Game Changer (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 10 - The Substitute - full transcript

A new challenger approaches.

- Get ready for a Game Changer.

Tonight's guests. A mouth
that's coming into focus,

it's Josh Ruben

- A mouth that looks like a butt.

- An eye ball slowly coming into focus,

it's Brennan Lee Mulligan.

- I am happy to be here.

- And your host me,

I've been here the whole time.

This is Game Changer.

The only game show where
the game changes every show.



I am your host Sam Reich.

I'm joined today by these
two lovely contestants.

Now, you both understand
how the game works.

- Of course.

Yes.
- Yes.

- That's right.

It's a game SAMER.

(upbeat music)

Oh no! Where is Zac Oyama?

Unfortunately Zac was busy

with an unrelated work project.

We wish him all the best.

In the meanwhile the show must go on.

Which means I need a sub for Zac.



Where am I gonna find a comedian,

who's good at sound effects?

Introducing perhaps the best

in the world

at this specific thing,
from Police Academy:

- No!

- And Spaceballs.

The man, the legend

Michael motherfucking Winslow.

- No!
- No!

(Shane laughing)

- What!

Oh my God.

- Oh my goodness.

- Please stand by.

- Boys, I've given you a challenge.

- You haven't given us a challenge Sam,

you've sent us to our deaths.

Sir, it's a pleasure and
an honor to meet you.

- Good to see you brother.
Good to see you guys man.

- The scores at the break.

Were Josh with 28 points, Zach.

And now Michael with
29 and Brennan with 30.

Josh, are you ready?

(Sam laughs)
- Oh no no! Please don't.

- Slime ASMR Josh.

Slime ASMR
- No problem.

- Well done. I like it.

And I will give you the point.

- Ugh!

- Michael over to you.

The most annoying morning alarm clock.

- Get your ass out of bed!

(everyone laughs)

- Wow! I am already sorry

for Josh and Brennan this episode.

Michael that is going to
be two points for you.

- Thank you, sir. Thank you.

- Brennan.

- Great.

- Over to you for,

a Chuck-E-Cheese band at its last gasp.

(Josh and Brennan chuckle)

♪ Boys and girls ♪

♪ We hate to say goodbye ♪

♪ Our servers have been shutting down ♪

♪ We don't want to make you cry ♪

♪ They made...steel and rubber ♪

♪ And (inaudible) that make you smile ♪

♪ They are putting us ♪

♪ Into deep deep storage ♪

♪ Where we are going to stay a while ♪

- Oh shit Brennan, that turned real dark

(Brennan laughs)

- I'm with ginger clown on that. So fast.

(Brennan laughs)

- I think two points

for you Brennan.
(Brennan sighs)

Josh
- Huh?

- The prompt is yours.

A cat throwing up the antichrist.

(Josh wails)

- Oh my God Josh.

The snake has eaten its own tail.

Very well done.

- Thank you very much.
- Two points.

Here we go Michael.

Gandalf the wizard, shaving his beard.

- Y'all trying to mess with me?

(Sam laughs)

Ready? Sound speed. Marker.

Gandalf the wizard shaving
his beard! Take 408.

Action!

Hurry, we've got to get
to the top of the rill

so I can shave this bloody beard.

Okay Gandalf, let's go.

Are those orcs?

Man, we gotta get past some orcs?

This is some messed up shit man.

(Josh and Brennan laughs)

Get you to the barbershop

and you're messing with us man.

You're gonna get us killed.

I got to get this beard shaved.

The end.

- I, I may have just watched

a full Lord of the Rings trilogy.

That was epic.

- It's really incredible.

When you watch the extended cut

all the stuff that they left out

of the theatrical release of the movies.

- That's exactly what I was going for man.

- Full two points.

Brennan Lee Mulligan.

A jellyfish giving its son 'the talk.'

- So this guy thinks I don't know

that jellyfish reproduce asexually.

(Sam laughs)

- Hey there son, I hope you're doing well.

Smearing all kinds of
small plankton and algae

and maybe even some small
fish in your long tentacles.

It's a hard life. You're in the sea.

You're getting to an age now where...

Look out an octopus! Look out!

You're getting to an age now

where it's time to start
thinking about your adult life.

You know, you're not a little pod anymore.

And I wanted to say, when I was your age,

my dad gave me the talk
too and what he told me

he said,

"Son, your actually part of a mitosis

where I split myself.

