Getting On (2013–2015): Season 3, Episode 3 - No, I Don't Want a Fucking Smiley Face - full transcript

While preparing for an upcoming conference, Dr. James is caught off guard by workplace politics. A felon with cancer --and a history of daring escapes--arrives at the ward. When his mother pays a visit, Patsy asks Dawn to pose as someone she's not. DiDi's mother-in-law comes to Billy Barnes for treatment, sparking a family feud.

They gave a 60-day
notice to the RNs.

I told everyone to ignore it.

Right, but then they canceled
the union management round table.

It's nothing. It is
a negotiating ploy.

It happens every two years

when our contract is almost up.

They want us to scale
back our demands

to solve their fiscal crisis
off the backs of nurses.

Then we should squeeze back.

We... we should organize
an informational picket or...

Or a candlelight vigil.



You're new at this,
so let me tell you...

No one cares.

Unions are yesterday's news.

Well, we gotta give
them a reason to care.

Let the people know
we're working for them.

We've tried open houses. We've
done Talk 'n' Chats. No, no, no, no, no.

I mean we gotta give 'em stuff.

Like what?

Prizes.

Food. Free food and giveaways.

Um, chances to win.

Get both unions energized,
then we push back.

Paula: Hm. Maybe we
can throw in a ferris wheel.

Police radio: Cal 27
on Beach Boulevard.



Hello.

There you go.

This one's a pathological liar.

Don't believe a word she says.

Sorry, ma'am. I need your legs.

Oh. Boy.

Just yank 'em.

Oof! Sorry, Dennis.

Dennis: Fuck. Where
are you taking 'em?

Don't worry. They'll be safe.

Ms. Birdy, we need
to check your oxygen.

"Little Orphan Annie
came to our house to stay."

Did she now?

Do you think about me?

More than you can imagine.

We gotta crack this pneumonia.

Alice. Jenna.

What can I do for you?

I wanted to say hi.

Okay.

Is... is that Dr. Killigrew?

Anne. Ugh. Under such a cloud.

Anne: Does Jenna know

that I've left messages?
That I left my paper for her?

Ask her.

Oh, God.

Since she was named in those
transvaginal mesh lawsuits...

She's just looking
for a port in a storm.

It's like a pirate swimming
toward a lifeboat.

You just gotta hit her
over the head with an oar.

I heard she invited you
over to see her rock gardens.

Oh, who cares about
her ugly old succulents.

No, really. What
can I do for you?

Your symposium is coming up,

and I understand
Barbet Pharmaceuticals

will be awarding this
year's Helen Tillman Prize.

Well, not only, but
they are underwriting

my little conclave as well.

Well, I have my new paper
on candidiasis coming out.

I'd love the opportunity
to present my findings

on putrescines and cadaverines
on one of your panels.

Yeah, such a rarefied topic.

I'm wondering which
panel you might prefer?

No, I see Dr. Gutterman is discussing
"Alternatives to Indwelling Catheters."

Ouch. That's the hot ticket.

But, uh, maybe one of the
panelists will be a no-show.

So, why don't you leave
me a copy of your paper?

And I'd love to read
it, offer my two cents.

Everyone wants to know
what happened to that dog.

Oh. The agency felt he wasn't
being cared for responsibly.

Then they had to put him down

'cause the Ebola risk.

I have to say I am not unhappy

to see that dog go.

They may be agreeable to
sending us a poodle in the future,

but I think we're better
suited for an aquarium.

Putrescines and
cadaverines, Dawn!

From Mt. Palms' own
homeopath. Hey, Ron.

Oh, um, Dr. James, Dr. Killigrew
was looking for you again.

Oh, there's another one.
Everybody wants to be on my panel.

I'm the new "it" girl.

Ahoy, ahoy... Are the
Ortleys amongst us?

Uh, not yet.

But she should be over
from the hospital soon.

All right. Well,
shall we, let's?

Dawn: Crystal Buff has
stage four liver cancer,

following three
courses of chemo.

She had an extreme reaction
to cardoplatin and paclitaxel

Mm-hmm. and a second round
of cisplatin plus gemcitabine,

but the tumors grew... Mm.

And then a third
round of pemetrexed.

Blistering and sores in the
mouth and throat? Oh yeah.

Difficulty drinking or
swallowing? Mm-hmm.

Uh, tarry stool?

And a history of escape.

