Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 1, Episode 11 - Paris Is Burning - full transcript

"L."

L-L-LARYNGITIS.

"M."

MUMPS.

"N."

NARCOLEPSY. "O."

ARE WE GONNA HAVE
TO GO THROUGH THIS

EVERY TIME WE DECIDE WHO HAS
TO CLEAN UP THE REFRIGERATOR?

YOU WANNA GO BACK
TO THUMB WRESTLING?

OSTEOPOROSIS. "P."

PUPPIES!

THAT'S NOT A DISEASE.

OH, BOY!

HI! OH, HI! HI.

RORY, LOOK AT THE BABY.

MOM.

OH.

"BUTTERCUP WAS
FOUND COLD AND WET,

"HOVERING UNDER A HYDRANGEA BUSH

ALONG HIGHWAY 26."

IT'S A SAD HIGHWAY!

AS COMPARED TO ALL
THE HAPPY HIGHWAYS

SHE COULD'VE BEEN ABANDONED BY?

"HER LINEAGE INCLUDES
COCKER SPANIEL,

GOLDEN RETRIEVER,
BOUVIER DES FLANDRES..."

GESUNDHEIT.

THANK YOU. "AND ROTTWEILER."

"BUTTERCUP IS A SPECIAL
DOG. SHE IS EXTREMELY SKITTISH

"AND TENDS TO REACT BADLY

"TOWARD BLOND-HAIRED
FEMALES, BRUNETTE MALES,

"CHILDREN OF EITHER
SEX, OTHER ANIMALS,

RED CLOTHING, CABBAGE,
OR ANYONE IN UNIFORM."

HEY, WE JUST FOUND THE
DOGGY VERSION OF YOU.

CAN I HELP YOU?

DO NOT LET THESE 2
ANYWHERE NEAR A DOG.

THEY CAN BARELY FEED THEMSELVES.

SHUT UP, YOU. WE WOULD BE
EXCELLENT PET OWNERS, THANK YOU.

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.

WE COULD GET HIM A PRETTY BOWL.

IT'S A HER. AND A NEW NAME.

MOM.

THIS "BUTTERCUP"
THING REALLY HAS TO GO.

DO I NEED TO REMIND
YOU OF SKIPPY? SKIPPY?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
WOULD BRING UP SKIPPY.

SKIPPY WAS OUR
HAMSTER. HE DOESN'T CARE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO SKIPPY?

NOTHING HAPPENED TO SKIPPY.

EVERY TIME MOM PUT HER
HAND IN HIS CAGE, HE'D BITE HER.

AND LAUGH.

HAMSTERS CAN'T LAUGH.

OH, THIS ONE LAUGHED. TRUST ME.

SO, FINALLY, SHE GOT FED UP.

OF BEING LAUGHED
AT BY A HAMSTER?

WELL, YEAH.

AND SHE STOPPED
CLEANING ITS CAGE.

INSTEAD, EVERY DAY SHE'D
STUFF SOME KLEENEX IN THERE.

YOU DIDN'T.

IT WAS THE QUILTED KIND.

SO THIS KEEPS GOING ON,

AND THE CAGE IS JUST A CAGE FULL
OF KLEENEX THAT MOVES A LITTLE.

AND THE SMELL, REALLY
GOOD. I CAN IMAGINE.

NO, NO, YOU CAN'T.

SO THEN SHE TAKES THE CAGE TO
THE PLACE WHERE WE BOUGHT HIM,

WAITS FOR THE SALES GUY
TO GO BEHIND THE DESK,

AND DUMPS IT ON THE
COUNTER, THEN BOLTS.

YOU ABANDONED YOUR HAMSTER?

LOOK, I KNOW IT WAS BAD, BUT
THIS WAS A VICIOUS HAMSTER.

THIS WAS LIKE A "DAMIEN" HAMSTER

WITH LITTLE BEADY EYES,
AND A BIG FORKED TAIL

AND A CAPE WITH A HOOD AND...

BYE BYE, BUTTERCUP. BYE, LUKE.

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

UH, I WANT A PET.

YOU HAVE ME.

YOU WON'T BRING ME MY
SLIPPERS IN THE MORNING.

I MIGHT IF YOU HAD SLIPPERS.

WILL YOU WEAR A COLLAR? NO.

IT'LL BE PINK.

YOU'RE SICK.

HEY, WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO ME.

REMEMBER WHAT
HAPPENED TO SKIPPY.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

HMM.

GOD, THIS IS GOOD.

OK, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG.

SALT, PLEASE.

20 MINUTES AGO, WE WERE
SITTING AT THE DINNER TABLE,

WERE WE NOT?

YES, WE WERE.

THERE WERE CANDLES AND FLOWERS

AND PLATES AND KNIVES
AND CLOTH NAPKINS.

I LOVED THE LITTLE
SOMBRERO NAPKIN HOLDERS.

VERY OLE.

AND THE WHOLE TIME WE
WERE AT SAID DINNER TABLE,

YOU ATE 2, MAYBE 3 BITES

OF THIS AMAZING
DINNER I MADE FOR YOU.

PASS THE BREAD.

AND YET, AS SOON AS
THAT DINNER IS OVER

AND I START CLEANING UP,

SUDDENLY, THAT'S
WHEN YOU'RE STARVING.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

WATCHING SOMEONE
WORK MAKES ME HUNGRY.

IF I HADN'T STOPPED
WATCHING THIS OLD HOUSE,

I'D BE 500 POUNDS RIGHT NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PASSING THESE TO YOU.

IN THE DISH, PLEASE.

SO WHERE DID YOU LEARN
TO MAKE OSSO BUCO, ANYWAY?

UM,

FROM THIS VERY OLD ITALIAN WOMAN

WHO USED TO LIVE UPSTAIRS.

UH, SHE HAD LOST HER HUSBAND
A COUPLE OF YEARS BEFORE,

AND SHE KINDA LOOKED
AT ME LIKE A SON.

SWEET.

SHE WAS.

SO AN OLD GIRLFRIEND, HUH?

YEP.

SO, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?

YES, PLEASE.

HEY, DID YOU READ
RORY'S PAPER YET?

NOT YET.

IT'S REALLY GOOD.

I'M SURE IT IS.

OH, AND LOOK, IT'S RIGHT ON TOP.

ISN'T THAT A COINCIDENCE?

WOW. THERE ARE SOME
REALLY BIG WORDS IN HERE.

I JUST HOPE YOU HAVE A DICTIONARY
WITH YOU WHEN YOU READ IT.

OH, I WILL.

YOU KNOW, I COULD JUST SAVE YOU THE
TIME, AND, UH, PUT AN "A" ON IT FOR YOU.

WELL.

THAT REALLY WOULDN'T BE
FAIR TO THE OTHER STUDENTS

WHOSE MOTHERS AREN'T
HERE TONIGHT, WOULD IT?

YES, YOU'RE RIGHT.

ALTHOUGH, LIFE ISN'T FAIR,

AND THE SOONER THOSE
KIDS LEARN THAT, THE BETTER.

WELL, I'LL TAKE THAT
ADVICE INTO ACCOUNT.

WOW. THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL.

HUH, I NEVER READ PROUST.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO.

EVERY NOW AND THEN,

I'M SEIZED WITH AN OVERWHELMING
URGE TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE:

"AS MARCEL PROUST WOULD SAY..."

