Game Changer (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Ham It Up - full transcript
Lou, Grant, and Christine test their acting skills against one of the greatest actors ever.
- Get ready for a Game Changer.
Comedy of errors, it's Grant O'Brien.
- How dare you.
- A midsummer nights dream.
It's Christine Medrano.
- Hi.
- And
a
gentleman
of Verona,
it's Lou Wilson.
- Oh, sorry, it's right here?
Okay, good.
- And your host me.
I've been here the whole time.
This is Game Changer.
The only game show where the
game changers every show.
I am your host, Sam Reich.
I'm joined today by these
three lovely contestants.
You all understand how the game works.
- I do not.
And Sam that's by design.
- I'm just confused.
And I think you like that.
- I do.
I get off on that shit, that's right.
Our players have no idea
what game it is they're about to play.
The only way to learn is by playing.
The only way to win is by learning.
And the only way to begin is by beginning.
So without further ado, let's begin.
Players,
you are here today
because you are some of my favorite actors
in the CollegeHumor family.
Tough hit on Mike Trapp.
in this episode,
I am going to ask you
to do some of the finest,
most refined,
most professional acting of your careers
with some of the most terrible dialogue
that I have ever written in my life.
- Okay.
- Grant.
- Sam.
- I want you to play this,
seductively.
- No sweat.
I have a very bad toenail fungus.
It spreads rapidly from person to person.
It makes your toenails look
like shattered pee ice.
And it smells like one of those
parmesan cheese factories
you see in food shows.
One time my,
my dog,
smelled my feet and
it vomited.
Another time one of my
toenails straight fell off.
- Very well done, Grant.
I liked that a lot.
- Sort of a coyness
to it.
- Out of the possible three points,
I will give you all three.
- Wow.
You know, Sam, the key to seduction
is all about invitation.
- So you made this active.
You saw the word seductively
and you decided to invite.
- Yeah, the invite was my action verb.
- Christine, you're up.
I want you to play this,
with the royal condescension.
- Oh, wow, okay.
- You can adjust your posture
and all you'll feel good.
- Hey, Sam, see a take
before you note it, huh?
- Come on, Sam.
- In order to go to sleep,
I require the following.
A pacifier betwixt to my lips,
a pacifier in my leftmost hand,
a pacifier in my rightmost hand,
a pacifier betwixt the
toes of my leftmost foot,
a pacifier betwixt the
toes of my rightmost foot,
several other pacifiers just because,
and may binky, who I refer to as 'GooGoo'.
- Ooh, Christine.
I felt the diva.
This was like American
reality show royalty.
- Yeah.
- Out of a possible three points,
I will give you all three points as well.
Lou.
- Yes.
- I want you to play this deeply wounded.
- Yeah, we could do something like that.
How could you?
Why did you?
How dare you!
Where didn't you?
Who asked you?
What
possessed you?
Wow.
Wow.
Wow, wow.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Wow.
Wooow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
- Holy shit,
Lou.
- There was a moment
where I thought it was
that you had just replayed
the same wow card.
I started going like,
are we- where are we?
- I'll give Sam a minute to catch up.
Are we in the range of wow.
- You explored the space,
you brought each of those
wows to life in their own way,
out of a possible three points,
I'm gonna say three points.
And I'm realizing that there
may be a flaw in my game.
I may be such a big fan of you guys
that I just can't help but
give you all the points
that there are available.
It's almost as if this
experiment needs a control.
- This sucks.
I think I know what is about to happen.
- Introducing now having
been nominated for two Emmys
just this
week
for the Mandalorian
and Better Call Saul,
it's Giancarlo Esposito.
- Let the games begin.
Are you sure you're ready for this?
- No, there is quite literally no way
we could have been ready for this.
- We're gonna redo those
last three prompts.
But it's going to be
Giancarlo leading the charge.
I will be deducting points from you based
on how I think you did.
- Okay, I'm just gonna.
- Giancarlo, I would like for
you to play this, seductively.
- I
have a very
bad
toenail fungus.
It spreads
rapidly
from person to person.
It makes your toenails
look like shattered
pee ice.
It smells
like
one of those cheese factories
in Parma, Italy.
