Game On! A Comedy Crossover Event (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Family Reunion: Remember the Family's Feud? - full transcript
[scats] ♪ A Netflix original ♪
♪ I want y'all to meet my family ♪
♪ They're coming down south
to stay with me ♪
-♪ Big Moz ♪
-♪ Do you love me? ♪
-♪ Yep ♪
-♪ I'm Cocoa! ♪
♪ Jade in the house
I've got a lot to say ♪
♪ I'm a big sis, can't-miss renegade ♪
-♪ Call me Shaka now ♪
-♪ Eh! ♪
♪ I'm the... I'm the chief rocker now ♪
♪ Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi
That's me ♪
♪ Little mommy, I'm Ami ♪
♪ Singing loud and having fun ♪
♪ It's Family Reunion ♪
[M'Dear laughing]
[M'Dear] Family Reunion was filmed
in front of a live studio audience.
According to mamas everywhere,
what happens
if you put your purse on the floor?
Pff! Who doesn't know that?
You stay broke.
-Correct.
-[both] I taught you well.
[Jade laughing] Okay.
Ooh, okay.
Um, what is the best flavor of Kool-Aid?
[Cocoa] Hm.
I've been in Georgia long enough to know.
Red.
What if it's strawberry?
Uh-huh. That's a trick question.
It's still red.
My baby's growing up.
[Jade and Cocoa laughing]
And they say
you can't teach old dogs new tricks.
[M'Dear chuckles]
Okay, Grandpa, your turn.
Okay, song lyric.
"Go, shawty. It's your..."
Who are you calling "Shorty?"
I'm over six feet tall.
But what's the answer?
What's the question?
[imitating buzzer]
Your black card is revoked.
I-I'm sorry, Grandpa. You're still black.
Sho' you right.
Oh, Jeb, you gotta get with the times.
"Go, shawty. It's your Old Town Road."
No. No, M'Dear. "It's your birthday."
No, it ain't my birthday, honey.
I'm a Gemini.
[laughing]
I don't like these games
that be questioning my blackness.
Come on, M'Dear. It's just fun.
Shake it off!
Oh, I love that song!
Taylor Swift!
Yeah, that's right.
[singing] I'm a Swifty.
-I'll get it for you.
-Wait!
Your black card is revoked.
Permanently.
Okay. Very funny.
[both gasp]
Wow. It's like looking in a mirror,
isn't it?
Uh, sure.
[chuckles] I know what you're thinking.
Do you?
Don't be in a rush to get this fine.
It comes with a lot of unwanted attention.
See? He was totally checking me out.
So disrespectful to his girl.
I think maybe he was looking at me.
[laughing] Yes, Queen! But no.
-Here's your water, Grandma.
-Oh, good. I'm parched.
Mm!
That's some good water. [chuckles]
Elvis, this is your grandmother?
That makes total sense.
Hey, Jade.
Can you give us some money
for ice cream?
Or do I have to use my sad eyes?
Oh, no.
Don't look at me.
You know sad eyes are my weakness.
What's your little friend's name?
My name is Sharona.
But they call me BB.
It's a long story.
I'll explain over Creamsicles.
Hey, babies.
Oh, M'Dear. Thank God!
They want ice cream,
and I almost had to use my money.
It's okay, selfish child.
I'll buy ice cream for these two.
Thanks, ma'am.
I can pay for my granddaughter.
[gasps] Amelia?
Peaches!
Oh, of course. It's Friday the 13th.
Oh, I love your short haircut!
Now I can read your evil mind.
You two know each other?
[both] Unfortunately.
Grandmommy, BB and some other family
are visiting from Chickamauga
while my parents are away.
Where'd your parents go?
They won't tell me.
BB, Elvis, we're going home.
Come. We are, too, Jade, Ami.
[both] We don't fool with them.
[commentator on video]
-Oh, oh, oh! [screams]
-Ohhh!
-Did you see that?
-Yes!
That could have been me.
-That's all I'm... Oh!
-[phone ringing]
Oh, snap. It's my boy, Victor.
What up, boy?
-Big Dog!
-[imitating dog barking]
-[both laugh]
-Heel, boys.
Hey, Victor, it was so great to see you
and your niece Ashley in LA.
Yes, it was. Now we're coming your way
for our cousin Rico's birthday.
See you soon, Big Dog.
-Yeah!
-[both barking]
[laughs]
Y'all are strange.
Hey, Dad, check out this flyer.
Have you heard
of the Columbus Country Games?
Ugh! Those games bring up
a lot of bad memories.
I hate to even think about it.
-Oh. Well, sorry for mentioning it.
-Yeah.
So can we enter?
I don't know.
We'll take that as a yes.
Thanks, Dad!
