Ghosts (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Free Pass - full transcript
Fortune smiles on Mike and Alison when a TV company comes looking for an old house.
CEREAL CRACKLES
Can you hear them?
Oh, yes.
Snap, crackle and pop.
They sounds like tiny people.
Plip-plip-plip-plip-plip!
"Help me, I can't swim!"
Guys, do you mind?
What are they doing?
Talking about the cereal.
GRUNTING
Red man! Red man!
Red man! Red man!
Postman's coming. How do you...? Oh!
I'll go with you. # Friends together
# Fetch the post together... #
Cornflakes were actually invented
to stop people from
touching themselves, apparently.
Never did like cornflakes.
Give me an egg atop a cutlet
any day of the diary.
TOASTER POPS
SCREAMS: Ooh!
Toaster. Yes, I know,
I wasn't scared.
# Let me read the post... #
It's so exciting
reading one's correspondences.
I bet these are from all your
admirers.
WHISPERS: I promise I won't tell
Michael! Anything interesting?
Red bill. Red bill. Normal bill.
Ooh! GHOSTS: Ooh!
They're looking for a house
to film a new drama in.
GHOSTS GASP
Oh, I smell money!
You can eat them now. What?
They have stopped calling out.
They are dead.
ALISON: Yeah, I mean,
it really is an incredible place.
The building itself is 15th-century.
Wow.
1469, to be precise.
Very good.
But the facade is actually mid-16th.
But the facade is actually mid-16th.
'Tis the finest house in the county.
Tell her it's the finest house
in the county. I don't want to...
..blow our own trumpet,
but some people say that it is the
finest house in the county.
Shall we go inside?
I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
Actors lounging about the house,
learning lines, wearing make-up,
prancing about the place in
loincloths, topless, oiled up.
Kissing each other probably. Oh,
gosh! I don't think it's that kind
of film, mate!
This was the banqueting hall.
Great space. Boo! Oh! Agh!
Oh, I forgot to take out the bins.
Anyway, what could I tell you
about this room?
Henry VIII actually dined here.
Wow! Henry VIII actually dined here.
Sorry, did I say "wow"?
I'm just still amazed by that.
No, it is wow. Yeah.
Yeah, you should've seen the
banquet. He had swan.
He had swan. And hog. And hog. And
dumplings.
Can you hear them?
Oh, yes.
Snap, crackle and pop.
They sounds like tiny people.
Plip-plip-plip-plip-plip!
"Help me, I can't swim!"
Guys, do you mind?
What are they doing?
Talking about the cereal.
GRUNTING
Red man! Red man!
Red man! Red man!
Postman's coming. How do you...? Oh!
I'll go with you. # Friends together
# Fetch the post together... #
Cornflakes were actually invented
to stop people from
touching themselves, apparently.
Never did like cornflakes.
Give me an egg atop a cutlet
any day of the diary.
TOASTER POPS
SCREAMS: Ooh!
Toaster. Yes, I know,
I wasn't scared.
# Let me read the post... #
It's so exciting
reading one's correspondences.
I bet these are from all your
admirers.
WHISPERS: I promise I won't tell
Michael! Anything interesting?
Red bill. Red bill. Normal bill.
Ooh! GHOSTS: Ooh!
They're looking for a house
to film a new drama in.
GHOSTS GASP
Oh, I smell money!
You can eat them now. What?
They have stopped calling out.
They are dead.
ALISON: Yeah, I mean,
it really is an incredible place.
The building itself is 15th-century.
Wow.
1469, to be precise.
Very good.
But the facade is actually mid-16th.
But the facade is actually mid-16th.
'Tis the finest house in the county.
Tell her it's the finest house
in the county. I don't want to...
..blow our own trumpet,
but some people say that it is the
finest house in the county.
Shall we go inside?
I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
Actors lounging about the house,
learning lines, wearing make-up,
prancing about the place in
loincloths, topless, oiled up.
Kissing each other probably. Oh,
gosh! I don't think it's that kind
of film, mate!
This was the banqueting hall.
Great space. Boo! Oh! Agh!
Oh, I forgot to take out the bins.
Anyway, what could I tell you
about this room?
Henry VIII actually dined here.
Wow! Henry VIII actually dined here.
Sorry, did I say "wow"?
I'm just still amazed by that.
No, it is wow. Yeah.
Yeah, you should've seen the
banquet. He had swan.
He had swan. And hog. And hog. And
dumplings.