Game Changer (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Do I Hear $1? - full transcript
Ally, Grant and Raph learn their limits as they out-bid each other for awful opportunities.
- Get ready for a "Game Changer".
Tonight's guests, still with
a Sophia tattoo on their neck,
it's Ally Beardsley.
Having bought back most of
the items in his apartment,
it's Grant O'Brien.
And someone new to totally forgive,
it's Raphael Chestang.
And your host, me.
I've been here the whole time.
This is "Game Changer",
the only game show where
the game changes every show.
I am your host, Sam Reich.
I'm joined today by these
three lovely contestants.
Now, you all understand
how the game works.
- No.
- Absolutely not.
- Not even a little bit, I'm very scared.
- Our players have no idea
what game it is they're about to play.
The only way to learn is by playing.
The only way to win is by learning.
And the only way to begin is by beginning.
So without further ado, let's,
begin.
(contestants laugh)
- That was a lot of ado.
That was a whole bunch of ado.
- I'll let you know when its too much ado.
(contestants laugh)
- Ash, if you could
please bring out the safe.
(playful music)
- Okay.
- All right.
- Oh boy. (laughs)
- There's a gun with one bullet inside.
(contestants laugh)
- That's the game.
- In this safe I have
an undisclosed amount of money.
- Uh-huh.
- Starting with you Ally.
- Okay.
- You and I are going
to try to make a deal.
- Okay.
- Let's see how we do.
Would you let us pluck a single nose hair?
- (laughs) If you can find one.
(contestants laugh)
- That nose is clean as a whistle.
- Yes, yeah.
- How much?
- Oh, I give you a number? Huh.
- Oh man.
- Okay.
$50.
- $50?
Ally, I don't know, that's
a little rich for my blood.
Grant?
- Huh?
- What?
- Can you do any better?
(Ally gasps)
- Oh, this sucks.
- This is a race to the bottom.
- Oh, this is insane.
Oh, Sam.
(Raphael laughs)
All right, sure.
Uh, $25.
- A 50% discount?
- Wow!
- It's a nose hair.
- $49, is the answer you
give for not being a scab.
(Raphael laughs)
- Straight up, cut in half.
Do I hear better than 25?
- Oh, from me? (laughs)
- Is it a final offer?
- No.
- Okay.
- Better than 25?
Better for who?
- You don't have to.
- I don't have to?
- Absolutely not. It's up to you, Raph.
The question is, is the value--
- Of my nose hair.
- Of your nose hair to you,
worth any less than $25?
- I guess I'll just say 20?
- $20.
Do I hear less from either of you?
- $19.
(Sam laughs)
(Raphael laughs)
That's lunch, that's
lunch and a cup of coffee.
- $15.
- No, no, no!
(contestants laugh)
- [Raphael] $15?!
- The game is a foot!
- $14.
- Oh, you guys are in
your own competition.
- $14, going once--
- Remember it really
hurts, it really hurts.
- [Sam] Going twice.
- 13.
- What?
- [Sam] $13, going once.
- I'm out.
- Going twice, Ally!
(cash register dings)
- Oh!
- Try to find an Irish hair in my nose.
(Raphael laughs)
- You wanna come over here?
(Ally laughs)
- I feel like this is
gonna be real tricky.
- [Ally] You're looking for a ghost.
- This is really kinky.
- Do I have your consent?
- You absolutely have my consent.
- Oh, good Lord.
Oh, yeah, these are tiny.
- Oh, God.
- Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
- Oh, no!
- Oh.
(Ally yells)
(contestants exclaim)
- Okay.
(contestants laugh)
- Ally, I feel so close to you.
- I can't believe this is
what we're gonna do today.
- I hate capitalism,
but I also hate losing.
- Grant.
- Sam.
- I'm first to talk to you.
- Hi.
- [Sam] Make out with your hand
passionately for 10 seconds.
(Ally laughs)
(Raphael laughs)
- Try and stop him.
- $1.000.
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
- Raph, can you do any better than $1.000?
- I'll say, $100.
- Ally?
- $5.
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
- No!
- Ally, Ally!
- $5.
- $4.
- I'm trying to win, baby.
I'm trying to win.
- [Sam] So much promise.
- Dammit.
- Do I hear better than Grant's $4?
Going once--
- $3.50
- [Sam] No.
- What? Sam!
- I have no change.
(contestants laugh)
Going one, going twice,
sold to Grant.
On your mark--
- Don't start the clock yet.
- [Sam] Oh, okay.
(Raphael giggles)
(Sam giggles)
- I know, this bar is crazy.
Actually, no pressure,
but my place is right around the corner
if you wanna come over for one more drink.
Awesome, yeah, I think that'd be fun.
(Ally chuckles)
Good.
- Start the clock, start the clock.
- Three--
- Please.
- Start it.
- Four,
five,
six,
seven,
eight,
nine,
10.
(Grant moaning)
Some of that was the
wrist, but I'll count it.
- Oh, God.
- It was the neck.
It's very important to
hit all the zones, Sam.
(Ally groans)
- Oh, God.
- My gag reflexes.
- For example, my ears are very sensitive.
- Okay.
- So like when someone sucks
or nibbles my ears, through the moon.
- I wish I had charged more for this.
(contestants laugh)
(ding)
Raph?
- Yeah.
- Would you eat a Post-It Note?
(Raphael giggles)
- [Raphael] Whoa, there it is!
- There's glue on that.
- Oh, you can eat glue.
(Grant laughs)
A little.
- Spoken so authoritatively.
- There's probably glue
on your hand.
- Let's see here, I'd do
it for, let's say, $10.
