Gavin & Stacey (2007–…): Season 0, Episode 0 - A Special Christmas - full transcript
10 years on and the Shipman's and Smithy head to Barry for Christmas. A lot has changed in 10 years but there is still one thing on Nessa's mind.
STACEY: No, I've tried that
and it just does the thing where
it shakes in the middle.
GAVIN: What do you mean?
You know, like it's telling you off,
shaking its head at you, like, brr!
Are you doing it all lower case?
I thought it was upper case?
No, it's always been lower case...
Capital C...
..and capital Y and, remember,
the O isn't an O...
It's a zero, yeah, I know.
..it's a zero.
Oh, right, that's it.
I'm in. Why's it so urgent, anyway?
I'm tracking something, I am.
It should have arrived by now.
So, unless it turns up tomorrow,
come Christmas Day
Caitlin and Megan are going to have
masses to open
and all Harri will get is
a microscope and a selection box...
BOTH: ..and he doesn't even
want a microscope.
What about the remote control car?
That's what I'm waiting for!
Mum! Hang on, Gav.
Cait! You should be asleep!
My ear hurts!
I'll be there now, in a minute!
Hey, it's like old times this,
innit, babe?
You down there, me in Essex...
I know.
So, how was it? The dinner?
I bet they spend loads more money on
a Head Office do than a Welsh one.
It was all right, food was nice...
Mum! Harri, what you doing still up?
Will you tell Megan?
She's winding me up,
saying I'm only going to get
a microscope for Christmas?
I better go. What time
you leaving, then, tomorrow?
Well, Dad wants to be on the road
by three,
so I reckon about seven?
Lush. I can't wait to see you.
Only 18 hours to go now, babe.
Bloody hell, Pam!
We're only going for two nights!
You know I like to be prepared,
Michael.
And the last time we was there
for Christmas
the meal was inedible!
The woman can't cook.
Hey, it was fine!
And, anyway, Bryn's cooking
this year. You know that.
Oh, which reminds me, do NOT let me
forget the Christmas puddings.
He's been going on about them
since October.
We don't need any of this
and we don't need these...
Why are you taking these?!
I am not using Gwen's towels.
No way, Jose.
It's like drying yourself
with Ryvita.
A towel is a towel.
She prides herself on saying that
her towels were a present.
So?
A wedding present, Michael!
She got married in 1982!
Insect spray?!
Oh, for the love of God!
Oh, well, you've got a short memory,
I must say.
Christmas 2017?
The bites on my ankles
from Gwen's infested mattress?
Don't be ridiculous.
You had an allergy to the glitter
on those novelty socks.
Look, you know the deal.
We alternate.
Last year was our turn,
this year it's them.
But I just love it
when everyone comes to us.
My girls and little Harri...
We're still going be with them,
though, Pam.
I know.
And I do love Gwen, Mick.
You know I do.
It's just we've got
different standards.
Don't take the towels, babe.
OK.
But the mattress topper's
coming with.
Morning!
Oh, here he is, my little prince.
How did it go yesterday?
You were asleep when we got in.
Yeah, the lunch was good,
but the meeting was pointless.
I don't know why they made me
come up, to be honest.
I don't care.
I'd tell them to make you come up
every week if I could.
Mum, why are you taking
a Bear Grylls Survival Kit?
STACEY: Harri!
Harri, come back!
You're going to Nana Gwen's!
Here he is, Batman!
Hi, Uncle Bryn.
Don't worry! I got him.
BRYN WHISTLES
HE PUFFS
He doesn't do it anymore, does he?
He used to love that.
No, they're all hyped up
about tomorrow, they are.
They're hyped up?
How do you think I feel?!
In less than 24 hours, Stace...
Come on!
..I will be cooking
Christmas dinner...
..for over 13 people.
For over 13 people, yes, I know.
Right, come on, in you get.
Hiya, Nana! Hi!
and it just does the thing where
it shakes in the middle.
GAVIN: What do you mean?
You know, like it's telling you off,
shaking its head at you, like, brr!
Are you doing it all lower case?
I thought it was upper case?
No, it's always been lower case...
Capital C...
..and capital Y and, remember,
the O isn't an O...
It's a zero, yeah, I know.
..it's a zero.
Oh, right, that's it.
I'm in. Why's it so urgent, anyway?
I'm tracking something, I am.
It should have arrived by now.
So, unless it turns up tomorrow,
come Christmas Day
Caitlin and Megan are going to have
masses to open
and all Harri will get is
a microscope and a selection box...
BOTH: ..and he doesn't even
want a microscope.
What about the remote control car?
That's what I'm waiting for!
Mum! Hang on, Gav.
Cait! You should be asleep!
My ear hurts!
I'll be there now, in a minute!
Hey, it's like old times this,
innit, babe?
You down there, me in Essex...
I know.
So, how was it? The dinner?
I bet they spend loads more money on
a Head Office do than a Welsh one.
It was all right, food was nice...
Mum! Harri, what you doing still up?
Will you tell Megan?
She's winding me up,
saying I'm only going to get
a microscope for Christmas?
I better go. What time
you leaving, then, tomorrow?
Well, Dad wants to be on the road
by three,
so I reckon about seven?
Lush. I can't wait to see you.
Only 18 hours to go now, babe.
Bloody hell, Pam!
We're only going for two nights!
You know I like to be prepared,
Michael.
And the last time we was there
for Christmas
the meal was inedible!
The woman can't cook.
Hey, it was fine!
And, anyway, Bryn's cooking
this year. You know that.
Oh, which reminds me, do NOT let me
forget the Christmas puddings.
He's been going on about them
since October.
We don't need any of this
and we don't need these...
Why are you taking these?!
I am not using Gwen's towels.
No way, Jose.
It's like drying yourself
with Ryvita.
A towel is a towel.
She prides herself on saying that
her towels were a present.
So?
A wedding present, Michael!
She got married in 1982!
Insect spray?!
Oh, for the love of God!
Oh, well, you've got a short memory,
I must say.
Christmas 2017?
The bites on my ankles
from Gwen's infested mattress?
Don't be ridiculous.
You had an allergy to the glitter
on those novelty socks.
Look, you know the deal.
We alternate.
Last year was our turn,
this year it's them.
But I just love it
when everyone comes to us.
My girls and little Harri...
We're still going be with them,
though, Pam.
I know.
And I do love Gwen, Mick.
You know I do.
It's just we've got
different standards.
Don't take the towels, babe.
OK.
But the mattress topper's
coming with.
Morning!
Oh, here he is, my little prince.
How did it go yesterday?
You were asleep when we got in.
Yeah, the lunch was good,
but the meeting was pointless.
I don't know why they made me
come up, to be honest.
I don't care.
I'd tell them to make you come up
every week if I could.
Mum, why are you taking
a Bear Grylls Survival Kit?
STACEY: Harri!
Harri, come back!
You're going to Nana Gwen's!
Here he is, Batman!
Hi, Uncle Bryn.
Don't worry! I got him.
BRYN WHISTLES
HE PUFFS
He doesn't do it anymore, does he?
He used to love that.
No, they're all hyped up
about tomorrow, they are.
They're hyped up?
How do you think I feel?!
In less than 24 hours, Stace...
Come on!
..I will be cooking
Christmas dinner...
..for over 13 people.
For over 13 people, yes, I know.
Right, come on, in you get.
Hiya, Nana! Hi!