Future Man (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - There Will Be Borscht - full transcript
Josh puts his faith in The Voice while Wolf basks in his element and Tiger struggles to adapt.
Previously on "Future Man"...
Down on the ground.
Your little time-traveling
caper, repeating the same
11 seconds over and over and over again?
It ripped a hole in
the space-time continuum.
- What the...?
- And the punishment
for time crimes is death.
- You are our savior.
- No!
And because of
that, I will help you escape.
If they cancel the show, the network
- will take me and Stanley away.
- That's not gonna happen.
Tiger and Wolf, if they keep this up,
we're gonna have to release
the killing machine,
and we've never had to do that.
- The fuck are you doing?
- Escaping.
Well, can you believe this shit?
There's no sign of them
in the Bone Desert.
Go check Hair and Makeup. Go!
Another escape on your watch,
Saint Jackalope?
Haven't changed at all
since the Academy of Television
and Justice.
All sizzle, no steak.
Get bent, Mathers.
You're not needed here.
I got this under control.
Network Security Affairs
feels differently.
And as long as I'm wearing the tuft,
you will address me by my rank.
Marshal Mathers.
When did you get promoted?
Oh, what?
You didn't think someone like
me could rise to such heights?
Someone like you?
We've been through this.
I have no problem
with those who came out of a...
uh...
- Say it.
- I'd rather not.
Vagina.
Ugh, it sounds so much worse
when you say it.
You know, people
who gestate in a hyper-sac
and come out as fully-formed adults...
You mean the norm,
the societal norm? Yes, go on?
Have looked down on me
my whole life, but guess what?
I'm the first natural-born
to make Marshall,
and I'm not stopping there.
Entertainment should
not be a co-equal branch
of the government,
and when I'm in control,
I'm gonna do things the way the network
did them in the '50s.
The 3150s were a pretty backwards time.
Simpler time when the justice system
wasn't supported by ads
and babies slid out of...
human vaginas.
I just checked Hair and Makeup.
They're dead. Everyone.
Hair, makeup, I mean all of them, dead.
Have a sidebar next time.
Right, you have this under control.
I do have all this...
look, they're my contestants.
This is my show and as long
as they are loose on my set,
I'm gonna be the one to bring them in.
So... relax.
What do you want?
Come on!
When are we?
Also... where are we?
France?
What? Don't look at me.
This thing's neural interface
sends indecipherable code
directly to my mind's eye,
and I'm pretty sure I just
pressed a button with what...
my mind's thumb?
So that thing moves us
across time and space?
Hmm... that's a new and fresh concept.
I like it.
These three aren't contestants anymore.
They're fugitives. My fugitives.
Listen up!
These three have been
on the run for 12 minutes.
They have stolen a time-travel device,
which means they can be
anytime, anywhere.
Let's set up a 240-million
year radius, B. C. to A. D.
What I want out of each
and every one of you
is a hard target search
of every timeline,
state line, breadline,
chorus line, drum line.
We're looking for historical anomalies,
changes in the record.
I want you cross-referencing
ancient texts,
scrolls, artifacts, cave drawings,
telegrams, holograms, sonograms,
hit records, world records,
dental records.
Gonna turn up somewhere,
and somewhere is exactly
where we're gonna be.
Your fugitives names are...
Joshua Sasha Futturman,
Tiger,
and Wolf.
The clock is ticking.
Let's go get 'em.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
We need to figure out
where and when we are.
I don't suppose that either
of you guys speak any French?
- Un petit peu.
- Great.
Yeah, I used to train with
van Damme back in the '90s.
Let's just say I put the "VD" in JCVD.
Are you saying that you gave
Jean-Claude van Damme
a venereal disease?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
- Oh.
- And I picked up
a little French along the way.
Mostly when he was yelling at me
- for giving him... le clap.
- Great.
I'm gonna wrestle up some grub.
Okay. Well, I am going
to go secure the perimeter.
I mean, look at what
these monsters are capable of.
I mean, clearly they are proud of it
'cause that rack of ribs
is everywhere, oy.
Are you there, God? It's me, Josh.
Uh, okay... um...
I've... I've never really
been a religious person.
Most people think I'm Jewish
because of my last name
and, well, I'm not
really good at any sports.