(Raphael laughs)
- Raph!
You guys, you guys.
We could do better than this.
- It's being honest.
- Are you gonna beat that, Grant?
- $9.
- I've accidentally
eaten a Post-It Note.
- What, no!
- It was on my sandwich.
- $9.
Sorry, Ally, say that again.
- Nothing.
(Sam laughs)
- Grant, I think I got a $9 outta you.
- $9.
- $8.
- Ally, I like your style.
- Thank you.
- I'm out.
- He's out.
Raph, can you do any
better than eight bucks?
Going once, going twice,
sold.
- Good God.
- Oh, God.
(contestants laugh)
- $8.
- No!
- I can't do it for $7.
- Thank you so much.
- Now before they get the points,
Ally has to eat this whole Post-It Note.
So Ally, what's the strategy?
- Rip it.
- Little bits at a time?
- Yeah, that's what I'd do.
- [Grant] Ally.
- I'm pretending it's cheese.
(Raphael laughs)
- Put the whole thing
in there and soak it,
soak it in your spit.
- You don't know how wet my mouth is.
(Grant and Raphael laugh)
You don't know anything about me.
(Sam laughs)
- [Grant] Oh, no.
- It tastes like Staples, the store.
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
- Yeah, we've got that.
Sam, I'd like to go back in time.
To the pilot of, "Total Forgiveness".
On which, you said,
"It puts me in an awkward
position to be your torturer."
- Yes, it does.
(Raphael laughs)
It's very awkward for me.
- [Grant] I am sure.
- That is $8 for Ally,
bringing them to 21.
(Ally exhales)
- Good golly.
- Ally, I'm back with you,
although as we now know,
this is anyone's game.
Like an ex's last 25
pictures on Instagram.
(Grant exclaims)
- $5.000.
(Sam laughs)
- We just went from 0-100.
- $5.000.
- I'll do it for $1.000.
- What?
- Okay, wait,
an ex, is this like two weird dates?
Actually, I guess that's worse.
(Raphael laughs)
Dang it.
Imagine, what if it's like,
my mom's in the hospital.
Like, you don't know
what's in those last 25.
- $999.
- 800.
- $800.
- 799.
- $799, from Grant.
- 685.
- $685.
- 684.
- $684.
- 683.
- $500.
- $500, from Grant.
- 299.
- $299.
- Oh my God.
- 250.
- Oh my God.
- $250.
- Fuck.
- No, wait, wait, Raph, you have to bid!
No Raph, you have to bid.
(Raphael laughs)
- 200.
- $200, from Raph.
- I'm out.
- You could not pay me
to do this. (laughs)
- I'm gonna cry.
- Oh my God.
- [Sam] Do you wanna meet me?
- It'll be fine.
- Okay, great.
- That's already done.
Three,
four,
five--
- What did we do on "Total
Forgiveness" for $250?
- Six--
- That was $200.
- Seven,
eight,
nine,
10,
11--
- Oh, God.
- 12,
13,
14,
15,
16--
- Raph, do you know if she's single?
- 17,
18--
- Grant.
(Raphael laughs)
- Curious.
- 19,
20,
21,
22,
23,
24,
25.
- Oh, Christ.
- Wait, when was the last photo from?
- Oh, that's a great question.
The last photo is from December 12, 2018.
(Ally laughs)
- Oh my God.
Oh, this horrifying.
- You're winning.
- Is this what winning feels like, Ally?
- Grant O'Brien?
- Sam Reich?
- Would you drink toilet
water with a straw?
(playful music)
Let's make clear here an expectation.
I want a gurgle and a swallow.
- Ew!
- $20.000.
- 20.000?
- Yeah.
- I mean, honestly...
(everyone laughs)
I'll say, 750.
- 750?
- $700.
- $700, from Grant O'Brien.
- Wait.
- Do I hear any better?
- 650.
- $650.
- Mm-hmm.
- $600.
- 550, 550.
- $550, from Raph.
Going once,
going twice--
- $500.
- What the fuck?
- $500, from Grant O'Brien.
- 450.
- $450.
- Oh my God.
(Raphael laughs)
- Going once--
- Whatever, I'm on PrEP, $400.
(Ally and Raphael laugh)
- $400, from Grant.
Going once,
going twice--
- Everybody should get on PrEP.
- Sold, to Grant O'Brien.
(cash register dings)
Grant, let's take a look.
- Okay, so the only way
that I can retain some power in this--
- No.
- Is to make it a perv thing.
- [Sam] Sure.
(Ally laughs)
- That makes it so much worse.
- You wanna watch this?
- [Raphael] Oh, no.
- You wanna watch this?
- I have to, I'm the judge.
- [Raphael] Oh my God.
- Oh, you're a little pig, aren't ya.
Watching this at home,
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
on your laptop.
- That was for how much money?
- Honestly, this is gonna be a problem.
- [Grant] Is someone in
that bathroom, right now?
- I don't know, that would be very funny.
Can you imagine, somebody
just walking out of here.
- Yeah, you little pervs.
Yeah, you like this.
This is what you're into?
- And I'm supposed to watch,
I don't know if I can.
- Yeah, yeah, mm, Sam,
oh, you wanna see this?
- Oh God.
- You wanna see me
drink outta this toilet?
You pervs.
I just touched the side of
the toilet with the straw.
(Sam laughs)
(Grant gargling)
- Nice job, my friend, nice job.
(Raphael laughs)
(Ally clapping)
That was hard to watch, I'll be honest.
- Put $400 on my board.
- [Sam] Well, $404, I believe.
- That's right, good sir.
