Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 1, Episode 3 - Kill Me Now - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON GILMORE GIRLS:

INDEPENDENCE INN.
MICHEL SPEAKING.

I FIXED THE PEACH SAUCE.

I WANNA TAKE A
BATH IN THAT SAUCE.

I WILL MAKE MORE.

HAVE MICHEL LOOK AT YOUR
FRENCH PAPER BEFORE YOU GO.

EXCUSE ME.

THAT'D BE GREAT. NO.

WHAT'S GOING ON? OPEN IT.

I'M GONNA BE IN A
BRITNEY SPEARS VIDEO?

YOU'RE GOING TO
CHILTON! OH, SORRY.

SO, I TOLD MOM YOU'RE
CHANGING SCHOOLS.

WAS SHE THRILLED?
THE PARTY'S ON FRIDAY.

I GOT THE INVOICE FOR
YOUR ENROLLMENT FEE.

YOU DID IT, BABE. YOU GOT IN.

WOW, THAT IS A LOT OF
ZEROS BEHIND THAT 5.

HI, MOM.

LORELAI. MY GOODNESS,
THIS IS A SURPRISE.

SO, YOU NEED MONEY.

IT'S NOT FOR ME. IT'S FOR RORY.

SINCE WE ARE NOW FINANCIALLY
INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE,

I WANT TO BE ACTIVELY
INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE.

MS. GILMORE, I'M
HEADMASTER CHARLESTON.

MOM, WHAT ARE YOU...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I CAME TO WISH MY GRANDDAUGHTER
LUCK ON HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

BUT SHE IS MY DAUGHTER.

AND I DECIDE HOW
WE LIVE, NOT YOU.

I'M ALLOWED TO PAY FOR IT BUT
CAN'T SET FOOT ON THE PREMISES.

I JUST WANNA GET THE
RULES STRAIGHT. OH, BOY.

SO THIS WHOLE PLAID
SKIRT THING, MY IDEA?

MY DAY SUCKED, TOO.

DINNER WAS LOVELY, EMILY.

MIRA DOES MAKE A
PERFECT CASSOULET. MMM.

WHO'S MIRA?

OUR COOK.

I THOUGHT THE COOK WAS HEIDI.

OH, NO, WE LET HEIDI
GO MONTHS AGO.

SHE HAD A PROBLEM
CLOSING THINGS.

THE DOOR, THE REFRIGERATOR...

THE LIQUOR BOTTLE.

THEN IT WAS TRINA, THEN SOPHIA.

OH, I LIKED SOPHIA.

YOU DID NOT.

I DIDN'T?

SHE WAS THE ONE WHO SANG.

THAT'S RIGHT.
TERRIBLE WOMAN. OH!

AND AFTER SOPHIA, WE HAD ANTON.

THAT'S RIGHT.

ANTON WAS THE ONE THAT I LIKED.

I'M SORRY. UH, DAD,

HOW DO YOU MIX UP
ANTON AND SOPHIA?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, ONE IS A MAN
AND ONE IS A WOMAN.

AND YOUR POINT BEING...

THAT ONE IS A MAN
AND ONE IS A WOMAN.

I HAVE A LOT TO DO
IN A DAY, LORELAI.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO KEEP UP

WITH THE MULTITUDES OF PEOPLE
THAT YOUR MOTHER EMPLOYS.

BUT ONE IS A MAN
AND ONE IS A WOMAN.

OH, THE DINNER WAS
SO WONDERFUL, MIRA.

IT'S SARAH.

OH, I'M SORRY.

MOM, HER NAME IS SARAH.

I THOUGHT SHE SAID MIRA.

HEY, GRANDMA, THESE
PLATES ARE REALLY PRETTY.

THANK YOU, RORY.

THEY WERE YOUR
GREAT-GRANDMOTHER'S.

LORELAI THE FIRST.

I THOUGHT MOM WAS THE FIRST.

NO, NO. NOT IN THE NAME.

NO, BUT IN SO MANY OTHER THINGS,
I WAS A REGULAR TRAILBLAZER.

JUST FINISHING
YOUR THOUGHT, MOM.

OH, LORELAI THE
FIRST WAS MY MOTHER.

SHE WAS AN EXTREMELY
ACCOMPLISHED EQUESTRIAN,

A DISTINGUISHED
PATRON OF THE ARTS,

AND SHE WAS ALSO WORLD-FAMOUS
FOR HER MASQUERADE BALLS.

SHE WAS QUITE A
WOMAN, MY MOTHER.

YES, SHE WAS. MIRA, COME
CUT THE CAKE, PLEASE.

YES, AND WHY DON'T YOU BRING
SARAH OUT HERE WITH YOU?

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

SO, LORELAI,

HOW ARE THINGS AT THAT
CHARMING LITTLE INN OF YOURS?

MMM, THEY'RE STILL
CHARMING AND LITTLE.

AND WE'RE JUST
CROSSING OUR FINGERS

IT DOESN'T ASSERT ITSELF
AND BECOME RUDE AND LARGE.

MOM'S HAVING A HUGE
WEDDING THERE THIS WEEK.

REALLY?

YEAH, ACTUALLY, THERE'S PEOPLE
COMING FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

WELL, ISN'T THAT NICE?

YEAH.

RORY, HOW'S CHILTON?

OK, DONE WITH ME NOW.

I'M SORRY, WAS THERE
MORE TO THE STORY?

UH, RORY HAS TO PICK
A TEAM SPORT TO PLAY.

IT'S A REQUIREMENT.

"PHYSICAL FITNESS
IS AS IMPORTANT

AS INTELLECTUAL FITNESS."

SO SAYS PLATO, AND SO SAY I.

WHAT SPORT ARE
YOU GOING TO PICK?

I'M NOT SURE.

I'M NOT REALLY
THE ATHLETIC TYPE.

I TOLD HER SHE SHOULD GO
OUT FOR THE DEBATING TEAM.

THAT'S NOT A SPORT.

IT IS, THE WAY THE
GILMORES PLAY.

SO, WHAT ARE YOUR CHOICES?

GOD, THERE'S, LIKE,
A THOUSAND OF THEM.

UH, BASKETBALL, LACROSSE,
SWIMMING, TRACK, GOLF.

GOLF?

YEAH.

WELL, YOUR GRANDFATHER
IS A GOLF PLAYER.

OOPS.

HE PLAYS EVERY WEEK AT THE CLUB.

HE COULD TEACH YOU
TO PLAY LIKE A PRO.

EMILY.

WHY, HE COULD TAKE YOU
THERE ON SUNDAY. IT'S PERFECT.

IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU
CAN TEACH IN AN AFTERNOON.

THAT'S OK. RORY CAN
PICK SOMETHING ELSE.

WHY SHOULD SHE
PICK SOMETHING ELSE?

SHE NEEDS TO LEARN A SPORT,

AND RICHARD CAN
TEACH HER A SPORT.

YOU CAN USE YOUR
MOTHER'S OLD GOLF CLUBS.

THEY'RE UPSTAIRS GATHERING DUST
ALONG WITH THE REST OF HER POTENTIAL.

OK. MOM, COULD I MAYBE
TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

WE'RE HAVING DESSERT.

I KNOW, BUT I'D LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU FAST

BEFORE THE SUGAR SETS
IN AND MAKES ME CRAZY.

