Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 1, Episode 18 - The Third Lorelai - full transcript
Lorelai's paternal grandmother arrives from England and stresses Emily out in a big way.
EVERYONE'S AWFULLY
QUIET TONIGHT.
SORRY, MOM, I'M JUST TIRED.
ME, TOO. SCHOOL.
WORK.
LIFE.
DIG IT, MAN.
PEACE OUT, HUMPHREY.
MYSTERY.
WELL, THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
3 INTELLIGENT WOMEN SITTING
HERE IN COMPLETE SILENCE.
THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.
DO YOU KNOW THAT
EVERY NIGHT AT DINNER,
THE KENNEDY CLAN WOULD
SIT AROUND THE TABLE
HAVING LIVELY DEBATES ABOUT
EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN?
THEY WOULD QUIZ EACH
OTHER ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS,
HISTORICAL FACTS,
INTELLECTUAL TRIVIA.
NOW THE GILMORE
CLAN IS JUST AS SMART
AND WORLDLY AS THE KENNEDYS.
SO, COME ON, SOMEBODY
SAY SOMETHING.
DO YOU KNOW THAT A BUTT
MODEL MAKES $10,000 A DAY?
CAMELOT IS TRULY DEAD.
EMILY.
IN HERE. JUST
FOLLOW THE CRICKETS.
I AM SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT I COME BEARING
WONDERFUL NEWS.
SIRI, BRING MR. GILMORE A PLATE.
I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE FIRST?
UH, NO, NO, NO, I'M FINE. SO...
SIRI, MR. GILMORE'S HUNGRY.
EMILY, I... I'M
PERFECTLY CAPABLE
OF PUTTING A NAPKIN ON MY LAP.
ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
YOU WERE ON THE PHONE.
LONG DISTANCE. GOD?
LONDON. GOD LIVES IN LONDON?
MY MOTHER LIVES IN LONDON.
YOUR MOTHER IS GOD? LORELAI...
SO, GOD IS A WOMAN. LORELAI...
AND A RELATIVE. THAT'S SO COOL.
I'M GONNA TOTALLY
ASK FOR FAVORS.
MAKE HER STOP.
OH, THAT I COULD.
YOU SPOKE WITH YOUR MOTHER.
YES, I DID. SHE'S FINE,
SHE SENDS HER LOVE AND...
SHE'S COMING TO VISIT.
WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING.
WHEN? I'M GONNA GET TO
MEET MY GREAT-GRANDMA?
LORELAI I. WHEN?
I WAS NAMED AFTER
HER. I FIGURED.
RICHARD, WHEN?
YOU'LL LOVE HER. MY MOTHER'S
BRILLIANT. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.
WE SHARE THAT ALSO.
I'M ASKING A QUESTION
HERE. DOES NO ONE HEAR ME?
AM I SUDDENLY INVISIBLE?
I'M SORRY. WHAT
WAS THE QUESTION?
WHEN IS YOUR MOTHER ARRIVING?
A WEEK FROM TODAY.
RORY, I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S
GOING TO BE SUCH A TREAT.
EXCUSE ME.
I STILL CAN'T GET OVER
THAT I'M RELATED TO GOD.
IT'S GOING TO MAKE GETTING
MADONNA TICKETS SO MUCH EASIER.
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
MOM.
MOM?
IT'S JUST LIKE THAT WOMAN,
NO WARNINGS, NO DISCUSSION,
THEN OUT OF THE BLUE,
"I'M COMING NEXT WEEK."
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE TO UNPACK
ALL THESE THINGS.
WHAT THINGS? EXCUSE ME, BOYS.
I HAVE TO GET OUT EVERYTHING
SHE HAS EVER GIVEN US.
35 YEARS' WORTH OF FISH LAMPS
AND DOG STATUES, LION TABLES
AND STUPID NAKED
ANGELS WITH THEIR BUTTS!
WHOA! STUPID NAKED ANGEL BUTTS?
WHAT, DID DAVID
MAMET JUST STOP BY?
LEAVE, PLEASE. MOM, CALM DOWN.
I CAN'T CALM DOWN! THAT
LAMPSHADE IS MISSING,
AND THE CHINA IS CRACKED.
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH
TABLE IT IS THAT SHE GAVE US
FOR OUR 10-YEAR ANNIVERSARY.
MOTHER, GRANDMA
IS A VERY OLD WOMAN.
I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT
SHE'S GONNA REMEMBER
EVERYTHING SHE EVER BOUGHT YOU.
SHE'LL REMEMBER DOWN
TO THE LAST SHRIMP FORK.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
NO. DO YOU KNOW WHY?
SHE DOESN'T JUST
GIVE YOU A PRESENT:
SHE GIVES YOU ONE, THEN
TELLS YOU WHERE TO PUT IT,
HOW TO USE IT, WHAT IT COSTS,
FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES.
AND GOD FORBID IF YOU
HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION
OR DON'T THINK IT
WORKS IN THE SPACE.
OR YOU GET TIRED OF
WAKING UP EVERY MORNING
WITH THOSE HORRIFYING
ANIMALS STARING AT YOU!
SHE'S JUST UPSET.
STOP TALKING TO THE DOGS! MOM.
YOU'RE FREAKING OUT.
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
FREAK OUT BEFORE.
YES, YOU HAVE. YOU WERE 12.
IT WAS THE LAST TIME THAT
HORRIBLE WOMAN CAME TO VISIT.
DO YOU WANT SOME HELP? NO.
PLEASE.
WHERE'S IT GOING? 3RD FLOOR.
HOW ABOUT THE 2ND FLOOR?
3RD FLOOR.
THE FIRST FLOOR, ON A LADDER?
SO TELL ME MORE ABOUT HER.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT MUCH.
WELL, YOU KNOW MORE THAN I DO.
WELL, LET'S SEE.
UH, SHE MOVED TO LONDON
WHEN GRANDPA DIED.
BUT SHE DIDN'T LIKE TO TRAVEL.
SO ONCE A YEAR MOM AND DAD
WOULD GO TO VISIT HER,
USUALLY LEAVING ME BEHIND,
MUCH TO MY RELIEF, BY THE WAY.
AND THAT'S IT.
THE REST I KNOW FROM
STORIES, JUST LIKE YOU.
GRANDPA SAYS I
REMIND HIM OF HER.
THAT IS THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT
THAT CAN BE WRENCHED OUT OF
GRUMPY McFARLANE, BELIEVE ME.
I HOPE SHE LIKES ME.
SHE'LL LOVE YOU.
I HOPE SHE AND
GRANDMA GET ALONG.
SHE'LL LOVE YOU.
I THINK THAT THE BASIC STRUCTURE
OF THE ELIZABETHAN
GOVERNMENT IS RELATIVELY SOUND.
THE DIVISION OF POWER BETWEEN
THE MONARCHY, THE PRIVY COUNCIL,
AND THE PARLIAMENT ALL
SEEM TO WORK. AGREED?
AGREED. DITTO.
OK, SO IN ESTABLISHING
OUR OWN GOVERNMENT,
I THINK DUPLICATING A SIMILAR
STRUCTURE WOULD BE GOOD,
WITH A FEW ALTERATIONS.
QUEEN ELIZABETH
CHOSE TO REMAIN UNWED.
SHE TOOK ON THE BURDEN
OF LEADERSHIP ALL BY HERSELF
AT A TIME WHEN MARRYING THE
PRINCE OF FRANCE OR THE KING OF SPAIN
WOULD'VE SOLIDIFIED HER THRONE
WHILE EXPANDING HER EMPIRE.
AND THOUGH IT WORKED FOR HER,
AND THE CONCEPT
OF A WOMAN RULING
WITHOUT MAN IS CERTAINLY
POLITICALLY CORRECT THESE DAYS,
I THINK WE NEED TO
TAKE A DIFFERENT TACT.
SHE DOES KNOW THIS IS A
MAKE-BELIEVE GOVERNMENT, RIGHT?
YOU ASK HER, I'M AFRAID.
SO, IN ADDITION TO THE MEMBERS
OF THE POLITICAL BRANCHES,
WE'LL ALSO NEED
A KING AND QUEEN.
RORY, TRISTIN, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
US? NO. OH, YES, NO.
WHY?
BECAUSE... I JUST DON'T
WANT TO BE QUEEN.
ME, NEITHER.
KING. I... I DON'T
WANT TO BE KING.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU BE QUEEN.
I'M GOING TO BE THE HEAD OF
PARLIAMENT. I CAN'T BE QUEEN.
BE BOTH. I CAN'T BE BOTH.
WHY NOT? IT'S OUR GOVERNMENT.
IT'S NOT DONE THAT WAY.
IT CAN BE THOUGH,
LET'S VOTE. RORY...
HENRY VIII STARTED A NEW CHURCH
WHEN THE OLD ONE
DIDN'T ALLOW DIVORCE.
HE ALSO CUT OFF HIS WIFE'S HEAD.
IS HE STILL YOUR ROLE MODEL?
I'M JUST SAYING WE
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY
TO MAKE ANY KIND OF
GOVERNMENT WE WANT HERE.
WHY WON'T YOU BE
QUEEN? I'LL BE QUEEN.
THERE, MAKE MADELINE QUEEN.
FINE. YOU'RE QUEEN,
TRISTIN'S KING.
I'LL BE THE LADY IN WAITING
THE ONE WITH THAT LOW-CUT,
BLUE-VELVET RENAISSANCE DRESS.
LADY IN WAITING IS
NOT A POLITICAL OFFICE.
NO, BUT THEY GET ALL THE SEX.
WHAT?
WATCH A MOVIE.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
GOVERNMENT CLASS. NOT THE MOVIES.
GOD! WHY CAN'T I GET ONE PERSON
TO CARE ABOUT
THIS AS MUCH AS I DO?
OK, FINE. I'LL BE THE HEAD OF
THE QUARTER SESSIONS COURT,
BUT I'M STILL WEARING
THE DRESS. HAPPY?
OUT OF MY MIND.
OK. I SECURED US THE CLASSROOM
TO WORK TOMORROW AND SUNDAY,
SO THAT BY MONDAY,
WE'LL BE READY.
WE'RE WORKING ALL WEEKEND?
YOU'RE KIDDING.
TAKE THIS. IT'S AN OUTLINE
FOR THE OVERALL SYSTEM.
POINT OF METHODS,
BASIC LAWS AND PENALTIES,
PLUS SOME RANDOM IDEAS.
PLEASE BE READY TO
DISCUSS IT TOMORROW,
9:00 IN THE MORNING.
DON'T BE LATE.
WOW! SHE DESIGNED THE FLAG.
QUESTION. OK.
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU AND TRISTIN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU SEEM WEIRD
AROUND EACH OTHER.
NO, NO WEIRDER THAN USUAL.
I DISAGREE. YOU USUALLY DO.
I JUST THINK IT'S STRANGE THAT
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE QUEEN.
YOU KNOW, NOT ALL GIRLS
WANT TO BE QUEEN, PARIS.
EVEN BARBIE ENDED
UP BEING A STEWARDESS.
OK, IF YOU SAY SO.
READ MY MANIFESTO. I
WANT YOUR THOUGHTS.
LOSE THE WORD "MANIFESTO."
TOO CABIN-IN-THE-WOODS?
DON'T OPEN YOUR MAIL.
RIGHT. HOW ABOUT "DOCTRINE"?
BETTER.
OK. SEE YOU TOMORROW.
BYE.
UH...
YOU LEFT THIS.
OH, YEAH, I DID. THANKS.
SURE.
WELL, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A
POTENTIAL MARX BROTHERS MOMENT.
YOU GO FIRST.
OK.
I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.
ABOUT WHAT?
TRISTIN, YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT.
NO, I DON'T.
LOOK, WE HAVE A LOT
OF WORK AHEAD OF US.
WE ALSO HAVE ABOUT
2 AND A HALF YEARS
OF BEING IN THE SAME SCHOOL.
I DON'T WANT THINGS TO
BE WEIRD BETWEEN US.
DON'T YOU THINK IT WOULD BE GOOD
TO AT LEAST TRY
TO TALK ABOUT THIS?
OK. GOOD.
I'M GONNA GO FIRST.
RIGHT.
IT'S STILL NOT WORKING.
WELL, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.
NO. I DID THE SAME THING I ALWAYS
DO WHEN I PULL UP RESERVATIONS
FOR THE UPCOMING MONTH,
BUT NOTHING HAPPENED.
YOU TYPED IN THE NAME? YES.
YOU CLICKED ON
THE APRIL FILE? YES.
YOU DOUBLE-CLICKED
ON "CONFIRMATION"?
I DOUBLE-CLICKED.
ARE YOU SURE? YES.
I DOUBLE-CLICKED.
YOU CLICKED TWICE?
NO, I DIDN'T CLICK TWICE.
BECAUSE TO SUCCESSFULLY
DOUBLE-CLICK, YOU MUST CLICK TWICE.
I KNOW WHAT DOUBLE-CLICK IS.
YOU DON'T, OR WE WOULDN'T
BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.
I'M GONNA PINCH YOU SO HARD NOW.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
WELL, I CAN'T FIX IT
IF YOU DON'T MOVE.
I DOUBLE-CLICKED.
OOH, WHAT'S THAT? WHAT?
THAT RED THING WITH AN "X."
I DO NOT KNOW.
OOH, IT HAPPENED WHEN YOU
PUSHED SOMETHING FUNKY.
I PUSH NOTHING FUNKY.
YOU HAVE THE FUNK, MY FRIEND.
INDEPENDENCE INN.
I NEED THE HATRACK.
THE FISH FLIES AT NIGHT.
WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW. WHO IS THIS?
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER.
OH, WELL, HI, MOM, I DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE.
I NEED THE HATRACK BACK.
WHAT HATRACK?
THE HATRACK I GAVE YOU.
WHAT HATRACK?
THE HATRACK I GAVE YOU
FOR CHRISTMAS 5 YEARS AGO.
UH, WELL...
IT-IT'S LARGE, BRONZE WITH
DRAGONS OR WEASELS, I DON'T KNOW.
SOME SORT OF LIZARD-TYPE ANIMAL
THAT YOU HANG YOUR COATS ON.
YES, YES, I REMEMBER IT.
THANK GOD. I NEED IT BACK.
YOU NEED A CHRISTMAS
PRESENT BACK?
TEMPORARILY. WHY, MOM?
I NEED IT BACK BECAUSE
RICHARD'S MOTHER GAVE IT TO US,
AND SHE'LL NOTICE
IF IT'S NOT THERE.
YOU GAVE ME A USED PRESENT?
NO, WE NEVER USED IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU'LL GET IT BACK.
YOU GAVE ME A
SECONDHAND PRESENT,
LIKE SOMETHING YOU
GOT AT THE JUNK STORE.
YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE DRAMATIC.
IT WAS STILL IN THE CRATE.
YOU ACTUALLY WENT, "HUH, WHAT
SHOULD I GET LORELAI THIS YEAR?
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I
CAN'T BE BOTHERED.
LET'S GIVE HER
SOMETHING WE DON'T WANT."
YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.
WHAT WOULD MISS
MANNERS SAY ABOUT THIS?
IF SHE MET YOUR GRANDMA,
SHE'D UNDERSTAND.
NOW, PLEASE. JUST
BRING THE RACK WITH YOU
WHEN YOU COME TONIGHT. OK?
OK, SURE. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME. BYE.
SO, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO TALK.
YEAH. LOOK, ABOUT
THE OTHER NIGHT...
I WAS UPSET OVER SUMMER.
YES, AND I WAS UPSET OVER DEAN.
SO, THEN IT DOESN'T
MEAN ANYTHING, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
SO THEN... RIGHT,
SO THEN THAT'S IT.
WE JUST CHALK IT
UP TO A BAD NIGHT.
OK.
I'M SORRY I CRIED.
NO PROBLEM.
I SWEAR IT HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH THE KISS.
I KISSED YOU, YOU CRIED.
IT HAD SOMETHING
TO DO WITH THE KISS.
I CRIED BECAUSE I WAS CONFUSED,
AND BECAUSE I HADN'T CRIED.
I DIDN'T CRY
BECAUSE OF THE KISS.
IT WAS A NICE KISS.
YEAH? VERY NICE.
NOT AT ALL CRYING MATERIAL.
REALLY? ABSOLUTELY.
WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN?