One time, my dog smelled my feet,
and it vomited.
Another time, my toe
fell straight off.
- He even upped from
toenail to just full toe.
- Couple of notes.
- Absolutely, please.
- Out of a possible three points, Grant,
I'm gonna take two of
those points away from you.
Hope you don't mind.
I've never been as properly seduced
as I was just now over video conference.
Next, is for Esposito with royal
condescension.
- In order to go to sleep,
I require the following.
A pacifier betwixt my lips,
a pacifier
in my
leftmost
hand,
a pacifier in my rightmost,
pacifier betwixt my toes of my left foot,
a pacifier betwixt the
toes of my right foot.
Several other pacifiers just because.
And
my binky,
who you will call
'GooGoo'.
- I am gonna have to take two of
those points away from you as well.
You understand where I'm coming from?
- Happy to give them he did
the accent and everything.
- Now Lou, your performance
of this was very strong.
- I agree.
- Now let's see what happens.
- Oh, boy.
- How, how, how, how could you?
Why?
Why
did you?
How
dare you!
Where didn't you?
Who asked you?
What possessed you?
Wow.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wooow.
Wow.
Woow,
is right.
So much gravitas, a real
exploration of the word, wow.
Lou, I'm gonna let you
keep two of those points.
- Wow.
- We're judging art against art here, Sam.
And I don't know that that's
some of this business' competition
we're being pitted against each other,
I don't understand it.
I don't know why that
would be the goal here.
But anyway, it's your show, go ahead.
- You're saying there's
like an inherent flaw
to me delivering points for performances?
Really makes you think.
What are the Emmys?
- It makes me think the same
thing but you filmed it.
- Now that we've all
had the jot of espresso,
that is the surprise celebrity appearance,
Grant, it's all the way back to you.
- Oh good.
- In near-to-silent
fear.
- There was a farmer that have a dog.
And
Bingo
was name-o.
B-I-N-G-O,
B-I-N-G-O,
B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Sort of a prayer to
an absent God is how I
if I had to put an action to it.
I like knowing your
process after every one.
That's right professional, right?
Here's what I was going for.
- Mr. Esposito,
in near-to-silent fear.
- Farmer
had a dog
and
Bingo
was his name.
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O,
B-I-N-G-O
and Bingo
was
his name-o.
Save me.
- That
was
fabulous.
- A couple of notes.
I like to think of it more
as a prayer to an absent God.
- You know, I like to think of mine
as a prayer without the absent God.
- Interesting, interesting.
- Grant, I will let you hold
on to two of those points.
- Best I could hope for.
- Christine.
- Yes.
- Oh,
so
gentle.
- If you take your fingers like this,
and you touch them together like this
then it's like your fingers
are kissing each other, see.
And if you take your hands
like this
and you interlace your fingers
like this,
then it's like your hands
are hugging each other, see?
And if you take your arms
like this
and you put them down at your sides, like,
like this, that my friend,
that's a you sandwich.
- Wow, that was great.
- It was almost like a
bittersweet quality to that.
It wasn't just sweet, it was bittersweet.
- I just like to think of it
as like a prayer to like an absent God.
- Giancarlo.
- If you take your fingers
like this
and you touch them
together
like this,
and it's like your fingers are kissing.
See?
And if you take your hands
like this
and you interlace your fingers
like this,
then it's like your hands
are hugging each other,
see?
And if you take your arms
like this
and you put them down your sides
like this,
then, my friend,
that's
a you
sandwich.
- Oh, baby.
Almost got David Bowie in The
Labyrinth gentle, you know.
(faintly speaking)
Semi-seductive coaxing you into
the dark place gentle there.
Christine, I'm gonna let you
hold on to two of those points.
Mr. Wilson.
With fantastical whimsy.
- Gimme one second.
I've also now taken
Giancarlo Esposito's bubble
out of my bottom grid view because
it's too distracting.
- It will psych you out, I get it.
- Let me inspire you.
- Welcome
to
Ikea.
Wondrous world of mystery and intrigue.
What lies over yonder?
Why?
It's a living room set?
And over there, over yonder still.
Even further.
The finest art already in a frame.
And ahoy!
Set sail south and ye shall find
toilets!