But, M'Dear, you still didn't give us
a reason why Ami can't play with BB.
Yes, I did.
No. All you said was, "Because I said so."
That's your reason.
And I don't sound like that.
Uh, yes, you do.
Ah-ah!
-Boy!
-What's going on?
M'Dear won't let me play
with my new friend, BB.
What's the problem?
You know that we believe in allowing
our children to select their own friends.
And by "we," I mean Cocoa.
Yes, I do. But number one, that's crazy.
And number two, BB is a McCoy.
Oh, no. We don't fool with them.
But why?
[both] Because I said so.
That should do it.
That's gonna taste good.
It's gonna taste like diabetes.
Really, Moz? Really?
You told Ami, "Because I said so"?
Is that how we're parenting?
Cocoa, the McKellans and the McCoys
have a long, tumultuous history.
Worse than the Cowboys and the Redskins,
the Bloods and the Crips,
Drake and Pusha T.
Who are the McCoys?
Oh, that's Elvis's family.
Um, now, the McCoys are his mama's family.
His daddy's family, they're the Mayburys.
Now, they're a little strange,
but we get along with them just fine.
Melly, Moz, they deserve to know
why we don't get along with the McCoys.
Well, I'll tell you my part,
but it's not pretty.
Neither was she.
[Moz] It was the year 2000,
and I was killing it
on the Country Games obstacle course.
One, two. One, two. One, two.
Oh! I see
someone learned how to count, huh?
Come on, baby! You can do it, son! Run!
-[Peaches] Come on!
-[M'Dear] Run!
Argh!
-Go, baby!
-Run like you stole something!
Since he's a McKellan, he probably did.
[Peaches] Let's go! Let's go!
You got this! Come on, baby! Come on!
[M'Dear] Come on, baby!
-[Peaches] Come on! Do it. Yeah!
-[M'Dear] Yes! You got it!
Come on, baby. You got it!
-[Peaches] Go! Go! Go!
-She tripped me!
Fool, you trippin', and now you losin'.
[cackles]
Wait! Wait! Argh! Wait!
[woman screams]
[shouting in background]
McKellans and McCoys are at it again.
I'm gonna stop this once and for all!
Ugh!
[man moaning]
-How could you let your boy fight a girl?
-I don't see no girl!
That's it!
The McKellans and McCoys are disqualified!
-[both] What?
-Yeah!
And you're banned for one year,
and I don't wanna hear
another word about it.
But that she-devil, she tripped my son!
Well, make it two years.
Well, I ought to trip you!
Well, make it three!
-Oh!
-Three? Why not make it four?
You guys were banned for four years?
No. Twenty.
That's 'cause Peaches
wouldn't keep her mouth shut.
[mutters] She wasn't the only one.
What did you say?
Hm? Oh, that wasn't...
That was... That was Shaka.
Boy!
Ooh! BB!
You out here
playing with that McKellan girl?
I'ma tell Grandmommy.
[sighs]
Butch, you always telling.
Can I help you, sir?
Who you calling "sir"? I'm only 15.
In dog years?
Hold up. All y'all are McKellans too?
Yeah, but don't worry. We're not a part
of that family feud that's going on.
Yeah, it has nothing to do with us.
So are we cool?
Uh-uh.
My grandmommy say
I can't touch a McKellan.
I'll break out in the mumps
and the measles.
I'll get the mumpsles.
See? You're okay.
Ow!
It burns!
Grandmommy!
[moaning]
What is wrong?
I got the mumpsles!
Get up, boy!
Man, why are you always being so extra?
Don't worry. I'll make sure
he's not at me and Jade's wedding.
I don't know why he thinks
he's gonna be at Jade's wedding.
I would ask what's going on...
but the McCoys are here,
and where there's a McCoy,
there's trouble.
I can see that now.
Yeah, we don't fool with them.
Oh, come on, fellas.
Don't let one rotten apple
spoil the whole bunch.
The McCoys
get on the Mayburys' nerves too.
But family is family.
They're not our family.
Careful. One of these McCoys may trip you,
like they did me at the Country Games.
You? Don't you mean Dad?
Oh, no.
The first trip happened back in 1966,
thanks to old Cankles here.
[gasps] I do not have cankles!
I know what a cankle looks like!
And how many muumuus do you have?
Don't you worry about it!
I know somebody like it!
Good luck winning this, Pencil Arms.
You're all evil and no muscle.
Hm! I'm sure climbing a wall
is your event, since you're part roach.
[cheering]
[screams]
[both grunting]
Girl fight! Girl fight!
Break it up!
Ugh!
[both screaming]
We were banned from the Games
for 25 years,
thanks to that rotten Peach.
What? Wait. Stop.