YOU ARE THE ODDEST PERSON.

AH, TOO EASY.

WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT
THAT CAN'T WAIT FOR CAKE?

KEEP MOVIN'.

THIS IS AS FAR AS I CAN GO,

UNLESS YOU'D LIKE ME TO BORE
MY WAY THROUGH THE WALL.

DON'T DO THIS, MOM. DO WHAT?

FORCE RORY AND
DAD TO GO GOLFING.

I'M NOT FORCING ANYBODY.

YOU'RE MANIPULATING
THE SITUATION IN A WAY

THAT GIVES NO ONE A WAY OUT.

THAT'S FORCE. LOOK IT UP.

I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOUR
DAUGHTER GET AN EDUCATION.

THANK YOU, SHE'LL FIND
ANOTHER SPORT. WHY SHOULD SHE?

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANNA GO,

AND DAD DOESN'T WANNA TAKE HER.

YOUR FATHER DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.

HE'D GET HIS HAIR CUT AT
THE BUTCHER'S, IF I LET HIM.

JUST LET IT GO, PLEASE.

WELL, ISN'T THIS INTERESTING?

YOU'RE AFRAID.

OF WHAT?

THAT RORY WILL ENJOY THE CLUB

AND HAVE A GOOD
TIME WITHOUT YOU.

THAT'S CRAZY.

I AGREE.

I'M NOT AFRAID.

THEN LET HER GO.

SHE WON'T ENJOY IT, MOM.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE
JUST LET RORY DECIDE?

BECAUSE RORY IS THE SWEETEST
KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

SHE WON'T TELL YOU THAT
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO

BECAUSE SHE'S TOO AFRAID
OF HURTING YOUR FEELINGS.

OH, I'M SURE YOU COULD GIVE HER
SOME COACHING TO GET HER OVER THAT.

I'M NOT TRYING TO HURT
YOUR FEELINGS, MOM.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

OF COURSE IT'S ABOUT ME.

IF RORY GOES AND HAS A
GOOD TIME WITHOUT YOU,

THEN I WIN.

OK, BOB BARKER.

LISTEN, RORY KNOCKS HERSELF
OUT ALL WEEK AT CHILTON.

THE WEEKENDS ARE THE ONLY TIME
SHE HAS TO UNWIND AND HAVE FUN.

WITH YOU.

I'M THERE.

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

THERE'S NO WAY THAT
RORY COULD POSSIBLY ENJOY

A WEEKEND DAY WITH
HER GRANDFATHER.

OH, YOU'RE JUST GONNA TWIST
IT ALL AROUND, AREN'T YOU?

YOU KNOW YOUR DAUGHTER SO WELL

THAT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
TO ASK HER OPINION ON THIS.

SHE'D BE MISERABLE,
AND YOU'D KNOW IT.

I'M SO SETTING MYSELF UP HERE.

BUT, YES, SHE
WOULD BE MISERABLE.

THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE
CONTROLLING TO ME.

YEAH, I WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT.

INTERESTING, ISN'T IT, YOU BEING
THE ONE WHO'S CONTROLLING?

I AM NOT BEING...

ACCORDING TO YOU,

I WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THE
FAMILY WITH THAT PARTICULAR GIFT.

MOM, I NEVER SAID THAT!

I GUESS YOU AND I ARE MORE ALIKE
THAN YOU THOUGHT, AREN'T WE?

YOU WIN.

THANK YOU.

OH, MAN. DID YOU
GET BLIND-SIDED?

I'M SO SORRY.

THAT'S OK.

I TRIED TO STOP IT, I SWEAR.

I KNOW. MAYBE IT
WON'T BE THAT BAD.

MAYBE IT WON'T.

MAYBE I'LL LIKE IT.
MAYBE YOU WILL.

MAYBE YOU COULD COME WITH ME.

OH, IS THERE A
"YOU'RE CRAZY" TEAM?

'CAUSE I THINK THEY'D
MAKE YOU CAPTAIN. PLEASE.

RORY, I LOVE YOU. I WOULD
TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU.

BUT I'D RATHER STICK SOMETHING SHARP
IN MY EAR THAN GO TO THE CLUB WITH YOU.

FINE.

I... I'D RATHER SLIDE DOWN A
BANISTER OF RAZORBLADES

AND LAND IN A POOL OF ALCOHOL
THAN GO TO THE CLUB WITH YOU.

I GOT IT. DON'T STOP
ME, I'M ON A ROLL.

I'D RATHER EAT MY OWN HAND
THAN GO TO THE CLUB WITH YOU.

OH, I'D RATHER, UM, GET MY
FACE SURGICALLY ALTERED

TO LOOK LIKE THAT LUNATIC
RICH LADY WITH THE LION HEAD

THAN GO TO THE CLUB WITH YOU.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DRIVE

SO YOU CAN CONTINUE
YOUR DIATRIBE?

WOULD YOU? THANKS.

I'D RATHER CUT OFF MY HEAD
AND USE IT AS A PUNCH BOWL

THAN GO TO THE CLUB WITH YOU.

YOU'LL WALK DOWN
HERE, OVER THE BRIDGE

WITH THE SWANS FLOATING
BY AND THE MUSIC PLAYING.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING WITH
THOSE PURPLE FLOWERS?

JUST DECORATING THE BRIDGE.

I DIDN'T WANT PURPLE
FLOWERS. I WANTED PINK.

AND I WANTED BLUE.

SO I THOUGHT VIOLET WOULD
BE A NICE COMPROMISE.

BUT WE PAID FOR PINK FLOWERS.

AND THE BLUE FLOWERS.

YOU DID NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING.

I TOLD HER TO DECORATE
WITH VIOLET FLOWERS.

WELL, IT'S NICE OF HER TO TRY TO TAKE
THE HEAT FOR ME, BUT IT'S UNNECESSARY.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,
BUY YOUR OWN FLOWERS.

YES. I THOUGHT SO.

NOW, GO AWAY. MY
ADVIL IS WEARING OFF.

THEIR FATHER SPOILED THEM.

OH, THEY'RE JUST EXCITED.

THEY'RE SPOILED.

AND THEY WON'T MOVE AWAY.

NOW, DISASTER LIST.

WHAT IF IT RAINS?

WE'LL PUT UP TENTS.

WHAT IF IT'S TOO WINDY?

WELL, WE'LL SECURE EVERYTHING

AND PUT EXTRA HAIRSPRAY
IN EVERYBODY'S HAIR.

TOO HOT?

WE'LL USE UMBRELLAS AND FANS
THAT WON'T CAUSE ANY DAMAGE

BECAUSE OF THE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN
SECURED AND HAIR THAT'S BEEN SPRAYED.

SO I HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT?

NO.

OH, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING.

LISTEN, I HAVE EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.

WHY DON'T YOU GO UP TO YOUR ROOM
AND HAVE A FABULOUS BUBBLE BATH.

I'LL SEND UP SOME WINE

AND A MASSEUSE WHO BEARS A REMARKABLE
RESEMBLANCE TO ANTONIO BANDERAS.

UH, HOW REMARKABLE?

GET READY TO APPLAUD.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE
PLACE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

COULD YOU SEND MAURY UP TO
ROOM 12 IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES?

THANKS.