I THINK SOMEONE IS RECOVERING
FROM THEIR HEARTBREAK JUST FINE.
YEAH, I'M ALL BETTER.
I THINK I'M GONNA SWEAR
OFF GIRLS FOR A WHILE.
HA!
WHAT?
UH, SORRY, NOTHING. YOU SAID
YOU WERE GONNA SWEAR OFF GIRLS.
IT'S... IT'S FUNNY.
YOU DON'T THINK I CAN?
NO. I... I THINK YOU CAN.
I JUST THINK IT WOULD
BE HARD FOR YOU.
IT'D PROBABLY INVOLVE
SOME KIND OF LOCKUP FACILITY
AND ONE OF THOSE
HANNIBAL LECTER MASKS.
OK, YES, IT WOULD BE
HARD, BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
MAYBE IT'S NOT SO MUCH
SWEARING OFF ALL GIRLS,
BUT SWEARING OFF A
CERTAIN KIND OF GIRL.
MEANING?
MEANING NEXT TIME
YOU SHOULD PICK A GIRL
WITH A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANCE.
YOU KNOW, A GIRL WHO'S SMART,
AND IS DRIVEN AND HAS AMBITION.
YOU KNOW, LIKE PARIS.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
PARIS IS SMART AND
CUTE AND INTERESTING,
AND YEAH, SHE DOES BRING HER OWN
UNIQUE SET OF BAGGAGE INTO THE MIX.
A MATCHING SET.
BUT SHE LIKES YOU.
SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
SHE THINKS YOU'RE AMAZING.
YOU WANT ME TO DATE PARIS?
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
ME AND PARIS.
LOUIS, "I THINK THIS IS THE BEGINNING
OF A WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIP."
WHO'S LOUIS?
JUST THINK.
COME ON, LET'S GO!
RELAX. I'M ALMOST READY.
WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.
NO, WE'RE NOT.
WELL, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.
THE TRAFFIC'S BAD
ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
SINCE WHEN?
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF
TIME. HERE, LET ME DO IT.
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU? NOTHING.
YOU'VE BEEN READY AND
BUGGING ME FOR ALMOST AN HOUR.
USUALLY I HAVE TO DRAG
YOU KICKING AND SCREAMING
TO GO TO DINNER. NOW, THEN.
YOU WHINE, YOU COMPLAIN,
YOU ACT LIKE A CHILD.
I DO NOT.
I HAD TO PAY YOU $5 ONCE SO
YOU WOULDN'T GO IN SWEATS.
MAKE YOUR POINT AND MAKE IT FAST
AS WE MOVE QUICKLY
TO THE FRONT DOOR.
MY POINT IS THAT YOU'RE MEAN.
I'M NOT MEAN.
YOU ARE, YOU WANT
TO GO TO DINNER
TO SEE GRANDMA
UNCOMFORTABLE, THAT'S MEAN.
OH! OK, LOOK.
I WILL ADMIT I WORK VERY HARD,
AND SOMETIMES I AM A LITTLE
TIRED COME FRIDAY NIGHT
FOR THE GILMORE FAMILY DINNER.
BUT I HAD A LIGHT DAY TODAY
AND MY GRANDMOTHER, WHO I HAVEN'T
SEEN IN YEARS, IS GONNA BE THERE.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT
THAT GRANDMA HATES GREAT-GRANDMA?
NOT AT ALL.
AND WHEN YOU SEE GRANDMA
MISERABLE AND UNCOMFORTABLE,
YOU'RE GONNA BE
SAD AND SYMPATHETIC?
NOT AT ALL. MEAN.
I'M KIDDING. I WANT
YOU TO BE NICE.
I WILL BE NICE.
AND NO OUTWARD
REVELING IN SOMEONE'S PAIN.
I PROMISE. INTERNAL
REVELING ONLY.
OK. THEN WE CAN GO.
OK. GOOD.
OH, WAIT.
SO THE INTERNAL REVELING CAN
CONTINUE FOR YEARS TO COME.
MEAN.
MEAN, MEAN, MEAN.
GOD, THIS THING WEIGHS,
LIKE, 1,000 POUNDS.
I KNOW. I KNOW.
HERE, PUT IT DOWN.
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
IN CASE GRAN COMES
TO THE DOOR, YOU KNOW.
OH, GOOD THINKING.
I MEAN, SHE'S 80.
THE EYES HAVE GOT
TO BE GONE, RIGHT?
LET'S JUST TRY TO KEEP
HER INSIDE THE HOUSE.
GOOD THINKING.
DO YOU HAVE IT?
WE GOT IT.
HURRY UP. BRING IT IN HERE.
OK, QUIET. BE QUIET.
MOM, THANKS FOR
THE DIRECTION AND ALL,
BUT, UH, WE NEED SOME HELP.
OH, YEAH. SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.
CAREFUL, HONEY.
WATCH IT. WATCH YOUR HEAD.
GET IT OVER THERE.
YEAH, YEAH.
OK. YES.
I THINK THAT WAS ABOUT...
NO, IT WAS MAYBE A
LITTLE MORE ON THE LEFT.
I SHOULD'VE PUT TAPE DOWN.
MOM, YOU DON'T THINK
THAT THE COAT RACK
COULD'VE MOVED A QUARTER
OF AN INCH IN 5 YEARS?
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT'S IT.
OK, PUT YOUR COATS ON IT.
HOW'D YOU GET HER IN HERE
WITHOUT HER NOTICING
IT WASN'T THERE?
WELL, I BROUGHT HER
IN THROUGH THE BACK
AND HAD STELLA WAX THE FLOORS.
ALSO SHE NAPPED, SO
THAT TOOK ABOUT AN HOUR.
WHERE IS SHE NOW?
IN THE LIVING ROOM
SCRATCHING THE DIAMOND PENDANT
I BOUGHT HER AGAINST A MIRROR.
SO, UH, WE SHOULDN'T
KEEP HER WAITING, HUH?
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, WE SHOULDN'T.
OH, HEAVEN HELP ME.
STOP.
MOM, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
WHO?
WELL, LOOK.
IF I WANTED TO
LOOK, I WOULD LOOK.
I HAVEN'T LOOKED.
THEREFORE, YOU MUST DRAW
YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.
THANK YOU, DEAR BOY.
YOU'RE WELCOME, TRIX.
TRIX?
DAD'S PET NAME FOR GRAN.
ISN'T IT JUST DARLING?
HI, GRAN.
LORELAI.
YES. IT'S... IT'S SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
TRIX, THIS IS RORY.
YOU HAVEN'T MET HER YET.
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE.
HELLO.
COME. I WANT TO GET A VERY
GOOD LOOK AT BOTH OF YOU.
THEY'RE TALL.
WELL, YES, THEY ARE.
HOW'S YOUR HEALTH?
OH, GOOD. VERY HEALTHY.
GOOD, THAT MEANS
THAT THE MAJORITY
OF YOUR BLOOD IS GILMORE BLOOD.
GILMORES DON'T GET
SICK. AM I RIGHT, RICHARD?
NO, WE WOULDN'T DARE, TRIX.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOUR
MOTHER IS ALWAYS SICK.
I AM HARDLY ALWAYS SICK.
YOU'RE SICK RIGHT
NOW. ARE YOU SICK NOW?
HEADACHE.
GILMORE'S DON'T HAVE HEADACHES.
OUR HEADS ARE PERFECT.
YOU DON'T DRINK.
UH, WELL...
EMILY, GET THIS WOMAN A DRINK.
OH, I'LL DO IT.
OH, THANKS, DAD. WHITE WINE.
UH, I'M GOING TO GET
THE HORS D'OEUVRES.
SO, YOU'RE RORY.
YES, MA'AM.
MY SON SPEAKS OF YOU CONSTANTLY.
HE SEEMS VERY FOND OF YOU.
OH, WELL, I'M VERY
FOND OF HIM, TOO.
THIS LITTLE GIRL IS AS
SMART AS A WHIP, MOM.
I THINK SHE HAS A GREAT
DEAL OF YOU IN HER.
REALLY? HOW NICE.
IS THIS CHEESE?
YES, IT IS.
AM I SUPPOSED TO
EAT THAT CHEESE?
WELL, ONLY IF YOU LIKE.
EMILY, WHERE ARE THOSE SPICED
NUTS THAT TRIX LIKES SO MUCH?
I'LL GET SOME.
SO, LORELAI, SINCE I'VE SEEN
YOU LAST, YOU'VE GROWN UP,
GOTTEN PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK,
RAISED A CHILD, AND STILL
HAVEN'T BOTHERED TO GET MARRIED.
HAVE I LEFT ANYTHING OUT?
WELL, UH, SOME TIME IN BETWEEN, UH,
GROWING UP AND GETTING PREGNANT,
I GOT MY EARS PIERCED.
I'VE ALWAYS HATED SCANDAL.
HOWEVER, I'VE ALWAYS
APPRECIATED SELF-SUFFICIENCY.
TELL ME, HOW DO YOU
SUPPORT THIS CHILD?
I RUN AN INN.
HARD WORK?
YES, IT IS.
GOOD. HARD WORK IS
GOOD FOR A WOMAN.
MAKES HER STRONGER.
I ADMIRE PEOPLE WHO
ENJOY HARD WORK.
HERE WE GO. SPICED NUTS.
THANK YOU, EMILY.
I SUPPOSE I COULD JUST
PUT THESE NUTS IN MY HAND.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SO, GRAN, UM, WHEN WAS
THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU?
YOU WERE STILL IN YOUR TEENS,
WILD HAIR FLYING EVERYWHERE.
I SEE YOU'VE TAKEN CARE OF THAT.
UH, YES, I JOINED A SUPPORT
GROUP, BOUGHT A HAIRBRUSH,
AND, UH, JUST TAKING
IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.
THAT WAS A JOKE?
YES, IT IS.
VERY GOOD.
THANK YOU.
I HAVE DISHES AND NAPKINS.
GOOD FOR YOU.
RICHARD, I WOULD LIKE TO BE
ESCORTED INTO THE DINNING ROOM NOW.
YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.
WELL, UH, I'M... I'M NOT SURE
THAT DINNER'S READY JUST YET.
PERHAPS OUR PRESENCE IN THE
DINING ROOM WILL TEACH YOUR HELP
THAT WHEN ONE IS
TOLD DINNER IS AT 7:00,
PEOPLE OFTEN
EXPECT DINNER AT 7:00.
BUT IT'S ONLY 7:05, MOM.
ONLY 7:05?
RICHARD, IN THE EVENT
THAT I'M KIDNAPPED
AND RANSOM IS DEMANDED
AT A CERTAIN TIME,
I WOULD PREFER THAT EMILY NOT
BE IN CHARGE OF THE DROP-OFF.
GRANDMA, THIS
DINNER'S DELICIOUS.
VERY GOOD, YOUNG LADY.
WE ALL BELIEVED YOU.
NOW, LET'S TALK
ABOUT YOUR EDUCATION.
WHERE ARE YOU ATTENDING SCHOOL?
CHILTON.
RORY IS IN THE TOP 10
PERCENT OF HER CLASS.
WE'RE VERY PROUD OF OUR
RORY. SHE'S GOING TO HARVARD.
HARVARD?
YES, MA'AM.
RICHARD, HOW CAN YOU ALLOW
THIS GIRL TO GO TO HARVARD?
NOW, TRIX...
YOU AND YOUR
FATHER WERE YALE MEN.
WELL, WE WANT RORY TO BE
WHATEVER KIND OF MAN SHE WANTS TO BE.
THAT'S ENOUGH JOKES
FOR THIS EVENING, LORELAI.
SORRY.
NOW, IF YOU DON'T
MIND MY ASKING,
CHILTON IS RATHER AN
EXPENSIVE INSTITUTION.
I'M CURIOUS HOW THE
MANAGER OF AN INN
CAN AFFORD SUCH A LUXURY?
UH, WELL...
WE'RE HELPING
LORELAI OUT A LITTLE.
YES, WE'VE SEEN TO IT
THAT RORY'S EDUCATION
IS TAKEN CARE OF.
BUT IT'S TEMPORARY. IT'S A LOAN.
I PLAN TO PAY THEM
BACK EVERY CENT.
THEY... THEY KNOW THIS.
THAT'S IT. I'M DONE. RICHARD.
TOMORROW, RORY, I
SHALL PLAN THE MENU.
WHEN YOU'VE LIVED IN EUROPE,
YOU LEARN A THING
OR TWO ABOUT FOOD.
OH, I CAN'T. I'M
STUDYING TOMORROW.
I'M... I'M IN THIS STUDY GROUP
AND OUR PRESENTATION
IS DUE ON MONDAY.
OH, VERY WELL, YOUR MOTHER
CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
I WILL. I PROMISE.
WON'T YOU HAVE DESSERT?
I ONCE TRAVELED TO A
SMALL VILLAGE IN CAMBODIA.
I DID NOT EAT DESSERT
THERE, EITHER.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S ALMOST 9:00.
HEY, MAYBE I'LL OWN
A MAGAZINE SOME DAY.
THEN I'LL GET ALL
MY NAIL POLISH FREE.
I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP.
TELL PARIS I HATE HER.
OK.
HI.
HEY, PARIS. LOUISE HATES YOU.
YOU'LL THANK ME WHEN YOU
GET INTO SARAH LAWRENCE.
WANNA BET? HEY.
WOW, DID YOU BRING COFFEE?
AND DOUGHNUTS IN
THE SHAPE OF CLOWNS.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT HATS.
WELL, A CLOWN JUST ISN'T
A CLOWN WITHOUT A HAT.
HERE IS YOUR
DECAF WITH SOY MILK.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME. SO
I READ YOUR DOCTRINE
AND I THINK OUR IMAGINARY KINGDOM
IS OFF TO A PRETTY GOOD START.
YEAH? YEAH.
I MEAN, THE TAXES
ARE A LITTLE HIGH,
AND THE LANDOWNERS' POWER
SHOULD BE REGULATED A LITTLE MORE.
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME THEN.
YEAH, BUT THE FUNDAMENTAL
HUMAN NEEDS WERE THE SAME.
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO SET IT UP WITHIN...
DING, DING, DING.
NO DEBATING UNTIL
I'VE HAD COFFEE.
AND A CLOWN?
LADIES.
HI, TRISTIN. HEY.
PARIS, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A SECOND?
OH, SURE. OK.
AND THAT IS ABOUT
WHAT, PRAY TELL?
I DON'T KNOW. THE PROJECT MAYBE?
THEY COULD HAVE
TALKED PROJECT HERE.
IT'S SOMETHING ELSE,
SOMETHING PRIVATE.
SCANDAL.
MAYBE, THOUGH IT IS PARIS.
SCANDAL LITE.
ALL THE TASTE, BUT
FEWER CALORIES.
WE COULD SPY.
OR WE COULD WAIT FOR
HER TO COME BACK IN
TO SEE IF SHE WANTS US TO KNOW.
THOSE WHO SIMPLY WAIT FOR
INFORMATION TO FIND THEM
SPEND A LOT OF TIME
SITTING BY THE PHONE.
THOSE WHO GO OUT
AND FIND IT THEMSELVES
HAVE SOMETHING TO
SAY WHEN IT RINGS.
NIETZSCHE? DAWSON.
MY NEXT GUESS.
SO, WHAT WAS WITH THE
CONFAB IN THE HALLWAY?
WE'RE DYING HERE.
WELL, TRISTIN, HE...
ASKED ME OUT.
NO!
MY, MY, MY.
WOW! THIS IS AMAZING.
GOD, I'M JEALOUS.
DETAILS, PLEASE. DON'T
LEAVE OUT ANYTHING.
WE WANT EVERY COMMA,
APOSTROPHE, AND AMPERSAND.
WELL, HE JUST ASKED ME OUT.
WHEN?
TONIGHT.
HMM.
WHAT? NOTHING.
NO, YOU "HMMED."
WHY DID YOU "HMM"?
FORGET IT.
LOUISE, TELL ME WHY YOU HMMED.
HE ASKED YOU OUT FOR TONIGHT.
LESS THAN 24 HOURS' NOTICE.
SO? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
USUALLY THAT SOMEONE
ELSE CANCELED.
OR MAYBE HE JUST GOT UP
THE NERVE TO ASK HER OUT.
MAYBE.
THIS IS SO AMAZING. I MEAN, YOU
ARE SO FAR FROM TRISTIN'S TYPE.
SO, SO FAR.
