Generation (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - The High Priestess - full transcript

Wake up to your inner goddess.

The power of the feminine is always
within you,

demanding you take control of
your narrative

and break the iron shackles
of the patriarchy.

Take it from me.
I'm a witch,

a mentor, a healer,

a suburban shamaness,
a spirit guide,

and an artist.

And an actress.

can one of you bring tampons ?

I'm about to get my period
and my dads bought light



No, I'm not gonna be the quiet husband
on this anymore, okay ? I'm not.

Babe, go easy. Her and Mark are...
having tension,

and when you get passionate,
things backfire.

It's like that time in Cabo when she
started calling you "Hurricane Joe."

- Who bought light tampons ?
- And when it's about her kids-

I said, which one of you
bought light tampons ?

I did. Good morning, sweetie !

I thought "light" sounded
more comfortable.

Oh, my God. No one uses them.

They invented them to make you hate
yourself for having a normal flow.

- How do you not realize this ?
- Yeesh. Okay, big girl.

- I'll get you king-size next time.
- I'm so over this man bullshit.

- I'm suffocated by male energy.
- Are you ?

Do you know what my existence is like
being the only woman ever ?



The toilet seat always up.

My boobs scratched and bleeding 'cause
you don't wash my bras right

and it makes the wires poke out ?
It's actually abusive.

Sounds to me
like now would be a great time

for you to learn how to do
your own laundry. How 'bout it ?

You're not listening.
Which is also abusive.

I'm trying to say
I'm drowning in maleness.

This is such interesting information
to receive

from the human life we have raised
without thanks for sixteen years.

Mm. And FYI, you're not the only woman
in the house. What about Harper ?

Dogs aren't women. That's so sexist.

- I think we can calm down with the s-
- "Calm down" ?!

You know who else was told
to calm down ?

Rosa Parks, Hillary Clinton, and Kesha,
just to name a few.

I'm sorry my vagina
is such a problem for you.

I swear, if you don't let me have
a girls' night sleepover-

You can have a sleepover.

You just interrupted my threat.

I'm sorry. Finish your threat.

Now you don't deserve it.

Shut up ! We need to stop debating
and decide our theme,

or we will end up with a fiasco
like last year's Garden of Eden.

Under the Sea
has the most decorating potential.

But we can't let Winter Formal
look like a kids' party.

We'll Always Have Paris is
sophisticated and- and classy.

What if the slogan was
"Get Eiffel Tower'd" ?

Oh, dude, that's sick !

- Can I finish a sentence, please ?
- Yeah, obviously.

Do we really want to be dancing
in a fake version of a city

known for snobs and bombings
when we could be doing-

I'm just saying, we're gonna have these
memories for the rest of our lives.

Sorry. Go.

But is Under the Sea the experience we
as leaders want to give to our school ?

Is there a word for wanting to kill
every man, boy, and male human being ?

- I don't know. Progressive ?
- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Peace to you. Peace to you.
And peace to you.

You good, D ?
Your frequency right now-

Dash Alonzo ! You've been summoned !

A very special girl
wrote a message for you

but lost it in this pool of
ping-pong balls. Can you find it ?

"Winter Formal ? Love, Malia."

- What do you say ?
- Yes !

Yikes. Everything's so embarrassing.
I just hate this girls-ask-guys thing.

I just wanna be the dance version
of a pillow princess.

What's a pillow princess ?

When you're getting fucked and you just
lay back and let him do all the work.

'Cause if it was guys-ask-girls, Cooper
obviously would have asked me by now.

And it's so heteronormative.

Also, why should women bear
the whole burden of courtship ?

It was Eric Bass' idea.
He really rammed it through.

I bet he thought he was being feminist.

I hate it when guys think
they're being feminist.

This is my whole point. Men suck.
Like, it's an actual problem.

Three branches of government
in America,

legislative, executive, and judicial...

I heard Panda Express Girl goes here.

- Actually ? Who the fuck is it ?
- I don't know.

Avery didn't know either, but she said
she heard it's someone at La Palma.

But I'm like, how could it not be
that girl at Katella ?

The one who fucked that Mexican dude,

but then he bailed when
she stuck her finger in his butt ?

What's "Panda Express Girl" ?

Apparently, some high-school girl
randomly had a baby at-

Alicia !

The Supreme Court can overturn
unconstitutional laws,

and the Justices are nominated by...