- Do not do that at home.
- I think I need to sit
quietly for a minute.
(Sam laughs)
I need to think about some things.
- Yeah.
- Raph?
- Yes.
- Can I get you to ask
the first stranger you see
out on the street, out on a date?
- Sam! (laughs)
Honestly, we have someone here who would--
(Sam and Ally laugh)
He's going to do that anyway.
- What you're saying is
we have a specialist.
- [Raphael] We have a specialist.
- Why would give the job to a novice?
- Exactly.
- Which is fair.
- I'd put this at 1.000.
I would do it for 1.000.
- Grant and Ally, do I hear any better?
- $900.
- 850.
Depending on who the person is.
- Well, it's the first person
you see out on the street.
$850--
- $700.
- $600.
- $500.
- Okay, Grant just wants to do this.
So no matter what we
say, he's gonna take it,
and I'm okay with that.
- 450.
- Don't vote against yourself.
- $400.
- What the hell is happening, Grant?
- You were at 500, take it.
- I believe he's at 400.
What's that?
- 399.
- 399.
- 350.
- What, no, let him
get 500 bucks for that.
- 325.
- 325!
- 310.
- 309.
(Raphael and Sam laugh)
- $300.
(Ally laughs)
- 299.
- 299, from Grant,
going once--
- This is so stupid.
- Going twice,
sold to Grant O'Brien for $299.
- Yeah, go.
- Let's take another walk, shall we?
- Go breathe your toilet
water in a stranger's face.
(Raphael laughs)
Honestly, I would like to watch.
- Hello, I'm very sorry.
This is very startling.
My name is Grant, I work right
inside this building here.
You're under no absolutely
no obligation to say yes,
if you'd like to have a
glass of wine with me,
sometime this week or next,
I'd have a very good time.
It would be a date.
- Um...
- I'm so sorry.
These are friends of mine.
I'm so sorry.
- Um...
- What's your name?
- Eleanor.
- Eleanor, I'm Grant, hello.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- My ride's here.
- Understood, no problem, have
a wonderful rest of your day.
- Thank you though.
- Thank you very much.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
All right.
- [Ally] Grant, I really thought
you had better game than that.
(Raphael and Sam laugh)
- So all of a sudden I realized...
Okay, look, okay, I have
better game than that.
But you try at home being
swarmed by people with cameras.
- Yes.
We're now officially in the
back half of the episode.
Ash, could you come open the safe?
(playful music)
So far we have given out close to $1.000,
so you know, as we enter into
the back half of this episode,
there are $10.000 in this safe.
- Oh, wow.
Oh my God.
- What?
- I drank out of a toilet for 400?
And there were 10.000 on the table?
- Wow.
- The negotiation is going to
become a touch more complex,
because I am not negotiating not only,
for how much you will do it for,
but also what you'll do.
Here's how this is gonna work.
Share with me, a photo from your phone.
- Okay.
- I'll decide which of your photos I think
is the juiciest to share with the world.
- Uh, sir. (laughs)
- For an amount of money
that you and I negotiate.
It's gotta be something you're
willing to share with me,
but just because you'll share it with me,
doesn't mean we're gonna
share it with the world.
- Wow.
- Give you each a moment
to identify a photo.
- Oh my God.
- Uh.
- [Sam] That you think
would be fun to include
as a part of this bid.
- Well, just, here--
- Do you wanna come show me something?
- I mean, sure.
- This is very promising, Grant.
This is very promising.
- Fuck.
- Okay.
- $8.000.
- Excuse me!
- I have a photo
that is actually more
embarrassing than anything.
- Great.
- Okay, so--
(Ally whispering)
(Sam and Ally laugh)
- This is so bad.
- Incredible.
Do you have a number, Ally.
- 4.000.
- $4.000?
- You know who's gonna watch this show?
Everyone involved in this photo.
- Jesus Christ.
(Ally and Raphael laugh)
- Okay, so...
I have this.
- Yep.
- I have this.
- That's better.
Do you have a number, Raph?
I like photo two the most.
- Let's say,
2.000.
- Grant, I'll be honest with
you, that's too expensive.
- Okay.
- Ally, I really like your offer.
$4.000 is a gigantic chunk of that change.
- Uh huh.
- Would you be willing to come down?
- Yeah, what if I said,
2.500, and I tell the story.
- It goes to Ally for $2.500.
- Yes!
- Wow.
- Ally.
- Okay, so I got top surgery
and I made a soup list,
and all my friends signed
up to bring me soup,
and it was very nice.
- It was very nice.
- And every one of the writers
came and brought me soup,
but it ended up being too much soup,
so I put some of the soup in the freezer,
and then I had to move,
and it's crazy to move with soup,
so I had to throw a ton of it out.
- [Grant] Ally!
(Raphael laughs)
- And this is like nine people's worth
of homemade soup in my trash can.
(Sam laughs)
(Raphael laughs)
- That's $2.500, for Ally.
- I am so sorry.
- That is so funny.
- And you know what,
friendship really carries you
through a scary time,
and I really appreciate it, guys.
(Sam sighs)
- Players, take a deep breath with me.
(everyone breathing)
(Sam clears throat)
- What would you do with a pie?
(playful music)
- I mean, we all know Grant's answer.
(Sam laughs)
- Sam, I'd fuck that pie.
- You'd fuck that pie?
- $6.000.
- Man, that's a big chunk
of my remaining change.
- This is just, like, cream?
- [Sam] It's a cream pie.
- I'll make it a wig, and wear
it for the rest of the show.
- Oh, that's pretty tempting.
And how much would you do that for, Raph?
