Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 2, Episode 14 - Mine Hero - full transcript

♪ just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was
a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪

♪ a 3-hour tour ♪

[thunder]

♪ the weather started
getting rough ♪

♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪



♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪

♪ uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan ♪

♪ the skipper, too ♪

♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and Mary Ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪

[Hammering]

Hey, skipper!

Hey, skipper!

Gilligan,
how do you expect me
to finish this raft



if you keep
interrupting?

With all that hammering,
you're scaring the fish.

What's more important,
catching fish

or finishing this raft
so we'll be rescued?

Well, getting rescued,
of course,

but couldn't you hammer
nice and soft and easy?

No, I can't hammer
nice and soft and easy.

I've got to hammer
like this. Ohh--

that was pretty soft,
skipper.

Uhh!

You're scarin'
the fish again.

Uhh, gilligan...

Oh, what's the use?

Go catch
some more fish.

I have to go get
some more vines

to finish
this raft anyway.

Okay, I'll catch something
real big for dinner.

You do that.
Hmm.

[Sighs]

Oh! I got one.

Ooh, and it's
a big one, too. Ooh.

Maybe it's a black marlin
or a giant tuna.

Maybe it's Moby dick.
Unh.

Huh?

It's a mine,

a great big mine.

Skipper!
Hey, skipper, where are you?

Skipper, you gotta see this!
It's got--and it kinda has--

and--and--oh, boy.
Uh, skipper!

Skipper!
Skipper!

Skipper!

[Ticking]

Gilligan: Skipper!
Hey, skipper!

Guess what I caught.

[Ticking]

Skipper!
Hey, skipper!

Hey, skipper!
Hey, hey--

skipper, I finally
caught something
really big.

Well, fine, gilligan.

Why don't you
bring it to the hut,
and we'll cook it.

Yeah. Uh, cook it?

Skipper,
we can't cook it.

You see, it's kinda
shaped like that,
and it's got--

oh, gilligan,
we're in no position
to be particular.

Now, for goodness sakes,
just cut it in small pieces.
Fillet it.

Not this.

Oh, gilligan, anything
tastes good filleted.

You've got a knife,
haven't ya?

Yeah.
Well, use it.

But, skipper, my knife's
too small. Besides--

gilligan, I'm busy.
Now, for goodness sakes,

will you just
cut the tail off

and cut the head off
and then bone it.

But, skipper, it doesn't
have any bones.
It doesn't even have--

gilligan, I'm busy,
and I'm working up
an appetite here.

Now, whatever you caught,
I'll eat it.

Okay, skipper.
I sure hope you have
a strong stomach.

Yes, this should do
very nicely.

Oh, come on, professor.
When are you gonna
let us in on the secret?

There's no secret,
ginger.

Oh, but the skipper's
down at the lagoon

making what looks like
a raft,

and you're up here making
what looks like a...

Well, a secret.

Well, it's really
very simple, girls.

I'm gonna melt
some metal down

to make an anchor
for the raft
the skipper's building.

We'll send it out
with a message on it.

Oh, sort of
a floating s.O.S.

Exactly.
Ohh.

And the reason
we need the anchor

is to keep the raft
from drifting

once it gets into
the shipping lanes.

Oh, but, professor,

an anchor doesn't just
jump off of a raft.

Somebody has to push it off.

This timer will be
attached to the anchor.

When enough sand
has shifted...

The anchor will drop
into the ocean.

Oh...well, just like
an hourglass.

Oh, I was once voted
miss hourglass.

They said I had my sand
in all the right places.

I won a loving cup.

I wish I had
that loving cup right now.

We could use it
to help make the anchor.

Well, how much more metal
do you need?

I have a locket
you could use.

Every little bit helps.

Oh, we'll go look
through our hut.

See ya later.
Good, good.

Oh, hey, ginger.
Hey, Mary Ann.

Ohh, oh, oh.
Guess what I caught.

Was it the measles?

No. Guess again.
The chickenpox.

No. I'll give you a hint.
It's bigger than a breadbox

and smaller than
the empire state building.

Gilligan, we can't be
playing games now.

I've got to go get
my gold-mesh pocketbook
for the professor.

And I have to give him
my gold slave bracelet.

For the professor?

Oh.

Oh, I'm marvelous.