SO, ANY PROBLEMS?

WITH THE WEDDING OR MY LIFE?

ONE GUESS. AND I'LL GIVE
YOU A HINT: IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE.

DO YOU STAGE THESE
EVENTS TO TORTURE ME?

YES.

JOB WELL DONE.

OK, LET'S START
AGAIN. ANY PROBLEMS?

GUESTS ARE CHECKED IN,
BASKETS ARE GIVEN OUT,

AND 200,000 TONS

OF JORDAN ALMONDS
HAVE BEEN DELIVERED.

OK, GOOD. DID RORY CALL?

NO. HUMPH.

SHE'S GOLFING ALL DAY

WITH MY FATHER, AND
I'M HALF-EXPECTING

THIS BIG, "SAVE ME!"
CALL TO COME IN.

YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL, DO YOU?

TO ME YOU ARE THE TEACHER

IN THE CHARLIE BROWN CARTOON.

OK, FORGET IT.

HAVE THE GROOMS ARRIVED?
THEIR PLANE WAS DUE AT 7:30.

I'M SURPRISED THEY'RE
NOT HERE BY NOW.

MAYBE THEY MADE A RUN FOR IT.

OH, SOMEBODY GOT
STOOD UP AT PROM.

OH, DEAR.

WHAT?

WOW!

ARE THOSE...

NO, IT WOULD BE TOO...

SCHMOOPIES!

HI.

WEIRD.

YOU KEPT THIS FROM
ME ON PURPOSE.

IT'S LIKE A REALLY SNOOTY
DOUBLEMINT COMMERCIAL.

JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN THE
MIDGETS AND CLOWNS ARRIVE.

OH, NO. NO, NO.

YOU HAVE TO GET
THEM ALL SETTLED IN.

I'M NOT TALKING TO
THEM. YES, YOU ARE.

WELL, I'M NOT TALKING
TO THEM NICELY.

IT'S AFTER 8:00. SHE
SHOULD BE HERE ALREADY.

SHE'LL BE HERE.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TEE
OFF AT YOUR DESIGNATED TIME.

YOU PAY GOOD
MONEY TO THAT PLACE.

YOU'LL TEE OFF WHEN YOU TEE OFF.

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?

YES. HMM.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
WHAT I'M WEARING?

NOTHING. IT'S FINE.

THIS WHOLE THING IS ABSURD.

SHE'S YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER.

SHE'S A 16-YEAR-OLD WHO
WOULD RATHER BE AT THE MALL.

MAKE SURE YOU SHOW
HER ALL AROUND THE CLUB,

ESPECIALLY THE ROSE GARDEN.

I AM NOT A GUIDE.

AND MAKE SURE YOU TAKE HER TO
LUNCH AND HAVE HER GET DESSERT.

NO ONE SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT LUNCH.

I HOPE LORELAI'S CLUBS
ARE STILL IN GOOD SHAPE.

EMILY, YOU ARE
NOT LISTENING TO ME.

I WILL TEACH HER TO
GOLF, AS PROMISED BY YOU,

BUT LUNCH IS OUT
OF THE QUESTION.

YOU HAVE TO EAT, SO
YOU'LL EAT TOGETHER.

DO YOU HAVE SUNSCREEN? EMILY.

SHE'S HERE.

OH, 8:30. WE MUST REMEMBER
TO BUY HER A WATCH.

RICHARD, SO HELP ME GOD,

YOU WILL BE SWEET TO THIS GIRL

AND MAKE THIS A
MEMORABLE DAY FOR HER.

THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME WE'VE GOTTEN

TO SHOW OUR GRANDDAUGHTER
OFF AT THE CLUB.

AND IT MEANS A GREAT DEAL
TO MY HAPPINESS AND YOURS

THAT THIS DAY GO WELL.

ARE WE CLEAR?

RORY, HELLO!

SORRY I'M LATE.

NONSENSE, YOU'RE RIGHT ON TIME.

HI, GRANDPA. RORY,
NICE TO SEE YOU.

THIS IS A PERFECT DAY FOR
GOLFING, ISN'T IT, RICHARD?

YEAH, IT'S COOLER AT 8:00.

AM I DRESSED OK?

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF
THOSE SHORT PANT THINGS.

WELL, ACTUALLY,

THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

HERE WE GO.

NOW YOU LOOK JUST
LIKE TIGER WOODS.

WOW! THAT'S SOME HAT.

OK, OFF YOU GO, YOU TWO.

HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME.

WE WILL.

YOU BET.

IS IT HARD TO BECOME
A MEMBER HERE?

OH, EVERYONE HAS TO GO THROUGH
A THOROUGH SCREENING PROCESS.

KIND OF LIKE THE F.B.I.?

WE'RE MUCH MORE
THOROUGH THAN THAT.

WOW. YES.

DO YOU KNOW THE MERGER
OF FORSCAPE AND D.S.S.

HAPPENED RIGHT
HERE ON THIS LAWN?

REALLY?

MMM, INTERNATIONAL FINANCE
WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

AND ALL BECAUSE OF
A LOST GOLFING BET.

THAT'S CRAZY.

WELL, THAT'S HIGH FINANCE.

WELL, HERE WE ARE.

NOW,

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GOLF?

THAT IT'S A GOOD WALK SPOILED.

WELL, YOUR DRIVER

IS THE MOST POWERFUL
CLUB IN YOUR BAG,

AND AS SUCH, IT CAN BE
YOUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET

OR YOUR GREATEST LIABILITY.

TO WIELD IT PROPERLY

REQUIRES A PRECISE COMBINATION

OF CONFIDENCE AND HUMILITY.

CONFIDENCE AND HUMILITY. GOT IT.

THERE YOU ARE.

THAT'S A PRETTY
GOOD NATURAL GRIP.

NOW LINE THE TOE OF YOUR
LEFT FOOT UP WITH THE BALL.

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW DROP THIS
SHOULDER A LITTLE BIT.

NOW, KEEPING YOUR LEFT ARM FIRM,

DRAW THE CLUB BACK

AND SWING IT CLEANLY
THROUGH THE BALL.

I'M BETTING THAT WAS WRONG.

THERE ARE NO RIGHTS AND WRONGS

TO THE LEARNING PROCESS.

TRY THAT AGAIN.

I'M BETTING THAT WAS WRONG.

THESE ARE BLUEBERRIES.

I THINK I ORDERED
STRAWBERRIES. I KNOW...

YEAH. NO, I DID. I WROTE
IT DOWN, I GOT A COPY.

SOOKIE, LISTEN.

YEAH. "MUSHROOMS, MELON,
ENDIVE, PEACHES, KIWI."

EXCUSE ME, CRAZY LADY.

I SHOULD MAKE SOME
KIWI ICE CREAM. SOOKIE!

WHAT? LISTEN.

I KNOW YOU ORDERED STRAWBERRIES,

BUT THEY WEREN'T ANY GOOD.

SO INSTEAD OF SELLING YOU
SUBSTANDARD STRAWBERRIES,

I BROUGHT YOU BLUEBERRIES.

HUH. WELL I'VE GOTTA MAKE
STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE FOR 200 PEOPLE,

SO I THINK I'M GONNA
NEED THE STRAWBERRIES.

USE THE BLUEBERRIES.

TO MAKE WHAT?