- I'll do it for 4.000.
- 4.000 is too much money for that,
I might make you a counter.
Do you wanna participate in this, Ally?
- I would take a video of myself saying,
"Make America great again",
and then throw it in my
own face, and post it.
- Post it, now?
- Yeah.
- That's incredible, Ally.
For what amount of money?
- For $4.000.
- $4.000?
(Raphael laughs)
$4.000?
I will offer you, $1.000 to do it.
- No, half of my family's
gonna go, finally.
(Sam laughs)
- I'll do it for $1.000.
- You'll do that for $1.000?
- 800.
- You'll do that for $800?
- What?
- Going once, going twice--
- No, please, goddamn it, say something.
- Sold, to Raph.
- That should be $1.800,
like at the least.
- Sold, to Raph.
Raph, let's get you on the floor.
- I feel high right now.
(Ally laughs)
- Okay, Raph, you're gonna dip,
and then say to the camera,
"Make America Great Again".
Three, two, one, and go.
- Make America great again.
- [Sam] Really well done, Raph.
- You look like Mrs. Doubtfire.
(upbeat tune)
- And we're back.
Raph, I believe as a part of that,
you were supposed to post it.
- Yeah.
- Did you just?
- Yeah.
- Oh, great.
(contestants laugh)
Oh, great.
That brings you to 1.000.
Grant you have $703.
Ally,
2521.
- Wow.
- What would you all do
with an electric razor?
I will take whatever the
best offer seems to me to be.
- I'd shave my head for $6.000.
- Ally, fuck.
- Excuse me?
- Not a penny less.
- I don't have $6.000...
If my math is correct, I have
between $5.000-$6.000 left.
- For $4.000, I'll shave off
some of my pubes and eat them.
(Ally exclaims)
(Raphael laughs)
- Excuse me.
- I mean, I think you win.
- I'm just gonna...
- Oh, like none of you have
ever had pubes in your mouth,
fucking virgins, you virgins.
(Ally laughs)
You bunch of virgins.
- Yeah, but not my own.
- [Raphael] And not in your stomach.
They might go in your mouth,
but not in your digestive tract.
- Hey, melts in your
mouth, not in your hand.
(Raphael laughs)
I don't know what that means.
- What?
- $4.000.
- $4.000?
- Yep.
- I'll shave my beard for 800.
- Really?
- Really?
- We don't normally see
Raph without a beard,
that's kind of interesting.
- I don't know if I ever have.
- It'll be weird.
(Ally and Raphael laugh)
- Ally, let's talk, is there any--
- Can I say something?
- Yes?
- When you do something
to Ally's hair for money,
they look cool.
(everyone laughs)
Everyone thinks they look cool.
So just, you know--
- Just F.Y.I.
- Keep in mind.
- [Sam] Let's talk
about what we could do--
- Uh huh.
- For $2.500.
- A patch of land,
could be yours to shave.
- Whoa.
- A patch of land.
- Not here.
- Not there.
- Preferably, not here.
- Not there.
Like, a patch of land back here?
- Mm-hmm.
- What about the full
ring around the rosie?
You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, okay.
- Whoa!
- Okay.
- [Sam] $2.500 to shave
the back of your head.
- Uh huh.
- Going once--
- Is anyone else trying to--
- Going twice--
- I'll shave my bush for 1.000.
- Sold, to Ally.
(cash register dings)
(Raphael laughs)
Ally, if you can take a seat here,
in our barber's chair.
- I can't believe this is happening.
- Hello.
- The wonderful Chloe,
who has some experience with a razor,
is going to do this for you.
- Oh, great.
- Since it would be
difficult to do on your own.
- Okay.
- How many goddamn times
are we gonna do something to Ally's hair?
- Ally?
- Yeah, here is good.
Here, back.
- Oh my goodness.
- That's so much hair.
- Wait...
- [Grant] We have to
think of something here.
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure, yeah, yeah.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- Oh my God.
Oh, Ally.
(Grant gasps)
- Oh, no!
- Oh!
- [Grant] Oh, no!
- Grant, you're making it worse.
- Oh, it's not good.
- It's good, it's good.
(clippers buzzing)
- Oh, wow.
That feels like I'm wearing a wig now.
(everyone laughs)
- So crazy.
- Thank you so much.
(upbeat tune)
- There are three-ish thousand
dollars left in this safe.
What would you do with live crickets?
(playful music)
- Fuck.
(Ally exclaims)
- How about this, there's
three of us and $3.000.
- I don't like what's happening here.
- If we agree to say like,
I'll wave at the crickets for $3.000.
- Sure.
- And nobody outbids there other one.
- Wait, wait, wait,
what with the crickets?
- Wave.
- Wave at them.
- I'll just wave at them.
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, you know what,
all I'll do is wave.
- And we split it.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- And I won't do that.
- I'll eat the crickets for a dollar.
- No, no, no!
This is the prisoner's dilemma.
- I'm not sure I like
what's happening here,
I'm not sure I like the coordination.
Let me make sure I understand this right,
there are $3.000 or more on the line,
there are three of you,
one of you, just needs to tell me,
that you will do something crazy here,
for me to like your bid
enough to go with it.
- No.
- Congratulations,
players, you've unionized.
(Ally exclaims)
You have broken my game.
And thusly, you split the remaining pot.
That's it for us here at, "Game Changer".
Before we leave,
I expect all of you to
wave at these crickets.
- Goodbye, crickets.
- Goodbye, crickets.
- Bye, crickets.
- I'm Sam Reich, reminding you,
that when it comes to entertainment,
you get what you pay for.
Good night.