BUT OF COURSE I HAVE NO
IDEA WHAT HE WOULD SAY.

SO I DON'T EVEN GO
THERE. I COULD DO,

"AS MICHAEL
CRICHTON WOULD SAY..."

BUT IT'S NOT EXACTLY
THE SAME, YOU KNOW.

WELL, TAKE IT.

OH, NO! IT... IT
LOOKS SO VALUABLE.

IT'S A BOOK. IT'S
MEANT TO BE READ.

YOU SURE?

TAKE IT. READ IT.

OK, I WILL.

NOT NOW.

WHAT?

I'D RATHER YOU DIDN'T
READ IT RIGHT NOW.

BUT, UH, WHAT ABOUT...

MY REQUIRED READING?

BUT I WON'T MAKE THE
CHEERLEADING SQUAD.

MR. MEDINA, IS THIS
MY EXTRA-CREDIT WORK,

BECAUSE MISSY JUST
HAD TO TAKE A TEST.

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

HI.

IT'S 1:00 IN THE MORNING.

I KNOW, BUT, UH, MY WATCH STOPPED
DURING A TERRIBLE CAR WRECK,

AND I HAD TO SAVE KITTENS AND
SMALL CHILDREN AND 4 BABY CHICKS.

DID YOU HAVE A NICE TIME?

NOT BAD.

THAT'S A VERY BIG SMILE
FOR A "NOT BAD" NIGHT.

YEAH, WELL. HEY, HE
LOANED ME A BOOK.

WHAT BOOK?

SWANN'S WAY.

AREN'T WE AMBITIOUS?

YES, WE ARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS WHEN A
MAN LOANS YOU A BOOK, DON'T YOU?

THAT HE'S ALREADY READ IT?

YEP.

HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT?

HOMEWORK.

HOW MANY TIMES DID DEAN CALL?

NOT THAT MANY.

HOW MANY?

3.

5.

NOT AN ALL-TIME HIGH,
BUT VERY RESPECTABLE.

I'M GOING TO BED. ARE
YOU STAYING HERE?

YEAH, I'M COMFORTABLE.

I'VE GOT THE PILLOWS IN A
PERFECT MUSHED POSITION.

OK.

NIGHT, MOM.

YEAH, YOU JUST GO THINK
ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

I WILL.

HEY.

WHAT?

YOU LOOK HAPPY.

I AM, KID.

JUST CHECKING.

"THERE'S A CERTAIN
SLANT OF LIGHT

"WINTER AFTERNOONS

"THAT OPPRESSES, LIKE THE HEFT

OF CATHEDRAL TUNES"

THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS THE FIRST
VERSE OF A POEM BY EMILY DICKINSON.

NOW READ SOME OF THOSE
TONIGHT, AND AS YOU DO,

CONSIDER THE FACT THAT EMILY
DICKINSON WRITES CONVINCINGLY

ABOUT PASSION AND
ABOUT THE WORLD

IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT
SHE LIVED AS A VIRTUAL RECLUSE.

IT'LL HELP YOU
APPRECIATE HER MIND.

I COULD LISTEN TO HIM
TALK ABOUT PASSION ALL DAY.

DO YOU THINK HE'S DATING ANYONE?

OF COURSE HE IS.

A TEACHER?

PLEASE.

WHY NOT?

HAVE YOU SEEN TEACHERS?

HE'S A TEACHER.

MALE TEACHERS ARE DIFFERENT.

THEY CAN STILL BE MYSTERIOUS.

I BET HIS GIRLFRIEND'S PRETTY.

I BET SHE'S DUMB.

WHY?

DUMB GIRLS CRAVE SMART MEN.

IT'S THE WHOLE MARILYN
MONROE-ARTHUR MILLER SYNDROME.

I STILL THINK SHE'S LUCKY.

WHOEVER HE'S DATING IS A LOSER

WHO DOESN'T CARE HE'S A
TEACHER IN THIS RIDICULOUS SCHOOL

MAKING A RIDICULOUS
TEACHER'S SALARY.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

GUESS SOMEONE
READ THE PAPER TODAY.

I KNOW. PARIS' PARENTS'
DIVORCE IS GETTING VERY UGLY.

HER DAD SHOULD'VE PAID
HER MOM WHAT SHE WANTED,

AND THIS THING
WOULD'VE BEEN OVER.

THAT'S WHAT MY DAD DID.

HI. HI.

HEY.

IS IT TRUE PARIS' MOM HAD
THE ENTIRE BACK OF HER BODY

SURGICALLY RECONSTRUCTED?

IT DOESN'T MATCH THE
FRONT NOW, DOES IT?

HOW'S THE SQUAB?

IT'S GOOD.

LORELAI.

IT'S THE BEST TINY, WEIRD
BIRD I'VE EVER EATEN.

I'M GLAD.

WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU'RE SMILING.

I'M HAPPY.

THAT'S NOT YOUR
"I'M HAPPY" SMILE.

WELL, WHAT SMILE IS IT, LORELAI?

THAT'S YOUR "I'VE GOT
SOMETHING ON LORELAI" SMILE.

RORY, YOUR MOTHER
MUST BE VERY TIRED.

SHE WORKS A LOT.

I GREW UP WITH THAT
SMILE. I KNOW THAT SMILE.

TELL ME ABOUT SCHOOL.

WELL, MY FRENCH FINAL
WENT PRETTY WELL.

YOU CAN CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

I KNOW THE SMILE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, DEAR.

I'VE USED IT A FEW TIMES MYSELF.

MOM.

SO TELL ME ABOUT PARENTS' DAY.

WHAT?

PARENTS' DAY. NEXT WEDNESDAY.

WHEN ALL THE PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO TO
CLASSES WITH THEIR CHILDREN ALL DAY LONG.

THE CHILTON NEWSLETTER
CAME OUT TODAY.

YEP. RIGHT.

YOU DIDN'T READ YOURS?

NOT YET.

BUT YOU KNEW THAT. WELL.

HENCE THE SMILE.

LORELAI, YOU'RE
REALLY BEING SILLY.

THERE IS NO EVIL
PLAN AFOOT HERE.

I SIMPLY BROUGHT UP A SUBJECT I
THOUGHT WE COULD ALL TALK ABOUT.

GOOD. RIGHT.

I'LL TRY ANOTHER SUBJECT.

THE COLOR BLUE IS
VERY PLEASANT, ISN'T IT?

MOM, NOT EVERYBODY CAN
WAIT OUTSIDE THE MAILBOX

FOR THE CHILTON
NEWSLETTER TO ARRIVE

AND THEN INSTANTLY MEMORIZE
THE CONTENTS IN 3 SECONDS.

I'D LIKE TO WEIGH IN ON
THE BLUE COLOR SUBJECT.

FAR BE IT FROM ME TO
QUESTION YOUR PRIORITIES.

JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T READ THE NEWSLETTER
DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY DAUGHTER.

SO ARE YOU GOING? TO WHAT?

TO PARENTS' DAY.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT NEXT FRIDAY
WHEN I'VE READ THE NEWSLETTER?

I GUARANTEE IT'LL BE MORE FUN.

WE COULD, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT
THAT PARENTS' DAY IS NEXT WEDNESDAY.

WEDNESDAY? YEP.

