Getting On (2013–2015): Season 2, Episode 2 - Is Soap a Hazardous Substance? - full transcript
DiDi takes on greater responsibilities when a hospice program is introduced into the ward. Dawn looks ahead to her future and tries to share her news with Patsy, but inadvertently puts his new initiative in question. Patsy finds himself playing patient when he has a medical emergency. An alcoholic patient named Dottie looks for ways around the doctor's orders.
Hi. I don't have an appointment,
but could I speak to Ms. Pepperell?
I only have 10 minutes before my shift.
I appreciate you want
to keep your condition
confidential until your 12-week scan.
It's always smart to wait.
Yeah, I'm actually still
feeling so thrown by it all.
Yeah, but you wanna know
what your rights are
and your union benefits.
Yes. Are those your two boys?
Nephews. This isn't about me.
You are... (Papers shuffling)
Entitled to...
36 weeks maternity leave...
18 weeks ordinary, 18 weeks additional...
And also flexible work arrangements
in your last trimester.
Wow. I didn't realize...
Yeah, they don't want you to know.
You're entitled to paid time off,
for prenatal and postnatal care.
I can get you a private fridge
for your expressed breast milk
when the time comes. Hey,
what's wrong with your hands?
Oh, they're just a little sore.
It's all the alcohol from
the new hand-sanitizing gel.
You know, it chaps my skin.
It gets a little red and itchy.
May I see?
Getting On - 02x02
Soap a Hazardous Substance
Now the profit margins
on healthy hospice patients
who survive for years with minimal care
exceeds 20%. Now you don't get that in oil,
you don't get that in pharmaceuticals.
And patients can
pretty much stay indefinitely.
You and I just need
to recertify that they remain
- terminally ill every 60 days.
- Is that for hemophilia?
Oh. No, no, I'm a tri delt. S.M.U.
Now technically,
we lease your beds from you.
We pay you per diem, pay you a
percentage of the Hospice Benefits.
Also, in exchange for you referring
all of your terminal patients
into our program,
we're gonna transfer all of our patients
in the inpatient care to you.
And we fully staff with our own teams,
except for the coordinating Nurse Liaison.
Oh, I've got one, Didi Ortley.
She's a good gal,
she's got a lot on the ball,
and she'll work for peanuts.
Wonderful.
Dawn, are you prepared
for what it's gonna take
to be a single mother?
Look, Didi... (Sighs)
I may not know who the exact father is,
I know who'll make the best one.
Oh, look, it's our new team hospice
- rolling with the punches already.
- Uh-huh. (Chuckles)
Oh, well, here's to aging
baby boomers, right?
We're now taking care of our parents
and our own children at the same time.
Oh. Well, no, sorry. I meant
they're starting to die in droves.
You know? This is our window.
There's no money in children anymore,
but a Hospice is the growth industry,
and, well, we're providing
a valuable service.
Indeed we are. Okay, bye-bye.
Good morning, Didi.
Didi, have you told Dawn
that you're our new official,
part-time Hospice Nurse Liaison?
And, Dawn, I think
that you'll be happy to know
that Mr. Cesario has stepped up to the
plate to assist me with my research.
He was quite pleased to sink his
teeth into vaginal atrophy.
Well, shall we?
In passing, kindly notice
our two new dedicated use
hospice comfort suites.
Look, Dawn, I wanted to tell you about
the Hospice Nurse Liaison position.
I had to take it. I need the money.
It's fine.
Besides, I'm more interested
in helping patients get better
and keeping them alive. Not the opposite.
And nothing changes. I'm still your boss.
Jenna: A soothing, harvest wallpaper
and the fold-out couch for relatives.
- Here we have Mrs. Weller.
- Excuse me, are you my doctor?
Yes, I am. I'll be with you
in just one moment.
- I need some more Vicodin right away.
- It's not time yet.
Well, then some Klonopin
or Valium or something.
Mrs. Dottie Levy, severe
alcohol-related disease.
Okay, bring her up. There's no need
for drama this early in the day.
How are you, Dottie Levy?
I'm Dr. Jenna James.
- Not so good.
- Mm-hmm.
Mrs. Levy has four staples
in the back of her head
from a grade 3 concussion
that brought her to the ER.
I see two small subdural hematoma.
- Coup-contrecoup.
- The "blow's repercussions."
Yes, you speak French. Well done.
Touché, Dottie Levy.
Let's get you back to bed.
Look, I just fall on my head is all.
I tripped on the sidewalk or something.
When they brought Ms. Levy into ICU,
GI found ascites
and removed six liters
of fluid from her abdomen.
You could use some pointers
in not expressing your judgment.
Well, what you see is
concern for your future
and it does not look good. How do you
feel about your drinking problem?
How do I feel? Oh, it is
the demon drink, it is.
No, it's not a laughing
matter, Dottie Levy.
You have 10% liver function.
You have 20% kidney.
You had six liters of ascites fluid
taken by needle from your abdomen.
- It's a miracle you're still alive.
- Corticosteroids,
- 40 mg a day.
- Yes, could reduce 30-day mortality.
- I can't take corticosteroids.
- Why not?
Because if I take them, I can't drink.
If you stop drinking immediately...
Not one more drop... you may live.
Another drink, you will die.
Your body is on the verge of shutting down
in every conceivable way.
Please use your time with us here
to make a wise decision.
You know if you have a problem,
you can come to me first, right?
Yeah, I know.
Are your hands really that sensitive?
That dry?
Yeah, they're chapped
from the hand sanitizers.
Is that what you're asking me?
Why'd you call a health
and welfare meeting?
I didn't.
Memo says you did.
(Scoffs) Paula...
Patsy, I met with her,
but I didn't set this into motion. She did.
Oh, my... I would cleanse my
hands to the bone for you.
You know I would. Oh, my
goodness. I'm such a jerk.
I'm so sorry, Dawn.
I... I was shocked.
I... I-I... I couldn't believe that you
would've hurt me that way, you know?
No.
And I don't want your
little hands upset with me.
