Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Lorelais' First Day at Chilton - full transcript

THAT'S NICE.

THANK YOU.

HEY, DON'T MOVE, PLEASE.

SO, WHY ARE YOU
INSISTING ON DOING THIS?

WELL, BECAUSE YOU'RE STARTING
PRIVATE SCHOOL TOMORROW.

YES, BUT I'M GOING
TO BE WEARING SHOES.

NOBODY'S GONNA SEE MY FEET.

OK, BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT
PRIVATE SCHOOL GIRLS ARE BAD.

AND BAD GIRLS ALWAYS
WEAR RED NAIL POLISH.

ARE YOU NERVOUS?

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT STARTING CHILTON.

WELL, I WASN'T UNTIL I HEARD
ABOUT ALL THOSE BAD GIRLS.

GUYS, GUYS! NEW C.D.!

XTC, APPLE VENUS VOLUME 2!

OH, GOOD!

BUT YOU ONLY
FINISHED HALF MY TOES.

WHO CARES?

YOU'RE GONNA BE
WEARING SHOES ANYWAY!

♪

♪ I'M ♪

♪ THE MAN WHO
MURDERED LOVE YEAH! ♪

♪ WHAT DO YOU THINK TO THAT? ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELIN' LONELY AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

MOM!

WHAT? GOD! HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE UP. -10.

WHAT?

IT'S 7:10.

NO.

IT'S 7:10.

STOP IT! IT'S 5:45.

NO, IT'S NOT!

YES, IT IS.

I SET THE CLOCK
FOR 5:45, SO IT'S...

IT'S 7:10! DAMN!

I CAN'T BE LATE ON MY
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE
WHEN THEY'RE LATE ON THEIR FIRST DAY?

IT'S SHORTER?

FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR
THEY'RE LABELED "THE LATE GIRL."

OH, SO DRAMATIC.

WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?

WE HAVE TO GO!

WHAT IF THERE'S TRAFFIC?

MOM!

I HAD THIS ALL
PLANNED, YOU KNOW.

I WAS GONNA GET UP EARLY.

I WAS GONNA GET COFFEE.

I WAS GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.

I WAS GONNA PICK UP MY
CLOTHES FROM THE DRY CLEANER'S.

OH, MY GOD. MY CLOTHES.

WHAT?

I DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN CLOTHES.

IT'S 7:15.

ALL MY NICE THINGS WERE DIRTY.

IT'S 7:16.

OH MY GOD, I WAS GONNA WEAR
MY BLUE SUIT WITH THE FLIPPY SKIRT.

I LOOK SO GREAT
IN THE FLIPPY SKIRT.

IT'S 7:17.

OK, YOU KNOW WHAT, TIME LADY?

WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS
AND WARM UP THE CAR?

THAT WOULD BE REALLY
SUPER. THANK YOU.

JUST HURRY!

THIS SUCKS, THIS
SUCKS, THIS SUCKS!

IT'S 7:18.

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

THIS IS THE LAST TIME I BUY
ANYTHING JUST BECAUSE IT'S FURRY!

IT'S 7...

DON'T EVEN THINK OF
FINISHING THAT SENTENCE.

WHAT?

NOTHING. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW
THE RODEO WAS IN TOWN.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. I'M
BRINGING THE BABY PICTURES.

NO! I'M SORRY.

I LOVE THE RODEO,
THE RODEO RULES.

♪ I DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ HOW TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU ♪

♪ I'M NOT GOOD AT THINGS ♪

♪ THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO ♪

♪ SHOULD I PRETEND
THAT I DON'T CARE ♪

♪ THAT YOU DON'T FEEL
WHAT I FEEL IS THERE ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO SAY GOODBYE ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
SAY GOODBYE TO YOU ♪

I REMEMBER IT BEING SMALLER.

YEAH. AND LESS...

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS."

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

UH, I'M JUST TRYING TO SEE

IF THERE'S A HUNCHBACK
UP IN THAT BELL TOWER.

SO, HOW DO I LOOK?

YOU LOOK GREAT.

REALLY?

REALLY.

YOU ARE AN AMAZING KID.
YOU HAVE EARNED THIS.

YOU JUST GO IN THERE AND
SHOW THEM WHAT SMART REALLY IS.

I LOVE YOU.

CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

NO.

CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

I'M GREAT AT MAKING
UP DIRTY CHEERS.

YOU HAVE TO GO IN WITH ME.

RORY, COME ON.

YOU HAVE TO MEET THE HEADMASTER.

WELL, LOOK AT ME.

I CAN'T MEET ANYBODY WHO
DOES ANYTHING IN THERE.

MOM!

NO! I LOOK LIKE THAT CHICK
FROM THE DUKES OF HAZZARD.

THIS IS MY FIRST DAY.

YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT OF
GOING IN THERE WITH ME. PERIOD.

GOOD MORNING.

OH, WELL, WE'RE
GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS.

SO, WHERE DO WE GO?

UH, THE AMBROISE BUILDING.

WHICH IS?

THE BIG, SCARY ONE.

HMM, GREAT! THANKS
FOR THE INPUT.

LOST?

OH, YEAH.

UH, WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE
HEADMASTER'S OFFICE, AMBROISE BUILDING.

OK. WELL, THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE.

JUST GO INSIDE, DOWN
THE STAIRS, MAKE A LEFT

AND THE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE
IS AT THE END OF THE HALL.

GREAT. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

UM, I'M IAN JACK.

MY DAUGHTER JULIA
GOES TO SCHOOL HERE.

HI. I'M LORELAI GILMORE.

UM, THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, RORY.

YOUR DAUGHTER? REALLY?

YEP.

WOW, THAT'S GREAT.

UM, I MEAN, DAUGHTERS
ARE A GREAT THING.

WE'RE BIG FANS.

YEAH. OH, YEAH.

SO, IS YOUR HUSBAND
HERE? I'D LOVE TO MEET HIM.

I'M NOT MARRIED. AH.

I'D LOVE TO MEET
YOUR WIFE, THOUGH.

I'M DIVORCED. SHAME.

YEAH.

EXCUSE ME. I REALLY
GOT TO... RIGHT.

WE GOTTA GO MEET THE BIG GUY,
AND I GOTTA, UH, GET BACK TO WORK.

OH, WHERE DO YOU WORK?

UH, AT AN INN.

THE IN-INDEPENDENCE
INN. I RUN IT.

REALLY?

IN A DIFFERENT
OUTFIT, OF COURSE.

WELL, IT WAS NICE
TO MEET YOU, LORELAI.

GOOD LUCK IN SCHOOL, RORY.

I'LL TELL JULIA TO
LOOK OUT FOR YOU.

GREAT, THANKS.

SEE YOU.