IF YOU TALKED ABOUT IT ON FRIDAY,
THEN YOU WOULD'VE MISSED IT.

WEDNESDAY, HUH?

IT'S OK, MOM, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE.

WE COULD TALK ABOUT
HOW YOU MISSED IT.

I WON'T MISS IT.

MOM, IT'S NOT A BIG
DEAL. YOU'RE BUSY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL GO.

WHAT?

WHY NOT? YOU HAVE TO WORK.

I, AS YOU HAVE
INSINUATED, HAVE NO LIFE.

THEREFORE, I WILL GO SIT
WITH RORY AT PARENTS' DAY.

I'M NOT BUSY. I'M
GOING. I WILL BE THERE.

THAT'S IT. END OF STORY, OK?

FINE.

FINE.

SO DID YOU READ ON PAGE 2 ABOUT
THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER TALENT SHOW?

YOU OK?

MOM, I HAVE TO GO. -00.

WAIT. H-HAVE YOU SEEN MY
ORANGE SUEDE HAIRCLIP THINGY?

TOP RIGHT-HAND DRAWER.

IT'S NOT THERE.

DID YOU CHECK IN YOUR PURSE?

YES.

UNDER YOUR SCARVES?

YES.

IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER?

I LOVE YOU.

I'M GONE.

BYE.

HEY, WAIT!

WHAT?

BLUE DISCO SEQUIN BAG.

NO.

WHY? BAD.

REALLY? BYE.

BYE.

WAIT! W-W-W-W-WAIT.

MOM, COME ON. MR. MEDINA'S
GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE!

OK, JUST TELL ME ONE MORE THING.

WHERE'S THE SILVER
DANGLY BRACELET?

I'M WEARING IT.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING IT?

BECAUSE IT'S MINE.

OH, RIGHT.

HEY, CAN I BORROW YOUR
SILVER DANGLY BRACELET?

I'LL LEAVE IT ON
THE TABLE FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

WHAT WAS THAT?

THE DOORBELL RANG.

WHY DID THE DOORBELL RING?

BECAUSE SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR.

IT'S 8:00. WHO SHOWS UP
AT 8:00 FOR AN 8:00 DATE?

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE
A CHILTON TEACHER?

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT
8:00 MEANS 8:20, 8:15 TOPS!

OBVIOUSLY, HE WAS
RAISED IN A BARN.

YOU KNOW, HE'S CUTE,
BUT THIS PUNCTUALITY THING

KNOCKS 10 POINTS OFF
THE DREAM GUY QUOTIENT.

MOM, WHAT DO I DO? I'M NOT
EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

OK, SO GO.

OH, W-W-W-WAIT, YOU
HAVE TO GET THE DOOR.

WHAT?

YEAH, BECAUSE I'M NOT READY.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO
GET THE DOOR. WE AGREED.

I DON'T GET THE DOOR WHEN
YOU HAVE A DATE. I KNOW, BUT...

I'M NOT EVEN
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

THAT'S THE FIRST RULE OF
THE GILMORE DATING HANDBOOK.

"DAUGHTER SHALL BE NOWHERE NEAR
HOUSE WHEN SAID MAN MATERIALIZES."

IT'S A GOOD RULE.
IT'S BEEN WORKING.

OK, BUT HE'S STANDING
OUT THERE AND IT'S COLD,

AND MY SLIP IS NOW COMPLETELY
STUCK IN MY SKIRT ZIPPER.

THEY'LL HAVE TO
BURY ME LIKE THIS.

MOM. JUST THIS ONCE.

HI.

RORY.

COME ON IN.

THANK YOU.

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING? I MEAN,
WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING,

BUT IF YOU WANTED SOMETHING AND
WE HAD IT, I'D BE HAPPY TO GET IT FOR YOU.

I'M FINE.

WE HAVE WATER.

THAT'S OK.

IT'S NOT BAD WATER, ACTUALLY.

I MEAN IT'S NOT A FUNNY
COLOR OR ANYTHING.

I'M GOOD, REALLY.

WE HAVE BOTTLED WATER.

NO, THANKS.

ONE BOTTLE, ACTUALLY.

IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

WE REALLY NEED
TO GO TO THE STORE.

SO...

SHOULD WE...

SIT? RIGHT. YEAH, LET'S SIT.

SO, UH, WHAT ARE
YOUR PLANS TONIGHT?

I'M GOING OVER TO MY
FRIEND LANE'S HOUSE.

SOUNDS GOOD.

AND YOU GUYS ARE...

DINNER, MOVIES, THE USUAL.

RIGHT.

THIS IS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

YES, IT IS.

BUT THE THING IS, IF THINGS GO
WELL, THE WAY I HOPE THEY'RE GOING,

WE MIGHT BE DOING THIS AGAIN.

SITTING UNCOMFORTABLY?

SEEING EACH OTHER
OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL.

THAT'S OK.

I AM FINE WITH THIS WHOLE
YOU AND MY MOM THING.

GOOD. I'M GLAD.

WELL, I BETTER GO.

IT WAS GOOD TO
TALK TO YOU, RORY.

YOU, TOO, MR. MEDINA.

WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME MAX?

JUST WHEN WE'RE OUT OF SCHOOL.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THAT.

WHY NOT?

IT JUST SOUNDS
WRONG. DISRESPECTFUL.

I MEAN, YOU'RE MY
TEACHER, MR. MEDINA,

AND IF I START THINKING
OF YOU AS A MAX,

EVEN AS A PART-TIME MAX, IT JUST
SEEMS LIKE IT'LL GET TOO CONFUSING.

HOW ABOUT THIS, THEN?

WE'LL COME UP WITH NON-CHILTON
NAMES FOR EACH OTHER.

WHEN WE'RE NOT IN SCHOOL,
I'LL CALL YOU REBECCA.

REBECCA.

AND YOU'LL CALL ME?

NORMAN?

NORMAN? WELL.

I LOOK LIKE A NORMAN TO YOU?

I'M SORRY.

PSYCHO WAS ON EARLIER,

AND IT WAS JUST THE FIRST
NAME THAT CAME TO MIND.

I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.

HOW ABOUT ALFRED?

YOU KNOW WHAT? NORMAN'S FINE.

ARE YOU SURE?

POSITIVE. I LOVE IT.

I MIGHT MAKE A LEGAL CHANGE.

OK. WELL, I BETTER GO.

I HOPE YOU AND LANE
HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THANKS.

OH, WOULD YOU GIVE
THIS TO MY MOM FOR ME?

ABSOLUTELY.

THANKS.

OH, NORMAN? HAVE
HER HOME BY 10:00.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WON'T
JUST SELL THEM TO ME.

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE
BEING SO SMALL-MINDED.

MY STUFFED FRIED SQUASH BLOSSOMS

ARE EXTREMELY
POPULAR WITH CUSTOMERS.

YES, I KNOW.

PEOPLE COME FROM ALL OVER AND DEMAND
THE FRIED STUFFED SQUASH BLOSSOMS.

THAT IS EXACTLY MY POINT.

"WHAT'LL YOU HAVE, SIR?"

"ANYTHING THAT COMES WITH THE
STUFFED FRIED SQUASH BLOSSOMS."

THAT'S WHAT I HEAR
DAY IN DAY OUT.

YES, GREAT. I KNOW.