15 years ago.

I am 72, and I am in
awful, constant pain.

Well, we need to figure out
whether the side effects are

being caused by the pemetrexed

or the cisplatin... Or
by the cancer itself.

Where are the legs?

Because of my amputations,

I need special pillows to sleep.

I need two leg
pillows for my stumps,

and I need a cushion
for the shower,

and I need two
layers of clothing

because my body
temperature is below normal,

and I need a lot
of bottled water

to prevent bladder infections...

Ms. Buff, I'm sure you have
a lot of anger at the system,

but please don't use
your disability to game us.

Excuse me, nurse...

these are not luxuries,

These are things I
need for my survival.

Do you know how I lost my legs?

My husband was a
philanderer for 25 years.

From day one.

I think he was doing
the bridesmaids.

All of them.

You know what I'm
talking about, I'm sure.

He would've done
you if he knew ya.

Anyways, I lost my looks
and he called me "Dog-face."

Okay.

I couldn't take it anymore.

So, I tried to run him over. We
don't need to know any of this.

But his girlfriend got in the
way. Jenna: Well, again...

And I ran her over instead.

Not our business.
So, I lost my legs

in the accident, and I
was convicted of murder.

So, now I'm paying double,
and for the rest of my life.

Well, that's something.

Um, we're gonna
review your scans,

and then we're gonna
do everything that we can

to diagnose your pain
and help you manage that.

Dawn. Hi.

Hey, my mom's in town.

She asked to see you.

Oh. Is she here? She's in
your room? Yeah, no, wait.

I...

I... I never told her
we broke up. In fact, I...

I... I kinda told
her the opposite.

Opposite how?

I told her we were engaged.

Patsy! I know, I know.

It was when you were
on your honeymoon

and I was feeling really low.

And depressed.

And masturbating all the time.

Patsy... And she was
really worried about me.

She didn't think
I had any friends.

So, I told her we were engaged.

Mami! Gloria: Oh!

Mira quién te traje!

Ay, hello!

Que tal, darling?

How are you?

All my nurses are concerned and
naturally want to know, are we going under?

Well, I really don't know.

This mess I've
inherited grows daily.

We've got operating losses
of $4 to $5 million a year.

Well, you know nurses.

Everything revolves around them.

But they deserve our respect.

Say, Jenna,

Alice Marvel would really like to present
at your symposium. I don't want her.

Barbet Pharmaceuticals is
underwriting my symposium,

and I don't think that
they'd want to be associated

with a quack...

any more than they
would Anne Killigrew.

They're both tar babies.

Well, now you're being unkind.

And as to Anne...

we've all been on the wrong
side of bad medical equipment.

Thousands of
vaginal mesh slings?

Well, will you at
least consider Alice?

Oh... What?

Alice Marvel is a homeopath.

She just wants to promote
her homeopathic vaginal creme

made out of oyster shells,
Cocoa Puffs and hummus.

Well, she feels that you want the
Helen Tillman prize... What if I do?

And that you're trying to
block any competition... Paul!

I'm simply trying not to tarnish
the reputation of my sponsors.

You know, you're behaving as though
this symposium is such a big deal.

It is to me.

I have a keynote speaker,
I have three panels,

I have 38 attendees...

And let she who
is without sin...

We sacrifice our lives
here. We dedicate ourselves.

You want to dump
that woman on me

and then threaten
to close us down?

The one bright light in an
ever-darkening firmament

in a world at war with women?

The world is not
at war with women.

I'm in Pakistan...
Shoot me in the head.

I'm in India... rape me.

I'm in Saudi Arabia...
Don't let me drive.

I'm Kenyan now...
Cut out my genitalia.

I'm a Filipina nanny
in Dubai... beat me.

And it's getting worse,

and Billy Barnes
is a ray of hope.

Doc, may I please have
my legs? Rudd: Hm?

Oh, sorry, I don't
think we can do that.

Crystal: Where am I gonna go?

I mean, come on!

If there's something you need,
we can always ask a nurse

to get it for you.
Do you feel this?

How can you just
leave me here like this?

Everyone takes advantage
of my legs when it suits them.

Look.

Look at my stumps.

Everyone averts their eyes,

refuses to see!

I have no problem
looking at your stumps.

You wouldn't believe
the stumps I've seen.

Oh, is that so?

Abscessed stumps.

Stumps with sores and flies.