But I...
wanted to say thank you
for getting us here.
God...
Please don't call me that.
What... what should I call you, then?
How about... friend?
Friend. "Oh, friend."
Yeah, I like that. That's nice.
Okay, uh, friend, I, um...
I guess the big question is...
what's... what's next for me?
I'm really glad you asked that, Josh.
You must come to me.
In... Israel?
No, never!
You must get the time travel
machine from Tiger.
I will give you
the coordinates to find me.
And then you'll get me home?
Yes, Josh. I will get you home.
Oh, that sounds so good.
Okay, um...
I mean the hard part's gonna be
getting the TTD from Tiger.
She's very protective over her gadgets
and she won't just hand it over.
You just escaped The DieCathlon.
You can do this.
You believe in me, but I believe in you.
You are special. Very, very special.
And you are strong.
He's weak.
I want more eyes on the Futturman house.
He's gonna make a play for home.
Give me constant surveillance
around known associates.
Jim Cameron, Corey Hart,
Estelle Kronish,
OJ Simpson, Blaze Blazington,
everyone in the Brat-Pack,
especially the Estevezes.
Mmm.
Sandwiches in the Middle Ages
were delicious.
Mm-hmm.
Don't give the Frenchies
too much credit.
They had some help.
I got a ping on Timeline X1G7.
Someone just invented sliced bread
700 years too early.
How do they even find us?
No idea!
Oh, shit!
They tranqued my sando.
No, no, no. Wolf, stop, stop!
We are leaving. Tiger, come on.
Just jump!
That was a close one.
We lost a good sandwich back there.
Okay, where the hell are we?
I have no idea.
Oh... narrowed it down to Asia.
Show me the visual.
That's them.
When are you?
You twisted time rogues.
Stop it. Stop it!
Just... just let it go.
No can do.
This man insulted me.
All he did was say that
your tea was over steeped.
A little over steeped.
Honor might mean jack shit to this bozo,
but it sure means a hell of lot to me.
Five minutes at 173!
No, no!
Wolf-Hart just decapitated
Shoji the Honorable,
wiping out an entire line
of noble warriors.
No more Shoji the Great,
Shoji the Charitable,
Shoji the Just, Shoji the Neighborly,
Shoji the Good Listener.
What is that awful sound?
Pretty sure that's the sound
of a whole city crying.
And that's a ceremonial war horn.
Ooh, they're pissed about something.
Something? You think maybe the guy Wolf
just decapitated was important?
Who cares?
Use the time machine, already.
Okay.
We've lost them.
Daddy is gonna fix this.
He's going to find those escapees,
he's gonna bring them back on the show,
ratings... they're gonna
be higher than ever.
And then Daddy's gonna get that bonus
he's been telling you about,
a bonus that will let me
turn our family into a forever unit.
I love you so much, Stanley.
I love you, too, honey.
More than you know.
Honey, no, not now.
Honey, no.
Honey, no... oh, honey...
I'm gonna assume
that's a network-issued cube
you're tonguing down.
This cube happens to be
my wife, and we are proud
to be celebrating
the 35th month of our lease.
Of course you have a Robo-Family.
You prefer the cool, mechanical grip
of a plezh-tube, don't you?
What I do with my wife's plezh-tubes...
three... are my business.
Until I repossess
your family and return them
to the network as a result
of your gross negligence.
Aww...
- Isn't that adorable?
- Yes.
You turned up the attachment settings.
Maybe I'll take your daughter.
My robo-Dobermans need a new play thing.
Don't listen to her.
I won't let her robo-Dobos
anywhere near you.
Pagliacci.
All right, you're the history expert.
- Where are we?
- Thinking Kansas.
Could be modern-day Kansas or, like...
"Wizard of Oz" times Kansas.
Either way, we are definitely
somewhere in middle America.
Kansas... huh.
Well, wasn't going for that at all.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Josh.
Make your move.
Hey, Tiger.
Uh, since I am the history expert,
maybe I could take the TTD
- for a little spin?
- Right.
We've been in three time periods
and you still haven't learned
to tie a belt,
so I'm gonna hang on to our lifeline.
Oof, she mocks you so openly.
- Yeah, I know.
- First things first.