BLUEBERRY SHORTCAKE.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING.

HEY, THE WORLD WAS FLAT
UNTIL SOMEONE TOOK A BOAT TRIP.

CAN I SEE THESE STRAWBERRIES?

NO.

JUST ONE? NO.

HOW ABOUT A POLAROID? MMM.

COFFEE. COFFEE. COFFEE.

OH, SOOKIE, CAN I TAKE SOME
OF THIS CAKE HOME TO RORY?

SHE'S GONNA NEED A
SPECIAL TREAT TONIGHT.

SHE'S SPENDING THE ENTIRE DAY

WITH MY FATHER,
GOLFING AT THE CLUB.

NO.

TAKE THE BLUEBERRIES!

NO! OH!

THE WHOLE THING WAS MASTERMINDED

BY MY MOTHER, OF COURSE.

ONE MINUTE WE'RE HAVING AN
EXCRUCIATING FAMILY DINNER,

AND THE NEXT MINUTE SHE'S MANIPULATED
MY KID INTO SPENDING HER SUNDAY

WITH MY FATHER AT
THE COUNTRY CLUB.

OH, I CAN'T TALK
ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

IT'S MAKING ME TOO UPSET.

TELL ME SOMETHING HAPPY.

I CAN'T MAKE THE
STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.

WOW, YOU SUCK AT THIS GAME.

THE BATTLE FOR SOUP VERSUS SALAD

IS RAGING IN THE OTHER ROOM.

COME QUICK AND
SETTLE IT, PLEASE,

AS I'M RUNNING OUT OF
FRENCH CURSE WORDS

THAT THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND.

SOUP IT'S GONNA BE.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A SALAD
BEFORE A TRADITIONAL MEAL.

WHY ARE YOU MAKING A SCENE?

IT'S MY PARTY. JUST 'CAUSE...

IT'S BEEN 45 MINUTES OF "SOUP
OR SALAD. SOUP OR SALAD."

I CAN'T DO IT
ANYMORE. GET ME A CAB.

I'M GOING TO GO FAR AWAY
NOW, AND NEVER COME BACK.

HOW ABOUT IF THE GUESTS
GET A CHOICE OF SOUP OR SALAD?

THAT... THAT WILL WORK.

CHOICE OF SOUP OR SALAD.

GOT IT.

IT'S SO WEIRD.

WHICH ONE IS WHICH?

I DON'T KNOW. I THINK THE
ONE ON THE RIGHT IS MATT.

NO, THE ONE ON THE LEFT IS MATT.

THE ONE ON THE RIGHT IS MARK.

THAT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.

YES, WELL, I'M VERY GOOD
AT OBSERVING PEOPLE,

YOU KNOW, LEARNING
THEIR TICS AND TRAITS,

THE SOUND OF THEIR
VOICES. IT'S A GIFT.

THAT ONE HAS A
POST-IT ON ITS BACK.

OH, WELL, THEN THAT'S MARK.

THE ONE ON THE RIGHT IS MATT.

YOU WILL GO TAKE
THAT OFF OF HIM.

I WILL NOT. WE CAN'T ALL CALL EVERYONE
"SWEETIE" AND GET AWAY WITH IT.

GO WITH ME HERE,

BUT LET'S SAY MARK
WALKS INTO A HOTEL ROOM,

AND HE SEES HIS WIFE
NAKED, BUT IT'S NOT HIS WIFE,

IT'S HIS NAKED SISTER-IN-LAW,
AND HE HAS SEX WITH HER.

WOULD THAT BE CHEATING?

MY HEAD HURTS.

I THINK NO.

REALLY? LUCKY.

IF YOU ASK ME, THIS UNION BELONGS
ON A PUBLIC ACCESS STATION.

IT'S AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE,

AND JUST THIS SHORT
OF COMPLETELY OBSCENE.

HUH, YOU WON'T BE
GIVING THE WEDDING TOAST.

HOW DID EVERYTHING WORK OUT?

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?

A DAUGHTER.

OH, DO YOU HATE HER? NO.

NOT EVER?

UH, WELL, I WASN'T WILDLY
FOND OF HER DURING LABOR.

THAT WAS THE HIGH POINT FOR ME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HIT THE BALL.

WELL, IT'S QUITE IMPRESSIVE.

IT LANDED IN THE WATER.

YES, BUT THE SPLASH
WAS QUITE IMPRESSIVE.

THIS PLACE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

I COULD SEE JUST COMING HERE

TO THINK OR READ,

BUT THAT PROBABLY
DEFEATS THE PURPOSE

OF THE HOLES WITH
THE FLAGS IN THEM.

OH, THERE IS SOMETHING
RATHER SERENE

ABOUT WALKING AROUND HERE.

DO YOU COME HERE EVERY WEEK?

NO. WHEN I CAN.

I'M OFTEN WORKING
ON THE WEEKENDS.

BUMMER.

ISN'T IT?

HI, RICHARD.

HELLO.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

GO AHEAD.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

I'M THE EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT

OF THE GEHRMAN-DRISCOLL
INSURANCE CORPORATION.

WOW.

YES.

AND AS EXECUTIVE VICE
PRESIDENT, WHAT DO YOU DO?

WELL, IT'S A VERY BIG COMPANY,

ONE OF THE LARGEST
IN THE UNITED STATES.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
HAVE A MYRIAD OF DUTIES

WHICH WOULD BORE YOU
GREATLY TO HEAR ABOUT.

OH, OK.

I OVERSEE OUR
INTERNATIONAL DIVISION.

THAT SOUNDS IMPORTANT.

WELL, IT RATES A PARKING SPOT.

DO YOU GET TO TRAVEL A LOT?

OH, QUITE A BIT.

LUCKY.

I SUSPECT YOU HAVE
A YEN FOR TRAVEL.

I'M UP TO MY EARS IN YENS.

ANY PARTICULAR
PLACE YOU'D LIKE TO GO?

HUNDREDS OF PLACES:

PARIS, ROME, LONDON,
PRAGUE, ISTANBUL, FEZ.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO FEZ?

I CAN'T SAY THAT I HAVE.

I WANNA GO TO FEZ.

I THINK TRAVELING,
FOR A YOUNG GIRL,

IS A VERY IMPORTANT THING.

YOUR MOTHER NEVER GOT
A CHANCE TO TRAVEL MUCH.

I KNOW. SHE TALKS
ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME.

SHE DOES?

WE'VE GOT A DEAL. WHEN I
GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL,

WE'RE GONNA GO BACKPACKING
THROUGH EUROPE TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, DO THE
WHOLE HOSTEL THING.

I JUST HOPE IT REALLY HAPPENS.

WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO MAKE SURE THAT IT DOES.

RICHARD.

GLORIA.

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

AREN'T YOU SWEET? IS EMILY HERE?

NO, I'M TAKING MY GRANDDAUGHTER
FOR A ROUND OF GOLF.

WELL, WE MUST GET TOGETHER.

ABSOLUTELY.

THE MOST ODIOUS WOMAN ALIVE.

NOW, UM,

WE'LL MEET BACK
HERE IN 40 MINUTES?

OK.

AND UH, THEN, IF YOU LIKE,
WE CAN GET SOME LUNCH.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

FINE.

COOL.

YES.