- So this was to get us to
unionize the whole time?
- Well, I was prepared for that.
Tonight's guests, still with
a Sophia tattoo on their neck,
it's Ally Beardsley.
Having bought back most of
the items in his apartment,
it's Grant O'Brien.
And someone new to totally forgive,
it's Raphael Chestang.
And your host, me.
I've been here the whole time.
This is "Game Changer",
the only game show where
the game changes every show.
I am your host, Sam Reich.
I'm joined today by these
three lovely contestants.
Now, you all understand
how the game works.
- No.
- Absolutely not.
- Not even a little bit, I'm very scared.
- Our players have no idea
what game it is they're about to play.
The only way to learn is by playing.
The only way to win is by learning.
And the only way to begin is by beginning.
So without further ado, let's,
begin.
(contestants laugh)
- That was a lot of ado.
That was a whole bunch of ado.
- I'll let you know when its too much ado.
(contestants laugh)
- Ash, if you could
please bring out the safe.
(playful music)
- Okay.
- All right.
- Oh boy. (laughs)
- There's a gun with one bullet inside.
(contestants laugh)
- That's the game.
- In this safe I have
an undisclosed amount of money.
- Uh-huh.
- Starting with you Ally.
- Okay.
- You and I are going
to try to make a deal.
- Okay.
- Let's see how we do.
Would you let us pluck a single nose hair?
- (laughs) If you can find one.
(contestants laugh)
- That nose is clean as a whistle.
- Yes, yeah.
- How much?
- Oh, I give you a number? Huh.
- Oh man.
- Okay.
$50.
- $50?
Ally, I don't know, that's
a little rich for my blood.
Grant?
- Huh?
- What?
- Can you do any better?
(Ally gasps)
- Oh, this sucks.
- This is a race to the bottom.
- Oh, this is insane.
Oh, Sam.
(Raphael laughs)
All right, sure.
Uh, $25.
- A 50% discount?
- Wow!
- It's a nose hair.
- $49, is the answer you
give for not being a scab.
(Raphael laughs)
- Straight up, cut in half.
Do I hear better than 25?
- Oh, from me? (laughs)
- Is it a final offer?
- No.
- Okay.
- Better than 25?
Better for who?
- You don't have to.
- I don't have to?
- Absolutely not. It's up to you, Raph.
The question is, is the value--
- Of my nose hair.
- Of your nose hair to you,
worth any less than $25?
- I guess I'll just say 20?
- $20.
Do I hear less from either of you?
- $19.
(Sam laughs)
(Raphael laughs)
That's lunch, that's
lunch and a cup of coffee.
- $15.
- No, no, no!
(contestants laugh)
- [Raphael] $15?!
- The game is a foot!
- $14.
- Oh, you guys are in
your own competition.
- $14, going once--
- Remember it really
hurts, it really hurts.
- [Sam] Going twice.
- 13.
- What?
- [Sam] $13, going once.
- I'm out.
- Going twice, Ally!
(cash register dings)
- Oh!
- Try to find an Irish hair in my nose.
(Raphael laughs)
- You wanna come over here?
(Ally laughs)
- I feel like this is
gonna be real tricky.
- [Ally] You're looking for a ghost.
- This is really kinky.
- Do I have your consent?
- You absolutely have my consent.
- Oh, good Lord.
Oh, yeah, these are tiny.
- Oh, God.
- Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
- Oh, no!
- Oh.
(Ally yells)
(contestants exclaim)
- Okay.
(contestants laugh)
- Ally, I feel so close to you.
- I can't believe this is
what we're gonna do today.
- I hate capitalism,
but I also hate losing.
- Grant.
- Sam.
- I'm first to talk to you.
- Hi.
- [Sam] Make out with your hand
passionately for 10 seconds.
(Ally laughs)
(Raphael laughs)
- Try and stop him.
- $1.000.
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
- Raph, can you do any better than $1.000?
- I'll say, $100.
- Ally?
- $5.
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
- No!
- Ally, Ally!
- $5.
- $4.
- I'm trying to win, baby.
I'm trying to win.
- [Sam] So much promise.
- Dammit.
- Do I hear better than Grant's $4?
Going once--
- $3.50
- [Sam] No.
- What? Sam!
- I have no change.
(contestants laugh)
Going one, going twice,
sold to Grant.
On your mark--
- Don't start the clock yet.
- [Sam] Oh, okay.
(Raphael giggles)
(Sam giggles)
- I know, this bar is crazy.
Actually, no pressure,
but my place is right around the corner
if you wanna come over for one more drink.
Awesome, yeah, I think that'd be fun.
(Ally chuckles)
Good.
- Start the clock, start the clock.
- Three--
- Please.
- Start it.
- Four,
five,
six,
seven,
eight,
nine,
10.
(Grant moaning)
Some of that was the
wrist, but I'll count it.
- Oh, God.
- It was the neck.
It's very important to
hit all the zones, Sam.
(Ally groans)
- Oh, God.
- My gag reflexes.
- For example, my ears are very sensitive.
- Okay.
- So like when someone sucks
or nibbles my ears, through the moon.
- I wish I had charged more for this.
(contestants laugh)
(ding)
Raph?
- Yeah.
- Would you eat a Post-It Note?
(Raphael giggles)
- [Raphael] Whoa, there it is!
- There's glue on that.
- Oh, you can eat glue.
(Grant laughs)
A little.
- Spoken so authoritatively.
- There's probably glue
on your hand.
- Let's see here, I'd do
it for, let's say, $10.
(Raphael laughs)
- Raph!
You guys, you guys.
We could do better than this.