I'm gonna pickle me
the fuck out of some beets.
- Okay.
- Okay, that is like,
maybe the tenth thing that
we should be doing right now.
Yeah? Name nine things
before pickling beets.
Okay, uh, well, we need clothing,
we need shelter, we need...
Keep going. Seven more.
We need clothing and shelter.
Boom... hay house, clothes string.
No, no, this isn't happening.
Fuck this shit.
Futturman, give me those.
I wear the pants.
Oh, shit.
I think we landed during the Civil War.
Well, luckily for us,
Kansas is pretty far away
from... the Northern front?
I can de-arm this woman.
You mean, disarm?
Like, take her weapon away?
Yeah, I will take her gun
when I take her arm off at the shoulder.
We're not in
The DieCathlon anymore, okay?
Just... just take it easy
and watch and learn.
Hello.
Hi, hi... we, uh... we need food
and, uh, and shelter.
Uh, we can do hard work.
Uh... harvest?
Um... home improvement.
And odds and ends.
Odds and ends? Fuck that.
What are we offering here?
I think that means, "yes."
Sure, man, I'm not going anywhere...
Come on, I know you had help.
You are far too stupid to have
figured this out on your own.
Give me something... anything.
Oh, man. I love chickpeas.
Oh.
How did he...
chickpeas.
That is so much better.
I need transcripts of every conversation
Futturman had with himself.
Then I need you to wipe
the server, then I need you
to wipe your memory
of this conversation.
And you should do it in that order
or you will be very confused.
Yes, sir, Mr. Saint Jackalope.
Oh, hay... okay, cool. Arigato.
No. You said this was Kansas
in the Civil War.
Or Russia during World War I.
I got the war part right.
Ah, shit.
How are you already asleep?
We grew up hard, Josh.
I've slept on stone, steel.
I've slept on fire.
This is nothing.
Just prickly sticks
jabbing me everywhere!
Mmm, mm.
Who's got something?
I've got something, but
I don't think it can be them.
Two timelines just momentarily merged.
Right here, a pterodactyl barrel-rolled
into Susan B. Anthony at the
Chicago World's Fair in 1893.
How could my fugitives do that?
They didn't.
I think we're looking at Temporal Decay.
It's like a black hole but for time.
And it's getting bigger.
Eventually it will suck
every timeline into it.
This is it, the Big Suck.
All the evidence is there.
Time overlapping, future and
past existing simultaneously,
spacetime collapsing in on itself...
Unless my three rode in
on that pterodactyl,
I don't care.
Tiger, what is that technique?
You can't just yank it
out of the ground.
You use your trowel, okay?
Four quick scoops, loosen the soil,
then you just let the beet come to you.
Ow! Gah.
Doesn't count, okay?
You stole it from my basket.
I am not... I am not a farmer, okay?
I'm not meant to work the land.
I'm a fighter, and I need
some goddamn action.
Plus, to top it all off,
I've been shitting blood.
It's probably just the beets.
I wish it were blood.
Look, I don't get
what you're complaining about.
We are doing honest work
for honest wages.
Boo!
Excuse me, all right?
For the first time in, like, ever,
we're not being chased
by anybody and we're safe.
And I'm good at something.
That's what sucks about this place.
It's so boring, even you're good at it.
Hey, tell me...
just... just tell me again
about The DieCathlon.
- Oh, God. Do I have to?
- Uh-huh.
You were dominant. Powerful.
I was the best, right? I had trophies.
Yes, Tiger. New trophies every day.
- Mostly horns and teeth.
- Mmm...
On Day 27 you did befriend
a Hobgoblin named Gerty.
Gerty, eh? I like that.
Then you, uh, stabbed her
in the throat once you realized
she was just after
your magical juniper berries.
Sounds like I was happy.
Yeah... yeah, I mean,
you did smile a lot.
Not sure it was the healthiest
form of happiness...
Truth is, no feeling can
compare to the pure joy
that you experience when
you pull out a Hall of Famer
like this one. Look at this guy!
- Oh, man.
- Okay, we're done.
Come on.
You're not the only one
who's got a trophy, Tiger!
I'm with her, Josh.
You've got to keep
your eyes on the prize.
Remember, that prize is home.
Yeah, I know,
but getting the TTD from her
is, like, impossible
and this is really easy.