WHAT A NICE, NICE MAN.

YOU'RE FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT
YOURSELF RIGHT NOW, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH.

DO YOU WANT ME TO
GET YOU A MIRROR?

I'M BACK. LET'S GO.

OH, GOOD. MORE BIG STUFF.

YOU READY?

NO.

YOU READY?

YES.

UM, EXCUSE ME.

OH, HOW... WOW.

HI. I... I'M LORELAI GILMORE.

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER,
LORELAI GILMORE,

BECAUSE I NAMED HER AFTER ME.

I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL, ALL WHACKED
OUT ON DEMEROL. NEVER MIND.

UM, B-BUT WE CALL HER
RORY. IT'S SHORT FOR LORELAI,

BUT SHE'LL ANSWER TO EITHER ONE

OR EVEN "HEY, YOU"
DEPENDING ON...

UH, IS THE HEADMASTER HERE?

ONE MOMENT.

SEE, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU GO TO BED WITH YOUR MAKEUP ON.

HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
WILL SEE YOU NOW.

GREAT, GREAT. THANKS.

MS. GILMORE, I'M
HEADMASTER CHARLESTON.

HI. WOW. IT'S REALLY
NICE TO MEET...

MOM.

UM.

WHAT ARE YOU, WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

I CAME TO WISH MY GRANDDAUGHTER
LUCK ON HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

BUT...

RORY, YOU LOOK
WONDERFUL IN THAT UNIFORM.

UH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO COME
ALL THE WAY OUT HERE, MOM.

WELL, THIS GAVE ME A
CHANCE TO MAKE SURE

THAT HANLIN HERE TAKES
GOOD CARE OF RORY.

YOU'RE HANLIN.

HANLIN CHARLESTON.

HANLIN'S WIFE AND I

ARE ON THE SYMPHONY
FUNDRAISING COMMITTEE TOGETHER.

WOW. THAT'S GREAT.

YOUR FATHER AND
I ARE GOLF RIVALS.

WE'RE STILL FIGHTING IT OUT
TO SEE WHICH ONE IS WORSE.

OH, YES. WE'RE ALL OLD FRIENDS.

WELL, THERE'S
NOTHING LIKE FRIENDS.

ESPECIALLY IF
THEY'RE OLD... ONES.

WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE
OFF YOUR COAT AND HAVE A SEAT?

OH, NO, NO, I'M FINE.

I'M AFRAID THEY WERE
A LITTLE OVERZEALOUS

WITH THE FURNACE THIS MORNING.

IT'S QUITE WARM IN HERE.

I LIKE IT WARM.

LORELAI, TAKE OFF
YOUR COAT AND SIT DOWN.

YOU DON'T WANT HANLIN
TO THINK YOU'RE RUDE.

LAUNDRY DAY.

HMM.

HANLIN, DID YOU KNOW THAT
RORY HAS A 4.0 GRADE AVERAGE?

I'M SURE HE DOES, MOM.

THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL GIRL.

YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER.

WE'LL DO OUR BEST, EMILY.

OH, GOD. RORY'S NOT
GOING TO BE A PROBLEM.

SHE'S TOTALLY LOW MAINTENANCE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE A HONDA.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE
JUST EASY, JUST...

NICE OFFICE.

WELL, I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD TAKE UP

ANY MORE OF YOUR PRECIOUS TIME.

HANLIN, IT WAS
LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

GIVE BITTY OUR LOVE.

TELL RICHARD I'LL SEE
HIM AT THE CLUB SUNDAY.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY, RORY.
I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT.

DO YOU NEED A RIDE, OR IS
YOUR HORSE PARKED OUTSIDE?

IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.

HAVE A GREAT DAY.

OH, YOU DON'T WANT
TO FORGET YOUR COAT.

OH, NO, 'CAUSE THAT
WOULD BE EMBARRASSING.

HOW DO YOU LEAVE THE
HOUSE LOOKING LIKE THAT?

IT WAS NOT PLANNED, BELIEVE ME.

AND ON RORY'S
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

WHAT KIND OF IMPRESSION DID
YOU THINK YOU WERE GONNA MAKE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, MOTHER?

I TOLD YOU, I CAME TO PUT
IN A GOOD WORD FOR RORY.

OH, SHE DIDN'T NEED A GOOD WORD.

I'M NOT ALLOWED
HERE, IS THAT IT?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I'M ALLOWED TO PAY FOR IT, BUT I
CAN'T SET FOOT ON THE PREMISES.

I JUST WANT TO GET
THE RULES STRAIGHT.

OH, BOY.

HOW ABOUT THE STREET? CAN I
DRIVE DOWN THE STREET? FORGET IT.

MAYBE I SHOULD JUST AVOID
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD ALTOGETHER.

THOUGH MY DOCTOR IS
JUST DOWN THE BLOCK.

MAYBE I CAN GET
SPECIAL PERMISSION

IF I'M BLEEDING FROM THE HEAD.

I'M SORRY.

I WAS JUST SURPRISED
TO SEE YOU HERE.

I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS
IMPORTANT FOR THIS SCHOOL

TO KNOW THEY HAD A
GILMORE AMONGST THEM.

A VERY GOOD THOUGHT.

AND THAT SOME OF THE
GILMORES ACTUALLY OWN CLOTHING.

AND ON THAT NOTE, I
HAVE TO GET TO WORK.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

DINNER, FRIDAY NIGHT.
NO SPURS, PLEASE.

OH!

YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY A
BRIGHT GIRL, MISS GILMORE.

THANK YOU.

GOOD GRADES, THE
TEACHERS LIKE YOU.

NOT A LOT OF SOCIAL
ACTIVITIES, THOUGH.

OH, WELL.

JUST LIVING AT STARS HOLLOW IS
KIND OF A SOCIAL ACTIVITY, ACTUALLY.

NOTHING IN YOUR
SCHOOL APPEALED TO YOU?

I WORK AT MY MOTHER'S INN
AFTER SCHOOL SOMETIMES.

AND I WAS IN THE
GERMAN CLUB FOR A WHILE.

BUT THERE WERE ONLY 3 OF US.

AND THEN 2 LEFT
FOR THE FRENCH CLUB

AFTER SEEING
SCHINDLER'S LIST, SO...

WHAT ARE YOUR ASPIRATIONS?

I WANT TO GO TO HARVARD AND STUDY
JOURNALISM AND POLITICAL SCIENCE.

ON YOUR WAY TO BEING...

CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR.

REALLY?

YES.

NOT COKIE ROBERTS?

NO.

NOT OPRAH, ROSIE, OR ONE
OF THE WOMEN FROM THE VIEW?

NO.

WHY DO YOU WISH TO BE
CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR?

