Getting High for God? (2016): Season 1, Episode 2 - Ayahuasca in Rio - full transcript
My name is Mawaan Rizwan.
I was brought up in a religious family.
I'm not practicing,
and I would say I don't
necessarily believe in God.
But I am curious to know if there
is some kind of higher being.
Is there something more to life?
I've heard that some people
are looking for answers
through taking traditional medicines,
basically powerful hallucinogenic drugs.
I've been to the USA, where I met
people using the drug peyote
in their worship. HE CRIES OUT.
Now, I'm heading to Brazil
to find out about the
ancient drug of ayahuasca.
And I've got to decide if
it's something I want to try
in my search for God.
So, I'm going to knock on God's door,
and let's see if he's there.
Brazil, a country where
99% of the population
believe in God or a higher spirit.
It's home to 123 million Catholics,
more than anywhere else in the world.
Everywhere I turn, there's loads
of religious iconography.
Their biggest landmark is Mr Jesus himself.
There's one of these on every other street
and I feel like religion and faith
is a big part of culture here,
it's very much ingrained in daily life.
To find out more about
the power of religion,
I headed to the Igreja
da Penha church in Rio.
Devotion here can be extreme.
That guy over there, he's
crawling all the way up
to the church on his knees.
It looks pretty painful.
I mean, that's dedication. This
is how much it means to people.
THEY SING
This is an annual ceremony where
the worshipers have to carry
the statue of the Virgin up 382 steps.
He's done it, he's done
it, the guy's at the top.
He made it all the way on his knees.
He deserves an award for
that - that looked painful.
But not everyone in this country is sold
on this organized definition of faith.
A growing number of people are turning
to an entirely different
form of religious sacrament.
It's called ayahuasca.
It's made by smashing
the roots of two plants
till it turns into a
pulp that you can drink.
Apparently, it tastes horrible,
and you're meant to take it
and it will change your life.
I've heard it being referred
to as the God molecule.
Now, if that doesn't sound
epic, I don't know what does.
Hello? I'm Mawaan.
Nice to meet you. 'I've
come to a suburb of Rio
'to meet two women who
believe that ayahuasca
'is the route to reaching God.'
- What a place you live in.
- Yeah.
Monkeys come to your front
door - that's crazy.
Come get it. Don't be afraid.
You want it?
He took it out of my hand!
Oh, yeah! Happy birthday, man.
He's loving it.
You're welcome.
Did you see that? He took it out my hand.
I live in London and it's very different.
Where does ayahuasca come from?
Ayahuasca's active
ingredient is called DMT,
and that makes it an illegal
class A drug in the UK.
How do you feel about some people
referring to it as a drug?
Cos in Britain, where I live,
it's a very naughty thing to do
and you'd get in a lot of trouble.
Why is it important to you to relate
back to the ancient roots of it?
For myself, I have deep, deep gratitude
for these Amazonian tribes,
and ayahuasca and all of these
medicines from the forest
makes you go even deeper and
connects you to a deeper source.
But now this ancient tribal drug
has come from the forest
into Brazil's booming cities
with their mashup of religious beliefs.
Faith here is like a
little spiritual omelette.
Look at this.
This is like a real patchwork
of all sorts of influences.
You've got Christianity,
Hinduism, a Buddha,
you've got the hand of Fatima there,
and that is quite an Islamic pattern -
you see that in mosques a lot.
I feel like in the UK it's
kind of cool to be atheist,
it's cool to be, like, "I don't
believe in all that stuff."
"That stuff ties me down."
And here, actually maybe
it's kind of trendy
to be part of different things and
have various religious influences.
That's Princess Diana.
That's a religion for
some people, isn't it?
Many of these religions use ayahuasca.
In Brazil, it's been legal for use
in religious ceremonies since 1992.
Now it's thought that half a
million people use it regularly.
This is like a trip in itself -
it's very colorful and psychedelic.
I think if any country is going to legalize
stuff for religious purposes,
it might as well be here.
I grew up in a fairly religious family
and there were bits of it I really liked
and bits of it I dismissed completely.
And I guess that's what's happening
here, but in a more liberal way.
People are taking what they want from it,
and things like ayahuasca are involved,
which are quite ancient traditions,
but people are customizing
it to what suits them.