TRISTIN USUALLY
LIKES HIS GIRLS BAD.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THE
PINK LADIES MAKEOVER ON YOU.
WE'LL TURN YOU FROM A SWEET
SANDY INTO A SLUTTY SANDY,
DANCING AT THE SCHOOL
FAIR IN HIGH HEELS,
BLACK SPANDEX, AND PERMED HAIR.
YOU CAN BORROW MY WATER BRA.
EXCUSE ME?
MY WATER BRA. IT'S LIKE A
PADDED BRA, BUT IT'S FILLED
WITH SOME SORT OF
LIQUID SO IT MOVES.
IT MOVES? YES.
ON ITS OWN?
IT MAKES YOU LOOK NATURAL.
GREAT. THANKS, BUT I'LL PASS.
EVERYBODY, COME
ON. LET'S GET TO WORK.
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE A GREAT TIME.
YEAH, WELL, IT'S
JUST A DATE, RIGHT?
OH, GREAT.
OK, FOCUS, PEOPLE.
DO YOU WANT ONE?
Hi.
5-MINUTE TALKING
BREAK WHILE I CHANGE.
BIG LEAK, 3RD FLOOR.
LOTS OF THINGS GOING SQUISH
THAT SHOULD NOT BE SQUISHING.
MICHEL IS NO HELP.
NOW I'M LATE FOR
DINNER, WHICH, BY THE WAY,
I'M BUGGED YOU'RE NOT COMING TO.
WHICH ONE? BLUE,
BLACK, BAD, GOOD?
BLACK. OK.
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN'T COME?
YEAH, I'M SURE.
IF I'M NOT PREPARED TOMORROW,
PARIS IS GONNA SEND ME TO THE TOWER.
IF THINGS GO WELL TONIGHT,
I BET IT'LL HELP TOMORROW.
TONIGHT?
SHE'S GOING ON A
DATE WITH TRISTIN.
HOW'D THAT HAPPEN? I
DID A LITTLE MATCHMAKING.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU
NOT TO BUTT INTO OTHER
PEOPLE'S BUSINESS?
NEVER. GOOD. GO ON.
THAT'S ALL. DON'T WORRY.
I WANT DETAILS TOMORROW.
NOW, HOW DO I LOOK?
BEAUTIFUL.
OK.
MY 5 MINUTES ARE UP.
LET'S GO!
THERE IS MONEY ON
THE KITCHEN TABLE.
AND THERE'S REALLY
GOOD CHOCOLATE CAKE
THAT I TOOK OUT AND DEFROSTED
FOR YOU SPECIALLY THIS MORNING.
AND CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.
AND I'LL BE HOME
EARLY. AND WHAT ELSE?
DON'T BE MEAN TO GRANDMA.
YEAH, BROKEN
RECORD. OK, I'M GONE.
BE GOOD.
BYE! BYE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR.
EVER?
ON MY DATE WITH TRISTIN.
I'M NOT TRENDY GIRL, OK.
I DON'T HAUNT THE BOUTIQUES HOPING
TO FIND THAT ONE FABULOUS LITTLE TOP.
I STUDY, AND I THINK ABOUT STUDYING,
AND THEN I STUDY SOME MORE.
DO YOU WANNA COME IN?
I ONLY HAVE ONE LIPSTICK AT
HOME. AND IT'S BARELY EVEN A COLOR.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
NOT WEARING ANYTHING,
WHICH IS WHY I LIKED
IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
BUT TO DATE, YOU NEED
THE FABULOUS LITTLE TOP,
AND A LIPSTICK YOU CAN
ACTUALLY TELL YOU'RE WEARING.
YOU WANNA PUT THAT STUFF DOWN?
YOU SAID IF I EVER NEEDED TO TALK
TO ANYONE, I COULD TALK TO YOU.
YES, I DID. WELL, HERE I AM.
OK. CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION? OK.
WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO
MADELINE OR LOUISE ABOUT THIS?
THEY SEEM TO GET THAT
FABULOUS LITTLE TOP THING.
YEAH, THAT THEY GET. THE
WHOLE SUPPORTIVE "YOU'LL BE FINE,
AND NOT THROW UP 12 TIMES
ON THE WAY TO HIS CAR" THING:
THAT, THEY DON'T GET.
OK. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
I BROUGHT EVERYTHING IN
CASE THERE WAS SOME SORT OF
HIDDEN POTENTIAL IN
SOMETHING I DIDN'T SEE.
SO?
WELL, YOU'D BE ONE
WELL-DRESSED WIDOW.
FORGET IT. I'M NOT GOING.
YES, YOU ARE. COME ON.
NOW, THIS IS YOUR
ENTIRE WARDROBE? YES.
NOTHING'S LEFT AT HOME?
NOTHING BUT MY CHILTON
UNIFORM, AND MY BAT MITZVAH DRESS
WHICH HAS MENORAHS
ON THE COLLAR.
OK. LET'S THINK.
COME ON.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
TO OUR ONE-STOP SHOPPING STORE.
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER'S ROOM?
YES, IT IS.
I CAN'T WEAR YOUR
MOTHER'S CLOTHES.
YES, YOU CAN. I
DO IT ALL THE TIME.
WHAT ABOUT THIS?
MY MOTHER SAYS THE COLOR
PINK MAKES MY HEAD LOOK SMALL.
OK. NO PINK.
THIS WHOLE THING
IS SO INSANE. WHY?
TRISTIN ASKING ME OUT.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
WHY WOULD HE NOT DO THAT?
BECAUSE HE'S GORGEOUS
AND EXPERIENCED,
AND ONLY DATES THOSE MOST
LIKELY TO BECOME A TROPHY WIFE.
TRISTIN WILL BE LUCKY TO GO
OUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
HE'S NOT GONNA HAVE
TO READ THE MENU TO YOU
OR EXPLAIN THAT THE
DANCING TRASH BINS
IN THE MOVIE THEATRE
PREVIEWS AREN'T REAL.
IT'S GONNA BE MUCH
LESS STRESSFUL.
ALL THESE YEARS I'VE
HOPED THIS WOULD HAPPEN
AND NOW IT HAS, AND I FEEL...
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE
IN THE DATING DEPARTMENT.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T PUT IT ON YOUR
TRANSCRIPT, WHAT'S THE POINT, RIGHT?
I KNOW.
BEFORE DEAN, I'D NEVER
HAD A BOYFRIEND, OR A KISS.
YEAH.
I NEVER EVEN
THOUGHT ABOUT DATING.
THEN YOU MET DEAN. YEAH.
AND HE WAS SO SPECIAL,
AND NICE, AND MADE ME
COMPLETELY NAUSEOUS.
THE BEST ONES DO.
I COULDN'T EVEN TALK AROUND HIM.
I SAW YOU AT THE DANCE. YOU DIDN'T
SEEM TO HAVE ANY TROUBLE TALKING,
OR GAZING ANNOYINGLY
INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES.
BUT THAT WAS AFTER
WE'D BEEN DATING A LITTLE.
AFTER WE STARTED GOING OUT
AND SPENDING TIME TOGETHER,
I DON'T KNOW, IT JUST
KIND OF GOT EASIER.
AND THEN BY THE 3RD DATE,
EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.
DO YOU MISS HIM A LOT?
YEAH, A LOT, A LOT.
SORRY.
THANKS.
BUT TONIGHT IS NOT ABOUT ME.
TONIGHT IS ABOUT YOU GOING
OUT WITH TRISTIN IN THIS OUTFIT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT'S OK.
IT'S GREAT. PUT IT ON.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH, BATHROOM'S DOWN THE HALL.
AND I'LL GET YOU A LIPSTICK
WITH SOME ACTUAL COLOR IN IT.
OK.
UH, PARIS, WHAT ARE THESE CARDS
THAT FELL OUT OF YOUR JACKET?
OH, YEAH. THOSE ARE
NOTES FOR TONIGHT.
NOTES?
YEAH, JUST SOME
REFERENCE POINTS, REALLY.
YOU KNOW, SUBJECTS TO BRING
UP IN CASE THE CONVERSATION LAGS.
WELL, CAN I SUGGEST
THAT YOU LEAVE
THIS ONE ABOUT THE
SPANISH INQUISITION OUT?
NOT VERY ROMANTIC? NOT REALLY.
OK, I'M DRESSED.
HOW'S IT LOOK? BAD.
WELL, I DON'T REALLY TRUST
YOUR OPINION ON THAT SUBJECT.
SO, COME OUT HERE, PLEASE.
FINE, BUT IT LOOKS BAD.
YOU LOOK GREAT!
I FEEL WEIRD.
WEIRD WORKS FOR YOU
BECAUSE YOU LOOK AMAZING.
REALLY? YOU'RE NOT
JUST SAYING THAT?
I SWEAR TO GOD.
ARE YOU ATHEIST? EXCUSE ME?
BECAUSE THAT EFFECTS THE
VALIDITY OF YOUR SWEARING TO GOD.
YOU LOOK GREAT. AND I WOULDN'T
SAY YOU DID IF YOU DIDN'T.
OK. WELL, IF YOU
THINK IT LOOKS OK...
I BELIEVE THE WORD
"AMAZING" WAS USED.
THEN I'LL WEAR IT. THANKS.
ANYTIME. I HAVE TO GO.
LIPSTICK.
YOU'LL HOLD THIS EVENING OVER MY
HEAD FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, AREN'T YOU?
PROBABLY.
BYE.
WHAT DID YOU THINK
ABOUT THE RABBIT?
OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL.
YOU KNOW, I BROUGHT IT WITH ME.
EXCUSE ME?
FROM LONDON.
LONDON HAS THE BEST GAME.
YOU BROUGHT IT WITH
YOU FROM LONDON?
YES.
DID YOU GET IT A SEAT?
DRY ICE.
WOW, THAT'S INVENTIVE.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE FINISHED HERE.
LET'S RETIRE TO THE
LIVING ROOM FOR A BRANDY.
YES.
LORELAI, WALK WITH ME.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I
WANT TO DISCUSS WITH YOU.
OK.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
SOMETHING I HEARD THE OTHER NIGHT.
WHAT WAS THAT?
THAT YOU BORROWED MONEY FROM
YOUR PARENTS FOR RORY'S SCHOOL.
UH, WELL, IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT
THEM GETTING THE MONEY BACK...
YOU KNOW, SHAKESPEARE ONCE WROTE,
"NEITHER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER BE."
DO YOU CONSIDER
SHAKESPEARE A WISE MAN?
UH, SURE.
WE CERTAINLY DON'T MIND
LOANING LORELAI THE MONEY,
IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT.
CERTAINLY NOT.
RORY IS FIRST
PRIORITY IN THIS HOUSE.
I'M NOT CONCERNED ABOUT
WHETHER YOU MIND OR NOT.
LOANING MONEY IS
A DIRTY BUSINESS.
IT'S DISTASTEFUL, AND
I DON'T CARE FOR IT.
AS YOU KNOW, I CAME INTO TOWN
TO CHECK UP ON THE
FAMILY INVESTMENTS,
AND TO TALK WITH OUR LAWYERS.
I HAVE SOME THINGS
TO PUT IN ORDER,
AND ONE OF THEM IS SETTING
UP A TRUST FUND FOR RORY.
WH... THAT'S AMAZING. REALLY?
NOW, NORMALLY, I
WOULD SET UP A FUND
SO THAT SHE WOULD HAVE
ACCESS TO IT WHEN SHE TURNS 25.
HOWEVER, CONSIDERING
THE SITUATION,
IF YOU LIKE, I WILL ARRANGE
FOR HER TO GET IT NOW.
NOW?
NOW.
THAT WAY, SHE CAN USE
IT TO PAY FOR CHILTON.
OH, GRAN, I... I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
THAT'S... THAT'S SO
GENEROUS OF YOU.
MY MOTHER IS A VERY
SPECIAL WOMAN, ISN'T SHE?
YOU TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I'M DEAD.
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO
DIE. YOU'RE TOO STUBBORN.
GRAN, THIS IS... I... I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
NOTHING NOW WOULD BE PREFERABLE.
I HAVE ARRANGED FOR
YOU AND YOUR MOTHER AND I
TO HAVE TEA TOMORROW
BEFORE I LEAVE.
SAY IT THEN.
GOOD NIGHT, EMILY.
GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, I'LL JUST WALK MOTHER
UPSTAIRS AND BE RIGHT BACK.
WOW. THAT WAS QUITE A
BOMB SHE JUST DROPPED.
IT CERTAINLY WAS.
UM, I GUESS I SHOULD BE GOING.
THANKS FOR DINNER, MOM.
UM, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
LORELAI.
YOU'RE NOT HONESTLY CONSIDERING
ACCEPTING THAT MONEY, ARE YOU?
YEAH, OF COURSE
I'M CONSIDERING IT.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S VERY WISE.
WHY NOT? BECAUSE
SHE'S A YOUNG GIRL.
SHE WON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING
ABOUT MANAGING THAT MONEY.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL HELP HER.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING
ABOUT MANAGING THAT MONEY, EITHER.
NO, BUT I'M VERY FAMILIAR
WITH THE 2ND THING.
HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THE PITFALLS
INVOLVED IN ACCEPTING THIS MONEY?
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO BRAGS ABOUT HOW
SPECIAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH RORY IS.
I'M STUNNED THAT YOU WANT
TO JEOPARDIZE IT LIKE THIS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO
THAT MONEY MEANS FREEDOM.
IF RORY HAS THAT MONEY
SHE WON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE.
I DON'T KNOW, MOM, SHE'S 16.
THERE'S STILL A COUPLE OF WAYS I MAY
COME IN HANDY, BUYING BEER AND STUFF.
I'M GLAD YOU THINK LOSING
YOUR DAUGHTER IS SO FUNNY.
SHE WILL BE SELF-SUFFICIENT.
SHE WON'T NEED YOU
TO PAY FOR ANYTHING,
SHE WON'T HAVE TO TURN TO YOU.
EVERYTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP
ISN'T ABOUT MONEY, MOM.
SHE'LL MOVE OUT AS
SOON AS SHE CAN. SO WHAT?
SHE WON'T NEED YOU TO HELP PUT
HER THROUGH COLLEGE, OR TO BUY A CAR.
OK. YOU KNOW WHAT? SAY
GOODBYE TO DAD FOR ME
AS SOON AS THE VOICES
IN YOUR HEAD SUBSIDE.
WHY SHOULD SHE WAIT TO
BACKPACK ACROSS EUROPE WITH YOU?
SHE CAN AFFORD TO GO HERSELF,
AND SHE CAN TAKE A FRIEND,
OR A BOYFRIEND, OR ANYONE.
YEAH, WELL, SHE
WANTS TO GO WITH ME.
WELL, NOW, OF COURSE SHE
DOES. SHE DOESN'T HAVE OPTIONS.
BUT THE MINUTE YOU GIVE
HER OPTIONS... OK, THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE NUTS, AND I'M
GOING. IN THAT ORDER.
IT'S TERRIBLE NOT TO
BE NEEDED. YOU'LL SEE.
♪ IF THE LIFE ♪
♪ YOU HAVE CREATED ♪
♪ HAS BURIED YOU WITH LUXURIES ♪
THAT IS AMAZING!
I KNOW. ONE MINUTE IT'S,
"PASS THE POT ROAST."
AND THE NEXT MINUTE IT'S,
"HEY, HAVE A PILE OF MONEY."
THINGS ARE NEVER BORING
AT THE GILMORE HOUSE.
WHAT DID RORY SAY
WHEN YOU TOLD HER?
I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET. WHAT?
SHE WAS ASLEEP WHEN I GOT HOME.
HI, FOR THAT MUCH OF
MONEY, YOU WAKE HER UP.
YOU HIRE SINGING TELEGRAMS,
WOMEN JUMP OUT OF CAKES.
PEOPLE DRESS UP LIKE BANKERS
AND DANCE WITH THOSE TOASTERS.
WELL, SHE'S BEEN WORKING HER BUTT
OFF ALL WEEK ON THIS CHILTON PAPER,
SO I LET HER SLEEP. AND
I'LL TELL HER TONIGHT.
CALL HER NOW. OH, OR PAGE HER
OR PAGE HER AND HAVE
HER CALL MY CELL PHONE.
AND WE CAN SING THE
MONEY SONG FROM CABARET.
YOU BE LIZA, I'LL BE JOEL.
