TREE
STUMP WAS A FAIRY RING?

I SURE DO.

HOW OLD WAS SHE THEN, SUGAR?

I THINK SHE WAS ABOUT 10.

HEY, ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT
MATCHED THE DESCRIPTION.

OH, GOD, SHE WAS CUTE.

SHE USED TO SIT OUT THERE
WITH A PEANUT-BUTTER SANDWICH,

JUST WAITING FOR THE
FAIRY TO GET HUNGRY.

OK. NEW STORY?

OH, WELL, I'M STILL
CRUSHED BEYOND BELIEF

THAT SHE QUIT HER
BALLET LESSONS.

OH, NOT ME.

MISS PERFECT WORK ETHIC

WOULD PRANCE AROUND
THIS ROOM 24 HOURS A DAY.

AND I STILL STUNK.

I CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

SHE WAS PRETTY BAD.

NO, DON'T YOU LISTEN TO THEM.

YOU HAD A TRUE GIFT.

WHAT?

SHE DID. SHE WAS TALENTED.

I MADE THAT.

REALLY?

FROM, UH, RORY'S
OLD BABY CLOTHES.

HOW NICE. I HOPE YOU
WASHED THEM FIRST.

OH, RATS. I KNEW I
FORGOT SOMETHING.

THAT'S QUITE AN
ASSORTMENT OF CHARACTERS

YOU HAVE ASSEMBLED DOWN THERE.

THEY'RE GREAT PEOPLE.

THIS PATRICIA.

MISS PATTY.

SHE TEACHES DANCE?

AMONG OTHER THINGS.

AND THIS MAN WITH THE ICE?

LUKE.

HOW LONG HAVE
YOU BEEN SEEING HIM?

LUKE? I'M NOT SEEING LUKE.

HE'S, UH, JUST A FRIEND.

MMM-HMM.

MOM, I SWEAR.

LUKE KEEPS ME IN
COFFEE. NOTHING ELSE.

HE SEEMS TO LIKE YOU.

AND YOU'RE JUDGING THIS BY WHAT?

BY THE WAY HE LOOKED AT YOU.

WHICH WAS HOW?

LIKE YOU WERE ABOUT
TO GIVE HIM A LAP DANCE.

MOM, HE DID NOT
LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE PLEASED.

WHAT?

YOU SMILED. YOU'RE PLEASED
THAT THE ICE MAN LOOKED AT YOU

LIKE A PORTERHOUSE STEAK.

I'M SMILING BECAUSE YOU'RE CRAZY

AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DO TO
CRAZY PEOPLE TO KEEP THEM CALM.

WHAT'S THIS?

MOM, THAT'S ME, MOM.

I KNOW IT'S YOU.
YOU'RE WEARING A CAST.

YEAH. THAT'S WHEN
I BROKE MY LEG.

YOU BROKE YOUR LEG?

YEAH, 3 YEARS AGO
DURING A YOGA CLASS.

THE HEADSTAND PORTION
TOOK A VERY UGLY TURN.

THE GOOD THING WAS
THAT I BROUGHT THE SMUG,

BLONDE, PRETZEL
CHICK DOWN WITH ME.

I'VE SINCE LEARNED THAT I'M A
BIT TOO COMPETITIVE FOR YOGA.

I NEVER KNEW YOU BROKE YOUR LEG.

IT WAS NO BIG DEAL, MOM.

IF I HAD BEEN REALLY SICK
YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN.

YEAH.

WELL...

YOU KNOW YOU COULD GET
A MAID IN HERE ONCE A WEEK

TO AT LEAST TIDY THE PLACE UP.

I LIKE IT CLUTTERED.

YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND
THE BED. YES, I CAN.

IT'S THE THING I CRASH INTO
ON THE WAY TO THE CLOSET.

I SHOULD GO CHECK
ON YOUR FATHER.

IT WAS NICE THAT YOU
CAME TONIGHT, MOM.

IT MEANT A LOT TO RORY. REALLY.

WELL, SHE IS MY
GRANDDAUGHTER, AFTER ALL.

I SHOULD BE HERE.

I TOTALLY AGREE.

LEAVE IT, MOM.

IT'S TIME TO GO NOW.

UH, IN A MINUTE, PLEASE.

RORY, WE'RE GOING
TO GET GOING NOW.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME.

AH.

LOVELY PARTY.

I ENJOYED THE READING
MATERIAL IMMENSELY.

SO WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

I AM AN AUTUMN.

INTERESTING.

ISN'T IT?

HEY. SO ARE YOU GUYS LEAVING?

THE MUD WRESTLING
STARTS IN 10 MINUTES.

GOOD NIGHT, LORELAI.
WE HAD A LOVELY TIME.

AND WITH A STRAIGHT
FACE YOU SAID THAT.

I'D HAVE THAT CHIMNEY
INSPECTED, IF I WERE YOU.

I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT, DAD.

UH, FOR FEZ.

BUT GRANDPA, YOU
ALREADY TOOK CARE OF FEZ.

FEZ IS A VERY LARGE CITY.

SO?

FOOD FIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

EMILY?

SHE'S RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW MY DAUGHTER AT ALL.

WE SHOULD GO.

TRAFFIC.

NEXT YEAR WE ARE
GOING TO A McDONALD'S

WITH ONE OF THOSE
SLIDES, AND THAT'S IT.

THE PARTY WAS A HIT.

AND WE'LL BE EATING ONION
DIP FOR BREAKFAST FOR A WEEK.

YOU KNOW, YOU MIX THAT DIP WITH
GROUND TURKEY AND SOME GARLIC,

AND IT IS REALLY NOT TOO BAD.

HEY, I'M NOT LOOKING
FOR A RECIPE.

OH, REFLEX. SORRY.

OK, I'M GONNA GO
CHECK THE LIVING ROOM.

OK.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO GET ME ANYTHING.

SORRY. THAT'S THE RULES.

YOU GET OLDER, YOU GET A GIFT.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS
SORT OF SNEAKY THING.

I... I JUST HAVEN'T TOLD
MY MOTHER YET ABOUT YOU.

I MEAN, NOT THAT THERE'S
ANYTHING TO TELL. I... I...

IT'S OK. THIS IS BETTER.

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WELL, I BOUGHT THE MEDALLION,

AND THEN I JUST CUT
SOME LEATHER STRAPS

AND DRILLED A HOLE AND, WELL...

DO YOU LIKE IT?

I...

IT'S AMAZING.

GOOD.

THANK YOU.

HERE.