BUT ALL I'M ASKING YOU IS TO TRY

STUFFING SOMETHING A LITTLE
DIFFERENT THIS TIME. HUH?

A ZUCCHINI TUSH?

JUST A TEMPORARY NAME.

YOU WANT ME TO
SERVE MY CUSTOMERS

A GENETICALLY ENGINEERED
VEGETABLE THAT'S NAMED AFTER A BUTT?

HEY, THIS IS AN ALL-NATURAL
VEGETABLE HYBRID

THAT IS PERFECTLY SAFE,
COMPLETELY DELICIOUS, AND...

YES, IT LOOKS A LITTLE ODD,
BUT YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE MAP!

I WANT THE BLOSSOMS.

FINE.

YOU WANNA THINK SMALL,
THINK SMALL. I'M DONE.

JACKSON INVENTED A
NEW VEGETABLE AGAIN?

YEP.

IT'S TOO BAD THAT BOWLING
LEAGUE DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR HIM.

YEAH.

HEY. LOOK, I FOUND THEM.

WHERE?

THEY WERE IN THE DRAWER
WITH THE ROASTING PANS.

COOL. OOH, SKATES.

RORY AND I HAVE A SKATING DATE.

I'M NANCY KERRIGAN.

AND I'M TONYA HARDING.

I'LL DO THE WHOLE
SHOELACE-COMING-UNTIED,

NERVOUS-BREAKDOWN-
LET-ME-START-AGAIN ACT AND EVERYTHING.

W-W-WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME YOU PUT THOSE THINGS ON?

OH, YOU ARE CONSTANTLY
TRYING TO RUIN MY FUN.

DO THEY EVEN FIT ANYMORE?

YES, THEY FIT.

THEY LOOK RUSTED.

WELL, CAN I JUST HAVE
SOME COFFEE, PLEASE?

HAND THEM OVER. WHY?

I'M GONNA CLEAN THEM
AND TIGHTEN THE BLADES.

REALLY? YES.

CAN YOU MAKE THEM REALLY SHINY?

THE SKATES, PLEASE.

MAYBE ADD A COUPLE OF POMPOMS?

JUST HAND THEM OVER.

THANK YOU.

YOU GET REALLY
GOOD SERVICE HERE.

YEAH, I DO.

GOTTA GO.

ANYTHING WRONG?

TOO MUCH YEAST, TOO LITTLE BOWL.

NUFF SAID.

SO I THINK I'M JUST GONNA GO FOR IT
AND WEAR THE FUR-TRIMMED SKATING SKIRT,

PRIDE BE DAMNED.

HEY, WHAT IF WE INVITE
MAX TO GO SKATING WITH US?

MAX?

YEAH, I THOUGHT
MAYBE HE'D WANNA GO.

WHEN DID YOU START
CALLING HIM MAX?

WELL, THE OTHER NIGHT, HE SAID
THAT I SHOULD PROBABLY CALL HIM

SOMETHING OTHER THAN MR. MEDINA

WHEN WE'RE OUTSIDE OF
SCHOOL, WHICH MAKES SENSE.

SO I'M GETTING
USED TO SAYING MAX.

WELL, YOU DON'T SEE HIM
THAT MUCH OUTSIDE SCHOOL.

NO, BUT I PROBABLY WILL, SINCE YOU
GUYS ARE OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER.

YEAH, WELL, I WOULDN'T
SAY OBSESSED.

NO, IT'S OK.

I MEAN OF ALL THE GUYS TO HAVE HANGING
AROUND, HE SEEMS LIKE A GOOD CHOICE.

I LIKE HIM.

GOOD. WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THE SKATING?

WHAT?

MR. MEDINA. I'M SORRY, MAX.

DO YOU THINK HE'D WANNA GO?

I DON'T THINK HE SKATES. THANKS.

WELL, MAYBE WE COULD ALL
DO SOMETHING ELSE TOGETHER.

YEAH, GOOD.

SOMETHING ELSE IS GOOD.
I LOVE SOMETHING ELSE.

OK, THE TEA IS READY.

OH.

HOW ARE THE FEET?

I DON'T KNOW. THEY'VE
STOPPED TALKING TO ME.

WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?

THAT I COULD STILL SKATE.

IT'S NOT LIKE RIDING
A BIKE, YOU KNOW.

NOW YOU TELL ME.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TONIGHT?

WELL, I'M GONNA DO A LITTLE
LINE DANCING, THEN RUN 10 KM

AND THEN JUST JUMP UP AND DOWN
REALLY HARD FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.

NO MAX? UH-HUH.

TAKING THE NIGHT OFF?

I DON'T SEE HIM
EVERY NIGHT, SOOKIE.

HE SEEMS LIKE A GREAT GUY.

HE IS.

THAT DIDN'T SOUND
VERY CONVINCING.

NO, HE IS. HE IS A GREAT
GUY FOR SOMEONE.

FOR SOMEONE?

YES.

SOMEONE ELSE?

YES.

SOMEONE WHO'S NOT YOU,

ALTHOUGH YOU'RE THE PERSON
SPENDING EVERY WAKING HOUR WITH HIM?

RIGHT.

UH-HUH.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING?

WHY?

2 MONTHS YOU'VE
BEEN SEEING HIM. RIGHT?

POINT, SOOKIE.

YOU'RE JUST RIGHT ON
SCHEDULE, THAT'S ALL.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THIS IS ABOUT TIME YOU START
DOING YOUR LITTLE GETAWAY DANCE.

2 MONTHS, RIGHT ON
THE NOSE. YOU'RE GOOD.

I DO NOT DO A DANCE.

YOU'RE CHA-CHA-CHA-ING
RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT CHA-CHA-CHA-ING.
I'M BEING PRACTICAL.

RORY IS STARTING TO GET ATTACHED
TO MAX, AND THAT'S NOT GOOD.

OH, RORY'S GETTING
ATTACHED TO MAX?

YES.

AND SINCE I'VE DECIDED THAT MAX
IS PROBABLY NOT THE GUY FOR ME,

I THINK IT'S BETTER THAT WE
BREAK IT OFF BEFORE SHE GETS HURT.

PRACTICAL.

YES.

UH, CAN I SAY SOMETHING HERE?

OF COURSE YOU CAN.

CHA-CHA-CHA.

STOP THAT.

♪ LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA ♪

SOOKIE.

♪ SHAKE YOUR BON-BON,
SHAKE YOUR BON-BON ♪

HEY, YOU WILL NOT STAND THERE
SINGING RICKY MARTIN SONGS TO ME.

THIS IS NOT A PATTERN, OK?

I'M NOT DOING WHAT I ALWAYS DO.

THIS IS NOT THE SAME.

ACTUALLY, YOU'RE RIGHT.

USUALLY YOU DON'T GET
SO UPSET AND DEFENSIVE

DURING THE CHA-CHA TALK.

YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.

WHEN DID YOU BECOME
THE RELATIONSHIP EXPERT?

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN A
RELATIONSHIP IN YEARS.

WOW.

ZERO TO JACKASS IN 3.2 SECONDS.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOUR FEET HURT.

NO, IT ISN'T.

IT IS NEVER EVER OK FOR
ME TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT.

I'M SO, SO SORRY. PLEASE, HONEY.

I UNDERSTAND. REALLY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE I
DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

I KNOW.

I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT.

IT'S JUST... IT'S HARD
WITH MY HOURS.