Hold it. Hold on. If you're gonna
tell the story, tell it all.
I just did, and it was gospel.
The gospel according to you?
Y'all should know
that your grandmother is a thief.
[all] What?
Oh, don't get stole on, now!
There are three sides to every story.
Her side,
my side and the truth.
Which is also known as my side.
Ooh!
Look over there.
Ooh, I bet
he tastes better than this cake.
Peaches! My mama was right
when she said you was too fast.
Oh! Well, being slow
never got me anywhere.
I mean, look at him.
He can't take his eyes off me.
[giggles] That chocolate prince is mine.
Hmm. Be my guest.
I think he's kind of funny lookin'.
Hey, ladies.
Hey. [giggles]
[laughs]
So you saw Grandpa first?
Yes, and a few days later,
there was a party that I missed.
Jeb would have been all mine
if I, um, hadn't been in jail.
I didn't even wanna go to that party
in the first place.
[M'Dear] I had planned
to spend the evening reading my Bible,
memorizing Deuteronomy,
until Maybelle dragged me out.
I didn't even know anybody!
[all] Hey, Amelia!
Hey, everybody.
Hurry up, Maybelle.
I think you broke my ankle.
Well, you only need one to dance. Come on!
[M'Dear] And I had zero interest in Jeb,
but as soon as I walked in,
he asked me to dance.
[M'Dear] Wanna dance?
So I danced with him.
I didn't wanna hurt his feelings!
Does that mean
you could have been our grandmother?
Yes, baby.
Life ain't fair.
Sometimes you just get what you get.
I can't help Jeb had good taste.
He swept me off my feet.
Next thing I knew,
we were jumping the broom,
and we've had 44 wonderful years
of marriage.
Based on a lie.
Look, if we do those Country Games again,
I know my family would beat your family.
Competing in the Games is a good idea.
Why don't we settle this on the field?
We're not banned anymore.
Ain't nothin' to it but to do it.
Oh, I'm coming for you
on the count of two.
It's going down, Charlie Brown.
Ain't nothin' but a word, thunderbird.
What's happening?
I think they might be stroking out.
Enough talk!
This weekend,
the McCoys will be at the Country Games,
ready to snatch what's rightfully ours.
She's not talking about Grandpa, is she?
No, she sure ain't talking about Grandpa.
Come on, darlin'.
Look at me, sitting here
with two NFL 2010 calendar boys.
Yeah, but I was Mr. January.
They wanted to start the year off right.
They buried him in October.
Put him in a mask
so you couldn't see his face.
[Cocoa chuckles]
With a body like this, who needs a face?
So you don't mind
people just treating you like an object?
No, it's actually pretty fun.
It sure is.
This peach cake is divine.
The food here is so much better.
Is it because of the soil? The red clay?
No, it's because of the black cook.
[Jade laughs]
Yeah, M'Dear doesn't cook anything
out of a box.
Wow!
My life is forever changed.
Can I have another piece?
-[doorbell rings]
-I'll get it.
There you go.
[Moz] Oh!
Wh-What?
Moses.
Lil' Mama.
What are the McCoys doing here?
The Country Games are tomorrow.
Maybe they've come to sabotage us.
Or they just came to pick us up.
That's my cousin, Rico.
Uh, Rico McCoy-Garcia.
We used both of our last names
after we got married. [chuckles]
She's very persuasive.
And heavy handed.
You never told me
that you and the McCoys were kinfolk.
I didn't know it needed telling.
I'm also distant cousins
with Sofía Vergara. Does that help?
[laughs] Yeah, it does! You know
what I'm saying? Not at all, Victor.
Rico, would you tell your people
that they're our people
and to come on and let's go?
I gotta get outta here
-before I get the mumpsles.
-Okay.
[Lil' Mama] Hey.
[in Spanish] Please let's go
before this witch makes hell of our lives.
Sorry, guys. It's family.
Come on, Ash.
Oh. No, Tío Victor. I'm staying.
I married the cake, so from now on,
my name is Ashley Garcia-McKellan.
-Wait--
-At least she chose the winning side.
Cue the door slam.
Today we'll be choosing
the look that the McKellans will sport
as we claim victory at the Country Games.
'Cause you gotta look cute
when you're making history.
Mm-hm!
[pop music playing]
-[applause]
-[all] Whoo!
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
Is it Prada?
Is it Gucci?
No. It's "C by Cocoa!"
[Jade laughs]
-She's wearing a basketball--
-Baseball.
A baseball jersey that is sophisticated
enough to be worn to a black-tie event.
Ooh!
The bling was applied by hand
with genuine Swarovski crystals.
Ooh! Very nice, Cocoa. [chuckles]
Lights!
Oh, work it, girl! Work it, girl! Work it!