And it feels like people here
feel liberated enough to
experiment with religion.
It's not so rigid.
I've never felt like I've had the choice
to experiment with religion before.
For me, this is a new way
of looking at things,
and that feels quite comfortable.
And maybe I do have a shot at
finding something spiritual.
Could ayahuasca help me do that?
I needed to talk to someone
who regularly takes it.
29-year-old artist Gill is part
of a church that uses the drug.
So, I've heard a lot about ayahuasca.
And I've got friends of friends
of friends who told me stories,
but have you done ayahuasca before?
You've done a ceremony?
Yeah, I've been doing it for two years.
How many ceremonies have you done?
- Once a month for two years.
- Really? - You do the math.
I mean, it's not every month but mostly.
What about traditional religion
wasn't working for you
for you to turn to this?
Well, I was born in a Catholic
family and I have issues with...
with Catholics since
when I was a teenager.
I was like, "This isn't
for me, this has..."
"problems, logical problems there."
I was reading a lot of
Richard Dawkins at the time,
and I was like, "This is not for me."
What made you want to try
this thing called ayahuasca?
I don't know, just the experiences
people tell me about it.
I'm searching for, you know, myself.
One thing I heard, yeah,
is that people throw up and
sometimes even poo their pants.
I mean, that in itself is quite
a vulnerable place to be,
let alone anything else.
Yeah, they call this the cleansing.
It's when the ayahuasca
is operating and they...
It needs to clean your body
and clear it from toxins and stuff
that you consume every day.
And the vomit is...
I've experienced it. The vomit,
it's not just the physical vomit,
it's, like, you're vomiting emotions,
stuff you're carrying in your life,
and after you vomit, you feel so much...
You feel amazing.
- Really?
- So, yeah, I like when I vomit.
There's been ceremonies where I vomited
and pooed at the same time.
- Wow.
- It was once.
I can't wait for that.
Thanks for the pep talk.
But the result of taking ayahuasca
can be even more extreme.
People coming to South America
looking for enlightenment
or just a good time have even died.
It's a powerful and
sometimes dangerous drug.
Peruvian police are led to a spot
in the Amazon where a shaman,
or a tribal medicine man,
says he buried the body of
an 18-year-old American
who he claims died after drinking
extracts of psychedelic plants
at a psychedelic retreat.
Now, DMT is the active
ingredient in ayahuasca.
And even taking it during a
controlled, religious ceremony
can give you a bad trip.
Oh, she's just collapsed.
I mean, she looks
like she's just died.
It doesn't look nice.
It doesn't look like a pleasant experience.
She's having a horrible time.
SHE SCREAMS
No!
I think the idea of losing
control scares me, because...
You know, maybe what you get out
of it is fulfilling in some way,
but the actual going through this
all just seems a bit extreme.
Surely there's easier ways.
The day before I left London,
I really panicked a bit.
And I almost didn't want to do this.
Because I was scared that a lot
of dark stuff would come up,
and I didn't know if I
wanted people to see that
and for a camera to be there.
It looks like The Exorcist.
I don't know, maybe YouTube is the
wrong place to do your research
before taking these things, cos this
is making me not want to do it.
Oh, my God!
SHE LAUGHS
Before I made my mind up about
whether I wanted to throw myself
into such an intense experience,
I was keen to know more about the
drug's positive spiritual effects.
Gill, who I met the other day,
has invited me round for dinner
so that I can meet some of his friends
and have a deeper chat about it all.
I've come empty-handed, so I guess
I'll have to do the dishes later,
but I'm going to go now.
- Hey!
- Hey, Gill.
Guys, this is Mawaan.
- Hey, Mawaan.
- Nice to meet you.
'This lot are right trendy Rio urbanites,
'and they regularly go to ayahuasca
ceremonies in the city.'
This is nice, innit? It's
like the Last Supper.
Very appropriate.
So, Gill was telling me about
his ayahuasca experience
and how it changed your life, right?
What is it like for you guys?
Are you involved in ayahuasca?
It was one of those moments in your life
when many things start to make sense.
Do you think you've experienced God?
God, it's a complicated word. God is...
That's why I ask. THEY LAUGH
I want to get to the bottom
of this whole God thing.
God is a word full of cultural background.
I'm not entirely comfortable with using it.