- It's being honest.
- Are you gonna beat that, Grant?
- $9.
- I've accidentally
eaten a Post-It Note.
- What, no!
- It was on my sandwich.
- $9.
Sorry, Ally, say that again.
- Nothing.
(Sam laughs)
- Grant, I think I got a $9 outta you.
- $9.
- $8.
- Ally, I like your style.
- Thank you.
- I'm out.
- He's out.
Raph, can you do any
better than eight bucks?
Going once, going twice,
sold.
- Good God.
- Oh, God.
(contestants laugh)
- $8.
- No!
- I can't do it for $7.
- Thank you so much.
- Now before they get the points,
Ally has to eat this whole Post-It Note.
So Ally, what's the strategy?
- Rip it.
- Little bits at a time?
- Yeah, that's what I'd do.
- [Grant] Ally.
- I'm pretending it's cheese.
(Raphael laughs)
- Put the whole thing
in there and soak it,
soak it in your spit.
- You don't know how wet my mouth is.
(Grant and Raphael laugh)
You don't know anything about me.
(Sam laughs)
- [Grant] Oh, no.
- It tastes like Staples, the store.
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
- Yeah, we've got that.
Sam, I'd like to go back in time.
To the pilot of, "Total Forgiveness".
On which, you said,
"It puts me in an awkward
position to be your torturer."
- Yes, it does.
(Raphael laughs)
It's very awkward for me.
- [Grant] I am sure.
- That is $8 for Ally,
bringing them to 21.
(Ally exhales)
- Good golly.
- Ally, I'm back with you,
although as we now know,
this is anyone's game.
Like an ex's last 25
pictures on Instagram.
(Grant exclaims)
- $5.000.
(Sam laughs)
- We just went from 0-100.
- $5.000.
- I'll do it for $1.000.
- What?
- Okay, wait,
an ex, is this like two weird dates?
Actually, I guess that's worse.
(Raphael laughs)
Dang it.
Imagine, what if it's like,
my mom's in the hospital.
Like, you don't know
what's in those last 25.
- $999.
- 800.
- $800.
- 799.
- $799, from Grant.
- 685.
- $685.
- 684.
- $684.
- 683.
- $500.
- $500, from Grant.
- 299.
- $299.
- Oh my God.
- 250.
- Oh my God.
- $250.
- Fuck.
- No, wait, wait, Raph, you have to bid!
No Raph, you have to bid.
(Raphael laughs)
- 200.
- $200, from Raph.
- I'm out.
- You could not pay me
to do this. (laughs)
- I'm gonna cry.
- Oh my God.
- [Sam] Do you wanna meet me?
- It'll be fine.
- Okay, great.
- That's already done.
Three,
four,
five--
- What did we do on "Total
Forgiveness" for $250?
- Six--
- That was $200.
- Seven,
eight,
nine,
10,
11--
- Oh, God.
- 12,
13,
14,
15,
16--
- Raph, do you know if she's single?
- 17,
18--
- Grant.
(Raphael laughs)
- Curious.
- 19,
20,
21,
22,
23,
24,
25.
- Oh, Christ.
- Wait, when was the last photo from?
- Oh, that's a great question.
The last photo is from December 12, 2018.
(Ally laughs)
- Oh my God.
Oh, this horrifying.
- You're winning.
- Is this what winning feels like, Ally?
- Grant O'Brien?
- Sam Reich?
- Would you drink toilet
water with a straw?
(playful music)
Let's make clear here an expectation.
I want a gurgle and a swallow.
- Ew!
- $20.000.
- 20.000?
- Yeah.
- I mean, honestly...
(everyone laughs)
I'll say, 750.
- 750?
- $700.
- $700, from Grant O'Brien.
- Wait.
- Do I hear any better?
- 650.
- $650.
- Mm-hmm.
- $600.
- 550, 550.
- $550, from Raph.
Going once,
going twice--
- $500.
- What the fuck?
- $500, from Grant O'Brien.
- 450.
- $450.
- Oh my God.
(Raphael laughs)
- Going once--
- Whatever, I'm on PrEP, $400.
(Ally and Raphael laugh)
- $400, from Grant.
Going once,
going twice--
- Everybody should get on PrEP.
- Sold, to Grant O'Brien.
(cash register dings)
Grant, let's take a look.
- Okay, so the only way
that I can retain some power in this--
- No.
- Is to make it a perv thing.
- [Sam] Sure.
(Ally laughs)
- That makes it so much worse.
- You wanna watch this?
- [Raphael] Oh, no.
- You wanna watch this?
- I have to, I'm the judge.
- [Raphael] Oh my God.
- Oh, you're a little pig, aren't ya.
Watching this at home,
(Sam and Raphael laugh)
on your laptop.
- That was for how much money?
- Honestly, this is gonna be a problem.
- [Grant] Is someone in
that bathroom, right now?
- I don't know, that would be very funny.
Can you imagine, somebody
just walking out of here.
- Yeah, you little pervs.
Yeah, you like this.
This is what you're into?
- And I'm supposed to watch,
I don't know if I can.
- Yeah, yeah, mm, Sam,
oh, you wanna see this?
- Oh God.
- You wanna see me
drink outta this toilet?
You pervs.
I just touched the side of
the toilet with the straw.
(Sam laughs)
(Grant gargling)
- Nice job, my friend, nice job.
(Raphael laughs)
(Ally clapping)
That was hard to watch, I'll be honest.
- Put $400 on my board.
- [Sam] Well, $404, I believe.
- That's right, good sir.
- Do not do that at home.
- I think I need to sit
quietly for a minute.