Beggars. Blind people.

Innocent land mine victims.

I've worked with those
who've accepted their stumps,

those filled with
self-pity, and yes...

those who've tried to
turn their disadvantage

to their advantage.

Well, I've seen all kinds of
doctors... You know, in Colombia...

I drew smiley faces on
children's amputated limbs

to teach them how to cope.

To teach them it's not
the cards we're dealt,

it's how we play them.

Would you like a smiley face?

No, I don't want a
fuckin' smiley face,

and I don't want a sanctimonious
lecture about attitude.

I've been in
prison half my life.

I marched in here in shackles.

Fuck you. I am miserable.

I just want my fuckin' dignity.

Give me my legs back!

Doc...

I used to breathe of freedom.

But now...

I'm just tired and old.

Why would I even want to escape?

This is the best
place I'll ever be.

♪ ♪

Take her right over here.

The Ortleys have landed!

Hello. Welcome.

There she is!

Mm-hmm.

So, tell me how you good
people came to be here.

Well, she was moved... Yvette.

What happened, uh,
Dr. James, was she suffered

an unavoidable,
unforeseeable freak accident.

She fell out of the
bed, but she was fine.

But I said, "Just to be sure,

let's get her to the
hospital for some x-rays."

Very smart, Didi. Very wise.

Thank you. And it turns out

the hospital was
the best place for her.

I mean, we didn't know she
had gallstones. Jenna: Mm-hmm.

Right. So, they removed
her gallbladder... Okay.

Then she had a stroke...

then an IV fell over and hit
her on top of the head and...

Oh, well... here we all are.

When it rains, it pours.

Well, sometimes.

Well, acute post-operative

strokes are actually
quite common.

So she should
make a full recovery

within a couple of months

with just minor deficits.

But you got an
owie on your head.

I... Ugh, not happy with
how those sutures are setting.

I don't care for that at all.

The wound that...

All right.

Well, I'll go order
the physical rehab,

maybe get some speech therapy.

But that surface
laceration is nothing.

Really, that's...
That's not to worry.

Dawn: And last night we took
a walk down to the pier, um,

with our friends Rob and Cindy,

where we met up with,
um, Grace and Peter,

more great friends, and...

Patsy and I brought the rum
and we made Cuba Libres.

And we even lit a bonfire
and then we danced.

Bonfire. And, you know,
we're actually talking about,

um, doing a timeshare,

um, with them after
Christmas in Hawaii.

The North Island.

But you're afraid of the ocean.

We'd vacation with
family on the Jersey Shore,

and he'd sit on the
sand and cry and cry.

Water frightens him.

That time that you had the fever

and I plunged you into
that bucket of cold water.

It traumatized him, I think.

He defecated.

Ay, Mami. Por favor.

Well, he's not afraid now.

We're actually looking at
beach condos in Redondo

and possibly getting
a sailboat. Gloria: Oh.

I could use just a bit of water.

Tranquila, Mami. I'll get it.

It's my shoulder replacement.

The severed tendons and
ligaments are still screaming.

I suffer end-stage
kidney disease.

I was recently diagnosed.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Dawn.

Patsy didn't tell me anything.

I didn't know.
Yeah. I'm on dialysis.

My life expectancy is six
to eight years, depending.

I sit there for hours, the
blood sumps are gross.

We're just basically
sitting there.

It's like a big
communal bathroom

where we're all just
peeing in the machines.

And I have to monitor
every calorie that I eat,

every sip.

Oh, sweetheart. Honey.

Al mal tiempo, buena cara.

Exacto.

All right, this... this has
been nagging at me, Didi.

I didn't like the sutures
in Vivian's scalp,

so I removed them,

and I'm gonna replace
'em with staples.

And I don't feel the
need for lidocaine.

I... really, the administration
of the drugs, it's...

It's more painful than just
a couple of quick staples,

So, I'm just gonna
sneak up here and...

Hmm. Nothing.

Oh, maybe it's jammed.

The good thing
about staples though is

uh, once you feel it, it's done.

So, okay, just a
couple of quick pops.

Oh...

See, sometimes
they fail to deploy,

which is, uh, kind of a problem,

when you're doing
a reverse colostomy

and you're trying to
fasten the descending colon

to the rectum.

But all right!

Let's do this now.

We're good to go here now.

Oh... Didi: Dr. James...

What's is going on here now?