I DON'T KNOW. HEY, I'M JOEL.
I DON'T WANNA BOTHER
HER WHILE SHE'S AT SCHOOL.
- I CAN NEVER DECIDE.
- TACKY OR RETRO?
YOU DON'T WANNA TELL HER.
YEAH, I DO. I THINK.
OH, WELL, I UNDERSTAND
THE HESITATION.
YOU DO? ABSOLUTELY.
WHO WANTS TO BE THE
BEARER OF GOOD NEWS?
ALL THAT HUGGING AND
HAPPINESS. A NIGHTMARE.
I WAS. I WAS THRILLED WHEN
GRAN TOLD ME ABOUT IT.
I WAS GONNA TELL
RORY RIGHT AWAY.
BUT? MY MOTHER
AH! CORNERED ME BY THE DOOR
SAYING ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT
HOW WHEN RORY GETS THE MONEY
SHE'S NOT GONNA NEED ME, AND SHE'S
GONNA MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE SOONER.
WHAT? THAT'S CRAZY.
I KNOW IT IS. IT'S
CRAZY, AND YET...
HONEY, COME ON.
SHE'S TRYING TO MESS WITH
YOUR MIND, YOU KNOW THAT.
I DO.
SHE JUST DOESN'T WANNA
LOSE CONTROL OF YOU.
SHE WANTS YOU PERMANENTLY
OBLIGATED TO HER.
I KNOW, I KNOW THAT.
SO, THEN WHAT? YOU DON'T
BELIEVE WHAT SHE SAID, DO YOU?
I DON'T KNOW. I
MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT,
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, SHE
WANTS TO MESS WITH MY MIND,
AND MAKE ME FEEL OBLIGATED.
BUT, I MEAN, WHAT IF THE MONEY
DOES CHANGE OUR RELATIONSHIP?
IMPOSSIBLE.
ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE. COME ON.
I COULDN'T STAND THAT.
I LIKE THINGS THE
WAY THEY ARE NOW.
LORELAI, THIS IS RORY
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I KNOW.
SHE'S LIKE THE MOST
UNMATERIALISTIC KID IN THE WORLD.
NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT
WHAT SHE WOULD BUY.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE
BUYS A HOUSE, OR A BOAT,
OR THE ELEPHANT MAN'S BONES.
IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW,
IT'S ABOUT THE FREEDOM.
I MEAN, IF I HAD ACCESS
TO ALL THAT MONEY AS A KID,
I WOULD'VE LEFT
THE HOUSE SO FAST.
FASTER THAN 17?
NO, I MEAN...
GOD, I KNOW THIS IS CRAZY.
I HAVE MY MOM'S VOICE
STUCK IN MY HEAD.
IT'S LIKE THAT ANNOYING
CRANBERRIES SONG.
I HATE THAT I LET HER DO THIS. I
HATE THAT I LET HER GET TO ME.
WELL THEN DON'T LET HER. CALL
RORY AND TELL HER ABOUT THE MONEY.
AND YOU'LL SEE THAT
NOTHING WILL BE ANY DIFFERENT.
I DON'T WANT HER TO GO
TO EUROPE WITHOUT ME.
THAT WAS GONNA BE OUR THING.
SHE'S NOT GONNA GO
WITHOUT YOU. I PROMISE.
HEY, OH, NO. AH,
I'VE GOT TO GO HOME.
WHY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE TO CHANGE AND GO TO TEA
WITH GRAN AND THE CAST OF GASLIGHT.
WOW. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
YOU'RE HYSTERICAL.
I CAN'T TALK TO YOU
WHEN YOU'RE HYSTERICAL.
WELL, YOU MAKE ME HYSTERICAL.
I AM TIRED OF
FIGHTING ABOUT THIS.
YOU HAVE GOT TO GET HER
TO TAKE THAT OFFER BACK. NO.
RICHARD GILMORE, I'VE PUT UP
WITH A LOT FROM THIS WOMAN.
KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
BUT THIS TIME
SHE'S GONE TOO FAR!
EMILY, PLEASE. I CAN GO LOUDER!
IF I DO AS YOU ASK, I'LL
BE INSULTING MY MOTHER.
I WILL NOT DO THAT.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE DEMEANS
ME AND LOOKS DOWN ON ME.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE THINKS I'VE
TARNISHED THE GILMORE NAME.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE THINKS
I'M THE WHORE OF BABYLON.
I'VE LONG AGO GIVEN UP ANY HOPE
OF GETTING INTO HER
PSYCHOTIC GOOD GRACES.
BUT THAT WOMAN IS
HORRIBLE AND SELFISH.
SHE CANNOT GET AWAY
WITH THIS. I WON'T LET HER.
THIS IS MY MOTHER
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YES, IT IS. YOUR MOTHER, THE ONE
WHO STEPPED IN WITHOUT BEING ASKED,
AND SINGLE-HANDEDLY
WRECKED EVERYTHING.
EMILY.
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
SHE'LL NEVER COME
BACK HERE, YOU KNOW.
WHO, MOTHER? OF COURSE SHE WILL.
LORELAI.
WHAT?
IF SHE GETS THAT MONEY,
LORELAI WILL NEVER
COME BACK HERE.
SHE WON'T HAVE TO.
I'VE ORDERED A CAR.
WOMEN SHOULDN'T DRIVE.
ARE YOU READY?
YES, I'M READY.
I SHALL DIE SOON, YOU KNOW.
WELL, AREN'T WE EARLY?
TRYING TO SUCK UP TO PARLIAMENT?
HEY, HOW'D IT GO LAST NIGHT?
IT WENT.
IT WENT WELL?
WELL, HE PICKED ME UP,
WE WENT TO DINNER AND A MOVIE.
I DIDN'T USE MY NOTECARDS ONCE.
AND HE KISSED ME GOOD NIGHT.
PARIS, I'M SO GLAD.
IT WAS A GREAT KISS.
UH, SEE? ALL THAT
NERVOUSNESS FOR NOTHING.
YEAH. GOD, THIS IS SO WEIRD.
I CAN'T STOP SMILING.
GOOD, THEN IT'S THE PERFECT TIME TO
TALK ABOUT OUR OVERTAXED PEASANTS.
OH, LET THEM EAT CAKE.
HEY.
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I DIDN'T KISS YOU.
HI. HEY.
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU AGAIN
THAT I HAD SO MUCH FUN LAST NIGHT.
YEAH, AFTER 5 MESSAGES
ON MY ANSWERING MACHINE,
I KIND OF GOT THAT IMPRESSION.
TOO MUCH. SORRY.
NO, FORGET IT. IT WAS CUTE.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE
COULD DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME.
I MEAN, A DIFFERENT MOVIE, OF
COURSE, BUT THE SAME BASIC PLAN.
ABSOLUTELY.
GREAT, BECAUSE
IT WAS REALLY FUN.
IT WAS FUN, AND WE
SHOULD DO IT AGAIN.
I MEAN, AS FRIENDS.
OH.
YEAH, AS FRIENDS.
YOU NOTICED IT, TOO, RIGHT?
THAT WE'RE SORT OF MORE FRIENDS
MATERIAL THAN DATING MATERIAL?
YES, I DID NOTICE.
I HAVE EXCELLENT
DEDUCTIVE SKILLS.
BUT HEY, I'M GLAD WE DID IT.
OH, SURE.
WHEN RORY FIRST SUGGESTED US
GOING OUT, I THOUGHT THE IDEA WAS CRAZY,
BUT SHE MADE SOME GOOD
POINTS. WE DO HAVE A HISTORY,
AND YOU NEVER KNOW, RIGHT?
YES. YOU NEVER KNOW.
OK, SO WE'RE DONE HERE, RIGHT?
UH, SURE.
GREAT. EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
IT WAS YOUR IDEA?
SO, WHAT? I GET ALL
YOUR CASTOFFS NOW?
I'M JUST THAT PATHETIC?
"GEE, I DON'T WANT THEM. SO
MAYBE I CAN CON THE SUCKERS
INTO TAKING OUT PARIS THE
LOSER! THROW THE DOG A BONE!"
I AM NOT YOUR CHARITY CASE!
NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, I SWEAR.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU GUYS WOULD
MAKE A GOOD COUPLE, THAT'S ALL.
WE DID MAKE A GOOD
COUPLE, FOR ONE NIGHT.
BUT OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE MORE
SUITED TO JUST BEING FRIENDS.
OR AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT WAS
CONVEYED SO HUMILIATINGLY TO ME
JUST 5 SECONDS AGO.
PARIS, I'M SORRY. I HATE YOU.
PARIS.
PARIS.
YOU TOLD HER?
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A SECRET.
WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
RORY, RELAX. WE TRIED, OK?
IT DIDN'T WORK
OUT. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
IT'S A HUGE DEAL TO
PARIS, AND YOU DIDN'T TRY.
ONE DATE IS NOT TRYING.
RORY. YOU SAID YOU'D TRY.
HEY, I'M SORRY IF
PARIS IS UPSET, OK?
BUT IS IT BETTER
THAT I KEEP DATING HER
EVEN THOUGH I LIKE
SOMEBODY ELSE?
OH. YEAH.
I DIDN'T REALIZE.
SO, YOU'RE STILL NOT
OVER SUMMER, HUH?
YEAH, I'M NOT OVER SUMMER YET.
HI.
HELLO.
WHERE'S GRAN?
TORTURING THE BATHROOM
ATTENDANT, I SUPPOSE.
AH!
SO, UM, THIS PLACE SEEMS CLEAN.
YES, IT'S FAMOUS
FOR ITS CLEANLINESS.
WHAT DID RORY SAY
WHEN YOU TOLD HER?
ABOUT THE MONEY, I MEAN.
SHE MUST'VE BEEN VERY EXCITED.
YES, SHE WAS.
"ROSE TEA." THAT'S FUNNY.
THAT'S NOT REALLY TEA, IS IT?
IT'S LIKE ROSE
PETALS IN HOT WATER.
MORE LIKE A BAD
FLORAL ARRANGEMENT.
WHAT DID RORY SAY? FILL ME IN.
SHE WAS HAPPY.
HAPPY?
YEAH. SHE SCREAMED, SHE DID
THAT AIR LASSO THING OVER HER HEAD.
LORELAI, BE SERIOUS.
SHE WAS ASLEEP WHEN I GOT
HOME, MOM, SO I COULDN'T TELL HER.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW?
NO.
WELL,
SOMETHING I SAID MUST'VE
REALLY STRUCK A CHORD WITH YOU.
EXCUSE ME?
YOU DIDN'T TELL HER, SO
YOU MUST'VE HAD A REASON.
SHE WAS ASLEEP, MOM.
I JUST TOLD YOU THAT.
THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF
IS YOU MUST HAVE RECONSIDERED
BASED ON OUR CONVERSATION.
I DIDN'T RECONSIDER.
YESTERDAY, YOU COULD
HARDLY WAIT TO GET HOME
TO ANNOUNCE YOUR
GREAT FORTUNE TO HER.
TODAY, ALL YOU CAN TALK
ABOUT IS ROSE PETAL TEA.
YES, WELL, IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.
AND YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HER THAT
NOW SHE HAS HER OWN MONEY
TO PUT HERSELF THROUGH
SCHOOL, AND TO GO TO EUROPE...
STOP. RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS JUST LIKE YOU, TO TAKE
SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE GREAT
AND TWIST IT INTO SOMETHING
UGLY. WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
THERE'S SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG
WITH YOU. YOU SHOULD BE STUDIED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU'RE SO UPSET.
I RESPECT THE
DECISION THAT YOU MADE.
I MADE NO DECISION.
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA CALL HER
AND, UH, TELL HER RIGHT NOW.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, IN FACT, I AM.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THE RECEPTION SUCKS IN HERE.
STOP IT. YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE HAVING A FIT.
OK, I'M GONNA GO
FIND A PAYPHONE.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER WILL BE BACK
ANY SECOND. JUST HAVE A SANDWICH.
HAVE A SANDWICH.
THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO
SAY TO ME? HAVE A SANDWICH?
WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO SAY TO YOU?
I WANT YOU TO SAY
THAT YOU ARE SORRY
YOU TRIED TO TALK ME
OUT OF TAKING THIS MONEY.
THAT YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WERE JUST
BEING PETTY, AND CONTROLLING, AND MEAN.
AND THAT YOU KNOW THERE
IS NO AMOUNT OF MONEY
THAT COULD CHANGE THE
RELATIONSHIP RORY AND I HAVE.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO SAY.
I WILL NOT.
WELL, SAY IT, MOM, OR
I'M FINDING A PAYPHONE.
LORELAI, YOU'RE HERE.
HI, GRAN.
SO HAVE YOU ORDERED THE TEA YET?
NO, NOT YET.
WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M AFRAID I'M
GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE MY LEAVE OF YOU
A LITTLE EARLIER
THAN I HAD ANTICIPATED.
WHAT? WHY?
MY TRAIN LEAVES TONIGHT,
AND I HAVE A LITTLE
LAST-MINUTE PACKING TO DO.
WELL, I CAN HELP YOU
WITH YOUR PACKING.
PLUS, I REALLY DON'T
WISH TO WITNESS
ANY MORE OF THIS UGLY LITTLE
FIGHT YOU TWO SEEM TO BE HAVING.
RAISING YOUR VOICE
DURING HIGH TEA.
WHOEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING?
IT'S LIKE FERGIE ALL OVER AGAIN.
OH, GRAN, PLEASE. I'M SO SORRY.
WE'RE DONE. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE.
I CAN SEE NOW THAT OFFERING
THE TRUST FUND WAS A BAD IDEA.
AFTER ALL, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT
THE MATURITY LEVEL
OF THOSE INVOLVED,
THIS LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY
WOULD PROBABLY NOT BE SAFE.
NO, GRAN, THAT ISN'T TRUE.
RORY IS AN
INCREDIBLY MATURE KID.
OH, I'M SURE SHE IS. IT'S
YOU I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
AND I'M SURE SHE
GETS IT FROM YOU.
TELL RORY GOODBYE FOR ME.
YOU TWO ARE WELCOME TO
VISIT ME IN LONDON ANYTIME.
EMILY, PLEASE GET MY COAT.
I WILL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.
WELL, YOU WON.
I DID NOT WIN.
YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO TAKE THE
MONEY, I'M NOT TAKING THE MONEY.
THAT'S CALLED WINNING.
I'M SORRY.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WELL...
YES, I AM.
FORGET IT, MOM.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
NO, IT IS A BIG DEAL.
HERE RORY HAD THIS WONDERFUL
OPPORTUNITY, AND WE... AND I...
MAYBE I CAN TALK TO HER.
OH, YES, THAT'LL WORK.
WELL, I'LL GO TO
YOUR FATHER. MOM.
HE CAN TALK TO HER.
HE CAN FIX IT. I'LL
MAKE HIM FIX IT.
UH, DAMN RECEPTION.
WELL, I'LL GO TO A PAYPHONE.
MOM, MOM, SIT. STAY HERE.
YES, BUT CHILTON...
RORY CAN STILL GO TO CHILTON,
UNLESS YOU'RE
RETHINKING OUR AGREEMENT.
NO, NOT AT ALL. I AM NOT
RETHINKING ANYTHING.
OK, THEN WE'RE GOOD.
ARE YOU SURE?
WE'RE GOOD.
I'D BETTER GO OUT THERE
BEFORE SHE LEAVES ME HERE.
I'M SURE YOU'LL BE
SORRY TO SEE HER GO.
OH, YES, I... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'LL DO WITH MYSELF.
SEE YOU FRIDAY?
SEE YOU FRIDAY.
MOM?
YES?
CAN I ASK YOU ONE FAVOR?
ANYTHING. ANYTHING AT ALL.
DON'T MAKE US TAKE
THE COAT RACK BACK.
DEAL.
HI. HEY.
HERE. THANKS.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA HAVE TEA TODAY.
UH, WE DID. WE FINISHED.
FINISHED EARLY.
YEAH, WELL, ONCE YOU'RE DONE
WITH THOSE LITTLE SANDWICHES,
THERE'S BASICALLY NO REASON
TO PRETEND YOU LIKE TEA ANYMORE.
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.
LISTEN, THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
I LOANED PARIS YOUR BLACK MINI,
AND THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
YOU MAY NEVER SEE IT AGAIN.
OH, WELL, THERE'S
SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
YOU LOST OUT ON $250,000 TODAY.