No. Never ever.
You know what? I'll just
refuse to say anything,
and it'll just blow over. Trust me.
Now, can I talk?
Can I have some my time? Because there's
something I really wanna tell you.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's start here. I saw the best
of all possible apartments
for us over the weekend.
(Laughs) Okay. It had everything,
including a water feature.
I love water features.
I know. It had a patio for entertaining.
Oh, my God. Dawn, can't you just see it?
- Us barbecuing for friends?
- Yeah.
So I put a deposit down.
- Excuse me?
- I put down a two-month deposit,
and we can move in
on the first of the month.
What... what... what do you
mean by "the first"?
Pats, there's a really good reason
why I want us to move in on the first.
Oh, no, I'm sure there is,
but I can think of, like...
500 reasons why not to.
For starters, we were supposed
to be "just looking."
But it's on Ocean Avenue.
Dawn, we were talking about a dream
house someday type of situation,
- not next month.
- You know what?
Patsy, I think this is that someday.
Wait. Not for me, it's not.
You know what?
Let's get off of the apartment.
We're getting hung up on a detail.
I mean, there's a bigger picture, Patsy,
and it's something that's beautiful,
it's lovely and it's life-affirming.
I'm sorry, Dawn. I need some
space, I need some my time.
But this is still my my time.
(Stammers) Well, then I need
some alone time, for... for me, because...
I just feel like I'm suffocating.
Yeah, I feel like I'm strangling.
I'm sorry, Dawn. This is just
way too much input for me.
(Bangs desk)
Dr. James, it's my understanding
you've taken my mother-in-law
off of her Namenda.
I would like to understand why.
- And you are?
- I'm Arlene Willy-Weller.
Ellen Weller is my mother-in-law.
Mrs. Willy-Weller?
It's an unfortunate hyphenate.
Yes. Well, it was my estimation
that Mrs. Weller's Namenda
had overstayed its welcome.
Namenda is an epilepsy drug
that supposedly offers off-label
benefits for dementia.
Since she now has dementia,
it either didn't work
or it's not working now.
Um, I did want to ask one thing:
I noticed some small dots
on her last chest X-ray.
She's had those for two or three years.
- Have they been diagnosed?
- The technician said they were just dots.
Oh. She had an X-ray for TB
when we brought her here
from Nebraska for boarding care.
They're... Nebraska dots,
some sort of airborne something...
From a feed lot.
- What?
- (Loudly) We're talking about your dots!
Well, I think I'd like to run
a scan just to be sure.
Well... are you thinking cancer?
Oh, I'm absolutely thinking nothing,
except that old age rarely travels alone.
(Stammers) Ellen...
Ellen, I'm gonna call Phil.
We're gonna get Phil involved
in this real soon.
That's her son, my husband.
What's the best number to reach you at?
Main line. Definitely.
(Drawers banging)
What are you doing in there?
- I'm looking for some Percocet.
- You are not.
- Yes, I...
- Shame on you.
You should know better.
You were a Literature Professor.
- I was. I was canned.
- Let me see your hands.
Hands!
- In this bed.
- What difference does it make?
I'm probably dying.
That's what that idiotic doctor said.
Okay, well, clean the wax out of your ears,
'cause that's not what I heard.
I heard that if you stop drinking,
get it under control, you'll probably live.
Dottie: Well, that would be the
glass-is-half-full version.
My mother was a drinker.
She couldn't stop Cold Turkey,
but she did stop on the weekends,
and that helped her get it under control.
I do have it under control.
I drink until my eyes turn yellow,
and then I stop Cold Turkey
until they clear up,
and then I drink again.
Maybe it wasn't that funny, I guess.
We have... clergy. We have social workers.
We have all sorts of support
staff, if you need it.
(Sighs) Maybe you're right.
Maybe I would like to talk to someone.
Maybe I can make peace with myself
and the world.
I had a preacher once.
Maybe they remember me.
Well, I could call
and ask them to come and bless me.
(People chattering)
(Panting)
(Bangs) (Clatters)
Patsy? What happened? Can you speak?
- My chest.
- Your chest?
My chest.
Oh, my God, are you
having a heart attack?
- Cur... cur...
- Oh, my God.
- The curtai...
- What?
- The fucking curtain.
- What are you saying?
- The fucking curtain, Dawn. The curtain.
- Okay. Okay.
- What are you doing?
- Fuck. I'm getting you to cardiology.
- No! Dawn, no!
- What do you mean, "no"?
- Listen to me, it can't be here.
- I'm putting you in cardiology.
- It can't be here!
- Yes, Dr. NG please.
- It can't be here!
- Why?
- No. It can't be here.
- I'm... I'm sorry.
Why can't it be here? (Exasperated sigh)
You guys have a pool at home?
A pool? Yeah, yeah. We rarely use it.
If I had a pool,
I would use it all the time.
Hey, Dee. This is Mrs. Hughes.
All right. Mrs. Hughes,
we've been expecting you.
- I can't... I can't breathe.
- Here we go.
Shh. Oh, my God.
- Can you get up on this? Can you get up?
- Oh! Oh, my...
- Oh, God, my leg.
- You're up.
- Okay. Oh. Ah.
- Get up there. Okay, you're good there.
- I'm gonna die. I'm so scared.
- Okay.
- What's my blood pressure?
- It's still going.
- What is my pulse?
- You know how this machine works.
- Read my pulse!
- Patsy! I am working on it.
Okay, don't scream at me.
- 142 over 110.
- What? Oh, my God!
Shh! (Sobs)
- I'm... I'm dying. It's done for me.
- Sit up.
We got it here. Wait, you're
stuck on the finger thing.
- Okay, what... get the fuck off me.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop. Patsy!
I'm scared... (Mumbling)
- Stop talking.
Just stop talking.
Where are you going?
What is going on back here?
- Patsy might have had a heart attack.
- (Mumbles) Oh, fuck.
Oh great. Dawn, get his ass to the ER!
- Okay, right here.
- Patsy: I told you...
- Didi: Let me take off your shoes then.