You know, that can be hard.

And yes, the other kids
are gonna make fun of you.

They're gonna, you may
see another jellyfish.

That's going through changes as well.

And if you feel any sexual attraction

for that other jellyfish,

that is abnormal and bizarre
(Sam laughs)

in our species. We don't do that.

I just want to say, for the
very short amount of time

I will continue to be alive.

I'm so proud of you kiddo.

Well done.
(Sam laughs)

- Wow!

Brennan, the amount of
spontaneous jellyfish facts

that you threw in there.

Fucking fun. Two points.

- You got two new shows
to pitch right there, man.

- Josh Ruben.
- Oh!

- Godzilla, but he's really sorry.

(Michael laughs)

- Oh shit.

(Josh wails)

(Josh wails)

What have I done?

(Sam and Brennan laugh)

(Brennan laughs)

- My God. The grief,
that I felt from that.

Mr. Michael, heaven's
automated phone line.

(Josh laughs)

(Michael hums tune)

- Welcome.

To the heaven line y'all.

To heaven's automated phone line.

Heaven's automated phone line.

Standby for God in just a minute.

(Brennan laughs)

I think I'm not going to
talk to you right now.

(everyone laughs)

Did you bring any pork rinds?

- Wow. Brennan.

I will throw it over to you for,

Poseidon the lifeguard

- Aquatic theme today, Brennan.
You got the aquatic theme.

- What have I said to thee about running

by the side of the pool?

Josh! Thou knowest thou
shall slip and skin thy knee.

And thou mom cannot pick
thyself up, until 3:30.

I am the master of the
deeps. Lord of the waves.

The tides are mine and
mine alone to command!

And you had a Snickers bar
less than 10 minutes ago.

You shouldn't even be out here!

Deep krakens and
leviathans shall I summon.

Sharks and needles of the deep.

My siren songs command the
hearts of sailors, near and far.

And this octopus might fuck you right up!

I won't tell you again!

Lest I blow my whistle Josh! Be warned!

- Wow! Truly as aggressive, aggressive

as the lifeguards were

at my local pool.
(Brennan laughs)

The two points go to Brennan.

Gentlemen, that brings
us to our mini game.

(soft music plays)

The mini game kind of like our game,

except the exact opposite.

We've been making a lot of
noise here in the studio today.

I think it's time to settle down

and make absolutely no noise.
(Michael sighs)

And so I want you to tackle
the following prompts silently.

When it's your turn, be silent.

That being said, if your fellow
players want to support you

with some noise, they are welcome to.

Josh, I'm going to start with you.

An inflating, wacky inflatable
arm flaling tube man.

(Sam laughs)

(Sam laughs)

(Brennan and Sam laugh)

Oh my God. Josh!

That's- that work- Oh my God!

Way to play with the frame.

Super impressive
- That's the most

I've moved since COVID.

- Yeah totally.

- Yeah baby.

- Thank you for the
support John. Thank you.

- Michael, it's your go.

Not letting the people around you know

that your specific lottery
numbers are being called.

- Beginning here in New York,
super lottery, Mega Millions.

The winner of tonight's drawing

will receive over $350 million
from the New York lottery.

And our first number coming out

of the bingo ball cage now.

- Ping!
- 37! 37.

- Ping!
- Next number. 17!

- Ping!

- Third number coming
out of the track here

looks to be a 6.
- Ping!

- Fourth number.
- Ping!

- 12, 18.

- Ping!

- 13!

- Ping!

- And our last number
of the evening folks...

- 99. There you have it
ladies and gentlemen.

The numbers have been called.
(Michael gasps)

(Brennan laughs)

- Very good Michael. Very impressive.

I know I'm taking you
out of your comfort zone

with this mini game. Very well done.

The full two points for you.

Brennan, your last silent prompt.

The gymnast member of the crime team

getting through the security system

(Michael laughs)

Shit. I think there might
be miniatures involved here.

(Sam laughs)

Wow. Brennan.

I don't know whether to award you or not

for that brilliant display of,

I will not commit to this physically.

And so I will have an object do it for me.

I will give you the point for sure.

(soft music plays)

That does it for our mini game.

We are headed into round two.

The points as they stand now.

Josh with 35, Michael
with 36, Brennan with 37.

Josh, you are welcome to
make some noise again.

A rude Goldberg machine.