WHAT?
QUIET TONIGHT.
SORRY, MOM, I'M JUST TIRED.
ME, TOO. SCHOOL.
WORK.
LIFE.
DIG IT, MAN.
PEACE OUT, HUMPHREY.
MYSTERY.
WELL, THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
3 INTELLIGENT WOMEN SITTING
HERE IN COMPLETE SILENCE.
THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.
DO YOU KNOW THAT
EVERY NIGHT AT DINNER,
THE KENNEDY CLAN WOULD
SIT AROUND THE TABLE
HAVING LIVELY DEBATES ABOUT
EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN?
THEY WOULD QUIZ EACH
OTHER ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS,
HISTORICAL FACTS,
INTELLECTUAL TRIVIA.
NOW THE GILMORE
CLAN IS JUST AS SMART
AND WORLDLY AS THE KENNEDYS.
SO, COME ON, SOMEBODY
SAY SOMETHING.
DO YOU KNOW THAT A BUTT
MODEL MAKES $10,000 A DAY?
CAMELOT IS TRULY DEAD.
EMILY.
IN HERE. JUST
FOLLOW THE CRICKETS.
I AM SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT I COME BEARING
WONDERFUL NEWS.
SIRI, BRING MR. GILMORE A PLATE.
I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE FIRST?
UH, NO, NO, NO, I'M FINE. SO...
SIRI, MR. GILMORE'S HUNGRY.
EMILY, I... I'M
PERFECTLY CAPABLE
OF PUTTING A NAPKIN ON MY LAP.
ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
YOU WERE ON THE PHONE.
LONG DISTANCE. GOD?
LONDON. GOD LIVES IN LONDON?
MY MOTHER LIVES IN LONDON.
YOUR MOTHER IS GOD? LORELAI...
SO, GOD IS A WOMAN. LORELAI...
AND A RELATIVE. THAT'S SO COOL.
I'M GONNA TOTALLY
ASK FOR FAVORS.
MAKE HER STOP.
OH, THAT I COULD.
YOU SPOKE WITH YOUR MOTHER.
YES, I DID. SHE'S FINE,
SHE SENDS HER LOVE AND...
SHE'S COMING TO VISIT.
WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING.
WHEN? I'M GONNA GET TO
MEET MY GREAT-GRANDMA?
LORELAI I. WHEN?
I WAS NAMED AFTER
HER. I FIGURED.
RICHARD, WHEN?
YOU'LL LOVE HER. MY MOTHER'S
BRILLIANT. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.
WE SHARE THAT ALSO.
I'M ASKING A QUESTION
HERE. DOES NO ONE HEAR ME?
AM I SUDDENLY INVISIBLE?
I'M SORRY. WHAT
WAS THE QUESTION?
WHEN IS YOUR MOTHER ARRIVING?
A WEEK FROM TODAY.
RORY, I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S
GOING TO BE SUCH A TREAT.
EXCUSE ME.
I STILL CAN'T GET OVER
THAT I'M RELATED TO GOD.
IT'S GOING TO MAKE GETTING
MADONNA TICKETS SO MUCH EASIER.
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
MOM.
MOM?
IT'S JUST LIKE THAT WOMAN,
NO WARNINGS, NO DISCUSSION,
THEN OUT OF THE BLUE,
"I'M COMING NEXT WEEK."
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE TO UNPACK
ALL THESE THINGS.
WHAT THINGS? EXCUSE ME, BOYS.
I HAVE TO GET OUT EVERYTHING
SHE HAS EVER GIVEN US.
35 YEARS' WORTH OF FISH LAMPS
AND DOG STATUES, LION TABLES
AND STUPID NAKED
ANGELS WITH THEIR BUTTS!
WHOA! STUPID NAKED ANGEL BUTTS?
WHAT, DID DAVID
MAMET JUST STOP BY?
LEAVE, PLEASE. MOM, CALM DOWN.
I CAN'T CALM DOWN! THAT
LAMPSHADE IS MISSING,
AND THE CHINA IS CRACKED.
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH
TABLE IT IS THAT SHE GAVE US
FOR OUR 10-YEAR ANNIVERSARY.
MOTHER, GRANDMA
IS A VERY OLD WOMAN.
I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT
SHE'S GONNA REMEMBER
EVERYTHING SHE EVER BOUGHT YOU.
SHE'LL REMEMBER DOWN
TO THE LAST SHRIMP FORK.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
NO. DO YOU KNOW WHY?
SHE DOESN'T JUST
GIVE YOU A PRESENT:
SHE GIVES YOU ONE, THEN
TELLS YOU WHERE TO PUT IT,
HOW TO USE IT, WHAT IT COSTS,
FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES.
AND GOD FORBID IF YOU
HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION
OR DON'T THINK IT
WORKS IN THE SPACE.
OR YOU GET TIRED OF
WAKING UP EVERY MORNING
WITH THOSE HORRIFYING
ANIMALS STARING AT YOU!
SHE'S JUST UPSET.
STOP TALKING TO THE DOGS! MOM.
YOU'RE FREAKING OUT.
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
FREAK OUT BEFORE.
YES, YOU HAVE. YOU WERE 12.
IT WAS THE LAST TIME THAT
HORRIBLE WOMAN CAME TO VISIT.
DO YOU WANT SOME HELP? NO.
PLEASE.
WHERE'S IT GOING? 3RD FLOOR.
HOW ABOUT THE 2ND FLOOR?
3RD FLOOR.
THE FIRST FLOOR, ON A LADDER?
SO TELL ME MORE ABOUT HER.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT MUCH.
WELL, YOU KNOW MORE THAN I DO.
WELL, LET'S SEE.
UH, SHE MOVED TO LONDON
WHEN GRANDPA DIED.
BUT SHE DIDN'T LIKE TO TRAVEL.
SO ONCE A YEAR MOM AND DAD
WOULD GO TO VISIT HER,
USUALLY LEAVING ME BEHIND,
MUCH TO MY RELIEF, BY THE WAY.
AND THAT'S IT.
THE REST I KNOW FROM
STORIES, JUST LIKE YOU.
GRANDPA SAYS I
REMIND HIM OF HER.
THAT IS THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT
THAT CAN BE WRENCHED OUT OF
GRUMPY McFARLANE, BELIEVE ME.
I HOPE SHE LIKES ME.
SHE'LL LOVE YOU.
I HOPE SHE AND
GRANDMA GET ALONG.
SHE'LL LOVE YOU.
I THINK THAT THE BASIC STRUCTURE
OF THE ELIZABETHAN
GOVERNMENT IS RELATIVELY SOUND.
THE DIVISION OF POWER BETWEEN
THE MONARCHY, THE PRIVY COUNCIL,
AND THE PARLIAMENT ALL
SEEM TO WORK. AGREED?
AGREED. DITTO.
OK, SO IN ESTABLISHING
OUR OWN GOVERNMENT,
I THINK DUPLICATING A SIMILAR
STRUCTURE WOULD BE GOOD,
WITH A FEW ALTERATIONS.
QUEEN ELIZABETH
CHOSE TO REMAIN UNWED.
SHE TOOK ON THE BURDEN
OF LEADERSHIP ALL BY HERSELF
AT A TIME WHEN MARRYING THE
PRINCE OF FRANCE OR THE KING OF SPAIN
WOULD'VE SOLIDIFIED HER THRONE
WHILE EXPANDING HER EMPIRE.
AND THOUGH IT WORKED FOR HER,
AND THE CONCEPT
OF A WOMAN RULING
WITHOUT MAN IS CERTAINLY
POLITICALLY CORRECT THESE DAYS,
I THINK WE NEED TO
TAKE A DIFFERENT TACT.
SHE DOES KNOW THIS IS A
MAKE-BELIEVE GOVERNMENT, RIGHT?
YOU ASK HER, I'M AFRAID.
SO, IN ADDITION TO THE MEMBERS
OF THE POLITICAL BRANCHES,
WE'LL ALSO NEED
A KING AND QUEEN.
RORY, TRISTIN, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
US? NO. OH, YES, NO.
WHY?
BECAUSE... I JUST DON'T
WANT TO BE QUEEN.
ME, NEITHER.
KING. I... I DON'T
WANT TO BE KING.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU BE QUEEN.
I'M GOING TO BE THE HEAD OF
PARLIAMENT. I CAN'T BE QUEEN.
BE BOTH. I CAN'T BE BOTH.
WHY NOT? IT'S OUR GOVERNMENT.
IT'S NOT DONE THAT WAY.
IT CAN BE THOUGH,
LET'S VOTE. RORY...
HENRY VIII STARTED A NEW CHURCH
WHEN THE OLD ONE
DIDN'T ALLOW DIVORCE.
HE ALSO CUT OFF HIS WIFE'S HEAD.
IS HE STILL YOUR ROLE MODEL?
I'M JUST SAYING WE
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY
TO MAKE ANY KIND OF
GOVERNMENT WE WANT HERE.
WHY WON'T YOU BE
QUEEN? I'LL BE QUEEN.
THERE, MAKE MADELINE QUEEN.
FINE. YOU'RE QUEEN,
TRISTIN'S KING.
I'LL BE THE LADY IN WAITING
THE ONE WITH THAT LOW-CUT,
BLUE-VELVET RENAISSANCE DRESS.
LADY IN WAITING IS
NOT A POLITICAL OFFICE.
NO, BUT THEY GET ALL THE SEX.
WHAT?
WATCH A MOVIE.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
GOVERNMENT CLASS. NOT THE MOVIES.
GOD! WHY CAN'T I GET ONE PERSON
TO CARE ABOUT
THIS AS MUCH AS I DO?
OK, FINE. I'LL BE THE HEAD OF
THE QUARTER SESSIONS COURT,
BUT I'M STILL WEARING
THE DRESS. HAPPY?
OUT OF MY MIND.
OK. I SECURED US THE CLASSROOM
TO WORK TOMORROW AND SUNDAY,
SO THAT BY MONDAY,
WE'LL BE READY.
WE'RE WORKING ALL WEEKEND?
YOU'RE KIDDING.
TAKE THIS. IT'S AN OUTLINE
FOR THE OVERALL SYSTEM.
POINT OF METHODS,
BASIC LAWS AND PENALTIES,
PLUS SOME RANDOM IDEAS.
PLEASE BE READY TO
DISCUSS IT TOMORROW,
9:00 IN THE MORNING.
DON'T BE LATE.
WOW! SHE DESIGNED THE FLAG.
QUESTION. OK.
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU AND TRISTIN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU SEEM WEIRD
AROUND EACH OTHER.
NO, NO WEIRDER THAN USUAL.
I DISAGREE. YOU USUALLY DO.
I JUST THINK IT'S STRANGE THAT
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE QUEEN.
YOU KNOW, NOT ALL GIRLS
WANT TO BE QUEEN, PARIS.
EVEN BARBIE ENDED
UP BEING A STEWARDESS.
OK, IF YOU SAY SO.
READ MY MANIFESTO. I
WANT YOUR THOUGHTS.
LOSE THE WORD "MANIFESTO."
TOO CABIN-IN-THE-WOODS?
DON'T OPEN YOUR MAIL.
RIGHT. HOW ABOUT "DOCTRINE"?
BETTER.
OK. SEE YOU TOMORROW.
BYE.
UH...
YOU LEFT THIS.
OH, YEAH, I DID. THANKS.
SURE.
WELL, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A
POTENTIAL MARX BROTHERS MOMENT.
YOU GO FIRST.
OK.
I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.
ABOUT WHAT?
TRISTIN, YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT.
NO, I DON'T.
LOOK, WE HAVE A LOT
OF WORK AHEAD OF US.
WE ALSO HAVE ABOUT
2 AND A HALF YEARS
OF BEING IN THE SAME SCHOOL.
I DON'T WANT THINGS TO
BE WEIRD BETWEEN US.
DON'T YOU THINK IT WOULD BE GOOD
TO AT LEAST TRY
TO TALK ABOUT THIS?
OK. GOOD.
I'M GONNA GO FIRST.
RIGHT.
IT'S STILL NOT WORKING.
WELL, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.
NO. I DID THE SAME THING I ALWAYS
DO WHEN I PULL UP RESERVATIONS
FOR THE UPCOMING MONTH,
BUT NOTHING HAPPENED.
YOU TYPED IN THE NAME? YES.
YOU CLICKED ON
THE APRIL FILE? YES.
YOU DOUBLE-CLICKED
ON "CONFIRMATION"?
I DOUBLE-CLICKED.
ARE YOU SURE? YES.
I DOUBLE-CLICKED.
YOU CLICKED TWICE?
NO, I DIDN'T CLICK TWICE.
BECAUSE TO SUCCESSFULLY
DOUBLE-CLICK, YOU MUST CLICK TWICE.
I KNOW WHAT DOUBLE-CLICK IS.
YOU DON'T, OR WE WOULDN'T
BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.
I'M GONNA PINCH YOU SO HARD NOW.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
WELL, I CAN'T FIX IT
IF YOU DON'T MOVE.
I DOUBLE-CLICKED.
OOH, WHAT'S THAT? WHAT?
THAT RED THING WITH AN "X."
I DO NOT KNOW.
OOH, IT HAPPENED WHEN YOU
PUSHED SOMETHING FUNKY.
I PUSH NOTHING FUNKY.
YOU HAVE THE FUNK, MY FRIEND.
INDEPENDENCE INN.
I NEED THE HATRACK.
THE FISH FLIES AT NIGHT.
WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW. WHO IS THIS?
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER.
OH, WELL, HI, MOM, I DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE.
I NEED THE HATRACK BACK.
WHAT HATRACK?
THE HATRACK I GAVE YOU.
WHAT HATRACK?
THE HATRACK I GAVE YOU
FOR CHRISTMAS 5 YEARS AGO.
UH, WELL...
IT-IT'S LARGE, BRONZE WITH
DRAGONS OR WEASELS, I DON'T KNOW.
SOME SORT OF LIZARD-TYPE ANIMAL
THAT YOU HANG YOUR COATS ON.
YES, YES, I REMEMBER IT.
THANK GOD. I NEED IT BACK.
YOU NEED A CHRISTMAS
PRESENT BACK?
TEMPORARILY. WHY, MOM?
I NEED IT BACK BECAUSE
RICHARD'S MOTHER GAVE IT TO US,
AND SHE'LL NOTICE
IF IT'S NOT THERE.
YOU GAVE ME A USED PRESENT?
NO, WE NEVER USED IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU'LL GET IT BACK.
YOU GAVE ME A
SECONDHAND PRESENT,
LIKE SOMETHING YOU
GOT AT THE JUNK STORE.
YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE DRAMATIC.
IT WAS STILL IN THE CRATE.
YOU ACTUALLY WENT, "HUH, WHAT
SHOULD I GET LORELAI THIS YEAR?
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I
CAN'T BE BOTHERED.
LET'S GIVE HER
SOMETHING WE DON'T WANT."
YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.
WHAT WOULD MISS
MANNERS SAY ABOUT THIS?
IF SHE MET YOUR GRANDMA,
SHE'D UNDERSTAND.
NOW, PLEASE. JUST
BRING THE RACK WITH YOU
WHEN YOU COME TONIGHT. OK?
OK, SURE. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME. BYE.
SO, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO TALK.
YEAH. LOOK, ABOUT
THE OTHER NIGHT...
I WAS UPSET OVER SUMMER.
YES, AND I WAS UPSET OVER DEAN.
SO, THEN IT DOESN'T
MEAN ANYTHING, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
SO THEN... RIGHT,
SO THEN THAT'S IT.
WE JUST CHALK IT
UP TO A BAD NIGHT.
OK.
I'M SORRY I CRIED.
NO PROBLEM.
I SWEAR IT HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH THE KISS.
I KISSED YOU, YOU CRIED.
IT HAD SOMETHING
TO DO WITH THE KISS.
I CRIED BECAUSE I WAS CONFUSED,
AND BECAUSE I HADN'T CRIED.
I DIDN'T CRY
BECAUSE OF THE KISS.
IT WAS A NICE KISS.
YEAH? VERY NICE.
NOT AT ALL CRYING MATERIAL.
REALLY? ABSOLUTELY.
WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN?
I THINK SOMEONE IS RECOVERING
FROM THEIR HEARTBREAK JUST FINE.
YEAH, I'M ALL BETTER.