(Sam laughs)
I need to think about some things.
- Yeah.
- Raph?
- Yes.
- Can I get you to ask
the first stranger you see
out on the street, out on a date?
- Sam! (laughs)
Honestly, we have someone here who would--
(Sam and Ally laugh)
He's going to do that anyway.
- What you're saying is
we have a specialist.
- [Raphael] We have a specialist.
- Why would give the job to a novice?
- Exactly.
- Which is fair.
- I'd put this at 1.000.
I would do it for 1.000.
- Grant and Ally, do I hear any better?
- $900.
- 850.
Depending on who the person is.
- Well, it's the first person
you see out on the street.
$850--
- $700.
- $600.
- $500.
- Okay, Grant just wants to do this.
So no matter what we
say, he's gonna take it,
and I'm okay with that.
- 450.
- Don't vote against yourself.
- $400.
- What the hell is happening, Grant?
- You were at 500, take it.
- I believe he's at 400.
What's that?
- 399.
- 399.
- 350.
- What, no, let him
get 500 bucks for that.
- 325.
- 325!
- 310.
- 309.
(Raphael and Sam laugh)
- $300.
(Ally laughs)
- 299.
- 299, from Grant,
going once--
- This is so stupid.
- Going twice,
sold to Grant O'Brien for $299.
- Yeah, go.
- Let's take another walk, shall we?
- Go breathe your toilet
water in a stranger's face.
(Raphael laughs)
Honestly, I would like to watch.
- Hello, I'm very sorry.
This is very startling.
My name is Grant, I work right
inside this building here.
You're under no absolutely
no obligation to say yes,
if you'd like to have a
glass of wine with me,
sometime this week or next,
I'd have a very good time.
It would be a date.
- Um...
- I'm so sorry.
These are friends of mine.
I'm so sorry.
- Um...
- What's your name?
- Eleanor.
- Eleanor, I'm Grant, hello.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- My ride's here.
- Understood, no problem, have
a wonderful rest of your day.
- Thank you though.
- Thank you very much.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
All right.
- [Ally] Grant, I really thought
you had better game than that.
(Raphael and Sam laugh)
- So all of a sudden I realized...
Okay, look, okay, I have
better game than that.
But you try at home being
swarmed by people with cameras.
- Yes.
We're now officially in the
back half of the episode.
Ash, could you come open the safe?
(playful music)
So far we have given out close to $1.000,
so you know, as we enter into
the back half of this episode,
there are $10.000 in this safe.
- Oh, wow.
Oh my God.
- What?
- I drank out of a toilet for 400?
And there were 10.000 on the table?
- Wow.
- The negotiation is going to
become a touch more complex,
because I am not negotiating not only,
for how much you will do it for,
but also what you'll do.
Here's how this is gonna work.
Share with me, a photo from your phone.
- Okay.
- I'll decide which of your photos I think
is the juiciest to share with the world.
- Uh, sir. (laughs)
- For an amount of money
that you and I negotiate.
It's gotta be something you're
willing to share with me,
but just because you'll share it with me,
doesn't mean we're gonna
share it with the world.
- Wow.
- Give you each a moment
to identify a photo.
- Oh my God.
- Uh.
- [Sam] That you think
would be fun to include
as a part of this bid.
- Well, just, here--
- Do you wanna come show me something?
- I mean, sure.
- This is very promising, Grant.
This is very promising.
- Fuck.
- Okay.
- $8.000.
- Excuse me!
- I have a photo
that is actually more
embarrassing than anything.
- Great.
- Okay, so--
(Ally whispering)
(Sam and Ally laugh)
- This is so bad.
- Incredible.
Do you have a number, Ally.
- 4.000.
- $4.000?
- You know who's gonna watch this show?
Everyone involved in this photo.
- Jesus Christ.
(Ally and Raphael laugh)
- Okay, so...
I have this.
- Yep.
- I have this.
- That's better.
Do you have a number, Raph?
I like photo two the most.
- Let's say,
2.000.
- Grant, I'll be honest with
you, that's too expensive.
- Okay.
- Ally, I really like your offer.
$4.000 is a gigantic chunk of that change.
- Uh huh.
- Would you be willing to come down?
- Yeah, what if I said,
2.500, and I tell the story.
- It goes to Ally for $2.500.
- Yes!
- Wow.
- Ally.
- Okay, so I got top surgery
and I made a soup list,
and all my friends signed
up to bring me soup,
and it was very nice.
- It was very nice.
- And every one of the writers
came and brought me soup,
but it ended up being too much soup,
so I put some of the soup in the freezer,
and then I had to move,
and it's crazy to move with soup,
so I had to throw a ton of it out.
- [Grant] Ally!
(Raphael laughs)
- And this is like nine people's worth
of homemade soup in my trash can.
(Sam laughs)
(Raphael laughs)
- That's $2.500, for Ally.
- I am so sorry.
- That is so funny.
- And you know what,
friendship really carries you
through a scary time,
and I really appreciate it, guys.
(Sam sighs)
- Players, take a deep breath with me.
(everyone breathing)
(Sam clears throat)
- What would you do with a pie?
(playful music)
- I mean, we all know Grant's answer.
(Sam laughs)
- Sam, I'd fuck that pie.
- You'd fuck that pie?
- $6.000.
- Man, that's a big chunk
of my remaining change.
- This is just, like, cream?
- [Sam] It's a cream pie.
- I'll make it a wig, and wear
it for the rest of the show.
- Oh, that's pretty tempting.
And how much would you do that for, Raph?
- I'll do it for 4.000.
- 4.000 is too much money for that,
I might make you a counter.