At. Panda. Express.

Even though we have three branches...

-This is so bad. Do we tell her ?
- No, not without the full tea.

I think I should text Avery Kampfer
right now.

- Hey !
- How's it going ?

- What were you talking about ?
- Nothing. Sleepover.

Ready to do spells
and cultivate power tonight ?

Aww. Your purity. Don't worry.
We won't tamper in anything too dark.

We're just innocent,
barely legal white witches.

How the fuck does white mean good ?
The whole world's so fucked up.

Have you low-key been, like,
a witch this whole time ?

So, I follow this one witch,

then suddenly,
my whole feed was all witches,

but like, technically, I guess
I've always been a witch deep down.

This is just my coming out.

Okay, pick one that speaks to you.

Wow ! Okay. No, that's you.
High Priestess. So spiritual.

Okay. Now...

- Oh.
- Vibe !

Okay, so, this to me is like,

you're over men.
You're a strong woman...

- Yes.
- Who wants to bond with other women.

And then also, you're, like,
super intense or whatever.

Wait. What ?

Dude !

Hey ! You're all wanted
in the dining room for Frozé Friday.

Don't kill the messenger.
Naomi, your mom's here, by the way.

Well, there was the real hurricane,

and then there was the one we shared
our very relaxing villa with,

which was you, mister.

Girls ! Hi. Hi, hi. I want you to
settle something for us.

Oh, honey, I brought your retainer.
So, which one would you rather have ?

Overbearing parents
who never leave you alone

or parents who err
on the side of

staying out of
their kids' private business ?

Staying out of our private business ?

A-ha ! See ?

Why would I involve myself
in my son's love life

when he doesn't even want that ?

I will never understand those parents
who want to be their kids' best friend.

That's not a parent.

I'm not saying be Nathan's gal pal.
I'm saying,

and believe it or not,
I know a little bit about this,

that he's testing his mother's support
of his sexuality.

Oh, please. You sound like my husband.

Hey. I'm the proof.
I am the living proof.

Hey, girls ?
Which of these would you rather have ?

Parents who are disapproving of
who you are

or parents who accept you
no matter what ? Hypothetically.

- I guess love you no matter what.
- Look. Okay, okay.

Joe. I hear you.
I do. I hear you.

Arianna, your parents, they're
supportive of you, right ?

You've never, say, wanted to get
a belly button ring

and your parents told you you could
if you got straight As,

and then when you did,
they backed out ?

- Mom !
- What ? Honey. We're all just talking.

Well, safety is one thing.
Identity is another.

Safety. Right.
I'm learning so much tonight.

And, Patrick, these frozés
are really so delicious.

- Thank you.
- Do tell.

When Nathan painted his nails
and you weren't too thrilled about it,

what type of concern was that ?
Also safety ?

You enjoying this, girls ?

You know, your strategy here is just-

I cannot embrace things that...

are against how we think.

Well, isn't that... us ?

What ? No. No ! Don't be silly.

You're Patrick and Joe.
No, what I'm saying is-

Oh, my God !

The darkness that had !
Lighting sage immediately.

Please !

Can we just banish all parent and male
energy forever ?

- Starting now ?
- Show us the way, witch.

Ah ! No !

Did you just hear that ?

- How the fuck did that happen ?
- How the fuck did this turn on ?

- Ooh ! I like that.
- Yes !

We coven hard

at The Yorba Linda Witch.

Bitch.

You guys.

You guys !

The Yorba Linda Witch followed me.
Other witches, too.

My influence !

- How many ?
- Like ten.

Wow.

Shit. This is like a sign. The witch
community wants this coven to happen.

We sent it into the world,
and it came back times three.

I don't know if this proves that.

And I think I started my period
last night, so kill me.

Ugh ! Same.

- Wait. Same.
- No !

- Are we synced ?
- Okay. That feels like a sign.

This is so witchy.
We have to do a spell, like, now.

What if we did a love spell
for you and Cooper ?

Oh, my God ! Yes ! I mean, not that
I need one, but just to be super safe.

That's a great idea.

Maybe Dominique the Yorba Linda Witch
can do it with us and teach us.

You guys. We're a fuckin' coven.

Cooper. Cooper.

Cooper. Cooper

Holy shit. I felt that.

That was really potent work.

I have such an intuition about
this young coven.