If you cannot take it,
you'll have to convince her
to leave this time
and bring you to me.
You're right...
I don't know, I just didn't
expect this horrible place
to contain such unexpected beauty.
This is unbearable.
I know. Thousands of people dying.
World War I was the worst.
No, that part's white noise.
I'm talking about this hay.
Soldiers are getting
slaughtered in trenches
and you're complaining about hay?
Trenches, huh? Mm.
Sewers with a view.
God, I love me a trench.
Josh, an opening!
Convince her to leave this foul time.
Oh, no.
No, you don't. Not this kind of trench.
I mean, to be honest, we should be
as far away from here
right now as possible.
I'm talking about
killing fields, just...
just festering with disease and rot.
And if you weren't mowed down
by machine gunfire,
then the poison gas
would just fill your lungs
and kill you from the inside out.
- Your face would just melt off.
- Then what happened?
Uh... tanks and horses
sharing the same battlefields.
Heavy machinery
being pulled by horses...
and then there were,
like, men screaming and...
and horses whinnying.
Really leaning into
the "horse" of it all, here.
Well, full disclosure,
I'm kind of basing most of this
on the movie War Horse.
My mom took me to see it,
and I did not enjoy it.
So how did this war end?
Horribly. Everyone died.
I mean, they had
to make up new rules of combat
to make sure it never happened again.
Sounds like the war to end all wars.
Look, judging by the sound
of that artillery,
it's getting closer day by day.
We need to get that TTD and get the...
Ah, I can't take this anymore.
- Give me your shirt.
- What, no?
It's the only thing
between me and the weevils!
Ah...
Not here.
Let's say we take that
big comfy bed for a spin.
Oh, my sweet Dasha.
What have they done to you?
Let them watch.
Yeah...
I didn't understand
a word of that, but...
you want me to eat that ass again?
Da.
♪ This is the muffle song ♪
♪ Let's all sing the muffle song ♪
♪ This is the muffle song ♪
Tiger, come on.
We gotta do it together
or it doesn't work.
All right, good times.
I'll see you tonight.
It's Wolf-Hart.
He set her humanity aflame.
Let's move.
This is no longer a capture mission.
It's a kill mission.
Bring me the killing machine.
In Ancient Sparta, there is
the legend of the 300.
We synthesized time-jacked DNA
from 299 of these elite warriors.
One of them, the hunchback,
he was kind of creepy
and couldn't fight,
we didn't bother with,
but the others,
we suited with our most
advanced human exo-armor
to create the ultimate warrior.
When all human options have failed,
we bring in the killing machine.
I wanna fight in
your war to end all wars.
I just woke up with
a note pinned to my shirt
saying I'm supposed
to give you this data cube.
Now, the note's written
in my handwriting
and I don't remember
writing any of it, so I...
Shut up! Go away.
Wipe this from your memory, too.
Okay...
You did have help...
from exactly whom I thought.
Good news.
We can sleep in the house now,
and, uh, here's your shirt back.
Why is it wet?
Oh, that's mostly Dasha.
Where's Tiger?
I have no idea.
Maybe she's taking a walk or something.
Wait... someone's here.
There's the third one.
I count at least three.
We need to blow this beet stand.
Okay, I've got the TTD.
I bet I can figure out
how to get us out of here.
- Right?
- Yes, yes.
At long last, my friend.
You asking or telling?
It doesn't matter.
It's killing time.
Okay, uh, how do I work this thing?
With your mind.
Picture a square in eight dimensions.
That's step one.
Axe!
Axe!
Axe!
Body spray.
"His curious tongue gently
circled, daring, teasing,
"both rhythmic and arrhythmic
at the same time,
like American Jazz."
God, I missed this shit.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Oh, it's gonna be hard to miss this guy.
Oh.
Guess I shouldn't have wasted
the ammo on the old man
and the boy,
but they laughed at me, Wolf.
They laughed.
Run!
Rotate the tesseract,
but only three quarters.
Now, flatten it.
- Hey. Give me that.
- No.
I got it, I'm taking us somewhere safe.
Where are we?
Exactly where we're meant to be.
Don't worry, guys, okay?
We're gonna be very, very safe here.