- Patsy: Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Let me take your pulse.
- Okay. Okay.
Yes, hi, I need an ambulance
to Long Beach Memorial,
please, in 10 minutes.
I'm at the corner of Carson...
Dawn. Here. Our ER. (Mumbling continues)
Can't. He can't. He had a BMI
of 33 at his last physical
and HR said they would fire him or put
him on probation pending weight loss.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Let's get this off you.
- Let's get you in a gown.
- No, no, no, no.
Yes, I know we're by.
- Yes, we're very close.
- No, no, no. No, no!
- Stop it!
- Okay. Okay.
- Stop acting like a big old baby!
- Okay.
So, Andrew, when a patient
has been taking part
in regular sexual intercourse
into their 70s and 80s,
which this lady clearly has,
the likelihood of atrophic degeneration
is considerably reduced.
Contrary to popular belief,
it is the postmenopausal vagina
which benefits the most from intercourse.
- Mrs. Spivy.
- Spinny.
- How are you feeling?
- Spinny.
- Queasy.
- I think she meant her name is "Spinny."
Good. I'm very pleased.
You're looking a lot better.
Um, can we take a little look
at your abscess?
- Would you mind?
- I don't mind.
Okay, great. Let's have a see.
Oh, yes, that's healing up quite nicely.
We're gonna do a bimanual examination
and take another
quick documenting photograph.
(Squishes) (Sighs)
Sorry, ma'am, I've got fat fingers.
I don... I don't mind.
(Flash popping)
Dr. James? I'm sorry.
Could you come, please? Patsy's sick.
Oh. Well, I bet that's my responsibility.
Right. I just make everybody ill, don't I?
Please, I think he's having a heart attack.
(Sighs)
- Dr. James.
- Nurse De La Serda, how do you feel?
- I'm... I'm okay.
- What are his vitals?
137 over 85.
- How do you really feel, Nurse?
- Clammy and woozy.
Why is he not in ICU, ER?
He had a... he had a body mass index of 33
- at his last physical. And as you know...
- (Scoffs)
HR is firing people
because of weight issues.
Oh, so you're proposing
that we hide him here
and we just pretend
that this isn't even happening.
- I'm so embarrassed.
- This needs to be handled by a cardiologist.
The whole thing's ridiculous.
But what if it's... what if it's real?
(Sighs) All right.
Okay. Start a 12-lead EKG.
Nurse De La Serda, I...
I don't... I don't even know
if I'm addressing you
as a colleague or as a patient.
- Okay.
- I'm going to draw blood and run labs
and rule out an actual heart event.
What I strongly suspect, though,
is what we're dealing with is
another middle-aged man who needs to diet,
exercise more, eat less,
who is monopolizing nursing staff
and medical resources
with phantom chest pains
when there are far more
pressing uses for this bed.
"Kittens? What kittens?" Says I.
"I left them in the rain barrel."
(Women laughing)
- You're killing me, Dottie.
- What?
Did you... what is going on in here?
Did you bring that bottle in here?
I am improving her mental health
by not demanding that she stop drinking
because, clearly, she likes it. (Laughs)
I like it.
There's a dance in the old dame yet.
- Give...
- Toujours gai.
(Mutters) What the hell?
And shame on you. You should know better.
Don't be cross with my Reverend Margaret.
Give... give me that.
You think I don't know how
to deal with a drunk lady?
(Clangs) I am her friend.
Everyone else in her life
has been told to detach.
"Detach." (Laughter)
Sit down. Sit down before you fall down.
- Oh! You said one more drink.
- Didi: Shh!
- Look, I'm not dead. I'm here!
- What's happening here?
- They're smashed.
- What are you three harpies talking about?
- Talking fucking shit.
- You are gonna stop this at once.
- Who the hell is this?
- I'm out of here!
- No, you're going nowhere.
- Come on, Maggot. Let's go.
- Get that one off the ward.
- How did she get in here?
She asked me if she could see her preacher.
- Toujours gai. Toujours gai.
- Lie down.
You just wanna kiss me
really bad, don't you?
- Listen.
- But you're not pretty enough to kiss me.
I am in charge of this operation.
And it might look ragtag to you,
and it might look like
anything goes, but it's not.
(Chuckles) (Sighs)
"Dear Hospice Liaison,
as Hospice Nurse Liaison, you facilitate
assessments, admissions, discharges,
- transfers, communication..."
- Got it.
"...and participate in the
difficult 'conversations'
where patient and family are informed
that curative treatments
are no longer possible."
- Ugh.
- When do I do that?
- Which "that"?
- Any of that.
They're all different steps and procedures,
- and I need to know when exactly do...
- All right. Okay. All right.
All right. Start with eligibility.
You need to pre-certify every patient
with Commercial Insurance
Company and Medicare.
Do I do that before or after
you do your certification?
What on earth are you saying?
Didi: Do I get the insurance company
to say that they're gonna pay
- for hospice care before or after...
- I'm looking for Dr. James.
You certify that the patient
is actually dying?
There you are. I'm sorry.
- May I?
- Yes, Mrs. Weller-Wally.
Willy-Weller. Arlene, please.
Okay. I've tried calling you through
that main line three times.
It just rang and rang and rang and
rang, and then it disconnected.
Oh, really? So odd. I had no idea.
- Well, how is she?
- No change, her heart is stable,
but I did get the results back
from her new lung scans
and there's a bit of bad news.
There... there are tumors.
Oh, God.
Only the left lung, though, so there
is that bit of a silver lining.
So, umm... what's the prognosis?
What... what happens next?
Oh, my. I'm... I'm crying.
- You want to talk to a Social Worker?
- No! No.
(Scoffs) I'm a therapist, actually.
- Used to be. A Jungian.
- Oh.
Now I write children's books,
- the "All My Friends Are Fun" series.
- That sounds nice.
So I sent the images
to thoracic oncology to discuss
all the possible plan B's.
I assume that you want
to talk to your husband.
To... to Phil, yes.
However...
He's dead.