[Jade chuckles]
M'Dear is wearing a, um...
This is a hand-knitted sports pinny,
knitted by these hands.
Sure. Okay. Um...
All of those for Cocoa?
[cheering]
All of those for M'Dear?
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yeah!
Yes, Daddy! Yes!
Well, I guess the decision is clear.
Oh, my God. They look so good.
They look all right.
-Stop it!
-[laughs]
Hey, come on, Elvis.
Due to my allegiance to my family
and the woman I love,
I cannot participate
in these Country Games.
I choose to take a stand.
Next to the concession stand.
They've got funnel cakes.
Bring me a snow cone.
Welcome...
everyone, to the 65th annual
Columbus Country Games!
[laughs]
[all chanting]
Can't be beat! Won't be beat!
Can't be beat!
Won't be beat!
[cheering]
Okay, the odds of a win
increase exponentially
if you maintain an aerodynamic form
while increasing the velocity
and decreasing drag.
What?
Just run fast.
-Oh!
-All right, everybody. Listen up.
Remember how we practiced.
Let's win this thing!
-[kids] Yes!
-"McKellan" on three.
[all] One, two, three!
McKellan!
[cheering]
[Victor] Ha-ha!
Whoo!
So you're their starter now?
You know, we were like brothers.
No more.
Dang! So we're not gonna play golf after?
Oh, yeah, we are.
But separate carts.
[man] Now, listen up!
I'm watching you, McCoys and McKellans.
I'm not clucking with you this year.
[blows whistle]
[audience cheering, cowbells ringing]
Boy, get in there like a real McCoy!
[sneezes]
I think I'm allergic to hay.
I got it! I got it!
Okay. Come on, Mazzi. Come on!
Ugh! This doesn't feel right.
Yeah, you're gonna be the face
of the "moo too" movement.
Smart and funny.
I'm a catch.
Ami?
Have you seen my granddaughter?
Ami?
Come on! Hurry!
What are you doing? Finally!
[Grandpa] Ami?
I can't find Ami.
Really?
You ready to get your butt handed to you?
I'm ready to win this race,
like I won my husband.
[Cocoa] Go! Go!
Hey! Come on, baby! Go!
You got it, baby! Go! Go! Come on, baby!
[cheering and shouting]
I looked everywhere. I can't find Ami.
Oh, my God. Moz!
Moz! Ami is missing.
-What?
-What?
Hey, nobody can find BB either.
You think she got snatched?
We gotta go find our grandbabies!
Come on!
I can't believe we lost the girls.
I feel like a terrible mother.
How could I be so careless?
Well, you're doing the best you can.
You can't help it's not good enough.
It's gonna be all right.
The police are scouring the neighborhood.
So what are we gonna do now?
A little prayer can't hurt.
Come on.
All right.
Lord, we humbly ask
that you bring our little ones home
safely and quickly.
In the name of your Holy Son.
Amen.
[all] Amen.
[both] Amen!
You must have Jesus on speed dial.
-Where did you girls come from?
-Upstairs.
You've been in the house the whole time?
Ami, you know better than to run off
alone without telling anybody.
-[Lil' Mama] And so do you, BB.
-We weren't alone.
Elvis was with us.
Yeah. We played beauty shop.
Where's Elvis?
Elvis!
What up? What up?
Elvis! Why would you leave
with these girls without telling us?
Why would you think somebody with
that hairstyle would have good sense?
We tried to tell you.
But...
you guys were fighting too much.
Y'all need a whoopin'.
[Peaches] Mm-hm.
No, no, no.
The girls are right.
-We should all be ashamed of ourselves.
-Well, you started--
She started it.
-You started--
-I don't care who started it!
It's time to stop it.
You're right, Jeb.
Peaches, I'm sorry.
You were right.
I did steal Jeb right from under you.
But I got one look at him,
and I lost my mind.
She's only human! [chuckles]
We were good friends,
and I broke the girl code.
Can you forgive me?
I forgive you.
Especially since we haven't been girls
in a long time.
I know that's right.
Wow, Moz!
Why would you say that?
You said...
I got your text.
Thank God you found the girls.
Oh, you came all the way over here
to say that?
[laughs] You're not fooling anybody,
and you're way too old for me.
Well, looks like the Calhoun family
won the Games this year.
That's all right. The McCoys,
we gonna take it next time.
Oh, no!
The McKellans are gonna take it next time.
You know what? Guys, why don't we put
our differences aside and come together?
Like a super team.
The McKellans and the McCoys.
Huh? How does that sound?
Why don't we discuss this
outside on the porch
while we sip on some of my special water?
Can I join?
Yeah, girl.
-Come on, baby.
-[Peaches] Uh-huh.