Uh... maybe safer over here.
Hachi...
If you say, "machi,"
I'll kill you myself.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
Down on the ground.
Your little time-traveling
caper, repeating the same
11 seconds over and over and over again?
It ripped a hole in
the space-time continuum.
- What the...?
- And the punishment
for time crimes is death.
- You are our savior.
- No!
And because of
that, I will help you escape.
If they cancel the show, the network
- will take me and Stanley away.
- That's not gonna happen.
Tiger and Wolf, if they keep this up,
we're gonna have to release
the killing machine,
and we've never had to do that.
- The fuck are you doing?
- Escaping.
Well, can you believe this shit?
There's no sign of them
in the Bone Desert.
Go check Hair and Makeup. Go!
Another escape on your watch,
Saint Jackalope?
Haven't changed at all
since the Academy of Television
and Justice.
All sizzle, no steak.
Get bent, Mathers.
You're not needed here.
I got this under control.
Network Security Affairs
feels differently.
And as long as I'm wearing the tuft,
you will address me by my rank.
Marshal Mathers.
When did you get promoted?
Oh, what?
You didn't think someone like
me could rise to such heights?
Someone like you?
We've been through this.
I have no problem
with those who came out of a...
uh...
- Say it.
- I'd rather not.
Vagina.
Ugh, it sounds so much worse
when you say it.
You know, people
who gestate in a hyper-sac
and come out as fully-formed adults...
You mean the norm,
the societal norm? Yes, go on?
Have looked down on me
my whole life, but guess what?
I'm the first natural-born
to make Marshall,
and I'm not stopping there.
Entertainment should
not be a co-equal branch
of the government,
and when I'm in control,
I'm gonna do things the way the network
did them in the '50s.
The 3150s were a pretty backwards time.
Simpler time when the justice system
wasn't supported by ads
and babies slid out of...
human vaginas.
I just checked Hair and Makeup.
They're dead. Everyone.
Hair, makeup, I mean all of them, dead.
Have a sidebar next time.
Right, you have this under control.
I do have all this...
look, they're my contestants.
This is my show and as long
as they are loose on my set,
I'm gonna be the one to bring them in.
So... relax.
What do you want?
Come on!
When are we?
Also... where are we?
France?
What? Don't look at me.
This thing's neural interface
sends indecipherable code
directly to my mind's eye,
and I'm pretty sure I just
pressed a button with what...
my mind's thumb?
So that thing moves us
across time and space?
Hmm... that's a new and fresh concept.
I like it.
These three aren't contestants anymore.
They're fugitives. My fugitives.
Listen up!
These three have been
on the run for 12 minutes.
They have stolen a time-travel device,
which means they can be
anytime, anywhere.
Let's set up a 240-million
year radius, B. C. to A. D.
What I want out of each
and every one of you
is a hard target search
of every timeline,
state line, breadline,
chorus line, drum line.
We're looking for historical anomalies,
changes in the record.
I want you cross-referencing
ancient texts,
scrolls, artifacts, cave drawings,
telegrams, holograms, sonograms,
hit records, world records,
dental records.
Gonna turn up somewhere,
and somewhere is exactly
where we're gonna be.
Your fugitives names are...
Joshua Sasha Futturman,
Tiger,
and Wolf.
The clock is ticking.
Let's go get 'em.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
We need to figure out
where and when we are.
I don't suppose that either
of you guys speak any French?
- Un petit peu.
- Great.
Yeah, I used to train with
van Damme back in the '90s.
Let's just say I put the "VD" in JCVD.
Are you saying that you gave
Jean-Claude van Damme
a venereal disease?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
- Oh.
- And I picked up
a little French along the way.
Mostly when he was yelling at me
- for giving him... le clap.
- Great.
I'm gonna wrestle up some grub.
Okay. Well, I am going
to go secure the perimeter.
I mean, look at what
these monsters are capable of.
I mean, clearly they are proud of it
'cause that rack of ribs
is everywhere, oy.
Are you there, God? It's me, Josh.
Uh, okay... um...
I've... I've never really
been a religious person.
Most people think I'm Jewish
because of my last name
and, well, I'm not
really good at any sports.
But I...
wanted to say thank you
for getting us here.
God...
Please don't call me that.