Maybe for myself it's fine,
but will I declare to people that
believe that God is something else
that I experience that? I didn't
experience what you believe,
I experienced what I believed.
But, yes, I experienced
something that I can guarantee.
As much as I'm learning, I'm really
hungry, so shall we get some food?
All right.
Can I help you with anything?
Absolutely. Get the rice, please.
I gather we are all trying to
make meaning of our lives, right?
It's nice to have something to believe in
and I feel like that is missing for me
cos I'm full of distractions in London,
and actually I want to
know the meaning of life,
like, I want to feel like I have a
deeper understanding of things.
Right. The answers that you are
looking for everywhere else,
they're really there.
And again going back to ayahuasca,
ayahuasca gives you the opportunity
to kind of see all of that...
within yourself.
So, ayahuasca is one way of finding
something godly within yourself?
Yes, definitely.
Do you think you're getting high for God?
No.
It's not getting high.
First of all, it's not getting high.
This expression, "getting high",
it comes from another context,
and, all right, it's a
context full of substances,
but do people get high in hospital?
This is not even...
People don't even think about
that - it's just nonsense.
It's the same feeling that
we have when we ask that.
Are we getting high in the name of God?
We're not working with God, we're
not working with getting high.
Why is this question even being asked?
I feel like I've been seeing it
maybe in the wrong perspective,
cos getting high insinuates
being in party situations
and, like, you know?
Drugs, and whoo!
And feeling rubbish the next day.
Actually, these guys, this
is not that for them.
And they are making a really active,
conscious choice to delve
deeper into something,
and this substance that they're taking
just happens to be part of that journey.
But they're not doing it
just so they're going to get
a bit of mind alteration.
That's not the main goal.
The main goal is for them
to understand themselves
and the world a bit better
and navigate through that
and make sense of it.
And maybe that's what God means to them.
The moment has finally come.
I've got to decide if I
want to take ayahuasca.
We've found a reputable church who
have said that I can join them
at their ceremony tonight.
I'm about to take ayahuasca.
I'm about to do that thing everyone
talks about that changes their life.
And I don't... I don't
know how I feel about it.
I'm lining my stomach up with grapes.
I mean, it's all going to come back
up anyway, but I'll do what I can.
OK, this is it. I'm here, I'm
literally round the corner
from where the ceremony
is going to happen and...
and I'm absolutely bricking it.
This is so real now. It's happening.
And from what I've heard,
things are going to come up,
and it's going to be intense,
and I'm going to face demons,
whatever that means.
I'm going to have to look
my demons in the eye
and connect with God and find an
answer to the issues that come up.
So, I'm going to suck it up
and knock on God's door.
And let's see if he's there.
Do I knock?
The Ark of the Blue Mountain Church
is based in a house in a suburb of Rio.
- Ola.
- Ola.
- For Philippe's ceremony?
- Sim.
Thank you. I'm Mawaan.
I've got to go to a formal
meeting before I'm allowed in.
The guy in the trippy headband
is Philippe Bandeira de Mello,
the church's spiritual leader,
who's practiced with ayahuasca
for nearly 40 years.
OK, here goes the job interview.
The church is strict.
We've all been asked to
wear a uniform of white
to keep the bad spirits out.
Outside, you have bad energies
going to you.
De nada.
The church welcomes people from any
religion into their ceremonies.
My heart is beating really fast.
I have to go in cos they can't
start until everyone's in there.
But... here we go.
This happens every week
at Philippe's house.
About 90 people rock up and take ayahuasca.
SINGING
The force of your guardian angel,
everything you need for your
spiritual and material preparation.
May the ayahuasca guide you...
protect you and bring you
inspiration, connection,
everything you need,
everything you want for your illumination.
Thank you.
- Good journey.
- Thank you.
I'm feeling a bit sick.
It feels like I had a really
bad steak or something.
That's what it tastes like.
Like goneoff meat.
The singing of ancient shamanic songs
is supposed to help guide
me through my trip.
About 30 minutes in and I'm
starting to feel something.
Where's the bucket to throw up?
OK. Obrigado.
I thought I was going to throw
up, but I don't need to.
Everything feels really eventful.
Like, everything is a thing.
And I feel very open and vulnerable
to things that could come in.