Good for me!

[Grunts]

Oh! Oh, I'm better
than you are.

Uhh! You, uh...

Haven't been
practicing in secret,
have you, my dear?

Well,
how could I, darling?

You only taught me
the silly game
this morning.

Well, I must be
a very good teacher, then.

Get set for
a booming serve.

Well, isn't it
my turn to hit
the poor little thing?

You missed the last one.

Ha ha, so it is.

In that case, get set
for a smashing return.

That is yours.

Your serve, poncho.

Hi, Mr. Howell.
Guess what I found?

Uh! Uh--uh--

foul! I was distracted
by a spectator. I--

mmm.

Gilligan, gilligan,
you're eating our bird.

Oh, maybe
the poor boy's famished.

Maybe that's not
the problem at all.

Maybe it's stuck there,
and he can't get it out.

Mmm!
Thurston, you're right.

You're so right.
I'll just take
a little tug at it.

There you are.

Ah.

Now, why did you
interrupt me

when I was enjoying
such a staggering lead?

Staggering lead?
Why, thurston,
I was the--

lovey, never mind.

You were about to say,
gilligan?

I found a mine!

A mine?

Did you say, "a mine"?

[Muffled]

Oh, thurston,
let the poor boy talk.

Ah.
Did you say, "a mine"?

Yeah, it's right over there.

Don't point!
Someone might see you.

Besides,
it's not polite.

Pay attention.
You haven't told
anyone else, have you?

I tried to,
but they wouldn't listen.

Heh! Good. Good.
Then it's our
little secret.

Okay,
but why are we whispering?

Because we don't want anyone
to jump our claim.

Our claim?!

Don't! You can't
trust anyone.

We're partners,
my boy. 50-50.

50-50?
I don't know what
to do with my half.

Don't worry.
I'll take care
of your half.

Oh, gilligan,
you're going
to be rich.

I am?
It might be a diamond mine

or an emerald mine.

I think it's an iron mine.

Or a gold
and silver mine.

I think it's an iron mine.

Or it might be
a Jade mine.

Or a platinum mine.

I think it's an iron mine.

Well, even an iron mine
is valuable. Come, lovey.

We'll draw up the papers
for our new partner gilligan.

Uh--

mmm...

Mmm...

Oh, I guess
they can melt down
this fingernail file.

Ooh, here's an empty
lipstick holder.

Gee, there were a lot
of good kisses in there.

Here's a gold slave bracelet

an old boyfriend
in high school gave me.

Oh, how can you bear
to part with it?

Doesn't it do
something to you?

Yeah...it turns
my wrist green.

Well, I guess
that's all for me.

I better go check
on gilligan.

The professor
asked me to.

Ooh!
Ooh, look, Mary Ann.

What?

A framed picture of
my favorite movie star.

Really?
Who is it?

Me.

I'm adorable.

Gilligan, what were you
able to find for the professor?

Oh, my collection of
yogi bear bottle tops

and my chromium yo-yo

and the wheels
off my skateboard.

Oh, and that's all?

Yup, that's it.
No more metal?

Positive. I swear it
upon my solid-steel

4-leaf clover
lucky charm.

See?

Alright, gilligan,
hand it over.

Never.

Gilligan, the professor said
that any metal

that wasn't
absolutely necessary
had to be turned in.

Oh, this is
absolutely necessary.

For what?

For luck.
If we didn't have it,

we'd be in
terrible trouble,

'cause it's
the only thing
that saves us from it.

From what?

Oh, for instance, from
frostbite, for instance.

Gilligan, we're living
in the tropics.

There has never been
a case of frostbite.

See how good it works?

For the last time,
hand it over.

You'll have
to fight me for it.

Oh...

Gilligan,
look into my eyes.

Now what do you see?

Oh, all I can see
is a little black thing

in the middle
of a little green thing

in the middle
of a white thing.

Gilligan, don't you
realize that the eyes

are the mirror
of the soul?

Hey, you're right.

I can see myself.

And can you see yourself
giving me the metal
good luck charm?

Nope.

Gilligan, can't you
see yourself making

the supreme sacrifice
for your friends?

All I can see is you
trying to talk me out of
my good luck charm,

which you will never do.

Never?

Never.

Never?