Do you wanna participate in this, Ally?
- I would take a video of myself saying,
"Make America great again",
and then throw it in my
own face, and post it.
- Post it, now?
- Yeah.
- That's incredible, Ally.
For what amount of money?
- For $4.000.
- $4.000?
(Raphael laughs)
$4.000?
I will offer you, $1.000 to do it.
- No, half of my family's
gonna go, finally.
(Sam laughs)
- I'll do it for $1.000.
- You'll do that for $1.000?
- 800.
- You'll do that for $800?
- What?
- Going once, going twice--
- No, please, goddamn it, say something.
- Sold, to Raph.
- That should be $1.800,
like at the least.
- Sold, to Raph.
Raph, let's get you on the floor.
- I feel high right now.
(Ally laughs)
- Okay, Raph, you're gonna dip,
and then say to the camera,
"Make America Great Again".
Three, two, one, and go.
- Make America great again.
- [Sam] Really well done, Raph.
- You look like Mrs. Doubtfire.
(upbeat tune)
- And we're back.
Raph, I believe as a part of that,
you were supposed to post it.
- Yeah.
- Did you just?
- Yeah.
- Oh, great.
(contestants laugh)
Oh, great.
That brings you to 1.000.
Grant you have $703.
Ally,
2521.
- Wow.
- What would you all do
with an electric razor?
I will take whatever the
best offer seems to me to be.
- I'd shave my head for $6.000.
- Ally, fuck.
- Excuse me?
- Not a penny less.
- I don't have $6.000...
If my math is correct, I have
between $5.000-$6.000 left.
- For $4.000, I'll shave off
some of my pubes and eat them.
(Ally exclaims)
(Raphael laughs)
- Excuse me.
- I mean, I think you win.
- I'm just gonna...
- Oh, like none of you have
ever had pubes in your mouth,
fucking virgins, you virgins.
(Ally laughs)
You bunch of virgins.
- Yeah, but not my own.
- [Raphael] And not in your stomach.
They might go in your mouth,
but not in your digestive tract.
- Hey, melts in your
mouth, not in your hand.
(Raphael laughs)
I don't know what that means.
- What?
- $4.000.
- $4.000?
- Yep.
- I'll shave my beard for 800.
- Really?
- Really?
- We don't normally see
Raph without a beard,
that's kind of interesting.
- I don't know if I ever have.
- It'll be weird.
(Ally and Raphael laugh)
- Ally, let's talk, is there any--
- Can I say something?
- Yes?
- When you do something
to Ally's hair for money,
they look cool.
(everyone laughs)
Everyone thinks they look cool.
So just, you know--
- Just F.Y.I.
- Keep in mind.
- [Sam] Let's talk
about what we could do--
- Uh huh.
- For $2.500.
- A patch of land,
could be yours to shave.
- Whoa.
- A patch of land.
- Not here.
- Not there.
- Preferably, not here.
- Not there.
Like, a patch of land back here?
- Mm-hmm.
- What about the full
ring around the rosie?
You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, okay.
- Whoa!
- Okay.
- [Sam] $2.500 to shave
the back of your head.
- Uh huh.
- Going once--
- Is anyone else trying to--
- Going twice--
- I'll shave my bush for 1.000.
- Sold, to Ally.
(cash register dings)
(Raphael laughs)
Ally, if you can take a seat here,
in our barber's chair.
- I can't believe this is happening.
- Hello.
- The wonderful Chloe,
who has some experience with a razor,
is going to do this for you.
- Oh, great.
- Since it would be
difficult to do on your own.
- Okay.
- How many goddamn times
are we gonna do something to Ally's hair?
- Ally?
- Yeah, here is good.
Here, back.
- Oh my goodness.
- That's so much hair.
- Wait...
- [Grant] We have to
think of something here.
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure, yeah, yeah.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- Oh my God.
Oh, Ally.
(Grant gasps)
- Oh, no!
- Oh!
- [Grant] Oh, no!
- Grant, you're making it worse.
- Oh, it's not good.
- It's good, it's good.
(clippers buzzing)
- Oh, wow.
That feels like I'm wearing a wig now.
(everyone laughs)
- So crazy.
- Thank you so much.
(upbeat tune)
- There are three-ish thousand
dollars left in this safe.
What would you do with live crickets?
(playful music)
- Fuck.
(Ally exclaims)
- How about this, there's
three of us and $3.000.
- I don't like what's happening here.
- If we agree to say like,
I'll wave at the crickets for $3.000.
- Sure.
- And nobody outbids there other one.
- Wait, wait, wait,
what with the crickets?
- Wave.
- Wave at them.
- I'll just wave at them.
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, you know what,
all I'll do is wave.
- And we split it.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- And I won't do that.
- I'll eat the crickets for a dollar.
- No, no, no!
This is the prisoner's dilemma.
- I'm not sure I like
what's happening here,
I'm not sure I like the coordination.
Let me make sure I understand this right,
there are $3.000 or more on the line,
there are three of you,
one of you, just needs to tell me,
that you will do something crazy here,
for me to like your bid
enough to go with it.
- No.
- Congratulations,
players, you've unionized.
(Ally exclaims)
You have broken my game.
And thusly, you split the remaining pot.
That's it for us here at, "Game Changer".
Before we leave,
I expect all of you to
wave at these crickets.
- Goodbye, crickets.
- Goodbye, crickets.
- Bye, crickets.
- I'm Sam Reich, reminding you,
that when it comes to entertainment,
you get what you pay for.
Good night.
- So this was to get us to
unionize the whole time?
- Well, I was prepared for that.