I have a vision of me as a child
sitting in a really big cathedral.
Yeah.
It's really hard to put into words,
because words really diminish the...
just how big and
expansive the feeling is.
You can't really put it into words.
Doing this, you interfere
with the experience.
Let him sit and close his eyes.
It's better for him.
Maybe...
OK?
Back inside, the ceremony
starts getting intense.
Dancing to the repetitive beats of music
is said to induce a trance-like state.
This is probably one of the most
surreal raves I've ever been to.
I feel quite overwhelmed by it all.
I feel like there's no way of hiding
from all the emotions I usually ignore.
I'm starting to see religion
as this open canvas
and I can totally personalize
it with whatever I want.
HE LAUGHS
Come up here. Come up here.
(What are you doing?)
This is ridiculous. I'm
standing next to a crucifix...
asking myself the question,
"Have I found God?"
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, maybe, maybe...
Yeah, maybe this is what God feels like.
HE SIGHS I can't express...
This is such a massive cliche,
and I don't want to say this,
but I do feel the wonders.
I feel like I'm being hugged
by everything from my past and my future
and living and not living... is
hugging me right now and saying...
"It's OK."
The dancing goes on all night.
But after about six hours..
I've reached my limit.
Today I'm feeling really
shattered and tired
and it's a bit like a hangover,
actually, but I feel really renewed
and I feel like I shed skin and
I learned some tough lessons.
And I feel like it was a lot
deeper than I expected it to be.
I've spent all these years
building an image of myself -
the way I see myself was
completely shattered last night
and that was really liberating.
I had to see things that
I didn't want to see
and parts of it were
really dark and demonic.
I can imagine that in the wrong hands
this stuff is quite dangerous,
and it's all about the context.
Within that context of
religious, ritualistic -
those elements being there
really made it what it was.
Without that, I could
have had a terrible time
and not have known how to navigate
through this really powerful substance.
For me, it was the first time I
felt something bigger than me
was guiding me and helping
me make sense of my life.
And that's not really happened before.
And maybe that's what God feels like,
and that's a big deal for me to say,
because I'm a London boy who really
felt quite cynical about faith,
but maybe that's the closest I'll come
to experiencing some sort of divinity.
I was brought up in a religious family.
I'm not practicing,
and I would say I don't
necessarily believe in God.
But I am curious to know if there
is some kind of higher being.
Is there something more to life?
I've heard that some people
are looking for answers
through taking traditional medicines,
basically powerful hallucinogenic drugs.
I've been to the USA, where I met
people using the drug peyote
in their worship. HE CRIES OUT.
Now, I'm heading to Brazil
to find out about the
ancient drug of ayahuasca.
And I've got to decide if
it's something I want to try
in my search for God.
So, I'm going to knock on God's door,
and let's see if he's there.
Brazil, a country where
99% of the population
believe in God or a higher spirit.
It's home to 123 million Catholics,
more than anywhere else in the world.
Everywhere I turn, there's loads
of religious iconography.
Their biggest landmark is Mr Jesus himself.
There's one of these on every other street
and I feel like religion and faith
is a big part of culture here,
it's very much ingrained in daily life.
To find out more about
the power of religion,
I headed to the Igreja
da Penha church in Rio.
Devotion here can be extreme.
That guy over there, he's
crawling all the way up
to the church on his knees.
It looks pretty painful.
I mean, that's dedication. This
is how much it means to people.
THEY SING
This is an annual ceremony where
the worshipers have to carry
the statue of the Virgin up 382 steps.
He's done it, he's done
it, the guy's at the top.
He made it all the way on his knees.
He deserves an award for
that - that looked painful.
But not everyone in this country is sold
on this organized definition of faith.
A growing number of people are turning
to an entirely different
form of religious sacrament.
It's called ayahuasca.
It's made by smashing
the roots of two plants
till it turns into a
pulp that you can drink.
Apparently, it tastes horrible,
and you're meant to take it
and it will change your life.
I've heard it being referred
to as the God molecule.
Now, if that doesn't sound
epic, I don't know what does.
Hello? I'm Mawaan.
Nice to meet you. 'I've
come to a suburb of Rio
'to meet two women who
believe that ayahuasca
'is the route to reaching God.'
- What a place you live in.
- Yeah.