He died four months ago. She doesn't know.
(Sighs) And I am left caring
for the mother-in-law who hates me...
And somewhat vice versa.
Time heals all wounds.
She said I wasn't worth the powder
it would take to blow me up.
Mine called me an angry
fucking cunt at Thanksgiving.
Pulled me into the pantry
to say it in private.
(Chuckles) Yes.
Yeah. Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Dawn: Patsy.
I need to move you. Will do.
Okay. Bye.
You should not be taking calls.
You should be resting.
That was Bangladesh with our numbers.
- Okay. Easy.
- Our hand-washing is down.
(Sighs) Dawn, what's
the matter with people?
I beg you. They don't
like it. It's very harsh.
The hand cleanser is 90, 95% alcohol.
Well, remoisturize with Keri or
Jergens for the love of God.
- Where are we going?
- To the lounge.
- You still need to lay down.
- No, I...
Oh, God, I'm weak as a fucking kitten.
Patsy. Patsy, would you hold onto me?
Would you hold my hand?
Just hold my fucking hand.
(Beeping)
- Can I help you?
- Hi. Yeah.
Are you the Hospice Nurse Liaison?
- I am. Didi Ortley.
- Hi.
I'm Colleen. Mrs. Hughes just
passed away in comfort suite 107.
She just got here.
(Flatline)
So then you take her unused medications
and you put them in a little
baggy and crush them.
Got it. I'm called an 11th hour volunteer.
I come last minute, for the dying part.
My last name's Hoover, by the way.
People ask me all the time
if doing hospice is depressing.
And it is for some people,
but I mean, yeah, it can be,
but it's for real. (Crushing)
I'm in beauty school off and on.
Here, let me show you. I'm not
really allowed to handle this stuff,
but I've seen them do it a million times.
So when there's leftover morphine,
you're supposed to pour it into a diaper.
This company here is a little douchey,
but I don't really like people
my own age. They bore me.
- Have you met Antoine? Antoine.
- Hmm?
- This is Colleen.
- Hey.
- She's gonna be with us for a while.
- Oh. Excellent.
- Hey.
- Hi, Antoine.
My last name's Hoover, by the way.
(Phone rings)
Patsy, would you get up?
I know you're awake.
Patsy, the labs came back on your blood.
Your heart is fine.
Your lipids are fine.
Dr. James thinks you
just had a panic attack,
and lots of people have
panic attacks all the time.
You're just... you're just working too hard.
Dawn, I'm living out of sync with myself.
Don't say that. You are
living into yourself.
You just... you need
something to ground you.
(Sighs)
I just... I think it's the apartment, Dawn.
I... I think it's too soon.
No. No, I know you think that's what it is,
but what do you think is
really underneath all that?
Your mother and I were just
talking about you a minute ago.
How'd the deal go?
Oh. He closed the deal, Ellen.
- Let me talk to him.
- No, he has to go.
Okay. All right, honey.
Talk to you tomorrow?
(People chattering)
Corporation Counsel has called
this emergency meeting
to address a serious health and
well-being issue in our workplace.
Nurse Forchette has raised an issue
concerning our new antibacterial
hand sanitizers. (Clears throat)
She has dry, cracked,
possibly infected hands,
is potentially unable to
perform her work effectively.
Obviously, this involves safety,
legal, OSHA rules and regulations.
I want to encourage
everyone to speak freely.
This meeting is being taped
and Miss Lester will take notes.
Man: Nurse Frochette,
have you made this claim
or in any way put this hospital
on notice prior to today?
Umm, no. But it's been a very stressful day
and I haven't really had time to prepare.
Did anybody coerce you
or otherwise imply that
your job might be at risk
were you to voice your concerns?
No. I would not say that.
People, hands are
a documented infection risk.
Thousands of people are...
Are dying of infections.
You know what? A big problem
with that was Howie Mandel,
and the whole antibiotic soap of it all.
He wouldn't even touch his shoelaces
because he thought they had germs.
The man never even ate at a buffet.
- He didn't want to touch nothing.
- And another problem is
once you wash, you have to open
the door by the unsavory handle.
I push it open with my backside.
Paula: The less I touch
in public, the better.
Nurse De La Serda, what's
going on? What's this?
Yeah, I just... I feel like
my entire program
is being ambushed. You know?
I mean, the whole thing. That's how I feel.
We are identifying problems
and exploring solutions.
We need to provide education
on barriers to appropriate hand hygiene
and keep records.
Who was trained? How
long were they trained?
Also, is soap a hazardous
substance in the workplace?
Does the alcohol penetrate the dermis?
- No.
- Is there a possibility
that Nurse Frochette may be
risking fetal alcohol syndrome
now that she is vulnerable?
These are all the questions
we need answered.
Is it mine?
Of course.
This is not how I wanted to tell you.
I wanted to be in water
and with candles and music.
You know, I respect you
too much to tell you what to do.
You are so respectful of me.
I mean, you have a difficult time
inserting yourself into me,
you're so selfless.
I mean, it's your body.
I totally get that you would
never wanna take away my choice
and that you love my body. You love it.
I do, and I respect women.
You know what? That's
why I love you so much.
I mean, someone as evolved as you,
that's exactly who should
be a parent on this earth.
It's like us, we're the future.
Okay, but maybe we can
talk about this later, though.
I don't even need to talk about it.
We're there, and we're
gonna be great co-parents.
Co-parents. That's...
(Sighs) an awful lot to discuss.
I know it is. Of course
it is, and you know what?
We don't have to talk about it right now.
Just hugs now. Just hugs. (Giggles)
(Rustling) (Heart monitor beeping)
(Slurping)
(Gulping)
Mmm.
(Sighs)
(Slurps)
♪ Toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ that's what I heard Mehitabel say ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai! ♪
♪ Still a dance in the old girl today ♪
♪ after all's said and done ♪
♪ life is just having fun ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ toujours gai ♪
♪ she had a litter of kittens one spring ♪
♪ one night it rained and they drowned ♪
♪ she just declared
she remembered them not ♪
♪ her song you still hear resound ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ that's what I heard Mehitabel say ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ still a dance in the old girl today ♪
♪ after all's said and done ♪
♪ life is just having fun... ♪
but could I speak to Ms. Pepperell?