Absolutely, positively,
cross my heart,

hope to turn into
a donkey if you do.

Oh. Well, isn't there
anything I could say

that could make you
change your mind?

Nope.

Not even if I hug you...
Like this?

Even if you tickled me.

You sure are a hard man
to convince, gilligan.

You bet I am.

Oh, well...

I guess I just don't
have what it takes.

You also don't have
what you took, either.

Oh, gilligan,
you're impossible.

I'm afraid there isn't
enough metal here
for an anchor.

Well, I don't know
where we're gonna find
any more, professor.

Well, if I could convert
this money into gold and
sort of melt it down...

I know where
there's an iron mine.
Shh!

Gilligan,
these islands are formed

of coral and
volcanic lava.

There are no iron mines
on any of them.

There's one here
on this island.

Ooh.

Alright, gilligan.
We'll take a look

at your iron mine
just to shut you up.

Tattletale.
It was to be our secret.

Okay, Mr. Howell, okay.
I'll just give
my half to them.

His half to them?

Well, I had first choice
on halvsies!

That's not fair!

Now, what is this, gilligan,
an underwater iron mine?

No, I managed
to get it ashore.

Well, gilligan,
we can't waste all day.

Where is this mine?

Over there by that rock,
see?

[Ticking]

Gilligan,
you cheated me.

That's no mine.
It's an overgrown
pincushion.

Well, it's
a world war ii mine.

I told ya.
I told ya.

Oh, it's been a long
time since I've seen
one of those babies.

Why, I remember--

shh.
It's ticking.

Ticking? Well,
that means it's act--

it's activated!
Let's get out of here!
It's liable to blow up.

Yeah, let's!
Over here!

Over here!

No, no!
Follow me!

[Spitting out dirt]

Wait a minute!
It's no use.

It won't help us to run.

But it won't
hurt us any.

A moving target
is harder to hit.

Run! Run! Hide! Hide!
Run, hide! Run, hide!

Come on, skipper,
we've got to get
gilligan and Mr. Howell.

Run, hide!
Everybody, run and hide!

A mine's about
to explode!

Hide! Hide! Hide!

Mr. Howell! Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Mary Ann, ginger,
have you seen gilligan?

Yes, he just went out
our back door.

Your back--
you don't have
a back door.

We do now.

Run and hide!
Run and hide!
Run and hide!

Gilligan, will you
stand still a minute
and listen?

Not me. I'm runnin'.
He's right, professor.

We've got to get
out of here.

You've all got
to listen to me.

Now where are
the howells?

Has it det--
has it gone off yet?

Not yet, Mr. Howell.

Well, maybe
it'll wind down
and stop ticking.

I'm afraid not,
Mrs. Howell.

It's timing mechanism
has been activated.

It could go off
in a minute, an hour,
6 hours. Who knows?

Darling, you know
how mechanical things
confuse me.

You'd better
explain it.

Well, it's really
quite simple.

First there's
a kaboom!

And after that,
harp music.

These islands are composed
of coral and lava ash.

And undoubtedly,
there are subterranean caves
which are filled with gas.

Oh, I get it.
If that mine
blows up

with 600 pounds
of explosives,
powee!

Powee?

Right. It would cause
such a chain reaction,

that the entire island
would be demolished.

So you see,
if it goes off,

it doesn't make
any difference
where you are.

Powee.

Now, look, we just can't
stand around here talking.

That mine isn't
going to go away.

Yeah, I landed it real good.

We'll see
you get a medal.

Posthumously,
of course.

Fortunately, I know
a little something
about mines,

so I'll try
to deactivate it.

Let's go.
Can I go, too?

It's my mine.
I caught it.

Yeah, thanks a lot,
gilligan.

You can go, too, Mr. Howell.
We're partners.

I was your partner.
That corporation
is dissolved,

and I hope that we
don't follow suit.

You know, I might suggest--
I think the women should go

to the other side
of the island.

Now, it might not
do any good,

but there is a chance.

Well, did you say women
and children first?

Well,
I'm a boy at heart.

Just a minute, Mr. Howell.

We're gonna need everybody
we can get.

Now, come on.
Let's go.

Why am I
so indispensable?

[Ticking]

There it is!

Shh. Quiet.

Listen.
It's still ticking.

We'll have
to work fast, skipper.

