Gakkô no kaidan (2000–2001): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Hand that Came Out of the Toilet... Red Paper, Blue Paper - full transcript

Kaya's body is now possessed by Amanojaku. At the school, the plumbing system malfunctions.

(train horn blasts)
(foreboding music)

(smoke puffs)

- I can't believe it, they're
destroying this gorgeous land

for overpriced condos.

A monorail, there'll be
Starbucks, another Walmart.

God, what the hell is
this country coming to?

I think I'm gonna move.

- What are you city council?

Shut your yap and get back to work!

- And the well?

You still haven't told me
what we're gonna do with that.



- Whatever, just fill
the hole, hole filler.

- Sure! Jackass.

(air whooshes)

(exhaust rumbles)

(soil crunches)

(crows screech)

Oh man, I knew I shouldn't
have had Mexican for lunch.

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!

(door creaks shut)

(sighs)

(ominous laughter)

- [Demon Voice] Do you want
red paper or blue paper?

(ominous laughter)

(chimes)



(thuds)

(screams)

(sings in foreign language)

(eastern music)

(birds chirp)

- [Satsuki] Dad, Keiichirou,
it's time to eat!

- Well, it's about damn time.

- What do you think you're doing, cat?

- [Kaya] I was eating!

- This is dad's breakfast.

Yours is right over there, down there!

(boings)

- (huffs) I don't think so.

- What you say?

- Listen kid, we need to lay a
few ground rules around here.

I'm not eating cat food.

I'm not chasing mice.

There'll be no collars.

And if my fur needs to be
licked, you're gonna do it.

Just because you and
your nerd friends turned

my long slumber into this feline nightmare

doesn't mean I have to be happy about it!

- Well, when we did that spell,

I never thought for a
minute you were gonna go

into my cat's body.

Get outta my cat, you
fat, stinky, ugly demon!

(whimsical music)

- Let's get something
straight here little missy!

I may be furry, but I
am still Lord Amanojaku!

Which means I still have enough
spiritual power to kill you.

(cat hisses)

(screams)

(fish thwaks)

- Hi.

- Something wrong, Satsuki?

- It's nothing, I'm sorry.

Don't worry dad,

I'll fix you something else
for breakfast right away.

- No need to let it go to waste,

how about you just give it to Kaya?

(cat meows)

- Sure.

(feet thuds)

(cat paws patter)

What are you doing?

Quit following us!

- [Kaya] You two morons are
just walking in front of me.

Watch for dogs.

- Go home, we're going to school.

- [Kaya] Sounds good, I don't
have anything better to do.

- You're a cat now stupid.

- For your information,

I've been haunting that school

before you two blew into town.

- I think he's got a point.

- Don't take his side if you
know what's good for you.

I can't believe our sweet, precious cat

is now possessed by Keebler
Elf reject, with bad gas.

(cat growls)

(can crunches)
(yelps)

(yells)

(thuds)

(moans)

- That'll teach you to make
fun of me, The Lord Amanojaku.

- This is fascinating.

Even though trapped in a cat's body,

he still possesses ghostly powers,

kinda like David Blaine.

- Save it for the science fair!

- You're just jealous of
my psychical research.

And you know what Harvard's president said

about girls in science.

- You may know about science,

but you don't know diddly about girls.

- I'm just waiting for a
nice Jewish girl, yeah.

- Break it up, ladies.

- Hey wait, shouldn't you
two guys know how to do it?

I mean how to turn Kaya back to normal?

- [Both] What?

- That's right.

You're the psychical
researcher, aren't you?

- That is my area of expertise,

but except for a few pale Trekkies,

this is the creepiest thing
I've ever come in contact with.

- Well then, what good are you?

- You're not coming up with ideas.

- If I could, I would have
said my goodbyes long ago.

- Well, we have learned one thing.

- What did we learn? What did I miss?

- Yes, one thing.

- [Satsuki] What?

- Your light blue Hanes
are total chubb material.

(gasps)

(thuds)
(laughs)

(gentle chime)

- [Satsuki] My name is
Satsuki, it's nice to meet you.

- Friendly greeting once, nice change.

Let's see, let's put you
next to Mr. Aoyama, yeah.

- [Hajime] What?

- What in the hell?

What happened to you?

I got beat up by an
apparition of Gloria Steinem.

- [Satsuki] Who are you
calling an apparition?

(class laughs)

- You're in the same class
as your next door neighbor,

that's great, God's great.

- Nothing great about it.

It's just like living
next to Charlie Sheen.

Serious, the real problem is that demon,

it's pulling a Linda Blair with my cat.