Go, venture forth.
And remember you're
only ever a moment away
from a meatball.
- Love it.
(Sam mumbles)
Very well done.
Ikea, you're welcome for this.
Free branded content.
Giancarlo.
- Welcome, welcome,
to
Ikea.
A wondrous world of mystery
and intrigue.
What lies over yonder?
Why?
It's living room sets.
And over yonder still?
The finest art,
already in a frame.
And ready to be swiped.
And ahoy!
Ahoy!
Set sail
south
and you shall find,
toilets!
Go, venture forth.
And remember,
you're
only
ever a moment away
from a meatball.
- But of course, what's more
fantastical and whimsical,
than a sudden accent shift.
Well, what the fuck was I thinking?
- I was going for French.
I didn't quite get there, but it's okay.
- Hey, stop!
- Lou, I will let you
keep two of those points.
Don't get used to this, players.
Grant.
- You know I have some stuff prepared too.
I could do just like
(laughter drowning out Grant)
- After 72 hours awake, Grant.
- Sharks, have I going to pitch for you.
Let's talk sleep.
The average person
sleeps eight hours a day.
But what if we didn't need sleep?
That's a third of the
day that we'd get back.
That's what I have
created, "Sweet No More".
The horn that keeps you awake.
Bed, bye!
Pillows, poof!
Blankets,
yeah, blanket.
- Grant,
what a face!
- Wow.
- I liked that.
I liked the almost like
- Cocaine?
- cocaine added performance, yeah.
- The cocaine of it all?
- Wow, Grant threw me there, that's good.
- We got that on film?
We got that on film? Cool!
- Yeah, you're going away.
Sharks, I have got a pitch for you.
Let's, let's talk sleep.
The average person
sleeps eight hours a day.
But,
if we didn't need sleep,
that's a third
of the day that we'd get back.
That's why I've created, "Sleep No More".
The horn that keeps you awake.
Bed, bye!
Pillows,
poof!
Blankets,
blanket
(dramatic crying)
- I love it, Giancarlo!
I love it!
This is hard gang.
I liked both of those performances.
- Sam, I don't blame you.
- As a judge, I think it's my duty
to offer credit where credit is due.
Grant, I'm gonna award you
all three of those points.
- Get out.
Christine, hiding that you're drunk.
- One second.
- Christine, you're ready?
- I
do solemnly swear
that I will faithfully execute
excuse me, the office of President
of
United States.
And
I'll do
to the best of my
ability
ability
sorry,
mmh?
Preserve,
(laughing dramatically)
protect, and defend
the constitution
of the United States.
(dramatically vomiting)
- Wow!
- When you stepped out of the
frame, did you take a shot?
- No, I did a bunch of, I
spun around in a circle.
- Oh cool, that's awesome.
- Very cool.
- That's awesome
- I Love it.
Okay, give me a second.
Are we rolling?
Wait, wait, no, no.
Can I have that, oh, we're streaming.
Just give me a
give me a minute, give me a minute.
I
do solemnly
swear
that I will
faithfully
execute the office of the presidency
to the best
of my
ability, ability.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Sorry.
To preserve, protect, and
defend the constitution
of the
United States.
(vomiting dramatically)
Oh my gosh! I got warm after that.
- There is brilliance
happening in the studio.
- I like both of those better than
a lot of presidents doing that.
So that was good.
- Christine, I'm gonna keep
all three of those points.
- Yeah, baby.
Yeah, baby.
- Mr.
Wilson.
Doubled
- That's mean.
- This is where imma
make my money right here.
- Oh, I love the fucking confidence.
- Okay, so
you're telling me,
you telling me this whole time,
this whole time,
I thought you meant 'pie'
as in like
as in blueberry
as in like pumpkin, but in fact,
in fact,
you
meant
'pi'
as in 3.14
(laughing dramatically)
(laughing dramatically)
6.
- Wow,
Lou.
- Wow.
- Oh, my God!
- Sam, you asshole.
- I didn't know how long it was gonna be.
So I was like, what are we gonna
- It almost felt like an
orgasm with two peaks,
you know what I mean?
Giancarlo, here we go, man.