Monkeys come to your front
door - that's crazy.
Come get it. Don't be afraid.
You want it?
He took it out of my hand!
Oh, yeah! Happy birthday, man.
He's loving it.
You're welcome.
Did you see that? He took it out my hand.
I live in London and it's very different.
Where does ayahuasca come from?
Ayahuasca's active
ingredient is called DMT,
and that makes it an illegal
class A drug in the UK.
How do you feel about some people
referring to it as a drug?
Cos in Britain, where I live,
it's a very naughty thing to do
and you'd get in a lot of trouble.
Why is it important to you to relate
back to the ancient roots of it?
For myself, I have deep, deep gratitude
for these Amazonian tribes,
and ayahuasca and all of these
medicines from the forest
makes you go even deeper and
connects you to a deeper source.
But now this ancient tribal drug
has come from the forest
into Brazil's booming cities
with their mashup of religious beliefs.
Faith here is like a
little spiritual omelette.
Look at this.
This is like a real patchwork
of all sorts of influences.
You've got Christianity,
Hinduism, a Buddha,
you've got the hand of Fatima there,
and that is quite an Islamic pattern -
you see that in mosques a lot.
I feel like in the UK it's
kind of cool to be atheist,
it's cool to be, like, "I don't
believe in all that stuff."
"That stuff ties me down."
And here, actually maybe
it's kind of trendy
to be part of different things and
have various religious influences.
That's Princess Diana.
That's a religion for
some people, isn't it?
Many of these religions use ayahuasca.
In Brazil, it's been legal for use
in religious ceremonies since 1992.
Now it's thought that half a
million people use it regularly.
This is like a trip in itself -
it's very colorful and psychedelic.
I think if any country is going to legalize
stuff for religious purposes,
it might as well be here.
I grew up in a fairly religious family
and there were bits of it I really liked
and bits of it I dismissed completely.
And I guess that's what's happening
here, but in a more liberal way.
People are taking what they want from it,
and things like ayahuasca are involved,
which are quite ancient traditions,
but people are customizing
it to what suits them.
And it feels like people here
feel liberated enough to
experiment with religion.
It's not so rigid.
I've never felt like I've had the choice
to experiment with religion before.
For me, this is a new way
of looking at things,
and that feels quite comfortable.
And maybe I do have a shot at
finding something spiritual.
Could ayahuasca help me do that?
I needed to talk to someone
who regularly takes it.
29-year-old artist Gill is part
of a church that uses the drug.
So, I've heard a lot about ayahuasca.
And I've got friends of friends
of friends who told me stories,
but have you done ayahuasca before?
You've done a ceremony?
Yeah, I've been doing it for two years.
How many ceremonies have you done?
- Once a month for two years.
- Really? - You do the math.
I mean, it's not every month but mostly.
What about traditional religion
wasn't working for you
for you to turn to this?
Well, I was born in a Catholic
family and I have issues with...
with Catholics since
when I was a teenager.
I was like, "This isn't
for me, this has..."
"problems, logical problems there."
I was reading a lot of
Richard Dawkins at the time,
and I was like, "This is not for me."
What made you want to try
this thing called ayahuasca?
I don't know, just the experiences
people tell me about it.
I'm searching for, you know, myself.
One thing I heard, yeah,
is that people throw up and
sometimes even poo their pants.
I mean, that in itself is quite
a vulnerable place to be,
let alone anything else.
Yeah, they call this the cleansing.
It's when the ayahuasca
is operating and they...
It needs to clean your body
and clear it from toxins and stuff
that you consume every day.
And the vomit is...
I've experienced it. The vomit,
it's not just the physical vomit,
it's, like, you're vomiting emotions,
stuff you're carrying in your life,
and after you vomit, you feel so much...
You feel amazing.
- Really?
- So, yeah, I like when I vomit.
There's been ceremonies where I vomited
and pooed at the same time.
- Wow.
- It was once.
I can't wait for that.
Thanks for the pep talk.
But the result of taking ayahuasca
can be even more extreme.
People coming to South America
looking for enlightenment
or just a good time have even died.
It's a powerful and
sometimes dangerous drug.
Peruvian police are led to a spot
in the Amazon where a shaman,
or a tribal medicine man,
says he buried the body of
an 18-year-old American
who he claims died after drinking
extracts of psychedelic plants
at a psychedelic retreat.