WELL, I DON'T WISH
TO BE HER EXACTLY.

I JUST WANT TO DO WHAT SHE DOES.

WHICH IS?

TRAVEL, UH, SEE
THE WORLD UP CLOSE,

REPORT ON WHAT'S
REALLY GOING ON,

BE A PART OF SOMETHING BIG.

AND TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING
BIG YOU HAVE TO BE ON T.V.?

WHY NOT LEAD THE POLICE
ON A HIGH-SPEED CHASE?

THAT'S A QUICKER WAY
TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL.

BEING ON T.V. HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

MAYBE I'LL BE A JOURNALIST

AND WRITE BOOKS OR
ARTICLES ABOUT WHAT I SEE.

I JUST WANT TO BE
SURE THAT I SEE...

SOMETHING.

YOU'LL NOTICE THE DEBATING
TEAM'S ALSO MISSING FROM MY RESUME.

I'VE KNOWN YOUR GRANDPARENTS
FOR QUITE SOME TIME.

I KNOW.

IN FACT, I WAS AT A PARTY AT
THEIR HOUSE JUST LAST WEEK

WHERE I HAD THE MOST DELICIOUS
LOBSTER PUFFS I'VE EVER EATEN.

I'M VERY FOND OF THEM.

THAT'S NICE.

NONE OF THIS, HOWEVER,
WILL BE OF ANY BENEFIT TO YOU.

CHILTON HAS ONE OF THE
HIGHEST ACADEMIC STANDARDS

OF ANY SCHOOL IN AMERICA.

YOU MAY HAVE BEEN THE
SMARTEST GIRL AT STARS HOLLOW,

BUT THIS IS A DIFFERENT PLACE.

THE PRESSURES ARE GREATER,
THE RULES ARE STRICTER,

AND THE EXPECTATIONS ARE HIGHER.

IF YOU MAKE IT THROUGH,

YOU'LL HAVE RECEIVED ONE OF THE
FINEST EDUCATIONS ONE CAN GET.

AND THERE SHOULD BE NO REASON

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT
ACHIEVE ALL YOUR GOALS.

HOWEVER, SINCE YOU
ARE STARTING LATE

AND ARE NOT USED TO THIS
HIGHLY COMPETITIVE ATMOSPHERE,

THERE IS A GOOD
CHANCE YOU WILL FAIL.

THAT IS FINE. FAILURE
IS A PART OF LIFE.

BUT NOT A PART OF CHILTON.

UNDERSTAND?

SO, YOU LIKED THE
LOBSTER PUFFS, HUH?

TAKE THIS TO MISS JAMES IN THE
ADMINISTRATION OFFICE ACROSS THE HALL.

HI, I'M LOOKING FOR MISS JAMES.

NAME?

LORELAI GILMORE.

BUT I... I GO BY RORY.

FILL THIS OUT, PLEASE.

WELL? SHUT UP.

HURRY PLEASE. SPIDERS.

LORELAI GILMORE.

NICE STRIPPER NAME.

FORMERLY OF STARS
HOLLOW HIGH SCHOOL.

WHERE'S THAT?

DRIVE WEST, MAKE A LEFT AT THE
HAYSTACKS, AND FOLLOW THE COWS.

OH, A DIXIE CHICK.

PERFECT ATTENDANCE,
4.0 GRADE POINT AVERAGE.

BUGS, DIRT, TWIGS.

SHE'S A JOURNALISM MAJOR.

THAT MEANS SHE'S GONNA GO
OUT FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER.

NOT NECESSARILY.

SHE'S GOT A THOUSAND
RECOMMENDATIONS IN HERE.

POPULAR WITH THE ADULTS. AND
GOING OUT FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER.

WILL YOU STOP? YOU
DON'T KNOW THAT.

OH, SOMETHING'S
BITING ME. QUIET DOWN.

I HATE NATURE.

SHE'LL NEVER CATCH UP.
SHE'S A MONTH BEHIND ALREADY.

YOU CAN TUTOR HER.
BE LIKE A BIG SISTER.

YOU'RE FUNNY.

OK, LIZARD, GOODBYE.

WHY ARE THEY LETTING
ALL THESE EXTRA PEOPLE IN?

THEY JUST TAKE UP SPACE
AND SCREW UP THE CURVE.

WE DON'T NEED ANY NEW KIDS HERE.

TOO LATE.

PSST.

HERE'S THE DINING
ROOM, THE SCIENCE HALL,

AND THE THEATER.

HERE'S YOUR LOCKER NUMBER,
HERE'S YOUR SCHEDULE, TAKE THIS MAP.

HERE'S THE RULES OF THE SCHOOL

AND THE CHILTON HONOR CODE.

HERE ARE THE WORDS
TO THE SCHOOL SONG

WHICH MUST BE
RECITED UPON DEMAND.

THIS CAN HAPPEN
ANY PLACE, ANY TIME.

IF YOU DO IT IN LATIN,
YOU GET EXTRA CREDIT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?

UH, NOT AT THE MOMENT.

IF YOU DO, YOU CAN
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT

TO SEE YOUR GUIDANCE
COUNSELOR, MR. WINTERS.

HE HANDLES EVERYTHING
BUT BULIMIA AND PREGNANCY.

FOR THAT, YOU HAVE TO GO TO
THE NURSE OR COACH RUBENS.

WELCOME TO CHILTON.

I ALREADY HAD THE
LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE,

AND, OH, LOOK, IT'S
ONLY 10:00. HOW NICE.

THERE'S NO COFFEE.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

I CAN GIVE YOU HERBAL TEA.

THIS IS NOT AN
HERBAL TEA MORNING.

THIS IS A COFFEE MORNING.

EVERY MORNING FOR
YOU IS A COFFEE MORNING.

THIS IS A JUMBO COFFEE MORNING.

I NEED COFFEE IN AN I.V.

I CAN GIVE YOU TEA
AND A BALANCE BAR.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE
TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING.

I'M KIDDING.

YOU'RE SICK. YEP.

YOU'RE A SADIST. YOU'RE A FIEND!

YOU'RE PRETTY.

FOR HERE OR TO
GO? TO GO, PLEASE.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS STUFF
DOES TO YOUR CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM?

OOH, DO YOU HAVE A CHART?
BECAUSE I LOVE CHARTS.

FORGET IT, KILL YOURSELF.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED THIS
MORNING THAT WAS SO AWFUL?

RORY STARTED CHILTON.

REALLY?

YEAH.

WHAT?

THAT'S HOW YOU DRESSED
TO TAKE RORY TO CHILTON?

NO, BUT... I MEAN,
THAT'S A FANCY SCHOOL.