(laughing dramatically)
- You telling me
(laughing dramatically)
this whole time
this whole
time
I thought you meant
'pie'
as in
blueberry
as in pumpkin
but
in fact
you meant
'pi'
(laughing dramatically)
as in 3.14
(laughing dramatically)
(laughing dramatically)
blueberry, pumpkin, blueberry, pumpkin
- I'm going home.
- Oh, my God!
- I'm going home.
I'm moving back with my parents
and I'm going to law school.
- No, you don't go to law school, brother.
Do exactly what you're doing.
- How are both of your abs doing?
- I'm feeling mine.
- Both of those were
A+ performances with A+ commitment.
Lou, I'm gonna let you keep
all those three points as well.
Last round, gang.
Last round.
With serial killer-like sociopathy.
- Here's where I earn my money.
- There you go.
Just love it.
- A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
Z.
Q
R
S-T-U-V
W-X -Y
P
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I do something wrong?
Have I upset you?
- Ooh,
Grant,
bone chilling.
- My heart is racing right now.
- I just wanna go on record and say,
getting Gus Frank to do this
is the proudest I've ever been.
- A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L-M-N-O
Z
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
P
Oh,
I'm sorry.
Did I do something wrong?
Did I upset you?
- Ooh,
shivers.
Absolute
shivers.
Who knew the alphabet could
be quite so harrowing.
- You put so much bass in your voice.
It was so good.
(speakers mumbling)
Use that face.
- I go deep for that.
Grant, imma let you hold
on to two of those points.
- Perfectly reasonable.
Thank you, Sam.
- You were competing perhaps
with my favorite character
in the history of television.
Christine.
- Me in Total Forgiveness?
- In terrible
grief.
- His name was Mario.
And he was
my guy.
We used to run together.
Him on the screen, me on the couch.
He'd hop, I'd laugh.
He'd grow and he'd shrink
and he'd turn into a raccoon
and I'd be so impressed.
And then
one day
I pushed him too hard.
Too fast.
And
he fell,
and
well,
he
game over.
- Hot damn, Christine.
- I can do better.
- Giancarlo, the floor is yours.
- His name was Mario.
He was my guy.
We used to run and
run together.
Him on the screen.
Me, me on the couch.
He'd hop and I'd laugh.
He'd grow
and he'd shrink
and he'd turn into a raccoon
and I'd be so impressed.
And then one day,
I pushed him too hard.
And he fell.
game over.
- Christine, imma let you keep
all three of those points.
- You actually cried.
- I can cry on cue.
- Last prompt of our game, friends.
And Lou,
inspiring
the troops.
- Never
give up.
Never
surrender.
Whatever you do,
whatever it is,
you find yourself doing,
just keep pushing.
The only
enemy
is fear.
Lift those arms.
Lift those legs.
Work those machines.
You didn't come to spin class,
not to break a sweat.
Looking good, Stephanie.
Looking real good.
All right, three, two, one.
And that is time.
That is time.
Good work everyone.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Aw, love it.
- Way to navigate my twist there,
Lou.
All right, Giancarlo.
- Never give up.
Never surrender.
Whatever you do., just keep pushing.
The only enemy is fear.
Lift those arms.
Work those machines.
You didn't come to spin
class not to break a sweat.
Looking good, Stephanie.
Looking good.
Three, two, one and that's time.
Good work everyone.
Stretch it out, stretch it out.
See you tomorrow.
- It looked like you on a bike.
- This is tough for sure.
- Hey Sam, do what you
have to do, all right?
I understand.
- Lou, I'm gonna give you
all three of those points.
Which means if I'm not mistaken,
Lou is the winner of this episode.
Lou you win an annual
subscription to Disney plus
where you might catch Giancarlo
Esposito in the Mandalorian.
- I'd love to catch Giancarlo
Esposito in the Mandalorian.
- Giancarlo, I cannot tell
you how much fun this was.
This was a dream come true.
- Oh, thank you so much.
A dream come true for me, man.
What fun.
Every one of you are so fantastic,
playful, that's what it takes.
I'm so grateful that
I've been invited, Sam.
Thank you.
That's it for us here at Game Changer.
I am your host, Sam Reich, reminding you
that there are no small parts.