AND I'M TELLIN' HIM, "I'VE BEEN
COMING HERE FOR 20 YEARS,

"MY YOUNG FRIEND,
AND FOR 20 YEARS,

THAT CART, NUMBER 43,
HAS BEEN MY GOLF CART."

HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT.

EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

DID HE GIVE YOU THE CART?

DAMN RIGHT HE GAVE ME THE CART.

YOU SHOULD HAVE
NEVER HAD TO ASK,

BECAUSE HE SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN THAT.

HELLO, GENTLEMEN.

RICHARD, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

I HEARD ABOUT YOUR
GOLF CART. TOO BAD.

YEAH, WELL, I'M STILL
ANGRY ABOUT IT. WELL, YES.

RICHARD, WHO WAS THAT YOUNG LADY

I SAW YOU ON THE
GOLF COURSE WITH?

THAT IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

REALLY? SHE'S LOVELY.

LORELAI'S GIRL.

MMM-HMM.

YOU'RE LUCKY. MY
GRANDDAUGHTER LOOKS

LIKE SHE JUST FELL
OFF A POTATO TRUCK.

MY GRANDDAUGHTER WOULD
NEVER BE CAUGHT HERE.

IT MIGHT GET IN THE WAY OF HER
TIME SPENT AT THE TATTOO PARLOR,

OR GETTING SOMETHING PIERCED,
OR DOING WHATEVER SHE DOES

WHILE SHE RUNS WILD
THROUGH THE STREETS

LIKE A RABID DOG.

CUT HER OFF. THAT'LL
GET HER ATTENTION.

I CAN HELP YOU
WITH THE LITIGATION.

ACTUALLY, RORY
JUST STARTED CHILTON.

REALLY?

DAMN FINE SCHOOL.

MMM, SHE SAID SHE
WANTED TO LEARN GOLF.

I THINK SHE'S TAKEN
TO IT QUITE WELL.

YEAH, WELL, JUST AS
LONG AS SHE'S NOT TAKEN

WITH A CERTAIN GOLF CART.

I'M WRITING A
LETTER TO THE BOARD.

I WISH YOU WOULD.

HEY, LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME.

AND SHE TOOK THE
HOUSE IN AMAGANSETT.

SHE DESERVED IT, PUTTING UP
WITH THAT TRAMP ALL THOSE YEARS.

LAST YEAR CHRISTMAS, HE BOUGHT
THEM BOTH THE SAME BRACELET.

SHE SHOULD HAVE SHOT
HIM LIKE HIS FIRST WIFE DID.

OH, I LOVE JANIE.
IS SHE OUT YET?

NANNETTE, PEG.

GLORIA, HI. GOOD GAME?

NOT BAD. YOU?

OH, I JUST CAME FOR THE STEAM.

WE MUST GET TOGETHER
AND PLAY SOMETIME SOON.

NEXT WEEK?

I'LL CALL YOU.

THE MOST ODIOUS WOMAN ALIVE.

OK, I NEED MORE TULLE HERE.

I NEED THE FEELING
OF A MAJOR TUTU, OK?

OOH, UH, HEY,

GARY, GARY, THE RIBBONS GO ON
THE CHAIRS, OK, NOT ON THE TREES.

OH, GREAT.

HEY.

WHERE DO YOU WANT THE SWANS?

UM, WELL, DO YOU KNOW
WHERE THE POND IS?

NOPE.

OK, YOU KNOW THAT
LITTLE ROAD YOU CAME UP?

NOPE.

OK, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO
SAY "BIG HELP" IN CHINESE?

NOPE.

MICHEL!

THIS IS 20 SWANS?

SURE. WHY NOT?

YOU SCREECHED?

YEAH, I NEED YOU TO SHOW THIS
GUY WHERE TO PUT THE SWANS.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

WELL, I CAN'T LEAVE.

I'VE GOT A MAJOR TULLE
FESTIVAL GOING ON OUT HERE.

I WILL NEVER GO NEAR
THOSE FILTHY BIRDS.

WHY?

I HATE THE SWANS.

THESE PARTICULAR SWANS?

NO, ALL SWANS.

I WAS ATTACKED
BY A BAND OF SWANS

IN THE LUXEMBOURG
GARDENS WHEN I WAS A BOY.

NO ONE FORGETS THAT.

OH, NO, NOT BEING ATTACKED
BY A BAND OF SWANS.

WAS IT AN ALL-BOY BAND?

KIND OF A SCARY, FEATHERY,
'NSYNC KIND OF FIASCO?

THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

NO, I'M SORRY, IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

OH, MY GOD.

COME ON, YOU HAVE TO
ADMIT THAT'S A LITTLE FUNNY.

HEY, PEPE LE PEW, YOU WANT
TO GIVE ME A HAND WITH THIS?

NO.

LISTEN, IT'S DRELLA
OR THE SWANS.

SO EITHER ONE BEAST
OF TERROR OR ANOTHER?

WHAT IS HE BABBLING ABOUT?

DON'T...

HE'S AFRAID OF THE
SWANS. THANK YOU.

OF COURSE HE IS. HE'S FRENCH.

OK, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE POND.

THANK YOU.

BUT STAY FAR AWAY FROM ME.

CAN'T STAND THE TALK.

LOVE TO WATCH THE WALK.

SHE CAUGHT HIM IN THE POOL
HOUSE WITH THE TENNIS PRO,

NOT THE RIDING INSTRUCTOR.

I HAD NO IDEA.

THAT COMMITTEE OF YOURS

IS NOT LOOKING AT PEOPLE
AS MUCH AS YOU THINK.

OH, WHY WOULD THEY?
FROM WHAT YOU'VE TOLD ME,

THEY'RE ALL INVOLVED IN ONE
NEFARIOUS ACTIVITY AFTER ANOTHER.

IT'S A CONSPIRACY.

IT'S PEYTON PLACE.

IS THERE MORE?

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

OH, I'LL STEEL MYSELF.

OK, MR. NEVILLE LIKES
ALL THINGS FRILLY.

GOOD GOD, HE'S MY BROKER.

I DON'T THINK ONE
WILL AFFECT THE OTHER.

MIND IF WE BARGE IN?

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

UH, RORY, THIS IS JULIAN
JOHNSON AND EDWARD JAMES.

CALL ME ED.

YEAH, YOU CAN CALL ME ED, TOO.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN US?

IF RORY DOESN'T
MIND US INTRUDING

ON HER TIME WITH
HER GRANDFATHER.

NO, THAT'S FINE.

OH, GREAT.

SO, WE HEAR YOU'RE
ATTENDING CHILTON.

I JUST STARTED.

THAT'S A HARD SCHOOL. YES, SIR.

RORY IS AN EXCELLENT STUDENT.

REALLY?

4.0 GRADE POINT AVERAGE.

WHOA, THAT'S GOT ME BEAT.

SHE'S GOING TO FEZ SOMEDAY.

FEZ? WHAT THE HELL IS IN FEZ?

THAT'S FOR HER TO FIND OUT.

INTERESTING HAT.

I WENT GOLFING WITH
MY GRANDFATHER TODAY.

DID YOU KNOW GOLF COURSES
ARE AN ENVIRONMENTAL BLIGHT

BECAUSE OF THE CHEMICALS THEY
USE TO KEEP THE GRASS GREEN?