I don't suppose you know a good exorcist

or Al Sharpton, do you?

- I don't think he's a real reverend.

What about your mother's book?

- [Satsuki] Oh!

There was a way to defeat
Amanojaku inside the book.

Maybe there's a way to
get rid of him in here too

and I just haven't found it.

(paper rustles)

- When I met her,

she was a homosexual destined
for eternal damnation.

Then she was blessed with
holy power, who knew?

- I didn't know she did either
to be completely honest.

It's weird.

Wait, look here!

If you destroy the object a ghost

in spiritual sleep is occupying,

that ghost will begin haunting again!

- [Momoko] Like a soul
who doesn't know Jesus,

floating without purpose.

- You're right.

However, if you try to put the ghost

back into a spiritual sleep

that ghost will take possession
of a person or animal.

Decide the spot where you will make it go

to spiritual sleep.

If you do not follow this

it will be impossible to
turn the one who is possessed

back to normal until all the ghosts

in the school are put
back into spiritual sleep.

I hate you mother.

- Oh no, the mountain, your
mother was so full of Jesus.

She saved those souls from hell

by banishing them into the forest.

But if the mountain's under development,

then that means they.

- The ghosts, all the banished
ones are going to come back.

(swishes)

- [Hajime] Once again, she's
the one who flashed me,

she's a tease.

And you know what kinda
tease I'm talking about?

- [Leo] Um, can we not
talk about this while I'm,

you know, doing.

- She's undersexed, that's not my fault!

- She's in elementary school,
of course she's undersexed.

I can relate.

- Other girls at this
school are getting plenty.

(stomach rumbles)

Yogurt comin' to get me.

I'm too young to be lactose intolerant.

- You're taking a dump?

- [Hajime] I prefer dropping
the kids off at the pool.

- I've gotta find other friends.

(screams)

(blasts)

- [Hajime] Holy crap!

(blasts)

(screams)

(water blasts)
(screams)

(water splashes)
(screams)

(water splashes)
(screams)

- [Male Voice] What the hell?

- [Second Male voice] Dude,
this is the coolest thing

I've ever seen.

- [Satsuki] Oh no.

- Okay kids, I'm a little
fuzzy on the details,

but we've got plumbing problems.

Which means the school
has no running water.

If you need to pee or anything,

just use the one at the
old haunted schoolhouse.

(protesting chatter)

Settle down, I was just kidding!

There's no such thing as ghosts,

and don't even think about holding it in,

it isn't healthy.

All your butts will explode.

- [Male Voice] What, I can't
believe I'm gonna have to wait

all day to go to the bathroom.
- But there is a Hanako.

- Do you think the teachers know?

- Euw, what's that smell?

- Hajime may have had a little
accident in the bathroom.

- I'm gonna beat your ass.

(feet thuds)

(birds chirp)

(wood creaks)

(door creaks shut)

- Too much coffee.

I should've just pissed in the
sink in the teacher's lounge.

No one would've known, or
maybe in Mrs. Hadley's thermos.

- [Demon Voice] Do you want red paper?

Or blue paper?
- No way.

I can't believe you're
sinking this low for a joke.

Who is this, Hadley?

- [Demon Voice] Do you want
red paper or blue paper?

(ominous laugh)

(chimes)

(screams)

(other-worldly screeching)

(whooshes)

(class chatters)

- Shut up!

I can hear this class all,
wait, where's your teacher?

- Well, he went to the bathroom.

He went to the bathroom and
he hasn't come back yet.

- It must be a Hanako's curse.

I saw him, I saw him go

into the old school house's restroom.

- Hanako the bathroom ghost got him!

- Get out!
- What?

- It's a ghost.

And you know, you're
behind the conspiracy.

- I'm gonna beat your ass.

- You've been talking
about my butt an awful lot.

- Calm down,

Hanako the bathroom ghost
is just a superstition.

Now, open your books and
turn a page, whatever.

Now, where's Sakata, better
check the girl's locker room.

- What are we gonna do with
(door scrapes shut)

this bathroom situation?

(bells chime)

(laughs)

- [Kaya] They made fun of the ghost.

That's why he ended up like that.

- What?

- You were right kid, your
teacher was attacked by a ghost.

I wonder who the next victim will be?

Oh, could I be so lucky, could it be you?

- Not me cat, all I have to do

is stay away from the bathroom.

I'll just hold it and not drink fluids.

- Three, two, one.

(yelps)

- Keiichirou?

(indistinct)

What's the matter?

- [Keiichirou] (whimpers) It's cold.

You silly, why didn't you
just go to the bathroom?

- Can't go.