I only have 10 minutes before my shift.
I appreciate you want
to keep your condition
confidential until your 12-week scan.
It's always smart to wait.
Yeah, I'm actually still
feeling so thrown by it all.
Yeah, but you wanna know
what your rights are
and your union benefits.
Yes. Are those your two boys?
Nephews. This isn't about me.
You are... (Papers shuffling)
Entitled to...
36 weeks maternity leave...
18 weeks ordinary, 18 weeks additional...
And also flexible work arrangements
in your last trimester.
Wow. I didn't realize...
Yeah, they don't want you to know.
You're entitled to paid time off,
for prenatal and postnatal care.
I can get you a private fridge
for your expressed breast milk
when the time comes. Hey,
what's wrong with your hands?
Oh, they're just a little sore.
It's all the alcohol from
the new hand-sanitizing gel.
You know, it chaps my skin.
It gets a little red and itchy.
May I see?
Getting On - 02x02
Soap a Hazardous Substance
Now the profit margins
on healthy hospice patients
who survive for years with minimal care
exceeds 20%. Now you don't get that in oil,
you don't get that in pharmaceuticals.
And patients can
pretty much stay indefinitely.
You and I just need
to recertify that they remain
- terminally ill every 60 days.
- Is that for hemophilia?
Oh. No, no, I'm a tri delt. S.M.U.
Now technically,
we lease your beds from you.
We pay you per diem, pay you a
percentage of the Hospice Benefits.
Also, in exchange for you referring
all of your terminal patients
into our program,
we're gonna transfer all of our patients
in the inpatient care to you.
And we fully staff with our own teams,
except for the coordinating Nurse Liaison.
Oh, I've got one, Didi Ortley.
She's a good gal,
she's got a lot on the ball,
and she'll work for peanuts.
Wonderful.
Dawn, are you prepared
for what it's gonna take
to be a single mother?
Look, Didi... (Sighs)
I may not know who the exact father is,
I know who'll make the best one.
Oh, look, it's our new team hospice
- rolling with the punches already.
- Uh-huh. (Chuckles)
Oh, well, here's to aging
baby boomers, right?
We're now taking care of our parents
and our own children at the same time.
Oh. Well, no, sorry. I meant
they're starting to die in droves.
You know? This is our window.
There's no money in children anymore,
but a Hospice is the growth industry,
and, well, we're providing
a valuable service.
Indeed we are. Okay, bye-bye.
Good morning, Didi.
Didi, have you told Dawn
that you're our new official,
part-time Hospice Nurse Liaison?
And, Dawn, I think
that you'll be happy to know
that Mr. Cesario has stepped up to the
plate to assist me with my research.
He was quite pleased to sink his
teeth into vaginal atrophy.
Well, shall we?
In passing, kindly notice
our two new dedicated use
hospice comfort suites.
Look, Dawn, I wanted to tell you about
the Hospice Nurse Liaison position.
I had to take it. I need the money.
It's fine.
Besides, I'm more interested
in helping patients get better
and keeping them alive. Not the opposite.
And nothing changes. I'm still your boss.
Jenna: A soothing, harvest wallpaper
and the fold-out couch for relatives.
- Here we have Mrs. Weller.
- Excuse me, are you my doctor?
Yes, I am. I'll be with you
in just one moment.
- I need some more Vicodin right away.
- It's not time yet.
Well, then some Klonopin
or Valium or something.
Mrs. Dottie Levy, severe
alcohol-related disease.
Okay, bring her up. There's no need
for drama this early in the day.
How are you, Dottie Levy?
I'm Dr. Jenna James.
- Not so good.
- Mm-hmm.
Mrs. Levy has four staples
in the back of her head
from a grade 3 concussion
that brought her to the ER.
I see two small subdural hematoma.
- Coup-contrecoup.
- The "blow's repercussions."
Yes, you speak French. Well done.
Touché, Dottie Levy.
Let's get you back to bed.
Look, I just fall on my head is all.
I tripped on the sidewalk or something.
When they brought Ms. Levy into ICU,
GI found ascites
and removed six liters
of fluid from her abdomen.
You could use some pointers
in not expressing your judgment.
Well, what you see is
concern for your future
and it does not look good. How do you
feel about your drinking problem?
How do I feel? Oh, it is
the demon drink, it is.
No, it's not a laughing
matter, Dottie Levy.
You have 10% liver function.
You have 20% kidney.
You had six liters of ascites fluid
taken by needle from your abdomen.
- It's a miracle you're still alive.
- Corticosteroids,
- 40 mg a day.
- Yes, could reduce 30-day mortality.
- I can't take corticosteroids.
- Why not?
Because if I take them, I can't drink.
If you stop drinking immediately...
Not one more drop... you may live.
Another drink, you will die.
Your body is on the verge of shutting down
in every conceivable way.
Please use your time with us here
to make a wise decision.
You know if you have a problem,
you can come to me first, right?
Yeah, I know.
Are your hands really that sensitive?
That dry?
Yeah, they're chapped
from the hand sanitizers.
Is that what you're asking me?
Why'd you call a health
and welfare meeting?
I didn't.
Memo says you did.
(Scoffs) Paula...
Patsy, I met with her,
but I didn't set this into motion. She did.
Oh, my... I would cleanse my
hands to the bone for you.
You know I would. Oh, my
goodness. I'm such a jerk.
I'm so sorry, Dawn.
I... I was shocked.
I... I-I... I couldn't believe that you
would've hurt me that way, you know?
No.
And I don't want your
little hands upset with me.
No. Never ever.
You know what? I'll just
refuse to say anything,
and it'll just blow over. Trust me.
Now, can I talk?
Can I have some my time? Because there's
something I really wanna tell you.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's start here. I saw the best
of all possible apartments
for us over the weekend.