MY CLOTHES WERE AT THE CLEANERS,

AND I HAD THE FUZZY CLOCK,
AND IT DIDN'T PURR ON TIME.

IT DIDN'T PURR?

IT'S FUZZY. IT PURRS.

YOU KNOW WHAT.
NEVER MIND. I GOTTA GO.

I HAD A PLAN, DAMN IT.

ME, TOO. NEXT TIME
YOU'RE GETTING TEA.

VISUALIZE, LADIES.

IT'S A THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.

YOU'RE STANDING ON 5TH AVENUE.

THERE'S 100 BEAUTIFUL BOYS
MARCHING IN PLACE BEHIND YOU.

AND THERE YOU ARE.

YOU ARE OUT IN FRONT WITH YOUR
FABULOUS LEGS AND YOUR PERFECT TUSH.

YOUR BATON IS ON FIRE,
AND THE CROWD GOES NUTS!

OK, COOKIE TIME.

LORELAI, HI.

HEY, PATTY.

ISN'T TODAY RORY'S
FIRST DAY AT CHILTON?

OH, YEAH, SHE'S THERE RIGHT NOW.

I JUST GOT THROUGH
DROPPING HER OFF.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WORE?

OH, LOOK AT THE
TIME. SEE YOU, PATTY.

BYE.

OH, LADIES, WHAT DO
I SEE? NAKED GIRLS.

NO, NO, KEEP THOSE LEOTARDS ON.

THIS IS NOT BRAZIL.

HELLO?

LORELAI?

MOM?

LORELAI, GOOD. I'M GOING
SHOPPING THIS AFTERNOON,

AND I THOUGHT I'D PICK
UP A FEW THINGS FOR RORY.

LIKE WHAT?

OH, YOU KNOW, A COUPLE OF
EXTRA SKIRTS AND TOPS FOR SCHOOL.

OK, I ALREADY TOOK
CARE OF ALL THAT, MOM.

I GOT HER 2 SKIRTS
AND A BUNCH OF TOPS.

BUT THERE ARE 5 DAYS
IN A SCHOOL WEEK.

REALLY? ARE YOU SURE?

BECAUSE MY DAYS-OF-THE-WEEK
UNDERWEAR ONLY GO TO THURSDAY.

IS THAT A JOKE?

MOM, 2 SKIRTS ARE FINE.

I NEVER KNOW WITH YOU.

REALLY, DON'T BOTHER.

WELL, WHAT IF SHE
GETS ONE DIRTY?

WELL, THEN SHE'LL
WEAR THE OTHER ONE.

WHAT IF SHE GETS
THEM BOTH DIRTY?

WELL, THEN WE'LL USE THIS NEWFANGLED
THING CALLED A WASHING MACHINE.

THE TOWN JUST CHIPPED IN AND
BOUGHT ONE. MY TURN'S TUESDAY.

WELL, THEN, WHAT ABOUT SOCKS?

CHILTON HAS THESE
SPECIAL LOGO SOCKS.

RORY SHOULD HAVE THEM.

MOM, PLEASE.

AND WHAT ABOUT THE SCHOOL
SWEATER? SHE MIGHT LIKE THAT.

AND THERE'S THE SWEATER
VEST AND THE BOOK BAG.

ARE YOU GETTING A CUT
OF THE MERCHANDISING?

RORY SHOULD HAVE THESE THINGS.

SHE'LL BE THE ONLY
ONE WHO DOESN'T.

SHE'LL LIVE.

WELL, I'M AT LEAST GETTING HER
THE CHILTON COAT. IS SHE A SIZE 6?

MOM, PLEASE.

THIS IS A SIMPLE
QUESTION, LORELAI.

SHE'S A 6, BUT I'D GET
AN 8 IN CASE SHE GROWS.

IF SHE GROWS, I'LL BUY ANOTHER.

OK, WELL, THEN A 6 IS GREAT.

I GOTTA GO, MOM. BYE.

AND WHILE FRENCH CULTURE WAS THE
DOMINANT OUTSIDE CULTURAL INFLUENCE,

ESPECIALLY FOR
RUSSIA'S MONEYED CLASS,

ENGLISH CULTURE
ALSO HAD ITS IMPACT.

TOLSTOY'S FAVORITE
AUTHOR, FOR INSTANCE, WAS...

DICKENS.

YES. AND OF COURSE,
LAST WEEK WE COVERED

DOSTOYEVSKY'S MAIN
AUTHORIAL INFLUENCES...

GEORGE SAND AND BALZAC.

GOOD.

AS TOLSTOY COMMENCED WRITING
BOTH WAR AND PEACE AND ANNA KARENINA,

COUNT LEO WOULD TURN TO...

DAVID COPPERFIELD.

CORRECT. HE WOULD TURN TO
DAVID COPPERFIELD FOR INSPIRATION.

UH, MR. DUGRAY.

SIR.

NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK.

I HOPE YOUR
GRANDFATHER'S BETTER.

MUCH BETTER, SIR.

GOOD. TAKE YOUR SEAT, PLEASE.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS,
A TALE OF TWO CITIES,

LITTLE DORRIT,

ALL MAJOR INFLUENCES
ON LEO TOLSTOY.

TOMORROW...

WHO'S THAT?

NEW GIRL.

WRITING STYLES OF THESE 2 LITERARY
MASTERS, TOLSTOY AND DICKENS.

CLASS DISMISSED.

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT
OURSELVES A MARY.

MISS, UH, GILMORE,

COME UP HERE, PLEASE.

HERE ARE LAST WEEK'S
STUDY MATERIALS.

THERE'LL BE A TEST
ON THEM TOMORROW.

BUT SINCE YOU'RE NEW, YOU
CAN TAKE A MAKEUP ON MONDAY.

WILL THAT BE SUFFICIENT TIME?

MONDAY? SURE, THAT'S FINE.

GOOD. THAT'S JUST AN OVERVIEW.

IT'D BE VERY HELPFUL TO YOU

TO BORROW ONE OF THE OTHER
STUDENT'S PERSONAL NOTES.

THEY TEND TO BE MORE DETAILED.

MORE DETAILED THAN THIS?

IT SEEMS DAUNTING
RIGHT NOW, I KNOW.

NO, NO. IT... IT'S OK.

IT'LL BE FINE.

REMEMBER TO GET THOSE
NOTES. THEY'LL BE A LIFESAVER.

OH!

I'M PARIS.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, TOO.

LORELAI GILMORE
FROM STARS HOLLOW.

YOU CAN CALL ME RORY.

ARE YOU GOING OUT
FOR THE FRANKLIN?

THE WHAT?

NICE INNOCENT ACT.

AT LEAST I KNOW YOU'RE NOT
GOING OUT FOR DRAMA CLUB.

I'M CONFUSED.