Now, DMT is the active
ingredient in ayahuasca.
And even taking it during a
controlled, religious ceremony
can give you a bad trip.
Oh, she's just collapsed.
I mean, she looks
like she's just died.
It doesn't look nice.
It doesn't look like a pleasant experience.
She's having a horrible time.
SHE SCREAMS
No!
I think the idea of losing
control scares me, because...
You know, maybe what you get out
of it is fulfilling in some way,
but the actual going through this
all just seems a bit extreme.
Surely there's easier ways.
The day before I left London,
I really panicked a bit.
And I almost didn't want to do this.
Because I was scared that a lot
of dark stuff would come up,
and I didn't know if I
wanted people to see that
and for a camera to be there.
It looks like The Exorcist.
I don't know, maybe YouTube is the
wrong place to do your research
before taking these things, cos this
is making me not want to do it.
Oh, my God!
SHE LAUGHS
Before I made my mind up about
whether I wanted to throw myself
into such an intense experience,
I was keen to know more about the
drug's positive spiritual effects.
Gill, who I met the other day,
has invited me round for dinner
so that I can meet some of his friends
and have a deeper chat about it all.
I've come empty-handed, so I guess
I'll have to do the dishes later,
but I'm going to go now.
- Hey!
- Hey, Gill.
Guys, this is Mawaan.
- Hey, Mawaan.
- Nice to meet you.
'This lot are right trendy Rio urbanites,
'and they regularly go to ayahuasca
ceremonies in the city.'
This is nice, innit? It's
like the Last Supper.
Very appropriate.
So, Gill was telling me about
his ayahuasca experience
and how it changed your life, right?
What is it like for you guys?
Are you involved in ayahuasca?
It was one of those moments in your life
when many things start to make sense.
Do you think you've experienced God?
God, it's a complicated word. God is...
That's why I ask. THEY LAUGH
I want to get to the bottom
of this whole God thing.
God is a word full of cultural background.
I'm not entirely comfortable with using it.
Maybe for myself it's fine,
but will I declare to people that
believe that God is something else
that I experience that? I didn't
experience what you believe,
I experienced what I believed.
But, yes, I experienced
something that I can guarantee.
As much as I'm learning, I'm really
hungry, so shall we get some food?
All right.
Can I help you with anything?
Absolutely. Get the rice, please.
I gather we are all trying to
make meaning of our lives, right?
It's nice to have something to believe in
and I feel like that is missing for me
cos I'm full of distractions in London,
and actually I want to
know the meaning of life,
like, I want to feel like I have a
deeper understanding of things.
Right. The answers that you are
looking for everywhere else,
they're really there.
And again going back to ayahuasca,
ayahuasca gives you the opportunity
to kind of see all of that...
within yourself.
So, ayahuasca is one way of finding
something godly within yourself?
Yes, definitely.
Do you think you're getting high for God?
No.
It's not getting high.
First of all, it's not getting high.
This expression, "getting high",
it comes from another context,
and, all right, it's a
context full of substances,
but do people get high in hospital?
This is not even...
People don't even think about
that - it's just nonsense.
It's the same feeling that
we have when we ask that.
Are we getting high in the name of God?
We're not working with God, we're
not working with getting high.
Why is this question even being asked?
I feel like I've been seeing it
maybe in the wrong perspective,
cos getting high insinuates
being in party situations
and, like, you know?
Drugs, and whoo!
And feeling rubbish the next day.
Actually, these guys, this
is not that for them.
And they are making a really active,
conscious choice to delve
deeper into something,
and this substance that they're taking
just happens to be part of that journey.
But they're not doing it
just so they're going to get
a bit of mind alteration.
That's not the main goal.
The main goal is for them
to understand themselves
and the world a bit better
and navigate through that
and make sense of it.
And maybe that's what God means to them.
The moment has finally come.
I've got to decide if I
want to take ayahuasca.
We've found a reputable church who
have said that I can join them
at their ceremony tonight.
I'm about to take ayahuasca.
I'm about to do that thing everyone
talks about that changes their life.
And I don't... I don't
know how I feel about it.
I'm lining my stomach up with grapes.