(Laughs) Okay. It had everything,
including a water feature.
I love water features.
I know. It had a patio for entertaining.
Oh, my God. Dawn, can't you just see it?
- Us barbecuing for friends?
- Yeah.
So I put a deposit down.
- Excuse me?
- I put down a two-month deposit,
and we can move in
on the first of the month.
What... what... what do you
mean by "the first"?
Pats, there's a really good reason
why I want us to move in on the first.
Oh, no, I'm sure there is,
but I can think of, like...
500 reasons why not to.
For starters, we were supposed
to be "just looking."
But it's on Ocean Avenue.
Dawn, we were talking about a dream
house someday type of situation,
- not next month.
- You know what?
Patsy, I think this is that someday.
Wait. Not for me, it's not.
You know what?
Let's get off of the apartment.
We're getting hung up on a detail.
I mean, there's a bigger picture, Patsy,
and it's something that's beautiful,
it's lovely and it's life-affirming.
I'm sorry, Dawn. I need some
space, I need some my time.
But this is still my my time.
(Stammers) Well, then I need
some alone time, for... for me, because...
I just feel like I'm suffocating.
Yeah, I feel like I'm strangling.
I'm sorry, Dawn. This is just
way too much input for me.
(Bangs desk)
Dr. James, it's my understanding
you've taken my mother-in-law
off of her Namenda.
I would like to understand why.
- And you are?
- I'm Arlene Willy-Weller.
Ellen Weller is my mother-in-law.
Mrs. Willy-Weller?
It's an unfortunate hyphenate.
Yes. Well, it was my estimation
that Mrs. Weller's Namenda
had overstayed its welcome.
Namenda is an epilepsy drug
that supposedly offers off-label
benefits for dementia.
Since she now has dementia,
it either didn't work
or it's not working now.
Um, I did want to ask one thing:
I noticed some small dots
on her last chest X-ray.
She's had those for two or three years.
- Have they been diagnosed?
- The technician said they were just dots.
Oh. She had an X-ray for TB
when we brought her here
from Nebraska for boarding care.
They're... Nebraska dots,
some sort of airborne something...
From a feed lot.
- What?
- (Loudly) We're talking about your dots!
Well, I think I'd like to run
a scan just to be sure.
Well... are you thinking cancer?
Oh, I'm absolutely thinking nothing,
except that old age rarely travels alone.
(Stammers) Ellen...
Ellen, I'm gonna call Phil.
We're gonna get Phil involved
in this real soon.
That's her son, my husband.
What's the best number to reach you at?
Main line. Definitely.
(Drawers banging)
What are you doing in there?
- I'm looking for some Percocet.
- You are not.
- Yes, I...
- Shame on you.
You should know better.
You were a Literature Professor.
- I was. I was canned.
- Let me see your hands.
Hands!
- In this bed.
- What difference does it make?
I'm probably dying.
That's what that idiotic doctor said.
Okay, well, clean the wax out of your ears,
'cause that's not what I heard.
I heard that if you stop drinking,
get it under control, you'll probably live.
Dottie: Well, that would be the
glass-is-half-full version.
My mother was a drinker.
She couldn't stop Cold Turkey,
but she did stop on the weekends,
and that helped her get it under control.
I do have it under control.
I drink until my eyes turn yellow,
and then I stop Cold Turkey
until they clear up,
and then I drink again.
Maybe it wasn't that funny, I guess.
We have... clergy. We have social workers.
We have all sorts of support
staff, if you need it.
(Sighs) Maybe you're right.
Maybe I would like to talk to someone.
Maybe I can make peace with myself
and the world.
I had a preacher once.
Maybe they remember me.
Well, I could call
and ask them to come and bless me.
(People chattering)
(Panting)
(Bangs) (Clatters)
Patsy? What happened? Can you speak?
- My chest.
- Your chest?
My chest.
Oh, my God, are you
having a heart attack?
- Cur... cur...
- Oh, my God.
- The curtai...
- What?
- The fucking curtain.
- What are you saying?
- The fucking curtain, Dawn. The curtain.
- Okay. Okay.
- What are you doing?
- Fuck. I'm getting you to cardiology.
- No! Dawn, no!
- What do you mean, "no"?
- Listen to me, it can't be here.
- I'm putting you in cardiology.
- It can't be here!
- Yes, Dr. NG please.
- It can't be here!
- Why?
- No. It can't be here.
- I'm... I'm sorry.
Why can't it be here? (Exasperated sigh)
You guys have a pool at home?
A pool? Yeah, yeah. We rarely use it.
If I had a pool,
I would use it all the time.
Hey, Dee. This is Mrs. Hughes.
All right. Mrs. Hughes,
we've been expecting you.
- I can't... I can't breathe.
- Here we go.
Shh. Oh, my God.
- Can you get up on this? Can you get up?
- Oh! Oh, my...
- Oh, God, my leg.
- You're up.
- Okay. Oh. Ah.
- Get up there. Okay, you're good there.
- I'm gonna die. I'm so scared.
- Okay.
- What's my blood pressure?
- It's still going.
- What is my pulse?
- You know how this machine works.
- Read my pulse!
- Patsy! I am working on it.
Okay, don't scream at me.
- 142 over 110.
- What? Oh, my God!
Shh! (Sobs)
- I'm... I'm dying. It's done for me.
- Sit up.
We got it here. Wait, you're
stuck on the finger thing.
- Okay, what... get the fuck off me.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop. Patsy!
I'm scared... (Mumbling)
- Stop talking.
Just stop talking.
Where are you going?
What is going on back here?
- Patsy might have had a heart attack.
- (Mumbles) Oh, fuck.
Oh great. Dawn, get his ass to the ER!
- Okay, right here.
- Patsy: I told you...
- Didi: Let me take off your shoes then.
- Patsy: Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Let me take your pulse.
- Okay. Okay.
Yes, hi, I need an ambulance
to Long Beach Memorial,
please, in 10 minutes.
I'm at the corner of Carson...