This is stuck to the scalp.

Hello!

The... jaws are all locked.

I... this... I can assure
you this has never

happened before. So Didi, uh,

you hold that for a second,

and I'm gonna get a screwdriver.

Jenna: Don't pull it.
Don't tear the scalp.

Oh, here's the release. Jenna.

There we go. Okay.

Jenna: Ah...

Didi: Dr. James...

Okay. All right, that's it.

Wow, right?

We're done. Wow.

I think you're gonna heal
much, much quicker now.

Okay. You go, girl!

Go?

Unbelievable.

I found out the real deal

on our patient from
Sing Sing, and it's juicy.

It's where you can
go and pay to have

your mugshot taken down.

But you can look up
friends or family and find out

if they've been
recently convicted.

They got it all.
Jenna: Guys, guys.

Look. The signage arrived

for my symposium's
Hall of Vendors.

Who wants to man
my anal horn booth?

Dawn? Earn some extra moolah?

Maybe.

Didi just found out the
real story on our prisoner.

Listen to this.

Her neck was broken
when she drove into a lake

drunk and stoned in 1994.

Convicted on
multiple hit and run.

When on probation
for heroin conviction,

she fled the state,
violating her probation.

She went to Nevada
where her paralyzed legs

caught on fire when she
passed out in a campfire.

Her legs were amputated.

A Wyoming conviction for
identity theft... Whatever.

Found in an undisclosed
celebrity's kitchen,

eating a bowl of cereal.

She escaped two more
times in a laundry truck

and picking up litter
along the highway.

Crystal: It was Glenn Close!

And she invited me in!

Mm.

What was that all about, Dawn?

What? You're really throwing
yourself at this, aren't you?

Always getting a
little carried away,

always with the
drama. I'm sorry?

You told my mother you
were suffering kidney failure?

Yeah.

This was supposed to be
about you supporting me, Dawn.

Not taking over the show.

I only get to see Mami
once or twice a year. I know.

My poor mother is at
the chapel right now

praying for you,
for your life, okay?

So great.

Dennis: Psst! Hon.

What's going on?
Where were you at lunch?

I got us a tray.
Well, I didn't know.

I figured I'm here, we
could have lunch together.

Dennis, I'm sorry,
okay? I had no idea.

I was with Patsy's mother.

His mother.

Okay.

Dr. James? Mm-hmm?

I'm worried about Dawn.

She's not taking
care of herself,

and I need to share
something with you.

Dawn has kidney disease.

Oh. She has...

end-stage renal failure.

Oh...

Oh... Yeah.

Nobody else knows.

No.

No, we're the ones
who should know.

And...

what do we really know
about her life really?

Is she happy? I don't know.

You don't know.

She married the...

She married Dennis.

I mean, would you
know enough about her

to give a eulogy? I wouldn't.

Oh...

I... She tried so
darn hard though.

Didn't she? Oh, God.

I feel so bad for her.

Yeah.

How long have you known?

Huh?

Um... No...

Pshh. Only... about...
a week... or so.

So why didn't she tell me?

She probably just thought
you were busy is all.

Are you saying she
thought that I just didn't care?

No. I'm... I'm almost
sure that that's not it.

Is it something I did
or something I said?

Is it about all the
transvaginals?

Because that is ridiculous.

People suing me because
I'm trying to stop bladders

and rectums from just
dropping into vaginas?!

What are you doing
back over here?

What are you doing over here?

Why don't you leave her alone?

She's not even remotely
interested in your old, bald cooch.

Oh. Well, she's
certainly not interested

in your saggy, old
pussy or your research.

Come get your stuff
out of my garage.

I'll come get it when
I'm good and ready.

No, you'll get it now

or I'm dumping it in the street.

Hmm. Blood pressure.

So, no more Sunset Villas.

No more nursing homes,
right y'all? All: Mm-mm.

We found a better place.

It's called Boarding Care.

But it's a private
home, Mama Viv.

Just three other seniors.

Nice care-givers.

Yeah. The Yangs, they're
a nice Oriental family.

Don't say "Oriental," Waylon.

It's like "colored" or "faggot."

How much?

Didi: You have
plenty for a while.

And then we'll take care
of it. Waylon: Mm-hmm.

Till your Medicaid kicks in.

Didi: Oh, Medicaid
doesn't cover boarding care.

Just nursing homes, Waylon.
Waylon and Yvette: Right.