I THINK I'M GONNA SWEAR
OFF GIRLS FOR A WHILE.
HA!
WHAT?
UH, SORRY, NOTHING. YOU SAID
YOU WERE GONNA SWEAR OFF GIRLS.
IT'S... IT'S FUNNY.
YOU DON'T THINK I CAN?
NO. I... I THINK YOU CAN.
I JUST THINK IT WOULD
BE HARD FOR YOU.
IT'D PROBABLY INVOLVE
SOME KIND OF LOCKUP FACILITY
AND ONE OF THOSE
HANNIBAL LECTER MASKS.
OK, YES, IT WOULD BE
HARD, BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
MAYBE IT'S NOT SO MUCH
SWEARING OFF ALL GIRLS,
BUT SWEARING OFF A
CERTAIN KIND OF GIRL.
MEANING?
MEANING NEXT TIME
YOU SHOULD PICK A GIRL
WITH A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANCE.
YOU KNOW, A GIRL WHO'S SMART,
AND IS DRIVEN AND HAS AMBITION.
YOU KNOW, LIKE PARIS.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
PARIS IS SMART AND
CUTE AND INTERESTING,
AND YEAH, SHE DOES BRING HER OWN
UNIQUE SET OF BAGGAGE INTO THE MIX.
A MATCHING SET.
BUT SHE LIKES YOU.
SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
SHE THINKS YOU'RE AMAZING.
YOU WANT ME TO DATE PARIS?
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
ME AND PARIS.
LOUIS, "I THINK THIS IS THE BEGINNING
OF A WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIP."
WHO'S LOUIS?
JUST THINK.
COME ON, LET'S GO!
RELAX. I'M ALMOST READY.
WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.
NO, WE'RE NOT.
WELL, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.
THE TRAFFIC'S BAD
ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
SINCE WHEN?
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF
TIME. HERE, LET ME DO IT.
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU? NOTHING.
YOU'VE BEEN READY AND
BUGGING ME FOR ALMOST AN HOUR.
USUALLY I HAVE TO DRAG
YOU KICKING AND SCREAMING
TO GO TO DINNER. NOW, THEN.
YOU WHINE, YOU COMPLAIN,
YOU ACT LIKE A CHILD.
I DO NOT.
I HAD TO PAY YOU $5 ONCE SO
YOU WOULDN'T GO IN SWEATS.
MAKE YOUR POINT AND MAKE IT FAST
AS WE MOVE QUICKLY
TO THE FRONT DOOR.
MY POINT IS THAT YOU'RE MEAN.
I'M NOT MEAN.
YOU ARE, YOU WANT
TO GO TO DINNER
TO SEE GRANDMA
UNCOMFORTABLE, THAT'S MEAN.
OH! OK, LOOK.
I WILL ADMIT I WORK VERY HARD,
AND SOMETIMES I AM A LITTLE
TIRED COME FRIDAY NIGHT
FOR THE GILMORE FAMILY DINNER.
BUT I HAD A LIGHT DAY TODAY
AND MY GRANDMOTHER, WHO I HAVEN'T
SEEN IN YEARS, IS GONNA BE THERE.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT
THAT GRANDMA HATES GREAT-GRANDMA?
NOT AT ALL.
AND WHEN YOU SEE GRANDMA
MISERABLE AND UNCOMFORTABLE,
YOU'RE GONNA BE
SAD AND SYMPATHETIC?
NOT AT ALL. MEAN.
I'M KIDDING. I WANT
YOU TO BE NICE.
I WILL BE NICE.
AND NO OUTWARD
REVELING IN SOMEONE'S PAIN.
I PROMISE. INTERNAL
REVELING ONLY.
OK. THEN WE CAN GO.
OK. GOOD.
OH, WAIT.
SO THE INTERNAL REVELING CAN
CONTINUE FOR YEARS TO COME.
MEAN.
MEAN, MEAN, MEAN.
GOD, THIS THING WEIGHS,
LIKE, 1,000 POUNDS.
I KNOW. I KNOW.
HERE, PUT IT DOWN.
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
IN CASE GRAN COMES
TO THE DOOR, YOU KNOW.
OH, GOOD THINKING.
I MEAN, SHE'S 80.
THE EYES HAVE GOT
TO BE GONE, RIGHT?
LET'S JUST TRY TO KEEP
HER INSIDE THE HOUSE.
GOOD THINKING.
DO YOU HAVE IT?
WE GOT IT.
HURRY UP. BRING IT IN HERE.
OK, QUIET. BE QUIET.
MOM, THANKS FOR
THE DIRECTION AND ALL,
BUT, UH, WE NEED SOME HELP.
OH, YEAH. SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.
CAREFUL, HONEY.
WATCH IT. WATCH YOUR HEAD.
GET IT OVER THERE.
YEAH, YEAH.
OK. YES.
I THINK THAT WAS ABOUT...
NO, IT WAS MAYBE A
LITTLE MORE ON THE LEFT.
I SHOULD'VE PUT TAPE DOWN.
MOM, YOU DON'T THINK
THAT THE COAT RACK
COULD'VE MOVED A QUARTER
OF AN INCH IN 5 YEARS?
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT'S IT.
OK, PUT YOUR COATS ON IT.
HOW'D YOU GET HER IN HERE
WITHOUT HER NOTICING
IT WASN'T THERE?
WELL, I BROUGHT HER
IN THROUGH THE BACK
AND HAD STELLA WAX THE FLOORS.
ALSO SHE NAPPED, SO
THAT TOOK ABOUT AN HOUR.
WHERE IS SHE NOW?
IN THE LIVING ROOM
SCRATCHING THE DIAMOND PENDANT
I BOUGHT HER AGAINST A MIRROR.
SO, UH, WE SHOULDN'T
KEEP HER WAITING, HUH?
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, WE SHOULDN'T.
OH, HEAVEN HELP ME.
STOP.
MOM, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
WHO?
WELL, LOOK.
IF I WANTED TO
LOOK, I WOULD LOOK.
I HAVEN'T LOOKED.
THEREFORE, YOU MUST DRAW
YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.
THANK YOU, DEAR BOY.
YOU'RE WELCOME, TRIX.
TRIX?
DAD'S PET NAME FOR GRAN.
ISN'T IT JUST DARLING?
HI, GRAN.
LORELAI.
YES. IT'S... IT'S SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
TRIX, THIS IS RORY.
YOU HAVEN'T MET HER YET.
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE.
HELLO.
COME. I WANT TO GET A VERY
GOOD LOOK AT BOTH OF YOU.
THEY'RE TALL.
WELL, YES, THEY ARE.
HOW'S YOUR HEALTH?
OH, GOOD. VERY HEALTHY.
GOOD, THAT MEANS
THAT THE MAJORITY
OF YOUR BLOOD IS GILMORE BLOOD.
GILMORES DON'T GET
SICK. AM I RIGHT, RICHARD?
NO, WE WOULDN'T DARE, TRIX.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOUR
MOTHER IS ALWAYS SICK.
I AM HARDLY ALWAYS SICK.
YOU'RE SICK RIGHT
NOW. ARE YOU SICK NOW?
HEADACHE.
GILMORE'S DON'T HAVE HEADACHES.
OUR HEADS ARE PERFECT.
YOU DON'T DRINK.
UH, WELL...
EMILY, GET THIS WOMAN A DRINK.
OH, I'LL DO IT.
OH, THANKS, DAD. WHITE WINE.
UH, I'M GOING TO GET
THE HORS D'OEUVRES.
SO, YOU'RE RORY.
YES, MA'AM.
MY SON SPEAKS OF YOU CONSTANTLY.
HE SEEMS VERY FOND OF YOU.
OH, WELL, I'M VERY
FOND OF HIM, TOO.
THIS LITTLE GIRL IS AS
SMART AS A WHIP, MOM.
I THINK SHE HAS A GREAT
DEAL OF YOU IN HER.
REALLY? HOW NICE.
IS THIS CHEESE?
YES, IT IS.
AM I SUPPOSED TO
EAT THAT CHEESE?
WELL, ONLY IF YOU LIKE.
EMILY, WHERE ARE THOSE SPICED
NUTS THAT TRIX LIKES SO MUCH?
I'LL GET SOME.
SO, LORELAI, SINCE I'VE SEEN
YOU LAST, YOU'VE GROWN UP,
GOTTEN PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK,
RAISED A CHILD, AND STILL
HAVEN'T BOTHERED TO GET MARRIED.
HAVE I LEFT ANYTHING OUT?
WELL, UH, SOME TIME IN BETWEEN, UH,
GROWING UP AND GETTING PREGNANT,
I GOT MY EARS PIERCED.
I'VE ALWAYS HATED SCANDAL.
HOWEVER, I'VE ALWAYS
APPRECIATED SELF-SUFFICIENCY.
TELL ME, HOW DO YOU
SUPPORT THIS CHILD?
I RUN AN INN.
HARD WORK?
YES, IT IS.
GOOD. HARD WORK IS
GOOD FOR A WOMAN.
MAKES HER STRONGER.
I ADMIRE PEOPLE WHO
ENJOY HARD WORK.
HERE WE GO. SPICED NUTS.
THANK YOU, EMILY.
I SUPPOSE I COULD JUST
PUT THESE NUTS IN MY HAND.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SO, GRAN, UM, WHEN WAS
THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU?
YOU WERE STILL IN YOUR TEENS,
WILD HAIR FLYING EVERYWHERE.
I SEE YOU'VE TAKEN CARE OF THAT.
UH, YES, I JOINED A SUPPORT
GROUP, BOUGHT A HAIRBRUSH,
AND, UH, JUST TAKING
IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.
THAT WAS A JOKE?
YES, IT IS.
VERY GOOD.
THANK YOU.
I HAVE DISHES AND NAPKINS.
GOOD FOR YOU.
RICHARD, I WOULD LIKE TO BE
ESCORTED INTO THE DINNING ROOM NOW.
YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.
WELL, UH, I'M... I'M NOT SURE
THAT DINNER'S READY JUST YET.
PERHAPS OUR PRESENCE IN THE
DINING ROOM WILL TEACH YOUR HELP
THAT WHEN ONE IS
TOLD DINNER IS AT 7:00,
PEOPLE OFTEN
EXPECT DINNER AT 7:00.
BUT IT'S ONLY 7:05, MOM.
ONLY 7:05?
RICHARD, IN THE EVENT
THAT I'M KIDNAPPED
AND RANSOM IS DEMANDED
AT A CERTAIN TIME,
I WOULD PREFER THAT EMILY NOT
BE IN CHARGE OF THE DROP-OFF.
GRANDMA, THIS
DINNER'S DELICIOUS.
VERY GOOD, YOUNG LADY.
WE ALL BELIEVED YOU.
NOW, LET'S TALK
ABOUT YOUR EDUCATION.
WHERE ARE YOU ATTENDING SCHOOL?
CHILTON.
RORY IS IN THE TOP 10
PERCENT OF HER CLASS.
WE'RE VERY PROUD OF OUR
RORY. SHE'S GOING TO HARVARD.
HARVARD?
YES, MA'AM.
RICHARD, HOW CAN YOU ALLOW
THIS GIRL TO GO TO HARVARD?
NOW, TRIX...
YOU AND YOUR
FATHER WERE YALE MEN.
WELL, WE WANT RORY TO BE
WHATEVER KIND OF MAN SHE WANTS TO BE.
THAT'S ENOUGH JOKES
FOR THIS EVENING, LORELAI.
SORRY.
NOW, IF YOU DON'T
MIND MY ASKING,
CHILTON IS RATHER AN
EXPENSIVE INSTITUTION.
I'M CURIOUS HOW THE
MANAGER OF AN INN
CAN AFFORD SUCH A LUXURY?
UH, WELL...
WE'RE HELPING
LORELAI OUT A LITTLE.
YES, WE'VE SEEN TO IT
THAT RORY'S EDUCATION
IS TAKEN CARE OF.
BUT IT'S TEMPORARY. IT'S A LOAN.
I PLAN TO PAY THEM
BACK EVERY CENT.
THEY... THEY KNOW THIS.
THAT'S IT. I'M DONE. RICHARD.
TOMORROW, RORY, I
SHALL PLAN THE MENU.
WHEN YOU'VE LIVED IN EUROPE,
YOU LEARN A THING
OR TWO ABOUT FOOD.
OH, I CAN'T. I'M
STUDYING TOMORROW.
I'M... I'M IN THIS STUDY GROUP
AND OUR PRESENTATION
IS DUE ON MONDAY.
OH, VERY WELL, YOUR MOTHER
CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
I WILL. I PROMISE.
WON'T YOU HAVE DESSERT?
I ONCE TRAVELED TO A
SMALL VILLAGE IN CAMBODIA.
I DID NOT EAT DESSERT
THERE, EITHER.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S ALMOST 9:00.
HEY, MAYBE I'LL OWN
A MAGAZINE SOME DAY.
THEN I'LL GET ALL
MY NAIL POLISH FREE.
I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP.
TELL PARIS I HATE HER.
OK.
HI.
HEY, PARIS. LOUISE HATES YOU.
YOU'LL THANK ME WHEN YOU
GET INTO SARAH LAWRENCE.
WANNA BET? HEY.
WOW, DID YOU BRING COFFEE?
AND DOUGHNUTS IN
THE SHAPE OF CLOWNS.
HEY, THEY'VE GOT HATS.
WELL, A CLOWN JUST ISN'T
A CLOWN WITHOUT A HAT.
HERE IS YOUR
DECAF WITH SOY MILK.
THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME. SO
I READ YOUR DOCTRINE
AND I THINK OUR IMAGINARY KINGDOM
IS OFF TO A PRETTY GOOD START.
YEAH? YEAH.
I MEAN, THE TAXES
ARE A LITTLE HIGH,
AND THE LANDOWNERS' POWER
SHOULD BE REGULATED A LITTLE MORE.
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME THEN.
YEAH, BUT THE FUNDAMENTAL
HUMAN NEEDS WERE THE SAME.
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO SET IT UP WITHIN...
DING, DING, DING.
NO DEBATING UNTIL
I'VE HAD COFFEE.
AND A CLOWN?
LADIES.
HI, TRISTIN. HEY.
PARIS, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A SECOND?
OH, SURE. OK.
AND THAT IS ABOUT
WHAT, PRAY TELL?
I DON'T KNOW. THE PROJECT MAYBE?
THEY COULD HAVE
TALKED PROJECT HERE.
IT'S SOMETHING ELSE,
SOMETHING PRIVATE.
SCANDAL.
MAYBE, THOUGH IT IS PARIS.
SCANDAL LITE.
ALL THE TASTE, BUT
FEWER CALORIES.
WE COULD SPY.
OR WE COULD WAIT FOR
HER TO COME BACK IN
TO SEE IF SHE WANTS US TO KNOW.
THOSE WHO SIMPLY WAIT FOR
INFORMATION TO FIND THEM
SPEND A LOT OF TIME
SITTING BY THE PHONE.
THOSE WHO GO OUT
AND FIND IT THEMSELVES
HAVE SOMETHING TO
SAY WHEN IT RINGS.
NIETZSCHE? DAWSON.
MY NEXT GUESS.
SO, WHAT WAS WITH THE
CONFAB IN THE HALLWAY?
WE'RE DYING HERE.
WELL, TRISTIN, HE...
ASKED ME OUT.
NO!
MY, MY, MY.
WOW! THIS IS AMAZING.
GOD, I'M JEALOUS.
DETAILS, PLEASE. DON'T
LEAVE OUT ANYTHING.
WE WANT EVERY COMMA,
APOSTROPHE, AND AMPERSAND.
WELL, HE JUST ASKED ME OUT.
WHEN?
TONIGHT.
HMM.
WHAT? NOTHING.
NO, YOU "HMMED."
WHY DID YOU "HMM"?
FORGET IT.
LOUISE, TELL ME WHY YOU HMMED.
HE ASKED YOU OUT FOR TONIGHT.
LESS THAN 24 HOURS' NOTICE.
SO? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
USUALLY THAT SOMEONE
ELSE CANCELED.
OR MAYBE HE JUST GOT UP
THE NERVE TO ASK HER OUT.
MAYBE.
THIS IS SO AMAZING. I MEAN, YOU
ARE SO FAR FROM TRISTIN'S TYPE.
SO, SO FAR.
TRISTIN USUALLY
LIKES HIS GIRLS BAD.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THE
PINK LADIES MAKEOVER ON YOU.