ACTUALLY, I DID.

BAD JOKE. SORRY.

MY GOD. THIS DAY,

THE SWANS, THE TULLE, MY HEAD.

LUKE, I NEED THE LARGEST
CHEESEBURGER IN THE WORLD.

LET'S BREAK A RECORD, MISTER.

SO, THE WEDDING IS A NIGHTMARE.

WE GOT THESE 10
BOXES OF CREEPY LARVAE

THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO SWARM INTO
BUTTERFLIES ON THE WEDDING DAY.

THEY SWARMED A LITTLE EARLY.

WHAT'S WITH THE HAT?

GRANDMA GAVE IT TO ME.

OH, THAT'S JUST MEAN.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

DO YOU WANT A MIRROR?

I'M TAKING IT OFF.

SO, RORY'S GOLFING
ADVENTURE. TELL ME.

IT WAS FINE.

OH, HONEY, I BROUGHT YOU SOME
OF SOOKIE'S CHOCOLATE CAKE

TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

IT REALLY WASN'T THAT BAD.

YOU'RE THE SWEETEST
KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

WHERE ON EARTH DID
YOU GET THAT FROM?

LUKE, AM I MISTAKEN,

OR DID THE SIGN ON
THE DOOR SAY "OPEN"?

SO, WHERE WERE WE?

ME GOLFING.

RIGHT. GO.

OK. WELL, UM,

BY THE END OF THE DAY I
COULD EVEN HIT THE BALL.

SOMETIMES IT WASN'T MY BALL,
BUT THE INTENTIONS WERE GOOD.

WELL, GOOD INTENTIONS AND NO
PHYSICAL EXERTION WHATSOEVER

IS WHAT THE GAME
OF GOLF WAS BUILT ON.

SO, UM, DID YOU ORDER?

I'M NOT HUNGRY.

I HAD A BIG LUNCH AT THE CLUB.

WITH ALL THE OTHER
DEVASTATORS OF OUR LAND.

LUKE, I'M REALLY
SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW.

Y-YOU HAD A BIG
LUNCH AT THE CLUB?

YEAH, IT WAS QUITE GOOD.

QUITE? WHAT'S WITH THE "QUITE"?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU DON'T EVER SAY "QUITE."

I'VE SAID "QUITE"
PLENTY OF TIMES.

WHATEVER.

SO, BESIDES THE "QUITE
GOOD" LUNCH YOU HAD,

WHAT ELSE HAPPENED?

NOTHING. WE PLAYED.
I MET HIS FRIENDS.

I TOOK A STEAM.

YOU TOOK A STEAM?

YEAH.

I SWEATED OUT ALL MY
TOXINS, AND I STOLE A TOWEL.

WOW!

SOUNDS LIKE YOU REALLY
HAD A GOOD TIME. I DID.

REALLY? REALLY.

REALLY? REALLY.

REALLY? OK, NEW WORD NOW.

SORRY. I JUST... I'M SURPRISED.

I... I THOUGHT YOU
WERE GONNA BE BORED.

I WAS KIND OF SURPRISED, TOO.

I DON'T KNOW, IT
WAS PRETTY THERE.

AND GRANDPA AND I TALKED A LOT.

YOU TALKED? REALLY?

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.

SORRY. YOU TALKED?

WE TALKED ABOUT FEZ.

AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS A HAT.

I TOLD HIM ABOUT
OUR BACKPACKING TRIP,

AND HE THOUGHT
IT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

WOW!

SO YOU REALLY HAD FUN?

YEAH.

THAT'S GREAT.

THAT IS REALLY, REALLY GREAT.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE STARVING.

THINGS CHANGE. MOVE ON.

DOES THIS HAT REALLY
LOOK BAD ON ME?

NO, I THINK IT
LOOKS KIND OF CUTE.

♪

IT'S YOUR WEDDING
DAY. FEEL EACH OTHER.

USE THE THUMPING OF YOUR
HEART AS A METRONOME.

LET PASSION BE YOUR
CHOREOGRAPHER.

BE AS LIGHT ON YOUR TOES
AS YOU ARE IN YOUR HEARTS.

OH, NO, NO, NO, DARLING.

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.

AGAIN?

OH!

YOU KNOW, IN SOME COUNTRIES,
IF YOU DANCE THIS CLOSE,

YOU'RE CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE.

YOU'RE NEXT.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

THE CATERERS.

OH, YEAH.

HEY.

OH, MY GOD, YOU HAVE
GOOD HANDWRITING.

THANK YOU.

YOU DID NOT GET THAT FROM ME.

YOUR FABULOUS FLAIR
YOU GOT FROM ME.

I ALSO GOT MY DEVIATED
SEPTUM FROM YOU.

HEY, FOCUS ON THE FLAIR.

IT'S FOR YOU. HE SAYS
HE'S YOUR FATHER,

ALTHOUGH WHY HE'D VOLUNTEER
THAT FREELY, I DON'T KNOW.

MY FATHER? YES.

ARE YOU SURE?

PLEASE JUST TAKE
THE PHONE. THANK YOU.

DAD?

YEAH, IT'S LORELAI.

WHO ELSE CALLS YOU "DAD"?

YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT HERE. HOLD ON.

IT'S FOR YOU.

THANKS. HELLO?

HEY, GRANDPA.

THAT'S GREAT.

JACKIE WANTS SAMUEL BARBER,
JOHN CAGE, AND PHILIP GLASS,

AND JESSICA WANTS SHANIA
TWAIN'S I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN.

I'M NOT A JUKEBOX. OH, PLEASE.

HEY, YOU THINK I
STARTED PLAYING THE HARP

'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT
WOULD MAKE ME COOL?

YOU KNOW, FINALLY GET
ME IN WITH THE IN-CROWD?

MAYBE I'D MAKE FOR SOME
GREAT HAPPY-HOUR CONVERSATION.

NO, ALL RIGHT? THE
MUSIC DRIVES ME, LADY.

I WILL PLAY WHAT I FEEL,
AND YOU WILL LOVE IT.

I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXTRA $100.

YOU JUST GOT YOURSELF A JUKEBOX.

YEAH, YEAH, I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

NO, IF YOU WANT TO.

SURE.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD. YEAH.

SHOULD I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE?

I THINK I WANT TO
CHANGE MY HAIR.

REALLY?

I THINK IT LOOKS QUITE GOOD.

YOU'RE FUNNY. HMM.

DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

OH, YEAH, WATER.

SO, YOU... YOU TALKED
TO GRANDPA TODAY?

WHAT?

GRANDPA, HE CALLED?

YEAH.

ANYTHING WRONG?

NO, HE JUST FOUND THIS
BOOK WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.

OH.

AND HE JUST CALLED TO TELL YOU?

YEAH. WHY?

NOTHING. IT'S JUST WEIRD.

HE... HE DOESN'T CALL
THE INN THAT MUCH.

OR EVER, ACTUALLY.

WELL, HE KNEW THAT I
WAS LOOKING FOR IT, SO...

OH, SURE. WHAT BOOK IS IT?

MENCKEN'S CHRESTOMATHY.

OH, THAT ONE.

YEAH.

HEY!

CINNAMON IS STUCK UNDER
OUR FRONT PORCH AGAIN.