-Come on. Let's go out back.
-Mm.
[closing music playing]
♪ I want y'all to meet my family ♪
♪ They're coming down south
to stay with me ♪
-♪ Big Moz ♪
-♪ Do you love me? ♪
-♪ Yep ♪
-♪ I'm Cocoa! ♪
♪ Jade in the house
I've got a lot to say ♪
♪ I'm a big sis, can't-miss renegade ♪
-♪ Call me Shaka now ♪
-♪ Eh! ♪
♪ I'm the... I'm the chief rocker now ♪
♪ Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi
That's me ♪
♪ Little mommy, I'm Ami ♪
♪ Singing loud and having fun ♪
♪ It's Family Reunion ♪
[M'Dear laughing]
[M'Dear] Family Reunion was filmed
in front of a live studio audience.
According to mamas everywhere,
what happens
if you put your purse on the floor?
Pff! Who doesn't know that?
You stay broke.
-Correct.
-[both] I taught you well.
[Jade laughing] Okay.
Ooh, okay.
Um, what is the best flavor of Kool-Aid?
[Cocoa] Hm.
I've been in Georgia long enough to know.
Red.
What if it's strawberry?
Uh-huh. That's a trick question.
It's still red.
My baby's growing up.
[Jade and Cocoa laughing]
And they say
you can't teach old dogs new tricks.
[M'Dear chuckles]
Okay, Grandpa, your turn.
Okay, song lyric.
"Go, shawty. It's your..."
Who are you calling "Shorty?"
I'm over six feet tall.
But what's the answer?
What's the question?
[imitating buzzer]
Your black card is revoked.
I-I'm sorry, Grandpa. You're still black.
Sho' you right.
Oh, Jeb, you gotta get with the times.
"Go, shawty. It's your Old Town Road."
No. No, M'Dear. "It's your birthday."
No, it ain't my birthday, honey.
I'm a Gemini.
[laughing]
I don't like these games
that be questioning my blackness.
Come on, M'Dear. It's just fun.
Shake it off!
Oh, I love that song!
Taylor Swift!
Yeah, that's right.
[singing] I'm a Swifty.
-I'll get it for you.
-Wait!
Your black card is revoked.
Permanently.
Okay. Very funny.
[both gasp]
Wow. It's like looking in a mirror,
isn't it?
Uh, sure.
[chuckles] I know what you're thinking.
Do you?
Don't be in a rush to get this fine.
It comes with a lot of unwanted attention.
See? He was totally checking me out.
So disrespectful to his girl.
I think maybe he was looking at me.
[laughing] Yes, Queen! But no.
-Here's your water, Grandma.
-Oh, good. I'm parched.
Mm!
That's some good water. [chuckles]
Elvis, this is your grandmother?
That makes total sense.
Hey, Jade.
Can you give us some money
for ice cream?
Or do I have to use my sad eyes?
Oh, no.
Don't look at me.
You know sad eyes are my weakness.
What's your little friend's name?
My name is Sharona.
But they call me BB.
It's a long story.
I'll explain over Creamsicles.
Hey, babies.
Oh, M'Dear. Thank God!
They want ice cream,
and I almost had to use my money.
It's okay, selfish child.
I'll buy ice cream for these two.
Thanks, ma'am.
I can pay for my granddaughter.
[gasps] Amelia?
Peaches!
Oh, of course. It's Friday the 13th.
Oh, I love your short haircut!
Now I can read your evil mind.
You two know each other?
[both] Unfortunately.
Grandmommy, BB and some other family
are visiting from Chickamauga
while my parents are away.
Where'd your parents go?
They won't tell me.
BB, Elvis, we're going home.
Come. We are, too, Jade, Ami.
[both] We don't fool with them.
[commentator on video]
-Oh, oh, oh! [screams]
-Ohhh!
-Did you see that?
-Yes!
That could have been me.
-That's all I'm... Oh!
-[phone ringing]
Oh, snap. It's my boy, Victor.
What up, boy?
-Big Dog!
-[imitating dog barking]
-[both laugh]
-Heel, boys.
Hey, Victor, it was so great to see you
and your niece Ashley in LA.
Yes, it was. Now we're coming your way
for our cousin Rico's birthday.
See you soon, Big Dog.
-Yeah!
-[both barking]
[laughs]
Y'all are strange.
Hey, Dad, check out this flyer.
Have you heard
of the Columbus Country Games?
Ugh! Those games bring up
a lot of bad memories.
I hate to even think about it.
-Oh. Well, sorry for mentioning it.
-Yeah.
So can we enter?
I don't know.
We'll take that as a yes.
Thanks, Dad!
But, M'Dear, you still didn't give us
a reason why Ami can't play with BB.