She just has to spend
down, and then it covers.

No, that's for nursing homes.

This is boarding care.

Yes, I know that, Didi. Baby, baby,
it's cheaper than a nursing home.

Well, so what? We wasn't
paying for the nursing home.

Why don't we take this...

We're gonna step outside
for a quick second, okay?

Go, go, go.

Yeah. Run, you dumb shit.

Go! Didi: Yvette...

we have to keep
our eyes on the prize.

We have to be there for Darnell
and Waylon. Yeah, absolutely.

Just let me see if I get this.

So Medicaid was paying

full load for a
shitty nursing home,

but they won't pay a cent for
something supposedly better?

That's how the liberal government is
these... Not right now, Waylon. Stop.

Just... how much
we talkin' bout?

Hmm? Does anybody think
I have a right to know that?

Grr!

Honey!

Caroline! Waylon:
What are you doing?

Why you got
shackles on your feet?

I need to talk to you for one
second. Yvette: What are you...

Give me those teeth.
Where did you get those?

Whose legs are
these? Ew, they're slimy!

Get off of there! Can you take
these away from my kid please?

Sit down. Play
with this pumpkin.

Act right! We in public.
What's wrong with you?

Did you or did you not

tell Waylon that they
needed to help pay?

Baby, I laid it all out for him.

Excuse us, ma'am.
She's in a coma.

Did you? Baby...

Yvette, it's $4,000 a month.

All included: room, board,
and round the clock care.

So what? We in for half?
That's $2,000 a month.

What? 24 thou a year?!

Yeah, that's the
only alternative.

Well, there better be
another alternative!

I mean, fuck, Waylon, how
we gon' come up with that?

It's half a nursing home...
Oh, you big dumb dope!

Listen, I love Mama Viv
as much as any of y'all,

but you're asking me to
give $24,000 of our money

to your daddy's trophy wife?

No. This might get y'all a
place in white people's heaven,

but I am out.

No. No, you are not.

What you want to do, Yvette?

You want to put her
back in a nursing home

where she can
get pressure sores,

they dope her up, she
sits in a dirty diaper all day,

or should we just take
the used up trophy wife

and throw her out on the street?

Baby, if there was
another way, but there isn't.

Well, I can think of one.

She needs a nurse.

That's you, Didi.

Quit your job and
then take care of her.

You can't ask Didi to do that

unless she wants to.

Why not? She brought this on us.

She was fine. She was
in Sunset Villas just fine.

The government was paying for
it all and then Didi takes her out

and starts all this mess
and then delivers us the bill.

Mama Viv made Daddy happy,

so we're gonna
have to figure this out.

And she ain't going
back to no hellhole.

I am out. Darnell.

I hope you're happy.

Waylon: Oh, my God. Yvette: You
used that woman for your own purposes.

Currying favor
with her for 27 years

from Arthur Ashe
to... Oh, you...

You are not still
harping on that!

After all this
time? Knock it off!

You said that he had no business
demonstrating and getting arrested

over South Africa and Haiti. No.

That is not what I said.

I said it was a shame
he had to do that

instead of concentrating
on getting well.

That's not what
you... That is what I...

Didi, that's not... you...

You was currying favor with her

by denigrating Arthur
Ashe because you knew

that we knew that
you intentionally

got pregnant and then
forced Darnell to marry you.

But if you could
get the white lady

to like you best, you
could just trump it all.

Just wipe it all away. That's
what's really going on here.

And you use her to
keep me in my place,

to isolate me in this family.

Yvette! What? If my dreams
are going up in smoke,

I'm telling it like it is!
Terrible, making all this ruckus.

It sounded like some
good shit was coming down.

I do not want to talk about it.

I understand you won't
nominate my paper

nor let me be on a panel.

Is... is this because of Anne?

Something she said
about me? What?

Is it because I beat you for the
Helen Tillman prize two years running?

Alice, I'm merely afraid
that your putrescines

and cadaverines might
overwhelm the discussion

on alternatives to the
indwelling catheter.

Why haven't you seen me?

What has she said about me?

Is this about my vaginal creme?

Um, not per se.

Maybe she has a thing
against homeopaths.

You're afraid of an alternate
approach to vaginosis.

And you undervalue placebo.

Why are we so good at
placebo and you aren't?

Do you ever ask yourself that?

My patients get
better. That's a fact.