I'M ALWAYS AT THE INN, OR
THE MARKET, OR THE HOSPITAL.

PLEASE, FORGIVE ME.

DO YOU WANNA SING SOME
MORE RICKY MARTIN TO ME?

NO.

YOU... YOU CAN, YOU KNOW.

I DESERVE IT.

♪ SHE'S INTO SUPERSTITION ♪

♪ BLACK CATS AND VOODOO DOLLS ♪

♪ I'VE GOT A PREMONITION ♪

♪ THAT GIRL'S GONNA
MAKE ME FALL ♪

YOU KNOW, I HEARD PARIS' DAD HAS
ACTUALLY GOT A SECOND FAMILY IN PARIS.

WOW.

YEAH.

UH, RORY.

HEY, MR. MEDINA.

I ENJOYED YOUR
PAPER ON DICKINSON.

I HAD FUN WRITING IT. IT SHOWED.

THANKS. YOU'RE WELCOME.

UM, RORY?

YEAH?

NO, THAT'S IT. THAT'S
ALL I WANTED TO SAY.

MY NAME? YES.

OK.

ACTUALLY I JUST
WANTED TO SEE IF LORE...

IF YOUR MOM IS COMING
TO PARENTS' DAY.

OH. WELL...

'CAUSE IM... I'M JUST TRYING TO GET
AN ACCURATE NUMBER OF PARENTS

WHO ARE COMING... YOU
KNOW, FOR THE COOKIE COUNT.

FORGET IT. SHE'S COMING.

I HADN'T HEARD FROM
HER IN A WHILE ABOUT IT...

SHE'LL BE HERE. OK, GOOD.

GOOD.

BUT YOU SHOULD
PUT US DOWN FOR 4.

4 WHAT?

4 COOKIES.

OK, GOOD. I WILL.

BYE.

4 SLICES, PEPPERONI PIZZA.

FROM? TUESDAY.

LAST TUESDAY?

TUESDAY IN THE
NOT-TOO-DISTANT PAST.

TOSS IT.

SO YOU REMEMBER PARIS GELLER?

YOUR VERY BEST FRIEND
IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

HER PARENTS ARE
GETTING A MAJOR DIVORCE.

REALLY?

HER DAD'S LIKE THIS BIGWIG AT A
HUGE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY

AND THEY'RE PRINTING ALL THE
SORDID DETAILS ABOUT IT IN THE PAPER.

OOH, HOW SORDID?

WELL, IT'S NOT THE
RICK JAMES INCIDENT

BUT HUGH GRANT SHOULD BE
FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF.

IF SHE WAS ANYBODY ELSE IN THE
UNIVERSE, I MIGHT FEEL BAD FOR HER.

ACTUALLY, I KIND OF
DO FEEL BAD FOR HER.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE THE
NICEST KID EVER TO WALK THE EARTH.

THE WHOLE SCHOOL'S
TALKING ABOUT IT.

AND THE WEIRD THING IS THAT THE WHOLE
DYNAMIC THERE HAS CHANGED FOR ME.

REALLY? HOW SO?

WELL, MADELINE AND
LOUISE, PARIS' BEST FRIENDS,

THEY SAID HELLO TO
ME THE OTHER DAY.

REALLY? LIKE A NORMAL HELLO, NOT
LIKE A "HERE'S JOHNNY" KIND OF HELLO?

NORMAL, FRIENDLY, NO ACTS.

WOW, YOU'RE THE NEW HEATHER.

I GUESS.

OH, HEY,

THIS IS THE PIZZA FROM
MYSTERY TUESDAY.

THAT ONE'S COMPLETELY FINE.

DON'T. IT'S IN THE BOX.

OSCAR. FELIX.

FORGET IT. FINE.

SO, HOW'S SWANN'S WAY COMING?

OH, FINISHED. YOU'RE KIDDING.

IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO READ
THAT. I HAD TO RENEW IT 10 TIMES.

THE FIRST SENTENCE.

I FINISHED THE
FIRST SENTENCE. AHA.

YEAH. IT'S JUST... I'M SO
SWAMPED RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW.

IT'S THE TOTALLY WRONG
TIME TO START READING

THE LONGEST BOOK KNOWN TO MAN.

HEY, MAYBE YOU COULD
GIVE IT BACK TO MAX FOR ME.

BRING IT WITH YOU TOMORROW.

TOMORROW? PARENTS' DAY.

I KNOW. I JUST... I'M NOT SURE
I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL, I
HAVE THAT THING AT THE INN

AND I THOUGHT I COULD
GET AWAY, BUT NOW I CAN'T.

WHAT THING? THE
THING. THE INN THING.

WHAT INN THING? YOU KNOW.

NO, I DON'T.

THE THING AT THE
INN WITH THE FLAGS

AND THE LITTLE MEN AND
THE PEANUTS. THE THING.

LITTLE MEN?

FORGET IT. IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

I JUST DON'T THINK I CAN GO.

OK, FINE.

SO IF YOU COULD GIVE THIS BOOK BACK
TO MAX TOMORROW THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

GIVE IT BACK THE
NEXT TIME YOU SEE HIM.

BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE WHEN THAT
WILL BE, AND HE SHOULD HAVE HIS BOOK.

YOU SEE HIM ALL THE TIME.

RORY, COULD YOU JUST
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM, OK?

ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH HIM?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HE HASN'T HEARD FROM YOU, AND NOW
YOU'RE ASKING ME TO RETURN THE BOOK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

HE WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU
WERE GOING TO PARENTS' DAY

AND THEN HE MENTIONED THAT
YOU GUYS HADN'T TALKED LATELY.

HE SHOULDN'T BE
ASKING YOU ABOUT ME.

WHY ARE YOU
BREAKING UP WITH HIM?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT WORKING OUT.

BUT YOU SEEM SO HAPPY.

IT'S NOT RIGHT, THAT'S ALL.

SO THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
NOT GOING TOMORROW?

NO, I'M NOT GOING TOMORROW
BECAUSE OF THE THING AT THE INN.

THAT'S CRAP AND
YOU KNOW IT. HEY.

THERE IS NO THING AT THE INN.

YOU'RE AVOIDING MR. MEDINA,
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO LIE TO ME

AND YOU PROMISED
YOU WOULD GO AND...

HEY, DO WHATEVER
YOU WANT. I DON'T CARE.

JUST LEAVE ME OUT OF IT.

AND GIVE HIM THE
BOOK BACK YOURSELF.

FINE, I WILL.

HEY, NOT SO FAST.
THE BELL'S GONNA RING.

BEFORE YOU GO ONE MORE
STEP, TELL ME YOU STILL LIKE ME.

YOU BUG ME. I'LL
TAKE THAT AS A YES.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I WILL
DEAL WITH MY ISSUES WITH MAX MYSELF.

FINE. REALLY.

I BELIEVE YOU.

SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING?

TO MY LOCKER TO DROP
OFF SOME OF THIS STUFF.

GREAT, LET'S DO IT.

YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE NOW.

PARIS, PLEASE.

AT LEAST COME TO MY LIT. CLASS.

THIS PLACE IS GIVING
ME A HEADACHE.

IS YOUR FACE BREAKING OUT? NO.

YOU HAVE NOT BEEN
USING THAT CLEANSER.