You'd better let me
inspect the mine.

But first,
as a precaution,

I'll demagnetize myself.

No, no,
don't do that.

He just said
he was going to
demagnetize himself.

I know.
It sounds awful.

Gilligan, maybe the mine
is magnetized.

As a result,
you know, a magnet.

It attracts itself to
metal and steel objects.

What a dumb thing
for it to do.

Gilligan, it was made
that way on purpose.

That's right. Most of them
exploded on contact.

However, some,
like this one,

are equipped with
a delayed timing device

to allow the ship to travel
into port before exploding,

thus damaging
or sinking more ships.

Wish me luck.

Yeah.
Good luck,
professor.

Be careful.
Hope you're insured...

And the policy covers
demagnetization.

Watch yourself now.

Double indemnity.

[Ticking]

Skipper: How about it,
professor? Do you think
you can disarm it?

I can't find the fitting
that covers the timing
and magnetic device.

Must be underneath the mine.

Here,
I'll come help you.

Gilligan, don't go near
the mine with metal!

Gilligan!
Come back,
my boy!

No, gilligan, stay back!

Mr. Howell:
Remember, kaboom!

Skipper: Gilligan!

Mr. Howell!

Whoo!

Mr. Howell:
Gilligan!

Will you...Help...Me?!

You got us into this.
Have you got
any suggestions?

Help!

Aaahh!
Ohhhh!

Unhh!
Ohh!

Uhhh!

Unhh!

Mr. Howell,
I'm afraid
to open my eyes.

Are we still alive?
We'd better be.

There's someone
I want to cut
out of my will.

Who?
You!

Gilligan, get away
from that mine,

and that's an order!

I can't. It won't
let go of me.

The metal they're wearing
has them glued to it.

Mr. Howell...

Try forcing
yourself loose,

but gently.
Gently.

I can't.

It's starting
to tick faster.
Listen.

Plimp-plum.
Plimp-plum.
Plimp-plum.

That's my heart.

Gilligan's good luck charm
is made out of steel.

Mr. Howell's watch
and identification bracelet

are probably made
out of steel, too.

I beg your pardon.

They're a gift
from my board
of directors.

They couldn't be
anything less than
gold or platinum.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Howell,
but that watch and
identification bracelet

are just gold-plated.

Remind me
to drop their options

and change the lock
on the executive washroom.

We've gotta work fast.
That mine could go off
any second now.

The radio!

The radio?

That's how
we'll free them,
by shortwave.

Shortwave?
We--it'll take
a tidal wave.

Professor: We've gotta
work fast, skipper.

We'll neutralize
the magnetic field

by crossing the mine's
electromagnetic waves

with ultrahigh-frequency
waves. Right?

Right, professor.

I'll get
the radio.

Gilligan:
Hurry back,
professor.

Yeah. If we're
gonna have a blast,

I'd like the kind
where you live
a little.

[Radio playing
rock and roll]

Hey, that's
rock and roll,
professor.

Maybe it'll
shake us loose, huh?

If you don't mind,
gilligan,

I'd rather not
be the high note
on the next chorus.

Gilligan, Mr. Howell,
try to pull free.

[Radio announcer talking]

We'll just have to
keep at it till we get
the right frequency.

Better hurry it up,
professor.

[Tuning through stations]

Gilligan, now!
Now, Mr. Howell!

My costume jewelry.

Professor!

[Announcer talking
on radio, indistinct]

Don't worry,
little buddy!
We'll get you loose!

[Announcer talking,
music playing]

Uhh...uhh...

Ahhhh!

Uhhh!

We made it, Mr. Howell.
Are you okay?

Well, either I'm dead,
or my watch has stopped.

Gilligan,
will you come on?

Now, listen, gilligan.
You're the only one
that's skinny enough

that can crawl
under this mine

and loosen that fitting

with this brass wrench.
It's nonmagnetic.

But, skipper--
gilligan.
Gilligan,

you must be careful,
because this mine
is sensitive.

It's very,
very sensitive.

Say, isn't it
against the law

to tinker with
Navy property?
If they complain,

I'll buy them
a new battleship.

Gilligan,
will you stop that?
Now work fast.

We've gotta work on this
and loosen that fitting

before it...
Stops ticking.