Yes, I did.
No. All you said was, "Because I said so."
That's your reason.
And I don't sound like that.
Uh, yes, you do.
Ah-ah!
-Boy!
-What's going on?
M'Dear won't let me play
with my new friend, BB.
What's the problem?
You know that we believe in allowing
our children to select their own friends.
And by "we," I mean Cocoa.
Yes, I do. But number one, that's crazy.
And number two, BB is a McCoy.
Oh, no. We don't fool with them.
But why?
[both] Because I said so.
That should do it.
That's gonna taste good.
It's gonna taste like diabetes.
Really, Moz? Really?
You told Ami, "Because I said so"?
Is that how we're parenting?
Cocoa, the McKellans and the McCoys
have a long, tumultuous history.
Worse than the Cowboys and the Redskins,
the Bloods and the Crips,
Drake and Pusha T.
Who are the McCoys?
Oh, that's Elvis's family.
Um, now, the McCoys are his mama's family.
His daddy's family, they're the Mayburys.
Now, they're a little strange,
but we get along with them just fine.
Melly, Moz, they deserve to know
why we don't get along with the McCoys.
Well, I'll tell you my part,
but it's not pretty.
Neither was she.
[Moz] It was the year 2000,
and I was killing it
on the Country Games obstacle course.
One, two. One, two. One, two.
Oh! I see
someone learned how to count, huh?
Come on, baby! You can do it, son! Run!
-[Peaches] Come on!
-[M'Dear] Run!
Argh!
-Go, baby!
-Run like you stole something!
Since he's a McKellan, he probably did.
[Peaches] Let's go! Let's go!
You got this! Come on, baby! Come on!
[M'Dear] Come on, baby!
-[Peaches] Come on! Do it. Yeah!
-[M'Dear] Yes! You got it!
Come on, baby. You got it!
-[Peaches] Go! Go! Go!
-She tripped me!
Fool, you trippin', and now you losin'.
[cackles]
Wait! Wait! Argh! Wait!
[woman screams]
[shouting in background]
McKellans and McCoys are at it again.
I'm gonna stop this once and for all!
Ugh!
[man moaning]
-How could you let your boy fight a girl?
-I don't see no girl!
That's it!
The McKellans and McCoys are disqualified!
-[both] What?
-Yeah!
And you're banned for one year,
and I don't wanna hear
another word about it.
But that she-devil, she tripped my son!
Well, make it two years.
Well, I ought to trip you!
Well, make it three!
-Oh!
-Three? Why not make it four?
You guys were banned for four years?
No. Twenty.
That's 'cause Peaches
wouldn't keep her mouth shut.
[mutters] She wasn't the only one.
What did you say?
Hm? Oh, that wasn't...
That was... That was Shaka.
Boy!
Ooh! BB!
You out here
playing with that McKellan girl?
I'ma tell Grandmommy.
[sighs]
Butch, you always telling.
Can I help you, sir?
Who you calling "sir"? I'm only 15.
In dog years?
Hold up. All y'all are McKellans too?
Yeah, but don't worry. We're not a part
of that family feud that's going on.
Yeah, it has nothing to do with us.
So are we cool?
Uh-uh.
My grandmommy say
I can't touch a McKellan.
I'll break out in the mumps
and the measles.
I'll get the mumpsles.
See? You're okay.
Ow!
It burns!
Grandmommy!
[moaning]
What is wrong?
I got the mumpsles!
Get up, boy!
Man, why are you always being so extra?
Don't worry. I'll make sure
he's not at me and Jade's wedding.
I don't know why he thinks
he's gonna be at Jade's wedding.
I would ask what's going on...
but the McCoys are here,
and where there's a McCoy,
there's trouble.
I can see that now.
Yeah, we don't fool with them.
Oh, come on, fellas.
Don't let one rotten apple
spoil the whole bunch.
The McCoys
get on the Mayburys' nerves too.
But family is family.
They're not our family.
Careful. One of these McCoys may trip you,
like they did me at the Country Games.
You? Don't you mean Dad?
Oh, no.
The first trip happened back in 1966,
thanks to old Cankles here.
[gasps] I do not have cankles!
I know what a cankle looks like!
And how many muumuus do you have?
Don't you worry about it!
I know somebody like it!
Good luck winning this, Pencil Arms.
You're all evil and no muscle.
Hm! I'm sure climbing a wall
is your event, since you're part roach.
[cheering]
[screams]
[both grunting]
Girl fight! Girl fight!
Break it up!
Ugh!
[both screaming]
We were banned from the Games
for 25 years,
thanks to that rotten Peach.
What? Wait. Stop.
Hold it. Hold on. If you're gonna
tell the story, tell it all.
I just did, and it was gospel.