CAN I BORROW SOME
VEGETABLE OIL AND A SHOEHORN?

I'LL GET IT.

I'M CALLIN' HIM AND CALLIN' HIM,

AND I GO AROUND THE PORCH

AND THIS BIG ORANGE TUSH

IS JUST STARING ME IN THE FACE.

I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

YEAH. HE MUST HAVE BEEN
MEOWING FOR AN HOUR,

BUT MOREY WAS PLAYING SOME
THELONIOUS ON THE STEINWAY,

AND WHEN MOREY PLAYS,
I GO INTO THIS TRANCE

WHERE ALL I CAN SEE IS
BLUE, AND MOON, AND STARS.

OH, NEVER MIND, SUGAR.
PLAY ME HOME, BABY!

BYE.

OH, GOD! IT'S KILLING ME!

BABBETTE DIDN'T TAKE HER OIL.

OH, KEEP IT.

CHRISTMAS IS EARLY THIS YEAR.

YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING?

THAT MADONNA AND SEAN
PENN SHOULD GET REMARRIED?

BESIDES THAT.

I WAS THINKING YOUR
GOLFING EXPEDITION

SHOULD TOTALLY
COUNT AS A DINNER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, I THINK I CAN
GET US OUT OF DINNER

AT THE GRANDPARENTS' ON FRIDAY.

MAYBE WE COULD GRAB A MOVIE.

OH, WELL, THAT'S OK.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL, REALLY.

NO. IT'S JUST GONNA GET
GRANDMA ALL FREAKED OUT.

YEAH, BUT I CAN HANDLE
THOSE FREAK-OUTS.

I'VE DONE THAT.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO GET THE
BOOK FROM GRANDPA ANYWAY.

LET'S JUST GO.

OH, ALL RIGHT, IF
YOU REALLY WANT TO.

I DO.

OK, FINE.

IS THAT MY SWEATER? WHAT?

YOU'RE WEARING MY SWEATER.

SO?

NO, IT'S OK.

IT'S JUST I THOUGHT I ASKED YOU

TO AT LEAST ASK, YOU KNOW,
BEFORE YOU BORROW MY STUFF.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OK.

IT'S JUST... IT'S NOT
TOO MUCH FOR A SIMPLE

"CAN I BORROW IT, MOM?" IS IT?

NO, IT'S NOT. JEEZ, LIGHTEN UP.

IT'S MY FAVORITE SWEATER, TOO.

SINCE WHEN? SINCE ALWAYS.

THIS IS NOT YOUR
FAVORITE SWEATER.

YES, IT IS.

NOW IT'S GONNA BE STRETCHED OUT,
JUST LIKE EVERYTHING YOU BORROW.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT
YOU TAKE MY SWEATERS,

AND YOU WEAR THEM,
AND STRETCH THEM OUT.

I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
STRETCH THEM OUT.

YOUR BOOBS ARE
WAY BIGGER THAN MINE.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

YES, IT IS.

YOUR BOOBS ARE
TOTALLY BIGGER THAN MINE.

YOU'RE CRAZY!

DO YOU WANT TO MEASURE? WHAT?

I'M SERIOUS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET THE
MEASURING TAPE RIGHT NOW?

I AM NOT GOING TO
MEASURE MY BOOBS.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT
YOU ARE TOTALLY BIGGER.

I'M GOING INSIDE.

FINE. DON'T MEASURE.
WE'LL JUST COMPARE BRAS.

STOP IT.

I'LL STOP IT WHEN YOU
QUIT STEALING MY STUFF!

YOU'RE CRACKED!

YOU'RE BIGGER!

"YOUR BOOBS ARE
BIGGER THAN MINE"?

I'M A MENTAL CASE.

SO APOLOGIZE.

I WAS TOO MAD AND STUPID
TO APOLOGIZE LAST NIGHT,

AND SHE WAS GONE BEFORE
I GOT UP THIS MORNING.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

YOU'RE VERY POSSESSIVE
OF YOUR SWEATERS.

SOOKIE. NO, I UNDERSTAND.
I'M JUST SAYING

IF SOMEBODY BREATHES
TOO HARD ON MY PARING KNIFE,

I'M LIKE A CRAZY SPIDER MONKEY.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SWEATER.

IT'S ABOUT THE GOLFING THING

AND THE LIKING-IT THING.

SHE HAD FUN, SOOKIE, JUST
LIKE MY MOTHER SAID SHE WOULD.

YEAH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT.

SHE SHOULD HAVE FUN.

I MEAN, I WANT HER TO HAVE A GOOD
RELATIONSHIP WITH HER GRANDPARENTS.

JUST BECAUSE I DON'T

DOESN'T MEAN SHE
SHOULDN'T, RIGHT?

RIGHT. RIGHT.

SO THEN, WHY WAS I TRYING

TO GET HER OUT OF
FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER?

WHAT AM I TRYING TO DO,
UNDERMINE THEIR RELATIONSHIP?

NO, YOU WEREN'T. I WAS.

YES, YOU WERE.
YES, I'M 4 YEARS OLD.

YOU'RE JEALOUS.
OH, I'M NOT JEALOUS.

YOU ARE. YOU'RE JEALOUS 'CAUSE
THEY LIKE RORY BETTER THAN YOU.

OH, THANK YOU FOR THE HUG.

SEE, I'M BAD AT ADVICE TALKS.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOUP?
'CAUSE I'M GOOD WITH SOUP.

OH, I'M SORRY. YOU'RE
FINE. I'M ALL MIXED-UP.

I LEFT THAT LIFE, YOU
KNOW, THE CLUB, MY PARENTS.

I RAN FROM IT AS
SOON AS I COULD.

IT JUST NEVER OCCURRED
TO ME THAT SHE MIGHT WANT IT.

IT OCCURRED TO MY MOTHER THOUGH.

GOD, I HATE THAT SHE WAS RIGHT.

YOU DON'T KNOW
THAT... OH, OH, MY GOD.

HEY, WATCH IT!

STOCK.

ARE YOU OK?

LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!

I HAVE TO BE MORE
ADULT ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, IF THE COUNTRY
CLUB LIFE IS WHAT SHE WANTS,

MORE POWER TO HER, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, LITTLE WHITE
GLOVES AND COMING-OUT PARTIES.

THAT MAKES SOME
GIRLS HAPPY, RIGHT?

SURE, YEAH.

IF THEY'RE ON
PROZAC, ABSOLUTELY.

I JUST NEVER THOUGHT THAT I
RAISED THAT KIND OF KID, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, NOT THAT THERE'S
ANYTHING WRONG WITH KIDS LIKE THAT.

I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS RORY.

MAYBE IT'S NOT. I DON'T KNOW.

AM I OBSESSING? SOOKIE? HELLO?

SHOULD I WEAR MY STRAWBERRY
COSTUME TO GET YOUR FULL ATTENTION?

NO, I'M SORRY.

YOU HAVE A STRAWBERRY COSTUME?

UNBELIEVABLE!

JACKSON.

SO THIS IS WHAT WE'VE COME TO?

YOU SNEAKING AROUND
BEHIND MY BACK,

BUYING SOMEBODY
ELSE'S STRAWBERRIES?

I WAS DESPERATE!

YOU DISGUST ME!

I NEEDED THE STRAWBERRIES.