WE'LL TURN YOU FROM A SWEET
SANDY INTO A SLUTTY SANDY,
DANCING AT THE SCHOOL
FAIR IN HIGH HEELS,
BLACK SPANDEX, AND PERMED HAIR.
YOU CAN BORROW MY WATER BRA.
EXCUSE ME?
MY WATER BRA. IT'S LIKE A
PADDED BRA, BUT IT'S FILLED
WITH SOME SORT OF
LIQUID SO IT MOVES.
IT MOVES? YES.
ON ITS OWN?
IT MAKES YOU LOOK NATURAL.
GREAT. THANKS, BUT I'LL PASS.
EVERYBODY, COME
ON. LET'S GET TO WORK.
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE A GREAT TIME.
YEAH, WELL, IT'S
JUST A DATE, RIGHT?
OH, GREAT.
OK, FOCUS, PEOPLE.
DO YOU WANT ONE?
Hi.
5-MINUTE TALKING
BREAK WHILE I CHANGE.
BIG LEAK, 3RD FLOOR.
LOTS OF THINGS GOING SQUISH
THAT SHOULD NOT BE SQUISHING.
MICHEL IS NO HELP.
NOW I'M LATE FOR
DINNER, WHICH, BY THE WAY,
I'M BUGGED YOU'RE NOT COMING TO.
WHICH ONE? BLUE,
BLACK, BAD, GOOD?
BLACK. OK.
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN'T COME?
YEAH, I'M SURE.
IF I'M NOT PREPARED TOMORROW,
PARIS IS GONNA SEND ME TO THE TOWER.
IF THINGS GO WELL TONIGHT,
I BET IT'LL HELP TOMORROW.
TONIGHT?
SHE'S GOING ON A
DATE WITH TRISTIN.
HOW'D THAT HAPPEN? I
DID A LITTLE MATCHMAKING.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU
NOT TO BUTT INTO OTHER
PEOPLE'S BUSINESS?
NEVER. GOOD. GO ON.
THAT'S ALL. DON'T WORRY.
I WANT DETAILS TOMORROW.
NOW, HOW DO I LOOK?
BEAUTIFUL.
OK.
MY 5 MINUTES ARE UP.
LET'S GO!
THERE IS MONEY ON
THE KITCHEN TABLE.
AND THERE'S REALLY
GOOD CHOCOLATE CAKE
THAT I TOOK OUT AND DEFROSTED
FOR YOU SPECIALLY THIS MORNING.
AND CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.
AND I'LL BE HOME
EARLY. AND WHAT ELSE?
DON'T BE MEAN TO GRANDMA.
YEAH, BROKEN
RECORD. OK, I'M GONE.
BE GOOD.
BYE! BYE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR.
EVER?
ON MY DATE WITH TRISTIN.
I'M NOT TRENDY GIRL, OK.
I DON'T HAUNT THE BOUTIQUES HOPING
TO FIND THAT ONE FABULOUS LITTLE TOP.
I STUDY, AND I THINK ABOUT STUDYING,
AND THEN I STUDY SOME MORE.
DO YOU WANNA COME IN?
I ONLY HAVE ONE LIPSTICK AT
HOME. AND IT'S BARELY EVEN A COLOR.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
NOT WEARING ANYTHING,
WHICH IS WHY I LIKED
IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
BUT TO DATE, YOU NEED
THE FABULOUS LITTLE TOP,
AND A LIPSTICK YOU CAN
ACTUALLY TELL YOU'RE WEARING.
YOU WANNA PUT THAT STUFF DOWN?
YOU SAID IF I EVER NEEDED TO TALK
TO ANYONE, I COULD TALK TO YOU.
YES, I DID. WELL, HERE I AM.
OK. CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION? OK.
WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO
MADELINE OR LOUISE ABOUT THIS?
THEY SEEM TO GET THAT
FABULOUS LITTLE TOP THING.
YEAH, THAT THEY GET. THE
WHOLE SUPPORTIVE "YOU'LL BE FINE,
AND NOT THROW UP 12 TIMES
ON THE WAY TO HIS CAR" THING:
THAT, THEY DON'T GET.
OK. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
I BROUGHT EVERYTHING IN
CASE THERE WAS SOME SORT OF
HIDDEN POTENTIAL IN
SOMETHING I DIDN'T SEE.
SO?
WELL, YOU'D BE ONE
WELL-DRESSED WIDOW.
FORGET IT. I'M NOT GOING.
YES, YOU ARE. COME ON.
NOW, THIS IS YOUR
ENTIRE WARDROBE? YES.
NOTHING'S LEFT AT HOME?
NOTHING BUT MY CHILTON
UNIFORM, AND MY BAT MITZVAH DRESS
WHICH HAS MENORAHS
ON THE COLLAR.
OK. LET'S THINK.
COME ON.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
TO OUR ONE-STOP SHOPPING STORE.
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER'S ROOM?
YES, IT IS.
I CAN'T WEAR YOUR
MOTHER'S CLOTHES.
YES, YOU CAN. I
DO IT ALL THE TIME.
WHAT ABOUT THIS?
MY MOTHER SAYS THE COLOR
PINK MAKES MY HEAD LOOK SMALL.
OK. NO PINK.
THIS WHOLE THING
IS SO INSANE. WHY?
TRISTIN ASKING ME OUT.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
WHY WOULD HE NOT DO THAT?
BECAUSE HE'S GORGEOUS
AND EXPERIENCED,
AND ONLY DATES THOSE MOST
LIKELY TO BECOME A TROPHY WIFE.
TRISTIN WILL BE LUCKY TO GO
OUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
HE'S NOT GONNA HAVE
TO READ THE MENU TO YOU
OR EXPLAIN THAT THE
DANCING TRASH BINS
IN THE MOVIE THEATRE
PREVIEWS AREN'T REAL.
IT'S GONNA BE MUCH
LESS STRESSFUL.
ALL THESE YEARS I'VE
HOPED THIS WOULD HAPPEN
AND NOW IT HAS, AND I FEEL...
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE
IN THE DATING DEPARTMENT.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T PUT IT ON YOUR
TRANSCRIPT, WHAT'S THE POINT, RIGHT?
I KNOW.
BEFORE DEAN, I'D NEVER
HAD A BOYFRIEND, OR A KISS.
YEAH.
I NEVER EVEN
THOUGHT ABOUT DATING.
THEN YOU MET DEAN. YEAH.
AND HE WAS SO SPECIAL,
AND NICE, AND MADE ME
COMPLETELY NAUSEOUS.
THE BEST ONES DO.
I COULDN'T EVEN TALK AROUND HIM.
I SAW YOU AT THE DANCE. YOU DIDN'T
SEEM TO HAVE ANY TROUBLE TALKING,
OR GAZING ANNOYINGLY
INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES.
BUT THAT WAS AFTER
WE'D BEEN DATING A LITTLE.
AFTER WE STARTED GOING OUT
AND SPENDING TIME TOGETHER,
I DON'T KNOW, IT JUST
KIND OF GOT EASIER.
AND THEN BY THE 3RD DATE,
EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.
DO YOU MISS HIM A LOT?
YEAH, A LOT, A LOT.
SORRY.
THANKS.
BUT TONIGHT IS NOT ABOUT ME.
TONIGHT IS ABOUT YOU GOING
OUT WITH TRISTIN IN THIS OUTFIT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT'S OK.
IT'S GREAT. PUT IT ON.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH, BATHROOM'S DOWN THE HALL.
AND I'LL GET YOU A LIPSTICK
WITH SOME ACTUAL COLOR IN IT.
OK.
UH, PARIS, WHAT ARE THESE CARDS
THAT FELL OUT OF YOUR JACKET?
OH, YEAH. THOSE ARE
NOTES FOR TONIGHT.
NOTES?
YEAH, JUST SOME
REFERENCE POINTS, REALLY.
YOU KNOW, SUBJECTS TO BRING
UP IN CASE THE CONVERSATION LAGS.
WELL, CAN I SUGGEST
THAT YOU LEAVE
THIS ONE ABOUT THE
SPANISH INQUISITION OUT?
NOT VERY ROMANTIC? NOT REALLY.
OK, I'M DRESSED.
HOW'S IT LOOK? BAD.
WELL, I DON'T REALLY TRUST
YOUR OPINION ON THAT SUBJECT.
SO, COME OUT HERE, PLEASE.
FINE, BUT IT LOOKS BAD.
YOU LOOK GREAT!
I FEEL WEIRD.
WEIRD WORKS FOR YOU
BECAUSE YOU LOOK AMAZING.
REALLY? YOU'RE NOT
JUST SAYING THAT?
I SWEAR TO GOD.
ARE YOU ATHEIST? EXCUSE ME?
BECAUSE THAT EFFECTS THE
VALIDITY OF YOUR SWEARING TO GOD.
YOU LOOK GREAT. AND I WOULDN'T
SAY YOU DID IF YOU DIDN'T.
OK. WELL, IF YOU
THINK IT LOOKS OK...
I BELIEVE THE WORD
"AMAZING" WAS USED.
THEN I'LL WEAR IT. THANKS.
ANYTIME. I HAVE TO GO.
LIPSTICK.
YOU'LL HOLD THIS EVENING OVER MY
HEAD FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, AREN'T YOU?
PROBABLY.
BYE.
WHAT DID YOU THINK
ABOUT THE RABBIT?
OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL.
YOU KNOW, I BROUGHT IT WITH ME.
EXCUSE ME?
FROM LONDON.
LONDON HAS THE BEST GAME.
YOU BROUGHT IT WITH
YOU FROM LONDON?
YES.
DID YOU GET IT A SEAT?
DRY ICE.
WOW, THAT'S INVENTIVE.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE FINISHED HERE.
LET'S RETIRE TO THE
LIVING ROOM FOR A BRANDY.
YES.
LORELAI, WALK WITH ME.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I
WANT TO DISCUSS WITH YOU.
OK.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
SOMETHING I HEARD THE OTHER NIGHT.
WHAT WAS THAT?
THAT YOU BORROWED MONEY FROM
YOUR PARENTS FOR RORY'S SCHOOL.
UH, WELL, IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT
THEM GETTING THE MONEY BACK...
YOU KNOW, SHAKESPEARE ONCE WROTE,
"NEITHER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER BE."
DO YOU CONSIDER
SHAKESPEARE A WISE MAN?
UH, SURE.
WE CERTAINLY DON'T MIND
LOANING LORELAI THE MONEY,
IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT.
CERTAINLY NOT.
RORY IS FIRST
PRIORITY IN THIS HOUSE.
I'M NOT CONCERNED ABOUT
WHETHER YOU MIND OR NOT.
LOANING MONEY IS
A DIRTY BUSINESS.
IT'S DISTASTEFUL, AND
I DON'T CARE FOR IT.
AS YOU KNOW, I CAME INTO TOWN
TO CHECK UP ON THE
FAMILY INVESTMENTS,
AND TO TALK WITH OUR LAWYERS.
I HAVE SOME THINGS
TO PUT IN ORDER,
AND ONE OF THEM IS SETTING
UP A TRUST FUND FOR RORY.
WH... THAT'S AMAZING. REALLY?
NOW, NORMALLY, I
WOULD SET UP A FUND
SO THAT SHE WOULD HAVE
ACCESS TO IT WHEN SHE TURNS 25.
HOWEVER, CONSIDERING
THE SITUATION,
IF YOU LIKE, I WILL ARRANGE
FOR HER TO GET IT NOW.
NOW?
NOW.
THAT WAY, SHE CAN USE
IT TO PAY FOR CHILTON.
OH, GRAN, I... I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
THAT'S... THAT'S SO
GENEROUS OF YOU.
MY MOTHER IS A VERY
SPECIAL WOMAN, ISN'T SHE?
YOU TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I'M DEAD.
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO
DIE. YOU'RE TOO STUBBORN.
GRAN, THIS IS... I... I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
NOTHING NOW WOULD BE PREFERABLE.
I HAVE ARRANGED FOR
YOU AND YOUR MOTHER AND I
TO HAVE TEA TOMORROW
BEFORE I LEAVE.
SAY IT THEN.
GOOD NIGHT, EMILY.
GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, I'LL JUST WALK MOTHER
UPSTAIRS AND BE RIGHT BACK.
WOW. THAT WAS QUITE A
BOMB SHE JUST DROPPED.
IT CERTAINLY WAS.
UM, I GUESS I SHOULD BE GOING.
THANKS FOR DINNER, MOM.
UM, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
LORELAI.
YOU'RE NOT HONESTLY CONSIDERING
ACCEPTING THAT MONEY, ARE YOU?
YEAH, OF COURSE
I'M CONSIDERING IT.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S VERY WISE.
WHY NOT? BECAUSE
SHE'S A YOUNG GIRL.
SHE WON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING
ABOUT MANAGING THAT MONEY.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL HELP HER.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING
ABOUT MANAGING THAT MONEY, EITHER.
NO, BUT I'M VERY FAMILIAR
WITH THE 2ND THING.
HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THE PITFALLS
INVOLVED IN ACCEPTING THIS MONEY?
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO BRAGS ABOUT HOW
SPECIAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH RORY IS.
I'M STUNNED THAT YOU WANT
TO JEOPARDIZE IT LIKE THIS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO
THAT MONEY MEANS FREEDOM.
IF RORY HAS THAT MONEY
SHE WON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE.
I DON'T KNOW, MOM, SHE'S 16.
THERE'S STILL A COUPLE OF WAYS I MAY
COME IN HANDY, BUYING BEER AND STUFF.
I'M GLAD YOU THINK LOSING
YOUR DAUGHTER IS SO FUNNY.
SHE WILL BE SELF-SUFFICIENT.
SHE WON'T NEED YOU
TO PAY FOR ANYTHING,
SHE WON'T HAVE TO TURN TO YOU.
EVERYTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP
ISN'T ABOUT MONEY, MOM.
SHE'LL MOVE OUT AS
SOON AS SHE CAN. SO WHAT?
SHE WON'T NEED YOU TO HELP PUT
HER THROUGH COLLEGE, OR TO BUY A CAR.
OK. YOU KNOW WHAT? SAY
GOODBYE TO DAD FOR ME
AS SOON AS THE VOICES
IN YOUR HEAD SUBSIDE.
WHY SHOULD SHE WAIT TO
BACKPACK ACROSS EUROPE WITH YOU?
SHE CAN AFFORD TO GO HERSELF,
AND SHE CAN TAKE A FRIEND,
OR A BOYFRIEND, OR ANYONE.
YEAH, WELL, SHE
WANTS TO GO WITH ME.
WELL, NOW, OF COURSE SHE
DOES. SHE DOESN'T HAVE OPTIONS.
BUT THE MINUTE YOU GIVE
HER OPTIONS... OK, THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE NUTS, AND I'M
GOING. IN THAT ORDER.
IT'S TERRIBLE NOT TO
BE NEEDED. YOU'LL SEE.
♪ IF THE LIFE ♪
♪ YOU HAVE CREATED ♪
♪ HAS BURIED YOU WITH LUXURIES ♪
THAT IS AMAZING!
I KNOW. ONE MINUTE IT'S,
"PASS THE POT ROAST."
AND THE NEXT MINUTE IT'S,
"HEY, HAVE A PILE OF MONEY."
THINGS ARE NEVER BORING
AT THE GILMORE HOUSE.
WHAT DID RORY SAY
WHEN YOU TOLD HER?
I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET. WHAT?
SHE WAS ASLEEP WHEN I GOT HOME.
HI, FOR THAT MUCH OF
MONEY, YOU WAKE HER UP.
YOU HIRE SINGING TELEGRAMS,
WOMEN JUMP OUT OF CAKES.
PEOPLE DRESS UP LIKE BANKERS
AND DANCE WITH THOSE TOASTERS.
WELL, SHE'S BEEN WORKING HER BUTT
OFF ALL WEEK ON THIS CHILTON PAPER,
SO I LET HER SLEEP. AND
I'LL TELL HER TONIGHT.
CALL HER NOW. OH, OR PAGE HER
OR PAGE HER AND HAVE
HER CALL MY CELL PHONE.
AND WE CAN SING THE
MONEY SONG FROM CABARET.
YOU BE LIZA, I'LL BE JOEL.
I DON'T KNOW. HEY, I'M JOEL.