The gospel according to you?
Y'all should know
that your grandmother is a thief.
[all] What?
Oh, don't get stole on, now!
There are three sides to every story.
Her side,
my side and the truth.
Which is also known as my side.
Ooh!
Look over there.
Ooh, I bet
he tastes better than this cake.
Peaches! My mama was right
when she said you was too fast.
Oh! Well, being slow
never got me anywhere.
I mean, look at him.
He can't take his eyes off me.
[giggles] That chocolate prince is mine.
Hmm. Be my guest.
I think he's kind of funny lookin'.
Hey, ladies.
Hey. [giggles]
[laughs]
So you saw Grandpa first?
Yes, and a few days later,
there was a party that I missed.
Jeb would have been all mine
if I, um, hadn't been in jail.
I didn't even wanna go to that party
in the first place.
[M'Dear] I had planned
to spend the evening reading my Bible,
memorizing Deuteronomy,
until Maybelle dragged me out.
I didn't even know anybody!
[all] Hey, Amelia!
Hey, everybody.
Hurry up, Maybelle.
I think you broke my ankle.
Well, you only need one to dance. Come on!
[M'Dear] And I had zero interest in Jeb,
but as soon as I walked in,
he asked me to dance.
[M'Dear] Wanna dance?
So I danced with him.
I didn't wanna hurt his feelings!
Does that mean
you could have been our grandmother?
Yes, baby.
Life ain't fair.
Sometimes you just get what you get.
I can't help Jeb had good taste.
He swept me off my feet.
Next thing I knew,
we were jumping the broom,
and we've had 44 wonderful years
of marriage.
Based on a lie.
Look, if we do those Country Games again,
I know my family would beat your family.
Competing in the Games is a good idea.
Why don't we settle this on the field?
We're not banned anymore.
Ain't nothin' to it but to do it.
Oh, I'm coming for you
on the count of two.
It's going down, Charlie Brown.
Ain't nothin' but a word, thunderbird.
What's happening?
I think they might be stroking out.
Enough talk!
This weekend,
the McCoys will be at the Country Games,
ready to snatch what's rightfully ours.
She's not talking about Grandpa, is she?
No, she sure ain't talking about Grandpa.
Come on, darlin'.
Look at me, sitting here
with two NFL 2010 calendar boys.
Yeah, but I was Mr. January.
They wanted to start the year off right.
They buried him in October.
Put him in a mask
so you couldn't see his face.
[Cocoa chuckles]
With a body like this, who needs a face?
So you don't mind
people just treating you like an object?
No, it's actually pretty fun.
It sure is.
This peach cake is divine.
The food here is so much better.
Is it because of the soil? The red clay?
No, it's because of the black cook.
[Jade laughs]
Yeah, M'Dear doesn't cook anything
out of a box.
Wow!
My life is forever changed.
Can I have another piece?
-[doorbell rings]
-I'll get it.
There you go.
[Moz] Oh!
Wh-What?
Moses.
Lil' Mama.
What are the McCoys doing here?
The Country Games are tomorrow.
Maybe they've come to sabotage us.
Or they just came to pick us up.
That's my cousin, Rico.
Uh, Rico McCoy-Garcia.
We used both of our last names
after we got married. [chuckles]
She's very persuasive.
And heavy handed.
You never told me
that you and the McCoys were kinfolk.
I didn't know it needed telling.
I'm also distant cousins
with Sofía Vergara. Does that help?
[laughs] Yeah, it does! You know
what I'm saying? Not at all, Victor.
Rico, would you tell your people
that they're our people
and to come on and let's go?
I gotta get outta here
-before I get the mumpsles.
-Okay.
[Lil' Mama] Hey.
[in Spanish] Please let's go
before this witch makes hell of our lives.
Sorry, guys. It's family.
Come on, Ash.
Oh. No, Tío Victor. I'm staying.
I married the cake, so from now on,
my name is Ashley Garcia-McKellan.
-Wait--
-At least she chose the winning side.
Cue the door slam.
Today we'll be choosing
the look that the McKellans will sport
as we claim victory at the Country Games.
'Cause you gotta look cute
when you're making history.
Mm-hm!
[pop music playing]
-[applause]
-[all] Whoo!
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
Is it Prada?
Is it Gucci?
No. It's "C by Cocoa!"
[Jade laughs]
-She's wearing a basketball--
-Baseball.
A baseball jersey that is sophisticated
enough to be worn to a black-tie event.
Ooh!
The bling was applied by hand
with genuine Swarovski crystals.
Ooh! Very nice, Cocoa. [chuckles]
Lights!
Oh, work it, girl! Work it, girl! Work it!
[Jade chuckles]
M'Dear is wearing a, um...