THE FRANKLIN, THE SCHOOL
PAPER, ARE YOU GOING OUT FOR IT?

I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE
TO FIND MY LOCKER FIRST.

I'M GONNA BE EDITOR NEXT YEAR.

GOOD FOR YOU.

I'M ALSO THE TOP OF THE CLASS.

AND I INTEND TO BE
VALEDICTORIAN WHEN I GRADUATE.

OK. I'M GOING NOW.

YOU'LL NEVER CATCH
UP. YOU'LL NEVER BEAT ME.

THIS SCHOOL IS MY DOMAIN,
AND THE FRANKLIN IS MY DOMAIN.

AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT.

I GUESS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
LET ME BORROW YOUR NOTES, HUH?

THEY'RE SMALLER
THAN THE LAST BATCH.

NO, THEY'RE NOT.

SMALLER MEANS WATERY.
NO GOOD PEACH TASTE.

NO, THERE'S PLENTY
OF PEACH TASTE

BEING AS THEY'RE,
YOU KNOW, PEACHES.

WHAT ABOUT THE
ONES ON THE BOTTOM?

OH, GREAT.

NO. BE SURE TO CHECK THEM ALL.

THAT'S IT.

GIVE EVERY LAST ONE OF
'EM A NICE, GOOD SQUEEZE.

YOU WOULDN'T WANNA
ACTUALLY LEAVE ME ONE

THAT I COULD SELL
TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU MISSED ONE.

I'M NOT GONNA TELL
YOU WHICH ONE IT IS.

I'M JUST GOING TO LET YOUR
IMPECCABLY GOOD RADAR...

THERE IT IS, YOU GOT IT.

OK.

I LOOK GREAT, RIGHT?

YES.

YES, SEE. THIS IS HOW I WAS
SUPPOSED TO LOOK THIS MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, JACKSON.

OH, MY GOD, TODAY
WAS RORY'S FIRST DAY.

YES. AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO
LOOK TOGETHER AND FABULOUS.

NOT LIKE I'VE BEEN UP ALL
NIGHT PLAYING QUARTERS.

NOBODY CARES HOW YOU LOOKED.

EVERYBODY CARED.

WHO? OH!

THE OTHER MOMS, THE HEADMASTER.

MY MOM, LUKE, MISS PATTY,

THE NEW FIRE CHIEF
WITH THE TINY LITTLE HEAD.

TASTE THIS.

MMM, A LITTLE WATERY.

OH, NOW, YOU PLANNED THIS.

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?

OH, YEAH.

I WALKED INTO THE HEADMASTER'S
OFFICE, AND THERE SHE WAS.

REALLY? WHY?

BECAUSE SHE KNEW
I'D WAKE UP LATE,

AND DRESS LIKE A COWGIRL,
AND HUMILIATE MYSELF.

WOW, SHE'S GOOD.

SHE'S THE BEST.

OH, I WOULD LOVE TO
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

THEY'RE ROLLING
DIFFERENTLY, TOO.

OH, BECAUSE OF THE EXTRA WATER.

EXACTLY.

MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

WELL, I WOULD IGNORE THOSE WOMEN

BECAUSE THE ONLY
THING THAT MATTERS

IS THAT RORY GOT INTO
THAT GREAT SCHOOL.

I KNOW. SHE LOOKED SO
AMAZING IN HER UNIFORM,

AND SHE WAS SO EXCITED.

AND I JUST ADMIRE HER SO MUCH,
JUMPING INTO A NEW SCHOOL.

SHE'S MY HERO.

MINE, TOO.

OH, YEAH. SIGN ME UP.

SOOKIE, THE PEACHES, PLEASE.

EXCUSE ME. THERE'S
A PHONE CALL FOR YOU,

AND IF I'M TO FETCH
YOU LIKE A DOG,

I'D LIKE A COOKIE AND A RAISE.

THANKS FOR THE PEACH.

THIS WILL BE
ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DARLING
SHOPS ALL UP AND DOWN THIS STREET.

OH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE WE
CAN FIND THE BEST ANTIQUES?

AT YOUR HOUSE, I'D GUESS.

MOM, DID I GIVE YOU THIS NUMBER,

'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER
GIVING YOU THIS NUMBER.

♪ I MUST BE LOSING MY
MIND. WHAT CAN I, UH...

I'M SORRY, MOM, CAN YOU
HOLD ON ONE SECOND?

UM, DRELLA, COULD YOU JUST,
UH, TAKE IT DOWN JUST A NOTCH?

THANKS.

OK, I'M BACK.

I WANTED YOU TO KNOW

THAT I JUST BOUGHT A PARKING
SPACE FOR RORY AT CHILTON.

YOU WHAT?

THEY ARE VERY HARD TO COME BY.

BUT I PULLED A FEW
STRINGS AND IT'S ALL HERS.

MOM, UH, RORY
DOESN'T HAVE A CAR.

NO, BUT SHE'S GOT A
BIRTHDAY COMING UP SOON.

OK, HOLD, HOLD ON A SECOND.

UM, DRELLA,

DRELLA, PLEASE, A LITTLE SOFTER.

HEY, DO I LOOK LIKE I GOT
PANASONIC STAMPED ON MY ASS?

MOM, YOU ARE NOT
BUYING RORY A CAR.

WHY NOT? SHE'S A SMART
GIRL. SHE'S RESPONSIBLE.

NO, SHE DOESN'T NEED ONE.

SHE NEEDS TO HAVE A WAY TO
GET AROUND. TO GET TO SCHOOL.

SHE'LL BE TAKING THE BUS.

I KNOW. I HATE THAT
SHE TAKES THE BUS.

DRUG DEALERS TAKE THE BUS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM? I GOTTA GO.

FINE. WE'LL DISCUSS
THIS AT A LATER DATE.

OK. BYE.

HEY, MARY.

HEY, MARY.

ME?

YEAH, YOU.

MY NAME IS RORY.

I'M TRISTIN.

HI.

SO YOU NEW?

YEAH, FIRST DAY.

WELL, REMMY'S CLASS IS ROUGH.

YEAH, IT SEEMED VERY INTENSE.

YOU KNOW, I COULD
LOAN YOU MY NOTES,

IF THAT WOULD HELP.

REALLY? THAT'D BE GREAT.

YEAH?

HOW GREAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

MR. REMMY SAID THAT GETTING
SOMEONE'S NOTES WOULD BE...

I COULD EVEN HELP
YOU STUDY IF YOU WANT.

UM,

I KIND OF VIEW STUDYING
AS A SOLITARY ACTIVITY.

BUT THANKS.

BYE, MARY.

IT'S RORY.

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

OH, DO YOU? BECAUSE
THIS IS A BRAND-NEW CAR.