Only bullshit game shows.
Good night.
- Bye!
Comedy of errors, it's Grant O'Brien.
- How dare you.
- A midsummer nights dream.
It's Christine Medrano.
- Hi.
- And
a
gentleman
of Verona,
it's Lou Wilson.
- Oh, sorry, it's right here?
Okay, good.
- And your host me.
I've been here the whole time.
This is Game Changer.
The only game show where the
game changers every show.
I am your host, Sam Reich.
I'm joined today by these
three lovely contestants.
You all understand how the game works.
- I do not.
And Sam that's by design.
- I'm just confused.
And I think you like that.
- I do.
I get off on that shit, that's right.
Our players have no idea
what game it is they're about to play.
The only way to learn is by playing.
The only way to win is by learning.
And the only way to begin is by beginning.
So without further ado, let's begin.
Players,
you are here today
because you are some of my favorite actors
in the CollegeHumor family.
Tough hit on Mike Trapp.
in this episode,
I am going to ask you
to do some of the finest,
most refined,
most professional acting of your careers
with some of the most terrible dialogue
that I have ever written in my life.
- Okay.
- Grant.
- Sam.
- I want you to play this,
seductively.
- No sweat.
I have a very bad toenail fungus.
It spreads rapidly from person to person.
It makes your toenails look
like shattered pee ice.
And it smells like one of those
parmesan cheese factories
you see in food shows.
One time my,
my dog,
smelled my feet and
it vomited.
Another time one of my
toenails straight fell off.
- Very well done, Grant.
I liked that a lot.
- Sort of a coyness
to it.
- Out of the possible three points,
I will give you all three.
- Wow.
You know, Sam, the key to seduction
is all about invitation.
- So you made this active.
You saw the word seductively
and you decided to invite.
- Yeah, the invite was my action verb.
- Christine, you're up.
I want you to play this,
with the royal condescension.
- Oh, wow, okay.
- You can adjust your posture
and all you'll feel good.
- Hey, Sam, see a take
before you note it, huh?
- Come on, Sam.
- In order to go to sleep,
I require the following.
A pacifier betwixt to my lips,
a pacifier in my leftmost hand,
a pacifier in my rightmost hand,
a pacifier betwixt the
toes of my leftmost foot,
a pacifier betwixt the
toes of my rightmost foot,
several other pacifiers just because,
and may binky, who I refer to as 'GooGoo'.
- Ooh, Christine.
I felt the diva.
This was like American
reality show royalty.
- Yeah.
- Out of a possible three points,
I will give you all three points as well.
Lou.
- Yes.
- I want you to play this deeply wounded.
- Yeah, we could do something like that.
How could you?
Why did you?
How dare you!
Where didn't you?
Who asked you?
What
possessed you?
Wow.
Wow.
Wow, wow.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Wow.
Wooow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
- Holy shit,
Lou.
- There was a moment
where I thought it was
that you had just replayed
the same wow card.
I started going like,
are we- where are we?
- I'll give Sam a minute to catch up.
Are we in the range of wow.
- You explored the space,
you brought each of those
wows to life in their own way,
out of a possible three points,
I'm gonna say three points.
And I'm realizing that there
may be a flaw in my game.
I may be such a big fan of you guys
that I just can't help but
give you all the points
that there are available.
It's almost as if this
experiment needs a control.
- This sucks.
I think I know what is about to happen.
- Introducing now having
been nominated for two Emmys
just this
week
for the Mandalorian
and Better Call Saul,
it's Giancarlo Esposito.
- Let the games begin.
Are you sure you're ready for this?
- No, there is quite literally no way
we could have been ready for this.
- We're gonna redo those
last three prompts.
But it's going to be
Giancarlo leading the charge.
I will be deducting points from you based
on how I think you did.
- Okay, I'm just gonna.
- Giancarlo, I would like for
you to play this, seductively.
- I
have a very
bad
toenail fungus.
It spreads
rapidly
from person to person.
It makes your toenails
look like shattered
pee ice.
It smells
like
one of those cheese factories
in Parma, Italy.
One time, my dog smelled my feet,
and it vomited.
Another time, my toe
fell straight off.