Dawn. Here. Our ER. (Mumbling continues)
Can't. He can't. He had a BMI
of 33 at his last physical
and HR said they would fire him or put
him on probation pending weight loss.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Let's get this off you.
- Let's get you in a gown.
- No, no, no, no.
Yes, I know we're by.
- Yes, we're very close.
- No, no, no. No, no!
- Stop it!
- Okay. Okay.
- Stop acting like a big old baby!
- Okay.
So, Andrew, when a patient
has been taking part
in regular sexual intercourse
into their 70s and 80s,
which this lady clearly has,
the likelihood of atrophic degeneration
is considerably reduced.
Contrary to popular belief,
it is the postmenopausal vagina
which benefits the most from intercourse.
- Mrs. Spivy.
- Spinny.
- How are you feeling?
- Spinny.
- Queasy.
- I think she meant her name is "Spinny."
Good. I'm very pleased.
You're looking a lot better.
Um, can we take a little look
at your abscess?
- Would you mind?
- I don't mind.
Okay, great. Let's have a see.
Oh, yes, that's healing up quite nicely.
We're gonna do a bimanual examination
and take another
quick documenting photograph.
(Squishes) (Sighs)
Sorry, ma'am, I've got fat fingers.
I don... I don't mind.
(Flash popping)
Dr. James? I'm sorry.
Could you come, please? Patsy's sick.
Oh. Well, I bet that's my responsibility.
Right. I just make everybody ill, don't I?
Please, I think he's having a heart attack.
(Sighs)
- Dr. James.
- Nurse De La Serda, how do you feel?
- I'm... I'm okay.
- What are his vitals?
137 over 85.
- How do you really feel, Nurse?
- Clammy and woozy.
Why is he not in ICU, ER?
He had a... he had a body mass index of 33
- at his last physical. And as you know...
- (Scoffs)
HR is firing people
because of weight issues.
Oh, so you're proposing
that we hide him here
and we just pretend
that this isn't even happening.
- I'm so embarrassed.
- This needs to be handled by a cardiologist.
The whole thing's ridiculous.
But what if it's... what if it's real?
(Sighs) All right.
Okay. Start a 12-lead EKG.
Nurse De La Serda, I...
I don't... I don't even know
if I'm addressing you
as a colleague or as a patient.
- Okay.
- I'm going to draw blood and run labs
and rule out an actual heart event.
What I strongly suspect, though,
is what we're dealing with is
another middle-aged man who needs to diet,
exercise more, eat less,
who is monopolizing nursing staff
and medical resources
with phantom chest pains
when there are far more
pressing uses for this bed.
"Kittens? What kittens?" Says I.
"I left them in the rain barrel."
(Women laughing)
- You're killing me, Dottie.
- What?
Did you... what is going on in here?
Did you bring that bottle in here?
I am improving her mental health
by not demanding that she stop drinking
because, clearly, she likes it. (Laughs)
I like it.
There's a dance in the old dame yet.
- Give...
- Toujours gai.
(Mutters) What the hell?
And shame on you. You should know better.
Don't be cross with my Reverend Margaret.
Give... give me that.
You think I don't know how
to deal with a drunk lady?
(Clangs) I am her friend.
Everyone else in her life
has been told to detach.
"Detach." (Laughter)
Sit down. Sit down before you fall down.
- Oh! You said one more drink.
- Didi: Shh!
- Look, I'm not dead. I'm here!
- What's happening here?
- They're smashed.
- What are you three harpies talking about?
- Talking fucking shit.
- You are gonna stop this at once.
- Who the hell is this?
- I'm out of here!
- No, you're going nowhere.
- Come on, Maggot. Let's go.
- Get that one off the ward.
- How did she get in here?
She asked me if she could see her preacher.
- Toujours gai. Toujours gai.
- Lie down.
You just wanna kiss me
really bad, don't you?
- Listen.
- But you're not pretty enough to kiss me.
I am in charge of this operation.
And it might look ragtag to you,
and it might look like
anything goes, but it's not.
(Chuckles) (Sighs)
"Dear Hospice Liaison,
as Hospice Nurse Liaison, you facilitate
assessments, admissions, discharges,
- transfers, communication..."
- Got it.
"...and participate in the
difficult 'conversations'
where patient and family are informed
that curative treatments
are no longer possible."
- Ugh.
- When do I do that?
- Which "that"?
- Any of that.
They're all different steps and procedures,
- and I need to know when exactly do...
- All right. Okay. All right.
All right. Start with eligibility.
You need to pre-certify every patient
with Commercial Insurance
Company and Medicare.
Do I do that before or after
you do your certification?
What on earth are you saying?
Didi: Do I get the insurance company
to say that they're gonna pay
- for hospice care before or after...
- I'm looking for Dr. James.
You certify that the patient
is actually dying?
There you are. I'm sorry.
- May I?
- Yes, Mrs. Weller-Wally.
Willy-Weller. Arlene, please.
Okay. I've tried calling you through
that main line three times.
It just rang and rang and rang and
rang, and then it disconnected.
Oh, really? So odd. I had no idea.
- Well, how is she?
- No change, her heart is stable,
but I did get the results back
from her new lung scans
and there's a bit of bad news.
There... there are tumors.
Oh, God.
Only the left lung, though, so there
is that bit of a silver lining.
So, umm... what's the prognosis?
What... what happens next?
Oh, my. I'm... I'm crying.
- You want to talk to a Social Worker?
- No! No.
(Scoffs) I'm a therapist, actually.
- Used to be. A Jungian.
- Oh.
Now I write children's books,
- the "All My Friends Are Fun" series.
- That sounds nice.
So I sent the images
to thoracic oncology to discuss
all the possible plan B's.
I assume that you want
to talk to your husband.
To... to Phil, yes.
However...
He's dead.
He died four months ago. She doesn't know.
(Sighs) And I am left caring
for the mother-in-law who hates me...
And somewhat vice versa.
Time heals all wounds.
She said I wasn't worth the powder
it would take to blow me up.
Mine called me an angry
fucking cunt at Thanksgiving.