BUT I SWEAR.

HE BRINGS THE CAR
UP AND IT'S SCRATCHED.

I JUST BACKED THE CAR UP AND...

I'D KNOW IF MY CAR WAS SCRATCHED

BEFORE I PARKED IT OR NOT.

OK, OK, LET'S, LET'S CALM DOWN.

SIR, WHY DON'T I HAVE YOUR
CAR LOOKED AT TOMORROW?

AND I'M SURE WE CAN FIND
A WAY TO RESOLVE THIS.

UH, NO.

IN THE MEANTIME, I WOULD LOVE
FOR YOU TO HAVE LUNCH HERE ON ME.

DESSERT IS A MUST.

ANYTHING WITH OUR HOMEMADE
ICE CREAM IS ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.

I PROMISE YOU,
LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT

WILL NEVER BE THE
SAME. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

WELL...

I THINK I WILL.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

LORELAI, I SWEAR, I
DIDN'T SCRATCH HIS CAR.

DEREK.

I MEAN, IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS
UNRELIABLE OR A BAD DRIVER...

IT'S OK.

'CAUSE I... I CAN DRIVE.

OH, SWEETIE. I AM SURE YOU CAN.

LISTEN, WE'LL JUST TAKE IT OVER TO MUSKY'S
TOMORROW AND HAVE THE GUYS LOOK AT IT.

I'M SURE THEY CAN BUFF
IT OUT FOR NOTHING. OK?

OK.

THAT'S A REAL NICE OUTFIT
YOU'RE WEARING TODAY.

THANK YOU, DEREK.

ONCE AGAIN, YOUR FAITHFUL
POOCH IS HERE TO SAY:

"PLEASE COME TO THE DESK.
SOMEONE NEEDS TO TALK WITH YOU."

IT'S NOT MY MOTHER, IS IT?

IT'S POSSIBLE.

IT'S POSSIBLE?

THERE'S A RESEMBLANCE.

MMM.

HI.

HI. IS THIS A BAD TIME?

NO, NOT AT ALL. WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

WELL, I HAD TO MEET AN
ASSOCIATE FOR LUNCH.

HE WAS COMING UP FROM NEW YORK.

SO I THOUGHT, "WHY NOT
MEET HIM IN A BEAUTIFUL INN?"

WELL, GOOD. ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.

THANKS. I WILL.

OK.

AND I WAS ALSO WONDERING

IF MAYBE I COULD TAKE YOU
OUT TO DINNER SOMETIME.

WE'RE A LITTLE
FOOD-OBSESSED, AREN'T WE?

WELL, IT'S THE COMPANY MORE
THAN THE FOOD THAT INTERESTS ME.

I'M FLATTERED.

IS THAT A YES?

THAT'S A... YOU'RE A DAD.

AND YOU'RE A MOM.

ALTHOUGH I'M STILL FINDING
THAT REALLY HARD TO BELIEVE.

NO, I MEAN, YOU'RE
A CHILTON DAD.

OOH, THAT SOUNDS BAD.

NOT BAD. JUST TRICKY.

YOU KNOW, RORY
JUST STARTED THERE,

AND I THINK I SHOULD LET HER
FALL IN WITH THE BAD CROWD

BEFORE I START HOOKING
UP WITH THE P.T.A.

WELL, I'M NOT ON THE P.T.A.

OH, SEE? THERE YOU GO, I CAN'T
DATE ANYONE NOT ON THE P.T.A.

LOOK, IT'S JUST A CASUAL DINNER.

SORRY.

OK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'M GOING TO CHINA FOR
A WEEK ON BUSINESS.

AND WHEN I GET BACK,
I'M GOING TO TRY AGAIN.

CHINA? WOW.

IMPRESSED?

NO.

ROME, I'D BE IMPRESSED.
CHINA, I'M JUST, "CHINA? WOW."

OK.

"LORELAI GILMORE,
GENERAL MANAGER."

I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.

HAVE A SAFE TRIP.

I WILL.

HE DOES THAT SO WELL.

YOU ARE MAKING ME SICK.

OH, NOW, HONEY. YOU TRY IT.

I'LL WATCH YOU WALK AWAY, TOO.

STOP IT.

GO ON NOW, WALK.
IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

MMM, NO.

YOU HAVE TO DO IT WITH
A LITTLE MORE ATTITUDE.

MAKE ME THINK YOU MEAN IT.

THAT'S LUNCH.

WHAT? IS SHE DONE?

I'M SORRY, BUT
YOU'RE GOING TO OPEN.

OH, NO.

I AM SO SORRY.

PARIS, PLEASE, I'M SO SORRY.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. MY
LOCKER, IT JUST SLIPPED.

I PULLED TOO HARD.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO...

IS THERE WATER IN THAT MOAT?

GET AWAY FROM ME.

EXCUSE ME, I NEED
MS. NESS. HISTORY?

IT'S BEHIND YOU.

OF COURSE IT IS.

OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

SEATS NOW, PLEASE.

HEY, MARY.

OK.

WE LEFT OUR PROJECTS OFF
ON FRIDAY WITH MR. GAYNOR

SO TODAY WE WILL PICK
UP WITH MISS GELLER.

I DON'T HAVE MY PROJECT.

MISS GELLER, DID YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT
TIME TO COMPLETE YOUR PROJECT?

YES.

AND YET YOU DON'T HAVE IT DONE?

NO.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU WILL RECEIVE AN
"INCOMPLETE" FOR THIS PROJECT.

IT'S MY FAULT.

WHO ARE YOU?

RORY GILMORE. I
WRECKED HER PROJECT.

SHUT UP.

I DON'T HAVE A RORY GILMORE.

I HAVE A LORELAI GILMORE.

THAT'S ME.

YOU ARE RORY AND
LORELAI GILMORE?

YES. AND I WRECKED HER PROJECT.

MY LOCKER GOT STUCK.

JUST STAY OUT OF THIS.

DO YOU GO BY RORY OR LORELAI?

WHATEVER.

UH, IT'S NOT HER FAULT.

I NEED YOU TO PICK ONE.

ONE WHAT?

ONE NAME.

RORY.

FINE. THANK YOU.

RORY.

YOU WRECKED PARIS' PROJECT WHEN?

JUST BEFORE CLASS.

VERY CONVENIENT.

NO, I DID. MY LOCKER GOT
STUCK, AND WHEN I OPENED IT...

STOP IT!

MISS GILMORE, SINCE YOU SAY YOU
WRECKED MISS GELLER'S PROJECT,

THEN YOU MAY HELP HER FIX IT.

YOU HAVE UNTIL TOMORROW.

FINE. NO.

WHY NOT?

I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP.

BUT I DON'T MIND DOING IT.