- He even upped from
toenail to just full toe.
- Couple of notes.
- Absolutely, please.
- Out of a possible three points, Grant,
I'm gonna take two of
those points away from you.
Hope you don't mind.
I've never been as properly seduced
as I was just now over video conference.
Next, is for Esposito with royal
condescension.
- In order to go to sleep,
I require the following.
A pacifier betwixt my lips,
a pacifier
in my
leftmost
hand,
a pacifier in my rightmost,
pacifier betwixt my toes of my left foot,
a pacifier betwixt the
toes of my right foot.
Several other pacifiers just because.
And
my binky,
who you will call
'GooGoo'.
- I am gonna have to take two of
those points away from you as well.
You understand where I'm coming from?
- Happy to give them he did
the accent and everything.
- Now Lou, your performance
of this was very strong.
- I agree.
- Now let's see what happens.
- Oh, boy.
- How, how, how, how could you?
Why?
Why
did you?
How
dare you!
Where didn't you?
Who asked you?
What possessed you?
Wow.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wooow.
Wow.
Woow,
is right.
So much gravitas, a real
exploration of the word, wow.
Lou, I'm gonna let you
keep two of those points.
- Wow.
- We're judging art against art here, Sam.
And I don't know that that's
some of this business' competition
we're being pitted against each other,
I don't understand it.
I don't know why that
would be the goal here.
But anyway, it's your show, go ahead.
- You're saying there's
like an inherent flaw
to me delivering points for performances?
Really makes you think.
What are the Emmys?
- It makes me think the same
thing but you filmed it.
- Now that we've all
had the jot of espresso,
that is the surprise celebrity appearance,
Grant, it's all the way back to you.
- Oh good.
- In near-to-silent
fear.
- There was a farmer that have a dog.
And
Bingo
was name-o.
B-I-N-G-O,
B-I-N-G-O,
B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Sort of a prayer to
an absent God is how I
if I had to put an action to it.
I like knowing your
process after every one.
That's right professional, right?
Here's what I was going for.
- Mr. Esposito,
in near-to-silent fear.
- Farmer
had a dog
and
Bingo
was his name.
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O,
B-I-N-G-O
and Bingo
was
his name-o.
Save me.
- That
was
fabulous.
- A couple of notes.
I like to think of it more
as a prayer to an absent God.
- You know, I like to think of mine
as a prayer without the absent God.
- Interesting, interesting.
- Grant, I will let you hold
on to two of those points.
- Best I could hope for.
- Christine.
- Yes.
- Oh,
so
gentle.
- If you take your fingers like this,
and you touch them together like this
then it's like your fingers
are kissing each other, see.
And if you take your hands
like this
and you interlace your fingers
like this,
then it's like your hands
are hugging each other, see?
And if you take your arms
like this
and you put them down at your sides, like,
like this, that my friend,
that's a you sandwich.
- Wow, that was great.
- It was almost like a
bittersweet quality to that.
It wasn't just sweet, it was bittersweet.
- I just like to think of it
as like a prayer to like an absent God.
- Giancarlo.
- If you take your fingers
like this
and you touch them
together
like this,
and it's like your fingers are kissing.
See?
And if you take your hands
like this
and you interlace your fingers
like this,
then it's like your hands
are hugging each other,
see?
And if you take your arms
like this
and you put them down your sides
like this,
then, my friend,
that's
a you
sandwich.
- Oh, baby.
Almost got David Bowie in The
Labyrinth gentle, you know.
(faintly speaking)
Semi-seductive coaxing you into
the dark place gentle there.
Christine, I'm gonna let you
hold on to two of those points.
Mr. Wilson.
With fantastical whimsy.
- Gimme one second.
I've also now taken
Giancarlo Esposito's bubble
out of my bottom grid view because
it's too distracting.
- It will psych you out, I get it.
- Let me inspire you.
- Welcome
to
Ikea.
Wondrous world of mystery and intrigue.
What lies over yonder?
Why?
It's a living room set?
And over there, over yonder still.
Even further.
The finest art already in a frame.
And ahoy!
Set sail south and ye shall find
toilets!
Go, venture forth.
And remember you're
only ever a moment away
from a meatball.