NOW DR. YANALARI PRESCRIBED THAT
CLEANSER FOR A REASON: TO CLEANSE.

JUST LIT. CLASS.

PARIS, WITH EVERYTHING I
HAVE GOING ON RIGHT NOW,

THE LAST THING I NEED TO DO IS FACE A
BUNCH OF BORED PEOPLE GOSSIPING ABOUT ME.

SEE YOU LATER AT HOME.

USE THAT COVER STICK I GOT YOU.

I BET I'M LOOKING PRETTY
GOOD TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

YES, YOU ARE. HMM.

SO WHAT'S FIRST?
WAIT, DON'T TELL ME.

ENGLISH LIT. WITH
MR. MAX MEDINA.

OK, SEE, I TOLD
YOU NOT TO TELL ME.

SORRY.

MR. MEDINA'S CLASS, HUH?

THE FANCY BOOK OWNER HIMSELF.

HOW DOES FIRST ANNUAL
MOTHER-DAUGHTER DITCH DAY SOUND?

NOT HAPPENING. YEAH, YEAH.

OK, LET'S GO.

ON MONDAY, WE WILL START A
2-WEEK EXERCISE IN CREATIVE WRITING,

BUT THAT DOESN'T
MEAN WE STOP READING.

ONE OF THE GREATEST INSPIRATIONS

FOR WORKING WRITERS IS THE
WRITING OF OTHERS THAT THEY ADMIRE.

WALT WHITMAN READ
HOMER, DANTE, SHAKESPEARE,

AND THE NOVELIST EDNA O'BRIEN
HAS BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING THAT

"EVERY WRITER SHOULD READ
SOME PROUST EVERY DAY."

NOW, AT THIS POINT, NORMALLY,

I WOULD IMPRESS THE
PARENTS BY PULLING OUT

A COPY OF PROUST'S SWANN'S WAY

AND READING A PARTICULARLY
DIFFICULT PASSAGE,

BUT, ALAS, YOU'RE ALL SAVED.
I'VE MISPLACED MY COPY.

OH, THAT DOES IT.

PARENTS, THANK YOU FOR COMING.

STUDENTS, PAPERS ON
WHITMAN ARE DUE TOMORROW

AND THOSE OF YOU WHO
ARE JUST STARTING TONIGHT,

I'LL BE ABLE TO TELL.

SO YOU GO ON AHEAD, OK?

I'M GONNA TALK TO
MAX FOR A SECOND.

PLEASE BE NICE. I WILL. I WILL.

HI. HI.

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

YEAH.

I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY.

OH, SURE, I... ASSUMED.

I WANTED TO GIVE
THIS BACK TO YOU.

KEEP IT.

I REALLY LIKED IT.

I LIKED THE FIRST 20 PAGES
ANYWAY, AND THEN I GOT BUSY

AND I CAN SEE YOU
REALLY NEED IT, SO...

WHAT'S GOING ON, LORELAI?

NOTHING, I JUST
DON'T THINK A BOOK

WHOSE FIRST SENTENCE
IS 20 PAGES LONG IS FOR ME.

I LEFT 4 MESSAGES.

I KNOW. I'VE BEEN
MEANING TO CALL.

WHAT'S BEEN KEEPING YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

THINGS. UH-HUH.

SORRY. SORRY?

UH, THAT I DIDN'T CALL.

OK. SO...

HERE.

WHY DO YOU KEEP ON
TRYING TO GIVE ME THE BOOK?

BECAUSE IT'S YOURS.

IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON
HERE THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?

YEAH, I HATE PROUST.

LORELAI?

LOOK, UM, RORY'S OUT
THERE WAITING FOR ME, SO...

WAIT A MINUTE. OH, MY GOD.

I CANNOT BELIEVE
WHAT AN IDIOT I AM.

WHAT? YOU'RE BREAKING
UP WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

NOT ONLY ARE YOU BREAKING UP
WITH ME, YOU'RE DOING IT REALLY BADLY.

AM I BEING GRADED? NO,
I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.

I WOULD'VE EXPECTED A
BETTER DUMPING FROM YOU.

NOBODY'S DUMPING ANYBODY.

REALLY? THEN WHAT IS THIS?

I JUST NEED SPACE.

WELL, I DON'T.

IN FACT, I WANT AS
LITTLE SPACE AS POSSIBLE.

100 CLOWNS CRAMMED
INTO A VOLKSWAGEN.

THAT'S THE KIND OF
NON-SPACE I'M TALKING ABOUT.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

IT WAS WORKING PRETTY
GOOD THE OTHER NIGHT.

LOOK, IT IS WHAT I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO TELL YOU ALL ALONG.

THIS IS A FAMILY, RORY AND I.

YOU WALKED INTO A FAMILY,
BUT YOU WEREN'T LISTENING,

AND NOW SHE'S GETTING ATTACHED,

AND I'M AFRAID SHE'S
GONNA GET HURT.

SO YOUR SOLUTION TO ALL OF
THIS IS NOT TO RETURN MY CALLS?

IT JUST TOOK ME A WHILE
TO FIGURE THINGS OUT,

AND IT ALL CAME CLEAR WHEN I
REALIZED HOW MUCH WE COULD HURT RORY.

DON'T YOU MEAN "HOW MUCH
WE COULD HURT LORELAI"?

HEY, I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS. I... I
THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS.

WE... WE... WE DECIDED
THAT RORY COULD HANDLE IT.

WELL, MAYBE SHE CAN
AND MAYBE SHE CAN'T,

BUT I'M NOT READY TO FIND OUT.

I WON'T LET YOU OFF THAT EASILY.

THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

THERE HAS TO BE. THERE ISN'T.

THERE IS. WELL, NO, THERE ISN'T.

YES, THERE IS. WHAT
ARE WE, IN HIGH SCHOOL?

WELL, I KNOW WE
ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

THIS IS SO NOT YOU.

WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW
EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.

I GUESS NOT.

BECAUSE I WOULD'VE THOUGHT
THAT BLAMING THIS ALL ON RORY

AND GIVING ME THESE
LAME APOLOGIES

WAS WEAK, PATHETIC,
AND BENEATH YOU.

JUST TAKE YOUR DAMN BOOK.

YOU'VE MISSED ME. STOP IT.

I KNOW YOU DID. YOU'RE MISSING
ME RIGHT NOW, AREN'T YOU?

ANSWER ME. LOOK, CLASS IS OVER.

WE'RE BACK IN SESSION.

WELL, I DIDN'T RAISE MY
HAND, SO DON'T CALL ON ME!

I CAME HERE TO GIVE YOU
THIS BOOK BACK. PLEASE TAKE IT.

I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU TRY TO
GIVE ME THAT BOOK ONE MORE TIME...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, EVERYONE'S JUST
TALKING ABOUT THE MOM

THAT MR. MEDINA WAS
SEEN KISSING JUST NOW.

WHAT?

AND THE WEIRD THING IS SHE
LOOKS A LOT LIKE YOUR MOM.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOUR MOM, MR. MEDINA,
MOUTHS OPEN.

I SAW THEM.

HOW'S THE COLESLAW? GOOD?

HEY, DID YOU SAVE ME
SOME JELL-O? WHAT?

RORY.

HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WERE YOU KISSING HIM?

WHAT?

MR. MEDINA, JUST NOW.
WERE YOU KISSING HIM?