What... what should I call you, then?
How about... friend?
Friend. "Oh, friend."
Yeah, I like that. That's nice.
Okay, uh, friend, I, um...
I guess the big question is...
what's... what's next for me?
I'm really glad you asked that, Josh.
You must come to me.
In... Israel?
No, never!
You must get the time travel
machine from Tiger.
I will give you
the coordinates to find me.
And then you'll get me home?
Yes, Josh. I will get you home.
Oh, that sounds so good.
Okay, um...
I mean the hard part's gonna be
getting the TTD from Tiger.
She's very protective over her gadgets
and she won't just hand it over.
You just escaped The DieCathlon.
You can do this.
You believe in me, but I believe in you.
You are special. Very, very special.
And you are strong.
He's weak.
I want more eyes on the Futturman house.
He's gonna make a play for home.
Give me constant surveillance
around known associates.
Jim Cameron, Corey Hart,
Estelle Kronish,
OJ Simpson, Blaze Blazington,
everyone in the Brat-Pack,
especially the Estevezes.
Mmm.
Sandwiches in the Middle Ages
were delicious.
Mm-hmm.
Don't give the Frenchies
too much credit.
They had some help.
I got a ping on Timeline X1G7.
Someone just invented sliced bread
700 years too early.
How do they even find us?
No idea!
Oh, shit!
They tranqued my sando.
No, no, no. Wolf, stop, stop!
We are leaving. Tiger, come on.
Just jump!
That was a close one.
We lost a good sandwich back there.
Okay, where the hell are we?
I have no idea.
Oh... narrowed it down to Asia.
Show me the visual.
That's them.
When are you?
You twisted time rogues.
Stop it. Stop it!
Just... just let it go.
No can do.
This man insulted me.
All he did was say that
your tea was over steeped.
A little over steeped.
Honor might mean jack shit to this bozo,
but it sure means a hell of lot to me.
Five minutes at 173!
No, no!
Wolf-Hart just decapitated
Shoji the Honorable,
wiping out an entire line
of noble warriors.
No more Shoji the Great,
Shoji the Charitable,
Shoji the Just, Shoji the Neighborly,
Shoji the Good Listener.
What is that awful sound?
Pretty sure that's the sound
of a whole city crying.
And that's a ceremonial war horn.
Ooh, they're pissed about something.
Something? You think maybe the guy Wolf
just decapitated was important?
Who cares?
Use the time machine, already.
Okay.
We've lost them.
Daddy is gonna fix this.
He's going to find those escapees,
he's gonna bring them back on the show,
ratings... they're gonna
be higher than ever.
And then Daddy's gonna get that bonus
he's been telling you about,
a bonus that will let me
turn our family into a forever unit.
I love you so much, Stanley.
I love you, too, honey.
More than you know.
Honey, no, not now.
Honey, no.
Honey, no... oh, honey...
I'm gonna assume
that's a network-issued cube
you're tonguing down.
This cube happens to be
my wife, and we are proud
to be celebrating
the 35th month of our lease.
Of course you have a Robo-Family.
You prefer the cool, mechanical grip
of a plezh-tube, don't you?
What I do with my wife's plezh-tubes...
three... are my business.
Until I repossess
your family and return them
to the network as a result
of your gross negligence.
Aww...
- Isn't that adorable?
- Yes.
You turned up the attachment settings.
Maybe I'll take your daughter.
My robo-Dobermans need a new play thing.
Don't listen to her.
I won't let her robo-Dobos
anywhere near you.
Pagliacci.
All right, you're the history expert.
- Where are we?
- Thinking Kansas.
Could be modern-day Kansas or, like...
"Wizard of Oz" times Kansas.
Either way, we are definitely
somewhere in middle America.
Kansas... huh.
Well, wasn't going for that at all.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Josh.
Make your move.
Hey, Tiger.
Uh, since I am the history expert,
maybe I could take the TTD
- for a little spin?
- Right.
We've been in three time periods
and you still haven't learned
to tie a belt,
so I'm gonna hang on to our lifeline.
Oof, she mocks you so openly.
- Yeah, I know.
- First things first.
I'm gonna pickle me
the fuck out of some beets.
- Okay.
- Okay, that is like,
maybe the tenth thing that
we should be doing right now.