- Love it.
(Sam mumbles)
Very well done.
Ikea, you're welcome for this.
Free branded content.
Giancarlo.
- Welcome, welcome,
to
Ikea.
A wondrous world of mystery
and intrigue.
What lies over yonder?
Why?
It's living room sets.
And over yonder still?
The finest art,
already in a frame.
And ready to be swiped.
And ahoy!
Ahoy!
Set sail
south
and you shall find,
toilets!
Go, venture forth.
And remember,
you're
only
ever a moment away
from a meatball.
- But of course, what's more
fantastical and whimsical,
than a sudden accent shift.
Well, what the fuck was I thinking?
- I was going for French.
I didn't quite get there, but it's okay.
- Hey, stop!
- Lou, I will let you
keep two of those points.
Don't get used to this, players.
Grant.
- You know I have some stuff prepared too.
I could do just like
(laughter drowning out Grant)
- After 72 hours awake, Grant.
- Sharks, have I going to pitch for you.
Let's talk sleep.
The average person
sleeps eight hours a day.
But what if we didn't need sleep?
That's a third of the
day that we'd get back.
That's what I have
created, "Sweet No More".
The horn that keeps you awake.
Bed, bye!
Pillows, poof!
Blankets,
yeah, blanket.
- Grant,
what a face!
- Wow.
- I liked that.
I liked the almost like
- Cocaine?
- cocaine added performance, yeah.
- The cocaine of it all?
- Wow, Grant threw me there, that's good.
- We got that on film?
We got that on film? Cool!
- Yeah, you're going away.
Sharks, I have got a pitch for you.
Let's, let's talk sleep.
The average person
sleeps eight hours a day.
But,
if we didn't need sleep,
that's a third
of the day that we'd get back.
That's why I've created, "Sleep No More".
The horn that keeps you awake.
Bed, bye!
Pillows,
poof!
Blankets,
blanket
(dramatic crying)
- I love it, Giancarlo!
I love it!
This is hard gang.
I liked both of those performances.
- Sam, I don't blame you.
- As a judge, I think it's my duty
to offer credit where credit is due.
Grant, I'm gonna award you
all three of those points.
- Get out.
Christine, hiding that you're drunk.
- One second.
- Christine, you're ready?
- I
do solemnly swear
that I will faithfully execute
excuse me, the office of President
of
United States.
And
I'll do
to the best of my
ability
ability
sorry,
mmh?
Preserve,
(laughing dramatically)
protect, and defend
the constitution
of the United States.
(dramatically vomiting)
- Wow!
- When you stepped out of the
frame, did you take a shot?
- No, I did a bunch of, I
spun around in a circle.
- Oh cool, that's awesome.
- Very cool.
- That's awesome
- I Love it.
Okay, give me a second.
Are we rolling?
Wait, wait, no, no.
Can I have that, oh, we're streaming.
Just give me a
give me a minute, give me a minute.
I
do solemnly
swear
that I will
faithfully
execute the office of the presidency
to the best
of my
ability, ability.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Sorry.
To preserve, protect, and
defend the constitution
of the
United States.
(vomiting dramatically)
Oh my gosh! I got warm after that.
- There is brilliance
happening in the studio.
- I like both of those better than
a lot of presidents doing that.
So that was good.
- Christine, I'm gonna keep
all three of those points.
- Yeah, baby.
Yeah, baby.
- Mr.
Wilson.
Doubled
- That's mean.
- This is where imma
make my money right here.
- Oh, I love the fucking confidence.
- Okay, so
you're telling me,
you telling me this whole time,
this whole time,
I thought you meant 'pie'
as in like
as in blueberry
as in like pumpkin, but in fact,
in fact,
you
meant
'pi'
as in 3.14
(laughing dramatically)
(laughing dramatically)
6.
- Wow,
Lou.
- Wow.
- Oh, my God!
- Sam, you asshole.
- I didn't know how long it was gonna be.
So I was like, what are we gonna
- It almost felt like an
orgasm with two peaks,
you know what I mean?
Giancarlo, here we go, man.