- You're connected somehow.
- So now we just wait for the wax ?

We'll let that transfigure a few hours
and then check back.

You three-

you really should take one
of my voice and movement classes.

Oh, shit !

What's happening ? What's going on ?
What's going on ?

Um, so that pretty much feels like
the worst sign I can think of.

Did everyone come into the spell
with good and pure intentions ?

So now what ?
Does Cooper fucking hate me now ?!

Like, why the fuck did this happen ?!

Is any ill will being harbored
or secrets being kept ?

It's my fault !

I didn't come into it with pure
intentions. I'm in love with Cooper.

What ?!

We'll call you back.

I'm so sorry. I feel so, so, so bad.

I asked you like five times if you had
feelings for Cooper, and you said no !

I wasn't trying to be shady.
I just wanted you to be happy.

I just care about you so much.
And I'm a horrible fucking person.

- Please don't hate me.
- No, I could never hate you.

Just the whole reason I asked you about
Cooper is

I didn't want to stop you if you
liked him. Because I care about you.

- I really want you to date him.
- No, I want you to.

I could never, ever when you feel like
this. Plus you laid out the groundwork.

What we have here is way too important
to let a boy get in the way.

Especially one who doesn't shave
his neck hairs.

Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

Can we promise to be honest
from here on out ?

No matter what ? Even the bad stuff.
We just tell each other ?

What ?

In the spirit of full honesty...

we do have tea.

A rumor did come to us
concerning someone people call

"Panda Express Girl." I guess people
are operating under the belief

that a high-school girl gave birth
in a Panda Express.

Wait. No. How ? Did somebody-

But don't freak out,
because according to Avery Kampfer,

everyone thinks it's this girl Kennedy
from Katella.

So there's no reason to even be upset
at all. We just thought, as sisters-

- Fuck my life ! Everything is over.
- No, I-

If kids at school know, and then
my parents are gonna know, and then-

No one knows.
No one's gonna find out.

And even if your parents did find out,
they're so cool.

No, I know ! It's just- it's just
I don't want everything to change.

They'd feel so bad and be so worried.

And then, also, why didn't I fucking
tell them before ?

And then they'll also just see me as,
like, that way,

and never not see me as that way.

I'm sorry. I'm feeling just, like,
this is not good.

We have to do something about this now.
Like, this just can't happen !

- This can't get out !
- Can I say something ?

I actually do think the magic is real.

- I just do, but even if you don't--
- No, I do.

No, I know. I just think, like,

call it magic or prayer or manifesting
or whatever.

We need to put it out there
to protect this secret.

Yes. Definitely. Please.
How do we do that ?

And in terms of where to do the spell ?

You good ?

I mean, this is weird. But good.
I'm glad we're doing this.

And thank you. I love you guys.

Not to be the most cheesin' bitch
on the planet, but just...

I love you both so hard and long
and deep right now.

I know we're all, like, emotional being
back here or whatever,

but I never thought I'd want female
friends again after fourth grade

when Lauren Silbey and Zoe Tassano
told everyone I had AIDS

'cause my dads were gay.

You know what we can't do
but would be so epic ?

If we went to the dance, just us three,
as a coven, no boys.

- I was literally just thinking that !
- We totally could !

- Wait. Actually ?
- Actually !

Oh, my God ! I'm so in love with you
two right now !

- Wow. Fuck boys.
- Oh. Fuck boys.

- Yeah !
- Fuck boys !

You know that really pregnant girl
at school ?

I feel like I should reach out to her.
I feel like she could use a friend.

I just know that she's about to go
through a lot, you know ?

Even just, like, your boobs getting
bigger or your fingers getting fatter,

and all the stuff
you don't even think of.

Actually, can we go bra shopping
after ? I need new ones.

Yes. My dads keep ruining mine.

You don't have to do this.

No, I know.

But I want to.

I'll say it. I feel bad for this rumor.

'Cause it's going straight into
the freezer like Dominique said.

And not just any freezer.

My dads' garage freezer, where
it's gonna get fucking forgotten.

Sorry about it.

Okay, Delilah. State your intent
for this protection spell.

I just need this to work.

And so it shall be. Hands.

Can we go shop for bras now ?

- No.
- Yeah.

This is all you, boo.

- That guy looks like your dad, D.
- Really ?

Yeah. Totally. Your dad's hot as fuck,
by the way, and your mom, too.