Yeah? Name nine things
before pickling beets.
Okay, uh, well, we need clothing,
we need shelter, we need...
Keep going. Seven more.
We need clothing and shelter.
Boom... hay house, clothes string.
No, no, this isn't happening.
Fuck this shit.
Futturman, give me those.
I wear the pants.
Oh, shit.
I think we landed during the Civil War.
Well, luckily for us,
Kansas is pretty far away
from... the Northern front?
I can de-arm this woman.
You mean, disarm?
Like, take her weapon away?
Yeah, I will take her gun
when I take her arm off at the shoulder.
We're not in
The DieCathlon anymore, okay?
Just... just take it easy
and watch and learn.
Hello.
Hi, hi... we, uh... we need food
and, uh, and shelter.
Uh, we can do hard work.
Uh... harvest?
Um... home improvement.
And odds and ends.
Odds and ends? Fuck that.
What are we offering here?
I think that means, "yes."
Sure, man, I'm not going anywhere...
Come on, I know you had help.
You are far too stupid to have
figured this out on your own.
Give me something... anything.
Oh, man. I love chickpeas.
Oh.
How did he...
chickpeas.
That is so much better.
I need transcripts of every conversation
Futturman had with himself.
Then I need you to wipe
the server, then I need you
to wipe your memory
of this conversation.
And you should do it in that order
or you will be very confused.
Yes, sir, Mr. Saint Jackalope.
Oh, hay... okay, cool. Arigato.
No. You said this was Kansas
in the Civil War.
Or Russia during World War I.
I got the war part right.
Ah, shit.
How are you already asleep?
We grew up hard, Josh.
I've slept on stone, steel.
I've slept on fire.
This is nothing.
Just prickly sticks
jabbing me everywhere!
Mmm, mm.
Who's got something?
I've got something, but
I don't think it can be them.
Two timelines just momentarily merged.
Right here, a pterodactyl barrel-rolled
into Susan B. Anthony at the
Chicago World's Fair in 1893.
How could my fugitives do that?
They didn't.
I think we're looking at Temporal Decay.
It's like a black hole but for time.
And it's getting bigger.
Eventually it will suck
every timeline into it.
This is it, the Big Suck.
All the evidence is there.
Time overlapping, future and
past existing simultaneously,
spacetime collapsing in on itself...
Unless my three rode in
on that pterodactyl,
I don't care.
Tiger, what is that technique?
You can't just yank it
out of the ground.
You use your trowel, okay?
Four quick scoops, loosen the soil,
then you just let the beet come to you.
Ow! Gah.
Doesn't count, okay?
You stole it from my basket.
I am not... I am not a farmer, okay?
I'm not meant to work the land.
I'm a fighter, and I need
some goddamn action.
Plus, to top it all off,
I've been shitting blood.
It's probably just the beets.
I wish it were blood.
Look, I don't get
what you're complaining about.
We are doing honest work
for honest wages.
Boo!
Excuse me, all right?
For the first time in, like, ever,
we're not being chased
by anybody and we're safe.
And I'm good at something.
That's what sucks about this place.
It's so boring, even you're good at it.
Hey, tell me...
just... just tell me again
about The DieCathlon.
- Oh, God. Do I have to?
- Uh-huh.
You were dominant. Powerful.
I was the best, right? I had trophies.
Yes, Tiger. New trophies every day.
- Mostly horns and teeth.
- Mmm...
On Day 27 you did befriend
a Hobgoblin named Gerty.
Gerty, eh? I like that.
Then you, uh, stabbed her
in the throat once you realized
she was just after
your magical juniper berries.
Sounds like I was happy.
Yeah... yeah, I mean,
you did smile a lot.
Not sure it was the healthiest
form of happiness...
Truth is, no feeling can
compare to the pure joy
that you experience when
you pull out a Hall of Famer
like this one. Look at this guy!
- Oh, man.
- Okay, we're done.
Come on.
You're not the only one
who's got a trophy, Tiger!
I'm with her, Josh.
You've got to keep
your eyes on the prize.
Remember, that prize is home.
Yeah, I know,
but getting the TTD from her
is, like, impossible
and this is really easy.
If you cannot take it,
you'll have to convince her
to leave this time
and bring you to me.