Don't worry, skipper.
If it stops ticking,
we can rewind it.

Get under there,
gilligan!

Now?

Now!

Hey, I found
the fitting.

[Clang clang
clang clang]

Gilligan!
Don't hammer! Turn it!

Use your head.
Use your head.

Use my head?

Unhhhh...

It's rolling
back!

Hang on, men!
Hang on!

You're stronger
than the professor.

Let me get
over there,
professor.

[Stammering]

[Stammering]

Watch out!
[Stammering]
Ohhh!

Unnhhh!

Heavens!
A mine disaster.

The boy is
trapped alive!

My poor little buddy!

Dumb old mine.
I'm gonna give it
a good, swift kick!

No!

[Thud]
Ooohhh!

My shin!

Well, professor?

It's no use.
There's no way

I can make a lubricant
to dissolve all that rust.

There's just no way
to deactivate that mine.

I have a suggestion.
Why don't we make
a giant slingshot?

Then we can hurl the mine
100 miles away.

Gilligan, you've
made that suggestion
for the last time.

Now get outta here.

But I have
rubber bands--
out!

All you gotta do is--
out, gilligan,
out.

He's just trying
to help, skipper.

Oh, I know, professor,

but we haven't got time
for such nonsense.

That mine may blow up
any minute.

Well, there's only
one thing left to do,

and that's to use the raft
to tow the mine out to sea

far enough out
where an explosion
won't cause any damage.

But, professor,
it's so tricky.

I mean,
it's apt to blow up
any minute.

Kapowee!
Aaah! G--

gilligan, would
you get outta here?!

Well, it's dangerous,
but it has to be done,

and it has to be
done now.

Alright.
Let's eliminate
Mr. Howell.

He's a married man.

And gilligan.
I don't want
my little buddy

doing anything
so dangerous.

It's up to me.

No. Professor,
you're too smart.

They need
your brain.

No, no, no, skipper.

You're the leader.
I'm expendable.

There's only one way
to do this.

Quick and fairly,
we'll cut the cards.

Alright.

High card
does the job.
Right.

What a strange time
to be playing gin rummy.

We're not playing
gin rummy, howell.

Well, whatever it is,
count me in.

We're cutting the cards

to see who tows the mine
out into the ocean.

Well, like I said,
count me out.

Go ahead,
professor.

2 of clubs.

8 of hearts.
Great. I won.

Well, that all depends
on the way you look at it.

Now, remember, skipper,

first you've got to remove
the metal rudder

so it won't
attract the mine.

I believe gilligan
is already

on his way
to do that.

Gilligan?
Yes. I saw him
run to the lagoon.

Skipper, he must've
overheard us.

He was all by himself

muttering something about
it being his fault.

Oh, professor,
we gotta stop
my little buddy!

Gilligan!
Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Ace of spades.
The death card!

Gilligan! The ramp!

Professor,
the ramp is gone!

There he is!
He's towing the mine!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Come back!

Come back, gilligan!

I did it!
I saved us, skipper!
No more mine!

There's a metal rudder
on the raft!

It'll attract the mine
like a magnet!

Skipper!

Holy smokes!
He must be doing
40 knots!

Gilligan!
Cut the line!

Cut the line!

Cut the line,
gilligan!

How about a rousing cheer
for our gilligan?

Hip hip...

Hooray!
Hooray!
Hooray!

Hip hip...

Hooray!
Hooray!
Hooray!

Hip hip...

Hooray!
Hooray!
Hooray!

My boy,
I'm going

to give you
a really big tip.

Oh, thanks,
Mr. Howell.

Consolidated
national acme.

Buy!

And now, gilligan,

with the mine safely
towed out to sea,

why don't you catch
something really big
for dinner?

You bet, skipper.
I'll go get the big--

look.

The mine!

Uhhh!

The mine!

[Screaming and
confused chattering]

Hey, skipper.
I finally caught
somethin' big for dinner.

♪ they're here
for a long, long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make
the best of things ♪

♪ it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate
and his skipper, too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others
comfortable ♪

♪ in the tropic island nest ♪

no phone...
No lights...

♪ no motorcars,
not a single luxury ♪

♪ like Robinson crusoe ♪

♪ it's primitive
as can be ♪

♪ so join us here
each week, my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from 7 stranded castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