- Yeah. I'd watch them do stuff.
- Oh, God ! Ew !

- Have you ever walked in on them ?
- No ! Stop ! I hate this conversation.

- 'Cause I walked in on mine. Twice.
- No ! Ugh !

What ?

I just... Never mind.

Wait, now you have to say it.

I was just, like, looking at this,

and I know it's just an ad,
but it made me think.

There are, and I can't believe
I'm saying this, throuples.

Like, they exist. There wouldn't be
a word for it if they didn't.

And there was this amazing "Say Yes
to the Dress" episode with a throuple,

and I don't know. I was just, like,
thinking about the Cooper thing.

- Wait, what ?
- I know. It's so stupid.

No, what are you saying ?
Wait, are you saying-

How would that even work ?
Would we be dating each other ?

No. We would be just, like,
dating the same guy.

I don't know. Like, alternate days ?
I don't know. Is that so Mormon ?

Definitely.

Or we could go on three-way dates,
which sounds really fun, honestly.

I know. It's like dating, but, like,
with your best friend.

That's so funny. And amazing.

- But, like, we can't do it, right ?
- I mean, would he even be into that ?

Well, he's straight, so it's like
a fantasy come true, right ?

Ooh, us going on three-person dates,
like, going to the movies together ?

- I know !
- And he could sit in the middle.

- Oh, my God !
- What ? What ?

And we can ask him to
Winter Formal together !

- Yes ! Wouldn't that be fun ?
- That would be so cute !

I thought we were going.

Oh. Right.

Oh, my God. Would you be mad ?
Do you hate this ?

I mean, this is just, like,
kind of perfect and sisterly.

But if you hate this, we won't do it.

- No. I mean, you should do it.
- Really ?

Okay.

Oh, my God. We have to ask him
in, like, some crazy fun way.

Maybe we should do something
to his car. No puns ?

- Good night.
- Uh-huh.

You know, could you maybe, just once,
say, like, an actual good night ?

- Like I'm an actual human being ?
- Sure, Dad, no problem.

- Oh, my God. What ?
- Nothing.

It's my fucking period and my cramps,
and you don't know anything about it.

- Joe, get the Midol !
- No, I don't want it.

Just leave me alone.
But thank you for the Midol.

No, she doesn't want it.

Can you please just leave me alone ?

No. We actually can't. I'm sorry.

It's like a parent thing.

When you love your kid too much.
It's just a rule.

I really don't want to talk right now.
Please don't make me.

Okay.

I can't believe us.
Sister wives for life, yo.

- Oh, my God.
- What ?

I'm gonna make sure there are enough
on the other side.

Can we get matching dresses or
something ?

Like, not the same,
but, like, in the same palette ?

- Yes. I love it.
- Okay.

- Oh, he's coming.
- Arianna, start recording.

Okay, ready ?

Surprise !

- Wow. What's all of this ?
- I don't know. Read the message.

"N plus D."

- Who's asking me ?
- We both are.

And not just to the dance,
unless you can't handle it.

Are you guys pranking me ?

Uh, is- this would be, like,
a three-person thing ?

Yeah, a throuple.
So if we go to restaurants and stuff...

And at movies, you can just sit in the
middle and, like, have the big popcorn.

Wait, you haven't even said yes or no
yet. So...

Absolutely. Yes. Totally.

- Can you take pictures now ?
- Ooh, yeah. Wait, stand in the middle.

Right here. Are we cute ?
Does my hair look weird ?

Yep. And nope.

- Can we take some of just me and D ?
- Oh, yeah. Ooh, get on the car.

- We're insane, and I love it.
- No. Go away. Go away.

Go away. We're taking photos.

I feel like this is gonna be a whole
new golden age of our friendship.

I mean, for all of us.

- Okay, goodbye. I'm leaving.
- Okay !

Adios, bitch ! Love you !

- Do you guys wanna go get froyo ?
- Hell yeah.

Arianna Lewis-O'Farrell,
you may not like ze French theme,

but will you do me ze honor and go as
my date to We'll Always Have Par-ee ?

Seriously ? You were the one
who made it girls-ask-guys.

What kind of messed-up guy thing
makes you think

the girl you talk over
every day in class

wants to get nasty
and take couples pics with you ?

I swear, every boy on this dying planet
is a fucking parasite !

And every girl who puts a boy
in front of her friends is diseased.