Pulled me into the pantry
to say it in private.
(Chuckles) Yes.
Yeah. Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Dawn: Patsy.
I need to move you. Will do.
Okay. Bye.
You should not be taking calls.
You should be resting.
That was Bangladesh with our numbers.
- Okay. Easy.
- Our hand-washing is down.
(Sighs) Dawn, what's
the matter with people?
I beg you. They don't
like it. It's very harsh.
The hand cleanser is 90, 95% alcohol.
Well, remoisturize with Keri or
Jergens for the love of God.
- Where are we going?
- To the lounge.
- You still need to lay down.
- No, I...
Oh, God, I'm weak as a fucking kitten.
Patsy. Patsy, would you hold onto me?
Would you hold my hand?
Just hold my fucking hand.
(Beeping)
- Can I help you?
- Hi. Yeah.
Are you the Hospice Nurse Liaison?
- I am. Didi Ortley.
- Hi.
I'm Colleen. Mrs. Hughes just
passed away in comfort suite 107.
She just got here.
(Flatline)
So then you take her unused medications
and you put them in a little
baggy and crush them.
Got it. I'm called an 11th hour volunteer.
I come last minute, for the dying part.
My last name's Hoover, by the way.
People ask me all the time
if doing hospice is depressing.
And it is for some people,
but I mean, yeah, it can be,
but it's for real. (Crushing)
I'm in beauty school off and on.
Here, let me show you. I'm not
really allowed to handle this stuff,
but I've seen them do it a million times.
So when there's leftover morphine,
you're supposed to pour it into a diaper.
This company here is a little douchey,
but I don't really like people
my own age. They bore me.
- Have you met Antoine? Antoine.
- Hmm?
- This is Colleen.
- Hey.
- She's gonna be with us for a while.
- Oh. Excellent.
- Hey.
- Hi, Antoine.
My last name's Hoover, by the way.
(Phone rings)
Patsy, would you get up?
I know you're awake.
Patsy, the labs came back on your blood.
Your heart is fine.
Your lipids are fine.
Dr. James thinks you
just had a panic attack,
and lots of people have
panic attacks all the time.
You're just... you're just working too hard.
Dawn, I'm living out of sync with myself.
Don't say that. You are
living into yourself.
You just... you need
something to ground you.
(Sighs)
I just... I think it's the apartment, Dawn.
I... I think it's too soon.
No. No, I know you think that's what it is,
but what do you think is
really underneath all that?
Your mother and I were just
talking about you a minute ago.
How'd the deal go?
Oh. He closed the deal, Ellen.
- Let me talk to him.
- No, he has to go.
Okay. All right, honey.
Talk to you tomorrow?
(People chattering)
Corporation Counsel has called
this emergency meeting
to address a serious health and
well-being issue in our workplace.
Nurse Forchette has raised an issue
concerning our new antibacterial
hand sanitizers. (Clears throat)
She has dry, cracked,
possibly infected hands,
is potentially unable to
perform her work effectively.
Obviously, this involves safety,
legal, OSHA rules and regulations.
I want to encourage
everyone to speak freely.
This meeting is being taped
and Miss Lester will take notes.
Man: Nurse Frochette,
have you made this claim
or in any way put this hospital
on notice prior to today?
Umm, no. But it's been a very stressful day
and I haven't really had time to prepare.
Did anybody coerce you
or otherwise imply that
your job might be at risk
were you to voice your concerns?
No. I would not say that.
People, hands are
a documented infection risk.
Thousands of people are...
Are dying of infections.
You know what? A big problem
with that was Howie Mandel,
and the whole antibiotic soap of it all.
He wouldn't even touch his shoelaces
because he thought they had germs.
The man never even ate at a buffet.
- He didn't want to touch nothing.
- And another problem is
once you wash, you have to open
the door by the unsavory handle.
I push it open with my backside.
Paula: The less I touch
in public, the better.
Nurse De La Serda, what's
going on? What's this?
Yeah, I just... I feel like
my entire program
is being ambushed. You know?
I mean, the whole thing. That's how I feel.
We are identifying problems
and exploring solutions.
We need to provide education
on barriers to appropriate hand hygiene
and keep records.
Who was trained? How
long were they trained?
Also, is soap a hazardous
substance in the workplace?
Does the alcohol penetrate the dermis?
- No.
- Is there a possibility
that Nurse Frochette may be
risking fetal alcohol syndrome
now that she is vulnerable?
These are all the questions
we need answered.
Is it mine?
Of course.
This is not how I wanted to tell you.
I wanted to be in water
and with candles and music.
You know, I respect you
too much to tell you what to do.
You are so respectful of me.
I mean, you have a difficult time
inserting yourself into me,
you're so selfless.
I mean, it's your body.
I totally get that you would
never wanna take away my choice
and that you love my body. You love it.
I do, and I respect women.
You know what? That's
why I love you so much.
I mean, someone as evolved as you,
that's exactly who should
be a parent on this earth.
It's like us, we're the future.
Okay, but maybe we can
talk about this later, though.
I don't even need to talk about it.
We're there, and we're
gonna be great co-parents.
Co-parents. That's...
(Sighs) an awful lot to discuss.
I know it is. Of course
it is, and you know what?
We don't have to talk about it right now.
Just hugs now. Just hugs. (Giggles)
(Rustling) (Heart monitor beeping)
(Slurping)
(Gulping)
Mmm.
(Sighs)
(Slurps)
♪ Toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ that's what I heard Mehitabel say ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai! ♪
♪ Still a dance in the old girl today ♪
♪ after all's said and done ♪
♪ life is just having fun ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ toujours gai ♪
♪ she had a litter of kittens one spring ♪
♪ one night it rained and they drowned ♪
♪ she just declared
she remembered them not ♪
♪ her song you still hear resound ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ that's what I heard Mehitabel say ♪
♪ toujours gai, toujours gai ♪
♪ still a dance in the old girl today ♪
♪ after all's said and done ♪
♪ life is just having fun... ♪