(chuckles)

- [Satsuki] You have
your gym clothes, right?

Go change, it'll be all right.

(ominous music)

- [Hajime] Hey, where are you going?

- Where do you think I'm going?

The old school house!

- Of course you are, gotta be
outta your panty-wearing mind

to go in there.

- I think I'm gonna have to.

If we can't use the bathroom,
what are we gonna do?

Plus, I have to find a
way to turn my cat back.

- Not the cat again.

- My mom's book told me how.

If I don't put all the
ghosts back to sleep

then that damn demon will be around

till I graduate from Faster.

- Don't do it.

- Don't you worry about a thing,

every little thing's gonna be all right.

- What do you mean by that?

- [Satsuki] Listen to more Bob Marley!

- Wait for me!

(screams)

- Well, what do we have here?

A class cutter.

All the bigger boys in
detention are gonna love you.

- I thought you were
the girl's track coach.

(door creaks)
(gasps)

- Here we are again.

- Well, just don't stand there.

(water drips)

(feet thuds)
- We're totally

on the same page.

- What?

- [Hajime] Don't be coy with me,

you know what I'm talking about.

Don't make me say it out loud.

- (gasp) You what?

Well, it's just, I don't know.

- I've been holding this in too long.

It's time this came out.

I gotta poop.

- What?

- I was gonna go sneak out

behind the school during lunchtime,

but you know, the whole
paper thing, kinda awkward.

And like the teacher
said, it's not healthy.

I sure don't want my butt to explode.

(chimes)

- What was I thinking?

I don't even like him that much anyway.

(light buzzes)

Perfect.

- Hey, hold up!

(ominous music)

I told you I gotta go.

- Suck it up weeny.

- I bet you're glad I'm
here to protect you.

- You couldn't protect crumbs

from the gang of drunk roaches.

Wait, this could be your
chance, something's coming.

(taps)
(creaks)

- What?

(squelching)
(heart thumps)

(screams)

(taps)

A ghost!

(screams)

(intense music)

(screams)

(air whooshes)

(ghost clatters)

- [Satsuki] Are you okay?

- Yeah, I can't believe
I'm still holding it in.

(hand squelches)
(screams)

(hand scuttles)

This was it.

The place where a Hanako
appeared the other day.

(door thuds)

What is it?

- Let's check it out.

It's the fourth door,

the spiritual spot where
Hanako appears from.

- Well, go ahead.

- Excuse me!

- [Hajime] It's the girl's
restroom, I can't go in there.

- [Satsuki] Oh good Lord.

(ominous music)

(door creaks open)

(boings)

Momoko!

- [Hajime] What the hell is your problem?

- [Momoko] No problem, what do you mean?

What's going on?

- [Satsuki] Hello, Mr. Sakata was-

- He was attacked by
Hanako the bathroom ghost.

- So that was it!

- So what was what?

- At first I thought I just
had to go to the bathroom

but now I realize it was the Holy spirit.

- Wow, convulsion, that was weird.

Okay, I'm sorry, what are you saying?

You came in here alone?

Are you a moron?

- Yes, but that's beside the point.

- [Momoko] God bless you.

- According to your dead
mother's spook book,

Hanako shows up from the fourth door,

like, let's make a deal.

And hello, doors one
through four are all open.

- Wow, you're right.

- But I cast out Hanako in
the last episode, remember?

Hanako, are you here?

- [Ghostly Voice] Yes.

(yelps)

(screams)

(ominous music)

- Look I'm on top.

- Shut up, she's saying something, stupid!

- [Momoko] Speak!

- Don't go, don't go in there.

Don't go.

- [Satsuki] Okay, I
didn't nee to hear that.

- [Demon Voice] Do you want red paper

or blue paper?
(screams)

- [Hajime] Pull!

(thuds)

(ominous laugh)

(hand grasps)

(screams)

- Hajime!

(thuds)

- [Momoko] Ow.

- What in the fizzidy yuk is that?

(laughs)

- [Kaya] Are we having fun yet?

- [Satsuki] You stupid
cat, what is that thing?

- Oh him? He's just Akagami Aogami.

- Ikegami Origami?

- You've got that damn
book, look it up yourself!

- Look it up yourself, fine.

Akagami Aogami, it is a ghost
who appears from a toilet

and asks if you want
red paper or blue paper.

Gimme a break!

- What the hell color
should I ask for then?

- Answer red and blood
will rain from the ceiling

and you'll turn all
red, okay that's gross.

Answer blue and you'll turn blue

because you'll be strangled,
these are our options?

What?
- Lord, God, guide us.

- [Demon Voice] Do you want
red paper or blue paper?