(laughing dramatically)
- You telling me
(laughing dramatically)
this whole time
this whole
time
I thought you meant
'pie'
as in
blueberry
as in pumpkin
but
in fact
you meant
'pi'
(laughing dramatically)
as in 3.14
(laughing dramatically)
(laughing dramatically)
blueberry, pumpkin, blueberry, pumpkin
- I'm going home.
- Oh, my God!
- I'm going home.
I'm moving back with my parents
and I'm going to law school.
- No, you don't go to law school, brother.
Do exactly what you're doing.
- How are both of your abs doing?
- I'm feeling mine.
- Both of those were
A+ performances with A+ commitment.
Lou, I'm gonna let you keep
all those three points as well.
Last round, gang.
Last round.
With serial killer-like sociopathy.
- Here's where I earn my money.
- There you go.
Just love it.
- A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
Z.
Q
R
S-T-U-V
W-X -Y
P
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I do something wrong?
Have I upset you?
- Ooh,
Grant,
bone chilling.
- My heart is racing right now.
- I just wanna go on record and say,
getting Gus Frank to do this
is the proudest I've ever been.
- A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L-M-N-O
Z
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
P
Oh,
I'm sorry.
Did I do something wrong?
Did I upset you?
- Ooh,
shivers.
Absolute
shivers.
Who knew the alphabet could
be quite so harrowing.
- You put so much bass in your voice.
It was so good.
(speakers mumbling)
Use that face.
- I go deep for that.
Grant, imma let you hold
on to two of those points.
- Perfectly reasonable.
Thank you, Sam.
- You were competing perhaps
with my favorite character
in the history of television.
Christine.
- Me in Total Forgiveness?
- In terrible
grief.
- His name was Mario.
And he was
my guy.
We used to run together.
Him on the screen, me on the couch.
He'd hop, I'd laugh.
He'd grow and he'd shrink
and he'd turn into a raccoon
and I'd be so impressed.
And then
one day
I pushed him too hard.
Too fast.
And
he fell,
and
well,
he
game over.
- Hot damn, Christine.
- I can do better.
- Giancarlo, the floor is yours.
- His name was Mario.
He was my guy.
We used to run and
run together.
Him on the screen.
Me, me on the couch.
He'd hop and I'd laugh.
He'd grow
and he'd shrink
and he'd turn into a raccoon
and I'd be so impressed.
And then one day,
I pushed him too hard.
And he fell.
game over.
- Christine, imma let you keep
all three of those points.
- You actually cried.
- I can cry on cue.
- Last prompt of our game, friends.
And Lou,
inspiring
the troops.
- Never
give up.
Never
surrender.
Whatever you do,
whatever it is,
you find yourself doing,
just keep pushing.
The only
enemy
is fear.
Lift those arms.
Lift those legs.
Work those machines.
You didn't come to spin class,
not to break a sweat.
Looking good, Stephanie.
Looking real good.
All right, three, two, one.
And that is time.
That is time.
Good work everyone.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Aw, love it.
- Way to navigate my twist there,
Lou.
All right, Giancarlo.
- Never give up.
Never surrender.
Whatever you do., just keep pushing.
The only enemy is fear.
Lift those arms.
Work those machines.
You didn't come to spin
class not to break a sweat.
Looking good, Stephanie.
Looking good.
Three, two, one and that's time.
Good work everyone.
Stretch it out, stretch it out.
See you tomorrow.
- It looked like you on a bike.
- This is tough for sure.
- Hey Sam, do what you
have to do, all right?
I understand.
- Lou, I'm gonna give you
all three of those points.
Which means if I'm not mistaken,
Lou is the winner of this episode.
Lou you win an annual
subscription to Disney plus
where you might catch Giancarlo
Esposito in the Mandalorian.
- I'd love to catch Giancarlo
Esposito in the Mandalorian.
- Giancarlo, I cannot tell
you how much fun this was.
This was a dream come true.
- Oh, thank you so much.
A dream come true for me, man.
What fun.
Every one of you are so fantastic,
playful, that's what it takes.
I'm so grateful that
I've been invited, Sam.
Thank you.
That's it for us here at Game Changer.
I am your host, Sam Reich, reminding you
that there are no small parts.
Only bullshit game shows.
Good night.
- Bye!