YES.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU SAID YOU WERE
BREAKING UP WITH HIM. I WAS.

I TOLD YOU TO BE NICE, BUT THIS WAS
A LITTLE EXTREME, DON'T YOU THINK?

IT... IT... IT WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

PARIS SAW YOU. IT'S
ALL OVER THE SCHOOL!

OH, GOD. OH, RORY, I'M
SO SORRY, I REALLY AM.

SEE, THIS IS EXACTLY WHY
I DIDN'T WANNA DATE HIM.

SO YOU WOULDN'T
COME TO MY SCHOOL

AND KISS HIM AND HUMILIATE ME?

YES, THAT'S EXACTLY IT.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

BECAUSE I'M HUMAN.

BECAUSE I SCREWED
UP. I... I'M SORRY.

IF YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH, THEN
WHY ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH HIM?

LOOK, I BROKE THE RULES WHEN
I BROUGHT HIM INTO OUR LIVES

AND I REALIZE NOW THAT
THAT WAS A VERY BAD IDEA.

BUT WHY? WHY?

BECAUSE WE ARE
STANDING IN THIS STAIRWELL

YELLING AT EACH
OTHER, THAT'S WHY.

BECAUSE IT'S AFFECTING YOU.

IT'S SEEPING INTO YOUR LIFE

AND THAT IS THE WHOLE REASON I
MADE THESE RULES IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IS... IS TO PROTECT YOU.

MAYBE IT WAS GOOD THAT YOU HID YOUR
PERSONAL LIFE FROM ME WHEN I WAS A KID,

BUT I'M NOT A KID
ANYMORE. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE A 40-YEAR-OLD
DIVORCEE. MY MISTAKE.

OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE BLAMING THIS ON ME!

I'M NOT BLAMING YOU!

YOU MADE UP THESE STUPID RULES

ABOUT THE WAY THE GILMORE
WOMEN WOULD RUN THEIR LIVES.

AND NOW YOU'RE STICKING TO
THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE CRAZY.

HEY, MY CRAZY, STUPID
RULES ARE THE REASON

WE ARE DOING SO
GOOD IN OUR LIVES!

THEY'RE... THEY'RE THE REASON
YOU GREW UP THE WAY YOU DID

THE REASON YOU'RE
EVEN IN THIS SCHOOL

AND THE REASON YOU'RE
GOING TO GO TO HARVARD.

SO DON'T YOU DISMISS MY RULES!

FINE. GREAT.

WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME
FOR THE RULES TO CHANGE.

YES, WELL, THAT IS FOR
ME TO FIGURE OUT, NOT YOU!

GREAT. FINE.

COULD YOU FIGURE IT OUT
BEFORE FRENCH CLASS?

'CAUSE I'D RATHER YOU DIDN'T
START MAKING OUT WITH MRS. COLLINS.

HEY, NO PROMISES UNTIL I
SEE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE.

LOOK, LET'S JUST REFRAIN FROM
FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE GRANDMA, OK?

FINE WITH ME.

THE LAST THING I NEED TONIGHT IS
A CONFRONTATION WITH MY MOTHER.

HI, MOM.

BOY, THE ROADS WERE A
MESS OUT THERE TONIGHT.

RORY, GO UPSTAIRS PLEASE.

IS EVERYTHING OK?

I HAVE TO TALK TO YOUR
MOTHER. PLEASE GO UPSTAIRS.

WELL... NOW, RORY.

LORELAI, COME HERE.

GEE, MOM, DID I DO
SOMETHING WRONG?

I TRY TO UNDERSTAND
YOU. I TRULY DO.

BUT SOMETIMES YOUR BEHAVIOR
BAFFLES ME BEYOND BELIEF.

AND WHICH BEHAVIOR IS THIS, MOM?

DO YOU HAVE NO SHAME?

IS THAT INTENDED AS A
RHETORICAL QUESTION OR...

RORY GOES TO
SCHOOL IN THAT PLACE.

SHE HAS A REPUTATION TO PROTECT.

YOU'RE HER MOTHER.
HOW DID YOU...

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHIELD
HER FROM SHAME, NOT CAUSE IT.

HOW, MOM?

KISSING A TEACHER, IN A
CLASSROOM, ON PARENTS' DAY?

WELL, THEY WANTED US TO GET
MORE INVOLVED WITH THE SCHOOL.

ARE YOU INSANE?

NO, BUT YOU ARE IF YOU THINK I
AM DISCUSSING THIS WITH YOU.

WHEN I HEARD I ALMOST FAINTED.

HOW... HOW DID YOU HEAR, MOM?

I HAVE FRIENDS, LORELAI.

HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON'S WIFE FOR ONE.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

THE ENTIRE SCHOOL
IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

AND WHAT DO I SAY?
HOW DO I DEFEND THIS?

AH, IT WAS A MISTAKE.

A MISTAKE? A MISTAKE? IS THAT
WHAT YOU CALL IT? A MISTAKE?

WELL, I TRIED TO CALL IT "AL," BUT IT
WOULD ONLY ANSWER TO "MISTAKE."

A MISTAKE IS WHEN YOU THROW
OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD BILL.

A MISTAKE IS WHEN YOU FORGET
TO RSVP TO A DINNER PARTY.

A MISTAKE IS WHEN THE
GARDENERS MISS TRASH DAY

AND THE BARRELS
ARE FULL FOR A WEEK.

THIS, MY GIRL,
WAS NOT A MISTAKE.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS MAN?

UH, NO, THIS IS THE
FIRST TIME I'D SEEN HIM

AND THERE WAS JUST SOMETHING
ABOUT THE WAY HE HELD THE CHALK...

THIS IS NOT THE
TIME FOR YOUR JOKES.

YES, I KNEW HIM.
I'VE BEEN DATING HIM.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD
YOU DATE RORY'S TEACHER?

THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

IT MOST CERTAINLY IS.

HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?

WHEN IT AFFECTS MY GRANDDAUGHTER
IT BECOMES MY BUSINESS.

I DON'T WANNA TALK
ABOUT THIS WITH YOU.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.

WHAT WAS THE REASONING? HOW ON
EARTH DID YOU JUSTIFY IT TO YOURSELF?

MAX IS A GREAT GUY.

AN AMAZING GUY.

HE'S SMART. HE'S SWEET.

HE COOKS.

SO YOU DECIDED TO KISS HIM
IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S SCHOOL.

NO, I DECIDED TO BREAK UP WITH
HIM IN MY DAUGHTER'S SCHOOL

AND THE KISSING
PART JUST HAPPENED.

YOU ALWAYS LET YOUR
EMOTIONS GET IN THE WAY.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH YOU, LORELAI.

YOU DON'T THINK.

MOM, PLEASE.

HE'S JUST A MAN, LORELAI.

NO, HE'S NOT.

OH, SO WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME?

THIS WAS ALL WORTH IT BECAUSE
HE WAS THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?

THAT THIS WAS THE MAN FOR YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN.

EXCUSE ME.

SEE. I TOLD YOU HE
WOULDN'T DATE A TEACHER.

I WISH MY MOM WOULD
SLEEP WITH MY TEACHER.

IT WOULD MAKE
MIDTERMS A LOT EASIER.

MADELINE, LOUISE, WOULD
YOU EXCUSE US FOR A MINUTE?