JUST STAY OUT OF THIS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU.

WELL, DON'T.

LADIES, ENOUGH.

MISS GELLER, IF YOU DON'T
WANT MISS GILMORE'S HELP,

THEN YOU MAY HAVE
UNTIL TOMORROW.

IF IT'S NOT DONE, YOU WILL
RECEIVE AN "INCOMPLETE."

IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

YES.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE STANDING,

CLASS, WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT.

SAY HELLO TO RORY GILMORE.

HI, RORY.

HELLO, MARY.

NOW, WALK SMOOTH.

THAT'S THE NEW HARRY
POTTER ON YOUR HEADS.

IF THEY SHOULD
DROP, HARRY WILL DIE,

AND THERE WON'T
BE ANY MORE BOOKS.

NOW THAT'S HOW YOU SHOULD'VE
DRESSED THIS MORNING, MISSY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

SEE NOW, THAT'S
WHY YOU WERE VOTED

"MR. PERSONALITY OF
THE NEW MILLENNIUM."

WHERE'S YOUR CROWN?

I JUST MEAN YOU DON'T
USUALLY COME IN AT THIS TIME.

WELL, I HAVE TO PICK
UP RORY FROM SCHOOL.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

NO LECTURES?

MY BLOOD SUGAR'S LOW.

I'LL EAT AN APPLE
AND GET BACK TO YOU.

GOD, THIS HAS BEEN ONE
HECTIC, BIZARRO DAY FOR ME.

YEAH? YEAH.

THIS MORNING WITH THE BEING
LATE AND MY MOM WITH HER EXISTING.

OH, AND THIS FATHER,
THIS FATHER FROM CHILTON.

HE, UH, DROVE OUT
TO THE INN ALL THE WAY

FROM HARTFORD
JUST TO ASK ME OUT.

REALLY? ARE YOU GOING?

NO. HE'S GOT A KID
IN SCHOOL WITH RORY,

AND THE WHOLE THING
JUST SEEMED A LITTLE WEIRD.

OH, GOOD.

GOOD?

YEAH, I THINK IT'S GOOD
THAT YOU TURNED HIM DOWN.

OK.

I MEAN, HE'S
PROBABLY OLD, RIGHT?

OLD?

YEAH, I MEAN, HE'S GOT
A KID IN HIGH SCHOOL.

WELL, SO DO I.

YEAH, BUT YOU WERE
YOUNG WHEN YOU HAD RORY.

MOST PEOPLE AREN'T THAT
YOUNG. MOST PEOPLE ARE...

OLD.

YEAH.

LIKE THIS GUY WHO ASKED ME OUT.

BUT YOU'RE NOT GOIN'.

NO, I'M NOT GOIN'.

OH, THAT'S ME.

HELLO?

HI, BABBETTE.

WHAT? OK.

NO, NO, I'LL BE RIGHT
THERE. THANKS.

UM, I HAVE TO GO.

KEEP IT. I GAVE YOU DECAF.

HEY.

OH, LORELAI, I'M SO SORRY I
HAD TO CALL YOU LIKE THIS.

OH, THAT'S OK,
BABBETTE. I APPRECIATE IT.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, THEY PULL UP,

GET OUT OF THE TRUCK,
AND START SNIFFIN' AROUND.

IT'S VERY STRANGE.

ALL RIGHT. LET ME
GO TALK TO THEM.

TELL HER ABOUT THE GNOME, BABY.

THEY KICKED A GNOME.

WHAT? RIGHT IN THE HEAD.

THAT'S JUST NOT COOL.

I'M VERY SORRY. IS THE GNOME OK?

OH, HE'S FINE, SUGAR.
THANKS FOR ASKING.

BUT I WOULDN'T TRUST THESE BOYS.

GNOME KICKING SAYS A LOT
ABOUT A MAN'S CHARACTER.

YES. WELL, I'M GONNA
GO TAKE CARE OF THIS.

THANKS.

HEY.

UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU LIVE HERE? YES, I DO.

I'M SUPPOSED TO INSTALL A D.S.L.
FOR A LORELAI GILMORE. IS THAT YOU?

YES, THAT'S ME.

I'M MICK.

HI, MICK. NICE TO MEET YOU.
COULD YOU GET OFF MY PORCH?

I WAS TOLD YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE

BUT TO LOOK FOR A CERAMIC
FROG WITH A KEY IN IT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE CAN'T FIND THE FROG.

I DIDN'T ORDER A D.S.L.

UH, THE ORDER WAS
PLACED BY AN EMILY GILMORE.

AH, NO.

WE WOULD'VE BEEN DONE BY NOW, BUT
THE FROG SEARCH PUT US WAY BEHIND.

WELL, LOOK.

HEY, MICK.

I FOUND IT.

YOU FOUND THE FROG.

IT WASN'T A FROG,
IT WAS A TURTLE.

IT SAYS HERE IT'S A FROG.

IT'S A TURTLE. REALLY?

TRUST ME. LISTEN, MICK,

I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE
TO CANCEL THAT D.S.L. ORDER.

YOU'RE SURE? IT'S
ALREADY PAID FOR.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT, UH,
WE DON'T NEED A D.S.L.,

SO THANKS FOR COMING, AND,
UH, YOU GUYS CAN JUST GO.

IS THERE A PROBLEM?

OH, NOTHING SHAKESPEARE COULDN'T
TURN INTO A REALLY GOOD PLAY.

LET'S TRY ANOTHER PASSAGE.

"THE ROMANISTS HAVE,
WITH GREAT ADROITNESS,

"DRAWN 3 WALLS AROUND THEMSELVES

"WITH WHICH THEY HAVE
HITHERTO PROTECTED THEMSELVES

"SO THAT NO ONE
COULD REFORM THEM,

WHEREBY CHRISTENDOM
HAS FALLEN TERRIBLY."

WHO SAID THIS?

MARTIN LUTHER.

VERY GOOD, MISS GILMORE.

AND WHAT YEAR DID MARTIN LUTHER

ADDRESS THE CHRISTIAN NOBILITY?

1520.

VERY GOOD, MISS GILMORE.

UNTIL NEXT TIME, CLASS.

STAY OUT OF MY WAY.

I WILL MAKE THIS SCHOOL
A LIVING HELL FOR YOU.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, MARY.

THE NAME IS RORY.

CAN I HELP YOU?

GOD, I WISH.

WHAT ON EARTH...

YOU'RE NOT BUYING US A D.S.L.

LORELAI, THIS IS
HARDLY THE PLACE.

I CANCELED THE ORDER,
AND IT'S NOT HAPPENING.

BUT RORY NEEDS THE
INTERNET FOR HER SCHOOL.

WE HAVE THE INTERNET.

WELL, THIS IS FASTER.