This is a hand-knitted sports pinny,
knitted by these hands.
Sure. Okay. Um...
All of those for Cocoa?
[cheering]
All of those for M'Dear?
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yeah!
Yes, Daddy! Yes!
Well, I guess the decision is clear.
Oh, my God. They look so good.
They look all right.
-Stop it!
-[laughs]
Hey, come on, Elvis.
Due to my allegiance to my family
and the woman I love,
I cannot participate
in these Country Games.
I choose to take a stand.
Next to the concession stand.
They've got funnel cakes.
Bring me a snow cone.
Welcome...
everyone, to the 65th annual
Columbus Country Games!
[laughs]
[all chanting]
Can't be beat! Won't be beat!
Can't be beat!
Won't be beat!
[cheering]
Okay, the odds of a win
increase exponentially
if you maintain an aerodynamic form
while increasing the velocity
and decreasing drag.
What?
Just run fast.
-Oh!
-All right, everybody. Listen up.
Remember how we practiced.
Let's win this thing!
-[kids] Yes!
-"McKellan" on three.
[all] One, two, three!
McKellan!
[cheering]
[Victor] Ha-ha!
Whoo!
So you're their starter now?
You know, we were like brothers.
No more.
Dang! So we're not gonna play golf after?
Oh, yeah, we are.
But separate carts.
[man] Now, listen up!
I'm watching you, McCoys and McKellans.
I'm not clucking with you this year.
[blows whistle]
[audience cheering, cowbells ringing]
Boy, get in there like a real McCoy!
[sneezes]
I think I'm allergic to hay.
I got it! I got it!
Okay. Come on, Mazzi. Come on!
Ugh! This doesn't feel right.
Yeah, you're gonna be the face
of the "moo too" movement.
Smart and funny.
I'm a catch.
Ami?
Have you seen my granddaughter?
Ami?
Come on! Hurry!
What are you doing? Finally!
[Grandpa] Ami?
I can't find Ami.
Really?
You ready to get your butt handed to you?
I'm ready to win this race,
like I won my husband.
[Cocoa] Go! Go!
Hey! Come on, baby! Go!
You got it, baby! Go! Go! Come on, baby!
[cheering and shouting]
I looked everywhere. I can't find Ami.
Oh, my God. Moz!
Moz! Ami is missing.
-What?
-What?
Hey, nobody can find BB either.
You think she got snatched?
We gotta go find our grandbabies!
Come on!
I can't believe we lost the girls.
I feel like a terrible mother.
How could I be so careless?
Well, you're doing the best you can.
You can't help it's not good enough.
It's gonna be all right.
The police are scouring the neighborhood.
So what are we gonna do now?
A little prayer can't hurt.
Come on.
All right.
Lord, we humbly ask
that you bring our little ones home
safely and quickly.
In the name of your Holy Son.
Amen.
[all] Amen.
[both] Amen!
You must have Jesus on speed dial.
-Where did you girls come from?
-Upstairs.
You've been in the house the whole time?
Ami, you know better than to run off
alone without telling anybody.
-[Lil' Mama] And so do you, BB.
-We weren't alone.
Elvis was with us.
Yeah. We played beauty shop.
Where's Elvis?
Elvis!
What up? What up?
Elvis! Why would you leave
with these girls without telling us?
Why would you think somebody with
that hairstyle would have good sense?
We tried to tell you.
But...
you guys were fighting too much.
Y'all need a whoopin'.
[Peaches] Mm-hm.
No, no, no.
The girls are right.
-We should all be ashamed of ourselves.
-Well, you started--
She started it.
-You started--
-I don't care who started it!
It's time to stop it.
You're right, Jeb.
Peaches, I'm sorry.
You were right.
I did steal Jeb right from under you.
But I got one look at him,
and I lost my mind.
She's only human! [chuckles]
We were good friends,
and I broke the girl code.
Can you forgive me?
I forgive you.
Especially since we haven't been girls
in a long time.
I know that's right.
Wow, Moz!
Why would you say that?
You said...
I got your text.
Thank God you found the girls.
Oh, you came all the way over here
to say that?
[laughs] You're not fooling anybody,
and you're way too old for me.
Well, looks like the Calhoun family
won the Games this year.
That's all right. The McCoys,
we gonna take it next time.
Oh, no!
The McKellans are gonna take it next time.
You know what? Guys, why don't we put
our differences aside and come together?
Like a super team.
The McKellans and the McCoys.
Huh? How does that sound?
Why don't we discuss this
outside on the porch
while we sip on some of my special water?
Can I join?
Yeah, girl.
-Come on, baby.
-[Peaches] Uh-huh.
-Come on. Let's go out back.
-Mm.
[closing music playing]