OOH, CATFIGHT.

GO!

YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO KISS ME, ARE YOU?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH
YOU? NOTHING, I'M GREAT.

YOU'VE JUST SPENT
THE PAST 2 WEEKS

WITH ALL OF YOUR FAMILY'S PRIVATE
PROBLEMS PRINTED IN THE NEWSPAPER

FOR EVERYONE TO
READ AND TALK ABOUT.

I SAW HOW YOU WALKED AROUND
HERE. I SAW HOW MUCH YOU HATED IT,

AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND
AND PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

DOESN'T THAT SEEM CRAZY TO YOU?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW
MANY PEOPLE YOU'VE HURT?

FORGET ME AND MY MOM.
WHAT ABOUT MR. MEDINA?

HE LIKES YOU. HE ENCOURAGES YOU.

HE HOLDS UP YOUR PAPERS AND
TELLS THE CLASS HOW GREAT YOU ARE.

AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND
AND SPREAD STORIES ABOUT HIM.

WHATEVER. FORGET IT.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I DO LIKE MR. MEDINA.

WELL, I'D TAKE SOME
DANCE CLASSES

BECAUSE THE WAY YOU EXPRESS
YOURSELF NEEDS A LITTLE WORK.

I...

I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE
TOLD PEOPLE WHAT I SAW.

NO, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

I'M SORRY.

THINGS HAVE BEEN,
WELL, NOT GOOD LATELY.

I KNOW.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT THEM TALKING
ABOUT ME ANYMORE, THAT'S ALL.

WELL, IT WORKED.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, IF... IF YOU
EVER WANNA TALK...

HEY, WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

OH, THAT I KNOW.

BUT IF YOU EVER DO
WANT TO TALK ABOUT...

I WILL, IF I WANT TO.

OK.

BUT I PROBABLY WON'T.

THAT'S FINE.

BUT IF I DO...

I'M AROUND.

OK.

I'M GOING NOW.

BYE.

BYE.

I DOUBT I WILL.

I'M NOT HOLDING MY BREATH.

THERE. SQUASH BLOSSOMS.

ALL LARGE ENOUGH FOR
YOU TO STUFF AND FRY UP

AND SERVE TO THE DESENSITIZED
MASSES WHO JUST WANT WHAT THEY KNOW.

HURRAH! MEDIOCRITY WINS AGAIN.

JACKSON.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT EVEN
GONNA CHARGE YOU FOR THESE.

I AM NOT GONNA PROFIT OFF
THE DEATH OF CREATIVITY.

I WOULD RATHER STARVE MYSELF
THAN KNOW THAT MY FOOD WAS PAID FOR

BY THE LOWERED EXPECTATIONS
OF THE AMERICAN PUBLIC.

JACKSON. WHAT?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO
DINNER SOMETIME... WITH ME?

OK. OK.

THANKS.

HEY, MISTER, WANNA BUY A
REALLY NICE COPY OF PROUST?

HOW YOU DOING?

WELL, YOU KNOW. YOU?

WELL, I'M "YOU-KNOWING" ALSO.

YEAH.

SO THAT PARENTS' DAY IS FUN.

OH, IT WAS A BIG HIT THIS YEAR.

LOOK...

THE OTHER DAY, WE WERE
GOING SKATING AND RORY SAID:

"WHY DON'T WE INVITE MAX
TO COME ALONG WITH US?"

AND THAT WAS A
LITTLE WEIRD FOR ME.

ME, TOO. I DON'T SKATE.

SHE'S NEVER REALLY
REFERRED TO ANYONE I'VE DATED

BY THEIR FIRST NAME BEFORE.

I... I'VE ALWAYS KEPT HER
OUT OF THAT PART OF MY LIFE,

SO IT WAS LIKE,
"THE MUSTACHE GUY,"

"THE EARRING GUY,"
"THE PEG LEG GUY."

OH, SO YOU HAVE A
THING FOR PIRATES.

SHE NEVER CALLED ANYONE
BY THEIR NAME BEFORE.

SHE LIKES YOU.

SHE LIKES US.

AND SO MY MIND
INSTANTLY WENT TO,

"OH, MY GOD! WHAT IF WE
BREAK UP? SHE'LL BE CRUSHED."

AND THEN MY NEXT THOUGHT WAS,
"OH, MY GOD. WHAT IF WE BREAK UP?

I'LL BE CRUSHED."

AND THEN, AS YOU KNOW,
ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

I UNDERSTAND.

I FREAKED OUT. I'M SO SORRY.

I... I NEVER MEANT TO
TREAT YOU LIKE THAT.

I'M... I'M NOT VERY GOOD
AT THIS. ASK SKIPPY.

SKIPPY?

I'M SO, SO SORRY.

I WAS CALLED INTO HEADMASTER
CHARLESTON'S OFFICE TODAY.

LET ME GUESS. HE PUT HIS
ARM AROUND YOU AND SAID:

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU
CRAZY KIDS CAN'T WORK THIS OUT."

HE SAID I WAS JEOPARDIZING MY
CAREER AND MY FUTURE AT CHILTON.

OH.

AT FIRST I WAS INCENSED,
OUTRAGED. "HOW DARE HE?"

AND THEN I REALIZED
THAT HE WAS RIGHT.

WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY
WAS COMPLETELY UNPROFESSIONAL.

I NEVER IN MY LIFE
WOULD HAVE CONSIDERED

PULLING OFF SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

HE SHOULD'VE FIRED ME.

BUT HE DIDN'T. NOT YET.

BUT THE WORD "PROBATION" WAS
TOSSED AROUND QUITE A BIT, THOUGH.

I'M SORRY.

I WAS THE ONE WHO
STARTED THE KISS.

I'M THE ONE WHO
KNOCKED IT UP TO NC-17.

I HONESTLY DID NOT THINK THIS
WAS GOING TO BE SO COMPLICATED.

I KNOW.

I MEAN, YOU TOLD ME IT WOULD BE.

I DIDN'T LISTEN. I
DIDN'T WANT TO.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IF I HADN'T ACTED LIKE A
2-YEAR-OLD AND TRIED TO RUN AWAY

AND PRETEND THAT YOU
WEREN'T WHAT YOU ARE TO ME,

THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE
FOUGHT, WE WOULDN'T HAVE KISSED

AND I WOULDN'T HAVE
HUMILIATED MY DAUGHTER

AND THE WHOLE THING
WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.

I... I DO NOT KNOW
WHAT TO DO HERE. I...

I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A
RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS BEFORE.

I'M NOT THINKING STRAIGHT.

I KNOW. ME EITHER.

THAT WAS A GREAT KISS.

BEYOND GREAT.

MAYBE WE NEED TO TAKE A LITTLE
TIME AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.

OK.

YOU KNOW, JUST TO FIGURE OUT...

HOW TO DO THIS
SO IT'S NOT SO HARD.

SURE, THAT MAKES SENSE.

I JUST... I DON'T HAVE ANY
OTHER ANSWERS RIGHT NOW.

NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I REALLY, REALLY
LIKE YOU, MAX MEDINA.

I REALLY, REALLY LIKE
YOU, LORELAI GILMORE.

WELL...

SO LONG AS WE HAVE
THAT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

GOODBYE, LORELAI.

BYE.

MOM!

MOM, I'M HOME!

MOM?