- Yellow, I'll take yellow Sharmen!

- [Demon Voice] Yellow?

- Yeah, yellow, yellow Sharmen.

- Oh God, you're so stupid.

Do I have to tell you kids everything?

You're making it worse when
you ask for another color.

- Huh?

- [Demon Voice] Yellow it is!

(door creaks shut)

(floor crumbles)

- My God!

(screams)

- No, Hajime!

Just hang on!

- Hang on, why didn't I think of that?

(dramatic music)

- That place is connected
to the spirit world.

If you answer with some
color other than red or blue,

you're toast kid.

You get dragged into the spirit world

and you never come back.

Nice knowing ya.

- Don't just stand there,
do something Satsuki!

- I'm sorry, I'm kinda locked up here.

- I forgot my Bible,

so maybe you should look
at your mother's book.

- Oh yeah.

November eighth, I
discovered Akagami Aogami.

I drew a shinto shrine gateway on a jar,

filled it with water and chanted,

I'll be borrowing your restroom!

And it went into spiritual sleep.

A jar!

- God will supply all of your
needs according to his riches,

Philippines 4:19.

- What?

- I'm too young to die.

The only person I've had
sex with is my babysitter.

- [Satsuki] Is that it?

Is that good enough?

I failed art.

- [Momoko] It's fine!

- Ya think?

What if I shaded it?

Maybe drew some cherry blossoms.

- [Momoko] Do it!

- I'll be borrowing your restroom,

I'll be borrowing your restroom,

I'll be borrowing your restroom!

(ominous laugh)

- (chuckles) You're killing me!

- I wish.

- Oh shoot, we need water.

- That's right, the book of spells said

to put water in the jar!

- [Kaya] Where are you
gonna get the water?

The school's plumbing system is broken.

You're gonna have to run to the store.

I really don't think you'll
make it back in time,

but while you're out,

pick me up a bottle of Osaka will you?

- [Hajime] Will you give me a hand here!

(ominous laugh)

(screams)

- Satan, you bastard.

- When I said, give me a
hand, this isn't what I meant!

(screams)

- Hajime, no!

(air whooshes)

(whimpers)

Hajime!

(spell chimes)

(gasps)

- Oh come on!

- I'll be borrowing your restroom,

I'll be borrowing your restroom,

I'll be borrowing your restroom!

I'll be borrowing your restroom!

(rock crumble)
(demon groans)

(jar chimes)

(paper crinkles)

- Whoo hoo.

- Hajime!

- Hey, I can't believe you did it.

- Amen, faith moves mountains.

- Yeah, yeah.

(groans)

(screams)

- What the hell are you kids staring at?

Go get Hadley!

- [All] You were in the toilet.

(birds chirping)

- [Satsuki] So, Hanako didn't
attack Mr. Sakata after all.

- [Momoko] When a stronger spirit appears,

the weaker spirit cowers.

But all evil spirits cower before Jesus!

- [Hajime] Then what about
all the Johns exploding?

- Maybe Hanako was just asking for help?

I mean, she doesn't have a
real estate agent, does she?

- [Leo] Hey, the toilets are fixed now,

but boy are the lines long.

- Euw.

- I guess you couldn't
hold it forever, could you?

- I'm gonna beat your ass!

(squeaks)
(chokes)

(giggles)

- Hey, there's Kaya.

- Not bad this time,

I was actually betting against you.

Good thing I didn't have any cash on me.

Let's see if you can keep it up.

- [Satsuki] Hold it right there!

If I remember correctly,

you wanna get out of that body, right?

If I were you, I'd quit criticizing

and help us put these
ghosts back to sleep.

- Dream on princess.

- [Satsuki] Hey!

- I'd rather cut off my
left hand, I mean, paw

or die than lend a hand to you brats.

- But, you're already dead, aren't you?

- That's not the point!

Listen to me, I've got nine lives now

and I'm going to use 'em all up dying

to make sure you kids pay
for what you've done to me!

(huffs)

(leaves rustle)

- Man, it's times like this

I wish we would've got a pet gerbil.

(sings in foreign language)

♪ I miss you I miss you ♪

♪ I need you I need you ♪

♪ Sexy sexy ♪

(upbeat music)

(sings in foreign language)

♪ Come back come back come back ♪

(sings in foreign language)

♪ Sexy sexy ♪

(upbeat music)

- What? What you say comes true?

- [Keiichirou] Hurry, if
we don't put that thing

into spiritual sleep
soon, everyone will die!

- [Satsuki] There's a curse

on the school fine arts festival.

Don't look!
(blood splats)

(zaps)