WELL, NOW YOU HAVE 'EM.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY TOGETHER.

JACKSON, WAIT!

NO!

COME ON, JACKSON!

NO!

JACKSON, WE CAN
TALK ABOUT IT. NO!

JACKSON, GET BACK HERE!

GET AWAY FROM ME! WHY
ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?

DON'T YOU FOLLOW ME.

COME ON!

♪ OH, GIVE ME A KISS
TO BUILD A DREAM ON ♪

♪ MY IMAGINATION WILL
FEED MY HUNGRY HEART ♪

♪ LEAVE ME ONE THING
BEFORE WE PART ♪

♪ A KISS TO BUILD A DREAM ON ♪

♪ WHEN I'M ALONE ♪

♪ WITH MY FANCIES ♪

♪ I'LL BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ WEAVING ROMANCES ♪

♪ MAKING BELIEVE
THAT THEY'RE TRUE ♪

♪ OH, GIVE ME YOUR
LIPS FOR JUST A MOMENT ♪

♪ AND MY IMAGINATION ♪

PARDON ME. THERE YOU ARE.

WE DID IT. WE SURE DID.

GOD, I FEEL WONDERFUL!

I'M SO GLAD IT TURNED OUT
THE WAY YOU WANTED IT TO.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

THEY JUST TOLD ME THEY'RE GOING
TO SHARE A CONDO IN TUCSON, ARIZONA.

THAT'S HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

SISTER SLEDGE! EXCUSE ME.

♪

HEY, STRANGER.

HEY.

GOOD TURNOUT?

YEAH.

DO WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE UP?

NO, I'M TRYING TO HYDRATE YOU.

I'M FINE, THANKS.

♪ WE ARE FAMILY ♪

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OK.

A CRAZY, EVIL SPIRIT OBSESSED
WITH BRA SIZE TOOK OVER MY BODY.

IT HAPPENS.

SHE'S GONE NOW.

GOOD TO KNOW.

YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD YOU'RE
BONDING WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I AM. IT'S JUST
WEIRD FOR ME, IS ALL.

I JUST CAN'T RELATE TO IT.

YOU COULD IF YOU TRIED.

NO. WE'RE TOO...

TOO MUCH HAS HAPPENED.

I'M GLAD YOU ARE, ANYWAY.

OK.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO CUT YOU OFF FROM
THEM SO COMPLETELY, YOU KNOW.

IT JUST HAPPENED.

NOT HAVING THEM IN MY
LIFE JUST FELT SO RIGHT.

I JUST NEVER THOUGHT...

I'M SORRY.

I DID NOT PAY $500
FOR THIS DRESS

SO YOU COULD RUN
AROUND AND MESS IT UP.

NOW YOU SIT AND BE STILL.

CROSS YOUR LEGS. YOU'RE A LADY.

♪ WE'RE GIVING LOVE
IN A FAMILY DOSE ♪

GOD, I MUST HAVE HAD A
MILLION DRESSES LIKE THAT

WHEN I WAS A KID.

IT DOESN'T REALLY SCREAM "YOU."

NO.

I DID ALL THE SCREAMING.

THANK YOU FOR NOT PUTTING
ME IN A DRESS LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

OF COURSE, WEARING
THOSE DRESSES...

NOT ALL BAD. NO?

OH, NO. THEY REALLY FLY
UP WHEN YOU TWIRL AROUND.

OH.

AND IF YOU'RE WEARING THAT RUFFLED
UNDERWEAR, BIG CROWD PLEASER.

IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,

I THINK I GOT A FUNGUS
FROM THE STEAM ROOM.

IT DOES. THANK YOU.

♪ HAVE FAITH IN YOU
AND THE THINGS YOU DO ♪

♪ YOU WON'T GO WRONG ♪

♪ THIS IS OUR FAMILY JEWEL ♪

♪ WE ARE FAMILY ♪

♪ YEAH, SING IT TO ME ♪

♪ I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME ♪

♪ WE ARE FAMILY ♪

OH, GOOD. YOU'RE HERE.

HEY. HI, GRANDMA.

MY GOODNESS. WHAT'S THAT?

WE BROUGHT DESSERT.

REALLY? HOW
THOUGHTFUL! WHAT IS IT?

BLUEBERRY SHORTCAKE.

I'VE NEVER HEARD OF
BLUEBERRY SHORTCAKE.

YEAH, IT'S A STARS
HOLLOW SPECIALTY.

WHY IS IT ALREADY CUT?

IT'S LEFT OVER.

FROM THE WEDDING.

AT THE INN.

YES, I KNOW WHERE
THE WEDDING WAS.

OH, SORRY. YOU WERE JUST
DOING THAT STARING THING.

YOU BROUGHT US USED DESSERT?

IT'S NOT USED. IT'S LEFT OVER.

HOW NICE.

I'LL JUST PUT IT IN THE KITCHEN

NEXT TO MY HALF-EMPTY
BOX OF CHEER.

SHE'S IN A GOOD
MOOD TONIGHT. AHEM.

CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?

UH, WHITE WINE WOULD BE GREAT.

COKE.

SO, LORELAI, DID RORY TELL YOU

ALL ABOUT THE WONDERFUL
TIME SHE HAD AT THE CLUB?

SHE SURE DID.

YOUR FATHER WAS
SIMPLY FLYING ALL WEEK.

SHE REALLY CHARMED HIM.

OH, IF ANYBODY
COULD, IT WOULD BE HER.

IN THIS AGE OF M.T.V. AND
100 TELEVISION CHANNELS,

WHO WOULD'VE IMAGINED THAT A
YOUNG GIRL COULD STILL GET A THRILL

SPENDING A SIMPLE AFTERNOON
WITH HER GRANDFATHER?

THAT WINE WOULD BE
REAL GOOD RIGHT NOW, MOM.

I THINK WE SHOULD CONSIDER GETTING
HER A MEMBERSHIP AT THE CLUB, DON'T YOU?

IF SHE WANTS, SURE.

I MEAN, TO HAVE A PLACE TO GO
TO WHERE SHE COULD SOCIALIZE.

THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO A YOUNG GIRL.

WELL, NOW, ESPECIALLY
THAT THE CRACK DEN

HAS CLOSED DOWN ON THE CORNER,

ALL HER REALLY GOOD
FRIENDS ARE GONE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, MOM, SHOULD
I PURSUE THE CAREER IN COMEDY?

IT'S JUST VERY INTERESTING THE
WAY THINGS TURN OUT, ISN'T IT?

OH, YOU'RE HERE.

LORELAI. DAD.

RORY, I HAVE A SURPRISE.

NOT ONLY DID I FIND THAT COPY

OF MENCKEN'S
CHRESTOMATHY WE DISCUSSED,

I ALSO FOUND A FIRST EDITION
OF HIS MEMOIRS AS WELL.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

IT'S IN MY OFFICE IF
YOU'D LIKE TO SEE THEM.

OH, MY GOD, I TOTALLY WOULD.

I'D LIKE TO TAKE A
LOOK AT THOSE MYSELF.

MMM.

♪ HERE THEY GO ONE BY ONE ♪

♪ HERE THEY GO ♪

♪ HERE THEY GO ONE BY ONE ♪

♪ HERE THEY GO ♪

♪ HERE THEY GO ONE BY ONE ♪