You're right...
I don't know, I just didn't
expect this horrible place
to contain such unexpected beauty.
This is unbearable.
I know. Thousands of people dying.
World War I was the worst.
No, that part's white noise.
I'm talking about this hay.
Soldiers are getting
slaughtered in trenches
and you're complaining about hay?
Trenches, huh? Mm.
Sewers with a view.
God, I love me a trench.
Josh, an opening!
Convince her to leave this foul time.
Oh, no.
No, you don't. Not this kind of trench.
I mean, to be honest, we should be
as far away from here
right now as possible.
I'm talking about
killing fields, just...
just festering with disease and rot.
And if you weren't mowed down
by machine gunfire,
then the poison gas
would just fill your lungs
and kill you from the inside out.
- Your face would just melt off.
- Then what happened?
Uh... tanks and horses
sharing the same battlefields.
Heavy machinery
being pulled by horses...
and then there were,
like, men screaming and...
and horses whinnying.
Really leaning into
the "horse" of it all, here.
Well, full disclosure,
I'm kind of basing most of this
on the movie War Horse.
My mom took me to see it,
and I did not enjoy it.
So how did this war end?
Horribly. Everyone died.
I mean, they had
to make up new rules of combat
to make sure it never happened again.
Sounds like the war to end all wars.
Look, judging by the sound
of that artillery,
it's getting closer day by day.
We need to get that TTD and get the...
Ah, I can't take this anymore.
- Give me your shirt.
- What, no?
It's the only thing
between me and the weevils!
Ah...
Not here.
Let's say we take that
big comfy bed for a spin.
Oh, my sweet Dasha.
What have they done to you?
Let them watch.
Yeah...
I didn't understand
a word of that, but...
you want me to eat that ass again?
Da.
♪ This is the muffle song ♪
♪ Let's all sing the muffle song ♪
♪ This is the muffle song ♪
Tiger, come on.
We gotta do it together
or it doesn't work.
All right, good times.
I'll see you tonight.
It's Wolf-Hart.
He set her humanity aflame.
Let's move.
This is no longer a capture mission.
It's a kill mission.
Bring me the killing machine.
In Ancient Sparta, there is
the legend of the 300.
We synthesized time-jacked DNA
from 299 of these elite warriors.
One of them, the hunchback,
he was kind of creepy
and couldn't fight,
we didn't bother with,
but the others,
we suited with our most
advanced human exo-armor
to create the ultimate warrior.
When all human options have failed,
we bring in the killing machine.
I wanna fight in
your war to end all wars.
I just woke up with
a note pinned to my shirt
saying I'm supposed
to give you this data cube.
Now, the note's written
in my handwriting
and I don't remember
writing any of it, so I...
Shut up! Go away.
Wipe this from your memory, too.
Okay...
You did have help...
from exactly whom I thought.
Good news.
We can sleep in the house now,
and, uh, here's your shirt back.
Why is it wet?
Oh, that's mostly Dasha.
Where's Tiger?
I have no idea.
Maybe she's taking a walk or something.
Wait... someone's here.
There's the third one.
I count at least three.
We need to blow this beet stand.
Okay, I've got the TTD.
I bet I can figure out
how to get us out of here.
- Right?
- Yes, yes.
At long last, my friend.
You asking or telling?
It doesn't matter.
It's killing time.
Okay, uh, how do I work this thing?
With your mind.
Picture a square in eight dimensions.
That's step one.
Axe!
Axe!
Axe!
Body spray.
"His curious tongue gently
circled, daring, teasing,
"both rhythmic and arrhythmic
at the same time,
like American Jazz."
God, I missed this shit.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Oh, it's gonna be hard to miss this guy.
Oh.
Guess I shouldn't have wasted
the ammo on the old man
and the boy,
but they laughed at me, Wolf.
They laughed.
Run!
Rotate the tesseract,
but only three quarters.
Now, flatten it.
- Hey. Give me that.
- No.
I got it, I'm taking us somewhere safe.
Where are we?
Exactly where we're meant to be.
Don't worry, guys, okay?
We're gonna be very, very safe here.
Uh... maybe safer over here.
Hachi...
If you say, "machi,"
I'll kill you myself.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com