Do you wonder why? Or
do you just dismiss it all,

"Oh, Dr. Marvel just has
a nice bedside manner"?

No, I don't think that,
because I don't think

that you have a
nice bedside manner

because I don't think
you're nice, not one bit.

Well, got that right. Excuse me?

Her libido is insatiable.

She made me get a strap-on. Huh?

A strap-on, Jenna.

Oh. Anne: Why are we fighting?

We've all dedicated our careers
to the cause of women's health.

Because she's trying to
monopolize the vagina.

Because you're trying to
get into my Hall of Vendors.

Oh, for pity's sake, Jenna,
there's plenty of room

in there for the three of us.

Everyone knows the only reason
this symposium exists is a vanity thing,

to rehabilitate your reputation

after the moral cloud
this ward's been under...

My conference is not vanity.

There's no moral cloud here...
No, you're trying to muzzle us,

and rigging the
Helen Tillman prize,

well, that prize is
now meaningless

because you stacked the deck.

You know, she's right.

You are selfish and
a little greedy, Jenna.

Let's go, Anne.

Let's leave her to her
miserable self. Mm-hmm.

I know what a snap-on is.

Crystal.

Yes?

We tell stories about
ourselves to save face...

or appear heroic or virtuous

to protect ourselves from
the messes that we've made,

how we failed as
custodians of the spark of life

that was placed in us at birth.

But we can forgive ourselves.

And we have to...

because nobody else will.

It still hurts when I cough.

Yeah...

Why don't we get you
up to four for that x-ray.

I'll get her shackles.
No I think that we can...

forgo those as long as
we leave your legs here.

Thank you.

We'll get you up
to four now, ma'am.

She only wants her dignity.

There. There you go.

I got you a Care Bear

and I got you orchids...

'cause Care Bears are so stupid.

It's my first "get well" gift.

Oh...

Excuse me, Dawn,
can we have a minute?

What is wrong with you?
Why can't you just be normal?

Over-inflating all the
time, you're spoiling this.

I'm spoiling it? Yeah.

With your projections
and fucking fantasies.

Hello, it's a fantasy marriage.

Yeah, well this is not how I'd want
my fantasy wife to behave, okay?

Well, I'm really sorry. I
guess I just don't know

what you expect
from a fake marriage.

Dennis, please
whatever it is, just don't.

Why are you even here? Why
did you take this assignment?

I... I wanted to support
you... and have sex with you.

Okay, I can't... Dennis.

What? We used to
have sex here all the time.

In the stairwell in Hydrology...

Now I think you're using
the excuse of his mother

so you can be with him.

Dennis, that's not true.

You told me you didn't
want to fuck him anymore,

and if that's changed,
I need to know now.

Do you want to screw him?

You know, this isn't fair, you
both ganging up on me like this.

No matter how hard I try, I
never make anyone happy.

Dawn... Jenna:
Dawn, are you all right?

You. Nurse. You
must leave her alone.

She has special circumstances.
Okay, what special circumstances?

Didi?

Nuh-uh.

I asked you not
to tell her, Didi.

Oh, my God, Dawn.

Can I tell you, I feel
so darn bad about this.

Why didn't you come to me?

After all these years,
aren't we like a family?

You never treated me that way.

How could you not have told me?

Why are you pretending
you didn't know?

Mommy, no. Please.

Oh, shit!

Dawn: She's gonna
break her fucking neck!

Didi: Whoa, look at her go!

Crystal: Fuck you! She's rolling
across all four lanes of Carson Blvd!

Crystal: You asshole!
Dawn: She did it again.

Jenna: She'll be drunk
at a campfire by midnight.

Birdy: "When the
night is dark and scary

"and the moon is full
and creatures are a flying

"and the wind
goes, 'Whooooooo, '

"you better mind your parents

"and your teachers fond and dear

"and cherish them that loves ya

"and dry the orphan's tears

"and help the poor
and needy ones

"that cluster all about...

"or the goblins will get ya

if you don't watch out."

♪ ♪

♪ If you go down
in the woods today ♪

♪ You're sure of
a big surprise ♪

♪ If you go down
in the woods today ♪

♪ You better go in disguise ♪

♪ For every bear
that ever there was ♪

♪ Will gather there
for certain because ♪

♪ Today's the day the teddy
bears have their picnic ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Every teddy bear who's
been good is sure... ♪