I DON'T WANNA BOTHER
HER WHILE SHE'S AT SCHOOL.
- I CAN NEVER DECIDE.
- TACKY OR RETRO?
YOU DON'T WANNA TELL HER.
YEAH, I DO. I THINK.
OH, WELL, I UNDERSTAND
THE HESITATION.
YOU DO? ABSOLUTELY.
WHO WANTS TO BE THE
BEARER OF GOOD NEWS?
ALL THAT HUGGING AND
HAPPINESS. A NIGHTMARE.
I WAS. I WAS THRILLED WHEN
GRAN TOLD ME ABOUT IT.
I WAS GONNA TELL
RORY RIGHT AWAY.
BUT? MY MOTHER
AH! CORNERED ME BY THE DOOR
SAYING ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT
HOW WHEN RORY GETS THE MONEY
SHE'S NOT GONNA NEED ME, AND SHE'S
GONNA MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE SOONER.
WHAT? THAT'S CRAZY.
I KNOW IT IS. IT'S
CRAZY, AND YET...
HONEY, COME ON.
SHE'S TRYING TO MESS WITH
YOUR MIND, YOU KNOW THAT.
I DO.
SHE JUST DOESN'T WANNA
LOSE CONTROL OF YOU.
SHE WANTS YOU PERMANENTLY
OBLIGATED TO HER.
I KNOW, I KNOW THAT.
SO, THEN WHAT? YOU DON'T
BELIEVE WHAT SHE SAID, DO YOU?
I DON'T KNOW. I
MEAN, YOU'RE RIGHT,
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, SHE
WANTS TO MESS WITH MY MIND,
AND MAKE ME FEEL OBLIGATED.
BUT, I MEAN, WHAT IF THE MONEY
DOES CHANGE OUR RELATIONSHIP?
IMPOSSIBLE.
ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE. COME ON.
I COULDN'T STAND THAT.
I LIKE THINGS THE
WAY THEY ARE NOW.
LORELAI, THIS IS RORY
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I KNOW.
SHE'S LIKE THE MOST
UNMATERIALISTIC KID IN THE WORLD.
NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT
WHAT SHE WOULD BUY.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE
BUYS A HOUSE, OR A BOAT,
OR THE ELEPHANT MAN'S BONES.
IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW,
IT'S ABOUT THE FREEDOM.
I MEAN, IF I HAD ACCESS
TO ALL THAT MONEY AS A KID,
I WOULD'VE LEFT
THE HOUSE SO FAST.
FASTER THAN 17?
NO, I MEAN...
GOD, I KNOW THIS IS CRAZY.
I HAVE MY MOM'S VOICE
STUCK IN MY HEAD.
IT'S LIKE THAT ANNOYING
CRANBERRIES SONG.
I HATE THAT I LET HER DO THIS. I
HATE THAT I LET HER GET TO ME.
WELL THEN DON'T LET HER. CALL
RORY AND TELL HER ABOUT THE MONEY.
AND YOU'LL SEE THAT
NOTHING WILL BE ANY DIFFERENT.
I DON'T WANT HER TO GO
TO EUROPE WITHOUT ME.
THAT WAS GONNA BE OUR THING.
SHE'S NOT GONNA GO
WITHOUT YOU. I PROMISE.
HEY, OH, NO. AH,
I'VE GOT TO GO HOME.
WHY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HAVE TO CHANGE AND GO TO TEA
WITH GRAN AND THE CAST OF GASLIGHT.
WOW. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
YOU'RE HYSTERICAL.
I CAN'T TALK TO YOU
WHEN YOU'RE HYSTERICAL.
WELL, YOU MAKE ME HYSTERICAL.
I AM TIRED OF
FIGHTING ABOUT THIS.
YOU HAVE GOT TO GET HER
TO TAKE THAT OFFER BACK. NO.
RICHARD GILMORE, I'VE PUT UP
WITH A LOT FROM THIS WOMAN.
KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
BUT THIS TIME
SHE'S GONE TOO FAR!
EMILY, PLEASE. I CAN GO LOUDER!
IF I DO AS YOU ASK, I'LL
BE INSULTING MY MOTHER.
I WILL NOT DO THAT.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE DEMEANS
ME AND LOOKS DOWN ON ME.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE THINKS I'VE
TARNISHED THE GILMORE NAME.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE THINKS
I'M THE WHORE OF BABYLON.
I'VE LONG AGO GIVEN UP ANY HOPE
OF GETTING INTO HER
PSYCHOTIC GOOD GRACES.
BUT THAT WOMAN IS
HORRIBLE AND SELFISH.
SHE CANNOT GET AWAY
WITH THIS. I WON'T LET HER.
THIS IS MY MOTHER
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YES, IT IS. YOUR MOTHER, THE ONE
WHO STEPPED IN WITHOUT BEING ASKED,
AND SINGLE-HANDEDLY
WRECKED EVERYTHING.
EMILY.
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
SHE'LL NEVER COME
BACK HERE, YOU KNOW.
WHO, MOTHER? OF COURSE SHE WILL.
LORELAI.
WHAT?
IF SHE GETS THAT MONEY,
LORELAI WILL NEVER
COME BACK HERE.
SHE WON'T HAVE TO.
I'VE ORDERED A CAR.
WOMEN SHOULDN'T DRIVE.
ARE YOU READY?
YES, I'M READY.
I SHALL DIE SOON, YOU KNOW.
WELL, AREN'T WE EARLY?
TRYING TO SUCK UP TO PARLIAMENT?
HEY, HOW'D IT GO LAST NIGHT?
IT WENT.
IT WENT WELL?
WELL, HE PICKED ME UP,
WE WENT TO DINNER AND A MOVIE.
I DIDN'T USE MY NOTECARDS ONCE.
AND HE KISSED ME GOOD NIGHT.
PARIS, I'M SO GLAD.
IT WAS A GREAT KISS.
UH, SEE? ALL THAT
NERVOUSNESS FOR NOTHING.
YEAH. GOD, THIS IS SO WEIRD.
I CAN'T STOP SMILING.
GOOD, THEN IT'S THE PERFECT TIME TO
TALK ABOUT OUR OVERTAXED PEASANTS.
OH, LET THEM EAT CAKE.
HEY.
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I DIDN'T KISS YOU.
HI. HEY.
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU AGAIN
THAT I HAD SO MUCH FUN LAST NIGHT.
YEAH, AFTER 5 MESSAGES
ON MY ANSWERING MACHINE,
I KIND OF GOT THAT IMPRESSION.
TOO MUCH. SORRY.
NO, FORGET IT. IT WAS CUTE.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE
COULD DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME.
I MEAN, A DIFFERENT MOVIE, OF
COURSE, BUT THE SAME BASIC PLAN.
ABSOLUTELY.
GREAT, BECAUSE
IT WAS REALLY FUN.
IT WAS FUN, AND WE
SHOULD DO IT AGAIN.
I MEAN, AS FRIENDS.
OH.
YEAH, AS FRIENDS.
YOU NOTICED IT, TOO, RIGHT?
THAT WE'RE SORT OF MORE FRIENDS
MATERIAL THAN DATING MATERIAL?
YES, I DID NOTICE.
I HAVE EXCELLENT
DEDUCTIVE SKILLS.
BUT HEY, I'M GLAD WE DID IT.
OH, SURE.
WHEN RORY FIRST SUGGESTED US
GOING OUT, I THOUGHT THE IDEA WAS CRAZY,
BUT SHE MADE SOME GOOD
POINTS. WE DO HAVE A HISTORY,
AND YOU NEVER KNOW, RIGHT?
YES. YOU NEVER KNOW.
OK, SO WE'RE DONE HERE, RIGHT?
UH, SURE.
GREAT. EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
IT WAS YOUR IDEA?
SO, WHAT? I GET ALL
YOUR CASTOFFS NOW?
I'M JUST THAT PATHETIC?
"GEE, I DON'T WANT THEM. SO
MAYBE I CAN CON THE SUCKERS
INTO TAKING OUT PARIS THE
LOSER! THROW THE DOG A BONE!"
I AM NOT YOUR CHARITY CASE!
NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, I SWEAR.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU GUYS WOULD
MAKE A GOOD COUPLE, THAT'S ALL.
WE DID MAKE A GOOD
COUPLE, FOR ONE NIGHT.
BUT OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE MORE
SUITED TO JUST BEING FRIENDS.
OR AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT WAS
CONVEYED SO HUMILIATINGLY TO ME
JUST 5 SECONDS AGO.
PARIS, I'M SORRY. I HATE YOU.
PARIS.
PARIS.
YOU TOLD HER?
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A SECRET.
WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
RORY, RELAX. WE TRIED, OK?
IT DIDN'T WORK
OUT. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
IT'S A HUGE DEAL TO
PARIS, AND YOU DIDN'T TRY.
ONE DATE IS NOT TRYING.
RORY. YOU SAID YOU'D TRY.
HEY, I'M SORRY IF
PARIS IS UPSET, OK?
BUT IS IT BETTER
THAT I KEEP DATING HER
EVEN THOUGH I LIKE
SOMEBODY ELSE?
OH. YEAH.
I DIDN'T REALIZE.
SO, YOU'RE STILL NOT
OVER SUMMER, HUH?
YEAH, I'M NOT OVER SUMMER YET.
HI.
HELLO.
WHERE'S GRAN?
TORTURING THE BATHROOM
ATTENDANT, I SUPPOSE.
AH!
SO, UM, THIS PLACE SEEMS CLEAN.
YES, IT'S FAMOUS
FOR ITS CLEANLINESS.
WHAT DID RORY SAY
WHEN YOU TOLD HER?
ABOUT THE MONEY, I MEAN.
SHE MUST'VE BEEN VERY EXCITED.
YES, SHE WAS.
"ROSE TEA." THAT'S FUNNY.
THAT'S NOT REALLY TEA, IS IT?
IT'S LIKE ROSE
PETALS IN HOT WATER.
MORE LIKE A BAD
FLORAL ARRANGEMENT.
WHAT DID RORY SAY? FILL ME IN.
SHE WAS HAPPY.
HAPPY?
YEAH. SHE SCREAMED, SHE DID
THAT AIR LASSO THING OVER HER HEAD.
LORELAI, BE SERIOUS.
SHE WAS ASLEEP WHEN I GOT
HOME, MOM, SO I COULDN'T TELL HER.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW?
NO.
WELL,
SOMETHING I SAID MUST'VE
REALLY STRUCK A CHORD WITH YOU.
EXCUSE ME?
YOU DIDN'T TELL HER, SO
YOU MUST'VE HAD A REASON.
SHE WAS ASLEEP, MOM.
I JUST TOLD YOU THAT.
THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF
IS YOU MUST HAVE RECONSIDERED
BASED ON OUR CONVERSATION.
I DIDN'T RECONSIDER.
YESTERDAY, YOU COULD
HARDLY WAIT TO GET HOME
TO ANNOUNCE YOUR
GREAT FORTUNE TO HER.
TODAY, ALL YOU CAN TALK
ABOUT IS ROSE PETAL TEA.
YES, WELL, IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.
AND YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HER THAT
NOW SHE HAS HER OWN MONEY
TO PUT HERSELF THROUGH
SCHOOL, AND TO GO TO EUROPE...
STOP. RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS JUST LIKE YOU, TO TAKE
SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE GREAT
AND TWIST IT INTO SOMETHING
UGLY. WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
THERE'S SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG
WITH YOU. YOU SHOULD BE STUDIED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU'RE SO UPSET.
I RESPECT THE
DECISION THAT YOU MADE.
I MADE NO DECISION.
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA CALL HER
AND, UH, TELL HER RIGHT NOW.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, IN FACT, I AM.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THE RECEPTION SUCKS IN HERE.
STOP IT. YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE HAVING A FIT.
OK, I'M GONNA GO
FIND A PAYPHONE.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER WILL BE BACK
ANY SECOND. JUST HAVE A SANDWICH.
HAVE A SANDWICH.
THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO
SAY TO ME? HAVE A SANDWICH?
WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO SAY TO YOU?
I WANT YOU TO SAY
THAT YOU ARE SORRY
YOU TRIED TO TALK ME
OUT OF TAKING THIS MONEY.
THAT YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WERE JUST
BEING PETTY, AND CONTROLLING, AND MEAN.
AND THAT YOU KNOW THERE
IS NO AMOUNT OF MONEY
THAT COULD CHANGE THE
RELATIONSHIP RORY AND I HAVE.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO SAY.
I WILL NOT.
WELL, SAY IT, MOM, OR
I'M FINDING A PAYPHONE.
LORELAI, YOU'RE HERE.
HI, GRAN.
SO HAVE YOU ORDERED THE TEA YET?
NO, NOT YET.
WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M AFRAID I'M
GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE MY LEAVE OF YOU
A LITTLE EARLIER
THAN I HAD ANTICIPATED.
WHAT? WHY?
MY TRAIN LEAVES TONIGHT,
AND I HAVE A LITTLE
LAST-MINUTE PACKING TO DO.
WELL, I CAN HELP YOU
WITH YOUR PACKING.
PLUS, I REALLY DON'T
WISH TO WITNESS
ANY MORE OF THIS UGLY LITTLE
FIGHT YOU TWO SEEM TO BE HAVING.
RAISING YOUR VOICE
DURING HIGH TEA.
WHOEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING?
IT'S LIKE FERGIE ALL OVER AGAIN.
OH, GRAN, PLEASE. I'M SO SORRY.
WE'RE DONE. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE.
I CAN SEE NOW THAT OFFERING
THE TRUST FUND WAS A BAD IDEA.
AFTER ALL, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT
THE MATURITY LEVEL
OF THOSE INVOLVED,
THIS LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY
WOULD PROBABLY NOT BE SAFE.
NO, GRAN, THAT ISN'T TRUE.
RORY IS AN
INCREDIBLY MATURE KID.
OH, I'M SURE SHE IS. IT'S
YOU I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
AND I'M SURE SHE
GETS IT FROM YOU.
TELL RORY GOODBYE FOR ME.
YOU TWO ARE WELCOME TO
VISIT ME IN LONDON ANYTIME.
EMILY, PLEASE GET MY COAT.
I WILL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.
WELL, YOU WON.
I DID NOT WIN.
YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO TAKE THE
MONEY, I'M NOT TAKING THE MONEY.
THAT'S CALLED WINNING.
I'M SORRY.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WELL...
YES, I AM.
FORGET IT, MOM.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
NO, IT IS A BIG DEAL.
HERE RORY HAD THIS WONDERFUL
OPPORTUNITY, AND WE... AND I...
MAYBE I CAN TALK TO HER.
OH, YES, THAT'LL WORK.
WELL, I'LL GO TO
YOUR FATHER. MOM.
HE CAN TALK TO HER.
HE CAN FIX IT. I'LL
MAKE HIM FIX IT.
UH, DAMN RECEPTION.
WELL, I'LL GO TO A PAYPHONE.
MOM, MOM, SIT. STAY HERE.
YES, BUT CHILTON...
RORY CAN STILL GO TO CHILTON,
UNLESS YOU'RE
RETHINKING OUR AGREEMENT.
NO, NOT AT ALL. I AM NOT
RETHINKING ANYTHING.
OK, THEN WE'RE GOOD.
ARE YOU SURE?
WE'RE GOOD.
I'D BETTER GO OUT THERE
BEFORE SHE LEAVES ME HERE.
I'M SURE YOU'LL BE
SORRY TO SEE HER GO.
OH, YES, I... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'LL DO WITH MYSELF.
SEE YOU FRIDAY?
SEE YOU FRIDAY.
MOM?
YES?
CAN I ASK YOU ONE FAVOR?
ANYTHING. ANYTHING AT ALL.
DON'T MAKE US TAKE
THE COAT RACK BACK.
DEAL.
HI. HEY.
HERE. THANKS.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA HAVE TEA TODAY.
UH, WE DID. WE FINISHED.
FINISHED EARLY.
YEAH, WELL, ONCE YOU'RE DONE
WITH THOSE LITTLE SANDWICHES,
THERE'S BASICALLY NO REASON
TO PRETEND YOU LIKE TEA ANYMORE.
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.
LISTEN, THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
I LOANED PARIS YOUR BLACK MINI,
AND THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
YOU MAY NEVER SEE IT AGAIN.
OH, WELL, THERE'S
SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
YOU LOST OUT ON $250,000 TODAY.
WHAT?