I mean, it's all going to come back
up anyway, but I'll do what I can.
OK, this is it. I'm here, I'm
literally round the corner
from where the ceremony
is going to happen and...
and I'm absolutely bricking it.
This is so real now. It's happening.
And from what I've heard,
things are going to come up,
and it's going to be intense,
and I'm going to face demons,
whatever that means.
I'm going to have to look
my demons in the eye
and connect with God and find an
answer to the issues that come up.
So, I'm going to suck it up
and knock on God's door.
And let's see if he's there.
Do I knock?
The Ark of the Blue Mountain Church
is based in a house in a suburb of Rio.
- Ola.
- Ola.
- For Philippe's ceremony?
- Sim.
Thank you. I'm Mawaan.
I've got to go to a formal
meeting before I'm allowed in.
The guy in the trippy headband
is Philippe Bandeira de Mello,
the church's spiritual leader,
who's practiced with ayahuasca
for nearly 40 years.
OK, here goes the job interview.
The church is strict.
We've all been asked to
wear a uniform of white
to keep the bad spirits out.
Outside, you have bad energies
going to you.
De nada.
The church welcomes people from any
religion into their ceremonies.
My heart is beating really fast.
I have to go in cos they can't
start until everyone's in there.
But... here we go.
This happens every week
at Philippe's house.
About 90 people rock up and take ayahuasca.
SINGING
The force of your guardian angel,
everything you need for your
spiritual and material preparation.
May the ayahuasca guide you...
protect you and bring you
inspiration, connection,
everything you need,
everything you want for your illumination.
Thank you.
- Good journey.
- Thank you.
I'm feeling a bit sick.
It feels like I had a really
bad steak or something.
That's what it tastes like.
Like goneoff meat.
The singing of ancient shamanic songs
is supposed to help guide
me through my trip.
About 30 minutes in and I'm
starting to feel something.
Where's the bucket to throw up?
OK. Obrigado.
I thought I was going to throw
up, but I don't need to.
Everything feels really eventful.
Like, everything is a thing.
And I feel very open and vulnerable
to things that could come in.
I have a vision of me as a child
sitting in a really big cathedral.
Yeah.
It's really hard to put into words,
because words really diminish the...
just how big and
expansive the feeling is.
You can't really put it into words.
Doing this, you interfere
with the experience.
Let him sit and close his eyes.
It's better for him.
Maybe...
OK?
Back inside, the ceremony
starts getting intense.
Dancing to the repetitive beats of music
is said to induce a trance-like state.
This is probably one of the most
surreal raves I've ever been to.
I feel quite overwhelmed by it all.
I feel like there's no way of hiding
from all the emotions I usually ignore.
I'm starting to see religion
as this open canvas
and I can totally personalize
it with whatever I want.
HE LAUGHS
Come up here. Come up here.
(What are you doing?)
This is ridiculous. I'm
standing next to a crucifix...
asking myself the question,
"Have I found God?"
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, maybe, maybe...
Yeah, maybe this is what God feels like.
HE SIGHS I can't express...
This is such a massive cliche,
and I don't want to say this,
but I do feel the wonders.
I feel like I'm being hugged
by everything from my past and my future
and living and not living... is
hugging me right now and saying...
"It's OK."
The dancing goes on all night.
But after about six hours..
I've reached my limit.
Today I'm feeling really
shattered and tired
and it's a bit like a hangover,
actually, but I feel really renewed
and I feel like I shed skin and
I learned some tough lessons.
And I feel like it was a lot
deeper than I expected it to be.
I've spent all these years
building an image of myself -
the way I see myself was
completely shattered last night
and that was really liberating.
I had to see things that
I didn't want to see
and parts of it were
really dark and demonic.
I can imagine that in the wrong hands
this stuff is quite dangerous,
and it's all about the context.
Within that context of
religious, ritualistic -
those elements being there
really made it what it was.
Without that, I could
have had a terrible time
and not have known how to navigate
through this really powerful substance.
For me, it was the first time I
felt something bigger than me
was guiding me and helping
me make sense of my life.
And that's not really happened before.
And maybe that's what God feels like,
and that's a big deal for me to say,
because I'm a London boy who really
felt quite cynical about faith,
but maybe that's the closest I'll come
to experiencing some sort of divinity.