Not a Rube Goldberg machine.

No, no, no.

- Okay. Here's the marble. Ready?

- I won't get it.

- Michael jumping in there with the assist

at the last moment. I love
that interpretation Josh.

Beautiful. Michael over to you.

Tuning the radio but
every song is about you.

Oh my God. I'm so mad at my boyfriend.

I just hate him so much.

I just, hope I never,

I never never never hear him (inaudible)

I feel better.

I don't love you no more!

I don't love you anymore!

(everyone laughs)
(Brennan claps)

- Oh my God.

- Like how, how are you even possible?

(Brennan laughs)

Brennan. You're on a
date when embarrassingly,

you spring a leak and
you begin to deflate.

- Oh, that's good.

- That's so wild that you mentioned that.

I actually, a friend of
mine back in New York,

traveled to Paris recently
and said the exact same thing.

That there's like laws there

where you're where your,

that you can't like busk
necessarily everywhere in the city.

And essentially that.

Um. Cool.

No, no, no.

I'm fine. Actually. You know what's weird?

Is I may need to...

I'm going to go to the
bathroom really quick.

You're actually. You're fully good.

- Oh my God. What a place to freeze.

(Josh laughs)

Do you have a... I left mine in my car.

Do you have a little gauge for PSI?

- Brennan!

I mean, way more than I asked for even.

Not only the deflation, but the recovery.

Two points.

Mr. Ruben it's, believe it or not,

your last prompt.

- Oh no.

- Santa fucks up the whole routine.

(Brennan laughs)

- Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry...

Oh, okay.

Oh, I'm just gonna...

Okay. Oh oh.

Oh oh! I dropped all the toys.

- I think you did very
well. Two points for you.

Mr Winslow, last one my friend.

- What do you got for me?

- Cats and dogs star in
this movie trailer for

'The Fst and the Furryous.'

- So, so I take it Vin
Diesel's a pitbull right?

(Brennan laughs)

(Josh and Brennan laugh)

(Michael meows)
(Josh and Brennan laugh)

(Michael barks)
(Michael meows)

Cats aren't supposed to drive.

I'm Vin Diesel, it's supposed
to be my freaking movie.

(sirens)

And we'll be right back after that.

- My God, Michael...
- And welcome back

to our movie.
(everyone laughs)

Man you've got to stop chasing my car.

Don't be chasing my car
and shit, yo! Just saying.

- Man Michael, you gave me the soundtrack.

You gave me the car chase.

You gave me the animals.

I'm going to say three points for that.

That was truly some next level shit.

Brennan. Your last prompt. I'm
sorry about this in advance.

A predictive text Brennan.

- Oh my God.

(Sam laughs)

- Well gentlemen welcome
here to synthetic texts labs.

We've been working hard
on compiling a hard drive,

a robot that will be able to

functionally read the
entire social media data

and metadata of an individual

and be able to approximate their
speech as best as possible.

You're here for the
prototype demonstration.

The individual selected is the,

was it submitted through user data.

It's the Tide Pod guy from College Humor.

So we'll be turning the machine on now

for you to take a look at
what our robot approximates

his normal speech
patterns like here we go.

Hey gang, absolutely to
100% happy to be here.

Number one thing is that everyone
to take care of yourself.

Predictably, you might find another time.

And the philosophy camp counselor

this time around we go back

and I'm telling you right
now I won't stand for it!

Gang, you gotta be drinking water.

I have a large Irish Catholic family.

Gandalf the white, Gandalf the gray.

We all have a responsibility to examine

our place in the world.

Thank you so much for watching.

We super duper appreciate it.

Happy hippie hooky time, time, time.

Incredible!

- Yes! Everything I wanted Brennan.

And you gave to me in a Christmas present.

I'll give you the two points for that.

That is it! For us here at Game Changer.

The points at the end of this episode,

Josh with 39, Brennan
with 41, Michael with 42.

- Oh!
(Brennan claps)

- Michael, the art form that
you established decades ago.

It lives on in the new generation

of 30 something year olds, apparently.

- Because you've got to
have a sense of humor today.

You got, you got to laugh at some

at some point you got to
either laugh or make noises

or just, or just turn yourself up man.

You got to laugh.

- That is it for us here at Game Changer.

I am your host Sam Reich.

And you know what?

That all sounds pretty good to me.

Goodnight.

(audience claps)
(Brennan claps)