WELL, WE LIKE OUR
INTERNET SLOW, OK?

WE CAN TURN IT ON, WALK AROUND,

DO A LITTLE DANCE,
MAKE A SANDWICH.

WITH D.S.L., THERE'S NO DANCING,
NO WALKING, AND WE'D STARVE.

IT'D BE ALL WORK AND NO PLAY.

HAVE YOU NOT SEEN
THE SHINING, MOM?

WHAT ON EARTH ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ALSO, THERE WILL BE NO
CARS, NO PARKING SPACES,

AND ALL THE UNIFORMS WILL
BE SUPPLIED BY ME. THE MOTHER.

THAT'S FINAL. THERE
WILL BE NO DISCUSSION.

YOU'RE BEING STUBBORN AS USUAL.

NO, MOM, I'M NOT BEING
STUBBORN AS USUAL.

I'M BEING ME.

THE SAME PERSON WHO ALWAYS
NEEDED TO WORK OUT HER OWN PROBLEMS

AND TAKE CARE OF HERSELF,

BECAUSE THAT'S
THE WAY I WAS BORN.

THAT'S HOW I AM!

FLORENCE, I'M DRIPPING.

I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE
FOR RORY IN PAYING FOR HER SCHOOL.

THAT WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.

YOU WON'T LET IT.

BUT SHE IS MY DAUGHTER.

AND I DECIDE HOW
WE LIVE, NOT YOU.

NOW THEN,

DO THEY VALIDATE PARKING HERE?

THERE'S A STAMP AT THE DESK.

THANK YOU.

MMM.

HEY, YOU.

SO, THIS WHOLE
PLAID-SKIRT THING, MY IDEA?

MY DAY SUCKED, TOO.

PROMISE?

I SWEAR ON MY MOTHER'S LIFE.

NOT YET.

OH, STILL HUGGING,
STILL HUGGING.

MMM-MMM.

SO, I BROUGHT US SOME COFFEE.

WHY, I'M SHOCKED.

TRIPLE CAPS, EASY FOAM.

WOW!

IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, WE'LL
STICK OUR FINGERS IN A LIGHT SOCKET.

COME HERE.

UGH!

WOW, WHAT, DO THEY EXPECT
YOU TO GET SMART ALL IN ONE DAY?

OH, THEY EXPECT A LOT OF THINGS.

OH, SO, TELL ME.

I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS
JUST ONE BIG, LONG,

SCARY, TWEEDY, BAD 8 HOURS.

ADD SOME HAIR SPRAY,
AND YOU'VE GOT MY DAY.

ONE OF THE GIRLS
ALREADY HATES ME.

THE GUYS ARE WEIRD.

WEIRDER THAN OTHER GUYS?

YEAH, THEY KEPT CALLING ME MARY.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY STILL SAY THAT.

WHY? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

MARY, LIKE VIRGIN MARY.

IT MEANS THEY THINK YOU
LOOK LIKE A GOODY-GOODY.

YOU'RE KIDDING. NO.

WHAT WOULD THEY HAVE CALLED ME

IF THEY THOUGHT I
LOOKED LIKE A SLUT?

WELL, THEY MIGHT HAVE
ADDED A MAGDALENE TO IT.

WOW, BIBLICAL INSULTS.

THIS IS AN ADVANCED SCHOOL.

IT WAS SO WEIRD NOT
HAVING YOU IN SCHOOL TODAY.

I MEAN, I FINALLY NOTICED
SOME OF THE OTHER KIDS.

LET ME JUST SAY,
THEY ARE A SAD LOT.

YEAH? ADD A COUPLE PLAID SKIRTS,

AND YOU'VE GOT
THE CHILTON FREAKS.

I TOTALLY MISS YOU.

I MISS YOU.

HEY, GUYS, I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHAT ABOUT, ON
TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS,

YOU KNOW, WHEN I GO TO
HARTFORD FOR MY BUSINESS CLASS,

WHAT IF LANE COMES ALONG,

AND YOU GUYS CAN SHOP AND STUDY

AND JOIN A CULT AND
SHAVE YOUR HEADS?

REALLY?

ALL EXCEPT THE SHAVING
YOUR HEADS PART.

OH, NO. WHAT TIME IS IT?

6:30.

I'M LATE FOR DINNER.

AGAIN?

LANE, YOUR MOTHER
IS GONNA KILL ME

IF I KEEP SENDING YOU
HOME FED AND HAPPY.

I'M SORRY. BUT SHE FOUND A
WEBSITE THAT SELLS TOFU IN BULK.

OH, YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

YESTERDAY, SHE WENT OUT
AND BOUGHT A BIGGER FRIDGE.

BOY, HONEY, YOUR LIFE IS SCARY.

CAN I HAVE YOUR CRUST?

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.

THANKS. BYE.

BYE.

A PIZZA FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

I WISH I COULD FIGURE OUT A
WAY TO GET PARIS OFF MY BACK.

YEAH, ANGRY CHICKS
ARE THE WORST.

WHEN I WAS IN HIGH
SCHOOL, I HAD A PARIS.

YEAH?

YEAH, SHE WAS HORRIBLE.

HOW'D YOU GET RID OF HER?

I GOT PREGNANT AND DROPPED OUT.

WHAT IF I LEARN TO
FRENCH BRAID HER HAIR?

EVEN BETTER.

SWEETIE, YOU CAN'T LET
THOSE KIDS GET YOU DOWN.

I KNOW.

DO YOU WANT ME
TO TALK TO ANYBODY?

A PARENT, A TEACHER, A
BIG GUY NAMED MOOSE?

I'LL JUST FIGURE
IT OUT FOR MYSELF.

OK.

WHAT?

I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE
WAY PARIS' FACE LOOKED

WHEN I BEAT HER TO THAT
MARTIN LUTHER QUESTION.

AH, GOOD, HUH?

14 SHADES OF PURPLE.

COOL.

TOMORROW I'M SHOOTING FOR 15.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LUKE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, DO YOU THINK HE'S CUTE?

OH, NO. NO WAY.

NO WAY, WHAT?

YOU CANNOT DATE LUKE.

I SAID NOTHING
ABOUT DATING LUKE.

IF YOU DATE HIM,
YOU'LL BREAK UP,

AND WE'LL NEVER BE
ABLE TO EAT THERE AGAIN.

I REPEAT, I SAID NOTHING
ABOUT DATING LUKE.

DATE AL FROM PANCAKE
WORLD, HIS FOOD STINKS.

I CANNOT BELIEVE
WHAT I'M HEARING.

AL'S FOOD DOES NOT STINK,

AL STINKS.

♪ LA ♪

♪ LA ♪

♪ LA-A-A-A-A ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ♪